More Rosebud - Gyles's Diary, episode 51

0:05The The

0:19Hello again. I mustn't get over excited because it's a diary day today and we're in the 1980s and that was an interesting period and it's a day when Harriet and I are sorting through all the postcards that you sent us for our postcard competition to give you, well, a flavour of what we've had and why it's important. Hello, Harriet. Are you in good form today? I am, thank you, yes. Good. Are you feeling excited too about the diaries and about the postcards? Oh, yeah, very. Yeah, we've got so many postcards, didn't we? Explain to people who can't quite remember what the postcard thing is. I can't remember either.

0:57What happened is a month or so ago, I read in a newspaper that it was all over for the postcard. Oh, that was it. The postcard had its Victorian heyday, then went on into the 20th century. People went on holidays and they always sent one another, or they're back to family, friends, postcards saying, wish you were here. And we also talked about those vulgar, but rather wonderful postcards, of which Donald McGill was the prime creator, that had jokes that probably are not considered politically correct now. in cartoons on the cover, and you would send those home as well. So we said to people, well, apparently the postcard is dying.

1:32People aren't sending postcards anymore. If you've got a postcard you'd like to send us, do send it to us. And people did. We got lots of them from all over the world. And they came to us at Grosvenor House in London, where we do most of our recordings, and you've been gathering them. Just, you put your hand, dip your hand into the sack and just produce one or two at random that rather tickled our fancies. Well, so I've got this one, which is fantastic, because it's got a good idea in it. And it says, it's from Jacqueline Sweeney. Dear Harriet Michelle and Giles. Oh, my wife is included in that.

2:11Lovely. Well, you know, it's a family show, this. Yep. Correctly spelled as well with one L. Good. She likes that. Greetings from Svalbard, which I think is in Norway. Oh. Yeah. where I am on a cruise with my family around the fjords and glaciers of Spitsbergen. Oh, wonderful. That sounds amazing. We hope to see polar bears. Now, this is the good idea that she sends. On family holidays, we send ourselves a postcard. My husband writes it, we all sign it, and when we get home, we read the message and put the card on the notice board in our kitchen. I think that's a lovely idea. Isn't it? Of reminding yourself when you get back of the joy of the holiday.

2:55It takes you back there. And it's there with you around the year on your family notice board. Yeah, I know. I wonder what sort of message they write themselves. Like, don't forget to clean the fridge or something. Or wish we were still where we set this postcard from. What's the picture on the postcard? It's Svalbard, which looks amazing. You can see some sort of snow-covered peaks in the background and some flowers in the foreground. it looks sort of desolate but awe-inspiring doesn't it desolate but awe-inspiring that's what we like i have been to greenland as you know oh and greenland looks a little bit like that yes i haven't been to any of those places i imagine iceland looks a bit like that iceland's very like that but iceland is more populated greenland is sort of more deserted oh it's a wonderful part of the world to go and if you go at certain times of the year it's dark all the day and other times of the year it's light all the day because they're so far north.

3:48You've got lots of them there. We can't, well just give us some more. Well, we got so many from people who listen in other countries. International listeners. We are a global podcast. Yeah. Oh look, somebody here sent us some trees. Gabrielle has sent us some pictures of trees. I, without a card like this, I wouldn't know on the whole what tree I am looking at. so I'm going to keep this card in my little briefcase and when I'm out for a walk I'm going to say I'm going to take a sneaking look at it and say oh yes oh that's a maple yes I love a maple very good so thank you very much indeed Gabrielle for that Berwick on Tweed from Anne Robertson who's inviting us to come to visit her oh I love Berwick I've only seen it from the train it looks so nice well now you've seen a picture of it Michael has sent us a card and what's this one Farmer Gracie Oh, it's rather charming.

4:42It's two hares playing volleyball. With no clothes on. Well, that's the way it is. St. Michael's Mount. That's your part of the world, isn't it? The West Country? Yeah. Is that Devon Cornwall? Cornwall, I think. Cornwall from Emma Wood. My earliest memory is buying fresh milk and clotted cream from the village dairy. We would have to walk through the farmyard to reach the beach, and the smell of cow manure still reminds me of those idyllic summers. Oh, that's nice. With all best wishes, Emma Wood. It's a lovely card of St Michael's Mount. Do you remember, isn't it strange, have you ever milked a cow?

5:19Yes. It's a very satisfying experience, isn't it? And the noise, the squirt as it hits the bottom of the bucket. And then you will have drunk fresh cow's milk, which probably is against the law now. Yeah, slightly disgusting, I remember thinking. Ah, when I was a child, it was done, we did it in France, I think they put it on things or made chocolate with it. Yeah. But I love the sensation of milking a cow. Anyway, that's a lovely picture there. Oh, one of the cheeky ones. We're going to have a special prize for the cheekiest we've received. This is a cheeky card from Liz and Bob in Masse d 'Auvignon in the southwest of France.

6:00And it's somebody playing boule. And he's got a kind of one of those. I think the joke is, yes, he's just, there's a hospital in the background. He's on the beach playing boule. There's a hospital in the background. He has come in. Do you know when you go to hospital? And you've got the gown on. They put a gown on, which has this, which is the back is open. So your bottom is always visible. I don't quite know how that works, except I do know how it works. So they can take it off when you're in the theatre. When you're asleep, they untie the gown and they take it off. I'm with you. You're meant to wear pants, basically, aren't you?

6:33Well, this guy isn't wearing pants. And he's playing bull. So it's a slightly cheeky one. So you can see his bottom as he's bending over to throw the ball. You can see it. Look, we better get to some winning ones. We would like to say, though, we love doing Rosebud. And it's fantastic to feel that all over the world there are people who took the trouble to send us a postcard. So the postcard is not dead. You know, just send a postcard to anyone. It doesn't need to say very much. You can simply say, I wish you were here. Yeah. You can buy so many nice postcards, can't you, when you go to an art gallery.

7:05There are always, I love looking through those. I was looking this morning. I've got a big box of postcards that are the covers of Penguin Books. Oh, that's a good postcard to send someone. And I was looking. I wanted to bring a postcard in for you today to send you with a little message on it. Thank you for being so nice to work with last week. Yeah. And I couldn't find an appropriate one. Every one I looked at, I thought, no, black mischief. No, I can't give her that. Lady Chatter's lover. No, I can't give her that. Sex and society, bad ex-comfort. No, I can't give her that. And I was hoping that they would have one by Virginia Woolf.

7:39Because you know from family members, you did some readings from Virginia Woolf the other day, and they proved very popular. And then I realised probably Penguin don't publish Virginia Woolf. Because she was originally published by the Hogarth Press, her own imprint. And anyway, so I love an original postcard. I buy many more postcards than I send. Yeah, they're good to put on your wall and yeah. Okay. Right, so we're getting to the prize winners now. We should put a drum roll in. But just imagine there's a drum roll playing in the background. This is from Harbour Ferry, Auckland. And I think maybe the postcard that's come furthest.

8:20Shall we see what the message is and who it's from? It's from James Sainsbury, whose earliest memory is with my older sister visiting our newborn brother in the Matamatan Maternity Hospital. It was 1982 and I was three. Ah, James is a beekeeping honeybee scientist in New Zealand. Isn't that marvellous? Well, there you go. And what's he sent us a picture of? It's a ferry by the look of it, which I imagine is in Auckland. the Harbour Ferry, an evening scene of a typical harbour ferry leaving Auckland for the historic North Shore suburb of Devonport. It looks so lovely there. Wow. Do you think that's definitely the one that's come furthest?

9:09What about this one that's come a long way? Read that. So, I mean, Auckland, New Zealand is a long way from London, isn't it? It's basically in another date. It's tomorrow. It's tomorrow. It's tomorrow. And that's what we are. As modern as tomorrow with a lot of time for yesterday so james sainsbury is looking after honeybees tomorrow james we loved your card thank you for being in auckland and thinking of us yes so so james you've won a prize for coming the furthest but a special a highly commended goes to jake johansson who's listening in fargo north dakota fargo i mean that sounds so kind of mysterious wasn't there a television series and then it's called Wells Fargo.

9:55Wells Fargo is a company, isn't it? It's a bank, I think. Yeah, but Fargo is a film and a TV series. Oh, is it? Yeah, but North Dakota, I mean, that just sounds so kind of... It does. There are cowboys, there are horses. Full of mystery and romance. Yeah. Thank you. So North Dakota, they're not tomorrow, they're earlier this morning and they are listening there and they love the podcast. and thanks so much, Jake, for listening in North Dakota and for taking the trouble to send a postcard all that way. It's actually got a stamp on it that's circular, a round stamp. Quite cool. Very cool. I think we should introduce those here.

10:36I mean, I'm just amazed the post delivers these things these days. And some of them were simply addressed to Rosebud London and got here. Most of them actually were addressed to Grosvenor House. They were, yes. So we come to the final two and you've chosen the classic winner and I've chosen the cheeky winner. Oh yes, so this we chose because it's just such a lovely image and it's slightly cheeky because it's got two women who have no clothes on, on the front but it's a vintage black and white picture artistically done. They're decorously positioned. They are leaning forwards with their arms folded over their chest so you can't see anything.

11:14They look very glamorous and they're probably in the 1950s or something or maybe 40s and they're in hip baths. Oh, as in my famous warm-up. Yeah. I didn't know what a hip bath was. That's a hip bath, is it? I think so. I think it is a hip bath. You just sit in it up to your hips. You can't lie back in it. And they're having a chat and they've got their feet in water too. Maybe they're in a spa or something. Can I have a look? What does it say on the back? It says, Deux femmes dans le bain. Two ladies in the bath. These are two glamorous ladies sitting, having a gossip in a hip bath in Paris. Yeah.

11:51And they look very contented, don't they? They do. They're having fun. They're glamorous, aren't they? They're having a fun gossip. We've given this one a prize for being the most tasteful, interesting, but slightly saucy picture. Dear Harriet and Giles, you've restored my faith in the English after Brexit. Ooh. I saw this card in Dieppe, France. Very good. Yeah, I think France is a place where they still go for the naked postcard. And it's from someone who I think is called Alistair Kreef. Anyway, Alistair, we'd love to send you a prize. So please get in touch. Yeah, we'll have to work out how to get people's addresses, won't we?

12:33It's a bit complicated, this, isn't it? It is, isn't it? Because postcards don't normally give an address. Yeah, you're going to have to write in with your address. Maybe us chatting about them will be considered a prize enough. Yes, that's true. We are honouring you. You'll go into the Rosebud Postcard Hall of Fame. Yeah. and finally we did have quite a few cheeky ones yes so we're going to give a prize to the cheekiest postcard aren't we and karen cole who's a big fan of the podcast because she came to see us in edinburgh so we've met her we've met her husband they came all the way from australia they gave us a key ring then they came to grovener house and had tea here and they met igor and they i mean they've been on a rosebud pilgrimage igor who plays the piano in the bathroom yes igor who plays piano and they left us a bundle of brilliant saucy postcards and a key ring each from Australia and so Karen we'd like to say to you thanks so much for those we will put those on our wall in the studio and think of you and we loved meeting you and thanks for coming all this way to say hello and I hope you're having fun in Australia yeah and maybe next week I might share next time we're together I might read you out some of the jokes because they were very rude But the cheeky postcard that's winning is this one, which comes from, I think, is that Jane Reid or Jane Parry?

13:50Or is it two people? I don't know. Who is it from? I think it says Reverend Jane Parry. Oh, from the Reverend Jane Parry. Love the Reverend Jane Parry. And she writes, postcards rule. I send postcards when I'm on my travels to the indoors folk I visit, sending about a dozen each time. Oh, they say it brings the outside world to them when for health reasons they're not able to go out and join the wider world. They particularly like naughty ones. And this is quite a naughty one. It's one by the great Donald McGill, who did so many for many, many years. Wasn't paid very much for them, but they made a lot of people laugh.

14:30And, well, I think you need to describe the picture. It's a period, it's a restaurant scene. Yeah. There's a waiter. So there's a waiter standing at the table with the customer who has got a very large bosom, hasn't she? She's amply endowed. A lady of riper years with a fine bust. She's got a hat on and a red dress, the sort of dress you'd wear to the beach. And she has got her breasts are so large, they're resting on the table and they're completely obscuring the menu. Yes. And she's saying to the waiter, What's on the menu, waiter? And he's looking down and thinking, I know what's on the menu.

15:11It's your two bazookas. So, and he's looking red in the face, as are a lot of people in Donald McGill postcards. So, yeah, it's fun. Is it smutty? No, it's saucy. It's saucy. I think it isn't smutty. I think it is cheeky. It's a bit naughty. It's probably politically incorrect. But nonetheless, we quite liked it. Yeah. I don't know if it is politically incorrect. Well, I think it probably is because maybe it's a figure that we are joking about. Oh, I see. Yeah, well, she might be very slim. She's just got big boobs. Yeah. And also, she's, I think, quite happy with them. Yeah. She's plopped them on the table.

15:48Absolutely. And they are magnificent, it must be said. So, Reverend Jane Parry, we think that's your name. We're giving you a prize, so we need to get your address too. I mean, this is complicated, Giles. This is ridiculous. This could go on for months. Please send us a postcard. We're sending emails back and forth. If we've mentioned you and you feel you deserve a prize, I'm going to give you maybe my seven secrets of happiness. Because I think postcards are about spreading happiness. Yeah. I mean, in the time it's going to take us to organise this, we could probably read out the seven secrets of happiness and play it on the podcast.

16:24But yes, send us your address to hello at rosebudpodcast.com and we will send you a book signed. So that is worth writing in. Signed by both of us. Though, it must be said, it was told to me by an antiquarian bookseller, that the most valuable books are the ones that are unsigned, or at least undedicated. Oh, that's true. Dedicating it to somebody actually reduces the value. You just want, you know, Howard Zend, E.M. Forster. Yeah, you don't want Jane, Happy Christmas, love E.M. Forster. Or if it's E.M. Forster, Basil. I've been thinking about you all morning. Now that would go. Morgan. That would go well at auction, wouldn't it?

17:03I think it wouldn't. Now, let's get down to business because we're not just here dealing with the post. But that's what life is like here at Rosebud Towers. Yeah. And we just love you being in touch. So thank you very much indeed. Do keep us posted with all that's happening in your world. Let me tell you now. And keep sending postcards to each other. You know, it's such a nice thing to do, isn't it? It's a lovely thing to do. Yeah, we must remember that. And it's also, I think it's a nice thing to do at work. and now I've discovered my box of, which I haven't used in years, my box of penguin cover postcards.

17:32I'm going to bring in the occasional postcard for you. Just saying, hello, how are you? Yeah, I think it's a really good thing. I think let's all make a resolution. You, Giles, me, Harriet and all the listeners to send the odd postcard to people. If you're thinking of them, don't send them a text. Send them a postcard. And the emphasis being on the odd postcard because I like an eccentric postcard. Oh, yeah. I think it's a lovely idea. Getting something in the post is fantastic. It could just say thinking of you. I forget who it was. Somebody like Siddle Connolly who said, you know that your life is over and there is no interest in your life anymore when you no longer look forward to the morning post.

18:14Oh, gosh. I mean, most of us don't look forward to the post anymore. But that's why I said it was somebody like Siddle Connolly because it was a different era. Yeah, exactly. When you did look forward to who was writing, who the postcard came from, who the letter was coming from. No, it's just catalogues and bills. Yes. I mean, and often in our house, we don't get posts for several days. Oh, gosh, that's good. That may be because they're delivering every day, but very rarely does one get a proper letter letter. No, I know. So send us a postcard, please. You know where we are. It's time now to turn the clock back, Harriet.

18:42We're going back to mid-1980. This is me, Giles, reading to you from my diaries. And if you want to hear Harriet reading, I'll just mention this in passing, People who belong to the Rosebud family, on a Sunday afternoon, we have an extra episode. And sometimes it's us chatting, sharing family secrets. But we've started a new series called Rosebud Reads. And in the first episode, I read my spoof of P.G. Woodhouse. And then in the next episode, Harriet read from the Diaries of Virginia Woolf. And this proved very, very popular with family members. Thursday the 3rd of July 1980. This is me, Giles, reading from my diary of all those years ago.

19:31I'm now in my early 30s. I'm running my own publishing business where I'm getting celebrities to write books or to give their name to books. I'm doing this with my wife Michelle. We have three small children. We're living in two houses in Notting Hill, or rather Notting Hill Gate. That's the background. Thursday, the 3rd of July, 1980. This morning, Leonard Rossiter, in cracking form, lots of nervous energy, but plenty of good humour too. He lunged at the girls in the taxi, but took it well when rebuffed. He was in high spirits. This afternoon, Woman's Hour recording with Les Dawson. What makes a joke funny?

20:14He had no idea, but he made me laugh a lot. I had ambitions to be a sex maniac, but I failed the practical. Sorry. The mother-in-law thinks I'm effeminate. Of course, beside her, I am. This evening, Anthony Pallas' private view at 62 Pimlico Road, followed by Supper, Shea Charles Lowe in Warwick Square. Alex de Jong still wild and wonderful. He had been one of our tutors at Oxford. Anthony Pallas and I were together at Oxford he's the world authority on Rasputin Alex de Jong Alex de Jong still wild and wonderful Lizzie Spender beautiful and distant she went on to marry Barry Humphreys and was the daughter of Stephen Spender Morris Macmillan skin like pale parchment hands that shake my gosh he's the son of Harold Macmillan who was some party wasn't it Yeah.

21:14Antony's paintings are wonderful. He has done well to stick to his last. And he's still painting to this day. Brilliant. Saturday the 12th of July, 1980. He'd like to paint our picture, by the way, Antony Palliser. But there's now competition. There's somebody else who wants to paint our picture. But that's by the by. Saturday the 12th of July, 1980. Last night, Pa's 70th birthday dinner at the Reform Club. A black tie, gentleman-only affair given by Emery Parks & Co. to mark both Parr's birthday and his retirement from the firm after 45 years' association. Wow. It was well done. Melon frappé, saumon fumé entre côtes grillées tyroliennes, Mella strigata, Macon luni, Château-Sysac, Brandy Porte.

22:05A high court judge I'd never heard of led the toasts and did it well. Pa responded amusingly, with the right mix of self-deprecation and accepting the evening as nothing less than his due. I think he enjoyed it. He never looks totally at ease with his colleagues, which is odd, since he is so much more interesting, high-powered and distinguished than any of them. I tried to keep quiet in my corner. Tonight we are at Ye Olde Bell at Hurley. Ma and Pa first came here together in the spring of 1937. We have brought them back for the night as Pa's birthday treat. It has been a total success. Both of them really happy.

22:46I'm so glad. Pa means the world to me. I hope he knows. I think he does. Friday, the 25th of July, 1980. News from the world. Peter Sellers has died, age 54. Ronald Reagan has been chosen as the Republican Party's presidential candidate, age 69. Steve Ovid, Sebastian Coe, Duncan Goodhue are wowing them at the Moscow Olympics. I'm just in from tea with Tommy Steele, a wonderfully gifted performer, but rather an opaque personality. I went with Simon Cadell to see Tommy's show at the Prince of Wales Theatre. We were impressed by his skill, but underwhelmed by the experience. He does a routine involving the audience, where there's the possibility of a member of the audience winning a bottle of champagne.

23:37Tommy Steele contrives to forget to present the prize and then, at the curtain call, remembers It was neatly done, but we noticed that the bottle of champagne was actually a quarter bottle That's what the performance was too Wonderfully thought through, but ultimately without generosity Without real heart Tough verdict to have from the great Tommy Steele Is he now Sir Tommy Steele? He probably should be

24:14Friday the 5th of September 1980. I'm on the 6.20am train from Blackpool to Euston. I've spent the day with John Inman. He does what he does very well, but that's all he does. Do you remember John Inman? Yes, yeah, are you being served? I love that. Camp actor and entertainer. His range is nil. Oh. But he is sweet and enthusiastic, and so long as you stick entirely to stories from the golden age of variety, all's well. We minced together along the front. Almost every passerby cried, I'm free. John loves Blackpool. In theory, I love it too. I love the piers, the front, the tower, the shows. And yet, though it will have cost ten times as much, I'm very happy that we rented Kinopiastis' house again this August.

25:02I say I love Blackpool, but I don't really. Not the way John does. Tommy Trinder once told me that the best smell in the world to him was the smell of a pantomime matinee. Oranges and wee-wee. Oh. Can you imagine? That's horrible, isn't it? Yeah, but that's the way they feel about it. Gosh. I mean, if you were John Inman, you must have had people shouting, I'm free at you, hundreds of times a week. I mean, it must have been. I mean, we walked along. I'm quite tiresome. I mean, I knew him, got to know him really quite well. Yeah. And he very kindly came and modeled some of my jumpers for me. I was doing a knitting book.

25:41Oh, yeah. I imagine he was good at that. So I spent a lot of time with him. And everywhere we went, I'm free, I'm free. And he responded enthusiastically. Did he? And I think this is a not correct verdict on him because I have since seen him performing songs on a program called The Good Old Days. and I think, I'm saying he's quite limited and indeed he did play this camp character and that was quite a small range but he also could do variety, he could put over a number very attractively. He had warmth with an audience that I think in the previous entry I was suggesting Tommy Steele did not have.

26:16Though Tommy Steele, of course, huge star. Thursday the 11th of September, 1980. Lunch with Sir Michael Redgrave. I picked him up on the corner of Elizabeth Street at 1245 as arranged. He's 72 but seems so much older. He's very frail. We went to Odin's. I think he took some pleasure in ordering his meal but when he came he only toyed with it. His fork rattled on the plate. Getting the wine glass to his mouth required both hands. I told him Monje Danachevsk's joke borrowed I think from James Thurber. Forgive me if I fall over. I've got Parkinson's disease. I'm hoping he's got mine. He laughed, but said, I've got something else as well.

27:02He didn't seem to know what it was. He talked of going to New York next month to have an operation. They bore a hole right into your brain, through your skull. He doesn't think he can face it. I asked about the Redgrave Theatre in Farnham. I told him that we'd been on Monday and seen Rowan Atkinson there. I tried to remember some of the jokes, but I struggled really to keep the conversation going. He wants to work again. Last year, he appeared at the National in Simon Gray's play, Close of Play. He was on stage throughout, silent, alternately dozing and observing the scene. He loved it. But that sort of role doesn't come along very often, he smiled.

27:45I took him home after lunch. The outing had exhausted him. In the taxi, he started talking about Edith Evans again, how much he had loved her how he had slept with her on the night Vanessa was born I took him to Ebury Mews he seems to be living in a single room in a converted coach house it was quite ramshackle suitcases open on the floor bed unmade I left him standing in the doorway he waved me off smiling his sweet smile he was still waving when I reached the corner oh that's sad Giles oh and he was a very great actor as one of his secretaries, his secretary Joan Hurst, who had also been secretary to Noel Card.

28:29I think Michael Regrave inherited her from Noel Card. She said, you should have seen him in the 1950s. He was so powerful, so strong. He played all the big parts, all the big Shakespeare roles, Stratford in London and indeed in New York. It was colossal then. And I began to see his work in the late 50s, early 60s when he was still at the height of his powers. but by now he was quite diminished. But I still feel so blessed to have known him. I mean, probably one of the greats. Sunday the 28th of September, 1980. Cyril Connolly is right. The pram in the hallway really is the enemy of promise. It certainly makes keeping a daily journal something of a challenge.

29:15I have to take my children off to the zoo now which means that I have about 30 seconds in which to report on 24 hours of the ring cycle. We completed the marathon at Covent Garden last night. It was an experience. I stayed awake throughout. I listened carefully. I was intrigued. I was mostly held. I was never moved. We went the night before to see Donald Sinden's Othello. Not quite right. Too fruity, of course. Too blacked up. Inevitable. It doesn't work anymore. but even so, I was moved again and again. Words touch me in a way music never has. Excepting Cole Porter and Charles Strenet. Strange how potent cheap music is.

29:59Deep down, I'm shallow, etc. I was also in Covent Garden yesterday with Kenneth Williams, promoting Acid Drops. He is very funny. He signs a book, leering up at the member of the public who's buying it, telling them what a pleasure it is to present it to them and what a privilege it is to meet them. And the moment they turn their back, he pulls a face at them and mutters, Oh, dear. I'm being called. I must go. But yes, I think Diana Spencer will marry the Prince of Wales. She looks charming. Oh, wow. That's because paparazzi pictures of Lady Diana Spencer had begun to appear in the national newspapers following a visit to the Prince of Wales and his parents at Balmoral.

30:45So this is September 1980. It's amazing how much of all of this is still going on. I know. I mean, Diana Spencer, 1980, here we are in 2026. And even people like Kenneth Williams are still remembered. The Ring Cycle, that's still going on. It's probably the same performance 46 years later. It could well be. I've never seen it. Have you? No. We went to see it. and Noel Davis, our friend, trained us for it. He brought the whole thing around in advance, played it to us, and we had to make notes. Well, it's good. It's better when you've got sort of passing acquaintance with these things. Yeah, honestly.

31:23But it's interesting I wasn't moved by it. I was obviously impressed, and I did my best. But, I mean, Charles Trenet, this French singer, I was listening to him last night, you know, as I always do in the kitchen when clearing up. Saturday, the 4th of October, 1980. This has been a really happy evening. Supper in the Kitchen. Michelle, me, Noel Davis, John Schlesinger, Kenneth Williams. We had arranged it because John hadn't seen Kenneth for years. They were good friends in their army days in the 1940s and in London in the 1950s, but John got tired of Kenneth's tantrums and screaming and self-indulgence.

32:01Anyway, tonight, Kenneth was on best behaviour, and it was just lovely to watch and listen. stories of their time together in Singapore in 1947 with Stanley Baxter and Peter Nichols the stuff of Peter Nichols play Private Song Parade in fact. After supper we watched Kenneth on Parkinson. He began saying oh aren't I awful don't I look terrible look at her falling down the stairs. He tripped as he made his entrance on the show but as we reassured him he was truly brilliant on the program and the studio audience response got ever more rapturous he began to change his tune. Oh yes, it's getting better.

32:38Oh, that's a good story. Got the tag just right on that one, didn't I? I suppose I do look a bit of a dish. He was completely endearing and it was touching to see him and Sessinger embrace when it was time to leave. Oh. I can't believe Kenneth Williams was in the army. Yes. Amazing. He was in the army and there's a marvellous play and it was turned into a film as well of Privates on Parade by Peter Nicholls, who was all part of that set, and they did troupe entertainment. I don't know how robust a soldier Kenneth was, but he didn't lack courage. And I think he was probably a very, very entertaining, well, I know he was a very entertaining entertainer.

33:16Wow, amazing. And you learn a lot of skills during doing things like that, don't you, as an entertainer? Wednesday, 8th October, 1980. Jimmy Edwards met me at Haywood's Heath. He was in rollicking form. I jumped in the car and off we sped. He drove hard and fast, handlebar moustaches, bristling, stories of the war and the windmill and take it from here and wacko all tumbling out. We stopped off at a pub en route for a refresher, a pint of beer and a large vodka. We got to Riven Oak, his shambling cottage in Fletching, Uckfield, and he proposed a libation before lunch. He opened a carton of orange juice and a bottle of champagne and poured them both into a large glass jug.

34:00This is Mimosa, not Buck's Fizz, he explained, handing me a pewter pint pot of the stuff and smacking his lips. Mimosa quaffed, we moved to the kitchen, where I sat on the bouquet in the corner while he gave himself a gin and tonic and set about preparing lunch. Two huge steaks, which spat fat and caught fire repeatedly as he poked and turned them under the grill. He served them with salad, lettuce and a cut-up tomato, and two bottles of claret. After lunch, he went off to find the brandy, telling me as he went about his pride and joy, his Swedish hot tub newly installed. When he returned, he was stark naked.

34:38Are you going to join me? he asked. I declined. He slapped his huge belly with both hands, went away and got dressed again. We spent the afternoon in the sitting room going through his ideas for his book. Once we'd finished the brandy, he served us tall glasses of lager. We're working. We'd better not drink, he said. At six o 'clock, he drove me back to the station. He appeared no worse for wear. Wow. Isn't that extraordinary? I mean, what's changed? Because people just drank so much during the working day. And driving. He was an alcoholic, Jimmy Edwards. Do you know anything about him at all?

35:21He built up his tolerance. He served in the RAF during the Second World War. He was awarded the DFC. and then in 1946 he appeared at the Windmill Theatre in London as a sort of stand-up comedian in the nude review and he then became a radio and television star as a comedian and raconteur. And he was splendid. But drink, well, he was driven by drink and it may be later than that is. I remember one evening having dinner with him and the drink was slow to come and he lost his rag. I mean, he just couldn't be denied the drink. He couldn't function without it. But he was a funny man. And he completely accepted when he turned up.

36:02He was Tommy two ways. He completely accepted when he turned up naked at the lunch table that I wasn't going to join him in the hot tub. Took no offence, put his clothes back on and carried on with the meal. Well, you've just got to try, haven't you? And every now and then someone will say, yeah, I'll get the hot tub. Why not? Exactly. But do you think he'd have been happy to just sit in the hot tub? Or did he want to mess around? He would have wanted to mess around. Oh, but just a little feel. That's what he was after. Yeah. And, you know, if that's what your scene is. Yeah. I know. I was an adult.

36:32It was nothing. Well, let's face it. What's the point of a hot tub if you're not having a... A bit of a fumble. Exactly. Exactly. You know, come on. With a house guest. Yeah. Come on, but I didn't. Come on, guys. Yeah, come on, guys. Join in. Yeah, join in. Stop moaning. Yeah, Rivernoak is the name of the address. Wow. They've still got the hot tub there. Oh, let's go and see. But what is interesting, to be serious for a second, no offence was meant and no offence was taken. No. What are you saying, Giles? I'm just making it clear to a modern... Your point being... I'm trying to make it clear to a moment...

37:03Your point being everyone should just man up and get in the hot tub naked and stop moaning. I know, I'm not saying that. I'm saying to a modern audience in which this sort of thing wouldn't be considered acceptable in any which way at all. Yeah. It's a long time ago and... And it was fine. Why is everyone complaining? Get in the hot tub. Nothing to see here. Moving on. But the fact is, Giles, you didn't get in, did you? I didn't. I wasn't even remotely tempted. No. There's no touch of the Tommy Two Ways about me. Appearances. I have to say that... People don't believe that, do they? No. I have to say that it's 2026, and the Tommy Two Ways has gone the way of the phrase, the Tommy Two Ways, which I know you were taught by Barbara Windsor.

37:49Thank you. But it has gone the way of Jimmy Edwards' hot tub, i.e. No more. No more, thank you. Enough, no more. Enough of your outdated retrograde expressions. And experiences.

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38:42Monday, 20th October, 1980. Horrible news. My friend, Lady Isabel Barnett, has committed suicide. On Friday, she was convicted of shoplifting at Leicester Crown Court, fined£75 for stealing a tin of tuna and a pot of cream, valued at 87p. It seems she could not face the humiliation. I liked her so much. She was so nice to me. I cannot express my sadness properly. She was 62. yeah we've spoken about her we have well she still is a very special person to me in my head in my life a really lovely lady what a what a heartache yeah terrible yeah i think people now would be more understanding of this kind of behavior this shoplifting that came with her depression anxiety in that time of her life um i don't know well you say that i don't know I mean, also maybe...

39:45Well, no, I'm just thinking about other people who have... You know, I'm thinking about Caroline Flack, for example, who didn't shoplift, but she was obviously not well and depressed, and that led her to behave in ways that possibly she shouldn't have. And she then was sanctioned by the police, wasn't she? And then she took her own life. So I don't know. I think people can be very... People sometimes don't realise when people act because they're not well, you know. and it's not clear, and then they end up in court. And I don't think people can always be very understanding. And I don't know. Then one never talked about the menopause.

40:23She was a woman in her 50s when all this behaviour was beginning. You know, people did not then talk about these sorts of conditions that might affect people. And because she was rather a grand person, she didn't talk about it, though she was a doctor. She had been a GP. But mental health is still not understanding. Stood very well, is it? Tuesday the 28th of October, 1980. My life with the stars. They're all very different. They have in common self-obsession. But it manifests itself in different ways. Who have I seen today? Number one, Richard Bryars, actor. Normal, nice, self-deprecating, but always aware of his own worth.

41:07Mmm, I bet he was nice. He was lovely. Two, Rita Hunter, opera singer. Have you heard of her? No. She was huge in every sense. She was a celebrated Wagnerian soprano, especially noted for her Brunhilde for English National Opera. Wow. Rita Hunter, opera singer. Huge. A vast woman. She needs two seats on the aeroplane. To get into her dressing room at the Coliseum, she had to turn sideways. Obsessed with her... You shouldn't be laughing, Harriet. You'll be the one who gets cancelled with what I do. That is funny. Sorry. Obsessed with her health, but she doesn't see her amazing bulk as a problem at all.

41:46No, she needs it if you're going to be Brunhilde. The truth is, I'm told by people who understand singing, you don't need it. No. But it became the norm of these great singers that they did allow themselves to become very large. She was delightful. Three, Henry Cooper, boxer. I went out to see him in Hendon, taking cash. I found him a little frightening, not menacing. He was perfectly friendly, but his world is not my world. He has a cabinet in his hallway stacked with his trophies. Four, Jonquil Antony. She doesn't really count. She's not a star. She's the creator of Mrs. Dale's Diary. She wrote the first script in 1948, the year that I was born.

42:28She went on writing it until 1963. For a generation, Mrs. Dale's Diary was an essential part of the British way of life. and now Jonquil Antony lives alone in a council flat off Russell Square. She's lonely and forgotten. She told me she hopes she's dying. Her sight is gone and she can no longer read. Have you even heard her name? No, maybe I wouldn't have done. No, I've heard of Mrs Dale's diary. Yeah, she wrote more than 4 ,000 scripts for the BBC and she then did some novelisations of Mrs Dale's diary and she died only a few weeks after I had this meeting with her on the 6th of December. Anyway, my fifth meeting of the day, Ken Dodd.

43:15Tonight we went to see him at the London Palladium. The man is simply a genius. Yes, he went on and on and on, but we kept laughing. We didn't want it to stop. I haven't spoken to the wife's mother for 18 months. I didn't like to interrupt her. How tickled we were. Gosh, he was a funny man. Tuesday 9th December 1980. John Lennon has been shot dead in New York. He was coming home to his apartment in the Dakota building late last night when a young man simply walked up to him and shot him five times at point-blank range. He must have died instantly. The world is reeling. I'm reeling too, but for a slightly different reason.

44:00I've had a curious afternoon. had lunch with Frankie Howard. At one o 'clock, I went to find him in his house in Edwards Square. It's a cold house, sparsely furnished, antiseptic. I always feel his boyfriend is lurking, hidden in a back room when I'm there. As I arrive, I hear a distant door being quietly closed. We went round the corner to eat, to Algalodoro in Kensington High Street, Frank's local. He was at his most morose. Self-pity is Frank's long suit. He had some wine, but not a lot. It didn't cheer him. He feels his career is going nowhere. I imagine he's felt that since it started. When we'd eaten, I said, we must work.

44:44We can't go home, he said, terrified that I was about to suggest it. We'll go to my agent's office. We'll work there. We took a taxi to Mayfair. The taxi driver was excited to have Frankie Howard as a passenger. I suppose you want me to say, titter ye not? Well, I won't. At the office, I followed Frank up the wide wooden staircase as he called down to the receptionist, This young man and I have a great deal of work to do. We do not wish to be disturbed. Is that understood, madam? On the first floor, Frank showed me into a spacious panelled room that appeared to be more of a drawing room than an office.

45:19He gestured towards a leather sofa in the middle of the room. As I went towards it, I heard him locking the door. I turned. He was putting the key into his pocket. We don't want intruders. I sat on the sofa and opened my briefcase. I pulled out the manuscript we were supposed to be working on. Never mind that, he said, lolloping slowly towards the sofa. I need to take the weight off my feet. He began to ease himself onto the sofa next to me, but halfway down, suddenly his face contorted. He clutched his thigh and began to yelp with pain. No, no, he whimpered. What is it? It's my groin. No, oh, no, oh, he grimaced.

46:01Clutching himself, he struggled to his feet and limped back across the room to a large partner's desk by the window. He opened a drawer and produced a jar of ointment. This is what we need, he muttered. He then staggered back towards me, thrust the jar of ointment into my hands, undid his belt, pushed down his trousers, lowered his underpants and collapsed in a heap at my side. He closed his eyes and murmured, you know what to do. I don't, I blanched. You do? I don't. Apply the ointment, he barked. Rub it in. Where? He thrust his exposed crotch towards me and hissed, there. Where? I gulped, not believing what was happening.

46:44There, he repeated. Haven't you seen one before? It's perfectly harmless. treat it like a muscle. I did not know what to say or do. I couldn't make my excuses and leave because the door was locked and the key was in Frank's trouser pocket and his trousers were around his ankles on the floor. I got up and walked to the window and stood there staring out. Gradually I heard Frank getting to his feet and pulling up his trousers. Muttering he returned to the desk and put the ointment away. I'm just going to wash, he said. He unlocked the door and left me. I stood, gazing out of the window until he returned.

47:25He came back, bright and breezy, as if nothing had happened. Now, let's get down to it, young man. There's work to be done. No more dawdling. We did the work and shared a taxi back to Kensington. I dropped him off at the corner of Edward Square. As he got out of the cab, I hugged him. Odd as this may seem, I felt somehow that I'd let him down. You won't tell Dennis, will you? He pleaded, looking at me pathetically. Promise? Promise, I said. Well, Giles, I mean, were you wearing a particularly fragrant aftershave that week? Because there's a second man who's thrust himself upon you. Well, I... Or were you just devastatingly handsome at this point?

48:09I was just young, Harriet. Young, young. Were you 30? Well, by the standards of these people who were in their 60s, I was young. And maybe also I sent out the wrong signal. I don't know. Though, in fact, I've heard from other people who were approached by Frankie Howard that he seemed to approach people who already married. I mean, I've shown this by everybody from, I don't know, Max Bygraves through to Griffith Jones. Oh, right. And somebody once said to me, oh, maybe he was looking for rejection. Yeah, well, what you say about his self-pity makes me think maybe he was. Oh, is that what happens?

48:47Well, no, just that he was possibly of a slightly melancholic turn of mind. And so the rejection is sort of, yeah, weirdly he's seeking the confirmation that he's not a good person, that nobody loves him, that he's not attractive. So from my point of view, the sad past of this story is that over the years, and some of these do feature in the diaries, I have been approached in this sort of way by quite a number of older entertainers, older actors. I've also known many very brilliant and beautiful actresses. I've not ever once been approached in this way by any of them. No, because women have got more class.

49:28Thank you. I mean, we all know that, don't we, listeners? Women don't go around doing this sort of thing. They certainly didn't to me. They don't to anyone. Oh, well. No, women, yeah. Moving on. Women have got style. You don't need to do this sort of thing. Good, I'm pleased to hear it. Yeah. You're not pulling your pants down asking people to rub ointment into you, are you? Into your private parts. For goodness sake. I agree. Come on. Actually, it's... The fair of sex, I mean... It's absurd. If you start to think about it, it's totally absurd too, isn't it? What a funny thing to want to do. Well, maybe not.

50:00Not if you want someone to touch your... Your privates. Your ambassador. Your member of parliament. I'm just making terms up. How's your father? Yeah, how's your father? Your chap, your gentleman. What do you call it? I can't think. Your Dick Whittington. Your Dick Whittington. Turn again London. Oh, yes. Anyway, enough of this nonsense. Moving on. Happily moving on because it's now Christmas. Let's raise the tone. Oh, yes. So this is probably the last entry, Giles. This is Christmas Day, 1980. Hopefully you don't get propositioned by any naked men on this day. It's Christmas, after all. Naked Santa.

50:41Yeah, although I wouldn't put it past some vicars. You know, they could. Really? Well, you know what they're like. Or some Santa clauses. Yes. Yeah, come down the chimney stark and ask you to rub some ointment into it. Well, we're amused. There has to be a trigger warning before this episode goes out. Thursday, the 25th of December, 1980. The parents are in California Jen and family were in North London North London is a foreign country to me Guardian readers live there Gin, that's why I say Ginny and co were in St Albans So we had a motley crew here today for Christmas lunch Hester and Polly Peggy Lynch, an old family friend She was at school with my mother And Patrick Fife Patrick Fife was part of Injun Braggit Peggy and Patrick got on famously.

51:32Peggy is a main lady of 66. She's severely hard of hearing. Her speech is distorted, but her heart is true. We had her because she and her mother have come to us ever since I can remember. Mrs Lynch, Peggy's mother, had a little wispy beard. Why did her daughter never do anything about it? Pa used to tease her terribly, shocking her when he carved the turkey by offering her breast, rolling the word around in his mouth, breast, when what she distinctly asked for was white meat. Peggy hadn't heard of hinge and bracket, and when Patrick tried to explain to her that what he did for a living was dress up as a 66-year-old maiden lady who looked a little bit like her, she was completely bemused.

52:16I don't hear very well, dear, she said. They've gone now. Patrick Rick did stay, and stay. He does. The first night of Hinge and Bracket at the Globe Theatre, when we went to Langans, he kept us there until gone three in the morning. I'm tired. Being a father is very exhausting, especially at Christmas. I was up at five, remember, creeping about the house, putting pillowcases packed with presents by the beds of all the children. It should be a pleasure, and it is. But it's also rather nerve-wracking. You don't want them to wake up and catch you at it. Anyway, it's all done now, and I think the children had a happy time.

53:00I always prefer Boxing Day. Mmm. Oh, happy Christmas. Merry Christmas. Do you prefer Boxing Day? No, I absolutely love Christmas Day. Oh, do you? Love it, yeah. Oh, well done. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yes. I love Christmas Eve. I think that's the best day of the year, Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve. Yeah. What do you do on Christmas Eve? Usually go to the cinema. Oh. But, you know, play games, go on a walk, wrap presents, love wrapping the presents. Do you go to the midnight service or do you go on? Yeah. Yeah, that's nice too, isn't it? Yeah. Good. Well, we haven't got to Christmas yet. We've got lots more diaries before Christmas.

53:39Yeah. Lots more rosebud before Christmas. Mm. We have got lined up, if I may say so, some very special Christmas guests. so I think the rosebud stocking is going to be full of some mighty surprises this Yuletide until next time this is me Giles and my producer and friend Harriet saying goodbye thank you for listening and cue the music oh I was just going to say apologies for any offence caused by the outdated sexual references in this episode But it is a genuine bona fide diary from the 80s when basically anything went. This is actually a family programme. Thank you very much for your company.

54:26Until next time, cue the music.

54:52Thank you.

55:20Transcription by CastingWords