134: AWARD WINNERS BABY

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1:51well this is going to be different welcome to staying relevant the award-winning podcast with me sam thompson and his best friend peter james jonathan joseph wicks so for anyone who didn't see the uh the instagram you you have just told me one um so it's not going to be that much of a surprise when we say it in a minute is it But either way, we will be swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that sort of shit. You know what to do by now. I don't mean to tell you. This is Monday's episode, which you'll be able to catch on Wednesday. Mip, are you okay?

2:31Yeah, my party hat is a bit tight around my neck. Oh, I thought there was a problem with the sound because you were going to your ears. No, no, just the string. No, just party hat problems. Okay. So you'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel on Wednesday. then we'll be doing the bonus episode which comes out Thursday which you'll be able to watch on a Sunday which means that you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday wonderful it's nice there's more people because it's louder it's like a school now anyway did we or did we not win the award? that's the question everyone wants to know tell them Sam of course we won the award baby we are an official award winning but hence the party hats actually and the balloons on the floor Oh, oh, oh, fuck.

3:14Pete, catch. Yeah, ready? Wait. Two seconds. One, two, three. Hey. That is possibly the most pathetic thing I've ever seen or been a part of. I want to give it back now, Rewards, after that. I don't think we deserve it. They should have given it to someone else because that was fucking embarrassing. I thought that was great. That whole thing. But also the way you started this, of course we won the award. Like it was never in doubt. We've lost every single thing we've done. Why is it suddenly, of course we won? It was never in doubt. Of course we won. Me and Pete rocked up. And Pete came into - Oh, no, no, no.

3:58We'll get onto the rocking up bit because before we get in there, we have to discuss the rocking up bit. Well, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. That's a really good point. It was cheap though. I just want to let you know that now. But what I will say is that Pete comes up to me. we were in the awards ceremony. He goes, it's my ear. And he goes, we haven't won this. What do you mean? He goes, we're way too far at the back. And our table's by the loose. He went, there's no way we fucking won this. We should just leave now. And he was right. I agreed with him. I was actually like, oh, my, it's true. Normally, if you were going to win an award, you sort of need to be like in the mix.

4:30It was, it was a beautiful little double bluff, that one as well. Because I'd just told Pippa that we'd won because I found out a little bit before. Pippa already fucking knew and pretended she didn't. She went, what, have we? Oh, I don't know. Found out she knew about four hours before us. I'm the only one who didn't know. Well, you're the only one that would have reacted. We'd have all sat there and went, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we come up now? Started walking up while they're going through the nominations, just waiting by the stage. It probably would have given it away, wouldn't it? Fucking hell.

5:02Do you know what I was about waiting for? Do you believe I've just realised, actually, which is even worse, is that when you said to me, yeah, just don't think one, mate, we buy the fucking lose I went yeah yeah shit and I went oh someone should probably tell Pippa just to temper her expectations the fucking bitch knew I literally went up to her and went look Pippa I just don't want you to get your hopes up did he actually yeah yeah and then I made a bet with him no but that doesn't make any sense because you cheated you did shake my hand though how much for £500 well you better pay up no you were part of that £500 bet even though you knew I fucking wasn't yes you were I was at the table no he wasn't I didn't shake fucking hands.

5:40It was you, mate. I didn't shake hands because I knew we'd won. Because that would be really fucking stupid, wouldn't it? I bet we win. I bet we don't. Oh, no, we've won. Actually, the best thing as well is that when we won, we had to walk all the way around the side, and it's a really long walk. Before we get into what actually happened there, why don't we talk about the day leading up to, in fact, the weeks leading up to this award, where Pippa has been quietly very confident about it. And obviously she was right. Yesterday I worked and got changed in a dog kennel. Lovely though. And then got an Uber to the awards.

6:26I called you and Pippa and Josh. Hannah came along for the ride as well. And you were in a fucking limo. Don't knock it till you try it. Because first of all, you didn't try it. You've got a fucking Uber, which I think is really bad team and shit. Well, I didn't try it because I didn't know about it. Yeah, but we could have picked you up en route. Hey, come on, get in, loser. We're going to the tricks. It wasn't just a limo. It was a fucking Hummer limo for a start. All right? More expensive. But worse than – sorry? Yeah. Well, we'll get on to that. Worse than that is what – I stopped around the corner.

7:01I've got the Uber to drop me around the corner so I could have a **** on the way down because you don't want to do that on the red carpet. As I'm walking down, there is bibbing and fucking a big crowd of people because your fucking limo had blocked the road at the bottom of the awards. Blocked the road to the point where people were bibbing and bibbing. You guys weren't getting out of it until I arrived. So you just sat in a limo blocking everyone at the bottom of the – people wondering, oh, who could this be? Who could this be? It must be a big fucking star. Then I walk down the fucking thing and you jump out of it like a fucking prat.

7:37Do you know what the best thing is? Pete's so right. We actually told, I got Josh to do it. We told the driver just to stop in the middle of the road. We went, don't worry about the people behind. We'll only be two seconds. And then we sat there for like five minutes with a huge traffic jam behind us. It then caused a fucking riot because people started crowding around the limo, wondering who could it be. and then you pop out. But actually, no, they got an extra surprise, didn't they? Pippa and Josh. Well, yeah. Because after they'd finished doing the pictures with Sam and I and fucking, you know, doing autographs, these two fucking prats started signing autographs.

8:14Hey. They're doing pictures. I'm here for it. I love it. We now have a team full of people who are on the app. Well, I mean, Josh has forgot himself and forgot where he'd come from already because at one point he started turning them down, saying, I've done too many. That is mad. And that's not even a lie. That's not even a lie. When we and Pete were into the bit, we would pass the... No, no, no, no, it's enough now. Yeah, he literally goes, no, I've already done enough and just walked in and went, fucking hell, Josh. He's not giving them anything. Do you know what I mean? That was a whole 30 seconds worth of autograph.

8:43I've done enough. I'm done here. Yeah, but do you know what I quite like about that? He keeps them wanting more. See, me and you give too much, Pete. We should learn something from Josh. I don't think they kept them wanting more because you and I walked up to the red carpet and then had to wait. We couldn't walk the red carpet whilst Pippa finished her photos. do you know what the worst thing is I heard Pippa going do you want producer Pippa or just Pippa so this is before we've even got in there so I'll tell you what if we hadn't a fucking one what a bunch of **** would it look like turning up in a limo hanging out the window of the limo hanging out the window fucking screaming causing a riot at the bottom of the fucking thing blocking the entire road what an absolute but we timed it fucking perfectly because you were there we were there you pretended not to know Pete does this fucking annoying thing where I know he can hear me, but he pretends he can't.

9:31And so I'm literally, he's right next to the Hummer, at the Hummer. Okay, all right. Or should I call it the Himmo? He's right next to the Himmo. Don't call it that. And I'm leaning out the door going, Pete, come here. Come here, because you can get in on this too. And he literally just, he's literally like two metres away from me and just didn't even look at me for the entire thing. But you say it, it's not that I choose not to. It's because I'm literally, you just said it two metres away and you scream repeatedly my name. I'm literally next to you. You could have just gone, Pete, do you want to get in this?

10:03But no. Oh, that was so good. But anyway, so that was that. We got in. That was all wonderful. Discussion of whether we'd win, basically won all night, which was in the end quite pointless. Josh, did you already know as well? Great. So we all had a completely and utterly pointless conversation where we all fucking knew what was happening apart from you. So why the fuck we were having a conversation like we didn't know what was going on? I don't know. Pete also told me, don't tell Josh, but I knew you already knew. Well, I wanted it to be a surprise for some of you. We wanted it to be a surprise for both of you.

10:36That's why we didn't say anything. I'm the only prick who didn't know. Yeah. Well, I liked it because I'm glad I didn't know. I genuinely thought we weren't going to win to the point where when they said these boys even turned up in a limo. I went, oh, that's so embarrassing now. And then he was like, but guess what? They've won. And then everything just went black. and I was just like, ah. Well, I mean, you say everything went black. Everything went black for me as you slammed my head into the table. So yeah, I mean, everything did actually go black for me. With what you literally just... I did remember climbing onto your back.

11:11Fucking face full of dessert I got. I had to fucking pick that out of my ear before I walked up on the fucking stage. And I don't know why, because I knew we'd won. I should have been prepared for it. Just as he said, and the winner is, I literally looked at Sam. and they scream, stay relevant. And then you, I mean, there is like a bit of humility when people win things and you go to these awards and it's, and the winner is Jordan North. And it shakes people around the table, like shake their hand. Then they walk up to the thing. You screamed, the top of your waist jumped up. And at one point I thought you were going to get on the table.

11:45I nearly did. You nearly stood on a chair. I nearly stood on your back. You literally stood on my back. I think you knocked about three people on the table behind. They were all fucking facing the table as well. Then it took us 25 minutes to get there because they put us right by the shitters in the corner. Yeah, that was good deception from them, to be fair. Also, do you know what's wild is that we actually were practising a little speech as well? Well, we had bullet points. No, no, no. Well, this is how everyone else knew we'd won as well, is that our fucking PR Charlotte came up with some bullet points just in case we won.

12:18We said none of them. We said, well, this is the thing. when we went up I had a bit of a panic actually because I got to the mic first and I went shit I don't actually know what I'm going to say here after all of those years of like sitting in the shower and thinking what I'd say I had nothing sorry you sit in the shower and think about what you'd say if you want a podcast 100 % 100 % yes I do don't be so fucking but it didn't even work because I literally didn't say a thing and I realised I actually choked and so and then you were coming up a little bit later so I just said to the mic I went, well, I forgot what I was going to say.

12:52So hopefully Pete could just wing this. And then Pete steps up to Mike and forgot half the team's names. No, to be fair, I am going to admit this. It was a silly error to try and name everyone. There's only seven of us. Yeah, I know. But I got three in and they were basically three on the stage and then forgot who anyone else was. So, but well done to you all. So good. I can say it now. Do you know what I love as well? Pete actually did a really good speech after that. He literally was like, you know, we started off this company and we're so grateful. You know, we get to work. We were two best mates.

13:26Just get to work together. We're having a great time. And then I tried to dive in and Dan, who was the host, had had enough. And so I tried to save my bit of the speech. He went, come on, mate, off we go. Well, I didn't want to be doing this. I told you, I just wanted to go up and go cheers. But the problem is we got up there and you just fucking froze. I never panicked like that before. I thought, we're going to have to say something. I can't just now after he's gone, hope he's got a second. I say, cheers.

13:55Dan pulled me off stage. Like I was a granddad. He didn't know where he was. Come on, mate. Let's go. But yeah, we, we, fuck it. We won. Fucking won. So we've got a week's break from sort of plugging anything and an awards and all the rest of it. So have the time off. Enjoy yourself. Give your fingers a little rest from the old tappy, tappy, tappy. And then next week, start voting for the podcast awards. Because we're going to go for a double. Yeah, we're going to go. We're going for the double. Do you know what, though? The trick awards was the most important because that's more of an industry award.

14:28So we're really grateful. And actually, you know what? Fuck it. We should probably do this now. So grateful. Thank you so, so much. Oh, yeah. Cheers, fuckers. We fucking beat Davina McCall, Peter Crouch, and Shagged My Mum. Help, I shagged my mum. And they're all massive podcasts. and the fact that we beat them has sent shockwaves around the podcast world. I don't know if it has, but I'm just saying it has. Fucking red-handed, nowhere to be seen. Just saying. Not even on the shortlist. Not for, no, because, but they are at the actual podcast awards. In fact, they're not on the shortlist anymore because they've won it so many times they've actually just given it up and gone on the judging panel.

15:10Yeah, so we're not even going to turn up to that one. We're going to boycott it. Are we? Are we boycotting? No, we are turning out. Oh, we are going. So we'd love to win that one as well if we could. But I'd just like to point out that we are going, but it's not for the listener's choice because you have to remember that best new producer over there. So we have to go anyway because... Oh my God. Yeah, I forgot about that. I've had so many people message me asking if I won as well last night because they think that I've lost and no one's spoken about it. But it's not till October, guys. Still got a chance.

15:44But yeah, so we will have to go to that. So we do need people to start voting. Is that a public vote or is that judges? No, that's judges. We're on the judges one. Oh, is that judges one there? By your old producer, yeah.

15:56Well, yeah. We are so, so grateful. Like genuinely, we could be more grateful. Like some of the messages we got last night were making me quite emotional and actually made Pete quite emotional as well. And he doesn't get very emotional at all. And, you know. Sorry? Just to reiterate. I'm just going to speak for Pete here. just to reiterate you know what Pete said on stage we are incredibly lucky as two best friends yeah do a podcast together and like enjoy the work we do so much and that is all down to you so thank you so much we really appreciate it we love you you're like our family so thank you so you got to do speech so that was lovely your words there so grateful love you so much want to hug you yes but what he'll do with all of the hugs that he wants to give you is give them to members of the team before he leaves today.

16:43So prepare yourselves, guys, prepare yourselves. But you must be thinking, as we won, you've got to fucking go out and celebrate. What are these crazy cats going to do for a celebration? What are these mad guys going to do for this award that they won? Well, I'll tell you what we did. Sam went home and Pippa and Josh dropped me off at Stringfellas. I went out on my own and celebrated my way. Trickle was just behind me there, by the way, if you can't see it. yeah and if you're listening then you can't see any of it oh yeah that's a really good point anyway right anything else you want to add to the awards chat well I just want to let you know look that instead of like seeing it on the accountancy bill it was paid for by the company account and what the award we bought it the limo the limo the Hummer limo was paid for from the company account I made the executive decision but you can't make executive decisions well I fucking well did okay yeah right so this is like a tour bus all over again How much did that cost?

17:41What do you want to know? Actually, I don't want to know, if I'm honest with you. I don't want to know because whatever it is will be an absolute waste. It wasn't a waste at all. Well, of course it was a waste. What did you really do? It wasn't. We won.

17:55Still a waste. Not because of the limit. I'll tell you what we'd have done. We'd have won anyway if you'd got a line bike there. 650 pounds. 650 quid? 650 pounds. It's literally 15 minutes from here. 650 pounds. And Pippa was on Orcs Cable. What? I don't know what that means. Pippa was on Orcs Cable juice. She was on the music. What's Orcs Cable juice? He played Mr. Worldwide. On the decks. On the decks. In the limo? Yeah. It's got speakers in the ceiling. You were on the decks in the Tuck Tuck. Yeah. Limohad. Oh, fuck yeah. I forgot about that fucking thing as well. Oh, you absolutely fucking stitched me last night.

18:32Oh, I've never been on a Tuck Tuck. I've never been there before. Fucking 200 quid for these fuckers. 200 quid. Pete, would that come out of the business account? No, it didn't. I paid for it myself because I'm not a ****. No way. Of course. Yeah, straight off of my fucking, because I was out. It wasn't necessary for the business. That's so funny. Well, ours went on the business and we had speakers in the ceiling. We had a bottle of champagne. Oh, you exciting fuckers. He doesn't drink. You weren't drinking. So what did you do? Just look at it. It was a bit warm. I had a glass. Oh, excellent. So for 650 quid, what you get is two **** that don't drink and a warm glass of champagne.

19:09No, no, and Pitbull, Mr. Worldwide. And Pitbull. Yeah. Excellent. Wonderful. Yeah, it was great. And then we stuck our heads out the windows. Did the proper limo experience. We were like... What were you like? Yeah. Rock on. Rock on. Yeah. Going to the Trick Awards. We did, actually. We told people going to the Trick Awards. Yeah, out the window. Okay, excellent. Well, so that's 650 quid, which will be coming out of the summer party for everyone. What? Yeah. So out of the summer party budget, that's£650 gone from the bar budget there. So I hope you had a lovely 20 minutes. So half the team didn't actually have anything to do with it.

19:46So it was just something for you guys. But something we all enjoyed. No, no, no. Just something that you three enjoyed. Hannah didn't even enjoy it because it was out of her way. You just asked her to take pictures. So she didn't even have a good... She didn't even come to the fucking awards. She turned up at the end and fucked off. Hannah is one of our newest team members. and she very kindly came and took some videos of us, got out the limo. Can you say very kindly? What Sam means is he's her boss and told her to. And then she went home. So that was very, very sweet. And actually talking about the team, we, as in me and Pete, unfortunately have some bad news for everybody.

20:25We're not going to Glastonbury this weekend. I know everyone was excited to see us there. I know everyone's excited to see the content of loving life in the, with the thousands of people at Glastow. But we, we, we have put a pin in it. And next year we're going to circle back and see if we can. So to go to Glastow, if you're a little bit late to the party, which we were, I didn't realize that Glastow is a big deal. So you need to like buy tickets like way beforehand. And we just were not there. And there was a brand who reached out and were like, you can come with us. And I was like, okay, cool.

20:56but um the one of the uh stipulations was that we had to take a bus up to glastonbury with a bunch of tiktok influencers and i said i went i don't think we will make it there alive with pete sitting in the back of that bus all right if you put if you put some tiktoker with a vlogging camera in front of pete's face on the way up to glastow he will fucking headbutt them and they were like well you have to take the bus. And I just thought that, you know, and then we had to share a tent and I didn't think you'd want to do that either. Oh, you are starting to get to know me. And then, and then one of the other stipulations was that we had to turn up to brunch every day at Castingbury.

21:39I went, well, Pete's going to be lost after like two hours. There's no way. Yeah. In a ditch somewhere. And I just thought this, this just sounds like a bit too organized, funny. And, and I am worried for the lives of the influencers who are going as, as they would have to share a really long journey on the way back as well with a hungover Pete. Imagine, everyone just close your eyes and imagine a 22-year-old TikToker going, hey guys, hey chat. So we're live in the back of this bus on our way back from Glastonbury. Who the fuck's Chad? Hey chat. They speak to their thing and they call it chat.

22:15Hey chat. And then they go, hey, who's this guy? They shove the camera in hungover Pete's face. What do we think is going to happen? I just thought, you know what? Let's not even put ourselves in that situation. But we do have a good update for everyone. The team are pleased to announce that we're going to have two Glastonbury flags on the ground at the festival. We're not talking small ones. Those fucking big bastards. Like the long, long bastards. And this, Peter James. You're so predictable. this peter james pippa chuck me the flag is the flag that we are using now for people who are listening not watching yeah it's enormous

23:06it's funny when you said you were doing this i knew that was going to be the picture a minute i cannot wait for this flag to be flying by prison by the prison stage or whatever it's called the prison stage the pyramid stage look at this who's playing at the prison stage it's fucking enormous so apparently the people who have agreed uh the people who have agreed to fly that flag for us on a massive beanpole. A beanpole? Not beanpole, on a massive flagpole. Is it a flagpole? The people who've agreed to do this. So they're going to be on a beanpole at the prison stage? I don't know what's happened to my head.

23:49They have said they have a 100 % success rate for getting their flags on the TV, on the BBC. Right. Great. So that flag's going to be flying high. Kira, are you going to be taking it? Yeah, I'm taking that one. We've got two. We've got two. Oh, so the people who got 100 % success rate are going to be taking ours. Leanne, listener Leanne. Listen, Leanne. Kira, there's easier ways to hand in your notice. And then lovely Kira, who if you've been listening to us for a while, you'll know that she works with us, is going to Glaston tonight, actually, of all the evenings. She's doing a full-blown stint there.

24:23She is going to be taking the other one. Do you have a massive pole? Yeah. Okay, great. What have you got? Is it a flagpole or a beanpole? A flagpole. Okay, good. I don't know what a beanpole is. That's kind of what you need, yeah. So you're going to be getting content for us as well, aren't you? This is fucking great. I'm so excited. I cannot wait for this. Just in case you didn't see, I'm going to stand up just to give the social team a real chance to have a good look at it.

24:51It was only ever going to be that picture, wasn't it? This is our Glastonbury flag that we're going to be flying high and representing on BBC One at the Pyramid Stage at Glastow. If you are listening to this and not watching, it's the picture that Pete absolutely loves of me and him in the pool. There may have been an edit on... What do you mean there may have been an edit? What do you mean there may have been an edit? I mean, there's not may have been, it looks like a different, but I look like a vulture. I look like a fucking vulture crossed with the guy in Scary Movie that does the mash. I know exactly who you're talking about.

25:36Yeah. IK, IK. If you know, you know. What? If you know, you know. Anyway. Oh, God. Yeah, no, but seriously, just... Sorry, we're just going to have to go back for a minute there because I don't know if you're malfunctioning. I-Y-K, I-Y-K. Yeah, if you know, you know. Okay. All right. Okay, good. Oh, Jesus Christ, my brain. Lovely. So, I've been away. Sam, what have you been doing? Well, you've been away in Cannes. You've been living it up in Cannes. And I've sort of been looking after the team, to be honest with you, over the past week. Yep. How's daddy duties been? Really good. I feel like a father figure.

26:19And I took the girls shopping. What do you mean you took them shopping? I took the girls shopping. On the company card again? Yes, on the company card. Yeah, of course, yeah. Excellent. So I've basically been out of it for a week and we've done a limo and a shopping trip. And he's added some panelling behind you in the studio.

26:41Thousands of pounds just draining out of the account. So I took the girls shopping and do you remember the Tala flares we spoke about? Yeah, the ones that they got sent for free. Yeah, Pippa's actually wearing them now. Yeah, so we got sent them for free and then what did you do? I then took them to Katala, the store. To buy them. To buy some stuff. To buy the things that we can get sent for free. So you got a limo, you then went and bought things that we get for free. Yeah, because I thought it'd be a nice thing just to break the new girls in. Wait, is that wrong? Yeah, it doesn't sound good.

27:19I don't think you need to break them in. They're not wild Mustangs. Just to get to know everyone. Like this is sort of like just a, hey guys, we're going to do a team outing. So I took them to Tarla on Carnaby Street. Lovely store. Actually, Pippa said, and I agree with this, it feels like a cloud when you go in there. Okay, well, I'm sure the listeners needed to know that as well. Yeah, no, they're really, really nice. And then I gave the team a hundred pound budget each to go. I mean, there you go. See, now I don't feel as bad now because I forgot how tight you were. So that's good. I mean, you can't really get fuck all for underquit these days, can you?

27:53Well, they were happy with it. So yeah, actually that's worked quite well then. A hundred pounds each. So I think we spent about 400 because I've got a hat as well. I'm a Tala boy now. And yeah, I've got a Tala cap. I think you are the only Tala boy. I've got a Tala cap. And had a really lovely time. Actually, the girls were scampering from aisle to aisle, sniffing the clothes. Apparently, there were different types of leggings and stuff. Pippa knows all about them. There's like the lux. There's the stretch lux. And what's your preferred choice? Good, no one cares. So what happened with this? You just took them there and just dropped them off?

28:28Well, no, I went in there and then sat on the boyfriend chairs. What? Well, no, I'm not. Obviously, they're boyfriends. Okay, excellent. So you went in there like Hugh Hefner? Yeah, well, sort of, actually. Excellent. Okay, so since I've been gone, right, you've got a limo, bought three things and took people on a shopping trip and sat there as if you were their boyfriend. Well, actually, no. I was sat there next to you. No, I made friends with two dudes who were sat. So it's actually really clever. Tell them I have a boyfriend slash husband or father corner. and um and it's where the the men sit while the ladies sort of like rummage around and um and i was sat there next to a man who was with his girlfriend and another man who was there with his daughter so yeah and i and then they went who are you here with i went ah employees and actually at the start i went my girl here with maharim yeah i did i said the girls and then and then i thought he i think he thought i meant my daughters and then i panicked i was like no sisters no they're not my sisters they're my although you are my sisters but you're you're my queens um we did a lot of we did a lot of queen stuff when we were in the we're in total anyway i said that we i was there with my employees or was that to get to that bit was it okay all right excellent so lovely little day how um how do you think it's benefited So your relationship with your girls Really well actually I'm going to be honest with you I think we're all getting along really famously actually Yeah And you know it was It was I think a day out that we're not going to forget Anytime soon to be fair And like when they were coming out They were like what does this look like I was like slay You look great So were they your girls Or did you Are you just their sort of Their gay best friend I did feel a little bit like that at the time But it was It was a really fun day out what would you have done?

30:18Well, okay. Okay. Do you know what? Let's not put this on me. Okay. I took the girls for a really nice trip. That's just sounds weird. I took the ladies for a really lovely shopping trip and I think it went quite well. What would, what would you do then? Well, I would do what I've done since we started the company and just take people out for drinks every couple of weeks and sort of get to know them and just do kind of normal work. Snore, boring, take them shopping. Yeah. What would you do? Okay. What would you do if you, you were in my position, you were in that very shop. Okay, so now what we're saying is, because you're just trying to find a way for this to be normal, is if we were all just happened to be in Tala, what would you do?

30:59What would you do? Say, why are we all in Tala? Have you never waited for, like, a girlfriend to, like, get ready or, like, a… Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, partner, yeah. Yeah. Not my girls. I've never waited for an employee and then told her she looks lovely in the luxe flares but I'm going to be honest with you I actually can't even if it was just a partner I can't imagine Pete sitting in the waiting room whilst his partner gets changed like how do you do it? how do you sit? do you sit like that? with your feet on the table? yeah and so she comes out what do you do? so she gives you a little spin yeah I mean it's very hard to do if she looks like shit then no it's not for you if it's nice then yeah wonderful have that come on let's say let's say it's something that you don't think necessarily looks very good not hers in the clothing what do you say are you being polite about it or are you just being like no I'm going to be honest with you it's just not for you yeah don't be so fucking silly try again don't be so fucking silly well sometimes you don't know until you put saying on it can look lovely on a rack and then you whack it on you well no no oh no go on go have another go What about getting their hair done?

32:13Have you ever seen someone get their hair done? I'll get it done with them. That's when you're going to get a little palliage with them. Have a little fucking cut and blow. Yeah, no, I've sat and waited for someone to have their nails done and fucking hair done and all that sort of stuff. I'm quite patient. I don't mind. And I don't mind doing the shopping thing because I'll carry the bags. Like the packers? Yeah, I'm just like a fucking donkey at the back that's just carrying shit. You know what I mean? I'll drive there, carry the shit, fucking drive back. And then if I'm lucky, I'll get a Guinness on the way home.

32:42As a reward. Are you an airport dropper off kind of boyfriend? Yeah. Well, I feel like we're learning a lot about Pete with this, actually. Well, but I think you'll know that I'd do anything for him. For my girls? No, no, not for these fuckers, but for a bird, I would, yeah. No, you would. Pippa got in a really bad car accident. I was in the car, actually, as well. I think I saved her life, to be honest with you. Yes, but I wouldn't. So, okay. So, Kira's off to Glastonbury. I'm not going to go, would you like me to drop you? All right. No, no, I can't. But obviously, if someone's in an accident, of course I'm not going to go, oh, yeah, fuck you.

33:19Like, she had a car crash and told me she nearly died with you. So, yes, of course I'm going to do that. But if she went to me, oh, I've got to go to fucking Heathrow on Sunday morning at 4am. I've got to go Heathrow. I've got to go Heathrow on Sunday morning at 4am because I'm popping off on Audi. I said, well, you've got fucking Uber, haven't you? What do you want me to do? Come and pick you up? Just sitting there. Yeah, you and Jack just hop in the bay. I don't mind. It's four in the morning. I'm up anyway. What a fucking car. So you are an airport picker-upper-dropper-offer, which is not for the team?

33:50Well, no. Because they work. No. Why would you? I just want everyone to know that I would. Oh, Sam, you wouldn't do fuck off. You wouldn't do it for your mate or your bird, let alone the fucking team. Fucking I'll do it. Oh, do you know what the thing is, mate? I'm quite tired. I did a lot of gaming yesterday, and it's really taken it out of me. fucking woody bollocks I'll do it for the team excellent drop the key off

34:18what a glass of brick yeah tonight yeah I'll do a couple of I don't have a car actually oh that's convenient well no it's just the the circumstance you've got to take yeah no I did I genuinely can't I'm really sorry that's what I would say I'm really sorry I can't do it I do need to get a car though okay I got taken in the divorce um But there is also just to set your mind at ease, Pete, there is going to be a video out on the socials this week of the Tyler trip with the girls. So just so you know. Oh, yeah. Can't wait. Cannot wait for that one. Going to be some good watching. Probably play it a few times.

35:02It's going to be that good. Anyway, that's not all you've been doing. Just generally being odd. You did some work this week as well. Did I? Yeah, you were back on Aftersun. Oh, fuck, I'm back on Aftersun. How was it being reunited with Maya? Really good. Has she forgiven you? For what? Well, you snubbed her pie. Which pie? Oh, the Halloween pie. Yeah. I need to ask her about that this coming year. Why bother? You didn't go last year. You whinged and moaned and forced her into inviting you by saying it repeatedly on the podcast every fucking week. Then she invited you and you didn't fucking go.

35:37It's because you wouldn't come. I wasn't going anyway I wasn't invited you can go to things on your own I can't take your girls should we go to Maya's party the Halloween party ladies yeah yay I mean you've been doing After Sun for about 15 years now are we any closer to getting Maya on oh we are we are closer I mentioned it yeah again she said speak to my agent like she did last time excellent

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38:03Maya's great She's in really good form She's in love Which is nice How was that? She's got a glow of power Well last time you saw each other It was the other way around wasn't it? Oh yeah How the turns table How the tables have turned How the tables have turned Yeah that was She actually also knew I'd had a night out beforehand She called me out In front of everybody In the rehearsal She was like Oh someone's had a big night out I was like fuck oh yes it was yeah yeah so this is your first after son of the um yeah of the year of the of the entire year yeah okay and are you going every week now i've got one this sunday yeah oh how fabulous and what do you think of love island this year love it actually really really like it they've got a really strong cast um and uh i think the episodes are really bang on who's your favourite um yasmin why because she has got some really great one-liners yeah but that you know i'm actually we have actually been quite busy to be fair at least it's all boot up we had louise on the pod last week by the way yeah and you sent her a really lovely message i know i did yeah yeah she thinks i should go out of emma watson a british actress yeah who's hermione granger from Harry Potter.

39:16What are your thoughts on that? I don't know or care. Mate, Hermione Granger. You must know who Emma Watson is. Yeah, I know who Emma Watson is. We can't. There must be another way. Is that just because you want to fulfill your Harry Potter shag list or something? I mean, it would be pretty cool. I think you've got more chance with the fucking, the ginger fella. Right. Yeah. Maybe start there. Try and work your way up. She thinks I should go for a British thespian. Right. Okay. Why? Well, I don't know. She thinks it's just like there's something that is like a little bit different. Like, you know, sort of not classy.

39:52Classy is the wrong word, but like, you know, well to do. But why would that be good for you? Sort of opposite-stract? What do you mean opposite-stract? So she wants you to go with like someone sort of classy and quite intelligent. Yeah. She went to Harvard. Just sort of even you out. I think she actually did say that. No, I'm going to work on myself. No dating. I'm not ready. Realise that. Right. But I'll tell you what though. You are ready for death. yes are we gonna do me that's right is pete wicks dying is is something that i'd like to ask all of you listening to this podcast and watching at home the reason i ask is because the press genuinely believe that pete is on the way out are you dying pete um i'll tell the story because you don't know what the story is do you do it's when you were asking for a beloved dog to have a home to live with just a month to live which is obviously incredibly sad and hopefully that does actually happened.

40:46So we were filming for this fucking Italian Mastiff and it's a fucking beautiful dog. So we tried to do a whole big campaign to get him at home. So we did a full, like, you know, local press came down. We did radio, we did TV, we did fucking all sorts of stuff. And then a massive, great big spread in the mirror. And the headline was Pete Wick's desperate plea to give beloved dog a home with just months to live. Now people thought I was trying to give my beloved dog away because I had months to live.

41:23Which isn't the case. So then I obviously immediately just went to the comments. And in fact, I'll read some of the comments out. I hope some of the like, I knew it was happening. I could see it in his face. If you wait a minute, I'll tell you these are these are fucking. So comments are, oh, my God, that's so sad for anyone to die in their early 50s.

41:47r.i.p.p so people think i've already died um then we had one that was really really lovely which i did think he'd been looking a bit rough the last few months uh then a conversation started between people saying do we know what's wrong with him and someone well it's obviously the lifestyle well after what we discussed on this pod i wouldn't i wouldn't say that's not true um so that was that and then i thought well listen so we got that changed because i thought you know you can't have that um but what i didn't see was the sub heading um which was also in print which is um uh pete wicks urges fans to give dog a happy ending

42:30i love the mirror this is fucking jokes whoever wrote that needs a fucking raise because they knew exactly what they were doing that as well so uh but no the mirror are brilliant they were great doing that but yeah I think that the wording it either sounded like I was dying and trying to give my dogs away or I was potentially asking people to wank off a dog so you're not dying or no as far as I mean we're all dying and I will die quicker than most I imagine probably because of the lifestyle but not right now but it doesn't stop there Pete has had a really really riveting week Pete Wicks went to the Jelly Cat Cafe

43:11so for those who don't know the jelly cat cafe is a it's works it's sort of a food bar if you will at the top floor of selfridges um but instead of serving food they serve jelly cats but they make them as if they're as if they're serving food so there's a jelly cat fish and batter there's jelly cat chips there's jelly cat mushy peas jelly cat sausage and they take them out the oven and stuff but the oven's obviously not on they're just toys really and they're made with love and so we thought we'd take pete there we shut the store down and uh marched pete to the front well let's be honest we didn't did we because what happened was because originally i said well if i'm gonna have to fucking go to this place then fine and people said don't worry they're gonna shut the whole fucking thing down for us they didn't they just put us to the front of the queue so i had about a hundred people watch me stand and wait for a toy to be i had to kiss fucking toys and fucking wait for her to fry a fucking toy for me in front of a hundred people.

44:10No, let's not just sort of gloss over things. You didn't just have to kiss those toys. You had to kiss it and show it love because that's how it gets made. It's already made. No, it doesn't. From when they take it out of the literal fucking box at the back. No, it wasn't a box. It was a fry if it was a sausage. No, it wasn't because they take it out of a box. We even got up there, mate, because I saw how it works because I needed to see. So they take it out of the box. Yeah. It's the same as the one that is wrapped in the little bag at the end. Nothing happens in that space other than a load of bollocks.

44:38What about the fish batter? It's not battered though. It's a toy. It's battered with love.

44:52Why has everyone gone weird and silent and quiet? Can someone help me out here? I don't know what you want us to say. I don't know what you want me to say. It's a fucking toy. Well, put it this way. You looked like you enjoyed it at one point. We were playing hot potato with those Jelly Cat fries. And a smile may have crept on that face of yours. Oh, it may have done. It crept right back off again, though, didn't it? I didn't see one fucking child in the queue. Actually, that was interesting. It was all fucking adults. Yeah, that was weird. Actually, if you were to do a ratio, Pete, of kids to adults at that Jelly Cat cafe in the queue, what would you say?

45:24Oh, it was fucking 80 % adults. Why do you think that is? um because it's just a i think it was a really good example of the sad state our society's in so that's so bleak i mean it was just utterly with they weren't even buying them for kids they were literally just there i just i honestly i don't even know what to say about it because it's one of the the most unbearable weirdest things that's ever happened to me in my life I didn't know what to do. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. Never been so uncomfortable in my life. I mean, it took everything for me not to just run out and headbutt a wall.

46:07I mean, the two ladies that were slowly handing over toys, because that's basically what it is. I want the toy. Give it to me. Well, hold on. Let me just play with it for a bit. Just give it. It's fine. They were lovely. They were actually really, really nice. And bless them, they really tried. There was a huge queue. There's obviously a massive thing about it. I think they're collectibles. Pippa was running around. She knows all the names for the jelly cats, which is sweet. Yeah. I mean, good for old Pipsqueak there. I don't think I'll be collecting jelly cats at any point soon. Okay. Question.

46:38Would you recommend it for a friend? If I didn't like them. Yeah, absolutely. I'll tell you what a great experience is. Go to a jelly cat cafe. You'll have a blinder. In fact, take a date. Take a date. Take a date. You'll have a wonderful time. No, you don't need to eat before they sell food. I came out of it hungry. I had to go and cook. I actually haven't told you. I got a complaint on my Instagram. So I went, thanks for holding up the lettuce from an adult, by the way. Thanks for holding up the queue for the Jelly Cat Cafe. Well, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, so we were holding up the queue because we just went to the front.

47:11And obviously, just give me the toy and let me go. That would have been nice. But we had to go through the whole thing. And we had to order everything on the menu. And then just when we thought we'd done, Pippa wanted a couple of mussels. So we got a couple of mussels. and then we had to fucking, you know, play fucking hot potato with a fucking toy. And then I had to kiss a fucking sausage and fucking play with some peas and that. And then wrap them all up and then put a little sticker and I had a name badge on as well. I had so much fun. I was resting over the heart. Do you know what we should do?

47:39We should start a new segment on the show called Pete Wick's Reviews. And this one for the Jelly Cat Cafe, what a piece of bollocks. But what I will say is I do not understand any of that Jelly Cat stuff. I'm not really that sort of person, as I'm sure you can probably tell. But the people were lovely. Yeah, the people were great. And actually, the rest of the team, me included, had a lovely time. I've actually still got five jelly cats now. We have a collection, a bit of a stash. Every single one of you thought this is fucking... I didn't. I loved it. Yeah, but you would because there was a camera there and it's because it was annoying me.

48:11But... And that goes for every single one of you. That's the only reason, apart from you, because you're fucking weird in yourself. peeping out of his death is something we can all know and love yeah I've never ever felt so fucking awkward in my entire life oh that's really tickled anyway right OSR today

48:37it sort of changes every week the thing yeah I forget it every time so I just make a new one up yeah I like this one it's my favourite one okay well here we go are you ready? yeah I'm ready okay Lead us in. We are back by popular demand. Myself, Sam Thompson and Pete Wicks, my co-anchor. Breaking news today, Squid Games 3 came back on Friday. Wonderful. And for people listening, if you could give them and me a little rundown of what that is, that would be fabulous. Squid Games is one of the most viral Netflix shows on TV. Yes. Season one was really, really brilliant. Rave reviews all round, actually.

49:19season two not quite as good and season three we'll have to wait and see are you excited about it are you an avid squid games fan yourself i'm not actually the biggest it's not that i hate it i just haven't watched the past couple of seasons but you know the people are enjoying it which is really really important uh sam how do you think you'd actually get on in squid games uh well this is the thing i think that i struggle to stand still and there is a game uh have you watched squid games pete i have absolutely no idea what it is there is a game where you have to uh play peekaboo. And sorry, what?

49:50Yeah. He has to play peekaboo. Sorry. So season three of peekaboo. No, it's like a toy thing. It does the song and then goes like, and then what does she do when she goes? Red light. Yeah. She goes red light, green light. And then basically if it, if it, if it shows as red light, you have to stop still. And if you move while she's gone red light, then you get shot. Okay. And if it's green light, obviously you get to move and you have to get to the end of the course. Well, I mean, there's been a lot. Basically big game peekaboo. You're the kind of person who would sort of like push someone when it becomes, when it's like red light and you push them so they get shot to save yourself or are you working as a team?

50:31I think when you go into these things, it's every man for himself. So if, you know, sometimes you get put in pairs, by the way. Imagine if we got put in pairs in Squid Games. Imagine if we got in pairs in Squid Games. I think we'd win. okay let's let's just take a minute out of sr today because i just need to break this down why why on earth do you think we would win because we're so opposite that i think we would play into each other's strengths and weaknesses so for example on neither of us have any strengths yes all weaknesses no on red light green light the moment she goes red light you being you would literally kneecap someone they'd go down get shot and then like and then i'm quite agile so we'd both get to the end and okay so fuck me so our way of winning squid games is your agile and i'll kick the fuck out of everyone perfect there we go easy win right okay all right got you so i'm basically the enforcer yeah and at some point i'll be shot and you'll just crack on and win wonderful i'm effectively your bodyguard then is that what it is yeah right okay lovely i think i think we do really really well i think we get very very far and then we'd win all the money and we'd pay off your gambling debts.

51:41Not that you have gambling debts, by the way. It's just that's what normally people in Squid Games have when they're trying to pay off some sort of debt. Is it? Yeah. There's a big ball of money that you basically could possibly win. Oh, fabulous. Well, must watch that. We've actually had a listener write in and say... Must watch that. It's a must watch. We've actually had a listener write in to say, Squid Game Season 3 cannot wait. I've been waiting for over a year for this now. No way. People are obviously excited. Someone else has put, I love squid and games. Sounds good. Well, that's absolutely lovely.

52:15Well done. Is that Linda from Blythe or? No, that was actually Debbie from Doncaster. Hi, Debbie. Debbie from Doncaster. Hello, Debbie. We love that you love the show. Kevin, I'm not sure he's quite got it because he's put, I'm vegetarian, so I don't eat squid. So I'm not sure you've quite got it, Kevin. It's a TV show. But we're going to be back after the break, Sam, aren't we? With what? With Miranda Fluck. who is going to be talking all about Sidney Sweeney. Love Miranda.

52:52That one was a bit like Morse code. Yeah, but that's the theme tune. And you still haven't realised where that's from. Reality news. Oh, I put that to the back of my mind. Have I, part of the theme tune? Much like the commissioners. It's right to the back there. Now, this is a big one, everybody. Sydney Sweeney is selling a limited edition soap called Bathwater Bliss. It's made from drops of her actual bathwater. And let me tell you something now. It is selling. For those at home who are not entirely sure, why don't you tell everyone who Sydney Sweeney is? So Sydney Sweeney, the very well-known actress and model.

53:31Oh, that's Sydney Sweeney, yeah. who is prolific as being one of the, and I quote, sexiest female stars at the moment. And who are you quoting that from? Just yourself? No, just a fair few articles and publications. Fair few articles and publications. And incredibly talented. But she is selling bathwater that she, by the way, has soaked in. So it has glistened off of her skin.

54:05I mean, to be honest with you, I mean, it sounds fabulous. It's got a wonderful name, Bathwater Bliss. Sounds spa-like. It does. It does. I mean, judging by your introduction and description of Sydney, I imagine you would buy it. No, absolutely not. I would never. No, you would not. Maybe a fart in a jar, but I wouldn't buy that. That's too far. Sorry, let me explain that, by the way. So there are people who sell farts in jars. This is a real thing. When you say there are people, are you one of those people? No, I'm not. Genuinely, on my life I'm not. But you guys must have heard about that. Okay, right.

54:41Well, people do. People will fast in a jar. So how do you feel about the Bathwater Bliss then? Do you think it's going to be a big seller? Do you think it is? I think it already is a big seller. Well, but do you think it's going to carry on or is this a fad? You know, are people going to be, are we going to get sort of Mick Jagger pre-cum coming out? I don't know. Well, I don't know if he can anymore, actually, to be fair. That's a good question. Let's take that to the audience. Do we think that Mick Jagger at his ripe old age is still jizzing? I mean, we had a Gwyneth Paltrow vagina candle. We did.

55:14We've now got Sydney Sweeney bathwater bliss. When does it start? Well, this is the thing, actually, also. Sydney Sweeney's bathwater bliss selling for£30 a pop, I've just seen from producer Pepper, who's whacked that in there. £30 a pop? Yeah, fair. I mean, look, would you buy some bathwater bliss? I would drink it. Okay.

55:34what products would i see you selling do you feel awkward and that's why we're just sort of i'm trying to think what you would sell that people would buy well you've i know over the past couple of years you've been selling um some of your hair um all taken from the same area just just there um how's that it's obviously been selling well no one's been buying um it's just just the devil who's been taken away from me um is there any you know if you were going to release a product that had a sort of a part of you in it i to be honest with you i genuinely what part would you choose i genuinely i genuinely believe uh it'd probably be have to be farts in a jar we're still stuck on that i genuinely i genuinely we'll have another go at getting it in the only i genuinely believe i can't think if anyone would buy anything from me other than a fart in a jar.

56:29Okay. I mean, there's a number of things that we need to unpack. The fact that you think they will buy nothing else from you, but they will buy a fart in a jar. It's because I don't think I'm of Sydney Sweeney's level. So I think what you've got to do... Oh, okay. So you can't get away with the bathwater. So instantly... Listen, I'm not at bathwater yet. So we'll just start with the sort of intermediate introductory fart in a jar. that's where a lot of the people that's where they cut their cut their teeth that's grassroots it's just you know if you're going to start start it from the bottom now we're here okay alright but only because I think that you can't no one's buying like bath water that's like gone down my bum crack right but what they are doing is they probably if you so I need to pivot if I'm going to try and make a bit of money I need to pivot into sort of like the weird and wonderful and that is kind of yeah because the bath water down the bum crack It wasn't weird and wonderful enough.

57:27What would you sell? Why am I getting hammered? What are you selling? What would I sell? Yeah. I think I would probably sort of sweat chewing gum or something. Oh. Just a couple of drops. Yeah, because you can make it last minute just with a salty finish to it. Well, that's actually quite nice. Yeah. See, I'm thinking it through. I should have come with that. And that way, the slogan would be,

57:54taste a bit of peat for yourself? Or swint. Sorry? Have a swint. A swint. A sweaty mint. Oh, nice. I see what you did there. Or, I mean, what do we think? Let's put it to the audience. Do you think the sweaty chewing gum or would you rather buy the entry-level fart in a jar? This is actually a great question for the, to be honest with you, this is an award-winning question. This is what we can't see. I'm going to be honest with you, Sam. We have now got a social media expert and she is not happy about this being an award-winning question for the fans. This is, I'd like to say this to the fans, and I mean this.

58:35Would you rather buy... Did we just give up when we won the award? A sweaty... We've done it, we completed it, mate. Would you rather buy a Pete Wick's sweaty mint or a Pete Wick's fart in the jar? Well, no, I wouldn't do that. That's your entry level. I surpassed that. I did that years ago. Okay. I moved up the ranks, mate. Okay, fine. And we'll do a poll. All right. We'll do a poll. So apparently that was SR Today.

59:06We were supposed to throw to Addison, who was doing the weather, but unfortunately we were waylaid with some other sort of wind in a jar. So here we are. So here we are. We are so back after our award-winning heroics. We're back where we belong. It feels a little bit like when you're told you have a fatal disease, you just give up. That's kind of what it feels like today. We won the award. We might as well just not bother. That's where we're at. We love you so much. Oh, and also, let us know what we can do differently in the studio, by the way. You know, we've only just moved in. if there's anything you want or need from this studio, then go and get it for your own studio.

59:50Let us know. Yeah. If you, you know, if anything you, you, you, you want us to put in the studio, don't tell us. Cause it ain't your fucking studio. On that note, we love you so much. It hurts our souls. It really, really does. We, we, we feel like your family. Make sure you follow us on Staying Relevant Podcast. Rate, review, do all of that sort of stuff. and we'll be back on Thursday with a bonus episode. Maybe. What do you reckon a fart in a jar? Who would still smell even if it was just kept in that jar? Of all the things you could hyper fixate on today, I don't know why that's the one. No, but mate, genuinely, and I mean this, if you fart in a jar and sealed it up and then opened that jar, like 10 days later, would it still smell a fart?

1:00:46We should fucking try. Annalise? Is Annalise here? She's outside. She's outside. Can someone message her and ask her to order a jar for Sam? I'm going to try this. Okay, cool. Do you know what we're going to do? We're going to put it on the side. This is it. This is actually going to be a science project. So I'm going to fasten the jar live on air. Not now. But we're going to do it at some point. We're then going to put it on the... I'm going to be able to say we're not going to do that. We are. We're going to put it on one of the shelves and we're just going to leave it for a little bit. We'll do that on the next episode you do with someone else.

1:01:13Because I'm not sitting here and actually being part of a podcast that's farting in a jar live on air. Thank you so much for listening. We love you so much. This has been a Staying Relevant production. Grainger knows if you're a procurement manager at an industrial manufacturing facility, you're balancing inventory and budget while sourcing critical supplies across the operation. Too much inventory? Cost climb. Too little? Production slows. Grainger's$2 billion in odd hand inventory helps you get what you need when you need it. So you can help keep budgets balanced and lines moving. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com or just stop by.

1:01:55Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

1:02:02Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid. one of our favourite games all with fictional characters so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas and possibly the genie from Aladdin we don't know yet we were sort of like undecided on that one that's an avoid for me that one genie I don't know I quite like it listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership