The REAL Reason We’re Not Married Yet…

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1:14Sorry, what is going on? Oh my god, what's going on? Happy birthday! Happy birthday! What are you wearing? Er, can I sit down one time? Wait, wait, what is going on? And my favourite flower! Tulips! Yes! I'm dying! Wait, why? Why are you Brad Pitt? You said that he was your ideal man, so here we go. I hope he's not going to be living up to Brad Pitt. Oh my god, are you Brad Pitt? That's so cute. I feel like I can't move in this chat. This is the most unhinged thing I have ever seen in my life. Thank you. Do I get to pee? Look how much better he looks.

1:59It's actually a bit of an ick of mine, a guy that dries his hair. With a hair dryer? With a hair dryer, yeah. Well, I don't do that. You know, Sam hair dries his body. I've seen it a few times. When he's feeling anxious. and I told him the other day that I'd seen that Dr Alex who has recently been diagnosed with autism also does that to try and calm his nervous system Dan. I have strong recollection of watching Sam hair dry his body in a towel he was sat on his bed like no maybe not even sat like lying down with a hair dryer for two hours. What like just it's weird isn't it just like drying is it not quite hot well just trying like limbs of his body or just like fixed in one place like in his chest right in the heart it must be the the white noise with the warm air i don't know i don't know i can i get it anyway my outfit what do you think yeah um so i actually had a red leather jacket like that when i was probably 16 right okay what did you wear with it some sort of white leather boots i I know I wore like, now I know how much you hate white boots.

3:04Yeah, to be fair, I do. Like a white t-shirt and jeans. Cool. It's quite full on, isn't it? I feel like, would Karen Thompson wear this? Is that 80s? It's very Karen Thompson. Would she still wear this? She's probably got one in her wardrobe somewhere. Where the hell is it from? I have no idea. Do you? Amazon? Amazon's stunning. Amazon's finest. And the shirt. I feel like my dad would wear this shirt. I'm not even joking. So now I feel a bit bad. but it's, it's, it's kind of gross. I've never been, I should have gone as a Leo from great Gatsby. Leo would have been good. He would have been the top pick or him and Titanic.

3:45No, but you've referenced Brad Pitt from fight club. So that's why I'm here. Okay. Right. Yeah. Um, how do you, how do you feel? No, I feel great. Do you actually feel good? Yeah. I even asked Josh to like smack me in the face before I sat down just so I I could just like feel it a bit more. I don't know, man. It's like really. Well, should I take the glasses off? What's the problem here? It's just like really costumey. Like you're just not like Brad Pitt. Well, I know I'm not like Brad Pitt. But you are really fit. Well, I'm not as fit as Brad Pitt. No, but you actually kind of are, but like it's just, it's really.

4:18What should I do? It's really confusing. I'm panicking. I'm sweating in this leather, it's not even leather, this plastic jacket. It looks like you're about to go out and perform a night house drama at boarding school. Oh God, do you remember that? costume cupboard. Oh, that was drama at boarding school. I was the dog walker in Annie. Were you? That's the role I got. No words. I used to just walk around the stage whistling. Suits you fucking perfectly then. Fucking hell, great. I was a tree. You were a tree? Yeah. No, actually, I'll tell you. A five foot tree? I actually, then the upgrade, my best ever role was I got to play the feather duster in Beauty and the Beast.

4:54Cute. And that was, but not cute. That was kind of the slutty role. Oh, was it? Yeah. I got to wear like a feather, like a little maid's costume. Well, anyway, listen, I'm going to stay as I am for the whole episode and we're going to talk about your birthdays. Great. What is it about birthdays that gives you the, is ick the right word? I find them petrifying. Yeah, why? We need to unpack this once and for all. It's a lot. I feel like you're going to have to take this back to your childhood. What happened in your childhood? Because I've observed birthdays with you for the past decade and it doesn't get any easier for some reason.

5:30I think that this actually could be a proper therapy session because maybe we should actually get to the root cause of it because I haven't got a clue why this is. But even the word birthday, like even sitting here right now, I feel like I could cry. Like, what is it? It's actually a full-blown phobia. Like some people don't like snakes. Other people don't like spiders. I don't like snakes. People don't like jumping out of a plane. So you don't like birthdays? I hate my birthday. No, but can I ask you, is it just birthday or is it Christmas? or is it just an occasion where everyone's looking at you?

6:00I think it's an occasion where everyone's looking at me. So it's probably the reason why we're not married still. But I hate to admit that because it's so embarrassing. I just need to get a grip. I'm 36. I need to be a grown up. I've nearly died. I think I need to do some deep breaths. No, that's fine. I really need to know the answer to this. Because I, as you know, love occasions, Christmas birthdays, anniversaries. maybe not anniversary so much, but I like the idea of laying on surprises and wrapping up gifts for you. But when it comes to it, I feel like I've done something wildly wrong every time.

6:35I'm like, should I just not bother in the future? But then if I don't bother, you think I don't care or I'm insensitive. So help me out. I'm in a tough spot everywhere. Maybe it is because it slightly feels like your entire worth is being like pitted on one day. that's pretty deep but just to clarify birthdays and christmas is like a celebration of happiness and like okay let's keep it to birthdays we're celebrating you yeah no one's measuring your worth yeah but it sort of is like this everyone's looking at you looking in i don't know whether that is i okay so there's a few things i i find okay the things that i find really uncomfortable are everybody celebrating me.

7:27Okay, but there must be a why. Let's peel back some layers. I also find gift giving and gift receiving so awkward. Which is worse. So last night we gave your mum a birthday present

7:41and I literally was like, oh my God, I need to act like a grown up now. But everything, I'm like crawling inside because I'm thinking, what if the present's not good enough? I feel as though it's never enough. Okay, so, oh God, I don't even know where to go from. do you want the glasses she's gonna cry everyone the tears are coming does this but can i just oh god i don't know when you read that journal however many episodes ago and you and you said that you have this uh innate feeling where you want to make everyone feel happy the whole time yes is it is it is it that sort of thing where like you're so worried about people You're so worried about everyone else around you.

8:24It sort of takes over the situation in your mind. I think that's it. What? I mean, you actually are crying about this. Why is it? Why? Like, I literally, like, I need to actually figure this out. Okay. So let's take this back to childhood. This is supposed to be fun. Yeah, no, we'll get back to the fun. Don't worry. But let's just figure this out because this will help me for the next 10 years. You've actually, you have taught me to like my birthdays more. Okay. Well, that's great. That's great.

8:53okay let me think about my questions as a therapist here i need to i'm playing the therapist slash brad pitt slash ryan this is confusing this episode let me ask you um you know well talk about your childhood birthdays did you does that make you feel good or does it or is there one that stands out as like particularly tough is it linked to the divorce of your parents probably not like you and sam are just like okay i feel i think it's like a whole family thing. I think no one in my family likes birthdays. I think your brother's a lot more at peace with it than you are. I think he probably pretends.

9:27No, he loves getting a stack of presents at Christmas. He actually stands up and expects everyone to watch him unpack it. I don't think he does. I think he's quite awkward about it as well. I think it must be the way we've been conditioned as kids. I think that I probably never saw my parents enjoy a birthday. So we were never allow so you know it's in the same way that i never saw my parents and my biggest fear other than birthdays has always been like public speaking or standing up and giving a presentation which now you can rock which now i can do because i've overcome that so it'd be great if we could overcome this one oh there's the rock sign again but um i never saw my parents do that in their life when i was growing up what the public speaking yeah i never saw them work with other people what about because they used to host like bridge parties and dinner parties would they never sort of like toast being like hey thanks for coming to celebrate louise's a-level results or whatever it was no oh so i saw my dad do that all the time did you yeah and your dad even this morning we were with him and he said he was telling me about all these speeches that he's given when he was in the army and i think it's a really important part of being a leader being able to deliver a message clearly to a group of people and i never ever saw my parents do that when they got married they got married at a registry office and then they had an intimate lunch no speeches and then they traveled for an entire year and my dad on his birthday i remember he had a party and there were and it was kind of wild and all like you know crazy house in notting hill and i remember coming down into the basement and he was sat on his chair by the downstairs loo and i was like daddy happy birthday he went i'm one year closer to death and that actually really scarred me okay that's the first bit of like that's the real stuff there isn't it Because you've mentioned that a few times.

11:15That one's really stuck with you. I think it did. I think I cried. Okay. Because then I just associated birthdays with getting closer to death. Oh my God. Yeah, let it flow, man. What age were you when he said that? Like four. Okay, that's the first red flag in this journey so far, everyone. Yeah. Damn you, Mike. Yes, Mike. We're getting you back on the podcast. Let's say you're five or six years old, waking up in that beautiful Notting Hill home. describe the morning of your birthday what would it have looked like i can't really remember okay i don't really remember the like the getting up like any of that i don't remember i don't remember yeah i don't remember getting out of bed i don't remember the routine no not not i do remember some of my birthday parties okay and quite often they would be shared with friends at school to deflect the attention well maybe you could say that it wasn't a choice so I didn't get to choose who I was sharing it with but even then I felt like it was a popularity competition so it was like oh who's got the better cake who's got the better presents who's singing louder this is really rocking you this question it is this is why we're not married everyone just to let you all know it's actually true yeah we're just going to have to do what your parents did then I wish we got fucking married during lockdown and then no one would have to come no I think we need to actually move past this yeah i think i don't know if this can happen today but we need to we need to get some progression from this you can't live your whole life like this and what's more is i don't want leo to fear his birthdays and get awkward about receiving or giving presents nobody goes so over and above with leo with his birthday oh well okay fair enough you do actually to make sure that he doesn't feel the same oh fair enough i'm like course correcting that one but I go like a little bit ballistic the other way.

13:04So, okay. So, so, so. I think he had like five entertainers, his birthday and a flying squirrel. Yeah, we went a bit. He did have flying squirrel. Did you see the video? Off my shoulder flew some lady's mitt. Like I'm so hell bent on him having a good birthday. Right. That, because I know how much I hate mine. I'm not going to let my pathetic behavior influence the rest of his life. Good, good, good. My parents are not encouraging me to get married. Oh, I've noticed. I'm like, is there something wrong with it? No, because it's not personal to you. It's personal for them. It's a them problem. No, it's a good point, actually, because I remember I asked your dad jokingly.

13:44I was like, got your speech ready? Even though we weren't anywhere near with wedding plans. And he's like, oh, I don't know about that. And Sam was like, I'll do it. Yeah. And that was actually seriously going to happen. Sam was going to do the father of the bride's speech. And I was like, no, dude, this can't happen. No, but that would make me feel more comfortable if Sam did it because Sam actually loves doing that. Okay, here's the reality. My worst thing is forcing someone to do something they don't want to do. If we were to get married, you'd be so terrified to the point where I think it would rid you of all your excitement because you'd be terrified at your dad's speech, wouldn't you?

14:15I would be like on the cusp of tears the entire day. Someone help me here. So it would be the worst day of my life. I'm actually not exaggerating. That's why we need to construct a wedding that's going to work for us. and it's taken eight years of six years of being engaged to even start thinking about how we can work. It's not six years of being engaged, is it? Isn't it eight? It's eight. Oh God, that's a really, really long time. Gee, you didn't even know we were engaged. Oh, we've been engaged. Yeah, no, I actually, I lost the ring. It's really bad. If anybody listening out there is a jeweler and wants to maybe hook us up with a discount on a diamond, please do get in touch.

14:54I'd love to tell you how much that ring was worth, but obviously I won't. but that is like I'll never be able to replace that unless this podcast does really well guys no pressure but we really really need the pod to do well so we can start buying some jewellery okay we can do a wedding and it can be either a really small thing or a really massive thing but the non-negotiable is that there aren't going to be any speeches I want to give you a lot of empathy and sort of like hear your your vulnerability with this but at the same time I want to shake you because I'm like please get move out of your own fucking way and let's have a nice time with your birthday with christmas with our potential wedding because you're what you're doing is you're creating a narrative which is quite scary in your mind hasn't even happened yet you're right and i think that it would be a very very authentic and vulnerable and sensitive moment that's lovely that would mean more than say if somebody that does perform all the time just hammered out some words it's more meaningful when the person that struggles to say them regularly does speak up so the whole audience would probably be in tears but that's just really hard to to be around like that much emotional energy i also wonder whether oh god you're afraid of what are you afraid of well it's just i just be in floods of tears all the time but in that i don't even know i think maybe because like people so in my family growing up we obviously know from speaking to my dad last week that he grew up in a in a very different time to us yeah his parents wouldn't have shown him a lot of he had an amazing life like the best life of anybody that i know an amazing childhood but people didn't exchange kind words particularly often and i think that that probably trickled down to us as well so there wasn't a huge amount of emotion shown in the house that then when it is shown say on like a special occasion it kind of lands all at once so then it hits you and you're like oh my god like i can't even process this because i'm not used to it really regularly yeah if it's not like drip fed and you suddenly get like an abundance of affection that that's quite overwhelming you're the perfect partner for me because you are a lot more sensitive and you also love celebrations i do but in truth i've i've i'm now a lot more hesitant about them because of your reaction really i would like to roll it out in a big way what would that look like like what would be the how big would you like to roll out i can remember like some years i used to fill the rooms with balloons and i'd like

17:28um i'd i'd get you i'd make you things like photo album books remember that christmas present where i got you the whole like which ended up under the bed for no i actually love that no i love those gifts from you and i love balloons and i like i i like the idea of piecing together a whole sort of like I'm gonna take you here and we're gonna go there and we're gonna eat at this place but now I just I doubt myself I feel like your initial reaction to it will be like this now I'll be like oh my gosh I don't know if this is worked out I I that's not I'm out of character how's my spiky that's not the case can I just say if it's you and I we can go and do lots of different things and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable it's if you planned something at home and you said you've got to be out of the house for three hours and then come back and there's going to be something waiting for you all was no preparation at all and i came home and there were 50 people hiding then that shock factor would be too much for me it would feel too spoiling yes too much it's too kind in the same way that we didn't really have like an engagement drinks party with family i wanted to do exactly what you just described i wanted like mike to pop out of a cake box and your brother to be like abseiling into the room.

18:41I wanted everyone to be like bouncing off the walls with joy, but it's just not going to work. She's going to take the ring off if anything. Well, do you remember, and this is actually really intimate that we're sharing this. After we got engaged, I was so shocked by the whole thing because it was, it hadn't been planned by me. Yes. That I firstly, and I do know a lot of women that relate to this, that when they're first asked, they almost like keel over in shock. And then their initial gut reaction. Their reaction is to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then they're like, yes, of course.

19:15Thank you. I love you. This is brilliant. And this is like secretly what I've been wanting for a really long time. But it took me a good three days to like properly digest. I was going to say like three hours. And I'm like, yeah, we were up there for a while on that hill. Do you remember I couldn't get out of bed the next day? No. I'd like come down with some emotional fatigue. Yes, I know. We wanted to go for dinner in LA, a lovely restaurant with some friends. and I had to fabricate some excuse. And I was like, what? Yeah, I refused. I couldn't leave the house the next day. I actually couldn't leave.

19:47So it wasn't a house. It was a hotel. Yeah, but this is a problem for me. I'm going to allow you to have your insecurities around this. But talking about that, I'm like, oh, that could have and should have been so much better. I know. And we couldn't even then call anybody because I was like, we can't let anyone know until I processed it. Calling your brother was like the biggest win of that. And I was like, what? no as in we didn't call anyone else but your brother well that's probably because I just felt comfortable that I knew what his reaction was going to be you didn't ask my dad I did ask your dad did you ask my dad how did you ask my dad no but I wanted to I wanted to speak about this on the podcast with him that was my that's my only regret with Mike yeah tell me I didn't ask him face to face because we got engaged quite early on and at that time I didn't really I didn't have anything like the relationship I have with him now like this is this is back in the days where he would pretty much ignore me in that in the house uh so definitely he'd hate the outfit you're wearing now yeah my my regret is that i didn't ask or ask to take him for a drink and ask him face to face it really chews me out so how did you ask him shot him a text you shot him a fucking text a series of texts oh my god and he shot me a series back as well you did not tell me you texted not even a voice note no i was in i was where was i i think i was in i think i was in new york with you at the time and yeah we got you didn't even ask him before you flew out you probably messaged him like five days before no probably uh maybe for this let's go with that yeah for the story yeah yeah but we were in new york just for a week before we went to la yeah look i don't feel great about that did you panic were you just nervous yes but i i almost now that you've lost the ring and it's been six eight years i almost want to just be like fuck it cancel that let's do it again yeah let's do it again i'll take you for a drink and i'll ask you properly i actually think you take me for a drink not you sorry oh oh yeah i was gonna say at the enterprise i'll have a shandy waiting for you that was the one thing i was really annoyed about with the initial engagement is that you did wait until i'd had four G &Ts and I hate, I hated myself drunk for most of my life.

22:02For, for the listeners, I proposed to Louise on my birthday. Yeah. So it was like this full surprise because it was supposed to be all about you and I'm fine with other people's birthdays. And I'd planned the whole thing meticulously. And it was such a curveball. How nervous were you before you proposed to me? Like you wouldn't believe. That's how I feel every day on my birthday, 26th of March. All right. Do you know what? I never thought I'd say this, but let's just pretend it didn't happen and we're going to do it again we're gonna do it again sick you can pay for the ring but i'll go through all the steps again okay nice oh my god what are we gonna do well it's fucking on me isn't it but allow me to do something yeah allow me to do something well it could be really cool because we could have leo oh my god this is great i'm gonna get leo in the no let me get creative with this and the dogs yes were you gonna say the dogs i was yeah okay so if we do get married the one thing that i know that i would want is for to for there to be a big spectacle around leo and the dogs again that's to deflect off you yeah so basically if it could be them walking down the island wedding dress i'll dial him i want the dogs with the harness to pull leo on like a mini like king's chair down the aisle okay yeah oh god okay fun so we're gonna to get engaged again and then we can plan the wedding because your parents who are staying for the next four days what's that your parents have asked again about um whether we're getting married so they do want us to get married obviously your mom even dropped like the will chat last night i was a bit like okay i know that if i die and we're not married that you'll have to pay 40 inheritance tax so we should get married i mean it was feeling quite romantic until you you went Sorry.

23:48No, you're like, yeah, we'll just get married to avoid the 40 % type. It's why a lot of people get married. This has been fascinating so far. I feel like I've still got more questions about it, but I'm going to skip it on to, do you have a specific memory of any birthday, good or bad, over the years? I hated them all. Well, good. No, I particularly had a panic attack when you blew up that big dome bubble in the garden. 2021. Yeah, during lockdown. I thought I'd got away scot-free, birthday-free for my 30th because it was during lockdown. And you had other plans. So you hate that one, yeah? And you threw a big surprise.

24:27And it was just, it was, it just was quite panic-inducing. Oh, I remember, yeah. You walked into the kitchen, looked at it, cried, and vamosed quick. That's not really okay, is it? I'm always telling you to get better at acting and to, it's so obvious when you're like bored. That's the things I get from you on this sort of stuff. Not happy. I know, I need to get better at that. I was literally stood in that room with Sam and Zara looking at me, and I'm looking at them, and I'm like, I saw that going differently in my mind. What's made you feel the most amount of love on any of your birthdays or celebrations?

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26:47Okay, so here's a birthday that sticks out. Go on. So after I'd had Leo, that birthday I Are you going to say something I did wrong again? No. Because I might need the glasses and fastballs. after we had Leo the only reason I liked that birthday is because I was so I'm going to be really honest now I was so cooked and I was on so many antidepressants that I handled that birthday okay and I even gave a speech and all of my family and all of your family were there and we sat in the garden and had a barbecue Wait sorry sorry so Leo's first year. Yeah, do you remember? He would have been about three months old.

27:27I do remember it, yeah. Yeah, and everyone looked at me, I was wearing a yellow dress. And everyone was thinking, what is she doing giving a speech right now? Because it's so out of character. I do remember that, yeah. Do you remember? I was on the grill out back with Sam, and you were in a yellow dress. But you actually ordered me a blow dry. Did you hate that as well? No, on Secret Spars. So that was kind of cool. I think my dream birthday would be... Oh, good. Should I get a notepad? Yeah. Well, we're already here. What's your dream birthday? I think getting up. Let's go start. Getting up with the three of us in bed together, me, you and Leo.

28:04Right. Breakfast in bed. Right. Cards in bed. Presents in bed, balloons in bed, everything in bed. Just like nice little safe environment. Basically no one else can see you. No one can see me. Oh, mate. And it's got to be our own bed because no hotel will ever be as nice as our bed. Right. Okay. Is that the day? That's actually, we could, no. And then we go and play some sport. What sport? Can you say pickleball? Pickleball! My new favorite sport. I'm such an old lady. I'm not going to play it low key like that. That's just boring, man. I can't do that. I can't just like confine myself to the bedroom, wait for you to open up all your presents and cards and then for you to be like, should we go play sport?

28:54It's got to be more to a birthday. Maybe playing like, maybe, what do I always really want you to do? Don't say fucking bridge club or something. I would be, I'd love to play some games. Mate, you're a grandma. Or like a competition. What do you mean a competition? Like a little challenge, I don't know. A sports day is actually my perfect, perfect birthday. A sports day. in fact the wedding if that could be a sports day as well that would be a great so like splitting people into teams and then just being really sporty playing like tug of war go on what other games do they play now i'm thinking of like weird like what are the scottish games that they do fucking stone toss and yeah all of that like the javelin the shot put and maybe like a discus and see who wins essentially when my life fell apart i needed to pull it back together and I'm so routined and controlled now that I know where my comfort zone is you took me to Soho farmhouse a couple of years ago and put you on a horse you put me on a horse and I cried Ryan put me on a horse three months after I'd had my guts removed from my body and quite invasive bum surgery and i had to sit on a horse with my sore stitched up butt and trot the best part of that was that the horse collapsed underneath you so that sort of served you right no you you're mixing up years here because we did i'm pretty sure we did the horses twice no no way what my birthday march we definitely no no no you're getting angry to like clarify what's happening right now and then we went you took me to the cinema on my phone that time remember after the after so after we were at soho farmhouse we went to see who's bob marley that show that oh that's a fucking terrible film what a terrible birthday that was yeah you're like i'll just keep her quiet at the cinema no but that's probably me hesitating and being like i'll just i'll just take a very basic option there to be fair the theatre's just a bit led because it's i get such it's itchy itchy feet well you what you think my pants sorry i can't sit still and my legs i'm too short to sit in any theatre chair so my legs dangle it's so uncomfortable what the fuck is happening right now what so you know that i love musical theatre as well so have you just been acting your way yeah i have what yeah okay so actually dream scenario is probably go to ibiza and yeah and go like okay so either like stay at home and just comfortable or we go to ibiza and we go to a like a day party if i was like yeah pack your bag love we're off you'd be like there'd be so many questions before we'd even got out the front door and you you'd ultimately complain that you'd be like i've got so much work to do i've got a team at home they need instructions.

31:50Oh my gosh. And I'd be like, fuck's sake, I can't win. I'm panicking about art. You basically wake up every morning and you're like, oh, that's what I have to do. That's so unfair. We're going to move on to your next surprise. If you're ready, do you want to put the glasses on now? Am I going to cry again? No. No, fine. I'm kind of over the hill. Let me just squeak around in my jacket for a second. Oh no.

32:17I've got parade party on it and cake and do you are you totally comfortable with giving people presents oh i love it you love it in my mind this this is like this is like a token almost this is like i've been out i've thought about it i've bought something i've wrapped it i've written a card or a label to go with it there's a lot of me in this so i hope you enjoy this okay so in my mind how can it go wrong but you're about to show us how it does go wrong no no that's actually really lovely oh it feels like a piece of clothing oh wow get ready to have a change up then so i've i've just given louise uh her first present which she's already identified as a piece of clothing and you well okay i'm gonna open it let's just this one rip the band-aid off everybody this one i think oh god what is it what is it let's all know what it is who is it Yes.

33:18Pete's favourite man. Oh my God, I'm actually dying. I'm dying. I am deceased. She's opening up a giant dishcloth with a naked Pete wicks. Thank God. I finally got my mitts on one of these. If you'd given me Sam, I'd be really angry. That'd be a bit weird. We all know you fancy Pete. So there you go. Oh my God. Does Pete actually think I fancy him now? can someone confirm that's actually so awkward because we literally have to work together now oh my god he will as well it might put you in good position okay nice it's really nice organic cotton i don't know if i want that hanging off the oven at home to be honest and he looks it's quite full on i mean he doesn't look bad for someone that's never exercising i thought you were saying for somebody's 90 i didn't know that he had a cross tattoo in front of his ear Did you?

34:15Yeah. You knew that? Yeah. To be fair, I didn't know his whole back was plastered. Is he religious? Probably. I don't know. Stunning. It's called Dishy Cloth. Sam Thompson and Pete Wicks staying relevant. And he's humping a car. Wait, is that a car? Oh, no. What is it? I don't know. Is it his motorbike? I don't know. But you're looking at this dishcloth for longer than I was expecting. Let's move on to present number two. Do you think maybe you could make one of these? Yeah, just let me get my hair sorted out. Yeah, I will. I'm going to give you the next present. If anybody is interested in a digital author of Ryan, then please do let us know.

34:54Would you like your second present? This one's a bit more real. It's a book? Well, it could be some sort of book, yeah. Right. Now I'm going to cry. See, I fucked it again. I hate you.

35:14she's so cute she's opening a small photo album which is it's got the date 2016 to 2026 it's our first decade of louise's birthdays together and the chin is wobbly do you know what you look like you look like carrie matthews off homeland you got the wobbly chin fucking worst character in the world you got you got the wobbly chin fuck um that's so cool you can uh do you want to read that out loud can you read that out loud that bit mine's made me a little book it's like a little journal that was the arts and crafts i was doing the cool the thing is it's like only a really good person would do this so kind so when this is this all of our but my birthdays there's a couple of missing pages i won't lie to but i've had a good crack of it dear louise happy birthday i can't even read it i'm gonna cry too much you read it dear louise happy birthday this is your this is your album that celebrates you and your birthday look how young we were when we first met a whole decade ago yet i love you more now than i ever did is that true put my little yes but that's that's just a conversation we can have yeah it's a much much it's a much uh it's a different kind of love but it's a lot fucking deeper i'll tell you that but as you as you're going to find out these folks we look quite different these days have a look oh fuck you've also you signed it off with r with your little bear ryan's like your signature a signature speaks volumes about that's the personality ryan's signature is a loopy r with a little bear at the end of it which is so cute the Maldives 2016 in April you had just turned 26 look how young and free we look like we're so buff back in the day when we both had abs oh my god it's true you had literally like eight isn't that mental yeah that was like my entire life was just my body it was like a project um we were so lucky to go on a trip to the Maldives so early on into our relationship you must have been like yeah I was I was like what is this life I think I might stick around this was a free trip to the Maldives which was amazing that one there is our first major vacay together oh my god do you remember it rained like loads that day and we like ran around like young lovers that was epic on that sandbank that was epic wasn't that cool oh my god I used to always have my nails painted and my legs shaved Great.

37:58Yeah, sorry. It's just a real rarity these days. 2017, Rodeo Drive. So we went to LA, which is still Ron's favourite place in the world. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Like, I feel like you kind of wish that you lived there. It's like you've got a bit of a... Facts. Yeah, facts. And we look... Great. So young and tanned. Oh my God. Got my hairline in that fur. is that what so has that happened quite fast the hair recedingness like in over 10 years so at 26 guys anyone that's listening like your hairline will be good and then at 36 you will need to get a transplant and what about me well i definitely was a lot trimmer i didn't have a stoma bag i didn't have a child yeah i was sort of free it was it's nice to be able to just walk hand in hand down a road to take a photo.

38:55It's not something we've been able to do on holiday for a while. No. That was also at the time where, by the way, I was like, I was the ultimate like blogger husband at that point. I was like on all fours, on every sidewalk in LA taking, and she was rattling through paid posts like you would never know. I was doing three posts a day. I was like the pioneer of paid posts on Instagram. There was like delivery to the hotel. Coming out of a reality show, TV show, figuring out that Instagram was a thing. I remember posting a picture of the inside of a microwave and it got like 10 ,000 likes. And I was like, I'm onto a winner here.

39:27I invested in a little Olympus camera. Which didn't leave my hand. Yeah, which Ryan had to use. Fucking hell. Californian dreaming. I'm about to turn 27. You wrote, oi oi, toy boy. Oi oi. 2022. But that's the yellow dress, by the way. That's the yellow dress. That is the birthday. My first birthday having had Leah. I can't believe I was three months postpartum there. The crazy thing is, I've been so well looked after. I mean, I think I probably had about three cakes on that birthday. I think Zara Ham made me one. You've made me one. There was probably like a glorious post-Leo one. I just remember stuffing his feet into those little shoes.

40:09Feeling all over the shop. 2023. Yeah, blank. Couldn't find any photos. 2024. Double bubble. Yeah, double bubble. Mother's Day and birthday that's when I started to put messages on the fridge for you yeah what does it say on the fridge? it's your birthday woohoo today your wish is our command better capitalise how fucking shit is that? better capitalise such a dad what the hell? but also what was my wish? well no I don't know to be fair like my wish would just be like daily notes on the fridge that throughout the year would be the best birthday present ever it's better than what does Sam always ask for Do you know what Sam asked for for his birthday?

40:51Loony leather pants. He asked for that, but also tokens, video tokens, so he can rip them out of a token book, and whenever he needs us to be in a video, he can use them. I remember actually - So he can do some dumb pranking video or dance routine. I remember for two years on the bounce, I gave him personal training tokens, 20 at one time. 20? He never used them. He's never used the personal training tokens. Can I have some tokens? Yeah. Thank you. and then 2025 single sam oh god we're highlighting sam's relationships and yeah it wasn't planned but i guess we do always spend what can i say about this for well we do always spend it with him and them don't we yeah we do it's normally just a family affair yeah but my parents are divorced so we kind of need to break it up it's like my mum's do something with my mom and then do something with my dad but that was the crazy thing about the year where just after i'd had leo is my parents because we'd been through so much hardship they had to come together um where did we go there which one is that oh that's koji yeah yeah little dinner oh we are creatures of habit aren't we that's why we'll never move oh god our favourite spot Leo literally looks like he looks so cute there he looks like a little doll he's such a doll so that's the end of that booklet but we've got some pages to fill for 2026 amazing and also the rest of our lives together we're into our next decade oh my goodness I'll be truthful I found that really quite difficult to make why?

42:32I think it maybe just became clear, you know, how much we've changed and how much has happened over the past 10 years. Because I don't know, it sounds silly to say, but it doesn't feel like it's been 10 years. When you actually look at the photos and you scroll back through your camera roll on your phone and you realise that it's been a whole decade and then you start to look closer at the images and you start to look at how we looked and where we were in the world. And then you start to go down the timeline and you start to realise all these moments where we had these blips and we spent more time down than we did up.

43:12And then we were on this rollercoaster of just total unexpected craziness. And then I just, yeah, I got really, really emotional making that, not even, sorry, even before I made that, just going through my phone looking for photos, I got very sad because I suppose it just highlighted to how much you in particular have had to go through over the last 10 years and when you look back at that front cover shot there I mean you just look so healthy and happy and just wonderful in every way and then you fast forward to 2021 and you're medicated up and you're post-baby you know I found it really difficult I'm not showing much emotion now but probably because I've just

44:04maybe I gathered myself as I made that book and controlled the emotions a bit better but it was really hard let me ask you a question if younger Louise were sat there what advice would you give a 16 year old version of you it's quite a hard question what advice would you give to younger Ryan. To younger Ryan. My advice would be get to know yourself inside out as quick as possible. Try and understand what qualities as a person and as a man you offer in the world because if you can tune in to who you are and that internal voice and the direction that you have I think the sooner you do that you sort of you affirm your identity and I think a lot of people throughout their lives are on this sort of scramble net almost trying to figure out what their identity is and who they are i think if if i was looking at my 16 year old version there i'd be like just sit in the quiet or take advice or have good conversation and figure out who ryan is and do that don't rush it and don't put pressure on it find out who you are because that will then make you feel so much more confident going into different scenarios that life will throw at you whether it's sports or interviews or exams or conversations or dating, the sooner you've got a grasp on your identity of who you are and what you can offer and where your qualities are and where your strengths are and weaknesses, I think that would save a lot of time and heartache.

45:36And I think that probably is a contributing factor to a younger Ryan not having heaps of confidence because I was like, I don't know what I can offer in this situation. But it's quite a lot of pressure to put on a 16-year-old to have to figure that out. by that age no i'm not not by that age just as just sooner rather than later like at 16 at 16 i was not thinking anything like that i was just bumbling my way through the world if some if someone with a steady hand just said you know take time to figure out who you are yeah i think one of mine would be your mistakes will be the making of you i used to be so petrified of doing things wrong like i always felt like i had to be right all the time and doing the right thing and i've learned the biggest lessons yeah from getting things wrong and so like leaning into being wrong yeah don't fear failure because failure is not really failure at all no you get nudged onto a different path almost that's great advice i'd also say like listen to red flags i mean definitely in relationships i think that they're there for a reason so lean into your instinct trust your gut like if someone isn't treating you right or you don't feel confident or comfortable around people and i I suppose that's not just in romantic relationships, but in groups of friends as well.

47:14They're not your people. Also good advice. Yeah, I mean, I dated a lot of people and I kept going back, even though I knew instinctively that the relationship wasn't right. And I used to do this thing where I think my head knew that the relationship wasn't right, but my heart was so sort of in love with whoever I was, my suitor was at the time. Suitor? My suitor. my partner and they and i would so what i would do in the end like i knew that i needed to get out of the relationship but i couldn't do it myself because i didn't have the confidence to end it because i was terrible with change but i used to just push and push and push and push until the person would break up with me oh so stand by your convictions trust your gut and the first one was learn from your mistakes because that's all part of the plan that's great advice That's more succinct than my version.

48:09Right. We need to wrap this up because we've got a whole day of birthday surprises coming up in plans. So I've got one more for you. Have you? Which you're going to be thrilled for. We've got no more tissues. Oh, no. We've got one final surprise. I've been baking at the stove for a long, long time. And we're now going to enjoy some cake. And Leo! Leo!

48:38Oh no. Well, the apple has not fallen far from the tree because he didn't enjoy that surprise. Leo, do you like surprises, darling? I think he's just upset that he thought he was going to the palace with Paddington today. You still are going there. You still are. What happened to mummy's cake? Was that you? Bless. What happened to the cake? Again, another birthday where, in my mind, this has gone so differently. But we're just going to have to accept it. Happy birthday. I think what's happened here, it looks like a tie-dye. Yeah. So the cake was supposed to have a really beautiful picture on it.

49:20Do you know what it looks like from here? It looks like the shaved ginger you get with sushi. Oh, yeah, it does. It's a sushi cake. It looks awful. Oh, my God. I'd actually quite like a sushi cake. It was supposed to have an AI picture of you and me being Jack and Rose from Titanic at the front of the boat. But did you see the photo? that we had. I just got shown it. Mate, it was so good. And now there's some like wet carrots underneath the picture. That's so disappointing. I can't believe it. And they've melted through and now, I'm trying to think of a PC way of saying this. What looks worse, that cake or Daddy's jacket?

49:51What do you think? Do you like Daddy's jacket? Yeah, it's melted. And it's kind of like giving the whole episode to be fair. It's like... Oh, you're getting icing on the microphone there. I'm sorry. It's actually stunning. I'm very excited to see you. Do you want to go and see Mum? Come here, Pop here. Go for a quick cuddle with Mum. Oh my gosh, you are literally my favourite person in the whole world. Hello, darling. There's an empty box of tissues over there. Mum's been crying all morning. I've been crying because I'm showered full of so much love. Where's Daddy's glasses? They're there. Look, Leah, you can put them on.

50:32I'd like to finish the episode because I can see that you probably both want to get out of that chair I'm sorry if that was too emotional for you but I thought I was trying to just do something sweet I'll get back to the drawing board for next year we've got plenty of blank pages to fill over the next 10 years which I'm looking forward to and love you very much and happy birthday enjoy that sushi cake

51:30We'll be right back. it up. Oh, you need a new grill too? Alright, Wayfair's got you covered. With Wayfair's room of choice delivery and fast experts set up on qualifying orders, life gets a little easier. Visit Wayfair.com or the Wayfair app. Wayfair, every style, every home.