The X-rated ‘production room’...

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0:32just before we start that is not a real tattoo that's a remnants of a baby one from leo i know

0:38Louise: that righty because i put it on your arm are you just trying to tell the public well i i kind of joked with holly yesterday i was like got a new tattoo over the weekend she was like oh it's actually really cool man i'm like holly wait she didn't say that it's like a smudged green blob let's let's be real wait she actually said oh it's kind of cool yeah i think she panicked she She's like, I don't know. She's trying to be polite. Yeah, yeah. She panicked hard. That's so embarrassing. I'm going to mention that to her. Oh. Goofball. How are you anyway today, Rye? I'm good, thanks. I'm a little bit...

1:08Actually, I'm not, but I have been apprehensive because tonight's the NTAs and I'm going without you.

1:14Louise: Yeah, your first big event. I'm getting rolled out on the carpet without you. How do you feel about that? I'm quite impressed with him. I think that's quite brave. Got the old tux up there. I know. It's from Rhys, right? you did a little fitting yeah reese addressing me which is really cool that is cool is that the first time you've ever been dressed by anybody no because i've had like suits tailored for me before and made but do you know what i find annoying about reese it's just designed for leggy ladies do you know what i was you're a leggy lady i'm a leggy lady i was thrilled because i'm not i'm not like sam for example is quite sort of off the peg size sam's quite short no but as in like let's say he's a 32 trouser and like a i don't know a 40 jacket he's near enough is that but i have like very odd proportions why don't you run us through your proportions then my waist is about probably 32 inch maybe maybe we don't need to go with inches you can just explain are you an hourglass oh well i'll just tell you i'll just tell you this i've got juicy hand bone thighs with a small waist an itty bitty waist and i've got um a big set of moobs and quite a skinny saggy neck what do you mean the neck thing is irrelevant to a suit no no because when you get your shirt like for example my dress shirt is I had to go 17 inch but my neck is not 17 inch but to get my moves in I have to go 17 inch actually on the note of necks last night when we were lying in bed I realised you're like a puppy you've got so much saggy skin around that neck I need to do some neck exercise but there's some dudes this is going to be inappropriate now because I shouldn't talk about exes but a neck is something that you do notice because if you're kissing someone, you touch their neck.

2:54Louise: You kind of like hold on to their neck at the back and you can really then determine like, it's like a guy's neck is either like thin or fat or chubby. You're making me feel insecure as fuck. No, but you've got a nice neck but you do just have a lot of like sallow skin hanging around. It's fine. You can't be perfect everywhere. So you're - On the subject of exes, I have an ex-girlfriend who's very into my, would you call it the sternomastoid? The muscle that goes down here. You had an ex who was into a sternomastoid. What the hell is that? She thought my side profile on here was like real good.

3:30Louise: Yeah, but you're not talking, right now, just for anyone that's not watching on YouTube, you're not talking about your jaw, which is what most people would think from a side profile or like a nice nose. Actually. No, I'm talking about these bits here. You're talking about a weird like strip of muscle that shoots down your neck. Speaking of necks, mate, you've got the most dense neck in the world. Yeah, we've spoken about this before. I've got a cable neck. Like I should be a Navy SEAL. Wait, how'd you jump from a sturdy neck to a Navy? Is that like a prerequisite? It is actually. It's on the list of like, you must have a sturdy neck.

3:59Louise: I think that there are like certain personality types and attributes that link up to the roles that people should have in life. And I've got a resilient neck and I've got a resilient mind. You're just cherry picking from the book that I ordered that I haven't read, but you swiped. It does not mention necks in there, but it does talk about attributes. actually we could talk about that but I just want to quickly go back to your body type so you're basically you've got a dream woman's body you're saying you've got big boobs tiny waist and then thick legs Louise always talks about thick she's like yeah I want to be like thick no slim thick slim thick have you heard that before yeah you actually know what slim thick is yeah but I'm more like swag than you are why do I not I never know any of these like modern phrases that people I'm so archaic.

4:47Louise: But how would you know about that? They're like quite cool. Gangster. Yeah. Compared to you there, gangster. But yeah, so you've got nice booty. No, but that's exactly right. I've probably got the women's idea. And then Reese, you swanned in there. You did come back afterwards and say it was quite sweet. You were like, yeah, I felt really good in the clothes. There were like other people in the store that were looking that were like, like, looking at me and like winking and being like, yeah, you've got this girl. It can go one of two ways though, can't it? I'd love a nice fitted suit if anyone out there wants to tailor me something.

5:27I haven't actually done a dress rehearsal for you today, but I will do it later. A dress rehearsal? Well, I've got two options.

5:33Louise: Well, we're not getting married. For the event tonight, you Dumbo. Well, what do you mean a dress rehearsal? I've got two options in there. Are you going to practice your walk? Sorry, I've got two looks in there. dress rehearsals in like which one should i go with well i from what i've seen just from your instagram story it looks like you've got a black option and a white option the white option it looks like white tie and i feel like people at this event are quite trendy but i also think actually nice to so whoa i don't want to panic you but i think it's actually you know what i think it's all in confidence in the confidence so you could actually wear whatever the hell you want and i think that's what they were telling me and reese they said that i'm just residing regurgitating you could wear a bin bag at this point i'm like oh can you come with me to the event oh because i'm not yes and so you're taking your friend as a plus one yeah i'm actually do you know what with these tube strikes it's already causing chaos for i mean for me as if you're going to be walking there in a white tux and get it hopping on the tube no but the point is that because the tubes are striking yeah everyone else is on the roads in cars so the traffic the traffic on the roads to get across to the O2 is mad.

6:39Anyway, I'm going to be on my motorbike, hopefully, in a tux.

6:44Louise: There's a guest pass, like a taxi pass, in that envelope next door because Sam came round, like, literally, like, fanning it in my face, being like, Louise, I've gone through all the effort to get you this. I can't believe you're not coming. No, but apparently this year's different. I needed the speech two weeks ago. No, apparently this year's different. Basically, this year, the NTAs, the red carpet is reserved for nominees only. But because Sam's hosting it, he's like, well, can I have my family trot down and come and do like a photo and whatever else. That's lovely. So, you know, I'm going to be stepping off my motorbike, probably drenched looking like shit in amongst actual celebs.

7:16The press are going to be like, just shuffle down.

7:20Louise: That's the worst when you're like doing a step and repeat, which is what they call it when you step onto the red carpet. And there's all these different zones where you're like blinded by the lights, loads of photographers standing behind some like metal gate. And when people don't recognize you, and I have been to events before where I've worn a really low-key outfit and I've just sort of shuffled on and I like and to be honest like I've known that I'm so low-key that I don't want to have a photograph taken when I went to that D.C. Von Tees event like I literally had it was I was like back-to-back work that day rolled out of the house like and was doing some people a favor by taking them I basically got tickets to take some people I know and I didn't want to do any photos but like one of the PR ladies was like oh yay let me use your hair like go on then and I was like I'm afraid of fucking jeans and a t-shirt, mate.

8:03Louise: I just want to slip between the cracks. There's a very strong chance. And I stood there and everyone is like literally in sparkle sequins, like headdresses and everything. And anyway, no one really wanted to take my photo. Those photos weren't going anywhere. There's a high likelihood that no one will want to take mine tonight. I'm going to have to prep Sam. I'm going to be like, listen, if I'm squirming on that carpet, just come and rescue me, please. But look, you are going to look like Action Man because you're going to be on a motorbike and this could be your big moment, right? Step away from the comfort of the duo.

8:29Louise: Yeah, this could be it. You might get muddle scouted. I think that you should be, I think you should have a model agent. So did Rhys just going to say that? Anyway, should we move away from this? Why do you not have a model agent? I feel like I'm just blowing smoke up my own chuff here. No, it's fine. You are quite a coy Colin normally, so get away with it. Right. So you've got that event. Can't wait to hear how it goes. I was invited. Actually, am I going to sound like a bit of a bitch? I got kind of, wasn't very organized. It was one of the things that I said to my agent, actually, as part of our strategy, that I'd like to go to a couple of big events throughout the year like the good ones because it can be quite fun to do to get really dressed up like it's an opportunity to throw on a party dress yeah I've got a great book actually called always always pack a party dress and then they literally let me know like a couple of weeks out and I could only get an invitation for a brand that wanted me to do loads of like posts and stuff and I was like look I don't really enjoy at the event when I'm in there.

9:29Louise: We will be in a box. I'm not in a box. You're not in a box. You're on the floor. It's much nicer to be on the floor. So my brother's doing this big gig with Pete at the O2 and we've been going round and round in circles about trying to figure out where to sit because have you been to many concerts at the O2? Do you remember when we went to see Andre Bocelli with Nicole Scherzinger and you took your parents? And you. And me. And it was, how did you get those tickets? Anyway, we were... No, that was just like regular sort of like I just purchased them online but I mean but it was tight back then so I went for the cheap ones but yeah with Sam's show I've decided that I'm gonna sit on the floor and sorry oh no you fucked me because I've I've said that I'll do green room so green room's behind stage but then you don't get to watch the show you know but I just hang on a second you're gonna you're gonna be the celebrity again amongst all of the other celebrity guests in the green room I want to have I'll be the guy that'll be like what's he doing there again what's he doing there again without his missus Sam was like why don't you take Louisa to the thing I was like Sam Louisa turning up to the NTAs with Louisa instead of Louisa Louisa is in my EA yes she would that would be like sign sealed delivered she would literally bend over backwards anyway I'm going to be sat on the floor you'll be in the green room with all the celebs I wanted a nice so that would probably sway it for you yeah Louisa's like I'm in wait why did I just say the rats have legs is he scouse yeah yes do the rats have legs for me the rats have legs always keep the real this weather racks yeah that one that's in the uh gig song the song that we fell in love to i like that outfit by the way that's that's my kind of style i don't necessarily like the shiny nylon but i like the fit i've had a hundred plus people ask me where this outfit is from just because i did a little like laundry room story that's the sort of thing where i'm like give me that in in like a Heather light grey, a black, a white and a cream.

11:18That's my weekly outfit.

11:19Louise: Should I make a set of these and just start selling them? You should. Yeah, you should make some of that. Like state, like. It's very soft. You always talk about how you want to do like the Steve Jobs. Like, oh, just. Wear the same thing every day. Cut the choices down in the wardrobe. Just have like your set looks. There it is. If I do a little thing, I'll do Henley's. You're back in that, which is. Is that a girl's t-shirt? What do you mean? Is this a girl's t-shirt? It's a cropped grey. No, it's not cropped. It's very cute. You look very sexy. I bought it. I'd love a Henley, but it has been shrunk in the wash.

11:49Louise: Oh, gosh. I had so much stuff I wanted to talk to you about today. And you've really taken me off piece. Well, I'll tell you what I did yesterday. I did about my fifth wank test. Oh, my God. Ryan, we're not talking about that right now. You were so funny about that whole thing. What thing? That appointment. Like, okay. So this weekend, I went to a wedding. Ryan didn't come. you basically went in on me on sunday being like you we don't even have a relationship anymore you don't tell me anything like this this this this this reeled off loads of stuff and then had a go at me for booking you the appointment on the tuesday morning to go and do this final not final but one of the frozen spunk tests it's actually the first one i didn't know that was gonna be frozen yeah i didn't even know the frozen sample as a sort of backup and you got really annoyed at me then that we were doing it at the hospital and felt like I like kept you really like hadn't hadn't pulled you in the loop with it but the reality is is that I just organize these things because I'm such a doer and I just I don't want to stress you out with them I just get on the calls there's so many calls and so much admin around all of this kind of fertility stuff that I thought it's easier just for me to book stuff in and basically play your secretary fine well i mean it's done now but then afterwards you basically scarpered out without having the blood test no i didn't know you did you left i was there you weren't there you didn't have the blood test so then we both were getting hounded by the hospital all day they were calling no this is pointless to try and get you back in no no this is pointless i did the thing they call it a production room by the way which is lol i'm like yep the producer's here everyone step up so i did the whole production room thing wait hang on they say the producer's here no that's what i said as like a way to like lower the tone wait they were like come with me so we'll take you to the production room i'm like this is fucking lol i'm actually shitting it yeah then i had to do a bunch of forms and i'm like this is a lot of forms i've done this three times before surely you know my details and they're like and they were freezing this one i'm like oh my gosh right okay you're freezing this one so did you take all the tablets before improv and stuff that you were force-feeding me like a goose with yeah um and then when i when i when i've done it i then walked past the reception desk and someone coming come to grab me and they're like oh there's payment to do i'm like oh okay great sorry didn't know i think it was going to cost me 500 pounds so i was like all right here you go by the way tried my amex three times tried my tide it then worked they did it manually so it's not like i scarpered off i was there for some time i then left i was on my motorbike on my way to reese and my helmet's like buzzing away ringing around i'm like i answered it the first time everyone's like panicking like you need to come back you gotta do blood work and i'm like i can't really hear you i'm sorry i'm on my way to work yeah and my phone just kept ringing but they didn't tell me in the hospital they really didn't maybe i should have told you before but they should have also told you i thought you were trying to get out of it because you're petrified of needles no i wasn't i just they didn't tell you did have to do bloods a few weeks ago and i and you're a few weeks ago a few days ago seven vials of blood what last week yeah which to me is a lot you're an avoidant if you don't want to do something you actually just avoid it but and it's often things that are quite important so like this would be a real waste of money and time if you didn't have the bloods done but in your mind you're kind of like nah it's not happening it's just it doesn't suit me doesn't suit my needs don't need to do it they didn't tell me that I had to do it but anyway it's all done because I had to go back there last night you came home with a little boo-boo well yeah which you yanked off my arm look cotton bud you actually would be such a good patient in fact if i was to become a nurse i think i would practice on you yeah well do they say that yeah you've got let me show me because there's nothing worse i'm literally sitting there like smacking my arms but no veins they're all hitting your arms that's intense don't they put the tourniquet on you the tourniquet tourniquet you know what i freak out about because i'm like hyper vigilant now that that tourniquet will have been on so many wrong-ins arms before touching your arm.

16:03Louise: Yeah, but it's just like a little... I know, but it's close to the injection site. No, well, I suppose it is. Well, it kind of is. And like, they put gloves on and then they strap this tourniquet to your arm to get the veins popping. And then they're like... Why are your sleeves rolled up there? Because I was trying to show you my arms. And I've got a tourniquet now. You are that sort of girl though, aren't you? I've got one vein there. You've got like a nice outfit on and then you're like, right, it's work time. I'm going to roll these up. I do love a rolling yeah we've discovered that I'm basically a man in a woman's body which you hate that's wonderful I've got one good vein there and so then basically I can't I don't want to talk about it I can't go through too much trauma because I've only got that one so I can't be having them every day well luckily for you you know the whole process is going to be fairly straightforward I did reward you afterwards

16:55Louise: i think we need to leave it there because actually linda might be listening okay moving on oh god it has actually been a bit of a hospitality week i kind of just put these things to the back of my mind so i had a smear test um last week which i'd received the letter through the door i think you have to have them as a woman every three years and it's that's cancer like cancer yeah so it's it's testing your cervix actually why don't i just educate you about this every woman is entitled to a regular smear test on the nhs and it's very important because it can detect cervical cancer quite early it's the sort of thing that i would have tried to time well for a day where i had not a lot of other stuff on but also maybe you've had like a wax or shave or something it's quite invasive yeah but because obviously I've got an assistant she does open some of my paperwork and actually normally I'll ask her to take care of something so I might just put like a little pile together and say oh would you mind sort of sifting through this and booking appointments or paying some of these invoices she just took that one and booked it in and booked it in for two days later and I didn't really have anything to say about it so it just appeared in my diary i was really unprepared so anyway i nipped down the road to our local gp who are great very fortunate that we literally live a stone's throw from one but there's something about gp's office that is a lot less clinical than a hospital so it really feels like you're just going into like someone's private little office room like little wooden door you step in you sat opposite this lady yeah is it a bit like the whole like waxing scenario she's like right let's get your kit off yeah actually i was very lucky because this lady was incredibly kind and she had a very soft sweet sensible face and demeanor about her i the worst thing is if you walk in and you kind of got like a mistrunchable oh my god oh my god yeah so no she was like a very kind sensible lady good good and um i think she was english actually she actually didn't know anything about me or my history which i guess was good but then I kind of briefly filled her in and she was alarmed anyway we got onto the bed covered the waist and the vagina area with a little paper bit, got to bring basically you have to touch your feet together so are you visualising what's going on now?

19:25Louise: So you kind of got to shuffle your bum down on this bed, sometimes there are like stirrups and things but I think that again is more in the hospital, why are you putting that frown? That sounds intense. Yeah you remember when I had the scan when I was pregnant that you came to and you've got to put your feet in those stirrups like this to kind of like move your legs apart. It's making me feel queasy. You put your legs up so that then they've got a good view in of the right position. I think we can stop here. I think we can stop here. And I'm just going to tell you this. Blokes just cannot tolerate this.

19:53Like we get so worked up about a blood test and you for males of the world have to go through so much. Oh no, I can't do it. hit me with some new material

20:05Louise: wait do you have respect then for what we go through yes so anyway they put something inside you and they put like basically a long cotton bud inside and they just take like a little swab of the cervix and then they even that sounds right put it into a tube and they you're literally having a panic attack and then they send it off and it's really important for people that are listening out there to get this done because it is is it's just a very important thing for people to do because they can check for abnormal cells and if you have abnormal cells then you just need to go back for further testing okay i can tell that you're feeling sensitive to this women are less sensitive to this kind of stuff which is why we are the ones that have to go through the childbirth experience because we are a little bit stronger than you i can tell you something you guys are all all men know like little boys and we are capable of a lot more medical torture and and you kind of just need to get on with it and i know people that then have had to have like much more invasive cervical sweeps and then they've had to have like bits like cut away from the insides like cut away to then send off to labs to make sure that everything is good but it's worth it in the long run because you need to look after your health when i get to the age of i don't know what age or stage it happens but when you send me in for like a prostate check wait have you never had one give me what do you mean why would i need one at 35 well you might as well have one oh no louise please don't let's not let's not to be like oh well you may as well volunteer yourself for a prostate check well you should no no no no no what's that this happens like in the 70 in your 70s surely what's that that's a something thing finger or bum up the old backside to check your prostate gland like a wiggle around yeah but you quite know that anyway oh no louise don't i'm not i'm not doing this okay so anyway no no no i can't anything anything medical i just can't i went for an sti check when i was much younger at university and i'm on the table with a shriveled cock and he's got this thing down my thing and he's like should we just check your testicles whilst i'm here and i'm like oh my god dude like this is the worst and he actually started massaging my balls to check for lumps and i'm like i can't i'm never doing this again do you self-check yeah but even that Even that I feel like I'm going to pass out in the shower.

22:18I can't do it.

22:19Louise: Wait, what do you mean? I just can't. I can't go fishing for abnormalities.

22:26Louise: That's what life is all about. When you reach this annoying age where things just start to decline. The whole of your life, for the rest of your life, you will be fishing for abnormalities. I don't want to. Well, you better get used to it, buddy, because I'm not having you die on me. So you start fishing around. You don't have to do it in the shower. You could just do it like now. Honestly. honestly even talking about it is making me feel like my heart rate is it's either my heart rate or blood pressure something something is spiking in me right now oh really okay well picture this then so that's your worst nightmare this lady does the smear test out comes all of this strange stuff and she then the look on her face what do you mean honestly this is the abnormality um no i've had some issues i've obviously had many issues around um my uterus and this whole area because of the trauma that i've been through post childbirth and subsequent surgeries and i guess the only reason this is kind of tmi so like if you don't want to hear about this then please do just listen to the next episode which will be much lighter i'm gonna face because you're gonna pass out my arms are getting heavy i sent you the photo so that then basically this like gray fluid comes out and she's like this is not normal and I know that it's not normal because I started getting that before I got the peritonitis exactly this time last year so in September of 2024 I started having this stuff that was coming out of me which was not an infection because there's no fragrance there's it was tested for infection so it's not that it's not dried blood it's not all blood so then there's this whole curiosity around what this substance is.

24:01Louise: I'm not willing to settle on this substance becoming a problem. So I want to catch it sooner rather than later, because last time I'm convinced that this is what led to the peritonitis, that this stuff is leaking out into my abdominal cavity and we need to figure out what it is. So instead of like last year, kind of going to a few different people and people going, yeah, no, it's kind of fine. It's probably old blood. Yeah, it could be anything. Mostly men, actually the i mentioned that i was worried about this to the lady and this lady bless her was unbelievably kind and proactive about it she was like i'm going to send a message to the gp immediately so anyway she sends a message to the gp gp comes in i thought she was the gp no she's the smear lady i mean that's probably not her title but just for speeding this story up and um so then the gp comes in so then they're like both like having a good old look then the gp has to put the gloves on so then she's got to put a finger in and then it's all quite invasive but it's important to do these things then i relayed this information to you and you actually very kindly so i just want to say thank you because we rarely talk except for this podcast um for escalating and then booking like follow-up appointments so they then actually their next step was okay this is not good you need to go to A &E which I slightly think is a GP's way of being like what are we gonna do like what can we do from here like we're in a wooden box room and we have a computer and our hands but like there's no like immediate tests that they can do they can send off swabs and stuff that all takes time so send me to A &E and I wait there for three hours and I didn't get seen and it was a real when I first went I was like I feel I feel quite civilized like I this is sort of the end of a very jam-packed, like busy working day.

25:58I'd have like back-to-back meetings and I went in and I

26:00Louise: was like, okay, I can handle this. Then after the first hour pass, I was like, oh God, I don't know. This is bringing up a lot of kind of traumatic memories and a lot of different emotions are coming in. There's the whole uncertainty of how long am I actually going to wait here before I get seen because I'm not critically unwell so I feel like a bit of an idiot as well sat there although there are a lot of other people there that do not look like they're dying but then kind of the second hour passes and then the police start coming because there's always an incident that involves the police in A &E and then there's the people who have caused the police to come that are walking through the door who have obviously been caught up in like drugs or alcohol and abuse and it just starts to get like heavily traumatic and after the third hour I was like actually I kind of shuffled over to the lady at the reception and I almost started crying it was really pathetic I was like I think I'm gonna have to go home like I need to go and look after my son and put him to bed um and I just I couldn't wait out I'd got to the point of I had been in for the like pre-assessment and I had done the wee checks and all of that as I actually I can't because I know what happens when I go through those double doors I'm going to be in in A &E in whatever capacity for hours like hours and hours and hours and hours so anyway I've made a call to come home and then you kindly put me in for a kind of a last minute appointment so hopefully anyway we'll get some answers but if anyone out there is listening and can advise on this situation or let me know whether you've had something similar.

27:41Louise: I'd love to know because it's a real mystery to me as to what's going on. I do have something called hydrosalphinks, which I've been told before, remember off the back of a few MRIs that I've had, which is when your fallopian tube becomes fluid filled and incredibly swollen and puffy. And fallopian tubes are tiny and really hard to see on things like a pelvic ultrasound. so it's it's one of those things that annoyingly is quite hard to flag on a on kind of conventional imaging um but i wonder whether the fluid is coming from there but if it is it can be very dangerous if the fluid really does build up because it can then i don't want to use the word erupt because that's not right but like burst open and then you need surgery so we need to avoid that do you know what did okay i've got a question when you were at school did you have biology lessons i did yes i was i did do double science but yes i still did biology wait double instead of triple yeah yeah so i did the same like you got to basically do like all sciences but three for the price of two yes and they were a little bit easier than doing three single sciences chemistry to me was just not happening the periodic table i know i didn't understand bunsen burners they're quite fun yeah but i just kept thinking of ricky chavace whenever my teacher would say that why did you just say ricky chavez what do you say jervais okay wait what what did you not know his name was ricky jervais what did i say ricky chavez you're also obsessed with him like you are so good at doing ricky jervais impressions and you love the office yeah so i don't know why you've just called him chavez whatever he might as well be like whenever bunson burner came up i'd be like nice little earner in the background just focus on what he's what does he say nice little earner yeah bunts okay so like that he's like bunts what for money bunts and burner nice little learner well did you ever learn about the female anatomy what are you going to question me on like what do the fallopian tubes do or something like that yeah well i this is guesswork but i'm imagining that it would transport eggs from the ovaries to the uterus well done bang on yes you've got the two ovaries that grow eggs inside and then you've got the fallopian tubes that carry those eggs down to the uterus but what i didn't know from those images until fairly recently is that the fallopian tubes can actually move they're mobile so they're not fixed to the ovary or the uterus so when people have an eptopic pregnancy which is very scary and can be incredibly traumatic that's when it gets lodged in the fallopian tubes so yeah when uh when um the egg must be surgically removed yeah the egg and the sperm meet in the fallopian tube and then it doesn't pass through so yeah basically the embryo gets like stuck in the fallopian tube and you start growing a baby in that place which is dangerous they can then sometimes they have to remove the fallopian tube but what i didn't realize is that actually the fallopian tube can wiggle from one side to the other so even if you've still got one fallopian tube but two ovaries it can actually collect the egg from the other side hang on so i'm visualizing these fallopian tubes it's like a water slide you know when you're at the top of it you're like ready to jump down yeah you're telling me that the water slides can move over to the other side yeah you can have like people going down the same water slide yeah so normally you're people eggs so normally you would just produce one egg i think that matures and gets released each cycle.

31:23Louise: Some people don't have that. Some people have more. Hence, people have twins. You're saying one egg? One egg gets released. So you have lots of eggs and they grow and they get bigger and then one will get the biggest and then that one tends to get released. And so one might worry if they'd had a fallopian tube removed that you then are only going to ovulate every other month. Oh, but what you're saying is it doesn't matter because it can flop between. Yeah, it can collect it from the other one. That's mad. Which is mad, isn't it? But think about that inside you. No, no, no, no, no. Think about that.

31:53Louise: That's what I can't do. We're like pinball machines inside us. I can't. There's like all of these things, maybe a pinball machine is a terrible analogy, but there are a lot of different mechanisms happening all the time. Things are moving around. Thousands, hundreds of thousands of physiological processes. But like, think about that. Chemical reactions. That fluopin tube is literally dancing around from one side to the other. Mine could be pushing the other one out of the way right now. I can't do it, Louise. I can't think of the heart pumping blood around my body because that makes me feel sick.

32:22When I go for a blood pressure thing, I'm like, oh my God, I can't because you're now just drawing attention to the fact that something in me is going.

32:30Louise: You hate it when I touch your heart or your stumbling. I just can't do it. I could not be a medical professional in any capacity. So if I asked you to lie your head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat, because that could be quite a romantic thing to do. Even when you do that to me, I hate it. What if I'm listening to your heartbeat? wait my head against your chest yeah because what happens is i become aware of the fact that i've got a beating heart and then i'm like oh my god is it like beating at a regular pace or is it going too fast what's happening right now i just freak out so the worst job in the world for you would be a doctor oh which is annoying because the best job in the world for you for me to have for you would be a doctor yeah well that's fair are you gonna pass out i think i'm managing water you actually for real yes let me tell you this when we were sat in that fertility wing the other day and we were with the not the usual doctor the other one yeah i couldn't say a word for the first 10 minutes and no one clocked it oh i thought that was just because you're you just sometimes can't be asked no you were talking about like shedding and lining of things and periods and you're talking about all this procedure behind injections for this fertility and i was like if someone looks at me they're gonna they're gonna shut this whole meeting down because i was i was in a hole do you think you were dissociated no i was just overthinking everything and i was getting real clammy and panicked and then when she asked me she was like she asked me a question i was like i'm gonna be honest this is a difficult conversation for me just like tell me what you want me to do but then you then you get angry with me on sunday because i'm not looping you in on every process and every appointment but you can't handle the heat no that's a different thing but anyway let's let's skip it on over to a different thing oh my god i'm like i feel like i'm like will you be able to help me if i need to do injections in fact actually my new medication is getting delivered tomorrow um which i need to keep in the fridge so everyone hands off this is the medication for my inflammatory bowel disease are you going to be able to help me with that interestingly when it comes to injections i can actually do it because i do it for my own trt okay and that's just like a very small insulin size needle that just goes pop i think i've got a nurse coming around to teach me how it's easy get the old butt cheek out bang but where's the best place but yeah but oh my god last night you said to me i've never known anyone whose butt cheeks whose butt has fluctuated so much as you that's true louise has got the uh the ever-changing butt

35:24We'll see you next time. Black Friday in July ends July 27th. Shop today at Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Backmarket is the best place to get the tech you need for back to school, for less. Like professionally refurbished smartphones to take those first day picks. Mom, your finger's blocking the camera. Or so they can ask you to buy a poster board for the science fair tomorrow. No matter what you need it for, the premium refurbished tech on Backmarket is guaranteed by the Backmarket Promise. Professionally refurbished with a one-year warranty and free 30-day returns. Save now at backmarket.com.

36:07Louise: Okay, well, I think we need a bit of a gear change because you literally look like parts of ours out. So should we do a listener submission? Either that or get me a bag of sweets to get through it. I thought you were going to say a sick bag like you're on the aeroplane. Have you ever been sick on an aeroplane? No. Never? That would be a really unpleasant experience, wouldn't it? Yeah, I have actually done it before. Oh. Yeah. Anyway, she said, I need help finding my Ryan. Oh. That's cute. After five years together, house hunting, sharing a dog, talking rings and guest lists, my ex ended things saying he wasn't ready for marriage or kids and didn't want to waste my time.

36:42Louise: At 31, I'm suddenly single, finding a housemate and co-parenting a dog like a divorced couple. People tell me to heal, but I have done the solo thing in my 20s. I know I'm fine alone, but I have deep, genuine desire to build a family and to find my Ryan. the challenge is this is just the cutest thing ever the challenge is where do you actually meet quality men who want the same my friends are all partnered up and the few single guys they know aren't a fit as for the apps i'd rather walk barefoot on lego yeah it's actually a great analogy um so how do i genuinely put myself out there to meet someone who's serious about building a future together well given that you are ryan why don't you get this on it's funny because i only I sort of dated in my 20s and then I met you when I was 26 so I never really had this way of thinking but I remember speaking to Scott and he he kind of I don't know what the conversation was but just this idea Scott's our business partner and Leah's godfather he said the worst thing we can do is get into a relationship with someone in their early 30s because women are often sort of thinking about family planning at that stage and he said you know if I'm going to do it I want to be absolutely sure because what I don't want to do is pull out and leave a poor woman exposed at that time in her life.

37:57And I thought, bloody hell, that's really true, isn't it?

37:59Louise: God, that's nice of him to say that. Yeah, but it never really, because I had my dating experience in my early 20s, then met you, and then it was kind of game, set, match. Didn't really go through my mind, but I totally get it. It's true. It's such a crucial time for women. So they must feel really exposed in their early 30s. And maybe you can eliminate more on that. It's nice to know that there are guys out there that are thinking like that. Totally, yeah. Well, Scott's a really decent bloke, and I really heard it when he told me. Well, I think to carry on kind of with his story, which is quite lovely, is he's been single for a really long time.

38:35Louise: And I'd say a lot of his friends, including us, have settled down and moved into the kind of family stage. And he, I guess taking the advice, you know, his own advice is he's not rushed into the wrong thing. he's obviously been kind of in the dating circuit but he's never introduced anybody to us i don't think anything's really ever gone beyond like a first date because he really knows what he wants and he's now just met the most amazing spanish girl woman of his dreams woman of his dreams and they have gone from zero to hero super duper quickly like they literally she's already moving in and i think they've only like they only met like a month ago and i have a few stories that similar to that like of girlfriends who have actually one of my good girlfriends who I lived with in Edinburgh had never been in a relationship before first guy that she properly started dating was the one I guess because they'd never been that perfect person for her before and then when they met they knew instantly they moved in together really quickly they got engaged really quickly and they've already had two kids and I mean they've been together for like maybe three years and we've been together for nine so they've like overtaken us so I think that there's really no time frame on these things and when you do meet the right person that can move really quickly so I just want to for anyone that's listening that's out there that might be kind of in their mid-30s or similar age to us or you know at any age really even though you might feel as though you've got to go through that whole process of dating then finding the person and then moving in and you've got to be together for two years before they even put the question then you've got to get married the following year and then you can only have kids after that I think actually that what I love is that there are a lot more unconventional relationships out there I don't think that you need to be fearful of that like four year wait from the relationship inception to then having able to have kids and start a family I think um you probably hopefully learned like a lot of lessons from this previous relationship I'm really sorry you know I feel sad for you that you've been through this experience and i equally have a lot of friends who have been through something similar as well that feel really let down especially when they've you know felt really connected to their partner and they have been talking about all all of the serious next steps and kind of meeting those milestones for then that to be ripped away from you must be utterly devastating i have a lot of friends who are in identical situations recently split yeah in their early 30s yeah and i think it does it it's different to going through a breakup up in your 20s i think the more work you do on yourself and you try and emulate the qualities that you're looking for looking to find in other people i think through laws of attraction the universe will serve up someone who's right for you i don't think it's something that you can force or rush i don't because i don't have heaps of experience with the apps i don't know if that's the place to find it but where would she find orion then where would you um in the gym no not in the gym you've wait why did you snob that off well people do meet in the gym well to To be fair, yeah, I don't mean to, I just didn't want to be like perceived as like just a gym rat because I'm not, I actually wouldn't mind starting something off in that environment.

41:46I know for some people it's like a bit predator style and a bit creepy, but for me, in my mind at least, it plays out in a non-creepy way.

41:54Louise: Also, I guess you get to filter through and save a bit of time. So at least, you know, at the outset, like you're starting off with somebody that you... are attracted to yeah for me on an app either for me i just i'm not sure and this is not like obviously gospel but going on an app i don't know if that sets you off on the right foot i think to use the gym as the example i'd rather catch sight of someone across the gym and be like oh she's kind of cute like why don't i like say hey or like fabricate that i need to use the weight that she's next to you know i'd maybe try that kind of angle um but this doesn't really answer the question of how you find a Ryan.

42:33Louise: But you would be on an app if you had been single for a while. Would I be on an app if I was single for a while? If we broke up, would you go on an app? Like a year later? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe, yeah. Didn't Carlos and Sophie met on an app? Yeah, yeah. And they started dating throughout lockdown. And they, like, again, also moved in really quickly. I think for some people it really works, doesn't it? Yeah. But to answer the question, like, I forget, like, forget the ryan bit but like how do you find like a decent dude um it's funny because i'm thinking about that dude from what's that show we started to watch some of that made you feel pretty or something yeah we'll talk about that in the next episode there's a dude in that who is like he's a good dude you know the one i'm talking about oh yeah yeah i'm like oh there's there's plenty of oh i know that oh but where do you find one of them we don't know by the way we're only like two episodes in he could be awful but um where do you find those cute nice boys start by looking at what your interests are no that's a good point and hang out yes in those environments stuff like for me i would want someone that is sporty so i would go and do like a mixed sport thing a mixer or like my bridge club with my six people i'll find my second husband at the bridge club figure out your like passions interests what kind of excites you i was somewhere the other day and i was like god there are a lot of hunky men in here probably paddle well where are you do you have single friends that you could sell with this lovely lady i've got a really good friend i've kind of lost touch a little bit because he's in cardiff i'm obviously here but when you look when when you look at him and i was kind of in this bracket for a long time as well when you look at him you wouldn't necessarily expect him to be as soft and sensitive but he honestly is he's a gentleman through and through and i've seen him operate in different relationships over the years and he really treats women with respect he loves them wholeheartedly sadly he hasn't found the right one but i've always i've always kind of so it's a problem for guys as well it's not just girls yeah but it's funny like from from my perspective as a guy and as good mate i'm always like oh mate like you tick all boxes handsome in great shape wear your heart on your sleeve athletic i'm like how is this not working out for you i think maybe you're picking the wrong kind of yeah that's that's might help i don't know do you know what the whole like relationship thing these days people talk about it in a way that kind of spooks me because it sounds like the impossible task but i do i do have like this firm belief that if you you know work on yourself in the sense that like you carry yourself well you've got good confidence which is not mistaken for arrogance and you know you know a good good moral compass type thing i just think that you'll you'll end up meeting people won't you when i went to this wedding last weekend quite a few of my friends that i kind of grew up with were still single that were there or just in kind of early relationships well okay so are they in good places i think actually what was interesting is that some of these girls were the most beautiful people that i knew growing up i guess maybe they are just not willing to settle which is a good thing i think like waiting for that right partner because they could have had loads of offers or counter to that might be that blokes are looking for more than just looks well that's very true as well choosing a lifelong partner i think has to go beyond just looks it's also a lot of it is down to values one of the things that i recognized when i was there was that the i obviously don't drink i spoke to a few people one girl who'd been on a date with someone who was quite famous and he and she doesn't drink and he'd drunk he they went on a date together and he got very drunk and she immediately was like this is not gonna happen again like we could there's no way we could make this work she's super wholesome very intelligent loves doing lots of active stuff always on the go and so would never want to end up with someone that loves drinking and partying lots the difference between me and all of my exes and probably the reason why we would never have worked out was that alcohol was involved whereas if you meet somebody through like a really kind of like clean clear no but that's that's like way of life yeah that's that's then that's a better place to start isn't it's better foundation for relationships so that would actually be just some generic advice for anyone who's looking to get into a good wholesome relationship that has legs yeah but that's part of my point of like work on yourself you know anyway thank you guys so much for listening yeah um we hope you enjoyed this episode bit of this bit of that bit of where we're at medically and really love answering your questions actually it's nice when you guys send in those submissions because it gives us an opportunity to use our brains a bit and like think outside of ourselves and think about whether we do actually have any good advice but also throws up conversation that we can have that we might not necessarily have unprompted in our day-to-day life which is really refreshing it gives that dual perspective as well yeah we're really grateful and thank you guys as always for listening if you've enjoyed this episode then please do make sure to follow us on instagram and also subscribe on youtube you can follow our pod on apple podcasts also over on spotify and if you fancy giving a review or a bit of feedback we'd love that too ciao thank you see you next time

48:10Back Market is the best place to get the tech you need for back to school, for less. Like professionally refurbished smartphones to take those first day pics. Mom, your finger's blocking the camera. Or so they can ask you to buy a poster board for the science fair tomorrow. No matter what you need it for, the premium refurbished tech on Back Market is guaranteed by the Back Market Promise. Professionally refurbished with a one-year warranty and free 30-day returns. Save now at BackMarket.com.