From Heartbreak to Harmony | DeeAnn Dimeo

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2:54This is the way. Hello everyone and welcome back to the show. We have an incredible conversation for you today with Deanne DeMeo. Deanne has a storied musical career working with some incredible acts as well as a solo career and her most recent album is actually in the jazz genre and we talk about how she has moved through things like pop and country Now to Jazz, how she was able to do that, why she did it, what her inspirations for that was, where she gets her creativity for. But the power of this episode is dealing with tragedy. And in this case, Deanne was faced with the loss of her child three years ago and dealing with her son's death coming through that and how she was able to re-energize her career, re-energize her creativity, and pull herself through that moment in order to be the success that she is today, launching a brand new album.

3:48This is a powerful episode. Buckle up, you're gonna absolutely love it. If this is your first time listening to this show, whether you're listening on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts, or you're watching on YouTube, make sure you hit the subscribe button so you get future episodes. If you have comments, if you have thoughts, if you just wanna show support for Deanne, either connect with her directly or leave it in the comments section or in the review section of wherever you're listening or watching. That way we can pull Deanne in and connect her with you if you wanna do so. Deanne's a wonderful person.

4:23It was such a pleasure having her on the show. I know you're gonna love this conversation. And as always, I appreciate the hell out of you for listening. I love you for listening. Let's get on to Deanne DeMeo. Deanne, so excited to have you on the show. when I was researching you, one of the first things that I saw that I found intriguing in a place of connection that we have is that you're from Buffalo. Yes, I am. Well, not in the walls, actually. Yeah. So my entire family, except for me, I have like 30 Irish Catholic cousins and now all kinds of, you know, second cousins or whatever you call their kids, just this huge Irish Catholic family in South Buffalo.

5:02They all live in South Buffalo. So I've been to Buffalo 10 million times. my you know we're bills fans and sabers fans and western new york has uh plays a huge role in my life and i thought that was a really interesting connection point yes definitely buffalo bills i think we are the only team that four consecutive years in a row yes yeah four consecutive years for 100 unfortunately we never came away with the trophy but um there's a it's funny people i find who grew up in Buffalo or Western New York in general and were, you know, they didn't have to be huge fans, but followed the team at that time.

5:39There's like this odd camaraderie that you just have to have if you experienced those moments, whether you're like someone who was yelling at the TV or just, you know, there and aware, there's always this shared connection point having suffered or just how much the city suffered during that time, you know? Yeah, it's so interesting.

6:05yeah so funny what sports does to us and we were talking a little beforehand about baseball and and your son and I want to get into all that but uh what you were discussing was was coaches and I think of that more you know not just not just coaches in sports but you could have a coach in basically anything you do mentors you know I'm interested in you came from a musical family was that your primary influence was there someone else that grabbed you that that that kind of pushed you into this life that that this was going to be kind of an enormous part of who you are like did you have that coach that mentor that person that guided you yeah when I was seven and one of those where I have that dream when I was seven, I knew this is what I wanted to do.

6:54And I was playing in the playground in school and we were talking and I don't even know how it came up, but I said, I'm going to be a singer. And that's what I'm doing. I don't know why I thought that at seven, but my father, always a singer, um, singing around the house, uh, turning me on to jazz music. And I didn't want to listen to jazz at the time because I wanted to listen to pop music and yeah barbara streisand actually so i'd say um between my father being my mentor and and it's kind of crazy but barbara streisand was another mentor to me i just would read about her and absorb everything about her because i was just so enamored with her um her passion and her strength and her confidence and her drive.

7:47So I kind of learned a lot from her by reading her stories, but my father definitely. My father was from the beginning to the end. He just passed a couple years ago, so yeah. So ultimately you found yourself in jazz. What brought you back? I found myself not in jazz. I mean, I found myself in jazz with my dad. Yeah. But I went into pop. I went into country. I went into blues, blues, jazz, similar countries. They're all kind of similar in ways. But jazz was where you can be free to change the melody and not change the melody. You got to respect the melody of the song. So the first time you sing the verse chorus, you always want to give respect to that melody.

8:38But if you want to change your alilo, you have some freedom there. Where when I sang the pop, you know, it's just you want to kind of sing verbatim like what it is. You don't want to change it. And the jazz to me was a challenge because I didn't know. I kind of liked how I had to stay within the lines. And now I like that I can go outside the lines and do whatever I want. And sometimes it sounds fantastic and sometimes like, oh, maybe I shouldn't have done that. But I learn. Every day is a learning process. You know, I've had other jazz musicians, and obviously that's where you are today in your work.

9:15And I want to dig into the evolution of that. But I've always been so enamored by jazz and blues particularly in how you can listen to a song, the studio recording of any particular song and sounds great. And then you could hear a live version or see that same individual live. And it's almost as if I think more than any other genres, those two particular allow the music captures the mood of the artist in that moment and allows them to express it. Where like a pop artist, if he or she's having a bad day, they're going to sing the song exactly the same way. It's going to come off, you know, pretty close to what you're going to get.

10:01But you could hear somebody just be in a different mood and the same blues tune comes off a little slower with a little more cadence or a little more depth or vice versa. And I find that such an intriguing quality of those particular types of music. Absolutely. My drummer I used to work with, I do a Wednesday afternoon jazz gig, 12 to 2. And we give people. And it's a sportsman. you know buffalo so it's sportsman yep yeah yeah oh yeah so um uh i used to work with a drummer who worked with billy holiday and he said exactly that that she would it depended on her mood how the song came out so one of her songs that i love to sing fine and mellow it could be upbeat bluesy swing it could be just torture it could be whatever mood she's in and the she told me that the musicians would, um, they would have to, what, what she, what mood is she in today?

11:05Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which way are we doing this song? And you just had to pay attention, but yeah, it, music is such a release. Um, and if you want to sing that song real boozy and more sultry, then you go ahead and do it. Yeah. You have the freedom. I'm very interested in how you transitioned throughout your career through the different genres of music because you know you don't necessarily see a lot of people go pop to country to something else right like you don't you don't see those those moods i mean people may do different artists and certainly some artists who've been around a long time have tried different styles but one i guess and again so you know and i've said this before on the show i am like not musically inclined i have this enormous and huge appreciation.

11:55And I'm sure if I practiced, I could make something come out of an instrument, but at my core, I do not have any like God given musical talent at all. So I'm very interested in just what, what, uh, inspiration you had to say, Hey, I'd like to try something different. Is it hearing a certain song? Is it just, you're in a different place in your life? Is it a seasonal thing like how does that how do you make those transitions or decide or what's your inspiration to make that kind of move that's exactly um well first of all let me just say you may have musical talent that you don't want because I used to teach pre-k to eighth grade and I used to teach those kids how to sing on pitch because they didn't think they could and many that I thought possibly I don't know if they're singing you know if I'm gonna do be successful here but 95 % of them I was able to.

12:50So never say that you don't know many. But as far as different genres, I guess it just depends on what's going on in your life, the maturity, where you are. Pop was fun to me. It was dance music. I love to dance. So I love the Gloria Estefan stuff. and you know Miami Sound Machine had her band was just so arithmetic and um the the beginning days um like I said started with Barbra Streisand so for me it's about the song it's about the vocal because I'm always that's the first thing I listen to I listen to the production of the whole song but the vocal is what grabs me and a song is a song whether it's in the country vein or it's in the jazz thing but if it's a good song I'm loving it so I think that's how I kind of switch from from different genres because I still love country very much a friend of mine we were just listening George Jones some of the earlier stuff and I didn't even know about some of his earlier stuff and he turned me on to it and I opened up for George Jones singing country but then again like I did the pop stuff and, um, and I love doing the dance band and watching the people enjoy that dancing to that music that we were producing.

14:18So it really just depends what's going on in your life. As I matured even more, I really love the freedom of the jazz and the blues. Oh, the blues. Yeah. Just to be able to just express yourself and reach someone through your vocal is means everything it's more than the paycheck at the end of the day or how many people were watching you how much validation you may have gotten or may not it's when someone is so moved from your song from your vocal you know especially if it's your original song yeah the best but yeah so that's why I think I just I I love all genres but right now I'm very comfortable and happy to book as many jazz shows as I can because that's my time now.

15:08Like the name of my CD, it's my time. Yeah. What, how do you write a song? Like, Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. I mean, I just, I've never written a song. Um, like where does the inspiration, is it, is it, is it like the Jerry Seinfeld method where you sit down every day and you're putting notes down and, or is it you you're getting inspiration and things are coming to you or are you constantly collecting ideas? Like, How does that work for you? Yeah, for me, it's definitely inspired by a few things. One of them is just what's going on in your life. And all of a sudden, I'll just start speaking something or I'll start saying something or I'll hear a melody and I'll just write it down.

15:54Or because we have Ike's phones now, I'll get the voice memo and I'll record a...

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17:08a version of a a cappella without instrumentation and i'll record that and um so i can get inspired by that or i can get inspired by my one song me after you it's called was inspired by a very sad love story me before you everybody's got a story a song I wrote after I lost my brother I was inspired because I was like everybody's got a story everyone's walking around with something and you have no idea what they're walking around with so you always have to be kind and the bridge is talking about just listen just observe just watch what they're going through because when they're snapping at you it's not what you did most of the time it's about what they're going through yeah and you don't know if they just if their husband just upped and left two days ago or they just buried a very special person in their lives or they just lost a job or um there is abuse like you don't know what's going on in people's lives so that's where that song came from and and just so many of them stay here is another song um i wrote missing someone who who left me so you know that's how they get inspired a lot and sometimes they're written and like two three minutes they're done and everything comes flowing and sometimes it's like you put it down you go back to it and there's a song called torn that i wrote um i was torn between do i um keep trying to pursue this thing this at the time i was doing a lot of stuff in Nashville do I keep trying to pursue this or do it do I have children because I knew my spouse at the time was not um not gonna like the lifestyle of music and children which that happens in a lot of relationships unfortunately so I was torn which way do I go and I ended up going towards having two children um which I don't regret a second of that but again that song started and it didn't get finished until, I don't know, it didn't get recorded until years later.

19:23So there's a lot of notes too. Yeah. Going to my piano bench, you'll see tons and tons of handwriting that we don't do anymore. And you'll see, you know, like so many lyrics that I've written throughout the years I may not have put melodies to yet. How do you put the melody? Like, I guess what I've never been able to wrap my head around is, does the melody come first? Do the lyrics come first? Like, how do you start to match those two? You know, you hear in R &B a lot, there are producers who all they do is produce beats and drops and riffs and, you know, these different things. And then they find an artist who can put lyrics over the top.

20:05You know, how do you piece all that together? Like, are you in your mind while you're singing the song or you're doing it acapella? do you also have like a background track going in your head of kind of maybe where some beats are or something like that? In my situation, I don't do the beat so much. I didn't grow up with that as, and I appreciate it. I sang my stuff. A lot of it, I sang a cappella or I would accompany myself on piano with some basic chords that I can do. And either it goes both ways. Sometimes I can hear the melody and I'll just start humming it. And then I'll say, oh, I should try to put some lyrics to that.

20:46And sometimes nothing happens. Or more often I'd say I write the lyrics first and then I try to put a melody to it. But also what happens in my situation, what has happened for me as my producer, who produced my last three albums, I would send him the a cappella version of me singing, and then he would surprise me with arrangement around it so he'd accompany it with chords and and sometimes I'd be like I did not hear that the way you're hearing it and it's all subjective and 99.9 percent of the time I loved what he was putting around it and I even if I didn't hear what he was hearing so he would start putting the chords around it and some much prettier chords than I was playing.

21:43And then he might try a different rhythm that I didn't maybe hear myself. So in my situation, it's been a combination of the producer and myself putting it together. So that's why I say we co-write songs. Yeah. Your latest album, It's My Time, which you referenced before, is dedicated to your late son. One, maybe just as much as you can talk about how that you were able to bring anything creative out of such a horrifying experience and you know just talk a little bit about how that experience shapes your creation process yeah um the the any and i didn't want to listen to music i didn't want to i didn't want to sing a note i actually We couldn't hum for the longest time.

22:34I'm always humming.

22:39That takes a long time. And then my producer started like, hey, let's do this. Let's do that. And then he'd look at me. You're not ready. No, I got, yeah, I am. Yeah, you know, I'd get defensive. Yeah, I am. But I wasn't. Then I'd say probably it was a year later. I really wanted to do a fundraiser for him I wanted his which I've completed which I'll tell you about it but I couldn't just let it end there he was 23 he was a very smart driven funny kind of spontaneous talented in his sports he thought he can sing but kind of um so I couldn't let Williams life end right there at 23 years old so um when my producer said let's put a show together and we'll raise money for the fundraiser for the scholarship and I said okay so he puts the flyer together and it says all proceeds going to Williams scholarship and I was like I don't have a scholarship so wait a minute we can't put this flyer out he's like no oh, you better find a scholarship.

23:58So friends really and family really helped me through a lot of this time. So I went to Canisius High School where my son played baseball. He was the catcher on the varsity team, right? I think he joined JB in his freshman year. At his sophomore year, he was already on the varsity team. He was a fantastic catcher, which you know playing baseball, that's like the guy that's got to watch everything and you got a captain of the defense yep pardon captain of the defense yes and he you know i didn't realize how much he has to think about so um he went to that school he graduated seventh in his class full you know a great scholarship to go there and so during his junior year he went to he really wanted to do something And he always wanted to find purpose in life, which I'm the same way.

24:57Like, I always feel like, why are we here? And he did that trip to Nicaragua. It's a mission trip. And he went for 10 days, and he helped them build their church. And he stayed in the little house, whatever you call their little houses, was like a little hut with a bathroom in the back and maybe some dirt floors is in their, you know, that's their lifestyle. They didn't have a lot. He watched them. It was life-changing for him. He watched how happy they were, and they had nothing. Where you come back here, we have everything. We have way too much, and then we're not happy. We're trying to figure out, well, how do I get happy?

25:46And they're just happy with the authentic, simple life. there's so much love the families are together so he just saw so much life-changing for him so um that came to my mind so I went to Canisius and Andy DL I said listen you know I'm I'm you know a morning mother and I need to do something for my son he helped me set it up so it's um been going for well I started it it's been three years since I lost my son so it's um I started it two years ago and within we needed to raise fifty thousand dollars to get it endowed so within a year I raised it and I was just driven and um I sent two boys on the trip so far my first boy James James, we just did an interview with him, our local news station, and it was fantastic.

26:44Pete Gallivan from Channel 2, he's like, maybe you know him from being from Buffalo. He's on the morning show. And he interviewed James, myself, Andy, and James just said, I'm so grateful. It's been life-changing. I want to start a nonprofit organization now. I want to help other people. I have a purpose. I know there's something in life that I'm supposed to do and I'm finding this purpose and going on this trip so Williams Scholarship will continue to help each individual every year it's an all boys school and their junior year is when they do their mission trips and that's what kept me singing so that was the answer to your question is obviously I'm supposed to do this and I'm supposed to keep this story alive to help others because I know there are many other people hurting just as bad or definitely worse.

27:43So if I can help these young men get a change in their life, I'm happy. Then I'm doing my purpose. Yeah. And I'm doing it through singing, through interviews because I share my story with others on stage and everyone wants to help and they want to donate and they, you know, so it's all good. Yeah. As much as we give people, people, the proverbial people a hard time. And I think we're all caught up in our own stuff at our core. I think most of us just want to help other people. I mean, when the rubber really meets the road, so many people come out. Yeah. You notice anytime there's tragedies, it's so many people are running to help.

28:29Uh, in this country, other countries. Yeah. and I know I feel the best when I'm helping someone else. I've always felt that way, and if I can help them through the scholarship, if I can help them through showing that no matter what tragedies come on and going spiritual now, God has a plan. I didn't agree with his plan on this one. I still don't understand the plan, and I'm just going to have to have my faith and believe that this plant, everything's happening the way it's supposed to happen and I will see him again when it's my time. Meanwhile, I'm singing and I'm taking care of my daughter who has a beautiful daughter.

29:16She's 23 or 24. She just turned and I'm going to still sell my purpose and keep living because that's what I'm supposed to do. Yeah. I think you have to believe, and, you know, I've lost people in my own life, and I think also God-fearing. I think you have to believe that God needed him for something, you know? That's what my dad used to tell me, you know, when we would lose family members and I would ask questions. He would say, hey, he needed him for something, some unique skill that that individual had, you know, for whatever reason. and it's terrible but I think um how else do you explain it you know yeah you can't really um you just uh you gotta have faith I don't know how I would do this without my faith I know that much yeah I would be very lost yeah I I really cannot wrap my head around this idea of uh there's a new atheism is something that you hear a lot.

30:27I've listened to the people. They're very intelligent. I'm very interested in what they have to say. I still, despite all the arguments that I've heard, cannot wrap my head around the idea of believing that there isn't something bigger than, there's too many experiences, too many feelings, too many moments in my own life, let alone all the books I've read and you know all the people you talk to to believe that there isn't something bigger going on that we just can't see and I don't know how you live I don't know how you live what what become morality alone cannot be your compass in my opinion there has to be more than that and i also don't think that without a mooring to god you it's too easy to excuse away moments where morality doesn't fit and that's the part that i struggle with with that concept and i feel like that concept falls apart yeah it kind of scares me where they're at and all that atheism and stuff on there's no hope and why would you worry about doing anything wrong if you're not going to be punished for it or if you're not uh if yeah you don't have any morals because why there's nothing after here so just do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it and that's scary thought yeah life has changed a lot since i've been since i came on this earth and um i pray that we all find a way and there's no set like i'm not like you have to be this kind of religion or that kind of religion because religion is um it's really human beings trying to come together and put, you know, a community together, which a lot of us need that community to get, you know, to share with each other.

32:28But still, at the end of the day, your spiritual needs and fulfillment come in through here, through your soul. Yeah. And without, in my opinion, without religion, I feel like too much of our lives, we're taught First, we're never actually taught, but we're then rewarded as we grow older. Everything, all our rewards are externalities. It's all about external. When you grow up in a church, and that church can take many different forms, you start to learn about the importance of taking care of yourself and about what it means to actually love yourself, be comfortable with yourself. find meaning that's unique and specific to you as an individual, and instead of constantly searching for some form of justification or external validation for the things that you do.

33:32And that feels to me like the big disconnect between much of what we're seeing in our society today that to me is bananas, and the individuals that I know grew up with faith. it's it's it's a it's it's almost like they just see two completely different realities absolutely their perspective is so different than not having something to believe in I was listening to one of your podcasts I don't remember his name but he was talking about um uh how we're so busy and we don't we want noise around us because we don't want to We don't want the quiet because if we have the quiet, then we have to face what's going on in our head.

34:16And if we face what's going on in our mind, then there's that inner child that needs to resolve things. And if we don't resolve those things, we're going to continue to use that behavior with the next relationship, with the next friend, with the job, with anything we do, because we're still trying to resolve something that happened when we were three. and there's so much noise though that um nobody likes to listen and sit in quiet then and you know and i'm not saying you got to be quiet as far as meditation and cross your legs and raise your hands you know and come quiet even if you're in the streets in new york city and you're um there's noise all around you got to get the quiet in your own core and I think that a lot of people are afraid to do that and I think many people go through life never doing it never finding that authentic self never loving that self because there's always rush to the next thing the next movement the next sound and I liked that podcast and I didn't finish listening to it I still have to listen to it I think that was Mike Robbins I think I think that was Mike Robbins who said that I uh so it's funny I'm reading I've just I shouldn't say I'm reading I just finished Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.