Did We Rush Into Parenthood?

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1:02Louise: Hey guys, it's Louise. And Ryan, hello. And we are back with another episode of He Said, She Said. We've got so many things that we want to talk about today. I want to kick off with rivals. Oh. We watched episode two last night. Steamy. It's really sexy. Well, yeah. I was going to say sexual. Do you think it is sexy? Ooh, they're quite different things, aren't they? Sexy means I'm like a bit turned on by it Maybe whereas sexual is just quite objective Like there's quite a lot of sex scenes But there's a lot of male butts actually There's not a lot of female butts There's a lot of male bottoms and Lots of Rupert Black's butt How did you feel?

1:41Louise: Oh yeah Rupert He's the hot one I think Is he hot though? I prefer him to Who's the guy with the moustache? Declan O 'Hara Yeah Rupert is more my speed Really? Who's more your speed? more team Declan are you? because he's nicer I find the what's his name? Rupert Campbell Black I don't think he's a good looking bloke do you not? I get that he's playing the whole Lothario character I feel like if you look into his eyes you can see into his soul oh god you're really enjoying this show how did you feel about the two willies the twins that jumped in the pool in the first episode yeah quite brave from them to be fair isn't that brave?

2:22Louise: do you think that's real? Yeah, it is real, yeah. That was a real willy. So those are guys that basically have gone like, okay, I'm going to have a little cameo and I'm going to get my willy out. They had like exactly matching sized willies. Oh, you really caught that in the two second flash. I know. I didn't watch the rest of the first up. Mate, that's ridiculous. That's so brave. They weren't exactly massive willies either. Were they not? Oh yeah, you're like, oh, I didn't really see it. You definitely freeze-framed it and zoomed in on that. Well, maybe they move a bit when you're jumping in.

2:52Louise: gravity helps pull them down anyway pretty brave i feel like we should move away from winnings because some people might not appreciate this chat i'm quite in on rivals i'll be honest with you i didn't realize that we watched the first season separately i watched the first season when i was in hospital did you tell me to watch the first series it's kind of weird that i stumbled on that by myself everyone was talking about at the time but i actually think they've leveled up with this one huh i think it's even better fair because there's more butts in there there's more but I thought that the dinner party scene in the episode that we watched last night was iconic.

3:29Louise: It felt like I was at the theatre. I think they actually got like theatre stage writers. What are they called? Script writers. Well, I didn't actually know that, but yeah, I can kind of see how that would be the case with the whole like trap door kind of thing. It felt like you were actually there and it kind of reminded me, You know what I actually felt like? I felt like we were in Maine, Chelsea, filming a dinner party scene. I'm not even kidding. It felt like that time when we were all sat around that table, everyone had been arguing loads. There was so much awkward tension in the air. And then Jamie just stood up out of nowhere and went, anyone for some ham?

4:09Louise: I think because it's so posh and it's set in the Cotswolds like so much of it felt really relatable from these absurd like dinner party scenes that I've experienced throughout my late teens and early 20s I don't think I was I think that was pre-Ryan that dinner party but I can imagine it happening yeah you don't remember that anyone for some ham? no I don't think I was there for that were you not? no I feel like it was the same dinner party where Sam cracked out the trumpet I didn't I wasn't there for that either you weren't there for that Sam? brought a trumpet to a filming day that's like ricky chavez being like get the guitar david brent even it was pretty good it also reminded me a little bit of when my parents used to have dinner parties when i was growing up what did your mum used to fake cooking it my dad would always do the cooking yeah because he's probably a better cook and then my mum probably would be in a an outfit a little bit like is it sarah stratton is that her name yeah her like funny 80s like poofy little two-piece scenario with an apron well just to make it look like she's doing some yeah yeah just like leaning into those domestic duties and i used to sit at the bottom of the stairs in the hallway at like 10 p.m i'd sneak down from my bedroom and i'd listen to all the action oh we had like a dining room like an actual dining room lovely sometimes they'd shut the doors oh and but they always used to throw these parties like hat parties so fancy dress but you all had to wear a different hat and my dad would always wear this like red fez what's a red fez it's just like a little like it's just a little like boxy hat everyone had a hat well at the tommy cooper comedian thing would it have like a black tassel it did is that a week is that even allowed yes yeah yeah i'd love to i was so embarrassed when i was younger and i wasn't even in the room with all these people they'd have like feather i was It just reminded me of when I played the feather duster at school in the play Beauty and the Beast.

6:10Louise: I was like the slutty feather duster. No words involved in that part? No, like two lines, two French lines, because apparently I was like the slutty one. I was in an all-girls school. It was actually quite offensive. But no, people would have feather boas. So hang on, your parents' dinner parties, they were always themed around a different hat? No, everybody would just have a different hat. So the theme was hats. Is that quite weird? Why are we not as cool as that? Is it cool? I don't know if that's cool. Why would that not be cool? You wear a hat every day. I don't think this would be part of a dinner party hat.

6:45Louise: You could just be the jock. Actually, what would your hat be if we were going to a hat dinner? Fuck. A chef's hat with a little mouse underneath it. Cute, like ratatouille. Yeah, yes. Oh, that's not that sexy though. I feel like they were all trying to be sexy with their hats, which is even worse, like Tommy Cooper. No, you don't know who Tommy Cooper is, do you? He's like a fat comedian. Yeah, not sexy. He's like my dad. Oh, I just called my dad sexy.

7:18Louise: I feel like I would wear a, ooh, I love a veil. Right. So I feel like I'd have something with a veil. I mean, this dinner party is getting more weird. Like a little witchy something. Like a top hat with a veil down. Like something out of Eyes Wide Shut. Don't they all wear like masks? Oh, like a, okay. A mask would be quite something. It's like a take on a mask. Do you think that your parents' dinner parties were a little bit raunchy? Is that what you're getting at? I don't know. I do remember, my mum would smoke a lot of cigarettes and me and Sam used to go into her handbag. Your mum used to smoke cigarettes?

7:59Louise: Yeah, she had these like packs of Dunhills. And Sam especially used to go in to her handbag and open them and just snap them and flush them down the loo. Sometimes we'd get roped in as the entertainment. And we would have to, we had like a little puppet. Oh, you'd be taggy. Show, you know, like we had, what's like a little puppet set up? Do you know what I mean? A little like theater, like a Punch and Judy. You'd have your own little stage. Square hole stage thing. That's such a bad description. I love that. And me and Sam would hide behind it and we'd have puppets and we'd have to put on a little show.

8:37Whilst you got a dinner table of like.

8:40Louise: No, they'd come. Maybe it was before people would sit down. It was the entertainment. Whilst people were eating knapes and drinking guzzling champagne. Sorry, knapes. Is that what it's called? Canapes. And peanut grigio. Yeah, that was the sort of the part that we were allowed to. and then it maybe got a bit boozy. Kind of bizarre. Do you think we do enough dinner parties? We don't do any dinner parties, but we do a lot of hosting for barbecues and things like that. I think we're more like an outdoorsy kind of host. Well, you don't fucking host. You just watch me on the grill. We did have a couple over for dinner a month ago.

9:26Louise, I'm going to tell you what you do when we have people around. You sit down and just chat and forget that there's a requirement to host. I cook, I do the drinks, I do the clearing away. I'm like, for fuck's sake, every time.

9:39Louise: My thing that I hate doing, which is so weird that this causes me anxiety, is offering people a drink. Isn't that so random? You're going to have to explain that because that's weird, man. That is quite weird because I know what my skill is. my skill is bringing people into the house and diving straight into a conversation that they want to have like a deep conversation taking them into a corner is that your skill whereas you are much good much better at like diving into the fridge and making like a jug of drinks or offering someone a beer it just takes too long I'm like I don't have the time to crack open for every person that arrives in the house, I've got to get a glass out of the cupboard, pour some ice in, find a drink that's appropriate, maybe mix up something.

10:30Louise: It's the same with coffees when people come round. I offer, like I always say, would you like a coffee? And then I'll go, Ryan's really good with the machine and I'll let you make a coffee because you are better. As someone that now doesn't drink alcohol or coffee or tea really, I don't want to serve someone something that I can't taste because I can't vouch for it being good. Is that fair? No, not really. So what does it look like moving forwards, us having people around? You'll just sit there waiting for a deep conversation? Yeah, I'll usher people over for a good time chat and then you're very good at food and drinks.

11:11And bringing them into the house and clearing up.

11:14Louise: No, no, I'm happy to do the clearing up. The chef never clears up. That is the rule in every household. Can we just get that straight? Like whoever does the cooking does not do the cleaning. If you're doing both, you need to have words with your partner. I'd actually say that we're a really good pair. Hosting pair? Yeah, because you are, our skills definitely complement each other. And you've got like your thing down now. So if anyone comes over, don't expect anything other than a roast chicken with roast potatoes and all the vegetables and trimmings. That is the offering. Or a barbecue. I was going to say, yeah.

11:54Louise: I was talking to Tony, our nursery friend, a few weeks ago. Actually, you were there. It was when we hosted a barbecue. He was saying that when he was a bit younger, when he first moved to London, he used to do something with his guy mates. He lived with like four of his guy mates and they used to organise. God knows, the organisation behind this thing that they did is beyond me. But he used to get like 60 people together in different houses. It must have been even more than that. They'd basically rotate. It's like four guys would go around to three different girls' houses and do a starter at one girl's house, a main at another girl's house, and a pudding at another girl's house.

12:38Louise: And then at the end, they'd decide which house they wanted to hang out with. And then they'd all go on a night out together. Yeah. So the girls were obviously hosting, which is like horrendously trad wife vibes. And these guys would just rotate round. And I guess it's like speed dating on crack, isn't it? Well, that's exactly what it is, yeah. It's like a come-dine-with-me speed dating fusion. Did you ever do stuff like that? No. Did you do stuff like that at uni? No. Did you ever? Did you not? No, but you obviously did, so you tell me about it. Well, no, we would just get, we wouldn't obviously rotate round, and I didn't have that many friends.

13:15Louise: I think that that configuration requires having like knowing 38 people. We would find a few boys that maybe we fancied and they might have conveniently lived together. And then we would invite them around for a dinner party. Actually, sometimes we would have lots of people around and we'd have to get like every single bit of furniture in the entire house flat and pull it together into one long table. and so like sometimes like a sofa was like part of a table and people would sit on like high stools. Some people were on like cushions on the floor and like a little kind of like shishire set up with blankets and stuff.

13:52Louise: It was quite bootleg. Yeah, no, dinner parties were a big part of university. Oh, I never did one. Never one? No. Really? Yeah, I think the only time I sat around the table with people at uni was probably the pre-launch before a night out. Like pre-drinks? Yeah. What, and you'd have like a couple of shots and then you'd be sick before you'd go out? Ryan likes being sick. I don't like being sick. I just can't, yeah. But my university was very, like, different experience. We've been through this. Because then you actually went and you stayed at home versus at university. Well, I just went turbo for a year.

14:26I got kicked out and then I basically turned into a vicar.

14:29Louise: And you had to stay at your parents' house? Yeah. Because then you weren't allowed to do, like, hauls or share? No, it wasn't that I wasn't allowed. I was just like I don't want any part of that shit because you hit it so hard in that first year yeah were you up to no good yes what were you doing all the shit that you do at university I suppose for three years except I crammed it into one I completely forgot that um that actually did come time with me once which I guess is like the ultimate like dinner party scenario isn't it also my favourite ever show is it your favourite ever show well it's the first show I ever watched on my laptop on channel 4iD when it came out, like early days of TV.

15:08Louise: I say that like I'm like 100 years old watching black and white TV. I actually won Come Dime With Me and I've dug up a clip and I'm quite scared to watch it because it's eight years old. Wait, it's got to be more than eight years old. It's got to be more than eight years. Actually, yeah, because we've been together for 10. It's got to be more like 12, 13 years. Well, E4 YouTube have obviously got a clipper and they've decided to resurface it eight years ago. This is certainly before me. What did you cook? To be fair, like I'm pretty sure it was rigged. I did a beef wellington, which is delicious.

15:48That's elite.

15:49Louise: And then I did a sticky softened pudding, which you can actually cook in the microwave. You just bang all the ingredients into a bowl in the microwave. Wait, sorry, do they film you cooking this from the structure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did, yeah, at all of our houses. So I, this is still in our house. Oh my God. So I've lived there for that long. Jamie was in a flat somewhere. Toph was cooking lobster. Like she's quite posh, but it was mayhem. And I can't even remember what mitten cooked, but some, I feel like some, I feel like mittens, there was maybe like a stripper as the entertainment. Or maybe him and Jamie were doing lap dances.

16:30Louise: I can't remember, but everyone got so drunk. Oh, wait, is this when you and Jamie were a thing? Absolutely not. Because that was a thing, by the way. For maybe a week. Fucking disgusting. Fuck me. Okay, so Rai, we're going to watch the clip. And don't be too offensive. I beg your pardon? Louise. No farting in the dimity. That's not funny. I actually said, like, specifically this. Like, tell me the rules. So I'm trying to make me laugh as well. You think you can get away with everything by laughing. I know it's really unladylike of me to say so, but it is funny. Flatulence is funny. It always is.

17:16You'd never fart.

17:17Louise: I honestly don't know. You never fart, and you're a miracle. I am a miracle. I imagine she's one of these secret farters. She probably runs up to her bedroom and leaks off a few. You guys are actually filth I need to go and check on my mail And that's been the least favourite part of my week It wouldn't be a dinner party without Jamie What the fuck It's John Farring I'm dead Who ripped that last fart there? Was that Mitten? Why do guys just fart all the time? I don't know if they do But they certainly look like they do in that clip God that was funny Shit I look so ugly what is wrong with my face that was the house looks dang the house looks crap I was deep in my alcohol era then really swollen all of our eyes were so red I actually don't know how Jamie's not changed he's not aged at all I don't know how the production team allowed us to carry on in that state I still think Jamie you've changed quite a lot visually from that stage there thank you Ryan for the better I don't think you can fart at a dinner party.

18:30You can't rip a fart at a dinner table.

18:33Louise: I'll be honest with you, I find farts fucking funny. You fart all the time. I'm surrounded by boys. Even like the dogs fart. So you, Leo, Koji and Toto fart all the time. When I, on the way back from camping, when we were stuck in the car and there was, it just smelled really bad. I was like, I just, I don't know which one of you it is. But it wasn't me. No, I think it was the dogs. Leo's in this like quite cute phase at the moment, but sometimes a bit cheeky, where he does think it's quite funny to fart. Yeah. And he also thinks it's quite funny to help himself to sweets and treats. So I think we need to shuffle things around a little bit.

19:09I thought you did do that, to be fair. I thought you cleared out that snack drawer.

19:12Louise: I will, because I'll go through one of these phases where I'm like, okay, now I'm starting the health kick again. And so I'll get rid of all the bad stuff, load up the drawers for the rice cakes, and like dark chocolate covered cherries. and then suddenly loads of sweets will appear. Hannah came around the other day and has told the entire team that we have cupboards full of sweets. What? And like naughty treats. Is that quite weird? I'm not giving you jelly tots ever again. Hannah was being very polite. She was like, oh no, don't worry. Oh, because we have ice creams as well. Yeah, ice lollies.

19:44Louise: I am a bit of an ice lolly enabler. Like if someone comes around, I do need them to try the Sainsbury's ice lollies because they are better than sliced bread. I mean, obviously. I think the sweets are your fault because you love, I like chocolate, which is a bit more sophisticated. You love sweets. I do love sweets. Like, is sweets your guilty pleasure? Yeah. I think you will closet eat sweets. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. I just, I sometimes. I'll come downstairs in the morning and I'll open the bin and there are empty packets of sweets. That might be true, but I'm not. What's your favourite sweet?

20:23Louise: You actually love candy kittens. No, I do love candy kittens to be fair. Yeah. But I also do love, I do like a jelly top. You like anything that's fizzy. Yeah. Like a little sweet, multicolored thing with lots of sugar and spicy stuff on it. I like fizzy. I used to love going to the cinema and getting those like pink and blue like cola bottle things. Those were insane. Yeah. You love a pick and mix. I do love a pick and mix. Well, we've actually got some sweets. What for now? Yeah. Best news ever. So I want you to rank an array of delicious sweets from M &S. You want me to taste test some sweeties?

20:57Yeah, yeah. Mate, I'm all yours. Show me. Show me.

21:04Louise: Colin the Caterpillar Softies. Oh, that's like a gummy. I've never seen that either. That's like a drumstick. You know, they now do drumstick squidgeys. Squishies. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah. Squishies. Yeah, yeah. Well, they call it a gummy. Yeah, I mean a squishy. How many have you got? Sorry, a lot of rustling. No, we'll do all of them. Russell, Russell. Wait, that rustling's going to go. Now, should we just quickly open them, lay them all out in a line? Go on then. It's more of a tear down. Oh, these are insane. Fizzy pigtails. They're like little pigs. I can tell you now that these ones are probably going to be my favourite ones.

21:34A sour one. Do you want that colour? No, you stick with the green and the lemon and limes.

21:44Louise: Okay, so let's start with the colour in the caterpillar. The regular one. Okay, so we're going to start with Colin the Caterpillar fruit gums. Do you want red or green? No, obviously I'll have the red one, thank you. We're just taking a little nibble, yeah? Yeah.

22:03I can get on board with that, yeah. But that's not going to be the main player in my pick and mix stack.

22:08Louise: What are you rating it out of 10? Ooh, that's a six and a half. Oh my God, I'm so hungry I've not eaten yet today. The problem with green sweets is they taste like disinfectant. Do you know why that's good? It's like, it's the right consistency. It's hard enough to be chewy. Oh God, that's delicious. Well, you better move me to the next one. Sorry, what was your rating? Six. Six and a half. What are you? Seven. Okay. Okay, but now we're moving on to a fizzy pigtail. I often take these down without you knowing. Have you just put the whole thing in? Is that weird? I thought we were doing nibbles.

22:43Louise: I've had a thing my whole life where when I eat fizzy things, like my whole face goes mental. Like the nerves in my face crunch up. I'm like, I can't stop blinking. So like sherbet sauces, which we used to have at the touch shop at school, I literally make my eyes like shut, like I'm allergic to them. Mate, I'm going to tell you now, that's going to be hard to beat. That's a 9.7. Wait, you had a tiny bite off the end. Well, yeah, because look, you're still there. Oh, sorry. No, that's a four for me. That is like Thompson. That is a Thompson trait right there. you're like yeah i'll just eat the whole thing and just squelch into this microphone when you're at home and you're sat eating a whole packet of sweets are you nibbling them no so you're just trying to be like really smart for the podcast yes that's really cute okay we're now moving on to a fruity chew both of us are trying the pink flavor that really is a pig I thought that was a bear ooh that's like a that's a drumstick lolly that's the pink part of a drumstick lolly there you've gone for the whole thing again yeah that's delicious okay I've got 6.5 9.7 that's a 7 well I can't rate them now sorry that's a 4 for me 4 that's a bit boring that doesn't track though because you love a drumstick lolly and that is a drumstick lolly.

24:12Louise: It doesn't taste like a drumstick there. Are you mental? I'm going to show you the camera. That is literally the pink part of a drumstick lolly. Drumsticks are a lot harder. That is actually my favourite. Put it in the fridge. My favourite sweet. One of my favourite sweets of all times is a drumstick. Okay, so next up we've got a Reverse-y Percy. It's quite a good name. Stunning. Reverse-y Percy. Okay. Hang on, these are thinner. They've done us out of some... Have they? Looks like it. Good knowledge. Only a true sweet expert would know that. That's a five. That's an eight for me. What? It's so interesting.

24:47Louise: I knew you'd get offended. You're making a sugar out. I'm actually not. I like that. It's just the perfect texture for me. Have you licked the sugar off that one? No. Someone in the factory has. Can you see that? Someone's like licked the... Okay, so now we're moving on to the Colin the Caterpillar fruit sours. Oh dear. See, look, even the caterpillar on there, his eyes are closed as well. Second place.

25:13That's an 8.2. That's delightful. Hang on, have you done it again? Where's the whole thing? It's there. Oh.

25:21Louise: I don't know. I'm not good with that. So that's, again, a three. Final one. This looks actually more like a drumstick. This one's really cute. An earthworm. This is a caterpillar softy. Oh, it's a caterpillar, yeah. And this one's got little legs on it. And a smiley caterpillar face. So I appreciate that. Ooh. this is a good one. This is a bit of you. Because it's got milky in it. You know when you, you know like a milk bottle? That's like a milk bottle. I think this is third position for me. Okay. Let me just rank it up for you right here. Stunning. That's a 10 for me. This is working. That's top down.

26:02You've got the fizzy pigtail, the sour tail, the whatever it is there. That's my order.

26:07Louise: Wow. we've got like practically the reverse oh my god if if you want to change the format of the podcast to do sweetie reviews i'm down i'm i'm just a little bit annoyed with g for coming up with this really like lovely idea because yesterday morning i woke up and i said i'm turning over a new leaf you did to be fair now i feel a bit corrupted yeah but do you know what though I did two workouts yesterday. At no point did G say you have to eat the whole sweet. You could have just taken a little nibble. Now I just want to eat all of the rest of them because I have a weird thing where I can't open something and not finish the entire thing.

26:46Louise: It's like I can't leave food on a plate. No, they're not the same thing. I've been trained, conditioned as a child by my parents, that food wastage is abhorrent. No, no. I'm going to have to stop you there. If you open a packet of sweets, there's nothing to suggest you can't close it and revisit that the next day or the next week. The problem is, is then you're just delaying the starting a new leaf. You don't have to, it's not an all or nothing approach with sweeties. It's not like, oh my God, it's open. I've got to finish the whole thing. Weirdly with sweets, I do have that. Like it would be different if it was a, like a lemon loaf that you also brought yesterday.

27:2030 % reduction in bailey and sage. You ain't going to miss that.

27:23Louise: You'll never eat it. It's going to sit in the cupboard. Yes, I will eat it. And guess what? I won't eat the whole thing. I'll take a little slither. Do you have any other guilty pleasures? No, not really, no, which is a bit boring, I know. But no, the answer is no. Well, you... Unless I'm not remembering something. I'll tell you, actually, this isn't a guilty pleasure. This is a guilty nuisance. Is shaving your face. Or not clearing up the... Yeah, not clearing up the mess. Am I quite bad for that? It's actually, you're so clean, which is really nice, because I could never date a guy that isn't clean.

28:00Louise: And I think men are split into two camps that are either turbo tidy and clean or they're turbo like sloppy. Scruff bags. Scruffy. You are really tidy, but you do like to like cut your toenails sometimes in bed or sort of on the floor. And you do like to shave and leave the hair out along on the side of the basin. And so then I'll have to clean it. You're a little remnant. Tell me now, when did I do my toenails in bed? Because I'll accept that. Not actually in a while. Well, not in a while. No. Another one of yours is you will watch the same movies, like habitually, like they're going to save your life.

28:39Louise: Like The Darkest Hour. You've watched that realistically. I don't want to over exaggerate because then people will not believe anything that comes out of my mouth. You've probably watched that 27 times. Yeah, I'd accept that. And a few other movies are on repeat as well. Yeah. I don't think I'm not alone. It's that comfort thing. I'm not alone on this though Is it because you're trying to learn the lines? No I'm not trying to learn the lines What is it? I just Okay it's a good question What is it about it? It's just one of the It's just It's just a Well I don't know For one Gary Oldman playing Churchill is phenomenal It's such a difficult role to play in I haven't seen anyone who can do it better than him But also I just love the whole the way it's shot the music So you actually just appreciate the culture The storyline yeah it's like art every time i look at it i see something new i'm like oh this is great do you enjoy going to an art gallery yes and no i i feel like i'd really enjoy it if i could go by myself no no it's in like not just without you but without any fucker oh okay yeah because you love the idea of looking at the art and like absorbing it and seeing something new each time but your issue is that you don't like people so what i hate is like having to like shuffle behind like a slow moving crowd of people who are generally quite small in front of me and i can't get around and that just i just find that very frustrating the whole slow shuffle through the thing it's like oh god is that an ick for you it's an ick yeah but you know like i've said this to a friend recently not that way kind of recently i've got like a whole new appreciation for fashion and for art which has come on in the last few years before it's never really um like something i would pay too much energy towards is that because you're grown up now well there is a reason for it but it's probably too deep for this no it's it when you embark on uh something that feels quite natural within you whether that's writing or any form of art it somehow opens your eyes and widens your perspectives on things that you might have missed beforehand can you give me a like an example i've always liked taking photos but now i love taking photos because i've leaned into my style of photo the whole kind of like stolen moments in between and that i think that perspective and that lens is quite um reflective of where i'm at because it's uh i don't know it feels very true to me that style of photography so i now notice things in a room or whatever it is and it's not necessarily the shot that many other photographers would go for not that i'm classing myself as a photographer but i'm getting quite good at it i seem to capture something it's the same with my style of writing the letters to leo i'm writing it from a perspective that feels very true from my perspective these are different forms of creativity i now see fashion as like a lot more about the person versus just items oh fashion to me used to be just trends and items and products and labels now I'm like oh you like and now I often comment on people's outfits not because but I'm doing it from a place of like this really makes sense for you yeah it's like part of your identity and I can really see it and feel it and I've started to channel that into how I dress whereas before I didn't do that so you found confidence in your creative ability yeah I'm just letting it flow I'm not I'm not sort of putting friction or barriers in front of it yeah that's cool I actually get that because with the fashion thing sometimes I feel as though I'm following other people or things that I've seen whereas like my intuition would probably tell me to go and put loads of random like really colorful stuff on in my wardrobe there's loads of different textures and to have fun with it

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33:59Louise: On the note of fashion, did you see Venezuela's wedding? I'll be honest with you, no. I didn't know that the wedding had happened. That was quite quick. it was quite quick maybe that's a cultural thing bloody hell i know we're right the opposite end of that spectrum correct so for anyone that doesn't know who venezuela is venezuela is tyson fury and paris fury his wife's uh daughter one of many children yeah and only daughter no they've got other daughters um she's just turned 16 and she got engaged and they've recently got married and the wedding was really different to a conventional wedding, I suppose, because her and her dad walked down the aisle with Gucci sunglasses on, which I think is quite iconic because Gucci is having a big moment at the moment.

34:52Louise: She was also wearing, okay, have a guess at what footwear she was wearing. Gucci fluffy loafers. Actually, not that far off, but not designer. Oak slippers. No, not fluffy. more like beachy vibes fit of flops closer hot what does Sam like? Crocs she wore Crocs she's quite tall so I get the the desire to wear flat shoes hang on hang on does the dress cover the feet? probably like yes she had a train that was literally 100 metres long 100 metres long? I don't know that might be an exaggeration but I just the video that I was watching the train just never stopped. It just kept going on and on and on and flowing through this door.

35:44And I was like, it was a work of art.

35:47Louise: That must have been an expensive dress because those materials are expensive. But if you can't see the feet then, that's kind of fair. It's a really good point. It's kind of, it's so fair. Just wear whatever's going to make you feel comfortable. I would imagine walking down the aisle as a woman is really nerve wracking anyway. And with a hundred meter long trail and a bushy kind of... Bushy frock. I'd imagine that there's a lot of concern around tripping over the material and whatever else or slipping or knobbly knees, wobbly knees. So a pair of like Crocs, I'm like, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

36:25Louise: Yeah, I actually do know what you mean. Because if you're not going to see it, then obviously people have seen it because you're telling me that she's wearing Crocs, but did they have the whole, what do they call them? Gibbets? Giblets? Giblets, yeah. Oh, giblets what hang off a turkey's neck. Like boxing club giblets. Oh, they are just a plain old white croc. They're kind of like a chef's shoe, aren't they? Yeah. So she also walked down to Biggie Smalls Juicy. Baby, baby. Is this what she walked down to? Kind of great. I bet you can rap it. I can, but I'm not gonna. Do it. Give the people what they want.

37:03I can actually has Tyson walked out to a fight to that song I'm pretty sure he has

37:07Louise: has he yeah oh maybe it's like a little family thing well hang on so was there any other extravagant pieces there was a blue cake and it was very big it was like from this table to the ceiling delicious think of all the E numbers I don't know if blue is the right well to be fair for them it's right so why not anything else extravagant I think that's it I think the sunglasses the train the crocs and the cake are so far we've seen and the biggie smalls baby baby yeah baby baby I quite rate it do you know what what song are we walking down the aisle to you tell me what do you want to walk down oh we're having Fred Ferrier who's a main Chelsea singing and playing the violin big ups Fred Ferrier yeah he's so good like he could sing any song for us what song though would he sing probably Wicked Game which what's that hold please he's going to thank me for this

38:04Got me already, mate.

38:06Louise: Are you going to be standing there crying? Imagine you walking down the aisle to this. Done. You could do a really slow walk. No, no, I won't be doing it. You will be. Mate, this is... It's kind of like a funeral song, though. Are you kidding me? It's quite sad. But, okay, I have to be honest. I actually do want everybody to be crying. like if people aren't crying from like pure raw emotion then we have got something really wrong on the day sorry you want people to be crying yes with the song and the walk and the impact and you crying if you if you don't cry on a wedding day i will have to redo it i get what you mean but you can't you can't you can't like load the gun and be like you don't cry that's not how it works I get what you mean yes okay so that's that's a good song but music is a big shifter a big powerful mover in my world so if the music's right you've got me what's the first dance song it's got to be gigs that would make sense for our story we could get gigs to perform well yeah you could actually yeah because you're your best mates with gigs I'm not best mates we have exchanged emojis on Instagram DM before it's basically best mates I haven't even watched the At Home of the Furies but I think they're so adored because they're very much just them aren't they yeah so like the idea i don't know them obviously but i can kind of without seeing the wedding or any content from that i can i can see tyson fury walking down in a flary suit with gucci glasses yeah yeah just because he's all about that isn't he and to and i just think it's kind of refreshing to see them be wholly them yeah it's not performative it's just like i'm gonna wear some gucci sunnies and then i'm gonna keep it real with some biggie and some crocs yeah and that's actually like making them feel really good yeah i fuck it i i love that one of the things that i think i'd quite like if i was removing all judgment i'd really like to have a tiara no you wouldn't no i actually would no would you yeah but it's annoying because it's a tiara you you're supposed to only wear a tiara if you have a family tiara that's the tradition so you've basically got to be posh and rich to have a wear a tiara.

40:21Well, that's two fucking ticks.

40:23Louise: Or you've got to be Victoria Beckham who wore a tiara and had like little spiky hair bits coming up on top of it. Did she? Yeah. Loads of celebrities wear tiaras. Oh my God, shall I show you a picture of Celine Dion? Oh, I'm a big Celine Dion fan. She's not on here. She had like an entire bejeweled crown. It was like Marge Simpson style but made of diamonds. Do you think she'd be available for our wedding? Look at that. That's not a tiara. She looks like a pharaoh. No, no, that's not a tiara. So I'm obsessed with the Egyptians and I feel like I'd want to channel Cleopatra somehow and have something like a big headdress bejeweled and loads of jewelry, like diamonds and rubies.

41:07Are you saying this to be a performance right now?

41:09Louise: Like Elizabeth Taylor vibes. I might even get some purple contact lenses. No, you're being silly. No, I'm actually not. You've lost me. But wouldn't that be quite beautiful? That doesn't go with what you inherently are as Louise. One of the reasons we haven't got married is because you're terrified of that moment. No, that's not the moment I'm terrified of. Sorry, what is the moment? I love the idea of that moment. Walking down the aisle? The church bit is the easy part for me. Okay, so you're terrified of the speeches? Yeah, it's like the whole party afterwards. It just feels too noisy. All right, okay.

41:42Okay, well, there you are. You put me in my box.

41:44Louise: So I think I'd want to wear blue Malolo shoes. What's a Manolo? Manolo Blannocks. So like the, just the best shoes. Yeah, they are one of Carrie Bradshaw's favourite shoes. Are they going to be blue colour? Well, I feel like you need to have something blue. Why? That's the rule. Well, is that why she's got a blue cake? That's probably why she's got a blue cake. Yeah. But I don't understand the rule around blue. So you're supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Sorry, what? that's those are that's like the trad like wedding rule say again so something old so it could be like your granddad's mom's knickers it could be like your grandma's brooch yeah brooch is much more reasonable something new which could be probably most of it cufflinks something borrowed Car.

42:36Louise: Yeah, something blue. So I'm wearing blue Manolos. I've already got the pink ones. I've never heard of that before, but I've never been married before. So why would I know about that? It's kind of just like a saying. And then I'm not sure with the gown. What's a gown? You mean the dress? The dress. I'm thinking long sleeves. Oh, yeah. Like embellished, bejeweled, massive headdress with a huge veil, front and back, everywhere. Is this really what you want? So like walking around like Madonna did with, I think she actually had a crown. But how does, does that sound a bit scary? Yeah, it does actually, yeah.

43:16Louise: Does it not fit in with what you were saying about like how, like someone is feeling authentically themselves? No, it doesn't, no, it doesn't fit. This has all come as quite the shock. So I read a really interesting article in Vogue this week and it was written by a lady who used to be the Beauty and Style editor at Marie Claire. And she talks about how she had a child of 49 and she said that it was the most self-aware decision that she's ever made, which was a really beautiful thing to read, actually. It was really, really positive, bar the part where she mentioned that she faced a lot of criticism from people that she knew, friends, family members, former employees, who had questioned whether it was quite selfish.

44:01Louise: why would it be selfish it's a really good question um and i actually like that you've you've asked that because it means that you've not jumped to perhaps like an obvious reason why i guess it could be considered selfish because when her child reaches 10 she'll then be 59 when her child reaches 20 she'll be 69 30 79 um and i guess then this is a horrible thing to say but as humans we have a life expectation and you're more likely to die when your child your child will be younger when you die right but i think to hone in the positives and the pros of her choice it meant that she had lived an incredible life she traveled loads she'd um come really far in her career like achieved basically everything that she wanted to from life and that when she did have her child she could then take a foot off the gas a little bit and be in a position where she could afford to do the things that she wanted and and to stop working and i do think that you just become so much wiser the older you are like nothing can replace the wisdom that you get from living multiple years on earth yeah and i and i think for a lot of people as well i have quite a few single friends i mean i'm 36 so most of my friends are sort of around a similar age to me and i've got quite a few friends who still haven't found their soulmate in their life partner and i think it's reassuring for them because it means that they won't feel like they have to rush into something for the wrong reasons yeah just to get a family okay so you you're saying that you think it's a lovely story i think it's a lovely story it's a reassuring one for people i think so yeah i mean my cousin also had her second child at 49 and she met her life partner like i say life partner her husband later um she was having a lot of fun like when she was younger and she didn't settle and there were lots of people that she could have got married to who would have been wrong for her and then she found her perfect person like much like you know we're fortunate i found you a perfect person at quite a young age but I feel like there are similarities.

46:19Louise: We both got like a lot of parting out of our system and then she settled down with someone that's like healthy and like good for her. And yeah, and it's really nice to know that there aren't limitations because I think currently the narrative in women's health is that obviously we face a dramatic decline in egg quantity and quality once we reach the age of 35 and that can put quite a lot of pressure on women. How did she have her baby? Well, so she did have IVF.

46:54Louise: And it did take quite a long time. As in she froze embryos when they were in the freezer from years back? I don't know when they actually did freeze embryos. But she did go through the IVF process and it did take her, I think, four years. Okay. But she carried the baby? She carried the baby. I find it interesting that men have been able to have children in their 70s without judgment for or since the dawn of time. Is it without judgment? I think it is. It faces less judgment. Whereas women are only just starting to be able to have kids later on, like in their later 30s and into their 40s and now even into their 50s.

47:41Louise: um and i think that's quite refreshing there are actually lots of celebrities that have had their third kids recently in their mid-40s sienna miller just had her third in 44 natalie portman's pregnant she's 44 giselle had her third of 45 i think it's really empowering okay i think it's empowering to widen the window i think that like typically the traditional expectation is of women to get married um in their you know or get engaged in their late 20s get married in their 30s have kids a couple of years later then have a second one two years later then maybe even a third two years after that that's the sort of like box that we've been put in for so long and now um I have lots of friends that are making different decisions I mean our circumstances are not necessarily what we would have wanted we're going to have a pretty big age gap by the time if we're lucky enough to have another child but I think um that it's I think that it's it's cool that like I think it's cool to be unconventional and I think that like archaic conventions are being broken down yeah I agree and I think that the more people I speak to that have bigger age gaps so actually one of my good friends she's got a brother who's 10 years older and a sibling that's 10 years younger so that's literally a 30 year sorry 20 year window yeah and actually there are so many pros of spacing things out so that you can live your life in between you can get your body back your health back your career back you can really enjoy your child's early years when they're a baby and a toddler before they go to school.

49:32Louise: Yeah. You can kind of take like a breather in between it all. I mean, obviously I'm speaking from a perspective where I've had to come to terms with our scenario. Do you wish that you not rushed into it? Is that what you're saying? Do you feel like you rushed into it? Into having our first? Yeah. Such an interesting question. I remember speaking to my life coach about this a couple of years ago. And I got really upset because I worried that I had, this is awful to say, but I worried that I'd like tempted fate by trying to rush something and trying to over plan something. a lot of my friends were getting pregnant during lockdown because it felt like a convenient time and they were spending so much more time with their husbands who were typically working really hard in offices and they didn't see each other a great amount of time

50:39Louise: um and I did I really noticed this domino effect and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat influenced by that I think that's quite natural and I don't feel like I need to sort of explain myself too much because we are all influenced by the things that go on around us whether it's what we see on social media or the sub-stack articles that land in our inbox the conventional press our friends from school university our family traditions like my mum had me at 28 and my brother at 30 and so that is what I thought was normal and I probably subconsciously tried to recreate that she interestingly was called geriatric back when she had my brother that was considered old which is bonkers I'm not geriatric I still look like I'm 12 I said that to the embryologist the other day I was like oi oi oi because now i'm a geriatric mother and she was like don't worry louise we're not right about you what are you actually considered yeah what and i think it's anyone above 35 is considered geriatric mother what yeah you have to have special um sort of special care which i actually think everybody should have anyway wow i thought geriatric was at least 70 and above no and in the in the medical world in the fertility space you're considered geriatric over 35 wow what do you think about women having kids later on in life i have no judgment on it i think it's completely a personal decision and i'm actually one that i i can i'm all for the idea of not following the flow of what society even though by this point your parents would have had three kids yeah and they would have been like 10 but how old were your parents when they had you guys well yeah so at this age there would be three of us and gareth would be nine or ten yeah that's right your mom was 24 wow and she handled it yeah but i never looked at that scenario to think oh that's what needs to be done or that's the that's the timing that's the sequence that's the order of play i think you probably looked at your parents maybe and thought that was the the play what about though being a parent then that's older so okay so imagine that you're the only thing i do think about is like how tired we are now as 35 year olds that are supposed to be really healthy but if if if you're 49 and you don't need to work you don't have you don't have the juggle act that most of us have when we're younger parents if you're 49 and having a child and you've packed up work you've got time and a bit more bandwidth to channel into raising your child so maybe there's not to say it's easier but maybe there's less things to juggle at one time.

53:50So maybe it's a very considered and deliberate timing.

53:55Louise: I think the generation below us are even more conscientious than we are. I think that they'll really think about their future when making significant life choices like having kids. I'll be honest, I feel like I didn't look that far ahead and I think that that's one of the things that is maybe a disadvantage to having kids when you're in your late 20s is that you're not as dialed into what your future looks like you're kind of just like still taking it year by year and I definitely was just taking things year by year I was like okay yeah like I guess now feels like a good time not mapping out how it might affect the work we do whether we're able to travel I'm really grateful that we did get so much traveling before we had a child because that's almost come to a halt uh like not considering savings where we wanted to live schools that we hadn't signed up for any nursery no there were no mortality nurses schools anything I mean learn that one the hard way and

55:00Louise: yeah I think my friends who have waited a bit longer have like really mapped out their futures

55:09Louise: better you have quite a few guy friends that are just having their first now yeah i think it's an interesting one when you your child starts school and you're surrounded by other parents that's when it really highlights to you whether you've had children earlier in life or later in life or right in the middle because you see the ages of all of the parents around you. And you kind of try and figure out where you fit in. Got a listener question for you. Nice. How would you react if your favourite makeup items were taken out and just plastered across mirrors, windows, doors, ceilings, carpets, just completely mullered in makeup?

55:53What would you think? What would you do?

55:55Louise: What, if Leo had been like gone full send? in our beauty cabinets. I'll paint the picture for you. So in our bedroom, wardrobes are open. You've got that little shelf top with the makeup on there. Imagine both mirrors are plastered in foundation and lipsticks and whatever else. Carpet is completely swimming in the same brown sticky fluids. And you sat there just covered in the stuff. What are you going to do? Because that is a stressful scenario. Because that's like a straight up replacement of carpets. That's a really expensive mistake. That's a lot of hours spent trying to get it out of the paintwork.

56:32Louise: We're also on our fourth carpet in our bedroom. Literally the fourth carpet. It's literally grand every time. I need to reconsider the sizal and go more tappy carpets. Yeah. Oh, God. Actually, I don't know what I would do. I'd want to scream and have a tantrum, Then I'd have to remember that I'm not a child anymore. I'm a mother and he's my child. And I have to be a dignified parent because if he has an accident in the future, I need him to be able to come to me and say, mummy, I'm sorry, like something bad has happened. And I don't want to scare him so that he never tells me the truth about anything.

57:15Louise: So I need him to always trust me so he can fess up when shit is the band. So I'm probably walking in and literally going.

57:26I mean, if that's how you can react.

57:27Louise: Walking straight back out and then literally maybe going into the spare room, screaming into a pillow and then coming back in and going, okay.

57:37Louise: Right, Leo, please can you help me clean this up? I'd definitely get an apology. And then I would look at the makeup and figure out what the damage was. Gosh. I feel like you get more annoyed when things in the house fall apart. What would you do? What can you do? I haven't yet to see Leo swimming in a pool of foundation and makeup, but if it happens, I don't know. I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't be obviously stoked on the idea. What if he got a biro and scribbled all over your motorbike? Well, yeah, we've got problems. My friend's kid did that all over their fridge. They had a really nice fridge.

58:17Louise: He biro'd you all over it. A fridge? A fridge. Yeah, see, that is stressful. It is stressful because they're like irreplaceable goods. I like how you described that you'd react to it. So I'm hoping that I could follow that kind of style. But yeah, I'd be pretty upset about the fifth carpet replacement. I know. I think it's just a case of like you've got to pick your battles. I would love to know how you guys at home would handle this situation. If you're a child psychotherapist, please do write in because we need to know that we are making the right decisions at home and then we're not going to screw other kids up.

58:58That's actually good.

58:59Louise: You know what I would really like? I'd really like to hear from women that have had kids in their 40s or their 50s to learn a bit more about their experiences. That's a good one. Especially given that we're going to be rising 40 when, or if we're lucky enough to have our second and definitely if we were to have a third, I'm sure we'd be in our 40s. So if you've got any tips or advice for us, then... really good point please do write in you can contact us at hsss at srproductions.co.uk that is h triple s at srproductions.co.uk we'll also pop all of the information including the email address in the show notes below we love to hear from you and uh please make sure to follow and subscribe us across all platforms we're so close to 100 000 followers on instagram which is really exciting.

59:44Louise: Plus, if you subscribe and watch this I guess, the video on YouTube, you'll be able to see our sweetie challenge. Who gets to take those sweeties home? I feel like we need to leave them here. Because I do not have the control. But yeah, thank you guys so much for listening and we will see you next week. Bye. Ciao.

1:00:42Thank you.

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