Louise and Sam’s argument cost Ryan £800?!

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0:47Louise: Hey guys, welcome back to He Said, She Said, the podcast where myself and Ryan talk about everything going on in our lives the nitty-gritty the what's and all from two different perspectives the male and the female we should talk about our recent trip to Marbella because we are fresh back from that we are I feel like I've been hit over the head by a sledgehammer this morning tell you tell it um similar but tell us why you feel that way well I think that a holiday especially over bank holiday weekend should be restorative. It should be healing. It should be a chance to reset. That was the intention that I had going into this trip.

1:30Louise: I know that we were there to help Sam find some balance because he's been working way too hard. Yeah, that's fair to say. It was good, largely positive. Were there any tears? I actually held back the tears. When? You didn't notice? With your dad. Yeah, I know. Me and my dad have... You have a strange dynamic sometimes. very strange relationship i think you've got some demons to work there i could sit in a room with my dad for five days i think you should doing some deep therapy work crying hysterically and i think that we would come out the other side in the most beautiful connected place ever because we are we're like um oh my god what did my therapist used to call it twin souls twin flames what does that mean just very similar we're put on this earth to teach each other really important lessons so we're a set of personalities that are incredibly powerful powerful but can i call myself powerful i'll do it deep like emotional no no let's go with powerful and um i feel like the conversation is always really intense and heated and those are the kind of conversations that you learn the most from so that's why we're we're twin flames but actually maybe we should do that i would quite like to my dad would never do that because he never even goes anywhere unless a waiter doesn't know his name but i think it would be nice to maybe book like a silent retreat in india there's no way he's going on that that should be the next trip although i tried to convince him to come camping with us but he refused yeah again that's not going to work like you won't even get on a bloody banana boat anymore he's so boring five six years ago he was on a banana boat and that was that's a lifelong memory i'll never forget that he likes to be in charge and there was a lot of so do you where do you get that throwing around the term chief but there are too many chiefs around the table at lunch everyone's trying to make a decision so ryan is like the golden egg in all of this you're now the favorite child do you feel like my dad's child you're the favorite son because you're so obliging and you're so normal and we're so fucking weird.

3:47It is like feeding time at the zoo with you guys. Everyone is squabbling to get some airtime. And everyone's got a pretty strong opinion on things as well. You, your brother, your dad. Even his girlfriend, Max, who's quite a powerful Yorkshire lass.

4:03Louise: Yeah, what did we fight about? Oh no, it's not really fighting. It's just like... No, we did because my dad's now in this new phase where he really likes to try and embarrass me. No, it's just that... By the way, this is like something that most families could relate to, even my side. When you have a simple plan in your mind and you give it to a group and there's like dynamics and different people and various numbers and whatever else, that simple plan goes to absolute rat shit very quickly. And all of a sudden you've got like an opinion coming from your left and your right and in front of you.

4:32And it's just jabber. And it's just like, oh my God, we're never actually going to get to this place.

4:37Louise: I think we stood in like five different queues just to find a restaurant to eat out one day. Yeah, we did. We ended up in Nicky Beach, which is obviously disgusting. No, we didn't even end up in there. The lady wouldn't let us in because Ryan was holding a camera and thought he was paparazzi, to which I turned around and said, do you know that he's famous? Yeah, that was a bit weird. Which is so embarrassing. That was a bit weird. Oh my God. What other places did we try to go to? It's such like a melting pot. Don Carlos, that didn't work. Hotel that we used to go to when I was a child growing up.

5:11Louise: It looks like a tower block. It's pretty unattractive from the outside, but it is extortion, the prices that they charge people. I think it's£8 a night. How much did we burn on those beds? Oh my God. So we paid like£50 a sun lounger for five of us, thinking it would be a bit of a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Because you and Sam ran straight to the bar to order. This is ridiculous that you guys did this. You both ordered a chocolate smoothie or milkshake. and I was like, you guys are not teenagers anymore. We are. I'm at the bar with your dad on a Corona and you guys come up with milkshakes.

5:48Louise: No, we're on, I have a vanilla one. Seriously, chocolate's too rich. But yeah, my brother's legit, it's still a child. I thought the holiday was amazing though. You had a good time. I thought it was quite intense, but it was always going to be intense with the Thompsons. But that's not a bad thing. You guys have all got like just powerful personalities. Okay, let me, did you actually have a good time? it wasn't it wasn't how i would choose to spend four days in marbert there were moments of it that i really enjoyed and there were other parts that i was like this is not really because i slightly worry that everybody had several of those moments yeah but like you have to compromise don't you when you're in a group like as you said before we were there to like try and have a good time with sam and do like the wholesome kind of family stuff which is a different speed for him yeah but it is difficult traveling with a three and a half year old and then obviously he picked up an ear infection which adds like another layer of difficulty to it oh my god yeah but then your dad is obviously like he loves my bear he loves his like usual routines and spots so we're trying to like do the long lunches and we're trying to like do the fun things for sam we're trying to keep leo occupied and it's like everyone had a different need and like you were like i just need to escape and get a massage and i was like yeah you go and do that and i'll sit here and i ended up just taking pictures of sam yeah it ended up being like an influencer trip for you and Sam not for me I haven't posted a single thing I've just given him like ammunition for the trip if Sam couldn't unwind and was pacing the beach on the phone yeah you were then taking photos of him on your professional camera my dad thinks that you're we're all highly embarrassing because he is technologically backwards no but that wasn't also there's nothing ruder in his opinion than people sat around a table on their phone so obviously he at that point like pretty much hates my brother because my brother is glued to his phone no but that one gets under my skin because i'm not i'm i'm aware of that i had to say to him i was like i'm just on the camera taking pictures of your son mate i've still slightly got that thing where i just that like freudian thing where i really want to please my father so then i'm like not on my phone at all but then i'm faced with you and sam who are sat in silence glued to your phones and then i'm just like sat there like cool what argument can we have next daddy daddy and and then involved also wrestling Leo who's like climbing on the table and also really embarrassing my dad because he can't understand why we don't have a nanny um no I'm kidding we did cram a lot in those four days though we did do a lot we did a lot we played golf four times the golf was quite fun though I'm not very good Sam's pretty damn good your dad's pretty damn good you guys are all pretty good you got i think you got the most improved if there was a little mini trophy to give you i'd give you the most improved player was i mvp nope you were most improved most improved you started off pretty bad but then you actually do you remember that drive i mean we won't talk about this for a long time because it's not that fun but you hit a t-shot and i was like 150 yards in front of you and it went through my legs yeah it's true when i was um about 12 i actually got a par three on a links course abroad there you go that's more than i've ever done yeah and i seem to have regressed since then i think i might be ready for golf in my life not full 18 holes just like a driving range or a little pitching putt it's always quite fun to do an activity that you're really good at yeah but this is gonna say that yeah but if you're not good so if i could get good quickly then i'd be keen to play many a round of golf in fact every weekend it would be fun i'd invite lots of people but if not so good quite tedious i reckon you'd be better at golf than you are at paddle do you think i'm shit paddle i told holly and louisa in there that i was epic and that i definitely the me and you would beat them and their partners i literally looked at them with a stone cold face and was like i don't know how you guys could beat us we're really sporty no it's not that you're not sporty but paddle seems to like freak you out a bit because you've got to like judge how the ball bounces off the back wall hey i'm learning i think listen i i like the idea of having different sports to like turn our hands to but what i will say from like a dad's perspective yeah if i look back on my childhood and younger years it doesn't really feature golf that heavily i think golf is like an important skill to have because okay i'm gonna say a few things it's very expensive you've also got a lot of free time So you've got to not really be tied to a job, which also means you've got to be very friendly.

10:22On a very basic level, if someone invites me now to play golf, which very rarely happens, but let's say we went back to Marbella and Sam was there with a friend. I would love to be in a position where I'd be like, yeah, cool, I can play golf, let's go. I can't, I just got to wing it.

10:37Louise: I think you can get there. What I'm saying is I want Leo to be fully equipped. At the moment, we're dealing with a kid that is going to have so many skill sets that he will never perfect one. He'll be, like me, a jack of all trades and a master of none. And that's actually quite a disadvantage, I think. No. Well, if he picks one that he wants to master, great. But if you had to name one sport that you're a master at, what would it be? Well, that was a question when the conversation dried up on holiday because we'd had a fight. And I turned to everyone and I said, if you could be a professional sports person.

11:13Louise: I was reading the room and I was there with four men so I said which sport would you be which would you choose and you all said football because you wanted to be rich no one said literally no one said football my dad said football I said tennis I think Sam just said tennis to copy you I do notice that Sam copies you quite a lot have you noticed that? yeah how does that make you feel? there's a very good example of this I was wearing black no sorry navy linen trousers and a henley no actually not this one but a henley top similar yeah sam comes into our bedroom wearing white like cargo pants and a polo top two minutes later comes in he's wearing exactly my outfit looks in the mirror he's like it's a bit too similar he goes and changes again did he change again yeah he changed again i was like this is quite kind of shamelessly just copies you quite cute though i'm obsessed we took a bunch of photos uh at the beach together and he was like distraught with how i want him to say what but basically what short he is compared to you if you look at the content that Sam shared of the holiday I look absolutely horrendous in every photo Ryan's got his eyes shut on every photo Sam's actually a bit of a dick yeah like he'll post photos of Pete where he puts a face up and makes his nose really big I caught him doing that at the table he'll face up his eyes closed no no I literally caught him at the table he angled his phone towards me and my friggin nose was like half my face size I was like what are you doing to my face Oh, he's cheeky.

12:44Louise: You also make me stand in the middle so that I look way short. I'm the shortest. Just to make him look bigger. And we're not like in height order. Yeah, to make him look bigger, yeah. Oh man, it was good. Do you know I had this funny thought on the trip, which probably will stroke your ego a little bit. I was, I think it was when we went to Mistral Beach for lunch, which is this gorgeous place. It's just a weird question you asked me. What weird questions did I ask you? Do you think you're handsome? it actually does it does tie in with that because that i asked you when we were in the airport because so we were at the airport i i kind of adopt this personality when i'm abroad where day one i look like a queen i'm tanned i've got nice nails i feel good my hair's dry and um you know i'm well rested sorry like straightened so it's not been like wet yet so it's not greasy and it's it's looking good and fresh day two still pretty good in fact i was ovulating so my skin was glowing i did really lovely makeup like natural a bit beachy like not too heavy just maybe a little like tint on the lip day three the tan starts to peel off a little bit i've got patchy scaly arms i decide to wash my hair my psoriasis on my scalp is back with a vengeance so i've got flakes and um and also it's like really wavy and like weirdly humid oh my god we thought we were getting like golden weather out there it was really overcast so that was really shit and i had to just like put it up in a bun but i had like this little like just like you know those like little like curly bits that i get in front of my hair it's like fizzy bits so i start to look less like a sophisticated 30 year old and more like an awkward mid-teen can i agree with this or is that okay so you can agree with this i was gonna get your opinion on So that starts to happen.

14:38Louise: Then I start flailing around on water sports, peddlers coming off slides, like eating lots of food, bit of like a pot bay in my swimming costume and probably a little bit burnt on the sort of cheeks and the nose. And I just start to look like a kid. And then I see you like looking all tanned and hench and in your cool clothes. walking through the restaurant. I had one moment where I thought, which was quite a nice moment. I looked at you and I chuckled to myself and I thought, oh my God, there would have been a time when I was probably about 14 or 15 where I would have really fancied a guy like you that walks into a restaurant and I would have kept looking at you because you were so my type.

15:24Louise: And I would have thought, oh, maybe one day I'd end up with a guy like you. And then here I am and like, you're mine now and isn't that cool and i had this like total moment of awe for you and then i realized god i really take you for granted don't i was that day three when you were what day what day yes it was you said day three when i was a frizzy teenager i think i'd had like four maxi vons at that point that is true for anyone that doesn't know what maxi von is i remember i remember being at the right i was on the beach of leo skimming stones trying to explain that whole like concept to Leo.

15:57And then I was checking my watch and it was coming up to five and I was like, oh, mummy will be finishing our massage shortly. Or maybe it was six. Anyway, I turned around and you got this like heavy duty towel, like wrapped up under your armpits. You got like a side position bun in your hair with frizzy front, with a frizzy front. And you've got a maxi bun, like all over your lips. And I was like, is that my, is that my baby mama?

16:20Louise: Is that my wife? Yeah. Is that my whiffery? I was like, I don't know if you look like Louise or like you've gone back in time and now I'm looking at the 14 year old version. But that was the moment where I was like, I just felt like very protected over that little thing in front of me. Of me? Yeah. Oh, because in that moment, I think, God, Ryan's probably wishing that we were cruising up Puerto Banos with all of those like naturally just super tanned slinky ladies with long skinny limbs. It looks fun on the surface, but probably comes with a whole host of problems. I'm so glad that you realized that.

16:57Well, I got stung early on.

17:00Louise: You did? By honey? By honey, yeah. How did she sting you? She ate on me. Oh, she did? Is this the one from Spain? No, no, no. This is one that was like a dancer in a club or something. Oh, okay. She was everything that Porto Benoes probably offers up. Okay. Yeah. right well at least you've you've come to terms with the fact that this is the real louise in a towel and a top knot but i in those moments i do sometimes think gosh people must be looking on thinking how has she got a child well and i even had that at the airport yesterday i was like leo is probably actually gone he's now more than half your size i did worry like in the airport when we were traveling back because so my dad and his girlfriend flew back early that morning and then we took a flight just me you sam and leo and i do sometimes think when it's us together that people might look on and be like no one there is responsible adults because all of the other adults they all look the same they've all got like sensible jeans and a top one like maybe some glasses they've got a few backpacks like the prams and stuff you know it's all just looking quite civilized the wrong word because everyone's got their problems and everyone's actually got kids having tantrums lying on the floor but just think of that guy's face in the queue with the four kids oh yeah i did every time i see a guy that looks like he's really stressed out and like riddled with fatigue from having a brood of children i i point to rana go look at that guy that guy was behind the eyes that's my favorite game to play at the airport look at that guy But yeah, I mean, I really look like very silly in the airport.

18:43Louise: And then Sam also looks very silly. And you look a bit too like cool and young. So it's slightly like a kind of two and a half men situation. Or like two and a half men and a... You can easily fix it though, because look at you now. You don't look like a frizzy teenager. This takes quite a lot of upkeep. No, you've got some new tarmac slappers on with my socks. how much do you hate these shoes i've got on right now the loafers do you know what i actually clocked them at the start i was like fair quite cool are these penny loafers if you had to describe a penny in that little hole and if you said i'm going to wear some like pvc shoes white socks i'd be like absolutely not but it looks kind of good i'm going to let you know that these are not pvc these are from a brand called the fold and they are real leather and they are very expensive well there you go then what was it like for you being on holiday with your sibling because i haven't been on holiday with my siblings for years have you not and it's weird because if i think about it my immediate response is oh that'd be so dope we'd have such a great time but then you think would it be because you've got like back to the whole group and and dynamics and different opinions and i don't know i don't family i just think that family holidays when you're it gets more difficult doesn't it i did have a moment where we had a bit of a was it a situation or not really that bad who you and sam yeah uh basically he'd offered he'd this is like the pathetic stuff that you fight about when you're on holiday with your family so he'd said um we will get lunch like he said to me like let's us get lunch so that we can pay for that and i was like yeah absolutely that's a really good idea um would love to do that but anyway then when it came to actually paying the bill i wanted to go and take care of it and come back to the table so that we could say like oh it's all taken care of and like minimize the fuss.

20:47Louise: Yeah, yeah. Whereas he sat down at the table and was embarked on this whole like back and forth with my dad where he was like, we would like to get lunch today, dad. And then he went, oh no, no, no, no, don't be ridiculous. And then he was like, no, no, no, we will, we will. And then my dad went, no, no, no, no, it's fine. I'll get it. And Sam then went, no, no, we really want to get it. At which point I just started seeing red. I was like a bull, like with a fucking red cloth. Confirmed. And I literally just got really angry at this surge of rage, which was very reminiscent of my childhood because I used to get really frustrated by my parents.

21:21Louise: Yeah, I just snapped at Sam and I was like, look, there's no point in offering to pay for lunch if you're then going to make the person who you're paying for feel really awkward about it and feel like they need to do this battle of back and forth. I think that the polite thing to do is to go and just pay for it and not even let that person try and resist because then they feel guilty. So if you engage in that whole back and forth and I go, oh, I want to pay for lunch. And then you go, no, no, no, I'd like to pay. You know, you do, it's like this dance, isn't it? Like back forth, back forth. And then you kind of feel like you've lost.

21:56Louise: Or you feel guilty if you end up letting the other person actually pay for it. I see it all the time. I do have a retort to all of this. So when you're done, I'll give you my. So I thought like it's actually much more polite in a way just to go and do it. and then let the person know and anyway then i think sam thought i was like completely crazy was i where where did you sit within that i think it's just a difference in personality and different approaches i think you're right i think the thing what i would choose to do is i'd do it in secret almost i'd go up to the bar and i'd say can i just pay for the bill whilst we're just like you know whilst they're finishing their drinks yeah i would do the same as that which is why we can we're aligned on that one yeah yeah but what i don't think you got right is the way you handled your disapproval of the situation because what happened is you went to not to 100 or even more and you you sort of like drew you put a magnifying glass over the whole situation and made everyone feel uncomfortable did everyone everyone did yeah and it just like added this like layer of pressure and intensity to it and i was like oh god because in my head I'm like you're not wrong but what you're doing is you've gone the wrong way entirely and you're just rubbing everyone up that's then where you and Sam body up because you're then because I'm trying to lighten the mood and I'm like don't worry Sam we'll end up on my card and then it did and I was like oh yeah no then I ended up putting the entire bill on your card I was like Sam look this 800 quid on my fucking phone so I was just trying to make a joke of the whole thing but then also to add to this just just as like another thing I know that Sam is like very keen to get to a position in his life where he can start taking care of his dad.

23:41And I think he wants to like make sure that Mike sees that transition.

23:45Louise: That's the what then I found silly because I was like, this is really unnecessary. Yeah, but what you need to do is maybe just have a bit more resolve and just hold yourself back because it's not a bad thing that Sam was trying to do. He's trying to say like, dad, I'm finally in a position in life where I can take care of you. Let me do it. Fine. And I like completely like swamped him. And it wasn't good for either of you. Like Sam was raging, you were raging, and I'm the fucking goofball in the middle with 800 quid out of my account. Yeah, you lost. And I was like, that was an expensive fucking lunch.

24:20Louise: Oh man. I don't really get like that anymore. Oh, I don't know. You do have memories of that. No, but only with my dad. Yeah, but I said that to Sam. I was like, it's kind of funny. Like I'd never really, I never really see Louise like this. Only ever when your dad's here. it's like there's an a it's like a reaction or something it's like you go it's like you go because it happened when we went up to the unicef thing up in birmingham yeah where because he kept saying i just think i get it's almost like this is really bad trait of mine i when i'm around my family i feel like they are me so it's almost like i feel like they're my responsibility or that i'm

25:04like or is it that you still feel like a young no it's that i feel like embarrassed for them

25:10Louise: so like if they're like talking and saying something that i don't agree with was to say like someone made a comment about some some stupid thing like to do with like money and i was like so like you got that wrong again then i was like no no no you cannot be talking like that like around this table because i think that everyone needs to have the same morals yeah but you can't expect people to just slot into your because they're my family if it was you actually no i probably would judge you would never speak like that that's the good thing about why we're well paired is that you would never say something in a conversation that would like embarrass me well that's because you but whereas they say that's why shut up you chew me up but they say loads of stuff that is like potentially controversial and i'm like shut up you can't speak like that around here we're in you do it like that you give it like when my dad kept saying over lunch like this is world class i was talking about like tesco strawberry oh this is world class this is world class i was like you need to stop talking and then i think you need to catch yourself in future he didn't like me basically having an opinion on what he was saying what you need to do is just let them let them do them but do you ever do you never get like embarrassed of all the time all the time all all the time oh that's what happens sometimes in this podcast if i say something you get embarrassed for me and then you're like we need to shut this out well i thought i was thinking more of like me around my own family oh mate there's so many examples i could give you where i'm like what are you doing please stop saying that or doing that my dad's like a chief of that he'll say he'll say some like he says some silly things but then like so does everyone in my family you know and i'm just there's no i've had to just learn resolve like you just have to sort of because i'm not perfect right and i'm probably i probably say stuff that my dad's like oh you silly twonk yeah just let people do them but yeah let me just tell you when you're in that mood by the way that that is like that's danger for everyone it's the most unpleasant version of louise in the world yeah and by the way me at 35 your dad at 76 we're all terrified of it but yeah back to my question though did you enjoy being on holiday with sam yeah i loved it it was it was I just feel like I wish that he'd had a better time like I wish there was more that we could have done to try and get him to have a really great time because I think the only thing we really offered him was just proof that he shouldn't have kids no that's not fair he had actually a beautiful time because Leo was actually a good boy he was really good we tried to cram in a lot and actually I think Sam's become a really good uncle he's amazing I do really I can't wait to tell the moment that he does have kids so that we can all be in the airport together going oh i can't wait i cannot wait he actually did ditch us at one point at the airport he went he went this is because leo had had a 24-hour infection by this point had not stopped crying it was pretty devastating to be honest like he's in so much pain there was nothing we could do in a foreign country we've managed to find like ibuprofen from some local pharmacy and it's just a matter of time waiting until his ears like going to subside and leo at the airport as we were going through sunburys just like took that really grown up thing of like holding the fastball and took it up like this and went see you guys later and just went through i was like is he serious put his headphones on and he's gone but would you would you do it again would you do that whole family thing again yeah in a month in a month i do have moments when we're away where i think gosh like now i'm gonna really sound old like travel has changed so much no i like look around and i like i get irritated by things like we have created a life for ourselves here that we adore like we love all of our people we're like the mafia we live next to each other we've got our local stuff um like we love our bed linen like everything we've like designed a life that suits us and when we go away sometimes when things like don't work or it's just inconveniences like traveling like actually like being in cars and then on a train or a plane and being around like people that are sometimes a bit annoying like we kind of had this conversation when we were away as a group didn't we that like it's got to take quite a lot to make you want to go somewhere to like step away from your comfort its own i don't know whether that's because everyone in my family has adhd and we like we hate change like we love the familiar i can't really say that because i haven't actually like diagnosed been diagnosed with adhd but i'm just sort of umbrella terming like our family with a lot of the same characteristics but i think like our next trip and we've spoken about trips before like probably like it's got to tick a lot of the boxes for us and I think somewhere like maybe South Africa would be a good choice the thing about Spain that's epic and you know Marbella is the food and the golf which you sound like I'm like a 70 year old but sometimes like you know it's just a lot like there's just a lot of different intense people and that whole like fake scene that isn't necessarily for me do you prefer marbella or ibiza ibiza i think based on the people like poetabonus now is is you know as i was growing up used to be quite fun to go and have a look at some of the boats and to go to some of the bars um but now it's like the the like level of like sort of showy offness yeah the like wealth and the showy offness it's that and i don't love like showy offness no i find it quite like tricky to be around sometimes it's like the the the harbor now is like like the mayfair hotel exactly it's just like let's just get a string of nice cars and just collect tickets because we don't actually care how much it costs we'll just pay we'll just pay the fine i know and it's like come on surely surely we're are we are we doing in this i think when i was younger i used to be a lot more um impressed by like stuff so there was a phase i remember where when i was at school i used to come home and sometimes like talk about some of the things that people had or like homes that people had or cars that people had and like i'm really embarrassed that i even went through that phase because my parents were so uninterested in that and like they are the least social climbing people they're so unaffected by like wealth in fact actually i think sam said it really well like the what i really admire about my parents my parents are the opposite of snobs like my dad is the opposite of a snob true like he's so like comfortable and just being like him and he's never trying to impress anybody and obviously i used to find that highly embarrassing because i'd want him to make a little bit of an effort with other people but yeah and I and my parents were always just like oh gosh you know that chat is is not cool and I guess then when we got caught up in like me and Chelsea it's just a lot of like lame like clubbing stuff and champagne and one of those sort of fake cars and things and now I'm I think even my dad actually said that he sees like a huge difference in me and Sam and he said in the last like five or six years like we've really grown up oh really probably just means we're turning into him really yeah and I just I have no desire to be around showy people just that yeah that's why we lasted two minutes in the queue at Nikki Beach because we looked around and we were like these are not our people no no no we're not going to get we didn't get in we're not going to get a sushi boat with flares at one point I like thought oh you know what Ryan you stand at the front because you're the person that they're going to want in this place the rest of us is that compliment or is that like the opposite of a compliment I was like I'm going through a bush backwards and then we didn't get let in anyway because you had your camera and they said no paparazzi in what's the word gaucher is gaucher the word for this like gauche gauche yeah well is that the end of summer for us then are we now into autumn winter season I guess we are great because I'm I'm about ready to get excited for Christmas you are oh my god no not already I'm about to flip the switch on this are you yeah what does that mean for us well listen I drove to a nursery this morning and it looked very leafy and autumnal.

33:45I was like, okay. It might be time to start thinking about Christmas plans.

33:50Louise: I'm here for it. We've spoken before about the fact that we're all now autumn girlies. Holly, does that mean Ryan can be an autumn girlie as well? Ryan's an autumn winter girlie. He doesn't like summer. We're converting him. No, no, no. Okay. I said, even when I was in Spain, actually, now I covered myself in a towel. Oh, no, I know. Listen, just to paint this picture. I hate the sun. There is sun lounges, which are priced out extortionate amounts. There's a boardwalk that takes you down to the sea. Yeah. And you've got like bikinis and bottoms and boardies and shorts. And then you've got Louise lying flat, wrapped up in a towel under her chin.

34:29And I'm like, what are you doing?

34:31Louise: Okay, so two things there. First of all, I actually just don't even want people looking at me. Like there are geezers there with like gold jewelry on and like pervy glasses on. And I'm like, I don't want you even looking at me, not even a toe. So I'm covered head to toe. No, actually, it was under my neck. But also, I just am not very good in the heat. I think the heat triggers a flare and it triggers my autoimmune responses. Holly would have been proud of that. She would have been like, get this girl out. And in fact, also, I'm going to get my moles mapped this week. Harry my lovely agent sent me an email from a lady who wants to invite me into her clinic to map up my moles.

35:14What does map them mean?

35:16Louise: Well if you're someone with quite a lot of moles like I am then they draw a picture of your body on a piece of A4 paper and they'll dot all of the moles on your body. And what does that tell you? Well you can track if there's any movement of any unusual moles. Movement? If they're changing size if they're asymmetrical. They don't move around your body do they? Well they might pop up. It's not like Moana where his tattoos move around his body. Well they kind of do. No they don't move like that. You love Moana. So does Leo. He was asking for it all the time. Leo's now got four moles. Do you know who calls it Wumana by the way?

35:51I want to watch Wumana.

35:53Louise: He calls it that? Wumana. He's such a legend. I don't want Leo having bad skin. Well we better keep him out of the sun then that means no baby tan because you like him when he's all blonde and brown. true and I think that actually the vampire look is the chicest we should all be like speaking of brown with umbrellas we all had spray tans we all had spray tans before we went and Sam is now convinced that he's going to start his own business well I've got another one oh wait oh no hang on hang on a minute Sam and Louise we're going into business am I doing it yeah you could yes because you're like the alpha male that would be perfect for the campaign okay we need three different personalities to market this product properly sam got a spray tan here once with lovely sophie a lovely lovely sophie and he then left the house on our main road in his pants he's such he was so happy with the tan he was like i ain't even gonna put my clothes back on i'm just gonna walk home naked in my pants isn't that weird though like what could possess someone to do that especially when you're in the public eye i don't know like does he just not have any shame he likes a gallery she'll be coming back tonight so Sam will be in here in his pants no doubt yep he's coming back I'm going to start getting him back actually after all the monstrosity photos whatever the word is I'm going to start getting him back I'm going to capture this moment tonight well he's got like snake hips so you could just show his bottom and I'm sure he'll be pretty that'll be one way of getting him back

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38:16should we do a listen submission yeah we should i'll read it to you she said i'm afraid of losing my identity and motherhood hi louise and ryan love the podcast i look forward to every week thank you. I'm about to become a mum which my husband and I are thrilled about. I've always been a very career driven and have been a strong growth and have been on a strong growth path at work regularly recognized as a top performer. Lately it's hit me that motherhood will bring real compromises and I'm struggling with the idea that I won't be able to give my work and family 100%. I'm worried about having to choose between career opportunities and family down the line and feel like I'm heading towards a bit of an identity crisis.

38:56Do you have any advice on

38:57Louise: maintaining career whilst adjusting to new parenthood relatable what's the thing that we always say you can only ever have two out of three good family relationship good friendships and good career pick two um i think probably the thing that i speak to a lot of my friends about who are having kids that are career women my first question is what's your maternity leave look like because that's kind of at the forefront of all your decision making and if it's generous then you can well you just know where you where you sit I suppose you can hopefully save some of it and then choose to go back a bit early if you love your job and you can afford to pay for child care perhaps part-time um and you could if you can afford it then you could find somebody who could look after your your child at home a bit so you don't have that distance i think for that works very well for a lot of my like typical friends who have more typical jobs than we do and who like to have that closeness still or like business owners that i know um who do after about three months want to start getting back into the workplace and but they don't want to miss out on those milestones so they they quite comfortably work around having someone else look after their child in the house and then they can like dip their toe in and out I suppose much like well your brother's just got a new job but him and his wife they were kind of working at home and they also had their youngest being looked after at home so it means at least they can spend like lunches and stuff together we'll kind of say hi in in between meetings for me I really have to compartmentalize the various hats that I wear because I'm so bad at like I get so distracted anyway to be honest like jumping around from one project to the next that I have to do I have to work in the day and then I turn off that mode and then I'm like full parent mode so I need that distance and it is something I've thought about um a bit even over the weekend when Leo wasn't very well and like lent on us a lot more during the night and also kind of on those travel days where you're really together a lot um about how we would navigate that if we were lucky enough to be able to grow our family at one point um hopefully you know something that we're going to start talking a bit more about in in the new year but um what the best option is to be able to give your family everything they need but also to give yourself that space to be able to have the adult conversations and the work conversations and if that like lights you up then it's really important that you don't feel robbed of that because then you can start to resent parenthood I think that working mothers are in a great position of I shouldn't say privilege because there are a lot of people that aren't paid enough to be able to balance the child care act with any leftover money to take home afterwards.

42:10Louise: So that's a tricky compromise that they make. But, you know, I know a lot of mothers who really, really do love what they do. And they wouldn't be half the women that they are if they didn't have their careers. And so I think it's nice to be able to have both. it's a it's i think it's a privilege to be able to have both i think this is a really relatable topic not just for mums but for dads as well and i can remember a few weeks ago driving to nursery drop off and leo was in a very cute fun mood and i felt really shit about dropping him off at nursery and then going off to richmond park to shoot some work with max and it like haunted my whole day i was like am i doing the right thing here like should i be should i be even taking him to nursery or should he be with me or it's really weird i just think when you become a parent i think the the the time before it you start to panic that you're going to lose everything that you know and all your routines and identity is going to vanish and then you become a parent priorities start to reshuffle and reorder and you go through this kind of journey of like you're really in on being the most present parent you can be and then you're like no i need to like really get my career in a place where i can provide and have a really fruitful blessed kind of life for my child i think it's a it's a it takes a while to find the balance i think do you feel like you've found the balance i think i have yeah yeah i think if not found it i'm pretty close to finding it yeah yeah it takes a while it's a huge adjustment it'd be interesting to know i don't know if there's any way of checking back in with this person but like when she becomes a mom she might feel quite different about this that's another thing you never know there are people who yeah have kids and then they go oh my god i definitely don't want to work anymore well right this is my everything you have it's so individual but don't feel guilty if you feel completely overwhelmed no and you feel like you've lost part of yourself because it does take time to kind of like claw back from that identity shift it took me two years yeah maybe it's not a clawback maybe it's an evolution well that brings us to the end of that one thank you risy i hope you enjoyed the episode if you guys did then please make sure to follow um us across the audio platforms you can also subscribe over on our youtube youtube YouTube, you said, you said, and follow us on Instagram for our latest clips.

44:54Louise: Ciao. See you next week. See you next week.

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