Mailbag: Are we back in the age of the centre-forward?

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3:58Well, hello, everybody. Welcome to the Football Ramble Mailbag. Strikers, European fairy tales and kit sponsors are the orders of the day. It's Tuesday, 10th of November. I'm Marcus Speller. I'm Jim Campbell. And I'm David Cartlidge.

4:22Hey, it's the mailbag! Welcome, everybody. Pleasure to have you with us. Before we have a dip in the bag, I want to remind you how you can get a question in there. Message us on X, Blue Sky or Instagram at Football Ramble. Comment on YouTube. Email us at footballramble.com. And friends of the Ramble, you get priority. Patreon.com forward slash Football Ramble. or click the join button on YouTube, is where you can become a friend of the ramble. Right then, Joe La kicks things off and begins the discussion with this beauty. According to some, it's too early to look at the league table. But is it too early to draw any other conclusions?

5:02He goes on, because that would be quite tough to answer. The top five Premier League goal scorers so far this season are Harland, Isak, Jackson, Barry and Eva Nielsen. Add to those De Lapp, Joao Pedro, Dominic Calvert-Lewin, Broby and Thiago. Can we say that the age of the out-and-out centre-forward is back? There's been a lot of tub-thumping at the strikers' union, Jim, let me tell you. I mean, the evidence seems irrefutable with the way that Mr. La... Does that mean it doesn't exist? I'm confused. You just undermined your whole point there, I think. Yeah, poor choice of words for reasons beyond my control there.

5:50But yeah, I mean, the way Mr. Larr lays this out, all these players are absolutely firing. There's not a false nine anywhere at the moment in the league, although I suppose false nines are a little bit like ninjas, aren't they? If you can see them, then they're not good ninjas. Obviously, there could be ninjas here now if they're good. We simply don't know. The same is, I suppose, true of false nines. But it does seem like the profile of a big physical lump up front chucking himself about well as I say the last few years back the last few years at the strikers union as I say a lot of tub thumping a lot of people scoffing at the idea of the word forwards it's because of Pep he's gone so everybody can talk about strikers again and big men up top but even he succumbed bruises signing Haaland as well he shipped off Sergio Aguero but he got an Erling Haaland so you know a little fancy Dan Aguero the union will always win I find but yes I mean I think I think strikers have often been, top level strikers are a premium.

6:49There's no, I mean, you could always argue that they have been, but I mean, if you look at the big sides in the Premier League, Haaland is the obvious one in there. But, you know, okay, Isak at Liverpool, but Liverpool, I'm not going to, I suppose if you look at Premier League title challenges this season, I mean, it's really, you know, it's obviously Arsenal, Man City, depending on what happens, and then maybe Brighton, but some people go, come on, Don't be silly there. So, you know... Are we talking about title challenges, though, or are we talking about just... Well, I was looking at it in terms of top-level teams because Arsenal, Jokic is a proper striker.

7:24I'm still... I mean, how about this is a nine and a half? Yeah, do you know what I mean? And so, you know, looking around, I mean, again, you look to the continent, Real Madrid don't have a proper archetypal centre-forward. PSG don't. This season, I'd say Barcelona don't. No, they moved on from Lewandowski. They moved on from... And from Real Madrid, they've never really replaced Hossalu. He's irreplaceable, that's why. None of us have, Jimmy, in our heart of hearts. If we're truly honest with ourselves. So, you know, Bayern obviously have Harry Kane, but at times, Harry Kane, you know, Harry Kane's a striker.

7:58Okay, he's a number nine, I understand that. But the way he's obviously utilised. So, you know, Bayern are the sort of outlier there. But, you know, I think that you, you know, a number of sides have always, you know, most teams always do have a centre forward to me the chat is do the top teams have them because that's really the mark isn't it does a team who's going to win the league or challenge for the title or challenge for the Champions League do they feel that they need an out and out forward and I'm not sure Arsenal won the Premier League without one exactly and PSG but the two finalists we just mentioned Jacarese was signed as okay maybe we need one of these players but clearly Arsenal's best side is not with him in the starting 11 yeah but I don't think that means that you can look at Arsenal even though they've started really well and not go oh they you know if you if you plonked an Isak or a Ekotique in there they'd be even better it does seem like an area of improvement and I think there is certainly something about the way Arsenal play where they're kind of everybody has a lot of defensive responsibility and they're trying to sort of limit any sort of chance the opposition has to hurt you I think that does sometimes maybe nullify whoever's in that centre forward position.

9:13But I still think, you know, it wouldn't hurt them to have someone who's a bit more effective in that role. It's always handy. Did you think though, David, that we've just had a bit of a dearth in terms of top level number nines in recent seasons? Which is why I think Victor Ossiman, who scored loads of goals in Serie A and he scored loads of goals in the Turkish Super League, we just thought at some point, surely he's going to be playing for Chelsea or Manchester United. Yeah, naturally. There's been a few like that. I know there was Jonathan David as well, who was another one. he was constantly linked every single community club didn't end up going I think it's it's kind of what's going on at youth level as well whatever happens to be at that time and I think a lot of players don't want to be strikers now they want to be that kind of they want to be number 10s wingers I mean there's a lot of work if you're a winger I had a good chat with somebody about Brazilian fullbacks lack of fullbacks these days oh yeah when you talk about Brazil in the 90s and 90s you're like Carlos Cafu all these players everything like that right and then they said oh yeah no young Brazilian really wants to be one anymore because they know they can't really get a move.

10:13They know everybody wants to be wingers or a number 10. Everybody wants to be a Vinnie or a Rodrigo and what have you. So you don't see many come through. So I think it's whatever the in vogue position is at the time in that particular country or that particular kind of youth from. Also the formation as well. Yeah, oh, absolutely. Because again, I think one of the reasons why when we talk about strikers maybe, again, growing up in the 90s as we did, you had two forwards, two strikers on the pitch. Yeah, of course. And obviously, yeah, it might be a sort of, you know, one of the classic strike partnerships, Shearer and Sheringham for England, you know, Sheringham is more like a sort of, a bit more of a number 10, I suppose you would say.

10:46But as time goes on, you know, obviously one striker on the pitch is the most you're going to get for any sort of given side, really, other than last 20 minutes or whatever, you know, you're losing. And so therefore, there's fewer of those positions. And I think nowadays, you're right, at youth level, all teams are now set up really in a 4-3-3. And, And so therefore, two wingers to one striker. But also, pace and youthful exuberance is more important now than it's ever been. You would argue in the game, you think of who the big sides are signing and all that stuff. And if you are a pacey player who's got the tricks or has something about them, you can go on the wing and your numbers don't have to be spectacular.

11:33If you're a centre forward, you've got to score. that's how you get noticed and I think if you're a winger I think if you're a younger look at someone like Marcus Rashford when he starts as a striker doesn't quite cut the mustard okay well he's got the attributes he can play on the wing I think that that's maybe I am saying it's an easier position to play I don't know but it's a position where I'd potentially argue it's less demanding if you're that number nine if you're the guy up top ultimately you will be judged on how many goals you're going to score yeah I think there's less of an expectation on that point but actually like players who sort of hit like 20 plus Premier League goals a season is quite rare across all kind of Premier League seasons.

12:13So I think perhaps that's maybe a little bit overstated. But I never said, I was talking about youth level, I was talking about throughout a player's journey in that if you're the striker, you will ultimately be judged on your goals. A lot of people are talking about Evan Nielsen this season already because he's scoring goals. I mean, he was good last season. He's got five goals in five games in a row. And if you score goals, you're always going to grab headlines. Last season, he was decent. He's always contributed. And his assists were there. It's the goals. I'll tell you what. If we're sort of harking back to the days of 4-4-2, we can.

12:49He'd be a hell of a kind of support striker. Totally. The Sutton to the Shearer. Some of the names in here would be excellent in that role. I'm just looking at the players that Joe Lara's mentioned. Brian Brobby is up there. Robbie in the 90s. The stuff he could get away with. Robbie and Haaland up there together. Could you imagine? Robbie in the 90s would have been, he'd have loved it. It's almost like a reincarnation of that old type of fall. You know, you're Kevin Davies, you're your Kuboos, you're a big batter and ram up front sort of thing who can basically pin a defence in by themselves while your team can actually get out from playing deep.

13:20And it's funny to see that type of player again and I really, really like to see it. I don't know, it's refreshing. It's good when football operates in cycle and something new comes along. It's interesting to see how it develops and what have you. But do you think, though, that, you know, you look at these players, I mean, Jackson's playing for Villa. Well, Villa have had, you know, centre forwards for a while, you would say. He's quite consistent with the style of Oli Watkins as well. Yeah, Everton as well, often a striker. Chelsea, well, okay. I mean, you go back to Diego Costa or something.

13:57I mean, João Pedro, is he an out-and-out forward? See, I don't think he is. I think they're one of the outliers. I think that we're enjoying this, and I get what Joe Lauer is saying. I ultimately think you can often look at this stuff and find what you want to see. Because I think sides have always... I mean, take Fulham, for example. You know, Raul Jimenez was there for a bit. It was Mitrovic before that, you know. Yes, Scott Parker tried for a season where he was almost like a strikerless team. I think there was a bit of a fad of that, maybe. So perhaps what, you know, Joe Lauer is tapping into, It seems that every side is like, no, no, no, we need a proper striker.

14:33So maybe if that's what I'm getting from this, is that maybe that's the conclusion I'm going to draw, is the idea of maybe some teams, certainly maybe not challenging for honours, are going to go, yeah, maybe we'll stick a winger up there. It seems like, no, no, no, we need a focal point. We need something. I think actually João Pedro is done a bit dirty in this conversation, precisely because he's got a really wide skill set and because he can operate in other areas. People say, oh, he's not a true striker, but he scores a good number of goals. He scores as many as a lot of other people that you would consider true strikers.

15:06He can certainly do a good impression of a true striker. Exactly. If he isn't, yeah. I mean, again, maybe some strikers, you know, I understand when we talk about, say, the career of Michael Owen, very impressive career, Ballon Dorman, lest we forget. And he felt, and certain others felt, that as he kind of went through the years, and obviously the injuries as well. At some point, somebody said, oh, the game had maybe left him behind. I think perhaps, I think that you're looking at a guy who'd often played in a front two, whether it be Heskey or Crouch or whoever he'd played up front with. And also injuries as well.

15:47I think it's maybe a touch harsh to kind of look at the lie of the land. But there definitely was chat about that out and out number nine. Are team's going to do that? And you had some famous examples of teams that didn't like Roma with Totty up there and what have you. But I think strikers, when they were used to maybe not doing as much work or not as much work, but we're so used to hearing the word systems, aren't we? When we talk about football tactics now, the striker is very much a part of the system. Whereas maybe before the striker wasn't and maybe the striker was seen as, yeah, but we want to defend with 10 players behind the ball or in the transition, we want to make sure everybody can...

16:23Well, now we're at a point where a striker is a part of the system. striker is not just right well you just stay up there right now the rest of us what are we doing although actually I mean we often see games where Erling Haaland for example doesn't have that many touches though which suggests that there is still room for that but that would be an outlier because again and you mentioned Pep Guardiola early on David Guardiola has been at the forefront of tactical you know evolution since he became a manager really and people have tried to copy him and have been chasing him for a while some have stood up to him and done other things like Jurgen Klopp being an obvious one but with um what Guardiola did if everyone's trying to sort of follow him and copy him if you like he he needs to constantly um uh in in you know reinvent and so getting Haaland in was perhaps part of that because if they're the side who everyone's afraid of if they're the side as well you know think about that treble winning side when you've got De Bruyne in there you got Rodri you know that midfield you know incredible silver as well um you can afford I think Guardiola I thought, you know, we can afford to have a guy right up top because everyone else is chasing us.

17:29You know, we've got such a brilliant team that if teams play against us, they're going to just get everybody behind the ball and we need a guy who's going to finish it all off. I think he probably saw some of his own sides get beaten in Europe and perhaps what they lacked. And then the kind of, the change of course in national football as well, obviously Spain were dominant for so long without a striker. And then when they did become unstuck with everything, without a striker they were like alright we need to look at it like differently now and a lot of teams ended up doing that as well so they're like right we'll go back to having a strike now so football's funny like that like I said it's cyclical it goes like that well it does which is why sometimes you see teams defending in a 4-4-2 now and if you look at what Bellingham does for England he gets right up there because again at youth level defenders are drilled two centre-halves you're marking one guy so one of you is always going to be free so at times you think if you're an attacking if you're a team and you're attacking and you've got to go, well, let's push another one up there.

18:26Because I know it sounds daft, but they're not used to it, you know. So maybe with your strikerless systems and all, teams got maybe, okay, we're kind of a bit more used to this. You're always trying to, it's often reinvention rather than pure invention. It's interesting how they keep trying. I always think, if you look at Tevez, Rooney and Ronaldo at Manning Aitig, when they operated, who was the striker in that? They weren't. They just interchanged all so much. And then I think when Tevez left, he got Berbatov in yeah so you know and Berbatov Berbatov's like hang on hang on we're going to have to define this a little bit better now so they get him in and Berbatov's more of a striker you'd say because of how he plays so like I said even Ferguson saw that as well and Ferguson's I mean what one of the most famous front twos of all time in York and Cole yeah they were both just strikers and Dwight Yard could probably see he played a little bit more off the forward line so yeah it's interesting how it goes I think it's a great question, Joe Larr.

19:24I should say that Joe Larr followed it up saying, a follow-up question from a Manchester United fan who's almost lost the will to live is, is there a centre forward out there who we can target in January and potentially plug a hole on this sinking ship? I honestly don't think there is. I mean, I think they've got a pretty decent striker in Benjamin Sheshko, I think, in getting fit. But they are light in that department, aren't they? So is there a centre forward that you can just pick up? Realistically, because obviously the Haaland pick up and just drop him in there I mean the only one I would say is maybe Evan Nielsen because his work rate and he'll get stuck in and he's now adding goals in terms of anyone they might realistically be able to get please Evan Nielsen don't go to Man Utd there was in the summer and I think they should have got Danny Welbeck I've said that in here before I really thought Man Utd that would be lovely got Wilms back that would be lovely not for Danny Welbeck but for some of them

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22:42Right, Oli5943 asks on YouTube, Do Premier League team fairy tales exist anymore in the Europa League and the Conference League? Bournemouth beat Real Sociedad, for example, who spent less than£12 million in the transfer window on top of selling plenty of starters. With it now seemingly a formality that English clubs will conquer both the Europa League and Conference League, should the narrative be more about the sad state of modern football rather than a fairy tale? David, when Sunderland played Terenze in the Europa League, Torenze, of course, second tier Portuguese side, who achieved an incredible feat by winning the domestic trophy in Portugal.

23:23And getting into the Europa League, that is incredible. That's incredible. Incredible, like pure fairytale stuff. And when they play Sunderland, I understand that for Sunderland fans, it's incredible that they're in the Europa League. It was fairytale stuff that they qualified for the Europa League last season. And when they came up against Torenze, and again, they were away from home and the Sunderland fans are cheering the away end. I totally get why they're going, oh my goodness, isn't this amazing? But the harsh reality of it is, Terenza are the complete underdog in fairy tale story of that particular fixture.

23:56Of course. It's like the peep show, are we the bad guys? And in Sullen with the bad guys and that. And it's strange considering you look at... You don't necessarily have to have bad guys. No, you know what I mean. When you look at how far we fell down the pyramid and everything like that, you think, oh, it's a fairy tale, it's a fairy tale. And then Terenza come along with their own. and you're like, oh, right, okay. So the TV money has just changed everything in the English game to the point that everybody else looks on it. I don't know if enviously is the right word, because I think a few teams look at it as a bit like exploitative.

24:32It's just like they've kind of lost themselves in England because they're so tired of this TV money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A team that's fighting for relegation, paying 20 odd million for a striker from a foreign league or whatever like that. You know, things like that happen. They certainly look at it in intrigue. but look yeah it's still a fairytale by somewhat I think when when Milan were winning their last Champions League Bournemouth were in League 1 yeah come on that's incredible that's remarkable it's still a story yes we know they've spent money but yes they've sold as well and it's like yeah I think it's a fairytale in its own right not an out and out one like say Terenzi yeah I think we have to break out the two things can be true at once Klaxon for this because you're crying relativity Jim a fairytale relative I'm always doing.

25:15Get off your bloody fence. I think the reality now is that obviously the Premier League is so financially dominant, as you say, that especially with the changes to the Europa League and the Conference League without teams from other competitions dropping into it, that has meant the standard of it is slightly different. So the Premier League teams go in as heavy favourites. But Bournemouth have got every right to enjoy their share of the spoils of English football becoming so dominant, right? Because they are, they exist within that ecosystem and as you mentioned they've really risen through the ranks and have earned their place there and they're not a sort of historically big English club like Villa or Spurs who've recently won the Europa League so this is an adventure for them in their context and that context and also they're in this situation because they've worked this system really well they've kind of used it really really cleverly by recruiting really really cleverly and selling on to these kind of giant clubs in their own league and being really competitive.

26:18So I think that, you know, clubs with much bigger stadiums and bigger resources have achieved way less than Bournemouth. If we're to use them as an example. So I think it's churlish to sort of downplay the fairytale element of that for them. Yeah, I see what you mean. I do see what you mean. I mean, it was a bit like in the Olympics, you know, wanted to be in like the you know the u.s track and field team or something you have to be you're basically elite to get in there like it's insanely competitive so once when you're in school and once you get in there maybe that's the bigger part of the fairy tale if you then win a medal at the olympics it's kind of well the u.s that's what they do sort of thing your systems have the most money behind it yeah it would be a bit sort of silly if you looked at the podium went well obviously he's won the gold you know what i mean i suppose but yeah i mean i think yeah i think you've covered it well two things can exist at the same time as you say Jim because when Aston Villa won the Europa League I mean who was it they beat in the final?

27:17Freiburg and then they signed their best player so you can absolutely see it from the perspective for sure totally and again the money Villa have spent and what not and the fact is that Villa can get in IEM Rian who knows that competition knows how to win it but again for those Villa fans haven't won a trophy in how many years? I was going to say They were relegated at one point as well. So come on, I'm not going to take anything away from Bournemouth and Villa fans and people like that. To be fair to Oli5943, he's not saying that we should take stuff away. He's saying in pure fairytale essence, do those tales exist anymore?

27:54Do those stories exist? I think they do. I think it's a little bit more relative than absolute, though, if I may, because again, whoever the English team is in the Conference League, we know because of the money. you know often Andy Brassel on this when West Ham did it it was incredible to see David Moyes down on the pitch with his dad you know the first medal he'd won glorious stuff you know Bowen scoring the winning goal how many times do we see legends of teams who have stuck around and played really well but they're trophyless at the end of their career and it doesn't mean to say they haven't had a great career of course they had they're club legends but Bowen got that trophy for West Ham you know one of the greatest nights in that club's history but of course the amount of money that they have and so on of course they went to the final and Brassel said you have to you have to acknowledge that you do but I do think you also have to include more than just the final in the story of it it's them getting into Europe in the first place it's what they achieved within the Premier League to get that I think the journey is also important as well don't get me wrong Brentford, Brighton you know Bournemouth have spent money absolutely but look at the models their clubs have got they're not out lashing out 300 million every summer to get in that position sure but you know with Palace when they dropped down to the Conference League what did I say like Palace fans you'll be okay because you'll be in the Europa League and you'll have a trophy.

29:07Again, like Brighton fans, never won a major trophy in the club's history. They almost certainly will have done that by the end of the season where it's the Conference League or the Premier League, Jim. So, you know, I think you're right. I think both things, I think there is a fairy tale element to it, but maybe not as strong as it has been in the past for financial reasons. Next question. Lewis Gibson has emailed us finally thank you Lewis with Manchester United's Fly on the Wall documentary underway for Amazon which club would you A. Most and B. Least like to see a Fly on the Wall documentary about next I think any team Gennaro Gattuso is managing would be cinema yeah I think we can widen that I don't think it just needs to be Gattuso's job just everything he's doing like full on live stream all day long Tasmanian devil and running around.

30:03Yeah. I mean, any particular side? It's about time we have a new Man City one. I'd like a Man City one now. Absolutely. I mean, this is a sort of unprecedented situation. If you could get the access that we all so desperately crave, then that would be getting Nathan Fielder in there. The incredible stuff. It would. It really would. Because, I mean, as I say, this is an unprecedented situation. It would be genuinely fascinating to see how they're kind of strategising around all this stuff at City. I'd love to see Jose Mourinho at Real Madrid. Like walks it all back there. Because I just, I know it's been reasonably quiet for Mourinho to, you know, they've had a few, he's already had a knee slide and there's been a little bit of noise.

30:47Beating Barcelona, of course, which is a big moment. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But it's not been as, I just love to see it. Yeah. That's something I genuinely would like to see because often with these documentaries, we know they're often PR exercises. And of course they are. let's not show you anything I mean the worst one if you remember was that Netflix one Juventus I think that was the first maybe or certainly one of the early ones but it wasn't it wasn't an all or nothing documentary on Amazon it was I'm pretty sure it was Netflix no it was because I think they did a Boca Juniors one as well it was disgusting yeah yeah it was so shit I can't stress enough how bad it was it was literally the voiceover this cringy American voice and the reason why I say American because it sounded like somebody who didn't know what they were talking about because it was going oh they went 1-0 down at home to like I don't know like Bologna and incredibly Juventus came back to win the game 2-1 and went top of the league in mid-September and it's just like you're building this up as if it's that night in Barcelona for Man United honestly it was so crap David you're the European football head among us historically is there sort of any reason that Juventus wouldn't want to give full access to the stuff they're doing behind closed doors I have absolutely no idea I think something happened a few years ago on camera that was not seems strange it would be such a dull documentary isn't it yeah honestly there wouldn't be any referees getting locked in cupboards or anything like that would there not my favourite one still the old QPR one that was on BBC oh my goodness you know when Briatore and that were all there yeah that sort of era it's incredible because Briatore just because obviously this thing it's almost like you know when Big Brother Reality TV comes out and it's the first season and people clearly just aren't aware of the show the game show and how to structure it and how to have a strategy with QPR and that and all the directors they just completely forgot the cameras were around there and it always made an engrossing view and I've watched it a few times now and I just love it it's called QPR the four year plan that's right any team you would like to see David?

32:52I think we get them the one that everybody wants to see especially I mean Amazon must be just like rubbing their hands of all seasons to get this. And I think... The editors have got a big job. Oh, yeah, oh, massive. And I think Carrick was at the press conference the other week and somebody said, oh, there's the Amazon Prime people were just literally following him right out there. And I was like, oh, my God. His head must be spinning at that. Any hypothetical we can come up with can't be as good as that. There's so much material already, especially now they're getting some sort of positive stuff within that.

33:24The ups and downs and the drama of it, it's going to be fantastic viewing. To kind of answer the question... Maranakis Forest Forest is a good one but to kind of answer the question I'm going to stick with my name but I want them to follow up when Conte maybe gets the job oh my goodness I mean I want to see that how that all plays out I want to see that in the border in the decision to come around to the next coach sack and Carrick and then the processor bringing in the new coach I mean wow I think the least interesting one would be Al Nasser where Ronaldo is yeah he'll just be a be a puff piece he'll make it so yeah that would be one for Netflix again I'm really surprised Infantino and FIFA haven't got one out oh yeah a day in the life you're living with Gianni or something that'll be like a Burns for all seasons that'll be absolutely incredible stuff I'm really surprised they haven't done it honestly considering how far up their own ass they are yeah true enough would you have would you have a Fulham one I think it might be a little bit like the sort of footballing equivalent of the Archers which is always very nice yeah it's nice isn't it oh exactly it's not dramatic though is it great longevity the Archers very true But not everything has to be dramatic, Tim.

34:28Sometimes we need a good, constant, wholesome stable. Stability. You're right, you're right. So everything has its place. Pickle McDillionaire is asking the next question. Who would make the most appropriate kit sponsor for your club? Here are my suggestions. Fulham Dukes Hill Ham. I had to Google Dukes Hill Ham, and I'm very glad I did. I'm glad that you put that on my radar, Pickle, because it is, I think they sell it in Waitrose, and it's just boiled, cooked. It's like an elite hand. It just looks the business. Ah, I could stare at that all day, David, if I'm honest with you. Arsenal, Imperial War Museum.

35:06I like that. Imperial War Museum is a very, very good visit. Everybody hasn't been. He's gone for Sunderland Global Solar Council. I'm assuming that's because of Stadium of Light. Yeah, I'm assuming that's where it is. It must be. It suggests that the Stadium of Light could be converted into a sort of big sunbed as well, perhaps. Who knows? I mean, yeah. Do people like their sunbeds in Sutherland? They certainly do in parts of the northeast. Have you seen Geordie Shore? Yeah, yeah. They love them there, yeah. Yeah. It's like Saturday afternoons, kind of, you know, fresh trim, sunbed, poor boogies.

35:40Right. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. Is that where you came south? Yeah. To do those things. Spread the culture, yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think Fulham's ideal sponsor is probably whatever Richard Osmond's latest book is, right? Maybe. cake and murder or whatever cake and murder yeah or ocado which is also arsenals is it oh yeah i think it that would make sense as an arsenal sponsor wouldn't it yes it would i was i was thinking about sunday fresh um and i um my suggestion for this you can maybe put me right on this david would be either the cake shelter or the cake box and my reasoning is because i know greg's is something newcastle's very proud of so i looked up bakeries in sunday on trip advisor eight of the top ten are Gregg's but the cake shelter or the cake box are the other two and they're fighting the good fight for the local Sunderland based bakery so maybe one of them it's for the pink slices we should just have because pink slice is our thing so we should probably just have pink slicer but we used to have exceptional stuff what about Battenberg that's got a bit of pink in there we used to have Vorks and I thought that was the it looked great on the shirt and it's a local Sunderland brewery as well so Vorks should always be what about whiskers the cat food because you're the black cat yeah it's there Yeah, you know, it remains an option for Sunderland.

36:56Or some sort of Ouija board brand, because black cats are quite spooky, aren't they? Don't do that, Jim, don't do that. Right, let's finish with this from What's the Point Bothering? That's the name of the... Ask myself that a lot. The asker on YouTube. That's not my summation of the previous question. What's the Point Bothering asks on YouTube, does Marcus reckon he could eat more Battenbergs Battenbergs in one sitting, then Erling Haaland will have Premier League goals this season. So presumably we're going to go on Mr. Kipling Battenbergs. The mini Battenbergs. We've got to give you a chance here, right?

37:33Unless he's slicing it up. He's got nine goals already.

37:39I would love to give it a go. If I was a younger man, I think, and we did it for charity, I think I could have a right good go at that. I think maybe the charity element means we probably should give this a right good go at the end of the season. So, I mean, if he stays fit this season and Man City don't get shot into space or whatever, there could be a sort of reprieve. If I stay fit this season. Both of you, actually, yeah. If you and Haaland stay fit. So I think he's got nine goals in ten games already. So even a conservative estimate, like 25, feels very doable. Let's go with 25. Let's say 25.

38:13I mean, that's a big ask. Yeah. How would you approach that, Marcus? What would your training regime be for that? Because I suppose if you fast for a few days, or even a day... No, no, no, no, you don't want to fast, do you not? Do you not want to eat a lot in the build-up so you stretch your stomach? Is that right? I think that's right. That Joey Chestnut guy, the guy who wins the hot dog competitions in the US, I think he's got a special plan to do exactly that. Does he? Wow. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So he trains for hot dog eating professionally by just eating loads. What a life. Yeah, incredible.

38:42Yeah, no, no, no, definitely good for the body. I think that with this, though, because the sugar element is so high. If you jam in a hot dog, you have protein and all that, I think you're going to go longer, whereas it's the sugar. So a quick Google has just told me that a mini Battenberg cake from Mr. Kipling, 32 grams per portion, contains 131 calories. So, I mean, you know, if you're... 131 calories. So if we're going, I've got to eat 25 of the buggers, I'm going in one setting to do 3 ,275 calories which I thought it was going to be higher than that I thought it was going to be higher that's not that bad I don't think so if you're having say I don't know I'll tell you what a large McDonald's meal if you've got a large fries but David you've got to do it on desserts because I'm led to believe there might be some protein in some of that stuff some of the McDonald's stuff and I'm led to believe there might be some carbohydrates in there I don't know but the fact is I think it is the pure sugar content which is going to do for you yeah I think if Harlan has a conservative goal scoring season and I do whatever I need to do to shape up to get into shape up to better shape up yeah then I think I think you think you've got a chance don't you I could I'd be confident with 15 15 So I think the way to approach this would be, I think you could do more than that because you love a Battenberg.

40:21The way to do it would be to... I love it. It's my body's going to react. Sure. I think the way to do it is to not have them all in front of you. Or have them all at once. And I was like, isn't that the point of it? No, I'm kind of saying the opposite of that. No, but I mean... I could do it over a weekend. I mean, visually. I mean, like, if you sit there with a plate of 25 mini Battenbergs in front of you, it's really daunting. What you want is you want to do one or two and then go, hit me! Yeah. Again! I think if you break it up like that you might get through it what's your version of the Battenberg is there anything that you'd like to I love a Cherry Bakewell which I think would be similarly challenging very nice Cherry Bakewell yeah I think that would be obviously if you do the gram to gram ratio fairly because Cherry Bakewell would be slightly it feels like slightly bigger if we're going on Kipling We've got to go with Kipling.

41:11Yeah. It's the industry standard for competitive eating. I bet there's a world record for that as well. Of course. There's a world record for everything. I'll be interested to see. So mine would be... What was yours? Mine would be Pastel Donatas. Ooh, nice. But they're creamy. They're like... They're heavier though, aren't they? Yeah, they're heavier. They're very heavier. Much of a local world record. Yeah, okay. I think... So Mr. Joey Chestnut managed 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. 10 minutes? 83 though? How's he done that? Oh, I thought you were saying that seems reasonable. Has he just opened his throat up and slid them all down in one?

41:46Oh, yeah. Surely they'll be sticking out by the 60th one. You can't be chewing, surely. I need another orifice. No, Joey, don't do that! It just looks like some weird seeing enemy. Or there's a continuous line all out his bottom. I think we should end there. Thanks for listening to the Football Ambul part of the Agos Creator Network. I'll be back with Luke Pete and Vish tomorrow how about that four of us on a Wednesday what a treat I think we've had enough talk of treats on this show thank you very much Jim thank you thank you David thank you and thank you Mr Kipling see you tomorrow

42:31The Football Ramble is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network

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