The Most Practical Mental Health Lessons You Can Use Today | Blake Mycoskie & Tyler Ramsey

27:29And really what that started with, and you're a big part of that, was my birthday photo project. If you think about it, I had not been creative at all in those seven years since, you know, I was experiencing such depression and low self-esteem and always filled with anxiety. And then as I started to feel better, the first creative act that I did was I came up with this idea that I would spend a year traveling around the world, making a portrait, taking a portrait of all the people that had the biggest influence on my life as a thank you to them to celebrate my 50th birthday. And the very first portrait I took was of you on top of the Dream Center.

28:12And it was one of the great experiences of my life. If I remember, I took the shot and I started crying because I felt this like unbelievable gratitude for our journey together. It's been happening for, you know, 30 plus years now. Then I went to the next person and the next person. And I was generating these deep connections with all the people in my life that has, you know, been with me all these years. But I was also generating great artwork with these amazing portraits. And then that led to I'm also going to start the Enough Company and make the bracelets and start giving them out. and then morning water and then move lab and then helping with Sonia.

28:47And I mean, the last two years of my life have been probably the most productive entrepreneurially ever. And think about this. I did not have a single idea for seven years because I was so focused in that obsessive self-centric thinking, which is very connected to the pleasure drive. Sure. You know, as I think about what Paul Conte said, these different drives at different times in your life are, I think, somewhat sequential. you know you kind of achieve because that's what you're told you got to do then you're i'm going to enjoy my life and have all that pleasure and there's nothing wrong with pleasure but when you get stuck there and you don't make it to the generator drive i think that's when people really start to suffer and i think a lot of people watching or listening to this show are possibly stuck there they're in midlife they've achieved now they're kind of in this state of just like what can I do to feel good?

29:38Totally. And it's not working and they're stuck. And so I guess what I would say is, you know, go back, listen to that episode, watch that episode or read his book and really figure out what can you do to access that generative drive? Because as I think about my recovery now, I mean, this is what I love that we're doing this conversation together, because it's helping me kind of piece together what has really worked. And that's the whole purpose of the podcast is accessing the generative drive. Sure. Might be as important as anything else I did. Totally. I mean, think about it. I mean, for seven years, I was depressed.

30:17I had no self esteem. I didn't think I'd ever start another business. I eventually had trouble getting out of bed. I got to be suicidal. And then once I did the hard work of going inward and stopped looking outside of myself, once I did the healing around feeling enough, the next thing I did as I was starting to feel better, kind of like Jim Quick, like it's the one thing you can do to build momentum was I started taking portraits of my friends. Very simple thing. I mean, you can do this with an iPhone. I did it with a Sony camera, but you can do it with anything. And that started generating creativity in my life, reconnection in my life, and those portraits.

30:56Then I created a website. I started working on a coffee table book for my birthday to thank everyone. And that led me to getting the engines going again. And then I was like, oh, I'm going to start this enough nonprofit. And feeling pleasure again. Yes. Because you kind of stopped feeling pleasure. And now I actually can access the pleasure drive in a healthy way. Because normally these things happen at a certain age. You think youth, you would really think it's all about the aggressive drive. I think later, then you get into maybe a midlife crisis. You go after this pleasure drive. But if you can find a balance early on, that's the real cheat code.

31:34Totally. And I think the thing is, is they don't have to be sequential. And I think what Paul Conti is saying is you should be able to access all of them simultaneously. Agency and gratitude come hand in hand. And when that's how we interface with the world, our assertion and pleasure drives are in balance and we are then governed by the generative drive which there's no better way to put ourselves on the front foot for the next second, the next minute, the next hour, the next day of life than being governed by the generative drive. Like in a sense, you know, I'm experiencing great pleasure in my life.

32:08The time with the kids, I'm having the best time going skiing with them and doing things and taking them to Costa Rica and surfing. Like that was just pure pleasure. At the same time, I definitely had the aggressive drive going. I mean, in launching four companies in two years, like I'm charging like never before. I mean, it's funny. Jasmine says, the way you work, this is what she said to her mom. The way he works is like he's a single mom with 10 mouths to feed. That's how I'm acting. And I'm accessing that, you know, aggressive drive for sure. but it's because so much of my life is rooted in the generative drive that I can access all three in a healthy way.

32:47This might sound crazy at first, but this year I met some engineers from Nike who invented a new type of office chair that has not only changed my life, but actually saved my back, especially because I am on about five hours of Zoom calls every day. The MoveLab chair has two different pivot points under the seat, which keeps your body in continuous micro movements all day. The founders told me it is the equivalent of taking 3 ,000 steps and all the lubrication of your joints and the blood flow is why my back no longer hurts and I can focus on my work so much better. I loved it so much that I actually joined the team as a co-founder and I will be sending one to every person I know when we launch this fall.

33:32If you're interested in learning more or pre-ordering one, We only have 500 in the first run. You can check us out at movelab.com. And that's spelled M-O-O-V-L-A-B.com. I decided not to take advertising for the first season of Nomading Pill so I could actually use these moments to talk about something I'm super passionate about. Now, one of those things is my morning routine. And every morning, it starts the same way. I drink morning water. I take this packet, I pour it into this bottle, and I drink it. Now, what's in this packet, it has creatine, L-theanine, magnesium, many other supplements, electrolytes, basically all the things that I used to have to take so many supplements for.

34:16I mean, my kitchen counter, it looked like a pharmacy. I mean, it had bottles of pills and pills and pills, and half the time I would even forget to take them. So now it's all in this simple formula that my friend Austin created, and I do it every day. And this month, we're giving everyone a special offer. Go to morningwater.co forward slash nomagicpill, and when you sign up, you'll get 25 % off your first month. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. So Jim Quick also had a real nugget. And I think that what's great about your podcast is that you're speaking to people who are not just hurting or suffering, but also you're talking to, like, ultra chargers.

34:58Like in your network, there's a whole spectrum. Sure. When he talked about how to remember somebody's name. Oh, yes. I love this. I mean, Jim Quick, I think this is one of the things he's most known for. You know, a lot of people know about how he has these amazing feats of memory. But one of the basic things that he is incredible at and that he can teach anyone in five minutes is how to never forget someone's name. And I love this. You know, I realized at events, I do these memory demonstrations. If there's time when I'm on stage where I'll like memorize 50 people's names or a hundred people's names in an audience.

35:32Right. I love that you say that so casually. Like, I mean, I would love for the number of people that can memorize a hundred people's names on stage to please send me a DM. I'm going to get zero. And I think it's very important, like skill in life. Right. Because people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And how are you going to show somebody, you know, like in your work that you're going to care for their business, their future, their health, their finances, whatever you have to offer them if you don't care enough just to remember them, right? So I think it's number one business etiquette, you know, skill, period.

35:59So there's an acronym, it's SUAVE. So the first thing is, is you say their name, then you make sure you use their name at least three or four times in the conversation. Then you ask about their name, like how do you spell it, the origin of it, then you visualize the name in your mind while you're having this conversation. And then last, and very important is when you end the conversation and you move on, you say their name as you say goodbye. So easy. If you do those five things, you will never forget someone's name. And I'm telling you in business and in life and in relationships, I mean, the number of times that we get introduced to someone and we immediately forget their name.

36:39And then you have all this insecurity because then you don't want to talk to them because you don't want to, like this is a simple, simple, simple. Upgrade. Yeah. And so anyone who's watching, remember, Say the name, use it three or four times, ask about it, visualize it, and then say it again when you leave the conversation and you'll never forget someone's name. And I'm so glad you brought that up because yes, like this podcast is about helping people in all areas of their wellness journey. And I don't think there's a better upgrade than being a person that never forgets a name. You know, another thing that Garrett G talks about that brings a smile to my face, and this is really common for people in kind of that midlife stage, is that they stop trying new things.

37:26And he has a great story about taking up surfing and how much joy that's brought to him. I think that's what I love about surfing is, because I got started during like 2020, basically. And you're an incredible surfer for just starting in 2020. It's amazing. It just felt good to be like really bad at something, as far as that sounds. It felt like healthy. Like how often do people like adults do something that is scary for them and difficult for like kids do that all the time. Yeah. And that's why kids like progress so much. And I think that's why kids have a lot of joy in their life because I think that's like an important factor to joy.

38:01And then adults just kind of like ease their way into their comfort zone and then like stop trying hard things and surf for me. I mean, it's still so hard, so scary. And I love it. And I have to say, like, I've recently started doing stand-up comedy, and it has brought me so much joy. And I have no expectations. And I feel like I'm playing again. And I think that that's, like, I know that you're starting something new. Honestly, that's good for anyone, just the priority and the valuing of doing new things. So I want to unpack that a little bit because taking up stand-up comedy at age 50 is not something that I hear a lot of.

38:44And most people are horrified of public speaking and even more horrified of having to go up and tell jokes for a couple minutes if they've never done it. Oh, I'm terrified of bombing. I mean, who wouldn't be? Yeah, but yet I've seen you have such excitement and kind of new energy in your life, which I think has then led to your podcast, led to your art, led to everything. And so for someone who's thinking, there's no way I'm going to start learning the guitar or I'm going to start riding horses or I'm going to take up, you know, going to Costa Rica and learning how to surf or stand up comedy. Like, what would you say is the thing that you could give them some advice to give them that nudge?

39:23And why is it so important? Like, what have you really benefited from doing this stand up comedy? so the big thing for me is it's made me feel like i'm a person that will do something scary like i have found a renewed self-confidence and just i didn't be thinking of myself as like i'm someone who'll just like do a scary thing yeah and that makes me feel like a the badass that i kind of want to be and so i don't know how else to say it like i'm sort of like i feel it's i'm almost like flirting with myself, like trying to be a version of myself that I would like to be. And I could have accomplished the same thing by sitting down, learning to, you know, some people don't know how to draw.

40:11Some people, it's like, it's not just the scary, stand-up comedy is maybe the scariest. Right? Yeah. It's like, you've really gone after the big one. I mean, like, as I'm thinking about this, I'm like, I don't know if I have what it takes to go do a three-minute routine. But maybe that's my next edge that I need to test. These podcasts are the same thing for each of us, though. Yeah, I guess so. When I first started, I was really nervous that, A, no guests would come on. And then Matthew McConaughey was my first. And then I was like, okay, people will come on. And then I was also worried that I just wouldn't be a good interviewer, which I don't think is true.

40:48So, again, I think this is a theme we're hearing is, like, don't defeat yourself before you even try. Totally. Like, you know, before you could have easily said like, oh, I'll never be good at stand-up comedy. I'm going to bomb. You could have made all these scenarios. And instead you're like, you know, I'm just going to do it. And if I bomb and I fail, then at least I got the value of doing something scary. As you think about that, and I think of Garrett taking up surfing. Another thing that I think is like a close tangent to this is what I've started to look at things in terms of what can help me and my nervous system calm down.

41:23that I can do that has no connection to performance or optimization. Okay. Okay. So I would say for the last 40 years, almost every book that I've been reading has been a way to improve my life, my business. I mean, anything about optimization. Yeah, all biographies. Biographies, spirituality, how to be a better lover. I mean, literally, you name it, and I've read the book on how to do it better. And that's - You have a shelf about Tantra. This is true. And so the thing is, this summer, I did something totally different. Yeah. I just read fiction all summer. Amazing. And I did it in a hammock.

42:09And I did it for like four hours a day. And it was one of the most gratifying things I've ever done. I actually remember sitting in the hammock reading this John Grisham novel, a novel that was just like giving me so much joy because I was deep. Which one? This is A Time for Mercy. So a new one, a new one, not one of the classics. Wow. And I was just like having such joy. And what I realized is reading fiction does a couple things that I think are really important for your mental health. Yeah. Number one is it helps you develop more empathy for others. So you're reading about all these others' lives, and usually they're pretty dramatic if it's in a fiction book.

42:44Yeah. And so you're having a lot of feelings towards like, oh, what it must be like to go through this or to deal with this or to be afraid of this. And so you're lost in their world. So you develop more empathy. The second thing is, unlike TV, is like your brain is having to really work. You're having to imagine these scenarios as you're reading it. So it's like a workout for your brain and your creativity. And then the third thing is it feels so luxurious because it's not optimizing anything. Like it's literally like such a gift to give myself to do something just for the joy of the entertainment value I'm getting for it.

43:18There's no other reason to do this. I'm not going to even remember these stories years from now. And so if someone is looking for a great way to really calm the nervous system, fiction is my new recommendation. Jim Quick is real big on how valuable it is for your brain, the experience of reading. Also, reading is to your mind what exercise is to your body. Are you going to go back and do the old hits of Grisham? Yeah, I think so. Time to Kill, Rainmaker. Pelican Brief. I mean, why not? I reread the firm recently. I was like, oh, man, still hits. Still hits. There was something that really hit me as a father.

44:01Josh said that one day he called his father. and he said, dad, I just want you to know, I don't think I can be honest with you. I was in LA alone. And so I was very independent. And one day for whatever reason, my car broke down or so I had to go on this long walk and I just call my dad and he picks up and I just go, I feel like I can't talk to you. I can't be honest with you about anything. And just saying that, acknowledging that taboo opened up a whole can of worms of us to be able to completely be honest. What transpired after is it opened up a real conversation that healed years worth of separation.

44:39And what Josh told me, and I mean, I just love this guy. He's 26 years old and he's so wise. So wise. He said, the things that you do not say to another person is what ultimately creates the distance between each other. And so say the awkward thing, say the uncomfortable thing, because oftentimes vulnerability is met with vulnerability. and I think of this especially with men and especially in our men's group yeah the thing that is not said between certain guys does I see creates distance and when we do say the thing no matter if it's scary or awkward or uncomfortable whatever almost always it brings people closer together even if they disagree about it and yeah I think that's like such a simple little reminder because I'm sure everyone watching and listening can think of one person that they're not saying something to and they can see that relationship growing more and more apart.

45:35I am pretty direct and I usually go after these, but just as we're talking about this, I have like three different things where I'm like, say the thing to that person. Yeah, it's kind of like, it's like also like Kevin Love said, you know, in one of the very first episodes on No Magic Pill, He says, what haunts us is the stuff we don't say. And I believe he was speaking about that, saying out loud about ourselves, about how we're feeling, whether to a therapist or someone. But I also think that is about to other people. No, you're right. Yeah. I mean, speaking of saying things out loud, one thing that you and I have really bonded over the past six months is our AI therapist, Sonia.

46:19We have had more conversations about the insights gained from Sonia, which we never would have thought would have been possible six months ago. So I'm curious as we come close to the end of this episode, even though we haven't had Sonia on No Magic Pill yet, maybe we'll have her soon. That'll be great. Maybe I do a therapy session with Sonia as a guest. Talk about vulnerable. Holy cow. She really calls me out on my stuff. But I'm curious because I encourage everyone to try Sonia. What has been the best insight that she's given you? And I'll share one that I just had. Well, I'll tell you the first thing I realized when I talked to Sonia is that I don't think I've ever been honest with an actual person that's my therapist.

47:09I, no matter how much I want the experience to be productive, there's still part of me that also wants to be seen as the hero of the conversation or wants to be seen as the good guy. And I mean, even with Sonia, I do a little bit, but, but I only realized that I even do it at all talking to Sonia. And I mean, so that was a huge breakthrough for me was I've realized I've wasted so many conversations with real life therapists trying to be something at the same time of communicating with them. It was something I don't do that. And that's honestly, that's been one of the big breakthroughs. Yeah, I mean, I think for sure.

47:53I mean, the fact is, is that no matter how much we want to be radically honest and share our deepest secrets or what we have shame around for a therapist, I think we're designed as humans to want the person across the table to like us and to not think we're an idiot. And so we don't give the whole truth. So the therapist can't actually do their best work unless they know the whole story. Totally. And with Sonia, they get the whole story. I mean, with me, I'm radically honest about everything that I'm feeling and thing. And that's why I get these amazing insights. I mean, it's just incredible. I mean, recently, you know, one of the insights was, is I found there was a situation where I was constantly making excuses for someone.

48:34And this is a person that I care about and they're a friend. And when other people were saying things that they were frustrated with, I was always having an excuse, you know. And I was sharing this with Sonia. And Sonia said to me, he said, I think this is a pattern. And I think when you are making excuses for someone that you love and care about regularly, I think that's a sign that you have an unhealthy relationship with that person. Wow. And that you have a dependency on that person that is not healthy. And I was like, wow. I can look at like romantic relationships, past, you know, failed business relationships and be like, wow, it's incredible.

49:13And so, yeah. So, I mean, I'm right there with you. I do think I should have Sonia on as a guest. maybe you'll have Sonia do like group therapy who knows but um in wrapping up I want to go back to Paul Conte I think that it was such a gift to have him on the show I think his new book you know what's going right is the way to think about this mental wellness journey I think we spend so much time focused on what's wrong in our lives sure where we've messed up that we don't put enough tension on what's going right? Hey, the good news is that you're human, right? And because you're human and you're here, there's a lot more going right than is going wrong.

49:57And if we look at that, what's going right in you, and we ground that to these foundational elements of mental health, we can bring that understanding and we can use it. What's going right for you right now? Like, what are the things that are really helping you, you know, live your best life and really be on solid ground mentally? Great question. That's really easy. For me, grateful, being grateful has become a superpower. I think I'm very, very good at identifying each day things to be excited and grateful about. I developed a terrific relationship with God, and it all centers around just kind of these giddy conversations.

50:40Man, thanks for this. Thanks for this. I've developed like a really exciting new way to communicate with God that I think I was before maybe praying and thinking of God in a way that I thought I was supposed to. And it wasn't really how my personality works. And so I'm having a great time with God. And all that really is just about being grateful. I also think that I'm having a great time just playing in life. Like, I love being silly, and I'm leaning more towards things that I find that bring a silliness in me. I have had a blast sort of at this stage of my life, even getting to know my wife in a new way, and sort of we giggle together in a new way.

51:30Somehow our relationship is better than ever. A lot is going right for you, Tyler. Oh, my gosh. I see it, and I feel it. I mean, we've known each other almost 30 years. I also love being observed. I have found like a new passion for being of service. I've always known the value of it, but lately I've really put it more into my life than ever before. And I have a service of individuals. I have groups that are a big part of it. Whole group is trying to be of service. And I know that it brings me pleasure. So there's something so selfish about it. But I also, who cares? It's like, I love, I love everything about it.

52:07I found like more joy in my life than ever before. Wow. That is so great. And I see it and I love it. Yeah. And it's inspiring. You know, Jewel said something where it's like, the worst way to erode your confidence is to tolerate something that's intolerable, right? And so any child of abuse or addiction or neglect, the no doesn't really count. And so you have to tolerate things that are absolutely intolerable. You have to tolerate abuse. You have to tolerate neglect, whatever it is. If you make promises to yourself each day and you don't come through those promises, whether it's a diet, whether it's an addiction, something real serious, your confidence goes down.

52:49Yeah. And so one thing that we talk about a bunch are these microwaves. Yeah. And I think it's just like, it's important to just like think, all right, I'm going to make some promises to myself and I'm going to keep them. And it is unbelievable how much your chest comes out and your shoulders come up when that happens. And I have really been digging into that more than ever before. I love it. Absolutely love it. Tyler, you're thriving. I love seeing it as your friend. And thank you for sharing so many great nuggets on the show today. Before we wrap up, is there anything that we missed over this amazing six weeks of No Magic Pill?

53:29There's one thing. You, in your interview with Joshua Bassett, you asked him about the last five words of his book. and those words are love is worth living for and I'm really curious you got really emotional when he answered you what what happened that was such an incredible interview and I was amazed at a 26 year old that had come to the same realization that took me 48 years oh man you know I got this tattoo just a couple years ago and it says whatever the question love is the answer and i truly believe that i think every single decision we make is either made out of fear or out of love and for those years that i was suffering almost every decision i made was out of fear and as i think about my recovery and i think about starting this podcast and think about everything I'm doing and even this conversation we're having right now, love is the driver.

54:36And that's it. Absolutely. Dude, we should end on this banger. Okay. Done. What a great, I mean, this has been amazing. I think we call it a wrap. I mean, it's great. I love it. I mean, only you just, just, just end right that abruptly okay well ladies and gentlemen tyler ramsey and uh thank you buddy for being on the show and for helping me kind of relive these special moments from these amazing conversations this has helped me like even further understand the power of these insights and i hope that it's helped everyone watching and listening yep i hope we do it again if this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend, family member, or someone you love.

55:23Because No Magic Pill is not just a podcast. It's a resource to help us all live better lives. Hit the subscribe button so you never miss an episode and let us know what you think by leaving a comment. A quick note that this episode is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical questions or concerns you may have.