141: Pete ROASTS Sam’s new Hinge dating profile

0:00Hey y 'all, Kelly Clarkson here with Wayfair. You know my favorite compliment during the holidays? Your house feels so cozy. That's when I know everyone's comfortable enough to kick off their shoes, grab more dessert, and stay a little longer. Wayfair makes it easy, with everything from dining furniture to festive guest room essentials, all in one place. So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Wayfair, every style, every home. at QVC shopping is more than just checking out it's discovering something new every day start with today's special value then explore exciting finds across the brands and categories you love from beauty and fashion to home culinary and outdoor living shop now at qvc.com

1:00This January, Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Brews Cruise sails from Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck bare knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Massive parties, beach events, DJs, cigars, tequila tastings, and nonstop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast, and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just$200 down at BKFSEA.com. Welcome to Staying Round in the podcast hosted by two bestest of best pals, me Sam Thompson and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Wicks. There may be swearing in this episode.

1:48If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. This is the main episode, which means it's Monday. You'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel, which we'll be talking about later, on a Wednesday. And then we'll be doing a bonus episode, which comes out audibly on Thursday, which you'll be able to watch on the YouTube on a Sunday, which means that you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. It's also Cap Day in the Staying Relevant studios today. Sam and I both messaged each other this morning and said, let's wear a cap. Godspeed.

2:20Yes. Godspeed to all those listening hope you're well and all your endeavours are fruitful God bless you Godspeed I've been getting so much heat for that by the way like a lot every DM now is literally just a Godspeed Thompson I've also had just a lot of people writing comments on some of my pictures just sort of in speech marks squat on the snozz so and on reflection did I think that was aggressive no Do you now? No. I could have said worse. I could have just said sniff of the arsehole. Oh, God, damn it. So squat on the snozz, I feel like, was better. It brings a whole new meaning to the term brown nose.

3:08But it doesn't go on the nose, though, does it, really, if you think about it? Anyway, right, let's crack on, shall we? I'd like to bring something up. New bathroom. Yeah. Take inspiration from anything, did you? No. We spoke about the fact that I have a million fucking houseplants. Oh! And then what you went and did was put a million in your shower. I just want it in my bathroom because I want to feel like I'm washing in a jungle. Right. Okay, just bringing back the highlight of your career. So what you don't know is that Sam actually plays that role plays in the shower. I'm just seeing everybody in love just in the shower on my own whilst crying.

3:42Everybody in love, cock in hand, thinking of Tony, whilst sort of in the jungle experience. I've seen Tony's arsehole. Okay. And his bollocks. He didn't sit on your face. No, no. No, but it was back in the jungle days. It wasn't squat and stoss. No, but I did. I've literally seen his whole, his whole, not that I was looking. Well, I mean, you were. No, but I mean, I have eyes. I can see, but. Yeah. You could have avoided them. It wasn't drawn to them. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. Couldn't believe. Okay. He's actually a very clean man. Good. Maybe you could take some inspiration from.

4:23Tony's going to watch this if you'd like to. Take some inspiration from someone who wipes properly. Anyway, we are all very grateful that Sam is here today because, you know, it's just after lunch and he's done a full day's work. Sam has been doing a full day's work for, what, a week now? No, not even that, like three days. Just the three days. God, it's tough. But my God, have we heard about it. So he's been doing breakfast. He has. He has. Now, I did a little bit of breakfast and it's very early. I presume it's the same time. What is your up time? Up is four in the morning. Get there for five.

5:01Get there for five, which I don't think you need to do. On air for six. Till nine. Oh, you're till 10? Yeah, it's four hours. Did I do till 10? I don't know if I did. I don't think I did. Normally it's free. I don't know why. It's a four hour stint, this bad boy. People can't get enough of you. I'm just going to say as well, obviously you're doing it on Hits, which you've now been on radio for how long? Near enough three years now. Near enough three years. Obviously there's lots of different presenters on different stations. You are literally the Hits man. I don't know anyone other than you that works on Hits and I work in the same building.

5:35But you are Hits. You're the poster boy for Hits. So you're now doing the breakfast on your own? On my own. How is it? I do not. I love it. I absolutely adore it. The reason I'm even doing it is just to see whether I, whether I actually did enjoy waking up the nation. Well, I think this is a good opportunity. Obviously you're doing it for two weeks. I only had to do four days when I did it, but I imagine you and I have got different ways of waking up the nation. So this is a good opportunity for us to explain what those ways are. You're going to love what she said to me, that my producer said to me on the first day.

6:09Don't be Pete. Don't shout. Don't shout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good morning. it lower. It's six in the morning. I was like, good morning. Okay, alright. So give us a good morning as if you're on radio. Good morning. It's 6am on Hits Radio Breakfast with me, Sam Thompson. In for Fleur, Will and James who are on their holidays. We're going to have a great day today. The sun is going to be shining and if I can bring you a little bit of energy to start your day off, I will. Let's talk cash. Straight in to make me a winner. Straight in to make me a winner. What, are we on? 548 ,000 pounds? 547. Oh, 47.

6:42Sorry. Oh, it'll be 48 by the time I get there. It absolutely will. Because it ends Friday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got ya. How weird is that? Me and Pete, we work for different broadcasters under the same umbrella. So we do the same competitions. One of us does it well and the other one turns up. Very different to how I did what was mine. Yeah. Welcome to Kiss Breakfast with Pete and Liv. Just be thankful that you are breathing this morning.

7:14Now, that was the first day I was told I wasn't allowed to do that thereafter. So I did change it at that point. Welcome to Kiss Breakfast. Here's Ariana Grande. Yeah. But no, very, very different. I think we're very, very different shows. It's tiring. But doing it on your own at the morning. I mean, a lot of callers in the morning. That's the difference that I noticed in between, like we both do a weekend show, but weekends slightly different because people kind of got it in the background. Mornings, people are locked in. And you have regular listeners. They're regulars. We get traffic updates.

7:55Yeah, yeah. I love the traffic updates. My favourite one is the mornings is you get a lot of lorry drivers. Yeah. So every morning, every morning without fail, they're there. So have you created and cultivated a new little morning family? We have, but my one is, you're going to love this. I immediately started talking about the dating profile. So now all I get are messages in being like, Sam, I'd go on a date with you at six in the morning. It's from like Cherie. The problem I think we're going to get into, and it's probably going to be quite soon with you, I feel like is that you obviously have a platform on Instagram and social media where you're a big TikTok superstar.

8:42Weird superstars. But you do radio and TV and all sorts of stuff. You are starting to use every single one of those platforms as an advert for your single sort of can someone date me. We've now moved that onto radio. We have indeed. We have indeed. Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I was terrified because I walk into the room, there's five producers there. And I was like, I swear they don't normally have five. they've carted in two extra producers for me. I was like, that doesn't seem like a good start. Within an hour, two of them had their head in their hands. I was like, this is going terribly.

9:20And then after that, one of them went to the bathroom and never came back. I think she was only meant to be there for an hour, though. Right. So that would be why she didn't come back. Yeah. You made it sound like she may have potentially topped herself. Or she had the shits. What's her name? Oh, God. But you're doing this for two weeks. I have, yeah. Five days or four days? Five days. Five days. So you've got ten and you're three in. Ten. Seven to go. Yeah. Do you think the more you do it, you're going to improve? Or do you think you've hit your peak? I think I've hit my peak. Yeah, you're just there.

9:56You're just there. Just there waking up the nation. Hey, mate, do you know what? It's one of those things where, like, I just, I would love to do it, but I just know I can't ever do it. We can't ever commit to that kind of time. You can't, mate. It's so intense. We've got stuff to do afterwards as well. See, I didn't struggle with the early thing because I'm, you know, I'm like, I'm fucking up anyway. So it just gave me something to do other than kind of rock back and forth and cry for the first three hours of the day, which is, you know, currently how I live my life. But for you, like that time in the morning, like, has it got easier?

10:28Are you in the routine after three days? Yeah, absolutely. And it feels weird. How much of a struggle was the first day? Oh, my God. The alarm went off. I was like, surely not. But do you know what the plus is? Obviously, doing it through summer, it's quite light still. No, it was pitch black. But by the time you... I thought it would be. But when you get there at five, you're like... But obviously, when you wake up, it's pitch black. Through winter, that must be horrible. Do you know what I mean? It's just pitch black. Pitch black going into work must be fucking awful. Yeah, I know. And also, when it's freezing cold as well.

10:59what's your kind of morning routine what do you what do you kind of do now like now that you're on breakfast straight out of bed no phone no phone straight out straight into the shower bath wanking the jungle bath wanking the jungle and then put my face on you're you're not a coffee guy no no coffee no I don't have time feed the cats creatine no don't even have time for a shake don't oh shake not shake no time for a wank breakfast no no breakfast so what about when you get there yeah sometimes but I mean yeah mate It's just an early fucking start. I give the cats a little kiss before I leave and then just get in.

11:35Tongues. And then I just get in the car and I get there. But, like, mate, it's a lot. But I do like it. I really do enjoy it. And they're making me interview, like, a lot of people. You're not being held hostage, mate. I do like it. And I really enjoy it. And I'm so grateful. Do you know what it is? Because I really like it. It's just a lot of. So do you think you would be able to do it, like, long term? I don't think, no. I don't think so. I like standing in. I like standing in. I think that's where I sit now is the standard. There's too much stuff to do other than that as well. There's so much stuff going on that I couldn't ever just put all my focus just in that.

12:12Well, you wouldn't need to because you finish at 10. So you could just sort of start. Yeah, but you know what it's like. You've got to be in bed by like 8.30. That is what they say. That is not what we do. It's not what we do. But, mate, you also interview a lot of people. That was wild. Well, here we go. we're going to get into this is the interview, because you do a show on your own, which is, you know, it's a lot tougher because you don't have anyone to bounce off other than kind of your audience and interviews and whatnot. So obviously, I think, I don't know if they've done this on purpose, but you had your first ever interview on Hits three years ago with this person.

12:46Yeah. So they put her in for your first interview on Breakfast, which is fucking great. However, we have heard the story previously that you point back, lied to her face first time she was in. Now, she wouldn't have known that because I doubt she listened to Staying Relevant. So, you know, but you just went straight in and told her. Yeah, I thought, you know what, what better way to break the ice and say it, Jamie Lee Curtis, I lied to your face. But you're also doing some other interviews. I believe tomorrow you're going to be unveiling a Strictly star. We are. Now we can reveal who that is because...

13:19Oh, yeah, because it comes out after. Because it's coming out after that. Thomas Skinner. Bosh! Bosh! Thomas Skinner, yeah, he's doing it. But, you know, look, I've never met him before. Apparently he's a nice guy. I'm going to be meeting him tomorrow. But I think... Well, we're just going to jump in on the Strictly thing here. Yeah. Is I also have an exceptionally good friend that's going to be doing Strictly this year. Vicky Patterson is doing it. She's also being announced. I'm the only one who clapped that. She's also being announced tomorrow. So I will be there quite a lot. Yvita is going to be looking after her through the experience and I'll be going to see her there and it's going to be happy days.

13:54funny story about Vicky and Tommy at Tom Skinner, which is why I'm going to put it in now is that, um, uh, I was with Vicky the other day and I said to her, I think Tom Skinner's doing it. And she went, Oh, he sold me my mattress. Shut the fuck up. Because he's got a mattress company. So. That is such a small world. How weird is that? Uh, also on just another note of, of strictly another friend of mine is doing it. Chris Robshaw. Um, cause he mentioned me a couple of weeks ago. I said, what do you think, man? Is it going to be good? And he's a fucking great guy. So Vicky and Chris, let's fucking get behind them.

14:27Let's get behind, yeah, absolutely. Vicky's sort of one of her own, really, isn't she? She's part of the Stan Redmond family. How do you think she's going to do? She is going to be better than me, because that's not fucking hard, is it? She's also nicer than me and has more personality than me. So I think she has got a very good chance. I know she's very nervous. I mean, yeah, but who wouldn't be, to be fair? When you're starting up, no show is like Strictly because it's a talent you've got to actually learn a talent I think that the biggest difference between how nervous Vicky is in comparison to me is that I had no idea really what to expect because I never really fucking sit like do you know what I mean I was just like well we'll fucking give this a go and let's see if we can make it through week one she loves the show so there's that added thing of god I fucking love the show I want that my dream show do you know what I mean it's one of them so but yeah we wish you luck oh god can I ask you one more question about Strictly what's the scariest week is it the first week because you've never done it before.

15:22Like where is it that you're literally shitting it the most? First week, 100 % because you don't want to be first to go. Yeah. You know what I mean? Thereafter, then I kind of was pretty chill because I was just like, well, I've done better than I thought I was going to. So then I just wanted to get things right. I then started building pressure every week on myself because I didn't want to fuck up for Yvita because it took her so much just to get me to fucking be able to put one foot in front of the other. but then before Blackpool the week before Blackpool because Blackpool is the bit that people in the Strictly world everyone talks about so it's like you've got to get to Blackpool everyone just wants to get to Blackpool so to go out the week before that you'd be like fuck sake yeah then after Blackpool it was like I've done it so in the week after Blackpool is like a weird week because then you're like well the next fucking goal is the final so and I'm not gonna make that so you kind of chill out and then you get to the semi-final and it's two dances and you're like fuck yeah and that that you just i would just be like we'll just go with the flow semi-finals my favorite week yeah because you didn't care because i was just like like who the fuck what the fuck am i doing here yeah like do you know what i mean like and also like the chances of you being the final was like just impossible but fuck me i got here so but i think yeah so i think the first week and then if you start getting towards blackpool then you want to get to blackpool because the way everyone talks about here is like it's like the oracle because Blackpool, that Blackpool Tower is like where ballroom, it's like the essence of ballroom.

16:50So for the dancers as well, like the pros, dancing there is a fucking huge deal. For them dancing every week, it's like their day job. Do you know what I mean? Like they obviously care and the rest of it, but there it's like an amazing experience every time they dance there. The floor is different. Like the whole thing is different. So then you start going, fuck, I know I want to get there, even though I didn't understand the gravitas. Who would you like Vicky to be with? Good question. I mean, Johannes. He's so great. Because I fucking love him. He's so great. But also, I, and I honestly, I don't know who she's with.

17:25Like, they don't find that out. Like, I've got no idea. I, there's a new guy. There's two new dancers this year. Really? There's an Australian new guy, very good looking fella. And an American girl. I think having a new guy would be cool. But Johannes, I would love, because I think they get on really well. And he's fucking brilliant. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't know. Any of them are fucking good. Anyway, right, sorry about the Strictly thing there. No, I think it's important. I think that was just the easiest way to get after the thingy. Anyway, back to you being a liar. Oh, get out. Oh, by the way, make sure you tune in to Hits Breakfast in the morning.

18:05Change whatever your current radio fucking morning thing is and let Sam wake you up along with the nation. Let me wake you off. Sam Thompson waking you off until 10am in the morning I don't know if Hits will take that as a tagline I imagine that on a billboard Sam Thompson waking you off It's giving me Stan Millivant coming in your city For the third time let's get back to you being a liar I know we spoke about a few weeks ago So, because, I mean, if you can lie to Hollywood A-listers, you can lie to anyone. So you spoke a few weeks ago about the fact that you were, you know, taking yourself out of the dating game to work on yourself.

18:51Sam has done all the work he needed to, and he's now back in the dating game. So we just want to, yeah, there wasn't as much work as he thought. So it was quite easy, he flew through it all, and now he is bang on. It was sort of just he sat down for a couple of hours and went, actually, I'm good. Just don't want to be alone. Yeah. Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

19:17Oh, it's that silence. That goddamn silence.

19:26Anyway, so what we need to find out, I mean, we did a lie detector recently. You didn't have a choice. You had to kind of tell the truth, although some of them you didn't. So tell me, Daddy.

19:42Have you told any white lies on any of your dates? I mean, currently, your dating profiles, your picture makes you look like you're a professional footballer. Well, you want to keep them guessing. Now, I wouldn't say that's a lie, but I would say you are not being transparent. I played football on a couple of occasions. And I just, as I said, if they don't know who you are, you kind of want to just sort of like, oh, could he be? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get you. So what sort of white lies have you been telling? If I'm honest, actually, I don't. When I'm on the date, I don't really tell any lies because I think they could just find out.

20:20What are you laughing at? Exclusively whilst on the date. Well, no, but yeah. Are you lying before and after? Oh, yeah, my profile photo is me looking like I'm a footballer. So let's just go through a little bit then here. Let's say it's someone who doesn't know you. and you just slide in the DMs and let's say you just go with something simple, not one of your ones, and you just go with, hi, how are you? What's one of my ones? Oh, you know, what would win in a fight, a shark or a bear? What would win in a fight, a shark or a bear? Not one of us here or listening gives a ****. So let's just say, hi, how are you?

20:58And she goes, yeah, yeah, really not bad. And you're just kind of getting to know her. And she goes, so what do you do? What's your answer to that? well a variety of things i suppose um you know jack of all trades master master nun yeah no but you're quite vague so do you sell drugs i'm trying to think what i do say because it's quite hard to like pinpoint what it is that you do what do you do i i say i go i have a podcast but that sounds a bit wanky so you don't say that first i do say that first i go i've got a podcast because that's like i think my main thing um and then i say i do a bit of tv presenting and then And I go, I do like digital sort of videos as well on the side.

21:37It's a side hustle. What do you want me to say? I don't know what you want me to do. It's a side hustle. What the fuck would you say? What do I say? All sorts. What are you, the police?

21:49That's drug dealer if I've ever heard one. Well, listen, what's with the small talk? You know what I mean? I can't sit there and do all the messaging. It's like, I'm free Friday, are you? Great, we'll talk about it then. Really? Yeah, I'll ask you your favourite colour then and I'll pretend to be interested. What are you, free Friday? Fine, cool. That's it. See you then. So, okay, fine. And what sort of, I mean, I know it's difficult at the minute because you're desperate, but what, no, I'm joking. No, you're not. What are you ideally looking for? So let's say in that opening exchange on a dating profile, yeah, you know that opening kind of, how are you, like, you're just kind of getting to know.

22:30let's say the first kind of hour of messaging or the first couple of days of messaging of, you know, all that sort of stuff. What are your three biggest red flags? Like that they could say. Mate, I'm not even joking. I don't even think that I have any. My bar's pretty low, bro. At the moment, my bar's, to be honest, on my Hinge profile, which I've just set up, it like has asked you about yourself. It's had little prompts. Do you have a, is there a handle on Hinge that people can search you? Oh, it's absolutely, oh my God. can you do me a favour? Can you do a voice message on my hinge to talk about me?

23:05I don't think there's one. That's my bestie. Where's my phone? It's here. That would be really fun. I think this would do really well with the ladies. Is this serious? Yeah. There's like a prompt on the app that says, my best friend describes me as, and then you record a voice note describing Sam, however you so wish. Oh my God, I'm so excited. You don't really want me to do this. Yeah, I do. I really do. I think you should let Pete listen to the voice note you've got on there currently first. Who's that from? Him. You pretended to be your own best mate? No, no, no. Hi, Sam's a great guy. Really liking, a lot taller than you expect.

23:45And honestly, it may look like it in some pictures, but there is a lot of hair there. And it is natural. So this is Sam pretending to be his own best mate. Is that right? Yep. a thought I recently had in the shower. A thought I had in the shower recently, because that's one of the prompts, by the way, is that I want to do a show called Get Him to the Geek, where I take my best friend, Pete Wicks, to loads of geeky things like Quidditch in the Park and Warhammer painting and see what he thinks about it. I think it'd be really, really fun. Get Him to the Geek is the thought I had in the shower. Same, same, same, same, same.

24:27I'm saying, right. Don't just hack a part. No, no, no. Don't hack it with a hat shit. Do you know why I'm going to make this even more embarrassing for you? What? All right. Let's just take a fucking minute. On a serious note, firstly, are you David Brent? Why? Anyone that's listening to this who's an Office fan will know, at one point he's asked to report, right, for his boss. And instead what he's done is wrote a game show and it's devised and hosted by Ricky Gervais and he starts explaining. So that's basically what you've done there. Secondly, you've taken that seriously. That's not even a joke.

24:59Yeah. Because Get Me to the Geek, Sam has been talking about for about three years and genuinely wants to do it. You've genuinely tried to tell people that you've been sat there writing a show for us as if you're a serious... I think it's just make it fun, mate. In the show. Mate, like, what... You've used that like Alan Partridge with just thoughts, just thinking, maybe I'll circle back to that one. What the fuck? No, take that off. Mate, but it's a thought I had in the shower. Yeah, but you've also used my name, and I don't want to be associated with this. Take that out. I thought if I said Pete Wicks, they might stay.

25:34That's why you did it. You weren't thinking about that. You just thought, how can I include Pete, just in case there's anyone there that might like him? Yeah. You might as well have just gone, salt in the shower. Pete Wicks really is my best mate. You might as well have just done that. But do you want to be on it? No, I don't, no. Please. No. Okay, what about... Also, I just think it's quite nice to put the question in the answer as well. Yeah, although I'm guessing, I don't know because I've not seen this, but I'm guessing the title. So what you've done there is just, you know, inadvertently insult them as if they're fucking sick and can't read.

26:09So because this is one of the prompts, the one that you've just clicked into that has a title, just in case you haven't read it. There's another one, but I don't want to tell you what it is now. No, I think you should, because this is far more interesting than... I recently discovered that and that's the prompt I recently discovered that and mine was I can talk cat because I think that's just quite cute it's like meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow you know that song that I used to sing to you with your girlfriend meow meow well I mean yeah but I'd do it as well meow meow meow I can talk cat I had someone message me they sent me a rose which on hinge is a big deal and she was wearing cat ears.

26:51She went, she's wearing cats. So I'm attracting like the cat owners. And so there was a lady who had lovely cat ears on and she was like, oh, maybe we could talk to our cats together. Amazing. So you met her, did you? No, no. No, because she's a crazy cat lady. Do you not approve? I feel like that I haven't seen this profile, but it may be one of the saddest sort of... I think you need help. No.

27:50all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com Wayfair, every style, every home At QVC, shopping is more than just checking out. It's discovering something new every day. Start with today's special value. Then, explore exciting finds across the brands and categories you love. From beauty and fashion to home, culinary and outdoor living. Shop now at QVC.com.

28:49and the prices won't stay this low. Preserve your spot with just$200 down at BKFSEA.com.

29:01The way to win me over is just say I like you. The bar is low. Typical Sunday, roast and lotterer. Lord of the Rings. I've abbreviated it. Work, London. Job title, podcaster, presenter, college or university, none. Education level, prefer not to say.

29:25I didn't know that. Religious beliefs, prefer not to say. Politics, prefer not to say. Language is spoken, none. Well, you've got two in there, English and cat. Mate, I didn't realise they make sure to specify that more. Relationship type, monogamy. Dating intentions, prefer not to say. Yeah, but I didn't know that they showed prefer not to say on the fucking thing. I thought that was like quiet. I didn't know this show did. Names, Sam Toms, age 33. Height, five foot nine. You fucking wish. You're fucking, you've added an inch there. I'm five nine. You are fucking, oh, you bollocks, five foot nine.

30:05Children, don't have children. Nice. Family plans, prefer not to say. I didn't know. I thought it just wouldn't be on the profile, but now I look weird. Anyway, that's my dating app. No, my vice is drinking, yes. Smoking, sometimes. Marijuana, prefer not to say. Drums, prefer not to say. No, I thought prefer not to say was just no, but like, oh no, I can't delete that. Right, let's run through some pictures. Yeah, there's me at Wimbledon where my arm looks big. There's me with my nephew. People think I'm a great guy. There's me having some food because I'm a social person. There's a cat. There's me with Dineri's on, and there's you with another friend, Lohan.

30:50Yeah. Lohan. Lohan. I mean, look, it's an interesting profile. Mate, should we make you one? No. No, no, no, no, no, please. No, Sam, we're not. Listen, we can't supply the sun with all their headlines this week. They're going to have to do some work themselves. I mean, this is my favourite part of it, though. when you look at it, picture, then you've got your get me to the geek is the first, second thing that comes up. The bit after that, the way to win me, I would just say I like you, the bar is low. Then it goes into a bit of what you do. And then the headlines are just say I like you, the bar is low.

31:30I talk cat, roast and lotter. That's literally the headlines of your life. Is that bad? Have you had many hits on this? I've had loads of likes. Yeah? Match for two people. You've matched with two people. Can I see them? Yeah, go ahead. How? Go on to the conversation bubble. Oh, is this the bird that you've just sent a voice note to? Oh, yeah, I see why you're live, sir. Okay, well, do you know what? Enough of my dating profile now. I just, I thought it was fun. Right, well. Proud of me? Anyway. Talking about the press, actually, and their headlines. No, you just, you set yourself down there, son.

32:10Because we are still on you. Um, uh, afterwards I will record a voice note for your thing. Yay. Okay. You need to go glowing endorsement, please. Sam's got loads of friends. Listen, I'm just going to state facts and I'm going to, I'm going to apologize for what you, you know, they've currently seen. Okay. And you know, let them know that you, you can do better. Okay. Well, I can do better. No. Yeah. You're going to be, you, I'm going to do better. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but we, you know, you've mentioned it there, uh, that you talk cats. So speaking of cats, we've got a video of Peter Crouch and Abby Clancy discussing men with pets, which has been sent to you.

32:46Do you know what's like a big ick? Men who own cats. Single men who own cats. That's a great shout. I wouldn't trust them. I don't think I'd trust them. I love cats. Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't trust a single man with a cat. What about a single man with a dog, though? I think it's okay. I think it's okay. It's slightly better than a cat. I think, I don't know. I feel like a cat is a female. I don't know. They're very similar, aren't they? Cats. In what sense?

33:22Aloof, moody, spikeless, sly. Aloof, moody, sly. Yeah, selfish. Our cats aren't like that. Lazy. That is a dig. That is a shot across the bow. I totally agree. No, you fucking love my cats. Listen, of course I do. It's great. They're not my cats. And I obviously prefer dogs to cats. I think that's fairly obvious. It is odd. I do see where they're coming from. Do you know that, first of all, when I got the cats, they weren't a single man's cats? No. And then I got asked to keep the cats. I'm not going to say no. No, no, no. I know. So I had to keep the cats, Peter. No, but I think the point is, is it's not an issue with people having dogs and cats and pets.

34:13It's when it becomes your personality is what makes it slightly odd. I mean, I've had dogs for, you know, my dogs for over a decade, both of them. And obviously everyone knows I love dogs and I work with dogs. You don't often see them on everything I do, you know? Don't see my cats on everything I do. Take a selfie with them today. Your story this morning is in your tank top with just about – Which happens every day. And by the way, another thing, I have two pets, two dogs. You have two cats. I love both of my dogs equally for different reasons. You quite clearly have a favourite because it's always the same one.

34:57The little cross-eyed one, you never use him. and personally for someone who also suffers with cross-eyedness I feel like it's a little better he just doesn't have been picked up it's probably because you can't see where it's coming from he gets very well looked after and he's a very sweet little man well I just think if you are going to promote the fact that your personality is cat and you can talk cat and it's everything that you are perhaps use both you're going to love something I did that's coming out soon you're going to die. It's a branded thing that involves the cats. I can't really say it because it doesn't come out yet.

35:37Well, we look forward to seeing and hearing about it. It's basically me and my top off holding my cats. Yeah, of course it is. Eh? That is one way. Oh, God, I'm terrified for it. I mean, how is using pussy to get pussy working? I'm not doing that. You're not doing that? No. Just been through your hinge. I talk cat and not even you holding the cat just a picture of the cat because that's such a big part of my life people need to know well one of them is a big part of your life because again cross-eyed Clarence doesn't make it to the fucking doesn't make it to any of the profiles or Instagram I feel sorry for him because actually I'll be honest with you he's my favourite whenever I go there he's the one that always comes to me and I don't know and between the two of us we've got great eyesight So I'm just saying, all right?

36:29Anyway. Peter and Abby, and Abby, I don't agree with that. I just don't think they've met the right cats to be able to say that. No, no, no. I don't think it's the cats. I mean, they've got cats. I don't think it's the problem with the cats. I think it's the... It's a single guy with cats. It's the owners of the cat that are the problem, and you are a prime example. I'm getting hammered today. No, no, no, no. But on the plus side, though, mate, mullet looks good. let's talk about pete for a little bit shall we and uh i think i think that you know let's put pete in the hot seat here actually and i've been absolutely decimated over the past half an hour here and um i think it's time to start where we left off last time the lie detector um you did talk about uh you know not wanting to give the press too many headlines in this podcast episode so actually first of all just a quick hi to all the jonos listening because we've we we you scour you fucking scour this podcast like I've never seen before.

37:28Listen, you know, you're welcome. Don't worry about it. It's all good. It's absolutely fine. It's nice to see that your investigative journalism is going great. What did you do? How did you get that? Listen to a podcast. I managed to create four or five stories this week out of that. So I'm just going to let you know something now, guys. I'm going for a cock enlargement. It's already booked.

38:00I've never seen so many stories from one lie detector test. It's fucking mental. I mean, you hit the press big time, mate. The main one is being in love with a mystery woman. How has the blowback been about the mystery woman? How many people have messaged you online? Because I have had so many messages being like, you need to tell me who it is. I've had loads of people message me, including a lot of people who think it's them.

38:34Oh, that's so good. So I've spent a week letting a lot of people down, you know. So whack that in as well. You know, it's just been, it's been tough. It's been tough out there. Oh, that's funny. Okay. What, would you, no, I was just going to ask, would you look down the camera and give them a clue, but you wouldn't even do that, would you? No, I mean, who's to say that the lie detector was working? Who's to say that it's true? Well, you did because you told me that you told me earlier. Yes, yeah, I did, Sam, but we're trying not to make this story carry on. Oh, are we, mate? Yes, we, well, yeah, we are currently, yes.

39:12What was Pete clutching his chair right now? Yeah, look, you know. Yeah, look. Look, you never know. No, look, it's one of them things, isn't it? You know, maybe it's true, maybe it's not. Who knows? No one knows. There is people in this room that potentially know whether it's true, whether it's not. There's people in this room potentially know that there may be someone, there's people that we may just be having a bit of tomfoolery. Tomfoolery. People were hoping it was me that you were talking about. Um, unfortunately it's not Sam. Um, firstly, um, uh, Sam, I couldn't fall in love with Sam. He's a terrible blow job.

39:53Um, and no, I make, wait, wait, quickly. If we're going to talk about this, who's given who head, I feel like I could caress you well. All right. Okay. All right. So, so I see what, no, we're not doing this. I don't know. I just feel like you just came at me just then, but you didn't come at me actually. I mean, but you just, so yeah the journalists have had a field day this week um so you know but i'm glad i'm keeping some of you in a job i think we should do another like i think we should do just remember cock enlargement we should probably do one every quarter just to keep everyone honest okay that'd be quite good yeah well i mean the thing is and what's really funny is we've done it before is that um obviously because they take everything that's said in this in this podcast as gospel um who who's to say that we we haven't included some red herrings it's a very good question we did that once before when we did that video of us having a fake argument outside my gaff you know i mean so hey ho including i see what isn't a red herring though i'm going on the holidays he is peter off to ibiza and he hasn't invited no i'm working so i'm gonna be working yeah i'm going to be in Ibiza next week.

41:05Liv and I are going to Ibiza with Kiss. Fucking dangerous place to send Liv and I. Yeah, absolutely. And me.

41:16I mean, you're not going. I told you I might be. Yeah, I told you you shouldn't. What would you do if I turned up to Ibiza? I'd say, all right. Do you want a drink? I mean to be fair I don't know why why don't hits oh you why don't hits go we just don't do any of those things like Kistory or anything like that well yeah I think that's the thing is obviously it's Kistory I've not done Kistory in Ibiza before but apparently I presume Marv's going to be there wait you don't even DJ what are you going to do mate I'm the fucking personality hire I was just thinking I swear they all DJ there Yeah, all the DJs are going.

42:01And Liv and I. Are we going to Ocean? I think we're going Ocean, yeah. Wait, no! Who isn't there currently because of his daughter's wedding. Okay, fine. But when you go out there, you probably will be. I have messaged him this morning. Oh, my God, we're going to be in Ocean. Just to see if Wayne is going to be out there, hopefully. But I'll tell you who is out there at the minute, who I'm just dying to run into, is Ibiza Final Boss. Oh, you know about Ibiza Final Boss? I'll tell you what I do know about him is I was out the other night. I don't know if it was the night I was out with you guys or on Saturday night.

42:34And my very good friend is his new manager. His manager has said in over 20 years in the business, he's never been as busy as has been this week because everyone wants him. Everyone wants him. What's your view on it? What's your view on the IP for final boss? He's the UK equivalent of... Yes, he is. and like fucking fair play. Do you know what I mean? Ride the wave, baby. Yeah, exactly. Ride the wave. I don't, I can't work it out if I'm honest with you. I can't work out if that's genuine. Oh, yeah. No, no. Do you know what I mean? Like if he, that's genuine in his look or he was on like a stag do and they said do this and then it went viral and then he went, well, now this is me.

43:18No, that's him. Bowl cut. No, that can't be. Yes, it is. He's got a bowl cut. The teeth are as white as anything. but fucking fair play mate you know what's interesting is you know exactly what it is like there's a certain type of dude that goes to your to your Ibithas your Marbella or whatever it is but there's that certain type it's man bag slung around the shoulder I believe it's called a messenger bag a messenger bag slung around the shoulder it's whatever t-shirt you're wearing it has to be designer for one and it has to have the name of the designer well on like written in bold across I've got to I've got to say, Sam, you are out of the loop now.

43:55Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it doesn't necessarily have to be that now. What you have to go in is Night Tech or Under Armour. Matching sets, very breathable fabrics in bright colours. And if you look at all the posts, that's effectively what it is now. It is full. I could be going to the gym or I could be off my nut finger in a bird. It's the two. And maybe some Louis V sliders. Yeah, no, no, no. They go socks and trainers. People don't wear sliders to the pool anymore. Everyone goes in. And for some, I'll tell you something I've never understood. And actually, I feel like you might be this person.

44:34Why do people, why do blokes wear boxers under swim shorts? I do that all the time. Why? Because the netting gets, like rattles mud. It just gets a little bit ropey down there. You get rash sometimes. Buy better swim shorts. Nah, it's just the netting just sometimes just doesn't really. It's mental. I see it all the time. And I think, what the fuck is that? I do it every time. Oh, no, no, no. I just let it all... Sometimes I have to tape it, but I let it all hang out. No, I don't like the netting. But you and the Ibiza final boss partying in Ibiza is something that I absolutely want for my August.

45:05If we can make that happen, I would fucking love it. We'll fly out one of the teams and make some of the content about it. It's very unlikely that's going to happen. Fist pumping at Ocean. It's unlikely that's going to happen. But I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be interesting. Liv and I, on our last work holiday, missed a flight home. And that was just to France for 16 hours. So fuck knows what this is going to be like. But I haven't had a lot of time off this year, like neither of us have. And although it's kind of work, I do love Ibiza. You and I both love Ibiza. We've obviously been together before, so I'm looking forward to going.

45:48But fuck knows what's going to happen. I'll tell you the same though, like Liv tries to pull the fun out of everything because she's sent me a full itinerary of what is happening with dress codes. She packed two weeks ago her full outfits and everything else and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, who the fuck does that? Is that a normal thing? Is that normal for girls? Do you do that? Like, pack that far in advance? Yeah. if yeah how about the night before I'll literally see what's clean I feel like this is going to be such an epic trip I feel like I need to be there I think I'm just going to have to make it work well you're off as well I'm just going to have to make it work because you're going to be sort of I see because I do have access to your diary Sam so I know you every moment yeah actually I have to Sam just to check because obviously as we discovered earlier on you lie a lot so we'd like to check and you have got time if I fly out will you receive me?

46:50Are we back to the blowjobs? No, but as in like, will you just be like, Sam, come here. Well, yeah. Well, I don't want you to turn around pretending you don't know me. I mean, it'd be quite difficult for me to do that, wouldn't it? Like really, I can't go anywhere or do anything without someone going, is not Sam not with you? Like we're not Siamese twins. It's fucking mental. Someone, honestly, I was on the motorbike the other day, right? In a petrol station filling up. It's fairly obvious. it's just me and a motorbike where's Sam then? he's up your ass like I'm literally on the bike riding out of the garage like oh sorry I've just popped him in the pannier let me just get him out for you to do a little song and a dance like what the fuck where is he then?

47:32I was in fucking Leeds as well like why on earth? I just love how inseparable we are you can't get away from me I cling to you like fucking herpes there's just no getting away from it but it's the maddest thing isn't it? like because it doesn't matter what I do everyone asks me wherever I am where Sam is. No one asks Sam where Pete is. All the time. Where's Pete? All the time. Not one person ever asks where Pete is. Yeah, they do. They're just so happy to see Sam. Oh, yeah, everybody. Anything I do, it's people like, they go, oh, God, it's Pete. And then they look behind. Oh, no, Sam's not there.

48:06That's literally what it is. It's like, do you know what it is? It's like I'm your royal taster. You know when you send someone really important and you send it, I'm basically just like the starter to you being the main course. It's fucking mental. It's like, oh, we've had a little nibble, but we want the real thing now. It's exactly what I get. Every single mum who sees me is like, oh, where's Pete? He's a bit of me. It's fucking ridiculous, isn't it? But yeah, so maybe we'll both be in IB for again. Well, there's cause to celebrate, isn't there, Peter? Because something massive has already happened.

48:37And I'm sure you know if you're an avid listener of the podcast, We have massive calls to celebrate right now. It has been a year in the making and we set this challenge for Digital Josh the moment he joined us. That was a year ago. What was the challenge, Josh? 100 ,000 subscribers on YouTube. And we have just hit 1 ,000. Nope. And we have just hit 100 ,000 subscribers on YouTube. yes josh josh josh josh josh josh we get a plaque wait wait have you put in a ask for the plaque yeah so we're waiting for their notification to say you can but yes oh my god i can't wait on this note um uh go on fuck off wow man we are now youtubers so on a serious note from from from From me, I just want to say, Josh, you know, I love you.

49:39I love you too. Genuinely. Well done. Bottom of your heart. From the bottom of my heart. Yeah, of course. Or I did. You're all in my bad books currently. Plaque party. Oh, plaque party was amazing. You've probably seen it by now on our socials. We held a plaque party, but not the kind of plaque you'd expect. No, no, because this lot thought we were dentists or something. I don't really understand the fucking thing. I don't understand what was happening there, if I'm honest with you. It was one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced. Partied like a dentist surgery. Yeah. And we fucking sent it.

50:19There was a lot going on. Some of you had made like a big effort.

50:26Chuckles was dressed as a toothbrush. some of you I mean Kira Pippa yours no I think Kira's just a white t-shirt that says I am tooth but we loved it anyway Ted looks like looked like some sort of radioactive forensic man but apparently that was supposed to be plaque like honestly mental they were all doing shots of WKD out of a Listerine bottle but I'll be honest with you quite funny actually you'd put some thought into it probably should have washed out the Listerine bottle because I did do a shot of a minty WKD and let me tell you that ain't a fun experience Pippa got slightly carried away but to be honest with you I think between you and Pippa the reason you both got carried away was because you were both still drunk or hung over from the night before it was one of the weirdest experiences I've ever walked in So I've never quite seen people like that.

51:27The pair of you, the pair of you were a fucking disgrace. Well, I was the disgrace. To the point where we all know that, you know, me as the team, I'm generally considered the one with the problem.

51:45But despite, and I've been in hungover many a time and recorded podcasts and done all sorts of stuff and we've all seen it and yes, I might be miserable and I might look like I'm dug up, but I get through it. You two, vile. I got through it. I got through it. Oh, it was a struggle. I thought I was sending it. You were worse, though. Me? I was better than him. No, no, no, no, you weren't. You thought you would be better, so you ordered half of wing stuff, all right? And by the time you'd sucked the chicken off the bone there with your little gloves on, about three wings, oh, yeah, no, this is good.

52:21I'm starting to feel better now. About five wings in, it's gone the other way. and then we had to keep taking breaks. There were just bones and fucking chicken juice all over the fucking kitchen, and in between the fucking plaque party that old fucking Martin Scorsese was directing downstairs kept coming up with just doing another scene. Fucking scenes. It was fucking mental. We had fucking Galena with call sheets knocking about. I mean, it was a real fucking experience for everyone, that was. Hannah didn't make an appearance for two hours whilst they were sat upstairs because she was just sat down there dressed as a toothbrush doing God knows what.

52:55But what a fucking day it was. I mean, utterly mental. What a celebration we had. It didn't end there, Pete, by the way. No, it fucking didn't end there. No, no, no, no. Because I'll tell you what was a great idea. Let's book the plaque party on the same day as an actual party. And a great time we had. I mean, yeah, it was wonderful. Obviously, when I'd finished and, you know, Scorsese had let me go, Ted and I decided that we would try and beat the rush hour and get a head start because, you know, a lot of forward thinking from the team and Elise decided to make the real party on the other side of London during rush hour.

53:31But do you know what the nicest thing is, Pete, is we're a team. And this is what I adore, is that when one of us falls down, the other one picks up the slack. And Pete very much picked up the slack that night because not only did we go to Savage Gardens, by the way, thank you so much for hosting us. We had a lovely time on your rooftop. Shout out, Jess. They then went and kicked on to karaoke. Now, I didn't know anything about this until I'm, it's about one in the morning. I'm getting sent messages from Hannah, or Chuckles, as you call her, sort of at one in the morning, dinging through of Pete on the fucking karaoke mic, which I just didn't see coming at all.

54:10You were giving, you had a tambourine at one point, man. I'm going to be honest with you. the remaining troupe overrided I said it was your party I said I'll do whatever you want to do I was quite happy just to go straight to Stringfellas no we want to go karaoke I said listen you've got an hour so transportation took us there I paid for the hour I did the hour it was their night you enjoyed the hour to be perfectly honest if I'm really really honest with you it was a struggle after about 15 minutes 15 minutes it was quite fun and it was good as gold I didn't want to be Debbie Downer um you know I wanted to be you know positive Paula yeah um so you know I I stuck in there I I at one point I do think I the mic would it weirdly just got stuck to my hand and I couldn't pass it on so I just thought you know it's a waste of a mic if I don't sing into it.

55:12Because I did, I went for it. At one point, the mic was in between TV Ted's legs. I imagine he was trying to pretend it was a penis and you were on your knees actually. Singing into it. Singing into the mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the point that I thought, wow, this has got, you've taken Pete to places that I never even knew he could get to. And it did make me wonder, as a couple of aging bosses, are we getting to the point, Pete, where we're in slight embarrassment? No, no, no. No, no, no, no. We've passed that point. We are embarrassment. I'm going to be honest with you. You had a tambourine.

55:47I had a tambourine. It felt like, it felt like I was weekend dad who one of my kids had had a birthday and all their friends had come out and I was trying to fit in. That's what it felt like. Go on. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Let's have a little sing. Yeah, it was great. I had to keep going outside for a cigarette because just to have a word with myself and just to tell me that it was going to be okay. And then at one point towards the end, I really had had enough and I couldn't finish out the last 15 minutes. You couldn't finish out the hour. I couldn't do it. So I removed myself from the situation, went and fucking paid and I just waited outside.

56:28But then I went back in and everyone had left and I think they thought I'd left, but I wasn't. I was waiting outside. so then someone had to come in and get me and then they were all waiting outside. So actually, I think what you guys thought was I'd gone back in to find another room. But actually, no, it's because I think we'd crossed somehow. And then obviously, we went to my spiritual home and we all went to Stringfellas. God, I wish I was there for karaoke. I wish. If I had known you were hitting the Rokey, I would have definitely been there for that. Yeah, I mean, it was tough. There was a number of...

57:00I mean, to be honest with you, all of my song choices, is everyone's kind of up partying and whatnot and singing all their fucking happy songs and that. And every time I go, oh, no, let's play this one, they all sat down, which was odd. They didn't really fancy a bit of, maybe lock them doors and turn. It didn't go down as well as I assumed that it would, if I'm honest with you. Also, what I have realised is when I have a drink, not only does my eye go for a walk, as does any sort of resemblance of kind of tone, because I sound horrendous. It doesn't matter, mate. You gave it your best. You tried.

57:35Can we do it after the O2? Absolutely not. Our little after party after the O2 should be a karaoke night. Well, I have updates on after parties for the O2, but I will reveal that at some later point. Great, we're going to do karaoke. And also, we won't be revealing where the O2 after party is until after it's happening. Where do you think it's going to be? No, Sam, it's not there. Is it not? No, it's not. Wow. Yeah. it's not going to be there though. Because, and I'll tell you why on a serious note, it's actually not going to be there now, but because last time after the Apollo, um, they had 30, 40 people turn up at string fellows thinking that that's where we were going to be.

58:17That's hilarious. So no, we can't do it. Groupies outside of, outside of string fellows is one of the most depressing things. I think I've ever heard my entire life. So, um, on that note, um, it's Monday. so Monday now when this comes out so Sam's still got a week on Hits Radio so make sure you listen to him every morning um make sure you waking up the nation make sure you rate review do all of that sort of shit uh five star blah blah blah you know the the score follow us on Instagram and fucking all the other crap staying relevant podcast um subscribe on Josh's YouTube channel yeah we're now on the road to 200 ,000 well a million actually we're on the road to a million now roads to a million um so listen and when you hit there it will be an in loving memory of Pete.

59:04That's what the party will be. I will not be around for that. Will I be here for that, do you think? Oh, yeah, mate, listen, you'll 100 % be here. I'll have done two documentaries about Pete and the life he lived. I can't wait. Yeah, so, yeah, and I hope, you know, if you are there for that and it is in loving memory, just remember me as I am, not as you heard after death. Remember me for the minute now. Go with the expose doc about Pete when he's already gone. Yeah, Pete Wicks, the monster inside. Oh, so good. Actually, don't forget, there's going to be a taxidermy of you. We spoke about this.

59:36Yeah, well, actually, yeah. So whoever the new co-host will be, at that point it will be Leo, will have his feet on my body. Because Sam wants to make a coffee table out of me. Just on all fours. I want to put him in a position that he wouldn't like when he's dead. I want to stuff him. Just think, squat and snozz. So, ta-da. We love you so much. Bring on the O2, baby. Even though we've got some pods to do before we go to the O2. Thank you. This has been a Staying Relevant production. So you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays? Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready.

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1:01:49Hello, Relevanters. we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.