“I Am Absolutely Terrified of This” - Ryan Opens Up About Something Deeply Personal

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0:26Louise: Save big money at Menards. I saw something recently which I really liked. Oh, pray tell. It was, have you noticed on Diary of a CEO, he doesn't wear shoes when he does a podcast? I have not seen that before. Dude, I saw it and I was like, huh. Do you wear socks? Yeah, so like he's... Did you guys know that? He deliberately doesn't wear shoes. Neither. I'll tell you why. Why? He's like, if I've got shoes on, it looks like I'm not staying. so he's like I've got my shoes off it looks like I'm like comfortable in this game and we can have a conversation okay wow god that's so informal of him I've decided to not wear shoes and what are they I'm guessing if it's Stephen Bartlett that they're sponsored socks I heard that Huell just got bought by Muller or something for the weekend on my little yoghurt trip I was on you're not doing it for that it's like let me set the tone I actually really love it okay so am I taking my shoes off well it's probably best you don't I actually have got three for a week so I'm not even joking okay That's actually too much.

1:30Louise: I'm supposed to be a glamorous mother. Apparently the best way to get rid of them is by putting some industrial sellotape on them. But back to the thing. Look at that already. Look at the change in your body language. Yeah, I feel amazing. Mate, I'm so down for the detail. When I first had anyone work at home with me, so my first employee, I used to walk around with bare feet all the time. I love it. And then I kind of like caught when I had my second, employed my second employee. I think I got them talking about how gross it was. I was like, I need to always wear socks and shoes around the house now that it's an office.

2:11I love the shoes off thing, actually.

2:13Louise: It's socially unacceptable. Thank you for that little nugget. Are you excited for the sleepover that we're having at your brother's house this Friday? Well, you've orchestrated this. So tell me what the plan is. Well, I thought Friday was quite a social time because it means we can leave on Saturday morning and then still have the full weekend to ourselves. Yeah, smart. I like that. And Leo has been banging on about doing the sleepover for so long. So I thought it could be cute. It's kind of boring that we can never host because we're in London. Can't really invite people to stay properly. Let's keep talking about reasons to move out of London.

2:47Let's keep doing that.

2:49Louise: Do you remember when you had your first sleepover? I remember having friends stay at mine, but I can't remember going over to someone's strangely. I don't know why I can't remember that. Do you remember yours? I actually do. So I remember two incidences. One - It's going to be weird, isn't it? It's like a school story. Yeah, they're all obviously at school. One was my friend had like a birthday party, but again, she wasn't really a friend, but she was just a classmate. She was American. And we all went around and slept in her living room and we watched like horror movies all night and ate loads and loads of junk food.

3:25Louise: And then I think a lot of the parents complained afterwards. And then the other one was actually just me and this other girl and she was a new girl. And clearly my parents were so relaxed. So they were the only ones that said that I could do a sleepover at her house. I think she'd asked everyone and they'd been like, no, we don't know anything about you. And she was like a really hot young mom with a sugar daddy husband. And I went round. I did not see the parents once. I was dropped off. and then we were left to our own devices and we ended up watching American Pie, which was a 15, and we were eight or nine.

3:59Louise: Eight or nine? Yeah. So I was corrupted. I was used to watching PG 12s? Just PG. Just PG. Parental guidances. And I guess for that reason, I don't think I will be letting Leo do any unsupervised sleepovers anytime soon. No, we've got a long time to wait before that happens. Do we? Actually, do we? Like at some schools, they actually do them to build confidence. So a makeup artist, Jen, sorry, my stylist, Jen, who I was working with a few days ago, she said that her little girl was doing a full class sleepover in their classroom at school. I've not heard of that before. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about even that.

4:42Louise: And the teachers are like camping outside in tents on the other side of a class window. Isn't that weird? Were they outside the building or just in a different room in the building? No, they were outside in the garden. That sounds a bit shit. I think, like, what do you benefit out of that except for just a terrible night's sleep and, like, cranky children? I suppose it's about getting them away from home and having that independence away from mum and dad. Get comfortable not being at home the whole time, which I'm all for, by the way. Well, I guess Sam just got booted to boarding school at eight, so that was a bit different.

5:16That's brutal. I don't think I'll be doing that with Leo. I can't remember my sleepovers. What age is Leo going to be? Obviously he's having one this weekend, but it's like a family thing. But at what age does he go down to his mates down the road and stay over? When does that happen?

5:32Louise: I don't know. I think, I don't know whether there's any reason to let him have one. No, you're right, actually. We're a few years off this. Okay, so say Leo's at his next school and he's got a few really good friends and one of their parents comes up to us and says, henry would really love to have leo to stay and he's i don't know like eight like we were thinking of inviting him around for for a sleepover maybe for a night if i felt really good about his relationship with his little friend and if i equally felt good about the parents and you know their energy and their input on leo and how they treat the two of them then i'd have no problem with it i actually think i'm a really not up for it because i'm not i'm not like i'm not exactly looking forward to this stage but i can't imagine myself being worried about that i think i probably could have done with more of that as a kid i reckon really i remember being a little well it wasn't even a little bit i used to get really upset about being away from home as a kid what can you remember your first example of that uh no but i just think like when i was aged 11 starting blundles there's obviously context that we don't need to go into now but i just think because the whole idea of like being away from home for weeks on end it was so alien and so unfamiliar and i just couldn't get comfortable with the idea it freaked me out as a young kid and i just think if we can give leo a little bit of like controlled exposure with good friends and nice family wholesome people it kind of gives you a gentle entry into like oh well i'm not going to be faced about being away from mom and dad for the night or two or i think that's just part of his development maybe i don't know what do you think i agree with what you're saying there i think that's probably the responsible answer i think it's hard without being able to fully vet the parents no but i would never get into it if i And also what's tricky is you like can't choose your friend, who your child becomes friends with.

7:40Louise: So it doesn't necessarily mean. What do you mean you can? If Leo, if Leo makes a friend with someone that I can see as a little rat bag, I'll turn, I'll turn them off. You'll turn them off. Yeah. Yeah. How are you doing that? Just like gentle. Like what about this dude over here? Or this girl? Yeah. Fair play. It's not, it'd be like a little course correction. If I, cause I will be as involved as I am now. And like, when I say I'm up for him going for sleepovers, like I don't take that lightly. I will need to get to a position where I feel like super okay with my boy staying in your house for a night.

8:17Like Tony and Emily now, like there are friends. Yeah, you're right. I would trust them. Mate, 100%.

8:22Louise: I think as long as you trust the people. But we know them quite well now. I think it's slightly different if you're not as familiar. But then again, like a lot of people that are not super open aren't going to be having strangers in their house. I'll tell you what would be more interesting is when we have kids in our house. Do you know what I've thought? Isn't that the weirdest concept ever? Can you imagine having, inviting one of his mates over for a seat? The responsibility, I would feel like I was being judged every second. I'd literally be like, Henry, would you like a carrot stick? Like the perfect step for life.

8:55Louise: He'd be like, in our snacks, like helping, I'd be like, what are you doing here? They wouldn't be helping themselves. Get out of your little shit. That is going to be wild. I can't imagine being okay with that. like him having his little friends to stay on a little camp bed in his bedroom. Poor. I mean, I'll have to be somewhat involved in that. Isn't that crazy? And then they'll be like, there'll be a time when he asks for like a midnight feast. You cannot go into this door. Do not open this drawer. Don't touch my barbecue. Do not touch this. Do you know what I mean? Would you actually do that?

9:21Louise: Yeah. 100%. What about if Leo wanted to throw a party? Oh my God. What age do kids want to throw parties? I just don't want to do it at the house. I'll be like, we can throw a party, but we're doing it in the park. So like a daytime party then? We're not talking like a party. Oh, what sort of party are you talking about? I don't really know, to be honest. But maybe like a, oh my God, a party with like alcohol and girls. Oh, we've jumped forward a few chapters. We have. I'm still on like the Paw Patrol, like pyjama parties. Do you know what's awkward though? Is if Leo starts going around to stay at like other people's houses, it's just weird, isn't it?

9:59Louise: Like people then get really judgmental about people's houses. No, they don't. This is just you, mate. Whenever I went to mates' houses, I couldn't tell you a single detail of it. I'd be so locked in on like, when are we playing football, dude? Or like, what's the next game? I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the house. Do you want to know something really embarrassing? What? So when I was younger, we used to share a school lift with like this girl. She was called Vol, but that wasn't her real name. Vol? Like a little animal vol. anyway we were she lived I lived on this grassland she lived there and um we were actually all four of us me her my mom and her mom were in my mom's car I don't know why like my mom was doing pickup and I basically lied in the car and said that my parents were building a swimming pool in the house I don't know why because I felt like I was really inferior somehow no one even had a swimming pool in the house and my mum literally was like no we're not but I don't know I felt like I needed to lie about something I think I'd read too many I was obsessed with reading like house brochures and like magazines when I was younger and I'd flick through these like massive country houses when you're just like yep my parents building one of those isn't that so strange fuck you now i was such an embarrassing kid oh god anyway parties what about the old adult sleepover what do you mean girl and boy sleepovers as in leo is now an adult he's over 16 how old were you did your mom let you sleep in a bed with a girl well i didn't bring a girl home until i was past like eight well no I was probably 20 actually wow but even even then at 20 yeah I I didn't know how to communicate right then so I didn't ask for permission we just kind of assumed but I could tell very obviously that my mum was super uncomfortable about a girl being in my bedroom so way more than my dad did you say oh oh god it's actually making me feel anxious even thinking about it because it's such an awkward thing did you message your parents before when you out being like oh i'm gonna come around with my friend who's a girl to the house no because i was 20 so i'm not like a kid at this point so it wasn't like that that was me uh that was you yeah yeah no it would have been a lot more organic than that it would have been like is it okay if she comes over for the weekend we can i don't know at the time we were living outside cardiff on the beach so it was uh the house was a little bit um felt like a very easy like the door was never locked it's like out onto the beach kind of like that kind of easy flow what and you had your parents met your girlfriend before uh yeah i can't remember because that was a pretty rocky relationship but um so she so you said like oh can she come around for the weekend i would have said something like yeah yeah and then she came and then in my head i was like fuck like i'll just assume that everyone's okay with her being in my bedroom so you just sort of went up into the bedroom well yeah i'm so curious um but she was like you didn't ask permission no i didn't ask permission but were there any spare rooms or was it just suggested that no but yeah there was two spare bedrooms oh right but they they didn't they also didn't like nudge me to the spare room i think my dad would have made a joke but never never followed through i just thought i was just like what kind of joke did he make something like probably at the dinner table he'd be like well you are sleeping in separate rooms aren't you and give you some sort of i feel like your mom i'm not even joking i feel like your mom made that joke with me when i came around to your house for their house for the first time.

13:48Yeah, but my mum's just quite giddy and just...

13:50Louise: And she'd be like, oh, no. No sleeping in the same room before marriage. No, yeah, but exactly that. Yeah. It's like a typical mumsy kind of comment. But maybe she would say that to protect, like, the girl, I think. Because she felt as though that was the responsible thing to do. Uh, well, yeah. Well, I think she's more protective over her boys than the girls. I think she saw any girlfriend that we had as, like, a get your claws out of my son kind of situation. Yeah, 100%. 100 % I got the worst part Of that relationship I got caught Having sex with her In my parents On sweet shower That was the worst day Of my life My mum comes in She just goes Shuts the door And then I'm like Oh my god I'm fucked here So then we towel up And walk through And my dad is like The other side of the bed Just like looking at me You could tell That he was like Really fighting to not laugh But he was like Giving me the most Disapproving nod Which was like like burnt into my brain for a long long time long long time but why didn't he get out of the bedroom to at least allow you to like move through the house to another safe space because he wanted me to know that he was like very much aware of this situation and it's bad oh my god mate i've never felt so like just like yuck i was like oh my god i was like fully sending it in your shower oh my god stop ryan why are you in their bathroom i have no idea i actually don't know the answer to that question i feel like kids are so courageous but i wasn't a kid i was i was 20 so it's like even worse did you think it was like cool because they had like a bigger shower or something you're like oh let's go into my parents bedroom fuck i don't know i actually had a similar situation i actually don't want to know about yours no it wasn't as bad because i wasn't having sex but it was like naked on under like oh i just remember basically hiding under a a dressing gown like in also in like not my boyfriend not in my boyfriend's room and the parents came in or his mum and I was I was like just in a heap naked under this dressing gown and I was like there's someone in here and I can't move and now I'm stuck and then like I had to move and she was like ah oh my god I think that maybe there had been like something going on before oh oh mate that's it's just it's the worst if that happens with Leo because I've had that experience, I'm going to be like, oh, dude, I've been there, but I'm your dad.

16:20So I'm going to have to let you know that it's not okay. That's going to be an experience.

16:24Louise: Oh, isn't that so weird? I'm probably going to have to tell him. I remember being so nervous. I couldn't speak to my parents. So like, I literally couldn't talk about boyfriends. So I never spoke to my dad. Like no boyfriend has ever stayed at my dad's house or like, because my parents are divorced if they live separately. It would always be my mom's house. I don't even think that you've ever stayed at like my dad's house and my dad's now has a flat so I slept in your dad's bed and he like changed the whole mattress because I'd stayed in it do you remember that was after the fire but like my dad wasn't there as well no but then with my mum I used to just text her because I was like I couldn't possibly like bring myself to ask her in person or even over the phone so I'd just text and be like is it alright if Dave comes over I was going to say the name and I was like they don't want to be mentioned that is for sure and then and then we'd literally like oh it's just like come around and be like hey and then you walk in and you're like oh no because you where do we go no no no upstairs what are we doing yeah no I can just imagine how painfully awkward you and your mum would be in that scenario it's so awkward I really hope that we're a bit more chilled 100 % I hope like Leo can just pick up the phone and go oh hey mummy mum I've got a girlfriend I'd love you to meet her she's really lovely and then but it's just oh god I actually what are we doing like cooking our best dinner for this little girl.

17:44No, not my best dinner. I'm not going to be like, it's not like -

17:47Louise: You're not trying really hard. It's not like a date. Okay, this is Louise all over by the way. You're already thinking about what is she going to tell her parents after she goes home? You're like worried about that trail of information, that feedback. Wait, I'm going to be like, I'm going to have a chat with Leo first before she arrives. And I'll be like, all right, this is going to be great, but I'm going to be watching how you operate in this scenario. maintain respect to your mum treat this girl well and I'll make this as easy as possible for you my dude and if he steps out of line that's when I'll have to switch character and I'll be like spare bedroom for you boy Lucy another drink another drink?

18:30Louise: you're playing her with alcohol now are you? doesn't have to be alcoholic what, Ribena? probably yeah if you had a daughter though and your daughter brings home a fella to the house. I think that scenario would be incredibly difficult for a dad and a mum, but from a dad's perspective in particular. That's probably one of the reasons why I'm terrified of having daughters. Well, because you'll have to do the vetting. Some punk arrives at my house, extends his little weak handshake. Hi, Mr. Libby. Ryan's fine. i'm like yeah and he's like here to to like spend the night and have dinner and then sleep upstairs with my daughter no where's he sleeping then downstairs in front of a porch camera that i've got on him on the sofa yes or back to his own house no he can sleep in the house but downstairs with a camera on him all night like he's in a prison yeah so if he makes any move for the staircase my phone is that psycho i think that's like quite normal i actually mean it as well like he is downstairs what what what happens if if leo comes home and he's been staying at his girlfriend's house he's made to sleep on the sofa with a camera on him oh leo this is what's happening i'm applauding the dad who's enforced that because i'm like good earn your stripes mate you gotta earn respect don't be don't be assuming that you can just crawl into you know why guys get scared of their daughters dating other men is because they know what thoughts go through their own heads well hang on what sorry when you're like oh i don't want my daughter with a little punk what kind of punky things are you thinking about well you're not wrong in what you said but why why you don't you can't say that because you're a female well i can but yes you're wrong that is exactly why yeah yeah of course yeah i don't want some little spotty teenager with a boner next to my daughter as if we've got actually many many years before we have to worry about this okay so if we had a daughter and our daughter said to you can i bring my fella around for the weekend hey mom can i bring my fella around for the weekend immediately i'm going oh no she's been hanging out with can i bring my boyfriend over for the weekend what talk to me about that oh god i just will feel like such a hypocrite because i'll be oh no seriously i want to know okay no on a serious note like i would try not to make it really uncomfortable for her because i know how hard it is even to ask okay so your first response is oh cool my first response is that sounds really exciting i'd love to meet him like why don't we, why don't we meet outside of the house first?

21:32Louise: Like, why don't we all go for a nice dinner? Or like, why don't we, yeah, invite him around for a barbecue with his family. That's quite intense, isn't it? Is that too much? Whoa. The whole family are now coming for a barbecue. Well, yeah. That is not the way to play it, mate. But then at least I can meet them all and make a judgment. Well, you started by saying you want, you want to make it chill, not awkward. You've Now I've got Sheila and Dave in the back with a barbecue being like, my daughter just met your son about two weeks ago. And now we're all playing happy families. That's fucking weird.

22:04Louise: That is actually quite intense. You've moved fast. Oh God, Ryan, it's too anxiety inducing. I think I'd be like, okay, great. Bring him around for a barbecue. I'd invite as many of our family members around. They're always in an emergency. I'd invite Sam. Like, let's just get loads of people. let's just pack out the house and distract the whole situation well I'll just say yeah that's fine does he have a place locally to stay? Is he based in London? and she says no mummy I was hoping that he could stay with me us. I think like definitely not the first time I'm meeting him he's not staying over okay.

22:43Louise: Yeah is that fair? yes. Yeah I think like I'd quite like to know where I'd quite like to meet him first would you be like let me speak to his mum No, I hate speaking on the phone. We've already established that on this pod. I'd have to meet them in person. Like, I'm an in-person kind of person. Let me meet his mum for a coffee. No. Let me meet his mum for a dog walk. How are you going to meet the mum? No, I've already told you. They're all coming round to the house. That is the dream scenario, but you didn't let me do that. So there's no meeting of the family now. If you do that, if you run that drill, I'm out.

23:14I'm not going to be part of the barbecue.

23:16Louise: You're not. No, that's too much. That is too much. I'm always the one that has to pick up the visas when I make these mistakes and invite loads of people over. And then I'm like, Ryan, you're hosting. I'll just have to speak to the parents on the phone. I'll be like, calling on behalf of myself and Louise. What's our daughter's name in this scenario? Well, we've got a few names. Okay, well. Let's just say Penelope for now. Penelope. Penelope Pitsdog. Penelope wants to bring Jason round. Okay. How do we feel about this? what's the general consensus okay fine so we're doing the responsible parent thing that's alright then they come around it's all good I just and the sleeping arrangement he's not staying over for the first night you said yeah yeah yeah yeah I think we'll just push it back it's basically just a kicking the can down the road and if she says but mum I want him to stay so we can watch Netflix oh god I was going can't you go and stay at his and then I don't need to know anything about it ah interesting easier huh Pass the baton on.

24:20Louise: Right. Oh, you kind of got to let kids get on with it, haven't you? As long as they're, I think, like 17 or 18 years old. I think that's okay. We've got, again, quite contrasting opinions on this. Why? What is your age? Well, you're saying that we should just let him get on with it. I'm saying he's downstairs with a camera on him. Let's just play it by ear, Ryan. Let's just play it by ear. for now he's not going to stay with any school friends okay i'm going to change speed a little bit now because this happened a few weeks ago this was over the easter break when we went down to devon and i came back from that trip feeling really unsettled about something that happened and i actually wrote a letter to leo about it i don't know if you caught it but it was kind of well it was around making your own decisions and kind of sticking by it and not not discarding advice or or you know tuning out but just figuring out what feels right for you not right for other people in that same moment because i think it's really important because when we were down in devon i wasn't pressured but i felt some sense of like yeah maybe it was pressure from you from my dad, from my eldest brother to go and visit my grandma.

25:52Last time I saw my grandma was, Leo would have been probably just one. He's now four. So three and a half years ago. And that memory is quite sweet because we're at home in my parents' house in the kitchen. And we've got my two nieces, Sophie and Chloe. William, don't think Jack was around then. and we've got Leo sat on grandma's lap and in that photo my grandma is just about there mentally the dementia hadn't really taken over in its full strength and kind of like grasp and she was mobile and she still kind of looked and she still had that oh it's grandma feel about her and that's the last time I saw her and I have decided that on more recent trips to Devon I I didn't want to salt that I didn't want to tamper with that because I'm aware of where this is going this road with dementia and what happens and I I thought I'm going to protect that and hold that and just keep that in my mind is what grandma was about and on this trip my dad and you and Gareth were like, I think you should probably go and see your grandma.

27:12Like, just go and do it. Like, and I felt really, really uncomfortable. I wasn't, I wasn't really sure how to play this. And I felt as if I said no, if I felt like if I was going to say no to my dad, he would take that as a disappointment somehow. So I was like, okay, let's go. So I drove down the road, got out. opened the first door to this nursing home and through the glass, so into the building, through the glass, the sort of like nursing reception glass window, I saw my grandma as a first person. And this was not the same grandma in the picture that I just described to you. This was like a empty shell, hollow cask of a lady who was in this wheelchair looking at a pile of Duplo.

28:10And we had to sign in and walk around the glass and go and see her. And all the faces in there. It was honestly like something like a horror movie. Because they're all very sallow. They've got this colour of just a very old, unwell person. And they are fixed in a single position almost. They're just transfixed looking through walls and soles of people. And I walked in and I took about four steps and I was like, I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can do this. I've been here before with my other granddad on the other side of my family. And my dad spotted my reaction and he was like, okay, let's try something new.

28:53So he got a hold of the wheelchair, wheeled her down the hallway to her room. And her room was smaller than this studio. and I couldn't help but think my grandma's whole world she's like 88, 89 has been slimmed down to a room smaller than this no possessions there's pictures of you in the room there's a fake dog named Koji in the room with batteries

29:19Louise: I remember the dog and she's sat in the middle of this room I can't sit down because I'm just like oh my gosh I can't even function right now. My dad sat next to her holding her hand, trying to break up this Easter egg to share it with her. My brother's like skirting around at this top level questioning like, have you had your lunch today or have you been outside? And I'm just completely like paralyzed. Didn't say a single word. And then she looked at me and looked through me and then looked back and I was like, oh, fuck it, I'm done. she had no idea who any of us were she was in this tiny room and it's just a ticking time bomb and I felt I felt really really sad about my decision to to go but I felt I felt annoyed that I hadn't been before somehow because I was like how have I let this happen is this my responsibility why did we not just use that money to keep her at home and have a private nurse one-to-one why have we sold off like her home and why why is everything being funneled into this small room going there ruined my whole weekend that was on the friday we left on sunday i carried this level of like frustration because now i can't see the picture in the kitchen i just see that it's not helpful for me to for me it's not helpful for me to have the replacement of those images i've been down the road before with my granddad my mom's dad was a royal marine he was a pti he was a qualified olympic athlete he was my first hero when i was a kid i was like i'm gonna follow this guy there's a picture of him in our kitchen handsome royal marine suited and booted i was like That's the standard.

31:11That's what a man is. This guy lost his wife when I was born, got partnered up with another lady. She died. He dropped off a cliff rapidly, developed dementia, which took him from being that fit, capable bloke to swallowed on his own tongue, died. Forgot the function of breathing. And I saw him days before. I was like, I'm not going to do this again because I want him to live in here as the hero that he is. But I made the same mistake with my grandma and I felt compelled to write to Leo about it because I was like, please don't feel pressure in moments like this to conform to what expectations are of others.

31:59Do what feels right for you. And I have my own fears about dementia because of this because I'm now thinking, do I have this gene where it carries this? trait of dementia. Although apparently dementia is not inherited. It's more of a small, small, small genetic component, but it's still a component. There's early, dementia is like a slow, slow creep up. It doesn't just suddenly come on, even though I just described my granddad as a very sudden onset. I don't think that's quite how it works, unless he had something under the umbrella term diagnosis of umbrella. but from what i've looked up i think i think in general the changes in your brain function and its memory capacity and all that sort of stuff it happens 10 to 20 years ahead previous really really so when i say things like i feel like i need to go well the research says now that you should sauna four times a week 20 minutes exposure and that reduces your risk of dementia i read that and I'm like, I need to stick to that.

33:01The idea of like cross-wording and things to train the brain. I'm like, I need to be doing this.

33:07Louise: You think about it now. I feel like I'm thinking about it all the time. Even as like a fit and healthy 36-year-old. I don't just think about it. I'm absolutely terrified of it because I've seen what it does to two of my heroes. My granddad was like the physical example. My grandma was, she was my school teacher at primary school. She would read books in the dozens a week. So dementia for me is a very scary thing. And actually, any challenges that I find myself taking part in moving forwards, I've got to attach myself to this somehow. Such a cruel disease. Do you know 55 million people worldwide live with dementia?

33:52Louise: I didn't know that. No, I didn't know that. I looked it up. obviously so much research going into it at the moment to try to um

34:03Louise: yeah to try and come up with preventative medications so intolerable for the person that suffers but it's also really intolerable for the people that have to watch someone's brain degrade like that if i get hit by this disease yeah real talk in 40 years from now don't sign the paperwork where it's like keep keep the medication going let's keep it let's keep let's keep him like living because my dad my dad and my mom had to sign this paperwork and then you know however many months or however your grandmother for christian yeah but my dad has now not signed it to say that if she falls really unwell rather than trying to prevent and save essentially let's let's let the timer run out

34:52don't let me live like that don't let me live like that don't let Leo if I can see me like that either

34:57Louise: it's not going to happen I'm just saying like when you talk about like what keeps you up at night or what fears you have or what you're scared of I'm scared of that do you think it affects your dad and your brothers in the same way yeah but my dad and brothers are super zipped up they won't talk about this No one commented on the letter I wrote except for my auntie. And my dad reads it every week. We didn't mention it. No. But that's the male environment that I've been raised in. So me talking about this to you now in front of cameras, it's a big fucking deal. But I'm doing it because I know that there's lots of families up and down the country who have dementia in their family.

35:44It's a fucking terrible disease. but despite the whole like it's set to triple by 2050 is it there is there is still a lifeline of 40 of these cases can be reduced by lifestyle it is heartbreaking i feel i feel guilty for encouraging to go because it's almost easy to do that because it's perceived by many as the right thing to do because you're showing support and you're showing up for loved ones

36:17Louise: also you just don't know when it's going to be the last time so you feel like it's the honourable thing to do is to go and take a photo I took the photo and I can show you the photo it's not one I want to keep in my phone I've got the photo I haven't even shown you because

36:37it's just not the photo that I want I think in many situations you must ultimately do what feels right for you what I probably should have done in that scenario is the picture I mentioned with the kids on her knee in the kitchen I should have printed that photo and I should have written a letter and I should have said dad would you mind reading this to grandma on my behalf

37:03because then I can maintain this in my mind and that for me would have been better

37:12Louise: I think that's important for you people to know because there will be a lot of people who are expected to cry as well this is so emotional to go and and do like the impossibly hard thing and sometimes it's not the best

37:35Louise: option I actually feel um kind of the opposite because I didn't go and see my uncle or other family members before they died and i regretted it whatever feels right for you that's the point that's that's the point do what feels right for you if you feel regret then you know inevitably we're all we're all gonna end somewhere mantelpiece or or in the ocean um yeah we we can we can get the upshot out of this the upshot is that I just wanted to give a little bit of advice and a reflection on what I'd lived through for Leo. And that's where we can leave it. Well, he's very lucky that he got to meet his grandmother.

38:23Louise: Great-grandmother. Great-grandmother.

38:34May is Maytag month, and Menards is passing the savings on to you. You need reliable and energy-efficient appliances to conquer the day. Menards is your one-stop shop with appliances in stock and ready to take home today. Check out our top appliance brands, including KitchenAid, Maytag, Whirlpool, Amana, and Criterion. Save big money on Maytag appliances at Menards. And check out our weekly flyer on Menards.com for all the great deals happening now.

39:01Louise: Save big money at Menards. Here's a tip for you. There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week. They trust the host. And that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience. The problem is you just haven't been introduced yet. We're Acast, where that introduction happens. As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform. Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

39:53Louise: This week is actually maternal mental health week, which a lot of people will be talking about, especially um in our kind of echo chamber given all of the work that we're doing around the maternity space i think it's a nice one just to touch on i mean we've spoken quite a lot about our own experiences of poor mental health um in the postpartum period i actually learned recently that one in five people struggle with their mental health either when they're pregnant or afterwards in that first year one in five women yes women i'd be interested to know the stat around men because i know that men struggle equally as badly uh and there is actually i learned a uh i don't know that's called a paternal mental half week but it's in june and it's the day after father's day which i suppose is quite fitting how do you feel about having all these weeks to celebrate or mark different things i shouldn't really say celebrate when so many of these things are such i don't know how they first came about who who decided that june 16th would be paternal day for dance you know what i think i'd imagine it would be um charities or like advisory groups like boards i don't know i think i i feel like i'm slightly contradicting myself because I remember a while ago I did a post and I said I'm not to jump on the bandwagon but I'm going to talk about maternal mental health and it was probably like this time of year a few years ago to sort of I think the point that I was trying to make was that these are evergreen subjects that live outside of a very specific window and I think it's important for them to be spoken about year-round but maybe it's nice for them to have you know a moment of um just a moment i'd feel more invested in them if it was just not all about talking about it and posting about it for instance like maternal health awareness week yeah like if you and emily or you and my sister-in-law our sister-in-law's emily and megan all mums if you were like it's a working week but actually we're gonna take a we're gonna take a morning and we're gonna lead the kids with schools nurseries dads whatever and we're just gonna go and just hang out and just do something for our own mental health and happiness whether that's like a spa or a coffee or a walk whatever like if i saw people taking some action to commemorate that day then i would feel better about it that's so interesting because i was literally about to say i think it's like let's focus on the doing versus all of the talking like people love to talk and just like hypothesize yeah but no one actually does anything about these bloody things it's like let's look at all these statistics and let's get really depressed and and instead if you're someone that suffered with bad mental health and you're now at the other side wouldn't it be nice to go and like volunteer or pick up the phone or do some like peer to peer support for the day and actually like offer your services or go and do something as you say that's a really really good suggestion it's like take like a couple of hours just to check in with a friend or group together as mums and like ask each other how our mental health is doing i think that feels really positive and that's where like the movement is good i'm gonna do you know what i'm gonna do it for did you say june 16th is the paternal is the dad's yeah yeah yeah what should go bro well actually we're trying to organize so our so megan who just mentioned my both of our sister-in-laws she's especially a baby actually in june and so we were going to get together anyway me emily and her and maybe do like a little just very low-key baby shower us three so maybe we'll tie it in well there you go maybe we'll do it this week great when's international women's day because whenever that is i want to see all you guys being like do you know what fuck what we're gonna go for lunch we've missed it but let's basically all of the women the things i feel like are in march around my birthday which is cool less talking more action yeah if you're going to celebrate it let's let's do that or if you're going to acknowledge it let's do that with something we can take away from this versus just a post that is just dropped in a ocean of others that people don't really have any connection yeah it's more than a hashtag you know there's actually a really good bbc uh drama that's just come out it's called babies what's that about what do you reckon well actually it's about this couple who have experienced pregnancy loss and it's really well reviewed and um it's done in like a really sensitive way and it and it's kind of the first of its kind because there haven't been many bbc dramas i don't think is it a real life documentary or like a no it's not it's not a doc it's fictional which is nice because it feels like you're slightly removed from like the rawness of it but it is really well done so i would actually recommend it to anyone that's looking for something to watch as long as you won't find it too triggering it's the sort of thing you've got to be in the mood for um have you seen it i've started watching it i actually did when you were away and then because i'm obviously fascinated in in this whole area but but i do find that i have to step away from this sort of sensitive material um and go and like blast my brain full of light and frothy reality TV when I feel like everything's getting a bit too heavy.

45:21Louise: So like I try to be. Why don't you try temptation Island? Oh my God, Ryan. I'm so glad you mentioned it. Crystal. I can fill you. Everybody's fucking plate with that shit. Fill my boots. I. I'm just going to let you know now. Everybody has been talking about temptation. I'm just going to let you know now. This will not surprise you. I fucking hate that concept of a show, but you should go and just have have fun with it shall i just get into it yeah oh my god so much to say so temptation islands is a netflix show and essentially the

45:58Louise: foreplay the context is that there are these four couples who all have experienced issues in their relationships so they're kind of like in tatters anyway i shouldn't laugh it's actually really sad um but they so they they're sort of at a at a breaking point like they don't know whether their relationship is going to make it through and they decide rather stupidly to go onto this island and they're split the girls are split together so there's four girls that go and and they're surrounded by 20 single blokes like hot men whose main job it is to try and tempt them to hook up with them versus go back to their partner.

46:42Louise: And then the guys go off and do the same thing, but with a bunch of girls. And then at the end, they need to decide like whether they're going to get back with their partner or whether they're going to hook up with someone else that they might have fallen in love with. It's so trashy.

47:00Louise: Have you ever watched X on the Beach before? I definitely know what it is, but I haven't watched it. Have you ever watched Love Island before? uh well probably with you like a little bit but again fucking hate all of that you're not really a dating show have you watched maths before maths what's a math what's a math married at first side no no married again what sort of fucking concept is that you haven't seen that one because that is that is like a worldly show but this is this is all this is all part of like the dark side of the world that i'm just like i only watched it when a nurse in hospital told me to watch it because it might turn my mood around i got i got two i got two routes that i could come back to you sorry i know i keep interrupting but the worst is love is blind where they literally fall in love through a fucking wall have you seen that one arguably that one's better because it's like it's less about the vanity and aesthetics it's like let me hear let me hear who you are through the wall here that's kind of deeper right it's kind of ridiculous it's ridiculous but out of the shit that you've just told me about is less ridiculous.

48:10There's two routes I could go down on this one. One route is, oh, fuck it. I'll just accept it. These kids have probably like figured out like this is an opportunity to get a profile, get a platform, get a blue tick, whatever else become boohoo next cover model. They're all probably playing the game, which everyone I think is doing except for this Dumbo. So they're probably going in there. Which is your biggest green flag. They're not going in there with their heart on their sleeve. Like I would. do I be like playing it very differently so there's that option where it's like all right well you're just playing a game it's a game show have at it like no one's really doing anything too malicious like you're all aware of the ins and outs like fucking have at it then there's like the route that I'm probably like overpoweringly leaning towards it's like this is all part of the same dark conceited world it's the same shit that feeds into the manosphere it's the same like Like we are rewarding and applauding the wrong type of noise and people.

49:08And we're just creating an example that is just infecting our world. And as a dad, my kids or kid will never be watching or taking part in any of that shit. That is like everything. everything that i think is just wrong in humans these tv show these tv shows seem to can i just extrapolate magnify glorify and be like yes we love it keep going and we're all at home on our

49:41Louise: sofas like yeah like do you know what's funny there'll be people that are like a high bravid ass that will be sat having the same conversations talking about me and chelsea in the show we were on saying exactly the same thing i'm like no no listen it's fine we can handle it but they will be going god there's such drats going on that show and like basically it's just was a glorified dating show as well yeah all right but listen i can i have a comeback to that because i never wanted to be on that show i didn't audition for it i didn't try out for it i didn't apply for it i just met you off the show and you happened to be a fucking a team player on the show and they were like well we have to follow this storyline now i'm just gonna play you a couple of taglines from i was gonna say characters on the show but these are real people like the real housewives of New York oh yeah yeah because they've got their own taglines and they're always so good all the Real Housewives yeah we've spoken about this before what ours would be we should come up with new ones okay so would this tempt okay so I'm going to play three and you've got to decide which one tempts you the most it's fucking Blind Date yeah back in the day we had Blind Date with Scylla Black this is what this is what people are up to these days my name's Kennedy I'm a flight attendant I know you're used to flying economy, but let me know when you're ready to upgrade to first class.

51:01Louise: That's like the line that Ashley Cole said about Cheryl Cole. I know he was like, when you get to eat in the ivy every day. Okay, she's on a McDonald's. It's like the reverse of that. She's basically slagging off someone's girlfriend saying that they're economy class. Yes, thank you for explaining that. Yeah, I know, Ryan. But I'm just saying. No, I got it. Right. Okay. Next one. Fucking bastard. My name's Maya. I have long hair, blue eyes, and a perfect smile. I'm a hooters girl, model, and even one Miss Miami. But no matter what I do, you're going to want to pin me up against your wall. Oh, do you know what?

51:39I was literally about to say, well, that's actually quite nice and innocent. I'm in. And then she said that. She sounds like a little hussy. Oh, my God.

51:45Louise: That's someone's daughter. Well, yes. Mate, that is wild. Hannah, why did you watch this shit? What's the next one? I'm not here to break apart healthy relationships Good I'm here to expose the weak ones I'm Carter I just graduated college But my final exam Is oral

52:11What?

52:13Louise: Okay sweet So we've got I can't even remember the first one now The first one is team Sex one wants to be pinned up And the third one's good at oral sex Oh man No But do you From the voice Which one are you choosing? what actually the second one to Hooters girl as well where does it say that I'm pretty sure she said that so she's she rollerblades around with a tight t-shirt on who am I who am I choosing from that yeah how the fuck do I answer this Josh yes oh go on Ryan say it number three number two actually number two number two why don't I get to listen to any clips of the dudes okay well fucking where's my phone I'm joking sorry Richie, next week.

52:55Louise: Next week, hook me up. That's fucking wild. Can you imagine if that was your kid? What would I say on that? Yeah, what would your line be? I can pick you up and throw you around. Yeah.

53:11Fuck it.

53:13Louise: Oh, I'm short. You could throw me around. Sorry, look at me. Just try to copy yourself. So not original. Listen, Ryan. Maybe I could tempt you to watch it. nope yes we'll be banning that in our household which it won't be it just won't be like on the menu it's not like a banning situation it's just like it's just not even on the menu you've got like sports disney or movies none of that shit in between yeah okay fine yes we don't want leo getting any ideas should we move to a listener question yeah it's actually kind of relevant what would you do if Leo said he wanted to go into reality TV? I'd give him my experiences first.

54:01And then I'd let you give your experience next.

54:05Louise: Yeah. Well, what was your experience being? And then I'd get Sam in and I'd give his experience. And then I'd get Pete in and I'd be like, give his experience. And then we'd go, we basically can't tell you not to do it because all of these four influential people in your life have made careers out of it. No, no. He'll listen to four different accounts. Yep. Different levels of exposure in that world. Different experiences. And from that, we can have a discussion about it. Can I ask you a quick question? Can you just like one sentence each? How do you think all of those people would explain their experiences?

54:40Sam would say,

54:43Louise: it's just a game, mate, and I can teach you how to play it. Yes. Pete would say, it's fucking shit, mate, but it makes you a little bit of money on the side. You know what I mean, mate? You'd say, just get a regular job. And I'd say, be a doctor or I'd help my mom out. And I'd say, don't make the same mistake I did basically. Cause I just walked into it completely naive. Yeah. Fair enough. So I'd go last. I'd be like, come to me last. You speak to those three first and then come to me. And then whichever way he goes, I'll be like, cool. But if we, if he's going to end up going on the reality TV world, which is not completely alien because of the family we have, but like if that happens i actually mean my response like do go and speak to your uncle and pete and louise your mum and like like get a little bit of like education around like what you're getting yourself into because for me it just happened not out of my control but like you're kind of thrust into it i wish i'd protected myself more from the outset i've only really been sort of encouraged to be you know an open book and honest and wear your heart on your sleeve that just doesn't wash in tv essentially you just paint yourself with a big old target on your back so i do regret that i wish i'd gone into it with a bit more awareness of how it works so i was naive and a bit silly in that regard um yeah and i never i didn't i didn't even watch myself back on tv uh it's funny when you when you're put into an awkward scenario cameras or no cameras like you have to put yourself in the heat of those moments repeatedly to find your your kind of balance with it and like how you conduct yourself in a way that you're like oh i handled that well with maiden chelsea it just they throw you into it with no with not a moment's notice they edit it they reorganize it they twist it around the version that goes on the tv you're like well it's not how it went that makes me feel really like frustrated with myself so i wish i had more uh more presence and and self confidence and assurance in those moments

57:01probably don't feel great about choking your ex-boyfriend against the wall either but I don't regret it but at the same time I probably shouldn't have done that

57:10Louise: sorry shouldn't have done that don't feel great about it don't regret it I love that that's not to regret no because I was more I was more like you fuckers like you've put me into a into a cage here and you've just unleashed something in me and the poor fucker went 20 meters that way it's really tough being in a reality TV show obviously we're kind of out the other side now so reflecting back being in a good spot now, learning a lot, building up some resilience. I think, yeah, it's like a good training program for life to be going through the things that typical teenagers and people in their early twenties do to be publicly humiliated.

57:47Louise: And for the whole world, not the whole world, but for a lot of people to comment on it, it's really tough, but it does give you a thick skin. So I always said, like when I was asked this question before that I'd let Leo watch our reality TV show elements of it and say, this is how not to live your life. Like learn from our mistakes and don't repeat them because I mean, you didn't make as many as I did, but I made a lot for the world to see. So are they regrets then? I'll tell you the thing, there's two things I regret. I regret drinking on the show and I regret going back to people, going back to relationships that I was in on the show time and time again.

58:32There we go.

58:33Louise: But the whole experience I don't regret. No, that's separate. It'd be interesting to know like what I would have ended up doing or where I'd be or who I'd be or what I would have dated Oh, I can answer that, mate. You'd be head of accountant at KPMG with your little pencil skirt and glasses on just crunching dates like this. In that case, I regret the entire thing in Chelsea because that's exactly where I'd want to be. I know. We all know. guys can someone just headhunt me please this girl loves a spreadsheet this girl loves tabs you keep talking about it someone's going to come to me one day and be like show me these bloody spreadsheets and they'll be really disappointed no they won't no they won't anyway guys that is the end of that episode and it's been a real mixed bag I'm sorry for getting it would be lovely to hear from you so if you have any queries or questions or concerns that we might be able to unpack on the show please email us at hss at srproductions.com It's triple S.

59:31Louise: Yeah, you get it. Like and subscribe. This is not a cult.

59:41May is Maytag month and Menards is passing the savings on to you. You need reliable and energy efficient appliances to conquer the day. Menards is your one-stop shop with appliances in stock and ready to take home today. Check out our top appliance brands including KitchenAid, Maytag, Whirlpool, Amana, and Criterion. Save big money on Maytag appliances at Menards. And check out our weekly flyer on Menards.com for all the great deals happening now. Save big money at Menards.