Ray Romano: From gas station robberies to sitcom stardom

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30:05So I was constantly on the floor acting. But then when I wasn't, I was in the writer's room. You know, as soon as I was done acting, I would run to the writer's room and sit with the guys. And then editing, editing wasn't as difficult as something, but it was part of it. So it was all-consuming. And when it ended, it felt like this submarine came up and I came out and I was like, I live in California now? Wait a minute, my kids are 12? She still won't have sex with me? What's going on? But in the beginning, it was kind of fun to have the time and all that. And then after a couple months, it wasn't that much fun.

30:54It wasn't? No. and I kind of crashed. About three months, you know, I was seeing a therapist. You know, my whole life I've been seeing a therapist. And when the show was ending, when it was about to end, he said, you want to start coming twice a week? And I said, no. I've run out of things to say now, you know. But within three months, I was seeing him twice a week because it's not easy. What wasn't easy about it? But just, you know, you throw everything in for nine years and all of a sudden there's this lull and this, you know, if it's, the show became part of who I was and then all of a sudden you've got to figure out who you are again, you know.

31:42And I always, you know, one thing I thank God is, you know, my family is the most important, my kids are the most important thing to me. But I will admit I am also, you know, what makes me happy is creating and doing and doing something and performing in some sense. And one thing I can always do is stand-up. You know, an actor, I sometimes think the actors really have it hard who maybe reach an age where they're not getting work or something ends. And, you know, they're looking for that next thing. I always have that creative outlet of stand-up. But it took a while to get my feet again after the show ended.

32:27How did you go about finding who you are? I did stand-up. I started doing stand-up again. And I increased the meds a little. But I did start trying to do new stand-up. And then about, I want to say probably six months later, Mike Royce and I had a conversation. He was a writer on Raymond and a good friend of mine. And we started talking and we started sharing this kind of search and this emptiness. And we came up with the idea of let's write a show about that. Let's write a show. It won't be about people in show business, but because this is true for everybody. And we came up with Men of a Certain Age, and we created that.

33:23How immediate did that start to make a difference in how you were feeling at the time? Oh, yeah. No, it did, yeah. By the way, I wasn't clinically depressed, but I was going through a rough time. I will say I was going through a rough time. But yeah, once I jumped in, it helped enormously. But it's not like I need to have a project and a show that I have to be working 24 hours otherwise I'll catch up with myself. I don't need that. But you've done one thing for nine or ten years and all of a sudden it's just done. Yes, it's all of a sudden trying to redefine, trying to figure out your purpose now.

34:03Who are you? so it took a while and the show kind of helped me because men of a certain age because even when that went away it was okay well let's find the next thing you know what I mean it wasn't so drastic a feeling after that I want to take you back to when you were growing up I don't know if you remember this story but the seventh grade dance well I don't know so I know I know I wasn't Casanova. I know that. Why? What do you keep going? You just found one of the most attractive girls in school to dance. Who are you talking to? Oh, I think I know what you're talking about. I asked this girl who was...

34:53Look, I know I wasn't one of the cool kids in the school. I wasn't the super nerd kid, but I was somewhere... I was more on that side than the cool side, that's for sure. And I remember asking a girl to dance and slow, slow dance in seventh grade. You know, when you're holding. And this is going to be sad. This is going to be pathetic. But I remember her shaking and thinking, I wonder if she's nervous. And then in reality I felt like she was looking at her friends and laughing. Because she's dancing with the goofball.

35:30This is Oprah all of a sudden. I mean, funny now, but kind of devastating. Yeah, it was a little devastating when I realized, holy s***, he's laughing at me. Still had an erection. Oh, we can't put that in. No, we can put that in. Oh, God. So you flunked science, you flunked Spanish, you flunked social studies in high school. You're talking about high school. You finally graduated from your third high school. after seven years and two colleges, you drop out of college. What was going on? Three high schools, two colleges. Right. Just, you know, I wish it was something sexy and interesting. It was just being a slack off, just being a guy who didn't know what he wanted to do.

36:22I know I didn't want to study and do all that. Just, you know, irresponsibility, that's all. I would get student loans so I would have a little bit of money, register for school, and then never go to class. And then the little money left over from student loans would be great. But I would leave the house. My parents thought I was going to school, and I'd go to the student lounge, play pinball or whatever. I wasn't doing drugs or anything like that. I would, just like anything, hang out with the guys on the weekend and drink a little here and there. but just just that kind of thing just irresponsible and immature in the back of your head did you always know you were going to make it no but I knew I wanted I knew I was attracted to show business I knew I was attracted to performing you know when we were when we when I was 15 maybe I did a church play and I was the lead of some silly comedy based on the uh the comic strip The Wizard of Id, I don't know if you've, or Hager the Horrible, one of those, and I did, and I got, this was like really my first taste of being on stage and getting laughs.

37:38And then when we were 17, when Saturday Night Live came out, we would stay home on a Saturday night to watch it. You know, Saturday was the party night, and we were so into this show. So we put on a sketch comedy show. Me and six guys from the neighborhood, the church used to have a teen club every Sunday night. So we said, one of those Sunday nights, we're going to put on a show for these guys. It's going to be a no-talent show. And we called ourselves No Talent Incorporated. And we wrote the sketches, did the thing. And I think we did about three of those. And there's still an eight-track recording of them.

38:22and that was another taste of performing and so then when I went to college and it was exhilarating and then when I went to college I started I took a drama class this and that and we put on and when the plays I would pick would be you know Neil Simon plays comedies whatever I was attracted to performing I was attracted to comedy didn't really know that stand-up would be the root you know I just knew I just felt like something something's going to happen there I'm I'm gonna do something in that area. But I wasn't like this driven guy who sat at home and said, I don't need math and science, because I'm gonna be on Broadway.

39:01A little later on, but well before Raymond, Joanna Beckson's acting class. Yes. You give a monologue to an empty chair before a live audience. Describe the setting and explain what you talked about. I already cried once. Joanna Beckson is this wonderful woman who teaches in acting. I think she still does. But back then she would give discounts to stand-up comedians who wanted to take acting. And this is when I was starting in stand-up. And all of us kind of thought, you know, it's always good. This is maybe TV. This was way early. and a couple of us signed up for her class and she one of the things she had to do was for us to write our own monologues and then she put on a little recital and they put it on in like a walk up in Manhattan an actual apartment where we would go room to room the people, the audience would follow you room to room and in this room Susie put on her monologue with this and that And in this room, and then I put on my monologue.

40:19And my monologue was, I don't want to sound sappy and schmaltzy, but it was a conversation with my father. It was like I was having a conversation with my father. So it was funny. He was talking about all the, my father thought he was a very dry comedian and he would have these jokes that nobody would laugh at except me and everybody else, my wife, would be pissed off at him. But he also was very, he was a guy, this sounds cliche, but never said I love you, never couldn't be demonstrative, you know, just, he had a rough time growing up, I don't, you know, I don't hold this against him, that's just who he was.

40:58And, you know, this is like a common denominator with stand-up comedy, with performers in general. There's always some negligent parent, I guess, which I guess you can thank God. There'd be no entertainment. We'd all have to join bowling leagues. Yeah, right. But so I had it out with him. I kind of just addressed that in this acting monologue. What did you say? Oh, geez, what did I say? I think I remember saying, I remember telling him

41:35I had been on an audition like maybe a month before in real life and one of the, they asked you these candid questions and one of them was who's your hero? Who would you say is your hero? A lot of guys were, you know, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King and the first thing that popped in my head was my father and I remember in this monologue telling my father that I said you were my hero and I couldn't figure out why and it's just dawned on me because I that's who I want you to be I want you to be my hero cut all this and and it got yeah I got a little I mean yeah I got a little for clumped as they say you were really proud of how you did in that performance so I was proud I got good feedback as I didn't throw the mic down and say, follow that, next lady.

42:38But I got good feedback. It was probably the first time any of my friends or my acting coach or teacher had seen me do something with a little gravitas to it. It was my first venture into that. How do you think his lack of affection when you were growing up impacted you? Well, like I say, I don't know. Is that why you become a performer? I don't know. You know, I can't say that I do this because, but I always joke, I do have that joke, if my father hugged me once I'd be an accountant right now. I wouldn't need to do any of this. One hug would have been all it would take. But I do try to do, you know, I do find myself trying very hard to be affectionate myself with my kids.

43:32And it's not easy. It's not, you know, from my background and all, I do it, but it doesn't come easy. I notice that. You grew up in Queens. One of your brothers was a cop. Another one of your brothers was a teacher. You met your wife when you were both working at the bank. Is it true that you didn't ask her out until after you left the bank because you were concerned that if she said no, you didn't want to have to see her every day? Well, what she didn't tell you was she wasn't the first girl I asked out for. Yeah, she told me that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:16Yeah, it wasn't that I waited for that to happen. It's just that it made it a lot easier. Made it a lot easier because I'd already been turned down already at that bank. So, yeah, this was easier. But also we started hanging out a little more. Now that we weren't working together, we hung out with a certain clique from the bank or from work in the neighborhood. And it just, there was less pressure because I could have sworn it was going to be no. Do you thought so? You thought you'd be 0 for 3? I mean, my batting average wasn't that good, so who knows. You said she took a gamble on you. She took a gamble.

44:56I used to, I mean, I was 20. I lived at home until I was 29, okay? But she already started dating me. She thought Damian was 26. But I was riding my bike. I was 25 riding my bike to the bank and pulling it in, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, with my little bell and being a bank teller. You'd arrive 15 minutes late on your bike when everybody at the bank had to arrive 15 minutes early. I lived three quarters of a mile away, and I would be late. And, yeah, I don't know that I was A-list material, you know, as far as potential boyfriend slash husband. but she wasn't materialistic then. No. She, you know.

45:46A deserved perk though now of having fun with you then. Yes, deserved perk. I tell her, like I always tell her whenever she, and this is very old, I've said this many times, but whenever she complains about jokes I do or whatever, I tell her to go cry in a bag of money. Yeah. Why, you said this before, Why are you suspicious of your success?

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47:07It's a dichotomy, and that's the biggest word I'll use in any interview for the last decade.

47:18You think you're useless and worthless, but you also think you're wonderful and great. It's a weird thing that goes on. And I've always said getting nominated for like an Emmy is the best thing for me psychologically because I go and I get attention and I get all these accolades and then I lose. So I get both things, you know, you're a winner, you're a loser. You won. I didn't win. That was horrible. I didn't know what to do. Was that uncomfortable? Well, here's another. a narcissistic thing but I've been nominated five times I think and I won once. The times when I really wanted to win was when I had a funny acceptance speech prepared.

48:15Like I would go over my acceptance speech and if I knew this is good, this is good, then I would be disappointed when I lost. And luckily the night I won was a good night because my mother and father are in a fell into my lap. I made a joke about them. But yeah, you know, you're always, I think that that's a common feeling among, I don't know about stand-ups, but if it's only stand-ups, but it is common among stand-ups is you always wonder if you're really good, funny, you know, you're only as good as your last show. You could have 20, 30 years, I've been doing it. If I had a bad show the night before I got to get back up there and prove to myself I can do this again I don't know I mean it's I don't know if it comes with the territory but it seems to be a common denominator among amongst us what challenges do you miss of being an unknown comic well I miss I do miss and this is gonna I don't want to sound obnoxious but because people know me now and and when I go on stage they're already on your side you know they're already there for you and they want to laugh that's great that's I'm not complaining that's a good problem to have but that's one of the best things in stand-up comedy is going up on stage in front of strangers who have paid money who are drinking who had a rough day who had no not don't know anything about you except what you're the the you know the presence you're about to give and you win them over that that I remember those you know all those nights even it's a rough audience and okay you gotta rope a dope a little you gotta you gotta take a different tactic with this audience or it's a loud audience you gotta be a little this you know that's what I do miss it and by the way I don't miss when it didn't go well because it didn't go well a lot so you know the good the good in the bag go together but that's such a rewarding feeling to know you've won over these these strangers did you really avoid going on stage for two years like after you bombed I think it was the third time yeah I'd stand up yeah I quit twice in the beginning I quit once for two years and then I quit for a year the first time was like quit quit yeah yeah yeah well I wasn't really when I say quit it's not like I was doing it for a living I was attempting stand-up you know did well did well the second night did well maybe the third night and started thinking this is easy this is I can do this and then the fourth night bombed a horrible death no different than any other comic but it was my first taste at what it's like with flop sweat and not know how to handle.

51:16They didn't laugh. What do you remember from it? I know what bombing feels like. Bombing's different now because now they know who you are and you can make fun of it. But back then when you're inexperienced, I've always thought you can tell an experienced comic from an inexperienced one when they're not doing well. Because when a guy, when a pro or whatever is not doing well, he can handle it. He can gracefully handle it. He can so it's not uncomfortable for the audience. He can address it. When a guy is new and he's bombing, he goes faster. He goes louder. He laughs at himself. He says the punchline.

51:58He punches it. And he hits it. And if there's no laugh, oh, it's like a douche chill. I was watching the 95 Miles documentary and there was one show you tell some joke I think it was like an oral sex joke or something like that and everybody in the audience laughs except I think you find out at some point there's some executive in the audience who didn't think it was funny and that bothered you the rest of the night how much does stuff like that get to you well it does but you know now I've been beaten over the head enough and And again, I'm not complaining. I had a show called Everybody Loves Raymond.

52:39So, but anytime you have a show like that, people are going to come at you to say, well, we don't love you, you know? So I've been, I've got my negative stuff. And yeah, it's, I can't say it doesn't bother me. It does. And I never learned my lesson. I look at, like, I'll go online. and like the last show I did, Parenthood, I used to go online after every episode and see, you know, because I, you know, my character was fighting for Lauren Graham with Jason Ritter, who's 30 years younger than me. And I used to go online and see the people, what'd she want with it? And I used to, you know, it used to be back and forth.

53:20They were in his camp or my camp. And I would read it and then I would call my assistant up and say, did you read this? And she's like, what are you doing? Why are you on those sites? Yeah. So I've learned my lesson not to try not to, but every time I think I've learned my lesson and I'm better, something will come up and someone will say something and it'll throw me. Your wife says you get insecure with that stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I can't really, I do bother her with it, but she believes in tough love. And by that I mean telling me to shut up. Because she knows that's the only thing I listen to.

54:04She'll be like, oh, get over it. It's stupid people online and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I'm very insecure. It doesn't change. It doesn't change with, I don't think it changes with success. It's just a different, well the joke I always used to tell was, you know, before I used to think my cab driver hates me and now I think my limo driver hates me. It's just relative, you know. You get better at it. You get better at it because you know regardless of how many people say negative things, you know that you did good work and you know it's successful. You finally realize you're always going to get that.

54:46No matter who. I don't care who's out there. I don't care how lovable they are. Tom Hanks gets negative reviews. Everybody does. Some people get it more. If something happens in real life that you find funny and can potentially use in your act, what will you do from that point? If something happens, like most recently, and this is exactly how it happened, my son just got his driver's license, 16 years old, and he ran out of gas on the 101, which is a five-lane highway. Called us up and said, as casual as I'm saying right now, yeah, I'm out of gas. I said, where are you? and even more casual. I'm on the 101.

55:36And of course I said, so you must be on the side. Nope, middle lane. This is word for word. Then this is exactly the exchange we had because I'm panicking. What's the traffic like? Well, behind me it's bad, but it's moving in front of me. I swear to you, he said that word for word. I said, I'm going to kill you. So I wrote it all down. And I go, that's, you can't get better than that. So I wrote it down and I took it to, the next time I was at the Hermosa Beach Comedy Magic Club. And on the drive there with my buddy Tom who was at 95 Miles to Go, we drove to Hermosa Beach. I started reading it out loud.

56:16And I started, and of course then where can I go next? What's next? You know? And I started thinking, you know. And so on the way, by the time I got to Homosa Beach Comedy Club, I had came up with the idea that my wife would probably defend him and say, so I made this up about my wife saying, well, he doesn't panic like astronauts. Maybe he'll be an astronaut. And then what's my retort to that? And my report is, I don't want to disappoint you, but if he can't interpret the gas gauge on a Mazda, he's not getting in the space shuttle. And that became my bit. And I tried it that night, and it kills, and it did very well.

56:59But then I have to tweak this and tweak that and then add this, and that's how it all goes. What do you tweak from the Hermosa Beach Comedy Club to when you told it on Letterman? Oh, that's right. You knew it from Letterman. Yeah, yeah. Well, what happened with Letterman was there was another story of my son getting bit. My son played ball with, this will be sports related, with Aaron Holiday, who's Drew Holiday's brother. Drew Holiday is a pro in the NBA who played at our school. And my son got to play with Aaron Holiday, who's now on UCLA. He graduated, he's on UCLA, and he's going to go pro.

57:38We're almost certain he's going pro. So my son got to play with him. My son is 6 '5". This guy is 6 '5". And Aaron bit my son on the head by accident one day in practice. And my son is 6 '5", but he doesn't have enough offense. I wish he would practice more. So when the trainer called our house and said Aaron bit Joe on the head by accident, my wife got very nervous and is he going to need stitches? and then she got mad at me because this was actually true. All I told her, I go, maybe it's like a Spider-Man bite. You know, maybe Joe can dunk now at 6 '5". Okay, so I have that bit and I said, that's funny too.

58:23I'm going to try and do something with that. And then when I did Letterman, I threw it out to my writer friends, Mike Royce, Phil Rolenthal, the guys who were on Raymond. I always do this for every letterman. I go, guys, here's what I'm doing. I send a joint email. I go, give me anything you got, any ideas, this, that, this, that. And to their credit, they come up with a lot of stuff. It's so specific for me that very little gets in. But one thing that got in was Mike Royce said, you do the spider bite thing first. You say, maybe Joe can, maybe it's like a Spider-Man bite. And then you do Joe driving and the astronaut thing.

59:04and the tagline is, you know, if he can't interpret the gas gauge on a Mazda, he ain't getting in the special. And the tagline is, that kid ain't going to be an astronaut unless an astronaut bites him. So that's what I, so that was my tagline on, you know, so it was a collaboration. He helped me. But, you know, things, that's how it goes. You think you have a bit, then you keep going, then it grows and it grows and you're never really done writing a bit until you retire it. How long does it generally take until it's in its best form? Well, a lot of times I would do Letterman this way. Like I would come up with ideas for a Letterman spot, and the guys would help me with it, and I would come up with a little five, you know, whatever, three-minute little chunk, do it on Letterman.

59:55So I've just written it. Do it on Letterman. and then I would be upset because I would then transfer it into my stand-up and do it in stand-up and like three, four, five months later it became so much better and I honed the bit. And I go, I wish I could do that on Letterman now because now it's a better bit. So it keeps going. But on rare occasions I've had bits that I call back after three or four years and I try it out again and I come up with something new. Wow, what about this angle? You know what I mean? That's rare. But it usually, the great thing about being in Manhattan was you could write a bit on Monday and by Saturday night that bit is totally honed because I've been on stage 17 times already.

1:00:42You know, five shows on Friday, four shows on Friday, seven shows on Saturday, two every night, you know. So you could hone a bit really quick back in the day when I was doing it. Now I go to Vegas four times a year. I go to Hermosa Beach three times a year. You know, I do corporate charities and this and that. I don't have a lot of time to work on new stuff. You played stickball, softball, handball growing up. You coached Little League. You forgot horribly. Horribly. At the end of that. Yeah, no, not horribly, but very averagely. You coached Little League baseball with your brother for a while as well.

1:01:18How big were you into sports growing up? Yeah, sports, very big. Like I said, I wasn't a stud. I wasn't great at everything. But I played everything, and I was a little above average in everything. I would say my sport, I probably, you know, I did play baseball, and then, of course, you get older, you just play softball. But fast-pitch softball. That was probably what I was best at. Basketball, I'm very average. My son couldn't beat me in basketball. And now, of course, I've graduated to golf. But sports was, you know, we didn't, you know, look, I don't wanna sound like grandpa, but you didn't have the videos and the things and the whatever, you had to go outside.

1:02:03And we went outside every day. I played basketball in the schoolyard every day. We played, I played stickball with my friend Louie Ryle. We had a perfect schoolyard stickball court. It was the little schoolyard and there was a chimney that was a perfect home. You know, of course you make the lines for home plate, the box and that was perfect and over the fence was a home run and you know and i was always the yankees he was the mets and we were so into it we would keep like a record we loved it and you know i mean again i sound like grandpa you miss that i've missed that for my kids you know there's a lot of reasons why it doesn't happen you know where we live is different and everything but but sports was everything.

1:02:48Yeah, I did. I mean, it took up all my recreational time with sports, yeah. Spring Fest means more sun, more fun, and more free at Lowe's. Keep your yard in line with an additional free Ego 56-volt battery when you buy a select Ego mower, trimmer, or blower. Plus, keep landscaping fresh with Stagring one cubic foot garden soil. Five bags for$10. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valid through 4A. While supplies last. Selection varies by location. Soil Offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii.

1:03:24Not sure how to tackle your taxes? Are you sweating the small print? You may be experiencing FOMO, the fear of messing up. The answer? Using TurboTax on Intuit Credit Karma. They help you get your biggest refund and then we help you do more with it with a personalized plan designed to help you hit your money goals. It's time to take your taxes to the max. Start filing today in the Credit Karma app. You mentioned big into golf today. We're taping this on the Warner Brothers lot not far from Raymond was filmed, which we're going to see at that stage here in a bit. But CBS ends up buying a golf membership for you to play at the course across the street from the lot.

1:04:10How nice was that? Yeah, well, that's not what got me into golf. I was obsessed with golf. That's why they got it for me. But yeah, that was a great little present. Not a bad lunch, Perk? In year two, they bought me a membership at Lakeside, which is right across the street. And if you want to tell Perk, if you want to talk about Raymond Perk, the Masters is on CBS. And the day after the Masters, Monday, CBS, it's called Press Day. I don't know if you've ever been around there. Monday after the Masters, right? Yes. So CBS was allowed a foursome. Les Moonves, probably year, yeah, I guess year four, invited me.

1:04:53And I had to tell my wife, you know, now again, we have four little kids then. And I'm occupied with the show. And now I've got to tell her Les Moonves has taken me on a golf trip. And she knows zero about any sport. And I have to explain to her what Augusta is like. How do you, what analogy can I use? You know, I told her, just imagine if someone invited you to Bon Jovi's house, okay? This is what it's like for me. So there was no way I wasn't going. And we got to play on the day after. And Kevin James, too. Kevin James, I think the first year was me, but then Kevin James came for five years in a row.

1:05:35and I played the same tees, the same pins as what they played on Sunday. And my goal was to break 100. Just break 100 on exactly what Ernie Els or Vijay Singh just won the green jacket on. And I never did. Never broke 100. 102 was the closest I came. But that was one of the best perks of being in show business on CBS. And then when my show went off the air, never again. Were you waiting? No, of course I wasn't waiting. I wasn't waiting for the invite because he has to use that. But I remember being in Atlanta a couple years later, and I'm saying, let me call everybody. I called Les. I called Phil Mickelson.

1:06:17I called Jim Nance. And, you know, I'm not complaining about them. They tried. Never played Augusta again. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the way it should be. That's funny. You've been in addition to Augusta, St. Andrews, Pebble Beach. I know one year you were concerned with Pebble Beach because you didn't get the call until like three days before. Well, not three days. It got a little close. It got a little, you know, this is what I told Jim Nance. Pebble Beach is my favorite week of the year. You know, it's the AT &T. The AT &T Pro Am. I've been playing it 13 years in a row. And I really, I bring my buddy who I grew up with.

1:06:58he caddies for me and it's the most glorious week of the year for me, you know you get to play in the pros, it's like a kid playing in Yankee Stadium during an actual game, you're actually playing with the pros during a pro tournament and now Raymond, look I'm not a fool, I know you know the time changes, the new era the new people come in and Jim Nance has a dinner every Saturday night and he has it in a basement there and he has an eclectic group of people and I've always been invited. Everybody has to get up and talk. I don't know, have you met Jim Nance? He's such a guy and he loves these kind of things and everybody gets up and says a little thing about how much Pebble Beach means to them, that kind of thing.

1:07:45And I told him last year or the year before, I go, you know, someone once asked me when are you going to do Dancing with the Stars? I said, well, I don't think I'm going to do it, but I'll tell you this. You know, the celebrities get to play on Saturday at Pebble because that's the TV day. But some of them don't. Some of them play on Spyglass or whatever on the Saturday, you know, in the rotation. And I go, my time was always prime time. You know, I was always by the 16th hole at 2 o 'clock, you know. and then little by little, now I'm by the 16th tee, by 1 o 'clock, you know, when they come on the air.

1:08:27And now I'm at 11th, they don't even come on the air, so they tape something and then they get on the air. When I'm at Spyglass on a Saturday, I'm doing Dancing with the Stars. That's what I'm doing. Yeah, because it's, I mean, again, Augusta was the perfect, this is such a cool thing that I hope never goes away, but it will one day. How was playing with Tiger? Tiger I played with my first year doing Pebble. First year ever invited. And the following week was the Buick Open. And it was very significant because the first year, I remember I got a lot of heat, a lot of negative press. Not a lot. There was one article written about me in Sports Illustrated.

1:09:15I don't know. I know you're great with research. Did you find this article? I'm not sure. Maybe not. Do you know who Alan Shipnick is? Sure. Golf writer. He wrote a scathing article about, not about me, but I was a lot in it about how, this is when Tiger was going for eight in a row. He was trying to beat Byron Nelson's streak of winning tournaments. And he was saying how the celebrities in front were slowing down Tiger. And I was in front of Tiger. that way. And I was not. And my ball went on the beach once and I said, all right, I'll pick it up. And my pro said, go get it. It'll be good television.

1:09:58Which is, I think, what they said to the guy, the agony of defeat guy. Because it was, I went down and the tide came up and I had to run away and they all got it on camera. And it was hysterical. And then a weekly, Alan Shipnick, or a couple of, Alan Shipnick's article came out about how Tiger was behind me. And he quoted what Tiger was thinking. He said, when Tiger was asked, when Tiger was asked, what do you think about what's going on in front of you? He said something like, well, you know, whatever, I just blah, blah, blah, blah. What Tiger was thinking was, and he put it in quotes, I'm chasing the ghost of Byron Nelson and Ray freaking Romano was holding me up on every shot.

1:10:45Six and a half hour rounds. And Sports Illustrated let me write a rebuttal to him. And one of the things I said was, listen, I know there was six and a half hour rounds on Spyglass. There was six and a half hour rounds on Poppy Hills. I know I'm bad, but I'm not bad enough to cause a delay on three other courses, you know, two other courses. But whatever. I have it hanging up. It's great. I have that article hanging up. So you like it? Well, at the time, I was devastated, but now it's funny now. It's just funny now because, I don't know, it wasn't, you know, whatever. You were on the show of Tiger's former coach, Hank Haney, where he coached you on your golf game, the Haney Project.

1:11:32Best lesson you learned from that? From Haney? From Hank Haney? I'll tell you, the funniest thing that happened was on one shot, and this is on camera one shot that I hit Hank Haney said that's the worst shot I've ever seen and Hank Haney of anybody in the world has seen more shots horrible shots because he's a think of all the coaching and he had Barkley exactly exactly but I love Hank Haney he was he was he was great and he was like a like a saw a drill sergeant by the way I mean I think one of the best things he told me was don't think about your score and he uses me in an example. He said when he gives golf speeches he uses my name as an example when he gives seminars or whatever because my lifelong goal is to break 80.

1:12:28I've never broken 80. I'm a 14 handicap and I play by the books. I play every, I count every stroke. Very anal about everything. And I had, I was in the fairway at Lakeside Golf Course and if I got on the green, I was about 140 out. If I got on the green and two-putted, I shoot 79. And I texted Hank Ainey because about a year ago I had finished with him and we wanted to break 80. We never got to it. I texted him. I said, if I get on and I two-putt, 79. And then, of course, 10 minutes later, I texted him, took a 7, 82. to. And he uses that as an example when he gives speeches, motivations of what not to do, what to be in your own head about your score and worried about the number, you know, just worry about performance.

1:13:19Tell about the mind bets you play with yourself when it comes to golf. Oh, boy. Yeah, I do mind bets to keep myself from gambling because I can get carried away gambling. I used to get carried away when I was younger and thank God before I made any money I took control of it. So now what I do is I make mind bets instead of money bets. But they're the law. If I make a mind bet, in other words, if I say if I don't break a 90, I can't watch TV tonight when I go to sleep or for a week, people think, oh, that's silly. So just watch TV. You know, I swear to God, I do everything. you can't get me to do it because karma, everything, it's too much for me.

1:14:08So I don't do it. And I was, you know, that got carried away. I remember going on the road with my buddy John Manfilotti and we loved to golf and I told him, listen, when we go to Dallas, I can't golf for that week because of a moment. Don't bring your clubs because I can't golf. You're never going to use this line but this is exactly what he said he goes he goes because your father stuck his thumb in your when you were eight i can't golf now your wife says you'll um do it you one of the things you can't watch tv when you're laying in bed so you literally sit in the chair at the front of the bed and watch tv yeah whenever they come in whenever my kids or something come in and I'm sitting in the little lounge chair by my bed watching TV, they'll just go, what'd you shoot, Dad?

1:15:01What'd you shoot? Because they know I've lost a mind bed, so I can't get in the bed, but I found a loophole. I'll watch it in my little lounge chair. Yeah, it's, but, you know, it keeps me from losing a lot of money. What? Thank you very much. Fix that. Let's see you get a show out of that. Thanks for listening to my chat with Ray Romano. Head over to youtube.com slash Graham Bensinger to watch Ray display his impressive world capital knowledge while we hang out on the Warner Brothers lot. And if you enjoyed this podcast, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe. Thanks again for listening.

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