The hard truths about MONEY in relationships

0:01Louise Thompson: What up, Lou Dog? What up, Rye Dog? You got nice new slippers on today? They're not slippers, they're mules. It's like a cheese grater in between my big toe and my second toe. You said the same thing about your underwear last night. Should we start there? That's because, okay, so here's what he said. Hold on, you got lipstick on that tooth there. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You can keep talking, I'm just letting you know. No, no, no. What? This is a visual pod. I'm going to design a new lipstick for women. It's one that doesn't stick to teeth. Okay, I feel like you're really the best person to set up that business.

0:35Louise Thompson: Well, no, I just see it every day with you. I'm like, there's a fault in the design here. Look, no beauty brand's going to want to work with me if you keep on with this chat. Don't worry, I'm going to rock the whole industry. You're just very confident there. Okay, well, one of my goals for life over the next five years is to create a beauty product. The perfect liquid eyeliner in brown. No, that's out there. Perfect shade. That's out there. Yeah, but I've never found the perfect one. Anyway, okay, taking it back to the cheese grater underwear. I've got a he said. You said, why are you always in my t-shirts?

1:15Louise Thompson: Yeah, I did say that. We get to the end of the day and actually at the beginning of the day as well. Anytime of the day. Anytime of the day where I don't have to see people except for you, unfortunately. For you. Yeah. Okay, basically, I put on one of Ryan's t-shirts to get into bed at night. And he's always like, why are you wearing my t-shirts? And I don't know whether it's because either you think that I don't look sexy enough, or you don't want me getting mess on your t-shirts or like stretching them or breaking them. Which is it? The second one, Louise. You always go for my white linen pile of fresh t-shirts.

1:49Louise Thompson: And I'm like, why can't you wear something like this? which is like$7.99 off Amazon just like a piece of shit t-shirt. You go for like the branded linen stuff and I'm like, I don't have. I just go for a loosey-goosey like soft touch big airy t-shirt whichever one's actually the top of the pile which I can't really reach very easily so I just, I have to go for what's on the top and the ones that you wear are on the top because they go straight from the laundry back up to the top of the pile. Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to start doing. I'm going to move some higher in that wardrobe. Okay.

2:20Louise Thompson: Can you create a pile for me? I'm going to bring down like the non-branded baggy holy stuff, which you can reach. And all of my like nicer t-shirts that I reserve for moments of filming or whatever, they're going to go right to the top. I don't want the ones that are so holy that they have those big gaping sleeves that my tits then poke out. Because sometimes I'll grab one of your vests and they're so big. Look, the perils of being a woman mean that I wake up, I have all of this. I have these products on my face. I have all this slap on my face. I've got tight underwear bra under my boobs and I've got cheese grater up my bum.

2:56And at the end of the day, I just want to take it all off and I just want to live like a cave woman. I can be naked if you'd rather me not wear one of the baggy t-shirts, but we might get complaints from the neighbours.

3:08Louise Thompson: You won't get any complaints from me because my laundry will be clean and you'll be in the nud. So let's go with that option. But then also like my stoma bag will just be hanging out. I'm well past the stoma bag. Luckily for you. If you could create a bespoke pile for me, that would be... So can I just clarify, a G-string or a thong is not comfortable for women? No, they are comfortable most of the time. I'll ask your brother. He's worn a few mankinis in the time. Oh my God. So I think that your punishment for how easy your life is compared to mine should be wearing a full face of makeup, also with an underwire bra and a cheese grater thong.

3:49Louise Thompson: I'm going to argue that you would not want to see me wearing a thong and makeup for a week because that would just be disgusting okay well can we just do like one quiet day at home no because that's even worse in many ways but also you have to spend like okay so you have to spend Ryan this morning comes in and goes right what notes have you made for the podcast then I'm a bit like okay I've made some good notes and I always do I also have to sort this and this out and then an outfit so yes spend one 24 hour period you actually don't need to do any of that you could just turn up in your in my t-shirt and we could roll out and just do it i have no expectation for this i love it don't get me wrong i like that top very much and your new slippers well that's why i do it because i like to keep my man happy oh well amen sister no i'm kidding dress for the girls anyway that was a bit of a segue what were we going to talk about today oh can we talk about your what have we been up to this last week well i know you want me to talk about the jazz that I went to.

4:44So Ryan went on a...

4:47Louise Thompson: Mandate. Wrote a man date last week. Was it last Thursday night? Friday night? Last Friday night, yeah. With a couple of his guy friends. You've never done anything like this before and it was very sophisticated. You went for a jazz evening in Barnes. Was it Barnes? It was, yeah. And you came back really late. Well, 11.30. Very late for us, yeah. It's very late for us. Was it only 11.30? Yeah. I was knackered and you woke me up and normally I get really annoyed, but you made me laugh so much. I was like hysterical. You were. Because you were explaining the jazzy blink. First of all, it was all a big disappointment.

5:30Am I allowed to say that?

5:32Louise Thompson: Yes. Because you couldn't get a proper chair. So you were sat at the back of the room with your guy mates and everybody, you said that everyone that was there was i don't know why this makes me laugh so much you said that everyone there was like ostriches so everyone in the room was of a certain age was of a certain age certain color as in hair color with a long kind of like old wrinkly neck just all this like movement which was wasn't even like linked to the music and it was just the most obscene thing i've ever seen because i had a full view of this room everyone sat there like like all these jerky movements so just for anyone that's listening by audio ryan is just moving his head around like an ostrich suddenly your neck is like a foot long and it's darting around but you said that no one was even in time with the music but that's the thing about jazz we listen to jazz quite a lot at home so we often have actually people ask about it all the time they're like what is that music that you in the background because it's it's it gives you that holiday like hotel feel yeah but that's soft jazz i've now learned that's soft jazz what kind of soft jazz yeah i say alexa play calm jazz yeah okay well there's different categories of i saw like the real chaotic jumbled version of jazz and what was that then what did that sound like like there's movement everywhere it's like i can't hear the rhythm so i'm just gonna move every part of my head and neck it's ridiculous i spend most of the evening like this, like looking around at everyone, hoping that someone would be like, what the hell's going on, dude?

7:03Louise Thompson: Everyone was just in it. I was like, I can't do it. I can't. Were they mainly men? Were women doing that as well? Oh, everyone. Okay, in the show notes, we need to put a link to a clip that we will post on our socials of the head movement. I was also there with a pal of mine who was doing this, but with his eyes shut. He's like, dude, I want to like knock off my senses and have just my ears. And I'm like, what are you doing? This is obscene. He tried to get me to do that. I was like, bro, I... What do you mean he tried to get you to do? It's just your conversation on your bro date. You're going, dude, what's going on with your face and your neck?

7:38No, but he's like a very like... And he's going, shut off your sources. He's quite a unique guy.

7:41Louise Thompson: He's my doctor of all things. And he's a bit older than me. And he's like, bro, just shut your eyes and just pretend that you're at home by yourself. And he's giving it all this and his hands are going... And none of it makes sense to me watching it. And he's like getting hairs on the back of his... And he's like doing this. and was like, you're doing it, yeah? You're doing it? And I'm like, I can't get to the level you're at. I wish I could, but I can't. What were you doing? I was at the back, back, back of the room on a bar stool. They took 30 minutes for the interval break. I was like, I'm not coming back in 30 minutes.

8:10Louise Thompson: So we went outside and had fish and chips. You didn't even go back for the second half? No, I didn't go back. That's like, do you remember when I took you to my kind of, is it sister-in-law? The burlesque. Oh God. Oh my God, we have not thought about this for so long, which was way over like far far far east like the depths of east london and it was the trendiest niches performance we've ever seen it was basically burlesque but it was more like a strip show and there were lots of different themes basically at one point someone comes on the stage with like loads of fake blood and starts like literally displaying fake blood everyone doing this like saucy dance people were dressing up in what were the other costumes Oh, like Orange is the New Black, like prisoner outfits, handcuffs and...

9:00Louise Thompson: Yeah, it was all like... But yeah, the fake blood was just like, wow. It was very, it was very like... It's supposed to be like art and sexy. I was like, this is anything but that in my... That was another one that I left at halftime for. That's why I mentioned it because it reminded me of that. So we did the sophisticated dinner before some trendy East haunt and then we went to that and I'm so polite. So I obviously was like, Ryan, sit down. Like you have to watch the whole performance. if ryan doesn't want to do something your personality is that you just won't do it no but i know that's i can't help it though if i feel something which is positive or negative you're going to know about it either way i can't help it when else have you walked out of something house viewings school viewings so anyway that was my jazz experience it was not what i hoped it was going to be um but yeah i learned that there's different types of jazz so i heard a bit of latin jazz a bit of like i don't know what the maybe it is just called jazz but anyway what were the trumpets oh hang on so it was live music oh yeah what was there were there like hot like cellos and no that's okay so double bass no there was a guitarist there was a saxophonist who also had i can't remember the name but there's another version of a saxophone which is quite unique to jazz so he was like the brass guy got a pianist who also doubled up as a double bass or something he was like a super super wizard on these things and then he got a drummer so there's four dudes okay and with jazz by the way it's so funny because they each have like a solo or a segment and so if the drummer's going in his own little world like all this yeah crazy sounds and movements the other musicians like turn in and face at him and they're all again they're joining and all this and they're like really smiling it's like they have like utmost respect for the musicians which is quite sweet yeah yeah and they smile and it's all like facial expressions.

10:51Well, my grandpa's part of a jazz band. I feel like he's quite necky.

10:57Louise Thompson: Actually, the Thompsons would be great in this environment. You'd be right at home. My brother was really good at the trumpets. It all makes sense. Like, we're all weird necky jazz people. It all makes sense. No. It all makes sense. This is also making me want to watch the Sex and the City episode, like Harry dates the jazz guy. Mate, I'll always watch that show. I'm a big fan. You are. Should I tell you something else that's pretty cool? Yeah. Today. Yeah. on the morning of our podcast i got a dm from a guy on instagram this guy used to play rugby for england he's like if i showed you a picture of him you'd be like he's alpha to the absolute maximum yeah um his name's joe marler he won't he won't mind me mentioning that because i was just speaking to him he says that he's listening to our podcast he thinks we're doing a really good job which i think is really lovely because he is probably not your sort i wouldn't really imagine that this podcast would land on his phone or in his ears but it is and he really likes it which i think is epic does that make you feel really like happy and motivated or does it make you feel like nervous i think it's amazing because obviously i've watched jay minor play rugby thing and probably with my you know mouth like this like because he's the same age of he's actually the same age as us yeah looks like a superhuman yeah yeah and achieved a lot in the sporting world and it's just great that what we're talking about and the material and content we cover he is listened to and likes and took the time to tell me about it you did a podcast last week with Giovanna Fletcher I did she's so nice isn't she everyone told me going into that that I would feel really comfortable and she would make it very easy and she she did exactly that she was really nice but what I will say this I was excited to do a podcast and have that opportunity in that space is just me because usually it's we're doing it together which is cool but to have the invitation to go on to her podcast which has been going for eight years most of her guests are female from what i've seen but then like the last guy was peter andre and i was like oh my gosh this is kind of crazy to be in that company so it was it was really nice to be to be there but the conversation was largely around like i had to go back through the memories of the last three years which i naively perhaps didn't prepare myself for so it was a very emotional conversation and I cried quite a lot.

13:15Did you cry?

13:16Louise Thompson: Well, I did because she was obviously very good at making the conversation and the environment feel very comfortable, which is a great skill. And I should have thanked her for doing that more. But she just teed up this right conversation with the right amount of space and feeling of comfortable. And yeah, it was a bit of a therapy session, I suppose. And I suppose because you weren't there, I maybe was a bit more free with how I was talking about it. That's quite interesting. well I don't know how much I can sort of bring up because I don't want to be I don't want to trigger anything for you or I suppose there's a little bit of that like shielding and protecting I suppose but because you weren't there she was asking me questions about the the journey that we've been on and what were the moments that stick in your mind the most like what was the most difficult and I had to go back to these places that we've almost worked hard to move past so to go back there I wouldn't say that I was sideswiped by it but I wasn't really prepared for it so yeah what was the moment that sticks in your head the most is there one that lingers yeah the spare bedroom one yeah maybe maybe it's time for a little emdr on that one but it was a it was a nice conversation and i'm uh i'm really thankful for that chance but it did it feel quite nice to have a good cry can i ask you something on this would you agree that i'm now more open with how i communicate about feelings with you and other people yes okay what actually is it from a woman's perspective that makes that a nice thing for you to see for example if I tell you I'm feeling anxious you sort of step in closer or if you hear that I'm crying or even if you see me crying it's almost like you like it in a way in a way I think Firstly, it shows that you trust me enough to share things with me.

15:07I also know how healing it can be to open up about things. So I'm really happy that you feel comfortable to talk about things because I feel like talking is a really important step in getting over something. And also, I just like to know that you're human and not alpha and invincible. I like seeing raw emotion in people. I think it's just it's really reassuring for me to know that you have feelings to be honest I think there's an element to this that's like a me problem which is because I think I've dated someone in the past who was really emotionless and if you believe in such a thing as like a psychopath existing on in this world then I questioned whether they were that because I never saw any emotion even when they were talking about deep things.

15:58So I find comfort in seeing you display like normal signs of emotion. But equally, I wouldn't want you to obviously be upset all the time and crying all the time. And I, you know, I wouldn't want to be with somebody that's really emotional because I think that there is only space for one of them in a relationship. So I think we're a really good match.

16:19Louise Thompson: But you know that I am emotional and you know that I am sensitive. but you also know that I have to be in the right space in the right company in order for that to really come through but when I came back from that podcast and told you that I'd cried a little bit which I didn't feel great about admitting that but I was like I better just tell her how it went and be truthful but you almost celebrated it which to me was a little bit odd I don't think I celebrated it well you were like did you I knew that I know that you then would have really connected the person to the person you were having the conversation with and and those kinds of conversations I find really powerful to listen to but also a very empowering on a personal level what I'm trying to say is whenever I show you some emotion whether it's tears or I'm anxious or I'm nervous about going on a podcast or you whatever it is you seem to celebrate that maybe you maybe you're just celebrating the fact that I've admitted it or maybe you actually just like to see that I I'm emotional oh I quite like to be able to be in a position where I can help you I don't want like a wounded soldier as a partner but I do quite like to offer advice and so if you do say that you're anxious ever which you've actually never said to me but I did read it when I opened your tablet thing last week which you spoke about I if you'd said to me oh I'm feeling a bit anxious I feel as though there would be things I could potentially help with a little bit and also I suppose when you came back from that podcast episode last week I had something that I'd been through that afternoon that I quite wanted to be able to speak to you about and it kind of then gave me an in because we were meeting on a on like a vulnerable okay level because you know I don't know whether this might be a generalization but there's that whole narrative of men not liking the idea of sitting down to have a chat i mean obviously we're doing it here now like we're kind of that's one of the taboos that we're breaking with this podcast but you know a lot of guys like run a mile when a girl will send a message saying can we have a chat can we have a talk like oh i have something i need to talk to you about and i know that there are moments when if i say oh can we talk about something it's hard because often that the only time that we have to have those conversations as late at night.

18:38So we watched, I mean, last night is a good example. And I said, oh, I really want to chat. And you're like, I really want to watch Mobland. There aren't always the moments in the day to talk about the important things. Maybe what's important is different for both of us. But as someone that's quite a deep thinker and a deep chatter myself, I love a DMC, a deep, meaningful conversation.

18:59Louise Thompson: I'm a deep thinker. You're a deep chatter. I also, I enjoy what goes on in that deep thinking head of yours. Yeah, I know. but some of it I don't think is I don't need to share as much as you probably want me to but it's important for you to know that I'm not without emotions what was the thing that you did on that afternoon then um I had a meeting with the lawyer who came around to the house who is sorting out my will which I mentioned last week yeah so I did that now and I learned quite a lot and actually it was quite emotional I was very emotionless the whole way through and I was sort of doing that thing where you kind of awkwardly laugh.

19:36But then when she started asking me about who's gonna be my power of attorney when it comes to health, then I found myself thinking about like real world scenarios where I would be, where I wasn't in a position to make decisions for myself. And that made me feel quite upset. And I could tell that the lady was almost relieved to see some emotion from me. But it was a really interesting experience, actually. And it's, I think it's, I'm in kind of a rare position. I don't think many 35-year-olds have written a will. And I learned a little bit about this. First of all, so there are two different things.

20:24One is the will, and one is a letter of wishes.

20:28Louise Thompson: Right. So a will, because I just really want to get on with this in case, God forbid, anything happens to me. I just feel like it's one of those things. I'm just like crossing the T's, dotting the I's. I will sleep peacefully at night knowing that I've written this. And I think that that's because I've come close to death. You want to actually put most of your information into something called a letter of wishes and not your will. And that is because a will is actually open for public consumption. So when someone dies, the press can basically deep dive into anybody's will like it's it's public act public information and that's something that I didn't know before and also if you don't have a will again the the press can basically go in and pick up on everything so as an example which was just awful when Liam Payne died the press knew exactly how much money he had I think it was 24 million pounds and they knew that because he had not written a letter of wishes or you know signed a will, that all of that would be going to his son, Bear, the moment that he turns 18.

21:36It's a really, you know, that whole story is a tragedy and it makes me upset even thinking about it. But I wouldn't want a motherless or fatherless or parentless child to inherit everything when they turn 18 because I don't think that they would necessarily be in the right position to make sensible life choices. I know that I definitely wasn't. If I look at where I was when I was 18, despite the fact I thought that I was really grown up. I had a really unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I had really unhealthy, toxic relationships with men, with everybody and everything in my life. So being lumped with a sum of money would not have been a good thing.

22:12And that's where I just want to make sure that I've got a plan in place that means that good decisions can be made. So there are, and actually one of the things, so there are a few, gosh, it's quite a deep conversation, isn't it? I did I did mention this to you afterwards because one of the things that she said to me so you basically have to choose executors for your will so if anything god forbid does happen to you and you do die these are the people that then can action everything that you would like to happen

22:43Louise Thompson: um are they going off your letter of wishes or the will which one carries kind of a basic summary and it's more the letter of wishes that they look at and so then you need to choose these people and it was it's really like thought-provoking because you can choose one two or up to four I mean I think you can probably choose more than that but you need to choose people then that you really trust and who can all come together that get along that are going to be able to act on your wishes and that's quite hard I think for some people and actually I asked her I said okay well have you just chosen your parents and your partner or any siblings that you have and she actually had chosen one of the people that she'd chosen was a good friend of hers and looking at all of the responsibilities that this person would have I realized god I need to get some more responsible friends because as you get older and your parents pass away then you can't choose them and then who are you roping into this like really important group of people yeah okay do you know who you would choose I mean you're lucky because you've got two brothers yeah and then it made me think gosh well it's these sorts of circumstances that then make me want to be able to offer up a sibling for for leo because it does make me realize how much i lean on sam and then obviously my parents and then you and i'm very very fortunate to have that group but one of the things that did get flagged so an executor does everything once you die but then a power of attorney um those are the people that make decisions when you're still alive but you're not able to make those decisions for yourself so say if i was to get dementia or if i I was to end up in a coma.

24:18Louise Thompson: It's a harder job then. It's actually a harder job. And it's split into two. So there's financial powers of attorney and there are health powers of attorney. And I'm not your health attorney. That's what I basically had to have the conversation with you about. Good. Because she said you should tell Ryan because if something was to happen to you and then suddenly, you know, these documents get placed into your guys' hands that you might be offended that you've not got that role but the reason that I wouldn't want you to have that role gosh and this is actually the only time that I got upset when thinking about this whole world thing because all of it was just you know monetary up until this point it was all financial and none of that really matters in the grand scheme of things but the health stuff felt more personal but I wouldn't want you to have to make a decision whether to keep me alive or to kill me sparing me that one sparing you that one but then okay so more of the light stuff is like who would we want to look after the dogs if i was to die because i'd need to make a decision on that

25:25yeah and then i went like okay so let's talk about the fun stuff like which charity can i give a bit of money to like oh maybe i'll give my life coach that little bonus she'll be happy and people remember me for being generous like who gets my makeup bag who gets my handbag i think as a as a couple we need to make a decision on who would look after leo if we were to both go down in like a plane crash together yeah and that's something because i'm going through the motions of creating this will that's something that i would need to add in there and we can you need to or you have already i have already i've decided and then she said oh you should probably tell that person or those people because they're basically family members that have two kids that i think are incredibly responsible and bring up their kids really well and it's very personal and i and i just don't think i could actually tell them that so surprise so you'd like me to tell them that you've made the decision no i don't think do we need to tell them oh yes of course you need to

26:35Louise Thompson: tell them but what if that's what if they say no they won't say no because if you don't have a will in place and i'm not on here to like i'm not being paid to talk about wells like this is something that obviously most people will just never think about in their life but well at some at some point later on or i think i think it takes like some sort of traumatic incident perhaps like a parent dying or you becoming unwell yourself or you know maybe when you do have kids and you start thinking a bit more about their future well yeah or you listen to this podcast and you think oh i don't want the public to know that i have 10 quid in the bank i don't know whatever it might be do you want to get a will no not not now well you can create one no but it's not actually that tricky really if you haven't chosen people yeah to look after your children they end up in the care of the state eh yeah no that's bullshit that's why we've got godparents no that's not legally what happens well that's going to my will until then obviously i'm sure something happens but it can be a long-winded process if both parents die together i struggle to believe that well i'm not saying that's what she told me but i struggle to accept that then well that's why that's why good old yeah you better make the call today

27:53okay so we spent 24 hours apart this weekend it was more than that wasn't it no you only gave me 24 hours so how'd it go

28:08Louise Thompson: it was cool i do love the new forest and obviously being around wild ponies and all the cattle that room around the campsite. This is really great. We went to that ornamental drive, which if you haven't been there, you should go to. Remember the one with the giant redwood trees and that sort of road that goes through the forest. This is Hampshire, about an hour and a half out of Southwest London. It's really beautiful. I do love going there. It's a little hidden gem. We stopped off at Limewood for a lunch, which was kind of nice. Yeah, it was cool. I think I was just probably going in there with high expectations because of just previous experiences.

28:42but what was the highlight so best bit and worst bit highlight low light

28:48Louise Thompson: well the weather was a particular low light i must admit uh leo did you feel a bit guilty with the weather although you can't control the weather but you did actually drag a couple of guys who left there so you obviously took leo and why do you have to package it out like that i dragged people who left their families on bank holiday they made such a commitment to you and it rained no look not quite like that i said would you like to come camping with me and leo in the forest i'm going to combine a little bit of work but mostly play and they're like yeah dude i'd love to but yes to answer your question i did the whole drive home well you're on your roof tent in your snazzy roof tent and they're in like tiny little tunnels on the floor like little worms you're dining out five star stealing all of the butcher meat from our fridge can i tell the story yes i spent the whole drive home in constant rain looking at the boys in the rearview mirror on the motorbikes getting sprayed getting nailed by the wind and rain i felt terrible the whole time i did not have a good day yesterday so yeah i did feel terrible for that but i can't control the weather true but it was nice i stupidly forgot the milk bottle so that caused some drama with me and Leah uh it resorted to me putting a cup of milk on the barbecue which was a charcoal fire trying to heat that up which was tricky well you did actually take some milk though yeah yeah well you sorted yourself out for a nice tea and a coffee yeah yeah but milk for him as well was it stressful well no what was the best but I want to actually hear the good stuff it was stressful because I was trying to I was trying to wear too many hats I was trying to do too many things at once i was trying to focus on everyone having a good time primarily closely followed by the fact that leo was there with his cousin and i was like i want you guys to bond and have a great time didn't pack a single toy which i don't regret because they were just running around playing in the leaves and there was like a wooden built fortress that they loved they were running up and down the ladder into the tent and jumping off onto mattresses and what sort of stuff so they had a great time we facetimed for a hot minute and the only bit that i saw was both of them literally standing on each other's chests.

30:59Louise Thompson: They were being boys in the woods. Taking it in turns to jump on each other's chest. And I'm thinking, oh my God, he's two years old. He's going to break his ribs. They had a really good time. And it was confirmed by, when we got into the car to drive home, they both hit the chairs and went, and fell asleep for the whole journey home. So they were nonstop playing. Okay, good. No screens, no toys, just themselves in the woods. So that was cool. You did have a screen though. I had a 100 inch screen, I did, yeah. And you watched a boxing movie. When the boys were asleep, are you looking for ways to try and like shank me here?

31:32No. I'm just intrigued because it's just so, men are just so intriguing to me. They're like, you're all out there and you just like got a little cold barbecue going, couple of sausages on the grill, no entertainment. You're just like sat there, just sort of just soaking in the landscape and then like probably just wrestling. And then like, oh, okay, let's get the cinema screen out oh yeah let's watch a boxing movie let's watch men just punching each other and that's and that's fun for you is that what else did you do on top of that tell me

32:06Louise Thompson: what else you did no no i have a question tell us all what you did with your 24 hours and let's see if it's any better over to you no no but wait um okay before we move on to that you're trying to buy time to make up something cool i said she played pickleball no no hang on i said puzzles I said that I wasn't going to tell you what I did. And listen, Ryan came back. Okay. He looked around the house and what he would have expected to see was not there. So Ryan expects to see immaculate house because as Ryan's favorite word is titillating or titillating, whatever it is. Titillating because you like the fact that when I'm on my own and I get a free minute, sometimes you'll literally even leave the house so that I can do this on the weekend.

32:47I go top to bottom and I tidy the entire house, take everything out of the cupboards, color coordinate, it's the full package. like I go to town you came back and a finger had not been lifted like nothing was in a different place and your face was so confused and then your head I could see the cogs whirring around you looked at me you actually looked a bit scared because you were like oh my god I actually don't know what she's been doing and you were a bit and you were you thought I'd been up to no good

33:21Louise Thompson: You had been up to no good. What do you mean I've been up to no good? What, I've been cheating on you? I had not. I just decided to be a real lazy girl. And instead of the things that people I think typically find fun on the weekend or in the evening, which might look like, I don't know, like a bit of online shopping or a bit of booking a trip or... So why do I have 73 links on the home renovation group? busted oh yeah oh yeah okay so okay so hear me out hear me out with this so when i do stuff the whole point is that i'm always trying to do things too well and too quickly and just taking things off a list right so i instead of like you know using the shopping vouchers that i had or i just i decided i needed to like actually properly slow down and not do anything that resembled a um like a productive task a job a job and so much of even like joyful things to do can then turn into a job because when you're comparing like the best pants fly or the best whatever it is not the cheese grater not the cheese graters it's it it then becomes this like this big job and i just needed to turn everything off so i just switched everything off and i i i just had like the ultimate lazy girl weekend i plucked like a few hairs off my body and unwanted places that i don't really have the chance to do so i'm the nerd i'm the absolute square square nerd who's in the forest and you're plucking hairs from your shins but like where where well that's thank you because that's a nice place to start like that you could have gone a little bit more offensive than that but the when can i do those sorts of things normally because i'm not want to do that in front of Leo because he'll go and tell his teachers at school and I'm not going to do that in front of you because that's the end of our sex life I really get the opportunity to do things like that and then what else did I do I think you think that I'm sort of like laughing at you but I'm actually thrilled that you had a weekend to do that it was good to not have any form of routine and nothing had a time limit so normally every single thing you know like this has a time limit breakfast has a time limit everything to do with Leo has a time limit like every compartment of the day like the calendar i think what you'd like is more than 24 hours and so just to like start doing something and then just to see where it went was very liberating i didn't even sit down and read a book you know i didn't force myself to become a better person in any way i was like you know what i'm actually going to become a worse person over this 24 hours like how i'm going to become like how boring can i become oh god you can become boring so that's what i did kudos it was so bang average i didn't even like you know you know when people on instagram are like oh it's either everything's either going to be electric like amazing stunning or it's like oh look how shit this is look how ugly my body is look at my rolls and my cellulite look how oh i totally unwound i i really let my hair loose and i was so ugly girl weekendy and And I was like, you know what?

36:40It wasn't even that. It was a bit of this and a bit of that. It was so mediocre that it just doesn't even fall into a category.

36:50And I'd highly recommend it. I did have a massage at 9am. And you played pickleball. Which was very indulgent. And I connected with my mum and we played sport together. And that was elite. That was time well spent. And then actually I did order a full set of tennis. Garms Very expensive So that's going to be the new hobby We'll see how long that lasts And I met some new people And I played with a really lovely group of women Who if I hadn't had that time to myself I never would have met them One of whom was apparently in her 80s Who is so good at sports

37:28Louise Thompson: You played tennis with an 80 year old? Yeah Did you win? So it was pickleball So it was like mini tennis Did you win? It wasn't about winning It was we kept mixing up the partners. The partners. And it's a bit like ping pong because it's quick and you only play to 11 points so it doesn't really matter too much. Is it competitive? Yeah, it is competitive. What it made me realise is that we have lived our life through the lens of Leo for the last three and a half years and whilst we watch him play tennis we watch him do swimming, we watch him do jiu-jitsu and football and all these activities but we need to make some time to do those things ourselves and And also, I think it's important for him to see us doing those nice things.

38:11So we should just take him along for a ride. Like, I think we should book a court to play tennis together this weekend. I asked Sam as well. He's maybe going to find a partner.

38:19Louise Thompson: You've got to step into your sport, you spice here.

38:26Louise Thompson: Right, Louise, would you like to hear a listener's submission? Oh, yes, I would. All right, buckle up. Hi, Louise and Ryan. I have a question and would really appreciate any advice you might have on how to navigate the situation or how you both communicate and work through similar issues. My partner and I have been together for five years and for the first time we've had a few disagreements about finances. We split everything 50-50, household bills, recreational costs, date nights and even his mortgage. Recently he questioned my financial contributions a few times and I've shown him that I'm still paying my share equally just as I always have.

39:01Louise Thompson: however this questioning has started to make me feel uneasy for the first time it's really bothering me that although his income is five times higher than mine we're splitting everything down the middle i never used to feel this way but the arguments have left me feeling hurt and unsure is it reasonable to feel this way i'd love to hear your thoughts there's probably a lot of context missing from this we're only getting a snapshot of the of the situation right so has to be careful but from that how long have they been together for five years it sounds a little bit selfish from him to be honest if he's the biggest earner in the household by quite a quite quite a margin by the sounds of it she's also got proof that she's still contributing to all of the bills 50 50 he hasn't really got a leg to stand on to call out anything that's not quite kosher financially within that relationship so um my my response to this is quite short and simple it's like you're being a bit of a douche yeah if i earned five times what you did i wouldn't you wouldn't hear a squeak about bills i know right it kind of says a lot about his character does a bit that he's he's quite uh what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine i love that saying i think it's due probably a tricky conversation i don't know how your finances are split i don't know whether no i do it's 50 50 i would hazard a guess that there's something else that he's not particularly satisfied on same and i reckon the bigger picture is he's just he's in five years and he's like i ain't sure i ain't sure she's the one so he's like trying to find areas that are potentially not to his liking yes like i'm paying a lot of money and investing into something i'm not sure about he's nitpicking god i might i might have just opened pandora's box because Because that's actually what you would be thinking.

40:49And I know both of our personalities. If I started nitpicking you about money, it means that there's something going on elsewhere in our relationship that I'm not happy with. Especially if something's been split 50-50 down the middle because there's really no grounds to stand on. It should be easy, not even worth talking about. The only thing that would be worth talking about is you flagging to him that actually you're contributing such a large percentage of your salary when and maybe you should negotiate it slightly more in your favor so that you can save towards things that you might want to in the future and have make sure that you've got your some financial independence um so yeah it kind of sounds like there's something else going on we've actually never ever in our entire relationship had an

41:36Louise Thompson: argument about finances no i know and that's that's really great the worst it's got with us is you saying you need to quit your jesse's house membership which is our local kids club which is quite expensive monthly but that's just we don't use it and it's just we can use that money elsewhere there will probably be quite a few people that are listening who will be thinking oh you guys are really fortunate because you've got money saved in the bank and you both earn well so that's a privileged position to be in and we haven't had to talk about that. Yeah, but it hasn't always been the case. Exactly.

42:07So when a lot, you know, when we first met for those first three years, we didn't really have a steady income. Our salary is a bit all over the place. We don't have a fixed salary. And also when I got unwell following Leah's birth, we were in a really unsteady place financially and neither of us worked for a really long time.

42:25Louise Thompson: I've also had relationships before I met you where I didn't have the money I have now. i think it's a mindset it's maybe it's like a perspective on i don't know my view on this is if i can take care of a bill or a number of bills and just maybe remove that and it doesn't need to be an issue that stresses you or i in the relationship that's just almost something that naturally i would i think that is okay to do it's hard to i don't really like talk about money because you can be misinterpreted very easily i don't want to speak from a position of like oh you spoiled bastard but i'm not a spoiled bastard and i don't earn as much as you might think i'm trying to trying to say that at least from my perspective in a relationship if i was the highest earner i would almost take a little bit of pleasure knowing that i can cover the costs and you don't have to worry about it and that's just my male perspective on this situation that's all i can really say on it i think it's really important for both men and women to make sure that they are prioritizing their own savings pot because you never know what's around the corner and you never know what could happen and even if you feel like your relationship is in a really solid place at the moment you never know in five ten years you might get divorced the world is funny like that and you might be spending more money than you feel you can afford at the moment and that's not leaving you with enough to save and to feel comfortable especially if he's got a more expensive standard of living and you're kind of having to match that i think that that feels a little bit unfair it does sound a bit selfish from his side that he's he's protecting himself and his own financial security and not enabling you to do the same because if he really loved you he would he would want that for you if we are looking at our situation where i do earn more than you absolutely no way do i earn five times the amount that you earn but i do earn a bit more I think we've discussed that before.

44:20I, it's because I love you, I would do anything to try and bring you up.

44:28Louise Thompson: You happen to pay for the council tax bill? No, no, no. Well, I do pay for the council tax bill. No, no, no. I want to, I try to educate you to make sure that you are saving because I know how important it is for you to have a savings part and for you to have your own independent savings. Because you're going to run away with Miriam Margulies. No, I'm not. I love Miriam Margulies. I would run away with her. But so hence, I'm trying to teach you about just checking how much you're earning every month, looking at creating the profit. That's true, guys. We have a monthly spreadsheet. No, is it monthly?

44:59Because I want you to feel like you have financial independence. Oh, I love it.

45:02Louise Thompson: I love it. I'm not taking the piss. I like it. All right. Well, listen, that was that was a good one. I feel like I need another coffee after that. Well, you're an introvert. So you're I've taken stolen all your coins now. no not all of them but that was that was a good combo thanks very much nice to see you see you same time next week is this this is weird but okay no that's no what if you're gonna do it do it properly no just try again there you go what nice handshake nice thumb handshake we should talk about icks like men with floppy handshakes biggest ick I have biggest ick I have I can't I can't what like with a man yeah to the point now where I'm like so I'm at a point in life where I'm like if something doesn't feel right I'll tell them I'm like, can we do that again?

45:46Louise Thompson: If a bloke shakes my hand and I get nothing but four fingers out of that, I'm like, nope, let's restart. You actually say that? Yeah. Wait, you actually say that? I can't move forward past that. God, that's so alpha. I can't do it. I'd quite like to see you say that to someone. But is it the same for women? If a bloke shakes your hand? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, question. This is a long bloody episode. Sorry, everyone. As a woman, do you want a woman to shake your hand or give you a kiss on the cheek? What's better received? I know it's probably situational, circumstantial, but generally, what does a woman prefer?

46:18Because there's a lot of blokes who get nervous about this. Yeah, and you don't know what to do. Oh, I quite like it when a man sees me as just an equal and will give me a handshake. If they're handshaking everyone else.

46:31Louise Thompson: Let me paint a scenario for you real quick. Me and you are going down to the pub down the road. Yeah, fine. Friday evening, no, not Friday, that's too relaxed. we're going down we're going down on a Wednesday lunchtime after the podcast I'm taking you for lunch okay when we're in there we see a group of my mates four of them I know two of them I don't yeah so I'm like hey high five in the four I know and they're like hey Louise how you doing yeah two we both meet for the first time I shake these dudes by the hand I'm like hey one of them I have to reset because he's given me four fingers yeah yeah at this point at this point you're the next person to be introduced are you standing there thinking I hope he kisses me on the cheek and gives me a hug or I want a handshake I know I always go for a hug no no I'm not handshaking a potential friend because that's not a business meeting.

47:11Louise Thompson: So I'm giving them a hug. The problem I have is I'm so damn short. I'm five foot. So trying to hug anybody without getting my makeup all over their nice clean clothes is such a problem. So most people will go in for a hug because I'm super friendly and I like to meet people with open arms. And I'm like, hey, give me a hug. And then I have to go on tiptoes. And it's a little bit of sometimes. I can't tell you how many blokes trip over this scenario in their mind they're like do i kiss or do a handshake do i hug or what someone next door yeah is the most awkward at this encounter you've ever seen scott yeah he doesn't know what to do at all you watch him pure panic my brother's the same as well yeah i i go straight for the hug now yeah i just i rely on like being taller than most people i meet and i'm like i just like wing open my arms and i'm like bring it in you've got big wingspan now yeah but oh my god you know what you've never done before on the pod this no I'm not doing it I stole that from Tim my mate Tim no just do it now once quickly Ryan's got no you're not doing it properly they're supposed to be like they're like different parts of my body but you have to do it to music I'd love to get some comments around this because this is a big moment for men when they meet women in different scenarios do we go with a handshake or do we just open up the hugs and have a kiss basically you guys get a bit nervous that you're going to come across as pervy probably if you're too friendly you know because you mentioned about the limp handshake being an ick i just really need to drop in an ick that i've discovered that i have is it about me no actually you don't do it and i only i only noticed it because i recognized it on myself with an outfit that i was wearing and i was like oh my gosh major ick unlocked i hate it when a guy wears a trouser so i got like five pairs of trousers tailored obviously short person problems and i couldn't be asked to get bloody measuring tape out so i just went okay look i'm a i'm a 24 leg like can you just take them all up got them back it's a real shame because they're really nice trousers and most of them are two shots so they cut like above the ankle and i was wearing a pair of shoes without a sock i do not like it when a guy wears a trouser where you can see a lot of their ankle and they don't wear socks oh you know the kind of look so like a wedding outfit and they're everyone's wearing suits and they don't wear a sock and then they wear either like a loafer or it could be like any shoe like a box fresh trainer and it's just like it's a bit full on like i didn't sign up for looking at your ankle i'm actually fully in agreement do you agree with that it's just i don't want to see your ankle a slightly tight suit trouser it's too tight with like a pleat down the front like a sort of pointy leather shoe with no sock i'm like you got it all wrong bro you got it all wrong you realize The biggest ick just full stop, like icks out there, they all come down to men's footwear.

49:59I'm sorry. Like a man's shoe is so important.

50:04Louise Thompson: Fair enough. Thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this very varied episode. We've got a lot of ground. We've spoken about wills. Your new slippers? We have not spoken about that. I just like the word slippers. I don't know why. Okay. You're obsessed with slippers though. Hotel slippers. Yeah, you've got like 100 pairs. If you guys would like to hear us answer some of your questions, you can listen to our episode that comes out every Monday. And that is our AMA episode. Ask me anything, but ask us. A-U-A. Ask us anything. What's in all? Covering everything. That's on Mondays.

50:44Louise Thompson: Full length episode Wednesdays. YouTube episode Sundays. Monday, Wednesday, Sunday. sign up and subscribe to the lot to the lot to the lot alright thanks guys cheers love you