Ryan's BIG announcements and Louise's... doppelgänger?!

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0:33hello louise hi rye welcome back to he said she said everyone just to remind you the format for this conversation is a dual perspective on i don't know some things that maybe we all go through at different stages in life some of this conversation might relate to you or resonate some of it might not but authentic conversations

0:53Louise: it's gonna be very real it's gonna be very authentic and whoa hello what is this episode 43 11 11 Oh my heavens It's 11 11 It's 11 11 It's going to be a good episode Watch out everyone It's already 11 That means we're 11 minutes past That's right Yes Louise is 11 minutes late No actually you were late today Mate I've been sat there Ryan's been like Lathering himself In shiny body While he's got shimmer On his chest I've absolutely Let myself down there Is it legal to wear a cardigan With no t-shirt underneath A lofie like that Before you all arrived I opened my protein shake And it went All over me So I was like I can't bother to go upstairs grab the nearest thing okay so when did you grab the shimmer I've also got socks and sandals on I haven't really thought this through when did you grab the shimmer body oil oh this morning you know that I just grab your stuff and it's not but you've got actual sparkles on our chest you look like you're in a school play look I'm aware that it's a bit much let's just draw focus on something else okay my grays have you noticed all the grays in my hair But also, just so you know, I'm not too worried about grey hairs.

2:01Louise: Okay, I'll be like a silver, I guess for men you're called a silver fox, right? What's a female silver? Platinum. Silver vixen? Whoa. Is that a thing? What is a vixen? It's such a cringe word. That's a female fox. Is it actually? Gosh, I'm intelligent. Oh my God. But that's actually a thing that people get referred to as like a vixen. No, it's a minx, isn't it? What's a minx? Is that an animal? That's quite a rare animal. It's a little bit like a lynx, isn't it? It's a cat. No, no, no. She's making stuff up. I feel like people, oh no, people have lynx fur coats. They did back in the day before.

2:36Louise: It was obviously disgustingly cruel to skin animals. I just remember lynx Africa. Do you remember that deodorant, lynx Africa? Yeah. I think my brother still uses lynx Africa. That's how old school he is. Well, it's quite a sexy scent, to be honest. Is it? It reminds you of like the first time you ever fell in love or fancied somebody way back when you were at school. How's your week been, Ryan? Great. Do you know what? I've been living my absolute best life in my new office. You're quite jammy. Yeah, I know. You've managed to wangle an office for a month. So I've got a 15-man office and it's just me in there, okay?

3:09I video called my dad from this office last week and he was like, let me just tell you this, son. I'd come out of retirement for that office. It's that nice. I've got space. I've got loads of natural light coming through. I've got A3 bits of paper just strewn across like walls and desks.

3:25Louise: Yeah, you're a nicer person. No, to be around though. And that's the takeaway. Dudes, get an office because it makes you a nicer person. What is it about getting out of the house? Why does it feel so good? Oh, listen, I've always known that I need some sense of separation from, and it's not even a you thing, it's just a home thing. Like there's a lot of activity that we do together in this house and there is not much separation at all. And there hasn't been since we got together, however many, We still get this wrong, but let's call it nine years ago. So to have a space where I can go to by myself, hop on my motorbike, arrive, have a room where I can think and walk and just have full autonomy just for that time.

4:06It's incredible. So much so, I'm going to break your card because I don't want you to come in there.

4:13Louise: Any honeys? Ha! Ha ha! I didn't even know I had a card, so thank you. You did because I literally handed it to you the other week. Did you? Is there any honeys? I can't even remember. Well, interestingly, there's like, so my office is sort of, to my left is windows that look at the Disney building. To my right is the corridor. And part of the glass is frosted. So I can't really see the full person. I can just see footwork, like feet going past. Footwork. Footwork, yeah. And every now and again, like every sixth person or so will be like these really like impressive sets of heels that go past. Oh, I see.

4:49And I'm like trying to see over the frosted glass. I'm like, is that a honey?

4:55Louise: That's quite good though to prevent from distractions, to have the frosting. Yeah, but they make a bloody sound. It echoes through the corridors. Really? Yeah, so if you're one of those people, stop wearing heels. Who wears heels to the office? That's a big commitment. I actually was swinging in my chair in the office and I was trying to figure that out. I was like, who is wearing heels like that to the work? Because it definitely gives a vibe. Anyway, so yeah, I've really, really been enjoying going there. and it's really facilitated some good workflow and systems so i feel good you've sent me a couple of pictures and you've been you've really been making the use of the space you've got there are big a3 sheets you've just been storyboarding every inch of your life but that's how my brain works and having this space and opportunity to do that has like illustrated that for me i can't what i can't and you do it very well you can have like it's almost like um it's almost like you've got windows open in your mind and you can actually just swipe through it all i can't do it in my mind i have to have like tangible in front of me i much still much prefer pen and paper versus keyboard and electronic stuff so it's been great yeah really really excited to be there how's your week been not as exciting i don't think why i had a hospital appointment yesterday where's your glasses by the way it's a good point i was because you're looking at me like this am i again i'm doing that?

6:11And I'm two feet away from you. Shit. Where are they?

6:15Louise: I really want to wear the Mew Mews. Do you want to get the Mew Mews? I don't think I can get them now. I was thinking about that last night in bed that I wanted to wear the Mew Mews and I forgot to put them on. The Mew Mews make you look like the receptionist out of Monsters Inc. That's not a good thing, Ryan. Wait, can I actually Google that person? Yeah, Google it. Oh, I am obsessed with her glasses let me see them just to oh and i've also just recently got some chains like that as well well go and get it all go and get it all uh for god's sake go and get the chains okay this is too good go on put them on look down camera number two all right hello yes but wait yes

7:00Louise: that'll do so i look prettier now well yeah because you're not frowning at me or like it looks like confused by my every word i'm like oh this is going well sorry that must be so annoying and distracting for you okay so i'm back in the room go on then tell me about hospital it was actually not that exciting i went to get an infusion so switching medications and it was just a bit of a blast from the past really it was in the aec the ambulatory care bit and it's the area where there are lots of chairs around the outside of a room and you go spend some time there and have an infusion if you're having an infusion that could be like a blood transfusion or an iron infusion or some sort of medicine okay steroids in there for a few hours not normally steroids but steroids they often give to people before you have a medication they're trying to suppress your immune system people who are in that room have chronic conditions generally so they've actually created a whole section for people with with autoimmune conditions or people that are on biologics so they have to come in fairly regularly and so there were quite a few people in the same room as me with ms um and a few people with inflammatory bowel diseases but some people treat this literally like they're at a hotel so i didn't realize that the beds not beds that the chairs recline and people are literally like jamming away at these buttons like like up and down and i'd i've never really understood why but people go and have long naps but this time i was given a really heavy antihistamine which was basically a sedative and i as she was putting it into my arm before having my actual infusion i didn't recline because i didn't know how to use the thing but i was midway through having a conversation with this lovely lady opposite me and i literally had to just tell her to stop talking to me because my eyes were just closing as i was mid chat is that a nice feeling it is a nice feeling it's actually a really nice feeling because you know i'm normally so polite i would i would fight through that to try and finish the sentence but i literally was like i can't talk to you so i had a little nap lady got me a pillow and i and it felt odd she actually offered me a special like cut and off cubicle and i don't know whether that's because she knew who i was or whether she just knew i was about to get real comatose i suppose i don't suppose it's an easy thing to do but it sounds quite nice and i can't really blame someone for reclining and putting an eye mask on and just sleeping their way through it well these i mean many of the people that were there were there for four or five hour infusions so i guess like what else are you going to do but one lady was talking to herself quite a lot and that was a bit annoying talking to herself yeah Yeah, just every time she was behind in the chair, she's just chatting and making quite a lot of noise.

9:52Louise: Yeah, you meet some pretty interesting people. So how long was your infusion? Just a couple of hours. And everyone takes the day off work and I didn't. But I emailed the day before just checking how long it was going to be and I booked it in for 9am so I could be back here at 10.30 ready to start shooting the video. Bloody hell. And anyway, it ended up being quite a long process. So when I got home, I was pretty whacked out and I did have to take a nap. Okay. So you're on new meds. Next appointment is you have it from home, right? So you now do self-administrative medications. Yeah, the good thing is I don't think I need to take any medication, no more pills.

10:31Louise: Great. I just, I need to learn how to administer an injection at home. And then I do that every eight weeks, which is pretty low maintenance. If that's going to work, then happy days. That's very exciting. do you remember when you i used to make you inject yeah me i used to do it in the front of your quad and i was like dude let's just get a fleshy bit of meat on the butt cheek that's where normal people would do this and you're like no i think because i was not in a good space yeah and then i remember the medical professionals being like either do it in your belly fat or your bum and i was like see yeah but when you've been through loads of trauma in your belly the last place you want to jab a needle into is your stomach fair enough so i felt like i had more control doing it into my legs yeah it's quite painful shall i talk to you about more updates from my world yes please i'm changing management oh i've been with the same agency for seven years yeah been a really good journey opened up many doors really supported me in my uh in my journey so far but now's the time to make a change which is quite daunting but quite necessary and I basically start and finish with old and new next Monday.

11:42So I'm kind of working out my notice if you like.

11:45Louise: That's a big transition. Massive, yeah. Exciting though. I guess I'm going from like an agent management service all wrapped up in one to kind of boiling it down and allocating different roles to different people. So I've gone from like an agency that's quite big to a smaller team but more bespoke maybe if that's the way to describe it what was it that made you want to change i think i know how to answer this how you will understand it you ready yeah i changed hands internally at my agency so many times and the only way i can describe this is a bit like you being in hospital and having a shift change of doctors midwives nurses and having to explain your story and have them buy into you as a person each time you do it it's like oh my gosh like I've just built good consistency and rhythm and an understanding with someone yeah built some good flow with work and things are going quite well and now they've gone and now I've got to do it again and I've done that probably within seven years I've probably done that seven times but it's just it's got to the point now where I'm at a stage in my career and my life where I have to be very selective I have to be very authentic with my choices with brands I've got to do stuff I've to put my energy in time where I really want to make it happen and count and I need I need the team around me to really have a vision of that and to understand it and to support me and I just felt that that was really missing for me well how exciting it is exciting and um it's forced me to think differently about strategies around content and everything else I found myself yesterday looking at like performance and analytics on Instagram and I'm like oh my gosh I've never done this before in my life really yeah and i'm wait you've you've never done that no what even click like the insights button nope what hang on and how long have you been doing this for well i don't know because my relationship with it now is much different you know that's so interesting isn't it yeah but do you say maybe you care a bit more now oh about your career well it's because i feel more sure of what i'm doing so now i feel i feel very um uh attached to it and connected with it and i feel like it's it is something i want to do you know great and it's i'm trying to develop that whole writing to support my children's book stuff which is moving is that moving moving i'm so excited about that i went to curtis brown last week pitched my storyboard was quite nervous but did a good job they loved it they've asked me to basically write the first book draft now so then once you've worked on that you will go into they'll pitch the book to various different publishers and negotiate offers yeah that happens in september yeah do you want to give us a tiny bit of insight as to what the book is going to look like yeah so here's what i can tell you i've done a bit of research into the children's book uh space and it's believed that around 60 percent of the authors are parents um it's also believed that about only 10 to 15 percent are male wow okay so that immediately suggests that there's a space on the shelves for a male and who is that actual parent and a dad to create something and write something and there's also a really big gap for a man to speak in a sort of with the level of love and presence and vulnerability that i can to it and that was what was really resonating in my pitch was Curtis Brown because they could see the research that I had done they confirmed it with their reaction they were like there is such a space for you in this market because you know I look at it and I see the giants that are like the junior who is it Julia Donaldson and the James Norbury's Jim Fields and all those people that we love it's like gosh how do you play how do you get here on the how do you slot in on those shelves but in actual fact my my distinction is that i am a present father i'm i'm a man who's willing to be truthful vulnerable emotional and you know i'm i'm very much leaning into our shared lived experiences but i'm packaging it in a way that's there will be subtle um things you can extract from it whether you're an actual mom and mom and dad or expecting parents or I've taken a lot of inspiration from certain um authors and illustrators and I'm trying to create a bit of a fusion of styles and inject my own stamp on it so cool yeah it's really exciting I suppose with when you look at those authors that we now look up to what set them apart from everybody else was just their uniqueness in their storytelling and I think that you've definitely got that from the little that you've explained to me about you know what the story reads like it sounds really different so what i've tried to do my hope with this book is that i can um as i say draw and take inspiration from everything that we've lived through and that go that that sort of that will come through the writing and the storytelling but also like the characters and things for example there'll be lots of characters and things in the background of shots that you in particular will spot and be like oh my gosh that's like a nod to me or that's a nod to someone in our family or someone we know i want to have so much of it that is really us but done in a really nice sort of playful way without giving too much away like the the characters the character that you play in in the book the opening chapter is about how you fall and injure yourself because you're looking up at a robin red breast because you love robin red breast birds that's so cool and that that kind of that is how we introduce the idea of mummy's injured she's slightly out of frame for this part and that is the style of how i talk about the opportunity of father and son and having a unique bond because mum's out of the frame I'm so excited for you and I can see how excited you are I see like a really sweet side to you now when you're talking about your the way like you're smiling is different yeah do you are you gonna do the illustrations as well because you're good at drawing well I would like to because I feel like we could get there are a lot of people that would want to help on this book so I want to write it and I want to I want to be a sort of co-illustrator because I I do hesitate that I would have the skills to pull off a full illustration.

18:19I'd like to have a few characters that I could float in there and be a part of that process.

18:25Louise: It's nice to think that there have been doors that have opened off the back of a really rough chapter. It's testament to us though, because we've made the decision to talk about it and to take people on the journey of our growth and development and how we move past it. and within that journey like as you say things have opened up you're now in parliament i'm now in the children's book space it's incredible and you feel very passionate about what you're doing so that's really exciting for you and equally so i feel like i'm where i should be as well and to be able to tell again it's back to the dual perspective thing like you're you're telling your version in the house of commons slash room 13 and i'm in freaking curtis brown which is like the biggest literacy agency in the country, maybe.

19:19You might see me at Henley Festival in a few years in the kids' teepee tent talking about your character. How fun would that be? That would be so cool. As I say, I could talk to you all day about the book stuff, but I will give you snippets as we go along. What else has been going on this week? Can you tell me? Oh my. I just remembered something that we haven't actually spoken about since it happened. We went for dinner with our new accountant.

19:44Louise: He's not my new accountant. He's my new accountant. I've been with him for 20 odd years. I literally felt like I was sat in the room with your old agent, who is his brother. And we went for dinner with him. But what's strange is I've worked with this guy for so long, but I've never actually met him in person. So since you came on to his roster, we could have called it his roster, you invited him down to London for dinner, which I actually thought was a really gorgeous thing to do. That's because I like to have a relationship with people. I can't just have like behind the screen transactional. I don't think I've hardly ever even seen his face.

20:17Louise: It's just always been over the phone. Isn't that nuts? It's also - I wasn't expecting him to look like that. This is also part of me trying to overcome my fear of numbers and just any brown envelope from the HMRC. I'm like, if I build a relationship with someone, understand it and love it, it might be better for everyone. Yeah, it's true. So he came around, we sat around the table and we did like a three hour lesson, except you hardly got a look in. Yeah, you had a three hour conversation, catch up on all your things and i had about two minutes before we had to go and rush to dinner yeah it was cute and we we had this dinner with he brought his partner along and we realized actually that we have absolutely no grounds to ever complain about anything in our life because he's got five kids two dogs three dogs three dogs two cats ferrets the geezer has zero time and yet is so chilled and so smiley about the whole thing he speaks so slowly i don't know how anyway the funny part of the story by the way is when we were locked in on this cute round table in our lovely local pub here yeah look to my left and sam is on a date no sam walks in when we sat down we go for a super early dinner at like 6 p.m because that's just the kind of people we are and sam's like over by the bar with his phone out no you didn't see this wreck literally exchanging lines with the waitress like freaking out that he's maybe put the wrong reservation he didn't see us for ages so we were just watching the whole thing play out and then did you he saw you we waited for him to see us and then he literally went oh hi guys And the thing about Sam is he's got his personality is everyone's familiar with.

21:56Louise: We're familiar with his personality when he's around here and he's super chill and he's horizontal and he's just like taking time for himself and he can be, you know, like real, real like low key Sam. And we used to like fast paced, entertaining, out and about, like doing his best work. Lovable rogue, like nation's favorite Labrador. But we've never seen dating Sam. Have you ever seen it? No. Well. The only time I've ever seen him like this was when he dated Sophie Haboo on the show. Yes. Do you remember? Yeah. I was going to say the same time. He was never like this with Zorin. He was never like this with Tiff.

22:36Louise: He's always just gone straight into super comfortable mode. I would love to be. This was so weird. Being a flower in the wall. Yeah, but he was a little bit too far away. I didn't want to look. And I couldn't, certainly couldn't hear anything. They basically sat with facing their back star. So we couldn't actually see facial expressions, which is good. because otherwise obviously we would have kept catching each other's eyes. I could see that she was a lot taller than him though. I was like, ooh. And she was in flats. I also noticed that he pre-ordered both drinks so that when she arrived, they would just appear on the table.

23:04I was like, is that how you do it these days?

23:06Louise: Yeah, you know, I'd like to - What happened to the like, what drink would you like? He's just like, here's a martini. Get it down to you, girl. Was it a martini? Yeah. Was it actually a martini? What was he drinking? Guinness. I was like, dude, you don't even drink Guinness. That's so funny. because I think he said he mentioned that the other day when he was round here that he who pulled him up on this? What the pre-ordering of drinks? When I was speaking to the girls I worked with and we were talking about like the prep when you're on a date and he said that he does pre-order he always has a drink waiting for them there and we were like that's a bit of a risk It's not a wait but he does ask When she sits down it's like a waiter appears Oh stop that's what he was obviously communicating with the lady at the bar about first going okay the moment she comes in and sits down bring the martini within in five seconds.

23:50Louise: That's organized. In his 50s. That's like James Bond maneuvers. Oh, right. Okay. So this is what you, is this what women like? But so he's already asked her that, just to clarify, he's not taking, because some guys, No, no, no. He's taken the decision into his house. They'll organize what they think is an appropriate food and drink. But he, he did, he does ask the girl before what drink she would like. He's not just shoving. I know that because he told me he's not shoving a martini in their face without checking first. I thought he was like, I got you something. Here's a martini. You've got no choice.

24:23Louise: Have you ever said a martini shaken, not stirred? No way am I cool enough to ever order a martini. So would you ever do that when on a date? No, because I never dated at bars when I was in that scene. Where did you date? Coffee shops. Was it coffee shops? Yeah. I didn't used to drink. It's only now. I'm an aging dad. So where would your first date be at Caffeineiro? I met like Boston Tea Party. low-key stuff so on the subject of sam i listened to a podcast that he was on with pete this morning he's been very very very sweet about me well you listened to the whole episode well he actually sent me the episode before it was released but i didn't get around to listening to it and this morning um i had a dm come through from someone saying oh well actually it was like oh my god you should listen to pete's new episode sam's talking about you in such a beautiful way and i I was like, oh, sweet.

25:18I need to check this out. And yeah, it was amazing. Cute.

25:21Louise: And what did he say? Oh, no, I don't really want to recycle the words. It was just, I'm going to just shout him out on here just to say thank you again. I did call him this morning to say it's really, really appreciated. I did a friend's podcast this week. Oh. Yeah, Roxy. She's got a podcast. Roxy Nafusi. She's the author of Manifest, the books that have done phenomenally well. Her first one, the orange one, was pretty iconic. She sold over a million copies. It actually went really well. I was quite nervous about it, weirdly, because all of the other podcast interviews that I've done have been with people that I don't have a prior relationship with.

25:52Okay.

25:53Louise: I've known her since we were about 14, 15. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we used to be on the party circuit together. Really? Yeah. Christ, that's new information for me. Yeah, big time. And then we kind of like weaved in and out of each other's lives and then didn't speak for a while. And then we actually went to Paris for the Vogue World fashion show. last summer we reconnected then and we've got a very good friend in common who's now going to be helping with your management uh sophie and she invited me to be on her podcast a while ago but we just couldn't get the the dates aligned anyway i finally found a time to do it yeah and we had like a two or three hour chat really yeah but i found myself i could tell i was nervous she said she said at the end she was like i don't want any of that cut down like can we just leave the whole thing it's it kind of got to a point actually where because she's a friend of mine at the end i felt almost a little bit guilty that it had been such a one-sided conversation because a lot of these like guest-led podcasts are an interviewer asking a guest about their whole story so she was asking you lots of questions a few questions i mean i didn't need there was so much to say but she was really a brilliant host and i remember when she first started the podcast back in October time and her first guest was Jay Shetty which is amazing um because he's got such a huge presence well she's become friends with him because they share a lot in common and she'd said that she was quite nervous but she made me feel and I remember giving her the advice actually we bumped into each other at the Glamour Awards and I'd said look I went on Jamie Lang's podcast and you know he was completely kind of winging it with I don't think he was probably the one person that hadn't read the whole book when he interviewed me but the reason that the interview went so well and that we both enjoyed ourselves so much was because he made me feel really comfortable and I think that that's probably like the biggest part of it versus being super over prepared is actually just making someone feel really comfy in that you know in that seat her seats by the way are much more comfortable than us i think we do need to get on the upgrade this one squeaks all the way through this one does but it was yeah it was it was really nice and i felt i feel like it was one of those ones that um made me feel pretty proud after i'd done it because it did take me right back to a place where when where i had very little self-esteem when i was 14 15 oh you went that far back yeah because that's when our relationship really started and so she's known me from back then but I could tell I was really nervous because I was when I was sat in the chair I was like playing with my fingers a lot I was flicking my fingers anyway what I would say to anyone that's listening if you want to hear a lot more about all of the work that we're doing around birth trauma then I would highly recommend that episode when I was doing a bit of prep for Roxy's podcast because she asked me to look back to my childhood it actually flagged something that I've never really given much thought before so I was looking more in depth about why where my perfectionist tendencies come from oh yeah because I couldn't figure that one out and I you know the immediate thing that I reached for was oh well my mum's a perfectionist so maybe I inhaled some of her personality traits or it was the thing of not getting attention so trying to be even more perfect so that I'd get rewarded for doing good, good behavior and good work.

29:32Louise: But then actually it made me think about some of the stuff that I was watching on the telly. Because I think I've mentioned before on the podcast about that time where I used to say that sentence and I would almost like try to like start my life. I'd basically say the sentence when I was in my bedroom and I used to then be like, that's the beginning of me starting like a perfect life again it's really weird it would almost be like i was resetting my life and starting again and trying to be even more perfect which looking back is pretty weird behavior but i think a lot of it actually did stem from watching tv shows where i was seeing a lot of perfect women okay being able to reflect back about that those unhealthy behaviors that i had in my childhood it's made me feel really good about where i am now and even reminding myself of that earlier this week I think might have prompted me to not feel scared to post some stuff on Instagram from our holiday which we took ages ago where I look really rank and I felt quite I found that quite liberating like I remember what it felt like to be really trapped in the cage of my skull like trying to be more like you know other people and perfect people and beautiful people and the girls that I wanted to be like and then I kind of quickly zoomed all the way to the present with where I'm at now and everything that I've been through and I thought the other day oh fuck it I'm just going to post this picture where I literally look like a bar of soap jumping into the pool I'm like there's like a hair extension on show I've like stoma bags kind of like puffing up in my swimsuit I've got like rippling cellulite on my white legs I'm jumping in pretending to be a letter in the pool and I thought you know what actually I had a really good time there that was me and my element like with our family being silly and wearing the silly hat and I think it's really important sometimes to wear to be able to wear lots of different hats in life and to be able to tap into the silly part of your personality and And really, I think that the people that are the happiest in life are the ones that, do you remember we had this conversation, and the ones that care less, but also are silly.

31:52Louise: They make time to be silly. Yes. Sam's obviously silly a lot of the time. That's great. He's got a great life. I'm not saying we need to go and do that. But one of my good friends, Alice Law, who's a coach, actually, who's been through a lot of grief herself. She sadly lost her father and her sister in a really short period of time. We've had a lot of deep thinking conversations together. in the past and one of the things that i always cling on to is that she said just be silly like be silly more i think that's a great message to give yeah going back to a place of just pure innocence and joy child's play almost that's really cool so what can we do this week that's going to be silly well i think we've got something planned for today with sam oh we do got one of those silly silly very dance things that will be quite funny yeah an example of like great play from you this week you came down with a friggin hair fixing helmet on do you remember oh my god exactly for fun i think i'm really tapping into my silly and and you're right i came down with this i got given very kindly this expensive hair regrowth helmet that's by some niche brand called like nuance or something and it doesn't get a lot of use to be honest but i did i was having a big clear out as i'm always doing and leo pointed at the helmet in the cupboard and he went what's that and i was like well actually you're gonna really enjoy this so i put it on fire it up and then i just wore it for the rest of the day around the house he tried it on yeah it was good good times but again basically yeah we reserve all our good times for think how much i think how much we laughed on that atomic sofa and not on holiday that donut thing oh yeah yeah yeah mainly because my dad's helmet was like fitting half of his melon head that's the thing now when you do those water sports things on holiday they're so into health and safety that they cap like the speed you can go but also you need to wear like rugby scrum caps still so funny and I spent that whole 15 minute trip just watching people's faces yeah silly and as we would we looked so ugly oh yeah Like couldn't have looked ranker.

34:00Oh, yeah.

34:01Louise: Like at that point in the holiday, it was just pale, hairy armpits, greasy hair. Lucky, aren't I, folks? And mascara streamed down the face, but a good time was had by all. Very healing. And actually, I didn't have a flare for a while after that. Interesting. Yeah. Well, that is actually very interesting. Saltwater and silly behavior. Okay. Tumble tots. When I was sick and I wanted to create this charity, an element of that looked like a soft play for adults where we all get to play gladiators. Essentially, go through ball pits, cling on to spinny things. Travelators. Travelators running up and down.

34:48Louise: Like giant swings. Not sex swings, but like fun, silly swings. what those big those things that you hold on to those big circles trapeze yeah i love a trapeze bit of tightrope walking oh no a little bit like the axe throwing date night that you're not into but i do think that we should have a gambar gambardos for grown-ups yeah should we should we do that actually i think we could raise some investments money to set up a gambardos for adults and i reckon people that sat working at a desk in the city all they need to do is go to a gambardos for grown-ups i used to watch this guy on mtv back in the day his name is rob something and it was called fantasy factory and he was an ex-professional skateboarder and he basically built a warehouse of exactly what we're talking about a skate ramp land into a giant ball pit shoot shoot a basketball on your way into it when next time you go to the office can you draw that out on one of your a3 sheets do a little mood board but also a um what's it called when architects do the blueprint thing.

35:52Louise: It's an old design.

35:58Shall I give you a listener's submission for the week? Yeah. Right. He said, I've got no friends. I'm a father of a four and one year old. I have a solid job in London in tech. Very small, but close-knit family and a range of friends. However, I've never had that best man style close friend. I feel my friends are a bit further away. If I didn't check in, I'm not sure they would I'm not sure they would. The same with some of my family members. Do you think... Thumbtack presents Uncertainty Strikes. I was surrounded. The aisle and the options were closing in. There were paint rollers, satin and matte finish, angle brushes and natural bristles.

36:37There were too many choices. What if I never got my living room painted? What if I couldn't figure out what type of paint to use? What if I just used Thumbtack? I can hire a top rated pro that knows everything about interior paint. Easily compare prices and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. Here's a tip for you. There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week. They trust the host. And that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience. The problem is you just haven't been introduced yet.

37:13We're A-Cast, where that introduction happens. As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform. Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise. At middle age, it's too late to change that now. I feel most people already have their lifelong friends at this stage. maybe I swapped and switched friends too much or never put myself in the right places to meet the right people those who I'd really bond closely with or I just wasn't a good enough friend and should have been there for more people I cared about but family always came number one I chose them especially my parents first and still enjoy spending time with them have you related to this do you think there's still time how would you approach it and how would you keep friends where

38:09Louise: the balance doesn't always feel like 50 50 i think bull's in his court if you want a closer friend if you want a best friend to start making time for hone in on that person you choose so if he wants to have a best friend and a close relationship with with somebody don't just think that because that's what you feel is the right thing to do because other people have that really like know that that's something that you want and make that decision based off one of your existing friendships and then go, that's the person I value the most out of everyone I know in my life. And I want to get a little bit closer and then make a plan to get from A to B.

38:48Louise: I guess it sounds like he's already beyond the stage of best men at weddings. It sounds like he's married. He's got kids, young kids. If you want to, I don't know whether you've got godparents, probably those are the people that you'd consider to be closest to you. And if you want more from a friendship, then kind of get on with it. he's a father of a four and a one-year-old that in itself is going to put this guy into different kind of environments that maybe he's been a bit closed off with or a bit hesitant or reserved in i would say that from my own experience of taking leo to jiu-jitsu maybe or what's another example even just to the park i they haven't really necessarily become friends but i've had nice conversations with guy with guys um other dads there's a guy down at jiu-jitsu American guy called Jeff and there's a guy in the park called Scott different Scott and it illustrates that if you're willing to be I don't know a little bit bolshy maybe in those environments and just put yourself forward as like hey I'm a dad I got kids like how are you feeling what's going on there's definitely I don't think it's too late to ever make friends I think people have this slightly cynical style about them at some at some stage they sort of reach the point in life where they're like, I can't be asked, I've got too many friends or I've got enough friends.

40:07I don't know, maybe it's coming from me. I don't have a large list of friends, but what I would never say is like, oh, I can't be bothered to make new friends.

40:20Louise: I don't think you're missing out from having like super duper, whooper close friendships. No, I think you are. I think you're very lucky and I think it's one of life's greatest things to have like a very close friend. It could just be one. But having like a close friend that you can call at 2 a.m. because you've got a problem and you need to get a lift to hospital or you've got a close friend that you need to borrow money from because you've got yourself into a squeeze or something as generic as I've had a really shit day, can I call you? If you've got a friend that can do all of that, plus support you, elevate you, go on trips with you, look after your kids or dogs.

41:00without any like hesitation just do it out of like yeah i'm in it i'm in it with you i think i think having a close friend is is essential it's yeah it's essential i don't i don't suppose everyone has it i think i think most people have lots of friends but i would be very interested to know like out of those 50 or 60 or however many friends you think you've got who is the one person you would call if you were in a real tight squeeze maybe i take back what i

41:29Louise: said you've sold it but i mean were we friends do you consider me a good friend uh yeah i think we're actually no that's actually a nice question i think we're quite good mates at the moment which feels quite nice that's actually a nice question i do consider you a mate yeah so yeah to summarize i think i think it's not too late to have um a shot at making new friends i personally believe that having a really really close friendship with one two or three people is is a beautiful part of our journey here and if he's got hesitations around like oh i haven't really found the right group of people or the right person i think put yourself into different environments be a bit more bolshy and force coming with what you're willing to give that person in the first instance also when you when you reach that age and become a dad you do feel more confident you have more presence you're more sure about yourself you can be a bit more selective I've made new friends this year by being involved in different environments you can forge a friendship with like pretty much just like set the bar to wherever you want it to be and go and send someone a message and go we might be friends if you work in an office you're like I want to be friends with that person just pop them an email but yeah would that be weird in that kind of corporate environment like hey I've seen you around want to be my friend to be honest I don't think anything's weird that's the problem like if i really wanted to be friends with someone i probably would do that might be a bit weird to receive an email but there's a there is a version of that that could play out which would be what's the more normal version of that i don't know passing someone on the way my office co-working space on the way to the coffee machine and be like dude those shoes are well played yeah i'm in office 808 if you want to come and grab a coffee and just hang out there get in there okay you're a friend flirt you've got better friend game than i do that was really good like i actually wanted to be your friend just then so like the person that you bumped into who i know you could easily become their friend you just i feel like i could make quite a few friends at this office yeah yes yeah and have an abundance i feel like people walk by that office waiting for me to be like yo that's really well then and then when you've got all of these friends yeah so then can we do our two things which we really want to do with all of our friends and the people we love one of which is get a huge is find a big camping field and everyone camps together.

43:51Louise: So like 50 people, like a wedding, but in a camping field. Cool, cool, cool. But not an actual wedding because we don't need to do the ceremony, but it's like everyone's there celebrating, sleeping in nature. And then the other thing is get everybody to... Ski down a mountain? Yeah, but also the... Surf a wave? Soft play for grownups. Louise, thanks for that little combo. We've rattled through some updates there. We've touched on new management, new offices, Sam's dating, new medication, children's book endeavors. movement happening there it's quite a journey you've been on podcasts with big names yeah we're really moving and shaking aren't we we're shaking and I'm just Ros from Monsters Inc Monsters Inc yep you should come back as a different character next week just keep keep me on my toes okay peace out see you next week thanks for listening you can follow us on he said she said on the Instagram page also we've got a YouTube channel we'd love some more subscribers because we do film all of our recordings.

44:51Louise: So if you want to check our body language out and also our outfits, then do head over there. That comes out a few days later. So those go live on a Sunday. See you on Monday then for the AUA. I love those ones. See you then.

45:11Thumbtack presents Uncertainty Strikes. I was surrounded. The aisle and the options were closing in. There were paint rollers, satin and matte finish, angle brushes and natural bristles. There were too many choices. What if I never got my living room painted? What if I couldn't figure out what type of paint to use? What if... I just used Thumbtack. I can hire a top-rated pro that knows everything about interior paint, easily compare prices and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today.