More Rosebud - Gyles Diary, episode 52

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2:21Hello again, this is Maure Rosebud. I'm Giles Brandreth and I'm in a bonny mood because today, following my policy of blue sky before blue screen, I went out into the garden and was faced by a bed, a bed of the most beautiful leaves all across our little lawn. Wonderful golden leaves, light brown leaves, ochre leaves, autumn leaves. Harriet? Sounds like you need to get invested in a leaf blower, Giles. Everybody in my street has got a leaf blower. I don't. I actually don't approve of that. I loathe it. The noise from other houses. Just get a rake. What's wrong with a rake? Indeed, I like to think of myself as something of a rake.

3:06I can't imagine you ever raking anything, Giles. Funnily enough, I know how to use a rake. Well, of course you do. I mean, I'd be worried if you didn't know how to use a rake. That's like saying you don't know how to use a fork. And I think in my time, in younger and happier days, I saw myself as a bit of a rake, and I'd wear a hat in the garden at a rakish angle and do the raking. We do now have one of these. I didn't know they were called blowers. They do seem to be blowers. They suck up the leaves, don't they? No, they blow them just to the side. Oh. So I just think they're the sort of pinnacle of...

3:39Sorry, apologies to any of you listening that have a leaf blower. I kind of think they're the pinnacle of human laziness, that you can't even push some leaves to the side. What Harriet doesn't know is that in the pipeline for possibilities to advertise with us are the leading leaf-blowing company in the country. We've just blown that quite literally. Now, I tell you, we have a leaf blower because in our little sort of front courtyard bit, the leaves get everywhere, and so clearing them up is a bit of a problem because it's gravel. Yeah. Okay, so it's useful. No, it is useful. But the noise of it is unbearable.

4:12And our neighbours seem to use their leaf blowers at unsocial hours. Oh. So, anyway. Wow, who knew? Who knew? First world problems. A little leaf blow rage from Giles Brandreth on a Tuesday morning. If you're listening to this first time around, it's a Tuesday. This is more rosebud. Every other Tuesday we have extracts from my diaries, which is what we're going to do today. But occasionally we have interviews with interesting people. and if we have quite a few interesting people, we sometimes have two interviews in a row. We do, yeah. But that's because we hang loose. We're a bit flexible, aren't we?

4:47That's okay. Now, look, Harriet, parish notices. Tell us what our, yes, the parish notices are. We have a Christmas party coming up, don't we? We do, yeah, because it's actually nearly December. I mean, it's terrible how the year just raises this party. Well, it's nearly November. It's nearly November. Well, in my head, I'm thinking about December already. So, yeah, on the 5th, Saturday the 5th of December, we are having a Christmas party at Grosvenor House in London's Mayfair. And you have to be a member of the Rosebud family to come. But if you are a member of the Rosebud family, you can come for free.

5:24Yay! To have a Christmas party with me and Giles and various other people. Yeah. Actually, family members. Family members, yeah. The idea is at Christmas time to meet members of the Rosebud family, maybe to have some mulled wine, some mince pies. I'm hoping there may be some hot chocolate, which I rather like. Harriet does not want us to play party games, but I may do it. I don't. I never said that. Oh, did you? Oh, good. Was he always trying to make out I'm some sort of Scrooge character? No, I didn't think you wanted party games. Oh, good. Which part? You haven't mentioned party games. Oh, well, I was just thinking maybe some party games.

5:59Oh, it was my grandson doing the magic you didn't want. I think that was it. I thought we might have some close-up magic. I love magic. It was just... Oh, well, he's a very good magician. So, if people want to come to the party, there will be some singing, because I hope you're going to come and sing for us, and there may be some members of your choir. Maybe. Some Christmas songs. Well, there could be. I might do one of my funny poems, because I have got quite a funny Christmas poem. There might be some party games, or there might not. The point is, actually, we just want it to be a nice civilised party, so maybe no party games no I think an uncivilised party is much more fun anyway the point is it's the Rosebud family Christmas party if you want to join the Rosebud family it's very simple you just go to patreon.com forward slash rosebud and it's$4.99 a month plus VAT that sort of thing and you get ad free listening extra episodes on a Sunday and invitations to things like the party and the extra Sunday episodes are really good even though I say so myself.

7:05Well, people come up to me who are members and say, my gosh, the family secrets. You really do give us some family secrets. Yeah, and we read out Winnie the Pooh last Sunday and that was really nice. That's proved very popular. Yeah. That's something we call Rosebud Reads. And we may be doing some more. People seem to want some more of us doing Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. I'm the narrator and Harriet does the voices, which is good. But, you know, when you're just having that Sunday afternoon lull and you're thinking oh i've got nothing to do now or life's a little bit sad at this point on a sunday then up we pop at three o 'clock with some fun conversation which i think is perfect time for it i do because i do occasionally suffer from what i think is known as the sunday blues i get that big time and i don't know people say oh it's because you're going to get back to work on monday but actually i'm looking forward to going back to work on monday so it can't be that there must be something else in the air something in the water a lot but don't you think a lot of people suffer from it absolutely yeah and i'm not quite sure what it is it's a kind of yeah um anyway so we hope that we're there on a sunday afternoon to be well to be there to be companionable exactly keep your company yeah keep your company and also we dig a bit deeper maybe than we sometimes do when we're just doing the diaries though i hope the diaries well anyway Before we get to the diaries, has there been any interesting correspondence we should be dealing with?

8:31Well, I mean, I think this is possibly the most interesting correspondence we've ever had. Wow. I mean, yeah. Because a couple of diaries ago, I actually know the date because I checked. It was the 1st of January, 1980. So we've just finished 1980, last episode. And I think two episodes before that, we were on New Year's Day, 1980. and you said in your extract, just been to see Sooty and Sweep, the Sooty and Sweep show at the Mayfair Theatre. Which I loved. Sooty's the star of the show, but my favourite is Sweep. But I think you said, I can't stand Sue. And then in our chat, you said you thought Sue was a bit wet.

9:16Well, guess who was listening? No. Sue. No. The voice of Sue. From the Sooty on television? Yes. The person who was the voice of Sue? The person who has voiced Sue for over half a century, who's called Brenda Longman, who is not only a brilliant voice person, because we're about to hear her, she's also delightful, charming, a huge fan of Rosebud, and extremely funny, which you're about to hear. So I can't believe this. There I am, dissing Sue. I know, and Sue's listening. And Sue is actually listening all these years later. And this happened in 1980, which is 50 years ago or so. And as you can imagine, Sue, a.k.a.

10:03Brenda, she wrote us an email. She wasn't impressed, Giles. She was upset because I think I said I thought Sue was condescending or something awful, patronising. I mean, it's awful. Anyway, Sue, we love you. And what we're all about to hear now is Sue's voice message to us, which is a thing of absolute brilliance. And we're so honoured, Sue, that you've sent us this message and we retract anything we said that was unkind about you. We love you, Sue. We do love you, Sue. And Sooty probably would have called as well, but if he had, we wouldn't have heard what he had to say. Oh, Sooty and Sweep feature in this message.

10:46Oh, do they? Oh, my God. Yes. Oh, this really is a Rosebud special, isn't it? This is a big, big thing. Yeah, you're in for an absolute treat. Wow. Coming up. Dear Harriet and Giles, firstly, I cannot begin to express my gratitude to you for the wonderful divertissement that Rosebud has become in my life. Sotty! Sotty, for goodness sake! How many times have I told you not to hover when I'm sending important messages? Turn it off, turn it off. I love listening to your glorious, eclectic mix of guests, some of whom I count amongst my own friends. Well, that said, I had come to think of you too as rather dear friends yourselves.

11:38But when listening to the latest Brandreth 1980 diary entry about Sotty at the Mayfair... Oh, horror! What was that, Giles? Sue? Wet? How dare you! Sotty, turn that thing off! How many times? What? What? You'll show Giles who's wet next time you see him? Well how are you going to do that then? Oh pardon, you're getting back with your water pistol. Yes of course.

12:24Oh no, sweeps just kicked a football through the kitchen window. Oh Lord, what is this place like? Oh no, now the smoke alarm's going Oh, I'm so sorry Harriet and Jars You see what I have to put up with Oh dear, throw that cake out the window please Oh, perhaps one of you could read out the rest of my email While I, um, while I've thought this lot out The rest of the email sort of puts the record straight for pandas in the meantime bye bye Charles and Harriet bye bye oh Harriet that's beyond hilarious and charming and dazzling what did she say in the rest of her email that she sent I mean I can't I absolutely can't believe we've just put that on Rosebud we're so lucky we are really lucky that's amazing a full episode it seems you just heard sweet and your face when you heard sweet I loved hearing Sweep.

13:32Oh. Wow. So in that voice note, Brenda says, or Sue says, read the rest of the email because I set the record straight for Pandas. So I'm just going to read you the rest of the email. She says, fortunately for you, I realised you were reading from your 1980 diaries because in 1981, Sue was completely overhauled and morphed into a feisty and lovable character. Oh, so I got the old Sue. Yes. And Brenda goes on to say that Sue was many little girls and boys' favourite character, in fact. She was capable of great comic moments at times due to the wonderful scripts written by Matthew Corbett in the 80s and 90s.

14:20Matthew came to realise the more dialogue and exposition he gave to Sue, the less he would have to learn, and she became in loco parentis to him, Sooty and Sweep, thereby winning the team a 1998 British Comedy Award. Oh, congratulations. The first ever awarded to a children's programme. That's fantastic. How amazing. But this is brilliant. So what she's explaining to her is she was still the voice of Sue in 1980. Yeah, yeah. But they changed the personality. They reinvented Sue. Exactly. From 1981 onwards. And she says, yes, initially Sue was wet. Oh, good. And some say she sounded like she'd had one too many gins.

15:03Maybe, she says she's worked with, she's actually voiced Sue for 45 years. So actually maybe she started in 1981. And 1980 was maybe a different person. We should check. I'm sure Brenda will be in touch to clarify that. How interesting. Yes, because 45 years would be. Is 1981. Exactly. So I'm listening to the old Sue. And that upset her. She now discovers, so, oh, fantastic. Good, so we're exonerated. We are exonerated, but I'm also thrilled. I mean, did you, did Sooty mean anything to you? I mean, I definitely watched Sooty, but I wouldn't have said it was my top favourite programme, but not because I didn't like it.

15:44It just wasn't, you know, I was into the Muppet show. You're just into different things, aren't you? And there were lots of kids' shows I loved, but I definitely saw Sooty and Sweet, yeah. Of course, when I began with Sooty and Sweep, it was with Harry Corbett. And Harry Corbett's original Sooty is now in my teddy bear collection at Newby Hall near Ripon in North Yorkshire. Gosh. Yeah. So that's rather lovely, isn't it? Well, it's very exciting. And my main teddy bear was a panda. Just putting that out there for Sue. Yeah, so I am a big, big fat panda fan. Do you have a panda still? I do somewhere.

16:20She's upstairs. Yeah, she's called Pansy. Would Pansy like to spend a season up in Yorkshire? Oh, I think she'd be honoured, probably. Alongside the original Fozzie Bear. Oh, wowzers. Judy Dench's bear. Wowzers. Bears of the, you know, the oldest Paddington in the world. I mean, that's amazing. I think your panda, Pansy, should be up there. Oh. Yeah, I think it's going to be a fun thing to do. Wow. Hey, look, could we invite Brenda to join us for the Christmas party? Oh, that would be good. then Sue could read a Christmas thing or do a Christmas bit or sing a Christmas song. Oh, wow. We've already got an ex-bishop.

17:03I don't know what you're called. He told me what you're called when you're no longer a bishop. But you're always, once a bishop, always. He's not a defrocked bishop, I am. No, no, no, no. He's just retired. Ah, fine. You're a retired bishop. But once a bishop, always a bishop. I think you're always a bishop. He's still doing things all the time. Yeah, he's still a bishop, but he hasn't got a diocese. That's the thing. A diocese. Yeah, there's a name for it. Yeah. Sorry, Johnny, you're probably listening to this. We've got Johnny, who listens a lot and is a bishop, and he said that he wants to do a Christmas blessing at the Christmas party.

17:34Oh, we'd love to... A bishop from a bishop. That's pretty big. Look, there are lots of other podcasts out there, but we're the only one that has a resident bishop. Yes. Can I tell you? Who's going to give us a... Say grace or do a blessing or something. There'll be no need for grace. We provide our own grace. But to be blessed at Christmas by a proper bishop in full fig. Yeah. You know, in absolute... Come off it, darling. That's fantastic. Yeah. So you're going to have a bishop at Christmas. You're going to have Sue at Christmas. Yeah. This is a Christmas party you have got to be at. Yeah. But actually, seriously, if you are a family member and you do want to come, send us the email at the usual address, but mark it Christmas party.

18:09And it can be you and a plus one if you want a plus one. Yes, that is true. That's what you need to do. You need to send us an email. Yeah. Okay. So that's for family members. Now back to business today. Fabulous, Brenda. Thank you for giving us, Sue. I mean, what an exclusive. It really is. We shouldn't be asking people for things because I'm never going to get around to reading my diaries. What was the episode when we said to people, oh, send us a poem? That was a mistake. Oh, so yes. Because we've had so many poems. This is a long intro today. We thought we should acknowledge and read out a couple of the poems people sent in after we did the episode with Larry Lamb, which if you heard it, it was a really brilliant episode.

18:49Larry had written a lot of poetry about his life story. It really is excellent. It's a remarkable episode because he tells the story of his life through poetry. Yeah. And yet it works. It makes sense. And in fact, we're going to put some of the poems that he read, linked by me, onto YouTube. Because a lot of our episodes are on YouTube already. So do check them out there. But Larry's is a little bit different. But we decided, because people love the poem so much, that we're sharing those. The first poem that's been sent in to us is by a female poet, so I think you should read it, and it comes from France.

19:21What do we know about this? Why did we ask people for poems, and what poems did we ask for? Well, because Larry had written poems about his life, we said, you know, maybe you've written a poem about your life or about your memories, and we got a few lovely poems, and so I just picked out a couple. This one is by someone called Zoe Grace Cousins, and I think she's British but lives in France. And she gave me a bit of a backstory. So this is about her in the womb. It's imagining herself in the womb. And she said in her email that she found out when she was a child, because I think her mum told her quite a lot.

19:57It's awful what some mothers say. Her mother said that she hadn't wanted her. And actually she'd made an effort to try to miscarry her. And, you know, just by sheer grim determination, this baby had hung in there. hooray because now she's a person and um but i think that affected zoe a bit and so she's written this poem about herself in the womb imagining her and um yeah so she's a person and a poet she's a person and a poet and she was a lovely baby in a womb and her mom had her and it was all lovely and i see the poem is called life before life yes i love that title please would you, Harriet, read us the poem.

20:39Okay. In the womb is the water and sounds of movement, the soft texture against my skin, silken, spins a love of the prism within the cloth. My foot moves and I'm fascinated by the fear and the longing, the longing to be without fear and to stand without exception but with courage. A bubble of notes, blown by my body, danced to in my spirit, waiting, waiting for my lungs to expand the refrain. I, and those whose names exceed pronunciation, nurture my organs and my eggs in the sure joy of foretelling of the beauteous results of reproduction. I'm so small in this place, and yet all life and spirit stretches out from me, Against experience and yet with experience, I trust and so am born.

21:39Isn't that wonderful? And also, given what you've told us, that she'd been told by her mother that she didn't really want her and had tried not to have her in a way, this is defiant. Yes. I love it. I trust. She believes in herself. I trust and so am born. It's fantastic. against experience and yet with experience. It's very interesting because sometimes you can't put a thought into a normal sentence. And sometimes expressing it in a coherent sentence it ends up sounding like a cliché or a truism. And so two or three words may seem elusive but it's a good way of expressing things. Anyway, I loved that.

22:29Isn't that amazing? Well, we should send this to Alexander Armstrong. Oh, I know. Do listen to his episode because his first memory is being born. I know. And maybe he could write a poem about that. And actually someone was telling me there's a book that's just been written about people's memories from in the womb. Oh, really? So it is a phenomenon, people who believe they remember things in the womb. We should look into that one episode maybe and talk to an expert about it. Yeah. Great. Do you want to read the next poem, which is a bit more of a comedy poem? Oh, good. That's more my style. Which I thought you'd like.

23:06And also it's by a bloke, Liam. It's by a man. And he came to see us in Edinburgh. Oh, lovely. Because he's based in Edinburgh, isn't he? Yeah. That's good. And it's about being mediocre. Oh, I like it. Well, exactly. Yeah. This is going to make us all feel better. Mediocre's fine. Mediocre's good. All's well that ends well. Everything's as it should. A fool wants accolades Take pride in being middle Don't be waitrose Don't be farm foods Be the centre aisle of little Take this poem, for example It's functional at best But at least I wrote it by myself Yes, I failed my English test Examples of half-baked success Can be found on every channel Love Island, stars struggling to speak With plastic for tooth enamel Why not write a glossy book about your favourite horsey?

24:00Or marry well, get a lawyer, then become a rich divorcee? Don't buy the hype, you must be great, or own an Aston Martin. Why pay a bucket load of cash for leather seats you fart in? Don't feel the need to be great, superb, don't scream and shout. Most stars are mediocre. There's a lot of it about. Isn't that clever? Isn't that fun? I think that's really good. Yeah. I love it. Let's hear it for the mediocre people. Oh, I love that. Well done, Liam. The reason I picked it was I just thought anyone who gets the line, take pride in being middle, don't be Waitrose, don't be farm foods, be the centre aisle of Lidl.

24:40It's very clever, isn't it? Brilliant. It is brilliant. It is brilliant. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, well done. Yeah. Not Lidl that we think you are in any way, mediocre. We'd be grateful for advertising to support Rosebud. It's because we get Waitrose. You know, Waitrose are sponsored us. The Central at Lidl is where we'd like it. It's there for the taking. You can buy all sorts of things. Liam Duggan. The reason I didn't mention his name earlier is I wasn't sure it was Duggan. Duggan, D-U-G-A-N. Oh, yes, but we haven't actually attributed the poem to you, Liam. So you're Liam from Edinburgh, and your surname is either Duggan or Duggan.

25:13Duggan. Duggan, D-U-G-A-N. Nothing mediocre about the name Liam Duggan, is it? No. That is a stylish name. I mean, I'm just struck by, as I am so often, and so are you, by the talent of the Rosebud family. We've got Sue. We've got poets. We've got a bishop. We've got also, we've got Ben Shepard. We've got remarkable people listening to us. We really have. Hello, everyone. We love you. Thank you very much for being there. Can I ask you a question? Because someone asked me the other day. I mean, I think I know the answer. Does the king listen to Rosebud? I have to tell you the truth. I don't think the king does.

25:53Oh boo I always like to imagine him lying there with his crown on I don't honestly know but I do know some years ago when I was doing a canal series with Sheila Hancock that was rather lovely the Queen said to me oh I'm loving the series you're doing with Sheila Hancock Wow the Queen was watching it and I've got him to watch and then at a later occasion I said to the King I understand sir that you've been enjoying my canal series he looked at me with a totally blank face. And I realised she was just being sweet to me. I think she tried to encourage him. To be honest, I know that he has almost no time for that sort of thing.

26:35He's not into television. I think he is into the radio a bit, but I don't know how much time they have. I do know he listens to Just a Minute, the radio show. He's an enthusiast for Just a Minute. Indeed, he told me that in the old days, when his sons were at home, he used to leave messages on their phones on their answer phones in the manner of just a minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition I'm sorry listeners but today you've had a voice note from Sue from City and Sweet two brilliant poems and an amazing fact about the king of the country I mean, blimey just turn off the podcast now and go to bed this is just gold dust they will have turned off the podcast because they're probably not into name dropping Oh, that was brilliant, Charles.

27:21That's so interesting. We haven't even started reading the diaries. Is there time for the diaries? No, just to keep chatting about all the amazing people that listen to Rosebud or don't. Well, we love you listening to us. Thank you very much for being there. And we're now going to go back to January 1981, which is 45 years ago. When Sue became feisty and fun. And I was, I think, oh gosh, I was already in my 30s. I had three small children. I'm living in Camden Hill Gardens which is near Nottingham Gate Tube Station and I'm working a bit in the theatre a bit in television a bit in radio I've got a company that is creating books by celebrities that we are publishing One of those books is by Kenneth Williams who's become a friend of mine and who is featuring here and one of our good friends is Noel Davis who is I think one of the funniest people I've ever known and who was a casting director and had worked with me when I was putting on plays in Oxford.

28:20That's a very good price, C. Giles, thank you. Wednesday 7th January 1981. Just in from dinner at John Schlesinger's. It was the rematch of our happy kitchen supper with John and Noel and Kenneth. Except that tonight wasn't happy at all. It didn't work. Partly because it was grander and less cosy, but chiefly because Kenneth was impossible. The problem, Kenneth, was not the star attraction. Alan Bennett was also of the party, and he was so droll, so gently wicked, so comfortably amusing that he quite stole the show. As the evening wore on, Kenneth got louder, queenier, ever more outrageous. John won't want to see him again.

29:10Pity. How interesting. Yeah. Yeah. We look forward to it so much. John Schlesinger was a very famous film director. Yeah. And had a lovely house in Kensington and had this very grand dinner party at which Alan Bennett, I think John Schlesinger was making a film, Alan Bennett written the script, something like that. Anyway, he simply stole the show and Kenneth couldn't cope. And just remind me when, sort of how far through Kenneth's life is this? When did Kenneth die? Well, Kenneth was born in 1926. Oh, right. But he dies in 1988. And we don't know whether he took his own life or whether it was an overdose.

29:57But by this stage in his life, I think he was feeling that he'd painted himself into a corner professionally and that he'd become just an amusing voice, somebody who appeared on chat shows, and his real ability as an actor, as a versatile actor, was not being used properly. So there were frustrations. There were great pleasures and highs. I mean, he loved doing the books that we did together. But he became increasingly impossible, particularly, I think, when drink had been taken. And it was sad because this was a rematch for a lovely supper that we'd had in our kitchen, I think, that featured in Last Time's Diary or the time before.

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31:21That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. 4HERS.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. Wegovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, We go for clinical study information and restrictions. Visit ForHers.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show we recommend. In 1926, you had the Rockefellers. In 2026, there's a new kind of billionaire overlord. The important thing about Elon Musk is how he exploited flaws in our psychology and flaws in our political and economic system.

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32:56Wednesday the 28th of January, 1981. New York. Oh. In London, they are breaking the mold. Shirley Williams, Roy Jenkins, David Owen and Bill Rogers are leaving the Labour Party to form a Council for Social Democracy, whatever that may be. And Rupert Murdoch is buying the times. The times, they are a-changing indeed. Here in New York too. I'm writing this in the Rockefeller Plaza, where I'm having a celebratory coffee. This is what I like best in all the world, having a cup of coffee on my own, surrounded by strangers in an interesting place. I've just come from a meeting with Dan Perks at Associated Press News Features.

33:42I've agreed to write a weekly column on words and language to be syndicated across the United States to whichever newspapers are inclined to take it. If enough do, I shall make serious money. Art Buchwald is a rich man. Have you heard of him? No. He was an American columnist. He wrote a humorous column. which was syndicated in more than 550 newspapers. Wow. My own alphabet soup column appeared in about 50, but it did run successfully for several years. Well done, Tiles. Last night, I went alone to Barnum at the St James Theatre. Jim Dale is a joy and the show an inspiration. I think P.T. Barnum knew my great-great-grandfather, Dr.

34:29Brandreth, the Pilking. I must follow their entrepreneurial example. Ideas, energy, action. Follow through. When I return to London, I'm going to raise my game. Tonight, I'm going to... Ain't misbehaving. Why are you chuckling? The hollow laughter was because Giles constantly says to me, Harriet, we are going to raise our game. Next month, we're going to raise our game. In 2027, we're going to raise our game. And I realise now, it's 1981. He's still saying he's going to raise his game. And I've got to. How high can your game go, Jarl? It's got to get higher. It's been pretty high for quite a long time.

35:14Funnily enough, all this morning, coming in here, and you can cut this out if you like, all this morning, coming in here, I was saying, I've got to raise my game. We've got to raise our game. And then I said to myself, I mustn't say that to Harriet. because it gives me the feeling that we're sort of in the doldrums no we're not in the doldrums but we can always raise our game always raise our game I like just thinking our game's going really well and sitting at the edge watching the game and having a cup of tea you're right or gin and tonic I have to say when I saw I'd seen Barnum before I think in London with Michael Crawford when I saw it in New York with Jim Dale I just loved the show I loved the songs from the show and I was exhilarated by the greatness of the performance.

35:58And because I knew, in fact, I do now know the detail of a proper friendship between P.T. Barnum and my great-great-grandfather, that made me feel, hey, I have got to raise my game. And I always feel that at the beginning of the year. I want to raise my game. We're going to go bigger. We're going to go better. You know, that's exciting. Yeah. It makes me feel sort of tired. I know. It's so funny. I know I'm ridiculous, listeners. No, it's brilliant. It's brilliant. Last night, this is quite funny, the other night I was very excited because on YouTube you can see if people are watching you and what the episodes are.

36:33And a few weeks ago we hit 10 million views on YouTube. I thought, oh, this is so exciting. So we did, we celebrated together. We had a biscuit together. And last night we hit 11 million views. Wow. And I happened to be watching as it went from… Oh, really? Yeah. I actually saw the moment. Oh, you saw it tick over. And I rushed to the phone and sent a text. I knew Harriet was out with a friend. And I said, if only I'd known what table you were at, in what restaurant, I'd have sent over some champagne. It was so exciting because I felt, yo, we are raising our game. So I like raising my game. But there we are.

37:07Saturday the 7th of February, 1981. I spent the day working. This will make you laugh. This is the reality of my life. Never mind raising the game. Saturday the 7th of February, 1981. I spent the day working on the Snap, Crackle, and Pop games. I'm creating for Kellogg's new-look packs of Rice Krispies. Mock not, I put in brackets, someone's got to do it and it turns out to be me. The fruits of my endeavour will give pleasure to millions. Well, I think I was one of them. Yeah. Yeah. I created a series of games that went on the back of packets. I love. Those mini packets of snack. I love anything on a cereal pack.

37:44Yeah. I spent the evening in row C of the stalls at the Wimbledon Theatre watching a theatrical farrago called Big Bad Mouse. It's a farce by Philip King, in which Eric Sykes and Jimmy Edwards have been touring for years. They've done two long stints with it in the West End and taken it all over the world. It's a ropey piece made bearable by the way the two old rascals use it as a springboard for anarchic improvisation. Essentially, they send up the play and play to the crowd. Jim even plays his trombone in it for no good reason. He also has pint pots strategically placed all over the stage so that he can take a swig whenever he needs one, which is often.

38:27Afterwards, in his dressing room, I noticed that he has a milkman's crate for his vodka, so he can carry six bottles around with him at the same time. At the Italian restaurant where we went to eat, I sat next to him and watched the pulse in his temple throb as the waiter took an eternity to bring us the wine. I thought Jim would explode with desperation. Once the drink was with us, he was fine, almost mellow. He had a young man called Philip with him. As Barbara Windsor puts it so well, funny to think Jim's Tommy two ways, innit? That expression again. Well, these are period diaries. We've got to accept that.

39:10Thursday, the 12th of February, 1981. The world is awash with alcohol. lunch in Cambridge with Melvin Bragg. Gosh. He is intelligent, smooth, charming, gracious. He drinks a bottle of red wine and he is still intelligent, smooth, charming, gracious. Went to see Irene Josephi, my agent, at St Thomas' Hospital. She's not well. The drip, drip, drip of gin is taking its toll. We'll soon be back at Muriel's, she said. The last time we were there, both Dan Farson and Francis Bacon fell off their stools. It's gone midnight. We're just in from Alex and Katie DeYoung's party in Harley Gardens. Alex drank so much that eventually he simply slid to the floor.

40:00When I went to the Gordy with him at New College, coming out of hall after dinner, he fell forward and rolled down the long flight of stone steps from the top step to the bottom, 60 steps or more and steep. At the bottom, he got up and strode off across the quad as though nothing had happened. Gosh. It was amazing? Gosh, people did... They really did drink. Drink a lot. I mean, people do drink a lot in the UK, I think, even now. But, I mean, then people, yeah, they'd drink at lunch, drink at dinner. Years later, obviously, I got to know Melvin Bragg better than this. He told me that he did go through a period, he would drink for three months and then stop drinking for three months.

40:41Oh, wow. So, you know, and look, he's still with us, so it doesn't seem to have done him any harm. And Alex de Jong only died last year, so he kept going for a while too. So what are you saying, Giles? Keep drinking, everyone. Have a drink. I'm saying that I sound a bit judgmental here. Yeah. I am less judgmental now. I see, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's jolly good. Saturday, 14th March, 1981. Michelle's birthday. Hayward Gallery for the Edward Hopper exhibition Soothing National Theatre for lunch Not bad 7.45pm present laughter at the Vaudeville It's not an easy play A lot of wit, not much heart Drink afterwards with Donald Sinden Who was fruity and brilliant And Julian Fellows Who plays the young playwright Roland Maul He was good, but not extraordinary When I saw it with Nigel Patrick in the Gary Essendine part, Richard Bryars played Roland Maul, and he was extraordinary, hilariously nervous and manic.

41:43I'd not seen Julian since we shared a bath in Weatherby Place. He's very jolly, and I like that. We had dinner at Langan's Brasserie, £75.05, including service. And think how shocked I was 13 years ago when dinner at the Elizabeth came to£5. Yeah, you've come a long way, Giles. Donald Sinden didn't believe it, but it's true. On Monday, we went to the Haymarket to see Maggie Smith in Virginia, the Edna O 'Brien play based on the writings of Virginia and Leonard Wolfe. We sat in front of an American couple who were disappointed to find there were no songs. They had come to Virginia thinking it was a sequel to Oklahoma.

42:28Is that true? Oh, dear. Thursday the 19th of March, 1981. I like leading a double life. I like the mixture of the serious and the slight. For example, this morning I had coffee with John Wayne. John Wayne was a poet and a critic. And he wrote a novel, which I read. Ah. Yeah. Ah. Yeah. So it's not the American film star played Cowboys. No, W-A-I-N. That's it. and we talked about Tom Gunn and Philip Larkin. Then I had lunch with John Inman and we talked about pyjama tops and Molly Sugden. Tonight we are going to the Quinta Valles where, no doubt, we shall talk of Catholicism and the ethics of reproduction.

43:16It will be earnest but interesting. And leavened, balanced and made bearable by our glorious high camp outing on Monday with Chris Biggins and Dougie Squires to see Rita Marino at the Talk of the Town. I do prefer the company of people with better minds than mine, but I like all the frou-frou nonsense too. Actually, what I think I like is the best of everything, whatever it is. Rita Marino is an all-singing, all-dancing fag hag, but she's an Oscar winner too. She won her Oscar for her performance in West Side Story, I think. Oh, brilliant. She was sensational. Friday the 3rd of April, 1981. In Washington, D.C., President Reagan, 70, has survived the attempt to shoot him.

44:03A bullet hit him in the lung three inches from his heart. In hospital, as he was being given an anaesthetic, he said to the surgeons, I hope you guys are Republicans. In London, Asians and skinheads are rioting in the streets of Southall. I'm sitting here waiting for Simon and Stephanie to come for supper. I had lunch today at the National Playing Fields Association in Ovington Square. Josephine Seckham has moved there from Action Research and wants me to help with the fundraising. I said yes, for three reasons. One, she asked. Two, when I was a child, Ma always used to use the NPFA diary, so somehow, quite irrationally, I feel committed to the cause.

44:47Three, the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, is the president, and apparently quite actively involved. Michelle says I might get to meet him, and I'd like that. Tomorrow, I'm going to Norwich, to Anglia, to record 13 epilogues on the trot.

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47:42Thursday, 23rd April, 1981. Last night with Simon, we went to the Palladium to see Mr. Jim Bailey. female impersonator, and Mike Yarwood, general impersonator. Both good, both skillful, both a bit soulless. We telephoned Mike later. We didn't go round. He's just a bit dull, that's all. Tonight, we went to Chelwood House, Doster Square, for supper with the Porters. Leslie is the NPFA appeals chairman. Thoroughly nice. Diminutive, 60, bumbly, affable. He's also the chairman of Tesco, but frankly, would he be were he not married to the founder's daughter? I think not. He doesn't seem that bright, and he enjoys a drink, when a Shirley, daughter of Jack Cohen, is as sharp as a knife.

48:32Lady Cohen was on parade. She told me about the early days. Jack, Jacob, really did start with just one market stall in Hackney in 1919. He used his D-Mob money to buy surplus naffy stock and sell it at a profit. He was 21. By the time he was 40, he had opened 100 Tesco stores. How did he manage it? He was honest and he wasn't greedy and he gave his customers what they wanted before they knew they wanted it. And he never stopped working. Never. Hard work. It's the only way. She looked towards Leslie and sighed a little. Wow. You're in there with the people that run Tesco. That is interesting. The chairman of Tesco and his wife, Shirley Porter, who became a controversial figure.

49:23I remember her name. She was on the Greater London Council and was involved in some dealings that I think some people thought weren't reputable. And then she went over to live in Israel, where I think she died not long ago. I'm interested. I became, as you will see as the diaries go on, I got to know Leslie Porter better and became extremely fond of him. And I think I'm wrong here. I think he was a shrewder person than I perhaps realised at the time. Yeah, well, I mean, I think that goes without saying, because what an operation Tesco is. Yeah, and he was the chairman. But there's no doubt that his wife, Shirley Porter, was brilliant.

50:03She was the daughter of Jack Cohen, who founded Tesco, and she should have been running the business. Yeah. But it ended up being run by various sons-in-law. Because they didn't think women could do that. Isn't that extraordinary? But this is, you know, Margaret Thatcher's prime minister, it seems. This is the beginning. Well, this is the beginning of the Thatcher era. It's only just begun. Yeah. And indeed, Shirley Porter was a huge admirer of Margaret Thatcher's. Yeah, I'm sure. But, I mean, they did well. These sons-in-law did well to, you know, set up what is one of the biggest supermarket chains in the world.

50:39Yeah, yeah, yeah. But aren't I leading this extraordinary life? Yes. I've been meeting these amazing people. Amazing. Here I am having drinks with people who own Tesco. Oy! One minute, and the next minute, I seem to be, look, Wednesday 29th, April 1981, we went to Liberace's Gala Night at the Palladium. He was wholly preposterous. He is not handsome. He is 60 and looks like an outsized doll made up to look like Liberace. His piano playing is good but not unique. His patter is amusing but quite predictable. You remember that bank I cried all the way to? Well, I bought it. His costumes are sumptuous, but essentially gaudy.

51:18Only his jewelry feels authentic. It sparkles, it dazzles. He sparkles, he dazzles nonstop from the moment he's swept on in a diamond-encrusted limousine to the grand finale when waltzing waters and indoor fireworks explode around him. Why does it work so well? Why is this man still the highest paid entertainer in the world? Jack Tinker, who was the Daily Mail theatre critic, Jack Tinker was there with Biggins, of course, both squealing with delight, but they couldn't answer that question either. Mm-hmm. Had lunch with Patrick Moore at the Mykonos in Frith Street. He got through two bottles of Othello Red and gabbled away 19 to the dozen, about astronomy, music.

52:08He's composed of a symphony for orchestra and xylophone, cricket and Mrs Thatcher. Mrs T hasn't gone far enough for Patrick. Genghis Khan is the man for him. I observed that whatever he says, he never smiles. I'm glad you noticed, he said. It's a policy of mine. Never be seen smiling. If you do, the public don't take you seriously. He said that I will send Bennett, our boy, down to his house in Sussex one weekend. He will let him use his telescope. How weird. So Patrick Moore never smiled in public. Yeah, and he really never did. In fact, I don't remember seeing him smiling at all. But certainly when a camera hoved in view, he made his face look very grim and serious.

52:56Gosh. I might start employing that strategy. Oh, no. I love you when you smile. Your smile brings you to life. I try to smile all the time. Yeah. Because I think my face looks very lugubrious when I can smile. Oh, no, no. I mean, it's crazy to not want to smile. It shows you how times have changed. That's hilarious. He was quite a character. Yeah, clearly. But he was full of, I tell you, he was full of life and energy and enthusiasm and intelligence and knowledge, you know. Absolutely. Fantastic. Tuesday, 5th May 1981. Jermaine Greer arrived at the office at 2.30 as planned. She was wild and strident and determined to shock.

53:34The book we are doing with her is about fertility. But for some reason, Jermaine is determined that the cover should feature a close-up photograph of female pubic hair. Preferably her own. Or, if we think it'll be too grey, grizzled and unappealing, then she will consider a model's pubes. A fine, full bush, something you can grab hold of. Oh, cramps. Sorry, listeners. We should put a trigger warning before that paragraph Tonight we went to the Duchess of Malfi at the Roundhouse When it was over, Michelle said Never again I have been to my last Jacobean revenge tragedy The Duchess of Malfi, the White Devil I don't need them, I don't like them I don't want them, no more That's that, thank you very much Well done, Michelle I know what she means Thursday the 7th of May 1981 Went to the Poetry Society in Earls Court for the evening to celebrate Every Man's Book of Nonsense and Every Man's Book of English Verse The idea was an hour of drinks followed by an hour of readings to be introduced by me During the drinks I was stuck in a corner with John Heath Stubbs John Heath Stubbs was an English poet a wonderful poet actually and he was afflicted by blindness I think from the 1960s.

54:59But I couldn't concentrate on anything he was saying because our star attraction, Spike Milligan, my responsibility, I said I'd get him there, had phoned at the last minute, say he couldn't make it after all. The man is impossible, self-indulgent, and not that funny, even at his funniest. Anyway, I rejigged the running order and at around eight o 'clock, the readings began. Truth to tell, it was all a bit flat until we got to what was to have been the Spike Milligan moment. at which point there was a sudden banging from a cupboard in the corner. Yes, you guessed. The cupboard burst open and Spike appeared.

55:36He had been there all along. He was very funny and I forgave him everything. So isn't that bizarre? He phoned to say he wasn't coming. Then he came early, locked himself in the cupboard for this surprise entry after about two hours. Brilliant. Brilliant. Anyone that locks himself in a cupboard is a hero in my eyes. Yeah. Tuesday, 12th May 1981. At 5pm, I took Maurice Saatchi and Martin Sorrell round the Playhouse Theatre. My scheme remains the same. By night, I run the theatre. By day, they run the conference centre. But our problem is that the mystery owner won't come out of hiding to engage in a useful conversation.

56:21The agent says he wants£400 ,000 and no questions asked. But Morris and Martin have plenty of questions, sensible ones. They are shrewd guys, I like them very much, and I like their style. Clear, direct, dynamic. We shall see. At 8pm, we went to Cats at the new London Theatre. It's done wonderfully well, but it left me cold. There's no story and no sense of engagement. Bonnie Langford gives her all and some. Wayne Sleep, Elaine Page, they all do. But essentially, it's simply T.S. Eliot's verses set to music and stage, Cambrio. Fine. But so what? My problem is probably that I know the poems too well.

57:07Andrew Lloyd Webber's Macavity isn't my Macavity. And I'm not sure that Eliot's verses as lyrics really work. The best song by Longway is Memory And it's written by Trevor Nunn Wow, Giles, you're quite outspoken there about a few people, aren't you? I am Well, that's diaries for you And funnily enough, I don't think I'm like that now in my diary That's nice I don't think I am I think nowadays I'm just recording what happens Oh, you don't pass comment and let the incidents and the remarks that people make speak for themselves. Interesting. I'm forming judgments here. What did I know of the world?

57:55Maybe just as one gets older, one becomes less judgmental. I think you probably are more forgiving because you realise, oh, we're all a load of silly old billies, aren't we? We are all a load of silly... Who am I to... Yeah. And I think, I don't know, I don't know, what do I think of myself then? All That Striving. Who wrote the poem? Speaking of poems, we began with poems. Why must all that aching go to making dust? Gosh, that's good, Giles. I don't know that poem. I've got to check it out and see who it was. It's a good poem, isn't it? Very good. Yeah. So there you go. I mean, if you think like that, you really never get out of bed in the morning.

58:36That's the truth. So I think Lady Cohen, the wife of the man who founded Tesco, wait for it she said it really was he just had one stall in Hackney amazing in 1919 and look it's only 100 years later this huge Tesco empire he in his lifetime before he was 40 he had 100 Tesco stalls how do you do it? work work if you stay in bed nothing happens it's true you gotta get up you gotta show up but you do have a lovely rest that's true and nice pyjamas I hope you've been having a lovely rest in nice pyjamas while listening to well probably can't afford nice pyjamas if you spend the whole damn lovely rest.

59:14But if you work hard you can afford any pyjamas you want. Though funny enough, in my view, silk pyjamas are greatly overrated. They're a bit chilly when you put them on, aren't they? And also they slide around the bed. It's like silk treats. Who wants silk treats? Oh, silk sheets, no thanks. No thanks. But my friend's just had an operation and she was saying actually I think they're sat in her pyjamas. They're rather good because it means when she turns over, it hurts but they help her to turn over in a slippery quick way and not go, ow! Yeah. Well, there we are. Enough pyjama talk. Thank you very much for sharing our diaries.

59:49Our particular thanks to Sue for her amazing contribution. Oh, Sue slash Brenda. We really honestly can't tell you how delighted we are by that and thrilled. And I'm sure everyone listening was absolutely delighted. So let's see if she can come to the Christmas party. If you want to come to the Christmas party, Go to patreon.com forward slash Rosebud and sign up to be a family member there. We will be back for free for love on Friday. Have we got an exciting guest this week? We've got Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet. Are we revealing who we've got? Why not? Another musician. Oh, do we not do that?

1:00:25Sometimes we can. Why not? No, I think it's good. Gary Kemp. In fact, on Rosebud Reflections, our Facebook group, someone the other week said, why don't we have Gary Kemp on Rosebud? You just said As if by magic He's going to be our guest We've had some Nobody has done better than Bill Wyman Who claimed to be the world's oldest working rock star But if you know an older one Let us know and we'll have them on Rosebud We will Also, didn't people love Francis Rossi? Oh they did Wasn't that interesting? I have to say I did I thought he was very charming So I think I quite like these old rock stars Oh yeah Anyway, but we have young people coming up too Yeah, if you're an old rock star listening to this, you know, we've got Ben Shepard, the king, possibly not, Sue from City and Sweep, a bishop.

1:01:13If you're an old rock star. That's fantastic. Let us know. We've got a shepherd, a panda, and who else was it? Who was listening to us? A bishop and the king. No, we haven't got the king. We've got a bishop, a shepherd, and a panda listening to Rosebud. Look, this is the place to be. Thanks so much for your company. Thanks for enjoying the diaries if you did. And we'll be with you with Gary Kemp from Spandabelli on Friday. And next Tuesday, actually, we've got another interesting guest, haven't we? Yeah. Anyway, I'm Giles Brandreth. This is Harriet Jane. Thank you for your company. Cue the music.

1:02:05Amen.

1:02:45A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show we recommend. You know that ache when a book ends and you're not ready to leave that world? We live there. Fantasy Fangirls is your best friend's book club meets English class, where we dive deep into beloved fantasy books, discussing lore, characters, themes, theories, and so much more. I'm Lexi, ultra sister and fantasy lore nerd. And I'm Nicole, younger sister and romantic at heart. Right now, we're exploring Prithian as we go deep into the highly anticipated and newly released ACOTAR books by Sarah J. Maas. Fantasy Fangirls is not your typical deep dive book podcast.

1:03:23When we say deep dive, we really mean it. Every episode covers a stretch of chapters and is structured with five segments to easily follow along. So pack your bags. We're headed to the night court with new episodes every single Monday. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.