3 Hard Truths the Military Teaches About Success | Will Grimes

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2:13Let's go. Yeah, make it look, make it look, make it look. The Ryan Hanley Show shares the original ideas, habits, and mindsets of world-class original thinkers you can use to produce extraordinary results in your life and business. This is the way. Hello everyone and welcome back to the show. We have a tremendous conversation for you today with Will Grimes. Will is a former Marine, worked in special operations, and we talk about how he took both the beats in his personal life as well as the lessons learned in his military career and applied those to his business life in so much as rapidly building a seven-figure business in the real estate industry, both as an actual real estate investor and now as a real estate agent coach.

3:00He's also the host of an incredible podcast. Will is a dynamic dude who just drips one-liners, big ideas, you're gonna love this show. And if you didn't have energy before you turned on this podcast, you will certainly be jacked up at the end. If this is your first time listening to the show, whether you're listening or watching on YouTube, make sure you hit that subscribe button so you get all future episodes. And I just want you to know, as always, I appreciate you for listening to this show. I love you for listening to the show. Let's get on to Will Grimes. Let's start there, man. You're turning 40.

3:38You told me before we went live that things are starting to hit your brain. You're starting to think about things a little differently, you said. And I agree with you. It kind of is your first adult birthday in which you're like, I'm not a kid anymore. Not old, but I'm not a kid. So what thoughts are creeping into your mind? What's going on with that? Yeah. Are we starting right now or do you have an intro? Yeah, yeah, no. We'll go right now. Cool. So, well, the main thought that I have, man, is I feel like, so growing up, 40 was like, I thought it was over, right? Like we all probably grew up, like you're 43.

4:10So we grew up with baby boomer parents. you work somewhere for 25 years and you retire, like 40 seemed old, 40 seemed like you're, they kind of are what you are. And if you ain't happy by now, you ain't going to be happy, you know? And I feel like for me, I'm just now putting fucking colors on my shirt, man. Like, and I feel like I'm just now getting into a great level of self-awareness, great level of understanding what I'm good at, what I'm not good at, who I like, who I don't like, what I like, what I don't like, where my skill sets apply, where they don't. I feel like I'm just now getting to like a great level of understanding all that.

4:50And as I'm approaching 40, I feel like I'm starting to put them all together, if that makes sense, right? Like my thirties, Uber grind, not like I knew who I was, but not as a business guy, man. Like I did just under a decade in the Marine Corps as an infantryman. I spent a little time under special operations command. So there's certain identities and there's certain proficiencies there, but But then, man, I was a cop for a while, Medal of Honor recipient as a cop. They call it the Guardian Angel Award. So I was this thing. And then, like, my 30s, when I decided to leave the police department and get into real estate, a lot of that applied to managing people's stress and leading them.

5:27And, dude, I was great at leading other. My 30s was leading other people and managing client emotions and just all of those great things. as I'm approaching 40, I feel like all of that work helped get me to understand myself better. And you'll see a lot of it, man. A lot of people know the right answers for everybody else. And a lot of times you might have a good opinion. They just can't seem to do it for themselves. Yeah. Like use the gym for an example, dude. There's a gym on every corner. And if you ask anybody, regardless of their fitness level, Hey, how do you get in better shape. Everyone to a decent level can talk about eating healthier, eating less, exercising more.

6:08Hey, what kind of workouts should I do? Like, oh, cardio is good for your heart. Like they'll have a good understanding, dude, better than most people might think. Right. It's not about like knowing or having the resource. It's about getting yourself to do it. Yeah. And I feel like 40 is, man, you're just, you're starting to take some of your own advice and you're starting to really like protect your time and you're not trying to fit in with all the cool kids anymore and you've kind of found your tribe and not that you're not open to new friends but you just know the type of people you gravitate to and you don't necessarily have to pick fights or defend your case anymore it's more so just I think it's a lot more internal conversation I've gotten a lot more quiet even though I'm running my fucking mouth on a podcast right now I feel like I'm I really enjoy solitude.

6:54You know what I mean? And I feel like it comes natural because you tend to have a lot more self-reflection as you start approaching 40 for me. Yeah. So I call your forties, uh, the GNF era of your life. GNF give no fucks. Cool. So, uh, one of my, one of my audience members, I, you can't see it back here cause it's blurred out, but, uh, uh, made me like this little wooden you know he made it in his wood shop or whatever and it's just the letters g and f and it sits back there as a reminder but um you know you hit a certain point where and you said it like you stop caring necessarily what people think it's not and and i try to explain this because i've had a lot of people online push back on me when i share this message like well the fact that you're saying you don't care means you care and it's like no that's that's that's not what i'm trying to convey and i'm also not saying that we shouldn't be aware of what people think of us right there's this there's this thing where like you know uh and i think a lot of people take gary vaynerchuk out of context who's a big who pushes this concept quite a bit right they're like well you know i just don't care what people think and i'm like nah that's the wrong way to look at it what the way that we have to approach this i think this particular mindset is be aware of what other people think.

8:12It's okay to listen to people, to what people say, but do not base your life on what other people say. Do not base your decisions on what other people say. Cause, cause someone could have a critique of you that helps you improve who you are. Maybe, maybe something you're missing, maybe something, there's a blind spot in your game that you're not seeing. And maybe it's some random commenter. Maybe it's a friend, maybe it's an enemy, right? Makes a comment or a critique about something you're doing. And if you're not aware of that, you can't take it in as a data point. But I do think in our 40s, we start to say to ourselves, okay, who do I want to be?

8:50Who am I? What makes me who I am? And we start to be able to filter where in our teens, we obviously can't. That's why peer pressure in our teens is so relevant. And I think that plays into your 20s. I think your 30s, you start that disconnection. But there's something about our late 30s, early 40s where we go, you know, I'm this person that I don't care that so-and-so doesn't like me or I don't care that this person disagrees with my take. This is who I am. You know what it comes from, man? It comes from intent. Yeah. Like I'm not mistake-free and I'm not free from people maybe misinterpreting something I do or something I say, but the ones that are closest to me that know me, they know that my intent is good.

9:37They know that regardless of my background, dude, my intent is never to hurt or harm. I'm a super funny guy. I love humor. I literally fall asleep. When people ask, like, how I sleep so well, I literally fall asleep to Cat Williams, okay? I fucking giggle myself to sleep, dude. I love comedy. But it's like, no matter what you do, everyone's going to see it from the lens that they're looking through, correct? So if you please this person, you're not pleasing that person. If you're pleasing that person, then this person's not pleased. Or if you make sense to this person, this person won't see it.

10:07But okay, so try to have it make sense for him, but then he's not going to make sense of it. It's never a win across the board. What matters is your intent, right? And it's such an important word. And people that know me closest, that understand me, they know my intent's good. And I do care about what people think when it comes to my inner circle, right? My family, my wife, my kids, my business partner, who's my best friend. They know my intent is never to harm. So when they've got corrections for me, I'm all ears because they have permission to give that to me because I also think that they know me well enough to have context on why I would do something in the first place.

10:44Folks online or folks that just don't know you so well, even if their intent is to like help you, they just don't necessarily understand everything that's going on or why you're doing what you're doing. And hey, no harm, no foul. Like unsolicited advice is probably the worst type of advice, correct? But for me, man, I think we stop giving a fuck, you know, in the nature of what you're talking about. Because the better you get with yourself, the less you have to prove to others. When you're younger, you don't even necessarily know who you are yet. So you're proving yourself to something or someone because it validates you for you.

11:20But when you understand how to validate yourself for you because you're doing what you say you're going to do, you're losing the weight you say you're going to weight, you know, you're going to lose. you're training the way you say you're going to train, you're approaching your business and your family the way that you say, you're going to church because you said you were going to go, you're giving your kids more time because that's what you said you had to work on. And when you start being true to your own word to yourself and the voice that's inside here that you have the conversation with, when you start being true to that guy or that girl in here, you just require less validation from the outside world because you don't need it from there anymore.

11:52When you don't know who you are and you're not even having that conversation yet, then typically the validation comes from the outside, which is why you keep trying to prove yourself to them. How do you develop that self-awareness? I think you have to fuck up enough, dude. Like I've gotten in fights with friends and not felt good about it. I've bitched somebody out at a stoplight and not felt good about it. You know, I've bitched a Marine out and not felt good about it. Dude, here's where I got as well, man. Like I think the beginning is you jump the gun and you think you're right and you're not and you bitch somebody out or you make something an issue that didn't have to be an issue and that doesn't feel good and you're like man I gotta I gotta correct that but then you know the last phase probably two two years ago even when I had the right to bitch somebody out even when I was in the right it still doesn't feel good to throw it because after the fact you don't feel any better and what I started recognizing was making things issues that didn't have to be issues or a bigger issue when it could have just kept been kept to a minimum or just chewing someone out.

12:55Even when you were right, I didn't feel good after. And it's like, man, that's what they mean about protecting your energy. And now dude, like we've got.

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14:12I've got over 200 realtors that work for us. I mean, we're at, we're at 450 homes this year. So far, like we do a lot of business, man. We have a lot of people that work for us. And I got to it, man, about two years ago. This is not the Marine Corps. You don't have to be here. I don't have to be here. If I have to chew your ass or ride your ass like a Marine, I'm not gonna I'm just gonna move on yeah I mean because like dude we're this isn't this isn't 18 year old marines that need culture shock and ask children to wake them up and grow them up because we're preparing for war that's not what this is but it takes time to really grow into a different more effective leader right does that make sense and there's like this hierarchy like in the military what I had there was you're picking up rank like when you pick up sergeant that was like your first adult rank in the Marine Corps.

15:01The way Marines treat you, the way your higher-ups treat you, especially in the infantry community. If you had a battalion commander who's in charge of 500 people still yelling at an individual Marine, it's like, no, man, he has more command presence than that. He's got more leverage with leaders around him than that. If he's got a problem with something he sees a Marine do, he's going to go get that Marine's platoon commander, and he's going to handle it diplomatically. And it's like, at some point as we grow older, the hard part in business as entrepreneurs and the hard part is just growing up is we're not getting promoted.

15:33Nobody's pinning sergeant on me. Nobody's pinning gunnery sergeant on me. Like you have to just come to these, these self-reflections on your own and realize, man, I'm disrespected now. I'm this big in business. I've got three kids. I'm this age. How people handle me and appreciate my command presence. When I walk, it's like, I don't have to be the enforcer anymore. Like let these young bucks who's in their twenties and 30s like prove themselves and figure themselves out i should have a more effective way to lead than just that guy i used to be right like you got to find a better way and i think it's just through self-reflection and not feeling good about just chewing someone's out you know man that didn't feel good change it but i think it's the conversations and just we all do we know us yeah we might not admit it you know when you don't feel good walking away from something Yeah.

16:23Do you think – to me, so much of the mistakes that we make in our lives has to do with ego, right, and the role ego plays in how we operate ourselves. And one of the biggest changes that I saw through my 30s are – I could write multiple books on all the mistakes that I made in my 30s. I mean, just, you know, just, you know, I had the position of my dreams at a company I enjoyed that, you know, I had a 27 person team working for me, 23 people working for me at the time. Everything was great. And then I got fired. And, you know, I look back at that thing and, okay, so there's that thing. And then, you know, this happened and I started this and this and, you know, and you look at, and like all of it, to me, self-reflection allows you to break apart your ego and when your ego starts to break apart it opens up that awareness right like if we haven't dealt with our ego because the thing that to me the thing that makes me yell at somebody is my ego i got i gotta teach this person how to do this thing right it's like wait a minute well is that what that person needs are they going to respond well to that is that what's best for the company i think it's it's it's ego for sure, but it's not so much getting rid of your ego.

17:47I think it's just understanding where to place it and how to express it. So for example, you know, like when you start looking at like Marine Corps infantry stuff or professional sports, like when Mike Trout goes to home plate, that dude openly says, I'm in there and I'm the best in the world at this. And this is what I do. And I'm the best in the world. And here's how I'm going to perform. and he's like hey man if you don't think that way you're in trouble and then one would say ego has to be involved in there right of like being able to now you got to work hard and prepare hard and have a certain level of result to even tell yourself that and halfway believe it when you're at home plate in a major league baseball game but I think it's in a moment where it's it's not only okay, but he's also expressing in a certain way.

18:39He's not boasting. He's quiet. He's not boasting at the plate. Mike Trout doesn't flip a bat. Mike Trout doesn't rub shit in people's face. He's not boasting, but internally he's got control of that ego. He's got control of that fucking lion. That's like, Hey man, I'm the fucking best at what I do. And the only expression of ego you're going to see is when I hit this fucking bomb or when I hit this double in the bottom of the ninth to win the game. So I think it's like, man, you know, cause people say like, you know, kill your ego, kill you. And it's like, I've never been a fan of all or nothing.

19:17I've never been a fan of all the time or never. Cause I don't think it's a proper answer. I don't think there's a blanket statement or a fix all of get rid of something completely. no and some of ego feeds confidence right like you've got to have some ego and pushes into the hard work that you do that then creates a result that then says hey man i am good at this and i can do it like i tell you what buddy like when i was a cop if you saw the calls we went on if you don't have a little bit of ego a little bit of chip on shoulder that says when i boot this door i'm the guy that needs to be booting that door buddy I don't know if I'm saving you if you're in a bad spot right and I'm the guy that's supposed to come help you you better hope I got something like that that says I can do it but I'm not running my mouth or boasting it's internal and I'm focused and I'm intentional and I'm exactly who I need to be when I need to beat it and I think that's where you start getting mature I think that's where you know like the conversation of being an alpha right like Like everybody wants to be a fucking alpha nowadays.

20:20Let me tell you something, dude. I've been around all of them. I served with giants and alphas come in all personality traits. You know, right? And like everyone thinks, okay, it's Will. It's the quietest guy in the room, right? He's like the real alpha. No, not necessarily. There's some loud mouth dudes that love talking shit and bussing balls. And they're the alpha in the room. That's just their natural disposition. Some people are naturally just more quiet and are some of those guys hardcore. yeah but there's also some guys like a conor mcgregor that runs his mouth but that's what feeds him and until conor made over 100 million dollars and got distracted conor was the fucking guy and you're never going to stay the guy forever but using him as an example that's how he fed the inner conor that got him through the challenges and dude i'm telling you man at the highest level some guys are quiet some guys are humorous some guys are certain ways but when it comes down to the moment of when they have to perform, it's not a lecture.

21:19It's not a boast. It's not a flip. It's intentional. I feel like alpha, right? Like as men, as we want to be alpha's women, you're included in this as well. But speaking from a place of fatherhood and being, being a man per se, it's like, I need to be exactly what I need to be, when I need to be beyond rapport without failure. If that means I need to be compassionate, I better be the best at it. If that means I need to listen and be nurturing, I better be great at it. If that means I need to be dangerous, I hope you have no question that I better be that beyond rapport without failure. If I need to be funny and enjoy a moment with my friends and not take things too serious.

21:56So dude, I think it's really the culmination of how well you can take every trait, ego, being humble, every trait, and then every piece of like what makes you and and what your natural disposition is and where you enjoy based off where you're at. Like, I think it's about putting everything together and just being effective at who you need to be when you need to be it. What I just heard you say was all of these traits are tools that we pull on when we need them. And I think, dude, you know what? Not to cut you off. You know what it is? If we, as we, as we grow into maturity, if we haven't developed other tools, we tend to pull the ego out a lot more.

22:36If all you got is a hammer, you're probably going to be a hammer. Right? So I feel like as we mature, we develop more tools and we just tend to put the ego away a lot more because we're more precision now. We're more developed. We've got more tools to get the job done and we don't always have to rely on this thing. Yeah, guys, I want you to go back, rewind, listen to this quote from Will. Be who you need to be when you need to be it. And I think about this. I think about this in my own life, right? Like I'm a speaker, I'm a podcaster, I'm a coach. You know, I do, I actually act as a fractional CMO for a company that I really enjoy in the AI space.

23:14I have these different hats. And if I were to take my coaching hat and bring that to my keynote speaking, that performance would not be what it needs to be. And, you know, I played baseball, college baseball. Actually, one of my questions that I had, which we can talk to or not, was I was this close to going into the military. I came from tiny little nothing town. I had two good parents. They were divorced. But, you know, we made nothing. My dad was a mechanic on the railroad. My mom was a receptionist. So I was taught, like you described, hey, get the safe job. Go work for the big company. Get the 401K.

23:51Everything will be fine, whatever. and I fought that for so long and I had an opportunity because I scored really high on a math and physics test. The Navy recruited me. They wanted me to become a nuclear engineer and I went way down that rabbit hole to the point where I was in the final. I took a final test, which I passed and the guy had the contract and was sitting at my kitchen table. Again, 900 people in my town, middle of nowhere, no idea what my life was going to be. Just wanted, my only goal in life was to get the fuck out of that town like i just knew intrinsically that nothing happened there and nothing good would and here's this guy sitting across from me and he hands me this contract and he and he's like you know we want you to come uh work for the navy be part be uh go to uh i'm not sure if i would have went to uh annapolis or where i would have went but uh where i think that actually the nuclear program is in texas and he starts describing it to me and And my hesitation, you know, he goes, I go, what does this look like?

24:51He goes, you know, he explains it for years. He goes, then you do, you'll have to do two tours on a sub. I said, what does that look like? He goes up to 12 months and a sub. Now the doors are what? Five, eight tops, right? So I'm six, four. I don't look like it on a podcast, but I was like, I wasn't super happy. So I said, give me a chance. You know, just, just give me a couple of days to think about it. He said, fine. And in those two days between when I had to make a decision, I got a full scholarship to play baseball. And I chose that path because I didn't want to have to duck for the rest of my life.

25:25But my point in saying all that is, you know, all these experiences, I think when we hit going back to the 40s thing, when we hit our 40s or whatever that moment is for us, I think what we're able to finally do is look back at the previous 40 years of experience and see those decisions not as wins or losses but simply as lessons that we then can apply. And I don't know that we have that. Maybe some people do. There's always exceptions. But I think that for most of us, it's – there's like this switch that flips. And all of a sudden it goes – because there's part of me – dude, I tend – I'm conservative.

26:08I tend to be pro America. I'm a patriot. Every almost every charity dollar I give goes to veterans. I mean, there's a big part of me that wishes I had that experience in my life. I do. I would have loved to have served my country. You know we're the opposite, right? What? You know we're the opposite, right? No, no. And I'm glad you're talking about looking back at the past 40 years for, you know, for lessons. So for me, dude, like I was a baseball guy. I'm not 6 '4". I'm 6 '4", but I'm left-handed and I threw the ball 91 out of high school. I practiced hard at practice I didn't do any extra Kobe Bryant shit I was chasing girls in high school hanging out with my girlfriend and but when I was that I was a good kid when I was at practice I practiced hard but I wasn't going above and beyond and neurotic about it and I went down and played a little bit of juco during a fall season you remember fall ball you and I come from a similar era well I had an opportunity to walk on with um one of the organizations with the Marlins and I had no idea what pro baseball looked like, buddy.

27:03And it was not what I thought it was. And it, dude, I was around for five minutes and it threw me for a spin and it just wasn't what I thought. And I had a buddy pass away in Iraq and I took the out from baseball and I joined the Marine Corps. Yeah. And it's not some heroic shit. Oh, your buddy died. So you're going to go defend your buddy. It was like, no, man, it was, I was scared. I was lost. I had no idea how to mentally prepare for like this professional level of baseball. and when my buddy died, it bothered me a little bit, but really it just, it asked me, well, it bothered me. Don't get me wrong.

27:34Yeah. But it really forced me to ask myself, like, what are you doing and are you even happy with what you're doing? And I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. And, you know, I think all young men do in baseball didn't feel that way. I should not have tried to go pro that quick. I should have done better with the JUCO thing and get picked up after two years of JUCO or transfer to a university and start as a junior and really develop. I didn't understand develop. I just, dude, I just, the ego of baseball, right? Yeah. Getting there as soon as you can and no idea what that looked like.

28:03And, you know, I had a great career in the Marine Corps, right? But a lot of buddies, man, not a lot, but a couple have tried to give me outs. And they say, well, dude, that's a hard world. Like, man, I'm sure you played well, but you still could have gotten hurt. Or maybe you just don't get picked up because, and they're trying to rationalize my exit. And it's like, listen, man, don't try to heal my scab. I like that that's a scab, and I know I left way more on the table than I should have, and I'm judging myself at 39 to 18. And I understand the difference of looking back. But I know I didn't give it my all.