Prioritizing Your Well-Being at the End of the Year

0:00I truly believe as an entrepreneur, this is one of the worst, most frustrating times of the year. and I'm definitely feeling it's like there's all these things I want to do all these things I want to get done before the end of the year and all these things that that are legitimately more important in my life like my children for example um pull against it and it just is kind of like a like yay I love going to the band concerts and seeing you know my little 11 year old rock out on a saxophone um and you know watch my oldest playing you know the drum like these things are great but it's like holy crap there's a lot of stuff and we're running out of time um so that that tension is, I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it.

0:40How much more successful would you be if you had lunch once a week with insanely successful entrepreneurs who shared their biggest secrets on how they think and achieve success? Grab your seat at the table because this is Business Lunch with Roland Frazier and Ryan Dice.

0:57Welcome to another episode of Business Lunch. And today's a snackable episode with Roland where he's gonna get into some more tactical strategies that you can start using to live a rich and happy life. If this is the first snackable episode you're hearing, I'd encourage you to go back and listen to some of the other episodes that Roland has put out. And if you want to get notified every time we release a new episode, go to the new businesslunchpodcast.com website, and we'll send you detailed notes along with every episode. That's businesslunchpodcast.com, www.businesslunchpodcast.com, and you can sign up for the free email newsletter where you'll be able to get all the highlights and resources from the episodes.

1:34Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Business Lunch with your hosts, Ryan Dice and me, Roland Frazier. Nice to see you guys. Ryan, how are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. I will tell you, this is my favorite, least favorite time of the year. You have been so busy. I don't think I've had a chance to talk to you for five minutes in the last week. So yeah, for listeners who don't know, I'm the father of four amazing children. ages, you know, basically between 11 and 17. And so this time of year, they all have their end of year, whatever activity they're in. And some of them are in multiple activities.

2:13So it's all that craziness. It's on the heels of family being in for Thanksgiving. I truly believe as an entrepreneur, this is one of the worst, most frustrating times of the year. And I'm definitely feeling it's like, there's all these things I want to do, all these things I want to get done before the end of the year and all these things that are legitimately more important in my life like my children for example um pull against it and it just is kind of like a like yay I love going to the band concerts and seeing you know my little 11 year old rock out on a saxophone um and you know watch my oldest playing you know the drum like these things are great but it's like holy crap there's a lot of stuff and we're running out of time um so that that tension is I'm feeling it, feeling it.

2:56What about you? Yeah, it seems that across the family side of things, things get most stressful during this time of year because expectations are high and, you know, all that kind of stuff. And then you do have all the end of the year balance stuff. But yeah, it's been really busy. This week for me, I think, I think I always say this and my wife's like, you're full crap, that this is a relatively light period for the next few weeks because we've done all of the end of year planning, which we're going to do an episode on, I think, after we do this one, if we have time. And it's just it's so it's yeah, I like the way you said it.

3:38It's the it's the worst, greatest time of the year. It for sure is. I was thinking in particular because we have some people within both of our families who've gone through some mental health challenges. And I know that this time of year is full of pressure. It's full of the pressure of maybe why didn't I perform at the level that I wanted to perform this year? I'm looking back at my goals and hopes and dreams and I didn't get as far as I wanted. Or gosh, I suck because I didn't get as far as I wanted. Or man, I've really got to double down and make this happen next year. Or times are tight and I can't do as much as I thought I could because my money buys less than it did a year ago.

4:22I think they said people are going to spend 120 % more this year for the holidays on average than they did in 2019 before the pandemic. I mean, things like that can really stress people out. People who don't have the right support networks can feel alone and overwhelmed and depressed. So I thought it would be cool if maybe we talked about prioritizing your well-being in the entrepreneurial context for the end of the year. So basically, everybody's hustle, hustle, hustle. And I think hustle, hustle without any thought towards how am I doing mentally is a recipe for unhappiness and disaster. So what do you think about that?

5:06Yeah, I think it's a good, I think it's a worthwhile topic. I think we should probably disclaim that neither of us are like doctors or therapists, have no clinical experience whatsoever. And so this is definitely not any kind of like medical advice, But I think just having an open and frank discussion about our own stuff is probably. Yeah, I was going to say, I feel that we're qualified because we both have so many emotional issues. So from the demand side, we're really good with this. From the supply side of the advice, maybe we're not qualified. I would completely agree with that. Yeah, I would completely agree with that.

5:41I don't know. So what is your feeling this time of year? My feeling is excitement about what I'm going to do next year as I set goals and prioritize gratitude for the things that I have achieved and annoyance with myself for not doing the things that I set out to do because there's always those. There's always those. And so I feel that it is, uh, it is gratitude and excitement, uh, with a liberal sprinkling of, uh, contempt for, for self. How about yourself? It's almost exclusively contempt for self. I mean, seriously, we said, we said we were going to get real on this, dude. This is like, like I, there, there are two times of the year that I just get into like a funk and it is over my birthday.

6:36because I'm never, never as far as I feel like I should be. And so my birthday, and you know this, like I don't do anything for my birthday typically. Like I kind of go off to like the beach house and just like curl in a ball like my wife and I. And I just get like, I basically turn into like a navel gazing, little whiny, you know, bitch basically is kind of, you know, what I do for my birthday. And I'm not proud of this, by the way. I'm just being honest. And this time of year too, man, I don't feel I see all these people with this excitement and enthusiasm about next year. all I feel and and all that I like experience emotionally is everything that didn't happen and I feel this in years that suck and I and in years where we've where I've crushed like all the different goals like all that I feel is all of the things that didn't happen and I don't believe by the way that that's necessarily healthy but it's it's really been surprising like there's never there's never a time during this kind of season really between because it's all the craziness leading up to basically, you know, it kind of starts, I guess, a little bit around Thanksgiving, because there's not a big break between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

7:44And it's just so hectic and busy that once I have a chance to actually pause and think the only thing I can process is everything that didn't go right, that didn't happen. And then for whatever reason, just a switch gets flipped on the first and I am ready to just light the previous year on fire. like I feel no emotional angst or negative energy about anything that happened or didn't happen I literally just die to and it's like a totally clean slate and I have no idea if that's healthy or not there's probably a fair bit of of denial in there and there's probably a fair bit of but I do spend about two weeks and I am particularly introspective and particularly difficult to be around and my wife will tell you this um the the week between Christmas and New Year's interesting it's just so do you see it as uh because i think what excites me is the reset that that the the year starting is exciting for me because of the reset so i'm probably i'm probably more excited from uh thanksgiving to the end of the year first of the year than I am any other time in the year.

8:58My self-loathing biggest depression cycle, I would say is around July to September. And it's got somewhat to do with the cyclicality of the businesses that we have. Like every business we have seems like it slows down. We need to invest in like a summer vacation rental business or something that gives that summer cyclical punch. You know, of course, the other the whole rest of the year will be like, you know, why did we buy that business? But but yeah. So I think that's what it is, is like like when all of that stuff is is challenging, things get hardest. And then when I get to Thanksgiving, I'm I really am.

9:41It might sound cliche, but like I really do get focused on gratitude. But I'll say, I mean, there's a, you know, a dark vein that runs maybe through all entrepreneurs. It certainly runs through me. It sounds like it does through you too, of kind of just a persistence, nagging feeling that you're failing to do everything that you should be able to do, given the potential you've got. Does that sound fair? That's it. And that's why I can say like, for me, it has, and I've noticed this. And again, I'm so blessed because I've got an amazing, you know, wife and partner who will kind of call me on stuff and be like, but I don't understand, you know, this.

10:31And, you know, so I've got somebody to talk to. I think, because I don't think that my feeling or my experience is all that unique. I've talked to other entrepreneurs and just humans. I think anybody who has high standards for themselves is going to feel this and they don't have that other person to talk to. And I think that's when it can get really dark. Like I have a way to kind of an outlet to talk this through. I can, you and I will get on the phone. I mean, so got good life partners, business partners, all this kind of stuff. The people that are alone, I would just say, talk to somebody, hear yourself say the things because there have been years recently where we just freaking crushed it.

11:05I mean, I started the year with goals and we just obliterated those goals quick, fast, and in a hurry because some things happened that I didn't expect. And yet I got to the end of the year. And the only thing that I could feel is everything that didn't get done. And as I was talking it out and saying it, the, it didn't get me out of my funk. Cause then I just felt guilty for not being grateful for the things that did happen. Right. And it's, it's not until the year closes. Like I never celebrate new year's Eve really, but I wake up on new year's day and I'm like, all right, let's go and do this thing.

11:39Um, but it has nothing for me. It's not marked at all. I haven't seen it being correlated at all to where the business is. It's purely what were my expectations of myself. And even if I quote unquote hit them, I still focus on the other things. And like I said, I think that there's, in all this stuff, there's a good side to it and a downside to it. I think if you stay there too long, it's obviously very, very, very negative. I think the good thing about it is I've got relatively high standards. And so I want to meet my own standards. But yeah, this isn't a fun time. So the experts say, if we're looking at a little bit of research on this, and it's not just holiday, it's entrepreneurial generally.

12:25But basically, we've got financial uncertainty as entrepreneurs. We've got all kinds of stuff going on at the work and people counting on us. And we have to make all the decisions, which can be very overwhelming. and that can manifest itself mentally with depression or with headaches and fatigue and digestive issues, anxiety, fear of failure. What's your take on failure? Do you look at it as like I've failed or do you look at it as I've learned another way not to succeed? That's a necessary roadblock on the way that like you maybe hate, but you get that you're not a loser because you failed or do you just beat yourself up about it?

13:04I think it depends on in what area, you know, I failed, like if it's a, you know, a product kind of thing, or, you know, a product launch going off or like a marketing thing, not as much, you know, I think if we were to have like an absolute business failure, if I'm being frank, I identify a little bit too much still with the businesses that we run. And so if it were to fail, I think I would struggle. But, you know, I think I'm also fortunate, you know, and, you know, we can both say this, we've been at this game long enough, that we've experienced some failures, and have seen the other side of it.

13:31So I remember the first time I had a real big failure. I was like, well, this is it. I'm undone. I will not survive this. And then like you realize the world's still spinning and life goes on and happens to go four times and it's scar tissue. So yeah, I don't, I'm not super, I don't dwell to me. Failure is not the issue. For me, it's underperforming to my own expectations where I'm - Okay. Do you have imposter syndrome? Is that something you feel like you have to deal with? me personally no yeah and i think and so if you're in a situation if you're in a situation where you haven't been before you haven't proved yourself you maybe feel a bit out of your depth how do you deal with that how did how do you handle that pushing off an imposter syndrome setting in well so i think it's only imposter like syndrome if you don't acknowledge that reality And so there have been plenty of times where I'm, I am out of my depth and I go, I'm out of my depth.

14:28And so then it's just a question of, yeah, but I, am I the person still to do this? And sometimes if it's your, like parenting helps a lot with this, right? Cause you realize you're at your depth constantly, but it's your kid. So you kind of got to figure it out. You know, I think in business, that's the case. And so I think I'm very, I think I'm pretty clear at acknowledging the things I'm good at and the things I'm not. And when I'm being asked to do something that I don't know how to do, seeking help from others, to me, like getting in the right rooms and talking to people. And that's the ultimate remedy for imposter syndrome because you get people saying like, yeah, you're right.

15:02You don't know how to do it, but I can help. And so I'm very free and willing to ask for help. So I don't suffer from imposter syndrome, not because I'm a delusional narcissist, although I think that's probably a little bit of any entrepreneur. You got to believe to a certain extent. But yeah, every entrepreneur has got just a vein of delusional narcissism going through them. But yeah, no, it's not there. What about you? I mean, I've never really seen you feel like you were totally out of your depth. I frequently feel that way because I'm always pushing myself. But I think it's a muscle like speaking.

15:39because when I first started speaking, like in high school, you know, I would be terrified to stand up and, and I just kind of leaned in and I was like, I'm going to be in the choir and on the debate team and in the drama club and do plays and stuff because, and, and in band, like if, if there was a place I could put myself to feel uncomfortable, I did it. And I don't think that I, I either I am a narcissist and and delusional and which is very possible or I kind of had that like I was going to beat it because I've always been kind of the I've always kind of challenged myself to do stuff like that and so I think I've put myself in the uncomfortable zone so many times that I identify that with growth more than being an imposter.

16:31So like, I'm like, I'm excited because I, I have certainly failed many times, but I haven't like been destroyed by any situation where I was like, I have no fricking idea how I'm going to do this. You know, uh, even, even when you and I were at, uh, I think it was Denny's negotiating, coming into a digital marketer. and we were like, we agreed on the price and it was a significant figure. And, and I didn't have the cash, like at the time, know where it was going to come from. But, but I was like, absolutely. Sounds great. Okay. We got it. Good. Now I'm like, if I don't make this happen, I look like the biggest idiot on the planet, but by God, I'm not going to let that happen.

17:21So I'm going to figure it out. And, and I think that like, I think you can, I just think that like, I think that's it. You can, and it might be a little bit of stepping in to the, you know, that Todd Herman alter ego personality that you, that, that helps too, is just, I feel like maybe, um, like that I'm, I feel like I'm playing a role in those situations. And so I don't, I feel uncomfortable for me, the me that's not playing the role, but I I'm, I'm in the role, like, you know, okay, I'm going to make this happen. I don't know. Does that make any sense? Yeah, it does. I mean, I think imposter syndrome, your response to it is going to inform whether or not imposter syndrome, your imposter syndrome is a function of humility or ego.

18:06Yeah. Because imposter syndrome initially is humility saying, whoa, I don't totally know what I'm doing. That's a good thing. Now, if as a result of this, you acknowledge it and then you seek to fill those gaps by saying like, hey, everybody, I don't know what I'm doing. Like one of my favorite things to hear from somebody on our team is, you know, I don't know how to do that. Can you help? I like that way better than just somebody. It's like when the waiter doesn't write down your order. It's like, I'm not impressed by this. I'm impressed with you, like getting me the right thing. Like just admit you don't remember and write it down.

18:40Like we're good. Yeah. So I think the people that either refuse to ask for help because, oh, I don't want to appear to be an imposter. That's ego. You're basically placing your own ego ahead of the result. The people who curl up in a ball and are like, you know, undone or they shut down because they don't know what to do. Again, that's ego. They're way more concerned with how they're going to look than they are with achieving whatever the specific result is. I think the challenge though, so I think in a lot of situations that absolutely makes sense. The challenge comes where you're the waiter and your requirement of that job is that you remember people's orders.

19:22That's our signature thing at this restaurant is that we're so good. it's like and and now you're in that position and you know you can only remember three things you've got a terrible memory and you're there but you need that job now you are definitely an imposter you can't reach out for help to the authority source you could certainly reach out to your you know potential fellow co-workers and say man how the heck do you deal with it when you forget something you know or what do you do to help you remember um but that's i think that's that's it which then leads to just that's not imposter syndrome that's being an actual imposter so imposter syndrome is when you feel like an imposter but you're not and so yes if you are completely out of your depth have no reason to be there then that's not imposter syndrome that is you're an imposter you need to let everybody know you have no idea what you're doing you know you're just some dude who put on a white coat and a mask and they hand you a scalpel and pulled you into surgery because they thought you were the surgeon that's the time not to be like hey everybody just we're clear does anybody know how to actually use it no you're like i'm guys i'm wrong guy you can't freaking get it yeah and i guess it's those are two good extremes but there is that middle ground where maybe maybe it's because you're not quite sure right you're not sure you got this but you know so i don't know it's it's interesting to ask for help too huh that's the wisdom to ask for help.

20:50Yeah, I agree. And the humility, the, the, then they say isolation and depression. So how, do you have any habits that you use to kind of deal with all of this stuff? Like you're problem aware at this point, are you solution aware as well? Yeah. What I, what I do, and I do this typically on the 28th of every year. And the reason I can be specific with the date is because we obviously have, we sell my Christmas to the Dice households. We have Christmas. And then on the 26th, we go down to our beach house and then do Christmas there with my dad, stepmom, and they're there until the 28th. And so on the 28th, when they leave, we're kind of done doing the Christmas thing with family members.

21:39And so I now have a couple of days to sit there and think. And so what I do is I go through a process of just documenting all my highlights and lowlights from the previous year. And I actually do this every quarter. And so it's both doing the highlights and lowlights for Q4 and reviewing my highlights and lowlights for the previous quarters. And in balancing out, okay, these were the wins and these were the losses, that gives me some encouragement because like, okay, some things did go well, but then I really just simmer in the losses for a while. And I give myself literally that whole day, just to simmer and live in the losses.

22:16And the big question that I ask is, what habits must I install in myself or in the people around me to make sure that I don't repeat these same losses next year, that I don't have these same lowlights next year? Because every time I've tried to say like, oh, I want to have a goal to not do this, it doesn't happen. If I back ended into some type of a habit or a system, then it does. Yeah. Which the research bears that out. Whatever we focus on, we achieve. So if we focus on not doing something, we achieve that negative thing that we didn't want to achieve. So there, do you do anything? Some of the things that they suggest are micro practices like meditation or mindfulness or breathing exercises.

22:57I know that you journal. Is there anything that you find to be helpful in terms of those little practices that kind of make you feel better? I've never been able to do that consistently. And perhaps that's a habit that I should look to install. The thing that I got that I've got going on in my life this season is, again, I've got four kids. And it like all these people tell me about their morning routines and all this crap. And if you don't have a lot of if you don't have little kids in your house, yeah, you get to have a morning routine. Certainly if you're single, right? I would argue you do have a morning routine.

23:30Yeah, but it's dictated by the gremlins running around, right? I mean, for there were there was like a i remember there was a nine month period when my oldest daughter and she maybe was like two or three there was a nine month period where every morning between either 4 a.m or 6 a.m she came down screaming crying about something to do with the cookie monster she had an irrational fear of a sesame street character who is the cookie monster now you factor that in your freaking morning routine that is terrifying yeah so you you factor that in your your morning routine or You tell them like, I don't have time for you.

24:06So no, I mean, what I've actually sought to build as a practice is a resiliency against those things where I can still get my important stuff done, even if it's a bit chaotic. And these people who have to create these like perfect scenarios under which they're productive, they're very fragile. And so no, I haven't. I think it could be great. Do you do that? Like I have a meditation. Yeah, I have really tried, really, really tried meditation, like scheduling it out to, you know, time block it and everything. And, and I want to be good at it, I will continue to try I am not good beyond a couple of minutes.

24:47And I will admit to, you know, I'd say out of out of this past year, I maybe did it 50 times, which is terribly short of my, of my goal. breathing exercises. I don't find those to be helpful to me. The journaling thing, I just, I love that people like you can do that. I can't get myself to focus on it. But I do. Full disclosure, I've been off my journaling game all year. Have you? And your journaling, is that kind of like what I did during the day or? I, at the end, when I'm on my schedule, at the end of every day, I'm making a list of, So at the start of, on Sunday, I'm going to say these are the big three that I want to accomplish, the things that I want to accomplish over this next week.

25:35And I'll try to break that down into daily to-dos. But in general, it's like, this is the stuff I want to get done. And then on, to me, the whole process is fractal. So at the end of every week, what were my highlights, what were my lowlights, and what were the lessons I learned and what I want to do differently? So it doesn't take that long. and then those weekly highlights and lowlights are what I look at each quarter and so I go back and review my highlights and lowlights to kind of come up with my big highlights and my really big crappy lowlights and then that gets reviewed at you know at the end of the year.

26:09You know this year man it's just been so freaking hard. I think it's frustrating because it serves me best when things are challenging. And yet I want to do it the least when things are challenging. Right? Yeah. And I think that's, you know, looking back on this year, but it does give me a tremendous sense of, of control is not the right word. I think just perspective over things when I, when I, when I do that, but it's really not a complicated, it's just like highlights and it's bullet points. So it's not long form writing or journaling, you know, thinking about my thoughts. So like what I envision journaling is, you know, so today I felt this way and then I, you know, talk to this person and this.

26:51I feel like the things that I've seen when I looked at it, I tried it a couple of times. It just it doesn't work for me. What I do do, though, is I use the Notes app on my iPhone and I'll bullet things I want to get done. And so I'll manage that that way. But most of it I do here and I don't have a problem keeping track of it. So I feel pretty good about that. But I am very much focused on what are my big three for today that I need to accomplish and then kind of holding myself accountable to that. In terms of like the things that helped me this year, I've been better at sleep. I'm generally terrible at that.

27:31I made a conscious effort to try to have a better sleep schedule. It's still all messed up because we travel too many time zones, but I'd say I've upped my sleep a couple hours a night. And then I don't - What is that now though? Huh? What are you getting on average sleep-wise? How many hours? I think probably six now. That is a dramatic improvement. Yeah. Yeah, it's a dramatic improvement. And then exercise. Like when, and I, man, it's just so hard because I like, I'm much, much better at exercising in the morning than I am in the afternoon or evening. But it seems like there's so many people, you said, yes, you do.

28:13But it seems like there's so many people that want to have fricking phone calls at 7am and 8am. Now I'm, and I'm up anyway, cause I'm up super early, but like exercising at 4.30, which I've seen Mark Wahlberg and people like that do, that seems terrible. It's almost depressing to me to be slogging away on the treadmill, even if you've got music going on and stuff. I need the light. I'm a solar-powered exerciser, I guess. But when I do, I think better. I'm way more creative. I'm happier. The ice bath, which I bought a year ago, I've just started using for the last couple of weeks. And whoa, wow, it's so cold.