Ryan, welcome to your monthly relationship review...!

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0:39Hello and welcome to He Said, She Said. This is the show where we bear all about our relationship in a bid to encourage you guys to have those difficult conversations and to build long-lasting, healthy partnerships. And we're back. We're back. For a fresh new episode. How you doing? Yeah, I'm good. I've got a quick question. Go on. Has anyone ever called you... Oh, my God. ...the Ryan the Rich and the Raudrobe before? No. We say Ryan the Rich and the Raudrobe. It's just what you've been chuckling to yourself about over there. I'm such a freak. I was trying to think of a way that I could talk about this video that I've seen in a smooth way.

1:21Is it Nicknames for Ryan? Have you seen it? Yes. Rhinoceros. Yeah, I have been called that before. Psoriasis. Psoriasis. Which I actually have, incidentally, so that could be quite sweet. What are some other ones? You've seen it. Yeah, but there's nothing that really, like, I didn't sort of latch onto one and think I should run with that. Oh, let's just have a really quick look. Go on then. Go on. So many people sent me this video. Oh, they do? Yeah. Oh my God, hang on. So we've got rye bread, rhinoceros. Rye bread's quite good. Psoriasis, the mandala ryan, rye curious. Ryanorism, the Church of Ryanology.

1:58Ryan, so just ya. No more Mr. Nice Rye. Hear Ryan once again. Ruan. Ruan? Riron rolls. What? Why is that killing me so much? Riron rolls. Hang on, wait, wait, wait. Hang on, oh my God. I'm literally deceased. No more Mr. Nice Rye. Hear Ryan once again. Ruan, it's coming up. Her Ryan rolls, the Ryan the Rich wardrobe. Do I, do not this right. Get busy living or get busy Ryan. Why am I so unsmooth? I should have practiced this first. No, it's all right. It's cute. Is it? The only one I'm taking away from that is rye bread. The rest, the rest, I'm just going to swipe left. All people call you like Ryman's, the stationary shop sometimes, don't they?

2:51Ryman. I think I might just start calling you Sirat. so stupid psoriasis but quite a few kids call you rhinoceros no sorry no no uncle rhino wait rhino no you're so you're a rhino is a rhinoceros actually calls me uncle rhino because of his dad calling me rhino yeah my my or our nieces call me rye pants yeah which is i don't know where they got that one from uh but now their whole family call you rye pants yeah rye pants like oh why don't you ask uncle rye pants they're just like oh right rye pants i've had many a nickname but at school it was never to do with my first name interestingly it was always my surname so i was only ever called libs yeah even by teachers really yeah that's such a male thing though you always get called by your surnames yeah like a lot of guys used to call me lt no max wilco was was the one that coined that and you were like oh i quite like that no way before that was way back i feel like we've not seen each other that much this week that'd be true that's the sort of week we've had weeks i would say it's funny because i feel like we make good progress like last week when we spoke about the four c's which were all right didn't realize we're on a chat show compromise consideration chemistry and communication well done chemistry has been improved a little bit but we'll talk about that later because what we're going to do is there's a bit of a viral trend at the moment which is where you kind of audit your relationship so i've seen it a little bit on social media and people will randomly facetime their partners and they'll go in and have a review buckle up johnny we're gonna have a review of our relationship yeah there's anyone that's listening that's thinking oh god like things just i'm just not in a great place with my partner here are some good things that you can can kind of go through well so have you got a structure or like a line of questions okay cool so basically the things that we will talk about are issues to raise so things that have annoyed us about each other oh gosh praises to raise praises to raise good things we start with the positive and move to the negative that would be very run liby of you favorite memory from the last month and what do we promise to do next month in light of the above that's quite cool that's quite a good structure and then i thought we could add this one in and this makes it a kind of personal he said she said one but we could do a scorecard on the four C's.

5:13So if you guys want to add that in as well. Nice. Listen to last week's episode. I do have one request though. We do need to start with a positive. Okay, so you want to start with praises? Yeah. Okay. Lure me into this conversation with some positives and then you've got me trapped. Okay, so praises. A few things are springing to mind. Just one question before we go. Yeah. Last month is the window we're looking at, not the last week. It can be like week to month. Let's go month. I think we'll struggle to find lots of memories if we don't go back over the past month. Okay, praises to raise. So praises, I would like to say, you have been really a stand-up dad and you have driven for many, many, many hours across the country this week with zero complaints.

6:01And it takes a certain kind of person to do that, just to get on with the hard stuff that no one wants to do. You took Leo camping and he came back and was in a really happy place. And that makes me really happy and really grateful that he has such a great dad that firstly took him away for a few days to allow me some time to rest and to do my own thing and to heal ahead of going on a couple of trips that have been causing me a little bit of anxiety just with my history. I think that like old Louise would have maybe been a bit worried that Leo had come back and been in such a wonderful spot because I then would have judged my parenting and wondered why he's just seems to have come back with like such a new lease of life, having spent some time away from me.

6:49But I think it's just a reflection of how great your bond is and how much of a great job you did on that trip. But also I think it's just really sometimes important for people, for family members, to step away from each other. and I do a lot with Leo and we do a lot together as a three but sometimes maybe gosh I can't believe I'm kind of admitting this I've never really acknowledged this before I guess and it's kind of hard to say out loud but like maybe sometimes Leo it's like doesn't always need to be with me like maybe I don't want to get upset about this but I think I think it's actually quite it's encouraging that Leo can go away and have like an amazing time without me needing to be there totally I think it's it's important not just for us as adults but for children to have some time away from their parents too yeah he does obviously at nursery but even on the weekends and even now that he's gone to stay with his grandparents or when he does stay with his grandparents when when you know we have the rare opportunity to travel just as adults I kind of get filled with this um overwhelming mum guilt because I'm just not used to doing stuff without him and I feel bad that like we're going away to go and like enjoy ourselves on holiday without him but it's so important for everybody isn't it yes and so yeah you all praise the big big praise I have is like thank you for taking him away on that like magical adventure that weekend and with another a friend with his son as well i know that you've done like quite a bit of that recently but this trip was just felt really like transformative and you both came back in such a positive yeah positive place and it didn't make me feel bad at all about having some time to myself and you didn't come back and judge me for what i'd been doing or not doing in fact we haven't really caught up since no we haven't that weekend was it was magical for us both and i'm glad that you could see a difference in Leo as well.

8:57And it's not, I can't take like credit for the way he's come back happy, but to be in an environment with him like that was so amazing. And in a way, you know, I think we both, myself and Leo at times were like, oh, I wish mummy was here. But then actually it was really cool for you to have space and time at home with no one. And for us to bond and for him to play with, you know, my godson, Lucas. the whole weekend was just amazing and and the the long drive the sorry the long drive paled to absolute insignificance um and we were surrounded by such great inspiring people with kids as well so he was like running around in the fields and swimming in the lakes it was just epic i feel as though one of the things i really noticed in him when he came back is he just had really grown up and that's crazy to say that that would happen in such a short space of time i mean you literally you were away for two nights but that's probably the longest that you guys have been away together for he was talking a lot more and I know that sometimes I can kind of me and Leo have this thing where um I was gonna say I smother him I don't think that's actually the reality but I like love to we kind of like role play like we're both babies like we're both children and Sue will put on this baby voice and be like, and I'll like rock him like a baby.

10:26And we can, it's just like very lovey-dovey sometimes. And I guess for him to step away from that is good. Yeah. So then he came back like a little boy and having grown up conversations, crazy. Yeah, it's a really interesting one to analyze because it's not a case of, oh, we had a better time without mum being there. it's just the environment was special it's very different to the home life we have here there was space there was no there was no sense of constant stimulus it was like the the major stimulus we had was on one night where a thunderstorm ripped through the camp but he was asleep aside from that you just hear nothing but the sound of water and birds and i just think for a three and a half year old boy slash any person when you can take yourself from one environment and plonk yourself there it's just it's just amazing um and i i was like with him the whole time obviously and to the point where i couldn't really like do my i didn't host any like i was i was going there with the view of hosting a few trail runs with running buggies for other families and things like that didn't do one because leo was just with me the whole time and they were like just relax just have a nice time and um because i was with him the whole time i wanted to make sure that i didn't smother him so i let him free play as much as possible and he responds so well to that but i'll give you a praise now um and i think the kind of takeaway from that then is actually that we need to just let him be free just yeah yeah let him be let him be not overcrowd him yeah just get into the countryside yeah um which is part of the plan the grandmaster plan but i'll give you i'll give you a praise now and uh i had an order in my mind but it doesn't really matter about the order but i'll start with i'll start with something that's quite funny but actually really cool i love this obviously he's been talking about getting a pedal bike hasn't he and we we've been really aligned on this idea of you know not raising a child that's spoilt and just assumes that he can get what he wants when he says he wants it so we're trying this whole delayed reward delayed gratification thing and you put in this 30 day policy if you clean your teeth every day for 30 days we can then talk about pedal bike but then like you've you've got this app where it's got this oh yeah this whole like game playing in the morning where you know i'm not i'm not the best in the mornings but watch it i'm often in the shower whilst you're dancing and doing all these cleaning the teeth sequences which i think is epic and actually that has spiraled into this whole reward chart which is i think brilliant because that's going to foster or enable like i don't know just more ownership and accountability of what he's doing so like even seeing him one morning one morning he dressed himself this is all based on your parenting he dressed himself brushed his teeth put his bag on his back and basically stood at the door waiting for me to take him to school i was like bloody hell that's all on you so that's like phenomenal parenting and that's the stuff that you're really good at another example would be dropped him at my ground at my grandparents at his grandparents unpackaged his um like case for the week and you've written a really sweet card to my parents you've made a photo frame of family photos to have next to his bed and um you just packed like beautifully his stuff and i was like that's that should be acknowledged and celebrated because that's epic and that is in my mind like a real show of mothers who care and love their child so much and obviously it's hard for you to let go of their it's hard for you to let go of leo even for a short time because you're so in love with him and you want to be with him at all times but to send him on his way with like a perfect little package my parents were like this is beautiful like my mom cried like you are now which is probably gonna make me cry but um i won't cry uh but that's a really why am i feeling so emotional now having this conversation well because I'm I'm I'm highlighting something that could have easily been ignored just because we're so busy with life but I think it's really important to acknowledge those moments because that's a massive show of love and not everyone has the time or capacity to keep up with stuff like that but you made time at that breakfast table to cut photos choose them put them in a frame and at the time I didn't even say anything because I was in my own head but then when I saw my mum I opened the suitcase I saw Leo's excitement to give it to grandma and it just slapped me in the face I was like these are the moments that need to be celebrated as parents because they mean so much you're so right so that is how I would kick this game off with a praise that is really amazing thank you for acknowledging that Rizy that actually means a lot to me and it's like cut me really deep in a positive way I often question whether I'm a good parent but now I really know I feel like I know I am and actually god it's like really getting to me this but I think because Leo's not with us I mean he's literally been gone for one night it's just that is a change and the fact that I'm upset shows how much I care so I know I am now a really good mother you're a really good mother there are you know I have conversations one of the girls that I work with she used to work with a really high net worth family and so a kid and she actually has also worked as a teacher before so she has a good grapple on um how to handle kids but also how to handle parents of kids because she had to help organize a family who had multiple nannies right and I was sitting in the back of a cab with her like last week sort of talking about some of these some of you know just airing like my questions and my kind of concerns and saying like how do I juggle it all you know I really want to make sure that I'm like doing it right and I think I guess I think we put in like a lot of I think we do put in like a lot of time with Leo you know around our working schedules there are people who definitely take shortcuts and there are people who definitely do have help and there are people out there who kind of like outsource a lot of those jobs like the creating the um the like rewards chart with the stars and the bits that you can cut out like the treats at the end you know whether it's like oh you get to go to the theater or buy a book or get the pedal bike after you know gaining 60 stars over a 30-day period there are people you know those are the sorts of things that people go ah I'm too busy for that like I don't have time for that you know I'm a high flower I'm a job and they get they might ask other people to do that for them but I think what I've like identified in this conversation is that it's those are the things that are really important to us as a family and so I would hate to ever get to a place where we're too busy to be prioritizing those little things and like as you say cutting out photographs from an album you know from photos that I have like stashed away in a cupboard to put into little frames so that I can Leo can take them down and have them on his bed for when he's down in Devon with your parents those are the those are the special moments and

17:58and I guess like we probably where we're at now and I think this is like what we're going to be highlighting in this conversation is we we have less of those special moments between us two but we

18:14have at least still got them when it comes to Leo and if we could try and find a way to do those sorts of like nice little things for each other as well I think we've been a really great spot but I guess we'll come to that kind of as we continue to evaluate our relationship yeah I'm trying to think if I've got any more praises for you I would say like I do feel very very lucky with the things like the driving and I know it sounds really stupid doesn't it but no one wants to sit in a car behind a wheel for 30 40 hours in the space of two or three days it's not quite that much but yeah it's an oh and eight okay fine 16 for like 20 hours 30 hours i love the fact that i have a guy who just like gets on with that because i there's no way that i would be driving down to devon on my own no way okay issues you sounds like you got a loaded barrel so let's go no no it's i don't think it's ever that though you we don't need to see this as a loaded barrel this is an evolution of a relationship i think one of the the things is that we just haven't spent quality time together in ages yeah yeah and when i was thinking about this because i'd obviously seen other people doing this um it reminded me that we used to do those wednesday morning day dates and that was our time and we had like an hour or two every morning and the funny thing is is that i think that the world looked on at that and thought god you know what they have got the best relationship ever like i wish i could do that with my partner like that is really such an important fundamental to any relationship is like allocating time and going just you two and having like a chin wag over a nice plate of food but what i kind of wanted to highlight to people listening is that there will always be like ebbs and flows in a relationship and whilst you might try and bring in some shiny new routine or something that looks brilliant they don't nothing ever lasts forever and it can be really hard to stick to those sorts of routines yeah and we've not done anything just you and i for a really long time and that might seem weird to anybody that's listening because you'll look at our instagrams and think okay um you guys went to queens together on father's day like isn't that a beautiful thing that actually ended up being a work project for a yogurt brand that you were working with and this is not me having a go at all because sometimes we have to make tricky decisions where we decide to work on the weekends or prioritize making money kind of yeah blending like pleasurable things with a bit of yeah work i suppose but then it takes away from that pleasure and so on father's day which is obviously supposed to be a day where we're either hanging out with your parents or my parents but certainly our son we had to get some i say had to like very kindly like your really good friend and Leo's godfather came here and looked after Leo for I think it was supposed to be like a couple of hours ended up being like four or five hours and and it was fine but it isn't actually like what we should be doing because we need to like earmark those special occasions so that we are uninterrupted and so that we give each other all of our time I agree with what you said but I think if we had more of a sense of um having those or having something similar to the to the old wednesday morning dates if we had something similar like that in place we would have felt a bit more at peace with the idea of stepping out on father's day for a few hours but because we are now i can't i would i would almost describe it as a bit of a trap we've fallen into the trap a little bit not a little bit very much so headfirst if anything we're very much on this slippery slope of um our plates are very very full we're both at maximum capacities even when we were viewing the properties on a friday again great quality time you're spending time in the car together i'm working we're not really talking and then it's also it's a project it's still trying to move further forward with something that is has like some financial value it's not quality time you were just in a mobile office for the entire trip i was just driving like we were both on course well actually yes yes we were um but that is that's something is it is this the segment of the review where we have issues yeah this this this i have an issue with with the trajectory we're on now and it's not me sort of pointing any fingers and blaming anyone but um i've had a couple of moments to step outside of it with lake district and popping to devon and the change in how i feel is immediate and i come back to home and to the stuff we have going on and it the the response is equally as immediate it's mellow yellow to fight and flight response almost we need to implement some sense of balance because i think i speak for the two of us we can't continue like this it's hard because our jobs require us to often be online outside of typical working hours so in the morning and then in the evening and recently with both of us working on quite a lot of paid campaigns which is brilliant and exciting we're uploading things sometimes at 8 p.m 9 p.m you 10 p.m and then we're just sat in different rooms on our phones and that feels really unhealthy but can i just say it's not it's not even the instagram stuff i mean people will hear that and think oh poor you but there's there's there's mammoth life things happening around us all at the same time employing people various different businesses trying to keep up yeah and it's um like there's stuff i haven't even added into that mix but for me i i've never been i just i just i know myself well enough to know that i i can't i can only really do one thing at time and put my heart into it but what i'm what i'm finding now is that i'll come back from camping in the lakes with a brand that i absolutely adore and i'll be with my son and i'll take some lovely photos all i want to do is like sit down and put my heart and soul into telling that story on my platform can't do it because i'm into the next big thing and that is my day-to-day and it's just building me with so much stress we still haven't made those photo albums from when you came back from your run great example it's a great example that doesn't feel good like i don't know we're not like solidifying these memories that's the thing we're not like creating enough of a bubble around each of these core memories to give it the time and space to breathe before moving on to the next thing i think it's on me to pull the reins back because i just think you've never been like this no and i don't like it but what it's kind of the compromise of success until you then depends how you measure success this is very true if i if if right now i we are on the road to success in if you want to say monetary or career wise i'm looking for the next stuff next stop off the bus we get into bed at night and i and just i actually can't remember the last time we had like a chat in bed at night i told my parents that i'm i'm actually i said that we were both in a pretty bad spot and they immediately went to you and your health and i said yeah it's not perfect she's doing well but when i when i threw my health into the frame they were like oh what do you mean they my parents and no one really will understand just the intensity and the regularity and the speed at which our life moves and because we're because we aim to be authentic and shoot straight with it all, we can't just act and be like, yeah, it's all sweet.

26:38We're flying. I can't do it. So my issue to raise is we've got our plates are too full. We need to scrape some off. Something's got to give. Well, like what Warren Buffett said, you can only ever focus on three things at a time. So write a list of 20 goals and then immediately ditch 17. Because those 17 are just taking up, taking time away from those other three like where's the children's book on one i've got i've got 17 i need to get rid of 16. no you mean did you say the children's book did you say the children's book well i just think that there's a lot of stuff like there are a lot of opportunities and really we need to hone in this is the best example like otherwise i know what you need you need to employ a like-minded male that you could feel like you can be supported by i need to i need to step away from it or not physically as in step away from you and leah but i need to just like close the lid on on a lot of things and just be like i'm going to dedicate myself to this children's book for the next three months and just do that and like completely be at peace with the idea of like there's probably no payment coming in um but what i am going to do is be super present on this book and it's going to put me into a state of mind and balance with my life where I feel that I'm at my best right now I'm so far from my best I'm sort of speaking I think we're in the same position yeah I'm you know I know that we had a similar conversation a couple of months ago and I I don't I hate kind of coming back to the same place with the same problems I think there are a lot of people that will relate to that feeling of overwhelm and being busy and kind of like chasing something that doesn't necessarily exist um and not creating enough time for themselves and their partners and their relationships and their social life for sure like i don't i think it's it's really really really hard and we keep kind of we've come back to this a few times to have a great relationship with yourself your partner your family your friends have a good working relationship you said something at the start of the year you said each quarter you're going to step out for a week or a weekend or a long weekend and we haven't done that and what we need is more accountability to each other to be to have the bollocks at the table to be like i need to say something and we need to listen to each other and be like you're right like what we seem to do and i don't want to do an episode where we just repeat the same jargon but yeah what we seem to do is have like these cycles of we raise the flag of awareness and we're like cool we know how to we know how to muddle through this and then two three four weeks we'll zip past because we've been scooped up by projects here there and everywhere and we'll get to the end of that three or four five five week stretch and we'll be where we're at now which is a little bit fed up a little bit frustrated a bit stressed counting down the days until we can step away from it all and that is not a healthy approach to it so we need to be accountable i think i also think that we keep like raising the bar of what we're expecting ourselves to be able to do that's true yeah we don't you know like we need to recognize actually that we've got like there are also a lot of things that are going incredibly well oh no yeah totally totally but having this level of self-awareness that we both have is both a curse but a blessing

30:18This is Nick and Jack from The Best One Yet, and we are excited to tell you about Walmart Business. Staying ahead of business trends means moving fast and adapting quickly. Walmart Business helps you simplify operations so you can focus on building the next big thing. Find exactly what your organization needs with their ever-expanding business assortment and everyday low prices. Keep your momentum going fast with reliable shipping and fulfillment. Eligible organizations can take advantage of tax-free shopping, both in-store and online, saving you more while getting you everything you need. It's Walmart built for your business.

30:48Sign up for a free Walmart business account today at business.walmart.com. Hey, it's your ceiling vent, so I'm dripping. Could be the rain, could be the upstairs bathroom. Yikes. You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended, but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed or does he just own a ladder? Listen to your home. Go with Thumbtack. Upload a photo or voice note and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today. So Louisa, one of the girls that I work with, she actually sent me a message on Instagram quite late last night and it was said 10 images to help you live a better life.

31:34And it's all of those sort of cliches. One was saying take a break at this point, not this point. and it's batteries one's really full up one's empty and it's taking a break when you reach the middle point the battery is halfway diminished so that you can recharge because it's going to be quicker and you're not going to completely run yourself dry it's the same as like the metaphor i have in my head when i fill up the rinse aid in the dishwasher and i always leave it right until it's completely dry and then the dishwasher is like malfunctioning it's like just keep like topping it up like keep watering that garden don't let everything die but when she sent that message to me I and there were you know like other things as part of this carousel I really listened and I this was her message to say take a break enjoy the break we're making really good progress in everything we're doing work-wise like allow yourself the time to reflect on what you've achieved like celebrate the things that have been one but we don't listen to each other when we try to give each other those kinds of messages like why do we not respect each other in the same way that we respect like other people who might go so for example your parents your parents have said oh you know i'm worried about you now ryan because you said that your health's potentially on the line and and then you've had a bit of a wake up in the same way that if i was to train you in the gyms that downstairs but then and harry would do it you'd listen to harry a lot closer than me and she actually might be a better trainer than me but do you know i mean i'm supposed to be i'm supposed to be qualified in the same space but when it's the same voice on repeat you sometimes you tune out that's life isn't it like it's the same with your parents like you should respect them but when you're so used to people or so comfortable you just compete you just don't listen you just disregard what people that are the closest to you are saying you're like nah i could go so deep on this conversation there's so in my mind there's there's layers and layers to peel back on this but one of the things is like we don't have a traditional setup like we do everything together i think that there should be more separation and independence there should be more time away so that you don't get bored by my same old chat and i come back with fresh stuff and i come back with having had like really enriching experiences with leo in the countryside and there'll be times where you do the same and it's all very like oppressive and intense you could walk through the door several hours ago but this morning and i didn't even go up to you i noticed that i didn't go up to you and give you like a big hug and a kiss but and so then because i was with like other people talking about this podcast before filming it and just people from members of our team people well with and in my head i had to like check something like i kind of clocked it and i was like that's weird like i've just sort of like i'm bouldering through whatever we're chatting about which is probably like more worky stuff and i've not even kind of acknowledged that you've just come back and been sat in the car for hours and so then i kind of forced myself to like put my arms around you give you a hug and go like hey darling like how are you how how was that trip well that i mean shit that sucks to be honest and it shouldn't take for us to have to kind of like force those behaviors no definitely not i mean that that we need a red flag i'll tell you what what we need to do let's create some boundaries then it's normal during the week monday to friday to be working between eight and six either side of that we have to create some boundaries so you and i can do some stuff together and talk about normal things so i thought so i so i think that that would be a traditional uh remedy to a traditional setup we don't have a we're not in that camp like we both know that most of our there is a time in the evenings most evenings monday to sunday where we will be online sharing and storytelling some some unpaid or paid content so for us we we shouldn't be looking at like your typical office hour windows like we need to find time on a tuesday at 10 a.m or something you know where most people are knuckling down and cracking out work but for us we need to actively carve out time during the daytime push everything to one side you get on with that you get on with that we'll see you in two hours that's the only way it's going to work for us we should want to do that in the same way that perhaps you had monday 10 to 11 30 carved as your session with a life coach or therapist it should be the same thing yeah otherwise it's not gonna work that's why the wednesday kind of brunch thing worked well because it was like oh we actually can just pick up a reservation anywhere because most people are working and this we're going to make the time now because we know that in the evening we'll sort of reinsert the working hours lost well when when are we going to do it then well to be honest with you luvise i just want to fucking go away and just have a moment to breathe create some space in my fat noggin and then answer a question like that because right now i can't see the wood through the trees we also never ever get a babysitter i when did we last get a babysitter yeah maybe like a year and a half i feel i feel really weird about babysitters but yeah it's another good example i think we need to we are grown-ups now we are 35 you'll be 35 i I know, but again, we're not in that traditional scenario.

37:10We have to create that traditional scenario for us. We have to go, okay, we've actually got Jessica coming over to look after Leo for a bit. It's time to live our life. Let's go out to have a meal around the corner. Totally agree. We can't, we do, we do occasionally go out like separately. Not enough. There must be a service where you can get like a, like a properly verified. Yeah, Nolan nannies. There's loads of stuff. I just don't like the idea of these apps where you can like scroll through like a massage therapist menu and be like, oh, I'll have Denise to come over. Because she'll come here.

37:44She'll be like, pretty sure I recognize you, Louise. And then she'll be like, shit, I'm in your house and you're not here with your son. No way is that happening. Maybe that is weird. I did have a massage when you were away. And the lady. Oh, it's just. It's just not an option. The lady was like really like just chatting a lot, which is very frustrating. they should have the like do not disturb option on massages like they do on uber i just don't feel it was so rare like i don't it's not a really regular thing for me i just don't feel very comfortable with that and that's not me suggesting that we're at like some beckham status or whatever but just you're very small you're well known in this area if i'm not here and you're having a massage therapist turn up to the house and it's just you and that those sorts of things don't sit well with me in the same way that a babysitter or any app is just a bit weird mission for the next couple of weeks is to find a babysitter that we trust.

38:37Yeah. Again, it's going to be good for Leo. For his independence. Wouldn't it be great to go and watch a movie? Or the cinema? Like a night time, like 10pm. Just give me something like wild at 10pm. That sounds epic. Just to have a late night. Like when was the last time we had a late night other than working late? So there is a little bit of like synergy and similarity to all of this. We're doing the same thing with work as we're doing with parenting. It's like a very like, we're fully there the whole time. We need to let go a little bit. Send him down to grandparents, godparents, babysitters.

39:16We need to let go a little bit of the work and be like, the deadlines can wait or they can be pushed back, quite frankly. We need to create time for what's important. And that doesn't mean you lose sight of it all. it's just having a better handle on it. This isn't meant to be negative. This is meant to be constructive. There was one thing which was part of this carousel, which was how we're taught to measure success, which splits it into two, which is job title and salary. Well, sorry, is this how people measure success? Well, this is just part of what Louisa sent me just to have a ponder over last night because she obviously thought I needed to see this regardless of the conversation we're having today which I have not told anybody about how we're getting on in our relationship um but there's this pie chart here how we're taught to measure success is split 50 50 job title on one side salary on the other side a better measure of success is considering good health and well-being free time career financial health liking what you do making a difference lifelong learning and good relationships granted it can be very hard to split your time evenly between all of those different things but maybe we need more visual cues and reminders that things like lifelong learning are really important for us I do feel like at least that's something I am prioritizing a lot or have prioritized this year to 2025 for me has been another big kind of learning year um the making a difference piece is obviously very important to us too and then trying to kind of like muddle our way through the through the other bits and pieces and trusting that we have other people who can help us with the career with financial health um with the good health and well-being but the end of the day like the free time allocation is really what boils down to you and i baby we can't blame anyone else for that do you know what i think on this i just think have you ever heard the song um everybody wears sunscreen by baz lemon yeah i feel like you've mentioned this song before i listened to it the other day because every time i listen to it it's like oh it's like medicine yeah and we've said this before like we We are just racing towards our 40s at the moment.

41:21We're racing. And we're like blasting past it all. Which would be more like your parents. At phone parties in Mallorca on their retirement. Sweet. Favourite memory of the month? Okay, so I'm actually looking at the calendar, which is really sad. Try and find a favourite memory that we've had together this month. And I can't really find many things. So I'm just looking at weekends.

41:50and we've done, I suppose the highlight would be like playing a bit of sport together, which has been really fun. So we've really enjoyed that. Yeah. Otherwise, everything else has looked fairly non-existent. Everything's basically revolved around work. Have you got a memory looking at your calendar? Do you know what I've just realized? I'm looking at the camera roll, not calendar. Are you looking at the camera roll? That's cool. I feel like I've literally, now I've always, I've been like this since all of the medical trauma, but I'm basically like living a life as if i'm going to die in a year i'm like stockpiling and that means i'm cramming my life so full because i'm so full of fear that i might not be around in a year or two years or that i'm gonna end up back in hospital that i'm living in this fast lane that makes sense like you know us we've registered like intend to get married like have you even told anybody i mean we're just breezing past these major things that people do over like months and years and we are trying to get it all done in an extremely short period of time just does our favorite memory have to be like a memory that we've shared together or individual it's supposed to be together but that's the thing i think the main issue here is that we've obviously got things that we've done separately yours would be going away in the lakes well there's other cool shit but it's linked to work so i don't even know if i should mention it okay so what what we're really this is the problem all of our memories now are work related and we're all individual you're doing stuff with work i'm doing stuff with work but we're not where does that leave room for us to have a relationship it doesn't clearly like we expect more from our relationship because otherwise we'll just no it's not a question of expect so what do we do we we both want because we can see that there's a chasm.

43:41What are we going to do to change it? I've got one idea. Have you got any promises that we can make to each other for this next month? You've always talked about doing a date to the Natural History Museum and we've never ever done it. So why don't we just do it? What, me and you without Leo? Hell yeah. I've always wanted to stay overnight there. They do dino snores. Well, but that's, I mean, we could do that. I didn't even, dino snores? You can camp under the skeletons of the blue whales and the Tyrannosaurus rexas, I think. Well, do you want to do that? That was what I wanted to do for my birthday party for my 30th, but then it was lockdown.

44:13Do you want to do Dinosnores? Oh my God, please, can we do Dinosnores? Oh my God, yes. What, just the two of us? We need to do things that evoke like a nostalgic feeling. That is going to rescue us. I'll look into Dinosnores, but are we doing as a two or a three? Well, no, because if we do it with Leo, it's just kind of, it feels like it's... Do you sleep on the floor? performative again do you sleep on the floor I don't know because I haven't done it but I hope they still do it alright even if they don't do dinosaur snores I think we should go there because we've never been together it's kind of like maybe a bit of a obvious boring choice but you've always wanted to go so let's go okay and then we do the science museum that's like right around the corner as well so alright alright so this is the promise we could sit in the simulator what's that thing that like moves like I don't know if they've still got it I don't remember going okay sweet there you go it's lighting you up already the idea of it so the promise to each other is that we'll go and do this as a date within the next month.

45:04And we'll throw in a cheeky holiday as well. We'll report back when we're back from our holiday. But if anyone's listened to this episode and they think, oh my gosh, I can relate to being in a little bit of a funk or a dry patch with relationship and I'm overwhelmed by life, maybe do a review and be like, hey, let's try and figure out a solution to this. Let's start with a basic little, your favorite coffee shop is over in Shoreditch. which is called Mike Makes Coffee, whatever it's called. Let's go there. Start small and just build it from there. That's the takeaway, right? We didn't really do a score on the four Cs.

45:37We could really quickly do that. I think communication has clearly been crap because we haven't really spoken to each other for a week. Consideration, we've been considerate. Chemistry, as prude as I am, is the one thing that we have prioritised. So well done. And compromise. We've got one out of four. Cool. well thank you so much for listening this week Louise quite fun to do that trend I'm not really on the trends of things like that it's quite fun and actually probably quite a useful thing to do for people yes very on the pulse yeah I would recommend that other couples do that because it's quite a soft entry into maybe a difficult conversation so if you want to follow the same structure that we've put together our advice is to start with the positive so do the praises to raise then go into the issues to raise favorite memory of the month and then what you promise to do in the month coming and then that should facilitate and open up a good conversation but do let us know how you go because it'd be great to hear the results of the uh what's it called the relationship review oh well i'll see you at the natural history museum then love see you in three weeks time

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