2633: Seven Ways Working Out Too Much Is Making You Fat & More (Listener Coaching)

12:54Adam Schafer:more interested in muscle gain so it's easier to convince them you're not getting stronger

12:56Justin Andrews:whereas a woman's like well i don't want to get bored i don't want you know yeah i don't want to gain weight i don't care i just want to get rid of my belly fat yeah but i mean if you if you hammer

13:04Adam Schafer:your your your hormones uh you guys good luck building muscle and burning body fat here's what it feels like it feels like i'm working out like crazy i'm training real hard and i have an extra 15 pounds that won't come off my body yeah and i'm not progressing yeah and it's like what's going on here then the fear is if i cut back am i going to gain even more body fat no you'll get leaner right that's what's going to happen next up uh screws up your sleep this is actually one of the first signs that you're doing too much is that you have uh restless sleep hard time falling asleep or you fall asleep right away but then you wake up throughout the night those are all signs that

13:36Sal Di Stefano:you're you're over trained you're over doing it yeah the the point i was making earlier about this is that and that messes everything up well this all of these are connected so it's like this these are seven different ways that it can make you fat and it's like but if if you're over training you're under eating you're getting them all this is all probably happening it's some people worse than others but typically all these come together and so and they all i think make each other worse that's right so you talk about the the cravings and stuff like that earlier it's like yeah your cravings and on the under eating and over training.

14:07Sal Di Stefano:And then you're also not getting sleep, which then promotes the low testosterone, which is also, I mean, it's just brain fog, all these other stuff. Yeah. They just all keep feeding each other. And then the hard part is you're in it and you're in it all the time that it becomes your new normal. That's right. And so you don't think it's bad. I mean, how many people have you asked or talked to in the middle of all this and you ask them how they feel? And they're like, I feel fine.

14:31Adam Schafer:I feel fine. Until you get them out of it.

14:33Sal Di Stefano:Until they get out of it. And then they go, oh, shit. I didn't know I was supposed to feel this good. I mean, that just shows you how resilient we are as humans, this ability to adapt to all these things and survive still. And keep going. And keep going. And then you just sooner or later go like, oh, OK, this is normal. You don't know what good feels like.

14:52Adam Schafer:Yeah, oftentimes the people in this situation didn't come seek me out until the signs were so loud that they were afraid. Why is my hair falling out? Why am I breaking out? why is my energy just in the floor all day long? Like what's wrong with me? And it's all this stuff. It also can cause muscle loss for sure. Overtraining is a great way to get your body to pare muscle down. And this is because your hormones are leveraged in a way to do so. And you're just beating the crap out of yourself. So you go to the gym and at best, nothing progresses. At worst, why am I feeling weaker? Why am I feeling more fatigued?

15:28Adam Schafer:I used to be able to lift this much. Now I can only lift this much. What's happening with my body? And by the way, that muscle loss in combination with everything else we're saying, it's a great way to slow your metabolism down.

15:38Sal Di Stefano:Yeah.

15:39Adam Schafer:It's a great way to make it easier to gain more body fat. And I had, listen, I can tell you countless stories of women that I trained or that trainers that work for me trained where they were eating 1 ,200 calories a day and working out a lot, a lot, and still had body fat to lose and couldn't figure out what was going on. Yeah. And you ask yourself, how's that possible? The body will adapt remarkably well to doing something like that. And it's a scary place to be because the advice is work out less and eat more, which to the person sounds like, oh, you want me to eat more and work out less? I'm just going to balloon up.

16:09Justin Andrews:Strength is a good measure for this as well. Like if you're working out and you've just been in this plateau almost for, I mean, some people I've trained have been in a plateau for like a year. And they don't realize that that's a problem. It's just like they're on this continual sort of hamster wheel. Yeah, hamster wheel. And if you're not getting stronger, if you're not promoting strength in any direction, that's a big problem you should address.

16:34Sal Di Stefano:I actually think that that's probably more common than not because they normally don't come to you until they've been spinning their wheels for a while. Unless they have a major health issue that pops up or something like you said, like hair loss or something crazy. Most people, it's just they've been in this massive plateau for a year and they've seen themselves either stabilize or go down in strength. And then finally, they're just like, OK, I've tried all the things. And normally, trying all the things is adding more stuff to all the stuff they were doing. And it's not getting them the results.

17:02Sal Di Stefano:And then so finally, OK, let me hire a professional. At that point, you've got to reverse all that out. That's right.

17:06Adam Schafer:Next up is it destroys your gut health. This is a fact.

17:10Sal Di Stefano:Now, is that just due to the inflammation? Inflammation. And the gut lining separates. The big part of it, yeah.

17:15Adam Schafer:Because when you're chronically inflamed, even if it doesn't feel like lots of pain, your gut, if you get gut inflammation, the tight junctions in your gut open, you get leaky gut syndrome. You start to have food intolerances. It can slow down gastric emptying. So what does that mean? Potential for things like SIBO. So oftentimes people who do this also start to notice gut issues like bloat after eating certain meals. I can't eat the same foods I used to, you know gas constipation uh it can it can definitely look like that and there's lots of studies on this by the way like hard training athletes who are always they're always balancing on the line of doing too much and doing enough right because athletes aren't just about getting stronger and faster they also have to practice their skill as often as possible so in many cases they're they're training like right on that line you look at the data on gut health issues with athletes and it's astronomical because they're constantly pushing and training their bodies.

18:17Adam Schafer:And these are athletes who are well-trained. We're not even talking about the average person who's overtraining, which is even much more difficult. And then finally, in my experience, working out a lot, a lot, a lot can oftentimes promote disordered eating. Now, what does it look like? Well, it looks like this. I just beat the crap out of myself in the gym. I can barely move. I'm going to eat that burrito or I'm going to eat that whatever because I deserve it or because I burned those calories off. Not realizing that you didn't burn that many calories. Yeah. You really didn't burn a lot of calories, especially if you've been doing it for a long time.

18:50Justin Andrews:Your body gets more efficient. Yeah. Each time you attempt it.

18:53Adam Schafer:Absolutely. But this can definitely promote that, like restrict, restrict, restrict, and then binge. Yeah. Or on the flip, I binged. Now I'm going to go beat myself up even harder in the gym. Which is even the worst spot.

19:04Sal Di Stefano:Yeah, I think the most common thing I see in this area is the restrict for such a long period of time. and even like uh the binge it doesn't look like a binge in other words like you have somebody who's like and this is part of the reason why they just can't figure this out it's like man out of my eat like dialed and dialed to them is like 1200 calories super low calorie pro and they do that for long periods of time and then they finally have like a weekend where they're like fucking i'm just gonna enjoy myself and it's not like crazy but it's like enough to put on a substantial amount of body fat on them because they're so used to being so low and so that's just part of like this doesn't make sense like i'm not i don't eat fast food i don't do they always list off all the things they don't do but yet i keep putting on this body fat and it's because they go these long periods of so low of calorie and then they overindulge a little bit and 600 calories over when you only eat 1200 calories is 50 of your intake and so you you're that 600 calories affects that person differently than somebody who has a roaring metabolism or a healthy metabolism that they consume say their maintenance is 2600 calories or 2800 calories a day 600 calories nothing nothing that that person doesn't really feel that effect at all but the person who doesn't uh eat that way and then all of a sudden how one day has 600 calories over which easily can sneak into someone's diet and now all of a sudden they feel like they put on all this body

20:22Adam Schafer:yeah yeah when when i would when when i had clients who got in a really good place metabolically uh fast metabolism strong they'd go on vacation and they'd come back and they'd be so shocked that they didn't gain all this body fat. When I used to go on vacation, I would gain weight. What's happening now? It's like totally different. Your body is not the same. Your metabolism is much faster. All that rest. Insulin sensitivity is better. Like you were totally fine versus what they might've experienced before where they take a little bit of time off and go eat. And it's like, oh my God, what happened?

20:51Adam Schafer:I'm holding all this water. I'm holding all this blood. All right. I have been reading studies. So Organifi's Happy Drops, very popular because they lift your mood. So one of the active ingredients saffron it it increases circulating levels of uh dopamine and serotonin in the brain there's studies show this so it makes you happier you know what else it does that i found studies on what makes you horny i'm gonna read you guys some studies on libido and saffron now is that

21:21Sal Di Stefano:actually happening or is that more of a correlation of you're just because you're in a better mood you're also because that's me that's how i work like if i'm in a good mood i'm more likely want I'm not in a good mood. I mean, it's direct.

21:33Adam Schafer:So here's, I'll read some studies for you. There's a 2022 randomized double-applying placebo-controlled trial found that women 18 to 55 with severe sexual dysfunction, they took just 15 milligrams of saffron twice daily, so 30 milligrams. They showed significant improvements in female sexual function index scores. Wow. Particularly in arousal, lubrication, and satisfaction compared to placebo. Another study showed that women taking 30 milligrams of saffron daily for four weeks had increased sexual desire, lubrication compared to the placebo group. A 2024 trial. Interesting. Showed increase in libido, arousal, orgasm, and satisfaction in women with sexual dysfunction.

22:11Adam Schafer:In men, men, they took 20 men with erectile dysfunction for 10 days and they had, I like how these studies crack me up, by the way. I'll just read you the study. Improvements in erectile dysfunction, including tip and base rigidity and two messes. How did I test it?

22:28Sal Di Stefano:Oh, yeah, that's rigid, bro. Just in the tip, though. Not the base. How did they test it like a machine?

22:34Adam Schafer:Took four pounds to bend it in half this time. 2018 review of six studies indicate that saffron significantly improved libido and overall sexual satisfaction in men. Wow.

22:47Sal Di Stefano:And just like that, happy job sold out.

22:49Adam Schafer:Particularly. Can we just hand these out? Here's what's interesting. particularly in those with antidepressant-induced erectile dysfunction. So sometimes when people will go on a prescription antidepressant, they'll have issues with sexual function. Yeah.

23:06Sal Di Stefano:That's a common side effect of like SRS, right?

23:10Adam Schafer:Inability to orgasm, that kind of stuff. Wow. Wild, right? So happy drops, they're happy.

23:14Sal Di Stefano:You said 15 to 30 milligrams a day. How many of those do you have to have? 30 milligrams. How many does Justin have to eat in order to get that?

23:20Adam Schafer:I mean, I have four. I think there's 15 per two or per one. For two gummies, there's 30 milligrams. There you go. Oh, for two is 30. Yeah, so one is 15. Damn, Justin. Yeah. 60. Tell us what 60 does. Hey, he just ate six of them. Keep your distance, all right? That's all I got to say. That has got to be one of their fastest selling products. It is.

23:41Sal Di Stefano:And I'm sure after that commercial you just did, it sold out for sure. I mean, listen. Better get on there.

23:46Adam Schafer:Don't believe me. Look it up, everybody. And by the way, saffron. It's science, you guys. I got to tell you guys this also. I was looking it up because you know the supplement space. It's garbage. It's like full of lies. Lots and lots and lots of lies in terms of a company selling. It has this ingredient. Actually, it doesn't. You know what a lot of companies are doing?

24:05Sal Di Stefano:Huh?

24:06Adam Schafer:So saffron's blowing up. There's a particular extract of it. Oh, God. Organifi uses one called suffractive. This is the one that you'll see in a lot of studies. It is standardized. It's got the active ingredients. Is it herb? It is. It's used in pure. It's a flower. It's a flower. It's a flower, yeah. It's a flower. Part of the flower. Yeah. So it's been used in medicine for a long time, in natural medicine. But anyway, what companies are doing is they're not using saffron. They're using a little bit of saffron, and then they're watering it down with turmeric, which is good for you, but ain't going to give you what saffron does because it's the same color.

24:42Adam Schafer:So the capsules will look orange or whatever, and they're just faking it.

24:46Sal Di Stefano:Of course.

24:47Adam Schafer:Yeah, and there's no quality control. Always the snake.

24:50Sal Di Stefano:You know, because it's a flour, can you make a tea out of it then?

24:54Justin Andrews:Well, you know, it's used in cooking a lot, like Persian cooking and things like that. So yeah, you could probably make a saffron tea for sure.

25:02Sal Di Stefano:Yeah. I mean, my sister-in-law, they're all big on taking the real flour. They have one of those, I don't know.

25:07Adam Schafer:Oh, do they actually get dandelions? Yeah, yeah.

25:09Sal Di Stefano:And they put them in the, and they have one of those little tea brewing things. Have you ever seen them before? They're like a little metal thing. And then you actually put the real flour. That's the way to do it. I know. It's cool. And then they have a little candle thing that heats under it. They're all into it. Yeah.

25:21Justin Andrews:I was wondering about that because my grandma used to put dandelions in salad. And I was like, why am I eating flowers? Oh, really? It was just weird. Yeah. I'm like, why don't you just go grab it outside and just put it on top? I'm not an animal.

25:37Adam Schafer:That's how we cured every illness that our dog had when I was a kid. She was on to something. My dad would have him eat grass. Yeah. That is a good remedy.

25:45Sal Di Stefano:He's okay. Let him eat grass. Now, what that is, it makes him throw up. I guess. No, it does. It totally does. There's something in grass that makes... It comes their stomach somehow. I don't know. Well, it gets out whatever. So if they got something...

25:56Adam Schafer:Of all things dogs eat, it's grass that makes them puke. I've seen dogs eat all kinds of horrible shit.

26:00Sal Di Stefano:Well, they'll do it intentionally themselves. You'll see it when a dog has got an upset stomach or whatever, they'll intentionally eat the grass and throw it out. It's so habit for my dogs that they don't even throw up anymore.

26:10Justin Andrews:They just eat it. They just eat it.

26:13Adam Schafer:They just turn into cows. So saffron is spiced derived from the crocus sativus flower. commonly known as saffron crocus. So again, Happy Drops uses the extract from a company that, this is where they get the studies from, is they use standardized - Of course. Yeah. Yeah, count on Drew. It's the world's most expensive spice. It is. It is. How much does it cost per whatever? Per ounce or per gram?

26:39Sal Di Stefano:Interesting. And now, is that because of how beneficial it is? What about the trash? Well, it's so rare.

26:43Justin Andrews:It's very hard to get. So, you know, it's the stigma from the flower, the little thing that pokes up from inside the flower.

26:49Adam Schafer:Oh, so it takes a lot.

26:50Justin Andrews:So it takes a lot.

26:51Adam Schafer:Oh, wow. Oh, I didn't know that was the most expensive. Yeah. That's wild. Hey, speaking of tea. The bass.

26:57Sal Di Stefano:Is that what, is that, so in the, here's a sci-fi nerd thing for you. Isn't it always Spice is what they, what in the sci-fi movies? That's in Dune. That's just in Dune. Oh, I thought the other ones have. Is that what you think it is? You think it's saffron? No.

27:10Justin Andrews:It's in the desert. It's like crystal meth or something. Yeah, dude.

27:13Sal Di Stefano:Do they grow it out there? Is that where they, I can't remember. I don't remember seeing. Do they grow what? The spice. I don't remember do they show it they mine for it I know they talk about it but I don't know if I don't remember recalling the movie ever seeing it oh yeah

27:24Adam Schafer:what does it say what's the price there Doug

27:26Justin Andrews:so one gram it looks like around$15 wow one gram that is expensive what about truffle

27:32Adam Schafer:I mean does that count how much is a gram that's not a spice that's a mushroom why do you look over at me like that how much is a gram of weed well three and a half grams is what you would sell

27:42Sal Di Stefano:an eighth that's what it is so you're talking about like 50 bucks 40 bucks well now it's down to like 30 bucks these days

27:47Adam Schafer:Wow, so it's more expensive than weed.

27:49Sal Di Stefano:Yeah.

27:50Adam Schafer:Wow, that's crazy. Wow, we should get in the business. All right, listen. Tea, you brought up tea using your own metal. Yeah, yeah. You know why everybody should do that?

27:58Sal Di Stefano:Why?

27:58Adam Schafer:You know what a high source of microplastics tea bags are?

28:02Sal Di Stefano:Oh, God. Really? The tea bags? Oh, yes.

28:04Adam Schafer:Yes. Yes.

28:06Justin Andrews:Really? A lot. Are we just finding everything we're putting in our body? I imagine you're dumping hot water on it.

28:11Sal Di Stefano:That's right. Wow. That's right. So buy loose leaves. Now, Kate, I got to think in the herbal tea world, because that's very hippie-esque, that there would be like tea bags that they've made that are like non. That's got to be a thing, right? Dude, are we slowly turning into action figures? There's got to be like some made out of hemp or something that is way healthier and better for you. There's no way everybody's making tea bags out of these microplastics and we just know what they're saying.

28:38Adam Schafer:There are bags that are made out of papers. There's got to be. But then most bags now are made out of like plastic, like little fine fibers, you know? because consumers like them better.

28:47Sal Di Stefano:Why wouldn't we use hemp for something like that? I don't know.

28:51Justin Andrews:Let's look it up. I mean, you can get cotton tea bags. There you go. Yeah. There's other ways to do it. Obviously, the steel ball.

28:58Sal Di Stefano:But the normal Lipton one, right? Oh, yeah.

29:01Justin Andrews:That's probably plastic. Oh, yeah. Such bullshit. I know.

29:04Sal Di Stefano:You'd probably drink the most tea, Honda. Oh, man. I drink a lot of tea, actually. I have tea every other night. What kind of tea? I like the chamomile. Oh, yeah. That's the best one.

29:13Adam Schafer:Is that because I taught you that or did you drink it before I said that?

29:15Sal Di Stefano:No, we've always had that. Katrina is a big tea drink. Her whole family, we have one, like I said, the little candle. We have all that stuff. But honestly, I just throw the bag in there. But I mean, I had no idea. It's full of plastic. Yeah.

29:28Adam Schafer:I have in-laws that are English. I can't believe. The English are crazy about tea. Yeah, everything is around tea. When they come visit, she brings her own tea. She actually flies and brings it to my house. I'm like, what, you brought your own tea?

29:38Sal Di Stefano:I mean, Katrina, my sister-in-law is like that. She shows up and she comes with her tea. You know what I'm saying?

29:44Adam Schafer:I got more bad news for you, Adam. something you love doing did you know that uh scented candles are some of the worst worst offenders i'm gonna bring on the xenoestrogens i'm bring on the cancer i don't even

29:56Sal Di Stefano:care oh come on don't joke like that i mean isn't there it's just like no way i'm getting rid of

30:01Justin Andrews:that options that are like these fat and uh there are and i'll get to that but scented candles

30:06Adam Schafer:i'm sorry to court often contain uh phthalates which are xenoestrogens which bind your estrogen receptors you know how you say you get you get uh sensitive nipples it might be from this then there's also there's also volatile organic compounds semi-volatile organic compounds on particulate matter did you know some scented candles uh produce as much particulate matter as exhaust what yeah dude yeah bro so you're smelling what you're smelling in it's just bad it is not just lovely toxic it is not good all right so there's some there's some good

30:41Sal Di Stefano:options for you, bro. Yeah, but how much does it level up a night of sex, though? You have to ask yourself, is that worth it? I thought you did it by

30:48Justin Andrews:yourself and then had a bath. That too, all the time. So I've replaced all my candles with actual beeswax candles. There you go. Unscented. They smell great.

30:56Sal Di Stefano:That's it. Unscented smells great? Yeah, it smells like beeswax. It has its own smell. Well, I told you that the listener who sent me some like vanilla smelling one that I don't have to burn, just sitting in the room puts off this incredible smell. It just throws off chemicals. Yeah.

31:12Adam Schafer:No, it's probably scented oil. Yeah. So you can use scented oils. Yeah. Not scented oils, but there's like organic oils. Essential oils. Essential oils. Yeah, we use essential oils. That'll do it. You can also get beeswax. The problem with beeswax is they burn fast and they're expensive.

31:27Justin Andrews:And they're bright though. They're great.

31:29Adam Schafer:Oh, they're more bright.

31:30Justin Andrews:They're more bright. Yeah.

31:31Sal Di Stefano:We used to burn candles all the time. Do you use candles at your house a lot? A lot. You are a big candle guy too, see? Yeah, you know. Just let me take all the heat, but you don't ever step in and say -

31:38Justin Andrews:No, I don't get scented candles. I've gotten rid of those years ago

31:42Sal Di Stefano:but you do the bathtub and candle thing too

31:43Justin Andrews:I get used to organic smells I don't do bathtubs but I love candles actually almost every dinner if I have somebody over I will have candles no I don't do that by myself with a violin playing in the background having a candle by himself

32:01Adam Schafer:Dylan you know what's happening here this is when Doug and Adam are on the phone late at night with each other with their scented candles Here comes the jealousy.

32:09Sal Di Stefano:And they're talking about... Jealous. Not really. Jealous because no one calls him. Justin and I are sending each other memes.

32:14Justin Andrews:Yeah, we send memes. Yeah, like horrible, horrible memes.

32:17Sal Di Stefano:What are you talking about? Justin does not answer his phone once he leaves here. Yeah, that's true. Once Justin leaves here, his phone's on. Him and I both. I'm driving. Yeah, I was like, he can't be driving fucking nine hours. I have to decompress from all your... Sorry, I'm driving. I'm like, this guy is not driving. Hey, why did I say you're driving? Yeah, it does. He does. He puts that... Hey, don't expose my hat. Yeah, I should... It took me a while to figure it out go text him. Oh, Adam just text me. I'm like, he's like, I'm driving home. And then I go, I do it again. No, that's not what it is, bro.

32:44Sal Di Stefano:He literally texts you back.

32:45Adam Schafer:I'm driving right now. It's not even the automated one.

32:49Sal Di Stefano:They're spelling errors. I'm like, wait a second.

32:51Justin Andrews:iPhone doesn't misspell that. I'm telling you, it's brilliant, you guys. I'm onto your bullshit, dude.

32:57Adam Schafer:Speaking of cancers, did you guys know what the most common cancer in young men is? We have to talk about this because we got young men that listen. In young men? In young men. It's not prostate cancer. I think it's 18 to 35 or something like that. What's the most common cancer? Colon? Nope. Skin cancer? Nope. Testicular cancer.

33:18Sal Di Stefano:Testicular still is. I would have guessed prostate would have been like for -

33:21Adam Schafer:No, testicular cancer is a young man cancer typically. It doesn't mean you can't get it when you get older.

33:25Sal Di Stefano:So what's so different about that and like prostate cancer and why - One's on your balls. No, I know that. But I mean like you would think they're closely related as far as how you would get them. No, no. Not at all.

33:36Adam Schafer:No, not at all. But yeah, testicular cancer. So what I did is I looked up, because here's the thing about testicular cancer. Very curable, usually because people often notice it right away and it gets treated. Well, you got to get rid of one of them. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes you got to lose a Tessie. And then the other one picks up the work of the one that you lost. But what from, though?

34:00Sal Di Stefano:What is it from? Yeah, like how do you, like, fondling them too much? Like, what do you get from? I feel like all the moms are saying that to their boys. You keep playing with that that much and you might get testicular cancer. Oh, my God.

34:12Justin Andrews:New way to ask. Remember like the Harry Palm thing that everybody's saying? Get it out of your pants.

34:16Sal Di Stefano:I have cancer. You give yourself testicular cancer and you keep playing with all that. I don't know how you do it, Adam.

34:22Adam Schafer:I just don't fuck with my palms. All right, sorry, Doug. This went too far. Anyway, speaking of which. You brought it up. I said, we got to educate people. So self checks are very important. So what you do essentially is you, once a month, you're supposed to check your testicles and you're looking for consistency, symmetry. Spectacles, testicles. Yeah, and you don't want, what you're looking for are lumps or hard nodules is what you're looking for. Now there are natural things in the testicles like the epidemitis. I think I'm not saying that right. The spermatic cord. These are naturally on there, but you're looking for hard lumps, swelling, asymmetries.

35:02Adam Schafer:And so when men do this, the risk is super low because once you catch it, it gets treated very easily.

35:08Sal Di Stefano:Now what are you reading to come across something like that?

35:11Adam Schafer:How does this come up? I was trying to think of things to talk about.

35:16Sal Di Stefano:I looked it up. I got an idea.

35:18Justin Andrews:Well, I mean, every physical that was like part of the protocol, right? And until they started to like suggest, hey, you can do this and check it yourself. I told you my story about that. I got an offer. I remember I shared my story. Yeah, I was just already ready. I'm like, pants off. A lot of creeps out there back then. Yeah. It wasn't even a doctor. A doctor came in. It was a doctor, dude. It was some guy.

35:39Adam Schafer:It's a front desk kid. Did you have experience? It was a lady, and she was a doctor. I thought I had. I scared her. I told you, guys, I thought I had an issue, because at this point, somebody in my family just had. You think you have an issue. Well, listen, I was traumatized. Somebody in my family was young. They got cancer. They died. And I was hypervigilant for a little while. And I was taking a shower one day and I thought, uh-oh, what is this? So I was so scared that I went to the doctor, had them examine me. They're like, no, you're fine. I said, no, I want an ultrasound. I did the whole thing.

36:10Adam Schafer:Oh, my God. They're like, you're fine, bro. I'm like, okay, dude. Yeah. But I was a little hypochondriac.

36:17Sal Di Stefano:Like you're a normal guy. Just some of them look weird. That's all.

36:19Adam Schafer:Speaking of awkward, how awkward was that? God, I'm not a fan. I know you aren't either. We have to do these like shoots and commercials.

36:28Justin Andrews:Oh, yeah.

36:29Sal Di Stefano:oh you guys actually went to uh viore the other day yeah to do the shoot i was explaining that to them when we when we do that because it's a couple uh when we were in viore a couple people that work there are were fans of the show so they were all excited for us to come in there and do that and i was telling them just like how much we just don't like to do that they're like really why and i'm just like i just uh we i feel like everything that we do uh is authentic i mean it's We just come on here, we have conversation, we don't edit anything. It is what it is, right? It's the most authentic thing we do.

37:01Sal Di Stefano:Like, okay, you're going to walk into the store, we're going to film you. I would never do it. That's why everybody roasts us on it all the time.

37:07Justin Andrews:I get it, I get it. And I love their products. We've been with them for a long time.

37:11Sal Di Stefano:Yeah, yeah, no, very valuable to the brand. I will say this, though. Viore drip head to toe today. Is that Viore? Yeah.

37:19Justin Andrews:The white one? This is my favorite shirt they make, yeah. Oh, wow. What is it called? I don't know. we know what it is

37:25Sal Di Stefano:great sales pitch there thank you

37:27Adam Schafer:Doug find out what that is please is that the meta shirt the t-shirt

37:30Sal Di Stefano:no no no no that's something else

37:31Justin Andrews:that one looks good dude it's perfect it's softer because it's got a thicker material too I got one too yeah I got a brown one yeah I have a brown one I don't think I have one of those it's my favorite one they've made

37:41Adam Schafer:so it's like the t-shirts but it's a little it's a little softer I can tell it's a little softer and thicker but thicker

37:47Sal Di Stefano:but stretchy looking the Stratotec

37:49Justin Andrews:was the one I was wearing before I remember that one but oh that's nice Nice.

37:53Adam Schafer:Yeah. That's what it was called. Uh-huh. Yeah. So it's a little softer than the traditional Stratotouch. Yeah. Which is really nice. But yeah, we're in there and they're like, you know, all right, I'm going to film you walking in. Okay, now walk in again. Now I'm going to film you from this angle walking. How many times am I walking and you're filming me? And then I forget how to walk. When someone's recording me and I'm supposed to be walking in, I'm like, am I walking weird? Like, I never think of this. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

38:16Justin Andrews:Don't look like you're concentrating too much.

38:18Adam Schafer:Yeah, dude. At one point I walked in with one hand in my pocket. I'm like, I never walk like that. I forget how to open doors when I'm doing stuff like that. What do I do with my hands? Like, wow. And then we had to pretend like we were shopping for our wives. Which you probably never have done. Actually, I do. I do all the time. I don't shop for her.

38:33Justin Andrews:Yeah.

38:34Adam Schafer:But if I'm at the store, I'll typically surprise her.

38:36Justin Andrews:I'd like to see you pick up some leggings and just be like, hmm.

38:39Adam Schafer:Yeah. Well, this is the idea of this.

38:40Sal Di Stefano:That's why he was recording. I was over there talking shit. I'm like, this guy has never done this before. He has no idea what he's doing right now. I do. I know my wife's size and everything. Do you really? I do. Okay, that's good. You know your wife said that.

38:50Adam Schafer:That should be a good marriage trivia. Just in workout apparel, though. Don't ask me anything else. But I know the bottoms for her. I know what the tops are. All that stuff. That's good. That's good.

39:01Sal Di Stefano:Hey, speaking of relationships, I had something I was going to ask you guys. What? Started a conversation here. What is something that a past relationship has taught you about yourself? Huh? I don't know.

39:13Adam Schafer:You go first.

39:14Sal Di Stefano:No. you can't think of something in a past relationship spot i mean i mean were you that good were you that you that good of a guy that you just didn't like you didn't have any full of course so it's like is it just hard i'm gonna narrow it down the ones i want to share give me some time dude

39:31Justin Andrews:just blurt some stuff out what are you justin uh not to be i'm gonna get you too much of a people made with a lot of my previous relationships so what would you do like what would be like an example of like like you like i'd accommodate like all the things like go to all the events and all the things but deep down inside you didn't want to be there uh and wouldn't it wouldn't communicate it you're at the britney spears concert yeah just my shirt over my head you know

40:06Sal Di Stefano:this sucks yes now would that lead to uh would it lead to later like resentment and fights later on or just more Justin suppressing stuff?

40:15Justin Andrews:Yeah, more suppressing thing. More like, yeah, I just didn't feel like I was ever. Yeah, I think it was, I don't know if it was like resentment necessarily. It was more just like I didn't feel like as big of a part of the relationship. Like I was just like doing whatever to appease them. And I don't know. it just, it gets to a point where you just don't, um, you don't communicate anything you need at that point. It just becomes like the, the, the please this person show.

40:47Sal Di Stefano:Yeah. Yeah. You know, okay. So what is it, uh, like when it comes up now, do you, can you recall like how, what the conversation you have to have with yourself that to work through it or help? Like, do you like, okay, here's one of those situations.

41:00Justin Andrews:It's like a desired outcome thing for me now is more like, uh, is this like a, a point of contention that is a pattern or something that I need to address? I really don't like doing this. Do I need to express that and stop that? Or is this something that... I kind of balance it a lot now. You and Doug are so similar in so

41:20Sal Di Stefano:many ways. That's a thing that you have too.

41:23Justin Andrews:Yeah. I was going to say boundaries. Setting boundaries in the relationship because, like Justin, I'm just trying to keep the peace. Keep the peace, but the boundary wasn't there and uh you get walked on actually well i'm very vocal about it now i don't put up

41:39Sal Di Stefano:with shit yeah i went over the other end of that yeah i think because yeah i just realized that

41:47Justin Andrews:it was pointless for me because i didn't feel like it was a team it wasn't like an equal um relationship it was very like um pedestal kind of thing yeah that's a good one

42:00Adam Schafer:there you go i i don't uh what's wrong for me i don't like to share struggles or ask for help

42:07Sal Di Stefano:which is why this is so difficult right now for you

42:14Adam Schafer:no i don't like i don't like it it feels very uncomfortable uh if i'm useful i feel like i can be loved if i'm not useful why would anybody like me right so this is like the the challenge. So not being useful was like when you're useful to me, well, now I feel like I'm a burden. So I just don't share.

42:33Sal Di Stefano:So what did that look like in past relationships? And then when it manifests today, like how do you?

42:39Adam Schafer:Well, I'll tell you when I was in my previous marriage, when I got divorced, most people in my family were shocked because they didn't know the struggles and challenges. Cause you didn't share, never told anybody. So they just had no idea. And it It was 10 years of struggle and challenge. So what does that look like now? Oh, now I, well, prayer helped a lot with that because it's impossible not to be honest and vulnerable when you're talking to the guy that knows everything. So that helped a lot. And then I share, I think I share more now than I did before.

43:10Sal Di Stefano:Yeah, I think I've seen that in just the 10 years we've been together. I think I've seen you open up and share those things that I didn't feel like you ever did when we first started. So that's pretty good. What's yours? Did you have one? I have a lot. I've got all kinds of, I'm a mess. Mine's attached to, we've talked about this before, about insecurity of being successful, being smart, being all the things. And so I used to attract a lot of girls that I was like the daddy, the teacher in the relationship. And you feel secure. Yeah. And what's so hard about that is that it feels good, right? So I would date these girls and, you know, I have the answer, I got it, you know?

43:51Sal Di Stefano:And I like that. And it made me feel important, made me feel smart, made me feel that way. And then what would always end up happening is after months or even a year of dating that person, you realize how exhausting that is and how you're like, I don't, is this really the type of partnership that I want to be in? So it took a long time to realize how attracted I was to that thing that fed my insecurity. And to break that because, again, it always initially makes me feel good. And so learning that that's not what I want in a partnership. And so a couple of relationships before Katrina, so two relationships before her, I had pieces together.

44:31Sal Di Stefano:So I was about 27 when I finally figured out, because I could look back. And even though all the women that I dated were all very different, they all had that thing in common. They had that, like, I was the teacher. I was the daddy in the relationship. And I thought I liked that. And then when I realized, like, no, So it was really difficult to go the other direction. It was actually initially those girls that I would try dating, it was like I had to like, I didn't have a natural pull to them. I'm like, I need to try this. I need to try dating a woman that I feel I can learn from or that we can build together and do that.

45:06Sal Di Stefano:And so it was an uncomfortable awkward. Now, by the time I got to Katrina, I had started to piece that together. And then obviously I see what happens when I find the right partnership that's not like that. um now the challenge when i get the right partner like her who is an incredible teammate that i can learn from is then the the old still wanting to be right and be daddy and be those things and it's like i know this is what i want and what i need for myself so every once in a while when it rears its head that i feel i need that it's like the check myself in those moments but uh i think it's so interesting how these two have such similar now yeah but that's like an example of like one

45:44Justin Andrews:serious girlfriend like i wasn't i would there was a lot of different like instances where i acted differently it was weird yeah so i wasn't always like it was somebody that was like i felt was outside my league oh that i was like that with okay and then it was like kind of felt like you needed to do all that yeah yeah yeah and it was just like the that self-confidence i had but it was like when in that situation i felt like less than so therefore i was like trying to appease them, you know, and like do all this extra stuff. And then I was like, what the fuck am I doing? You know? And then. Did you break up with her?

46:22Justin Andrews:No. Well, yes. And then went back to her like a total bitch. And then she broke up with me. So she won. Yes. I let her win, dude. Fuck. Why'd you bring that up? I don't care, dude. I don't care. I'm winning. That's so great.

46:41Adam Schafer:That's hilarious. I looked up controversial parenting topics, Adam, per your suggestion. Oh, yeah. And I have two of them that I think are good discussions.

46:53Sal Di Stefano:Yeah, yeah.

46:53Adam Schafer:One of them is for parental leave for fathers. So mothers get parental leave. Is this a good thing for fathers to do, to take a month off to be with their newborn?

47:05Sal Di Stefano:Well, I think the way you're wording it, how can you say, no, it wouldn't be good? Do I think it's necessary or do I think we should do it? No.

47:14Adam Schafer:You don't think it's necessary?

47:15Sal Di Stefano:Yeah, no, I don't think it's. So I think that, I mean, this is the one beautiful thing about a partnership and a relationship. I think we provide different things. I think in the early stages, the baby is so attached to the mother and the nurturing part that I'm going to go out there and hunt. And when I get home, I'm definitely going to do all the things still, as I was with Max. max but i don't think that's something that we necessarily now you worded it though would it be good like sure it could be good i could see it'd be good especially if you if you're in a position where um you could financially do that and and do and we kind of were when when i when we had max and so i did have the flexibility you guys let me cut out of here early and do all those things but i definitely don't think that should be a government funded thing that we decide that we're gonna like all pay taxes towards so that guys can also take fucking six months off like No, bro, go hunt.

48:08Adam Schafer:Yeah, I don't know. That's my take. That's my controversial take. I agree, but I disagree for different reasons. So I agree that it's not like a necessary, I think it's very important for mom to be there with baby for the first few months. The data on this is very clear. I think it's obvious too. I don't think I need to make the argument. The baby's connected to mom literally, and then when the baby's born, still connected very closely. I think though it's important for fathers not for the same reasons. I think it's important for fathers to care for mom. So mom's there for baby. Mom needs husband to care for her.

48:48Adam Schafer:That's an interesting point. And the data on a mother's health.

48:51Justin Andrews:Do they parse out the like having grandma there? I was just going to say,

48:56Adam Schafer:historically, how it's worked in societies forever was that grandma, sister was with her for a little while for that beginning stage. And the data on the health of a mother and how well she's able to, you know, be a mom to her children is crazy. And these days, unfortunately, a lot of that falls on the, fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of that falls on the husband because we don't live in communities like we used to. So many people are like, you know, where's mom? Where's mother-in-law? Well, everybody lives far away. So.

49:28Sal Di Stefano:I totally agree with that. And the point you, I didn't even think of it from that perspective and for that reason. And that being said, though, that's a cultural problem that we have that I think the solution isn't give dads this time off so they could do that. It would be more like express what you just said and get back to why it is so important that we have family.

49:49Adam Schafer:I think the cultural point is a big one because what we've done is we've put culturally, we value the pursuit of career so high that we've actually put it above things that are more important. And so it's like now people don't even consider how important that is. that you have that kind of support when you have a baby.

50:06Sal Di Stefano:But I mean, I think that's part of what dad is off, is hunting, you know, if we take it back all the way. I mean, so that's why you still keep doing that. Because that's also, in a sense, providing for mom. Like that's -

50:18Adam Schafer:Oh yeah, that's number one. Like we don't got lights on.

50:22Sal Di Stefano:Exactly. Go get a job. So that's what I mean. It's like, so most people do not have that, most men aren't going to have that luxury to where they could take that off. and the only way to give that luxury to all men would be to governmentally fund that and that I don't agree with.

50:37Adam Schafer:So it's a great discussion. I'm glad we're going here. So I don't know if couples, I think, I don't know. I'm going to make a judgment. I could be totally wrong. But I don't think couples consider this and plan for it like the way I'm saying it. For example, we're going to have a baby. Let's save enough money so that I don't work for 30 days and I can be with you to support you. And I don't know, I think what men think of, I need to get a job and have money to support you, but do they think I need to have enough to support you so I don't work for the first 30 days since my mom, your mom, sisters, nobody's around, I need to be here with you type of deal.

51:16Adam Schafer:But I don't know. I think we've put it in like this, we categorize it so strangely now, which is like, yeah, you're home for a week and then you go back to work and nobody's here to help mom type of deal.

51:24Justin Andrews:I wonder what the statistics are on people that just live paycheck to paycheck versus people that actually saved money. They have statistics on that. It's so high. They have statistics on that. So, I mean, to have, I don't know. You would never happen. Yeah, it never happens.

51:36Sal Di Stefano:So all valid points you're making, but that would require the relationship as a culture that we have with money. Totally, yeah. And that's not happening. So you know how, if like, let's say we, everybody listening agrees, like, yeah, men should do that for all those reasons. Okay, well, how do we do it? Oh, let's put something in place. we wouldn't we wouldn't solve it the way we should which is like hey man we should probably consider before we have this kid i'm gonna i'm gonna squirrel away you know a few hundred bucks every single week or month until we do have a kid so that i can afford to take off the time

52:13Adam Schafer:here's why i'll back you up 100 if it's not a cultural societal thing and understanding and we do make it so that men don't work for 30 days there's a lot of guys that'll just do nothing Totally. Yeah. It's like, oh, cool, I'm off. Yeah, I'm here. But the culture isn't like, no, no, you need to care for mom so she can care for baby. Right. You need to make her feel safe and secure and healthy and feed her because that's a tough period. If you don't have kids and you're about to have a child, mom goes through very difficult. That's war. It's very difficult.

52:43Sal Di Stefano:That's like everyday war. No sleep all day long. Feeding, baby stuck to you. Yeah, yeah. So I mean, you bring such a good point up. The problem is that the solution to me is not like companies now. No one needs to be heart change. Yeah, because I would not agree as a company that we would pay taxes. That's what you're trying to say. Oh, you bet your ass on income. That's the angle I'm going to come from. Our employees are listening. You are not getting that. Save your money. Save your own money. No, no. But yeah, no, I think that's a heart change thing. I agree with you. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, good point.

53:20Adam Schafer:interesting that's controversial very very controversial absolutely you have culture there's there are cultures that this is a big deal most of these cultures are homogenous meaning uh like you go to some countries yeah the culture ended everybody's the same everybody has the same beliefs everybody's same ideas this is part of their culture and if you're a man and you go to work you know two weeks after you have a baby your co-workers and all their families

53:44Justin Andrews:is usually in like close proximity because they value that aspect of it and it's already assumed within the family dynamic and the structure that like you know the elders are going to come in they're going to help out and all this will work and i mean there's definite power in that and it helps it benefit the kids development so you know there's something there it's just we

54:05Adam Schafer:we don't have that established culturally i heard a woman i thought this was the best litmus test litmus test. She said, the way we should judge ideas in society or government even is let's judge them by how they affect the most vulnerable of us, which are babies and children. So anytime somebody says, here's this idea that I have, how does it affect babies and children? The specific topic that she was talking about, but I love this litmus test for anything, was polyamory. polyamory a good thing she's like how would it affect the children of these relationships that's how we should judge whether or not not whether or not you think it's a good idea for you but how would it affect the most vulnerable which are i love i love that i think that's a great litmus

54:50Sal Di Stefano:test for anything well a great lens to look through as far as making the decisions like i mean that is uh similar to what i've i've said one of the neatest things about having my son was it just changed the lens at which i looked through everything that i made a decision for so So when I didn't have him, the decision to work the extra hour or to go do the thing or buy the stuff or whatever was always just like me, my needs, can I, can I not, what I want. And that has shifted so much just simply by going like, oh, what will my son think? Or how would I explain that to him if he ever asked me? So I always just try.

55:28Sal Di Stefano:Now it's natural. I don't have to actively think about it. the first thing I default to is just like, okay, if my son was there and I had to explain myself why I did that thing, whatever, how would I communicate that to him? And if I find myself fumbling in my brain too - How do I defend this? Yeah, defending it. It's just like, the answer is no then. It's not good or it's not a good idea. And so I love that idea of looking through that lens, but just don't see us trying to do it.

55:54Adam Schafer:By the way, left turn, do we have applicants? Have we started looking at the applicants for training positions here?

56:00Sal Di Stefano:Every day we are.

56:01Adam Schafer:So we're still getting a ton. We're getting more.

56:03Sal Di Stefano:Yeah. But I mean, yeah, bring them on though. I mean, we, Kyle and Katrina are consistently going through and taking interviews and we're looking at everybody.

56:12Adam Schafer:It is. So if you work for Mind Pump, that means you're actually an employee of ours as a trainer or a coach. You are, you are, this is an incredible place to work because of our abundance of leads. So the business is just incredible. that being said, one of the hardest places to get hired to be a trainer coach straight up. But if you think you have what it takes, go to mind pump, personal training. What is it? Doug mind pump, personal training.com forward slash apply and see if you got what it takes. Everybody has to go through an internship process. I don't care how great you think you are. You're going to go through a period of being here for a little while for us to see if you're somebody that we would be happy representing mind pump.

56:53Adam Schafer:But if you think you got what it takes, you want to be a trainer here, go to mindpumppersonaltraining.com forward slash apply. Seed is the world's best probiotic, hands down. If you want the benefits of a probiotic, better skin, better energy, of course, better digestion, go with Seed. Check them out. Go to seed.com forward slash mindpump. Use the code 25mindpump. Get 25 % off. Back to the show.

57:14Justin Andrews:Our first question is from Shamunk7.

57:18Adam Schafer:How do I practice bracing for exercises like squats? do them yeah so you know what's funny about this this is one of those things well i'll go over what you should focus on but this is one of those things where if you focus too much on it it becomes a problem sometimes it's like um think about blinking right now you're feeling weird every time you blink your eyes or whatever it's like a natural thing so bracing while you squat uh essentially just means you're just you're just tightening up your core now what does that look like, well, pretend like someone's going to poke you in the ribs and you kind of brace up like someone's going to tickle you.

57:54Adam Schafer:That's what it's like. That being said, don't overthink it. Cause I've had people do this where they brace so hard the whole time they get fatigued by rep number five. And I'm like, no, no, no. Like you can breathe. Like you could relax a little bit in between. What you want to do is you want to brace when you're about to do the rep. So bars on your back, you're ready to go down, brace your core, go down to the squat, come up, take a couple of deep breaths. Now you can relax your core before you take the next rep brace and do it again. that's for the people who find themselves feeling like I don't know what to do.

58:22Adam Schafer:What you don't do is you pull in your midsection. I've heard people say that. That's not how you brace. And then also wearing a weight belt changes this completely. When you wear a weight belt, bracing looks different. You're actually pushing out against the belt with your core to create stability, which is a very different bracing technique than doing it without a belt.

58:42Justin Andrews:You want to imagine somebody about to punch you in the stomach. Yep. I mean, and be able to breathe throughout that process. It's as simple as that.

58:50Sal Di Stefano:So that's how I used to coach to a client. And I would actually have them figure it out. Because the bracing part I don't find is the most difficult part. It's the breathing while also bracing. And so the way you practice that is like, okay, so I'm bracing right now. So you should still be able to have dialogue and conversation while also creating that brace. That's the way you practice that because if you are bracing so hard, you're holding your breath and you're getting exhausted. That's not right. Like I should be able to brace and stand here or sit here and talk to you normal and nobody else knows but me.

59:27Sal Di Stefano:I know that I'm bracing my core right now. If you can get to that place, that's what it looks like when you go into these movements like squatting and deadlifting is you should be able to brace and still breathe.

59:37Adam Schafer:Yeah, now here's what it looks like if you want to get real technical. It's like before I do my rep, I take a deep breath in, brace. I go down. On the way up, I breathe out. But the breathing out sounds like, or it's coming out. It's coming out with intention and with bracing. It's not this loose breath out. At the top of the rep, you can relax a little bit and catch your breath and then do it again. And if you're strong, this is how you're supposed to lift. If you're strong, you brace, you breathe in, you brace, go down, tighten things up, come up. As you're coming up, you breathe out with this kind of real controlled, forceful type breath.

1:00:13Adam Schafer:But most people, I think, relax around this. Focusing too much on breathing and bracing leads to some weird bracing and breathing patterns. It's weird and dysfunctional and you get lightheaded.

1:00:24Justin Andrews:Next question is from Chunky Beast. Can very dry skin and lips, despite constantly moisturizing, drinking two to three liters of water a day, and lowering weekly weight training volume be a sign of overtraining?

1:00:38Adam Schafer:It can, but it's more likely a sign of something else.

1:00:42Justin Andrews:Yeah, dehydrate. Just imagine somebody's -

1:00:47Adam Schafer:Constantly doing that. Stop doing that. Yeah, stop doing that.

1:00:49Justin Andrews:If you do that all the time, yeah, this is a problem.

1:00:53Adam Schafer:I hate when I see dudes on like dating shows, they'll walk out and it's like doing, like, what are you, just scheming? Like, what are you doing with your hands? Yeah. This could be a sign of a B vitamin deficiency or a nutrient deficiency. Could be signs of dehydration too, right? It can, but they're drinking, you know,

1:01:06Sal Di Stefano:two, three liters of water. Yeah, but what about with sodium? I'm having some sodium. Maybe your electrolyte balance. Maybe bump your sodium a little bit.

1:01:11Adam Schafer:But look at your fatty acid profile. This will happen if your fat intake is too low. Fat intake, yeah. So if you're like, I've had female clients like this where they're afraid of eating over 40 grams of fat and they have skin issues. I'd have them bump their fat intake and then lo and behold, their skin looked amazing. So look at fat, fat intake. Look at nutrient deficiencies. B vitamin deficiencies can cause chapping of the lips and the tongue or like redness on the tongue. and then maybe you need a little bit of sodium in your water. But if you're constantly dry and skin and lips, there's something missing, something missing.

1:01:49Justin Andrews:Next question is from RainbowMom3. For those on a GLP-1, is it more important to hit your protein target or strength train in the event you're struggling to consistently hit protein but are consistent with strength training? Ultimately, is that okay?

1:02:06Adam Schafer:I like the caveat. I like the caveat because here's a person that says that they constantly struggle with protein intake, but they never miss workouts. Right, right. It's for sure protein. Therefore, what's important for them? Protein. Protein. 100%. If it was the flip, I always miss my workouts. My protein's great all the time. Don't skip your workouts. So this is an easy one. And this is a great illustration of the individual value of these kinds of pieces of advice.

1:02:30Justin Andrews:That's the focus right there.

1:02:31Adam Schafer:Pieces of advice. which one is the one that you miss the most well that's probably the one that you need to be most

1:02:38Sal Di Stefano:especially in the context of a GLP one because you know that they're eating low calorie if you're really low calorie and you're low protein and you're training like you're going to break down muscle you're going to lose muscle like that and so hitting your protein intake is extremely important and especially if you already say that you're really consistent with the workouts it's like yeah you'd be better off missing that workout and hitting your protein intake than vice versa for this client. That's right.

1:03:06Justin Andrews:Next question is from Dad Fit Life. In today's world, it's easy for men to isolate themselves and sacrifice their hobbies and friendships for their family's well-being. How do you guys juggle responsibility as a father and husband while still keeping some friends and hobbies that you enjoy doing? You know, you just, here's what's interesting about nothing's balanced.

1:03:26Adam Schafer:Yeah. And also things change. So the message that you can do it all, like you have kids, nothing changes. The biggest lie.

1:03:33Justin Andrews:That's horseshit.

1:03:34Adam Schafer:That's crap. Priorities change. And so things look different. I'll give you an example. If I'm an athlete, I'm a college athlete and I'm working out. The reason why I'm working out is for maximum athletic performance. So my workouts are for that. Later, if I'm 60 and I want good mobility and health, my workouts are for good mobility and health. Therefore, they look different. I can enjoy both of them. I just have to take it and use it in a way that's valuable. All right, where am I going with this? Your family's well-being, your children and your wife are more important than the hobbies that you do.

1:04:12Adam Schafer:That's true. But if you partaking in hobbies allows you to be a better husband and father, well, then go for it. So if you're never doing anything for yourself and it's just making you angry and bitter and resentful and tired and whatever, you're going to be beneficial to your family by taking some of that time off and doing things for yourself and friends can help with this men need other men to tell them when they're shit this is what one of the greatest values of having friends for guys is that your buddies that are close with you they're the first ones that are looking at you and go bro what are you doing you're messing up and you need that if you don't have that you don't have that you need to go fill

1:04:51Justin Andrews:your cup, you go fill your cup. I just think it's like what balance really is, is just shifting your priorities around constantly. And it's, it, there's no way that you're going to nail it right at that moment, uh, in all aspects. So, um, whatever I would just look at it as like, who, who needs me the most, you know, and like, or where, where do I need to be the most? And, and, um, where I see any kind of like deficits I need to address, whether it's in the family, whether it's in my extended family, friends, or if I need some time to myself. I have to kind of evaluate that constantly and then just shift my priorities around and accommodate appropriately.

1:05:34Justin Andrews:It's not something that like I don't know anybody out there that's nailed it. So a lot of people out there say they have, and it's like this is like one of these really annoying things for me to listen to from people that think that like, oh, I'm so successful. to have a you don't you don't unless you're constantly moving things around to make it work

1:05:53Sal Di Stefano:well i think you said that because i would say i've nailed this but i wouldn't but i also would say that you're right it doesn't look like this perfect balance because that's like in other words if i looked at it it doesn't look like single adam it doesn't look no that's what i mean it doesn't so yeah so but it doesn't look like like to justin's point it doesn't look like a perfect seven days of like on monday i hang out with the homies on it's like no it's not like a system What it looks like for me and why I feel that way that we've nailed this. One, I think that the woman I married has everything to do with this.

1:06:25Sal Di Stefano:She values that as much and values that I have that as much and vice versa. I always encourage her if time has gone by and she hasn't got away with the girls and done something. And same thing for her. She knows I love to just go off and go drive by myself. And like, and she will see sometimes when I'm buried into work and I'm out of balance because I'm so focused on the business right now, it's like, oh, I know my honey needs to go take a day off for himself. And she'll come tell me. She's like, hey, Friday, go take one of the cars, get out of here. We'll see you tomorrow. And it's like, I'll go do that.

1:07:02Sal Di Stefano:And so we do that for each other. We're always kind of watching, you know, because we do, friendships are extremely important to us. And I maintain quite a few really good relationships with my friends. So is my time with just my wife outside of with my child. And then of course, I love being with my son and doing a lot of things. And so it never looks like a perfect balance to Justin's point. It never is. But what it looks like is sometimes you're, you're running a lot in one direction and a good partnership is helping you always kind of evaluate that.

1:07:31Justin Andrews:Somebody outside to really point that out.

1:07:33Sal Di Stefano:And so, and Katrina and I, we've actually even, we have, we have rules in our relationship that, and one of the rules that we have is she has the autonomy at any time she feels that she will like block, she runs the calendar and she'll mark off a day. And like, I got to show up for that, whatever that, that thing is. And sometimes it's a family trip where the three of us go and do something. Sometimes it's a just her and I, cause we need to get our alone time. And sometimes it's a, you need to get the fuck out of here and go. And so, but she has that control and I trust her to kind of be feeling the family dynamic always to give me that feedback of I'm not getting enough of one of those things because I can put my head down.

1:08:16Sal Di Stefano:It's a strength of mine. It's like I can focus on something and go like, okay, this is where I'm at. Now, your greatest strength is your greatest weakness. So the weakness is that I can get so focused in that direction that I can lose sight of some of those other things. But having a partner who's always keeping giving me those checks and balances and does that keeps what i consider balance right makes me feel balanced about it even though it's not real bad there's seasons in life i think too

1:08:40Adam Schafer:changing your perspective helps you find joy in the season that you're in yeah because they're all different this happened the other night the other night my my four and a half year old you know we were in bed and he's downstairs got a little bit of a cold and i'm upstairs i'm like looking forward to some alone time with my wife. And, you know, I love, you know, being, being with her, just the two of us for whatever. And so we're up there and he's, he's calling up and he wants, he's having trouble falling asleep. And so my wife wasn't feeling good. So I'm like, I'll go down. I'll, I'll hang out with him.

1:09:10Adam Schafer:So I go down and he's like, no, no, I want, I want mom. And I said, listen, I love hanging out with you, buddy, just me and you. And he goes, well, then let me have both of you. So I'm like, I can't say no to that. Right. So she comes down now. I could have been annoyed. I could have been annoyed. And, and, and maybe that would have happened to me at some points where i'm annoyed and say oh god now we're doing this instead of hanging out just the two of us but instead you know there's a there's a shift and we're in bed and i'm and he's hugging us and he's so happy that we're with him and it's like this is gonna end totally this is not gonna happen yeah he's not gonna be 15 years old with us laying in bed with him cuddling that's just not gonna happen if he doesn't be weird right yeah it just doesn't happen so it's a season and so what that did for me is it i became you appreciate it i became joyful you appreciate it because there's

1:09:54Sal Di Stefano:gonna come a time 18 years from now when it's just the two of you all you got is this two of you and you don't have a kid interrupted so a lot of this is framing a lot of it's how you frame these situations that you're in um i do think though i i do to the person's point men can get this way though where they they stop really get isolated they get really isolated they lose their relationships with other men and that is so important to do that um now again katrina we talked about this shit before we got together like this was stuff that um we knew where it was important to us we both valued that and so we've just never lost sight of that now there's seasons where you're more whatever because of whatever it's just like having a newborn kid like your entire life is their newborn kid and then and i have friends that when when they the kid comes like you don't see him for a couple months it's like that's just part of it like season and you know what they're doing i don't hold it against my buddy because he's doing it because i've done it too when that time is happening, then that goes and you free up and then you have more time to do stuff.

1:10:54Sal Di Stefano:And then eventually there'll come a time when they're all out of the house and all you got is time. And so I don't want to, I don't, I'm not upset that more of it's shifted with them, but I do, I do think it's important to, I think balance is such a terrible word that people throw

1:11:08Adam Schafer:around, but I do think all of it is important. You know where men tend to screw this up is they tend to place too much value on work and less on everything else. So where men tend to isolate themselves here is they bury into work work work work that was me that was my value that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna work like crazy and then you lose uh sight of the other things that are very important in my experience that's what i've seen with men i see less of the life it's either

1:11:32Sal Di Stefano:that sal or like some guys especially i don't know the hobby thing is real dude yeah so some so that's what i was gonna say justin i see a lot of dudes that are fantasy football hang out with They golf on their buddy on Saturday. They do all these things with the boys. I mean, I was that guy. I was that guy who every weekend my boys were at my house where I was at their house, and we were talking. I mean, we were like the bros, 100 % was that guy. Activities or therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, the video gaming is gone. The golf trips happen occasionally. But again, like trading that for what I am doing, with my like i'll take a all day long doing building legos with my son over any video game binger with my buddies or something like that so to me it's an easy sacrifice or you know but it doesn't mean i still don't maintain those relationships it just looks different it's different because i have different priorities in my life and i don't know i think there's a way to still do all of it but a lot of guys have built these these you know routines around their hobbies their life and then they get married and have kids and a lot of that goes because it's not realistic it's just like yeah golf takes 10 hours bro like you can't expect to golf every week anymore like and some dudes do i know guys are like all your trading cards get dust yeah you know and but maybe that or maybe that is the one thing that you do with your boys is always golf but then the rest of the time is that so there's there's ways to do both it's just like trying to have your cake and eat it too all the time is you know a little ridiculous look if you like the show

1:13:08Adam Schafer:come find us on Instagram. Justin is at MindPump Justin. I'm at MindPump DiStefano. Adam's at MindPump Adam.

1:13:13Justin Andrews:Thank you for listening to MindPump. If your goal is to build and shape your body, dramatically improve your health and energy, and maximize your overall performance, check out our discounted RGB Super Bundle at mindpumpmedia.com. The RGB Super Bundle includes MAPS Anabolic, MAPS Performance, and MAPS Aesthetic. Nine months of phased expert exercise programming designed by Sal, Adam, and Justin to systematically transform the way your body looks, feels, and performs. With detailed workout blueprints and over 200 videos, the RGB Super Bundle is like having Sal, Adam, and Justin as your own personal trainers, but at a fraction of the price.

1:13:54Justin Andrews:The RGB Super Bundle has a full 30-day money-back guarantee, and you can get it now, plus other valuable free resources, at mindpumpmedia.com. if you enjoy this show please share the love by leaving us a five-star rating and review on itunes and by introducing mind pump to your friends and family we thank you for your support and until next time this is mind pump