#310. Ecstasy Confessions, Raving Reporter & Club Culture – Kirk Field

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1:54Suddenly all the lights went off and goes everyone goes what's going on he goes there is an air raid serving missiles are falling a mile away any field or aircraft hangar was fair game we've used the m25 or the or the magic roundabout as we called it to be able to move 20 000 people around one of our ravers was a mossad agent right a secret mossad agent and he had the keys to a secret telephone exchange underneath maryland high street so he'd go in there and we would use that but in a rave when you lose your mates and you're in a field in the middle of nowhere you've never been to before that's the best feeling everybody was the same what was it like coming up underneath and i wasn't so much dancing to the music but i was the music you know we were the music we constantly find myself in situations and i'm out my depth i don't know what the hell's going on everything that could go wrong went wrong and there was one time when i shouldn't tell him you dragged this out of someone says to me what's the wildest party you've ever thrown and it was

2:54welcome to the eventful lives podcast i'm your host dodge and i'm the founder of borne the sevens the world's largest sport and music festival on this podcast i speak to proper characters of all lived eventful lives do us a favor and hit that follow button and be sure to check us out on youtube instagram facebook and tiktok at dodge woodall where we've now had over 100 million views. Welcome to the show, mate. It's great to finally be here. It is, isn't it? We've been talking for a while. We've had a couple of false starts, but here we are. We're finally here. Fantastic. Let's roll our way back.

3:24How did you get the nickname, the Raving Reporter? That's a good question. There's no job application that I actually applied for. I was working at the Raves behind the bar, selling water and LucasAid at a quid at a time. And I had no aspirations to become a journalist or a reporter. But what I saw, the press and the public and the tabloids writing the lies about the parties I was at, I wanted to set the record straight. And so just with two fingers and the truth, that's all you need, like three chords and the truth, just two fingers and the truth. And I typed out something on my girlfriend's old Olivetti typewriter and sent it off to about five different places.

3:59And Mixmag picked it up. And I became their raving reporter because I would go and I'd go to the raves as a raver or as a barman and I'd participate in every single way that was possible. But then I'd write it up afterwards. So I guess it was early days of gonzo journalism. And where did that lead you to? All over. I mean, I just said yes to everything. I mean, that's one of the things in the book Rave New World. It's about saying yes to opportunity. Just roll back there. Your first book you wrote was Rave New World. Yeah, Rave New World was written in lockdown because there was nothing else to do.

4:38And my wife just said, why don't you go and finally write that book up that you've been boring people? with after parties with all these stories the last 30 years so why don't you go and write it down and i did and there was no aim to get it published it was written i thought to be honest with you as a confessional to my teenage sons to tell them what their dad used to do before he was the person that limited their screen time or told them to tidy up their their room so there's recreational drug use in there there's brushes with the law there's there's hedonism adventure misadventure all the mistakes and fuck-ups that I did, I put in there.

5:10And to my surprise, it was picked up, it was published, and it's been the best-selling UK club culture book for the last two years, which is phenomenal. Yeah, I've heard really good stuff about it as well. So tell me about your life. In that book, you're talking about the muck-ups you made in the 90s and noughties. Tell me the route, how you were earning a pound note. What were you doing? What raves were you going to? What was life like for you? The book starts with me behind bars. I'm in the prison cell at Munich Airport for the heinous crime. And this doesn't, compared with the other guests that you've had on this show, this doesn't even register, but I changed the date on my passport.

5:46Why did I do that? To get an extra two years on my youth rail card so I could visit my girlfriend in Leeds. And the German police picked up on it. I'd gone through 12 borders on that dodgy passport. And the 13th border was this. I was in a jail cell in Munich Airport. and they took all my money that had only had 420 quid, but they took it all as a contribution to the German Red Cross. But they also took my passport as well. So the bottom line is I ended up back in the UK, homeless, penniless, jobless, hopeless. I didn't have anything at all. My band had split up. I didn't have any money. I was sofa surfing.

6:22And my mate said, look, you know, if you can't afford to pay rent, can you help me out on my new bar business? He was one of you. He was an entrepreneur. He got this one of Thatcher's children. And she's the godmother of rave. She's the one that sowed all the seeds for Acid House to happen. So I ended up working behind the bar, Adam's bar mitzvahs and 40th birthday parties and things. And we took a booking for this party that started at midnight for 3 ,000 people in an equestrian centre. And of course, we got there and our eyes went wide and our jaw dropped down the ground. It was one of these Acid House parties.

6:55And so that's how I got into it. And then I had my epiphany, which is obviously the ecstasy epiphany. And I wasn't a drug head. I was quite clean. I'd drink, but I wouldn't even smoke. But a lot of people in that day, Dodge, didn't see ecstasy as a drug. It sounds silly, but we didn't see it as a drug. It wasn't something that you smoked. It was almost like it's not really a drug because you can talk on it. You can dance on it. You can even drive on it. And so what I did, the first thing I wrote was the Raver's Prayer, which has been adopted, and there's a few different versions of it, and it's been done by a few people.

7:28So I've kind of adapted it, but it kind of goes, our party which is illegal acid be thy name thy rigs will come and thy pills be done until as light as it is at seven give us this day our sub-bases and forgive those who roadblock against us and lead us not into incarceration but deliver us more diesel for thine is the kick drum the powder and the laboratory for raver and raver Amen quality so it was just that i mean having a laugh and that's one thing that i did when i started writing about the scene for mix mag um no one else was writing about it from a rave's perspective people were either writing about it as detached journalists going oh then it was 120 beats per minute chicago house mixing to bullet and it's all about really sort of train spotterish um you know mix mag and jocks magazine dj magazine wasn't around at the time it was jocks magazine it was very much into the mechanics of the music i wrote about the social aspects of it what it felt like to be in a convoy what it felt like to come up on a what it felt like to uh to get one over on the place yeah and that kind of thing and that's really what what the book revenue world's about it kind of encapsulates that feeling in that summer what was it like coming up on a knee there's a great passage in the book about that it basically you know if i've known you asked that question i could read it out but you know it's sort of you know my spine became a baseline and i wasn't so much dancing to the music but i was the fucking music you know we were the music we just we were an expression of it um and it was there was a clarity an absolute clarity but at the same time a euphoria and um it was it's really difficult to explain i mean i've described i really i worked hard on the passage in my book because i knew it'd be judged on that and someone said to me you know it's one of the best um uh descriptions of coming upon any i've ever read and i said well who's the other one he goes untressed thompson writes about you know the same kind of thing um and then i think it was louder than words called me across between hunter s thompson and frank spencer because i can't get into these these misadventures and if anybody's read the book it's all it's all about you know me constantly finding myself in situations and i'm out my depth i don't know what the hell's going on and like we all do we all go like how the hell did i get here and how am i going to get out of it yeah so what was your what was your journey then you're writing for mixed mag you're raving as well what did you what talent did you know you had back then i didn't know i had any talent oh it's storytelling storytelling yeah okay i like storytelling and it's only but really i didn't really appreciate that i used to like telling the stories at the after parties and things and what happened in the race and collecting stories well not just telling the stories but collecting the stories i think it's just as important everyone's got a story about what happened on the way back or the guy that gets thrown out of the club early and you find him three hours later in the alleyway and he's dancing like god and you go come on mate it's time to go home because no no he goes this is fucking tune he's brilliant it's best this deal you're dancing to the air extractor fan am i you know those kind of stories yeah that's modern folklore and and really i think that as much as though we're having a laugh here there is a serious side to what i do i think if now i step back and think about it what i think my job is and what turns me on is collecting and collating and reflecting that culture that I've been part of for 35 years.

10:47And that's why I do a podcast. That's what you do as well. Yeah. Nostalgia. Yeah. Bring conversations. People in the nineties and eighties and nineties and two. Yeah. Why won't their stories? Yeah. Because otherwise once they're brown bread, they're gone. No one's going to know what they got up to. Absolutely. And people like you are doing a really good job because it's spoken word. It's an oral storytelling form, which is the oldest art form. And maybe after cave paintings, you know, people used to come back after they'd got the bison and then sit there and grunt and talk about how they caught the bison tell everybody else it was the oh it's you know telling a story to be a storyteller and to be a collector of stories an art i think it's an art but it's also an honor i think you and i are an honorable we're honored to be in this position whereby we can collect these stories and tell them to people yeah so what was that feeling like when you wrote your first book to get all of you get everything off your chest it took a long time because um but had that time in lockdown you know because There's all these stories that I wanted to.

11:42One of the main reasons I wrote it as well was because a lot of people that were there that have written books about 89, about the summer of love in 89, weren't actually there, including two books, including two really well-known books. The authors weren't there. I know that because I was at every single rave because we did the bar. And I can't remember seeing either of those two people at any of the raves. And so it was getting to the stage where people were talking about that summer that weren't there. a lot of DJs came in at 92, 93 and they'd give their back teeth to Witness 89 because they know how important and pivotal it was and so as someone that was there I just thought it's about time that I put the record straight there and so those first three chapters when I talk about The Summer of Love took me as long to write as the other 21 chapters I had to get it right and when I sent it to Adamski Adamski said it's the most authentic account of that year and that to me meant an awful lot So it was important to put that together in an authentic way, but also in an entertaining way and also reflect what happened after that, how it changed my life for the positive.

12:47In fact, for me, most of the book, I mean, some people read the book, oh, I'm not going to read it because I'm not into the rave scene. Well, it's only the first four or five chapters that are into the rave scene. After that, it's me at Glastonbury, me in Russia, me in Croatia. Mixbag would send me all over the place. and you know there was there was assassinations there was i went to croatia and there was an air raid you know a serbian missile started falling on the rave when we were in it we had to on the rave on the rave all at the city um we were in zagreb in a sports center 3 000 kids in a sports center suddenly all the lights went off and because everyone goes and i said to the promoter i said what's going on he goes there is an air raid serbian missiles are falling a mile away so it It was a complete blackout.

13:31It's hard to do a blackout when you've got 3 ,000 kids waving glow sticks. But do you know what was amazing? After 15 minutes, there was no music at all. So people started getting restless. So what they did, they turned over the flight cases for the speakers and they broke into the janitor's cupboard and broke those wooden mop handles in half and started beating out like a tribal rhythm on the upturned, flight case. It was almost like the drummers of Burundi or Kodo drummers and everyone's just like dancing around. So it was almost like a rave unplugged. I stood next to Mr. C from the Shaman and West Bam and we just all had tears in our eyes just looking at this thing.

14:14It was incredible. How would you explain Kirkfield in the 90s? I just think how just like many people, we didn't know how good we had it. yeah it was a we thought we were being naughty back then you know what after the pandemic after the division after all the problems we've got at the moment with with the country being ripped apart um with uh 9-11 it was an age of innocence yes and so we felt like we could do anything and abundance yeah there was an abundance of everything yeah i mean yeah you know the bad you know the fact that the fact that the biggest threat to the government was a few thousand kids dancing in a field in Surrey.

14:54Look what they've got to deal with now. It was a great time. It just felt like we could do anything we wanted. And we did. We did absolutely everything we wanted. Apart from eating our roast dinner when we got in on the Sunday. Stay away from there. Put it in the fridge till Wednesday. Another roasty son. No thanks. But you haven't eaten. But you know I turned to your question. It was a time of freedom. And I think only now does it make sense that we look back on it and go wow great memories why is it is it because there's less freedom now that we look back with with it's not like rose tinted glasses it's not like i always remember my parents always talk about the 60s and 70s i'll turn it in we had like actually that's how we are now talking about the 90s it is but i actually genuinely think the 90 well i can only speak about the 80s and 90s but i genuinely think the 90s is the best era for me personally yeah oh but it took for whatever yeah we had abundance of everything everyone's partying and everyone was out six nights a week.

15:52It was just a nice vibe everywhere. No social media, no mobile phones. Absolutely. No camera phones. That's massive. I'll give you a little example. I do in the show, I do like a live show to present the book. So say that again, you do a live show at a theatre? Yeah, I do theatre tours, and I did Edinburgh Fringe last year just to present. It's like the book, it's got the three H's in. So it's got hedonism, obviously the stories. It's got social history in there, talking about the political clampdown and stuff. And it's got humour. so there's elements of stand-up in there and there's funny anecdotes and and i sprinkle some music in there as well so the the story that i tell about to explain the togetherness that what we had is you go you go in the rave and within 15 minutes you've lost your mates yeah you've lost your mates and you meet a load new people you meet a load of new people and you're saying what's your name well it's kenneth so you start knocking around with kenneth yeah and you're getting really well with kenneth kenneth's got a beatific glow about him you know you share your water you like the same music you've got the same clothes and so you knock around with kenneth as your best mate yeah and then you meet your mates again and like who's that oh this is kenneth who lost his mates oh he can be our mate hold on a second who's that oh this is julia she lost her mates as well oh we can be your mate julia this is kenneth julia this is kenneth and then julia and julia and kenneth recently celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary yeah yeah yeah yeah but that was going on all over all these little little things um because as human beings that blitz spirit good news and bad news the good news is we look after each other and we pull together but the bad news is we only do it when we have to uh and in the blitz or in times of hardship we do it but in a rave when you lose your mates and you're in a field in the middle of nowhere you've never been to before that's the best feeling everybody was the same everyone's the same once i have a rabbit and have a good laugh yeah yeah and telling good stories yeah and you know half the thing half the fun in those raves was afterwards and before we go and what leaving the room go at someone's house yeah i'll tell you what or even there's something that everybody talks about the after parties no one talks about what happened before the rave i'll give you an example we were at the south mim service area with our seven and a half ton truck waiting for the text that says it's on we're off yeah so all the ravers knew to look for that truck so they were all around like you know like bees around a queen bee they all get near so all the ravers are there and they're all dancing outside the car probably done a a cheeky half and they're in the car park at south minimum services and many other service stations and it was like a who's who of music like doer Josh was walking around with his billowy trousers you had the orbital twins paul and and phil hartlow and this guy with dreadlocks and this guy with dreadlocks was always going around coming around going yeah can you put my cassette on it's my jazz funk song it's really good and he's a nice guy this this bloke but i turned around to him i said like look no one is interested in lyrics or songs or singers seal was it see it never held him back and then he met up with the damski yeah and he dropped the he dropped the jazz funk but then he continued his singing and his lyrics and of course the rest is history for this is out there kirk tell them about the outdoor raves the illegal outdoor raves because there'd be a load of people who won't actually know what this is wow well any any field or aircraft hangar um was was fair game and we would take people there because we couldn't get licenses and you know my job was i was just a foot soldier i was just literally the barman i wasn't one of the promoters and i think that's one of the things it's really i think my book is the first book to be written by someone that was quite not a big superstar dj or a promoter but we'd use the m25 or the or the magic roundabout as we called it to be able to move 20 000 people around and we used this has only been released recently but tarquin from biology confirmed this i said how on earth when they because the the police lent on bt to not let us use the voice bank the message thing that we were using so we had one one of our ravers was a was a mossad agent right a secret Mossad agent, and he had the keys to a secret telephone exchange underneath Marylebone High Street.

20:00So he'd go in there, and we would use that to get the messages out to people, to update the text messages and the voicemail messages. And BT and the police never knew how we did it. And that's how we did it, through a secret telephone exchange underneath Marylebone High Street. So we had friends in high places, because once you'd come to the rave, you're completely completely on the side of that because we thought it was something we knew it was something that was good it was non-judgmental it was something that everyone was together and we just felt that this the world should have this even Mossad secret agents like them the world should have this so we were cooking a snoop to the the establishment so those parties were probably the biggest coming together biggest consciousness raising gatherings in this country since the late 60s you know they That's why it was called The Second Summer of Love.

20:50And it was just fantastic. It's very difficult to explain what it was like. It was a beautiful chaos, but everyone was together. Everyone was unified. And once you've experienced that, you can't stop banging on about it. There's a joke, how many old school ravers does it take to change a light bulb? A hundred want to change a light bulb and 99 to go, it's not as good as the first one. tell me some of the promoters you were working with back in the day all the major ones so biology energy sunrise weekend world genesis all fantasy uh and then i started working with rain dance i started working on the first legal rave for rain dancers their press officer and in fact one of the funniest um chapters in the book is one first time we told this story we decided to be the first rave promoter to do a big rave overseas right not like a little quarry in Ibiza but a proper big rave so we chose rather than choose Ibiza which is the obvious thing to do we chose to do it in a bullring in Marbella right and that bullring in Marbella was owned by the council and the council the head of the council was a guy called Jesus Gil or Jesus Gil who used to manage or own Atletico Madrid who was it was basically like the Spanish Donald Trump yeah he He was Dodge.

22:10Yeah. A bad Dodge, not York. He was bad Dodge. And so he charges 20 ,000. Thanks. He charges 20 ,000 quid to hire the venue. So we put all this, you know, the bullring in Potipanus. So we put all the lights up and the lasers and built all the sound and everything, built the stage. Shades of them were on and DJ Face and Slipmart SL2. They're all there. And then on the morning of the show, we got there. I got a phone call going, right, the door's locked. they've locked up there's padlocks on the thing all our stuff's inside and we're supposed to be sound checking so I rang the town council Inspector Hazel's Hill and he's like no you haven't paid the money I said yeah we did we paid the money yesterday we gave you a cheque for 20 ,000 quid he goes no no that is a day rate so we had to find another 20 grand on the day of the show which we paid but that means we said okay we're short now we can't pay the hotel or production or anything but we'll sell enough tickets so we needed 2 ,000 tickets to break even and I think we sold to him like 170 tickets.

23:12What year was this? 1994. It was a disaster. It was almost like the spinal tap of red. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I knew it was going to go wrong when I got on the airport, when I got on the airplane and there was two dealers that were going to deal to the crew and everything like that and we thought we'll invite both of them because one of them will get busted on the way in so at least we've got a fail safe. We've got a backup. But they both got on and they both saw each other on the plane and they weren't very happy because they both thought they had exclusivity. So they ended up having a fistfight on the plane.

23:45So they got marched off the plane before the plane even took off. So we were fucked. We didn't have anything. So the crew, you know, crew worked really hard. So the crew were like, oh, we need to score something. And so there were some girls there, some expat girls were there going, oh, we can find some, we can find some. So the crew were that desperate by Saturday night, nine o 'clock Saturday night. Chomping. That they just literally gave these girls all the cash. They got loads of cash. to go off i said well that's it you're not going to see them again are you you've given thousands of quid you're not going to and an hour later they turn up because look we didn't get them off the usual guy but you've got to be careful with these they're really strong everyone's like just take half god no we're working we need to some of some people even double dropped anyway a few hours later i walked in the chapel because every every bullring has got a chapel yeah but where the batadors pray for redemption and stuff and i went in where we were charging all the walkie talkies and all the all the visuals and laser guys were asleep in the chapel at like 11 o 'clock at night the rave the doors had just opened i'm like what's going on so then i went up to the sound man the sound guys asleep they were really strong sleeping pills so all of the crew all of the crew like were comatose yeah it was a disaster so as a result we didn't get any ticket money to be able to pay for the hotel so we had to do a runner from the hotel so it's 34 of us got we're out in the middle of the night we did that old trick of putting a pillow in in the bed you know the film yeah and i mean i was staying on the balcony so i had to do a really good job with a mask and everything like a baseball cap the whole thing and we managed to get a escape and then because they did a roadblock at the i think marbella airport so we had to go to another furangula airport or whatever it was and we managed to just jump on there before they before they realized we'd gone out and as a result of that um no one got paid the hotel didn't get paid the the the they shot it on 35 millimeter this this beautiful rave was shot on 35 millimeter film and it's never been seen because the film company never got paid who was the promoter raindance was it that was raindance who was the name behind that i'm not going to say because it's going to be embarrassing because we lost 150 ,000 quid that night.

26:01Now, 150 ,000 quid. Back then in 94. You're lucky. Do your own songs. It's got off a bar now, isn't it? Yeah. 500 and a half. Jesus Christ. That's a risky, risky thing going. Why, why, why was he thinking, do you think? Why don't we go to Port of Bannus? Just the name at that time. Mind you, in the 90s, Port of Bannus was the place to be. I think what happened is that Mormon even senses the word. Yeah. Is the description. I think they went off to scout some things and I was saying, look, come to Ibiza. There's a place I know in Ibiza that would work really well for this. And instead, they went down to Porto Bonoose.

26:33I think they were doing some business down there. And they met up with some expats and they said, oh, we're thinking of doing a rave in the Bullring. So I think about doing a rave down here. Is there any venues? Yeah, there's a brilliant venue. Got talked into it. So it's one of these things, oh yeah, it's amazing. And it was an amazing venue. I know where the Bullring is. It's just off the beaten track. You've got up the hill, haven't you? Yeah. So, but yes, so the venue's great, but there's no catchment area of ravers down there. There was no one that everyone went to Ibiza. So the whole thing, as I say, it's the nearest thing to Spinal Tap.

27:03It could be a movie in its own, that chapter. It was bonkers. Who else was on the scene back in the 90s? That scene when it was all sort of warehouses and in the fields, opening fields. What about when it went into the club scene? What was that like for you? Well, I run my own club with a guy called Dan Prince and we did Thursday night at Flirt. Where was that? Sorry, the milk bar in just opposite the Astoria there. And that was quite good because what I wanted to do was, we were very lucky because Dan had, as our residents, we had Paul Oakenfold and Graham Park as residents, which were really cool.

27:37Remember how much you were paying Oki back then? Yeah, 250 quid on a good night. If it wasn't any good, he'd just go, how much is on the door? And I said, we've only taken it. He'd go like, okay. He'd always give me money for my cab home and things. That was good. And then we did the first London show from a new guy in the northwest of England, a guy called Sasha, who came down to do his first London show. And it was queuing around the block because the face had done a thing on him. But that was good. But that attracted, it started getting press. So that started attracting stars. So Danny Minogue had come down.

28:09Marky Mark had come down. And then this girl came down to review it because it was kind of half a fetish club and half a modern, half a dance club. and so I would go rather than book Rosala or Sabrina Johnson or something because everybody would book them I said to Dan my partner I said give me what we got he goes 100 quid I said give me 100 quid he goes well time out one and over who's the PA next week who's a special guest I said I won't know until Sunday morning he goes but no one's open on Sunday morning I goes no that's when the news of the world comes out whoever's on the front page of the news of the world will book so we booked Lindy St Clair Miss Whiplash we booked Tuppy Owen from the Sex Maniacs Ball it was the time when John Major's government was rotten to the core and there was a sex scandal every week so whoever was in there whoever was nobbing one of the cabinet ministers I'd book and they'd come down which generated even more tell me your personal journey your business journey now your reporting your braving, your having it off did you ever think about setting up your own business within that period?

29:11the thing about the 90s we kept on being told it was going to end or it's going to be ended as soon as summer breaks. So I never started planning. I didn't realise it would be like an industry. It was never an industry. So I was very slow off the mark. It was only really in 1999 when the second book starts, Planes, Trains, Amphetamines, that my wife said, Hold on, hold on. Planes, Trains and Amphetamines. Oh, sorry, yeah. Quality name. Tell me where that come from. Well, I've worked in clubbing travel for 25 years and I just thought it'd be a really snappy title. It's caught me into a lot of trouble, actually.

29:48Has it? It's been banned from Australia. The Australian Border Force won't let it in. I mean, I think, you know, it's arrived. I've got quite a lot of Australian pre-orders on it, and it was all sent down there. And then I got all these messages saying, oh, it's been impounded by the Australian Border Force. And I thought, okay, that's in my publishing. Instead of writing clubbing travel confessions, he obviously put contents, planes, trains, and amphetamines. so you can imagine the australian border force who's in the others get excited about dubious chinese vegetables or an apple in someone's backpack and they're going like yeah yeah bruce planes trines and ephemones let's have a look at it it's not a plane it's not a train and they're probably going like you're probably multitasking right now right commuting working out crossing things off your list.

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31:16Visit growtherapy.com slash start now today to get started. That's growtherapy.com slash start now. Growtherapy.com slash start now. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Why does the same news story sound completely different depending on where you read it. That confusion is exactly what Ground News was built to solve. It's an app and website that compares news coverage, allowing you to see how each story is framed across the political spectrum and the world. For the recent story about the U.S. signing the Memorandum of Understanding with Iran, their vantage plan shows us that right-leaning Daily Express framed it as a historic peace deal, while left-leaning NPR notes it resulted in the president's approval hitting record lows, plus data like each publication source of funding and a factuality rating.

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32:25It's not even fair to me neither. But the thing is, what happened is after Two weeks. I thought they'd release it. After two weeks, obviously they're reading it. They elevated it to redline status. Okay. And I looked what redline status is, and it means that this is a potential biosecurity threat to Australia. And it's like, I mean, there is a couple of chapters in there, especially one in the New York sex club where Madonna may have been and where Billy Idol may have been and a world-famous golfer was, whom my lawyer said I'm not allowed to name. Is he sponsored by Nike? I'm not into my golf, so I wouldn't be able to know.

33:04But you're probably saving us both from a lawsuit. So, yeah, it's true. But, I mean, that chapter is quite near the knuckle. Okay. What made you write the second book, then, Playing Trains and Amphetamines? The first book went down so well, and it ended in 89. Sorry, it ended in 99. And there's been so many stories since then that it just felt a natural thing just to continue. and also when i submitted the the manuscript for planes trains amphetamines i submitted 128 000 words that's a lot and they only wanted 85 000 so straight away i had 30 000 words there going and my agent just goes oh just move it over to the second book i'm like is there going to be a second book or third book you mean oh 128 000 for the first yeah oh i see okay so that came up to the second book so i already had like a core of it okay and then there's you know there's so many stories that that happened in ibiza and in snow bombing i mean i work out in austria yeah and i started off i took snow bombing two mile often in austria and i've worked on that for 20 years and that i've worked with with many i'll tell you a little story actually so i i shouldn't be doing this um so i run the um igloo party at the top of the mountain yeah i know you know about yeah yeah yeah all right so um you know we have fat boy slim cage baby uh james abiela they all play carl cox plays so djs know i do it so they're always going any chance i can do the warm up and i said no you know i don't do the programming and anyway one guy with a guitar is over they've been playing the road trip and he comes out and he goes i believe you run the igloo party at the top any chance i can play i was like mate it's dance music he goes yeah but i know there's there's a fire outside isn't there maybe i could just play some songs around the campfire i'm like well it's minus 15 up there he goes well i'm used to being cold you know i can play in fingerless gloves i'm like mate it's really not going to work but you know thanks a lot for offering so he went away five minutes later he's back on my shoulder again hovering i looked around he goes um i believe there's a queue for the cable car i said yeah that's right the cable car can take 100 people up and it makes three journeys um and so there's a queue for it he goes any chance i can play the cue it won't cost you anything i went the thing is that what i didn't tell him is the people turn up off their tits yeah so i was gonna say yeah they're all you know dressed as smurfs or umpa loompas or whatever they've been on the source all day yeah on the source on the snaps yeah and so i was like mate it's really not gonna work i said a bit leery and everything they'd probably just ignore you oh i'm used to being ignored i busk on the tube and people just walk past me all the time like little fresh-faced kid i'm like mate i'm gonna say no i'm gonna say no it's in your best interest I'm really sorry but there you go anyway it's Chuck Hans he sort of slunked off and that's how I turned down three free Ed Sheeran shows was it Ed Sheeran was it?

35:50yeah was it? quality hasn't held him back no hasn't has it jeez what was he what was he like back then what year were we talking that was 2016 I think and the fact if anyone goes oh I don't believe that if you look on his I think it's in my book but I think if you look on his Twitter feed as well he did some like i'm playing snow bombing tonight and i think there's two likes and one retweet probably from his mum but he managed to get a gig he blagged a gig um for the first 15 minutes before the after the doors open down at our place called the racket club uh where i think professor green was playing that night and he managed to get the dog i'll just do the first 15 minutes we usually just put a tape on for the cassette on for the first 15 cassettes what am i talking about but he's such a humble human being i played down here at fire station in bournemouth like 200 quid so I mean he's such a humble guy I'm not saying that's before he blew up but he's done the round he's put the old graft in and you know what as well Dodge he played and I said to everyone I said what was he like what was that kid like and he went John Drape who runs he runs a lot of festivals he went like the guy's going to be huge because he's absolutely brilliant so I think he did four or five songs so you know good luck to him you know you got anything to shout out to Ed if you got anything to say to him right now yeah I'd do the same thing again tomorrow Ed because it was your best interest at heart I didn't want you being hassled by the smurfs yeah exactly tell me more tell me another chapter in your book how many chapters are in the second book here i think there's 27 um there's there's uh oh yeah some ibiza so i'll give you a ibiza story yeah yeah please so um i mean the worst people are the people that come to ibiza for the first time the people that go overseas for the first time you know they're the ones that um they have never not used to handling a passport that's the worst thing so they arrive of course the red-eye flight they all go i've got a flight to be that's only 29 quid at 5 in the morning at 5 in the morning spend 50 quid on the cab then they spend breakfast and then a couple of pints so by the time they actually get to they've already spent 150 quid just get a decent flight anyway so they get into Ibiza you've got to check into the hotel they can't check in until 3 o 'clock in the afternoon so they're on the source so by the time they're checking in they're munted right so I'm there going right girls first thing you do when you get in your room is put you dog out with your passport put your passport in the safety deposit box well that's one of them i said it's like a long thing it's like a dial on you just put it in there put it in it's not going to cost you anything just turn it up put your code in and leave it there 15 minutes later they're coming down right we're going out on the town i said you got your passports no we did exactly what you said i said fantastic four days later i get a call it's janine from the paniente i said yeah what's it john i can't find my passport so you put it in your safety deposit box oh bloody hell i did didn't i thanks thanks a lot half an hour later it's not in there i said what it's not in there i said look go down to reception ask them to just make sure so you know you're not in the back or anything so she goes down reception ring we go kirk uh it's not it's not in i mean i'm not in there i said right can you pass it back no she has gone down to the airport i said she's gone down to the airport for a flight without a passport she said she will take her Facebook page to show them who she is.

39:03I'm like, oh, no, I'm going to have to head them off at the pass because this girl, big eyes like sauce, is going to cause a problem down the airport. So I got on my scooter. I'm going down the airport. Four times I get missed calls. My phone's around my neck ringing. Let me all knock you. I finally stopped, parked my bike. I opened it. I'm like, Jaime, you called me. Kirk, it's okay. We have found her passport. I said, oh, so it was in the safety deposit box. No, it was in the microwave. She put it in a fucking microwave. You know, this is my world. Another time, I remember, oh, God, I was at a sunset bar and I was keeping an eye on everyone and one girl was getting a bit upset, getting a bit emotional and she was crying.

39:46So I thought, okay, well, you don't know what it is. You just leave it. Half an hour later, she's really sobbing uncontrollably. I said to her friend, what's going on there? I did that gazza face. Oh, well, no, Golanica was like, yeah. and she went I said look can I take her out yeah yeah yeah so I said do you want to come out watch the sunset get away from the party I'll bring you a glass of water yeah alright then so we went outside we sat on the on the patio there you know where it is San Antonio so I said I said to the friend I said what is it she goes a grandma died last week and she's feeling really guilty she's on holiday and everything that's alright okay so I went and sat down I said look I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother.

40:30But, you know, grief is the price we pay for having loved someone. And, you know, the last thing she would want is you to be upset and feeling guilty on your holiday. She goes, it's not as simple as that. I said, well, why isn't it? She goes, well, it was the funeral just before we came away and we all split up our ashes and I put some in an envelope. But I came in last night, middle of the night, off me tits. and I snorted my grand. I'm like, what do you say? What do you say? I'm like, for once I was speechless. So these are the kind of things that the book's full of, these kind of stories. Just go through the content here.

41:14Just go through the chapters here so people can, so chapter one. Okay, we've got the Ten Commandments of Clubbing Travel. So this is the book, Planes, Trains and Amphetamines. Yeah. Yeah. Armin van Roadside, That's about an amputation in a car accident. In bed with a fraudster, that's when I set up my company and it ended up being the guy that was my lawyer ended up to be done, I think he was done for fraud for embezzling the government out of four million quid. Holiday history, that's classic. That's about the times I went as a holiday as a kid. So I'll talk about caravan holidays in the 70s.

41:51And also when I was an air cadet, the first time I went overseas, the first time i flew in an airplane was i was in atc i wanted to be a uh in the raf and it's like that bonkers stories like we went to this german air base and um you know i was each day you're with air traffic control one day uh fire service next day the police dog handling team the next day the catering the next day so you get an overview of what it's like to be in the raf so we were the engineers and i was on this on and i'm not very good at engines and things so i was pretty useless so the guy just goes you just sit on there you just sit on there so i just sat on there while he was changing the engine and i was just like banging my heels against this thing i was going like so it's the other the nuclear weapons on this space we're not allowed to tell you that i said yeah but it's frontline stage remember this was cold war 1978 i said yeah but it's frontline station there's got to got to be nuclear weapons here isn't there as i've told you before we're not allowed to talk about that kind of thing i said yeah but mate Come on, I'm not a Russian spy or anything.

42:51He goes, give me a hint. And he goes, if you keep banging your fucking heel against that missile, I won't need to give you a hint. You're going to take us all with you. So I was sat on a nuclear missile, banging my heels against it. What's the other chapters? Read them out. So what we got, from pirate radio to the shipping forecast, that's when I started doing club cruises across the North Sea. Yeah. and that really made things interesting for the Hamburg Border Police who got a call from Harwich that there was 600. So you were taking people from England abroad with you? I did the first international club cruise yeah, pulled that off.

43:30What year were we talking here? That was 2002 I think. Okay. We managed to get 670 people across the North Sea and everything was going swimmingly until the Force 8 gale hit. Right, okay. So literally, it was like this, everyone's line dancing from one section to the other. So that was crazy. But I managed to do a few of them, enough to get a deposit down on my house. That was the first time I made any real money. And that enabled me to buy a house in Enfield. That was the first time I ever made any money from doing this. But boy, did I earn it. And then from there... That's a schlep, that's hard work, taking 600 odd people abroad.

44:10It's even worse, even harder, of bringing them back dodge when they don't turn up for the ferry yeah and then another time uh so you take them aboard where you take them to are they partying where they clubbing give us a bit yeah so it was basically one of these mini cruise breaks so the thing is you're only you only got five hours in hamburg so five hours is long enough because it was two overnight crossings we did a party on the way over there and a party on the way back on the boat on the boat yeah we took the sound system on there we weren't allowed lasers and smoke because like mayday signals and things and so we took the sound systems on there Fergie played uh Groove Armada no Groove Armada didn't pay I couldn't afford them they wanted 500 quid so I couldn't do them um I think Rhythm Masters various other people Man Called Adam I'd on there as well loads of hard house DJs and so we did that and it got to a stage where I said to my wife when I got back I said look these the the um DJs are getting more and more needy and you know we have to weight the needles down with either downs and with pillows and things like that because it was like this days we were in vinyl and so we were watching Most Haunted remember Most Haunted like Derek Okora and my wife said I was laughing at Derek Okora so he's great he's a real professional he's got real charisma and she said why don't you put him on the boat I said what she goes why don't you put him on the boat he would want a gram of coke like it's too much like the djs do or you won't have problems with the mixing or anything like that so to cut a long story short i started doing psychic cruises across an lc because i needed to earn some money because my wife wasn't working first boy came first kid came along and so i was the bread earner and so i needed something more than the club cruises so i did these psychic cruises um with derrick cora and various other um tv mediums at the time which is quite an eye open and there's a great chapter and that's called beyond the grave beyond the grave um competition sinners that's all about when you look after competition winners we had one it was a former i don't know if he played for england but he played for a few premier league london sides and he managed to blag uh something from his mate at the news the world and he came out on one of my as my one of my competition winners i can't name him for obvious reasons but he didn't leave his hotel room for three days because he's not been one of the other competition winners and it got to the stage where this girl eventually a friend was really worried because look she hasn't emerged from this guy's room for three days can you do something about it and I said well so I'll open the door I said is she there under have you kidnapped her no no no she's fine she's here anyway eventually she came out and she's really upset because he had a picture of his wife and kids on the bed that he put down so he's doing all he was doing the naughty stuff and then he went back and i thought okay he's gone that's fine i'll never hear him again then he made a letter of complaint to orange who were running the competition at the time to say that this room had never been cleaned in all the time he was there which was true it wasn't because he never left it because he used it as a sex pen um and so they had to give him a refund in 500 quid compensation and i was sorely tempted to name him but you know i'm not going to do it but this is kind of things that competition winners are always trouble they're always problems so that that's up at competition winners um shuddering heights now that's about this time i started working in the alps in the austrian alps uh and we had various people out there you know like liam gallagher was looking after liam gallagher uh on a skidoo uh he didn't want to go snowboarding or skiing or paragliding he's wanted to ride on a skidoo and so i sorted him out to be riding all the way around the mountain on this ski do and i was doing a party at the time with idris elba idris elba was in one of the mountain restaurants so the ski do driver came down so it was going to be all the bank of photographers there so liam was going to get off i was going to present liam with a bottle of beer and we were going to have a photograph taken because no one had taken any photos of liam until then he hadn't been resort so he pulls up and he gets off and you know what the fuck are they photographers what are you for i said they're for you can you take your camera can they take your picture no my fucking hair's a mess i haven't had a shave so he pulled his fucking hood down like this got back on this skidoo and buggered off he wouldn't let anyone take his picture and uh one of the public i said to the uh one of the paparazzi guys i said sorry about that lads i said he just didn't want to come in he said yeah i'm not surprised because it's idris was playing isn't he said well yeah what what's the deal there and they all started laughing because apparently idris elbert and liam gallagher had a big set two at the enemy awards i think the year before and one of them threw another one's hat off and they ended up squaring up and everything and there's me trying to bring liam liam gallagher to idris's part to idris's party and it like didn't happen so world war three was averted tell me about festivals you've done um the festivals really in this country i've more done things like stage managing things like southwest four with eric murillo and i could see clapham common yeah for you yeah going no i don't think it is my mate damo did that okay um you know that was southwest four was a big thing and my my job was stage manager uh and eric murillo was there i mean eric murillo was i mean you know he ended ended really badly with ever but i could see his attraction to women and also what our women were attracted to him literally i said you know because i said to him playing at midday i said i went to the decks i said eric do you want anything he goes yeah because can you uh can you get me some chicken because it was like one of the chicken things and fried chicken can you get me some chicken and also the girl in the end on the front row in the hat i went he went i'm serious so i got the chicken and went to the girl in the heart and i said look um eric marilla says do you want to come backstage yeah yeah i'll do that so she come backstage and i'll give her a pass so she came back and eric finished his set and he we had a helicopter waiting at Battersea Airport, at Battersea Helipower, to fly him up to Creamfields where he was playing.

50:09And this girl got on with him and left like that. I thought nothing more about it until I went out for some chicken for myself. And there's this guy there absolutely raging and the security holding him back and he was trying to have a go at me. I said, well, mate, what's the matter? He goes, you took my girl. You took my girl from me. I said, what? He goes, the girl in the hat. And he had like two pints in his hand. Her boyfriend had gone to the bar and she'd gone on. She's done the Houdini, jumped on a chopper at Liverpool. Yeah.

51:02There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Grow. Grow accepts over 125 insurance plans. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. Visit growtherapy.com slash start now today to get started. That's growtherapy.com slash start now. growtherapy.com slash start now. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Why does the same news story sound completely different depending on where you read it? That confusion is exactly what Ground News was built to solve.

51:45It's an app and website that compares news coverage, allowing you to see how each story is framed across the political spectrum and the world. For the recent story about the U.S. signing the Memorandum of Understanding with Iran, their vantage plan shows us that. Right-leaning Daily Express framed it as a historic peace deal, while left-leaning NPR notes it resulted in the president's approval hitting record lows. Plus data like each publication's source of funding and a factuality rating. The Nobel Peace Center even called Ground News an excellent way to stay informed, avoid echo chambers, and expand your worldview.

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52:30so you know so that you know that was that was what that kind of life was like for eric so you know it doesn't make it all right they overstepped the mark i know people that he abused and that he raped he was completely out of control but that's what happens when people throw themselves at someone they lose control of their of the reality of the situation and respect that people should have and that thing that you know it should always be consensual how have you seen the festival world changed since the 90s to where we are today one of my biggest bugbears is the gap between the audience and the stage i think that ruins intimacy yeah and it gets and watch glastonbury uh every year and my heart sinks because it gets the stage where you could drive an articulated lorry through that initially there should be a pit there for security and for photographers but then it gets wider and wider and wider i'm like it's almost like 50 yards sometime and bear in mind the reason why we go to these things it's a gathering and we go to connect we go to connect with the music and and the and the artist these this is not in anyone's interest this large big gap so i don't like that aspect of it i think glastonbury i mean the one of the chap the chapter in rave new world that people come to me more than anything else is animal farm p-h-a-r-m and that's when um mix mag sent me to glastonbury 1990 and it was the last time that glastonbury was kind of feral and the and the travellers were running it and guys on, you know, Hells Angels on bikes were running things.

53:55And it was too edgy, to be honest. It was too edgy then, but it's too corporate now. So it's gone from Mad Max to Pepsi Max. And I think it's just too safe. It's too genteel. It's too white, middle-class, middle-aged. I mean, my son's can't afford to go to Glastonbury. Yeah. How much of this year? $3.50? Something like that, yeah. About$3.50 or something, yeah. And I think, I just don't like the fact that the BBC, it's almost like a national treasure now and the thing about I think it is a national treasure well it is, it's the best festival in the world I think it's the best festival in the world and I know you say it's gone commercial but without that being commercialised we wouldn't have Glastonbury I think we would it's a£60 million turnover business with a£6 million net profit I've got no problem with it I think what the problem I've got with it is that BBC only concentrate on the main two stages like it's a band thing I think they should reflect what goes on on the other stages as well It's probably a good thing that that show goes on the other stages, to be fair.

54:51Maybe that's right. Otherwise, everyone will be like, oh, no. Maybe you've hit on something there. There's a brilliant corner of Glastonbury, the south-east corner. What's the name of it, Dil? You could go party in there until like 6, 7 o 'clock in the morning. Yeah. What's it called? Block 9. Unbelievable. I think that is the best party in the world. There must be, there's got to be like 10, 20 ,000 people there, but it's just this whole rave scene meets party scene, meets everything with hidden things. It's truly amazing. It's like a little amphitheater that's built. No, it is. I think it's the best.

55:28I think it's the best festival in the world. I just think I've got a problem with the way that it's portrayed. In what way? Well, big bands of all. The problem with just showing the main stage and the bands is you attract people who just want to see the bands on the main stage. I think they should have it, they should be highlighting what you've just said there. Because, you know, my sons don't want to go to Glastonbury because they think it's a big broad people. Every time I go to Glastonbury, I don't care who's playing. I don't care who's on the mainstay. I've never on the mainstay to look at it.

55:59I don't care. I'm finding little quirky parties in the field. Absolutely. In the forest and chatting to random people and going into different places and having a drink and having a laugh, you know. A wise man said to me once, the best thing about Glastonbury is all the big international bands that play there who you can miss. Yeah. that you can ignore and go and see the guy that's you know dressed like an orange yeah it's true 220 220 ,000 tickets sold yeah within minutes you know it's not happening next year yeah it's a fellow year but after that there's there are rumours there are rumours that it's going to move into like an arena model really yeah why because people they'll make more money if people can't bring food and drink in and if the if the campsite is off site yes there are rumours that it could be up Bratham Western Showground and people would be bussed in.

56:46No, I can't see that. I can't see that. And the only people that would be allowed to camp would be the artists and the media. Now, that's just a rumour, an unfounded rumour, that these whispers are going round. The thing is, the problem you've got these days is the food prices have jumped up so high. You go in there and you go, I'll have a burger and chips and you're going, £17. Jesus Christ, where does that come from? People can't afford it these days. People are affording their ticket but people are spending less because they're less in their pocket. Well, it's the same as Ibiza. I mean, when I used to go to Beatford.

57:09I just got back from Beatford a couple of days ago. I went to the new club, Universe. Oh, yeah. What's it like? 10 ,000 cap. Massive. I was thinking, I'm not going to that club. It opens at midnight, finishes at six. I think I ain't going to that club. And that's massive, 10 ,000 people. That's like a medium-sized festival. Got there. It's outstanding. Yeah. They spent£84 million building this club. It used to be the old privilege. Yeah, yeah. But what I think is happening, or has happened in the last month, is you're going to see this mega club is the same owners as High, which was the old space.

57:37all of a sudden they're taking the market share and all of a sudden you're going to see an amnesia close on a Friday night which is across the road you're seeing all these other clubs you know having 20 % people taken away from it's going to cause a huge problem on the island I think what Matusas is going for is the monopoly I mean I heard from a source last week that Carl last Sunday had 8 ,000 in I was there that's what I was there and it was very good it was all air conned when I was going in I was thinking Jesus Christ you're talking it's like a military operation there you must have I'm guessing as a festival I went and I was like this is run really well security polite you had to go through different phases the VIP section was really quick bam bam bam bam you're in and the beauty of this club it was like if you go to Pascha the whole floor is like VIP there's no VIP because everyone's bloody got VIP but Universe was like a big Heathrow Airport style massive club with air con the bars dotted around you go through these little tunnels and you go to other smaller parts of the club.

58:39It truly was a great experience. And I was thinking, after being in hundreds and thousands of clubs in my life, I was thinking, that's just going to be another big lump of a club. It was amazing. Well, that's good to hear. That's really good to hear. In the first book, there's a chapter called Alone in the World's Biggest Club. And it's one privilege. Before it was called Privilege, it was called Coup. That's right. And it was closed for a year or maybe two years because they didn't play. I really like Coup. Yeah. They didn't play the drinks bill. so i went up there on my moped it's on in book one this i went up by my moped and i thought and a window would have been smashed so i jumped in and it was like it was like um the light was coming through the the window and the the set was still there from the last party they did in sort of 1990 or 91 and then these guard this guard dog came out i ended up ending it hiding in a cupboard and i was trapped in so i was the only one in that club and so i can't wait to go back to see it as You wouldn't know.

59:36You wouldn't spot it. This is unbelievable. 84 million pounds. Wow. Let that sink in. And it's funny when you get there. You look at the bar price, you're up there. It's like 18 euros for a bottle of beer. Fodka and Coke, 40 euros. Like it's serious money for people to go there. And people are paying under a quid a ticket. So you can see how the sums work. You can see why they've invested so much. But there's only a certain amount of people who go to the island, you know. We went out there for the Clockwork Orange Party for the week, which was amazing. and went to different clubs. It was 5-8. Went into Esparadise.

1:00:08There's no air con in there. That's like from 4 to midnight. And you'll get in there like, I got there like 7 in place. It was like a sweat box. No, you know. And then you go to Universe and they've pumped all that money in. Well, that's it. Esparadise don't put that money back. It's a glorified greenhouse for Pepe, the owner. I mean, he spends more time spraying his plants in the afternoon than putting reconditioning. Yeah, there's no big investment in there. But I still like that vibe of that club for some reason. It's just got a different vibe. with different sections when you're raised up and lower.

1:00:36But we went to a new one called 528, and it's an outdoor club, and they sort of like raised up, raised up like a little mini amphitheater. That was fantastic. Well, I used to do a captured festival there. That was our venue when I'd run a captured festival for three or four years. What venue? Now it's called 528, but then it was called Benny Moosa Park. That wasn't a zoo before. Yeah, Badland Zoo. So I used to work there. In fact, I did a story in here about, I used to do my welcome meetings there 20 years ago. So we used to bus everybody up there. And there was one time when, oh, I shouldn't be telling you.

1:01:09You dragged this out of me, hadn't you? So someone says to me, what's the wildest party you've ever thrown? And it was the one that, now it's called 528, it was the zoo there. And it had just been closed a few years. So we had 500 people up there, 500 Aussies up there. And these Russian girls turned up and we let them in because they look beautiful. So, okay, you can come in, even though it's not open to the public, just my group. and they must have had some really heavy loaded pills and so it really loved up pills so next thing is there's people having sex in the in the pool and the barbecue area there's spit roasts going on that were nothing to do with meat and it was just and it was like turning into one of these back alien orgies and then just what i thought it couldn't get any worse honest truth i'm sat with the owner barty and security the hide of security comes out and he goes you will not be they said something to barty in spanish and barty was like you must tell kirk tell kirk and he goes no I cannot tell him tell him I said tell me what is it Matthias he goes one of your guests I just caught one of your guests having sex in the bushes I was like oh right um have you stopped them I stopped him I said who who is he having sex with no you cannot a boy a girl no not a boy or a girl no then there's loads of cats running around I'm like not a cat he's going a cat you're crazy you think I said well who is it then I cannot tell you Barty said in Spanish tell him he goes he was having sex with a tree one of my guests was having sex sex with a tree that's how good the E's were and that happened at 528 yeah yeah yeah 528's good I tell you what I really liked as well I've been going there for like 30 odd years so I've pretty much done most of it out there but there's a place there called Cova Centre yeah yeah that's one of my favourite venues yeah they're all cave isn't it one of my favourite venues and you've got a club inside as well it's outdoor raised up I haven't been to that one mate it's amazing anyone who go into my booth they go and check out Cova Centre yeah there's loads of good stuff out there it's the I like the open air thing Max 528 open air is cute open air is cute you know day parties is key nothing really good happens after midnight yeah when you get to a certain age do you know what I mean but again University of North until midnight and goes till 6 in the morning and you might how long did you stay you managed it yeah a few hours yeah I just went in there just got on the list I just wanted to see from my own eyes but I actually stayed there a lot longer than I thought I was going to stay because I was thinking 10 ,000 people in a club it's not my cup of tea but actually it was truly truly fantastic I mean it's got to be good because it puts Ibiza back certainly the area I work in I do a thing called Ibiza Trans Week I put that together Ibiza Ibiza Trans Week Trans Week Trans oh Trans Trans Week nothing wrong with that nothing wrong they're all welcome no Ibiza Trans Week okay so So ITE, Be The Trance event, so it's always the last weekend, last week of September.

1:04:00We're marketing partners on the Kevin and Perry party at Amnesia. And also we've just announced Paul Van Dyke shine party at 528. Oh, lovely. Which my DJs will be playing at as well. And then we're also doing God's Kitchen 25 year anniversary again at Amnesia, which is a beautiful club Amnesia. I want to get the owners of God's Kitchen on. God's Kitchen, I want to get them on. Okay. They're still about. The guy that owns the brand now, Mark, I think he also looks after Calvin Harris and he might even be involved with Marcus Rashford somewhere. So he doesn't often do a lot of press. I think the brand's run in Ibiza by Nick Ferguson, who also looks after the press for Camel Fat.

1:04:42And I'm sure he'd love to talk to you. Yeah, I'd love to. Because next time you're out there, I can hook you up. Yeah, I'd love to get him on. He's got some great stories. Just because those old brands, the sort of Miss Money Pennies, the God's Kitchens, the Creams, again nostalgia yeah yeah because how many hundreds of thousands of people have they thrown parties for yeah how many hundreds of thousands of people have they made happy agree you know but that's what we do for a living you know i was in the nightclub from so over a million tickets to people throwing parties in clubs and festivals you know putting smiles on people's faces and making people happy and people are meeting new people for life it's it's a powerful thing when i did it's also a beautiful thing when i did the the theater tour last year so it takes two parts so the first part is my one-man show that i did at the fringe it's me doing my stand-up and that kind of stuff in part two i call it i have a guest and i call it acid house cabaret so acid house chat show and each night i have a what's called an agent of unity which is exactly what you've just been which is exactly what you've just been describing someone whose job is to bring people together and those agents of unity include you know fat boy slim or or sister bliss or promoters you know some promoters did the blackburn raves or Madders from Sunday Central anyone who really gets turned on by bringing people together there's a few of us there's not many but there's a few of us who have brought lots of people together I think it's an honourable thing, it's God's work I agree, Madders from May I've got to get him on Madders is a brilliant guest because he did the whole thing he's in Birmingham I can send you the script of what he did he did the journey from recreational drug use to habitual drug use to addiction, to recovery, and now he works with young people in drugs.

1:06:23So you've got that real character arc there. And also he tells some brilliant stories. Yeah, amazing. Kirk, tell me what the future is for you.

1:06:34I don't like that question. It's always scared me. The future's always scared me. I say in one of the books, there's no past and there's no present. All we've got is the now. And when I assign it to people, I always write, the journey is the destination. I don't envisage myself what I'm going to be in five years. No, no, no. I'm just talking like the future now. Like you've written two books. Oh, right. You've been on tour. Like what's the next thing for you? You're a person that I know that can't sit still, always looking for the next thing. What is it? I just want to keep expressing and recording this thing.

1:07:05So I'm going to do more shows. I'm working on the third book. The third book, I'll give you an exclusive here. What's it called? The third book is going to be called Fake That Adventures in Tribute Land. And it refers back to 1997 97 when you know when you're five pints in with your mates and one of them has an idea and you go we've got to do it we've got to do it and you plan it all out and you wake up wake up oh no and you go no i'm not going to do that stupid well i did we did this in 97 about the pet shop big pet shop boys fans oh we could do a pet shop boys tribute band no one else does that let's do that so we worked out what we're going to call it what we're going to be dressed like everything where we're going to play and we drew ourselves up 10 uh quests so what we're going to do we're going to be on radio we're going to be on television we're going to play gay we're going to be uh on doing in store we're going to be big in japan and so we what we actually achieved all of those things nine of those things we achieved apart from being big in japan so the premise of the book is the band gets together after 30 years and goes to japan to be big in japan and it's all the stories that happened when i was in that tribute band for for just one year from 97 to 98 mate there's quality quality mate I love how your brain works someone's got to do it I love how your brain works mate I'd love to sit down and have a few pints with you next time in your beef yeah mate 100 % let's hook up Kirk I've really really enjoyed this and I'm glad we finally met after all these same we've been chatting for a while now yeah and actually to make it sit down together and have a proper good chat and I think you do this better than anyone else does this as well I know there's been other people that have started doing this and you've inspired people which is good but I do think you're the cornerstone of this.

1:08:43The way that you do it, the way you approach it, you've got a very affable way of letting your guests speak and at the same time directing them when you want it to do it. So you're really good at what you do. That's very kind of you, mate. Very kind of you. You're a gentleman. Good man, Kirk. Cheers, God. Cheers, mate. I appreciate that. See you. Loved it. That was cool. It's all right. Yeah, mate. Unreal. Yeah, mate. That was really good. Hi guys, I really hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Can you do us a favor and leave us a review as it massively helps us grow the show? Cheers guys.

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