⁠Kiara Advani On Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships, Bollywood & Heartbreak | FO507 Raj Shamani

0:00Have you gotten heartbroken? Yeah. How do you deal with that? I go through it. Sit with yourself. Feel it. And then once you have felt it, understand why you're feeling it. Let it go past you. Let it go through you and get out of you also. But don't brush it under the carpet. One of Indian cinema's most celebrated actresses, Kiara Advani, joins us for an unfiltered conversation. You used to look at your parents. They were very lovey-dovey. So you wanted to have what they have. It's called the shadow effect. Like you want to shadow everything that they're going through in your life, in your own life.

0:32Did that become the case in your life? I think that's why I think I must have even fallen in love with Sid. Because for me, I saw my dad self-made, creating the best for his family. Even when days were bad, he would never let it come to us.

0:52In this episode, they honestly shared that after acting, motherhood and self-identity, balance along with the failures, self-doubt, pressure and those emotional battles that never reached the public. Have you felt inferior in the room? No. I prefer to be not the smartest person in the room. I think it's nice to be in rooms where you have lots to learn from around you but I've never been in a room and felt like do I belong here? No.

1:23You said now you're very cognizant of what to do, what not to do because you always have this mom brain taken over. You're thinking about your daughter. Is there any decision you would have not taken knowing now what you're going through? No. I really feel like there is something that I have learned from every single experience. I can say that it has shaped me today. I feel in fact it's the lows that have been my biggest teachers.

1:51How would you teach your daughter to deal with today's men? All those relations in your life that you have growing up, They all teach you something. So I feel I would like to bring her up in a way that lets her make all her choices for herself. I don't want her to experience life from our experience. She should have her own. What changes after you become mother? Everything. I'm a completely different person. In every way. My whole life, I've been so other-centric. What's changed since my baby's been born is I finally found the time to nurture that relationship. that I need to have with myself.

2:28And it's probably the best thing I've done for myself. Because you realize you're doing so much for everyone else. You forget about the relationship you need to have with yourself.

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3:27Simply good food, that's what they stand for. Now we come to our guests today, who have given such performances to the Shershaa, that stayed with the audience. Kyara Advani. Today we will know what happens when you lose yourself in a role. Motherhood has changed their brain. Things that she doesn't want to pass on to her daughter. a public image, pressure on social media and what scares her the most in today's world. See this episode until the end. And tell me what's best in this conversation.

4:07What changes after you become a mother? Everything. In you, like as a person, as a personality. Everything. I in fact I feel before becoming a mom and after becoming a mom I'm a completely different person in every way and I've come to terms with it also now okay in every way let's start from just your thought process there's so much more purpose everything you do for me everything that I do today I'm constantly thinking I want to lead by example for my daughter what would my daughter feel how would she feel if I did this I'm going to just say it on this show because people must be wondering why I'm sitting here and you're sitting here so I'm going to say it I want to say it post-partum is something nobody really talks about and it should be something that's spoken of much more because and I'll tell you why so yesterday now people would know this but everyone's journey is different postpartum.

5:17It hits you in different ways, emotionally, physically, multiple ways. So for me, unfortunately, two, three days ago, I got a little bit of a skin situation. Okay. Out of the blue, random, never had something like this. And I feel earlier it would be something that would make me feel like, oh my God, I'm so, you know, why has this happened and all of that. But now I've reached this point in my life or where I am in my life. It's like, nothing can stop me. I am going to still live and continue to do what I want. So that means requesting Raj to change seats with me. Let me try. And I have to tell you, Raj, when you messaged me saying that I completely understand my sister's been through it.

6:00I had tears in my eyes just because I felt like someone had, I just felt seen and heard in that moment. It's just that there's such an identity shift. you know it's such a new world and in that moment it's difficult for the woman going through it to give herself grace it takes time it's taken me it's six months I'm not at this point I don't know why I'm having it on your show but it's a fact it takes time for six months I've told myself just give yourself grace because sorry it's okay

6:42because you realize you're doing so much for everyone else you forget about the relationship you need to have with yourself the things you need to tell yourself maybe for me I've my whole life I've been so other-centric that what's changed since my baby's been born is I finally found the time to nurture that relationship that I need to have with myself and it's probably the best thing I've done for myself after 34 years that's how old I am I've learned to set boundaries I've learned not to do critical conversations with myself sometimes you're so over critical about everything that you're doing you know i've learned not to focus on fear i've learned and i've had to teach myself all of these things in these six months but in these six months weren't you like a lot more critical about yourself in the beginning but what were you critical about

7:56everything i mean

8:02if I read something it would get to me you know if I read anything about myself anything anything negative anything negative I would always I would go into that very defensive mode about things or it's a spiral sometimes not sometimes social media can be a spiral so this phase when you're sitting at home you know people think I'm not doing anything at home but it's not that right I think the amount of work our mothers do any mother does or anyone who's a homemaker in that sense is more than anything any of us can do and I'll tell you I've been somebody who's worked every single day of my life crazy shifts all of that I've done the hustle right and all of a sudden had a baby wanted to take that time off more than time off it was just wanting to be present very much still excited about you know the future planning the year ahead what I want to do film wise taking meetings narrations that was all I was doing not initially now

9:28and while I've been you know this journey of motherhood and work from home scenario I feel it's been more challenging because again the hustle is double in this you're literally responsible for someone's life and suddenly you're running a whole home in a different way a new a new way of of uh of how things are functioning at your home and then you're also holding on to an identity of yourself but it's also a new identity right what you want to do may be a little different you may have you know different ideas of of what path you want to take not just as an actor maybe in other in other fields this time really makes you sit reflect think about all the things that you want to do in life apart from what you're even doing don't ask me because I'm not spilling all the beans here but all of that together so it's been a a lot of like there's a lot that's been being created in these few months so my father said that your mom keeps notes under pillows for you while you were pregnant what was happening with notes?

10:49not while I was pregnant okay after no from my childhood oh and sometimes there were notes sometimes they come on sticky pads so when I came back to school I hope you've had a good day before you go for tuition don't forget to eat this she was always she used to love you know just putting these she would love doing these cute gestures to make you feel happy you know that was just that's just her way of showing affection

11:26so in fact today also and usually she writes some prayer or then so today she had message because today I was very late and she had gone to the room to sir I was sleeping and she went to take her and make her sleep and all that so then she sent me a message so gari me my job thi tab i have a wonderful interview she's she always likes to i mean something else before doing something else and it's not necessary that something is big anything else for anything that you're starting she's always like go with my blessings so yeah and then she wrote you a letter yeah that was after pregnancy before going to your first shoot what did you write in the letter?

12:20I think that letter I had online on camera read it out this was my first shoot after a while after delivering my baby the first day I wrote in the letter in the book go have fun be yourself with the right attitude pose enjoy yourself this is what you were born to do yeah just that motivation kind of you know that little voice that kind of stays with you even when you are a little doubtful sometimes so that was she must have thought that it's her first day after. I was so happy that I was going to go on the set. I think that that day I literally, usually we when we shoot photoshoot, it's been in 4-5 hours.

13:25That day I was shooting for 8-9 hours. I mean, I had surrendered because for me I was like, oh my God, I'm doing this after so long it was just like it was literally like just tasting like that that that passion all over again so it was fun yeah have you ever felt that you've lost yourself in a character in a movie and you've forgotten while doing scenes very often

14:01now okay let me think when if not in that moment I've not realized that you know I'm behaving like this character even when I go back home but it definitely it takes you take so much because you invest so much into that character you end up it's almost like you don't even know when you become one and when so many attributes of that come into your own personal life yeah you show attributes but I feel so sometimes I take things that I like sometimes like I don't even know I mean I feel like they stay with me but but very often I've lost in the scene while performing I've completely like like forgot yeah if you say Kiara I won't I'm fully there I think between action and cut I have the ability to be very present nice and maybe it comes like I think I'm I'm a person I'm all or nothing so if I'm giving you something I will give you everything to the best of my ability.

15:02Nice. We like this. And that's my overall life curve. I feel so. So you know on podcasts only, there are some actors who have said that whenever they do something, they forget. And after doing a movie, they behave like they're doing a movie. Like the character. Like there was one actor who said that I became a very angry person for a very long time. I started hating myself also. and others also because I was so dark in that. There was one female actor, she said, she started getting scares and she started having nightmares because she was playing a role of somebody who went into that zone and she was a victim in that movie, gone through like so many sexual assaults and stuff.

15:47So she started feeling very bad for every woman in the world and then going through. And then there are actors like, let's say, Parej Rawal sir. Okay, he said, whatever you say, you say, you say, right because he said that he's also worked so many years so I feel I feel that every actor must have gone through that with certain characters I don't feel like that's your experience with every single part that you play but yes there are certain characters that maybe you get deeply attached to maybe during the prep of that film you will go into a space that you know even it may be so new for you that it just stays with you for much longer than just the film like when you were saying about the anger thing I remember during Guilty this is a movie that I did where I play a very rebellious child she's you know she's rebellious and the mudda of the film was so heavy that it I think it automatically like churned out those emotions and sometimes I used to go home and I used to take that back my mother used to say all of this is set don't bring all of this back home so I feel you also learn along the you know along the journey experience also kind of you know how much when you like everyone's process is different like I find myself in emotional scenes sometimes I give in so much that it's it takes everything out of you and then you're I literally go home feeling you know after a big cry you just feel so light and that feeling I feel like very fulfilled when I've gone home that I was churning to to bring out in that particular scene it's all out and then you go home like feeling like you've given it your all there's no sometimes you're going like shit y 'all I wish I did that I wish I did that so I find myself in emotional scenes that I know that men I've given everything maybe my EQ is I am sensitive and emotional in that sense so I feel maybe that emotional quotient of mine is higher so it comes out in that way but along the journey I have also learn certain tricks about myself that i'm capable to immediately after cut disassociate also if i want to and that full intense emotion can go into a complete normal zen neutral state but that's now that has come yeah and i've learned that along the way because during my first film i was like it's an emotional scene how do i prepare for this and how am i going to do this so i started you You know, other actors interviews say you hear about their process.

18:42So whether it's music, whether it's going into a space, find your trigger points, all of that. So we were on set at about 7 o 'clock. But my shot, I was called for it maybe 3-4 o 'clock. So now from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m., I was sitting and manifesting the emotion that I had to portray on screen. But now by the time, 4 p.m. came. half of that manifestation I think got drained in those first couple of hours and that's when I realized that maybe sometimes a switch on switch off is even I mean I feel you know your character, you know the parameters you know what you've done your homework then just come and flow on set but this now I've realized after going through all different processes and experience but it's different for each film it's different don't like don't internalize every single scene dialogue emotion like in normal life of course we do but if you feel something like for me at least every time I feel something it's on my face you'll see it you know if I'm nervous you'll see it on my face if I'm happy you'll see it on my face if I'm stressed you'll see it on my face it's it's just how it is I've realized that I can't hide anything I think my face will just show that expression.

20:04For an actor to say this is crazy. Okay. I don't know if I mean this from my profession point of view. But in real life. In real life. Like you will just know. It will just be on my face. I can't hide it. I think you will always think about yourself. How do you become an actor? Like are you a good actor? Bad actor? In making actor? Like so many things you go through. Like do I? Are you asking me? Yeah, you. Like what do you think of yourself? What I think of myself. Not what I think people think. Yeah, not people. I think I'm a work in progress I think that there's still a lot of potential that has not been tapped in and that I'm discovering with each film that I do yeah let's go more deeper take me to the moment where you felt okay, this I killed or I was going to be very bad or I was going to be I don't know you want me to like say the scene as well yeah, go ahead so during Sher Shah I knew I said this is six I knew I knew I just felt it I felt it after I had done the last scene that take at the pile I I feel you know inside as you're for yourself as an actor when you've done a scene in a way that you know it's not about right or wrong because there's no right or wrong way of doing this it's about will this move people was I was I feeling it in that moment okay so somewhere and even when you not done and you know that also you know you know and then you hope you cover it up in the next take or another angle or the way they edit it but but yeah but I can say more from which ones I feel I've nailed because those really stay with you the ones that I feel I messed up I'm sure there are a million give me one let's go through my filmography we all know like I know there are you must be knowing for me also no I wouldn't know I'm a very Hindi lover Hindi cinema lover type movie I don't find logic I don't judge actors I'm like what a mess I'm like that kind of audience I am I feel like honestly, very honestly, and I'm not, I'm not seeing it like, oh, I think I'm great.

22:34I don't think that at all. I'm sure there are many scenes that they were okay. They were more AVG than that six of the wow. But that's what I'm saying. I don't know particularly. Like if you tell me what would have been more interesting is if I had mentioned a scene in a film that did well. But I can't remember now. You put me on this one. I've mom braided this aspect right now. Mom brain. Please explain. Mom brain. What is mom brain? Mom brain? Oh my god. Tell me all the feelings and emotions of mom brain.

23:10Well, there are so many. Where do I begin? Okay, I love this zone.

23:19So on one hand, it's obviously beautiful and you know, you're thinking of your baby and there's a lot of joy and then on one hand there's deep exhaustion sleepless nights um so much multitasking constantly like thinking of three things at the same time like i'm here and i'm looking at you but my mind also is a little bit you know what i mean like thinking about all the things that are happening and i'm trying to be like okay no just be present now and which I'm capable of because the last two times I went on set and I was shooting I was very fortunate my mom every time I'm out for work or out in general my mom is home taking care of my daughter and that is the biggest let me say it just you just feel confident to do everything else you have to do because you feel more safe when a family member is there if it's not my mom of course Sid but he's also shooting so she's home and I just feel like that allows me to then immerse myself into whatever else I'm doing if I'm at work or if I have a meeting or whatever it is so sometimes in those aspects fortunately I'm able to be present and for a few hours sometimes I forget it I'm like oh my god I put an alarm you know because I'm a feeding mom right now so So, of course, timings are crucial.

24:51Time is right now, like, the most important aspect of life right now. Because you're constantly balancing. But mom brain is constantly juggling 100 things. A little foggy sometimes. What do you mean by foggy? Foggy. Foggy. Okay, foggy. foggy because i mean naturally if you're sleep deprived and you're you know literally like constantly multitasking yeah i'm holding my baby everything food it's gone cold that's just how the first few months i think every mom watching this will relate to this and for everybody else well you either know a mom you have a mom or you will if you when you decide you want to be a mom will also experience this but it's but it's the most beautiful phase of life anyway it's I mean nothing compares to it it is it is the most magical thing that your body can do you feel like you really feel like you know when you talk about superpowers and superhuman stuff I feel just motherhood and childbirth and just the fact that we choose this and that we're capable of this and that nature blesses you with this.

26:25It is, it's a blessing. And I felt like, and I'm just saying it because I feel like if someone else watching this feels like they've been through that or that you just feel like you're not alone in this journey. and I felt it I feel I'm gonna make this an emotional rather emotional moment but I just feel like for me what helped me go through and sail through these six months going through postpartum was just my girl gang that sisterhood the mom network it is oh my god it's that one group of people who just know what you're going through it's like you feel so seen so heard so understood there and you don't I didn't understand it until I went through it myself in fact when I was you know when I was before Saraya when my friends had babies and I would go I always showed up but I never knew what was the right thing to say I could never understand why is someone feeling all of these emotions when the best thing in the world has happened to you yeah you know when you wanted this and it's happened in your life then why are you feeling emotional and then when you go through it yourself you realize that the way it's been stigmatized that it's of course nobody's taking that away every mother is a half I mean like she'll do anything for her baby that that's a given right but she's allowed to vent she's allowed to feel everything she's feeling her feelings are valid because look at what all you go through your hormones plummet you're like I mean your whole identity shifts overnight you know especially if you're a first time mom it's this new role and you're figuring it all out for the first time you go through literally like it's we say life-changing it is yeah and it is and it doesn't just stop after you give birth it actually begins true because then you're feeding the baby you're the source of nutrition for your baby you're on lack of sleep your your mind is wired it's not that you can't choose to sleep it's just that you will know before she cries i will have that sense that is she okay?

28:56okay she's turned okay let me turn her back is she okay? I need to pacify her our cells are connected it's how it is you've lived with this being in your tummy like what nine months naturally you're so connected so you'll fight that sleep you'll fight that pain you'll overcome all of it but you need to vent it out somewhere you need that outlet that's why even they say it takes a village to raise a baby it takes a village to raise a mother I feel it's for men your partner, your husband it's just so important during this time to be there by your wife because happy mama, happy baby happy mama, happy family happy family, happy community happy community, happy society so it's all connected and the more we validate their emotions the more we support it the more we speak about it without stigmatizing it or feeling like no I don't want to say it or I don't you know how will I sound if I talk about it will I sound ungrateful not at all I think it's important because every mom is silently going through it but tell me this is not very obvious that everyone should do it listen to it like what do mothers go through I wouldn't know so I'm asking you just out of curiosity right I have seen my sister recently like two years one and a half two years ago she was going through bunch of emotions even though I don't live with her now obvious reasons so it's I would hear stories I would see her I would like just see like 20 things going on and I'm like what's happening you know but it's very obvious that everybody's supportive like what my question is like what do you go through what are the things that people don't understand and only mothers can understand where are we lacking as men that we are not able to we are not lacking as men a lot of men are not able to understand they are not able to support so we need to understand what is going on let me explain it to you so I feel like my husband how you say hands on now he's doing his best right he feels like and he is he's there I think what am I lacking like what you asked me you're right because nobody talks that what you should do what you need for everyone it's different I'm sure but sab na I think baby ke liye bhot sochte hai bacha so raha hai bacha thik hai you know help my wife and diaper changes yaa phir giving my baby a bath massages the routine that the first few months on of the infant stage that is but little things like like I'll tell you what Sid used to do there was a point where I was getting my emotions were going all over the place and he was promoting his movies too he would come late night make the most because he knew that at least if I meet my family he also wanted of course his babies come he's longing to be around her you know be with her so he would full day he would finish work I was staying at my mother's house so he would come that time stay there stay with us I was going to work again that time I don't know if it was just me missing him in my life at that point or what but I was going through everything was triggering me anything you could say this something which today we laugh about but at that point during those first few days anything could just put put put put put my ass will get out okay so I remember my pediatrician my daughter's pediatrician told him just take her out for a drive every night it was something as simple as that she needs to just be out there let her get fresh let her breathe a little bit because this is a routine initially you're feeding sleeping hardly sleeping baby go back

33:35he would take me out for a drive every night and it was something as simple as that sometimes it's just that I want to vent and I don't want any advice. I don't want any, I don't want you to tell me anything. Just let me, what is my heart, I want to vent. Because it's not even that you mean everything you say in that moment. But you just want to be heard. You just want an outlet. True. You want someone to see you for you. Someone to do those little things for you. All of the house comes for the baby. And I'm saying this, this is what I meant when I said I would show up for my friends but I didn't know the same thing it's not about men it's about everyone it's a whole support system maybe your mom, it may be your father, it may be your in-laws your husband, it could be your friends I think the way everyone shows up and everyone shows up, it's not that they don't but we are never taught or we don't know what is the right thing to say or what unless you've been through it because the friends of mine who have been through it and who were all moms and they would come they were the ones i just wanted to spend all my time because they heard me they understood me they had also gone through a similar journey so it it felt like one community of women just helping each other same through this that is so true now that you're telling me as a like light bulb now it's like you're talking about first initial few days no and it's initial few it can happen for months but postpartum can happen after six months it can happen after a year it can come and go there's not there's not even enough research that's done on it so i feel like the beach beach whenever i get time like if i'm pumping and sitting scrolling on my phone oh my god the it's literally like you can spiral with other than my algorithm when it's baby stuff those are all happy and lovely the rest of it is constantly negative so i was like okay i can't go down this road it's not good right now for me for the phase that i'm even in so block it out but then it got me thinking why am I feeling these things why do certain things affect you more than um more than they should does someone's opinion or chatter like this make it your truth no so you have that's when I realize I'm like who am I what do I stand for am I this person it's important now for me to know who I am and not to let someone else's um views on me or um any kind of misleading narratives become my truth because it's not and the minute you realize that then you're just like like it's almost like it really doesn't bother you anymore and it's so simple to just to go back to knowing that okay someone may say this about you but does this make that's their opinion it's not a fact there's a difference between facts and opinions and i wish i could tell that to my like 18 year old self because you're when you grow up and in your most you know formative years or when you're just starting off in life there's so much chatter and today I mean social media still came much later in our lives but the generation right after us they're growing up in this and it's scary because your validation cannot come from social media you need to know who you are and the most important thing is for you that self-validation is more important than seeking it from the outside world I'm in a field where a lot of my validation is almost dependent on your directors on the people you work with on the audience but there has to come a point when you're able to to know when that validation needs to come from yourself and when it and when you want to give that power like of course when it comes to my directors I do seek validation right for every scene I want to make sure that that vision is coming through and I'm executing it well when it comes to the audience I want feedback and I take feedback but I have to know when I have to cut out the noise I can't put so much power that I almost don't know myself and I've lost myself that's dangerous but isn't it difficult to navigate this it's difficult it's like you're doing a lot and then you're going through this journey and then you read something about you and then you're like spiraling spiral and then 20 thoughts that what's going on what's not going on am I bad what am I not getting to do am I right what am I wrong what am I wrong all that and then sometimes you also feel frustration like that I was doing everything right why are you doing this like I was doing this I was doing this so then you go through so many different emotions at that time and you don't know how to block it yeah I feel like you you must go through the emotions I go through all those emotions frustration, anger, upset pain whatever those emotions are I've walked through that pile but then once you okay you feel all of that but you also have a moral compass an instinct, an inner voice that should not get lost in the external noise keep that alive because you know yourself best sure take feedback in how you can grow and be better

39:43it's not that everybody is always right or you are always right no it's not you know we all make mistakes we're all human but know when to take that feedback know what the feedback you need to take should be and know when to cut it off it's very late in life

40:08it's not easy it's really not easy I want this message to like this is what I would tell my younger self that the most important you know it sounds like a cliche the most important relationship you need to have is with yourself but the day you realize that and you I mean you're so you're unstoppable really unstoppable nothing can nothing can affect you you can do you can be so much more productive do you know about this personality which now coined a term a b testing personality a b testing personality so it's like the younger generation gen alpha specifically not even gen z like it's your noun now it's gen beta now it's a lot so they they are going through this identity crisis yeah why don't they understand their identity because they are in the A-B testing world they are using their style on Instagram and see how many people are liking and following what's going on then they make more of that if not then they try to change themselves because at the end of the day you are a larger society you are accepted and it's an actual really a big thing and I thought that this is America it is in India so they are going through this what's their dress sense what's their moral values what's their sexuality what's their gender will identify all things are becoming more or less around but that's giving too much power power to the social media world and then we choose our taste preferences and that's there's like a growing in fact In fact, in the US, I was studying that almost 65 % of people have fallen for this.

42:02That's sad. Like on and every day. Have you ever tried to do anything which is, if it's good for people, let me do more of that. Or if it's bad for people. At any point you felt, even when you were young. Yeah, when I was young, I think I was a big people pleaser when I was young. I've always grew up wanting to do the right thing, being correct all the time. people pleaser I mean I would do like if if you said I would say yeah you know what I mean I mean if you didn't give me a good reason I get it just to make sure that okay you're happy I want to do it to make everyone else happy around me why do I say I don't know I think I just I just wanted people to feel comfortable and happy and I thought by doing this I was doing that but I didn't realize what a disservice I was doing to my own sense of self or or how much it was making me go into that whole people pleasing scenario but now yeah of course I want to make people comfortable around me that doesn't change but now I'm a little aware of it like now I won't do it with that but would it bother you if you do something what you do but it hurt me or somebody else of course it would like if I hurt like if it hurt somebody would it bother me it wouldn't please us let's say or someone random like I'm not saying please and hurt are different sometimes sometimes what you don't know so aware that it hurts exactly but just like how did I do it what did I do okay let me put it like this if somebody is hurt

43:55and I'm saying hurt I'm not saying displeased upset annoyed I'm saying the word hurt that's a feeling that whether my action is intentional or unintentional you are hurt I will not take a minute to think whether to say sorry or not I will say sorry then when we come I'll reason it out with you and understand why what what did I do that made you feel that way but if you're displeased or upset or whatever that's more your opinion and that's not something that that's your problem that's not your problem that is

44:40that's coming from a different place I feel and I don't feel that that's something that I mean then that's like a difference in point of view or opinions wow I'll tell you something you know when you have to send a message to somebody the person sending the message will have a certain intention yeah but it's not always that the receiver will read it with the same intention that the person has sent right I can say okay to you and I may mean like okay great but you may read it like oh she just dismissed it like okay like that so that comes from because we when you don't communicate verbally and the way i'm saying it with that expression you will read it with the mind with a certain emotion that you may already be having in that moment the mood that you're in um and it not necessarily will reflect the intention that I may be sending it with so if that if I had to answer your previous question I would look at it like that.

45:51Tell me one thing I've been wanting to ask you. Have you felt inferior in room? In rooms no. Never felt inferiority complex ever? No I've always felt like a sponge who wants to learn in a room full of I prefer to be not the smartest person in the room I think it's nice to be in rooms where you have lots to learn from around you. I like to be that sponge. I like to absorb. I like to hear. I like to learn something. Have a different perspective. Be enlightened by that. No, but I've never been in a room and felt like, do I belong here? No. Have you felt smaller in front of anybody? No. That's so good.

46:40yeah i don't think i i don't look at it only like that i don't nor am i looking at it like in a not a pompous way but you know i think my mind it's more growth mindset like if i go into space i want to i would love to you know be in a room of people who from whom i feel like there's so much I can learn from you or like 10 steps ahead of you for sure something means you get to learn here true that's a very podcast attitude yeah but what's the point of being in a room where you're the smartest person I agree unless you can of course inspire that room and hopefully help you know impart something that's nice that's great but but yeah I also want to grow in life I don't want to only

47:38I don't have that mindset that I should be the smartest person in this room interesting and you know in the middle I was writing a few notes in the middle of it you said now you're very cognizant of what to do, what not to do because you always have this mom brain taken over you're thinking about your daughter and the decisions you're like very wise is there any decision you would have not taken knowing now what you're going through if I look back at my life no I really feel like there is something that I have learnt from every single experience that I can say that has shaped me today not the lows I feel in fact it's the lows that have been my biggest teachers you know sometimes when I look back like when I just did my first film it didn't do well till date people think Dhoni was my first film or like Kabir Singh was my first film because those were the instant commercial hits but Fugli was my first film not many people saw it not many people I'm sure watching the podcast would even know this they might google it now I saw it you did?

48:56I'll have a chat with you and I already thought about it but I'm glad you did did you watch it while because we were going to do this podcast that's so cool that's nice to know so yeah after that film there was a big lull because the film didn't open having said that critically there were a lot of critics she's very competent so that gave me a little bit of a boost but nothing that translated for work so it was the same struggle of not struggle but it was the same waiting game of you know going for auditions some making it some not making it also your choices are so limited when you're starting off and you don't deliver commercially the opportunities coming your way are much less so then it's almost like now choosing from that you know and that can be a longer journey the process is longer but I till date I feel like that was the best thing that happened to me because those 2014 to 2019 Dhoni happened 2016 okay so those were two years but even after Dhoni it was the same story 2019 is when Kabir Singh release which from there there was really no looking back but till then so those five years was a lot of um waiting auditioning rejections and then the two three films that I did in between but I never stopped believing in myself I don't know where that confidence came from I really don't know where that confidence came from because it can it can get really hard you know when when you see failure initially and at a young stage more than anything it's you're more confused about the uncertainty of where your life is going you're almost like am I going to make it am I get another chance should I settle for what I'm getting or should I wait for something better but how much will I wait why will someone come and give it to me on a platter I'll have to like my mindset at that time was work brings more work so just start working I just wanted to start working Raj I didn't think about like but is this a good set up or if one of them there's no formula but even otherwise I'm like I want to be on set and literally it became like there's a very like naive interview which now when I look back it sounds very silly and I remember in some interview I said I'm so busy that I don't have time what I meant to say was that I want to be I want my calendar to have you know work I don't want to be free at all yeah I love being on set I love working and that's the age when you're like so driven that I want to show you I'm going to make the best of every role that I get no matter what it is and then I just adopted that mindset and I started and I felt like I can say it for myself it really did because even though so a film I did called Machine it's heavily trolled on social media like some of my scenes and stuff but even though that film did not do well AI I'm really grateful for that experience because it was a wonderful experience shooting and lots to learn from there.