Janhvi Kapoor on Nepotism, Childhood, Hate, Bollywood, Addictions & Relationships | FO492 Raj Shamani

40:42You just don't have a hold of yourself. I always, for me, it was always a red flag when someone is inebriated during the day, when someone can drink alone, when someone disappears. Like to me, I've had such a track record of trying to track people down that when they're fishy about where they're going or their whereabouts, for me, it's an immediate red flag, even if it doesn't mean addiction. Because in my history, it's almost always meant that they've said they're going to one place, but they're going to a bar or they're going to a restaurant or they're going to a supermarket to buy more alcohol.

41:22Yeah. But do you see if people around you, if they start drinking randomly, do you get anxious? Do you see that as a red flag? No. Do you change the way you look at them? Let's say, for example, let's say you and I, we just open a bottle right now, we start drinking. That I would find weird on this podcast. there are a lot of podcasts around the world people drink I don't drink I've never drank you've never drank you know that's another thing another thing that I learned courtesy Amaha was that your prefrontal cortex it only fully develops between the ages of 25 to 30 and if you consume alcohol before that compromises the growth of your the development of your brain were you aware that like are you fully aware forget were are you fully aware the more you associate yourself with this off the rocks entire campaign emotion things that you're doing with them amaha alcohol addiction the more you talk about it the more people are going to question you bring so many things which will attack you and you have the tendency to look at negative so I'll tell you where I'm coming from people talk in any case and people are going to talk in any case this has shaped a lot of who I am today I've I know a lot I've experienced a lot in this space I know what I struggled with my main frustration was I didn't know where to go I didn't know how to get help I didn't know if what I was doing was right or wrong and the thing with something like addiction is of course the person who is abusing the substance is going through a whole lot of trauma physiologically mentally but it's very traumatic for the people around them as well and it doesn't need to be that way if the shame around addiction the de-stigmatization of it was there it it can be a lot more open as a conversation it's not a moral flaw to be addicted it's a medical situation I didn't look at it from that lens and if I'm saying I want to have conversations so I take away the shame and the stigma and this and that then how can I only be guarded.

43:55How can I be a hypocrite like that? It is my truth. It is the journey that I've lived. It's shaped how I look at things, who I am. And I don't just want to like, I don't know what kind of person I would be or what legacy I would leave behind if I didn't do anything with it, if I didn't help people with it because I needed that help. I sounded really when I get emotional I get like that you're allowed to feel emotional come on yeah so it's what frustrates you about this I think the anticipation that I know I'm operating from a very pure and genuine place I know people won't look at it like that I know most people won't but I want to attempt this still because

45:04I just want to I don't know you tell me you psychoanalyze me and tell me why no I'm asking you why do you because like I said I wish I had those answers I wish I wish I was in scenarios where it wasn't such a taboo thing to talk about because it could and it can still help so many people. And it sounds like a very phony, corny, bumper sticker thing to say, but I want what I bring to the table as a person with my platform to be just beyond the professional work that I do. That's not satisfying for me anymore. It's the reason, it's the thing that's kept me alive for sure. But it's not enough. I have this part of me to offer.

46:00I really do. And I know what a dark place it can be. So if even one person can feel a little less alone in that black hole, I think on my deathbed I'd feel a little better about myself. you used to think that people who are addicted you used to morally judge them you used to feel that there this moral flaw how is it? what is it? how is it? how is it? I used to think like that I don't know because a lot of these people were very close to me are very close to me still drunk, addicted whatever word you want to say you know what I used to think I used to think weak that they are weak I used to think lack of willpower I used to think I used to think craves attention which is all so wrong you used to feel people who are addicted their attention seeking or they are weak how is this feeling of euphoria or inhibition how does that mean more to you than being present being alive How does it mean more to you than your health, than the health of the people you care about?

47:20Then showing up to perform your duties as a part of a unit in a family or in a professional scenario. How can you compromise all of that for a bottle of a liquid that is basically poisonous? It's poison. But I think it alters your generational history. And you're okay to do that for a glass of whiskey at night. So I used to think of it as a moral flaw. But it's not. It's a medical condition. Insurance doesn't cover. I think it's just started covering mental health care. Mental care. I think it has. I don't know. I think it's not in mainstream conversation. Maybe. But have you seen someone going through withdrawals?

48:17it's not okay it's like they need to be in professional care if it's an extreme case and professional care in India is horrible right now have you seen that video of I think it was in some rehabilitation center where they like I don't know if they were kept against their will or what but they like no they like broke through and they were trying to break the and a lot of what happens in some of these institutes is that they try to correct your behavior through punishment through physical and mental abuse sometimes even sexual so there's a dearth of qualified medical practitioners that can give you a holistic approach to recovery I found partners that I trust thankfully and I think that's because a lot of what they communicated to me in our one-on-ones I found very insightful and it's helped me deal with a lot of situations that are still live as we speak in my life.

49:29Do they help you get if you are addicted or if one of your family members is addicted you go to them and then they help you out with it? Yeah in any and every way in which you see they meet you where you are it's not like they subscribe and they help you get better with your addiction yes have you seen cases where people have like just completely left alcohol yeah I actually met a patient day before yesterday who's 140 days sober and used to be like full like everyday drinking yeah he said like four bottles a day four bottles a day at his peak of wine I think he said. Have you seen someone who used to drink a lot and perpetually has left it?

50:16Like has gone cold turkey on it?

50:22No. I've seen people with smoking going cold turkey. Yeah, my dad. Yeah, he's gone cold turkey on it. But I've not seen people with alcohol going extremely like just... I had that. So I'm not a frequent drinker. I drink maybe once every couple of months. Um, but during COVID, there was a phase of one year, I wouldn't say I was addicted or I was abusing alcohol, but I was drinking frequently. And this was after a very traumatic experience in my life, I felt the need to just like, I need to get drunk.

51:03and then I didn't like what it was doing to my body I didn't like how I was feeling when I was waking up that feeling of a hangover it gives me such an ick and and I started it was so weird I remember one day I could smell on myself a smell that was very familiar to to someone in my life um who struggled with addiction and and I would associate that smell with okay it's it's not a good day you know when I didn't know that alcohol addiction was a thing for me it was always like looking at the person saying okay it's a good day it's a normal day or looking at them and saying okay it's a bad day maybe three days maybe and like just it was a good or a bad day um and when i smelt that on myself i was like and then i and and then now and then i think i didn't drink at all for a year year and a half and now i'm like new year's may

52:06i'm like friendly with it but the thing is that

52:12medically it's proven to be poisonous it's a group one carcinogenic no amount of alcohol is good for you yeah having said that i do drink occasionally it's hard to tell people to just not drink but what i am my call to arms with off the rocks and with everything i'm doing with amaha is don't abuse it identify when you're crossing over to that space and if you can see these red flags and someone you care about here's how you can go about this is my intention and agenda and hope like if somebody is crossing that limit then this is how you they can actually yeah back to life yeah or or okay maybe you think this is crossing the limit maybe they're still well within the range of what is normal do you know about the portugal model the addiction how portugal fought addiction no the entire country was going through this entire sort of epidemic of addiction.

53:11People were like taking drugs left, right and center. Really? Happened a lot during both the world wars also. Portugal had the worst problem in the world. Really? Population wise. Yeah. And they're the only country I think who've tackled it on a they've made it a national issue and they reversed the addiction. I didn't know that. And they reversed the addiction. How? So they decriminalized. Alcohol? No. drugs and all of them and they gave the incentives that whoever will hire addicted people will not pay tax they made a lot of games and made social gatherings and made a lot of education you won't see them as addicted people but wouldn't that encourage addiction then?

53:56that's what everybody said but then they found out the same thing that you're talking about that many people who are addicted they want to go out but society thrash them that they are addicted they are like that so they don't even have a chance to come back to life but society is different there is a lot of addiction here people are addicts there was no addiction there was no addiction they were addicted they turned that back because it became a big case and then there was a rat experiment done addiction what was the experiment so you give it a drug and see you gave it you gave it and you gave it and you gave it and you gave it and you gave it and you gave it okay let me reframe it two rats and you gave it a little drug I don't know which one cocaine I think I've seen this something they did and they both were asking for more more and more and more so So, when he didn't give it, he died.

55:08I've seen this. The other one didn't even ask for addiction because it was his center, which was the one that was closed. There were activities. Activities. Rollercoaster. There were other things. So, he was busy in playing. Which is why cricket. Which is why I was like, play cricket. So, addiction is a... There's a doctor in India. He's one of the best doctors in the world. His name is Andirut Kala. Ludhiana. I'm in Punjab. Addiction doctor has written a great book on it. He argues, he says, all of us are addicted. To something. We all are addicted. What do you think you're addicted to? Work.

55:47Very clear in my opinion. Yeah, but that even I'll say I'm addicted to work. But no, really, think about it. But for real, I'm addicted to work. I solve my problems by working more. Are you addicted to the feeling that achieving something at work gives you? Or are you addicted to the act of like working? Like sitting in this podcast with me and having this conversation. You're addicted to these conversations. Or you're addicted to the high that when you get to the struggle, you get addicted from that feeling. What do you get from dopamine? The process, the chasing, the thing that we're doing right now.

56:24I don't get dopamine from it. I don't get it that when it goes out, what will it be from it? It will have 5 million views. I don't give a shit. Okay. I get dopamine from it. The fact that we're having this conversation. And probably. We can talk about anything in the world. Like we might. When I look at you. Or like the box that probably internet wants to know about you. Would be. How did you feel about it? what do you think about first time how easy things for you we can talk about that but we're not talking about this and we're talking about Portugal has been addicted I get high from this so if there's some problem going on in my life I come to work I'll start reading, researching so then by that logic I'm addicted to being in front of the camera and not from a vanity standpoint from almost the same standpoint that an alcoholic would chase escapism but I don't want to use it lightly because that is a medical condition I don't think what we're dealing with is not medical at all tell me what do you think like people in your life who have seen being addicted who are escaping because mostly all addicts are escaping I think for the for the three, four women in my life that I've seen struggle with addiction.

57:58It's been a combination of wanting to feel confident and uninhibited and the pressure of being perfect all the time, the burden of being put together all the time. So they looked at it as a reward. and of course in one case it was as a result of a very traumatic death also so one was trying to escape grief and the other was trying to escape societal pressures I think you can even club the both of them together but tell me one need to be perfect in front of the world so they use it as a reward you said something like this it was like almost reward because I'm perfect in the world I can now be just myself and this is the time that I be myself and I can be just reckless and I can behave whatever the way I want to be yeah I think looking at it as a reward as in even when it gets too loud in your head to numb that to make it easier to deal with all of that because even the burden of wanting to be perfect or be dutiful comes from that inner voice and inner anxiety right so I think to escape that sometimes you would feel like I don't want to perform my duties but that's how I'm simplifying it again it's a medical thing of course I'm ready to ask your version that was my version but now that I'm looking at it that was a very clear symptom of anxiety and depression for the person dealing with grief it was a very obvious trauma response for some of the men in my life who have dealt with addiction I think it's I think it's genetic I've seen it in genetic addicted?

1:00:14do they look? No, I think that that one is addictive personality. I've seen it in their parents. One of their parents and I see it in them. Do you have addictive personality? I don't know. Yeah, I have an obsessive personality. Sort of. Yeah, I have an obsessive personality and I'm obsessed with my work like you said. Are you obsessed with people in your life as well no but let's say your boyfriend or your sister or your father or whoever your friends no i'm not obsessed i can get dependent very dependent that's different you all do get dependent but i'm not obsessive at all partnership is dependency yeah in some sort i guess so but no i'm not obsessive at all i i'm obsessive about my work and what do you try to escape honestly i said it as a joke but probably my mind my inner existential crisis yeah and the inner turmoil and like the feelings that i haven't dealt with the trauma that i haven't dealt with the tell me one trauma or the feeling that you've not dealt with the things that disturbed you inner turmoil this was a big one which is why i'm doing this the fact that i felt so helpless in so many scenarios and couldn't help, yeah, helplessness.

1:01:45I think that was one large part of it. That constant state of being in fight or flight or walking on eggshells around multiple people in your life also is very traumatic because you're in a state of heightened stress continuously, which is not healthy. that and also I mean the biggest trauma was

1:02:12losing my mom the way that I did in front of the whole world and dealing with that journey it is such an individual experience that no one will ever understand no one how many people can say and everyone has their own individual experiences and um and it's awful to lose a parent and I know I'm not the only person in the world who's had to deal with that at the age that I did but but my journey is something that in this space in this regard no one will understand so I don't even bother explaining it what was the worst thing the worst thing was losing her apart from that I'm talking about from the lens of consequences

1:03:11I was a very dependent daughter. I didn't exercise that muscle in my brain that is used to make your own decisions. I would depend on her for that.

1:03:31everything so suddenly to learn how to make your own decisions and form your own opinions with the world ripping you apart to shreds oh she's smiling too much oh she's too morose or or she's not crying enough or oh making accusations on family dynamics and and dealing with all of that in a very I've made some bad decisions I let people into my life that had no business being anywhere near me and taking advantage of me the way that they did um what hurt you the most when you think about this period of your life I think how much people took advantage of me and how much I let them and how much I how much I was making my surroundings I wasn't putting myself in a safe place I was compromising my mental physical safety constantly

1:04:50let's do one small experiment okay I want to think about don't tell me just think about 29 I can talk about age 29 when you were okay let's divide your life into three parts this can be much longer but we can do it in three parts so

1:05:22okay 10 to 15 15 to 20 20 25 three phases of your life okay 10 to 15 what was the worst or like the most negative or the positive like emotionally charged moment that you've had just think about it don't tell me what do you remember everything's such a blur moment which is very emotionally charged like yeah okay yeah okay now think about from 15 to 20 what was the most emotionally charged moment for you okay and then from 20 to 25

1:06:04there can be a couple of them as well yeah okay like two three yeah so when you were 10 to 15 give me words that you were feeling at that time

1:06:18after that moment happened like was it helplessness powerful idiot and chase i don't know

1:06:28confused helpless

1:06:39ashamed okay now 15 to 20 destroyed

1:06:49lost

1:06:53this is 15 to including 20 right yeah yeah suicidal

1:07:04and then 20 to 25 like I didn't have a voice helpless helpless yeah helpless no vulnerable like abused like dirty like yeah

1:07:25okay abuse and dirty so you couldn't do anything about that ashamed no it was different it was like someone I mean left the wrong way you felt used yeah maybe no but it was more it was like abused you lost your mom when you were 15 to 20 I was 20 yeah do you see something no I don't see anything do you see a like there's a so from 10 to 15 15 to 20 20 to 25 we can do it like from 0 to 5 and I know the answers will be same and we can do like every 5 years of your life and we can talk about maybe 20 scenarios or 30 or 50 scenarios all emotionally charged moments and you'll probably have the similar feeling but when you said emotionally charged you meant like in a in like a negative way right?

1:08:31yeah not like euphoric and emotionally charged as in joyous moments because those words would be different so in that like almost so you said confused helpless ashamed destroyed lost suicidal oh my god helpless vulnerable abused oh my god so confused lost helpless is almost similar scenario i'm like cringing at myself one two three destroyed is almost again same helpless again five vulnerable again suicidal is again at the same time helpless i can't believe i said that so my point was out of out of bunch of situations which have happened in your life in like different phases different ages you gave nine tags to them and six of them are helpless oh really I repeated it that much like I mean lost confused so do you see that you have a pattern of just feeling helpless whenever you feel negative and that's why you have a very dependent personality as well have you noticed this about yourself you tend to feel helpless I don't feel like that anymore of course not I don't remember the last time I felt helpless you've gotten emotionally

1:09:59it's like you know how when you get hurt first time second time it has to go deeper it doesn't seem like so because you've gone through so many things other one life is touch food very nice yeah I'm not sure next time you'll have to feel helpless it has to cross that bar or then only you'll feel but you have a pattern of feeling helpless i have yeah you should work on it i think i have i think i have but i think like you said it's not it's not something that i've worked on actively i think it's just by virtue of itne sare scenarios mujhe may mujhe ye feeling aie hai ke abhi i'm equipped I know how to handle the situation and how to handle it yourself.

1:10:50Fair. You may be better equipped. But the fact that you still feel that energetically charged about those moments and you still have the same words. It means you have not completely healed yourself from that. But I'm also like 26, 27, 28. I'm like four years past the last bracket. So that doesn't mean that you're better. In four years, there's a lot of things. You're better equipped. but is it going to be the past? Probably not because you still have same words I feel like I'm capable of feeling that way about every other incident in my life other than losing my mom that I don't think I can ever I mean maybe you cannot and not just in the capacity that oh I lost my mom and that was taken from my life but I think as an individual removed from all of the personal and professional obligations or investments that she had I think she deserved to see a lot more and have a lot more and be a lot and like experience a lot more do you miss that?

1:12:06yeah what do you miss the most about? I miss

1:12:14I mean there's so many things I miss the feeling of safety but I miss the

1:12:23I just miss her like I'm there's no one like her there is no one like her the way that she saw the world the way that she saw us I miss how funny she was no one saw that she was really funny and I miss who she made me and my sister and my father like I'll always say this I didn't just lose one parent that day I lost my father also that day the version of it that existed when she was around I'm very happy with the kind of father he is to us today but it's not the same what did she make you?

1:13:07sheltered, safe, cocooned maybe even to a point of fault but

1:13:14on our best days we were a very happy, solid positive unit and a lot of that was because of of how she saw life

1:13:28and so even when I say I miss her, I don't it's not because I wanted more of her is because I wanted more for her.

1:13:41Do you feel that there was a way that you could talk to her? To just converse? There are times that you miss their presence and then there are times where you just like, even if there's no presence, I just want to be able to talk. And I think this is one last conversation you spend in. You know, I think about it so much, I don't know if she'd be able to recognize me now or like the person that I am. I think about, I mean, of course she would. She's my mother.

1:14:15But the world has changed. I've changed. I've seen things, done things. I have opinions of my own that are not the opinions that she had or that she told me to have. I don't know what that interaction would look like it amuses me sometimes but I think I'd become a little baby around her immediately what version of you she could she won't be able to recognize so much like I think like if I talk about existentialism in front of me have your paya soup. Like that's, I think she's like, just keep quiet now.

1:15:03I mean, I would have some of those conversations with her before. She's like, let's just watch an animated movie. Like we were, yeah, anyway. If there was a way to talk to her one last thing, what would you talk about? as in the way that I am right now or how I was when I lost her today if there's an opportunity to talk to her if she's watching this what would you want to talk to her about I would say that I understand her now and I'm sorry I didn't understand her as well as I should have before like there's so many things what did you misunderstand I'm a grown woman now I'm a young woman but like I've I see so many things that she was probably dealing with from a completely different lens compared to how I used to see it when I was a kid.

1:16:03So many things, yeah, like professional things, financial things. I'm an actress now. I've spent about seven, eight years in the industry. I know what it's like for a woman in the industry. And I come from a place of privilege. She was working from the age of four. she's never shared any story it's always been like the story that I told you funny stories like that but she never shared the story of her struggle to you guys as well no never it was always happy bedtime stories but can you imagine what that journey would have been like can you imagine all of the egos and the in the world where yeah we used to not even see women as equal and she reached a place where she was seen as superior to all of her male counterparts imagine what that journey would have looked like I know it was in sheer dumb luck I know in seven eight years of being an actor how much how many things I've seen and done that the audiences will never know about that are probably violating every human rights law that there is out there I know what you put your mind and body through even just exclusively in terms of for the craft can you imagine from the age of four how that must have shaped I understand that now some degree of it more than I used to so much yeah like it's I read an interview of I was promoting Sunny Sankari and a journalist got an interview of hers that he had done with her to me.

1:17:41And what do you see now of who she is? The greatest actress ever produced by Indian cinema, most talented, most versatile, most successful, la-di-la-di-la. And so that's all you remember. But in this interview, she was speaking so vulnerably. She was saying that, you know, yeah, everybody in Hindi likes me being glamorous and doing these glamorous roles. But one day I'll prove to them that I can act also. they look at my performances also and that was such an ironic thing to me because right now all people talk about is how she was the best performer but it gave me so much insight into what she must have felt at that point it's very different from how history remembers her I've seen that journey people weren't very kind when she was around also what were they?

1:18:33homewrecker this that we are like cruel things that played on her mind that made her feel a certain way. Some of that still comes up but history is a lot kinder to people that have passed. Do you carry that burden? Of? Of the tax that people probably gave your mother. No, because see, that was a part of it. It was the influx and onset of the social media boom that was sort of like the tail end of her life. So I didn't get to the stage that it's at right now, but it wasn't at its peak then. There were just hints and glimmers of it and that would rattle her for sure.

1:19:22And then so some of the conversations I'd have with myself at that point were like abusing these people that would write these things like you don't know, like, you know, this side of it, you know, like it was all of that stuff.

1:19:38But yeah, it was always ironic to me that the people who would, in the media even, would say certain things about her, like, feel like, okay, yeah, so what, she's the greatest, but you know, we can take a cheap shot, this and that. those same people the way that they turned after she passed was something to but I'm very thankful for the way that she is remembered now and that's all credit to her legacy and her work but but they used to she was always celebrated as the greatest for sure but like she was celebrated do you think she was more was she was she ever like objectified sexualized all of that like did you see that version not to the extent which happens to you yeah social media wasn't so much and I think she held herself with a lot of but she was seen as someone very very very beautiful and people would talk about you know she actually told me one story where I think she said she had put in her contract that she doesn't want to show her leg or her or something and so they said yeah okay they won't shoot it but they shot it anyway some suggestive thing with a double Now for the audience, it seemed like, oh, this was her.

1:20:58And she was so upset. And as a kid, it didn't clock to me at all the magnitude of what that problem was. I was like, yeah, but mama, it wasn't you. How does it matter? But now when I think of when I'm in a similar situation or something like that, with this AI thing that's going on, I don't know in this conversation that you're saying I'll have with her. I don't know how to update her on the rubbish that's gone on in this past almost decade. You saw your first deep fake when you were 15? Yeah, maybe younger. Your deep fake. And you thought it was okay. I don't know if it was a deep fake, but it was like, yeah, it was like a deep fake-ish at that time, whatever version.

1:21:45It was something. I saw a picture of me on a porn site. um i wasn't on the porn site my we had like it class or something like that in school and the and the boys were they used to go on those sites and like my pictures were on there um and this was in school so that was a weird experience and you thought you said that it was you thought it was okay this is the cost that you have to pay no that's how i look at it now that No, that's not how I look at it now. But I... At some point you looked at it like that. At some point I was like... Why? This is the price of... There's no morality in a lot of these things, especially with social media.

1:22:29I think everyone's parading around with this... If anything that's come out of this woke sensibility is a slightly correctional behavior in terms of ethics and morality. but for the larger part of it I feel

1:22:46I want to understand this like a lot of people they think it's okay because it's like this and it's a public figure and the other part is like can this happen but how did this happen what do I do what will happen but how did you come to this like how did you make peace with it because this is scary thought I'm not at peace with it There are visuals of me out there put out even by like official news pages and channels that are complete AI. I've never worn that. I've never been photographed in that. It's not like it's not true, but it's been circulated in the media on social media as if it's something that I've worn, put out, etc, etc.

1:23:35And that creates a certain kind of impression to the extent that I know tomorrow if I'm doing a film and if I tell the director, no, I'm not comfortable wearing this, they can pull out that picture and say, but you've done so much, you've seen it all, you've seen it all. They won't do it, obviously, but it makes you think. I don't know what the moral guidelines for something like this can be to curb this. it upsets me of course but but again I feel like I don't have that much of a voice to complain about it as say someone who comes from not such a privileged Nippo background because for me I think the gaze is little bit like itna sab kuch milana life mein thoda say lo or itna complain mat karo log photo dekh rahe na teri khush raho so so I don't think I don't think I think at this point, my voice has the kind of credibility that every voice should have to be able to say something against it because it'll be skewed.

1:24:42And there'll be weird backlash which will take away from the cause. But it's a problem not just with me. I think Rashmika spoke about it. I think a lot of other people spoke about it as well.

1:24:58Do you feel a problem when people sexualize you a lot more than they should? You know, I actually had a conversation with the paps a couple of days ago. I met them privately and I was speaking to them about how sometimes they photograph women and I said it's invasive and we feel

1:25:34it's non-consensual even if we've dressed up and gone out a certain way we are not anticipating that someone will zoom in one area.

1:25:45But more than a sudden reflects badly on you guys that you all are commodifying a woman's body against her will. How do you respect yourself? For money, for views, you are zooming in on a body part and they seem pretty receptive and they seemed pretty aware. It's not about them. It's about larger consumption. Larger consumption in any country around the world is sexualized content in any shape and form like not exaggerating to porn but anything which has to do anything which is objectifying women's body that's the highest consumed content and that's why people actually rotate these things more and because unfortunately

1:26:38you are a public figure in the world of glamour people will do that way more to you than other women but does it bother you this is the reality that you know but does it bother you i think at any and every stage it's important to ask yourself what did I consent to so for example I did a song called bheegi sari where I'm in a wet sari and like I'm dancing pretty sensually the idea for that was I wouldn't say to titillate but it was a sensual song I think if someone looked at that and said I'm not attracted to this chick I would feel maybe offended but that's very different from sexualizing someone especially without their consent that in any and every form I'm not okay with and that does bother me explain the latter it's like this no it's like okay I've worn something that seems pretty appropriate to me in the mirror I have the freedom to wear whatever the hell I want to wear I step out but there are angles and there are ways in which it is captured without my knowledge or consent and circulated and they put some music and they put some slow-mo and they put some zoom that's not my consent if even on movie sets if a camera if a DOP puts a camera on some place that I'm not okay with I should be able to say nahi nahi chale ka mujhe nahi chaiye without me seeming unprofessional but both paati ye I know

1:28:20sometimes I've been polite and I've been like I need to pick my battles and I'll fight them but now I'm a little bit like I'll make my point clear some way or the other but it's important for me to seem polite while I do so and when you you know this is the reality and you get to see these comments and slow-mos and these videos which are hypersexualized without your consent what questions do you ask yourself do you ever ask maybe I should stop giving about it like do you ask these questions no so I can't afford to stop giving a fuck about it because The perception that's created as a result of all of these things affects the audiences, affects the filmmakers and affects the kind of opportunities I get in my professional life.

1:29:23Explain. For example, I have seen a compromising outfit for 10 times in a compromising outfit. Revealing angles, Da Da Da, Janvi Kapoor, slip and this and that and all of that. the audience starts forming a perception about a woman's character based on how she dresses it's a tragedy it's wrong but it is what it is filmmakers do the same they like to they have a certain idea of what a heroine should look like feel like that it should be a girl it should be a girl and if it will be in a bikini it will be only in a big bed but it will be in our film

1:30:11and also they gauge how likable you are to an audience. If the audience is saying, oh no, his character is a character, then a filmmaker will also be like, okay, maybe I can't cast her because the audience thinks of her like this. This is now just the tragedy of the human mind and the way that our society works. I wish it was different. I know that if a girl chooses to walk around in a bikini, it has very little to do with the values that she actually holds.

1:30:44So what was your question? So, yeah, so I mean, that's the explanation of what I was trying to say. What questions do you ask yourself when you get to know that this is a part of... That was your question. See, this is the part. You can't... And sadly, we live in a society where people will judge your character, your values, the kind of person you are by the clothes that you wear, which is sad. We want to change it, but this is what it is. And it's changing a little bit. I think it is changing. Not like a lot. You know this reality. And you still have to show up in front of the same filmmakers, in front of the same people, in front of the same audience.

1:31:27And somehow you have to actually impress them as well. what questions you can I tell you like in the past month or two months I have gone to every extreme to not get photographed because of this maybe a little bit um but I also felt like I had three releases consecutively every month last year I think I think maybe people had too much of me and I started feeling bored of my own face you know I saw so much I'm like oh yeah I'm doing it in a quiet time and it's not easy because although people say that I'm saying media and I'm saying it, I don't say it other than when it's a film promotion but uh but yeah so i've gone to extreme lengths to be seen as little as possible but there's so much there's so many visuals of me already populated out there that you don't feel like i've really gone anywhere um and i think that is a result of little bit i didn't like how I was being consumed by people because of these visuals because of these AI this and that and I mean I posted something day before yesterday that would be and I wouldn't think I'd be like oh my god I look hot let's post it 10 times because I'm wearing shorts or something I was like it's AI can happen it's not it's crop and it's crop and it's crop and all of those things but what to do now I wish I could say I don't care and it doesn't matter but it does it does and how do you make peace with it then right now I'm not in the position of power where I can say I don't care and people will want to work with me despite whatever the hell I put out so I need to make that compromise I'll be like you know I'll I'll play it safe I'll do what I have to till I earn that respect get that credibility do the work that I want and then when I feel like I can say I'll do what I'll do I'll do what I'll do people will see me for who I am and it's a safe space it's not that scenario right now so tell me one thing do you because all of this goes on in your head and your family and with your mom incident all of this right do you feel that have you heard this word protective performance do you know what it's like like families who are very famous they are famous or powerful or whatever like they're important so they think family image is very very very important and they became very protective of the image regardless of what damages or what things they are going through so what they try to do is always try to perform outside the in in the outside world just to protect that image by family image people should not think about anything else even though if you're going through shit you wouldn't show it in the front of the world at all so you're always like performing just to protect some idea of image that you have in your head even though world maybe not that have image but you have an image and you that's very tragic i've seen that in people and it's like they have a false idea completely warped delusional idea of some performance they need to uphold and they're all very unhappy do you do that have you ever done that i know at some point maybe because what going what what is going on with you and your sister and your dad no so i think putting up a strong front a brave front is very different like if i'm sad i'm not going to step out and start bawling everywhere that's different that i do that i put up a brave front i don't let let people see the cracks but none of us have see if it was such a performance and if we were so conscious I wouldn't have the guts to talk about addiction because I know the repercussions it can have on my family I wouldn't we would be a lot more guarded and manufactured and calculated in the way that we dealt with grieving my mom we were it was like the blind leading the fucking blind we had no clue um i i would there's also a misconception that i mean i don't know about other actors but this heavy pr training that one thinks that people in in our industry go through you went through a pr training there's no such thing raj it's a myth what are you saying there's no such thing can I tell you when I was doing when Dhadak was up for release the only thing that I think I think there was one PR meeting and it was just about let's protect Janvi from questions about her mom she's not ready and then they just asked me what I'm comfortable with what I'm not comfortable with I said just don't ask me about mama that's it that's not PR training then then i was with uh um but before you launch anything current didn't sit with you and be like janvi i know this is how the brutal world works this is how pr is going to work this is how paps are going to this is how what people are going to say be prepared for all of this some something that's not pr that's no that's but that's not pr training i'm not training i'm just saying like did he give you some navigation or maybe put like five six top people and be like train her so that she comes train me what like train me my I don't know as a product which is aspirational that's what we will think about that's what I'm saying I find it so amusing maybe this is happening for other people and for some reason no one it's not happening with you no but like I'll tell you my experience with PR then I then I then I worked with one agency and it was predominantly amplifying things that you're doing post kya amplify karo movie are you BTS low amplify karo very like kosher stuff then there was another PR agency where it was like you know we need like an image revamp you're being too associated with the neppos but there's like a mystery about you we need to like we need to make you stand apart which is still a rhetoric that I heard today and so that was very like giving me gyan about you know what's working for you is that people think you're hot so just keep like being hot it was never like have these opinions talk like this do like it was none of that it was like how to place you in this bracket it was very pragmatic logistical stuff and now it's become more about how do we make sure that you're not easily accessible like keep yourself away like protect yourself protect yourself overexposed protect yourself what is PR training so when you have had a childhood which has been chaotic like you've learnt love which is like chaos love right it has been because you heard people saying something to your mom something to your dad then ups and downs film like you saw like a lot like when you have seen love is equals to a lot of chaos what does like normal love look like now it looks safe and it's helped me deal with the helplessness that you've psychoanalyzed it's helped me deal with it's the biggest thing that's helped me with that i don't feel as helpless anymore because of his presence and his presence has always done that for me in my life do you enjoy calm love?

1:39:52It's not just calm. When I say a safe space, it's I can be an infant child. I can be a kid. I think I was speaking to you about this the other day. There's no one else I have more fun with. And I think when you find love that's good for you, you become

1:40:14quoting Nietzsche again. He had many theories about how you need to become your superior self or your most idealized version but i feel i've become my truest version of myself because of love because it's given me a safe space to hear my thoughts believe my thoughts use my voice and not feel judged or degraded or abused when i become vulnerable how was your relationship with your sister you said you've said somewhere where he your sister was crying and then she stopped when she saw you yeah and you've never seen her crying again yeah about mom yeah about mom on that topic do you ever feel like she was trying to protect you

1:41:06we've had our moments she's been a mom to me sometimes I've been a mom to her over these past eight years we've oscillated and we've kept we've kept switching those roles but I'm inherently a more expressive person she's inherently someone who keeps it in she's inherently that? yeah or she locked her grief just to protect you? I think even before that I was always the more expressive one but but I but that was such a visual visceral moment for me and evidence for me that my daughter loves me how much love me she wants to be strong for me it was like in a matter of seconds it happened in front of me but like she got she for her that grief manifested into thyroid because she didn't let it come out um she had hyper then hypo it kept switching i think her thyroid now is under control but yeah so my relationship with her has always been now we're best friends and we've we've always been best friends but i think we're very like violently protective of each other have you ever told her that it's okay to break now it's okay sometimes she can she can break free of that that idea that she needs to protect you and i'm there so and i know and she's allowed she's allowed to break and cry but the thing is her trigger won't be the actual reason.

1:42:57It'll be like it'll be something really random. Like she'll get triggered by why did you tell my dog to shut up? Like it'll be the most random thing and she'll get her outlet. On a random thing or some other suppressed incident. But she's been doing a lot of therapy. I think that's helped her a lot. that's and do you ever see yourself becoming mom to her no i'm too much of a mess and because you said the first thing i asked you about your mom what do you uh what she made out of you you said safety yeah you use a version of that multiple times yeah so like do you try to provide that safety to your sister just subconsciously or consciously yeah of course we do that for each other the unit that we have at home now it's a very different unit to what would have been if mom was around but it is a safe space especially between the two of us so now like you and your sister now you carry a good bond you always carried a good bond yeah yeah yeah but never not like never never serious never like nothing is bigger than our bond for us one statement i've since the time i've met you since that time till today i've not and even after this conversation i've not been able to find out an answer and it just keeps thinking i keep thinking about it because i think it's a very profound and an honest admission from someone like you who's in a lot of public eyes you said

1:44:56the like on death of your mom and in multiple other occasions even right now in the conversation you said that purely it was like it was some some kind of cosmic balancing that that i was getting punished some stuff like that right like you used a version of it what was that yeah i deserve this you almost felt like the death of the mom was like i almost deserved it because i've had everything so easy easy this was like some kind of balancing i'll have such a big loss in my life yeah it was again it's i think coming from that place of self-flagellation but i i i couldn't even see there were even up until her demise there was a lot in my life that wasn't all hunky-dory um but I was so wired to just be thankful be grateful be thankful be grateful be thankful be grateful that I was like I wasn't even privy to the fact that yes, everyone's journey has been so easy to me.

1:46:08And I think when I said this, I felt like God or some higher power was trying to make things equal. There's so much money, I'll take something. But that's messed up. It's messed up of me to think that. Because for many reasons, right? Firstly, I made it about myself, which is not true. Her role was not just limited to an exclusive to being my mother. She was her own person. So it's not about me. You didn't just take someone away from me. You took away their chance to see so much more and be so much more and have so much more, like I said. So for those reasons, I regret that statement. And also because no one deserves that.

1:46:59I didn't deserve it. Fair. but you have you said that in other conversation also you felt like not here like the other time that you felt like you were yes I remember like you felt like you deserved it like why do you have this why do you feel so you know what it's called self-flagellation internalized punishment thinking yeah so internally when you were going through shit you almost felt like I deserved it that's someone with a very low self esteem you have low self esteem I mean it's sounding like someone with really low self esteem like when self punishing and like when they're going through shit to think that they deserve it do you still feel like whenever shit happens you deserve it because everything is done so I need to be punished no but can I tell you what's changed is my outlook also of course I haven't had a tragedy in my life to that magnitude in a long time touch wood but now I'm looking at I'm looking at the good so much more that I'm not feeling like anything bad is happening that I have to deal with or that I deserve is there a part of you which is still waiting to be punished next no I'm waiting to be rewarded now like do you find yourself whispering like let's say the inner voice the little voice whispers something that no i should be punished or i maybe this is that it was just a phase no it was a large part of my life what helped you come out of it i'm telling you the last couple of years have seen a lot of healing a lot of love he'll do yeah it did but also um also a sense of purpose and uh and a satisfaction with my art and my ability in in my art which means that I'm external validation is very important for me so that I get to so that I get the opportunities in my art that I want but it's not it's not as important to me in shaping how I look at myself anymore what's important so many things are important I think into shaping who you want to become or who you are becoming I think being very conscious about my moral compass my moral and ethical compass yeah I think moral you read Nish so Nish I've quoted on the podcast maybe 500 times so he says when you kill a cockroach I'm paraphrasing it exactly when you kill a cockroach you're a superhero when you kill a butterfly you're a villain morality has aesthetics value yeah that yeah I don't think that's applicable to me it's applicable to everyone I feel no I think I'm able to look beyond the aesthetic value of it no, aesthetic value is different I'm not saying purely just by looking at the appearance in some context and situation some things are morally right and in others they are not we all have a righteous mind which is based on our biases not based on the reality and your reality but there's no such thing as reality so your reality is different than mine so yeah your definition of morality is going to be different than yours so we both have aesthetics value i guess so but but still i guess it's a it's a way to self-govern and self-police and self-correct based on your own um scales and measures uh it's something i'm conscious of I don't know how to make my own aesthetic value a universal thing I can't claim that it is but you would like to be I would like to be I think the attempt is to try to keep self-questioning and having Socratic discussions tell me let's say you said you read a lot about human you read a lot about human behavior if you have to make a behavioral personality box of Janvi Kapoor what like tell me five behavioral traits that would define you behavioral traits human behavior basis what have you observed about yourself who are you what kind of person you have become what are your behaviors patterns I think I think the speed at which I evolve is very fast like I'm I'm a specimen that that can adapt and evolve really quick with an influx of information I can digest and process reflect and and have that create physiological and mental and literal changes in me very fast.

1:52:32which is both a good thing and a bad thing because I can be so open minded that I can be I can look at things from any and every perspective and be completely convinced some people call that doglapan I fully agree with this thought process like just be just be open open and evolve and change and be like water like I hate when I have that if I was thinking like last year I was thinking like that I would have had a lot of problems and my friends were like how did you change before? I was like bro change the world is changing so much new things yeah rigidity irks me so I think so how many traits is that I evolve I'm open minded yeah just two I think I I think I put a lot of value on beauty and I don't just mean like in terms of my carnal shell or someone else's I mean the harmony and beauty I think I'm a very aesthetic creature I put a lot of emphasis on that on aesthetics yeah

1:53:46I think I'm an empath and I think that the only thing that can satiate my curiosity is my art interesting tell me two negatives also oh I'm only about it

1:54:07I'm only about it negatives

1:54:14red flags in you I think I I think my survival instinct is to have as much insurance as possible even in terms of opportunity like I and I think that manifested even in in my film choices sometimes like let me play it safe

1:54:44like it's insurance it's not operating from that's how it was I'm starting to change that I would be very scared to put all my eggs in one basket

1:55:01and I don't know what the word for this attribute is but this is there and

1:55:15I think I was very naive to a point of fault. I don't know if I am anymore. What do you mean I'm naive? If you look good at everything, if you look bad, then the quote actually is in itself. You used to believe that? Yeah, and just like trust everyone. Why will anyone want anything negatively? why will anyone play games or do like it doesn't happen it doesn't happen it's only saying trolls it doesn't happen I used to believe that you genuinely believed yeah I genuinely believed that was the main reason my mom didn't want me to become an actor because she felt I was too naive and too trusting and too like you may have noticed this about me if I feel like I get a certain energy from you and I like you tell me I'm a good person you can trust me Janhvi and if I give a good performance I'll do everything and I'll say everything of course, everything is not like we talked about a lot of things we will not say everything but

1:56:28yeah, I probably need to know more about people last question, why do you judge intelligence in someone? how I how do you recognize intelligence in someone by their sense of humor give me traits and signals sense of humor can be by their sense of humor and also by how like I said how open they are versus how rigid they are there's something as like being book smart but I think there's something as being like worldly which has very little to do with traveling and their ability to adapt based on their curiosity like if you 10 things but people have googled can you process that information does it have an impact on your opinion of things I think that capability is how I judge intelligence and you are able to judge that in conversations yeah you pick up signals yeah you know have you heard this quote that if you're the smartest person in the room then you're in the wrong room absolutely I like being in rooms where I'm the dumbest person because I feel like I enjoy hearing as many takes on life as possible and otherwise I switch off I get bored so you should be in my job yeah probably my job is in simple words I get intellectually humiliated every day or stimulated I don't think you're getting humiliated I've seen your conversations you're holding your own it's not like you're sitting there like what are you saying?

1:58:13but still there is some thought that people tell me and I feel like shit this was a very bouncer what do you say? what do you say? what do you say? like even a small word helps me I like that I really yeah but you learn from it I learn from it I enjoy that it's not like you stagnate it's not like you're like shit, don't know leave it and I love that I'm the smallest person in this room every day so to me that's like I thrive out of it you know when you were talking about I'm starting to talk about inferiority and then dumbness you know it's a personality trait in every room that I walk in I feel I'm the most inferior and I'm the most superior person it's like and at the same time I feel it I don't know why like you feel mentally superior because you feel open or you feel more experienced but you feel actually inferior because of some sort of social currency no no no so it's like I feel there are parts of me which is self-believe and delusion about what I do and what I'm going to do or maybe what I'm going to become at some point in my life that makes me completely superior I know I will do it I will do it in my opinion nobody can do it if in this room any person has a right to actually win that but it's, dude, it's gonna be me.

1:59:36Like, it's that. Yeah. And at the same time, then I pick up traits from people which I really admire. And then I'm like, I'm still like nobody. Because maybe I don't have enough knowledge. Maybe I don't have enough access. Maybe I don't have enough, like a good body or like looks or like power. I don't know. like everyone's different thing you admire like in other people or maybe just taste like i i'm aesthetically challenged right so let's say if you if i see your aesthetic taste in something just by way you let's say maybe click a picture of a food plate in front of you i'll be like

2:00:27so i pick up traits from people and i feel very inferior because i'm not like that part of me is like but I think that's a winning combination because I think if you were just the former without

2:00:44being open to scope of growth then you would stagnate and it would become delusion and arrogance agreed but because you're cognizant of things that other people have to offer where you feel you have a shortcoming there's like room and hope for growth and

2:01:07and just like a richer more wholesome experience of life otherwise you'd be completely closed off if in every aspect you think I'm the father, I'm the child then you're very lazy and such people I've seen where they've reached life at one point manifestation or delusion then they're happy in themselves true which is scary some inferiorly superior I like that have you ever felt that with you I feel inferiorly superior I feel no I feel very conscious and aware of my social currency in terms of my identity independent of my mother my father my lineage etc etc but I'm also intrinsically aware of my capabilities and my skill set that I know most people haven't been able to see because of their own biases but I know it's there because I've been on film sets and in professional scenarios where I know my turnaround time to deliver a task versus seasoned professionals so I can gauge and I'm pretty objective in that sense and gauging this in repeated scenarios, I know that I'm standing at a pretty strong skill set.

2:02:32But I'm also aware that people have a perception and it's going to take a lot more to change that or it's going to take a dumb stroke of luck to change that. So the inferiority comes with being aware of the perception. The superiority comes from just purely you take all of that away, put me on a film set with some of the best actors in the country I will do what I do I know and I have done it nice you know my definition of gauging intelligence in people is how well are they like what are is like what are their insecurities and wounds and how well aware are they of those insecurities and wounds and shortcomings really i would have never thought of that like that's my little definition so and in your case i really like that's why i like talking to you and we always end up talking to like for hours and so because you're very aware of your strengths and shortcomings probably not to an extent of what you would like to be which is always work in progress and but you know like you're very well aware about this is this is this is my shortcoming this is the world this is my personal bias because the world has conditioned me how it is my childhood pattern this is my dependency issue I don't know you're like you know it and you're well aware of the fact and you're okay with it to me that's a very high sense of intelligence because people don't know why is that EQ or is that IQ and are they both different I don't know I wouldn't know EQ and IQ I can't even understand I guess so like it's I've I don't I understand one thing I call energy quotient that's it I think I'm intelligent for my own gains what do you mean like you can judge someone's energy like just like just like the energy invest whether this do I want to invest my energy in this relationship which will manifest into either friendship brotherhood romantic relationship just mentor or mentee professional whatever so I will invest or else I would just back off and I think I have this instinct gut feeling where I do not do it How much privilege is my job?

2:05:17I think so. My job too. And this was one such privileged experience, I think. I'm very happy in that. Thank you. Hello, Zidam. What's up? How are you? Very good. Good to see you. Good to see you. Finally we're doing this. I'll have a seat. Would you get time to go to the gym? Rarely. Like four days a week. That's not that rare. It's quite good. But I want to go every day. So like what would your activities be? Weight lifting, boxing, just mobility drills, animal flow, stuff like that. Oh, animal flow and all. Yeah, it's fun. Very tiring. Like in 20 minutes, you get exhausted. I was doing color repaid.

2:05:57It's actually color repaid. Okay. I've learned. I also used to say color repaid too. And a lot of that actually integrates animal work. Thank you so much for watching this episode until the end. Now you have to do three things. Number one. Now, subscribe to this channel. Because as much as you subscribe, we will get guests to you better. Number two, please tell us about what we did wrong and what we did good. So, we can learn from this feedback and create more better experience. And number three, you must have to share this episode with someone. Because one conversation is enough for changing someone's life.

2:06:36I'll see you next time. Until then, keep figuring out.

2:06:43Thank you.