How well do Louise and Ryan ACTUALLY know each other?!

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0:47Louise: Hello and welcome to He Said, She Said. this is the show where we bear all about our relationship in a bit to encourage you guys to have those difficult conversations and build long-lasting healthy partnerships yes it is look at your purple gown thank you oh you didn't even say a compliment i said thank you that was badly but you look like something like sex in the city over there well on the note of that she is on my vision board i thought we could do something cool today which is create like a bit of a love board right okay is this something that we like do with our hands or just talk about it well you know what um one of the girls i work with she did something with her partner last weekend where she actually did create these vision boards but they were like love boards and it was a way of making sure that her and her partner were aligned on certain things but i think that this idea of like a love map takes it to the next level because what i'm going to try and do is to try and create your vision board for you or explain how I see it and then to see whether I'm actually whether I actually know you really well and then you can do the opposite for me and there are different kind of like themes so I'll basically go through your what I think to be your dreams goals and aspirations we can then see how aligned we are on that okay it's a bit like what's that game show where like you have to get you you want to both get the same answer right um like you ask a question and one has you've already answered is that mr and mrs no i know what you mean what's the game show well like how well do you know your partner yeah that kind of thing and then i'll go through your past childhood previous relationships and how i think that those have shaped you as a person bloody hell this is just you know you know me inside out like look at like triggers maybe that you have and why you might struggle with them and then look at like your morals values and things that are important to you so basically we're doing a therapy session on ryan you're going to go deep into no i'm going to keep it light and we're going to also flip it around so i don't want you to get stressed right so you're gonna you're basically you're you're gonna i feel like i'm on uh this is your life with parkinson this is about to what this is what's about to happen isn't it god tell me what you think you know about my life it's also quite nice to talk about someone else for a change instead of us just talking about go on tell me how you see my life i want to see how how okay so right we've got big what they called vw camper van but like big one like that on steroids so we've got like bunk beds for friends cousins um maybe like okay we're parked up also with your car with the roof tent pitched open um we're by like a lake there's like weeds, reeds like blowing in the wind.

3:32Louise: There are animals in fields, like colorful wildflowers. As you know, your sort of vision is quite like green. Everything is pretty green. So more like leafy, woody, like thick, tall trees. You love a massive tree, like rooting you to the ground that you can get your bare feet into and occasionally hug, although you'd never do that in front of anybody because you're not really like an exhibitionist you're quite a private person so surprisingly so actually and then there's what do they call these big redwoods and there are like tunnels of them and you've also got your motorbike there and you occasionally you're coming back to family but you're also going away so you're getting that free time so you're jumping on the motorbike and you're doing laps like racing up down up down up down these redwood channels this is definitely a form of therapy and okay good my eyes are shut and I'm like transported.

4:27Louise: And that's where you get, you allow your release. So your brain just goes, I'm free. And then you come back and you're restored. And then you cook a barbecue and you serve. You serve your family and you do the things that you know well how to do. So maybe then there's, you're not really a fisherman, but you could have like a fishing rod. You like to try. So like there are things that you were trying to like embark on these, learning these new skills with you've got a little pen knife in your mood board. There's like an ax. It's like you want to be the guy that can build us a home and provide for your family.

5:00Louise: But you're not quite there yet. And this is why you need to visualize this. I think I'm about to cry, guys. And so, yeah, there's this sort of like remote cabin and you're kind of like you're over time gradually like piecing it together, like brick by brick or wooden plank by wooden plank, but not in a rush. And it's modest. but then equally like I'm also seeing a sort of omega watch in the vision board and that's quite bougie but it's trying to find a way to bring in this how can you be like a woodland man with a bit of cash in my pocket with a bit of cash in your pocket that like but also it's like so authentic to the things that you believe in that you think the brands are going to flood to you because they really like buy into your your story and the person you are and there's also some seaside there's some skiing there's lots of like sports there's some what wooden old school 80s tennis rackets that javon has definitely not re re what's it called re strong um very descriptive some family there oh this is therapy for me well good guy and but But there's also like a big, there's a stereo and you can change the channels on the dials.

6:21Louise: So when cousins of Leo's get a bit noisy, you just go and you can turn that noise down. This is basically our dream holiday. It's like a universal remote, but a stereo. So you can turn down the kids. You just go, actually, I want to like zone out of that one for now. And then what else are your aspirations? I think there's definitely more travel in there. Obviously, like the big Japanese obsession. so there are some like Japanese samurai like swords and maybe like a little like a first class aeroplane cabin we're talking like aspirations here sure um like delicious sushi outdoor eating outside like a lot of alfresco dining what's the place there's like Noma that restaurant in somewhere in Scandinavia like always wanted to go there everything's like grown in the garden you're doing a wonderful i'm quite nervous when it comes to my tech my my shot at this okay so starry sky clear skies ponds without the murky waters just like little ripples sounds of nature i've realized what you're doing this is like a anti-anxiety inducing form of therapy i'm really just like winging it here this is an idea that i'm kind of flying with i'll add like a few more aspirational bits and then i'll move on to like the past because i think your aspirations do not just sit within the realm of like being in a peaceful forest like frolicking and swinging on a hammock and like singing lullabies around the campfire i think that there are also although you're like let's please stick to that i think there's also um oh gosh but maybe you are quite a simple person which is a beautiful thing there's definitely like lots of i was gonna say like nudity there's not nudity i think there are like there's lots of like somersaulting what i'm visualizing is somersaulting maybe i could be like a psychic reader somersaulting like learning how to do tricks like that's the strong thing that i'm getting is like tricks with your body like skills with your body things that you can do without a lot of resources this outfit choice is making a lot of sense now you look like a tarot card reader maybe i'm thinking like um this has all been planned no none of this has been planned and but maybe maybe we're all just going to actually like lean into our the skills that we have in our body and we're going to create like a little circus act me you and leo living remotely and we can all how cool would that be we're all doing like acro yoga this is the great showman our version wouldn't that be yeah but without like the fire and the cheating what cheating isn't that cheating in great show no there is this good point that's a strong theme that i forgot about there is yeah thank you um that's my therapy and then i yeah i think the i guess there's there's quite a lot of like vehicles and vehicles like grilling machines in there okay um and and then maybe like some paintballing i don't know but no no that's not on my dream that's not on my love board all right good crack though good crack seems like a pretty good reflective image of ryan what what would you add then to your mood board i would like my lifestyle to reflect more of a beach lifestyle okay so i'm thinking like longer blonder hair like me and leo with little surfboards i'm thinking of um like wooden cabin things like maybe like more like forest experiences what else am I thinking that's interesting so you're actually visualizing yourself as a different as looking a bit different yeah because I feel like that's the version of me that feels most true in some ways what having like longer shaggier rougher hair yeah what a bit more blonde from the outdoors yeah and not really wearing shoes too much and having like quite minging dirty feet but it's like yeah that's me right okay so that so this is the part of the show where i have to articulate and describe to you what your mood board is and i'm visualizing this as like a an instagram grid basically in my head remove the word instagram like imagine you imagine you've got a wall right and you've got blank canvases all tiled up on there shut your eyes and go there oh okay go to that studio what studio um any studio think of like a new york kind of like high ceiling exposed kind of like steel frameworks and brickwork okay with like dark window frames and big windows okay quite high up in the building oh i'm already this is this my dream my vision board yeah because this is a good start and you've got like brushed concrete flooring with big steel kind of metal tables around you and this studio is not a random random thing this is actually one of your studios that you use for um meetings primarily with your different teams because you're on this mood board louise wears a few different hats on the one hand And you've got the super active mum who obsesses around the idea of La Santa and sort of beach poolside holidays with bowls of nectarines and fresh fruit salads.

11:46Louise: Sorry, can I just, is La Santa the, that sports holiday? Yeah. That's so funny. La Manga, fuck. Yeah, but like same, same drill. And it's funnier even that there's like a more modern one. Yes, La Manga. so there's this active mum who's wearing like a swimsuit and Leo's in this part of the collage and within that you've got things like just your very basic but very very fun family beach games like lobbing a beanbag into a hole and you've got like frisbee and beach volleyball like there's a lot of that that's coming out of the collage and then you change hats and you've got this like hard-hitting, bolshy little ball of energy who's got a team of people around her and they're running this whole division line that is basically an extension of your own wardrobe.

12:43It's your own fashion collection. It's got a very cool name, which is something like Untouched, something like that. It feels quite... it feels a little bit kind of i'm getting like earthy tones from it like long linens neutral colors but then you have this whole separate line which is very vibrant and empowering for women so there's a lot of the collages about like women and empowering women through fashion that you've curated and then we move into this another version of louise which is really about I don't know if you're the estate agent role or you're the property developer tycoon who's got a whopping portfolio of property in New York, by the way.

13:38We're still in New York.

13:39Louise: A moving country. We're in New York. This is great. We're in New York. We've got untouched in a property empire. Yeah. And, you know, this is where you've got your what do you call them, pencil skirts and clipboards. And this is where you're driving around in your like obscenely large American style SUV. But you're in the backseat, obviously. There's a driver. No, sure. And yeah. And you've also got those new glasses on your face at this point. I feel like I've just opened my eyes. Your eyes are closed. we're taking this so seriously which is actually so cool but also it's like we're like speaking to someone else it's like we're drawing wisdom from the gods right now what i'm attempting very badly to do is like extract like some real strong themes in your life so it's like you've got the motherhood active mama thing you've got the property thing that i'm just convinced you're meant to be doing you've got the whole fascination fascination why am i still closed the fascination around New York and living and working in New York and then this whole like I know you love the idea of a warehouse restored vibe with like fashion rails and clothing items just everywhere.

14:58Louise: Am I like devil wears Prada vibe then? No I'm getting more of like a what's her name Christine Cavallari kind of but cooler vibe she's pretty cool and I used to fancy her a lot we'll lock that in. We've just taken that in a different direction. That's actually sounds pretty ideal everything that you've just said but not necessarily the things that i had on my list i don't think i've really answered the question about i just describe what i think is on your vision board have i ever said to you that i actually that i would like to have a clothing line and a warehouse yes not not directly as two sentences like that but yes it would be cool wouldn't it to have a clothing line be nice to have a business that just takes you away from the weeds of the social media stuff all right so that's quite a cool exercise to like bury into what your partner sort of wants and maybe visualizes from their life yeah and i think it's actually interesting isn't it because then we get to get inside each other's heads like i know what you think that i want without having to be like so direct about it it's a nice way into a conversation but i think then we move on to the next kind of category if you like which is looking at each other's pasts and i wonder if there's anything that you think from my childhood that i've brought through into the current kind of current daylight is there anything that's shaped me as a person i would imagine the divorce of your parents has impacted you and your trust in that whole marital marital system and maybe impacted your reasons for not yet being married.

16:39I think that your the way your dad drives his car has negatively impacted how you think I can drive my car. And I think that I think because you were an amazing student and probably very well behaved as a child I think you assume that that is the standard and what Leo should be replicating. that's quite a lot i think well again again i say this very often but because you were surrounded by both mum and dad who were into the property game and in different ways i just think that that's in your dna and i i really think that you come alive when you're in that space or time in your life where you're looking to scoop up property or whatever it is so those are the things that

17:25Louise: spring to mind yeah from your childhood what about you trying to think of like obvious character to things I think the like the big things from your childhood that I notice if I'm looking at your childhood and I'm thinking of things that stand out the things that perhaps set you aside from other people are the fact that you feel like you were brought up as an only child because you are seven years younger than your brothers and also that you moved around a lot as a child because your dad was in the military which meant that you never really had a permanent base and like a permanent friendship group I've never thought about connecting the dots between that and perhaps you being really really um like strict on who you spend time with and like you're quite uh you you've got few friends but very very good friends and I think you're quite picky and I think maybe that is because you've had to have friendships in the past that you've had to let go of whenever you've got close.

18:23Louise: I think that you have an incredibly close relationship to your mum because you spent so much time with her growing up because your dad was in the military and you guys moved a lot but also because your other brothers were much older so while they were away maybe at boarding school you were at home with your mum and you guys looked after each other and I think that's definitely something that still shows today and I think that's a really wonderful thing and I hope that you know me and Leo have a similar relationship because you speak so highly about your mother and you respect her so much and I think that that is one of the most important things definitely for all the girls that are out there listening if you want to find a good man find a man that speaks highly of their of their mother yeah what about what about um relationships like past relationships do you think that they've shaped you or me I would I would hazard a guess that spending all of your 20s on a show and having relationships publicly um viewed judged and um having that whole thing play out i would imagine and again this is not coming from like a viewer's perspective but just me knowing you i know that there were some tricky relationships and you were mistreated by different people and that's probably understandably um maybe dented how free and open you are to believe and trust men and maybe maybe forced you to i don't know put some some level of boundary around like the real inner circle of louise well that's probably true and perhaps one of the reasons why I've been fairly non-committal in subsequent relationships.

20:11Louise: And also probably why I feel like I need to be so fiercely independent. I feel like we're actually in therapy now. We're kind of really like digging into each other, aren't we? Your turn. I don't know as much about your relationships as you do about mine because yours were not up for public consumption. So I couldn't watch about them on TV, which is probably a good thing. Maybe I'd get a bit jealous. Although, as we discussed a few episodes ago, I don't think neither of us are hugely jealous people. I know that you had a tricky first relationship. and I do think that first relationship always leaves you with some scars I know that I was scarred um by my first love cheating on me a couple of times and it took me really really long to recover from that and I know that your first relationship ended quite badly and then I believe that she was like desperate for you back and did some weird stuff to try and get you back and that probably left you a bit wounded and I'm trying to like in terms of what it's left you with today I think you you've been a tough nut to crack like you've taken years and years and years to to really kind of open up and to go there around like tricky conversations I think like the moment we like jumped into the relationship together you've always been in it wholeheartedly and that I really that really helped us or helped me with my um prior experience I just felt super confident around you there was no game playing with you and I needed someone like you that was just like real steady so I don't know whether there was somewhere else along the line in other relationships that you had in between where you kind of like resolved those those issues like you ironed out the creases with other relationships before you got to me?

21:56Potentially, yeah.

21:57Louise: Okay, stresses. What do you think that I struggle with the most? All right. There's a few that are jumping out of the page at this point. I think you really struggle with saying no to people. You have a real fear around letting people down to the point where you won't communicate, you'll break down and you'll do yourself a bit of a disservice and it just murkies the water even more. You don't prioritize your own happiness from events and things. You're more concerned with other people having a good time. And is the group kind of gelling and socializing? So you'll let go of your own enjoyment of something ahead of other people's.

22:36Louise: What really stresses me out? Incompetence. That's true. What else really stresses you out? When I walk away from an argument. Yeah. I'll tell you what else you've taken from your childhood and put it into your adult life is you have an awkwardness when it comes to receiving a gift or a compliment you can't open a present at Christmas or birthdays and if you do you want it to happen simultaneously as other people are opening their presents so you have a and this and this is a conversation that could go really deep but you obviously don't like the limelight that much at all which is probably why you don't want to get married because you're completely paralyzed by fear of walking down the aisle so how have i ended up in this position then if i hate the lo i'm like because actually i think that your truth you're what you're telling a lot of truth right yeah sometimes i do like being invisible and so when someone gives me a compliment i can't be invisible well i suppose you could say you weren't born for the role you have but you've adapted and adjusted over the years but it's been hard it's hard it's hard you're kind of like having to reshape your mold to whatever demand yeah comes my way which isn't i don't know is that the best way to live your life or should you be thinking this is who i am this is what i want to do this is who i want to be this is what not who i want to be this is who i'm comfortable being and then find a world that works for you.

24:17I think this is a commonly felt thing. We all end up in this trap. And I think one of the first things that therapists will say is, let's release your inner child or let's bring out those first joys and happy memories. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

24:32Louise: And for me, my worst memories are anything to do with standing up in front of a crowd. And so doing that is, yes, definitely one of the reasons. Yeah, I think the route back to happiness or the route to happiness is doing what feels that is within your mold, you know? Yeah. So you don't have to like stretch too far and... Yeah, because then you snap back like putty. Correct. Or you just snap in half. Correct. What stresses you out? People, like a lot of people in your space. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely if there are people unannounced in your space, having lots of people in the home um being like in big crowds definitely being in big crowds of lots of loud people and like really loud personalities i know that makes you feel uncomfortable and maybe even like irate you just want to run from that environment yeah sometimes you can be quite sensitive when people say things to you that aren't necessarily like super deep like sort of odd like comment i think that you can find quite cutting um so if and i suppose to make this about us if i say something to you that's like little bit of an insult like you can sometimes run a mile with it and it's like actually even if i'm not intending for something to be an insult but if it could be like taken the wrong way like you will take it the wrong way whereas i feel like that's not something that stresses me though but it does stress you out if i if you insult me yeah that's a pretty common thing not even if it doesn't have to be an insult like i can say something that isn't that deep it's more just a reflection i'm sure like 10 people in a room would like agree with and it's it's more just like some feedback and you and sorry this sounds like it's kind of like personal to the podcast i'm just sort of imagining a made up scenario here but you I think I think you get like you're very like sensitive to feedback and that stresses you out not enjoying this now because maybe this is an exact maybe this is exactly what's happening now but it's not this is not a bad thing my z but see I want to know why that's affected you so much because it's not bad like look at my all my flaws I've got so many but there are some things that if I mention with you like they that is like very hard for you to pull yourself back up from and like like this like you sometimes feel like i'm attacking you and i'm not on the same side as you where does that come from i don't quite know but it's the i think it's just down to the delivery i suppose feedback is fine if it's like constructive and positive even if the content is a bit a bit like you need to do this differently doing shit i don't know maybe it's maybe it dates back to childhood maybe it's like probably within my short span of playing half decent rugby coaches making me feel shit oh okay now we're getting somewhere yeah another thing i've just remembered is you hate so you get stressed when people are like very like not assertive but people that are like they're asserting their authority on you so like if a policeman was to come and like tell you off and you didn't think that you were doing anything wrong, that would absolutely ruin you.

27:55Yeah. That's very true. I don't do well with figures of authority. That is true.

28:02Louise: So keep this guy out of the courtroom, please. Yeah. And I guess that then ties in with like this final point, which is morals, values, and things that are important to them. And I do think that you have like a strong moral compass. As an example, like someone tried to steal a few bikes from us and you completely like... Robin Hooded it Yeah you Robin Hooded it but you actually stole someone else's bike back off the thieves so I think that's your moral thing it's like you hate seeing people do wrong so yeah morals are you hate people doing things wrong or like baddies basically like a bad person bad egg a baddie a villain in a movie I would like to be a vigilante yeah yeah that's your thing Ryan's dream job is a vigilante now we're now we're getting somewhere yeah yeah i'd like to be have you seen the film um the equalizer takes out the scum handles all the stuff that shouldn't be happening you really align with that i know i know that's why you're like smiling okay so how do we okay so we basically need like huge career shifts but could you be a hooded hero in a forest because it's not that much bad behavior going on around sheep and lakes and seaside stuff i think there might actually be because people think oh we can get away with that here we'll just bung the body in the hill so what would your role be then as the vigilante down there oh i'd be patrolling in like a a very unmarked car like a little citron picasso or something that was just the norm out there and i just i'd be on patrol the whole time i would just be i'm so observant i pick up all detail i'd be able to drive past the shop or a coffee place or a restaurant i'd be able to scan the room and i'd be like i know what's going to happen yeah i'd pull up nice and gentle i'd just hang out i'd sit my coffee and i'd just look at my watch and i'd tie myself just like on the equalizer and within 19 seconds i've handled the situation you've literally just like role played that but with like such precision you like tapped the watch even like you've practiced that in your sleep have you had dreams about that no i just i i'm just this is how i'm revealing how old i am like i actually go into situations and i'm like i could i could take care of this well we need to get you some training then i told you that my dream job was an animator for walt disney scratch that i want to be robin i want to be this guy's big dreams yeah i want to be a vigilante well you could just dream to be part of the armed forces or the police force no because people are expecting it and it's an organized unit i don't walk it i don't work in organized units you all know that let me do my thing by myself okay he's got to be a lone ranger yeah i walked past a police car no shade but like a few days ago with you or there were three women sat in there and they were all on their phones scrolling and i thought right there you go that's a bit worrying isn't it yes cue the vigilante

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32:02so i mean well i don't know if this is a moral or just a personality trait slash quality but you've always been very humble which i think i i i hold that as a very attractive valuable trait in a person male or for male and i think that's a really good thing so basically being kind and being humble is like the that's like top of the list as a human being so you're right up there and you're a vigilante because you hate bad so we're both well yeah so basically basically you my batman and you're robin or you robin and i'm batman so we're yeah we could be like wingmen i don't mind being the robin in this situation wallace and gromit vibes so yeah it's the cheese um listen i'm sweating my bag off where are we moving on to next

32:53Louise: what I want to know from you Ryan then is if we look at our two pictures these boards are we a good fit are we compatible or are we calling it quits I think what we've established is that our collages look very fucking different I think the only things really that we're aligned in are like the activeness like the sports and the kindness like we're good people and we like to be active otherwise it's basically chalk and cheese it's like Twix and Mars bar, ice cream sorbet, city living countryside when I went camping with Leo he had a little tub of ice cream, finished it off and we were around like just normal cool people he was like, daddy where's the sorbet?

33:34Louise: I was like this who what? I was like Leo when have you ever asked for sorbet? now is not the time, we were around cool people wait I didn't know that he knew what sorbet was me neither I think you've done us a disservice there we don't just connect on the sports and active style of life there's more there's more whether that's like music, live music fashion, a little bit of the Japanese stuff going on, whether that's travel skiing, we're both into snow sports, I've taken it back to bloody sports already it's fine, as long as you've got like one key theme that you can get together on and we're all good.

34:16I'm going to be honest with you. Yep. The whole love mapping thing is going to be, I think, quite a hard sell for a lot of dudes. If you sit down and be like, should we do a bit of love mapping tonight? I think most dudes will be like, no. No, let's not.

34:31Louise: You've got to pick your moments then. So what, can people go on a lunch break on a Wednesday? Hey, can we just have a quick Zoom and do a love map from your office to mine? No, I think the only reason... When's the best way to get a dude to want to commit to the love map? I think the only way this works is actually take a little bit of inspiration from how you started. Because you were like straight in there with this like very descriptive. And it turned into a form of therapy. I was like, this is great. And you were quite accurate with it. So if you're going to do love mapping tonight, people, I think the women should start.

34:59And I think you should overly like just be the hype man. Just be like, I can see it all happening for you. It's going to happen. Just manifest. Just shut your eyes. Make him feel good. And then he's in.

35:08Louise: Okay. Sweet. If it had gone any other way, I would have, I don't know, jumped in a freaking car and been gone. Good. I like the honesty. That's what we're here for. Yeah. Trying to get you to have a chat about anything in bed late at night. I don't want to do that in bed. Two things happening in that bed for me. Talking's not one of them. What about dirty talking? No, actually, not really that. Actually, I am. Wait, wait, what? This is going a different route. I'm doing my sign off. We've never dirty talked. Yeah, we have. Yes, we have. I do it all the time to you. I did it last week and you actually laughed.

35:47I was like, Louise, this is not a laughing moment.

35:50Louise: That's what I mean. We don't do dirty talk. I'm going to try again. Okay. Anyway, if you do the exercise and your collages don't match up, don't panic because it will leave some empty tiles on the canvas to maybe add in some stuff that crosses over. Some shared things. Should we say it together? No. three two one watch the YouTube no I'm not doing that yeah yeah you're doing it no I'm not five I'm not five you are three two one watch the YouTube on Sunday thank you you're nicer when you close your eyes by the way that's because I can't see your facial expressions that are like this

36:29Louise: do you ever close your eyes when I'm having sex

36:36do you want me to answer that honestly yeah no I'm not actually going to answer that honestly I'll see you on Monday for the AUA yeah

36:44Louise: would you prefer me if you were never looking at my face so should I just walk around with a paper bag on my face no just be wear your glasses first of all so you can see me just stop me doing this and then if I say something you don't agree with just be like rather than be like just be like sweet alright ok right anyway well see you on Monday for the last and thanks very much I'm going to just rub my hair out my follicles I don't know cha-ching that's the sound of Lowe's Labour Day savings. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances and save up to an additional$100 on select laundry pairs. Plus, get three bags of Miracle Grow.75 cubic foot garden soil for just$10.

37:44Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's. In store and online. Valid through 9-9. While supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details. Soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii.