Louise and Ryan finally found their dream home!

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1:01Morning, Ryan. Morning, Louise. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Deflection. Ryan is the master in the art of deflection. No, I'm not. I'm good. I've got a bit of a funny day today. I don't know. I've got a well all morning I've been dealing with a tenant who needs a new dishwasher so I've been trying to decide whether to get a silver one or a white one they're really expensive big decisions later on I've got a lady coming to the house and we're going to finalise my will oh gosh and in between that we are chatting about all sorts it's a mixed life I'm liking your little ballerina outfit Thank you It's your little hair bun Yeah You're looking pretty Sporty Sporty I've got my I've had a haircut yesterday I've gone full sport mode again Well Leah's got school photos And you decided to go and get a Very intense mullet cuff Yesterday Which is fab It's not very intense It is I was stroking his hair In bed yesterday And warning And I Because Toto Has gone bald on his tummy and I'm quite worried about it so I took him and Koji to the vet um at the beginning of this week just to make sure that they are all good and then I was stroking Leo's head I was like are you going bald as well don't be silly it's just really this guy's obviously thinning his hair I like it when it's all like little he looks like a little chick and it's all thick and bushy and now it's really tidy it's not really you can't just say he's got a really aggressive mullet and then say it's really tidy it is they don't go in the same sentence yeah yeah aggressive mullet is like tidy mullet like short sides short up top and then just like a bit longer around the neck i think he looks so cute he does look cute and as always he sits on that little plank of wood in the barber's chair and just like watches himself in his own little trance it's so cute Yeah, he's awesome.

3:08We've got a pretty major he said this week. Go on then. He said, get your, swear word, checkbook out. I did say that. Do you remember when and where exactly that happened? Well, yeah, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have brought it up. No, but do you remember where exactly? No, I don't. I do. Okay, tell me where. Because this is such a you comment as well. Oh, I don't even know where to start with this. this is a massive bit of news, potentially. I think you should go with this one. We're going to put an offer on a house, which is exciting. Today. Today is the day. We could procrastinate and prolong and just not do it and get really scared, but we're going to do it today.

3:54Today is the day. So we viewed a house on Friday. On the journey to the Copspotts. Said location. Said location. I had to give Ryan a bit of a pep talk at the beginning because you were still being quite like resistant to the whole thing and your kind of mentality was that um oh like do we want to go and waste more of our time on a Friday time is so precious I'm basically gonna be a chauffeur for four hours driving us all the way up to the sticks we're not gonna find anything we like and I feel like you were just having a lot of doubt I wasn't getting the excitement I wanted from you and we turned up at this house was the first house we saw on friday yes yes and you got out of the car and your eyes hit you and jackpot and you went get the checkbook out and then i was like don't let them know that we like it it wasn't quite as soon as that when i said that line to you yeah but you pulled up and i could hear the like crunchy gravel on the driveway underneath the car wheels and i could just see your face like ding ding ding it was or it is so beautiful that house i can't quite believe it i know there's a lot of stepping stones in front of us now in order to see it through but it is really exciting and strangely enough that was the very first house that we were given as like a brochure on email to look at.

5:23A while ago. A month back. Yeah, like a good few months ago. And this same house, we sort of looked at it, loved it, and we were like, oh my gosh, we're off to a flying start. This is exactly where we, in our minds at the time, we were like, this is it. Yeah. But then that property, I think, went under office soon after. It was taken off the market. And then weeks and months down the line, it comes back onto the market exclusively for us, apparently. no what do you mean it's not exclusively for us it's not on market but like we because we were like in the queue to see it back you know what i mean like they're like just to let you know we're back in yeah i think that they had an onward purchase fall through so that then the people that were going to buy the house also fell through it didn't fit with their timelines and it's a bit of a juggling act this whole business is trying to buy somewhere but um luckily that worked in our favor so we got to see this beautiful home and so much of our lives are public and I feel like this project part of us wanting to kind of get a little retreat outside of town is to have a little pocket of privacy so I love the idea of getting really excited with you like this is actually an opportunity in our week where we don't get to like you know hang out that much because we're busy working where we get to get really excited about something and i can literally i've got you sat here we could talk about all the logistics the pros and cons of the house the things we like things we need to change the next steps the surveyor's fees all of that kind of stuff because i've got some of your time um but there are then obviously things that we will be keeping private because just from like yeah i think just to protect our stuff i just think you really need But also because we haven't got it, I don't want other people then to know what we're talking about.

7:12I don't usually like to talk about things that aren't concrete or definitely happening. But I think we should start manifesting. Let's just start manifesting this. We've obviously, it is happening because we've already moved half of our furniture into storage. We've also started talking to Leo about the house with the big garden. we're like yeah yeah don't worry you can have your your white bike back when we move into the big house with the big garden so everyone we yeah we're kind of really leaning into it please don't fall through we did have a call from our buying agent yesterday who said that it's going to be delayed by six weeks anyway let's start with the house so we pulled up it's beautiful it's got wisteria on it which is i think very meaningful for me because i grew up in a street in notting hill and there was a beautiful white stucco building that had wisteria growing up it and i always thought gosh it'd be so cool to have a home with that purple flower yeah um was that the first thing you noticed when you arrived yeah 100 yeah and then do you know i noticed first the carport like the wooden like timber frame carports i was like oh talk to me with logs stacked up in there.

8:32I didn't even see the carport. I'm not surprised. What, that like small wooden, just, it's like a shack? It's not the, to be fair, it's not the biggest, but it's a carport nonetheless. Basically, it's just four wooden planks. No, it's not just that. With a tin roof on top like this. No, I mean, you've played it down, which is humble and kind of cool, but it's not that. It's much nicer. Okay, talk me through why a guy likes a carport. We've discussed this before. Usually the example we have now, we don't have a driveway at all. I have to put the car on the curb or the main road. The idea of having a carport is like, oh, you've got some shelter.

9:10You can put your stuff away. You can pack your boot without anyone giving you a ticket. I can just tinker out there. I don't really know what I'm doing with a car, but I can just tinker out there. We literally have TaskRabbit around it every day. My motorbike will be in there as well. I'll just be like, oh. It's like my little bat cave. how do you feel about the fact that this house is actually in a village so it doesn't you mentioned drive there it's not got a huge drive oh sorry so it's got like a little gravel driveway there's no turning circle i feel like we've learned so much turning wheel as you called it turning wheel yesterday so some houses have a turning circle which is where you drive in and there's a circle in the middle of the drive so you can all turn around and then exit again that's for the big dogs that's elite we did actually look at one there's no private road attached to this one No.

9:56So we do have neighbours, but then we had a little like pootle through the town afterwards, didn't we? And I forced you to talk to that woman on the side of the road. She definitely knew who we were. Ask her some questions. She was like, oh, hello. I was like, yeah, I'm sorry. I was like, I literally was like, roll down your window, Ryan, ask her where you can get a... Ice cream. I didn't say an ice cream. I did. I said a pint of milk. Too sweet. Because there was a sweet school in the village. Get back to the house. Okay. Also, I've already checked out the massive manor house. So I think a big part of choosing somewhere to live is like scoping out the neighbours.

10:34And the other houses will look nice. So yeah, I think there's four and a half, you'd say five bedrooms. I don't know where this half comes from. Because one of the rooms is a half room. What, because of the roof sort of angle? Yeah, it's like an attic. well it was a the way that they have it set up with two single beds and the little doll house and the little was it their like painting set up with their easel and paints it was a very nice room and every room in that house has got a beautiful view of green rolling hills with sheep and horses oh yeah the views were really good continue the tour so we've got five bedroom house with mysterio on the outside we've got a carport outside and we've got a manor farm mistake next door so the feng shui is really good like you walk in there's a really these are the things that you just i mean a lot of people obviously can't afford this but in london you definitely are not going to have a space to hang up your coats like we really lack storage in this house but this place had an actual cloak rim so somewhere to just put all your shoes and your coats genius

11:45and there was such a nice flow I think through the whole house so it was pretty lateral come through on the left there's a converted garage which is now a gym which will be a playroom really glad that you're on board with that one because I think it's so nice to have a space just to put just to shut away all of the toys yeah and that also feels like quite a safe room because you can shut all of the doors but also you can see into that room from the kitchen if you wanted to. Yeah, actually even further from the kitchen. There's basically this kind of corridor and you get a view from like from the left side of the house, like the furthest point on the left, right the way through, kind of five rooms through to then the living room on the right, which is really nice.

12:27And all about like a through flow, like having nice energy, being able to flow between the rooms. It would almost be like this, if that wall wasn't there, you'd be able to see from where Harry sat right through to the garden. Yeah. Which would be quite nice, wouldn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of the houses that we were very close to putting an offer on on my birthday in March was beautiful. It was a beautiful house. It was great. It was like really remote. It did have a long personal driveway. It was on eight acres. But you couldn't get out of the house very easily. So while you might have this nice view out of a window, there weren't doors to get outside.

13:02So if you saw your child playing around in the garden or like having an accident or something, you'd literally have to go through four different rooms to then be able to get outside. Yeah, that's true. And that's not that convenient. So this house has got a really good configuration of hallways, corridors, rooms, access in and out. Yeah, you felt like it was big enough. Yeah, the ceilings were good because it was actually built in the 60s. So it's not grade one or two listed, which means that it might be easier to do a bit of work too. And they've put an extension on, but they've sort of married it up beautifully so it doesn't stick out.

13:39Well, I didn't realize how important the, like the exterior of the house was to you. Yeah. Massively. So we looked at a few things the week before and you hated all of them. I did. I think because they just didn't have curb appeal and they didn't look right. And I guess for you, like you really want to feel proud of your home. and you want to feel like you want to invite people there and kind of show it off. Yeah. I think you definitely buy into that probably a bit more than me. So when I'm looking at something, I just see walls and a square room and I look at like how many square rooms there are.

14:15Are they square? How big are they? And are there winters? And is there light? Yeah, well, fair enough. But this one definitely ticked boxes. This is maybe the, what, we've seen 10 or 12 different places. Yeah. And I suppose we've changed our budget a little bit along the way. So the parameters have changed. So we reduced our budget. So we are compromising on some stuff. Well, that's what I was about to get to, yeah. You do have to embrace the idea of compromising on something, whether it's like the size of the garden or just the general land that you're sat on. Smaller bedrooms upstairs from a bigger kitchen downstairs.

14:43I don't know, a single garage instead of a, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the exciting part with this house is that I feel like there's less of a compromise. It ticks more of our boxes to the point where we're like, this is nearly perfect, which is hard, unless you've got an endless budget. Yeah. And we did actually, we literally cut off 25 % of the budget. So what are the pros and cons? Pros, looks nice from the outside. Wisteria. Carport. Carport. views of your absurd views of sheep because the animal thing for us is really important because i would love leo to be able to point and go like oh that's george the sheep out there yes well i should we go and ask the farmer whether we can go and help him sit on his room the horses or sit on his tractor go and like feed an apple to somebody when i was a kid i pulled a calf at my friend's farm leo could be like getting real day on the farms couldn't he you know do Do you understand what pulling the calf is?

15:44Yeah, what, pulling it out of the vagina? Shoulder right in. So this is you being the doula again. You're the vagina doula that we spoke about a few episodes ago. Someone messaged me who we both know. She was like, can you stop saying the word vagina on the podcast? She was like, can you call it like a cooch or something? Well, okay, let's come up with a word then. I like cooch. No. All right. What do you want to call it then? Don't you have like an internal like girls only code for it? I was going to say something disgusting.

16:12let's not let's get this house no no but hang on let's actually because we need to think of a word that we can use forever in perpetuity so we don't keep cussing on the pod okay i'm looking because at one point our son will grow up and listen to this and be so humiliated i'm looking at things in front of me and i'm trying to take inspiration what are you the pig you can see the The pig book. No, we're not going to call it the pig. That's disgusting. Well, come on. Okay. I'm going to actually get my phone out and I'm going to quickly have a look at... Funny names. No, nice names. Nice names. Nice nicknames.

16:48Front bottom. Try and say front bottom. Yeah, front bottom, yeah. Drop that into a sentence. Yeah, easily. Okay, go on then. So you pulled this calf out of the... Back bottom, not the front bottom. It's not the back bottom. They don't give birth out of their bum. can i just read out a few of these i don't want to make this podcast so inappropriate but for jj vagine flower honeypot hoo-ha vag beaver no i've got it hoo-ha kitty foof or foof snatch oh my god this is this one is penis snuggie what no that's not thanks this is Gemini I'm just on Google no jumper lady parts why do you call it lady parts that's quite cute oh just get back on track Fanny my cousin used to get called Fanny oh god what were we talking about it's the pros list we're on the pros list okay so we've got front and back animals we've got loads of green luscious lawn you can see a church spire from the bedroom windows on the top floor the back windows There's no main road.

17:57There's no sounds of traffic. There are windows in every bathroom. There is a outdoor kitchen setup, which you may or may not know, but I've tried to build one here in our place in London, which I adore. And I cook most of my meals out there. Yeah. I would say. This place has got like a shelter, beautifully built thing that they did over COVID with fairy lights. And I know that they'll probably take most of it, but it's just great to have that space where I can slot into. Yeah. Okay. So that's what you're going to do with that space. Yeah. It's also got a really big shed, which means all of our bikes, roof tents, all that stuff can go in one spot.

18:35It's not that big, the shed. Well, no, it is. It's just that you probably didn't take much notice of it. Flat lawn. Flat lawn. We really wanted a flat lawn so that we could kick a football around. Massive trees that shelter the wind. We did see a house which was beautiful the week before. Stunning house. Gave like proper holiday feels. I felt like I was walking into a really cool house and I've never been to Australia. You said Australia. I felt like I was in South Africa, like a cool like beach house, like really tiled, very white, amazing glass panels. It had a great flow. But then we went outside.

19:12It was like we in a wind turbine, great views. But you couldn't sit out there for longer than two minutes without putting on an anorak even in peak summer. and so if we wanted to host people laying a table put a tablecloth on a couple of glasses on the floor within seconds so it's an interesting thing to consider things like wind when you're looking at a house because you were like yeah yeah i was like wow this is this is really amazing because that view i don't think you you'd struggle to beat that view that was like really you've got an unspoiled view of the whole valley and beyond and the house was great and i was like this is really interesting.

19:51This is a curveball. Didn't know that this was going to be such a promising potential. But then the wind became such a, like, deal breaker. It was just freezing. Just became, because then you're like, actually, there's a reason why they're garden furniture. And there's a reason why they're sat around the back of the house, looking at nothing but like a fence or a wall. It's because they're sheltering from the wind. At which point you're like, go and ask them if this is normal. And they were like, You've got to ask people. And they were so sweet and honest. I need all of the answers, but I don't have the bollocks to go and ask the questions.

20:19so I literally got like a hot thot and runs back. They were so sweet. She was like, yes, it's so windy. And then the estate agent called us afterwards to be like, I think they might have put their foot in it with the wind and the honesty part. Aw. So yeah, I mean, the pros list is pretty padded out. Cons list wasn't that exciting, really. Nothing to... Well, no, there's a huge compromise with this one. It's got fairly small back garden. So in a dream scenario, we would have garden that wraps around from the front to the back and you can access from the side. Which you can. Which you can just through, because it's in a village.

20:55There are houses that are close by, but at least it's not attached. And there's a little bit of space either side, which is nice. The back garden is a lot smaller than the front garden. Yeah. And then the front garden is attached to a road. Luckily, the road is sunken. So you don't have a view of the road when you're in the front garden. It's actually lower down, which is nice. That's quite rare. But it doesn't give us a lot of opportunity in terms of adding value over the next three to five years. Because if we had more land, so we have looked at some places that are like two, three, four, up to 10 acres.

21:31And then you have options to sell fields off to try and get planning to extend. Or you can get one of those like little trailer, but the very pretty like little kind of bobbiny huts. you can get shepherd's huts shepherd's huts yeah so you could have little outhouses um that you could either rent out or people could come and stay and there's just opportunity there's more opportunity than you know if in three years time we could afford to build a pool or a pond or tennis courts that kind of stuff we're a bit limited here because it's a village house but it offers something very different and i think you know the conversation that we've been having which is an important one, is like remembering what the purpose of this house is for us.

22:19Perfect doesn't exist. We can't afford perfect. And actually this for us is a space to potentially take Leo out of nursery for a half day on Friday through till Sunday to enjoy as a family and to heal. It's also pretty much arrive with your bags, turn the key and you're in. like it's it's ready to go this is not like we're not taking on a massive project with this there'll be some there'll be some small things to change maybe a lick of paint somewhere and carpet changes but there's also a mega fireplace which is cool it's like literally the size of this that kitchen that's a good it's not the size of the kitchen but it is big hang on hang on okay it's bigger than this whole wall it's a big fireplace it's maybe the size of this whole wall not like it doesn't go up to the ceiling it's half this wall no it's not half the wall Ryan it's the whole width of this wall oh yeah we sorry yeah the width of this wall and then the height it's like up to the top of that what's the next steps then because there will be people listening who might have experienced this or going through it now i this is this is all quite new to me by the way so it's a learning experience but between so what we've got we've got the agency fees we've got surveyors fees solicitors or was it a residential lawyer we've got all these stamp duties and hidden bloody costs it makes it it's a real roller coaster isn't it with this thing because like you look at it and you're like this might actually be possible for us and you get super excited and you almost like mentally move in don't you you're like this is gonna be great for summer and christmas yeah and then you like you drive you get you start driving away from the place and then you start getting emails or texts from the person helping us it's like can you please get a mortgage in principle can you prove your funds can you take a look at the fees for this lawyer who you have to use then look at the solicitor's fee or whatever it is and it's like oh my gosh and you move up a bracket in the stamp duties yeah and it's it quickly becomes like maybe we can't do this how is this ever going to work how does anyone buy a house for that matter well it's really hard but i think really it's it's just putting in the offer right to put us in a better position for them to want to accept it we should get the mortgage in principle written up so that they then know how serious we are and they know that we can move quickly okay proof of funds same kind of thing and then um yeah we just need to instruct a good solicitor who can work with their solicitor but they're expensive and i suppose because it's outside of london um it maybe comes with a few more complications and then we have to work out our mortgage repayments and this is where i've been trying to teach you about the financial spreadsheet right yeah it's working is it working yeah okay well done i'm all over this i'm doing his monthly reporting now i'm reconciling like your dad then you work out how much you've saved and then you can figure out how much is left over for the mortgage yes thank you for that yeah so it's actually it's very exciting and we could be in i mean ideally it was going to be beginning of august but i think that they've had some issues with their onward purchase so maybe September time.

25:30As long as we're in for Christmas, because my side of the family are hosting Christmas this year, should we message the buying agent now and say, let's put in the offer? Oh my gosh, that's big. Yes. And I don't know why we keep doing this now on the podcast. We did this with Jack with the wedding. No, I like it. It's accountability. But it is accountability. If we don't do it now, then we won't do it. So this podcast is encouraging us to move our life forward. Do it! You know, Jack replied to me, by the way, just a quick nod to that episode. Oh, handsome Jack. He said, please get married at forest have fun i'm so sorry i missed rise message i'd love to be your umpire i've never seen the word umpire written out like that i've done i what is the actual name for a umpire is like a tennis no a cricket umpire but what's the wedding oh efficient yeah that'll do i prefer umpire oh he needs to get ordained ordained well are we actually gonna anyway i said haha i thought you'd maybe listen to me calling you hunky in the episode but we stopped flirting with him you're like you're like trying to take his attract like attention onto that part of the message oh did you see my let's message are we about to do this what do we say here's here's our offer please put it forward and you feel really good about this because my concerns are that we've still only seen 10 places and the uk is a small country but there are a lot of villagers out there yeah and we've not seen that many all fair that are because we extended our distance so we're now looking two hours from london we feel really good about it it just scares me because it's not like it's not got absolutely everything i can what i can what i can only tell you we we operate differently we both know that at this point and most people listening probably do you've got more of a like deep analysis like you want to like compile as much information as possible for me a lot of what i do little and large important or not in life is dictated to by my gut instinct and i kid you not as soon as i like arrived and put my i took remember i took my shoes off and like went barefoot on the lawn my gut instinct was kicking like a drum and i it was at that point by the way that i looked at you and i was like get your checkbook out now and then when we were in the car on the way back afterwards or we were driving to the next house get our check we turned up the music really loudly and then we were dancing and we were like yeah 10 out of 10 we found 10 out of 10 house it might not be perfect it might not have everything but even if we don't make money on it and we might even lose money if we wanted to sell in three years time because we really wanted a swimming pool well then again i think i think we're looking at things still slightly differently i'm taking the view that if if we get this place i can i can't really see why i'd not be there full time wait hang on oh my god this opens up a whole new conversation no but let me finish please well firstly i can't ever get stuck there and be like locked like stuck in this house without you because i would never want to drive back on my own but also oh my gosh like the logistics of this what if i suddenly have to get back to london for a meeting and you're like oh i want to stay here it's an hour's train to paddington you'll figure it out my dear okay and what if you then just want to spend all your time in the country and then we basically pass like ships at night that's probably no difference what's happening now

29:04i feel so good about this house and i think it's going to be like an immediate like resolution to a lot of what's missing for you for me for leo i'm not i i am not forecasting past that at all i'm just thinking that this is going to be a place of beautiful family memories for the next three five ten years i'm not thinking about uh uh capital gains or or how can we improve it or what about us swimming pool bollocks to all of that this place is picture perfect postcard Cotswolds like dream scenario and we're that far away of making it a reality okay let's go yes oh my god it's taken me 10 years but wait oh my god what do you mean it's taken you 10 years I don't know you've kept me in this prison of London for 10 years what are you for real babe we have the most beautiful home and the most beautiful life here I know it's about to get a whole lot more beautiful what was that line that you told me and Carlos the other day that you got from your therapist.

30:08It was like, it was something like, just fucking do it and have fun on the way or something. Oh, fuck around and find out. Fuck around and find out. Let's go. Which is a great line, to be fair. It's like, just, that's how you should live your life. Fuck around and find out. Just take some risks. What was the other one that I dropped in that day? Follow the fun. Follow the fun. Follow the fun. Like, when you're making all your decisions, you just go fuck around and find out. Because actually, there are no failings in life. Like, you can't really make a, a mistake too big like there's always you know a plan b you can always quill back from something as long as you don't end up in prison um so yeah i guess let's just take a risk on it and what's the worst that can happen okay i'll just say i'll just say we've decided i feel like i need to get naked this is a big one get naked i'm getting hot are you wearing anything under that jumper no take it off no you work hard for that bod oh my god my heart rate is skipping okay i need to see proof all right you haven't done it i did consider thinking it i need to see proof i need to see i need to know where i'm at with this okay don't if you're gonna we can't read it okay i've got it yep yes i like how ryan finally became enthusiastic this week and you even decided to change the the icon for the group you went from like really depressing voice notes last week being like this is just not working so then this week i woke up on a monday morning and you put a daffodil picture as this project country house icon love that from you um she's replying cool okay go on then okay great so then i need to just sign off that whopping bell and the other bits too then we get a survey and then we go from there and hopefully it all comes back clear you're so clinical you're like yeah this is what we need to i'm like panicking my mind's just thinking of like the sheets the like just the organizational stuff which is which i'm very excited about because i love that and also then i'm thinking about the next step so i'm thinking about logs and carports yeah what's the first thing that you're gonna do then wash my car on the drive oh my god yeah you're not even joking i'm not even joking god we're really authentic on this podcast we don't even pretend to be cool i feel like when we first started it we were like oh let's try and be really grown up and educated with our conversation i'm gonna cut the bullshit here there's men that listen to this this podcast men will resonate they us men like the idea of having a driveway where you can tinker with your car and wash it and just have space and no one watching over you all that stuff okay this is a big thing for a man you don't need to do much tinkering to the car i do do you know how many scratches you put on those alloys what are you going to fix all right they make them so complicated now what do you mean was in back in the day remember we had this conversation where things cars no items that you invested in had a much longer shelf life back in the day whether that was a dishwasher which obviously i mentioned earlier or a car you could get your toolkit out and you could go okay like that connects to that so i'll get a bit of a spanner out and i'll and i'll fix that now they make devices so complicated that everything only has a shelf life of three years so you have to get a new car you have to get a new dishwasher you're a professional plagiarizer you just recycle people's conversations this is your mum talking now this is a conversation me and my mum had.

33:42But what recollection do you have of the old days where you could get your socket wrench out and just fix a spark plug? Your mum might actually have experience of this. You don't. Well, listen, that's because... By the way, a socket wrench definitely does not fix the spark plug, so someone will pick up on that. Why have I never heard you talk about a socket wrench before? Just wait until I get my garage. There are things you can do that you just don't help out with because you're being lazy. I do so much stuff that you don't know about. for example, I speak to Harry probably more than you do. Harry, is that true?

34:13No, exactly. Lies. Good. You always put me out for lying on the podcast. I'm so glad that I can put you out for lying. but I just want to remind you that I do so much that I don't even tell you about. Same. All, everything, everything, everything the light touches as, that's fine. In our favorite movie. That's great. Is down to the work of your son. Why are you looking over there? I built that. One, that's just the one thing that you've built in the whole house. So annoying. Name me one other thing. Leo's whole nursery buy his new bed. Thank you. You couldn't dismount it, could you? Anyway. Let's talk about this weekend.

34:50I'm taking Leo Campion, which buys you two days off from life. That's actually quite nuts. What are you going to do for two days? And are you excited? I'm so excited. Good. I don't even know what to do with myself. Please don't waste it, though. So I was speaking to the girls about this yesterday. I said, if you guys had unlimited funds, not that I've got unlimited funds, and you had tomorrow off, what would you do with your time? And we threw around some really like provocative ideas. And then actually all of us came back to... Watching The Real Housewives. All day. Of just stripping everything away.

35:30Like I can't remember the last time I had total peace and quiet for a full day where I haven't had you in my ear, Leo barking at me, other people that I need to talk to. where I can just switch my phone off and just be and I'm so excited and I know that a lot of people would be like oh you should go and we kind of we floated a few ideas so it's like oh you could go and like pay to get a blow dry or like have a massage or go to a spa or like go and do something cool like an activity um how about see some go and do like some exercise and do a class how about host a little barbecue of your own out there without me like trying to take over the barbecue situation so then we came to this and we were like why because i said ryan would like me to go and do the bridge lesson or the golf lesson or the tennis lesson or hang out with friends and they were like oh my god me too holly was like harry's the same and we were like why are guys the same why do they all want us to go and be really social like why do you want us what what is it that would make you happy about me making plans?

36:36I can actually answer this question. Can you? Yeah. You love to do almost everything together. You really love it. Like you like to have me involved in every part of your life, which is very sweet. But you probably like, you've already done it this week. If I spend time with friends, like training or like this afternoon, I'm going to my brother's house to like load the car up for camping with the same friend. You'll be like, God, you spend so much time with him don't you but it's almost like you're so wrapped up with the idea of us doing everything together that you've forgotten or you don't i don't know so when it comes to like the idea of you seeing your friends i'm like sweet sweet go get some interaction from your friends and i'll do something by myself and it's kind of like that do you know why this is making me laugh because i was actually watching a real housewives episode an old um real housewives of new york episode a few days ago and sonia you know sonia oh i know she's kristen's new in the show and she's like younger but she's she's like this female lothario and she was like giving advice saying you need to just be really aloof like go out for like five hours do nothing come back and just go yeah i've like i've seen some friends yeah i've just been like hanging out with my parents and that's the way to a man's heart clearly is the way to a man's heart so should i just go out and be really mysterious because i then thought i'm gonna just start going out for hours and i'll just come back and you'll be like where have you been i'll just go you know just doing some business like i tried to do this to you remember i used to be at the pub even though i haven't been at the pub do you remember that where had you been i don't know I'm like anywhere but the pub at this point.

38:24I don't know where I was going. Probably nowhere. So basically what this boils down to is that we need to spend some more time separately doing aloof activities. Yes. But why don't you go and see friends in this weekend? Is that what you're going to do? No. No. Well, maybe I'm not going to tell you. Oh my God, I'm not going to tell you what I do this weekend. But guess what? I don't mind not having to ask you. I don't mind coming back after the weekend and just being like, what up? I'll be like, hey. we're back then that's the thing it's like men just don't need to talk so we will then be in silence and then i won't be able to ask you about the camping so then we'll just what kind of relationship is that probably a normal one well have a nice two days thank you you too

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39:54That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. 4hers.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. WeGovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, WeGovi clinical study information, and restrictions, visit 4hers.com. Are you ready for a listener submission? I'm ready. Hey, Louise and Ryan. I love your pod. I listen every Wednesday morning on my hour-long commute to work. You guys cover such important issues in a really cool way, and I have so much respect for it. Keep doing you. My fiance and I recently bought our first house together.

40:33However, after just eight days of living here, my fiance's parents told us they needed somewhere to put all of their stuff as they are now moving back to Hampshire to be closer to us. They told, not asked, they'd be using our garage, which is filled with our things because our house is essentially being stripped back and needs an enormous amount of work. On top of that, they've also suggested that they'll need to live with us for a while until they find a place. I feel like my privacy is being seriously invaded and I feel really angry and hurt. It isn't their house to use, yet it's like they feel they're entitled to it.

41:03My fiance told his parents that it couldn't happen and that we have too much on our plates doing up our house and working full time, mostly from home. It might be a big house, but it's ours. His dad flipped out and now won't speak to him. Oh no. Am I being totally unreasonable? I'm worried that I'm causing a rift, but I also need boundaries in life. Please help. Oh gosh. I actually think fair play to you guys for being boundaried. and they will hopefully process it and move on and like get over it i think it's really difficult for the fiance for the bloke in this scenario because he's started his new family with his fiance bought a new house embarked on this exciting new chapter and he's like thrilled about it and i'm sure he's very happy but also like he's he's probably of the mindset that if his parents need something like he can't say no and his parents might be a little bit force coming with this idea and he's like oh my god i'm getting myself backed up into the corner here what do i do do you say okay actually i love my parents so much as long as it's short term let's have them stay for a bit and then they're going to be in hampshire which is helpful because they'll be close by and then we can lean on them maybe when we have kids or something and we need babysitting and it's kind of it's give take isn't it or do you say like this is a huge moment like we've never actually bought a house together like we're just because it's really exciting like you buy your first house together you want it's a bit like you know i thought wishfully like when we when we had leo i was like oh it's our first child together i really want to do things our way so if you buy your first house together you want to do things your way you want the space you want to be able to walk around in your pants you want to be able to like you know paint walls and enjoy that moment together and if that is then immediately interrupted by other people that maybe robs you a little bit of the joy of those kind of early memories together building a house yeah i think both versions what you just said are really quite valid it's really difficult it's probably one of those like slightly awkward frosty conversations that we don't want to have with our parents but it's just a case of fiance the guy probably calling his mum or dad being like obviously we want to help you we've you know we're blessed with some space but this is not that convenient for us i think like timing's wise they also work from home yeah so let's be honest like you're working what's more scary just moved in it's your only home you're spending all of your time there day and night and you and then you you lose all of your privacy like when you go and stay with your parents do you feel like you can be a hundred percent you no and that's you and they're your parents i know so when i stay with your parents i'm i'm probably only 50 % me now now edging up towards more like 80 90 % I've missed I've forgotten it's not just they're putting stuff in the garage they're also moving in yeah this is this is quite a serious situation that's a serious situation I really sympathize with you so like you've probably not even got furniture yet so at least at least if you at least if you had like all your stuff and you've got like sofas and chairs you're like oh that's dad's chair that's gonna be my chair you've all got a spot that you can sit in when you sit around to watch tv at the end of a long day or if they're handy just just put them to work maybe they're just really they need a bit of a just get them get them painting and hanging out pictures yes this is quite funny though they've edged themselves into the garage and they're like oh maybe we'll just move in for a few days weeks task them out yeah it's a good idea that's a good idea make them no sorry not make them encourage the situation to be like a benefit to you mum there's an ironing board over there why do all boys just want to have their like laundry done for them actually everything done for them i'm just going to give you this as a real world example when i go to leo's bedroom upstairs yeah the lady across the way there yeah she sits she's like in her kitchen yeah and near enough every time she's in the kitchen ironing her husband's shirts yeah and how does that make you feel i'm just i'm giving you a real world observation of what this is not me with any loaded expectation it's just what's happening when you see when you see that though it reminds me of home it reminds you of home so that's quite nice basically your mom has set a really high standard for her the wives of her three sons oh really because it does it actually has trickled down my mom is not ironing thinking of oh this standard i'm gonna be no no no no no totally unintentional but like as a byproduct of her behavior like now basically all of you boys expect like a certain standard and one of your brothers has got it and the other two i don't i don't this is a this is a different episode i don't expect anything i'm just giving you an observation of what's in front of me every day but the hard thing is is i would love to be ironing staring out in fact like who knows i might be doing that on the weekend i'd love to be a I'm a multi-millionaire footballer, but I'm not.

45:55Okay? Can't have it all, Ryan. You can only piss with the cock you've got. And you've got this. I've got that. And I take a lot of the boxes. That feels like such a lovely and relevant or timely submission. So thank you so much for sending it in. I don't think we have the perfect answer for you. It sounds like a really tricky situation, I'm going to be honest. And I'm just wishing you the best of luck. I'd love to hear how this all unfolds. And congratulations on the house purchase. Yes. Mega. thanks for listening to that episode Louise you were wonderful Monday our AMA comes out ask me anything episode 20 minute segment ask us what you like any questions you guys can find the email in the show notes all the way back apparently which is somewhat nerve wracking and then Wednesdays as usual we'll be back in these two seats to record another episode see you then

46:52you