Ryan's most emotional episode yet - A Father’s Day Surprise

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0:57to be honest. I'm here for the sunbar. But I found out that I couldn't just lie on my back for the entire thing. Instead I was folded over a bolster cushion. Really? Yeah. And I've done so many sort of somatic healing practices over the last couple of weeks I'm now feeling actually really drained. Yeah, you need a holiday now. I need a holiday. Like really pushed myself. Is that a yin where you sort of hold the stretch for like two, three minutes? Yeah, like four or five minutes. Four or five minute stretch? Yeah. I don't think I could actually do that. I'd get, I'd physically want to get out of that position.

1:32I think that's the point. So after sort of 30 seconds, everything in your brain is saying, oh, this is really uncomfortable. Can I move? And then you need to take a deep breath and push through that feeling. Are you quite mobile? I feel like you're getting less mobile. Are you? Yeah, I think with the exercise I'm doing, I'm becoming less mobile. You and Sam have got pretty tight hamstrings from what I can see. Yeah, how are you feeling? I'm all right. Yeah, I'm good. what can I tell you I've got a lot going on I'm planning for this Father's Day event next week at Twickenham which we can get to later but I feel like I'm very consumed by that it's quite a last minute plan it's quite last minute I don't have a bunch of time to get it organised and I'm just aware that it's like such a big opportunity we were talking about this in the car on the way here Ron and I did travel together this morning did we drove actually nice taking the reins you are inviting people to this father's day event at twickenham which is like next thursday and you were talking about how much effort you're putting into sending out those invitations yeah writing personal messages to everybody yeah and also trying to involve brands that are really authentic to me and i'm trying to make it less about the venue less about the um the guest list but more about just a collection of really good men, good blokes.

2:54You don't actually have to be a dad, but maybe you can come with your own father in mind and we can just celebrate what that whole red ribbon that is invisible from grandfathers, fathers, sons, daughters, just that whole fatherhood journey. So yeah, I've planned something really fun and Leo's got a little bit of a role to play. I'll give you a little snippet preview. But we're going to start in the England changing room. Everyone will be sat there with like a personalized something waiting for them. and then after a very brief sort of introduction from me a sort of pre-game chat if you like leo is going to lead us out the tunnel onto the pitch cool and that is as much as i'm going to tell you for now i feel like that's probably every child's dream you know when you see football matches and occasionally players are allowed to have their kids yeah yeah follow them out yeah exactly they were actually asked when sam played soccer aid who the kids were that were loud on the pitch probably a little bit envious to hug at his moment yeah um mate how is the drilling going this is lol what drilling you keep you keep i had to tell g about this this week i was like louise keeps asking me this question around uh getting some tutelage on the drill to which i said i'm like on the one hand i think it's quite sweet that you want to learn how to use a drill on the other hand i'm like should we just leave that as like one of my jobs to do which i'm not brilliant at but maybe i should just keep trying to do it and get better why do you keep why do you keep trying to wrestle in there into my toolbox and start taking over why do you want to know why because i'm not doing it you're not doing it i've had moments though you've got to start with the positive i've had moments where i've done it i've repainted that blue room i've hung new artwork perfectly by the way i did my gym i've done a little bit so i will take i will accept that i'm not as diy as you or i would hope but listen ryan you can't be good at everything i'm not good at everything but give me some cred in that sense yeah it's uh or don't i don't know i don't i just don't i don't think it's maybe your area but so you want it to be your area i don't want it to be my area either but I actually was just bored so when when you were last away I I basically had looked at these two pictures in our room for so long I thought you know what you want to jump down do it yourself and I got the tape measure out and the hammer and the nails and I and I tried I managed to get them up in the end how many nails did you burn through like 20 because I was actually I was trying to hammer them into into a brick wall yeah not a stud one I was just in the mood to learn a new skill fair enough that's quite to be honest and so i thought well can you just teach me how to use a drill it's quite even though even that question is quite cute because it's not that difficult but yes we'll do it it looks quite hard like it changes direction also i thought you just drilled into a wall no i thought that you got a drill and you put it into a nail and then you drilled that into the wall and it like spiraled it in but that's not how it works right you actually just drill a hole in the one then you've got to put a plug in it well okay so without getting too technical there are different drill bits that will go through different material so you've got masonry which is brick steel which i don't really have steel because when are we going to go through that and then you've got wood so i'll need to show you how to assemble and dissemble the drill bit and change it over and switch it into forwards and backwards and whatever else and speeds and then you okay great i just want to be able to do everything so i'm now in an area in my life yeah so then you put the wall plug in and then you put the nail in that which is screwing or now but generally a screw i think it would be nice to know that if i ever needed to do anything that i could do it so even with i'm gonna try and learn how to do some basic like plumbing and electrics as well because you've got time for that haven't you well i think i do actually i don't think you do i'm in my diy era i'm in my like total self-sufficiency era i'm so sick of paying people so much money from dust rabbits come around to the house and spend like two hours trying to change a light switch.

7:03I thought that you were in your politician era. Now you're, now you're changing outfits again. So I'm DIY Dave now. But like, sometimes I'll see these girlies on Instagram and they're doing full home runnos and they're literally getting stuck in. But they're not, they're not doing the other stuff though. They're sort of like, like staple gunning, like fabric to wooden panels and stuff. They're building. There's no better feeling. I think you're quite easily influenced. And completing a build. You did. Let me just remind you. I'm going to, I'm so positive. I'm going to show you compliments. You did a whole remodel, design the whole remodel whilst you were pregnant.

7:42I didn't build it. It wasn't like out there laying brickwork. No, no, but I'm saying you didn't outsource the design or the architectural stuff. You did all of that. Could we maybe build something together? Yeah. But can I just remind you of that Christmas period when I did that blue room? That was, I loved doing that. I know darling, this is so lovely. but babe it was fucking seven months ago okay and you painted one like one wall of a room and it turned out really good i'm a busy podcaster these days but i feel like there are other bits and bobs that could happen in between like i know you know just fixing some stuff like we had a ring doorbell that didn't get fixed for three months yeah but i was trying every other day you were trying without telling me yeah i was trying i was trying without telling you i actually love you so much i'm dying wait you were trying yes that actually breaks my heart yes but wait why don't you just tell me and then i'll think that it's cute because i'm still the i i like to just present the solution as if it's like in my back pocket but i can fucking figure it out so i was just trying without telling you yeah but if you're trying for three months without telling you you might need to me without you might need to pivot well i did pivot i got alex over my my friend who comes in when I need him to fix things like plumbing and electrics.

9:02He's my guy. Is this a pink or a blue job, this DIY? I'm going to be honest. I think that it's, it should be a blue job. Right. I'll take it on. But it's not being taken on. So it's now becoming a pink job. No, but when I, when I turn around and you are, when you say, Ryan, I'll be like, no, I haven't got capacity right now. I'm on the DIY. That's what, that's what I'm going to say. Wait, if I ask you to do anything, you're going to say, I've not got capacity. that would actually be my dream we've just this is actually like therapy so i would love it if you're like sorry i've not got capacity for that right now i'm on the diy right okay okay dream all right so when you're like ryan can you jump on this call gee i'll be like i can't sorry i've got some lighting to fix you don't need to do it in the middle of the day well i might i might have to but can't you do it can't it be an after hours kind of scenario i see you see it's already being control you're now controlling when i do it if i'm if i'm doing the diy i'll i'll do it in my way most normal people have a job nine to five and then they do diy after after work but also if you just want a diy that's cool i'm cool with that as well i don't really mind no it's a blue job just leave it to me okay right well what's a pink job then what are you doing well right what is a pink job i make the beds every morning well that's good you do do that beautifully to be fair thank you um i take the bins out that's a blue job you do always take the bins out i have not touched a bin liner in 10 years do you know what's funny though what even though we both know it's a blue job you still like to remind me that the bins need taking out after 10 years after 10 years you're still tell me like oh it's midnight i'm like yeah i know i got i've got it now i know what i'm doing well i just think it's nice to be reminded of these things okay i'm gonna remind you about making the bed in the morning what else is a pink job what else do i do well what what is like a natural obvious like what did your mum do i think my mum did my mum would actually always be there to collect us from school okay she was very good at that and we then went to boarding schools she She used to have to drive every weekend.

11:15It was hours, hours away, stuck in the traffic on the M4 on a Sunday night. Very depressing. But I remember once she turned up to school late and I was the child that was the last to be picked up. And I was really upset. I remember another time actually that she picked me up and she'd done like the Princess Diana. She'd had the Princess Diana haircut. Whoa. And I cried as well because she'd had like lovely long brown hair. And then she went short. And she turned up and she had the audacity to do it without asking me. Asking you? Did she need to ask you? Or telling me. No, I just didn't recognise her.

11:51I said, that's not my mummy. And I refused to go home with her. Oh my God. How old were you? Maybe like nine. Teen? No, no. Prep school. Little. I feel like that's a blue job in my mind. Like my dad was the one that would drive us to school. Boarding school. Okay. That's interesting though. Yeah. Well, men often are like become the sort of chauffeur role. which I think is quite nice that's definitely a blue job real talk you do a lot of driving you've got the soccer mums whose dads are working in the city what's a soccer mum is that just like a little phase where mum are like oh I feel quite cute on the side of the pitch yeah what is a soccer mum I feel like mum's leaning into this like Saturday morning ooh I can wear some like trackies some sporty gear and swing by the coffee shop and look pretty on the pitch is that what that is we don't have soccer mums at our nursery like everyone is like a working parent they're kind of yeah but not nursery but like at school when Leo's playing for Fulham Rangers or whatever they're called.

12:48Saturdays are going to be sporting mornings. Or Sundays. I don't even know at this point. I don't know which one. I think it's just like mums driving and it's like actually looking at me. Yeah, but I feel like there's like a, it's a chance to look cute. Yeah. It's a chance to look cute. Yeah. Yes, athleisure, yeah. Do you see a lot of those mums? Well, no. Like cruising around in their Chelsea tractors? Well, no, because we're not really on that circuit yet. but I feel like it's coming. It's coming. Do you think they're quite hot? Well, again, I don't know yet because we're not on that circuit.

13:21Frankie Bridge, she's a soccer mum. Is she? Yeah, every time I see her because I follow her on Instagram. Like, I think I somehow catch the weekend soccer mum moment from Frankie Bridge every week. What does that look like? What is she doing? Exactly what I described. She's in the car with the hat on. She's looking kind of like athleisure-y and cute and whatever. Fashionable. Coffee in hand. She's like, back on the pitch. I've never seen that. Yeah, and I'm like quite funny because you're married to a professional footballer. Sorry, you must be watching her stories. Yeah, I like Frankie Ridge.

13:50That's so cute. I like Frankie Ridge. She's epic. I feel like I already lived a soccer mum mentality before I even had a child. I feel like I was real sporty, sporty chick. Yeah, but you can like dress up and flirt with the referee or something. I don't know. I'll allow it. I don't know. I feel like I'm like I'm more leaning towards the like I just want to Trainers that move Roll out of bed and look like shit kind of mum No don't do that I know I knew that would be disappointing Leo would be like that is not my mum Yeah but I actually think that kids are more embarrassed by parents that try hard to look cool on the sidelines No you've got I think no I'm just going to say my mum was cool she used to turn up and wear like juicy couture tracksuit No I'm not asking for juicy couture Should I try on your cap?

14:41I don't think you're getting the soccer man vibe. I used to wear a cap a lot. You do suit hats. You've got a good face for hats. I don't know. I just am not sure anymore. I wanted to be like my PE teacher at school. I wanted to be, because he was a dad and I was like under his care. And he was just like, just quite a cool, I don't know. He just gave me that. I just, I just have memories of my PE teacher at school. And like, I would catch sometimes his like either drive home or arrival and there'd be his like small kids in the car. And he'd be like constantly, he just, he was a bit of a, I don't know, just like a very relaxed tracksuit, trainers, whistle around his neck, long shaggy hair.

15:22I was like, sweet. I'm going to go with that vibe. Like, I'm not going to go with the briefcase and the shiny shoes. I'm going to go down that route. Sporty dad. Yeah, I just need the whistle. We've got a couple of whistles at home. They're bloody annoying. I'm always confiscating them from Leo. Yeah. Well, I think Leo's like, if he's got you filling that role, I don't think he needs a soccer mom and a soccer dad. Well, that's fair enough. You're bringing more of an elegant, sophisticated vibe. I'm bringing the slightly... I think you're like trendy, cool, sporty dad. I feel like I had maybe a vision that I wanted to live up to.

15:59The reality is that I cannot be bothered to try to be anything or look cool first thing in the morning when I do the nursery run. And so I think that might transcend to sports matches on the weekend. Well, sorry, Leo. Yeah, but I don't think that warrants an apology. Well, let's find out. Let's see how Leo takes that. I used to love my friends, like, sort of cuddly mums that were just in, like, a big baggy shirt and some, like, buxom jeans. And, like, a boat shoe. Sure. Sure. Sure. I can see what I was saying. I can see that that's irked you. Is that not ideal? No, no, that's wonderful. You do that.

16:42No, Ryan, tell me who you'd like me to be. No. Do you be the mum that you want to be? I'm sort of thinking like Bridget Jones when you're describing this. I love Bridget Jones. Yeah. Well, who doesn't, to be fair? I watched Amanda Land, which is the spin-off of Motherland. I've watched that with you before. And Amanda in it is wearing one of the same outfits that I have. Well, there we go. It's a self-portrait dress. It's sleeveless. It's a sort of pink satin number with a belt. And when I fucking saw her on screen wearing it, I almost dropped dead. Did you say a pink satin number with a belt?

17:16Yeah. Oh God. It was just a smart little outfit. That doesn't sound smart. Buttons down the front. It doesn't sound good. Pink satin number with a belt. That sounds gross. What? What do you mean? What are you visualising? It's a dress. That sounds like, no. I actually did share an Instagram photo of us side by side. Oh my God. Back when I watched it. That's absolutely the outfit. Oh, well, that actually looks quite nice. Yeah. That's not what I had in my mind at all. It wasn't that bad. No, Amanda's actually quite glamorous. Ah, fair. Okay. Life is messy as a parent. And I think I can relate to some of that.

17:56Well, this is exciting because I've become an uncle for the fifth time this week. That's big news. It is big news. We've got baby Xanthe in the family. I did actually just see that they'd announced the name on online. On the line? Online. We haven't met her yet. She arrived on, I think, yeah, Monday. Yes. So hopefully we'll see her soon. But my brother, I haven't really spoken to him in any great length, but it's his first baby girl. And he's already aware of the difference in just holding a baby girl versus his two boys who are both beautiful and sweet, but I think just very different to like a tiny, pretty, delicate baby girl.

18:33What did he say that? yeah oh yeah he's like what did he say well not in any great lengths but he's just like it feels and it physically feels but it feels in my heart so much different wow yeah which is sweet so it would be interesting to see it'd be interesting for us because i'm as you know i'm really close to him anyway so it'd be really interesting to see how he softens up as a man with with a daughter do you know what i mean yeah because he's like because one of your ryan's eldest brother has two daughters yeah so he doesn't have the experience of having a son and your middle brother's always had two sons and my middle he's got a daughter as well and my middle bro is he's he's always been the sort of like you know um slightly more laddie like loves sports and he's a real lad he's been like as a um best man maybe 12 times he's like every guy's best friend.

19:27Yeah. And now I think, my point is, I think it's Thursday and he's already feeling the impact of having a baby girl, which is really sweet. How do you know that? Because he told me. Yeah. So what did he call you? No, just text me. And what? I want to know exactly what he said. This is so sweet. So heartwarming. It was just words to that effect. It wasn't in any great depth, but I was getting a lot of emotion from it. How were you finding it? which bit them having a baby well i when i when when we had the photo of well because we're on a family group so we got the message at like 9 a.m saying we're going in and then by 9 30 they sent another message and we're out and i was like oh um i was well at that moment i text you i asked you i was like are you okay because i know for us our version was very very different and i think that's the thing that has probably been most difficult to accept even you know this this long after our situation it's just we didn't have the opportunity of like you know there's the baby on the chest and you're out into the room and then you're at home that evening for them it went that way which is wonderful and I couldn't be happier for them but it did me reaching out to you was also I was really concerned for you but I was also behind that I was trying to let you know that it definitely affected me yeah so i didn't want to i didn't want to hang too low in that space for too long but i was just like reaching out to to check that are you okay are we okay and then it's it's strange because we've spent so much time with them they're literally our like best friends and it's like and it's all been completely fine but then like the actual arrival news is did feel like heavier i think it's probably because they've had two kids in the space of us having like none in between having Leo yeah I think I think I think it's quite normal for us to feel that way I I kind of alluded to the fact with my parents when they were here this week did you yeah because well because they asked me a question then I've spoken to Adam in much like depth and detail I was like I've heard we've had a little exchange but nothing like I haven't called him to do the big celebration moment because you haven't because I told my parents I was like it's not that I don't feel happy in the fact I want to celebrate it's more i'm just trying to move not even move out of it but just like sit with it and then yeah kind of go in your own time yeah yeah well i think probably we will plan to go and see them next weekend which feels like what if they'll if they're ready yeah yeah maybe we're not yeah so not this weekend coming up but next weekend and that kind of gives everyone like enough space to kind of digest it but yeah i think it's yeah how do you feel i've found it harder than i thought i would and i forgot actually i found it hard the last time as well but i talk a lot about how hard i find immortality so it's i think it's really um well i can i get the impression that it's really raw for you which i think is completely normal and justified so should i should i tell you a little bit more about where i'm at with it yeah okay the difficulty is i don't want this to sound in any way negative towards my brother because i love him to bits and i think it's amazing that they've had three healthy babies but then living the version that i have or we have it's um much like for yourself it definitely got me um a little bit on the back foot in terms of i don't know like that movie moment of you know the dad wearing scrubs with the silly little blue hat and the mum kind of looking a little bit tired but kind of content and peaceful and no makeup and slightly frizzy hair she looks amazing well actually she does i showed holly and louisa and they were like oh she looks because they'd probably not seen her before they were like she is beautiful she is she did look really beautiful yeah and then in that picture there's a newborn baby which looks a little bit alien like at that point but we didn't have that moment so when i when i saw that photo and it's not just on this moment like good friends of ours when they had their baby carlos and luke with his second child like it does it does ignite something in me um um and i think it's i think it's difficult to to move past that initially i think i think my first emotion was almost this is maybe too honest for me to say but my first emotion wasn't necessarily joy and happiness it was a bit more sadness for for our for our own story and journey with it but then i because of my connection and love for friends and family i can quickly get to the happiness but i'm like oh gosh i wish we had do you know what i mean yeah yeah i feel the same um but it's but it's not as though that that sort of feeling like hung over us throughout the entire pregnancy i feel like we were so i don't know actually i can only speak for myself which feeling so when when they were pregnant i was so excited for them the entire way through and have like really enjoyed speaking about like how exciting it is for them and no yeah yeah you know and buying like the presents and all that sort of stuff yeah but actually also going like quite in depth with Megan about like how how she's feeling and like what that family expansion is going to look like them for them going from two to three and having a girl versus a boy and I felt so much joy the whole way through the process I think it is just like that initial photo I think it's the photo but I think the the nine months of pregnancy and I know that for some women it's not a pleasant ride but I think it only becomes really really real when the baby arrives and when you go through that version of delivery and because you went through such a chaotic version of that you know when you see someone like our sister-in-law go in and within 30 minutes she's out yeah it of course it it causes uh an internal response and reflex but so i think another positive or an upshot from this is that somehow it makes me want to love this baby girl harder well because i just i feel like because i've come really dangerously close to the other version of it and obviously i'm sat now i as i sit here now i've got a very healthy happy four and a half year old and you're you're in a much better place as well i just i think that knowing that xanthi has been born been born and she's already home and she's doing really well i'm like oh my gosh i'm gonna i'm gonna wrap my arms around you type and just be really thankful and grateful that nothing went wrong do you know i mean for your sake as the baby but also mom and dad because it's like thank god you've been spared from all that pain all of you all of you have been spared from that pain wouldn't wish it on anyone like least of all my family so i think that's maybe like that's me trying to get to a place of what's the upshot from this because i can give more of my heart to that baby i did not realize i'd be this affected by this well

27:02it's thursday it happened on monday i've had a few days to like let this kind of sit with me. So this isn't necessarily unexpected that we both feel this way.

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28:02so it's father's day coming up which is exciting hope you've got something mega planned do you well do i what would your dream plan look like oh that's a good question my dream father's day plan

28:18um i'd quite like to share it with my own dad okay i'd like to break up into two days two like two halves i'd like right i'd like to do something like do you remember when we went to four you we had that amazing day on the boat yes okay i'd like to be on the boat with leo and my dad like ripping tunes having a cool box of beers maybe doing some i don't fish but we'll fish okay right and then we'll pull up to a harbour and then we'll go for a nice pint of ale yeah uh remember the chat about ale yeah yeah you'll be having some ale with you he loves a bit lovely stunning okay we'll be on an ice cream and we'll just be doing stuff that i know my dad would love and because he loves it i would love it and leo would get to see like his granddad and his dad kind of having a good i would want that three generational dimension there for it a part of the day and then once we've had a couple of beers a couple of ice creams we get back on the boat and then we go to a different beach and then we'd meet up with you my mum i'm not even there for that part no two halves no two halves stunning and then we have do you remember when we went to that carrie arms captain's nest pub on the beach there's a there's a cove in devon i can't remember what it's called but the pub the captain's nest table that right basically on top on top of like the cliff right next to the beach okay looking over the water i'd like to finish it there with a nice family meal stunning but like not like a pub meal more like a some legend with cast iron with prawns pill pill on the grill okay that sounds gorgeous that's that sounds really idyllic yeah so if you can make that happen i don't know whether that's possible though if we're gonna shit no okay well what i also need to bear in mind that i've got a dad as well well bring him along mate i'll smoke some barrels of him time with so you're hosting your father's day event on the thursday night i've then got a wedding on the friday in barcelona adios i'm back which is quite cheeky that they've planned the wedding over the father's day weekend isn't it yes a little bit yeah a little bit cheeky but then again there is an occasion maybe most weekend well that's true maybe most there's a celebration i feel like father's day really comes into its own when you become a father you yourself somehow it's a bit like when you become a parent right when you become a parent you still maybe you can relate to this when you become a parent you start to see your own mom and dad in a very different way you have this new sense of appreciation and awareness of like the the level of like dedication and sacrifice and i don't know i feel like i want to do more for my parents even though i don't see them that much i feel like i want to give something back and spoil them so what have you got planned for your dad yeah that's a good question because normally i'd be the one buying the card oh actually you have got a card this year well done yeah i've got the card presents i don't have a present for my dad yet have you not bought him anything no only the card so two days three four days a few days have you got any suggestions um right i've i actually put together a list of father's day gift options here we go me and the listeners are about to scoop up some inspo here for myself and for some of my followers yeah i'm one of them tell me do you want me to like give it away the the ideas okay so on this list it was pretty generic like we're talking a yeti flask a yeti fold-out chair, a torch, a pen knife.

31:54Sorry, is this for me? Is this for me? Like a sort of cashmere sleeveless gilet. Waterproof, like stomping hiking boots. But everything you just said was dope. Yeah, good. Cast iron pans for barbecue. I got those. Okay. I thought you were going to give me like a generic like Father's Day, but that was curated to Ryan, that one. Epic. I haven't actually bought any of that stuff yet. Oh, what the hell? Dangle. But or there's like the sort of like quite cliche, like, okay, picture on a key ring. Or I actually, what I found this year was like a cricket bat which you could put three photos into. So it was a cricket bat photo frame.

32:37When you say in, is it like built or carved into the wood? Like carved into the wood. That's quite sick. Which is quite cute. Shame I don't love cricket, but I could. Maybe we could carve a photo into a rugby ball. or a baseball bat if you want to stick to the wooden theme maybe um that's quite it's hard isn't it i feel like men do get a little bit neglected when it comes to presents because it's just such a ball eight trying to buy for you guys no but often i'll just nip into my local mns the day before seeing my dad and buy him a cashmere sweater you can't go wrong it's navy navy v-neck every time to be fair i'm probably at that stage where that's quite cool is that quite Michael, would you like that?

33:17Oh, as long as it's not like mauve or some weird colour that some old bloke's going to wear. Do you know what colour mauve is? It's not far off this, is it? It's more purpley than this. That's like a burgundy, babe. What's a mauve? Mauve is like a purple. Chairs on our set are burgundy. Mauve is like a lilac-y colour, isn't it? Maybe like a nice red one? In truth, I don't actually want a gift so much as... You're lying. Ryan's love language is gift-giving. You love receiving a gift. Is that the same? You would be, you actually, any time that I've tried to not buy you a gift and basically focused on an experience-led something, instead you are, I can tell that you're upset.

34:00Yeah, you're not a good actor. Just send me a card from Leo that you and him have written for me. Okay, well, we've got that sorted. That's great. End. Full stop. That's it. No, but okay, honestly, if you could choose any present. All right, call it a Rolex. this is an ongoing joke. Every birthday, Christmas, and anything else, Ryan wants a Rolex. I'm totally joking. He's not even fucking joking. I'm joking. For anyone that's listening to the podcast, Sam will back me up on this one. He's in on the joke as well. He's not in on the joke. He is. He's not in on the joke. If I call him no, I'd be like, call him a Rolex.

34:35No, no. Yeah, but Sam actually has like three Rolexes. You, every year, want a Rolex, and I refuse to buy you. No, no it's because you give me the same reaction so i'm like i've got her every time i'll just use this gag but one day i'm gonna have to actually buy you a rolex but it's going straight back because i won't go straight back you will go straight on the wrist and you'll be the happiest you've ever been i am convinced it's your like retribution for having to buy me a an engagement ring it's like if it's so that it feels like it's even stevens i committed so much to this gag of a Rolex.

35:13I bought Louise. I don't know how this came into my world, but the design of it was, obviously it's not a Rolex, but the design element, like all the visual aesthetics was the same, the color, the design, the logo, but instead of a Rolex, it was relax. It said relax. And I was like, I've got you a ride. It cost me$200 from the US. And I was like, this is the worst prank ever. Cause you were like, it wasn't even a prank. It was for my birthday or another occasion i opened this box and it had this relax watch in it and it didn't even fit me so it wasn't for me it was for you but it wasn't a rolex it was a relax but like i'm not the one that wants it so why did you get it for me because i'm just committing to the gag of call it a rolex no it's another subtle nod no it's not do you really want a rollie i don't oh shit okay well no i don't no i really don't let's just park that there it's just a joke do you remember your first father's not that well no do you remember it yeah because i remember actually that i did buy you something i remember i bought you and leo matching shirts rugby shirts like england rugby shirts which was cute was it was it an england rugby shirt yeah oh my god baby one might have been your birthday actually but we'll sort of put the two in one they're quite close together i do no i do i remember that yeah i think that was birthday but there were lots of balloons and things oh gosh what did we do for the first father's day still sort of wrapped up in the chaos of everything no i can't remember but do you remember feeling a certain way on the first one i probably felt i probably felt more excitement on like a more superficial level if that makes sense i probably now i feel it much deeper and i think that deeper connection is connected to my dad and my relationship with other dads because i've got more of a view and awareness of like what really goes into being a dad i think on the first father's day it was more of like you know when you wake up and you're like oh it's my birthday i guess i'll be happy yeah yeah it's forced you know yeah i think i was like oh it's my first father's day this is kind of cool i'm a dad and i think within that first year you still you still sort of go through this weird not reminding yourself but it feels sometimes surreal that you've actually got a kid he's yours does that make sense yeah so the first one i didn't really feel in the same way now it's a lot more emotional in some ways not in a bad way but a lot more it carries more importance i think which is why my ideal father's day would feature me leo and my dad and if your dad wants to be there as well then what about like sam because he's also his dad i just i feel like a lot of the conversations and this is part of the reason why i'm doing this event at twickenham is because it's it's a chance to let the dads be seen and like pull the dads pull the good blokes together and acknowledge in whichever way feels natural it can be a subtle nod it can be i don't know a wider conversation as a group or it can be one-on-one but i just think it's like it's a chance to be acknowledged as a dad and like i think being a dad especially from my perspective is it's the most important thing and it takes something from you on a daily basis right so this one day comes around each year where you get to stop the clock and maybe just sit in that

38:43day and relax into it and feel proud of how much you how much energy and love you put into it and not that you should expect it from people but if people want to write you a letter or buy you a relax watch you can sit back and just be like i'm actually gonna take this because i'm i'm working hard on this do you know what i mean yes yeah i actually do i get it another another version would be like you know you've been working on this dissertation and you hand it in and it's like i'm gonna relax today i've worked i've worked hard on this for a long time it's not like it's not like an end day but it's like a i'll hit pause on the clock and we can celebrate not just myself as a dad but my dad your dad her dad everyone's dad because a lot of the work is invisible or unseen and i don't need to get too deep on that but like i think we should just bring it to the forefront of our days and minds on that 21st of june sunday yes i think that sounds you've you've actually totally won me over on like justifying father's day it's the same for mother's day it make sense to me now because quite often and i think that these these occasions are just sort of marketing ploys to get people to spend a bit more money but when you frame it like that it is nice to take your foot off the gas and to be celebrated do you think that you and your dad are closer now that you've become a parent not i wouldn't say that we've there wasn't there wasn't a singular moment where we started to talk differently to each other but i think there was a moment where we started to see each other differently you've always been the baby in their family because your brothers are so much older and they've always referred to you as their baby like this morning when my dad says thanks baby boy yeah i parked the car for him he's like thanks baby boy i'm like endearing yeah right on do you think it's hard for them because now you've got your own baby boy but that they need to actually treat you like an adult that that kind of sweet side to my dad is i think really special though yeah he's always been that way he's quite in touch with his emotions i think very but i think well i won't get into it but yeah i think well no i just think on the exterior he's probably he wouldn't he wouldn't necessarily suggest that but then he'll come out with moments like that and he's done them he's done that our whole lives like that's that wasn't something that he did when we were kids he does it now with my older brother brother he's 43 in july does he call your he'll call gareth baby boy yeah that is so beautiful i would want to call leah my baby boy forever when i when i told him about the sas thing because i wanted to do that for him as well because his career and i said something in a down day i was like yeah they weren't they weren't interested i'm just a nobody he's like not to me and not you're my baby boy i was like you got me so he's very sweet like that he's very sweet like that well we've actually got a uh a message from your dad no you haven't yeah what so he wrote a letter and he's read it out oh no don't you're gonna get me he read it you press play i haven't even listened to it is that actually from my dad with father's day approaching and you running with father there's a theme to your podcast i thought i'd share my thoughts with you so here goes so where to start well i guess i should confess that once we had two boys already your brothers we didn't really plan on a third but you were utterly determined to join the family so there we were on a beach in cyprus where i was serving in the British Army and your mum was in labour.

42:38After a quick stop on the short journey to the military hospital for some severe contractions your mum was having over the bonnet of my car, we arrived at the maternity department. You arrived at 8pm on the 4th of August 1990, a beautiful and healthy boy with spiky blonde hair and that was it, there was no going back. I watched you grow up with huge pride. You were always a thoughtful and considerate boy. your good looks which you clearly got from me and your sporting ability made you a popular boy at school i was always certain that you and your brothers would be better than me in all respects what gave me the role of mentor was not the authority i got from being your dad but because i can draw my life's experiences to share remember experience is nothing more than recalling of things that went well and things that didn't work out that is not to say i didn't at times let you make some mistakes.

43:34This furnishes you to be the oracle to Leo. I was never really concerned that you wouldn't be a success in life and love. From the days you as an eight-year-old used to write me letters known as blueys when I was away on military operations, I could see you had a particular flair for writing. Your letters were often multiple choice and had me and my soldiers in fits of laughter. Fast forward to you becoming a dad yourself and now I see you instinctively doing the same for Leo. He will never be you but with your help he will be the best version of himself. Your start to fatherhood was an undeniable challenge and again I saw a role as providing support and advice to help you be strong for Louise and Leo.

44:19You've become a fantastic dad. There is so much I admire and I wish I'd done as a father. Leo dotes on you and his humor and extrovert character are all the things you weren't as a child but that is exactly the point i've been making i guess about recycling the lessons you've learned in life but know this as i start to fill my age i will never stop being your dad i will always be there to capture you if you fall and offer all the support i can give you we used to share a phil collins song which says it better than I can. Do the things you believe in and don't let anyone tell you what you think.

44:59If you have something to say, say it. Just remember as the song goes, just turn around, I'll still be there. You and your brothers continue to make me proud to be your dad. As you are proud to be Leo's dad. And actually, I'm pretty proud to be granddad to six little ones including leo happy father's day ryan oh my god wow oh my god

45:29what a man

45:35that's that's my father's day gift wrapped up and done that is so good man that is when did he do that last 24 hours that's probably true but that but that probably is true and it's like my dad is just he's just got it like there ready to go oh man do you feel really lucky to have him yeah yeah i'd be yeah i'd be lost by him yeah yeah but like it's it's it's kind of more emotional in some ways because it's like um it's hard to um like repay that and like do enough to show

46:41that's why letters are so powerful though because when someone like tells you

46:48this is going to be twisted um this is an emotional episode letters are powerful because you like you really see especially when someone puts a voice next to oh my god i just feel like there's it's a really helpful reminder to see like where they're

47:09how much it means to them because it kind of steers your whole energy and interaction and last night i went to the pub and had to a beer with him and like 90 of me was in the room 10 was worried about work and other bits and i'm like oh my god like it all it all needs to stop it all i need to i need to be 100 % there with my dad and my mum and you and Leo

47:40that was a really beautiful moment

47:46I'll hug you yeah you can hug me yeah oh he's such an amazing partner I feel like he's my dad as well and I have an amazing dad too so we're both very very lucky he really is such a such a loyal sort of safe space he's just morally like always yeah he really is he's a man of values and that's I've tried to emulate that as best as I can and I just think the world's not going in the most healthy direction I think holding on to good values and good men like him that's my inspiration for things yeah like the event at swickenham and the letters to leah well as he told you i used to write to him when i was six used to be like this very basic like yes no maybe boxes yeah you'd ask questions i'd be like are you sleeping okay yes no maybe but you know how often those stories come up in conversation when we hang out i love that parents just repeat the same stories over and over again because it's obviously the most meaningful thing to them i want to go and like give him a big hug i just want to go and like nest with all of our family members and just go and like sit in a in a room and just sort of be really grateful for for having them all for having each other yeah i think that was my point maybe like i think we become so consumed with our own shit that we get too accustomed and we don't see and appreciate and value the the love that surrounds us from family that's not i think that's just a trap that humans fall into and it takes for something like that to stop me in my tracks i kind of wish there was a way in which we had more of a awareness of that on a day-to-day maybe that's maybe that's what success really looks like in life yeah you know what's quite nice is that you've received that before you've written your letter to him so now you can reciprocate and be pen pals again if i i can't i can't cry like this at twickenham can i well you can okay now yeah you i guess you're gonna give a speech so you can with my dad there and leo with like loads of england rugby boys looking at me being like oh you're brave but thanks for organizing that whoever did that that was really sweet i will i'll remember that one yeah have slight um tone shift have you got a recommendation for us this week uh i do actually yeah i keep getting this question from parents and i had some on Sunday when we did that little community ride.

50:42Leo, as you know, is, uh, well, maybe you don't know, but Leo is obsessed with bikes and he has been since he was two and a half, three, whenever we first put him on a balanced bike. When we were kids, we had stabilizers and at some point dad or mom would whip them off and you'd go downhill and that'd be the entry into a pedal bike. Leo started on a balanced bike, mastered the, uh, the skill of going around our kitchen island and then transitioned to his first pedal bike which was called a belter from a brand called early riders beautiful bike you can customize the colors and his transition was seamless my recommendation is if you want if your child is at the pedal bike stage or the balance bike stage we went with a specialized hot walk which was about 120 pounds for the same value you can get a bonsai balance bike from early riders and it's i think both pieces are beautiful but if you want to keep something that could eventually turn into a bit of artwork that you keep it's like a i don't know for me it's it's made from wood so it's one piece of wood that's crafted into this balance bike it's beautiful my recommendation is if you're looking if you're a parent looking because i get loads of questions being like how is leo so good on bike like what did you start him on start him on a balance bike my recommendation would be go go to early riders get a bonsai and then start them on that and then go to one of their pedal bikes and the transition because as a dad i thought that i was up for like a back-breaking weekend of turning teaching leo how to cycle but because he was whizzing around on a balance bike and then transition to the thing on it was seamless yeah so that's hopefully that's not a boring recommendation balance bikes are so much more important than being on ever going on to stabilizers or having one of those bikes with wheels which are attached to a pole that you push your chart on yeah so it's almost a balance bike feels a bit archaic weird because it's a bit like the flintstones where you're using your feet to move yeah in a car in like one of those funny but they're amazing but they're really amazing because it teaches them how to really balance themselves and distribute weight and where to put their legs and how to you know shuffle and lean in bleh has gone from a balance to his first pedal bike to his most recent one which has got suspension on the front oh yeah he's moving up in the world standing up out of his saddle riding with like one hand i'm like oh this is great so that's my recommendation well my recommendation is a sandbar at sacred tones if you live in southwest london or even if you want to travel uh it is phenomenal this studio so they offer lots of different healing practices i did a yin yoga last night as i mentioned earlier on the on in the conversation but there's actually one there are a couple of classes that i love one's hosted by lillita salia and she's got the most beautiful voice yes so she sings whilst you're lying on a very very comfortable mat that i'm gonna invest in for home oh not that we have the space uh and then also the gong girl athena co who I love as well.

53:54I've become quite good friends with. Is that at the same studio? Well, she actually practices in lots of different studios. She does some massive classes in really quite cool venues in London. So if you want to try like a bigger class that's less intimate and perhaps less intimidating, then I would research one of hers. Nice. Very good for tapping into the parasympathetic nervous system. So really, really unwinding. on the day. That's cool. Yeah. I like how you're bigging up like local trade here. I really am obsessed with this location and I would do anything to keep it alive. We've got a studio in Fulham last week.

54:37The move this week. Oh God, yeah. Oh my God, everyone comes to Fulham. You're going to become the mayor of Fulham at this, right? Well, Ben Coleman, the Chelsea and Fulham MP, I am coming for your job. You're going to get flowers sent to the house by local trades. Be like, thanks for the mention. yeah if you want to sponsor the podcast yeah please do get in touch um thank you guys so much for listening it was a different episode this week it felt um quite emotional pretty raw but it's good stuff it's good yeah and if you if you enjoyed listening then please do give us a follow and a subscribe across all of our channels and also if you want to send us a little email then you can get in touch at h triple s at srproductions.co.uk also i would like to wish happy father's day to all dads yes have a wonderful time celebrating being a dad and your dad your dad our dads you dads in all different forms yeah see you next week see you next week

55:52Thank you.

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