[FROM THE ARCHIVES] What To Wear When Nothing In Your Closet Feels Like You Anymore

0:00Allison Bornstein: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Let's Get Dressed. It's your host, Liv Perez. I am currently on a much-deserved summer holiday, but don't worry, I'm not leaving you guys hanging. Some of the best fashion lives in the archives, and the same goes for podcasts. So over the next few weeks, I'll be re-airing some of my favorite past episodes, and I hope you guys enjoy.

0:23Allison Bornstein: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Let's Get Dressed. It's your host, Liv Perez. What happens when your body, life, or routine changes and suddenly nothing in your closet feels like you anymore? I feel like we've all been there. It's a tough challenge to overcome. So today I got to sit down with stylist, author, and new mom, Alison Bornstein, to talk about finding your style again through life's biggest shifts. Maybe pregnancy, postpartum, new job, a move, breakup, or just a new era. We talk about what it means to make peace again with your closet and let go of clothes that quote unquote, ask too much of you and learn how to dress for the person you are versus the person that your clothes could be holding you to be.

1:05Allison Bornstein: She shares her signature three word method, which I know has helped thousands of people find their personal style, tips for rebuilding confidence when your body changes and why the goal isn't always a perfect wardrobe, but maybe a kinder relationship with the one that you already have. I highly recommend you guys follow Allison on Instagram, TikTok, and Substack. She is one of my favorite follows, especially her Substack. I feel like I'm always learning something new and being challenged every day in my personal style over there. So I'm really excited to have her on the pod today. And I hope you guys love this episode.

1:36Allison Bornstein: If you are going through a big shift right now, I know this episode is for you. Let's go get dressed with Allison Bornstein.

1:44Liv: Welcome to the pod. Thanks for having me.

1:46Allison Bornstein: I feel like this has been a really long time coming.

1:47Liv: I know. I'm right. Yes. I'm so excited to be here. I followed you forever. I do forever.

1:52Allison Bornstein: Love it. I love this.

1:54Liv: I remember actually when you followed me and I was like, no, you know, it's like when somebody you're already following follows you back.

1:59Allison Bornstein: Yes. Yeah. I did. No, I'm a big fan of what you do. And I think I have learned so much from you. You've informed so much of the way that I get dressed. And I really like the way that you've just made it fun. I always say that, like, I'm like, Alison's gamified it. Thank you.

2:14Liv: I try. I feel like sometimes I'm like, not self-conscious, but sometimes I'm like, am I making it like too, I don't know, like not too serious, but like, am I making too many rules? Am I like trying to like put it into a box? But I do feel like it's such a, you know, fashion and style and anything artistic. It's like, it's really, it's subjective. So it is so hard to kind of like understand it and talk about it. So I'm glad that you think that I do a good job.

2:40Allison Bornstein: You just had a baby. How How are you feeling?

2:42Liv: I did. I'm feeling good. Thank you. I'm feeling good. He's doing really well. Postpartum has been, it's really kicked my ass, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to. I had a hard time in pregnancy too, but dressing was a little bit easier. I think when you have the bump going and when you kind of like know what to expect, not that I've been pregnant before, but it's like, you know, you see friends do it and like people talk about it more, but postpartum was really a struggle and still is for me right now.

3:12Allison Bornstein: I love what you're wearing today. Thank you. What are you wearing?

3:15Liv: These jeans are Phoebe Philo, which I was saying, these are the only jeans that fit me right now. They're meant to be kind of like low slung, but I have them pulled up high, which has kind of been my trick for the past few weeks. Now that I'm like slowly fitting into my jeans, I'm like, you know what? They're just going to have to be a little bit higher. I'm not going to tuck in my shirt. I'm just going to let it flow. And it's been nice. I think not to go off on a tangent, but I think the main thing that I learned is that you can't really expect things to fit the same when your body changes. So it's not necessarily even about like getting new things.

3:45Liv: I think it's about just like restyling them, figuring out proportions again. Like I said before, like these jeans are meant to be low and I would usually like have something kind of boxy or tuck it in. And it's like, that's just, that's not what's going to happen right now. So it's just working with different proportions.

4:00Allison Bornstein: I'm so excited to hear about all of it. I get asked so frequently on my Instagram questions about this. Hey, I'm in a different season of life. I just had a baby. I'm going through a breakup. And when it comes to maternity specifically, I obviously don't love giving advice because I haven't gone through it myself. So I was obviously so excited for you when you said that you were pregnant for so many reasons, but also because I was like, oh, she'd be the perfect guest to be able to speak to this

4:25Liv: because it blends just all of your incredible expertise with what you're actually going through. So thanks. I'm excited to talk about, but I think you could also give advice for pregnancy, even not. Okay. Well, look in my defense, I have seven sisters, five or four of which have gone through

4:41Allison Bornstein: having a baby. And as a lot of my listeners know, they all live around me. That was my brother-in-law. I was saying I do live next door, across the street. So I've kind of seen them go through a lot of changes and I've asked, cause I'm obviously curious, like, Oh, are you still wearing your same jeans? Like I'm asking kind of all of those questions, but no, I want to go straight to the source. Okay, great. Yeah. Happy to be here. Happy to help. So you have been a stylist for

5:02Liv: 15 years? Yeah. Really long time. Really long time. I started my career. I was an assistant for a while in New York and I did a lot of editorial and celebrity stuff, which was really fun. Yeah. Just like it was a little bit more of that like fashion with a F kind of fashion, which I loved at the time. Yeah. And I went to FIT. So like when I was at FIT, I would intern And then I ended up being an assistant for a really long time. But when I ended up doing my own work, I realized that I actually really liked working with regular people, non-celebrities. Even doing e-commerce was really interesting because I found it really fascinating when the merchandisers would talk about how to style things for the client, for whoever's buying the clothes.

5:50Liv: And I always really liked that point of view. Like I like, you know, costuming, costuming for movies. Like I like the idea of kind of like thinking about like how somebody would wear this, why somebody would wear this, where somebody would wear this and kind of going from there.

6:03Allison Bornstein: I love seeing you talk about working with clients on a daily basis. I feel like that's like your thing. I love that for you. Like it just, I feel like you can really change someone's life in that hour. And I'm sure you've come across a lot of experiences where someone has just totally lost their style. Yeah. And I wonder for you, like, what does that mean? And what does that look like when you see someone who's just kind of out of their routine or, you know, looking to kind of reinvent themselves a little bit?

6:29Liv: It's a really good question. I find whether they know it or not, most of my clients are going through some sort of transition when they come to see me. So I see clients virtually or in person, but mostly virtually. And it's like, you know, whether it's something as big as being pregnant or a divorce or a breakup or turning 50 or menopause or something really small, just like the seasons are changing. My body's changing. I don't know. My kids are leaving the house. I'm retiring. That's actually not small. That's big. But like there's always some sort of transition. And I feel like often we'll think that clothes aren't that important in that kind of situation, but clothes are like so integral to like any kind of transition or change.

7:14Liv: I think it can help like propel change forward, but it can also, it can really help you like sit back and figure out like, well, who is it that I want to be? Like, what is this wardrobe saying about me? What's working? What's not? And like, yeah, how can I kind of revive it?

7:31Allison Bornstein: Clothes can like walk you through different eras of your life. You can become an entirely different person. I cleaned out my closet in August and did like a massive clean out. Like I got rid of probably half of it. How'd it feel? Oh my God. So good, right? So good. And I think a lot of people were like, oh my God, do you feel scared? Do you feel anxious? Like you got rid of all these things. And for starters, it was really nice living in like just what I had for a little while. But then I like strategically bought pieces that I felt like were missing. And since then to now, I feel like a different person.

8:01Allison Bornstein: I feel like my confidence is different. I know what to put on. I like everything I'm putting on. And I'm not like looking back at outfits. And I'm like, why did I wear that? Like everything I've worn since I'm like, yeah, that feels right. That feels like me.

8:13Liv: That's great. Cause I feel like, you know, you obviously know what you're doing and it's like being super discerning about like, is this like we're saying who I want to be? Is this what I want to portray? Is this like, I don't know. I think I wrote this in my sub stack about postpartum, but it's like, are these clothes asking of me too much? You know, like are these clothes asking me to be like a different person? And sometimes they are like, I have things in my wardrobe now that I've been a mom for four months. I'm like, these are not me. These clothes are asking too much of me. They're asking me to be somebody that I'm not anymore.

8:46Liv: And it's okay to let them go. I was really moved by that Substack post. It was a note that you posted. You had gone on a walk and had that realization. And by the way, guys, Allison has the best Substack. Oh my God, thank you. I love your Substack. I love what you do on there. I love Substack. I do too.

9:03Allison Bornstein: I think it's, if you know how to do it and you've like found your niche in there, I think there's a huge opportunity. An amazing community. Totally. Very different than Instagram. Like people are really dialed there and it feels more like I'm conversing with peers versus like that, like follower community exchange on Instagram. Yeah. I really like it. That's a great point. Yeah. It feels like I'm talking with friends. Yeah. Anytime people message in the chat or comment on things, I'm like, yeah. The chats are crazy.

9:28Liv: Like, yeah, I'm still figuring out my chat, but some of the chats I'm in are insane. Yeah. People like really helpful, like really wanting to help, like even just like, yeah, peer to peer.

9:37Allison Bornstein: Yeah, it's great. But so I loved that note that you posted because I hadn't really thought about that as a concept before that what you're asking of clothes versus what clothes could be asking of you. And I'm sure that that was huge for you in your journey. How did that take shape?

9:53Liv: Yeah, a lot of it, unfortunately, because being postpartum had to do with size. So like if this you know, if these jeans are asking me to be skinnier, like I can't right now. Right. But even bigger, it's like, I think I have some things that are almost asking me to be a different person or have a different life than I have. So like a really simple example, like I have some like really high heels and it's like, I'm not going to wear those all the time. Like, I don't even know if I want to be that person that's wearing them. And so those can go, you know? And I think just being again, like style and your wardrobe and editing your wardrobe, it really is just about being clear with who you are, you know, and like who you want to be as a person.

10:33Liv: So I think it all just plays into that.

10:35Allison Bornstein: One of the things I love most about fashion is that true luxury is often found in the smallest details. It's the weight of a beautiful fabric, the way a jacket is tailored, the click of a clasp, or how effortlessly a piece moves when you wear it. Lexus thinks about craftsmanship in a very similar way. At Lexus, master craftsmen called Takumi are involved not only in the physical craftsmanship of each vehicle, but in every sensory detail. They evaluate things like the way a door closes, the click of a switch, and the acoustic feedback of all the controls. And much like a designer knows when the cut, fabric, and finish of a piece feel exactly right, Takumi craftsmen rely on more than instruments alone.

11:12Allison Bornstein: They use human perception and intuition to create an experience that sounds and feels right. That's what Lexus means by engineering to be felt. Understanding that the most powerful tool is knowing what will make someone feel something. Because a car that doesn't make you feel something is a car that's stopped short of amazing. So experience amazing at your Lexus dealer. In your 15 years of styling, and especially recently with how many people you're styling on a daily basis, I'm really interested in this transformative process. Is there an experience that has been most memorable for you? And what did that look like in that person's day to day?

11:49Allison Bornstein: Such a good question.

11:50Liv: I have a slightly older or client-based, I would say. And I feel like a lot of the women talk about menopause and how their bodies are changing that way. And, you know, like needing to have layers because they're warm. It's just like all these interesting new functional considerations, like obviously like body considerations, but it's like the function that I think becomes different when your life changes in that way. One of the first questions or like the way that I get to know my clients is I really just ask like, what does a typical day look like for you? Because, you know, as much as like we'll have our Pinterest of like how we want to look, it's like, well, like, let's be real.

12:24Liv: Like, what are we doing? We're waking up, we're working out, we're dropping the kids off at school, we're working from home, you know, like, what does that look like? Because that's really important in like what you're wearing every single day and like how you're getting dressed and how you're moving through the world. So that's one of the things that I always ask. And yeah, it can be like really illuminating. And I think kind of helpful in terms of like framing personal style.

12:46Allison Bornstein: I want to zoom out on your own journey of this transformative time in your life. How did your relationship change with your clothes when you first found out you were pregnant?

12:55Liv: Oh my God. I was so obviously so excited. You know, I think with me, and I think this is probably common with any transition, I felt an anxiety and a desire to all of a sudden like buy a bunch of new stuff and like get rid of a bunch of other stuff because I'm like, okay, this is who I am now. But what I did and what I would tell somebody else to do if they were in my shoes is like, just take a pause because I think often we will shop or edit or kind of, you know, reshape our wardrobe for the person that we think we're going to be as opposed to like kind of understanding the reality of it. So I really took a beat and I was like, just wait till you actually start growing and then figure out what you need from there.

13:43Liv: And that was it was actually really hard. And I've talked about this before. I call it like the back to school shopping method, because do you know what I mean? When you like shop before, you know, like in the summertime before you're going into like a new grade, like I always remember I'd be like, well, this is who I'm going to be in fifth grade and like buy all this stuff. And it's like, well, that's like not really the reality. Like this is not actually who I am. And like, that's not really, you know, it's like this imagined person. Of course.

14:08Allison Bornstein: Yeah. I feel the same way. We're like, and I have this is a terrible habit of mine. When I move into a new house, I like want to furnish it right away. Yeah. And it's like living it a little bit. Yes, it's exactly

14:17Liv: how you use the space. Yes.

14:18Allison Bornstein: See what you actually need on a daily basis, because it's maybe not what is the idealized version of it in your mind.

14:24Liv: It might just be a bit more user friendly at the end of the day. That's an amazing, amazing. And yes, that's exactly true. And I have the same thing with like, I just like I want it quickly. I want it now. I just want to feel settled. Yeah. But it's like you actually have to like live it a little bit to be like, what is it that I want? So for me, once I started, you know, getting a little bit bigger, my body changed pretty quick. I realized I had a lot of like already I had a lot of like drawstring pants and pull on pants. And that was kind of what I was wearing the whole time. And yeah. Was that the first thing that you felt shifted?

14:59Liv: The first thing was that things just felt uncomfortable. Like you were saying, like fabrics were being like felt uncomfortable. even if things still fit. I was like, I felt like I was being pushed or like, so I was like, you know what? I like don't want to wear jeans, even if they're like soft or comfortable. And yeah, I don't want anything pulling. My boobs got really big. So I like bought new bras right away. That was actually pretty useful. But yeah, it was just like, like silky pants and like, you know, cashmere sweaters and stuff that felt really soft and good and cozy. That was kind of, that was sort of my go-to.

15:33Allison Bornstein: I'm curious as a fashion person, because because I feel like I hear this debate often. Did you buy maternity clothes specifically, or were you utilizing what you already had? Okay.

15:44Liv: I have a lot of clients who will say like, I don't want to buy maternity stuff. Like I don't want anything maternity. And it's like, okay, like don't be a hero. First of all, like, why not? Like it's made for you. It's going to feel comfortable. Like, so I'm not like anti-maternity clothes at all. I really think, I don't know. I think I had a lot of like stretchy waist pants that I would just wear under the bump like things things weirdly still fit I think because I like things oversized and I could just kind of like slouch it down under my stomach a bit. But yeah if I try to think if I had anything maternity I don't think I did but not because like I don't want to.

16:22Allison Bornstein: I see Olivia Coppo posting this brand hatch a lot. Yeah. She just had like a really cute nightgown on. Yeah. That you could like probably wear out in the summer. It was like a little doily, like cute piece. But over her breast, there was like a little button snap that she could undo for breastfeeding. And I thought it was so smart because she could have not told me that that little button was there. And I was like, oh, that looks like something she could have gotten from Chloe. Yeah. You know, like it's working double duty.

16:46Liv: Exactly. And like having something that's useful. Like I think that maybe there's this idea. It's like, oh, it's not chic to wear maternity. It's like I don't there's really cute things. And like, if, if that's what fits and feels good, like do not deprive yourself from that. I also think like now, you know, jeans are a little bit lower slung and that makes it easier. Cause I remember working for clients or with clients, like maybe like seven years ago when it was more skinny jean, high-waisted time. And I remember that was really hard because the, you can't do high-waisted. No, and like, it doesn't look good.

17:20Allison Bornstein: No, where does the bump sit? Oh, no. I want nothing tight there. So it was like that.

17:24Liv: Yeah. So there was that. I will say this. As somebody who tries not to go crazy with shopping and who tries to be at least thoughtful and smart, when I was pregnant, especially in the beginning, I just felt very unattractive and not really myself. So if I found something, even if it was expensive, that looked good, I bought it for it yeah like I bought like a really stupid but like kind of cute like cropped Chloe jacket like why just because like it fit and it looks good and for like a second it made me feel nice I don't necessarily like don't what do they say like do as I say not as I do right but yeah there there is a there's a while there where it's like I was you know getting my hair highlighted and my nails done all the time I was like I just need something to like make me feel beautiful have you worn it a lot okay put on the rear wheel whatever you can re-reel it

18:15Allison Bornstein: It's totally fine.

18:16Liv: It was a weird moment, but like I still like it. I'm going to make it work.

18:19Allison Bornstein: You mentioned maternity leggings that you bought. Were there other pieces in your wardrobe that were like your hero pieces you were leaning towards every single day?

18:27Liv: Again, not a very sexy answer. The bras. Like I already have pretty big boobs and then they got like massive and like heavy and like kind of yucky. So just like really supportive. Like I was used to wearing bras that weren't that supportive, but I had to get some supportive bras that were still really soft, like a lot of skims. Also, again, maybe not relatable, but I had a pair of gala pants,

18:52Allison Bornstein: like the Roe gala pants that I wore the whole time. Everyone loves those.

18:54Liv: Yeah.

18:55Allison Bornstein: That's the second mention of those in a week on this podcast. Yeah. Are they that good? I don't know what I would have done without them for those however many months.

19:03Liv: Are they stretchy? Yes. They have the elastic waistband and I have the crepe ones, not the silk ones. So it's like like super wrinkly. And so those, but just like a big t-shirt were kind of my go-to. What about jeans? Yeah. So I bought some like jeans from Kos from like that are just like a more low rise. I had a pair of still here jeans. Do you know the cool jean? The ones with like the low rise? Yeah, these are tight. I had like a larger size and they're really low on me. Yeah, they're super low on me too. They're like a little too. They're really low.

19:38Allison Bornstein: So with like the bump, it was good. And they're kind of soft.

19:41Liv: So I wore those. But then there was a point where I was like, I'm not doing this. Like I said, like the comfort and like the things touching my body. I was like, I just need soft.

19:49Allison Bornstein: A lot of my sisters put those like elastic bands in the side of their jeans. They took them to the tailor and had them just put elastic on the side. Oh, that's actually really smart. And then had them take them out after so that they weren't buying new things, which I thought was smart. I think that's really, really smart. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it must be. I always think about kind of like the life cycle of maternity clothes in your closet. Are you using what you already have? Are you buying other things and putting them in a box and saving them for your next pregnancy? That must feel very overwhelming in that moment when you're like, oh my God, am I about to not be able to use all my closet?

20:20Liv: Yeah. I think, yes, it felt very overwhelming. And that was, again, my instinct to be like, I got to buy a bunch of shit. But you realize you don't need that much, first of all. You just need a few pairs of pants that fit nice, something nice to wear out to dinner, something nice to work from home. You thing that I did do is I, and I'm kind of still doing it, is I packed away all the jeans and stuff like that that didn't fit and just got them out of my closet. So then my closet was only stuff that fit and would work. And then I would go through every once in a while when I would get a little bigger and things would kind of stop fitting properly.

20:53Liv: And I would put those away too. And now that I'm postpartum, I have like a section in my closet or I would tell somebody, maybe like do a rack of the things that fit right now. And it's kind of fun because as opposed to pregnancy when I was getting rid of stuff. Now I'm adding stuff. So it's like kind of fun to be like, oh, like these fit again or these, you know, I can wear these again. I'm ready for this again. So it's like things kind of keep like moving towards the front of my closet, which feels like a fun surprise. And it made me it made me being pregnant and not wearing a lot of my clothes.

21:22Liv: It made me like really appreciate them and miss them.

21:25Allison Bornstein: Yeah.

21:25Liv: I was like, I love you guys. Welcome back.

21:27Allison Bornstein: Yeah.

21:28Liv: I'm so happy you're here.

21:29Allison Bornstein: Yeah. That's really that's cute. I like that. I feel like oftentimes we'll see like the narrative of like, I see it in movies all the time. Like my pre-baby jeans. Yeah. What do you feel about that?

21:40Liv: I was actually talking to my mom about this before I came here. There's going to be some jeans that like, I haven't tried them on yet, but I'm just going to get rid of them. Like they are, they're not going to fit necessarily. And they're like who I was before. And like, I don't necessarily need to fit into them. And like I was saying, like, it's not, it's really not up to the jeans. It's up to me. So like if they don't fit me, they got to go. I'm in charge. It's my closet. So like, yeah, there's going to be a lot of things that I think I edit out. But I will say a tip is that I feel like when you're in the midst of a transition, it can feel a little like destabilizing and maybe a little bit frantic.

22:19Liv: So there was a few times where I was like, I want to get rid of everything in my closet. Like I want to just give away all these jeans right now. But I think it's better to just wait until you're feeling like a little bit more stable, a little bit back to yourself, not necessarily like the same size, but maybe close enough that you can try things on and just see like, is this something that I'm going to want to wear or not?

22:37Allison Bornstein: One of the things I love most about fashion is that true luxury is often found in the smallest details. It's the weight of a beautiful fabric, the way a jacket is tailored, the click of a clasp, or how effortlessly a piece moves when you wear it. Lexis thinks about craftsmanship in a very similar way. At Lexis, master craftsmen called Takumi are involved not not only in the physical craftsmanship of each vehicle, but in every sensory detail. They evaluate things like the way a door closes, the click of a switch, and the acoustic feedback of all the controls. And much like a designer knows when the cut, fabric, and finish of a piece feel exactly right, Takumi craftsmen rely on more than instruments alone.

23:15Allison Bornstein: They use human perception and intuition to create an experience that sounds and feels right. That's what Lexus means by engineering to be felt. Understanding that the most powerful tool is knowing what will make someone feel something. Because a car that doesn't make you feel something is a car that stops short of amazing. So experience amazing at your Lexus dealer. So I'm just coming off of an August with two back-to-back weddings. And I don't know about you guys, but wedding guest dress shopping always turns into like a mini research project for me. First, it's about figuring out the attire.

23:46Allison Bornstein: Cocktail, formal, black tie, beachside. There are so many different ways to go and you always want to make sure that you're following the attire well.

23:53Liv: But I will also say that end of summer, early fall weddings are kind of my favorite times to dress for.

23:59Allison Bornstein: It's the perfect excuse to really have fun with your wardrobe, and the color tones are my favorite. I personally love moving away from like the brighter color florals and into those deeper gem tones like terracottas, rose, deep greens. For weddings specifically, I also always look for things with a lot of movement. Think flowing fabrics, maybe a cool neckline, maybe a little lace. I always think about how the dress is going to move on the dance floor. Very important. I've been loving using Macy's Fall Wedding Dressing Guide with head-to-toe looks for different dress codes so your next RSVP doesn't send you into a full-blown outfit spiral.

24:35Allison Bornstein: Head to Macy's to shop everything you need for fall wedding season.

24:40Liv: You said something really interesting just now that is like one of my favorite things

24:43Allison Bornstein: that you talk about on Instagram. You were like, it's my closet and I'm in charge. Yeah. Do you think that we're like beholden to our closet sometimes? Because I do. Yeah. Like I love that you sometimes you're like, we need to go make friends with our closet. Yeah. It's like I put a dress on yesterday. So I went off birth control in May. Okay. And I'm just trying to like stabilize my body out. And I wore this dress to a friend's wedding in December that I tried to put on yesterday. And that did not fit. Like I could not zip it up. And obviously, I'm so aware that like going on and off the pill totally makes your body fluctuate.

25:18Allison Bornstein: And I felt it months ago. I was like, okay, things are fitting a little differently than they did when I was on the pill. And I remember just like kind of spiraling. I was like, oh my God, I feel beholden, but I feel almost like the dress is taunting me almost in a way. And I do just really appreciate the way that you talk about clothes as needing to be our friends and not our foes. So can you share a little bit about like how to become friends with our closet.

25:45Liv: Like how can we not be at odds with the things that don't fit us? Okay. Yes. I have so many clients where they'll say like, I hate everything that's in my wardrobe. It's like, okay, well then like, let's figure out why and what would you like, you know, like what's going to work. So I feel like a lot of times our closets are filled with things that are either like, you know, reminding us of, I don't know, maybe a purchase that we made that was a mistake or somebody that we used to be. And they don't they really don't need to be there. Like there's really no use for them. Like that dress that, you know, you tried to put on like by like that's like it's it's our space.

26:23Liv: So I think it's really important to just kind of like stand in front of your closet and look at your clothes and like you want to like them all. And like you're saying, it's taunting you. It's sitting there. It's like, yeah, reminding you We don't need to have that reminder if we don't want it. And I don't see why you would want it.

26:41Allison Bornstein: You mentioned something that I thought was really poignant, which is proportions. And something that I love to see you shift and lean into through your pregnancy style was these looser looks that still looked really elevated and polished. So can you break down how to do that for someone? Because I think in general, proportions are the best style lesson you could ever learn, but especially when you are dealing with this moment of transition in your life.

27:05Liv: Yes. Okay. So the proportions changed a lot through the nine months. I was really excited for the bump to come because, you know, as somebody like as women, I feel maybe not everybody, but maybe some people can relate to this. Like we're insecure about our stomachs. At least I am like super insecure about my stomachs. I was like, oh, yay. Like it's kind of liberating to be like, look, here it is. And like show it off. So I was very, very excited to wear like something cropped or something fitted. I did not really get a bump until later in my pregnancy, like maybe like 25 weeks. So that was kind of a bummer.

27:39Liv: But anyway, proportions. I realized that I liked something a little bit like silkier and drapier in the beginning, not because I was like trying to cover up anything, but just because like I was saying, it felt more comfortable. So I'd wear like a like a silk or a crepe pant and then I would wear a longer T-shirt before I really like something kind of structured and stiff and like a little bit more boxy crop that just wasn't working. It kind of the nuance was lost a bit. Like it was, I was already looking a little bit boxy. So it was like, it didn't work as well. So I wanted something that was like a little bit softer, like a linen t-shirt, like a cashmere t-shirt, something that would just like drape and kind of fall nicely, like around, you know, my boobs and my, my stomach with like a softer pant.

28:23Liv: And then I found it really helpful if I was wearing a jacket or, you know, a shoe, like if I was leaving the house, I would go for something that was a little bit like pointier and sharper in the shoe and in the jacket, just like create some angles. And then as I got a little bit bigger, I would go for things that were maybe like a little bit tighter. And then finally I went for things that were cropped so I could have the bump out. But yeah, as things got, or as I got a little bit bigger, I realized that actually maybe those sharp angles weren't working anymore. So then I pivoted to like longer trench coats and like ballet flats, like things that actually, I don't know, again, felt like a little bit more like sumptuous, but it was just like a lot of like balance, like a lot of just being like, okay, how does this feel and how can I add a contrast to it?

29:11Allison Bornstein: I think I saw a lot of you in like silk pants and those like oversized tees. I loved that. Thanks. Like it looked really great on you. And I feel like it's a good outfit formula. Like, did you have those that you were turning to all the time where you were just like, okay, here are my five looks that I'm rotating through today?

29:26Liv: Yes. And it changed often. So it was a little frustrating because I was like, okay, I get it. Like there was a time where I was wearing a silk or like a crepe pants, like a long, like kind of oversized tee. And then like a little, like cropped jacket, like I had like a vintage Armani little like crop jacket that I wore every single day. And then pretty soon it's like the jacket wasn't fitting anymore. The cropped wasn't really working. So then I was pivoting to like, okay, maybe then I could do like the sharper blazer. So I think it really is just like, okay, what's not working right now or what's making me feel like not myself and why?

29:59Liv: And then how can I kind of adjust it accordingly? And like, you know, I sort of, it was like kind of turning dials. Like I was adjusting just to get like the level is exactly correct, but like you, I had to keep adjusting.

30:11Allison Bornstein: Something that I think is probably so helpful that you tell your clients, you've become very popular for the three word method. And I'm sure in these times of crisis, that is everything having this formula that you can turn to and be like, okay, who I am, who am I, and how can I incorporate this into my style? Can you share a little bit about this? Because I'm sure a lot of people listening have heard it, but in this context of losing your style and trying to find it again, I'm sure it's really helpful.

30:38Liv: 100%. So the three-word method is just kind of distilling your style into three words. And again, not meant to like put you in any kind of box, but just sort of meant to like help you visualize and give yourself some guardrails and like just really help you understand like where you are and where you want to go. So for me, I think my three words have kind of changed, but like I would say that they're like classic 70s and elegant. Love that. Thank you.

31:01Allison Bornstein: I love that you said they can change because a lot of people have asked me, a lot of people have been like, have you done Alison's three words? And I'm like, I don't know where to start. I get nervous that I'm going to like box myself into three words. They change all the time. I like, I think I resonate with the classic and elegant, but I don't know what my third word is.

31:19Liv: Okay. We're going to have to figure this out. Because I can be very classic and elegant for

31:23Allison Bornstein: sure in my like thirties. That's like kind of where I live. But there's like a little bit of me that like was born and raised on Gossip Girl. And like, I love a printed skirt. And like, I love the like, I was raised on Gossip Girl, Lauren Santo Domingo, like that era of women and fashion, Olivia Palermo. Yeah. So like, I do love a little bit of drama.

31:43Liv: Yeah. It's like a little drama, like preppies may be the wrong word, but like a little bit of that, like feminine, like a little like prim, but like in a fun way. A lot of people say preppy to me and I'm like, it's not preppy. I don't like collars. It's like, I mean, I'm wearing one, but I don't.

31:56Allison Bornstein: yeah. Like I'd never put like a sweater over this, which I think is like quintessential peppy. Right. But that's just not my I know it's really hard. That third word for me is

32:05Liv: it has haunted me, Allison. We're going to get there. We're going to figure it out. But yeah, I like I like the idea of like dramatic. So if you're having a hard time with your three words, I kind of like I make each word mean something. It doesn't have to. But like I say, the first word is what you find by looking in your closet and the things that you wear all the time. not just the things that are in the closet, but really like what are your go-tos and how would you describe them? And for me, those things are classic. The second word is what, you know, when you look at your Pinterest board and the things that you're inspired by, how would you describe those things?

32:38Liv: And a lot of times like those can be really different from what's actually in your wardrobe. And also just kind of being like, okay, like this is for a photo. How can I make, how can I make this like work for my life? Functional. Function. Yes. Or like this is on Kendall Jenner, who's super tall. Like how can I figure out again, proportion to make this work for me and my shape. Third word is how do you want to feel? And for me, that's elegant. It might be a little different now, postpartum. How? Because I think I came up with the word elegant when I lived in New York and I felt like everything was like a little like messy and like my hair is always a little messy and I'm always like kind of rushed.

33:14Liv: And I'm, you know, in New York, like you're thinking a lot about function. So like, I think it was almost like a good contrasting word for me to remind myself, like, just like clean it up a bit, you know, like get it together, like add a nice bag, add some jewelry, like a good, you know, it was just like a good reminder. But now in LA, I feel, I don't know, maybe there's like a desire to be more relaxed. And I think also being a new mom, like I want to, I want my son to feel like I'm relaxed and I want to look relaxed and I want to like be relaxed, which is like really hard as a new mom. But that's where your 70s comes in.

33:48Liv: That too.

33:48Allison Bornstein: Because it feels so like lived in and like groovy, cool, laid back. Like I love that part of your style. And I think that's still there. But I think you do that in an elegant way. Thank you. So I think that like that should stay.

34:01Liv: Okay, great. The 70s for me does it for you. Right. It gives like the more, yeah, you're right. Like a little bit more grounded. Yes.

34:07Allison Bornstein: But I understand how elegant can come off as like hard to wear. Totally.

34:12Liv: And like, I mean, we're not lived in. Yes. Like I love like a tie blouse, but I like it untied, you know, like it's like these kinds of details that feel, yeah, like polished, put together, elegant, like silky, but still wearing it in a way that feels like a little bit easier and more relaxed.

34:28Allison Bornstein: So yeah, so those are the three words.

34:29Liv: And what I found was hard when I was pregnant and postpartum was to like get that sort of that like 70s or that groovy or like that cool factor. Like I was like, I look nice. I look fine, but like I don't look or feel cool. And that I think was really tricky. And the way that I kind of reconciled that is I added a lot of jewelry, like a lot of vintage jewelry, a lot of vintage jackets and coats and stuff like that. So like my base would still be like a t-shirt and the crepey pants, but then putting on like a cool suede jacket. Right. You know, so that was the texture and like even like vintage pieces, vintage bags, like big bags, things that like, you know, really round sunglasses, like big sunglasses.

35:14Liv: I felt like those added that kind of that cool factor. So I didn't feel just like so simple. Right. And so classic. Right. That's also not me.

35:23Allison Bornstein: It's such a great practice. And I appreciate that you say it can evolve because I think my favorite thing about fashion is that it grows with us.

35:31Liv: 100 percent. When I look back at what I was wearing a year ago, I'm like, it was cute. It was fine. But it's not who I am now. And I think that that's like one of the coolest character studies that we can do as humans is looking at where we were

35:42Allison Bornstein: in life and where we are now and how what we put on is emblematic of that. So I like that this three word method can change with us. And I think that's kind of fun. Like one year it could change out. And yes, I think as long as they're not all changing, like one, there has to be a through line. Yeah.

35:57Liv: There's always something consistent, but like one word can change or like even like the meaning of it can change, you know? Right. But you touched on something that I think is like really interesting is I feel like recently with clients, especially like slightly younger ones, they're like obsessed with like not looking cringe or like not looking. They're obsessed with the idea that they might look back at what they're wearing and not like it. And it's like, that's kind of the point.

36:22Allison Bornstein: That's the point. A hundred percent. By the way, there was a point in time when I first started doing this podcast where I would not reference my past style or like talk about it or look at it. And even like, I would not want to share it on Instagram. And you have to embrace the cringe. Like, oh my God, if you can't sit down and talk about the crazy shit that you wore in high school. We can't be friends. We can't be friends. Yeah.

36:44Liv: Because it's like, you know, I look back at pictures and I'm like, wouldn't wear that now, but like felt great.

36:50Allison Bornstein: Oh, I felt amazing. Yeah. And part of that confidence is what gave me the confidence to try the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

36:57Liv: Yeah. And now I feel

36:59Allison Bornstein: more confident in my style than I ever have. And I would have not gotten to this point if I hadn't tried those insane hot pink star earrings. Yeah. Those Jeffrey Campbell lace up heels that we all war. What were those called again?

37:10Liv: I want to say Lolita, but like it's not something like that. Lolita? No, it's something. But like I had them too.

37:17Allison Bornstein: Those Jeffrey Campbell, like crazy shoes. Like you have to go through those. You got to go through the. If you don't love me at my worst, you cannot love me at my best.

37:25Liv: Exactly.

37:25Allison Bornstein: And like I cannot be here for the good fashion if you didn't love me at my bad fashion. Amen.

37:29Liv: Amen. And like, I'm probably going to look back at this and be like, what was I doing? But it's like, that's the point. It's like you have to take swings or else, you know, you you'll feel boring or again, like you're not expressing yourself. And again, like postpartum pregnancy, like any transition, it's like it's about sort of, you know, using fashion to like kind of help sort of like, I don't know, like get a handle on where you are and then where you want to go. Yes. So it's like a loose, a loose grip on it. You know, you don't want to be like clutching onto who used to be.

38:00Allison Bornstein: It's like, oh, yeah, a loose grip. something that helps me with that is like, how do I walk in the closet every day and get dressed for my eyes only?

38:09Liv: Love that.

38:10Allison Bornstein: So I'm not going to sit here and be like, I'm having dinner with this person. What do I think they would want me to wear? That's an amazing point. It's like close your eyes and be like, what do I want to wear? And not what I want this person to perceive me as.

38:23Liv: That's huge.

38:24Allison Bornstein: It's hard because I think as society, we are trained to do that. That's just life. Yes. But I think how I've gotten to figure out my style more is by closing my eyes and saying like, what do I want to walk out of my door feeling and not how I want someone else to feel about me. That's really amazing.

38:41Liv: Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like the times where I've actually like really not loved what I was wearing or like felt really uncomfortable are the times where I was trying to not necessarily be somebody else, but show up as like what would fit in the setting.

38:56Allison Bornstein: Yes. Fashion is super manipulative.

38:58Liv: It really is. Yeah, exactly.

39:01Allison Bornstein: And I'm like, we have control. Yes. That has been my favorite thing you've said this whole episode. Thanks. Because it is, I think it's just, it's so true that our clothes can sometimes hold us hostage. And it's like, how can we just be friends? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Another thing I love that you've done recently is talk about the things that have made you feel sexy as a new mom, which I know you mentioned earlier, it was a challenge in certain times. So what are you doing right now that's making you feel the sexiest? Like, what are you putting on where you're just like, ooh, I feel great?

39:31Liv: Well, this outfit was pretty much all that works right now. I love that. Other things that I'm doing, like a lot of beauty stuff. Yep. So like, was really excited to get Botox again.

39:43Allison Bornstein: God bless Botox.

39:44Liv: I know, God bless Botox. What else was I excited to do? I don't drink alcohol, so like that wasn't that exciting. But like, you do just feel like really limited in pregnancy. and I feel like now I'm like, inject me, like, let me try like different creams. Let me, I don't know. Like, yeah, anything. I'll try anything. The joys of being a woman. Yeah. I remember when people remember, it was like five months ago when I first was postpartum, a lot of my friends were like, it's going to take you six months. And I was like, well, I don't want to wait six months. Like I need to feel better now. And now I'm at like, I'm almost at five months and I'm like, yeah, it does.

40:20Liv: It takes a while. My mom always says nine months in, nine months out. That's her thing. Yes. It does take well. And like the most unhelpful thing that people said, like not unhelpful, just like not actionable is like, relax. It's going to be fine. Like, just like don't stress. And like, that was really hard for me. But has anybody ever relaxed by being told relax? Yeah. And I was like, no, but like, what do I do? Everyone's like, it's fine. Like you're, you're going to feel like yourself again. Like it's gonna, it's going to feel great. you just have to give yourself time. And like, I would probably give that advice to somebody else too.

40:52It's like, you just have to like kind of enjoy the ride.

40:57Allison Bornstein: I'm trying to think of what that one actionable thing is though, for someone who is action oriented, if someone listening right now is in a transitional period of their life, breakup, postpartum, menopause, anything. What's that like one thing you can tell them to do today that isn't time?

41:12Liv: Yes. That isn't just like waiting. I think it would be, I think it would be creating like a little capsule, like I was saying, in your closet of things that feel really good right now and like playing with those and then sort of taking time to figure out, well, now where do I want to go? And wait, let me mention this too. When I, one of my clients was like, I'm having a really hard time with my three words. I'm having a really hard time figuring out the second word, which is like, who do I want to be? And I was like, okay, what outfit are you wearing where you feel like, I feel so good. This is how I always want to feel.

41:45Liv: And like, how would you describe that outfit? So I feel like making a little capsule of like, these are my favorite things. This is how I want to feel. This is how I want to move in the world. I feel like that's really helpful because it just like, it gives you, I don't know, it's like, it's like manifesting. Like it just gives you sort of like a vision. I love it.

42:01Allison Bornstein: Yeah.

42:01Liv: I think it's important.

42:02Allison Bornstein: I think everybody needs an actionable tip. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on. This is really fun.

42:10Thank you.