How a Prison Sentence, 7 Rejections, and 1 "Yes" Changed the World | Damon West

23:13I got into a 12-step program recovery called AA. Now, I don't speak for AA, but it happens to be the recovery program that I'm in, And I have found that the principles in AA work really well for just about anybody in life. You don't have to be an addict for the principles to work. Because here's what we have when we had these things called the 12 steps. The first three steps of the 12 steps are when you acknowledge that there's a higher power out there. And you admit that you're powerless over whatever it is that's holding you back in life. And only the higher power can help you get past this blockade in your life, whatever's holding you back.

23:48So that's when you turn your life and your will. your thoughts and your actions over to a higher power. And then the fourth step of the 12 steps is when you make a searching and fearless moral inventory. A moral inventory is this. You find all the things that you have resentments against in life. You put them down. You find all the things that you fear in life and you put them down. Because these are the things that hold you back. Fears hold you back. Fear is more akin to theft, I think, than anything else. Because fears rob us of things in life. You know, the new book that I just wrote, the book starts off with a question, if someone took control of your life tomorrow, what's the first thing they would change?

24:30And I didn't come up with that question. I first heard it from James Clear. If someone took control of your life tomorrow, what's the first thing that would change? The trick is that we all know the answer to that question. Then the question really becomes, if you know the answer to what the first thing that changes, why have you not already made the change? I believe the answer lies in some form of fear fear of doubt fear of failure fear of success Fears hold us back and they keep us in that place called the comfort zone And nothing big ever happens in a comfort zone And so in recovery i've learned how to put my fears and resentments down and I work this moral inventory Here's what i'm trying to get to in life I want to keep my side of the street clean I can't clean anybody else's side of the street in life But damon west can keep his side of the street and when I mean my side of the street spiritually, mentally, physically.

25:17I want to do the best version of Damon West every single day. And so in a moral inventory, you know, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what role I play in my problems. Because if I can find the role that I play in my problems, that's the one thing I can change. That's the one thing I can fix. That's the only thing I can control. And so I start putting my problems down. I start figuring out what I, you know, my fears and the role that I play, the resentments, the role that I play, then I can work on the role, my role. And that's the only thing I can control because you can't control anybody else.

25:46Another thing I would tell people to do, wake up with gratitude. Gratitude, you have so much to be grateful for. Even when things are spinning out of control, you have things to be grateful for. Focus on the positive, not the negative. And whenever you're going through something difficult in life, you know, your days are bad. They're just running a bunch of bad days together. You know, focus on the days that you one. Remember the successes you had in life. When I was in that corner of that room, you know, after those seven no's, I started thinking about, man, I survived prison, Damon. You're a pretty unique guy to be able to survive prison.

26:20You know, and most people listen to this, you'll never go through a prison experience, right? Most people listen to this and will never have a SWAT team come into their living room. But I would argue that the SWAT teams of life, the SWAT teams of life come for us in different ways. It's a bankruptcy. It's a marriage failing. It's a family falling apart. If something happened to one of your kids, if something happened to one of your pets, these are the SWAT teams of life. But if you can find this mindset that says no matter what the adversity is that's going to come in my way, there's an opportunity in there somewhere for me to grow and focus on trying to get to that opportunity, that's when I think we turn our situations around.

26:56But it's a mindset shift. When I was in prison, my first cellmate was this little guy named Carlos. And Carlos was this bank robber from San Antonio. Neat little guy. He's serving him 99 years, but a nice guy. But Carlos is telling me, he said, man, listen, you can't become a coffee bean if you don't stop seeing the way you see prison. He said, your problem is you think prison's a punishment when you should be thinking prison's an opportunity. And I did not understand what he was saying. How can prison be an opportunity? But he told me. It was very simple. You have 24 hours a day, seven days a week now to work on yourself.

27:29You could become the best version of yourself possible while you're here. and so it was a mindset shift to start looking at my obstacle as an opportunity in life gratitude for where you are focus on you and the things that you can change you know and that have that spiritual component to your life because it's a big universe out there ryan we can't do it alone for a long time i completely disregarded the idea of like a gratitude practice it felt like huckstery it felt like ethereal foo-foo even though I'm even though I'm also a Christian believe in Christ myself I felt this this sense that somehow it was nonsensical or unimportant you're coming in for it you're leaving all right hold on I told you one of them might come down yeah cool give me a hug bud hey say hello to Mr.

28:16West hi hi all right have a good tournament I love you and I will be following on Game Changer all right I love you buddy I love you bud um Um, uh, my younger son Colton is playing a baseball tournament in Connecticut and my older son is playing a baseball tournament about an hour North of here. So I'm going with my older son and my ex-wife is going with my younger son. So that's that. Um, are you a Connecticut fan in basketball? No, uh, no, I, I was a Syracuse fan for when it, when Bayheim was there. Cause, uh, that's the closest, that's the closest school. So we always, we always hated Connecticut.

28:51Um, now I just kind of love watching college basketball in general. Yeah. Haven't, haven't Syracuse has lost. Although Jerry Mack is now the head coach. Jerry McNamara from the title run is now the head coach of Siena, which I could hit with a driver and probably a five iron from my home. So rapidly becoming a Siena basketball fan. So this idea of a gratitude practice, you know, it was always like one of those things that I thought like, you know, life coaches taught you as like a five step, whatever. And I don't know. And then I started going through some hard times and was searching for things, you know, searching for something that I could grab onto.

29:31And in the mornings, I just started like sitting and I would read. I've always read. And after I got done reading and put my book down, I would just sit there for 30 seconds. Right. God, thank you for the home that I live in, the children that I have, whatever. Right. Whatever hit my brain. And then I'd stand up. And holy shit, bro. Like even 30 seconds, even acknowledging one thing changes your perspective on the day. Like one thing, just acknowledging one thing and it, you like stand up and there's this weird sensation of like, everything's not terrible. I'm going to be able to get through this thing.

30:07It's wild. You know, in like, like I said, most people would never go through a prison, but you've, everybody's gone through something difficult in life. and I wake up every day and I think to myself, Damon, you didn't wake up in a prison today. Like how great is your day going to be? Because my worst day out here is better than my best day in there. Now that can apply to anybody, man, because think about your worst day that you're having right now versus the best day you had in that bad situation you were in, right? I mean, like if you're going, let's say someone's going through a breakup, a bad marriage, They're getting a divorce.

30:43You know, it's tough to find good days in there, but you survive that. And if you survive that, you can survive other things in life. I think that it's normal for you to look at some of this personal development stuff and say, that's kind of like rose-colored glasses or, you know, some of that stuff's even so ambiguous. There's a lot of phonies and fakes in that world. And it's unfortunate because they really taint the whole industry because you've got some really good life coaches out there, but you've got some bad seeds out there. I would say also to be careful, man. Watch out for these people.

31:14You know, if someone leads with the bling, the shiny, flashy objects, they're probably a huckster. If someone throws their faith out there so much in your face in the very beginning, pay attention to that. I'm not saying they're a huckster, but you want to watch their actions really heavily, right? Because, look, man, when people want to tell me they're a Christian, it makes me want to grab my wallet first because I want to make sure that, like, if they lead off with that, right, I'm a Christian, I'm a Christ. It's like, all right, now I want to grab my wallet because it feels like you're trying to pick my pocket.

31:43But now what I'm watching to see with all these people that want to profess their faith publicly, because I see a lot of that, public professions of faith. It's a big deal. A lot of Christians are susceptible to this. And I find that with a lot of my brothers and sisters in Christ, that they let their guard down when someone talks about Christ in public, right? And it blows me away because I'm like, okay, hey, listen, let's watch that person's actions, right? Because if you want to tell me how much you're a Christian, I want to see all that stuff that shows up in the red ink of the New Testament.

32:14Show me love. Show me compassion. Show me some mercy. Show me empathy. Show me these things that show up in the red ink of Jesus' words and the Gospels. And when someone wrongs you, show me all that stuff in the red ink, too. Show me that thing about he without sin cast the first stone, right? Grace upon grace. Yeah, show me grace, man. Because grace is hard. Grace always costs the person giving it more than it costs the person who receives it. So, you know, I would say when you were talking about these, these, some of these people that have tainted that coaching world, and I'm not a coach, I'm just telling you from observation, some of the people have tainted this stuff, watch people's actions, because if your actions don't align with your words, then you're not authentic, you're not real.

32:55And I think that more people would sit back and say, Hey, you know what? I'm going to just watch and see what you do and take a little more time with this decision for you to be a coach in my life. I think we'd have a lot more mentors and mentees that are better matched up. Yeah, I couldn't agree with that more. The unfortunate part about what you just said is that so much of the advice that they would give you is actually correct and is valuable. But the delivery and the lack of the fact that, as you said, they don't live it, right? They'll tell you it, but they don't live it. And so it gets muddled and it gets mucky and then we don't really understand.

33:37And then it takes me 42 years to realize that gratitude and a simple, very simple and kind of salt of the earth gratitude practice is incredibly valuable to my life. And I wish that it hadn't taken 42 years to get there. And I think that goes for a lot of these things. I also think there's something to, man, just test shit. I look at everything as an experiment or a project. I try not to put too much expectation on anything, right? So it's an experience. I'm going to try this gratitude thing because whatever I'm doing today ain't working, right? I'm not feeling better. I'm not getting better, whatever it is.

34:14So I'm going to try this. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't work, you know, get rid of it. You know, people give me shit all the time. Hiring isn't just about finding someone willing to take the job. You need the right person with the right background who can move your business forward. If you want candidates who truly match what you're looking for, trust Indeed Sponsored Jobs. With Indeed Sponsored Jobs, your post stands out to quality candidates who actually fit the role. According to Indeed data, 90 % are more likely to be hired and trusted by 1.6 million companies. Spend more time interviewing candidates who check all your boxes.

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35:18Because I'll tell people that I like to cold plunge, right? This is a microcosm. And they'll be like, oh, you know, oh, you're just another guy talking about cold plunge. sure, I guess I am. And I guess at face value, I'm just another guy that will say that it works, or at least it helps me. And I said, but I don't, it's not like I do it. I don't sell cold plunges. I don't have a referral code for cold plunges. I don't get sponsored by a cold pledge company. I like that. Yeah. Like I, I have a quasi makeshift tank. It's right there. That's why I'm pointing off the screen for everyone watching on YouTube.

35:51And I get into it for one reason, because I fucking hate it. I hate it. Every day, every day for five years, I've been doing it. Well, I've been doing it since pre-COVID, so maybe six years, like 2018, 2019. Every day, Damon. Every day, I stand in front of it and my body is screaming not to get in because I know how terrible it's going to be. And every day when I do it, I get out and I go, fuck you, bitch voice. Which, right, I can get through this. So the next thing and the next thing And the next thing that day, you, I can get through that thing. Cause I did this stupid thing that I hate already.

36:28Right. And I don't know, it's like little hacks like that. But if you don't try stuff, if you don't experiment a little bit, like you said, if you just stay in your comfort zone, you never figure out those things that work for you. Yeah. My dad, my dad had a phrase for this, man. He said, do things you're afraid of. So you can do things you're afraid of. And it's like the most simple thing. Do things you're afraid of. So you can do things you're afraid. The more you conquer fears, the more you can conquer other fears, right? The more you do stuff that holds you back. Voluntary adversity. Put yourself through some adversity voluntarily, you know, because there's two forms of adversity in life.

37:02There's a kind you find because life is hard. Life is going to deal you some tough stuff. But then there's the other kind of adversity that you find yourself in because of the choices that you make. And that can be voluntary adversity, too. I mean, like, you can do something bad, and there's a bad consequence that happens to that. or you can say like a cold plunge, I'm going to put myself in this situation because I need some adversity. I need, I need to handle some adversity every day. That's going to, because you're going to face other adversity in life, right? Do things you're afraid of. So you can do things you're afraid of.

37:32I love that you do cold plunges every day. I love the fact that you stated you don't sell cold plunges too. There's no financial gain by me guys, just so we clear, there's no financial gain by me stating that I do this. Uh, it's just funny. But then you get all these commenters online, which I love the commenters online. And I want to get, I want to get to your new book, but dude, I, I, one more thing that I think is just funny. Maybe you'll appreciate. Yeah. Um, so I, uh, trained to box. I don't spar. I don't want to get punched in the head. Doesn't matter. I played football too. I would have played football in college, but I got three concussions my senior season.

38:04So it was no more, no more football for Ryan. That's a good choice you made. It's a good consequence of a decision. I ended up playing college baseball, so it was all good, but, um, whatever. Um, so I don't want to get punched in the head, but I do train to box a lot because I love the physicality of it. I love that it's aerobic, physical, you know, whatever. It doesn't matter. And for my own, again, I make no money on anything related to boxing, but I will post these videos sometimes on Instagram, mostly as like motivation. Like, look, I'm 44 years old. I'm out here fucking getting after it. Okay.

38:34Bro, these guys, and I love them. I love, they will write me essays on Instagram on how they would knock me out it's amazing it's the best thing like people are always like don't read your comments i love the comments because these guys would be like oh you jabbed with your right foot there i would slip underneath your jab and come up with a hook and then i and like the amount of time that they took to analyze this guy who knows nothing about watches youtube videos and tries to mimic them right like it's amazing and uh it's just one of the beauties of human beings and how insane we are um okay but the good thing are the comments is that you have a power over that like someone that sends you a comment there's nothing to say that you've ever read the comment and so you know so many times people that put those out there they want a fight and if you don't respond back to it you don't give them what they want i love i look at the comments too man it cracks me i just i did a show recently called soft white underbelly you ever heard of that soft white underbelly is this guy is this guy's in uh in la and he interviews people off of skid road man i mean like people there's people there's drug people in active drug addiction all kinds of stuff sammy the bull gravano somebody's interviewed you know and you just you sit in front of the camera and you tell your story and man is i mean there's millions of people that follow this guy and um man i did it recently and like i'm it posted like a week ago so i go in there every day and I just, you know, check out this video's moving, man.

40:05And there's people saying, oh man, I love this. It's a great story. But you got all these haters, you know. Oh my God, this guy's full shit and all this other stuff. I'm just cracking up. Like, people are like, this guy never did time in a real prison. I'm like, okay. But yeah, man, the comments, they don't bother me, man. It's so good. Here's another rule I live by in life. We're talking about these rules and principles I live by. Other people's opinions of you are none of your business. Other people's opinions of you are none of your business. It doesn't matter what someone thinks about you.

40:35And another really foundational principle of my life, when I started working the 12 steps, and I still go to meetings to this day. I go to a couple meetings every week. I'm on the road, so I hit meetings on the road a lot. But it's this, that whenever you owe someone an apology in life, you need to make that apology. You need to own your behaviors in life. That makes you a better person. The first thing an apology does is it frees the other person from the harm that you did to them. And that's the most important thing, because whenever you do something to somebody, they don't deserve that. This is, again, about grace and being a good person, a person of integrity.

41:09You know, when we wrong people, and you're going to wrong people, I'm going to wrong people, you need to own it. And whenever you own it, you free them, but then you free yourself, too, because you don't have to hold that resentment against yourself. And I had that problem in my life, too. I've got a lot of victims of the crimes I committed. I committed a bunch of property crimes, Ryan. And it's important for me to say this. Like, I broke into people's houses for three years in Dallas. And when I broke into people's homes, I didn't just steal their property. I stole their sense of security. Something I can't get back to them.

41:40You know, something I can't replace. Something I can't fix. The damage is done. I can't change what I did to these people. I can't even apologize to them. The state of Texas has a law. It's a felony to apologize to a victim of a crime. They will send you back to prison in Texas if you reach out to apologize. So my victims have to live with that for the rest of their lives. But in recovery, I found out that there was this clause that you can do about making amends, and it's called a living amends. And a living amends is when you go out and do good deeds and you expect nothing in return. You just wake up every day, look for ways to serve other people.

42:13I got this little prayer that I say, and I'm going to give everybody this prayer, because whatever faith you are, you could plug this prayer into your life too. I get up in the morning and say, hey, God, put in front of me what you need me to do today for you, and let me recognize that when I see it, because I don't want to miss whatever that thing is. Amen. That's it. My life is pretty simple when I live out that prayer every day. Now, am I perfect about this? No, man. I'm in spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection, brother. I haven't figured out how to perfect this thing yet, but I do work on myself every day.

42:44I stumble, and I fall, and I get back up, and that's what being a coffee bean is all about. You know, do I have some days that i'm the carrot you bet man. I have there's some tough days out there They kind of beat you down Do I have days that i'm the egg? I've got a lot more egg days and carrot days to be honest with you I think the egg is a natural evolution of most human beings We have a tendency to get angry at a situation before we do anything else But I can always snap out of it and always become a coffee bean no matter what time of the day noon 4 p.m Life's not going right Hit the pause button take a step back take a deep breath and just tell life.

43:18I'm not going to live like that. I'm not going to be the carrot. I'm not going to be the egg. And then run and jump back in that pot of warm water called life and tell life, you know what? Turn it up. I got this, man. I could be a coffee bean too. Dude, to your point about how you approach negativity in your life, a comment on a social post or otherwise, whenever someone writes a post about how they would beat the shit out of me or knock me out or whatever, however they phrase it, I always respond, thank you. I'm going to work on that. Dude, the next, I'm telling you, and then not everyone, but I'd say three out of every 10 is then just as long on advice.

43:56They immediately go, oh, bro, well, hey, man, here's what you do. You know, here's a box step routine or here's a this. Then they become super nice. So, like, the first post is, like, you're a jerk. You're terrible. I beat the crap out of you. And then just by going, like, thanks, man. Like, I'm going to work on that. or like I appreciate the feedback, all of a sudden, now they're my boxing coach. Yeah. Now they're my boxing coach. Turned it around on them. You flipped the script on them, yeah. To your point about, you know, you can only respond how you respond and saying, you know, apologizing and whatever, you know, I think there's so much to that.

44:29And we just, I think so many people want to, and they hold it in for whatever reason. And every once in a while, again, like what your dad said, you know, I do things that I'm scared of to do things that I'm scared of. Like if it scares you to respond or apologize, try it once and see how it feels. Yeah. I want to finish with the time that we have left. I just want to finish with your new book. Right. I highly recommend. I'll have it linked up. The coffee bean is amazing. I have a copy. I've given a copy to my older son. My younger son is is working on it right now. The one that came in during the middle of the podcast.

45:01Cool, man. But love. It's absolutely phenomenal. But six times in a nickel. Let's talk about that book. Where to come from. You got it on the screen here. If you're watching on YouTube, we'll have it linked up. Guys, this episode is coming out. If you're listening to it on release day, the same day that Six Dimes and a Nickel goes live. So we'll have it all linked up and you can go get the book. But tell us about what we're doing now. So Six Dimes and a Nickel is the title comes from the prison slaying for 65 years, which is what a jury sentenced me to. Every 10 years in prison is a dime. Every five years is a nickel.

45:33I got 65 years by a jury in Dallas. So that's Six Dimes and a Nickel. and really what it is, Ryan, it's all the life lessons from a life sentence. So I told you the beginning of the book starts off with a question. If someone took control of your life tomorrow, what's the first thing that would change? My goal with this book is to give you the principles, the stories behind the principles I live by, and the applications of all these principles in my life that help me to not only answer that question and make that change, but hold on to that change. I want you to be able to make the change in your life that you're holding back on and hold on to your change too.

46:08Every chapter is a principle in which I live my life by. The body of the chapter is the story behind how I learned the principle, because I believe people learn from storytellers. We love good storytellers, right? We love stories about redemption, the underdog journey. We love stories that have sports. Sports is the great uniter, but we really love true crime and prison stories, and I've become a really good storyteller, Ryan. So every chapter is, every title of a chapter is a principle. The body of the chapter is the story behind where I learned the principle. And the end of the chapter is the application of the principle in your life too.

46:44I have learned a lot about writing books. This is my sixth book and probably going to be my final book, to be honest with you, man. Writing books, it's hard. I'm on the road. I'm so grateful for my life. I've got a lot of demand as a speaker right now. Like I said, I'm on the road 20 to 25 days every month speaking somewhere, sharing this story with corporations, sports teams, school districts, associations, but writing books is hard. And so I wanted to put it all into one book and this book right here, it'll read like a movie because it's, it's a life story that's the backdrop of, but you're going to get the principles that I've turned my life around and you can use in your life too.

47:23I love it. Damon, dude, you are your national treasure bro i love that you're out there telling your story it's your your ability to take this this incredible experience that you've had that so many would have fallen apart through and and to share it in a way that i think while you said so many won't be able to relate because they won't have spent time but but you feel but you can grab onto it that's what i loved about the coffee bean was i was like i will never hopefully never i shouldn't say never hopefully never experienced this life, but I felt like I was there with you. I was learning with you.

48:00And, uh, it's as meaningful to me today as, as, as when I read it, uh, dude, please just keep doing what you do, bro. I love it. I appreciate it. Thank you so much for your time. Ryan. Thanks for the, thanks for having me on today. And if anybody wants to find me, my website is Damon West.org. That's where people find me for speaking. Appreciate you, brother. Thanks, man.

48:27What if I told you that your biggest breakthrough is waiting on the other side of your biggest breakdown? What if the very thing you're afraid of, losing control, facing uncertainty, getting knocked down, is exactly what you need to discover who you're really meant to be? This podcast is for unreasonable people seeking unreasonable results. If you're tired of playing small, if you're frustrated with where you are versus where you know you should be, If you're ready to stop making excuses and start making moves, then you're in the right place. My name is Ryan Hanley, and after getting fired from my third executive position, I finally realized something.

49:02God did not create me to work for someone else. That's when I founded Rogue Risk, bootstrapped it from the ground up, and sold it for seven figures in less than four years. This is also when I developed the Reality OS Framework, a leadership methodology that helps entrepreneurs find their signal in a world of noise. Whether you're stuck in revenue growth, struggling with leadership, or simply know you're capable of more but can't figure out how to get there, this show will give you the clarity, tools, and inspiration you need to break through to the next level. So subscribe to The Ryan Hanley Show wherever you listen to podcasts.

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