140: Hard Launches and Dating Age Gaps

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1:38Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two bestest of bestest bestie pals, me, Sam Thompson, and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Wicks. Jaws, absolutely wild. Sorry, just before you go, Pippa's away again. Who's Pippa? Yeah, who the fuck is Pippa? We've got Galena in the house, everybody. is Galena, new producer who we adore on this pod. And for me, obviously my favourite, the one and only Josh is back.

2:09Love you, man. Even the lie detector says no. Love you, man. Anyway, this is the main episode, which means it's Monday, so you'll be able to watch this on the wonderful Josh's YouTube channel on a Wednesday, and then we'll be doing the bonus episode as well, which comes out on Thursday and then you'll be able to listen to that on a Sunday, which means that you can catch us on a, or watch it on a Sunday, so you can catch us on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Well done, everyone. I will be swearing, if you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Sam will probably dabble in a little bit of foul language just to sort of make himself seem cooler.

2:43Just to fit in. Make sure you followed all of that crap. You know the thing by now. Also, whilst we're doing rounds of applause because you seem to like starting it this way, let's have a round of applause because Sam finally has what I would class as an actual mullet. It's flicking out at the back. So I mentioned it to him and he went, oh, yeah, I better get that cut. What's the fucking point of growing it then? I don't know. That was flicking like a rat tail. And you seem to have found the right colour for you. I have. I've been colouring it properly now. Yes, we can tell. It seems to be the right colour now because it's kind of gone from sort of black Elvis kind of look to kind of a sort of a reddish tinge brown.

3:20Reddish tinge brown. I'll tell you what. I'd call it autumnal. An autumnal colour. Autumnal chestnut. I'm getting another tattoo tomorrow if you fancy coming with me. No. Why? Busy. Quite fun if we get the same one. Oh, yeah, that'd be great. What are you getting on? I mean, you've just had an angry penis put on your arm. What are we getting now? Just sort of like a slightly sad vagina? No, I'm getting Emperor Palpatine going, do it. Do it. Right, there's a number of people in the room. Anyone know what the fuck that is? You know what I'm about with? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Anyone? Not one of you.

3:57Josh? Yeah, well, if Josh knows, it sounds cool. Love you, man. What the fuck is that? Where Luke Skywalker's about to kill... Star Wars. Yeah, Darth Vader. Okay, so what have you been up to this week then, mate? It's been a heavy week. Well, listen, it was your birthday. Yeah. All right, you celebrated all your nearest and dearest. We all saw the picture on Instagram. I didn't know one fucking person in it. Tony, Marvin, you were in it? No, no, no. I mean your birthday dinner that none of us got invited to. Not one person in there I've ever seen before in my fucking life. I'll be honest with you.

4:33I think you just joined another table. Who the fuck are they? They're the crew and production for Aftersun. And I just didn't have any friends out there. So I was like, guys, I went over to the crew. I went, guys, do you want me to buy you dinner? I paid for dinner for my birthday. It was your birthday and you paid for dinner. God, this is like your mates all over again. This reminds me of Marbella. Oh, it was so, they're so lovely, by the way. But I literally went over to them and I was like, I've got to, it was quite a sad state of affairs, actually. I was sat. Have you got the picture? In a, in a Mallorcan hotel room.

5:09I just sat on the end of the bed. The aircon wasn't working. And, oh, that's great. My therapist just said I've missed payment. That's a good message to receive. Lovely. 33 and feeling great. Really, you should be paying her sort of a year subscription. Just pay it up front. Fucking hell. And just pass me the phone out because I just want to do a little test here because this is one of my favourite things to do with Sam. Pass that out there. Right. So every time that I've been for these sort of dinners with Sam, like any time, Sam doesn't know half the people at the table. So name them all. Don't do this game with me.

5:46Carol. Carol. Amy Hart. Sam, her fella. Okay, now you're... Emily. Amy. I mean, you could be just saying anything because I don't know. I'm going to be honest with you. I stopped at Sam. Yeah, it's pretty tough out there. My favourite thing to do. I remember being an IB fat. I've never even seen that bloke before in my life. He was out for your birthday dinner. He made it to the grand mate. None of us did. He's drinking the rosé that I bought. He's holding the glass, something like that. No, not a fucking clue. Well, wonderful. Listen, I hope you had a good time. It was obviously Love Island. So you were there with sort of one of your favourites.

6:29India. And her. Maya. Yeah, yeah. Did she get your present? No. Did she know it was your birthday? She didn't come to the birthday meal either. No, I didn't see her there. So you replaced her with some bloke you don't know. Yeah, she said she sat down on the sofa on the night and went, I'm really sorry I couldn't come for dinner. No one told me. So I was like, okay, fair enough. She didn't even think of a good excuse. Like, I'm sorry. That was purely, listen, I didn't want to. Do you know what the best is? She might as well have gone with that, no one told me. Yeah, she goes, she blamed her agent Darcy.

7:03You were all staying in the same hotel? No, she's staying in a nicer hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sitting I was sitting at the end of my of my Milwaukee how far away is it oh miles away yeah it's a good like 45 minutes away and it's like in the beautiful hills because it was it was quite early about 5 o 'clock you put that up yeah it was so she would have she would have seen it and she could have made it no probably yeah so she did know she blamed her agent which I loved and her agent was sat there and like yes it was my fault I forgot to pass it on yeah and then going so you walked oh it's alright maybe next year and then she went to the agent's house Okay, fine.

7:40All right. But obviously, the most important thing we want to know about your weekend, you know, Love Island's finished. I'm so sad. But did you get a birthday treat? Did Helena sit in your face? I met Helena. Oh, my God, I met Helena. I mean, could you see her face when she was just cheeks apart on your nose?

8:02Is that what you do? Do you spread the cheeks? so anyway did she give you sort of a birthday squat no no there was no birthday facial squat on the snozz no absolutely not but do you know what to be fair on her because you know it's like you've been there you know they've got the bar in Aftersun so like they've got the sofa there and the bar behind I thought that was like a make do thing is that they'd set it up yeah every time and so all the dumped islanders sit remember they sit at the bar on their stools and then they one by one come and sit on the sofa to be honest with you Sam I was drunk yeah to be fair I was quite drunk actually I think I'm drunk now.

8:36The team, maybe. That's another discussion. So, of course. Oh, yeah. So basically, Helena is sat on the stool. And I went, you know what? I'm going to go and say hello. So I go, hey, Helena, how are you? And she goes, we need to speak. I was like, about what? She goes, I think you know what about. I was like, is it about the face-sitting incident? Do you know what? She was so good about it. She was literally like, I'm so sorry about that tweet. She was like, I've been panicking all, like, every day when I was in that villa. I'm going to have to. I know that. She remembers that tweet. from 2017.

9:03So you've been living rent-free in her head since 2017. Quite possibly. I did say to her, those are the Gollum years, by the way. And she... Did you go? I actually, I kind of did. And then she, to be fair on her, she took it really, really well. And she actually like played on it and she was like, well, the hideaway is free now. And I was like, oh. Look, I'll show you the photo I got. She's a lovely girl, by the way. Really, really sweet. So you're going to... No, absolutely not. but like really, really sweet. She was walking past, right, to go to get into the van, to go back to the holding villa.

9:41And I shouted, Helena! I went, can I have a photo with you? And everyone went, oh, like that. I was like, I feel like I'm at school. Really nice girl, though. Really, really nice girl. She took it incredibly well. Sorry, I would stop saying that because we are going to cut that up and it is going to sound like she sat on your face. She took it incredibly well. She took the banter really, really well and even gave a little bit back. So fair play to her. And can I only wish her sort of Godspeed on whatever journey that she decides to go on. What do you mean? What? Can I only wish her Godspeed? Yeah.

10:16What's wrong with that? Yeah. And from me as well, Helena, Godspeed. I wish you the best in all your endeavours. I hope all your endeavours are really fruitful and life brings you much happiness and joy. Good luck. That's exactly it. And I ditto what Pete just said there. What in fuck's name was that? Why did you? Did you fuck her? Because you've made that really awkward. No, I'm joking. Absolutely. Did you? No, all my life I didn't. Did get a photo. That was the most that happened. But she was really, really lovely. As they all were, to be fair. They were all really nice. Yeah. Yeah. You would have loved it.

10:50I'm sure I would. You would have absolutely loved it. Was my favourite there? Who's your favourite? I don't know. Who's my favourite? Yeah, Ari. Oh, my God. I went to school with one of the islanders. Oh, hold on. Harry's the Pan Man U. Yeah. Yeah. Mate, I went to school with him. So I walk in. Oh, so you know fucking Elsa. He must have sat on your face. No, mate, I don't even know. Mate, this is a bit awkward. So we walk into the villa, and we've got to do this, like, VT thing before the show. So we walk in. We do a little wave, right, at all the thing. And he goes, mate, we went to school together.

11:24And I was like, oh, yeah. And he goes, you don't remember, do you? He went, no. No, well, no, you've been watching him for the past month and commenting on him. So you would have remembered by this point. He was like, we used to play tennis together. I don't remember a fucking thing. But he doesn't seem like obnoxious and posh like you. He seems like a gutter rat like me. Is this the geezer that's been with her? He lives in Guildford. But yeah, he went to the same school as me. I couldn't believe it. Shit, so you're like day ones? I think we are. I'm two years above him though. Oh, you're older.

11:56Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Did you give them some sort of advice? No, I didn't even. Did they all come to you for a little bit of advice? No, do you know what? None of them. None of them. They were all really nice though. They all really happy. Did you have a little night out together all of your own? No, because I went straight home. I got an early flight home. We finished our son. I was actually like, I'll get on the 8am. So will you be, you know, keeping in touch with any of them? Uh, probably not. I don't, I don't, I don't think so. Just, but just, well, not only just because, you know, I'm so much older than all of them.

12:26well you're only two years older than Harry I'm like just so much older than are you going to be keeping touch with any of them Pete? why would I? I've never met them it would be weird if I kept in touch with them that's not saying you're going to be keeping in touch with Barry who's Barry? the bin man that you've never met you know what I love? Pete told me a story he was out with a couple of his mates on a rooftop I can't remember where it was and he goes they were doing like a Love Island party where all of the dumped islanders from this year were on this rooftop and Pete called me and goes I have never wanted to leave more.

12:56They're all coming up to you. Oh, bunch of biggie c***, a lot of them. What were they like? What were they saying? Oh, man, really love what you do. Who the f*** are you?

13:08F***. I'm 33. I'm joking. Oh, God, you are 33 now, aren't you? Yeah. Oh, welcome. I don't know what I'm welcoming you to. No, no. Do you know what's what? Do you know what's what? Sorry, mate, that was weird. Godspeed. No, I do. But do you know what? I do actually know what you mean by welcome. I feel now older. Like, no, I know. It's mad that because I tell you something, you are. I know. But 33, I'm like almost embarrassed to say I'm 33 now. Well, I'm going to have to say, how old am I? You're 36. You're nearly 37. I'm going to be saying, oh, so I've been saying that for three years anyway, so it's fine.

13:44You're nearly 37. Won't change anything. Well, listen, 33 is fine, mate. You're coming into the prime of your life. Can I ask you a question? um yes in fact no no no please please no yeah i'm just gonna ask anyway well then why put your fucking hand up okay so what like what age are you allowed to date oh at 33 i don't I don't know 28 what do you think 28 27 so I mean listen I reckon for me it's 25 25 and over for me yeah okay mix it mix it with 24 year old maybe I think you could probably do a 23 really okay well 10 years is fine do you know what I feel like I feel like we're really getting into the swing of being like team leaders squadron leaders at the moment I feel like you're red leader right yeah I'm red leader you're gold leader right if you watch Star Wars what does that mean well no if you watch Star Wars you've got red leader gold leader and we're like none of us I think it's quite apparent none of us watch Star Wars it doesn't matter how many fucking angry cocks you get on your fucking arm none of us know what a fucking red gold blue fucking yellow team leader are that sounds like a Power Ranger we kind of are that okay fine we're basically Power Rangers at the moment leading our team and our squad Power Rangers don't lead teams they are just a team and these fuckers ain't Power Rangers.

15:13They're power prats. We are a big team and we are leading that team. And I just feel like I've sort of like had an epiphany. I was doing a little bit of research about how to be a good boss. And how does a four-day work week sound? Because from what I understand... I mean, it sounds lazy. No, no, no, no. But it's not. Au contraire, mon frere. So what actually happens is you actually get more done in a four-day work week than a five-day work week because you're packing it in. You actually have more energy. You think? Yeah, I genuinely do. I'm putting it, I mean, I'm putting the team, I'm sitting nodding.

15:56I mean, how do you think you're, because obviously you've been such a workaholic, how do you think you're managed just having the four days of work? I feel like we'd all get things done a lot faster. Yeah. You reckon you could pack everything into four days? I think we're just about. Just, yeah. What about it, Josh? You reckon you could pack it into the four days, give yourself an extra day off? I want to say yes, but there's a lot of editing. Kira? Four days is an increase for us. Do you know what I quite liked? I really quite liked sort of like the polling that we've been doing recently. So I just feel like we still have hands up.

16:29Yeah, like we're doing a lot of polling recently on the gram. You love a poll. Have we? Yeah. You love a poll on the gram. Who's got better feet? Oh, like a pub. Right, sorry. So I think we should just do a little democracy, hands up. Who would like a four-day work week? Well, there you go, unanimous. Yeah. Do you know what's mad, though? None of you make the decisions.

16:57So, we live in a dream world, eh? You're all contractually obliged anyway. Yeah, all your contracts are done. No, it's fine. If you want a four-day weekend, that's fine. it will be pro rata on the salaries. So enjoy that extra day off. You won't have any money to do anything. Booze up. Booze up. Booze up. How are we feeling about that? Wanker. Were you just calling me a booze up? No, it's just that we put that TikTok video out about like anything but a cup, right? And it was where all the team started drinking out of like fucking weird things. And when I was like, oh, you miss loads of the comments of being like, maybe you should let the team drink on Friday afternoons.

17:36have any of the comments been like this yeah but you know what's i mean i'm gonna be honest here listen i'm not a fucking hypocrite i mean i can't i can't really argue with that i mean if you do you know what from lunchtime on a friday fucking get hammered oh my god this is the best company ever alright so shots on a Friday afternoon we've got to do two each every single Friday deal I was just about to say do you know what's mad is you know like when you just have a bit of fun go on if you want a beer and that lunchtime on a Friday and then it becomes two standard each week every time at 2pm nothing like false fun Josh doesn't even fucking drink Josh yeah we'll have to sort that out don't you I'll get you I'll get you a Yazoo.

18:28The reason I'm saying all this is because we actually did a LinkedIn poll on who was the better boss. And the results are in. I mean, I already know where this is going. I don't know if you do, actually. Well, of course I do. I mean, it's obvious the answer to this one. Is it? Of course it is. 100%. 100%, it will be something like 98 % Sam's a better boss. Okay. Let's get a LinkedIn poll up. So the results are? 85 % Sam Pete

19:04But after the booze up question How many people is on our LinkedIn? We've got thousands Seven We actually have 2 ,000 followers Oh, fucking hell 2 ,300 Are there any reasons for it? There were a few comments on the post Let me guess Because if it's anything like the last fucking video on YouTube Which I actually looked at this morning in the car All the comments are just about where my eye's gone We also did see a few of those. But I don't know, after I've maybe made a few of those amendments, the booze up on a Friday and a four-day work week. Okay, so what we'll do then is we'll implement a five-day work week, new thing for us all, and a booze up on a Friday because we're not doing the four days.

19:47Okay, fine, fine. Booze up on a Friday. And then what we'll do is revisit next week after we've introduced the kind of alcohol Fridays for Sam and see if he's, you know, overtaken on the best boss. Anything else you'd like to implement? Well, I don't know, because 85%, it's a big hurdle to climb. It's a lot. Mate, all it takes is one smart move, you know, a little bit of blue sky thinking, and I think you'll be right up there. I just need to stick a pin in it, circle back, really. Mate, just stick a pin in it, and I'll tell you what, in all honesty, I wish you the best of luck. Godspeed. I'm never getting away from that, ever.

20:19But, yeah, anything else you want to do? No, I think that's it. I'm happy with the boozer. Okay. So the one change is the boozer. I'm happy with the boozer. All right. Happy days. Happy days. Well, there we go then. Next week we'll find out who's the better boss. Unlimited annual leave.

20:38How does that work? Right. Because weirdly, I feel like what we would do is... I'll tell you what. Does that apply for me? Because I'm going to take 365 days off this year. No, because we need you. Oh, well, we don't need them. Well, no, I just feel like you, I think that they'd all be responsible. There are some companies that do that, by the way. No company does that. Yeah, they do. Then people can just go away whenever they want, but they just basically got to be respectful. What? Yeah, go away whenever you want. Fine. I sort of understand, but not unlimited. Yeah, they have unlimited. Don't be so fucking stupid.

21:09On my life. What sort of shit thought that up? Oh, it was so good. That's not a real thing, is it? Surely. It is. How does that work? Someone explain this to me. Within reason, yeah. You've got to be respectful with it. But there must be a... You can't just say to someone, unlimited, because if I woke up on January and thought, I don't fancy working this year, tell you what, and you'll leave. But see you next year. Big, well, I've got lots to do.

21:39Could do. So, in order to make you a better boss and to improve the company, all right, because normally that's... Normally that's why we make decisions. Let's try and improve the company. Get pissed and don't come in. That's what we're going with. Sweet. I can't wait till next Wednesday when I have to operate the fucking cameras myself. I have to sit here and host the podcast and just sit in a dark room because I don't know how to switch the fucking lights on. I can't wait. That'd be so funny to watch Pete do that. What, me trying to set this shit up? Oh, I've got something completely left field I wanted to ask you.

22:11Oh, because everything you've said is so right field. How do you feel about coming fishing with me? What? I really want to go fishing and I feel like we'd be really good fishing partners. I really want to start fishing. I would drown you. What do you mean? Why? Have you ever been fishing? I have, yeah. I want to start again. Have you ever caught anything? Yeah, I have actually. A trout. You were quiet enough, were you? Yeah, I was, yeah. To sit and fish. I mean, I don't do fishing. It's not very nice to the fish, is it? No, because you put them back. What has made you want to go fishing? I don't know, man.

22:43I just want to be a little bit wholesome recently, you know? Yeah, yeah. Nothing says, you know, nothing says wholesome. Like, I'll tell you what you could do. You could whack it on your rail, just you with a big koi. That's what I was thinking. A big carp. I was thinking I could do that. Mirror or common? What? Types of carp. Oh, right. I wouldn't know. What would you do? Like carp fishing, flyer fishing? Salmon fishing, probably. Salmon? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of salmon. Got to fight them. Yeah. You've got to fight them. Yeah, you've got to really wrestle the salmon. Then milk it and stick it in my eyes.

23:13Well, yeah. I was just about to say, yeah, if you did that, you could just wank it off and rub it all over your face anyway and you'd save your fortune. I just feel like I need to go fishing for a little bit. Yeah, because listen, I'll tell you what, nothing says I'm over you like here's a carp. I would put it on my rear as well. No, absolutely you would. Next to your I play for England football photo because all the Australians and that don't know what soccer aid is. So think, oh, he's a baller. How are you though? After what? We've got some bad news Monday.

23:48do you know it was a it was it was a good birthday followed by a lot of messages yeah and i can tell you and they weren't happy birthday ones happy birthday well they just sort of everyone keeps asking if i'm okay that makes you feel like you're not i didn't know by the way went like yeah everyone's talking about hard launches and all this shit and i like had no idea but my phone blows up i'm literally I'm watching some YouTube video. It blows up. I thought I'd been cancelled. I've got Charlotte on PR. Well, I've got... To be fair, one person cancelled you. Like, oh, no. But mate, it's dinged up, dinged up, dinged up, dinged up.

24:29And I'm on my phone. Dinged up? No, it's like, you know when everyone's like, everyone's like, just checking in, mate, are you okay? And I'm looking at my phone going, what the fuck is going on? And generally, you know what it's like when you don't quite know what's happening, you think the worst. I was just like, oh God, Well, that's why I messaged you about it. You didn't message me at all. Oh, it's because I didn't give a fuck. I know. I know. Tell you what, though. Neither should you. We've moved on. Wouldn't wish a hard launch in your worst enemy, though. No. It's terrible when that dings up on your phone and you see the hard launch and then you're just trying to sort of thumb it around a little bit.

25:00Oh, God. Who wants the hard launch with me? But you're looking well, though. Genuinely, you're really good. Change anything? Diet or anything? No, why? Oh. No, no, no, we're not, we're not. No. But Pete, do you know what? It's been a lot about me. I went to Oasis. Yeah, it's been a lot about me. It's been a lot about me. It's been a lot about sort of like birthdays and Mondays. And I just feel like we actually, we need to touch on sort of like the more, how are you, you're now the more fun guy, I feel like. You're like the, I'm just living life to the max. Pete went to Oasis. Yeah, that is right.

25:37I'm the fun guy. You tagged Spotify and Oasis. I thought Oasis had invited you to their gig. You literally went, thank you, Spotify, ass Oasis. I was like, fucking hell, he's backstage. I am. I'm going to be honest with you. It was fucking good. Was it good? It was really good. I saw you in a couple of videos and you looked like you were really enjoying yourself. I had a really good time. You were dancing. Well, you didn't have a choice. I'll be honest with you. Because I was with Yvita. um nothing but you don't get a choice in the dancing oh of course do you know what I mean I mean yeah literally I mean we got there but I'll tell you what was nice is Richard Ashcroft was the warm up and um we got there just before Bittersweet Symphony and that was actually the last thing we danced to and then Oasis came on and we danced to Oasis as well so and I didn't know he was actually going to be there set the scene though who's in the box what's going on so there is um me and Yavita guys from Spotify who were lovely everyone's having a little drink then Chloe Burrows and her dad lovely I really like Chloe her dad was drunk and hilarious really really fucking nice guy they were having a do you know what actually really fucking wholesome you know when you see like a daughter and a dad who were like fucking mates and she was there with a bucket hat on and they were dancing together you know what when you see something you go that's fucking nice what do you want to do with Olivia what your kid it's good that you've forgotten her Olive Olive that's the one I haven't forgotten enough sorry that panic shit i have oh no um is that the kind of thing you'd love to do with your daughter though like that kind of sort of like absolutely like it was genuinely one of the things we go oh that's fucking cute yeah do you know what i mean like actually one of the things um so anyway then there was me and your vr um and live and brad yeah and brad were there um which was so brad is a big oasis fan um and like i've said people like i like oasis and i know a lot of the song but i'm not like a mad oasis fan like brad's like heavy like loves oasis live not one single fuck what was going on the entire time um and and similarly your vita will just dance to anything was fine do you know what i mean and was very excitable and and and it was all great live doing the kind of weird two-step and then looking at brad every time i'm going like this was killing me it was fucking killing me um and then obviously the the three songs towards the end came on champagne supernova wonderwall and don't look back in anger and obviously everyone knows him the whole atmosphere was fucking crazy um it was great yavita fucking and i were doing weird dancing um and then we had a nightmare getting home um how about how hard is it ruined the entire fucking night um for me because it came outside and it's just loads of people um just sort of acting sort of happy and i don't i don't like them sort of environments you know loads of happy people all trying to get cabs like we're fucking all singing together can I try your bucket fuck off will you wear your bucket hat no don't be silly I'll put one on like Kevin Perry's afterbirth it's fucking ridiculous but no it was it was genuinely really really good probably one of the best things I've ever seen wow that's a statement you know when you see like the whole crowd it sounds wankish but we were in a box and you Like the whole fucking crowd were literally all together.

29:01You should have seen Taylor Swift. Like. Oh my God, you should have seen Taylor Swift. You invited me that, didn't you? Yeah, it is. Yeah, no. I don't want to come. No, where was that? Wembley. Was that Wembley as well? Yeah, was it good, was it? No. What was your favourite Taylor Swift moment and song?

29:19What was the fucking song that I read? Midnight Summer. Midsummer. Madness. I don't know. Yeah, that, no, I do remember when you came back from seeing Taylor Swift at Rembley and you went, honestly, Midsummer Madness just went off. Did they have any, like, beads and stuff at Oasis where, like, people are swapping beads? They did have that at Taylor Swift. No, it's different, mate. Like, if you look at, like, fucking Taylor Swift, what you've got is a bunch of anxious teenagers swapping beads. Anxious teenagers? Why have you slid anxious in there? Well, because they, you know, like, they're all kind of growing up and getting to that kind of, you know, age in their life where they just want to fit in and they found a place to fit in.

29:57We all love someone and we, you know, we like beads. Great. There's your little group. Eventually you'll grow out of that and, you know, be a normal human. Oh God, all the Swifties are going to come for me. Fuck you. Oh my God, we're going to get cancelled. Come for me. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? They are savage online. I will. Listen. I dare you. They're savage online? Oh, fucking hell. Okay. I just want to preface this right now. I love Taylor Swift. Please don't come for me. I went to the concert and adored it. I've swat so many beads of all of you. Pete, I challenge you right now to say Taylor Swift is shit.

30:33No, because I'm not saying she's shit. Okay. I think, I mean, I don't like her music. It's not my cup of tea. Like, I wouldn't choose to listen to it. But she's obviously very, I mean, I haven't got any talent. She's obviously talented at whatever she does. But you all do need to fucking calm yourselves down a little bit. Maybe there's a reason why, you know, people start these sort of fan accounts. You know, if you have people who look as good as Pete. Oh, don't be so fucking stupid. Where is this going? And are leaning outside of Porsches. Sam, I look like I've been dug up. In black and white photos.

31:05Because another one blessed our Instagram recently. And it's you hanging out the back of a Porsche again. Looking very, very good. I can't remember fully what the caption was. But it was like sort of out of time and again or something like that. That's two for two now, I think. two, one week, one, one week, another. Are we getting a calendar? Well, um...

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33:10No, I've just got some heads to put up this week.

33:15That is such a good answer. I needed to break up. You had to break it up a little bit. I need to break it up. And when I did come out of retirement for that 10 minutes, we got four good shots. So there's still a couple to come. But I'm holding them in reserve for the next time I need to break up the feed. That is so funny. And also, listen, Pete Icks, yes, because I don't know what to fucking write in the captions. I don't fucking know. You know what I mean? So I just think it's just something really vague and irrelevant. And then everyone goes, are you okay? I might as well just put **** on every fucking caption.

33:49Quite funny if you did. Because I don't... I think you should. I think Pete should be the Instagram **** guy. Just on every caption. Carl, I wish I started with your birthday. No, that's not fair. That's not fair. But yeah, I literally just have nothing to post. And I don't... You know what I'm like when I go out? So there's a big difference between Sam and I when we go out is Sam, camera, phone is in hand at every moment. Just in case anything happens, So anything you do, I could literally see it and I've done this before, had breakfast with Sam, like been away and I'll literally go get some breakfast, come back with an orange juice and he's just filming me drinking orange juice.

34:27I don't understand why. I love it. I just love filming. Whereas when I go out, I don't touch the phone. I don't know it's fucking there. I don't use it. I don't take pictures. So I have no, I have nothing to post. I'm not doing weekly dumps like Sam and, you know, doing these sort of candid, you know, we've got new music being released with Ryan by a barbecue.

34:52So I just have nothing to post. So, yeah, so we're just going to wheel out. I've got four black and white photos. I can't wait. Two of which are down. Everybody get ready. Two to go. Look out for them. I should have just tagged them one, two, three, four, shouldn't I? um but yeah and also look i you know anytime i get a nice photo now i've got to use it because they're so few and far between these days i mean and it's it's nice it's good for me sometimes when you get one when both eyes are in the same direction so um you know i have to cherish those moments these days are they i've got a question for you you know i feel like i might have an answer for you i just feel like you know maybe this will be a good one like do are those kind of pictures good for for like a because people say like oh thirst trap it's not really a thirst trap it's more model-y thing isn't it well i wouldn't say it's no i mean you can barely see me in it um which is always nice i've got fucking sunglasses on i'm lent over and it's just the side of my face so i wouldn't call that a thirst not much rigging it well i'll tell you why sam because I'm still struggling with the tits.

36:00I mean, the next one to go up, I look like I should have a bra on. There's more tit than there is car. I know Pete so well that I know Pete would be like, nah, mate, it's not like, not like yesteryear. We're going to have to do a side, a side angle shot. We'll get the shoulder and arm in, but it's about all we can do on this one, mate. Mate, do you know what? You've been on things with me. Sam and I had a shoot recently. I don't even look at the pictures until the end. And I'll go, you pick whatever you think. and then show me the ones you think. And then I go, oh, fuck, you know, we ain't going to get better than that, are we?

36:32All right, I'll do it. And that's pretty much what happened on this. Don't worry, mate, because we're going to have a lot of content for you very, very soon that you could post because we are very fucking close to a big, big party. The Staying Relevant Summer Party is happening this week. Now, this is huge because it's been a year, pretty much on the dot since we started this company ourselves, isn't it, Pete? Yeah. I think so. Pretty much, like, relatively. Well, Pippa did her fucking posting. She'd been like, it's been a year. It's a year that she's been here. All right, all right, fine. But yeah, it's the first year we've had...

37:16Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is, yeah. So it's the end of year, summer, end of first year, summer party. Basically, it was just because you all wanted a fucking summer party. I think it's a little bit deeper than that, mate. You didn't want to wait till Christmas. Mate, we survived a whole year. That's so fucking amazing. Think about where we started, where we are now, our studio that we have built with our amazing team. Mate, we went alone. We've survived a fucking year on our own. And just think, guys, this could be the only summer party. Yeah, exactly. It could go rapidly downhill from here. So really, really make up for it.

37:53We've made sure we're going to get you on a real big sugar high, big boy, because I love you. You know that. Godspeed the rest of you because there's going to be tequilas flowing. All sorts of things are happening. I've actually hired a photographer who will be coming to take shots. Not sort of those shots, although he might do a few of them. Annalise has been in charge. So this is going to be huge. Which is good. So we're going to a venue that none of us have ever been and she's never been to. and on first inspection when she showed me it, it looks like a tunnel. So really looking forward to it.

38:28Should be a good one. Should be a good one. This is going to be great. Not entirely sure what is supplied. I know at one point I did ask for food. Is that? But actually, the good thing about this is this isn't on the company because Sam has offered to pay. No, he hasn't. No, he hasn't. So, oh, all right. So your treat will you love Island, mates? I was lonely. But you don't even know. I was lonely. I was sat on my own on my birthday, the actual day of my birth, with no one to speak to. So I just went up to the crew. What, were you just reminiscing about the actual day of your birth? Yes, because I can't actually remember it.

39:05Well, actually, no, you can't, because we did it on the lie detector. No, I genuinely can. I genuinely, I will never, I will never. So we're just confirming the lie detector. See, Josh, it was faulty. Yeah, I genuinely believe that. I know he remembers his birth, and I don't hate him. Well, I can't remember it. And I know you're playing it down a little bit, Pete, but I'm incredibly proud of us. I think the fact that we survived and we're thriving, if anything, it's like we're home alone and we're the kid who's been left alone. And actually we're fucking thriving about our parents. It's amazing because that is one of the least motivational sort of boss talks I've ever heard.

39:37It's like we're home alone and the parents aren't here. We're just hoping for the best and we've survived. But we have. You must be proud of us. Is this supposed to be a real heartfelt moment? Not heartfelt. Yeah, no, I am. Like, it's been an incredible year. So I'm looking forward to the next one. It's been fucking great. We've done so many amazing things. And, yeah, so it's going to be nice. Well, it's going to be nice for all of us to go out. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm looking forward to that. We haven't done that. Well, you've... We haven't done that for, I don't know, a month or so since you guys joined.

40:10It's been a while. Do you know what you can do just to celebrate? You can dwerk. Get you dwerking, mate, on the dance floor. That, do you know what? I would pay to see Pete dwerking. I don't know. What is this, Gen Z stuff? Dance and twerk at the same time. Isn't twerking a dance?

40:33So you've got to do it with your penis, basically. Right, so why is that called a dwerk? So is it a dick twerk? Yeah, a dwerk. So it's not a dance twerk? No. So you completely missed the whole point of it, which was dick. How did you miss the dick? It's a front twerk. Okay, fine, a dick twerk. Go on, show me how it's done. I don't know if mine still works, if I'm honest with you.

41:01Pete? And I just... No, I'm good. No, Pete, you've got to do it. Don't, Pete, come on. Trust me, I don't. Pete, just give us a little one. You don't have to go as big as that. You don't have to go as big as it's not big. You don't have to go... I don't think that'll be the problem. You don't? Just one of these. Yeah. I mean, it's good. It's nice that you think that that is the best way for us all to spend our time at the work party, is you dick twerking in front of the staff. No, I'm not going to be doing it in front of the staff. You won't be doing it, but you do want to do it at the work party.

41:28Yeah, I'm going to be doing it in the corner. So you're just going to be dick twerking to yourself in a corner at the work party. So let's just recreate that just to see if it's less weird than what you did. If you just stand in that corner and just dick twerk in the corner on your own. Yeah. So everyone's just having a good time and you're just... It's less weird when you do that. You're right. Yeah. I mean, ladies, are you okay with that? Does that feel unusual for you? I just want me and you... I think we should walk in. I think we should walk in to the bar, right? You should all be there. We should do a grand entrance of this.

42:05And we should walk in like that. Yeah. Come on, Pete, next to me now. Come on, Pete, come on. No, thank you. Come on, mate. that on tiptoes as well. Fuck me, that's going to be amazing. No other companies doing that. No, no, no. And it'd be good for all of you because you literally will have proof of the lawsuits that you're all going to file on us. Wonderful. I suggest maybe no sort of dick dancing for the work do. Save that for... some private time. I'm going to say something then, but I won't. But yeah, summer party. What's everyone wearing? We've all been quite undecided. We need some help.

42:44Need some help? Well, I know a fashion guy.

42:55Me? Mate, listen, if anyone is going to help the team in what to wear for the staff do, it's got to be the guy that is in the know. Anything that you can just do this in? I think the best place for you to do that is a straitjacket. What do you think? Well, how am I? I can't be the head of fucking fashion. I turned up in a pirate outfit in the fucking speed dating thing we've just done. That is true. That wasn't my fault, by the way. Speed dating was fun though, wasn't it? I don't really remember. Because what I do know is it started with me not wanting to be there. and it finished with me really not wanting to be there.

43:42And somewhere in between the not wanting to be there and the really not wanting to be there, I got drunk. I'll be honest with you, I think my left eye may still be on that table. And at some point during, I think because I was so unhappy at being there and so unhappy with myself, halfway through I decided I'd be Danny Dyer as well. Oh, yeah, you went a little bit London, didn't you? Yeah, I did notice that. I got drunk and then forgot where I was, forgot to pronounce things properly and just started going, I can't even fucking see my eyes over there, darling. What are you fucking... If I was a fucking coach, where would you dispose of the body, you slag?

44:22I mean, it was mental. Well, it was either that or you stopped talking to one of them. You sat in silence with one of your dates for three minutes. Yeah. Well, it serves her right. She bought a fucking jelly can. Well, actually, interestingly enough, she reacted to the video coming out. She actually commented on our video. Has she got anything nice to say? Because I didn't hear it on the night. I quite liked her when I got her, when I got hold of her. No, not hold of her. I quite liked her when it was my go. Yeah. That should be fine. No, because we get turns. We get turns. It's a rotation system.

44:57So they go from table to table. So basically when it was my turn with her, I quite liked her. But what I will say is the whole point of speed dating, if you remember, was to meet... You remember? You spoke to him on the phone. Oh, yeah, to meet Lillian. And you've been on a date with both of them. Lillian Candice. No. Fuck. Lillian Candice. Lillian Candice. Yeah, that was the whole point. That's why we went. So we met Lillian Candice. We did. They were both fucking lovely. They were. They were so great. And they were our first two dates, actually, on speed dating, which is really, really nice.

45:33I don't want to say they're the reason that I drank, but they were lovely. But this is the kind of thing we do. You go, oh, they're not going to turn up to weddings. No, no, no. I'm just going to stop there. We do. We're going to do one a month. I'm going to be honest with you. I suffered it once, but not again. I will not be doing speed dating once a month. Do you think your dating has got better since last time we went speed dating? Yeah, 100%. 100%. Ask more questions. Have you watched the video? Yeah, I have. Yeah. Ask more questions. So the comparison to, I'd say, what, eight years ago? Yeah.

46:10When you went, when you and I went speed dating for the first time on Slebs Go Dating, you think you've improved. But anyway, yeah, speed dating. If you haven't seen it, it's on the wonderful, my best mate Josh's YouTube channel. And by the way, we are 1000 subscribers. We're 800 subscribers away from our first fucking plaque party. Come on. Now we have the whole party planned. Pete doesn't quite know what's going on with it yet, but we have planned a plaque party. So obviously we're not... So do we get something from YouTube then? Yeah, we get like a plaque. We're going to put it back here. Amazing.

46:46So obviously we won't be doing the party until we've got that. Party's actually in two days. Well, we better fucking get going then. So the kind of thing from YouTube's already arrived? Oh, no. Because we haven't got it yet. We haven't hit 100 ,000. We're 800 away. We haven't hit 100 ,000. No. Party's planned though, is it? 700 now. 700! We just got up another 100. Speed date's flying. Within that six seconds, all right? I didn't realise this was live. They heard you. 100 people fucking subscribed. Listen, great. Looking forward to it. What are we doing for the kind of party? I mean, I just want to point out, so we're two parties one day?

47:23We are two parties one day. Weird how that worked out. Do you know what? It's mad, isn't it? Because like most people, like, you know, logically would just sort of just combine them. But what we're doing is we've got two different venues. To be fair, Pete, they are extremely different. Yeah, so we're going from one party to another. A plaque party. Do you remember how we wanted this so bad? We didn't. Me and Josh wanted it so bad. Well, no, you really wanted it bad. I wanted it so bad. Josh decided he wanted it bad in the end because that also means that Josh gets a fucking bonus. Oh, yeah. I wonder he fucking wanted it.

47:56700 subscribers away from a bonus, Josh. So that's exciting, isn't it? It's great, man, yeah. Just wait till Friday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait till, oh yeah, but you're going to sort of just show us the bonus whilst you drink the free bar. Hey, buy us all the tap water. No, no, no, no. You just wait. You just wait. So what's the, have you been across this? Yes, I have. You can't. I'm going to tell you what we're doing. Put it this way. You're going to be impressed. You just crack on. Well, if you want to see our plaque party, then subscribe to our YouTube because that is where it's going to be going.

48:25And let me tell you something, it's going to be one heck of a shindig. We've been planning this for over a year. So this is going to be absolutely huge. We have, yeah, that's right. Sam has just said we are celebrating our first year, but we've been planning the plaque party for over a year. So the plaque party was actually what founded Stan Relevant, the production company, because we were dying to get one of these YouTube plaques. And we thought, how the fuck can we do it? I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll buy a whole studio, build two fucking studios. We'll hire 12 people and we'll get a plaque.

48:54So this is a big fucking deal. I know you thought that, you know, the Trick Awards was kind of big for us. and, you know, everything that's happened this year. Sam's done the, you know, the match ball mission and, you know, all sorts of things that have happened this year. But it's all been on the build-up to this. I mean, fuck the O2. Like, the build-up has been to this shindig. It's going to be absolutely huge. Do you know what I think might push us over the line?

49:23No? Do you? This is SR Today. And I am a robot. What are the headlines, Peter? What a wonderful day it is on this sunny Wednesday morning. Something a little bit naughty for you Taytime viewers today. All right, so strap in when you're at home. Oh, I see what you did there, Peter. So Harry Styles, everyone's favourite, the long-haired Lothario. Lovely, lovely, you know, sequin-type pants, Harry Styles. And I think that may be the inspiration behind his new sex toy. Oh, tell us more, Peter. What's it called? It's called pleasing. Oh, what does it include? It includes a vibrator and lube. It doesn't specify which flavour, but if you were going to pick a lube, what's your kind of preference?

50:10Well, Peter, I'm going to be honest with you. When you're just lubing up your vibrator, what do you go for? I'm more of a blueberry kind of man myself, you know. But obviously, it completely depends. I think there are a wide variety of flavours of this lube. And I wonder sort of whether it's a two-pronged vibrator or a one-er. or a twister. So there's so much to find out and we'll go to our team on the ground the moment we have some more news on that one. I'm really excited to find out more about this. Harry hasn't specifically come out and said whether or not he's in the shape of his penis or whether it's in the shape of anyone else from one direction.

50:47How much do you think he would make? So we are going to go on the ground to our roving reporter who is a little bit closer to the action. tell us

51:05do you know what I don't know why you know your Harry Styles of this world doesn't just do that why not just make a mould of your penis and sell that as a dildo he's making billions billions you girls would probably well no no no no no no that is not that is that is that is worse than the dick dancing what and how do i just feel like let's just remember you know how much do you want this plat party quite a lot yeah let's perhaps not okay next question then a little bit don't be less rogue okay do we think there would be girls who would buy said harry styles of course there would absolutely i mean if harry Styles puts his name to anything, whether it be, you know, music or clothing or penises, whatever he puts his name to, people will just gobble on up.

51:58Yeah. Should we do one? We should release a staying relevant sex toy. Well, you know, it's an option, mate. Oh my God. I mean, how would, what sort of sex toy, because there are a range, Sam, what sort of sex toy would you like to release? I mean, are we doing kind of a joint one, or are we doing individual? Because if anything, I would say you're a butt plug. With my face on it. With my face. We should do a Sam Thompson-faced butt plug and a Pete Wicks dildo. I think that'd be great. Mate, we could do that. We should definitely do a Staying Relevant Sex toy. I think we'd sell loads. I don't know if we'd sell many Sam Thompson butt plugs, but we would definitely sell a Pete Wicks penis.

52:48I mean, if you were going to do a sex toy, I mean, what's the kind of thing behind it? I know exactly what I want. Okay, but you know what you really, really want? Yeah, I do. I would literally have my face going, smiling like that, at the end of the butt plug. Oh, you stuck with butt plug? Yeah, I was. It was just like a sort of a... I really like it. I was just throwing it out there. Or I'd be a penis and my face would be the belly. And I'd be like... It'd be like a smiley face. Yeah, so just imagine. And then it'd be like one of those toys in Toy Story going, have a good day. So, yeah, just imagine that.

53:25Just imagine someone at home and they're getting kind of that feeling and they just go to the drawer and then it comes your face going, have a good day, have a good day, have a good day, have a good day. I'm not entirely sure that is. And I don't know if that's what women do with them. Should we stick a pin in? No. What would you like to be? What would I like to be? Sort of anywhere but here. I feel like this is another snog, marry, kill. if you were a sex toy what would you be? What would I? I think I'd probably just be sort of the sort of tissues to wipe up the mess.

54:02You know sort of like baby wipe style. And just on the front of it would just be my face going clean up after yourself you dirty bitch. That thing is it'd probably sell quite well. Annoyingly no one's trying to butt plug. Everyone's buying the tissues. We all know that's how it's going. But that's not it for SR Today. It's like a two-week episode, this, isn't it? And Sam's just turned 34. We've just hit our second black party. We've got four million fucking subscribers.

54:38Pete, what's going on today? I love this so much. Go on, Pete. Tell us what's going on today. Well, Sam, you know how I love a viral trend.

54:53You know how much I love Hayley Bieber. All right. So when you combine them both, what you get is Hayley Bieber's new sushi sheet mask. It has been going wild. All right. Everyone on the internet is screaming for it. I know all the girls in the office have been like, Oh, Hayley Bieber's something, sushi mask, whatever it is. So basically it's a viral trend that Hayley Bieber is doing while she's eating sushi with a face sheet mask on. Who'd have thought it? So what she's doing is she's getting just a face mask. Yeah. Yeah. And she's putting it on her face. No way. Yeah. Honestly. Honestly, just imagine.

55:29Imagine it. I know it's hard, but she's got just a face mask. Oh, yeah. It's on her face, you know, good for the skin. And then what she's doing is she's eating sushi. So, and people have seen it and they've gone, she is just, honestly, she's iconic. She is iconic. it. So now lots of people are doing the trend at home. They're putting on this kind of face sheet mask and they're all eating sushi. I know it's, you know, slight adaptations to it because in Glasgow they're eating a battered sausage whilst doing it. Not much sushi around there. But what we thought we could do, because like I said, I'm going to be honest with you.

56:06Love the trend. No, but sneaky, I know. But I was doing it last night. But I thought, I thought, that's why I look so radiant. So what I thought we would do is I thought we'd get you to try it out today. Oh, shit, we've got to both do it. No. No, come on. Sam, I'm not doing it. Fuck me. I can play along for so long. So let's get you, I'm going to describe what's happening and you're going to whack on the sheet mask and eat some sushi like Heidi Bieber, our favourite.

56:42got face wipes excellent straight from the staying relevant sexual care range and so i just want to point out annalise the um props that were needed for today's episode that you had to go to tesco's for this morning and needed 10 pounds on um was just baby wipes and sushi so so this is basically remember don't cover your mouth because you've got to pop all that lovely fishy goodness in there so i'll just explain if you if you could just demonstrate the viral trend for us and what i'll do is i'll talk through it so uh this has become iconic all right uh obviously because the queen herself hayley bieber um she came up with this brand new thing called doing two things at once.

57:31And it has gone all over the world. People are beside themselves. And I can see why. Look how fabulous our Hayley looks. Just struggling to open the Tesco sushi. Tesco? Yeah. How on? Yeah, nothing. You wonder why I ain't doing it. So, similarly, you know how to use chopsticks, obviously. Yeah. So what Sam's going to do, this is literally just, wait for it, wait for it, because this is the big moment. This is the big moment that everyone's going for. They're just replaying it. Ready? And Hayley eats the sushi. Oh, my God, girls. No wonder it's viral, because it's just fabulous. I mean, where she comes up with these things, I don't know.

58:16But this is why she's such a superstar, a queen, a legend, and absolutely iconic. And I'll be honest with you, I would die if I met her. Mate, how does it make you feel? I want to kill myself. How does it make you feel that a lot of the world, like, will see that and go, oh my God, she's just, she's just the bad, like, fucking hell how she's doing that. How does it make me feel? If I could, I'd move planet. I mean, I've just, I have just spent 10 minutes watching you pull apart a baby wipe, stick it to your face and then stab some co-op sushi whack it in your mouth whilst I narrated it like David fucking Attenborough the entire team then clapped and did a round of applause no but people genuinely think that like hundreds of millions of people have seen that and think it's like cool well then hundreds of millions of people should go and play with the traffic

59:17well Pete before we end this very very beautiful Oh, God, please don't, Ian. But very, very long podcast, which you, the audience, you know, are hopefully going to enjoy. This is definitely going to be one of the longer ones because we have so much content to give you. We have one more Pete Reacts. So this, this song, Pete, is going viral. It's number one in the US right now. Drinking a beer and flicking my bean Praying my daddy don't hear me queef Camping in the backwards by the creek

59:55That's not real. Yeah. Flicking the bean. Don't forget the queef. So just to finish, just to round off the podcast, I did just want to get your thoughts on this new trending song that's number one in the US. He's got a wonderful melody, and I would listen to that. And I'm rubbing my bean. Yeah, I would listen to that. The good thing about that is it's kind of an upbeat country song, which is good. So that makes it a lot easier to wank to than the ones that I normally have to cry about. Talking about queefs, actually. Fuck, can we end this episode? Well, don't, just quickly. We've been going for an hour and a half.

1:00:36Talk about queefs. How do you feel about that sort of queef? It's a Q word, so I suppose in Scrabble you get quite a few points for it. an interesting one, isn't it, a queef?

1:00:50Yeah, I mean, it's always interesting to me.

1:00:55I've spent many a night just wondering about the queef. But I've not managed to come up with any answers. How much do you want this podcast to end right now? Not just the podcast, my life. Well, there you have it. Number one in the US there. a TikTok trending song. We're going to go now and we're going to flick the bean ourselves. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. We just hope we don't queef whilst doing it. Have a great day. We've loved you so much and we hope you enjoy this extra long, extra special podcast. Thank you, everybody. Come on. Can men queef, Pete? If you don't come back, I don't blame you.

1:01:36Can men queef? Can men queef? Not unless you've got a little pussy, Seb. Okay, fine. I do have two cats. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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1:04:23hello relevanters we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of staying relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.