Negotiation, Burnout and Getting Taken Seriously At Work

0:00You're listening to Reworking with Tim Campbell. This is the show that helps you navigate work, grow your confidence and succeed in your career without burning out. Today, it's just you and me. I'm answering your questions sent in through social media, LinkedIn and by emailing reworking at bowermedia.co.uk. Whether you're wondering if it's time for a career move, struggling with confidence or just trying to make sense of a difficult situation at work, chances are I've either been there myself or spoken to someone who has. After more than 20 years in business, I know that work can be brilliant, challenging, frustrating and confusing, often all in the same week.

0:37So think of this as a conversation with someone who gets it. As always, I'm not a financial advisor, so any of the decisions that you make have to be your own. But what I can do is share with you what I've learned from my own experiences, from working alongside some incredible people and from many conversations that I've had with some of the best minds in business here on this show. And if you'd like to get a little extra support or inspiration in your working week, be sure to join our community by following the show wherever you get your podcasts, whether that's Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube.

1:11And look out for our newsletter too. You can also follow us on social media at Reworking Podcasts. So let's get into today's questions featuring some of the most common problems I'm sure we've all come across in our time.

1:31Our first question came in from Paul, who's from Huddersfield, and he asks, how do you negotiate when you're a conflict avoider? Great question, Paul. Well, listen, first, I'd advise you to stop calling it conflict. The reality is that if you call it conflict, you get into a preparation for a fight. And that is a completely different response from what you actually want, which is you're entering into a negotiation where it's a conversation between two people, where you have to try to find some agreement that you both can live with. If you start out thinking you're going to go in with boxing gloves, the attitude's completely different.

2:05So get that out of the way first. Now the thing that you've got to focus on in terms of practical elements. First, you've got to think about what do you actually want and what does a successful outcome look like. Take that moment to think about that, then write it down. All too often, people go into conversations where they're going to negotiate something and they hope that the right things will just pop into their heads. The best negotiators take the time out, practice what they want to say and write it down. The second you write it down, it formulates a better argument in your head and it's easier to talk it out.

2:39And guess what? You've got notes to refer to when you're actually in the conversation. So put your ask in writing before you have the conversation, particularly for those who don't like conflict. you don't do particularly well with improvising on the spot because you're so worried about not being in an aggressive situation. You don't think about the outcome that you want. Then what you've got to do is think about your ask in this particular way. Make sure you're clear about what you want. State when you want it by and what decision will be successful for you. And if you frame that to the person you're speaking to, they'll have a clear outcome of what you're doing.

3:15Then you've got to make sure you put a meeting in someone's diary so you set a time frame when it's actually going to happen. Ask for a meeting, the time that you want to set it, and know who you're going to be negotiating with. And in that ask, make sure you don't try and blindside them either. Tell them what you're asking the meeting to be about so they can come prepared. It might be they haven't thought about you getting a better salary because you've never asked for it before. And the second you get that and you put it in a note, they think, oh my gosh, I've missed the opportunity. the worst time to negotiate is when somebody's on the back foot and they're not too sure what they're going to do best you can ask for in that scenario they'll say can we come back later and you're hanging on a string or they get defensive and just tell you no because it's a safer answer to ask for then you've got to finish that meeting by doing something that comes very difficult to people who are conflict avoiders once you ask for what you want and when you want it by and importantly why you deserve it you've got to do something that most people struggle with shut up don't say anything stop talking the second you put on the table what you want why you want it and why you deserve it pause and let the other person fill the space it can get very uncomfortable particularly when you're having a blinking contest with somebody to see who's first to blink but this is the rule you've got to think about in that scenario the first person to blink loses Don't make that be you by volunteering information and saying, oh, I apologise.

4:38I'm sorry. Oh, I know it might sound difficult. Shut up. Don't say anything. Let them feel. And think about this in your head. The first person to speak is not going to win the negotiation. Good luck. Our next question is from Jenny from Luton, and it's a really powerful one. She says, how do I know or spot when a colleague is going through burnout and how do I help them? oh my gosh this is really something that i really am passionate about because all too often we just go through work on automatic pilot and we rarely look out for people who may need some help so the first thing to think about is that the signs for somebody going through burnout are really dramatic ones they're not going to come out in a massive red sign that says oh my gosh i'm suffering they tend to be the people who silently retract from work and go quiet in situations where they normally would volunteer something in a meeting they don't say anything at all when the opportunity is to have that water cooler moment they back off to a quiet corner when there's the opportunity to raise a great suggestion which they're an expert in they back away and they don't volunteer anything those are the signs if you as a colleague or friend should be spotting when they're not doing things that are normal or things look slightly out of place note them down see if there is a pattern that's developing and then pick your right moment when you're going to step in and actually see what is going to make a difference to that person.

5:59My tip is if you really believe the person is suffering from burnout and there's some signs that you can see, don't open the conversation with the typical thing that most people do and say, are you okay? And that may sound like it's brilliant, but actually the default answer for everybody when you ask that is what? Yes. Everybody just says yes because that's the British culture. We don't want to disturb anybody or lay our problems on them. What you should do is start the conversation by telling them what you've actually observed say listen I've noticed in a couple of meetings you haven't really spoken up or anything or there's been a scenario when I thought you were brilliant for you didn't like volunteer the information is there anything I can help with and by stating it that way you give the person an open invitation on two levels firstly you say to that person I see you I recognize you and I notice something's wrong that gives them the first point say oh my god this person's on my side and then the second thing is that you ask the question about how can you help not forcing them to do something it's about what do you need from me to make your situation better in that order it's incredibly important to do because somebody who is retracting because of burnout may be feeling guilty maybe feeling really depressed or they might be feeling they're out of control and by in that moment when you press the break for them by forcing that conversation in a sensible time frame when they're open and receptive to it you might give them the in to be able to say what's really on the mind and stop them from descending further down a tunnel which might be a very dark one for them this is something i really want you to take away everybody who's a friend you're not actually a clinician so if there is signs of something that is really going wrong and you think they're from the back of your conversation they need real help try and get them on the employee assistance program or find out some contacts on their behalf where they can actually phone somebody and talk privately to someone who can really help who understands maybe a bit more than you do as just their friend.

7:52The first point is take the risk of putting yourself forward to see can I help and if they do opt for help try and point them in the directions of experts because that might be exactly what they need. Again thank you Jenny for a great question I'm sure there's many people who are in a similar situation and hopefully this helps you know what to do in that instance when you spot something.

8:17Our third and final question is from Sammy in London and they ask how do I build influence when I'm junior in a team? Great question particularly for lots of people who just started in organisations or entered into a new team dynamic this has got nothing to do with age this is about your influence and authority within a particular dynamic so this is a great question. I think what you have to do first is differentiate that influence is not authority. Influence is about how you can get people to do something on your behalf. And I'm sure if you ask somebody to make your coffee or do something else, they might do.

8:53But you're asking for how do you have authority within a team so people recognise you as somebody to be respected and somebody who can add value. The other day, we had a really good conversation with one of our guest Will Storr who talked about the power of status and the value exchange that happens at work and what Will talked about is an exchange between two parties so the first thing I want you to do as somebody who's feel that they're junior within a team is to focus on what you do brilliantly the reason why you're in that team is just not to make up the numbers there's no charity that's going to pay you to sit around and do nothing this is the world of work right so you were brought in for one particular reason.

9:32Double down on that. What is it the thing that they've asked you to do they believe that you can do as well as anybody else? That's where you should start to focus on about what is your authority? What is the thing that you deliver? And if you can make sure that you are able to track and communicate where you solve a problem, that greatly increases your authority and influence within an organisation because people will know that you are reliable. Reliability is the great foundation of all influence within organisations. I will give work to people that I know that will get something done. I'm not going to give it to somebody who I'm a bit worried, might be a bit flaky, doesn't turn up on time, doesn't give me the results that I actually want.

10:14So the first thing you've got to do is focus on what you do really well and build up the evidence to say that you solve problems. The second that gets out, that's about how you build up your personal brand so people know what you stand for. If you can go and do that, people will then start to trust you. Now forget that. Once you've been able to prove what you are good at, then you've got to make sure it's visible to the people who care. How do you do that? So make sure in the meetings you volunteer for things that may come up. When you've got the opportunity to go above and beyond, do so. but the second you've done it send an email to somebody and say well I've just completed this I hope it was up to standard because it references one that you've done it and two you get the acknowledgement whether it was good or bad or not unfortunately in the world of work lots of people will do things and they don't get recognized for it because they don't make it visible and the way that you do that is make sure that you can communicate with the person who you've solved the problem for and they give you some recognition back the final thing you need to do is record it when you do good things in your calendar.

11:20So when you should have an appraisal meeting, either a quarterly or at the end of the year, you're able to reference all of the things where you added value or you did something and delivered something successfully. And you've got a list of things that you don't have to just recall from your memory. You've got them all in your calendar, hopefully under a label, we can just pull them all up and see all the things that you positively contributed. That's the way that you build up authority and influence by showing that you deliver value, you solve problems, and you can tell people when you've been a good contributor to a work environment.

11:51Good luck. I wish you the best for your career.

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12:36You might even hear your question featured on the show. Thanks for listening and I'll see you again very soon.

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