Who Are You When No One’s Watching? with Doormen Daryl and Joe

0:00You've seen affairs happen, correct? Yes. I don't know for sure. 15 years, Joe? Yeah, I can't confirm or deny that. Oh, okay. He's fleeting the film. Smart Girl. Dumb Questions. I'm Naye Maraza. This is Smart Girl Dumb Questions. And with me are Daryl and Joe. And in a bit of a world reversal, I have let you guys into the building today. I expect a tip on the way out. I was kidding. There are over 27 ,000 doormen in the city. There's this question I have of like, what are we like when nobody's watching? But you guys are always watching. Yes. That's the job. That's the job. And so I think of you guys as like masters of observation.

0:38That's what I got my degree in too. Masters of observation. I mean, you guys see everything. You see who's coming in unhappy, who's the chatty person, who's ordering Domino's at 3 a.m. You keep it all discreet. Yeah. For the high clientele, they're very private. Okay. I don't think they'll get us fired for Domino's, but you know what I mean. Yeah, nothing specific. But we're going to talk in general terms today. What is the weirdest thing you have seen? A cat sitter. And she came down and she said, I think there's a homeless person that's on the floor in the hallway. Now, that hallway is only three apartments.

1:14And one of them is a main a**, you know, from New York. I'm not going to say who he is. But so I was like, that floor is usually secluded. There's not many people that are there. And I'm the first line of defense. And then you can't just go upstairs. You have to swipe a fob. a key card to get onto the floor. So I was very curious. I told my doorman, listen, watch the desk. I have to go upstairs real fast. So I ran upstairs. Look, behold, it's one of my residents. I never told anybody this. One of my residents, half naked, on the floor that I had to pick up. He was dead drunk. I don't even know if he's going to remember, but he was dead drunk.

1:49And I had to literally pick him up and put him in his apartment. And I just sat him there. We never spoke on it after that. He never said anything. I didn't say anything. And I just kept it to myself. I love that the cat sitter was like the source of the story. Well, this just kind of happened recently, but a cat locked himself in the apartment, oddly enough, because the resident had where the cat plays next to the door lock. And then the cat was just sort of messing with it. So the cat sitter came down to me and asked me to help out because it was kind of just there clawing. He had his hand out the door like, please let me out.

2:23Please. I locked myself in. I love that cat sitters are really like the whistleblowers of New York City buildings. They're the MVPs. So did you save the cat? Yeah, the cat is fine. The cat is fine. No cats were harmed. But you know cats, I also learned this recently, cats can reach up and they can reach a doorknob. Yeah. I used to have a roommate who had a cat. I was so scared of the cat that at night, I actually have never said this, I would put a chair up against the door. Because I was afraid that the cat was just going to like open the door and watch me sleep. What did you think it was going to do?

2:52I don't know, but I just knew that that cat could open doors. And I thought that was really creepy. Like, I don't know what that cat's going to do. There's a lot going on, like under their hood. Yes. Oh, I thought you meant for me psychologically. Cats. Also, both of them. Yeah, they seem like they're sneaky. I'm sorry. I don't trust a cat. But I do trust a doorman. So you two do not know each other. No. No. No. And one of the things I found when I was casting for this episode is that actually a lot of doormen do not have other doorman friends outside of their own building. It's a sort of a solitary job, really.

3:23I mean, if you're not part of a team, if you're just, you know, all the trust is being placed in you and you kind of got to be there isolated with your thoughts sometimes. But there are a lot of interactions with people, you know, by the minute. So you do sort of get that. For the most part, it's usually sort of a introspective sort of, you know, just sitting there kind of. I'm not even interested to be friends with other doormen, to be honest with you. I don't know. If I wasn't friends with you before this job, most likely I'm not going to be friends with you after. Even if it's a cat sitter?

3:55Even if it's a cat sitter. It depends. There's some really good people. Like, obviously, I became really close friends with certain residents. But other doormen, I don't know. I just don't. It's work in your social life. You don't do that. Yeah, I have enough. I got 40-plus guys. I've trained over, what, 150 doormen in my building. And we have a huge staff. I don't need any more when I go home. I stay isolated. I stay to myself, my close friends, whoever, that's it. Well, I'm really sad that apparently Joe and Daryl, you're not going to become friends after this. Because you didn't know him before.

4:27I think you guys know. Sorry, Joe. It's understandable. We can become friends maybe if I move in. But I do want to just get acquainted a little bit and talk about what brought each of you into this career. And I mean, I will say, you know, you both come recommended to me by friends who have lived in your buildings, who thought you two were just awesome and consider you friends as well. So Joe, tell us, like, the part of Manhattan you work in, how long you've been doing this job? At least 15 years. I've worked at different buildings over the course of my career. I didn't really choose this career per se.

5:01It's kind of just a job. But I do love what I do. And I do love the reception that I get from residents and from former residents who walk by my building and wave in. Like, it's so odd that that happens. I work in currently West Chelsea in the West Chelsea area. I've worked in assisted living facilities for older senior citizens as well in East Harlem. And as well as a drug rehabilitation place where people live and then they get counseling as well on the Upper West Side. So, yeah, I've just done that job in different locations. And you get to see so many people and interact with so many people.

5:38And the thing that fascinated me about Joe, your story, was our friend Jason who introduced us. Oh, yes, Jason, of course. Jason was a former resident in one of your buildings. And he told me that you guys really bonded because he's like a prolific cartoonist. Very talented guy. Does stuff for The New Yorker, et cetera. Jason Chatfield. But he said that you also have a very, you guys bonded over your mutual love of Spider-Man. Yeah. Was it Spider-Man? We both like superheroes. Yeah. I mean, it's just, Jason's a really cool guy. I was so honored to have met him. And I saw him at Comic-Con one time.

6:11but you don't realize how many people you're impacting on a day-to-day basis and whether whether they live in the building or whether when they leave the building you know that impact could still be felt so do you feel like there's something like superhero ish about the job i feel like there is something there is like you're kind of carrying people into buildings and rescuing cats like this is this is basically gotham being a like a role model for like professionalism for like kids and stuff even for like there's some people who are secure uh doormen or concierge that live in the building I work at.

6:40And they've told me like, your professionalism has helped me in my job, which is like, it's like, wait, really? Oh, thank you. You know, such a nice thing to hear. But yeah, you got to like be upstanding and you got to be a good role model, sort of, you know, so to speak. You're protecting people. And I love that idea of like being a good role model for kids. What got you, Daryl, talk about your journey. I can tell you straight out of high school, you know, I didn't know really what I wanted to do. So I started at UPS where most people do. So I worked at UPS on 43rd and 12th in Manhattan. I'm from the South Bronx, born and raised, but I lived in Harlem for now 14 years.

7:14So I love Manhattan. So I started at UPS. And then from there, I went to construction, local 79. It was a Mason tender. And then from that, I went into security and I became the head supervisor for Thompson Reuters lobby with Root and Management. I was there for five years. Now I was going to go to Maryland, become a cop, but this project was opening up where I'm where I'm at now in the West Village so I said okay I interviewed you for it I got it I went to the building it was still fully under construction and they made me director of security for the building so while the contract was there and then once the building closed we did such a good job they said you get the first dibs going in and they made me lead concierge of the building so everybody that's been through those doors I've literally trained you know on how to be a concierge even though I was learning myself because I have a commercial background.

8:03I never dealt with residents, but I know people. Even when I was at the commercial building for Thomson Reuters, when I was leaving literally the last two weeks, somebody took me out to lunch every day of the last two weeks. And a lot of them, I remember around tip time, it's kind of, you don't get tips in commercial buildings. It just really doesn't happen that much. It's rare. But people used to come and give me tips and they used to say, you know what? I don't like my job, but to see your smile in the morning, it makes it worth it. I love that. And that kind of touched me a bit. You can't really feel all of it there, but after a while, you're really changing people's lives and you think you're not.

8:44Somebody's probably having a bad day and then once they see you, it comes full circle. So after that, I've just been there ever since 10 years now going strong and I love what I do. And you said the term concierge. In the building, it's called concierge. Yes. And some buildings it's called doorman. We have both. Or is it both? In my building, I have everything. We have four doors, concierge, doorman. I literally have a doorman that stays by the door. His job is just to open that door. Me, I work behind the desk. Yes. So I manage emails, calls, you know, everybody going in and out, egress, vendors.

9:15Okay. Everybody. All right. They have to come through me first. And in your building, Joe, are you doing emails and a lot of this stuff as well, right? Pretty much a concierge. I sometimes get out from behind the desk and help out with door opening stuff. We do have a situation where I could just press a button and open the door, which residents really love, too. It kind of gives me a magical little element, especially for little kids and toddlers who are not privy to that button. So I kind of, you know, wow them with that mysticism. See, you are a superhero. So I'm going to use the term doorman because it's a colloquial term, but I understand that you guys do a lot of things.

9:49No, no, no. I'm going to say it. You say whatever you want. Say it more heroically. Doorman. Doorman. Doorman. Do you want like a D on the vest? No, no, no, no. My producer came across a quote, and it's from an Upper East Side doorman named Jan, I think. Maybe Jan, but I think Jan. Not on the one. See? Your one other friend. Yes. He described the role as, quote, you're part of the furniture. Our job is to blend in and make our tenants' lives easier, and it takes a certain skill set to accomplish that. I don't know if I agree with this, but I'm curious if you guys agree with this. um to a degree i i do agree you kind of you you kind of have to like you want to make um you want to make the interactions as minimal as possible because you want to respect the time of the residents so like i tend to think that um all residents have to use the restroom as soon as they're coming into the building because i want to i value their time and i want them to know that i value their time so um i just give people the quick hello you know have a good day and yeah You know, go about your day.

10:57I'm blending in the background. And if they need me, I'm here. Yeah. So I'm like accessible furniture. But I'm sure there are people who never want to go to the bathroom and just talk to you for like a long, long time. Yeah. Oh, that does happen. Yes. And then do you ever wish that someone thought maybe you need to go to the bathroom and you need to get out of that conversation? Well, that's how I usually get out of those conversations or something else will pop up. And Daryl, what do you think of that quote from Joe's friend? I'm never furniture. I'm very outspoken. I read my tenants. I study them.

11:27Some like to talk more than others. Some don't want to be bothered. So I know who wants what. And usually I'm ready. If I'm like, oh, this person's going to want to talk about this or this, let me get ready. Because honestly, I love my tenants. But people don't really think about how you feel much. You know, it's not about if you're having a bad day. You have to always put on, you know, that pizzazz for them. You got to be there for them. So I know who's going through something. I know who has a situation that's happening. Somebody that has to rush to work every morning, I always see them. So maybe, you know, I'll say, hey, have a great day.

12:02You know, if I feel they're a little bit always in their phone or they're bothered, you could just tell. And some people, I just don't say anything. Like if I know they're the silent type and, you know, maybe they're running for the marathon or something, they're training and they're just going right in. So I'll just say, okay, I won't say one word. Give me eye contact. I'll definitely say something at least. I actually don't live in a doorman building in New York. I live in a building that has like full-time supers and I press the elevator. You got to come on over. No, but you know why I had to move out of one?

12:27I used to live in a doorman building and I have a problem, which is I am like the person that talks so much. And it's not just one-sided because at one point I had my doorman's wife in my apartment because I was going through different options for them in Obamacare because they were thinking of moving cities and like what kind of health insurance would they get. That's family. And so that is their relationship. Yeah. So I just become like very connected to people. And I found it, I was like spending hours of my life entering and exiting a building. Like I still visit, my gay best friend left his building, but I still, whenever I walk by 22nd street, I'll always pop by his building.

13:06I see the guys. I mean, Mike doesn't like me, but Richie loves me. He was going to come to this because Mike would always get mad when I would go in and use the gym. Cause he's like, you're not technically a resident, but you're basically a wifey. So like you can come in, you know? but uh you you probably have friends like that right like the overly close friends who come in and use the amenities yes i do but we have like face recognition on the gym they cut down so you can't even get in the gym lindsey can't let me in she if she wants to stay with you and do like the day pass she has like four times a month she could do it oh wow it's on lockdown what about you uh no comment no i gotta make friends in some more lax buildings like lindsey's a lot less useful now.

13:47What do you think is like the proper interaction? Can you guys maybe demo role play for me the best interaction, a seamless interaction? I usually work off of the energy that I get. If I see you're all smiles, then when you come in, I'll say, you know, welcome to so-and-so condominium that I work at. If I see they have luggage or something, I'll wing it. Oh, you're coming off a flight. I hope it was good. I could take your luggage for you. Do you have your keys? Do you need to know anything? And you could email me anytime. That doesn't matter. I don't give everybody my phone number. Usually if you're the first ones there, I give my phone number or if I get really close to you, I say, here's my number.

14:27You could text whenever you like, but some people forget, you know, I also give vacations as well. So if I'm in Dubai, I got a call like, hey, you know, I'm like, I'm not there. So that's why I'm kind of weary with who I give my contact info too. I love what Daryl said earlier about like reading people and you said when he said it, but you, do you feel like you do that too? Yeah. You have to, um, read body language, you know, see, uh, the time of the day it is, you know, all these things sort of factor in like people's demeanor. It definitely factors into the, to the whole, you know, ocular pat down that we have to give everybody who comes into the building.

15:03Ocular pat down. I love that. Yeah, that's good. I'm gonna use that. Yeah. That's actually kind of nice. Maybe you guys are going to become friends. I don't know. Who knows? We might exchange numbers. I see a budding friendship on the left side of the screen. But yes. So yeah, that becomes, you know, residents notice that about you. They'll notice your candor and how you are with other people, how you are with like delivery guys and vendors. And that sort of, you know, it reverberates. I can never say that word. Reverberates. Yes. It helps the building to feel more like a close-knit community, even though it's a, you building.

15:40I love that. This ocular pat down and this idea of reverberation that you're talking about. Energy is like that. You kind of pass on a bad mood or you pass forward. So you talked about, Daryl, people aren't really necessarily thinking about what's happening in your life. Yes. You might be on holiday. And that's not everybody. No. Yeah. In general, they're not thinking, well, Daryl's probably busy or he's doing this or that. No, I make myself available for the resident. I want them to feel fully comfortable. This is what they pay for. You know, I go the extra mile. You know, I've been in people's apartments, waking up their children.

16:14They got to get up for school. Somebody forgot this. I'm getting passports out there. You know, whatever. Yeah, to the airport. That always happens. You know, I'm going in there safe. Like they trust me. Yes. You know, so if I could do it, I will. If I don't know how to do it, I could get somebody that can. Yeah. That's what I always want to try to have. Even if I'm on vacation, I'll do my best. If you have you ever like felt like you leave work and it just feels so heavy because I don't know some of your residents are having really tough times like someone's going through a breakup someone's going through a like a hard loss like does it do you carry it out with you out the door at the end of the day um some things cut through for sure uh like you know residents deal with things that we all deal with like losing pets and losing relatives and sometimes they tell you these stories and confidence and you know you depending on who it is and the relationship you have with them I mean I felt stuff after I leave work even though I try my best to leave work at work and, you know, go home and not think about these things.

17:12But some things cut through, unfortunately. I've learned to kind of separate it. At the beginning, yes, I got really involved because I knew this job is what I wanted to do. Like, I can't see myself leaving my job. I'm going to stay there. I'll do some side work, but I'm not going anywhere. Okay. I want to do a quick lightning round of like people coming, coming in and out of the door. Please settle this for the world. Who speaks more, men or women? who's more chatty women women yeah yeah okay um okay night owls versus morning people who's nicer people that go to bed at 5 a.m or people who wake up at 5 a.m people who you can plead the fifth if you need to uh waking up at 5 a.m i want to say yeah yeah okay i can't say with that one it's it's in the middle i said the middle i have so many people i can see you clocking through the stories of some bad 5 a.m come home and i can't yeah um there's this kind of like rule when you go on a date on a first date with someone which i do like 100 times a year i would say and uh the and you know i uh just asked lindsey it's true um so there's this rule that you you know if someone's an asshole to the waiter they're they can't they're an irredeemable person do you think that same thing is true like if someone is you talked about like if someone is not nice to the concierge or the doorman someone at the front desk when they come in is that person not a good i mean it's one instance of them not being good you gotta you kind of gotta not take things personal when it comes to they could treat you in a bad way but it doesn't mean that they're a bad person they could just be having a bad day and we kind of get on the receiving end of it sometimes unfortunately doesn't make them a bad person per se.

19:00They were just bad to me in that one instance. Right, so you've seen that redeemability of someone who's generally nice, but sometimes bad. But if they're consecutively kind of - Yeah, then they start treading on some bad territory. Daryl? I don't know. First impressions of everything. And most of the people, women that are my residents and they're on the first date, and I'm profiling everybody. That's my job. so they'll usually come back downstairs or they'll text me how was this person and if they were kind of mean to me they were I don't know if you could curse on here so yeah you can yeah of course they were a dick or something like that yeah I would say no he was an asshole like I don't trust him he seems weird uh he came off this way to me like I'm I'm in the service industry a lot of people in the service industry we don't get treat you know treated as well as others right and I think that says a lot you know and i'm kind of their right hand i feel yeah so if i feel something off but you're hiding it to them they're like oh he was perfect yeah but with me he had kind of attitude what was the reason for that so i kind of tell them and they're on the defense mode oh my god i gotta move into your building go i do that i do that with almost everybody even if they come over the like if the daughter or something has a guy friend i always like to scare like the guy i don't know if you've seen bad boys too when they came to the door so i always shake his hand real heavy you all right everything good yeah yeah i'm good okay it's like they come through i'm like the baggage check i gotta move into your building i feel like a dating concierge services from darryl get that i'm gonna text you fatherly presence i definitely do yeah i love to scare just to see how they are do you ever scare people joe uh i'm sure i do but um it's usually unintentional it's probably when i'm just silent yeah um and i just have a cold stare i guess but other than that, I'm usually chipper and very friendly.

20:51Have you ever had to lie for people in your building? Of course. And what kind of lies have you had to tell for people in your building? I had one person come and say, oh, this person told me they were meeting me. They're upstairs. They told me I could just come up. And I'm like, hmm, this person doesn't have friends really that much. They're not that friendly. And they told you you could just go upstairs. And they always call me for everything. So I was kind of like, hmm, it brung like a red flag. and I was like, let me check. And then when I found out, they said, no, we don't want this person up here.

21:22It turns out, yeah, it was a total lie. And thank God I did my due diligence and I went back and checked because sometimes, you know, you flag somebody up if they're a familiar face, but this wasn't that situation. It was just somebody randomly coming up and they knew the tenant's name. They knew where they lived. It was a stalker kind of thing? It was maybe, I don't know what this is. I don't dive in. They just told me we don't want them to know. Oh, Daryl, I think you dive in. You're just not diving in on this podcast. You were going to go be a cop in like Baltimore, Maryland or something. With this particular person, I was like, oh, okay.

21:52It was like, yeah, we just don't want them here. And they were really, I don't know what was going on, but they were real like quick with me. So were you like, this person no longer, this person has moved to Minsk? That's from Friends. That's from Friends. Chandler moves to Minsk to get out of there. They actually moved somewhere actually this year. But I had to be the hard guy and say, no, you're not allowed. Have you ever had to lie for somebody? Yeah, a line usually involves something like Daryl said about like, you know, a crazy ex wanting to come in. And, you know, the person tells me, hey, listen, if anybody comes, I'm not here.

22:21Yeah. But I'm here. Wink, wink. And okay, I get it. Yeah, you don't got to explain all that. Yeah. All right, no problem. I'll do it. One of the doormans in my best friend's building, the one I still pass by. Somebody told me a story who used to work in that building. A famous actress who lived in that building and had gone through a divorce. And he just let her up because she was coming up to get something. and they were separated. And he thought that the, you know, the ex-husband was gone, but it was actually inside with another woman. At which point this famous celebrity started like throwing clothes into the lobby.

22:56Have you ever seen something like that? I've been a part of something like that, unfortunately. You've been a part of something like that? No comment. All right, all right. I know you guys have to pretend your residents are generally great, but people have affairs. things happen you've seen affairs happen correct yes yes yeah i don't know for sure i can't i can't confirm okay he's fleeting the fifth all right so i'll tell you a story when i first moved to new york i was dating this guy um and we had gone like and i was traveling a lot time i was filming in la and uh we went on like eight nine ten dates you guys know where this story's ending.

23:36Okay. But here's the wild part. I left something in his apartment and he's like, Oh, you know, I'll leave it with the doorman. The doorman who I'd always had like lovely interactions with and who I will not name looks at me and he says, you know, you're too good for that guy. He outed the resident. No, he shouldn't have said that. He said it to me like that. It turns out that guy was dating a woman for a while before we had met. They're now happily married with a child. And we are still friendly, bizarrely. And I told him this story recently. And I said, I think you were a terrible tipper because this is what happened.

24:08He doesn't live in the building anymore. And I wouldn't tell him which one. But what do you think happened? Could you ever imagine doing that? He had to be a terrible tipper. He had, I don't know. He had no, how could I say, respect for the guy. Like no matter what he's doing, it's not my business to get myself involved and your relationship issues that way. Like I wouldn't have outed him. Yeah. I wouldn't have. Sorry. He might have been interested in you. No, it wasn't like that. It was like an elderly. It was very fatherly. Like I think that I was always nicer to the guys than he had been. Did you tip?

24:44No, I didn't even. But I mean, it wasn't about, but it's not all about tipping. It's not all about tipping. I think it was the fact that like when we came in, I'd always be like, oh, how was your day? And like acknowledge. Yeah, he could tell you a nice person. Yeah, I think it was a little bit of that. Yeah. I still I would have kept my mouth shut. Really? Even after having met me? Even after meeting you, I would keep my mouth shut. If I date some guy in your building, you better tell me. You've been on my podcast now. There are some things that transcend. Who knows? You could be crazy. You could have went upstairs.

25:10You know what? I forgot something upstairs. Okay. I could have clogged his toilets. You could have done anything. Clogged his toilets? Has that happened before? I won't say. But thousands of dollars of damage now because I ran my mouth and said something I shouldn't have. And then now my job is on the line. I still have to feed my kids. Oh, because I could, you're saying. Yeah, it's the repercussions. Whatever you do and they bring up my name, which people do. You think they don't, but they do. They'll bring up your name in a heartbeat. They'll blame you. In a heartbeat. That's why I say I keep a level of professionalism.

25:40He was a people reader. He thought it was great. Joe, you would never do that either? Yeah, he violated the code. It's like a code you kind of got to have to take. What's the code? What are the tenets of the code? Just be respectful of people's privacy. It's like the first rule of Fight Club is there is no Fight Club. Something like that. Oh, I've met him as well. Yeah. So you just don't say. You don't say. You don't say. So you would never have outed. It depends. If he was leaving, maybe he was moving. No, he wasn't moving. He lived in that building for another year. Well, just a year? No, but I mean for years, I feel like.