Ten Years Later… Would We Still Choose Each Other?

0:00I should pull the chair out of you, but I can't move that big chair. Just imagine I did do that Thank you. My valentine. It's nice to see you.

0:14I mean... In person. That's Louise on a date. She's like, I'm so nervous, what do I say? It's nice to see you. I actually wasn't nervous when we first started dating because you were so cute. Am I not anymore? You're like one of the only people that I wasn't intimidated by. Oh, rock on. All of my other boyfriends have been such arseholes. with such a breath of fresh air. Nice to see you. That reminds me of what you do these days. It's like, so how's your family? It's like your default question. Sometimes I'm like, I just haven't spoken to Brian and Jesus and I'll go, how are you family? I already say that.

0:50So how's your family? I know how much it annoys. You saw my parents on FaceTime like two days ago. Oh, that's so true. Fucking hell. So today is a special episode. if you couldn't already tell. It's Valentine's Day and we're on a first date. So G has actually proposed a really wonderful idea. We're going to roll through the app as if... What, as if it's a date? As if it's a date. But, you know, we're going to kick things off with a starter. I feel like that dress is coming off. I'm seeing brown strap. Oh my God! Okay, let me just get one thing off my chest then. Figures it will. So we're talking about chests.

1:31I my outfit has fallen apart it's so rare that I get dressed up like this so rare that you show cleave cleave cleavage that actually the so rare that I wear a bra I'm like actually I'm busting out on my top and this little button is flown off so I'm gonna hang out is that repairable or i hope so i don't know whether i'll ever wear this outfit again oh no i like it i like it that's why you know it's a first date outfit it's a first day not beyond that so today we're going to be running through our date with you guys so we're going to kick things off with starters then we're going to get a bit deeper when we hit the mains and then when we get really lit we're gonna reveal all the juice over pudding great we haven't been lit for a while i know it's been six years but if this was our first dates 10 years ago um what would you order at this i would be i would be drunk by the end what are you drinking what are you drinking picture for me that's a good question ryan i think i'd go for a lychee martini or is that too bullshit out of the game it's quite like oh i'm really girly isn't it i'd probably try and like cosplay someone that's a bit more sophisticated so i'd go for like i'd go for a vodka lime soda oh that's very mickey tea extra lime juice but like it's got to be fresh lime like i'm not messing around with the lime cordial what are you getting oh i'm just getting a cold bottle of beer just to start with are you with alcohol in it oh yeah yeah not like a zero 0.0%.

3:15No. This is, is this like a modern day or like we're back six years here? Well, it's a really good question because we've changed so much. I'm going for a bottle of Corona or something like that. Okay. Stunning. I'm thinking of our, you know which date I'm thinking of, don't you? Which one? One of our early dates when we went to that Mexican restaurant and got booked before going to a theatre show. I think that was, was that Valentine's Day? I don't know, but it was dope. Well, it was my birthday. We'd only been dating, because actually we first, started dating around Valentine's Day. It was February.

3:47So we're coming. We are, we've probably just hit our 10 year anniversary. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Let's celebrate that. Cheers to that. Cracking one of those Guinnesses. Yeah. Early on, we went on a, on a date. You took me to Stomp for my birthday, the show where they smash bin lids. Yeah. We were so lit on tequila at that point. Yeah. And you took me to this little Mexican restaurant. Oh, mate. Before. And we did, we had like four shots each. Which is actually. Who instigated that? Kind of bad. You did. Which is quite surprising because you weren't that wild. I was probably trying to flex one month.

4:25Are you? But also a bit annoying to get drunk before then going to sit through a two hour show. No, I feel like. Where you can't talk. It aided the experience. So yeah. So anyway, that was one of our dates. Can we talk through what's your first impression of me right now? This is a great. This to me is like sophisticated, but there's a little bit of, whoa, got the old chebs out. Also the hair, like the hair, I love the ponytail. I like the makeups. Do you? I love it when you always say makeups. Pyrrhal, it's not makeup, it's always makeups. What else do you like? I like the ear cuff. I love an ear cuff.

5:05Oh, I actually just left that in from before. Oh, there you go. Unintentional. What's a chub? Oh, I don't know. Chubs. No, I didn't say chebs. Chebs? What are chebs? I'm just looking for like a soft, cute word for tits. Oh my God. I think I've got my best assets out. Cheeks and chebs? Yeah, my cheeks, my jawline. So it's always got to be a ponytail on the first date. Oh. And... What, is that like a general or is that a Louise rule? Well, that's a me rule. I don't think everyone is rocking a ponytail on the first date. Lots of people quite like that. You have to have a pretty face to have a ponytail is what I'm told.

5:44Because it really exposes your structure and everything else. That's going to get me. Are you calling me pretty? Yes. Thank you. Yes. I also waist. Yeah. So I quite like my stomach. Don't really like my arms or my legs so covered. And toes. Because I've got good feet. Well thought through outfit. The trotters. So what would you say my best assets are? Cherries. Which you've polished for this date. Sorry, polished my cherries. Yeah, these bits are your cheeks here. These are cute. What I like about you is your eyes, and I like the way you do your eye makeup, because it's not overly done. It's just you've elevated the kind of like wispy cat eyeliner thing.

6:28Is that how you call it? I don't know what you call it. That's actually quite good. Yeah. Wispies. I like the fact that you haven't like smacked on like a bright red lipstick. I'm not a massive lipstick person. You've got a neutral palette, which I like. that's very true a lot of browns and nudes going on so whenever because i used to be known for my lipstick oh when i we are when i first joined made in chelsea i i there was quite an iconic scene where i turned up to an event wearing black lipstick i don't know i wouldn't even sit down i wouldn't even sit down at the day i'd be like nope but also i wasn't a particularly confident person when i started the show so i don't know why i was wearing that it was a circus theme party oh well hang on start with that because that's like relevant context to why you'd wear but then in every single scene i would wear red lipstick right i mean fair i mean some people love it and look great with it but i feel like you look better in this way thank you ponytail eye makeup polished cherries ear cuffs petite little thing cute i feel like i feel like you're very cute okay yeah that's the first thing i thought when i met you by the way oh is it yeah I was like, oh, just popped you in my pocket.

7:39Is that what you thought? Did you actually? That's why Leo's so frigging cute, because of you. Well, yes, because of you. What, when we first met? Yeah. You thought I was sweet? In your bubble mic trainers that you, at the time, were so obsessed with. What, did I wear them every time we saw each other? Oh, that's so sweet, right. God, I can't remember anything about it. No. Good, good. Tell me about my outfit. what signals am I giving you with this outfit? I think that this is perfect it's understated it's neutral I'm glad that you changed out the sweatshirt you were wearing earlier you look like you've made a little bit of an effort but not too much there's not an ick actually on you which is good so I if you turned up and you weren't wearing socks that would be a big problem like I really don't like it when guys wear shoes I'm not having to look around the room I don't like it when guys wear shoes without a sock.

8:36Like my worst, my pet peeve is a loafer with an ankle swinger and no sock. That's pretty terrible. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I do. Yeah, it's not a good thing. Let's get that dude in the room now so we can tell him he's getting it all wrong. Yeah, sorry guys. No, this is strong. You've got quite a lot of jewellery on. Oh, only on special nights. I just thought that I'd make an effort. It's either that or a Garmin sports watch, and that would probably not do the trick. I think I'd prefer that. Oh, right. Actually, I think I'd find a Rolex a bit of an ick. Well, this is not a Rolex. No, that's fine, because that's not a Rolex.

9:15It was also a gift from Louise. Yeah. So as far as expensive bougie watches go, it's got to have a leather strap. I don't want a blingy watch. So yeah, that's tasteful, I'd say. Shall I tell you my thought process? Okay, yeah. Yeah, I'd love to know. I feel like women look at shoes and they factor in shoes. So I was like, let me wear some clean, smart shoes, but not too smart. Anything that's too formal and too smart makes me walk funny. You've got a funny walk. All right. Yeah, because your legs, it's a genetic thing, I think. What do you mean? Is it like your knees rub when you walk? No, that's just my fucking legs because they're big.

9:54Yeah, okay. It's not my knees. Ryan gets chafing between his pods. It's not like my patellas are donging together. how do you walk in a smart shoe then just a little bit like unnatural probably like shuffling like you're like ice skating it just doesn't feel great and if that doesn't feel great i don't feel great so this is a happy medium nice nice loose baggy top uh trouser a little a little like henley for me it what it does is it like shows you like oh he's got a little bit of something under the hood there because you can see an outline of physique but because it's loose i'm not like i'm not parading in any way i'm just letting you know it's there so this is like me at my sweet spot here and i feel me i feel comfortable i feel comfortable i'm learning so much yeah so oh my god because what's quite funny this is is is that i've never once looked at your body and been like oh you've got a great bod okay but you do have a great body which sorry wait that sounded really mean you have the best body so like i will get weird women dm me and be like oh you're so lucky like you've got ryan you know and his bod genuinely for me like your full face card what's that mean just i'm into your face well you say i look like a dog most of the time Like a specific breed of dog.

11:24Yeah, like a staffy. You've got a really good jawline. I look like a staffy. Yeah, aggressive jaw, but... Great. What did you think of me when you first met me? Did you think that I was cute and you could pop me in your pocket? When I first met you, I thought that you were really... I should just think you were cute. Do you want to know why? Yes, I think I can guess why. Because you wore tight boot cut jeans. Were you guessing her? No, no. That's not cute. That's just stupid. And we actually spent the first like six months of our relationship trailing around Westfield while I had to, I was basically - You didn't have to.

12:01You just, you took it upon yourself to dress me. Yeah. We did a lot of shopping, which looking back is kind of weird. I feel like I was not laying the right groundwork. I shouldn't have been so generous at the beginning. I was practically your sugar mother. Awesome. So basically what you thought was, this guy's got terrible fashion. I'm going to sort him out. No, no, that was, that wasn't like the main thing, was it? but we did used to do that. I thought you were really, you made, you actually brought out a side in me that I really liked because you made me feel confident and not many other men had done that before.

12:39And I think that that was because you were quite innocent or you played innocent. No, no, I'm pretty innocent. Yeah? Yes. Which I really liked. I felt like I didn't need to perform in front of you. Nice. That was kind of my first impression of you. I want to know what a man actually really looks for in a woman in terms of the first impression. Because I think that I know what a man wants. Well, hang on. That's a big statement from you there. When I was putting together this outfit, I thought this feels good because I'm hitting all the right notes. Little bit of flesh, not too much. Not giving away too much.

13:19but you can kind of see like a little bit of body it feels like it's still tasteful money can't buy class why did you just say that that's what i'm thinking of right now but you say that money because i've got money but i can't buy class no because i thought you were going down the road like it's a sophisticated classy it's a sophisticated classy look and my The point was like, you could buy the most expensive Gucci outfit in the world, but it's not necessary. Yeah, so I'm not turning up with like a Birkin bag. Right, right, right. Men, I think, want either a bodycon dress, which actually, weirdly, they are coming back in fashion, or they want a Topshop Joni jean with a blouse and a set of heels.

14:04Am I right? Right, so your question is like, what do men hope for outfit-wise? All right, because I was going way deeper in my head there. We'll get to that. Am I right? Do you know a Topshop Joanie Jean? I don't know what a bodycon is. I don't know what a Joanie Jean is. I know what a blouse is, I think. A blouse? Yeah. Okay. A bodycon. I would imagine like a super tight, like a thin lace shoulder strap right down to the, like there. One kind of like bit of material, silky. What's the ankle? I don't fucking know. A bodycon dress. It's like a little Hervé Leger number. That doesn't help me. What's Hervé Leger mean?

14:40Okay, so it's like a bandage around your body. If a woman's got confidence, honestly, wear the bodycon. You've got my attention. So you wouldn't think like, oh, that's a bit much. If I had to write down on a bit of paper, like what would my ideal like outfit be from a woman who walked into this room? I don't think it would be a bodycon, no. But I don't know what the other thing is. What's a tobbly, what did you say? Topshop Joanie Jean. What is that? It's like a slim fit, old school, topshop style of trouser. shows all that shows the bod yeah it's a skinny jean run no not that that is what you like you like that with a little ankle boot and a blouse i'm sorry i hate to say it but that is what you want my taste has evolved so overall the vibe i'm getting is that confidence is key it's all about it's an energy thing i actually really believe that it's an energy thing so if you walk in with calm energy or positive energy or confidence that's more attractive and that'll gain more attention than any outfit so really you could walk in your pajamas you could walk in which is actually probably where i found the most confident yeah we'd do it then so this is a waste of time no it's not a waste of time no because that that is a that is a piece of the puzzle that makes you feel good sitting there so that's that's you but i'm just letting you know from a guy's perspective at least from this guy's perspective it goes beyond the outfit it's like what energy are you bringing with you as you arrive if you make me feel calm and like oh this girl is really quite intriguing she's quietly confident did i make you feel calm when we first met yeah when you yeah when we first met yeah yeah yeah now now i'm like oh my god why are we at any point things are gonna Why are we less comfortable around each other now 10 years in?

16:33I felt like we were both quite shy when we first met and we both felt really confident in each other's company and I thought that was why we hit it off so well. Do you think that we're quite lucky that we avoided the dating app stage? Were you ever on a dating app? No, actually no. Never? I never did a Tinder date. No. No. Have you ever signed up to a dating app? No. No, like not even signed up? No. No, neither have I. Do you feel like we missed out on that? No. Have you ever thought about it? Like what you would... Yes. Isn't that weird? Because I actually have as well. Okay. Wait, if you actually...

17:14Okay, be real now. Have you thought about signing up to an app and like... I've got single mates who will whack out their phone and go shopping. And I'm like, dude, give me the phone. Let me check it out. I do the same as well. Right, that's fine. Like if you were actually being really serious, what would you put on there? What would your profile picture be? Don't know, but this is why I'd probably be no good on these apps. Because people would be like, here's this knob. Wait, why would they think you were a knob then? I don't know. What would you put like a really model-y shot on? I don't know.

17:42What would you be looking for? What sort of like photo? In a partner, what I'd look for, to be honest, I think just you in that outfit would be quite good. Right, so this is my profile picture. That's your profile picture. With the microphone? Maybe with the microphone, so people know that you're a podcaster. Someone take a photo quick. Yeah. When we break up after this episode, this is not the Valentine's treat that we were hoping for. The thing that I would not want, so I'd actively avoid a man with a guitar, holding a guitar. I've dated too many guitar players or wannabe guitar players. And I think it's, I don't need to know that from your picture.

18:21Oh, good. I mean the hurtling down a ski slope showing some skills is one thing but then I'd be like let me just see if there's any like gym shots where she's wearing some leggings or something get you in a pilate on one of those reformer beds doing some sort of like lengthening of the you know oh my god do you want to know why that is just so funny is this just are you just taking this the wrong way or no no no you clearly are no no no I get it but I have been on a bit of a mission to try and find my brother a girlfriend and he's obviously got one now. Sorry, it is too late. No, and we'll move on to that.

18:55Like we're happy. Like he's not done terribly. I actually love Tally. So I need to watch myself now because she's great. But there was a stage where Sam would only fucking date Pilates instructors. No, I didn't say Pilates instructors. Well, it's just Pilates goers. Every profile that he would swipe on was a girl with a green juice or an Acai ball or a Pilates teacher, a Pilates, a reformer bed. So actually what you've just explained. So now I've just answered it. Answered it. All men want is a Pilates instructor that drinks a lot of juice. Yeah, fine. Is that actually true? Calm energy, look after themselves.

19:36They're not, they're all psychos. Like all of them on Rare, they're all like cookie cutter templates of one another. And I think that that is a bit personality-less. I think it's nice to have. Good luck, bro. You're digging yourself a hole here. But this is the difference. No, because I think women will relate to what I'm saying. I think men will relate to what you're saying. Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. Do women, is it something that women look forward to? February 14th. It's really individual. I think some women thrive off of celebrating a day that feels full of love. and you know there's the present exchange and the flower exchange and the card exchange so if you feel like you if you need sort of like reassurance that you're in a good relationship this is my frustration with valentine's day because i feel like you've got infatuation to start with then you've got the romance and then after that you've got this phase of commitment and loyalty and what i think is like a consistency of love i think valentine's day has become so so performative and something that people measure and compare against that men naturally feel pressure and they feel that hang on have you just like overlooked everything I've done for you for the rest of the year and I think for men it's like a combination of I feel pressure to perform and keep up with the masses but then it's also a little bit of like are we going to ignore the fact that I've been there for you every day and I've done things that I think a loving partner should do so i don't particularly love valentine's day do you even know where it originates from no i actually have no idea oh a valent a little guy with a cupid's bow oh that is one version of it yeah yeah like a cherub valentine do you know where saint valentine okay this might be a legend or a tale but i'm gonna tell it to you anyway okay i'm intrigued ancient rome yeah there was this emperor claudius or something like that claudius the second he thought that single men made better soldiers.

21:37Interesting. So he banned marriage and any kind of like relationships. But there was a priest, a Christian priest in the mix who would organize secret marriages and his name was Valentine. Cool. So originally, like it was an act of not romance, but defiance against the rules. That's what Valentine's kind of like signified. It was like, well, we're going to do this in secret because we love each other. He was killed on February 14th. But as the legend says, he left a letter that said from my from your valentine and that's where it comes from oh my god that's so cool what a story so it's an act of defiance not necessarily romance and i just think that people these days are so caught up in this performative aspect of what they think love should look like i'm thinking of some finance bro douchebag who is not present in their relationship not present as a dad who will show up on february 14th and roll out some sort of like fancy dinner a hotel i've bought you the dress i've bought you the what and i'm this happens by the way yeah no i know i've dated the finance bro okay well you maybe you can speak speak to it better than i think there are there are two kinds of guys in the world there are men like you that do do acts of service regularly throughout the year and behave and then there are guys that don't that tried to make up for it on Valentine's Day.

23:02I've been with a lot of guys who will use Valentine's Day as like an excuse to basically apologise for not being there for the rest of the year. And I agree, I think it is really performative. It's nice to have milestone moments throughout the year that you can celebrate because, you know, sometimes life can feel really heavy and like you kind of need, especially at the beginning of the year where it's cold and wet and just like a little bit dull, you kind of need something to pick you up and and i think also for people whose lives aren't particularly exciting all the time it's nice to have to create an excuse to go out for dinner to celebrate i don't disagree with that yeah it's good to have things that lift us up and also like going to a restaurant like sexy fish sorry oh my god but where you literally have a slot for an hour and you turn up and there's a set three course meal with two glasses of champagne included that's not doing it for me i'd rather go somewhere that i've never eaten before like a cute little pub i think it's like an opportunity to try something different like generally you know people will go out and buy sexy underwear lingerie i can't actually start the word lingerie it makes my skin crawl you're more of a nighty girl no no i'm afraid i Yeah.

24:20You seen the film BFG with the little girl who gets like woken up and taken by the giant? Yeah. That little 90 she's got on? I'm not sexy. No, but you're this cute little mole with your glasses on with this like white gown on. Yeah. And do you love that girl? Clearly, I'm still here 10 years on. It's true though. I wear a 90 now. I look like Miss Havisham when I go to bed. It's a long sleeve, high neck, Peter Pan collared. Puffed shoulders. White. It's got like frilly puffy shoulders. 90 i'm a grandmother um but i feel really comfortable in it and i think that that's the main thing as you said i think comfort and confidence go hand in hand i'd agree when you wear that you like float through the house i'm like i do sleep that on all the time femoral like a little ghost i had a question for you but you've kind of answered it but it was a question around like how do you how do you see valentine's and how do you see love is valentine's an occasion where i have to prove my love or are you more focused on oh this guy's just practicing it day in day out for me the key the the best thing that you could do for me is to use words so write a letter and i've i've kept all of the cards that you've ever written me for valentine's day didn't i didn't one year i give you a card and on the front of the card was like individual letterboxes yeah there were lots of envelopes on the front of the card and in each envelope you've written a thing that you liked about me and they weren't cliche because any other man would be like oh your smile or like what and that's actually nice i wrote i like your chips and your cherries but you did write like really curious answers and i think but it also kind of ties in with what people's love languages are for me i'm all words of affirmation like write me a letter and i am putty in your hands like literally all it takes if you want to get late like just say a few nice things just like whisper sweet nothings in my ear just like oh hey you look you look really nice today or like oh i'm really oh my god the best would be i'm really proud of you for what you've achieved today oh that's deep but would that be hard for you to say no no but you should know at this point like i will tell you like it happened recently when i saw you do a podcast interview and i sent you a message where i was like you spoke beautifully like massive well done and that literally i melted didn't get laid that night just to let you know but that was one of the look ryan we are parents we don't sleep in the same bed we need to start scheduling it in no valentine's day birthdays christmas is your birthday not mine when i see the moment where I genuinely feel like there's something in me bubbling with excitement for you because I'm super proud.

27:16I've got no issue telling you. But I'm not going to dish it out on the regular. It's like when Sam used to buy flowers for Zara. It would happen so regular. I'd be like, you are diluting it every time. Look, I think every relationship is different. I personally love a card I'd rather not get flowers than get a I don't want a bunch of flowers from a petrol station that's three pounds what? what did you say? I don't want carnations from a petrol station I like specific flowers if you're with someone that you love and care about then you should know what their favourite flower is what's my favourite flower?

27:58oh god God, what is your favourite flower? It's quite telling this podcast, isn't it? Yeah. Oh my God, I don't pay enough attention to you. Correct. No, hang on. I should know this. Well, you love orange and yellow. Happy colours. So your favourite flower is a lily. What is your favourite flower? I don't know. I was just testing it. Yeah, because guys don't need flowers. Guys actually know nothing about flowers, really, unless they're a gardener. Like, do you remember that time when Sam bought one of his girlfriends an orchid? Sam is the guy that will trot down the road and literally support Take my money Jazz flowers and go see what all the other blokes in there are doing and scoop up exactly the same bouquet and actually normally I think that Sam Sam is very generous but like sometimes it's not even a generous bouquet I think it's either like one or three you've got to be really modest or really extravagant or really thoughtful you can't be textbook book like you just don't want to sit in that middle ground of of cliche my opinion why what have you got me what's lined up what's hiding behind your chair no i don't actually got anything behind my chair like on a serious note though right are we doing anything for valentine's day i don't have a reservation for valentine's day no but i do have a plan and that's as much as i want to say on it because i know what you're like okay louise is the person who will just crack open the conversation a little bit keep going keep going until she ends up finding out the entire surprise and then it's just it's happened a month early but i don't like surprises so let's talk about it now nope okay i could maybe ask you because actually i'd be curious to know it's like a girl ever bought you a valentine's present that you've liked you bought me a cock sock one time did i oh no that was my christmas stocking it never got used but i think what is a cock sock i don't even remember what that is it was a willy sock or something it's something i don't know if it was sexy or cute but it was maybe it was both it's like this little green sock with a face on it sorry not nil it's massive i don't think i don't think i bought that for you yeah you did it was the same year that i got you the um what's that sweetie necklace thing we do remember that necklace yeah yeah i got you that and like a some sort of like rascal g-string one time thinking that at some point i'm going to eat it no that didn't happen either oh it's all in the thought have you got any funny stories of valentine's dates that have i don't know gone really bad or really well uh good question i like the valentine's thing specifically for me not great so i was gonna say he who should not be named do you know who i'm referring to just a guy that i dated he wasn't particularly nice to me he actually broke up with me the day after valentine's so we went for dinner on valentine's day he'd already told producers that he was going to break up with me before then a producer from me and chelsea called me the day after and said oh have you and spencer broken up and i didn't know about it because he hadn't actually broken up with me by the time that they'd made the call so that was nice I knew that that was then coming um and like I've had a lot of relationships either start or end in February oh it's a good thing it's a short month it's not it's not my favorite one that's interesting but I think that we've had we've had some nice times I mean last year we went to gold which is a great restaurant if anyone's looking for a recommendation in Notting Hill it's like good food not too expensive nice vibe although i do find that when you're having dinner on valentine's day it's very much an operation isn't it it's an operation two hours and then you are you're in and out literally and everyone and like we looked around the i remember we looked around everyone's on a date and like the arrangement of like oh the woman's got the view of the room the bloke's got his jacket on because he's come straight from the office yeah everyone's sat there doing the exact same thing and i'm like oh my god this is actually quite weird yeah but all you're doing is just checking out and eavesdropping all the other couples because we're 10 years into the mission and they're all one year and so their chat is largely more interesting than ours but we did notice that didn't we which I thought was good well-mannered if any guys out there are listening always give your girl a room with a view so they've always got to have their back to the wall so that they can see everything else that's going on mainly so a man is paying attention and they're not distracted by any other females in the room they can't even look at them unless they go to the loo and if they're going to the loo a lot big red flag but isn't that right do you remember we had this revelation when we were there at gold all the men were facing the war is that annoying that you have to face the war no not really but it is it's a funny observation to make yeah I actually quite enjoyed that evening so did I maybe we should do it more regularly maybe we should go back let's go out oh my fucking god this valentine's day oh my god you just popped up the old rock and roll we're going to a club also No, we're not going to a club, mate.

33:08No, I'm getting inspired now. We used to have a great life. Like, we should go and listen to some live music or go to a club, a rave, please. Can we go to Fabric? What, in Putney? No. Oh, in Putney? No, that's the Fez. No, Fez, Fabric, quite different. Never been to Fabric. Our childhoods were very different. Yes, I was going to Fabric as a child, underage. Mate, you would have been like a little squirrel. Who's letting you in at that age? I had a fake ID. it was annoying because I got in when I was like literally 15 16 and then I remember getting ID'd at 17 and I couldn't get in and at that point they got a little tighter on the door that's ridiculous but I think that that would be like quite good to shake up shake things up I'll organise it you know what they don't tell you before you have a kid is how much you end up missing your partner talking about like ideal dates and whatever else it's a little bit sad in a way because you're like, no one ever prepared me for this one.

34:07Because all of my energy and focus goes on to Leo. All of your energy and focus point you towards him. So the reality is that 10 years into our relationship with a four-year-old is that we've almost hit this parallel existence where it's like, I'm trying to be the best mum. I'm trying to be the best dad. I'm trying to get my career up to a spot where I feel proud. I'm trying to do everything to my ability. me and you are like this

34:37and that is the bit where I can really talk to you about this because there are many parents who will feel that way no one prepares you for it at no point did someone say you're really gonna at some point you're really gonna miss Louise

34:54fucking right no one told me about that I miss going to stomp having chugged six tequilas I miss that with Louise that's why I'm excited about the idea of fabric because it's been so long I actually I do miss our old life that's true no one prepares you for this fact this hard hitting fact that you were at some point start to miss what you had with your partner I agree no one warns you about that I think how now we've acknowledged it it takes active intervention which we're not doing so i think maybe that should be one of our goals for this year make sure that we are going out and having fun doing the things that we just love doing together i feel like it would just be one of many things on your list of goals that will just get lost it needs a different needs a different approach it needs a different word it needs a different intention i feel you so what do we do about it um i don't know other than the fact that it takes you actually have to continue to work at it yeah because all of basically all of our all of our effort is going into working hard and parenting hard but we're not relationship hard you're not hard i'm not hard no i am actually all the time it's just not being used um oh my god we're gonna be like that couple that my life coach told me about what like every other couple you mean like every couple once they have a family she said to me that one of the couples she was working with they had to schedule in time to go meet in a forest so they could get it on yeah there's parts of that story i like because it's like cool you're doing it outside that's pretty spontaneous and wild and risky then also like i'm never going to be the dude to schedule anything let alone a romance exchange no you're so right You're like, you're not like, I'm much more schedule-y.

36:56Like, okay, can we just wait until the end of the day? Whereas you're like, no. It's a feeling though. I just want to get it on now. Just after I've had a nice shower, I'm hair made up, put my best clothes on, ready to leave the house. You're like, or I've got like a really important work thing to do. Great. Should we go to the bedroom? Have you seen me? Yes. The problem is, is 10 years in, your partner has to wait until you're your worst version. The dregs, the end of the day, the last sip of drink that's backwashed. Horrible, rough, hair frizzy, makeup pander eyes. In bed, knackered. Which is actually, which we need to change.

37:38Okay, I'll hold my hand up. That's something that I need to work on. I should be more spontaneous. Yes. Yes. But I don't think we could do the park thing living in a city. I think we might be arrested for public indecency. No, but I remember the other week. I was like, should we? And you don't know the cleaner's downstairs. And I was like, I know. Yeah, that cleaner literally left a week after. What? It's actually true. I think about that all the time. Unrelated. I'm not having sex with you when the cleaner is in the house. Ryan, come on. Oh, dude, you're missing out on a real bit of fun there.

38:14when you arrive at a hotel, like the first thing I want to do is like, yeah. Yeah, why is that? I don't know. That's why you always want to go away on the weekends. But actually, I think we should do more of that. Yeah. It's a change of scene. Okay, right. So we've got some action points from Valentine's. This is one of the benefits of Valentine's is it forces you to confront the romance and to move through it. we're gonna go away more on the weekends be more spontaneous go out a little cinema dates thoughts i used to love them but then i think i realized that actually it's not much of a date at all because you're not talking it's a bit of a cop-out isn't it but then again actually if i think about it it's like well if you're confident and happy in a relationship to sit in silence and enjoy like an experience together that's actually quite cute so actually yes cinema date for me is a nice one.

39:11Not an early on though. No, no, no. Not early on. No, not like a stomp. No. But you also can't talk to one another. Nah, mate, we were high up in the stadium. Stadium? Theatre. Drunk. We weren't following practical there. There is a movie actually coming out on Valentine's Day. Yeah? Wuthering Heights. It's got Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi. I never know how to say his name properly. Is he the guy who played Frankenstein? Correct. He's a handsome dude. Can you say his name? Elordi. Melordi. Elordi. Jacob Millard he's very handsome yeah okay I want to get your opinion on something so Jacob Bellardi while he's filming for Wuthering Heights fills Margot Robbie's dressing room with red roses that's part of the film no and she's married is he married no right so they're filming this movie together yeah it's quite and during it's quite what it's quite steamy or like Titanic on the window panes we'll have to go and watch it but yeah that is one of my favorite seasons of all time because i'm in love with leonardo dicaprio so yes it's quite a like hot movie a hot take on wuthering heights and he's single she's married she's married to someone in the industry i think like a director but not an actor and jacob aladi has got the cheek of filling her room with with roses i would freak sorry if the shoe was on the other foot and you're filming a movie with Margot Robbie and she's single and she's filling your room with anything she's even walking into your room I'm having a nervous breakdown I'm going to assume that they're filming away from families and away from loved ones yeah maybe let's go with that option so maybe this Jacob what's his name Elordi is trying to do something sweet to be like you're away from your husband let me remind you of the love that you've probably got.

41:07That's a hundred times worse what you've just said. Why is that worse? Well, let me remind you of the love that you've got right here in front of you while your husband's a gazillion miles away with a really handsome young man. I'm going to tell you something now. It's thoughtful. If I was away in Uganda and I was filming something with Dua Lipa. Yeah. Oh God. You've gone for like right for the jugular. If you're watching, listening. she's Ryan's whole boss I know myself so well even if I was to follow through with what I'm about to say there's nothing else to it if I was filming something with Dua Lipa or whoever it is and she's obviously about to get married to that dude, the actor I can imagine myself doing something similar not like a full room but like, oh it's Valentine's Day, you're away from your husband here's some flowers have a great day Ryan!

41:58I think I speak for most of the population. There is a chance that he is a bit of a fucking slimeball, so I could be way off the mark here. But there's also a chance that he's trying to do something. Maybe he put a bouquet and someone fluffed it up to a full room. I don't know. Well, fine. So you're taking his side and you're like, actually, guy's probably a decent bloke and he's just trying to do something nice. Like, let's look at full context. Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough. But what if you're... Okay, so that's if you're Jacob. But what about if you're the husband, the actor, the producer?

42:28What if you're my husband, which you are, but we're just not married. I'd be like, Margot, this comes with the territory. You're Margot Robbie. So I'm Margot. Okay, so great. I get to be Margot Robbie. I'd be like, yeah. And you're going to be fine with me just getting rooms full of roses all the time whilst I'm also macking off in the movie. Fuck it. Just be honest. Like, be really honest, though. I'd struggle more with the macking off on the movie. I'd be like, I have to accept that this is a job role and there's nothing really there. I'd struggle more with that if you were macking off with Spencer on Made in Chelsea in a scene, I don't know, and I was supposed to be with you I don't know I think that that is actually the main thing that everyone would want to talk about is like how would you actually feel if your partner's job is to do sex scenes with people in movies yeah that I probably I couldn't do that people can't even survive the strictly curse and they're just dancing with people like how are actors and actresses supposed to be triumphing each other and not actually hooking up in real life one of the core values of you as a person is that regardless of any circumstances you will never cheat which is why this this version of like oh my god they've there's flowers in my room okay that's fine i know that there's a hard line around those flowers but could it just be a nice gesture of like you're away from your family let me just make you feel good there is that version in the world and I'm going to go with that version do you trust me so much that even with all those flowers you know that I also wouldn't cheat he is handsome yeah yeah yeah but I'm not I'm I don't know if this is too much but I'm I don't have an insecurity about the relationship but that's great that's a good I know I know where testament to our relationship I know where the boundaries are I know my own limitations and where I would go and I know that you have the same If anyone wants to send Louise flowers, I'll put the address in the...

44:27In fact, I do regularly get sent flowers to the house. Can I tell you what the Japanese do for Valentine's Day? Of course you can. Do you know what they do? On the 14th of February, men don't do the whole gift exchange thing. So the women will, and I'm not going to pronounce the names because I'll probably butcher it, but a woman will decide if she wants to give a present and it's typically one of two boxes of chocolates Because Valentine's Day is all about a signal of intention. So if they're in a relationship, they can give a box of chocolates, a box of chocolates, which is called something.

45:01And the signal of that is I'm just being really polite and sweet and I'm going along with things here. Or there's a box of chocolates that is a show of real love and commitment and there's something really forever lasting here. And the man won't do anything for a month, but on March 14th, a month later, it's called White Day in their culture, he'll come back with almost like a decision, if you like, and he will decide where this next chapter of their relationship goes. So it's a signal of intention. Valentine's Day is not about like, let me just shower you with gifts or do something that's going to prove anything, I don't know, unrealistic.

45:39It's a signal of intention and they do it with chocolates. But wait, so the woman doesn't choose which box of chocolates. She'll go, here's two. No, no, no, she will choose. So she goes, either I'm kind of happy where I am currently and I'm stable, or like, should we make some changes? No, it's like a, okay, so if you want to boil it down, it's like you've got two boxes of chocolates there, yeah? And you're going to make the decision if that box of chocolates is going to signify I'm in for the long run, or I'm just being polite, I'm not sure where this is going. Oh. So the man will either receive it and be like, I've got to ramp things up and get her back on side, or I'm going to show like real commitment and I'm going to take this to the next level in my own way.

46:18I'm going to give you a chocolate oh cool this is supposed to be funny in relation to in relation to this one I've got you a flake but I've put on there I'm not a flake oh nice because I'm not going anywhere and that's me that's my box of chocolates to you that's my signal of intention there you go take it that's my gift by the way for Valentine's epic I hope you like flakes

46:48Flake is so calm and graceful that is great and then do I get to choose over the next month whether I want to stay with you or leave you yes sure or can I just eat it you can just eat it nice so we're doing a present exchange I've got a couple of presents for you you know I love presents Ryan loves presents Ryan's love language is gift giving but he'll never admit it although you kind of just did here you go oh my god you got me a stack see I can't even move any closer to you stop you got me a stack of do I open these now yeah you can what sort of theme have we got here well you'll have to wait and find out there's me like giving you like a nice meaningful flake chocolate bar how do you know that's not really meaningful that could be a photo album with all of our favourite photos I bought you a photo album this is like Epsom salts or some like I don't know boner salts You wish.

47:44There we go. The candy posing pouch. Is this the candy? Yeah, it is. That's for men. Sweet and sexy. There we go. Candy posing pouch. That's going straight on. One size fits most. Oh my God. I'm getting nervous. Ryan is so awkward. He's just opened a candy thong. It's not for me to wear. It's for him to wear. Lucky boy. So the back of that, I assume, is just a... It's got ribs. A trail of sweets up my bum. I don't know whether there's the thong bit or whether it's more like a belt. Is it a belt? Oh. That just hangs around your willy. Mate, that, jeez, one size fits all, yeah? Okay, so we'll take a photo of that.

48:26Mate, we're doing more than just photos with that. No. Next one. Oh, my God. I don't know what I was thinking. Look, it's just all very last minute. And you know, I hate presents. Yes. So I'm finding this really uncomfortable. Oh my God. What the hell is this? Struggling to see the romantic side of this wireless ear pick. What am I supposed to do with that? That's definitely for Leo. You ordered that for Leo, didn't you? You have just become obsessed. Hang on, I need to compose myself because I don't know why I'm finding this so funny. You did an Amazon order and that was for Leo and the posing pouch is for me.

49:03You're obsessed with cleaning Leo's ears now. And you've got your own like toolkit and you think you're like a medical professional with it. That is a device. God, that is some Valentine's gift. That is a device. Wait, wait, don't move on yet. That is a device that you put in your ear and it's got a camera at the end, which means you can actually see it inside the ear on an app. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I missed that. I know, I knew you'd love it. Who said romance was dead? Yeah, well, I don't know if that's going to lead to a romantic finish, but that is, that's pretty dope. Isn't that epic?

49:37so you actually get to see the inside of the head it's quite scary it's actually a TikTok shop find and um can I open this one? yeah yeah fine you're moving on you're disappointed with this no I'm not with this stuff so Ryan's now moving on to his third present oh not the nostril dude the nostril dude it's a waxing kit for his nose right well again we're gonna do it now you started off quite well with the thong thing basically now we've got women have to wax their entire bodies so that they're silky smooth well they don't have to well yeah i don't but there's an expectation that they should and you've done this to me before this stuff i think i feel like it's it's kind of like your duty as a man to feel some of that lean into some of the pain that we have to go through as women when we get waxes well how do you feel about um hairy nostrils it's not ideal is it that's not ideal well thank you Happy Valentine's Day everyone I thought that was quite a nice little selection Alright well we've got something here that I'm going to give to you Louis This is from Leo, this is something that he made at nursery This is a jam jar taken from home and he's arranged a little floral flowerpot for you basically That is so sweet And he's put his name on it, probably should have said mummy but it says Leo on it They look a little bit droopy at this point but I guess it's had to travel from nursery to home to here so there you go that is so sweet the thing is is leo can do no harm no wrong i know like i typically don't love a yellow flower but you do know you arranged this my best bunch of flowers yeah um that is so sweet i do remember taking off the label for this jam jar i love it when he has arts and crafts at school that's very sweet there's a little thistle in there a little pink rose trad.

51:35What's trad mean? You said that. Traditional. I like these little white things. They're like angel's breath. Maybe Sam could do something like this for Tally. Yeah. It's kind of got Sam written all over it. I actually think a lot of men could learn from a four-year-old. I agree. In fact, I've got just the ticket. Leo's got a little Valentine's guide right here. You ready? Do you need a guide? I'm going to play this. I'm going to just wait until you hear this. This is pure magic. I'm just asking if you have any ideas what we could buy Mum for Valentine's Day. I don't have any ideas. A flower. Anything else?

52:19A surfboard? Yeah, that's a good idea. And a ladder. And a ladder? What does Mum need a ladder for? Because she's so small. So we can climb up? What? Climb up where? To the surfboard? It's for the surfboard. So it can connect it. Ah. What other ideas do you have? Buy mummy a new top. What colour? Uh, yeah. Wait, do you have any other, one more idea for mum? Any last big one? Uh, buy some lights. Let's do it. Thanks, boy. There it is. So. That's the shopping list right there. I'm getting a building site then. Ladder, yellow top, and lights. I'm a building site. Oh, I freaking love the mind of a four-year-old.

53:01Also, I love that he's just connecting a ladder. He loves connecting stuff. It's like a ladder and a surfboard. It's basically, that's just like one long plank of stuff. How epic are those answers? It's so good. I actually, to be fair to him, one of my favourite tops is like a little yellow top, that like little Adidas Brazil one that's sometimes I wear. So not a million miles off. I do spend half my life on a ladder or tiptoes. And flowers, good. And a surfboard, obviously. A surfboard. so maybe we'll need to all go with our surfboards down to the coast and like a little camping adventure I'm not mad at it well listen me and Leo got you some extra flowers to go with the homemade jam pot here they are oh my gosh look at the sorry have you got marbles or is that water balloons water beads that's so cool well that's probably the highlight of that bouquet I feel like these might be a little bit grown up but anyway happy valentine's wait why grown up Well, you tell me what you think.

54:01Yeah, there you go. They're for Beryl. They're for Beryl. Sorry, that's actually so cute because they're from a really expensive, cute shop. I know, dude. Sorry, the water marbles are incredible. Wow. Yeah. There's a lot of rustling going on, guys. That is, so we've got some pink and red roses. Beautiful. How many are there? Probably exactly 12. I don't know no I actually really like how they've interwoven the green bits really scratching around for some point Brian look perfect thank you I love you you followed the valentine's link on the website clearly it had valentine's on the top of the tool bar and you went right let's start there and they're perfect thank you so much well i hope you guys really enjoyed this episode and you feel super inspired for valentine's day on saturday if you want to see our outfits the flowers the presents the candy thong if you want to see ryan in a candy thong head on over to our socials you can follow us he said she said on tiktok instagram also we have a youtube where you can watch the whole thing and see our outfits you'll be able to see all the presents yeah you are just gratified you will You cannot find me in that on YouTube.

55:26Ryan will be in the thong, getting his nose waxed. Imagine. With a telescope down his ear with a camera attached. That is a different kind of, that's different content. And I'm going to just sit here and eat a flake. Where do we direct people to, just to follow our show? The easiest way to capture podcast every week is to click follow wherever you listen. Simple as that. Just hit the follow button. Cutting corners. Love it. I do. Happy V-Day. Happy V-Day. Amen.