You're Not for Everyone

0:00If you've ever worked with someone who creates chaos, plays the victim, and blames everyone else, then this podcast is for you. So here's your host, Adam Holbrook.

0:19Welcome to the Managing Difficult People podcast. I am your host, Adam Holbrook. The reason I created the Managing Difficult People podcast, I was noticing that there's so much division in this world, both at work and in our personal lives. And I said, maybe I can create a place, a safe place where people can listen to my story, my guest stories, and maybe just gain awareness of where they're holding back in their own life and have a pathway forward. I work with schools and organizations on a regular basis who want to change culture. Because here's the thing, if we stop talking about changing culture and actually do something about it, that's when everything shifts.

1:02Teams show up stronger, relationships change, and the bottom line increases too. I do this a variety of different ways, including executive coaching, leadership development training, games, dis-personality assessments, book studies, and so many, many, many more ways. If this is interesting to you and you would like to find out more, go ahead and email me at info at adam-holbrook.com. Today on the Managing Difficult People podcast, I have phenomenal news. My new book, You're Not For Everyone, is coming out October 26. That's next week. Get ready. This book is amazing. Honestly, it's the best book I've ever written and honestly the best book I've ever read in my entire life.

1:57And maybe I'm judging that because it's my book, but I got to tell you so much energy and there's so many great stories, so many great insights to this book. I am so excited to release this to the world and see what possibilities will come, what value I can add to the audience. the reason I wrote this book was because I spent a weekend in Atlantic City with my great friend Eric Geisendorfer and he was my roommate for a guy's trip away last year and the first night Eric drinks 12 beers half a bottle of whiskey he is more determined than drunk itself by 2 30 in the morning, he starts throwing up everything he had inside of him.

2:49And I said to Eric when his stomach finally calmed down, Eric, why do you feel the need to drink so much? He said, I was just looking forward to this trip so I can get away and get back to being my true self. I said, Eric, in high school, you were the school mascot. He was the Kittitini Cougar. And when he had that costume on, he became alive. He would dance with the cheerleaders. He was always running around doing backflips. But when he took the costume off, he was a shy kid who was picked on. He said to me, I only could be myself when I wasn't myself. I said to him, so the cougar costume is a mask.

3:35The alcohol is also a mask? He said, yeah. The next day we go to a dance club called Boogie Nights Dance Club, where everyone's dancing to 80s and 90s music, the type of music that used to move Eric. But that night, Eric didn't move. He stood on the sidelines, stone sober, because his stomach was off from the previous night. He didn't move. Arms crossed. He didn't have the mask on. Now, growing up, Eric wasn't always like this. He was a popular kid in elementary school. And everything changed when he came to seventh grade. It was a new school. We went to a regional high school. I was in school with him.

4:20The old friends that he had, now we're all finding new friends. And Eric would go up to them. They didn't want him sitting with him at lunch tables. They would exclude him all the time. and the old friends that normally were with Eric, they didn't want him and they actually picked on him and Eric shut down during all those people picking on him and what he did, he wound up hiding away from the world. He disappeared just enough to not be seen and that's when I was the cougar at that point in time and I said to Eric one day, hey, do you want to try the cougar? I he ran with it. And he was the best cougar I've ever met in my entire life.

5:04He was phenomenal. But when he had that costume on, he was alive. And then when he took the costume off, he was that shy kid who was picked on. And this actually took a road into the future. He actually wound up being the Claudia Cardinal for the Skylands Park in Sussex County, New Jersey. He had 4 ,000 people screaming for him. And behind that costume, he felt seen. He felt heard. Took the costume off. Again, that shy kid. Then he met his beautiful wife, Krista. Got married to Krista. Took on the job. Now, the responsibilities. They didn't have creativity anymore. He had to fit inside a box of what other people wanted.

5:47He gave up on all his creative aspects of his life, and he just tried to make life happen and make life work. And eventually he settled into comfort. And comfort, after a while, leads to dissatisfaction. So Eric turned to drinking. Because drinking took the edge off. It hit him away. It made him be alive a little bit more. Now for some people, this book is not about Eric. It's about all of us and the trades we make. We trade in fun for responsibility, games for accomplishments. And we hide behind these masks. We hide behind alcohol. We hide behind food, our phones, gambling, shopping, to name a few.

6:35And we hide behind these masks, the people pleaser mask, always trying to please everyone. The savior mask, trying to save people. The perfectionist mask, always trying to make sure it's perfect. We have so many other masks, including the productivity mask. Instead of becoming the true person we are. Now, some masks we wear and are needed. Sometimes we have to put on masks so we're accepted for approval for short term. And they make sense short term. But other masks have been glued to us for years and don't serve us at all. And we don't know how to break free from those. I'm not saying that all masks are bad.

7:15because we all wear them at points in time. But we have to become aware of which ones we need and which ones we don't. And that weekend in Atlantic City inspired this book. This book was sitting on the sidelines for years, waiting to be published. But it was missing the heartbeat. That story Eric gave me was the heartbeat behind the story, the book. It gave its inspiration. and I'm so grateful that Eric and I had that weekend away. And to be completely honest with you, since Atlantic City over a year ago, Eric's only drank maybe five days instead of drinking almost every single day. And if he does drink, he's having one beer, two beers at the most.

8:02And not that he relied on the beer, but it came out a habit so he can get back to his true self. And I know his wife was grateful that I started talking to Eric about his drinking because she said that he was drinking too much. And now he had this awareness that where he was holding back in his own life and he was able to make those changes. So I'm so excited about this book because each chapter is about a different mask that we wear. The serious mask, the perfectionist mask, the savior mask, the productivity mask. and I've worn many of these masks myself. I have worn some of them still today, but they don't have the same power over me because when you are aware that you're wearing one, you then can choose, do I need this mask anymore or I don't need this anymore?

8:59And sometimes it's about breaking free from those masks because when you break free from those masks, You have freedom. You have freedom to slow down. You have freedom to pursue your God-given talent. You have freedom to choose more authentic relationships. And you have freedom to go after the life you want. And when you do, you finally realize the most freeing realization of all. You were never meant to be for everyone. You don't have to be liked by everyone, understood to be everyone, or you don't need everyone to always be liking you. You just need to be brave enough to be you. Because when you do, you realize you're not for everyone.

9:55Comes out October 26th. I'm so grateful for this book. It's got so many, it's packed with stories. It's got so many great stories attached to it. The book is written in a way where it shows my failures, some of my successes, my celebrity stories, and all the masks that we've learned to wear over these times. And what if the very life that we're hiding from is the very life that we're supposed to pursue? I can't wait for the book to come out October 26th. It's going to be available hardcover book October 26th. It's going to be available ebook October 26th. The audio book will be available November 5th.

10:45So grateful for this book to gain traction. If you like the book, which I know you will, go ahead and write me a review to get this book. I want to bring workshops. I have workshops that are associated with this. I can bring them to your organization, your school, both for kids and for adults. And they have activities that go with it, this workshop. And it's going to complement my two other books, Character Evolution, the first book I wrote, which is about overcoming roadblocks such as self-sabotage, conflict resolution, and managing difficult people. And my second book is a tip book for public speakers called How to Give the Best Speech Ever.

11:24I cannot wait for this. Now, moving on from how to give the best speech ever and character evolution and into my new book, You're Not Free Everyone, a no BS guide for living authentically, building relationships, and trusting yourself. October 26th. I can't say that enough. And I also wanted to give an update on the homeless couple that I'm helping out and helping run a GoFundMe campaign for. Dale, Sinead, and Gordon, they have been living in their car for the last three or four years after their son, the son slash brother, had passed away. The mother lost all connection to work. She couldn't work anymore.

12:17She was grieving, lost her job. They wound up selling their house. The profit that they had on the house, they wound up spending and running through very quickly. And they wanted to start anew and move away from that house. That's the reason why they sold it. They couldn't live in that house anymore because that's where all the memories of the brother were and they wanted to move away from it. But little did they know it was going to be so difficult to move away. and I interviewed them on last week's podcast and it was truly inspirational. And after the podcast, I recognized that I wanted to be able to help this family and I started a GoFundMe page for them.

12:52And we've raised almost$1 ,100 so far for them. What the money is going to be used for is we are going to be giving the money directly to the landlord, directly to the landlord for housing this winter. We're not gonna be just handing them the money. We're going to give them to the landlord because our goal is to get them into a warm place. Because if we get them into a warm place for wintertime, we're going to have them reassess. Gordon actually works at Wendy's and he's got income coming in, but it's not enough income to get them situated. So once they get into a warm place, Sinead can get a part-time job because her mother, Dale, she's struggling with some health issues.

13:36She's a little bit older. Shanae, we're looking for a job for Shanae. I think she would be great at a lot of different areas. So if you know in the Galloway, Atlantic City area, anyone looking for some part-time help, that would get them across the finish line. The goal of the housing is to get them in a warm place. We're trying to collect$9 ,000 for the GoFundMe campaign. If we can get the$9 ,000, that'll get them through the wintertime, maybe save them up and give them a chance to just breathe a little bit and to reassess their current life circumstances and see if they can find a pathway forward.

14:09So what we're really looking to do is to contribute if you can. If you can't contribute on the GoFundMe, if you can share the posts that I've posted on social media, on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, even TikTok, if you can share those, that would be great. Tell your friends about them. We also have two churches that are working with us as well. One is collecting the essentials, the food and clothing and toiletry items to get them through, to get them kick-started. And once they're into this place where they can take warm showers, get cleaned up, have nice clothes, if we can get them some clothes, then they can reassess their life, start getting job interviews.

14:51And because you can't, it's hard to get a job without a place. Now that they're going to have a place, they're going to be able to reassess and do all this. And we have our eyes on a few different apartments and also a trailer that is in the market. So we're hoping to raise enough money to get them in this place before it gets too cold. And it is getting cold out right now. We're in the end of October right now, and we're hoping that by November 15th, we're able to get them into a place, if not sooner. I'm grateful for everyone that's contributed so far, and it's been a great learning experience for me.

15:26And the number one question that I had for them was, are you addicted to alcohol or drugs? And when they said no to me and they meant it, and I knew it, that they meant it, that was clear that this is the family that I wanted to help because I wanted to be able to help a family. But when I hear of the homeless crisis in this country, I know there's a lot of mental health issues and I've had mental health issues as well. And I think there's a lot of mental health crisis here. But when there's drugs and alcohol that are attached to it, there's a lot of steps to go into it. This family, Dale, Gordon, and Shanae, go to church on a regular basis.

16:08They're a big part of their church. They have their clothes in their trunk and they get dressed up for church the best they possibly can. But I would love for them to have a warm shower, a warm place to sleep at night, and just footing so they can make their lives in a little better place. And I am grateful that they agreed to be on the podcast and share their story with so many people. And I'm grateful that you're here listening to their story and maybe just gain the realization that homelessness is real in our country. And I know that sometimes we just want to shut down. And their biggest complaint that they had against people that aren't homeless is that a lot of times people shut them down.

16:51They don't accept them. They are disgusted by them. You know, walking into stores, they're not allowed in certain stores. They're going to wash their face and brush their teeth in Wawa. And they're thrown out of where they're supposed to be in their car, their car recently, their battery died on their car. Their life circumstances are just spiraling. But my intention by giving them the money is also having a conversation with them about finances. really having them understand finances. And so they're not going to be put back in this situation because maybe just maybe they need to understand finances and having different cups of what money is spent.

17:30So if you see you're taking a certain amount, how much money should be spent on rent, how much money should be spent on food, how much money should be spent on utilities, how much money can you save each month and come up with a plan and really talk the basics. And I I have my great friend, Eric, who You Are Not For Everyone was written about. He's going to come with me and we're going to have this conversation. We have Jesse Stokes, pastor down in the Ocean City, New Jersey area. His church is helping out here and he's been a major influence on their lives and super grateful for him and helping that family when they were in need of their car broke down and he was able to help support them and getting that car back up and running.

18:11Dale right now takes the train to his job and leaves Sinead and Dale with the car because Sinead doesn't want to leave her mom in the car because she's older and wants to make sure that she's okay. And Sinead would be more than willing to find some part-time job. We're looking to give this family another shot, another shot at this life. I'm grateful that you joined me today on the Managing Difficult People podcast. Number one, I'm going to ask you, purchase my book, You Are Not For Everyone. When it comes out October 26th, you will not be disappointed. And when you purchase it, don't just read it.

18:51After you're done reading it, write a review, number one. Pass the book to a friend that's going to need it as well. The audio book will be out November 5th. And November 5th is an important day. So if you're not a reader and you said to me, yeah, I'm not a reader, get this audio book and listen to it. it has the ability to change your life if you allow it to. I promise you. I promise you. And I write this book not from the mountaintop. I don't write this book saying like, look how great I am. I write this book in the detailed steps of the different masks that we wear and how to move forward. Some of which I'm still trying to find.

19:28I'm trying to find my God-given purpose and just consistently live that. Consistently. But sometimes other things slip in like jealousy. And this book is about what to do when we're feeling like we're sabotaging ourselves. Life's struggles are happening. And how do we move forward from that? It's just understanding these deep emotions that sometimes we push away. And instead of blaming our life circumstances or how we were raised, our past doesn't determine our future. And you can break the cycle you inherited. You're Not For Everyone comes out October 26th. Grab your copy, ebook, hardcover book, and the audio book will be out November 5th.

20:17And if you're able to give to Sinead, Gordon, and Dale on the GoFundMe page, please do so. Sending love to everyone. Thank you for joining me. God bless. See you next time on the Managing Difficult People podcast.

20:34So that's it for today's episode of the Managing Difficult Pupil podcast. Head on over to Apple Podcasts or iTunes wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a$10 ,000 private VIP day with Adam Holbrook himself. Be sure to head on over to managingdifficultpeoplepodcast.com and pick up a free copy of Adam's Gift and join us on the next episode.