Mindset Matters

0:00Adam Holbrook: If you've ever worked with someone who creates chaos, plays the victim, and blames everyone else, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook.

0:19Welcome to the Managing Difficult People podcast. I am your host, Adam Holbrook. The reason I created the Managing Difficult People podcast, I was noticing that there's so much division in this world. Leaders not leading well, not leading themselves well, not leading other people well. And I said, maybe I can come up with a place, a safe place where listeners can hear my story, my failures, my successes, my guest stories, their failures, and maybe just have awareness of how they can help their own lives and find a pathway forward. I work with schools and organizations on leadership development, personal development, and changing culture.

1:07Because when we stop talking about changing culture and actually do something about it, that's where the magic begins. Teams show up excited, happy to grow with the organization. They feel connected. They feel like you care about them. And yes, the bottom line increases too. And I do this a variety of different ways, including dis-personality assessments. I do executive coaching. I do workshops, leadership games, and so many other connection exercises. Today's episode is titled Mindset Matters. and I'm writing about mindset in my new book which will be out next month which is called You're Not For Everyone and I didn't originally plan on speaking about mindset today.

2:01I didn't originally plan on writing about mindset in my book not because I don't believe in it but because I'm not an expert. I'm still on that climb today. I'm not at the mountaintop. I still struggle with it. But one thing I do know is that I don't spiral nearly as much as I used to because of the techniques that I'm consistently using. But it's always been the same routine for me. Work hard. You feel excited in the beginning anytime you start something new. New exercise program. New business. and you work hard. And sometimes years goes by, and eventually it just gets lonely, it gets distracting, and you think about giving up, and then you start spiraling, you start comparing yourself to other people.

2:56This has happened to me time and time again. And now I recognize that I'm on my own journey, I'm not competing with anyone else. And some of the techniques that I use is, I hired a mindfulness coach a few years ago. And he said to me, I want you to sit alone with yourself and not work. Because I'm always grinding. I'm always trying to build. I'm always trying to do things. And he said to me, I want you to sit alone. I said, okay, 15 minutes a day. He said to me, okay, I'll do 15 minutes a day. And he said, if any thoughts come in, you can honor those thoughts. But we're going to push them away.

3:33because we're just sitting at peace with God in peace, just kind of just being in the moment. And he said to me, if we can clear our minds and just feel at peace where we are at, then things are gonna come to you because when you try forcing things, things don't try to happen. And I have to tell you, this worked great, but I also have to tell you, I'm the least patient person that you've ever met in your entire life. So this took a lot of work. So I started doing 15 minutes a day. He suggested I go up to an hour. I tried an hour. I felt very overwhelming. I started getting a little bit annoyed that I was wasting this amount of time in this mindfulness exercise for an hour, but I stayed with it.

4:15And I try to give myself at least 15 minutes a day right now. I know it's not nearly as much as he would recommend to me, but it's a good place for me. And this patience part is part of the journey. And sometimes being patient is really about our mindset and where we are and what we believe in. Because here's the thing is, if we give up, I know for sure you won't reach your goal if you give up. But by staying with it, even a little bit every single day, you give yourself a fighting chance to reach that goal. Because one day is going to come and that goal will be reached. And if you quit, it's not going to come.

4:58And then you're going to look back on this day and say, I would have, should have, could have. But we're not going to be looking over our shoulder at what could have been or what should have been. Instead of focusing on what's in front of us right now. So this mindfulness coach said to me, I want you to just sit and be. Instead of the constant grind, this constant working at it. And this was very, very difficult for me. Very difficult for me. And I battled with a positive mindset. I start comparing. And then I said, I'm on my own journey on this. Some people may accomplish things faster than you, and that's okay.

5:36Their direction is not my direction, and I don't want their life. I want my life. I want to create my vision based off of what my life is. And the first step in having a good mindset is believing you have it already. Believing you have it already. I don't know if you've ever heard the book The Secret, but it's all about asking, believing, and receiving. Now, asking is really about the awareness of what you actually want in life. And if you don't have the awareness of what you want in life, I would just keep looking at what your passions are. But the next step is believing you already have it. And let's give you a couple examples of that.

6:18Number one, Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods from a young age, his dad instilled in his brain that he was going to be the greatest of all time. And he practiced like it, day in and day out. When he was five years old, he was featured on TV. And it wasn't a matter of if he was going to be on the PGA Tour. It was when he was going to be on the PGA Tour. And Tiger had an incredible imagination. He was imagining and believing every shot was going to be possible and every shot would be the best shot before it did. He saw the trophies years before they actually accumulated. And that's the power of mindset. Believing it and having it.

7:05And another example of this is Evel Knievel. I don't know if you guys ever heard of Evel Knievel. Evel Knievel is a motorcycle stunt driver. I think he rode his motorcycle, flew over Niagara Falls, and he did a lot of other crazy jumps with his motorcycle. But Evel Knievel had no doubt in his mind that he was going to accomplish this. Now, it wasn't accomplished just by his mindset. It was also accomplished through his actions, just like Tiger Woods was, working day in and day out toward this. I'll do a little bit each day, working toward it consistently. And here is the next step. So the first step is believing you have it already.

7:49And then the most important second step is, and I have some examples to go with this, is act like your future self now. And this is where we get, I don't know, I feel like it's hard to act like we have it already when we don't. Now this isn't lying to people and telling them, oh, you're a multi-millionaire. But start acting like the part. If you want to be a highly sought out professional speaker or a highly sought out professional, maybe you show up to those dinner meetings, those networking events, wearing what you would wear to those events. Start acting like the person that you want to act like now.

8:34And I want to give you the example of Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey, famous comedian, one of my favorite comedians of all time and actor. Jim Carrey every day would practice in his mirror, stretching his face, pretending to be other people, pretending to be other objects. He was constantly imagining and he was always believing in himself. He believed he already had it. He acted like his future self all the time. and he actually became homeless and he actually became broken. But he had such a deep belief in himself that he didn't give up. So much so that in 1985, he wrote himself a check for$10 million.

9:22Under the memo section, he labeled it Future Acting Services Rendered. two days before and that was on Thanksgiving Day two days before Thanksgiving Day 10 years later he received the contract for acting in the movie Dumb and Dumber where he was paid 10 million dollars now Jim Carrey had a deep belief in himself but he also recognized that this deep belief in yourself and this constant working toward it and just constantly putting yourself in that mind frame that I have this already, I am this person already, you can develop anything. And he believes he can, manifestation is so easy for him because he fully absorbs that manifestation now.

10:15One of the great things that Jim Carrey said that is a little bit off topic is that I hope everyone can become famous so they realize that fame is not the answer. But that said, what he said, what he accomplished here was through his power of his mindset and believing he had it and acting like that future person each and every day, working on those speeches. For me, I practice my speeches every morning on my 5 a.m. morning walk. And a lot of times I'm my only critic in the beginning. And frankly, I just had a Toastmasters club meeting this past week. And I was so excited about my new speech I had been working on.

10:57It's a little publicity for my new book that's coming out. And I did it to two different Toastmasters club and both Toastmasters clubs said, I don't get it. And that's okay because that practice was great for me. And I love the feedback because sometimes we need that feedback, right? And I was getting the feedback And I recognize that although the message was really good, how I relayed the message wasn't right. But how are you practicing? How are you working toward your goals? And sometimes we need to have those people that are ahead of us step into the role and say, hey, what can I do a little bit differently?

11:33But the genuine belief today is the mindset. Your mindset matters. And how you change your mindset begins with how you talk to yourself and how you treat yourself.

11:49And it begins with an I am statement. If you say I am overwhelmed, guess what's going to happen? You're going to be overwhelmed. If you said I am so frustrated with this traffic, guess what? There's going to be more traffic. But if you start saying something like, I have a deep belief. I am free. I believe in myself. Guess what's going to start happening? You're going to start treating yourself those ways as well. That deep belief in yourself. And that comes, my daughter did this circus rings act where she did this amazing tricks with these circus rings. And I videoed it. And I posted it to TikTok.

12:29And the post went viral. And the comments were amazing. 90 % of them. But that 10 % of them were so awfully mean. I couldn't believe that these people were speaking the way they would. And frankly, they wouldn't speak this way to anyone's face. I know that for sure. And my daughter was reading these comments. And I said to her, maybe we should take the post down. And she said to me, Daddy, I love the video. I don't care what they say. I love the video, even if they don't. at that point I recognized that I had raised my daughter with a strong sense of mindset she didn't care about anyone else she cared about her deep belief in herself and how good she believed that she was and she knew it was only a matter of time before the world would recognize her for this topic this talent that she had 47 million people recognized and saw this video Incredible.

13:34So how do you create an I am statement? Because having an I am statement is amazing. And I have an I am statement and I'm going to tell you my I am statement right now because it doesn't need to start off like this. I repeat this phrase to myself every single morning on my morning walk. It goes like this. I am a highly sought out public speaker speaking on stages across the United States on personal development and leadership, giving the audience the awareness of what may be holding them back in their own lives and having a pathway forward. I repeat that phrase to myself every single day. Now, when I started my I am statement, it didn't start off like that.

14:20So the first step in creating an I am statement is it's all about your identity. Where do you want to go? Who do you want to become in your life? Write it down. Make it honest. Make it clear. Make it believable at the moment. It's going to change as you grow. But the first step is actually having that I am statement. And I still play with mine, right? I still play with my I am statements. I'm going to be in Massachusetts next month for a speaking opportunity. Looking forward to that so much. I'm going to be in Virginia in another few months for another speaking engagement. Because I am a highly sought out public speaker speaking on stages across the United States.

15:02Adding value to my listeners. Having them gain the awareness of what is holding them back in their own lives. And having a pathway forward. First step, who do you want to become? I want to become a highly sought out public speaker where I'm speaking on stages, not just once a month, twice a month, but every single week. So my I am statement is highly sought out public speaker speaking on stages consistently every single week. And this could start off by saying I'm becoming a confident speaker who shares valuable messages with others. Boom. Very simple. What is it for you? that statement establishes direction.

15:45It's not about having it perfect, and it's really not about having it perfect. So step one is about identity. Step two is the builder statement. The builder statement is connected to action because just saying something because I am the greatest athlete in the world, but without action, and you're sitting around eating donuts every single day, you're not going to be there. So it's, I am building, now here's the next, so level two is the builder statement. I am building confidence as a speaker by preparing daily, practicing my delivery, and speaking up even when I'm nervous. Boom. So now I'm putting the identity of who I want to become into action.

16:33The goal is to reinforce the identity through action, consistent action. Step one, identity. Step two is the builder statement. What are the actions so I can actually start becoming that person? Step three is preparing for the challenges that are ahead of you. Because there's always going to be resistance. And this is where the mindset gets really screwed up with this resistance, with all of these things that could happen, right? Growth always encounters resistance. Fear, doubt, discouragement, embarrassment, judgment. All that stuff, setbacks, all come into it. So we want to make sure that we prepare for the inevitable.

17:18Step one, identity. Step two, the builder statement. What's the action? Identity, who we're becoming. Step two, what's the action that goes with it? And then step three is prepare for the inevitable, which is the challenges. Because after a while, it's going to get lonely. It's lonely when you're working towards something, when everyone else is just kind of hanging out, doing instant gratifications, going from one fun moment to the next, and you're consistently trying to build something great. It will pay off, but you've got to stay consistent. So we've got to recognize that even though other people may doubt you, not believe in you, you consistently work toward it.

18:02Step four, the final step, is the vision statement. And this is where it all comes together. Every morning at the 5 o 'clock in the morning, I repeat this. You've got to repeat it every single day because if you don't repeat it, then you're not going to believe it. I'm a highly sought-out public speaker speaking on stages across the United States consistently and adding value to my listeners by having them gain the awareness of what's holding them back in their own lives and having a pathway forward. Notice how this statement has both the identity, who I'm becoming, the consistent action, the resilience to the challenge.

18:48I am, this is who I am. So it doesn't matter if you believe it, if you don't believe it, or you wanna give me heck for it, or you wanna throw me under the bus. This is who I am. And it's about contribution. what you're contributing because if it's just about making more money if your I am statement is I want to make more money because I can pay my bills and you're just eventually you're going to always be chasing money the next thing but if you make it into a bigger purpose by helping others by inspiring others by helping others get to what they want in life whatever that message is that's your purpose and because when life gets tough you're either going to quit or you're going to go at this and one of the things with a mindset is learning to rest but not learning to not quit because it's going to get hard out there and mindset's hard and like I said I have failed at it I've grown three businesses I'm on my third book that I wrote and every one of them absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done ever and just when you think it's going to get easier, it doesn't.

20:04Because as soon as you get to that next level, you think it's, oh, I got life where I want it and it's going to get easier. It actually gets harder. But the further you go, it's going to get harder. But the more you can accomplish and the more people you can impact and the greater difference you can make because you're working on your mindset. Because people want to work with your confidence. They see you as your future self, as you see yourself as your future self. So who are you becoming in life? Who do you want to become in life? What's a general action that you can move, the builder statement, to move you in that right direction?

20:44Recognize that the inevitable is going to happen. People are going to put you down. You're not going to get deals you thought you were going to get. It may take a lot longer than you thought it was going to take. It may cost twice as much money as you thought it was going to take. but when you stay with it and you believe it so deeply knowing that you do this every single day it's eventually going to pay off and know the mindset is all associated with our deep beliefs in God and ourself when you believe in ourselves and believe in God's timing life becomes different You recognize you're not doing this alone, right?

21:29Because there's only so much your spouse can tell you to support you. But your relationship with God and your relationship with yourself are the two most important relationships that you can have. Your relationship with yourself and your relationship with God. Because life is going to get tough. But you're trying to go after something big here. And as you climb, the harder it's going to get. and your mindset is what comes first. And I'm not talking from the mountaintop. I'm talking from this climb. I'm trying each and every day to make time for myself, to make time for my mindset. Am I perfect?

22:07No, I'm not.

22:09Adam Holbrook: I'm working toward it though. I want to thank you guys for joining me today on the Managing Difficult People podcast. Keep your eyes open. I hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend. My new book is going to be coming out in the next month, month and a half. I'm going to have an audio book going out with this one as well. Super excited to be adding value and doing what I'm passionate about. And I love, I wish you guys all the best. I love you until next time. This is Adam signing off. Have a great day.

22:44Adam Holbrook: So that's it for today's episode of the Managing Difficult Pupil podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or iTunes wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a$10 ,000 private VIP day with Adam Holbrook himself. Be sure to head on over to managingdifficultpeoplepodcast.com and pick up a free copy of Adam's gift and join us on the next episode. watching this podcast.