The Moment Louise Nearly Broke Her Five Year Sobriety

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1:00Louise: We are back. We're back. We're back from Antica and we have some news. Do it. Go on. Guys, I found my engagement ring. What the hell? Like, honestly, what the hell? Thanks, G. I'm getting a little clap there. Guys, does this mean we need to get married? Yes. Fuck. Do you know what's mental about this? Because it's been missing for over two years. I never ever thought I'd get this back. Tell me exactly what happened because I wasn't in the house. I don't know what happened. That's what's so strange. What tomfooleries happened here? Okay, so essentially when this got lost, we were juggling a lot as a family.

1:43Louise: Yeah, yeah. It was just after I'd had my colon removed. I had a lot on my plate. I was dealing with pooing in a bag attached to my stomach. And I just employed someone new and we'd not been able to work together for a few months. There was just a lot of change. And I don't actually, I've never really spoken to you about how it made you feel when I lost this. But I just want to say. Livid. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry because it's not good enough. Well, that's actually quite cute. That it happened. And I think that it actually affected you. Gosh, I feel a bit emotional. I think it affected you more than it affected me.

2:21At the time.

2:22Louise: At the time. um this is quite a big uh admission thank you though well i'm in a very different place now and it's taken me two years in all honesty to really miss it and i and i do think it's it's kind of off key that i've been walking around without anything on my ring finger and yeah i think coming i don't know it just it feels like such a weird moment basically because when we were away I was really thinking about it. There was actually a guy that was checking me out at a restaurant who was... I see what's going on here. He was... you know when I said... I said that... You did say it at the time but was it actually a...

3:07Louise: There was some really attractive men on a table when we were at this like private little mill reef club restaurant. Oh what the Americans? The Americans. Yeah. A guy with really blue eyes. and I like a few times on the trip thought hang on was it the guy who wanted my shirt no it wasn't him but I did wonder whether he came over to ask that question about you to see whether I said that you were my partner because otherwise people might have thought we were siblings there with our parents siblings so like it did cross my mind that like I need to wear an engagement ring because people might think we're on a family holiday and they might not understand the dynamics because like if max was off looking my dad's girlfriend's off like looking after leo and then it's like me and you people might just be trying to figure out like who's who do you know what i mean i did not so you've never if you never thought that before no i haven't felt no but keep going i mean i'm appreciating the honesty here anyway um we came back from the trip it was the most beautiful trip we'll go into the details in a second but ryan sadly um got his motorbike stolen his prized possession like the one asset that i know that you treasure so much because you have like sole ownership over it yeah and it like put a bit of a dampener on the last four days a bit that's quite polite version of it yeah i could see actually at one point i was almost like offended because I've actually never seen you so upset ever before really yeah I'm not even kidding like you were speechless and you were like practically on the verge of tears in bed and you didn't look that upset when I was really ill that's actually true can you explain that to me yes I can explain to you I suppose in that situation I wasn't really afraid of you seeing how I really felt about it.

4:59But because it's just an object, isn't it? So it's like, you can probably soon get to a place where you can rationalise it and be like, okay, it's a replaceable thing. You're not a replaceable thing. And I didn't want anyone to really see how much it affected me for a while at least.

5:14Louise: When I was ill? Yeah, but with the bike, I was like, okay, I'm going to let people know that I'm really, really upset about this. But with you, I was like, no, I'll zip this up for a while. Because it was like night and day different. Yeah, but that was me just being open. By the way, I was like flopped on the bed, like face down for four days. You were really upset. Can you be open more often? It's nice to know how you fail. I don't know why I keep looking at you, but I'm trying. Yeah, you were devastated. And it was actually really sad to see. Anyway, the amazing news is we came back from the trip.

5:51Louise: Yeah. And Ryan was out. Well, we got home. We opened some post. Yeah. weirdly your motorbike had been found yeah so I went straight back out again so Ron literally ditched me with 20 loads of laundry and a million jobs to do and went to get his prized possession yeah and I so I missed the actual moment when you found tinkering around the bedroom right right opened the cupboard and my engagement ring is literally sat on top of my jewellery box in a cupboard someone explain this so we did have so yeah what we need to explain is it might sound like someone has stolen it and is returning it That's what I'm thinking.

6:27Who's taking their opportunity?

6:29Louise: Can you imagine? We actually had our carpet replaced in the bedroom. Is that what happened? Yes, let me tell you this. When we were away for two weeks, I took it as an opportunity with Kate, who I work with, roll in some painters to decorate the home and replace the carpet, which you organised that bit. But anyway, because of that, the house was busy, right, for the two weeks. so there's painting, there's new carpets, there's little bits and bobs going on. So I said to Kate, I was like, can you communicate to whoever's in the house? If you lift a carpet or you're moving furniture, please keep an eye out for a ring.

7:04And if you find it, just set it aside. The strange part of this is that it's been found, but no one's been like, yeah, we found it. We put it on the side. No one said anything. So you've opened the door and you've just found it. Yeah, I know.

7:16Louise: No one forewarned me. Fuck me in the face. Also, the fucking painter or the carpenter should have stolen this. Well, yes. So that's, but I actually want to send a thank you letter and a reward for whoever has found this. So can we find out? Where are we sending that thank you letter? Well, we need to find out who the fuck found it. When he found it, I was like, oh my gosh. I know. I sent Ryan a message. I was like, this is the best thing ever has just happened. And he came back and was like, we won the lottery. And then he was like, is it my motorbike? Yeah. I thought you'd found my motorbike.

7:48But you want to do some work on it, don't you?

7:50Louise: Will that offend you? No, it won't offend me, no. What I prefer to happen is that it's something that you want to wear, you enjoy wearing, and it stays on your fucking hand. So that's the excuse. It's basically, so Kira's just got engaged. Yeah. And so we have been speaking about engagement rings. And similarly, her fiancé designed her engagement ring, which I think is really, really special because it feels, I don't know, it's nice that it's not just chosen from a catalogue. it's nice to have some input from the person you love and for it to be personal. This ring has had to be resized about four times, so it's lost the engraving inside.

8:31Do you remember what I put inside?

8:32Louise: Always yours? Is that what it says? Just always. I think it was just always, yeah. Oh, God. Did it have a little kiss? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It had like a little X. Yeah. Yeah. And then I had to get these balls put in it to keep it on my finger. It just rotates all the time. Okay, so let's do something. And it's going to fall off again, and I can't wear it. No, no, no. Oh, we need to get it insured. So we need to get insured, and also we need to get it redesigned. And I think what would be really beautiful now that we've obviously got a little four-year-old, why do I always say like a little four-year-old?

8:59Louise: Now I've got Leo. I think it could be cool to get the stones removed and to get something designed to also symbolize, not obviously to get them all put back in to something, but have like a little stone dedicated to Leo put in there. I think it could be fun to do something together. Okay, great. let's do it do a little design let's do it i think we basically have to get married now not that that's a problem i'm really excited we're going to talk about prenups you're so romantic louise you're so romantic no i actually loads of you lovely listeners have responded to an instagram post clip that went up talking about the idea of getting married and everyone thinks we really should do it i'm not a people pleaser at all yeah my financial advisor gave me some good advice.

9:50Louise: And I'll also get into that when we talk about prenups. Please don't. Please don't. No, no, I will. Let's look around to you there. Let me live under my rock. Ryan, you're looking so well. You're so tanned. Thanks. Is that a piss take? Why are neither of us tanned? It's so shit. To be fair, I'm not as brown as I hoped I would be. You on the other hand. Look at Ryan. Oh, just as white. Why have I got my legs out? Oh, dear. We, I feel like now we're rising 40. Sorry, speak for myself. we just don't have the same priorities we used to what tanning yeah we definitely don't tan we're like constantly in the shade trying to make sure that our child isn't burning well he's actually come back looking a lot browner than both of us yeah yes i think that's called bad parenting kid skin should not be in the sun how are you feeling well about the trip yeah how was the trip for you i think the trip was really wonderful but i'll be honest with you i am tired are you like really sorry this is a guy who literally says that jet lag doesn't exist no it's not about the jet lag no i'm no i'm just telling myself that i'm just telling myself that no it was a good two weeks i think two weeks is maybe too long and i think this is one of the things that i'm taking from the trip okay at the start of it i was like oh my gosh what like a what a blessed opportunity to be away for two weeks.

11:10That's such a chunk of time.

11:12Louise: Yeah. I think 10 days is like, okay, I'm probably, I've probably had enough. But also, I just think that the trip, it was a very adult orientated trip. You know, we spent a lot of time driving around the island in the car, which is fine, but the roads are so bumpy and you're being chucked around and Leah was probably like, is this, is this for real? What the hell's happening right now? My dad actually got a flat tire on day three. Oh yeah. which I forgot about that was like that was such an interesting moment by the way unsurprisingly wait quickly he's had five flat tyres in Antigua the man drives like a lunatic it was such an interesting moment I haven't even told this to you maybe I did share it with you he basically his wheel popped in front of us and he pulls over and he gets out and he's like well I'll have to call Avery or whatever his name is and we'll wait an hour to get the truck out and I'm like well I can just change it for you like I know what to do and he's like no no no I don't do that we don't do that and I'm like I'm not going to sit on the road for an hour to wait for the truck for then for then another half an hour anyway he gets back in his car in a huff proper huff and he pulls it over to the other side of the road at which point Maxine gets out and she's like we'll take you up on the offer so I changed the wheel like seamlessly someone comes like to be fair some local came over to check on us and offer some help and he did help me towards the end which is great but I was like Mike please just like trust me more like yeah and then he gave the guy like a hundred bucks and then yeah no no he offered to pay him the bloke.

12:37Louise: Couldn't say thank you to Ryan. no, no. I put, I put the popped wheel in the boot. And at that point, Mike took his opportunity to like lean in. He put his little head in the boot. He was like, thanks for that, mate. He didn't want to let anyone know that he thanked me. I was like, did he actually thank you? Yeah. But he whispered it. He's like, thanks. Did he, what? He actually did that though. Yeah. That's quite intimate between you two. But it was like such a moment where I was like, what? He like literally like just sort of tickled up into your ear, like shuffled up, whispered it to me anyway the trip quite an adult thing we were driving we had long lunches in and don't get me wrong like the beaches and the food and the company and the cross-wording and all that sort of stuff was fun i love that you had to mention the cross-wording our entire trip was basically like make our way really slowly to a lunch do a crossword in a number of different ways so like oh let's all have a crossword each sorry my dad had printed out like a hundred crosswords from the paper.

13:32Louise: So it's either like, let's all do one each or it's okay, let's start with one and pass it around and everyone's only allowed to input one answer in. We have to use the mobile office that he travels with to print more off. Yeah, because we got for all the crosswords. Like, God, we're dull. No, no, no. But it was actually, I think I know what you, it felt very different, a different speed for us because we are, this is so embarrassing, but like, since having Leo, we've become a lot less adventurous. So Ryan and I used to be really privileged and we used to travel a lot i'm glad we got it out of our system before we had kids would highly recommend to anyone listening um travel changes a little bit when you have a child we've been to a fair few all-inclusives like we aren't that adventurous anymore but this felt like a very adventurous trip okay let me come back because we're basically riding on the cocktails of my dad let me he's hosting and paying so basically we've got to do whatever he wants to do yeah and and for him everything revolves around food which is cool because it's great to eat like loads of like three course meals three times a day but actually when you've got an autoimmune condition where your digestive system doesn't work it's not ideal the reason i was like trying to tee up as to why i felt that the trip was a little bit tiring and you kind of just touched on it but basically i still feel like we are adventurous people but we can't be as much because of Leo right yeah yeah and I felt like I was in this wrestling match because when I before we went out there I had this vision in my mind of like okay cool I'm gonna wake up in the morning I'm gonna like write letters to Leo I'm gonna do some book updates I'll take loads of photos and posts and it'll be like really creative and just magical and I think the reason I feel deeply tired like deeply tired is because it's like a constant wrestling match in your mind between like i really want some freedom and my independence and then you're like no i can't do that i'm going to follow suit with this like beautiful generous trip with mike and leo's going to be at the center of it and there's these constant negotiations that mike doesn't even see just to make sure that everyone's happy and i'm like oh my god i'm fucked you kind of were giving like depressed energy the first few days and then you'd get a bit resentful towards me and he'd be like, but you're like working and like doing some stuff.

15:52Louise: And I was like, no, I'm not working. I just got up at 4am because I'm jet lagged. And I managed to like communicate with a few people before the day started. This one didn't stop working. No, that's fucking, it's a lie. Ryan, I didn't do any work. Ask people. No, no, you did. I didn't do anything. I didn't. No, no, I didn't do anything. Yeah, fine. Facts. You did some. It's not a competition. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that you still work. I knew that like my strategy for the holiday was to get up and do a few bits before I had to deal with. The day. Don't make me say it. All the people.

16:29Louise: Yeah, you. Yeah, because actually, really, it was exhausting. I had to deal with you, a child. Leo, a child. My dad, a child. And to be fair, like Maxine's pretty child. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Three. But I think parents will relate to this though. Holidays are not necessarily holidays with children. It's more about like, this is an opportunity to take away some memories and like, you know, enjoy the time. You basically muddle through. No, you muddle through. It's not eat, pray, love. It's not like, let's go and explore and get all spiritual and have like a relaxing time. Let's have a romantic walk up the sand.

17:10Let's not find ourselves. It's none of that. it's like we're finding one shade spot to the next and then we're finding like a new beach a

17:17Louise: new restaurant it's basically like how can we tire leo out as best possible so we can sit and enjoy a meal without crying yeah but it was amazing would you agree no i would agree yeah i think that that is like what life is like though having having kids and i'm sure like loads of parents out that will relate like you have to have a bit of a plan in place even things like the airport like I remember doing a post a couple years ago when we flew to St Lucia it was our first long haul trip with Leo and it was like my best performing post ever because it was just tips on how to survive a long travel day with a kid and I think we've got it down what are some of your top tips luis well walk them on a travelator in reverse so they're basically just like on a treadmill like actually real true story that's what we had to do um like new things so buy like a couple of new exciting bits of stimulus so like new sticker book we used to have these things that you could stick to the window that are like spinny fidget toys which is probably quite useful for sam as just like anyone with ADHD by a little fidget um what other things a gazillion snacks no okay no sugar before a sleep actually no sugar all day and this is what you get wrong all the time we've spoken about this before but you love to just in any scenario your first opening line with Leo will be do you want to drink like do you want to juice sorry what just happened I don't know I just I I can't get my head around it.

18:58Louise: You're like, hey, do you want a juice? Do you want to ruin the rest of the day? I'm just trying to get him involved. Yeah, but what do you mean get him involved? There's so many ways you can get him involved. Yeah, but if he sees me drinking a nice refreshing water. Yeah, so then Ryan will just be selfless. Ryan will get an orange juice for breakfast. I'm like, you can't do that because you can't let him see you have a juice and then he's going to want to have one. Gosh, okay. It's not rocket science. This is a coffee. what other things no sleeping before the flight so like not in the taxi just late night the night before get him exhausted there's actually a an article that came out recently lad bible shared it and there's a pub in london that's banned children yeah how do you feel about that do you think it's fair i don't think it's fair i don't think we should ban children from pubs no i feel like pubs were designed to be like a social gathering spot for families and friends and i feel like it's meant to be a place where you can go for a drink or you can go for a sunday roast or you can enjoy lunch together and kids children should be part of that I think if you've got if you're a family if you've got children it is a public house after all yeah I just think I just think that that is how you know as humans we tended to I say tended to because I'm trying to remove myself from the situation a little bit because in reality I don't find myself going to pubs very often at all and I don't necessarily look forward into the future and think oh me and Leo can go down the pub that will happen but it's not something that I'm like I'm not like yearning for it but at the same time I have memories of being a kid sat in the pub and I would see my granddad at the bar ordering a pint of bass and it's like why would I rob that experience because it's all part of seeing the the normalization and the social social events of you know how people operate adults and i think it gives you exposure to those environments that are quite key because it teaches you like to respect alcohol and you know sit still and have a conversation not that we're expecting him to do it but just see it is quite important otherwise we just allow them to constantly be stimulated by games and screens and i don't know i think it's quite good for children to be in that environment because it gives them an insight and a flavor of like oh maybe this is like a different scenario where people can communicate and hang out so i don't think it's a good idea to ban children from pubs necessarily what do you think i'm split basically down the middle i agree i think that kids should be exposed to lots of different environments i don't think that we can spend all of our time sat in a soft play that would drive me mad um I think that it's good for them to be exposed to rowdiness different kinds of people sports uh social stuff and Leo being an only child he's often around adults a lot more than other kids probably like you know using Antigua as an example it was basically an adult holiday I don't know yeah he he was around adults all the time and I think that that's good for their development when I grew up I was always on a kid's table definitely when my father grew up he was always on a kid's table wasn't even allowed to speak to adults so I think it's important um for there to be better communication between grown-ups and children but I also think that like some pubs are just like sticky there's broken glass everywhere there's like foul language and I don't necessarily need my kid to be around that but then I think like sometimes people without kids can be really snobby and we obviously need to remember that we were all children once and we need children to survive because they're going to be the ones that are paying for our pensions when we get older and we have a declining population so let's be nice to kids let's include them i think that adults behave more like kids than kids behave like kids sometimes like we have a very well-rounded, well-behaved child that can sit comfortably in most environments, I think.

23:10Louise: Do we? Do we not? Woo! I feel like your nose just grew. Okay. Maybe not. I was seeking out the playground in the one night that we did have an inclusive hotel in Antigo. It's funny because when you have your own kid, like you kind of view the situation a little bit differently. But when it comes to other people's children, they can be a pain in the ass. Yeah, true. So this pub owner is probably thinking like, I don't really want lots of screaming children, like kicking, picking their nose. crying like smashing glasses like when we're at a restaurant in Antigua there are these really expensive glasses Leo's like got them on either side of his head like earmuffs and the lady's coming over like ah can we give you some plastic cups and I kind of get that if I own let's also put ourselves in the position of owning something if I own a restaurant or a hotel 100 % it's adults only I'm not dealing with that shit my child can come and spend the day there but other people's kids knows it's like when people have weddings like their friends kids their bridesmaids are allowed their own children are allowed like are we gonna have loads of kids at our wedding when we get married maybe well yeah i mean people don't want children ruining the party so my dad and my brother are like probably the prime example of this sort of behavior they will openly complain about children in front of us but then see leo is like a different entity all together like we were in a restaurant in antigua and there and leo is can't there's been carnage but yet there's like a crying baby that's younger over there and every and actually all of us i noticed we all did it like even as parents ourselves we all looked over and we were like god why they're not looking after that baby like why weren't they though i don't know i actually can't remember that one but like people do have different parenting skills yeah my guess is that A pub owner doesn't have kids.

25:17Because I think when you have kids, you become a little bit more tolerant, perhaps, to it and a little bit more patient to it. Like being on the plane, for example, if you hear a baby crying in the back, like for me, I'm like, it is annoying for sure. But at the same time, I'm going to sympathize because I know that the mum and dad sat either side are freaking out.

25:33Louise: Did you hear the baby crying on the plane on the way back? Yeah, I did. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, so immediately I'm sat there and I'm like looking at Leo and I'm like, yeah fuck it's not us it's all like kind of fun and games but I did genuinely have a moment in the airport where I thought this is going to be where I break my five year sobriety stint I know all because of a cheese pizza

26:14Hi, it's Sarah. I'm the founder of Olive & June. And can I tell you the one thing that always makes my day better? A fresh manicure. But who has the time or the money to go to the salon every week? That's why we created the Olive & June Gel Manny System. It gives you that same mani that you get at a salon for so much less. It comes with everything you need, a pro-level lamp, salon-grade tools, our damage-free gel polish that lasts up to 21 days. All you do is prep, paint, cure, and you're good to go. And the best part, it's super easy and so affordable. Each mani breaks down to$2. So let's skip that$80 salon appointment and get the salon quality look at home for so much less than on your schedule.

26:54Head to oliveandjune.com slash DIYgel20 and use code DIYgel20 for 20 % off your first gel mani system. That's oliveandjune.com slash DIYgel20. Code DIYgel20 for 20 % off your first gel mani system.

27:22you don't understand no i do understand oh my god there was just something about like louise has got zero tolerance for like incompetence and you were in that queue for

27:37Louise: a cheese pizza for about 40 minutes yeah for no fucking reason i literally no oh my god okay can i just say a few things the airport experience was not easy and actually at every opportunity someone made it just impossible to have a moment just we got stopped and searched at every moment completely fucking unnecessary it's it's hard also being scanned when you've got a stoma bag like i i try to not mention the stoma bag in my life at this stage because it just feels like more effort because especially when i'm abroad like i don't know how many people have been educated on a stoma bag and so when it comes to having like a massage or getting searched and i always get searched because even though this bloody thing is made out of plastic it always flags like i think they think i'm carrying like a weapon or drugs in my pants and i'm not so they're always like feeling me up and so did you tell them that you had a stoma bag because i actually did on the way out not on the way back though because i looked over and i was kind of it's interesting she's i feel me up every single time but i watched you and i was like i'm because i was quite interested to see if you were going to say i've got a stoma but you didn't say it unless I didn't sit because she didn't like pat me down that much in that region I could have just had like a I was watching that play out to see if you were going to say the words but you didn't sit which I found quite interesting I would be the same I'd be like I can't be arsed mate you just just touch what you need just touch what you need we'll figure it out if you get there anyway then yeah there was a scenario where I just wanted like a meal before the flight because I didn't want to eat the aeroplane food I basically just had to queue even though there was no one in the queue the queue seemed to be behind the counter on the other side like the people working there were like queuing and I just wanted to get one slice of regular pizza just like a cheese pizza and I just had to wait there for 45 minutes to get it even though there was all these people doing nothing and so then by the and I wasn't even that annoyed the guy next to me was fuming and then I got the cheese pizza and the lady because I'd asked after 40 minutes I was like oh do you mind if I can get like is is the pizza in the is it ready like sorry the pizza was already ready because it was pre-made I saw it in the thing they put it in this toaster oven to heat up for five seconds or like a minute realistically and it was just sat there and like they just couldn't give me my pizza so then when I asked she like gave me some attitude anyway then afterwards when I did finally get my pizza I could see that she'd like slammed her hand into it to do the roller cutter thing and basically like put her whole hand in the pizza so then when I got my little slice like the whole thing was like wedged out of it and I was like I can't eat that and then I actually felt like a bit upset because although I sound like a bit of a twat now talking about being searched for having a Louis Vuitton handbag.

30:38Louise: I'm actually like I'm actually really like an innocent nice kind person to people like especially when I don't know them and I felt like I don't know I just felt like a bit like used no not used like a bit like targeted I just felt like like a little child and anyway then I came back and I and you were like someone get me a beer yeah I was like someone get me a beer or just like a thimble of whiskey to send me off to sleep on this flight because also like my dad and Max are getting lit the entire trip which is why the entire thing for them is such a breeze like at the end of each day like we're quite knackered wanting to go to bed and just wrap things up at like 5 30 like that's us at the end of our tether like max capacity is like be in a shower at 5 30 in fact i remember this especially last time the highlight of a trip when you have a child is to sit in the basin of a shower for 20 minutes whether your kids in there with you or not just like clean off purge the energy from the day it's like you just need to like rinse off that energy like rinse off like the salty butt crack but also just the stress from the day and like my dad's like no no like oh god you guys are so boring like see how latest like we didn't get into the shower until like 7 38 9 on a lot of the days and that is exhausting and then it's fine for them because the next morning they wake up and they're like it's like Like everything has started fresh again, but that's because they can't remember half of the day before.

32:17They've also had an unbroken sleep.

32:18Louise: An unbroken sleep and just been like pissed for the entire thing, which is great. Like good on them. Same for the flight home. While they're getting lit, we still have to be like responsible adults and like also try to maintain our health. Them not understanding that like some of the reasons that we choose to be in bed early or like eat well and not like drink and smoke because we're going through well like health complications but also we've got this like ivf journey that we're going through how's all that cigar smoking going for you right i know that's really good for sperm i see my dad is literally like puffing away like he had four a day is that is that was that how many yeah four cigars a day that is which is like fine when it's over there oh my god now i'm being like an adult around kids like at an adults only but i'm it's like the reverse i'm like you go and smoke and do you're like really grown up like cigar smoking stuff over there and i'll be healthy of it for a day that's that is that's quite a lot it's like he's literally like all day he's just sort of like yeah but no i'll be honest with you i had two cutting cigars and you had two a day and i don't i actually don't mind what other people do like i'm never going to really judge other people for what they do i care a little bit more about you because when an ivf cycle with all the extras that we have to throw in for testing and stuff um because of the sort of like sperm egg donor situation we we have to pay more for these extra tests it's looking like it's like a 15 grand cycle every time we do it so you really want to make sure that you are doing everything you can to get the best out of it results wise and what are you feeling judged no no but i thought that we'd done it and it was like we're are we doing another ivf cycle well i think we're gonna start another one in april oh fucking hell are we yeah but it's fine for you all you have to do is literally sorry actually i don't okay light-hearted approach All you have to do is spunk in a cup.

34:33Louise: I also understand that there are men out there that have to, that it is hard for you too. So I shouldn't totally undermine your role in it. But yeah, we've been advised to do it again just for safety. Have we? Have you? Yes. When? When I last spoke to Dr. Ali. When was that? Like a month ago. All right. So I sort of thought that we would progress to the next. stage we are but then also it's you've got to kind of keep the cogs moving i don't know what i mean by that you've got to basically there's like a lag i don't know but isn't there four isn't there four attempts there in that briefcase you never know so i think it's nice to have like a safety net okay well maybe you should have told me that before i had two cigars and three beers every day i don't think it would have made a difference you don't think it a difference i don't think it would have made a difference to your choices you actually were sorry you were also getting lit on the holiday i just remembered ryan was drunk every day i was the only one i was the only responsible adult on this trip i had a buzz every day but i wasn't drunk can we work on maybe not smoking and drinking for the next month oh yeah totally i mean i was going to do that anyway but yeah sure were you i was trying to lean into the vacay i was trying to get a little bonding moments with your dad.

35:57I'd be like, yeah, I'll have a cigar with you, mate.

35:59Louise: But last time when we did do the cycle, I don't want to sound like a twat, but last time when we did the cycle, you did have beers the night before you had to do your sperm sample. And that sperm sample was better than the other one by far. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it. It still wasn't wonderful. It was a lot. You remember how bad the first sample. Why are we talking about my jizz sample? What the hell? It was the first one really bad. Really bad. But I think maybe because we have been taking a lot of supplements and things, that might help. Basically, let's just do everything we can, the simple changes, I think, to try and make it a success so that we have some good news for everybody.

36:40No, that's fine.

36:41Louise: Yeah, so when I get really hormonal in about a month's time on the pod, you guys will know why. Oh, God. Maybe we could get you to do a little injection for me. That's fine. it's crazy how when you want something so badly you're willing to give up so much of your previous identity so when it comes to our IVF journey there are a lot of sacrifices I feel like I've had to make and we've had to make as a couple and one of the big shifts has been in the things that I used to do to my body I've always eaten well and tried to take really good care of myself but I used to wear a lot of different products I used to smother myself like right up until the age of 35 like I would cake my skin in fake tan clearly wasn't comfortable with being pale and interesting I would put a lot of product in my hair I've always worn a lot of makeup and it feels so good to just strip away all of those chemicals all of those toxins all of those endocrine disruptors and feel natural and like I really lent into that this holiday and it was nice to see ourselves bloom in the sun I used to place so much value on looks and I think that tied in with my confidence or lack of confidence I felt like I needed to have a spray tan get my Amani in a pedi get my hair done like extensions done before and I would take like 10 vanity cases straighteners tongs like the full works to be honest I'm still a beauty product junkie and I did take a lot of vanity cases including my little winnie special case I've got but it felt really liberating to not care about any of those things when we were away fair enough and it's the first time I've actually ever been away and put my skin health ahead of aesthetics aesthetics because when i was younger i used to put oil on my body like everywhere we used to have competitions to see how brown we could get on our tummy like intense competitions with prices what like i'm not moving yeah like literally all we would do was was just tan and i feel like because the holidays were so long i used to go away all the time it was like a lot of of tan time and I think that then as I sort of moved away from being able to do that because when I was a student I'd you know I'd go to like Croatia or wherever with all my friends and it was it was like all we did we didn't have responsibility we didn't have jobs there weren't people that we needed to check in on so all we do is like have some beers get a tan and play cards maybe or like gossip and then maybe like snog some people on a night out and holidays feel very very different now and and I think the responsibility knowing that I'm a parent like first and foremost I don't want him to get any skin damage because I know how um how bad the sun you know UVA and UVB rays are for for your skin and that they are the largest contributor of of getting skin cancer and I do have quite a lot of that in the family but also it felt really nice to not have this like spray tan like blocking my body like from the sun so actually the tan i've got now is natural and i wore spf 50 every day and that feels good because i got like vitamin d but i did it in like a safe and sensible way yeah and there were moments where i thought like we would we both like looked at our bodies and laughed every day so i don't know whether it was the lighting like in the hotel but like ryan's supposed to have a good body like i can't you know i gave up on having a good body a long time ago but like you think you know your body is like it's your thing like both of us would look in the mirror and be like what the fuck happened to us yeah like we even turned to each other in the car at one at one point and we were like are we just growing fugly together like no old old and ugly together and i i find that quite it makes it made me feel good like i spent less time thinking about how i looked and leaning more into how I felt inside well fair enough I'm all for that I quite like the natural look anyway yeah do you what I mean by that is like go for the beachy hair go for the natural nails no lipstick the only thing I think really like changes the game is when girls do their eyes because it's like wow like you've just done something amazing there the rest of it go like go as stripped back as you want to but every evening like Louise would panic and I should probably be more patient with this but she's like girls have got to go through all the you know shower hair makeup get a nice outfit and i'm like honestly just put it up in a pineapple walnut whip so this is this is something i'm like just just do that dude like because that's cute and like actually quite dope like bam bam from the flintstones but i know you love that look i like that look as well but i think sometimes i've said back here in the uk before like even before the podcast it's like i'll say being a girl is can be annoying because you've got to think about extra things no i just i thought 36 years into it you'd be used to that now i know and ryan will be like oh he takes it as i don't want to be a girl and you find that like a bit like unattractive is as if i you think i want to be a boy no no that's the impression in my mind i'm like sometimes when i'm a bit flustered in the morning i know i've got really busy day and i need to have like a pretty day so that by that i mean like i might have to get to take some pictures and like present a certain way like I can't just roll out of bed I'm like you can just roll out of bed like have a quick shower bit of soap ruffle your hair it takes like one second to dry and then like go to work whereas if I'm doing something in say I've got I don't know working on this parliamentary campaign and I know I've got to be front-facing I I feel like I should be presented a certain way and it takes longer even you know ahead of coming to the podcast like I don't I I do feel good when I look good and I like putting effort into my clothes and stuff it just takes longer than for a guy like if I'm not going to have body hair on my body I've got to either like shave or wax my body whereas you don't have to think about that especially now guys don't even shave their faces so yes I do it's but but quite often I'll say like oh it's just a bit annoying I wish I could just be like in and out of the house super quickly I feel like now I'm leaning more into that having your nails done takes I don't know whether I'm getting them done at the wrong place it takes like three hours to have a mani and a pedi done together at the same time even i'll even go in and be like can i have them i'll only have it done if i can have them done together because i like to be efficient and i find it so boring like it's not a fun i don't find it fun like i've never found it fun having my nails done like i hate not being able to use my hands i get really tired you're so type a man but like i feel like i feel like there's a lot of girls who genuinely look forward to that nail appointment because they're like i'm just gonna sit here and be pampered and we can chat shit so there's no interaction and she's in and out as quick as possible it's like a job for you you're like no no this is a job this is not like a yeah because you know what when you have to do something so regularly you lose the enjoyment and and also your priorities change when you have other things that you care about if we get married how do you feel about signing a prenup

44:08honestly that just what do i even say to that to me that it's not sorry i'm not i'm not that

44:15Louise: was not me like formally asking you that i'm just more no you're testing the waters i'm just yeah sorry i maybe okay i'll tell you what might be helpful why don't you because i might have this wrong what is a prenup so prenup is a prenuptial agreement where before you get married you both sign a contract which basically allocates assets to both parties in the eventuality that you get divorced i just think it sets you up it sort of sets the tone for the marriage and i just think it doesn't really give you the feeling of like security and forever together and i think when you know as soon that's why i put always on the inside of the ring it's like i'm always here you've always got me so i don't need to think about a prenup because i'm not thinking about taking half of the assets does that make sense that actually does make sense and i think that's the best way to go into into a marriage like i actually i feel safe and confident that we will be together forever i'm also someone i've like never ended a relationship in my life which is pathetic even though I should have entered many of them before I'll just jab until they end it with me if I know it's not right but I I know that we're in this together forever I there's only like a 0.1 % like little person who sits on my shoulder like tiny tiny chance that I think that you would be like no I need to move on because sometimes when we watch sometimes when we watch like a like a glossy show you'll be like oh their life is so good and you'll make jokes and you'll be like oh i'll just i'm just gonna end up with like a jokes you just said i'm gonna leave you for some rich woman i never say that like some model so therefore i need to sign a prenup is that what you're saying well it basically at least like keeps you glued to me it's like a safety blanket alright okay but wait okay or we just get confirmation now like you're never ever ever leaving you're never going to think the grass is greener and look elsewhere well to go back to what I just told you about the ring that's why that ring is so important because it's what it signifies and what it symbolises and maybe you didn't really appreciate that

46:42that's not just an object or a thing yes it sucked that it went missing for so long but I'm really actually touched that you apologise because you started to think about how it made me feel because that is that symbolises that, you and me there's nothing else around that there's no sheets of paper with signatures scribbled on it

47:07Louise: but even if like I was literally together. You have to understand, I'm already in a very different relationship with Louise. The Louise I met 10 years ago looked very different, was very different, had a different energy. I'm already in a different dynamic, in a different relationship. Everything's changed. So I've been tested enough already. So you should take comfort almost, knowing that... Even if we were to get tested more, you're sticking around. I don't know how else to say it. I'm going to potentially come across as defensive. Is there anything that would mean that you would leave? If you cheat on me, see ya.

47:46Wouldn't skip a beat. Okay.

47:50Louise: Good to know. I would pack so quick. That is the thing. No, but I am so fierce on integrity. So I know in myself that if I put that ring on your finger, I'm in. If you do something, I'm out. it's as clear as that i don't personally i don't think prenups are essential i don't know why relationships would start off on that thought so i spoke to this guy once he was a financial advisor to be fair but he's told me that the person you marry is not the person you divorce sounds very simple it's very true because whenever people get to the point of divorcing they are they've reached rock bottom they're in a different spot for whatever reason it can be anything it can be in sickness because of sickness it can be because someone has cheated it can be because of overwhelm it can be because of mental health or alcoholism or you just don't know what's going to happen in the future a marriage is a decision that two people will make yeah and it's a decision built around love and companionship and we're going to build a family and life together what about if like it's just someone does something really bad if you cheat on me i'd be like nice to know you i'm out i wouldn't even get into the assets or what paper did i sign or like i couldn't give a fuck i would if you cheat on me let's just do the hypothetical then so i cheat on you because you're not giving me what i need at home and i and i need and i need to get it from elsewhere so say I'm like okay I've randomly met this six year old man and we have sex okay okay and you find out because he lives close to us yeah and he's actually a parent from school okay now he's getting even more weird and and then and then what what happens so we'll have a conversation about it I'll beg for you back because that would happen yeah and I'll be like you're just wasting your time because I'm already out okay so then if we don't have a prenup okay so what do you how do you want to move forward Ron oh I'll tell you I'm taking the car yeah and I'll be back next week to get my barbecue Leo will come with me see ya and that's it see ya well hey Leo's obviously not coming with you so it would be joint custody no no because you you've made the decision to break the family so I'll be like see ya yeah no but you can't just have a child and keep them okay but I'll be taking him on that day along with my barbecue okay fine so that's basically the punishment is I'm taking the barbecue and my car and our child.

50:27Keep the house and everything in it. Couldn't give a fuck.

50:29Louise: Wait, actually, for real? So when, how are you? Okay. No, if that happened, if you and Roger, 60-year-old dad from nursery, got together. He's not called Roger. That's my word, crumpled. I'd have to start from ground zero, but I'll do it. Okay. Why am I getting agitated? What's happening right now? Okay, all right. Let me paint this picture for you. if I hooked up with a really yummy mummy down at the Harbour Club. See, that's more realistic and that's already not fair. Here we go. Okay, no, carry on. And it turns out that I've been having an affair for three months with her. You find out what happens next.

51:11I've already got her so fucking back on the ropes here. Go on, what happens next?

51:15Louise: Ryan thinks this is like a competition. It's so funny. um okay i'm very upset i'm probably going to find this lady and destroy her life and oh god could i handle a divorce wait we're not actually married um could i handle not being with you oh i don't want to sound like i'm pathetic so i probably have to leave you but like the core of who I am really wants to stay. Is that a problem? No, go on, carry on. But if you leave, what are you taking? What are you taking? Okay, so then if we leave, right now, I'm... Am I getting out of the house? Well, obviously you're fucking leaving the house. Yeah. No, you and your new missus can literally rough it somewhere.

52:06Louise: I couldn't give a shit. Oh no, she'll be rich. She's rich. Oh, see, here we go. And then become... This is what happens though. then it will be the competition. Then I'll need to go and cheat with someone richer and more handsome. Wouldn't be hard. And I would be able to do that, by the way. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, God. Yeah. Shit. Yes, I love how uncomfortable she now is. Damn it. As long as I win, I'm okay. But, okay, so here's the thing. Actually, here's why prenup is sensible is because I think, I think regardless of like whatever happens, whether we're married or not a prenup makes sense because you don't want to be making these really important life decisions when you're in the trenches so when you're at rock bottom and you're kind of living through the trauma at the time you're going to be resentful sad angry and you're not going to be the best version of yourself and so the reason why prenups are useful is because you decide when you're in a loving place how you want to end the relationship so for example if we were to write one now, it would be, okay, worst case scenario, some awful things happen in our crazy journey of life.

53:16Louise: And in, I don't know, whatever, 20, 30 years, we would get divorced because you cheat on me with this slur at the Harvard Club. She hasn't let it go, G. She hasn't let it go. But then, basically, I keep the house and you'll keep, or we'll like, sell the house and we'll both buy flats and we'll both agree that we're going to live in an area that we're both happy with because, and that will all revolve around Leo where he's educated. Oh, I see. Do you know what I mean? So it'd be like, you would have that flat, I'd have this, you'd have that, I'd have anything that means something to us. You kind of like divvy up in the moment and it's actually quite nice in a way because you make those decisions when you do really care about each other and then you can revert back to it.

53:56Louise: So even if we don't do a legally binding one because I did consult with a lawyer. Yeah, I know. And you sent me a bill for it. I was like, I ain't paying it. And, but the bills were so, no, I said that you basically have to find your own solicitor. so you both have to work with different people. And then I was like, it actually feels really shitty that we both have to spend so much money for lawyers to basically go back and forth to decide something when we could decide it ourselves. Oh, well, good. Okay, so, all right. I feel like you're starting to butter me up to the idea of signing a prenup because that perspective is quite nice.

54:29I still think it's a shame, but that was at least a more... That was a version that I could buy into more. If you want to do that nice version of a prenup where we do it from a place of love, we'll do it.

54:42Louise: Okay, let's do that. Ultimately, anything we spend now... Could be quite fun. No, it's not fun. No, but just... Yeah, but you're lucky in this regard. Because I just want the car and the barbecue. No, but I wouldn't want that for you. Plus maybe some cash. I wouldn't let you just have the car and the barbecue. I'm not having my son sleep in the car 50 % of the time. You're not a job. Anyway. Anyway, the prenup. All right, well, draft me up a prenup.