Elyse Myers: Writer, Comedian, and Creator

24:22Elyse Myers:Then I was making content about just being awake early with a kid. Then I started like telling stories about my life slowly or about my ADHD, but it wasn't on purpose. It wasn't like I was Like I'm going to be a content creator. I just needed an outlet. It just evolved over time. I started doing the little like emojis on the screen and animating them. And then I just started going real hard on it because I was like, this is kind of fun because I'd never seen anything like that on the internet at that point. Then it kind of started to pick up. I think once I passed the threshold of like 50 ,000 followers, I was like, Oh, this is a thing.

24:59Elyse Myers:It was a very steady, sizable growth. Like every day it felt like. and I was like, okay, trajectory wise, this is a business. Because I had done this before with my business, I was like, I need to start either making room in my life for this or choosing. And then I hit the taco story. Which is how I found you. What's the worst first date I've ever been on? I'm so glad you asked. I'm gonna tell you right now. Before and then my smoke show of a husband, I was on dating apps, as you do. This man messages me out of the blue and he goes, I like your face, let's go get some food. I love food. Are you my soulmate?

25:35Elyse Myers:He says, meet me at my house. I will drive us to the restaurant together. Why did we not just meet there? I have no idea. I drive 45 minutes to his house. He's standing outside of it. He walks up to my car and he goes, I've lost my keys. Can you drive us there? Should I have just left him right there and gone home? Yes. Did I? Absolutely not. He gets in, starts giving me turn by turn directions. We end up at a Taco Bell, which is fine. I'm like, dine in or drive through? And he's like, drive through. And I'm like, great. He has a plan. We get to the speaker and he just leans over and goes, I would like 100 hard shell tacos.

26:08Elyse Myers:Thank you. I mean, Taco Bell. I understand why that completely changed the game for you. What was it like in the aftermath of that when it's like this has unlocked another several levels all at once in a really intense way? Well, first of all, I posted it. I came upstairs and I was like, no one is going to watch that. Like that was really bad. So your radar is off. Yeah, I am not a good judge. Don't ask me to self-evaluate in that way. It's because it was the longest one I had done at that point. I had never had to shorten a story to make it three minutes because at that time the three minutes was the max.

26:49Elyse Myers:Also, I didn't realize how crazy the story was because it was my real life. It seems like as a woman dating on the internet, really not the craziest thing that could happen. So in my mind, I wasn't thinking like people are going to love it. So anyways, that day before I'd gone to bed, I already had a wiki page made of me and news stations in Paris were reporting on it and sending it to me on Instagram. I signed my manager for like four weeks after that. I was getting coached by Leslie Jones on how to run a business. So Leslie Jones was like on the phone with me. She's like, you didn't get here on accident.

27:21Elyse Myers:She just kept saying like, you're going to know when it's right and when it's wrong. And that mentorship and the belief in me from her was all I needed. If Leslie Jones thinks I can do this, then I'm going to do it. So I want to go back and read something that I pulled from your LinkedIn. Your web design bio says, and I quote, I have a special way of explaining technical details in a non-technical way. And I've found that to be incredibly helpful when working with clients as a freelancer. I don't need my clients to be designers or know how to speak, quote unquote, code to me. I think this is so interesting because I feel like that skill set has a direct translation and correlation to what you do on TikTok.

28:06Although about obviously different topics, you're not talking about design or understanding design, but whether it's anxiety or OCD or body image, it's like the skill of translation from like something that's harder to conceptualize into everyday and relatable language is something that you are so good at. And I'm wondering if you've recognized or if you think about it, or if I'm even getting it right, that the storytelling that you do has its roots in your translation skills.

28:36Elyse Myers:Yeah, I think to be honest, so many of the skills I had from my past job directly affect this one. But I think the idea of being like that translator, I have never, ever, ever put that together. But not that I don't feel it. I think really where it stems from is because I was made to feel like I was not smart by people that really got off on looking smart. it changed me fundamentally as a person. And I was like, I don't ever want to be like you in my entire life. I would rather look like the stupidest person in the room than ever make someone feel bad about themselves because they don't know the information I know.

29:15Elyse Myers:When it is so easy to know this information, they just have to know how to access it. That's it. It's like, you are not better because you can remember more things. That's not how that works, especially if you're a shitty person about it. And so like I think that my desire to always use language that brings people in, it's widening the circle, plenty of room at the table. If you don't understand something I'm explaining, I will find a way to make you understand in language that you understand and you use. And I just want to say that that is unusual. Most people think of communication as like I'm telling you something if you don't understand or something wrong with you.

29:53the way I've always looked at it too, is if I'm telling you something and you don't understand, that's on me. I need to find a new way to explain this to you. And I am happy to go down 47 different rabbit holes to get to the place where you understand what I'm saying. And I enjoy the challenge of that, frankly, but it is unusual.

30:12Elyse Myers:Well, I think it's also being somebody that is a safe person to ask questions to. If you're not, then it also is that other person's job, if they don't understand, to be like, help me understand and show where the holes are. And I think that like the more you can be that safe person for another person or use language that is easier to understand and simplified or like just not be a scary person. A lot more happens in conversations that way. And yeah, I think I've always just tried to do that just out of that simple place of not ever wanting to make a person feel bad because they don't understand something.

30:44So the translation goes back to the trauma of school, not just work. OK, I got you.

30:49Elyse Myers:Yeah, I think so. Now that I'm thinking about it, I mean, I've never really consciously put that together. But yeah, I would say that. All right. It all goes back to trauma as in childhood. I get it. Good and bad. It makes sense. But like it helps us develop superpowers in such great ways. Oh, yeah. So as you were blowing up, as things were starting to take off and then at like really a rapid pace, I read that you typically turn down like 99 percent of the brand partnerships that come to you, which I think is admirable and also ultimately smart because it's the long game. And then also authenticity is all you really have at the end of the day in this world.

31:29And so I'm wondering if you can talk a little bit about your personal guardrails that you have to help you decide what you're going to say yes to and what are some of the partnerships that you're really proud of?

31:42Elyse Myers:Yeah, I think in the beginning, I limited how many I was doing simply because I had worked for myself for so long and I was completely in charge of everything I did. And if I didn't like a client, I really don't care how much money you're giving me because I know how much time we're gonna be spending together and how many conversations we're about to have. And I wouldn't like to have that many conversations with you. So I don't wanna take your money and then have those conversations. And so I think at the beginning, I was like so deeply steeped in that mindset. Thank God for that entrepreneurial background.

32:20Elyse Myers:Yes, totally. And so I knew what I wanted to make. I knew what I didn't want to make. And so it kind of just naturally weeded so many deals out to the point where I signed my manager. She's very good at her job. She was throwing everything at me and I would just keep saying no. And she's like, okay, why did you sign me? Do you want to do any of this? And I was like, no, it'll be right when it's right. So right away, I was like, picky. And then Taco Bell was the first one. I've had the best time. And then I did Dunkin' the next one and Julio at the same time at Christmas or the next month. And I realized I can say no to people because there are people that I can say yes to that believe in my creative brain and trust me.

33:00Elyse Myers:And that's only gotten stronger over time as I've proven myself to take a concept that maybe on paper, it makes absolutely no sense to the campaign you sent me, but the campaign you sent me was really bad. So I'm going to give you some free consulting advice right now. I would throw that campaign away. But if you want to do it, amazing. I don't want to be a part of it, but here's my idea. When I do post something in a brand, I believe in this so much. And also, I'm really proud of it. I would post it no matter what. Also, it's great for the brand because I talk about it more. Also, not to make it about money, but it is about money.

33:32Elyse Myers:That's my job. When you don't take as many, you can charge more. You're being selective. So the brand feels lucky that they get to be featured on your page as well. Like, yeah, it just kind of felt like everything I had done came to this. Also like the design, knowing UX UI for mobile, knowing a viewpoint of a screen and where your eyes go and where the prime real estate is and all of that. It's just so many little things like that worked really well and yeah, it was great. Who would have guessed that it would set you up to be a great content creator, but like, wow, that really worked well. Like you couldn't have planned it that well.

34:10Elyse Myers:I really couldn't. And if I would have tried, I wouldn't have been able to do it. The way it started was just so natural. You'd be able to tell if someone was trying to make that happen. I want people to try and make that happen. It's amazing. I just was not the kind of person that could have performed the way I did knowing a million people were going to be watching. I would have quit. I would have run away. I literally cannot conceptualize the amount of people that follow me to the point where like, I just don't look. I can't look. It doesn't make sense. Over the last four years, you've grown a following to 12 million people across platforms.

34:42You have launched a podcast called Funny Because It's True. And now you have your first book coming out called That's a Great Question. I'd Love to Tell You. The promo for the book is hysterical, by the way. Talk to me about the through line in all of your work and why you like exploring new in different formats and how that fulfills something for you. Because oftentimes with people who have a point of view and who create content, there is this, oh, let's diversify 360. You're going to do this and you're going to do this. But not everyone lends themselves well to other mediums. You work well in other formats.

35:19So why do you think that is? And what do you like about having different modalities for expression?

35:25Elyse Myers:Well, I just think it's a direct reflection of what I'm into at the moment. There's no strategy here. For better or for worse, I make what I am obsessed with at the moment. And like, if I'm in a really big singing kick or like I'm stimming a lot to like harmonies, the only natural response is to have a creative output with it. So my whole job in life is just inputting for fun and myself and my brain and my well-being and then outputting for my creativity and flexing the creative muscles. And then doing that until that thing is tired. And then I'm like, I can feel the next thing that I'm excited about, which might be like writing fiction.

36:05Elyse Myers:And then I read a bunch of fiction because I'm obsessed. And then I'm like, well, how hard could it be? I'll write a book. So then I like write a fictional book that's just chilling on my laptop now. Now, then I go on Pinterest and I'm scrolling beautiful paintings. I'm like, oh, I should probably start painting. I love this. Really, what you're seeing is just me being a little bit obsessive about hobbies. And it's now working out because I can make content about it and it becomes my job. I wish I had like a better answer in terms of like, yeah, I'm planning all this. This is just kind of a natural byproduct of me obsessing over stuff.

36:36I also want to ask about money.

36:38Elyse Myers:Yeah. Because I think that's something that's important for women in particular to talk about the financial piece of all of this. And I'm wondering how you have navigated the financial aspect of it, knowing, for example, like, OK, the web design company was doing really well. How do I step away financially from that to focus on this next piece of it? And do you have any regrets or real wins from looking like, oh, I did this part of my career financially really well? Well, to be honest, I told Jonas, I'm not going to step away from this until I'm at a place where I could make more money doing that than I could this.

37:16Elyse Myers:I just genuinely loved web development. There's nothing in me that was like, oh, I hate this. I'm looking for a career change. The career change just like punched me square in the face. It chose you. It did. And like I could have said no to it. It's not like someone would like forced me to do this. But I held on probably too long, to be honest with you, because I was afraid. I had built this up and I knew that if I failed, I'd be failing privately, first of all, with my development. But then I wasn't going to because I was very confident in my skills. I was going into a job that I didn't feel like I was like prepared for.

37:51Elyse Myers:So I held on to it out of fear that I was like, well, what if it all goes away? I'm not going to just the second I have one video blow up, be like, I'm going to Hollywood, guys. This is it. Like I'm a millionaire. That didn't make any sense. And so I was like, until it's just so obvious that this is the right transition for myself, for my family and my children's children's children's children. And so I waited and waited and waited too long. And finally, I got to the point where I was like not able to transition my clients out well because I was in New York filming an ad for Audible and I'm like trying to find this guy's password.

38:26Elyse Myers:and I was like, this was irresponsible of me. Out of fear, I held onto something when I could have had the time to like transition that better. That is like my biggest regret. That seems fair. Talk to me about the book. How long did it take to write? What was your favorite part about it? What should our audience expect from it? I've had the good pleasure of getting to look at it early, which is very thrilling and it's phenomenal. But like, I don't want to explain your book. So you explain your book. Do you have a color version or a black and white version? Black and white. The color is so pretty.

38:55Elyse Myers:I can't wait for you to see it. Oh my gosh. Even the process of selling this book, all of the things I had learned up until that point came in handy because I knew exactly what I wanted out of this book. I knew I wanted it to be for color. I wanted there to be illustrations. I wanted to read my own audio book. I wanted it to be in my handwriting. All these things, not many first time authors ever get to be in a position where they can negotiate a deal like that. Yeah. Right off the gate. So I fully am aware I was in a very privileged position, but I was like, that's okay. If you don't want to give it to me, I'll just self-publish.

39:25Elyse Myers:it's all good. I was like, this is fine. Like, it's all good. I'll just put it up on Instagram. I don't know. Negotiating from a place of power. Yes. And then I got to like link arms with people that believed in me. And I was like, you can trust me that I really am going to do this well. And like, I want to trust you that you're going to do it well too. And so we're doing it well together now to write the actual manuscript. It took me like five months, but then it took like a year and a half to edit and copyright and then do the illustrations and place everything and then redo it. And I mean, the first book you ever write, I think you write like 20 times.

40:00Yeah.

40:00Elyse Myers:And then the second book, it's like, you'll probably write it in like seven, maybe four, if you're lucky. And so I just felt like I learned so much trial by fire. And I loved the process. I am obsessed with every single story in here. I'm so proud of it. I know I'm partial because I wrote it, but like, it's really one of the coolest books I've ever owned in my life. And I love books so much. So to be able to contribute to the world of books with my creativity means so much to me. I'm so grateful I get to do this. And I'm just, I'm so excited for people to read it. I'm also scared, but I'm really excited.

40:34Elyse Myers:It's gonna be good. You should be excited. So one of the things that we like to talk about on this podcast is mistakes because we all make them, but we don't always want to talk about them. We collectively give sort of the highlight reel on Instagram. You spoke a little bit about a mistake earlier that you made in winding down the web development business, but I'm wondering if there's anything else that you could speak to about a mistake that you've made in your career and what you've learned from it, because I think it's important for women to hear these stories because ultimately they're about resiliency.

41:06Elyse Myers:Totally. Well, you know how everyone, like not everyone, but most people in business have that one deal that informed every deal for the rest of my career. Yes, I sure do. So I won't go into what it was, but there was a deal that I did looking back. I actually could vomit. At that point, I hadn't had lawyers and I didn't really understand the point of them, which saying that sounds crazy, but like a lot of my business wasn't in things that required a lot of like legal back and forth. It was new. It was a new arena. I put it off too long. And that was also a part of transitioning out of the web development.

41:47Elyse Myers:And so I waited a little too long to get lawyers. And by the time I did, the deal was basically done. It was ready for me to sign and it was kind of too late to really go back and change things. Realistically, now looking back, it wasn't, but I felt like it was. I was made to feel like it was. I wish I would have just gotten legal help earlier because that would have changed a lot in that contract. But I'll tell you what, I will never, ever, ever make that mistake again. You better believe I'm reading every line of every contract myself. And also who is going to tell you that it's bad if it benefits them?

42:25Elyse Myers:I just assumed like everything was going to be fine because someone said it was. And so I think that learning how to be strong, empathetic, and kind, and honest, and consistent, never teaching somebody that they can cross a boundary with you once because they're going to do it again. And just feeling like, you know, the people pleaser in you is like, you're a villain because you said like, no, which was like a totally fine thing to say. All of that was like all in one, a big ball of yikes. And so that was that contract. I know the feeling. Very teachable moment. And you know what? It's great. There are many mistakes that I've made over and over again.

43:02And then there's some that it only took once and that was one of them too. So a lot of the folks who listen to this podcast are in their first lives. They're web developers or doing whatever they are doing. And they start to become interested in doing something else. And they want to make a leap. They want to make a pivot. Maybe it's the same industry. Maybe it's a different industry. It's just something different. But they're nervous about making that leap. As someone who has pivoted brilliantly, what advice would you give someone who's standing there on the precipice thinking like, ooh, I want to do this, but I can't quite get it together.

43:36What would you tell them?

43:38Elyse Myers:I mean, it really depends on what you're transitioning into. Number one, coming from someone that jumped too late, I also think it's very easy to make emotional and fear-based decisions. Or if you're in a state where you want to transition and you are burnt out at your old place, I think it's very easy to think like, I'm just going to throw myself into this and it's going to get good and it's going to be immediately successful. And I think that sometimes you need to really look at like your finances and make sure like if you started doing this and it didn't work out, is everything going to go away?

44:11Elyse Myers:Can you pay your bills? Like I think that having a savings before you just like jump ship is really important. People don't always talk about that. And I think sometimes it's linked to privilege where like they had some sort of cushion. Yeah. That's why I waited so long was because it was like I wasn't in the place where I was when I could just drop everything and go to Paris because I saw a flyer. That changes as I got older. And so that was another thing of like, I have a kid now. I just didn't want to be irresponsible. So I personally think there's a way to make changes that are financially responsible and are responsible for you to not like be making too big of changes too quickly and then feeling out of your depth and not being able to go back if it doesn't work.

44:50Elyse Myers:And so I think that number one, but then number too. Life is like so short, which sounds so cliche. I hate that so much, but like, I'm so grateful when I look back that I did ultimately change and do this job because man, it's been so incredible. And I've learned so much about myself and I've gotten to do so many cool things. Granted, I loved my job before I wasn't looking to leave, but I'm so grateful. I took the opportunity to do this for myself. And I'll never forget Jonas and I were sitting in our kitchen and he quit his job to be a stay at home dad. And I left maternity leave to work. I was like, I don't want to stay home.

45:27Elyse Myers:I thought I was going to stay home. He wanted to work. And then he's like, I don't want to work. I want to be a stay at home parent. So he was sitting with me in the kitchen and I was like talking about transitioning into the content creation. And he's like, whatever you want to do, like, I've got you, I've got us, we're going to be good. And he's like, the next 10 years are the years of a lease. This was before, like, I really knew what was going to be going on in this job. And he's like, I'm betting on you because like, you just don't lose. Cause you know that like, you can always figure something else out and you've done it before.

45:56Elyse Myers:You can do it again. It was so powerful to feel that everything was going to be okay. Cause I was going to make it okay. And taking that chance on myself and it working out has been so good for my own self-confidence and knowing like I made that leap once literally now anything could happen. And it's like, okay, it's going to be fine. I will say on the other side of the transition of choosing one job to another or into your second life, the power that that gives you when it works is probably for my life the strongest motivator for belief in myself than anything else I've ever done is that shift.

46:31Elyse Myers:Even more than learning web development, that shift to the second life was I really can just figure it out. It makes you really proud of yourself. It's very motivating. The last question is my favorite question, which is, if you could get into a time machine and go back in time and speak with your younger self and give younger Elise some advice, what would you say? I was going to say start doing the process of like maybe not web development, but learning how to like self-teach a lot earlier, because I would have really liked to have been at that place earlier in my life. I think that I was easily manipulated in some aspects of my younger life because I felt worthless and I felt not smart, which got me in situations that I wish I wouldn't have been in.

47:21Elyse Myers:And I think that I would like just try and teach myself that I can teach myself. Even if I would have picked a different school and I could have done more of like in the online learning, just in another realm of like learning, I don't know. But then I wouldn't have gotten all the experiences I had and it wouldn't have been so impactful when it was. I don't know if I would undo that, but I would have loved to have that skill a little earlier, the knowledge of that skill earlier. And then just get a lawyer earlier. Just get a lawyer. Honestly, fair. Elise, thank you so much. This has been such a pleasure.

47:55Congratulations on all of the success, the book.

47:58Elyse Myers:Thank you. Podcast, life, all of it. Thank you for being such a phenomenal guest. I've been looking forward to this for quite some time. You are everything that I could have ever hoped for. So thank you. I'm so glad. Yes. Thank you for having me. This is so fun.

48:20That was comedian and content creator, Elise Myers. For more inspiring interviews with women like Elise, head on over to secondlifepod.com where we have so many more for you to peruse. If you like today's show, please subscribe on Apple podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review us. We love seeing you spread the word on social. And now you can tag us in your posts. We are at second life pod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. We always want to know who you're interested in hearing from on the show. So send in your requests to hello at second life pod.com, or you can DM us on Instagram.

48:59I'm at Hillary Kerr. The show is at Second Life Pod. Our DMs are always open. I'm Hilary Kerr, and you've been listening to Second Life. This episode was produced by Hilary Kerr, Summer Hammeris, and Natalie Thurman. Our production assistant is Raven Yamamoto. Our audio engineers are at Treehouse Recording in Los Angeles, California. And our music is by Jonathan Leahy.

49:31you