How 2025 Changed How We Think About Money

0:01If you have the itch to start a business or try something new this year, have you considered looking at a franchise? Unlike starting from complete scratch, you're buying into a proven business model from brands like McDonald's or Anytime Fitness. Of course don't just leap into one. If you think a franchise might be the kind of career change that you want, you're going to need to do some proper research. One place you can learn more about this is the British and International Franchise Exhibition. It's completely free to attend and it's at the Olympia, London, on January 30th and 31st. You can speak with different franchises, find out about the financials and how it all works, and just figure out if it's a good fit for you.

0:34If you'd like to get a free ticket and go along, I've left a link in the description for you.

1:04All I do is win. I don't know what's in here. Let's get yours. You can have that little weak side. Yes, he rigged it. He set me up. He rigged it. I don't even know what I got. I won't say, I don't think we splurged out on these crackers, guys. In your house, they come with like Laboutons and stuff. I don't know. What is that? Is that even a game? Is that thicker? Yeah, next time I'm getting the crackers. Who got these crackers?

1:31I'll put a little... Tell us a joke. There you go. I didn't get a joke in my one. Oh, wait. The stickers don't even stick. Oh, my God. What happens to elves that are naughty?

1:47Detention. Some kind of plan was with that. I don't know. Go on. Santa gives him the sack. What? What? Santa does what? Not that sack. You were wrong. Mental, mate. That's his skill, making that dirty. No, well played. Well played. Oh, he dismisses them. Yeah, they get fired, but the sack of presents. Bloody hell. What's green covered in tinsel and goes ribbit, ribbit? I have no idea. A mistletoad? That was all right, actually. I like that. Celebration times. We've got some no seco or some fizero. Zero percent alcohol. Let's get started. Come on, pop that bottle, mate. Pop that bottle. Let's get some of these questions popped as well.

2:33We've got some great listener questions. Don't take my eye out. I'm aiming at you. No, don't. Look, you work out, man. Let me shoot at your stomach. It's a loaded gun, that. Don't aim it at me. Yeah, we need you to be looking good. You are the talent. Pop! Yeah, you ain't got no talent. Oh, my God. Three, two, one. Wait. He can't open it. He can't open it. Three, two, one. Wait. Three, two, one. Happy New Year. Merry Christmas. You filthy animals. there you go my dear oh cheers mate my dear let's get this show on the road our first question oh wait let's cheers it up first cheers men of class and soft to 2025 and to 2026 yeah i'm just like see you 2025 right first question let's go rock and roll So, Lemon Vlog says, what was your favourite episode of the year?

3:36Ah, so I'm one of those people that I have no concept of time. So I don't know what happened in this last year, basically. In the sense of, you could tell me something was three years ago and I believe you. You could tell me it was six months ago and I believe you. So I can't just pick it from this year. So I'm just going to spit some episodes at you that I think I like, that I think we don't talk about on a regular basis. One that I do know was of this year is Helen Miller from the IFS. Twice. Yeah, twice. But her first episode I thought was really good. I like that because what you see there is a woman that had to step into some very big shoes in Paul Johnson, a guy that was kind of like an institution within finance, journalism and that landscape.

4:20And I think she just stepped into that and owned that position. I dare say that she's like, raised the bar you know if you look at the comments that she gets on our episodes she's really kind of she's made that her own and i think like that's i'm kind of jealous of that she's such a good communicator and she's got a good head on her shoulders so yeah it's a good combination you can throw any question at her and she just comes back with a balanced well reasoned and thought out and succinct answer which is so hard i mean we just sit here waffling waffling shooting from the hip just freestyling it yeah i also philip roscoe the problem with index funds he he had the really nice nice wow my stickers for these crack crack crackers man um the the he's the guy who had like a uh butterflies on his shirt oh yeah yeah it's a colorful shirt yeah and i also like the tim harford one it's tim harford i believe is that there's one i forgot which was about annuities that wasn't him you talk about it all the bloody time i know i've forgotten his name no no no no no that's not tim harford no no tim harford was the guy he's like an economist and he does the bbc and stuff and he was just full of interesting stories i think that's one of the ones where kind of just just let the man talk you know he he's great uh he's better than us and i those are i guess that i picked those two because i wanted to shine a light on episodes that I think we don't talk about very often.

5:42You know, you talk about your annuities all the time. I do not. You, no. I can't remember who the guy, I'm terrible with names. I like that, you know. Names and dates I'm not good with, but we talked about annuities and it was something I didn't know anything about and actually like, for something I thought was going to be the most boring thing of my life, I was like, I find it really interesting. So I think it's something that people don't really think about or talk about our annuities. And then of course, you know me, I love my self-employed episode, Tom Ashworth. I think it didn't really resonate with many people because obviously most people are not self-employed, but I found it like so useful and transformative.

6:16But you know who I really liked? The use don't matter, mate. Impact does. Impact does, yeah. So, you know, like the people in the comments are like, oh, I needed this. It's never going to fly out the gate because one in eight people are self-employed, I believe, in the UK. So it's a small group of people anyway. Yeah. And then, of course, a recent one we did, Glenn Arnold, just because it was like all about Warren Buffett. and you hear about him, you learn about him in school and like everyone knows Warren Buffett but like deep diving into his life, his mistakes, his growing up, how he changes an investor over time.

6:49I'm not even sure that Glenn Arnold episode is going to be out yet, mate, but people can look forward to that. You've got something to look forward to in 2026, guys. It's got the T cosine already on it. Yeah, exactly. And I love the books. I'll do a little book review. Next question. Bonkers about Alice. I once says, I want to hear how you two put up with each other. Oh, that's a nice one. Get yourself a man that says he's bonkers about you. Imagine. I like to think that his partner's called Alice and he's just mad about Alice. Bonkers about Alice. I'm going to go first on this one. Go on then.

7:22So how do we put up with each other? Right. You annoy me when you're late and you're always late. Like always late. But I met you in Shay Bar, what, like 2007, circa 2007 on a dance floor in a grimy little bar in Stockton on Tees. And, you know, ever since then, I can honestly say that you're one of the only people in my life that I'm just happy when I'm around you. You know, like you're a good energy. It's not a challenge to put up with you. You made me the godfather of your child, which is like a true honor. And I respect and admire the fact that you sat in that seat knowing absolutely nothing about finance.

8:04Zero, didn't escort. I'm just sat in front of economists and some of the biggest heads on the planet in the game and just try to race to the challenge. And I don't think many people could do that. I don't think they would even try. So, yeah, it's not that hard for me to put up with you in that sense. Like I said, you're always late and I wish you weren't. That's not my fault. It's a Nigerian culture. Google it. Like, in Nigerian culture, we are just late. It's my evolution. You can't go against thousands of years of evolution. It is what it is, mate. Yeah, I hate him. It's full of shit. Always got a spin.

8:35Yeah, yeah. But no, yeah. So yeah, not a challenge. Always a pleasure, mate. Like I really enjoy your company. And I think you're one of those people that, I think it's rare in life that you find people that enhance your mood and boost you rather than drain you, you know? Best PR guy ever. Yeah, so now go on, say some nasty shit about me. Yeah, shh. I was about to say the word I always call you, SC. I would say, I don't have to put up with you. The only annoying thing about demo is that when we're on holiday, like we've been to Poland, we've been to um octoberfest and like every time on holiday this guy's still working like he'll be taking business calls i'm like we are on holiday we're walking my opponent he's just on the phone for like half an hour just like closing deals and doing business but you know that's that's always be closing always be closing i love because we're both from a sales background i do love your work ethic like we had a little business in durham when we were in uni when i was up in manchester actually and like it's easy it's easy being friends with you you're very like inspirational your dedication to your graft is crazy like i can call this guy on a sunday and he'll be like i'm making a video like so it's very inspirational um i feel like you need to enjoy yourself a bit more but you start getting getting to it but i say if there's anyone that like kind of gives me you know when you're just like slacking around you probably don't but like sometimes you're just like you're just a bit down and then like i might you might pop up on my tv on youtube or like you might just text me and i'll be like i'm going like you just give me like energy to you know do better I sent you that voice note, you know, with the music coming in the background.

10:04That guy, just like, you know, the Indian guy you always tell me. Oh, yeah, I want to make a million. Yeah, he's like, oh, he's slacking brother and all this. I don't know, he's like a hustle guy, isn't he? It's funny. And he always plays Drake's Stay Scheming. Yeah, like a hustler mindset guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I sent you that clip where I was, it's podcast time, bitch. And I said Stay Scheming in the background. Yeah, and he's always like, when you're on holiday, after one day of holiday, I need to get back to work. He literally embodies you. So, T, tell me the riskiest thing you've ever done.

10:38Mate, the cameras are rolling. I can't do that. You're trying to get me cancelled. I mean, most of my risky things were probably in my teenage years. But one thing I could say about finance risks, definitely invested in stocks with zero research, just because my friend told me to. His research was, trust me, it didn't go well. Wow. So clearly risk affects you in both your personal and business life. And that's why we're really happy today to be partnering with Vanta. They automate a lot of risk processes and help you see the risks in a centralized platform so you know what really needs your attention.

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11:42I want to get the next question.

11:47Such a fat head. Oh, what are you most proud of this year? You want to go first? hmm yeah um the fact that everyone's still got a job everyone's still getting paid winning that's pretty good uh yeah yeah we know i mean i'm really you know i said i said before i'm really bad at kind of understanding dates and times i'm also really bad uh uh looking back on things and being like oh that was good or celebrating them do you know i mean um I just think another year still in the game. So most social media influencers, people, YouTubers, the career lifespan is about five years. So I'm beyond that now.

12:29Book the trend. And we're still growing, still getting bigger in that sense and not compromising on our morals and the way we do things, you know, still doing it. The DTM way. All right. I've got a few. Obviously, I'm the guy now. I'm pretty damn humble. Under the guidance of Damien and the advice, you said, you know, set up your social media presence. So I'm really happy. I got my Instagram, T is making money. My TikTok, T is making money. I do not understand TikTok, but I'm doing it anyway. But I would say the thing I'm most proud of this year, apart from obviously the podcast still growing and people DMing me and like engaging, would be I did 30 days of calisthenics and finance.

13:10You can see it on my Instagram. What's the Instagram, just in case people don't know? T is making money. But I really did it just, not just to be healthy, like exercise every day for 30 days, but really to get more confident on camera because obviously I used to ramble very, I still do a little bit, but I used to ramble and speak really quickly and be nervous on camera. So I thought if I do 30 days, filming myself talking about finance, I'll get more comfortable in front of the camera. So it's reps over perfection. It's that kind of, you just got to lift a lot of reps and yeah, you've got the, it's like an advantage, but it's also a disadvantage in the sense of you get people looking at your content anyway because you're on the podcast, you know, not that you don't deserve it, but that's like an added layer of pressure where it's kind of, you're learning a martial art and then a thousand people are turning up to watch you train for your first session and you don't need that.

13:57You want to be able to get good in private. Yeah, I'm improving like in live time. Yeah, in real time in front of the audience. Yeah, but which is a great challenge and a thing to do for yourself. I think the key thing is, you know, understand why people follow you, engage with your content. And I think we had conversations, didn't we, about saying you don't need to be an expert. You just need to be, this is kind of what I learned this week. And now watch this muscle up. You were hanging upside down. That's some of the best content I've seen. You're just upside down on the rings going, you know the vibes.

14:27I'm not sure I know this vibe. It's just upside down. I thought my phone was upside down. Yeah, you deliver the whole content upside down. Yeah, I got a big headwash after that. Bet you did. Yeah, I was like, one take, get it all out because I'm about to get dizzy. um what mistakes have you made this year none that's i'm him next question reading that stupid ass question don't ask me silly questions don't make mistakes uh yeah what mistakes you made this year oh i don't i don't know let me go first then go on um crypto trading with high leverage oh my days that's something i'm leaving in 2025 bloody hell i got wiped out Trump has not been good for me.

15:15And I was doing really well for like the first half of the year crypto trading. I'm like, oh, I've got this sorted. Buy Bitcoin here, slap on 10x leverage. I'm making loads. And then one tweet from Trump and like, I had like a five grand trade, mate. Ghost. Gone. So yeah, I've left. I think I'm probably like a little bit up in the year, but like I'm just speculating trading. Like you said, I think it was in the Tom Ashworth episode. once you stop like buying things investing like in stocks and like having to watch the market your life became more chilled and like you don't have to worry at night what's going on in the markets you can just invest long term in something global index or something and then not worry about it so in the last few months last month i've been like oh it's peace peace not having to check the charts at 2am to see if bitcoins move so yeah i'd say one of the mistakes was been too much trading this year yeah nice and i felt i felt bulletproof in the beginning i remember we were here and i I was like, man, look at this.

16:09Look how much I've made. I'm sick. And you're like, ooh. And then, yeah. I was like, take your profits. Yeah. I took it. And then Trump took it. Then Trump took it. So, yeah. Long time investing is my goal now. How about you? So, I think one thing that I do that I need to stop is I fill spare time with what I see as productive activities. And I get a real itch to be productive. I'm only really satisfied if I feel like I'm making progress. So obviously we've got the YouTube channel, Damien Talks Money, the podcast, the newsletter, and all of the associated things that I do with that. Full-time job, three businesses, semi-busy.

16:54I box twice a week. I do calisthenics three times a week. Go for a morning run. I learn guitar. You've got to bring that on a podcast one day. Yeah, yeah. And I'll bring my flute and we can have a little deal. You played a flute! You played a flute full of fast and outrageous. I made it big dogs, grade six flute. I played in the Winchester symphonic, what's it called? Symphony Orchestra or something. Philharmonic? For something, symphony orchestra. Just some nonsense at grade six? Yeah, mate. That's a high grade. I wanted to play the drums and my mum's like, learn the piano. I'm like, cool, learn the piano.

17:29And I'm like, I want to play drums. Cool, learn the piano. Yeah, so I learned the piano. She's like, I want drums. She's like, learn the recorder, learn the recorder. I want drums. She's like, learn the flute. I learned the flute. I want drums she's like your mum's a dick mate yeah I know I was like forget it I don't even want to play music anymore my little brother comes along I want to play drums here's some drums I'm like what so he's just got drums you learnt like seven instruments trying to learn to play the drums yeah I never got it so yeah still can't play the drums you should learn drums mate but I'm a good flutist flutist flutist flutist don't argue with a man that's grade six flute flutist that's what it's called I'm pretty sure imagine if I'm wrong no it's a flutist might be I'm 99 % cut that yeah cut that if it's not right a flautist that's wild so yeah you do a lot go on I just I like I fill the time with things and then I just find myself running around like a like ah just so busy and then it'll be like oh I've got an hour on a Saturday there let's learn some new things do you know what I mean and I think when I had my hair transplant I couldn't leave the house so I had to stop all those things and it felt really good.

18:36It felt good? Yeah, it felt pretty good. Because you don't stop. That's why I say you're like the most like inspirational guy because you do not stop. You just keep going. I don't know if it's kind of like a good thing to be like. You're very productive but it's like when do you actually chill? Yeah, I mean I don't enjoy chilling. You know what I mean? Like the idea of sitting and watching something on Netflix kind of makes me itch. I love it. Like at the end of the day, never daytime but like if i don't know work at the end of the day watch like an episode or something and then yeah but i know that that's healthy and that's something i should do but yeah um so taking on too much too many projects too many things and too many hobbies and trying to you know you've always been like that though yeah i think you think it's getting worse yeah yeah there's a book i can't remember what it's called but it's um it's like 10 000 weeks or whatever it's one of these books about how you've got a limited amount of life um and the books kind of the theory of it really is you need to come to terms with the fact that you can't do absolutely everything and you just need to say these are the things i'm going to do and like master them or nail them so don't beat yourself up about the fact that you've always wanted to learn guitar just be like i ain't going to learn guitar get rid of that do you mean and be like but what i am going to be is an excellent dad an excellent podcaster excellent kind of runner you know and just be like okay those are my things i like coffee so i'm gonna master the art of making coffee and don't spend your whole life beating yourself up about the things of going i wish i'd done that i wish i'd done that because it's completely impossible someone in the comments is gonna name the book and probably tell us i butchered it all but i need to do a bit more of that i think but i do just kind of i still got images of myself with a guitar just pulling up to a fire firing barley and being like oh a campfire just like oh and then you come out like the electric flute oh did you not know i was a fluxonator what are they called it's really hard to be swag with the flute though like i try i don't know have you seen have you seen anchorman doesn't he play like a is it an oboe or he plays like the electric flute or something and he dips it into whiskey and sets it on fire and blows it out i do not remember that for Madkab, but I will spin the block on it.

20:54I mean, being like a black flutist with like Flutist with a chain and all your swag is pretty cool, mate. That is some good content I can make. Yeah, we're bringing the flute back, guys. Bringing the flute back. Could you actually just play a flute now if we whip one out? I mean, it's been a while, but yeah, I'm pretty sure. Well, lucky for you. Thank you, I can't imagine.

21:20Legendary. That is so good. Oh, investing one. Anonymous86 says, once we're on the investing train, so much emphasis is placed on delayed gratification with the hope that we'll benefit from the long-term impact of compounding. Hell yeah. But Damien, do you have principles or framework that help to ensure you don't place too much emphasis on the future and enough on the short-term and median term? And T, how have you approached developing a longer-term mindset since starting the pod? do you now have an idea of minimum amounts to save and invest avid listener because they know they know our characters yeah um so for me personally i've discussed this before i think but like one thing that helps is a rule of once i go above a certain level of income which is like how much i earn anything above that it's like a 50 50 thing uh 50 say 50 spend so that i can make sure that i enjoy stuff um yeah and i always try and remind myself that i cannot remember how much the best memories in my life that i have i can't remember how much they cost i can remember at the time thinking oh this is costing a lot and you know when i went to thailand in my in my 20s a lot was probably like a thousand pounds now i would think oh that's super cheap but the feeling of oh it costs a lot was there but i don't remember the amount i just remember the good times yeah so i think that's a lot of the things where i kind of sit there and go oh this is going to be a lot of money i think no this is going to be an amazing memory and in 10 years time i won't think oh god it cost me three grand that i just think what a good time nice one um obviously i have no problem with spending money and having fun um but for the long-term mindset it's crazy because i i always think i'm doing better and i'm like i know i'm investing more into my lisa pension um got some savings every month i try to it change it changes it's not the same so like no i don't have a rule or like a set thing but like some because i get paid in commission as well i get basic salary and commission so if i have a good month i put as much as possible into saving and investing um and i just live off my basic salary but even though i've got all these like tips and i try and tell myself okay i've saved more a lisa pension all these things um and like budget, like we talked about the budgeting episode.

23:39My partner told me the other day, she's like, I've been tracking you this month and you spent 147 pounds on takeaways. And I generally was like shocked. I thought it was probably gonna be like 50 quid or something. So it helps having your partner involved, but like, I think habits is still hard to break. And we talked about the budgeting thing a year or two ago and we went through our statements and I had a lot of takeaways in there. And I still revert back to like, you still have your habits. So if you like going out drinking on the weekend, you're still gonna do it. So now I try and go out less on the weekend so I can go on more holidays.

24:08For me, holidays are really important, spending time with the family, traveling. So try and sacrifice other things so that I can do that. But for the long-term investing, it's easy. Just every month, try and put in as much as possible because I know I've got, I'm behind, I guess you would say behind, or like I've started late. So I need to put in more money now so that my pension pot can be bigger. So yeah, I try and save as much as possible, but still got to enjoy the good times. So yeah, no fixed number. If I have a good month in sales, I put as much as possible into the pension because I don't need it to live.

24:40So yeah. Nice work, mate. Muchas gracias, señor. That is a weird name. I'm not even reading it. JSims527 says, oh, what a legend. I've been following Tea is making money on Instagram. Also follow me on TikTok for all the insightful tips. But I keep wondering, how is Tea so tall and yet so bad at basketball? this is a lie major skill issue probably this is a lie jokes aside you guys are awesome and i love to hear you speak more about what actual changes have you made in your lives after speaking with so many experts it's one thing to say a piece of advice is good but i'll know it's really good if you actually go out and do it yeah you're like shaq from wish no stop it i'm an elite basketball player if you want to find out follow me on instagram timu michael jordan little sheen michael george yeah sheen shack you're sheen shack right guy yeah um all right you go for it i was just thinking about you being crap a basketball mate i'm not sure what the question was well just some actual how have you first developed a longer term mindset no that's the last question you know wait a little questions you clearly got a long-term mindset you can't remember what the previous question was it's one thing to say a piece of advice is good but i really know it's good if you actually go out and do it what changes have you made in your lives after speaking to these experts i set up a limited company um one of the changes i open my lyser um open my sip uh start looking at annuities but i think it's a bit too early for that um yeah lyser pension yeah lyser sip and selling a limited company which has saved me loads of tax money which i'm happy about um and yeah reading books i guess uh like you learn a lot from the books yeah i learned from a warren buffett book that i've been speculating sometimes instead of investing knowing the difference between speculating and investing and that's pretty important yeah i think um i've like internalized the fact that there is no quick fix to the problems of the uk and i've become more focused on long-term politically viable changes that that can happen that will that will improve the direction of travel so rather than getting sucked in by the narratives I see online of oh it's this or it's that and if we just do this one thing everything will be better I always just think probably not because you know I speak to highly credible highly researched people that say you know there's no one lever we can pull on coming back to the Helen episode so I think I've listened to that and I understand that and And I don't get like, I don't then let little things get me down about the UK when something's not working immediately.

27:29I'm not like, oh God, you know, obviously it happens. The trains being delayed is a nightmare. But also if you fix the trains tomorrow, the country wouldn't just suddenly all be better. So I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say, really. I guess I've just become a bit more kind of rational in my view of the UK and probably think it's not as bad as I think sometimes. and the solution is not just like one policy, one change, one social media influencer who's telling me if we just attack this group in this way, your life will be better. Yeah. Oh. Any changes in your personal finances? Mate, we've had every top economist on the planet on and they just told me to buy a global index.

28:13I ain't changing shit. I ain't changing no one. Elway Dibson told me I'm right. I tried to fight the Bitcoin case for a while, but then like after so many people who are way smarter and know way more about this than me, I said, just invest in a global index. I'm like, I say that's a big change. Instead of buying Bitcoin every single month, I still buy a little bit, but I've drastically, you know, reduced how much I buy. I put it in a global index instead. So I probably say instead of like 90, 80 % of my stuff going in Bitcoin now, it's like 10, 20. So that's a big change for my like investment portfolio, I'd say.

28:46It's easy to sing when you're winning. Like in terms of, I think now, even though the S &P 500 and the American markets is delivering all of the returns still, I think even the people that are just all in America are a bit like, should I be for the first time in probably a decade or so? Because it just feels a bit shaky, doesn't it? And like Trump changed people's view of America and how stable that economy is. So no, my investing hasn't really, really changed. I'll tell you one thing, actually. I use bond funds now more than I used to. Yeah, you've got a fair bit in bonds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've got that bond money now, mate.

29:26No, I use them for short-term savings goals, liquidity. I mean, I run a business where I employ people. So it's important for me to have reserves because I don't know what's coming. I don't just need an emergency fund for my own living costs. where, you know, if you've got money in the stock market, you can sometimes be like, well, if something really bad goes wrong, I'll just sell us some of that. I can't do that within the business. So I would like to have large amounts of cash that to one side so that we can weather storms for 6 to 12 months. So I use bond funds for that. And in the past, I was always just 100 % equities.

30:00So short-term bond funds. Not anything, I'm not liking to it like Roman is, you know, Roman Nikisa. He's got tattooed bonds on his buttcheeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. crypto on the nutsack wow boy got yourself some life insurance as well didn't you yeah I did I got life insurance through the business as well because that's like important it's tax efficient but yeah I got key man risk what is key man risk I'm the key man I am the key man if I die there's a risk so if I die William the guy shouting at the back who's looking pretty smug gets a big payout What about me? Sorry, mate. Friends forever. Can't even put me in your...

30:46You're going to get the whole podcast. You take the whole thing over, mate. Welcome to Tears Making Money podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still have it. So, yeah. And life insurance and things like that. Yeah, I haven't... I've got wills, insurances, those other things of you knew you should do them and you don't, I sorted all of that out. Well done. You're a better man than me. Yeah. You not got a will? I'm just going to be perfect. No, I'm going to sort it out eventually. Actually, that's probably should be my goal for next year, get a will. It didn't take you a whole year. I know, mate, but it's just so, you know what I mean?

31:19I'm a very optimistic, happy guy. It's so morbid. You got some, mate. I don't like listening. You got some. That's the only reason, yeah. Yeah. But I was thinking about the... You also got a whole load of Nigerian family that's going to come out of the woodworks and be like, hmm, get me some of them assets. I like his chain. I like this. I've seen how big that family is mate you need to divvy that up because you get uncles cousins uncle coming in they need to come look after my kid mate yeah well no i mean you just don't want the 19th cousin fifth time removed coming in saying i need i need his shoe collection you know you need you want to carve it up for for the baby and be like this all for him yeah and you want to and what you also want to say is who looks after that and in what way and obviously it makes sense for your partner to just get everything.