139: Sam's Birthday SURPRISE!

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1:05Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community. At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting, and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact. visit waldenu.edu. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shev. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends, myself, Sam Thompson and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Jezaria, Jeremiah, Wicks.

1:49This is the main episode, which means it's Monday that you are listening to this. You'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel on Wednesday and then the bonus episode will come out on Thursday which you'll be able to watch on a Sunday which means that you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday now if we could just do that with just the work experience guys so you'll be able to catch us on a Sunday Wednesday Thursday Sunday nice you're learning

2:19that was so unnecessary there will be swearing if you don't like it go f*** yourself today is a very special day. Very special day because we're having a party. It is Sam's birthday. Not actually on today. So let's just make it a real party. This is when you know you're in the party spirit. After three. One, two, three. Yay! Party poppers! Lovely. Great. And that'll do for the birthday. No, no, no. I can't start off myself, can I? Well, you just did. Shall we? No. Team? Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Marley. Happy birthday to you.

3:21So... Why are you holding your forehead, Pete? Why are you caressing your forehead? For those who are listening to this, you'll obviously have to wait till Wednesday before you can see the wonderful decorations the team have put in place. If I were you, I wouldn't hold your breath. But Sam, if you want to explain what the team have done. Oh, they've been so sweet. I walked in this morning and the team were already in the office and they had mullets on as I walked into the room and everyone had a string vest on, I don't really know what that says about me because I don't wear them that much. They had blue tank tops on and fake mullets.

4:01And as I walked in, they were all singing Happy Birthday. It was really, really lovely. I actually weirdly nearly teared up, and I don't know why because it wasn't even a big deal. Yeah, it was just really lovely. I was really nice, and we just slayed like queens. They did. I walked in late, and, yeah, you were all just slaying like queens. And they've given me balloons with cats on them, and there's loads of cats. We've got party plates with cats on, napkins with cats on. We've got some sort of bin bag that is covering the table that's got cats on it. Yeah, I mean, listen, we've gone big for you.

4:34I know. I'm really grateful, by the way, for everyone who's done this and decorated the studio. I'm so, so grateful. I'm going to be honest with you, not an awful lot of thought went into it in terms of what does Sam like? And instantly we just went with, I suppose he likes cats. Cat everything. So, yeah, we've gone full cat for you. We got paws. Then we got toe beans. But it's not only that, Sam, because we have also got a birthday cake because it's not a party without a birthday cake. Shut the fuck up. We got a birthday cake. But all I'm going to say is because we wanted to make it more personal, we didn't just go out and buy a cake.

5:08We decorated a cake ourselves. No, you fucking didn't. So close your eyes. Oh, I got a cake. Close your eyes. Okay. And we've got a wonderful birthday cake for you. No expense spared. Sam, open your eyes.

5:25Well, that's a bit of shit, isn't it? What do you mean? Is that a penis? There is a big penis on it. There is a couple of Sam and Pete snowmen. What the fuck is that? What? Who that? Did someone make this? Yes. Who made it? I did. No, you did not. You made this cake? We all did. No, you did not. Who made the action? Who baked this cake? I baked it. Sorry.

5:57But we decorated it. Okay, it is from Sainsbury's and it was reduced. But we did all your favourite things on there. Twat. You've put a penis on it. There's a penis on it. Pippa did some bubble writing. There's some little silver balls on it. Oh, you've made a cat. Yeah, there's a couple of cats on it. There's two cats. There's two cats. Pete, you've written ****. Yeah. But do you know what? You starred out C-U-N. Well, yeah, I didn't want it. He starred it out. He's put C star star T. I didn't want it to affect the algorithms.

6:32That's what you've given full blown letters to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kalina also accidentally did drop it on the side, which is why the circle is somewhat misshapen. I've got a question for you. One of us has hair sort of poking up. The other guy's just sort of falling in on himself. Yeah, that's because Pippa made those. And obviously the one with the hair poking up is you. And the other one, she, I think, described it as me because it looks like a melted Wellington boot. Shut your tail purpose. Well, I just put lots of hair on it. Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what happened. But, I mean, I think it's a lovely cake.

7:03If you compare it to the cake we got when we won the Trick Awards from Yvita, I think it's up there. I genuinely do. Not entirely sure what's inside it. We wouldn't expect any different, to be fair. But it's making me hungry. We haven't only just got your cake. Yeah. It wouldn't be a birthday without presents. What presents? So we've got presents for you. What fucking presents? Okay. So these presents, mate, they're basically a clue to something else. Oh, God. All right? So they're a clue to something that may be coming up, and we want you to see if you can guess what that might be. All right?

7:39Oh, bloody hell, I love these games. Okay, cool. All right, I'll close my eyes. now this first one I presume that this is a present and not just rubbish because this has been wrapped by someone I think with no arms what you've just rolled a paper bag and we had to cut the tablecloth in half and that's the tablecloth so we've beautifully wrapped a present in the tablecloth Jesus Christ I went and bought you all tarla. Well, you don't know what's inside yet. You haven't even given me a fucking wrapping paper. Well, listen Sam, I'm not going to say this was an afterthought but we did realise when we were in the office on Monday that we hadn't done anything.

8:27So we didn't have an awful lot of time. It's the most staying relevant birthday ever. So from me and the team, here's your first present. Is this a croissant in like wrapped in a paper bag? Just before you open it, do you like croissants?

8:45Oh, God, the suspense. I don't even care what it is. I'm going to love it anyway. Oh, I'm excited because I don't know what it is. This is my favourite kind of Pete. I'm so excited. A jelly cat. No. No. It's an owl.

9:10So. No, I'm so grateful. thank you so much I mean it I'm really grateful oh fuck me this feels like when your grandparents give you socks and licks Africa for Christmas I'm not honestly thank you thank you take this home with me listen like I said to you we haven't just got you an owl it's a clue it's a clue Sam oh oh oh

9:43So. Last birthday, we got Pete dressed up as an aubergine. I really enjoyed it. Someone came and played the trumpet. I've been given a fucking owl. No, it's not. Listen, the bonus episode is another present to you. All right. But there's going to be more on that kind of later. Okay. But this is a clue to something that we've done for you. There's also an envelope, Sam, on the table. Oh, God. So if you grab the, you'll know which one is yours because it says Sam. Okay. All right. And it's the only envelope on the table. All right. God, the suspense again. Oh, I'm so excited. What's a travel ticket?

10:18You have got a travel ticket. October time. Not sure.

10:26So. I haven't even read the rest. All I've seen is travel, departure date. Departure date October. Not even a date. Yeah. Departure date October. Sometime in October. Time. I'm not sure. We don't know what time yet. Name of ticket holder, Sam Thompson. Message, happy... I'm not going to say the number, the birthday. Travelling with Pete. With love for staying relevant, team. You've got a scratch. Oh, destination. Oh, fuck, I'm actually nervous. Are we going away? Yeah, sort of. Swear to God, if we're going to fucking long leave, I'm going to die. Why Longley? King's Cross Station.

11:20Yay! I knew you'd love it. So, you and I are going to King's Cross Station for your birthday. With an owl. With an owl. In October at a time that we're not sure of. At some point in October. At some point in October, at a time not specified, you and I and the owl are going to King's Cross Station. Okay. Because what's at King's Cross Station is a clue, Sam. Fucking train. Trains. And where do those trains potentially take you on a special platform? You're going to, if you check your phone. Milton Keynes. We are off to Milton Keynes. Check your phone. Check your phone. Hannah the Hawke you've wanted us to do this for a long time oh no we're not no we're not are we going Harry Potter World are we going Harry Potter World oh yay oh my god we're going to Potter World that's fucking sick are we all going yay Yay!

12:34So. Oh, how did you get him to say yes? Fucking hell. Oh, my God. We're going to King's Cross. We're going from King's Cross. No. Well, that was a clue. It was a clue because isn't that where the silly fucking made-up fucking platform is? Oh, my God. Have we actually gone to Harry Potter World? Are we going to Warner Brothers Studio? We're not in Florida. No, we're going to the one in just by Slough. In Watford. In Watford. So. By Slough. For Sam's birthday, we're not going to Florida. We're not going to Milton Keynes or Slough, but we are going to Harry Potter World. Mate, that's made my day.

13:15It's a team day out to Harry Potter World where Sam is going to be giving us some sort of fucking Harry Potter fucking tour. Waving his wand around and all sorts of shit. I will also be buying an outfit from the gift shop. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And this is something the team don't know about, so I'm going to add something else in that you'll like. I'm already... I'm at peak. I think this will take it over the edge, and also it's going to be funny for the entire team. Every single one of us is going to be dressed as a Harry Potter character. We're doing dress-up. Okay, okay. Including me.

13:53Yes! Shotgun, oh God! And even better than that, even better than that... Yeah. You're going to pick the character. So you get to pick each person's character from Harry Potter. We will all be buying outfits and we will be arriving in Watford at Harry Potter World dressed as some sort of fucking prat from Harry Potter. I know who I want you to be. Okay, who? Voldemort. With the cap. I don't know which one that is. He's bald. great excellent okay I assumed that I would probably be the big hairy one oh my god Hagrid oh I've got time I need to have time to think okay well you've got till October at some point shotgun brawn shotgun brawn you you'll have to stop dyeing your hair then okay so yeah mate happy birthday from the team oh that's so great I'm so grateful it is a team fun day oh my god October's so far away though I mean it is but we have got quite a lot going on I don't know if you remember the O2 and things.

14:59Oh, my days. So, yeah, so that will be your birthday present, mate. That is fucking class. Yeah. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. How do you feel? Well, we better start doing spells. Right, so your spells, if you're Voldemort. Shit. Sorry?

15:18Does he have a stroke in the film? No, but you've got to be like, Avada, Kadavra. Yeah. Yeah. So I go, I go, not today. No, you go, not today, Voldemort. I thought I was Voldemort. Yeah, okay, yeah, that's a good point. Oh, you have to go, you have to go, Harry Potter, the boy who lived, come to die. Okay, you want me to do it now? Yeah. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, come to die. And then I go, not today, Dumbledore. No, not today, Voldemort. And then you go, Dumbledore. Dumbledore. We're going to have so much fucking fun. This is going to be fucking awful. We're going to have so much fun. Okay, I just want to point out, the reason I'm not resisting this is because it's his birthday.

16:07It's the one day a year where there was nothing I could do about it. So there we go. Happy birthday, mate. Yay. What was your favourite part? Was it the cake, the owl, or Harry Potter World? Harry Potter World. I got a little bit disenfranchised with the King's Cross station. Yeah, you also got a little bit discombobulated with your vocabulary because I'm not entirely sure what disenfranchised means. I just feel like I wasn't ready for King's Cross station. When I saw the ticket, I thought we were going to like Marbs or Beef or something like that. I mean, to be fair, I have to say, team, whoever did that ticket, and Hannah, really nice because you built a lot of suspense there because even I thought we might be going on holiday for a minute.

16:49But no, we are off to Harry Potter World. There is nothing better than having a full... Because I've seen these given to family members and stuff. It's like, we're off to the Maldives or something like that. Scratch, and I saw King's Cros. I went, fucking hell. But yeah, that's going to be the day out in October. As always, you'll be able to watch it on Josh's YouTube channel. Because I'm sure that will be all fucking recorded. We're going to show you Buckbeak. Buckbeak's there? I don't want to see your Buckbeak. No, mate, you're going to love Buckbeak, trust me. I don't know what that means. It's a fucking hoot.

17:21Is there a bar there? Yeah, there's a bar. You can have butterbeer. Is it alcoholic? No, bitch, you're going to love it. Why the fuck would I want that? You're going to love it. No, I'm not. You fucking well are. Well, listen, that's not all for the birthday. Oh, bloody hell, I'm going to implode. Because the bonus, there is another surprise for you in the bonus episode, so make sure you tune in on... Tune in? Why do I keep talking like I'm... make sure you listen on Thursday for the bonus episode because there is something Sam wanted to do since we started this podcast which will be happening later this afternoon which you'll be able to listen to on Thursday and then watch on Sunday I love my birthday I love my birthday well now that we've done your little birthday thing let's fucking move on because I'm already bored of it oh my god I'm so happy oh I'm going to be that kid you know when you like go and wake up and you go three more sleeps two more sleeps yeah yeah yeah but you're not a kid you are how old?

18:1032 no you're not I am you're not 32 when this comes out I'll be 33 So it's your 33rd birthday? I'm going to be 33. All the threes. How does it feel to be 33? It is your first birthday for a while alone. I know. I know. I did actually have a word with Pete outside of my home. I'm a little bit sad about that. It's okay, though, because obviously, big plans for your actual birthday, which is the 2nd of August, this Saturday. We've all booked the time off. So what are we doing? we didn't want you to be on your own like obviously your first thing so we've all booked the time off the team are ready and raring to go so tell us what's the surprise what are we doing because I know you've been trying to keep it from us what are we doing we're doing after sun I'm going to Mallorca to film after sun for my birthday so we can't do anything

19:07but after that so let me get this right So for your birthday, where you specifically asked the team to keep it off, so everyone did, you're going to spend it after some. I have to. I'm contractually obliged. Okay, excellent. I didn't realise it landed on my birthday. Okay, wonderful. For the week after my birthday, we're going to fucking send it. Well, so because of this new information, I have made some slightly different arrangements to the Staying Relevant summer party. Staying relevant, we'll be having these summer drinks early. So we'll be potentially doing like a six till nine. Then afterwards, it's going to turn into Sam's birthday party.

19:48So we are throwing you a party.

19:54I only spoke about that when I was having a fag outside. So if you could arrange that end of this. Thanks so much. So Pete went to me outside. He went, what we can do is look, you know, I don't like him that much, but we can invite some of your friends. So I'm going to invite some of my mates. to come to the party. So that'll be an experience for everyone because some of us have been to the pub you make before and we love them. No, I'm joking. I am joking. Oh, God. But do you know what? It's a weird one. 33 is not really... I feel like it's not a birthday that you celebrate all that much. I'm not feeling...

20:28I wish you'd fucking told us before we made all these plans. Oh, God, sorry about the Sainsbury's birthday cake. There was half price. Fuck, what a plan that was. You got an owl. An owl. An owl. I'm very grateful for the owl. You don't, I mean, I'll be honest with you, you are one ungrateful prick. You made a penis on my cake. Yes. Was that actually Pete? I bet Pete didn't even do that, did he? No, Pete did do that. But look, I know you're not going to be spending it with any of us, but you are getting to spend your birthday with the most important person in your life, Maya Gemma. Does she know it's your birthday?

21:06Do we need to pre-warn her? She's not coming for the birthday meal, though. Oh, so you've arranged a birthday meal? I have. I said I'd take out the team. Excellent. So I just, you're going to take out the team. Yeah. Not your team, though. No. No. No, but you are going to take out a team. I'm going to take out the team who works at After Sun, just have a couple of drinks. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, that'd be really, really nice. Yeah. I hope, you know, as your team, we hope that you have fun with another team. That'll be really, really nice. I invited Pete for dinner tonight and he said no. Because I am busy.

21:39And I'll tell you why I'm busy. Funnily enough, it's actually similar to you at the weekend. Because I'm spending the night with Maya Jammer. Yes. That made it sound like I was going to fuck up. Yes. I'm not doing that. I'm off to Oasis tonight. With your Vita. Yeah. And Maya's in the box as well. Oh! Okay, this is great. Because she's had it from all angles on me, right? What we need to do... Was it consensual? No, what we've got to do is now, this is like the pincer movement. This is how we fucking get on the pod. I've given her my pitch. You then need to give her your pitch. Come together in the end and just go for it.

22:17Well, the reason we are talking about Maya again is because this is the final surprise to this. You don't fuck make what? This week's episode is brought to you in partnership with Gemini, Google's personal AI assistant. All right, Pete, so listeners will know that I'm becoming more and more of an AI expert. I love this text so much. I'm well on the way to mastering VO3. It's going to allow me to make all sorts of cool videos that I don't know whether you're going to like them. I hope you do. However, that is not all I want to use Gemini for. You see, Google got in touch with the podcast about Gemini, their AI assistant.

22:52You can chat with Gemini about anything and it will have an answer. You can jump in, ask more details. You can even show it what you're talking about by sharing your screen or camera. It's AI at its most helpful. So we thought Let's use Gemini to answer some of the listener dilemmas in our inbox. I mean, let's be honest, it can't do a worse job than we usually do. So, yeah, let's give it a go. So we just say, hi, Gemini, then explain the listener's dilemma. We see how it can lend a hand. This could go so left field. All right, come on, let's do it. Okay, so this first dilemma, it's about trying to impress a girlfriend's dad.

23:26Something I've never done. And my dad loves you. Yes, but you're not my girlfriend as far as I'm aware. So this is the dilemma. Hi, Gemini. I told my girlfriend's dad I'm a history buff to impress him. And now I have to be his personal tour guide in Rome. I know nothing. Help! OK, let's start with the Colosseum. Did you know it could hold up to 80 ,000 spectators? Do you know what's wild about that is that I actually thought it only held up to 50 ,000? Well, you're not Gemini, are you? I mean, like, listen, I'm not a history buff, I'll be honest with you. And that is that is good information, the 80 ,000.

23:57but I feel like everyone kind of knows about the Colosseum. It doesn't make you sound like a history buff. Surely there's more. Gemini, can you give us a little bit more insight about ancient Rome that would impress a girlfriend's dad? Okay, here's one. Did you know that ancient Romans were big on public restrooms? They had these huge communal toilets where people would hang out and chat while doing their business. It was a real social scene. Another fun fact is that they used to clean their clothes with urine. Right, I mean that... Unbelievable. That to me, that's a great fact. That is honestly a really good fact.

24:30I'm not entirely sure whether telling your girlfriend's dad that you know that ancient Romans used to wash their clothes in wee or used to hang out in the toilets is the best one. I love that. I mean, I'll be honest with you, it's making me want to go to Rome in ancient times. This is unbelievable. That was actually class. That would genuinely impress me. I mean, we've got a dilemma here as well from someone, which I think is probably appropriate for you. I guarantee this is our producer who's put this question in. I mean, it's just an interesting one. So why don't you ask Gemini the next dilemma, which is a little bit about the kind of dating game and how to get back into it and what you should do and just see if they come up with getting a mullet.

25:06All right, I will. Hi, Gemini. My friend keeps cancelling dates because he's nervous about getting back in the dating game. How can I hype him up and boost his confidence? That's a great question. You could start by reminding him of all his awesome qualities and past successes. Maybe even suggest practising some fun conversation starters together. or help him pick out a killer outfit. I'm going to be honest with you, the beautiful thing about this and the realisation from you is that you now don't have to call me. You can just ask Gemini and Gemini's got all the answers for you. Okay, so Gemini, what's your top tip that you shouldn't do on a first date?

25:42Okay, definitely avoid talking about your exes too much. It's a major buzzkill and can make things super awkward. Also, try to stay off your phone. Give your date your full attention. That couldn't be better advice, could it? You literally couldn't be better advice. Okay, so this next dilemma is about losing confidence in your dance moves because your friends are teasing you. Yeah, I mean, I'd never had any confidence in my dance moves. And the whole nation teased me, let's be honest. Completely understand this one. So let's ask Gemini. Hi, Gemini. My boyfriend's friend made fun of him dancing at a wedding and now he's lost his confidence.

26:17How can I help him get his dancing mojo back? That's a bummer. You could try suggesting a fun dance class together, or maybe even just having a silly dance-off in your living room to lighten the mood. I mean, I don't really do the dancing at weddings and stuff. I'm still, I just, I'm just not a very good dancer. Do you know what we could do? We could actually use Gemini's video chat. Oh, like when we had the guest on that did the whole thing of me, and it described what he was doing. Well, I'll tell you what, why don't I record you? Yeah, we'll see what Gemini thinks of your dancing. Yeah? Gemini, can you rate this dancing that Sam is doing in front of me?

26:54Sam's dancing is definitely enthusiastic. He's putting a lot of energy into it, but it's not exactly what I'd call smooth or coordinated. It looks a bit awkward, to be honest. Gemini was right. That was awkward. No, it wasn't. It meant it was. It was awkward, but you looked like you were having fun. Chuck me, Gemini, then. See if he can give you some moves. What, so Gemini's going to tell me what to do? All right, fine. Hi, Gemini. Right, the man standing in front of you, could you tell him what dance moves would suit him at a wedding? Okay, let's get this party started. For a wedding, you can't go wrong with the classic lawnmower.

27:29The shopping cart is another fun one. Push an imaginary cart around the dance floor. And of course, the sprinkler is always a crowd pleaser. Gemini, is this the sprinkler? That's the sprinkler. You're getting the hang of it. Who is a better dancer? Pete Witt, which you just saw, or the guy who was doing the dance previously. Pete Wick's moves are energetic and enthusiastic, while the other person's moves are more fluid and controlled. It comes down to personal preference. Well, there you go. I think it comes down to personal preference. There's no clear winner. Maybe it's a draw. I would say there was a clear winner there.

28:02I'll give you your dues there. Fair game. Gemini Live was impressive. So impressive. That's definitely my new go-to when I'm in the middle of a problem. Open it up, have a chat, problem solved. So guys, go live with Gemini. Download the Gemini app today to unlock the power of Google AI on your phone. Sequences shortened, check responses, compatibility and availability varies 18 plus. That's freaking me out. I've got to work with her in like three days. How long have you wanted Maya to come on? As if. The pod? As if, yes. Don't you dare. I swear to God. Hannah, go on, go on, go on. No, that means she's not going in.

28:41Go.

28:46Well, no, because there's no one there, Hannah. Sit down. What did you... Come on. You looked at me as if, wasn't he? No. No, that's not happening. But, yeah, OK. So, loads of birthday plans for the weekend. Back on Love Island final. Who do you think is going to win? Give us your predictions really fucking quickly. Do you know what? I think it actually... Did you miss the bit where I said really quickly? Could be Harry and Shakira, weirdly. I think they might have done a U-turn because Shakira's got a lot of fan base. and Dajon kind of screwed him over. Could obviously be, it could be cash. So when I say give you some predictions, I didn't mean give us a run through of everyone there.

29:22It could be cash. So you think Harry and Shakira are going to win? Or cash. They're going to what, win cash? No, or cash, the guy who's on the show because people really like him. He handles himself like a true gent. Cash money, yeah? Yeah. Okay, excellent. So cash. It's going to be, no one really quite knows what's going to fucking happen. Also, weirdly enough, no one really quite cares. So that'd be nice. Well, good luck with that. More importantly, obviously, it is your birthday and it is the first one alone, but whatever happens... I don't know what to do. Well, I can tell you what to do, because this weekend it will be...

29:56There'll be an opportunity for you to not be alone. You have to remember that. What do you mean? Well, you're going to be in Mallorca. It's the Love Island final. You will be meeting all of the finalists. All I'm saying is you could have a little birthday face sitting. Who knows? Who knows? Just putting it into the universe, mate. Oh no. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Imagine if I came back when it happened. Anyway. So been a big week for you though. It has been a big week. I don't know if you know, and it's a shame because I didn't want you. I mean, you're just, because you're putting your body through so much at the minute, obviously you broke your leg doing soccer aid.

30:41and you've come in today with quite a serious injury. We were all a little bit worried. We didn't know if you were going to be in today, which was a shame because we planned so much. But you are injured at the minute because you've been doing another very gruelling show. Yeah. Gladiators has been announced. I see Gladiators. Sam has just done Gladiators. It is announced, isn't it? Yeah, it's been announced yesterday. And I'll tell you what the press describes it as. You and the other people doing it. It's you. It is Nicola Wood, Vogue Williams and some Wicks bloke. But not me. But you've been described as four daring celebrities with iconic challenges such as the Jewel, the Wall and the legendary Eliminator.

31:31How tough was it? Mate, I can't give anything away because it hasn't come out until like New Year. but it was fucking way harder than I thought it was going to be. Way harder. How big are the Gladiators? Absolutely enormous. They're all like 6 '6". And I know, obviously you can't say too much about it but how do you look in spandex? Not bad, actually. Not bad. Well, I mean... Not a penis on show. That's terrifying. Joe's quite well hung, is he? Well, no, we had to put briefs on because we couldn't wear boxers because you literally see the outline of the cocks. to be able to change that up. But when you wear boxes just in here, we can't see the outline of your cock.

32:08So how does it work when you put on the gladiator's outfit? And we... Tight spandex. Real tight, yeah? Mate, I'm not joking. It is... First of all, Joe Wicks, one of the nicest guys in the world, loves you. It's a Wicks thing. Yeah, mate, he's like, when can I meet Pete? When can I meet Pete? He really wants to meet... Doesn't love me that much because I have met him. When can I see Pete? When can I see Pete? And he was like, because he... This was interesting because he always gets mistaken for you. And I know that you get the same thing for him, but at least we now know it's the two way. Yeah, I mean, because, but I imagine that's awful for him because he's called the body coach and he gets mistaken for a bloke who looks like Gollum in a wig.

32:49For me, it's not too bad because I'm like, oh yeah, I'll take that because he is by far better looking and in better shape than I am. But when people do it to me when they're drunk, I just go along with it and tell them to drop and give me 20. And then you have drunk people doing press ups in front of me, which is fucking weird. I can't imagine what he does. He said that he keeps getting tapped to the shoulder. They go, oh my God, it's Pete Wicks. He goes, no, really sorry. It's not actually. So I just find that fucker, I think we should put you both in a room together and just like, you both would be, it'd be such good content.

33:21But in all honesty, there is literally no similarities between the two of us other than we've slightly got long hair and we've got the same little surname. Nah, you've got quite the same, similar facial features and your barnet is like scarily similar. He's still quite long, isn't he? Yeah, but back when you had a ponytail, it was honestly, it's the exact same hair, like the exact same hair. So, I mean, he put up a post, I did see it, saying that there's a new wicks in town. Yeah, there's never a new wicks in town. Okay, well, I was just looking for a little bit of clarification and reassurance.

33:50I will say this, without giving anything away, he's fucking athletic. I mean, without you saying that, someone who is known as the body coach, I imagine I probably could have guessed that. But so are you, mate. So who knows? Who knows? Is it Titan Thompson or the body coach? No, do you want to know my name? Oh, I don't know if I can say my name. Yeah. Oh, well, just tell us and we cut out. What? Yeah. Why on earth would that be your gladiator? That's not a gladiator name. Yeah, it is because you never know. Like, you can't stamp it out. You never know where it's going to nest. It's seen as a pest.

34:26And then we're everywhere. We're everywhere. You can't get rid of it. Then you should have called yourself fucking herpes. do you know what I mean what a fucking ridiculous what a ridiculous it was it was it was fucking hard I like I'm not I don't even know if I can say what we did but the challenges that we did mate I woke up this morning it is no joke so I know you can't you can't really tell us what challenges you did because they change it on different ones but everyone does the travelator yeah so everyone regardless everyone does that yeah is that is it hard mate it is so much harder than you think it's going to be.

35:05Well, do you know what's mad? He's like, as a kid, like I grew up on Gladiators. I think everyone did. The same. I used to watch Gladiators and then I would run up and down the stairs and pretend I was doing the Travelator. That image in my head is fucking amazing. Yeah. Dude, it's so fast. It's so fast. And like, put it this way, it's not an easy ride for anyone. Well, I mean, listen, like I said, we can't talk about it too much, but you have come in with a little injury. Is everything okay? It is, but I've got really bad rope burn. I've ripped skin off my finger. Shit, has the doctor seen it?

35:38Yeah, no, the doctor has seen it. Yeah. Are you getting a second opinion? Yeah, well, also, I was in the locker room with all the gladiators as well, and I was wrestling with them quite a lot. That was quite fun. Yeah, wrestling with gladiators, even the ladies, actually. Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? Oh, they're jacked. they were like body slamming me fucking hell well look it's good that you've done gladiators and it's good that you were doing some wrestling because you know following the headlines on that this week obviously I know you've been looking to take up self defence classes and you've been looking to kind of improve on your kind of fighting technique because it has been tough you have been in the headlines this week because after you were kicked out of a club by a bouncer when your ex leaves with another man but that does followed the week before when you were punched in the face by a child in Southend.

36:27So I know, you know, recently, physically, people have been getting the better of you. So it's good that you did Gladiators and you got to wrestle in the changing rooms. Did they teach you a thing or two? Do you think you can hold your own now? That's a load of shit, by the way. Honestly, when I saw that, I was fucking livid. Which one? The punched in the face by a child or the getting kicked out of a club by a bouncer? How are the press allowed to do this? Obviously, for anyone who doesn't know this, the press lift things out of this podcast. So if you listen to this podcast quite a lot, we will literally fucking like say what happens in our lives throughout the 32 years that I've been on this planet.

37:0133. 33 now. And like, so I told this story fucking years ago where I got kicked out of a club being too drunk. And I was like, and an ex of mine stood over me and walked over me. It was like quite a fun story. The headline is Sam Thompson kicked out of club by bouncer after ex leaves with another man. and it has a photo of my face as if it happened last fucking weekend, as if I'm on some fucking, like, charge at the moment. And it's like, can't take him anywhere at the moment. Fuck me. He's on the downward spiral. I mean, it does make you look... It's fucking mental. But also, the same with the week before, where it's just a picture of your face smiling with the headline, punched by child, in Seaside Resolve.

37:44Mate, if you stack these together, right, and actually someone who doesn't know me very well Googles me, I've been kicked out of clubs, punched in the face by a kid. Well, listen, it's been a big kind of birthday week for you. Something else that I just want to point out, obviously, you know, not only do you do this podcast, but you do a number of other things, including your wonderful sunglass brand. You've actually bought me a pair here. So, lovely. It's from the new range. Wonderful. A little bit of free promotion for you. Also, Content Jungle. Really exciting app. No, fuck that. Put the new ones on then.

38:14Try them on. But why don't you tell us, because you did your annual photo shoot, which normally I'm wheeled out for, but unfortunately I wasn't here. How was it without me? How were the models? Did you have a good time? I've got a great story from speaking to Sam afterwards, but I don't know if I can tell it, so we'll see. Pete's right. It's not a photo shoot for Danelli without Pete being involved in it. You look very good in them. I'm not just saying that. Even Pippa gave you a nod. Pippa is fucking cynical. Normally every year what we do is we do our annual photo shoot and we get a bunch of models in and we sort of like get Pete in.

38:54I don't know why he's doing that. The glasses are great. No, they are great. They are really nice. I asked for these. And we normally fucking like, we hire loads of like genuine, not that Pete's not a genuine model, but like proper. We go to like Storm and Select and all of these different modeling agencies and get on. And then we go, well, we need a bit of stardust. So we'll get Pete involved and normally what happens is we won't use any of the model photos We'll just put all of the ones that beat up. You've got real models there who've spent like six hours there during the day shooting all of these sunglasses and they all look fucking great.

39:25I'm getting willed in at the end. There's a Guinness opened on my arrival. Someone brushes me air. They whack a pair of sunglasses on and then just use them shots where I'm half fucking drunk. But I wasn't there. So obviously you've had a glop. Did you do some modelling yourself? I didn't. I got too afraid. It wasn't the same without you. I'm going to be honest with you. You didn't even model your own stuff? I didn't model my own stuff, no. but Sam you're so where was the stardust there was no you're a national treasure in the nation's sweetheart we had no stardust because you weren't there man it's normally what happens as well is it makes the models feel more at ease if Pete's there said no one ever it does because Pete's just a calming influence on a photo shoot we once stuck him out the back of a car on the first photo shoot we did do you remember that we drove a car in we put you out the window in the car in a beanie yeah there was there's some wild ones I did fall in love with the model.

40:17Well, I mean, this is kind of what I want to get on. So why were you at the shoot then if you weren't kind of shooting? And I know you kind of have, you know, someone that helps you. Like Rez does the kind of company and he's kind of in charge of the design and all that sort of stuff. So what was your purpose there? My purpose was just to make sure it was running smoothly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get people drinks. I was very much just the helper for the day. Get people drinks. I was getting people drinks, yeah. So, I mean, so really, you didn't have to be there. Show face. Would have, just show face, would have run smoothly without you.

40:55So was there anything that kind of made you want to be there?

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42:38Anything in particular? Just nice to meet new people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's nice. It's nice to meet new people. Yeah. Did you meet some new people? I did. Yeah. And how was it for you? Great. I loved it. Yeah? It was really, really nice. Got to meet some really interesting people who do various jobs. Well, I imagine they all do the same job. They're all models. Never go to a photo shoot with loads of models there because it is the most fucking terrifying ordeal that you'll ever do in your entire life. You fall in love with absolutely all of them. and you literally have to maintain composure, you become so hyper aware of what you're saying that like you, I don't know, have you ever had this?

43:22Have you ever been starstruck by someone who's just unbelievably good looking? No. Mate, it is fucking, you are so aware of what you're doing. Like if you gulp too loudly or if you get a dry mouth and I'm like, oh God, my inner monologues, it's like, mate, you're breathing too much. You're like licking, I kept on licking my lips Like, I was really, I was like, she's going to know. Hold on, hold, hold. Hold on a second. It's just hard to talk to really good people. So you were talking to models licking your lips. Yeah, but not meaning to. I had such a dry mouth. I was like, how are you? And I was like, stop licking your fucking lips, Sam.

43:58Mate, yeah, it's just, it's a different ballgame, mate. So how was it? Presumably, you know, successful show, little, you know, a few rap drinks. I'm sure you sort of said to the people working there, you know, let's all have a little drink together. a little celebratory thing. And what happened at that point? No, everyone just went home. One of them went on a date. Oh, what are you doing after? She went, going on a date. I was like, great. Enjoy. And that was even worse. She goes, I'm going on a date. I was like, oh yeah, where are you going? She went, oh, I'm not going to tell you. I went, why?

44:32She was like, she'll turn up. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I know you met her that day. I've been away and I got my phone back that evening. And I, because I had my phone off for a couple of days and I messaged Sam saying, how was the shoot, mate? And he said, yeah, yeah, good. I said, are you off at tonight? He went, no, quite deflated. And I said, what do you mean? I thought the shoot was good. He went, they've all got dates. Okay, but was the shoot good? Don't know what I'm going to do now. But did you get all the shots you needed? Not one of them was single. But anyway, nice. Danelli's going well.

45:08Mate, it's going amazing. The shots are great. We've got everything we need. And genuinely, it missed you there, though. It absolutely missed you there. We needed a little bit of you. Every year to wheel you out. I'm back in retirement, Sam. No, he's back in. He's back in. I'm back in. All right, good. So it's been a busy fucking week for you. It's been busy for me, but I've been doing sort of slightly more, what's the word, sort of self-satisfactory stuff, you know, whereas Pete has had more of a giving week, I think. Mine's been a little bit more of a selfish week. um pete has been i'm trying now because we've just had a joke and i'm now trying to rein it in and be a little bit more serious because what you've done uh over the past week has actually been fucking phenomenal and i think needs to be discussed you know we had the dogs in last but i think there's a theme here actually a little bit oh sam sam tries to date a model doesn't get anywhere uh pete looking after the dogs dog show we have tears and we have it again for a very fucking good reason you went on the copperfield trek you've already done the sahara in 2022, Mont Blanc 2023, and you're back for more.

46:13This time you went to Iceland. 60K over three days. And we're going to let you obviously describe what it is, but 60K for the people who went. It feels weird coming from you after you did that whole week of 269 miles in five days. But the difference is actually huge because you did that with people, and I'll let you explain, obviously, sort of what the sort of clientele of this trek are going through. But 60K for them is a fuck ton. It's pretty superhero-y what they're doing. Yeah, like I got involved with Copperfield quite a few years ago and have done a number of treks and they raise money for breast cancer, breast cancer awareness in men and women.

46:56Sorry, women and men. I made it sound like the other way around there. And it's just an incredible charity. So every year they do a number of different treks and every year I try and do one for them. So, yeah, we did 60K in Iceland. I had just under 30 women in the team, all of which are either going through cancer treatment now at different stages or have been affected by cancer previously or, you know, it's kind of an incredible thing really to kind of be around people who are probably going through the toughest thing you could ever go through and then still be so resilient, happy, joyful and just inspirational.

47:45Like in all honesty, it's my favourite thing to do kind of every year, like as a week. It's just a brilliant thing. And I think I might be doing potentially another one later on this year because it is, I've never been around people who put so much perspective into my own life and humble me, which I fucking definitely need a lot of the time. Let's think to that. I mean, I've never done anything like this, so sort of call me naive. What's it like when you meet these people and you're on this trek and they are going through these horrific illnesses? To you, what is that like? How do you feel when you're on that?

48:24Has it touched you in a way that nothing else really can? Yeah, do you know what's amazing? You'd never know. Really? You'd never know. They'd get up every morning. We were camping every evening. I mean, the first day was torrential rain, 60-mile-an-hour winds. The first day we did the equivalent of climbing Ben Nevis and down in one day. So it was 24K up and down. And I'm talking, you know, this isn't like sort of hills. It's up and down. If you don't know Ben Nevis, Ben Nevis is where the SAS train. Yeah. So that's sort of like giving you a bit of an insight on that. And like the fact that we got through it, we all started together, we all finished together.

49:03The fact we got through it, you've got glacial river crossings happening. Saw a photo of you knee deep, actually, in one of those river crossings, doing Daddy Pete there. And you were literally spread eagled with your legs, just going, get across, across we go. Was that your sort of, was that who you were on that trip? Well, yeah, kind of the whole point of kind of being a team captain is just to keep everyone together. And you know what I'm like? I'm quite an overly protective type of person. So everyone had a number. Yeah. Obviously. But, yeah, you're effectively at risk of hypothermia within about three minutes because you're in minus temperatures in that water.

49:44So it is fucking heavy. You've got fast-flowing water. You're carrying an awful lot of weight in terms of, you know, your backpack and everything else. And you're in the middle of nowhere. I mean, we're talking helicoptered out. There's hospitals nowhere. where there was nothing, you can't get cars to where we were. There was nothing you can do. So it was quite fucking risky and fucking a bit touch and go at different points. But the fact that they, everyone kind of got through it with a smile on their face and don't get me wrong, there is an awful lot, it's emotionally so, so tough because you're up and down like a yo-yo, you get an opportunity to walk and talk with people and hear different stories and people from completely different backgrounds to you and completely different experiences to you.

50:26And it's just an opportunity for people to actually be present. And I said it all week, like we all live kind of our lives worrying about the past and what's going to happen in the future and never really actually being present and in the moment. And I switched my phone off for three days so that I could be there, be present and be concentrating on, even if it's just one foot in front of the other, also concentrating on the people you're around. And I don't think we ever really get a chance to do it. And that's why it's such a beautiful thing, because if you are going to be present at any moment, you want to do it around people who are incredible, inspirational, resilient and who can who can teach you something.

51:02And every single one of the people that were on that trek and were part of my team and part of the other team, Vicky's team, have got so much to teach you about what it takes to be a fighter, what it takes to be a fucking good person. and the whole point of it is to raise money and awareness for breast cancer. On that note, where can people donate? How can people learn more? What we'll do is we'll put up a link thing in the bio for you to be able to donate. Genuinely, have a little read about Copperfield because it was started by a wonderful woman called Chris Hallinger who unfortunately she passed last year and this is kind of her legacy.

51:43I had the opportunity to interview her a number of years ago and she was just an incredible, incredible woman who fought breast cancer for a very long time. And what she has created along with Giovanna Fletcher is genuinely a community and a family for people to understand and have somewhere to go to discuss how they're feeling and what's happening with people who are, you know, going through a similar sort of thing. So we'll put all that sort of stuff in the diary. But, yeah, it's an incredible thing. One thing I will say is there was an awful lot of calls from people on the trek. Where is Sam Thompson?

52:25You were mentioned a number of times because they think you would be the most motivational morning person ever. Because when you've had an hour or two sleep on a hard fucking floor, putting up your tent every night, taking your tent down every night in pissing fucking rain, they thought Sam Thompson would be the man for the job. So you never know. You never know. You never know. We may end up getting you on one. I would be honoured to be there. If I ever got the call up, you know I'd be there. And I would be very, very, very happy to be the wake up cockerel. Honestly, and do you know what? There is nothing that I could do for the people within those teams in comparison to what they give me back.

53:13Yeah. Like, and I genuinely mean that as well. And I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to do. And obviously it is such an important cause. But every year I've had different teams every single year and every single year is a different team. But the same thing I've found is that they are all fucking incredible. So if any of you are listening to this, thank you. Thank you so much for the past week. It was incredible to spend time with you all. I am also inviting them all to the O2. So we may see you there. We will see you there. I doubt some of you will want to come because you have just spent three days with me and that is a lot for anyone.

53:54We may see you there. Anyway. Talking about the O2 though, I feel like Pete deserves a little bit of a relaxation. Obviously you've been working incredibly fucking hard and you still are on the dog show. You've always done the coffee field trek, which obviously means so much. You know, a little bit of an R &R tonight, isn't it? Pete's off to Oasis at Wembley tonight. He's in a box. He's treating himself. He's going with Yvita, who is sort of his real best friend, I suppose, at the moment. What do you mean, at the moment? Interesting. Well, it's because Strictly's started again, isn't it? So he's sort of like trying to weasel his way in, you know?

54:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, you're so funny about this Strictly thing, right? And you all do it. It's not just you. all of you do it. Everyone pretends they're best friends forever. And then it will seep out eventually because she'll have that with the next person she's with. And then everyone keeps really pushing that fucking strictly friendship up until the next one. And then it just sort of eggs and flows away a little bit. Suddenly they're hanging out a lot more. No, let me explain. What do you mean? Yavita and I are very good friends. Can't let it go, can you? We spend a lot of time together.

55:05The reason we're going to Oasis together is firstly because you don't like Oasis. I would. Are you joking? Don't want to. No. Yep. There you go. No wonder while. Are you underwater when you were singing that? I would go to Oasis just for the sake of being able to be like I was there. But understandably, I feel like I just get mugged off because everyone would be like, you don't even like Oasis. Well, the reason that you, Vita and I are going is because we danced to Oasis on Strictly. We're the only people to have ever danced to Oasis on Strictly. Okay, fair. So we danced to Don't Look Back in Anger.

55:38So I thought it would be nice to take her there, especially as she is about to start Strictly again. And you don't want her to forget? I just want her to remember that she will never find another partner like me. How do you feel about the fact that Strictly's starting again? Are you still going to try and sort of like, you know, be involved a little bit? I feel fine. Are you going to turn up to any of the shows? Fine. Are you going to turn up to any of the shows? Yes. I think he's going to turn up to the show. He's all right, all right. He's going to be... And I will just be... I'm going to pop in some of her rehearsals just to make sure it's going well.

56:12But I'm fine about it. Oh, God, Jesus Christ. I'm absolutely fine about it. Listen, you know, she's going to get a new partner and that will be a different experience. Hey, she'll never forget you, big guy. It will be a different experience for her. We don't know who the new cast is. But, yes, listen, she's going to get a new partner and, you know, that's absolutely fine. Like, everyone says that once you've done it and then, you know, the next year they move on and, you know, there's a bit of resentment and jealousy there. Which I'm not detecting at all from you. Not from this camp, let me tell you.

56:48No, absolutely not. He's completely fine with it all. What happens if the Strictly, it's not even a curse because, you know, Javita's single. What happens if she ends up falling in love with the person that she's dancing with in an intimate way, where does that leave you? In the same place I am now. Well, of course it does. I know you've only ever been friends, but like, where does the friend go after that? You know, like, does the friend get bounced? No, absolutely not. I don't think. Would you have to vet him? Oh, fuck yeah. You'd have to vet him? Absolutely, yeah. I will be vetting her new partner.

57:22Really? I have told her this as well. Even though you couldn't dance for shit. Oh, no, no, I won't be vetting. Imagine if Pete turned up and I'd be like, No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me just point out, I won't be vetting his dancing technique because I definitely can't do that. I just want to make sure that she has a nice time. Fucking hell, poor lady. Well, listen, it's a long time to spend with someone. I just want her to have as good a time as we had last year. I don't think anyone will have a good time as you guys had last year. That's exactly what I was looking for. And, well, do you know what?

57:49There's one thing that I'm a little bit jealous of, actually, is that Pete mentioned it just now, is Pete sharing a box with Maya. She's always been my friend. and I know what's going to happen here. I know exactly what's going to happen. Pete's going to say it's going to be up to this fucking box. Even happened in fucking Aftersun last year. Pete turned up unwillingly to Aftersun in Mallorca to surprise me and literally had everybody in a circle around him going, I was like, guys, I've been with you for three years. Yeah, but maybe it's because you hadn't taken them out for your birthday dinner last year.

58:20So this year will be different. Yeah, no, tonight, it's going to be a fun one actually. So, yeah, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, And her husband. Okay. Brad. Yeah. And then Maya and, I don't know who Maya's going with, but apparently that's who's in the list. So I don't know if she's definitely going, but I've seen she's in the list, so it would be nice. It would be nice to spend time with one of your other friends. Nice that I didn't get the invite. That's interesting, isn't it? For my birthday as well, of all things. Fucking hell. But no, it's going to be a fun one. I'm looking forward to it. You know, we'll be singing along and whatnot.

58:53Well, you know, Oasis, they said they don't do a Coldplay, but whether they do the kiss cam or not, try not to get caught on the big screen. I can't wait to see Pete and whoever it may be. Your beat is so small, if we get fucking Godfro over the balcony.

59:09Launched. Oh, God, that's brilliant. Well, Pete, you've had one hell of a week and you're going out to Oasis. We want to hear all about it. I know I'm going to be texting you and calling you tonight to get a play-by-play of where Maya actually is going to agree to come on this fucking podcast. I won't ask her. No, please do. Mate, you've asked us so many times. I am now not going to follow it up. Because you've asked so many times, and then for the 15th time... Thought about the podcast.

59:38We do have some bad news, though. Well, this isn't great. And look, do you know what? I feel like this has been one hell of a fucking rollercoaster of a podcast episode. And look, the bad news sort of starts, but, you know, we weren't surprised. the judges have not shortlisted Staying Relevant for a podcast award we haven't been nominated for the best comedy podcast ridiculous or best host which is frankly actually disrespectful but the third one's the one I think that we're going to highlight here this one Pete I know that you take quite a lot of umbrage with this one so do you want to take this one away?

1:00:18I'm fucking raging I'm going to be honest with you Listen, we don't need Stay Forever 11 to win Best Comedy Podcast or Best Host. Because it all sucks anyway. Well, for a number of reasons. The first one, the first reason being that we've already fucking won. We won a Trick Award, which is better. Yeah. All right? That's better. Secondly, we've got a long-running feud with the British Podcast Awards based on the fact that it is rigged. I love the way Pete's joining the team. to the point where our old producer is actually on the judging panel. So, that's fine. As our red-handed. Yeah, as our red-handed, who Sam decided to start a war with, completely unnecessarily.

1:01:03So that's fine. A war. And if I'm perfectly honest with you, we're probably not the best host or the funniest podcast, so that's fine. But one thing I do fucking have the ump with is we do have the best fucking producer. Yeah. the fact that you're not even shortlisted is a fucking disgrace. Thanks, Peter. Honestly, because we think you're wonderful. I am more angry than anyone because I tried to bribe them. They took the money and she still ain't been fucking shortlisted, which is a fucking joke. But how do you feel, more importantly? We're raging. As your kind of work parents, your double daddies.

1:01:40Yeah. Ooh. More. I feel very odd now. Not as odd as I feel. I'm so sorry. Disappointed is the only word that comes to mind, really. Yeah, it's a shame not to make the shortlist. They did email me to let me know there's been a really high calibre of talent this year.

1:02:02I said, yeah, it's just really high quality of entries. Have you seen the shortlist? I have, yeah. Do you know anyone on it? I don't know anyone on it. What podcast, where the producers are? I don't know, but it's not me. They don't work for staying relevant for dogs. Well, I mean, I'm absolutely gutted. Thanks, guys. I'd just like to echo everything Pete just said. And I genuinely mean this. And the thing is, the reason we're actually discussing this so much is because of our listeners. We're all a family here. And I genuinely believe it. I think our listeners are going to be fucking livid. Yeah.

1:02:36Because that... Rally, guys, rally. That. I mean, from the bottom of my heart, I know people agree with this. by far the best producer in this entire industry. Guys, I thought this was going to be way more like Joe. No, no, no, no. I genuinely, genuinely mean it. I'm fucking furious at that. And you know what the worst thing is? It's mine and Pete's fault. Because they fucking hate us. So on behalf of Sam and I, we are very sorry that you've been tarnished with our brush. I'm just glad we went public with it. So that's good. I am also sorry that I made it so public I genuinely thought that you would win I was convinced you were going to win it but on the plus side welcome to the losers yeah welcome to the party Pippa let me tell you something right now that you're going to learn a lot on this podcast you've only been lost for just under a year everyone hates us it's actually one year today I've been one year one year today oh yeah it's my birthday so you can't steal that I've not made it go again next week But some of you guys realize, everyone hates us and we don't care.

1:03:40Okay. Fuck them all. I really care, but I'll get that. So anyway, but good luck to everyone at the British Podcast Awards. We wish you all the luck in the world. Yeah, and we won't be seeing you next year because you lot can fuck off. Oh, God, I'm just so disappointed for you. Yeah. Listen, you can hate us, but don't take it out on our fucking producer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. we're going to turn up to the awards actually in a fucking Hummer limo is what we're going to do we're going to turn up yeah and we're going to drive it through the fucking door no we're not going to do that slags we're going to turn up Pete's given us permission to spend it on the card again no he hasn't we're turning up we're going to buy a table at the podcast awards even though we're not up for anything and boo everyone and we're going to fucking boo we're going to do a Kanye West when Beyonce won when Taylor Swift won the fucking award and we're going to storm up on that stage and we're going to fucking Mooney them okay yeah i mean we're gonna flash him yeah yeah that's that's how angry we are about we're gonna get arrested for your pippa we're gonna get arrested for dick exposure that'll do that's how fucking angry we are that'll that'll fucking do anyway that'll do for the day because i think we're done and and everyone's slightly overstimulated yeah let's do stick around though because apparently there's another birthday surprise coming my way and i don't know what that is we are going to hopefully hopefully sam doesn't take off before it happens but also we are going to Harry Potter World so stay tuned for that and oh maybe sometime in October maybe we should do a poll what character would you like Pete to be because we're actually the whole team but more so what would you like Pete to be so you know and we can maybe get a makeup artist if you need to well I'll tell you what I'm thinking about and I've already I think Josh should be the owl we'll make Josh the owl Pete will be vulnerable or why don't we make Josh just a broomstick well look we'll do a poll we'll see we'll see where we get to excellent so yeah make sure you rate review do all of that sort of stuff feature in the podcast for the bonus episode then email hello at srproductions.co.uk which is fucking awful follow us on all socials at stayin' with the podcast yeah you know the fucking score happy birthday Samuel Robert DeCoursey Thompson that's it can I wait can I just ask one question before we clap ourselves out we never clap ourselves out I'm going to probably grab ourselves out.

1:06:02Quick scenario. You were at Hogwarts in the studio in October. And the kid comes up to you and shouts a spell at you. Right. What are you giving back? What am I giving him back? Yeah, he clearly wants a duel. A slap? No, no, no. What are you giving back? He wants a duel. He's coming at you. Sam, I'm not. No, you're dressed as Voldemort, so he obviously thinks you're the bad guy. You're sort of shuffling around. Well, if he thinks, yeah, I'll be the bad guy because then they won't come near me. because I will scream at children. What if he comes at you and he goes, what if he goes, expelliarmus?

1:06:35I'll go, fucky office. I cannot wait for that. Okay, excellent. Nice. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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1:09:20And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.