How To Set Boundaries At Work: Stop Saying YES

0:00Welcome to Reworking with Tim Campbell, the podcast that helps make work better. Today it's just you and me. Over the past few weeks we've had an incredible number of messages from listeners asking about one thing, boundaries. Whether it's feeling unable to switch off, taking on more than you can realistically manage, worrying about saying no or trying to protect your time without letting people down, it's clear this is something that's on a lot of people's minds right now. And I get it. Boundaries can feel uncomfortable. We want to be helpful. We want to be seen as a team player and we want to do a good job.

0:36But somewhere along the way, many of us end up giving more of ourselves than we can sustainably afford. I've spent more than two decades in business. And if there's one thing that I've learned, it's that setting boundaries isn't about putting up walls. It's about being clear on what matters, protecting your energy and creating the space to do your best work. So today I'm going to answer some of your questions and share a few lessons I've picked up from my own career as well as from our brilliant guests that we've had join us on the show. For more insights between episodes sign up for the Reworking newsletter, follow the podcast wherever you listen and find us on social media at Reworking Podcast.

1:14Let's get into it.

1:20our first question is from jenny from swindon and her question is how do you say no at work without damaging your reputation well jenny i love this question because hidden inside this is this belief that lots of people carry it's this belief that your reputation is built on how many times you say yes i don't think it is your reputation should be on what you deliver not just the fact that you say yes to everything. Look at it from this perspective. I've run projects, managed teams and backed hundreds of founders start their own businesses. The person I trust most in those conversations is not the one who always says yes to me.

1:57It's the one who says yes and that means something. It's important distinction. What you have to know is that when somebody says yes to everything I know innately something's going to slip because you haven't got an infinite capacity and you haven't got the ability to stop time. If you do, sign me up and we'll make millions. Forget whatever else you're doing, right? The important thing is this. A good no protects your reputation. A bad yes damages it. You've got to make that distinction. Practically, do these three things because we can talk forever, but what do you do on Monday when somebody asks you to do something?

2:34First, don't say no to the person. Say no to the trade-off that they're asking you to do. What does I mean by that? Instead of I can't do that, try saying I can do that. But which of these other things do you want me to drop to make room for that request? It's important because you're not refusing. Then you're handing the decision back to the person to make them make the decision for you. That is a thing that most managers will see as a positive managing up, as they say. And then they will be able to say, oh, it looks like this person's got a lot on their plate. Let me help them by prioritising for them.

3:09You also then know you don't have to get it. You can just do what you're being asked. Secondly, buy yourself some time. You don't have to say your answer on the spot. If someone asks you to do something, pause and say, listen, can I come back to you in a day? Can I come back to you in the morning? Or give me a couple of minutes to think about it. By pausing and saying you're going to come back to them, it says that you're contemplating all the other things that you're carrying. And it also says to them that you're respecting your own time and you don't want to let them down. If they don't give you the pause, you know they're not considerate of where you're standing and most people are but use that pause wisely come back with a framing which says i can do it if these other things can be put to the side one thing you have to really think about the third one is the most important when you really have to say no is offer to do something smaller say i can't do what you're asking but i might be able to help with x y and z that then allows them to see that you'll be willing to do much and it usually gets the person to say well if you can't help me with all of it i need to find some other way to get this thing done what you're doing in all three of those scenarios is giving the person information to help them make a decision about that what they want to do next if you just say yes the only thing they've got on is that you've made a promise and you don't want to break a promise because people don't respect people who don't deliver in the world of work so hopefully that helps what you have to realize is that saying no is a skill it's a muscle that you have to build up sometimes because most of us are built on the premise that we're going to say yes because we feel that's going to make us look good but sometimes if you say no it's even more helpful so Jenny that's how you say no at work without damaging reputation just think about giving somebody the information they need and just like in boxing you've got to protect yourself at all times our next question is from Priya from Newcastle and she asked the question how do I stop work bleeding into every part of my life when I work from home?

5:02Really great question. Post-COVID this is something that a lot of people have been struggling with. The work from home was seen as a magic solution at the time when we were all struggling and fearing for our lives but what people didn't think about is the impact it would have on our lives in general. Lots of people really struggle with bringing work home because their sanctity, their escape, the place they came to after work is now the same place they're actually earning some money and that could be quite difficult what i'd advise is this the first thing that you've got to do is make sure that you become very regimented about when and where you do the work so if you can carve out one part of where you live as your workspace it can be a corner it can be a room it can be an office if you're lucky enough give yourself a study but if you haven't got the space just make sure you section off an area where you say this is where i'm going to do work and when the work is finished pack the stuff away close the laptop move all the things away get out the the throw put the pillows and cushions back where they're supposed to be and return that work environment back to your home it's important that work can't take over and won't bleed into spaces if you make sure you pack everything away and return the home to where it is the most important thing i think in this is to be very disciplined with having a ritual and that is where you say in the morning my working hours are this and I stick to that and at this time I finish in the work environment when you're in an office you'll see everybody start to pack up and leave and then automatically everyone feels okay to shut down when you're working in your house there's nobody to watch walking out the door because you're already home where you need to be right so you need to be very disciplined set yourself some alarms it may be that I'm going to finish work at this time and I set an alarm to say at five o 'clock stop work pause it can also be in the middle of the day setting your lunch times at very specific things and in that ritual it should be about removing yourself from the work environment stepping outside going in the garden walking to the shop doing something that isn't connected to the work the difficulty is if you can see the laptop the to-do list and everything else still your brain's not really going to switch off the most important thing that you've got to do around stopping work bleeding into your life though is make sure you let your colleagues know what your working hours are and that they should be respected the amount of people who get really stressed in a negative way when the email flies in or the phone call happens and what do they do they immediately respond and they set a pattern where people believe that if i send you an email or whatever or i make a phone call you pick up that's acceptable you have to be quite clear around having the cutoff point because you know what Priya you're in control of your work environment and even more so you're in control of your home so that's my answer in terms of how you stop work bleeding into every part of your life when you're working from home and don't forget working from home can be a privilege it's an opportunity that you can be more flexible you don't have to sit on a sweaty train and you can make it look as pretty as you want so it has advantages but protect those advantages with everything

8:12our final question is from hamish who's coming via the socials and his question is how do i set boundaries with a boss who messages me at all hours the first thing to do in this situation is to be honest with the people that you're communicating with lots of work environments have clear rules which says after 6 p.m or 7 p.m no emails come through or don't respond to this until the morning but if that's not said you don't know what the situation is and it comes down to power if I as a leader of an organization send you something I must know that somebody on the other end is going to feel they have to respond as quickly as possible so what I'd be able to do in your situation Hamish is ask this question do you need me to respond to this right now are you expecting a response today or is it okay if I get back to you in the morning the next thing you should do is identify what types of messages are you getting are you getting messages that are asking for your input or you're getting messages that are alerting you to stuff that's actually happening.

9:15It may be that you can get a filter on those or ask and request a filter that anything that needs action in from you is labeled or targeted and tells you exactly what is being expected. If you're not able to decipher that from the myriad of messages you've got to manage up and ask the question. You've got to remember people will only assume that you're okay unless you tell them something different if this is the manager's way of working you need to disrupt that and see if you can find a compromise which aligns with the way that you work best because at the moment you're saying you don't enjoy this so you've got to tell the person otherwise i'm only going to assume that you're okay with it particularly if you constantly keep replying you set a pattern of behavior by your actions don't think that you're going to be seen as incompetent not able what you are going to be perceived as is somebody who is comfortable challenging up and putting yourself in the best position to work better by not being bombarded by messages that distract you the final thing i say is ask colleagues how they are receiving messages to see if this is a general pattern or it's just to you if this is a general pattern of work you might have to do something in a collaborative way where you get the mass of individuals to push back rather than you putting yourself in the position of doing it by yourself so speak to colleagues speak to friends and say listen i'm receiving all these messages after hour is that what you get as well and if they say yes you can then ask the question is that normal in terms of the working practices and then if i had a challenge with that how best do i go forward ask people for information so you've got a full 360 view of what's happening and put yourself in the best position to get the outcome that you actually want hopefully that helps amish that's how i'd say that you manage boundaries with your boss who's sending you messages all hours of the day if you enjoyed today's episode and you know someone who might find it useful do send it their way you never know who might need to hear a little reminder it's okay to set boundaries at work and if you'd like more ideas insights and practical advice between episodes you can sign up to the reworking newsletter it's a great way to stay connected and get fresh content delivered straight to your inbox.

11:30And finally, thank you for spending some of your time with me today. I really do love hearing from you. So if there's something you're struggling with at work or a question you'd like me to tackle for a future episode, drop me an email at reworking at bowermedia.co.uk. You might even hear your question on the show. Thanks for listening. Take care and I'll see you very soon.

11:56Thank you.