142: Was Sam Caught in the Act?

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1:39Yeah, let's have a quick game and get through it. Good game's a quick game. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two bestest of best pals, me, Sam Thompson and Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wicks. There will be swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Fuck off. Yeah. There's no alcohol. There is a pistachio latte.

2:06Make sure you rate-reviewed all of that sort of shit. You know it by now. Follow us on socials. That's Dan Redmond Podcast. Josh's YouTube channel, which is now 103 ,000 subscribers. I'm surprised you didn't unsubscribe after the plaque party. Because that was a f***ing disaster, let's be honest. Shall we crack on? Let's crack. Oh, no, we can't crack on. How do I nearly keep forgetting? What? This is Monday's episode, which means that you can watch it on Josh's YouTube channel on a Wednesday from 5pm, I believe, is still the time. Yes, it is. Good. And then we'll be doing a bonus episode, which comes out audibly on a Thursday, which you can watch from 5pm on a Sunday.

2:47So that means... You can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. I don't like that you got involved there. Sorry, sorry. I just... You said you wanted a quick game. Yeah, I know, but that's kind of my bit. Yeah, that's a really good point. Do you know what I mean? I don't start going on. Welcome to the podcast, Samuel Jonathan Joseph fucking Thompson. Samuel Jonathan Joseph. Maybe I'll just do one of these, actually. Just get comfy. Sam's wearing a plaid shirt today. I walked in. Very unlike Sam. I'll be honest with you. This is a stylish choice, but I like it. Pete complimented me as I walked into the studio.

3:24Do you know what you're in, which I've been called recently? It's kind of Swamp Daddy. Swamp Daddy? I've been called a Swamp Daddy recently. What's that one? And I feel like you're also in kind of Swamp Daddy territory. What, is it like, ooh? I was going to say Scooby-Doo. Sorry? And they're like, ah, I would have got away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids. And they take the hood off. I'm going to allow this because I know you're tired because you are in your second week of Hits Breakfast. So let's put it down to that. Let's put it down to that. How's it going? You have come from breakfast today, so you've basically done a full day's work already.

4:07When I say a full day's work, he's done three hours. Four. Four hours, sorry. But how has it been? Mate, today was a toughie. How many days you got left? I've got another two days left. And I told Zoe Kravitz that I loved her and wanted to take her for a drink, which was, you know, when you get met with silence. Did you tell her about your thoughts in the shower? No. No, I didn't. No? I did show her my cats. Okay. I said, if you ever want to see my cats, you're more than welcome. And I know you prefer not to say, but did you discuss your education? No.

4:45I didn't know that that was visible. Okay, all right. I thought that that was not on the profile. Also, really appreciate that was a grower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are just like, oh, yeah. Zombie Kravitz, stunning. Stunning. I fancy her. Mate, she's very you. And I mean, very everyone, to be fair. So did you mention me? No, I didn't actually. I told her I loved him to take her for a drink and it went super fucking quiet. And I went, oh, you know, when it doesn't land, at all what a shock who'd have thought i thought you might turn around oh that was sweet let's go for a drink yeah yeah you never know you never well but we do know you're as well this is just like a bit of an in thing but i am in when you do these interviews you basically like always try and get a little something out of them and so it was it was taylor she's like makes a taylor swift and i was like oh so you know taylor swift got a new album like do you i went to you did you listen to any of her songs in the album like as a friend and does she like watch any of your movies before they come out just to give you some like sort of friendly sort of feedback and she went no no we just hang out and you know you're like shit she goes why would i do that it's like you know when you get real hot and the pr's like looking you going you fucking idiot this sounds like a classic sam thompson interview it couldn't have been what i actually did think of you when i left i went if pete had seen this fucking car crash that has just happened he would be laughing so hard well i mean on that have you had any more producers walk out of the room have you managed to retain some how many have left bauer at this point one left the room um and uh and the other one hasn't actually returned one left and now works outside what what you mean like in the park she works outside you know the studio she works in the in the main bit outside i was like what i thought you meant she turned into a gardener.

6:34But I'm going out being like, do you want to come in? She's like, no, I'm cool out here. Yeah, fucking hell. Jesus Christ. You know it's going to be bad when Josh starts saying, I'd rather work out there. I mean, what have the listeners been like? Have you had much feedback? Any constructive criticism? That was interesting you say that actually, Peter. God, I was sort of looking for feedback and I went on to X, formerly Twitter, and at Hits Radio UK, please get rid of the shouty man boy, Sam Thompson, who's just mused whether the pyramids were built by aliens on live radio. He's a noisy, irritating twonk.

7:11Thanks. One of my personal favourite insults ever, twonk. What is a twonk? Is it a twat and a plonker? Let's go with that, yeah. What's a twat? That's a ****. Is a twat a vagina? Yeah. Didn't know that. Yeah. So when someone goes like, oh, I twatted them around the face, You vagina'd me round the face. That's wild. That's mental. Well, which something you, you, you know, you now enjoy the old face sitting. So, all right, cool. But on the plus side, though, as much as some people think you're a bit of a twonk. I feel like this is going to stick now. Lots of our listeners have been noticing that you are entering your wholesome era, which is kind of your weekends now.

8:02I mean, I must say, I did notice myself as well. You are spending time with friends and family and Ryan Louise and Leo and playing tennis and paddle and dinner with the family. And it's all very, very, very nice and wholesome and quite lonely. You think that he's so lonely. Do you know what? I feel, Pete, like I'm following. Everyone else looks at it and goes, God, that is a wholesome man. I look at it and go, he's sad. You know he's so well. My particular favourite, though, is just obviously because it's completely candid, is the let's use Leo as much as possible to make people think I'm exceptionally wholesome.

8:40You know, he's on the shoulders. And I know as soon as that camera goes, get the fuck off. Tennis outfits, full tennis outfits. It is very nice and it is very wholesome. What I'd give to have a family like that. Joe, the worst thing is, is that I, uh, I, Pete knows me so well that I now feel like when I'm like third wheeling them in everything they do, I'm now like, oh, this is, well, you're not there when they have to say, this is, well, you never know. No, no, sorry. You do know. Sorry. I was like, I don't even know why I said that. Yeah. You do know. I will not be doing that again, ever, Ever Yeah Louise Actually no I won't say that either I was going to say Louise did see Me in my house But I'm not going to say that But I just did Anyway No no no no No no no What do you mean She saw you in your house Doing what No It's just No They can see out their bathroom window Into my kitchen You know the skylight What were you doing Nothing were you fucking you were fucking I'm so hot Ryan saw you fucking no it wasn't that we weren't doing that you saw someone I just so because you had such a and to be honest you even put it up it's not even just the the kind of dins with the family in that you know I went to Chelsea with my best friend Marv and fucking like just like the boys just having a little lunch together and all the rest of it it is very wholesome and I think you described it as what a wonderful weekend with all my favourite people.

10:18No, no, no, no, no. I know. I said some of my favourite people. And also, may I just add, I invite Pete for Paddle all the time. Once. Once he did it. And he said no. Yeah, once six months ago, you asked me. Maybe I've changed my mind. I would love, Louise is obsessed with it at the moment, I would love to bring you to the Hurling for Paddle. Are you asking? Sorry? I'd love to bring you to the Hurling for Paddle. I don't think they'll let me in. Oh, my God. I don't know if you're going to get annoyed at this. I actually, I took Pippa to the Hurleyham on a work day. What?

10:56I didn't have anyone to play with. Louise and Ryan, like, booked the court and went, so who you come with? I was like, I don't have anyone to play with. And they were like, well, you've got to invite someone, like, who is, like, also a girl. And they were like, invite a date. And I was like, well, I don't know who I can invite. I'm not fussed about the fact that you two have gone to your fucking curly-wurly club. I'm more on a work during... Yeah, it was a meeting. It was a meeting? Yeah, you had to wear all white for it. You had to wear all white, hold a fucking racket and smash it. You're not allowed in unless you're in all white.

11:31Oh, bloody hell. Great, excellent. I nearly didn't get him on the shoes. I'll turn up dressed like a tampon for the curly-wurly club then. I don't care. But why on earth were we doing that during work? What was the meeting about then, guys? Secret. Oh, it was a secret meeting. Secret project. Excellent. They literally said, when you've got to invite someone, and they wanted me to, I can't name names, they wanted me to invite certain girls who I may have been talking to. I thought what I would do is I would just invite the safe option, which was Pippa. And so Pippa came down, and it was really fun.

12:07It was after work hours. It wasn't, was it? It was. So, wonderful. When was this? Friday. Friday. Friday. Oh, yes, I do remember. Friday evening. I do remember. It was, yes, Friday, because I called you on Friday. And Pippa normally calls me back within about three minutes. But it was about two hours. Sorry, just seen this was what I got. And it wasn't because I was playing paddle with Sam. It was, oh, just got off a call. Acast. What they like. God damn it. I did wonder why there's so many fucking meetings happening at the minute. On the work card. Oh, yeah, wonderful. Why not? Why not? Well, I mean, listen, that's absolutely fine.

12:47Josh, you want to come play snooker? Yeah, now? Yeah, fuck it. Cool. You guys can... Because it's going to be a long afternoon, I tell you. Wow, okay. All right, fine. Well, so it led Pippa to thinking now, because I'm just going to put this on Pippa. Lovely. What is your dream Saturday? My dream Saturday? No, the other person in the podcast. All right.

13:14So my dream Saturday, it completely depends. Actually, I know exactly what it is. Right. So wake up at around 8 p.m. 8 p.m.? Fuck me. Fucking hell. No, that is a good day. What's my dream Saturday? Asleep. What's my dream Saturday? Prefer not to stay. Fuck. So 8 a.m. wake up, right? And then probably sort of go and feed the cats. then go back upstairs waiting for the furry little fluff munchkins to jump on the bed with a little pitter-patter of paws and come snuggle with me for a little bit of time. That's how needy you are. You'll go feed them and then you'll go on a hard luck, chase me, chase me, and just wait for them.

13:55That is literally exciting. Oh, God, they love me. They come to me. Yeah, I bring a treat up as well. I bring a treat up and they purr in my ear. And do you know what? This sounds weird, but genuinely, hugging a cat naked is so lovely. no it is because they're so soft don't hide your face it's not even a weird thing people don't buy that on the laptop that can't go in this it's it's like no i'm not rubbing them on my balls i'm saying like just on the top half on the top half it's that like their fur on you it's just so in the morning it's so soft and lovely so i so i have a hug with the cats in bed for a little bit naked and then and then what i do is i'll go into the shower have a sit down in the shower um i put some music on oh what do we listen to uh well this morning it was um it was from the movie sinners if you've watched it if you was that's not porno i promise it's see my saturday sounds fucking weird at the moment but i promise you we're only at 9 a.m it's fucking weird uh so i put it was a cowboyish thing it was like a western country thing so i'd put that on and uh have my shower and then i got upstairs and i put my hairband in and uh yeah i put a hairband on because it puts my hair out of my face and then I put my potions on.

15:11Sorry. Ideal day. What do you mean? I mean, I'm going to be honest with you, we only really have episodes that are about 45 minutes and we're only at 1.30. You're watching my ideal day. Yeah, but I didn't need to know that you put a hairband in your inch long hair. Why do you need a hairband? It just gets a little hair on the face so I can then put my greens on. If you put your face, if you put your hair down onto your face, it only goes to half your forehead. I need to do the forehead. So I pull it off my foreheads. I put my hairband on. Alright, so in the ideal day, what's after the hairband?

15:44The lotions and potions go on. Lotions and potions? Lotions and potions go on. Oh, great. So, okay, excellent. So, so far what we've had is you wake up, feed the cats, hug them naked, put a hairband on, lotion and grease yourself up, and we're only at 9.30. No, we are. And then what I do is I make my first call. your first call my first call yeah to Pippa or you but you don't normally pick up on a weekend because you're working most weekends and also why on earth would I want to speak to you whilst you're greased up with a hair band Saturday was quite used to be quite a good day for a Pete Wicks phone call hugging your cat with your bollocks out he used to Pete had a schedule that I used to call him after his morning bike ride do you remember he used to go out on the bike in the morning I used to call him after he'd had his motorbike ride and I'd be like how are you or he'd be in the bath I'd either call him he'd be in the bath or after his bike ride.

16:32But he's, alas, working, so it is sometimes to pipp her on a Saturday when she's off hours, just for a catch-up. Yeah. I mean, yeah, why wouldn't you call her at the weekends, obviously? You know, rather than call, you could have played paddle at the weekend. But let's save that for the working week. And then I'll normally break into Louise and Ryan's, have a bit of their breakfast, which is quite nice. And then maybe go to Richmond Park, somewhere like that, go for a bike ride. and then it depends. After that, it's either sort of like back home for, as you say, gaming and wholesomeness or with the boys, with Reverend Brucey.

17:07He's back online, by the way, playing cold again. So that's fun. So I'm gaming a little bit or it's go for, you know, a day pub sesh, which is what I did on Saturday. Yeah, wonderful. Live music, sing along. Sweet. Yeah, we're all right. Oh, lovely. Nice, nice, nice. Yeah, no, we got it. That was really fun. Home by midnight. That's my ideal Saturday. What's yours? Sorry, I've just given you my entire sort of thing. What's yours? Ideal. So this isn't a regular Saturday. This is just my ideal. Ideal. And I want it hour by hour, please. Okay. Normally up by about half four or five. Why is that fun?

17:47It's a weekend, mate. This is without work, right? Yeah. Okay, so half four or five in the morning, getting ready to sort of like start on the site. Lovely. No. Up by about half, four or five. Nip outside. Coffee, three or four back to back. Say hello to the dogs. Give them a little bit of love. Naked? No. No. No. Dogs are a little bit more sort of licky and jumpy than cats. Good point. Especially mine. They can't see. I didn't blind them. Then I will go and have a bath. I like to have a bath. What time? This time you're probably looking at about quarter past five, 5.30. Have a bath. Have a nice soak for an hour.

18:32Maybe put something on the telly whilst I'm in the bath. Lovely. At the minute, I'm just running back through the office. Nice. Something like that. Just bright and breezy in the background. It's still dark at this point, by the way. Yeah, no, it's summer now. But, again, I prefer it in winter when it is dark, if I'm honest with you. Then at that point, I'll have another coffee, get out of the bath, have another coffee. I air dry. I prefer it to air dry. Nice. So it's generally walking around naked at that point. Oh, lovely. So what time is this, just for people who need binoculars and a specific time and place to point them?

19:06Pre-six. Pre-six, okay. Pre-six. Then I'll get dressed and all the rest of it and I will take the dogs out. Take the dogs out for a little bit, have a coffee again. Third coffee at this point? Yeah. So what time are we at now? About half six. How many shits have you had? I don't. What? All I heard was, a duh. I don't. You have a coffee and that many f***ing three coffees and however many cigarettes you're smoking and you're not going to the bathroom. No. That doesn't happen until 4pm. Every day. Sorry. So let's say you're with people and the hand strikes four. Is this like Cinderella? And you're like, right, sorry, got to go.

19:49Yeah, I've got to go for a cigarette. Oh, wow. 4pm. Yeah, it's between three and five every day. Oh, my God. It's terrible because we're double recording today. I can't wait. Oh, my God, we should follow with the camera. No, I don't like bodily functions, as we know. I don't even need or want to discuss what time I have a shit. So, yeah, so all of this is really happening before sort of 7 a.m. Okay, right. Then I like to go on the bike. Nice, yeah, of course. I'll go out on the bike for a good few hours. I'll stop kind of here, there, and depending where I go in, have a coffee everywhere I drink a lot of coffee I've just now that I say it I drink a lot of coffee yeah then get back just after kind of lunch maybe have something to eat at that point because I don't I won't eat until really after lunch wow at the weekends like during the week if I'm working I'll have porridge in the mornings so I normally have that kind of just before the bath yeah I don't like to do it after bath because I'm clean at that point okay I don't know why that makes a difference no we love it This is everything we wanted and more.

20:55So then, yeah, after lunch do that. Then I'll probably start speaking to people about that point. I don't like to talk to people up until I'm ready. Yeah, I've noticed. So then I'll answer to people if people message me, work out what the plan is for the night, and then kind of have a chill afternoon, really, with the dogs. Just like to do nothing. Ease into it. Just like to do nothing. and then the evenings it will be kind of a dinner or something like that with friends and Guinness and then, you know, end up in Stringfellas. Well, it's interesting actually because I saw a comment on the pod where it was like, it was when we were talking.

21:33It's quite boring that, sorry. No, it's not. That is my ideal day. Not at all. There's a lot going on in there. It's more about the intricacies of you that I find so interesting. There's so many that I'm not discussing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is fucking podcast, man. This is the most sort of like real we're ever going to get. No, I just like to do things in a certain way and in a certain order. Is it a wank? Oh, no. I mean, like when the feeling takes me, I'll wank. Okay, fine. So what is it then? Well, it's just I like to do things in a certain way. What does that mean? Well, like I like to eat before I have a bath because after I have a bath, I feel fresh and clean and then I don't like to eat for a while.

22:12And then after I come back from the back of my day, I'll have another bath. I sometimes double bath in a day. Double bath? Yeah, well, because, you know, I'm dirty then. So what we've learned, I didn't know this, but the years I've known Pete, you're a clean freak. Weirdly enough, which is, do you know what? It's the one insult that bothers me a lot. It looks like he needs a good bath. I do, a lot. I'm very clean. And when I bath as well, I don't know how you do it, I shower before the bath, have the bath, then shower after the bath. Fucking hell, it's like he's going to the rec centre. Do you know what you're saying?

22:44and you shower before the sauna and then have another one after. Why do you want to sit in your dead skin? Then why are you having a bath? Because it's relaxing and nice. Sometimes I'll light a candle. No, you do not. Sorry. I like the bathroom to be dark. With one solitary candle on? No, it's not a saiyan's. I just like it to be kind of the ambience. Imagine when you go for a massage and it's dim and there's just some little lights but you feel very relaxed. That's what I like. I like it like that if I'm having a bath you can't bath in broad daylight it's fucking mental do you know what I really like is I'm I'm gathering all this data on Pete because now I know when to call him I know what his routine is so like I'm gonna catch him no but this is my this is this is my ideal day which I haven't had for god knows how long but when you do all I fucking do is work I'm gonna just I'm just gonna slide into that pre-bath post yeah but what if it messes up your day what if that that's at the time when you're naked cuddling your cats I've called you going to shit before, Pete.

23:43You know I don't care about that. That's disgusting. But also true. But yeah, that's kind of my dream day. It's a lovely day. Very wholesome yourself. What you haven't mentioned in your dream day is at what point you check your hinge. Because I know that's happening every sort of 10 minutes or so. No, it's not. Oh my God, I've been banned. I've been banned from hinge. I can't believe I forgot to say this. Yeah, mate, I got banned. I mean, I wish you told us before because we've got a whole section on hinge coming up. How do you get banned from Hinge? I don't know. Dick pics. No, no. Or, sorry, would you prefer not say?

24:20No. They said I was impersonating somebody. What? You were banned for being yourself? Yeah, mate. How mad is that? Amazing. And then they said you could appeal it. This has got to be a parody account because no one is that Sam Thompson. You're too Sam Thompson to be Sam Thompson. Mate, I was so embarrassed. I literally looked at him and went, fuck me, I've been banned. I haven't been on it for two days. well I mean the the next kind of question was any successes so far and I would say no I was talking to two people I want they probably think what's happened to it they think you're dead you're dead they're probably sitting there going fuck they think they've been catfished now by an impersonator they didn't realize they were talking to the Sam Thompson um but it might have had something to do with the fact that obviously after we've spoken about it there's been a lot of people that have been trying to find you on hinge um so uh people have been looking for your profile on TikTok.

25:10People have been discussing trying to find you on Hinge because obviously you're now a heartthrob. I just feel like we're all lonely. Sammy's the staying relevant thirst trap, no? So now everyone is like fucking just, they need to find you. Now they know you're on the dating profiles. People are desperate to find you. I'm not, I got kicked off two fucking days. And they went, you can appeal it. And I went, I can't appeal that. But he has. Within seconds, he wrote an email directly to Hinge. do you not know who I am? It was going well. Signed off Karen Thompson, literally. Okay, so no one's shown any interest in Get Me To The Geek.

25:45No, they did. People fucking loved Getting To The Geek. People adored it. I think we really think we need to push this. I think what happened is Hinge didn't realise that there was such a sad **** on their fucking profile. They listened to this podcast and went, fuck me, we've got to take him off because it's bringing the overall fucking Hinge census down. You know what I mean? Hinge has gone from being, well, it's sort of a dating profile so there must be right idiots on it. Do you know the worst thing? So that actually happened not too long ago. You know Jojo, my mate, who owns the golf brand, at the start of his journey, I went, can I have, bearing in mind, I put money into the business.

26:20I went, can I have just like a T-shirt? He went, oh. He went, it's not really our demographic. He's one of my best mates. I was like, what do you mean? He goes, well, you're not that cool. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. The best part of that is Sam's not cool enough for a golf brand.

26:44Selling myself well here, people. Yeah, it's not like it's Celine. We did have a lot of replies about Quidditch in the park. People really want to fucking see you play Quidditch with me. Yeah. No, come on. Broom between the legs. We've been through this before. A little sock hanging out the bum. We do have a slight update for you, and I don't know if you know about this, but Louise is also taking applications to date you. because Louise today received a letter to her house from someone who is asking to be set up with you. Do you know about this? No. Do we have the letter? No, but she's posted it on her story that she's received a post.

27:21Shut the fuck up. She received a letter in the post this morning. Someone has somehow found her address. Hi, Louise. This is probably the most random letter you'll ever get, but here we are. I sent you products before, so I hope you, I can't really read it. That's wild. I mean, the lengths people are going to date you. I mean, you could literally, despite that Hinge profile, and despite that, you are, you're literally, you must be the UK's most eligible bachelor. I just think I'm the one that's attainable. I think I'm attainable. No, I don't think it is, mate. People are literally posting letters through your family door.

28:04How do they get the address? They are searching. They've created groups and forums to try and find your Hinge profile. You are literally like, I mean, it's like people who, he's dyed his hair and become Henry Cavill. It's fucking mental. Henry Cavill. Cavill. I thought we said Cavill. Is that not his name? It is Cavill. I did it here right. Do you know, can I tell you why that is, though? I know that's because I guarantee it's because people think that they actually probably can, and you can, by the way, get a date with me. Whereas I feel like if like Pete or anyone else, they're like, there's just no point.

28:40It's like if you ever see like a Megan Fox, right? And you're like, there's just no point sliding into her DMs. So you think people are just trying to search you because they think - I think I'm attainable. I think I'm the one that they can get. If we were Pokemon, I'd be like a Jigglypuff. and you're sort of like the shiny Charizard or the Mewtwo that you just can't get your hands on. You get everyone. Oh, no, I'm the Caterpillar. You know, the one that you've, or the Pidgey. I'm the Pidgey. The one literally, you lead Professor Oaksgaff. You've named every Pokemon there. Which one are you? I'm Pidgey.

29:13You lead Professor Oaksgaff, right, which is the first little bit. You walk through the grass. You get jumped by Pidgey. And then they're so easy to find. You've got to complete the game, catch all the Pokemon. then you get the secret entrance to the cave to find the Mewtwo and then that you catch him in the Ultra Ball. They are right. You are attainable. I mean, wow. That is just Pokemon and Lotra. That's what you need. Lotra, Lord of the Rings, baby. All right. Well, look, mate. I mean, I just, how do you deal with? I've got something to tell you. And I want you to, I want to get your opinion.

29:50Someone said something on their Instagram, like about a month ago and was like, and was like, oh, I just love The Lord of the Rings. I thought, this is my fucking chance. I went, if somebody knows anything, I was like, this could be me. And so I replied to whatever story it was with The Lord of the Rings and I did a huge quote. Riders of Rohan, spears shall be splintered. Swords shall be shattered. I don't want to break your flow. But what the fuck has that got to do with anything? A sword day. Is this someone like famous? someone fit or something really hot oh who and uh and uh oh no so you won't know who she is oh so it's just someone fit who said they wanted something with all the rings and and you and i went straight in with like a paragraph because it's a fucking long speech of tim theoden read no reply that is the lowest i think i've ever been oh no it's not sam you send that and you're Like, oh, no.

30:52Well, look, I mean, look, don't take that as kind of gospel because obviously there are a lot of people that want to date you. And I think at some point what we should probably do is if you seriously want to date Sam, I think we should send applications in to stay unrelevant. So I know people are shaking their head. You get so many every day. What, of applications to date Sam? Yeah, just people ask you. I get it on my personal Instagram. People ask it. Well, I think we should maybe start flicking through some of these. What is not telling me these things? We've got so many. This would be great for the confidence.

31:27I think, yeah. Exactly. I think we should start flicking through these. Flicking the bean. So basically the Staying Relevant podcast. Sorry, it was that song. Flicking my bean downtown. That's not even how it goes. That's not even how it goes. Sam, that's your song. And that's what you've got to look forward to when Sam's fingering you. Flicking your bean downtown. No, he doesn't do that. He doesn't want to talk about that. I prefer not to say. But Godspeed.

32:00How's it for you? Godspeed. Oh, that was awful. Is this fast enough? Do you want Godspeed?

32:09Anyway. Full throttle. Yeah. The smiler. I am the Lord of the Ring. So. fucking hell this is a lot do you want to hear about the reason why I was called The Smiler

32:46So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Wayfair, every style, every home. At QVC, fall shopping is more than just checking out. It's discovering the brands you love across beauty, fashion, home, and culinary all in one place. Whether you're getting ready for crisp mornings, cozy nights, or everyday moments, QVC has what you need for the season ahead with brands like Laura Geller Philosophy Ninja and so many more Shop now at QVC.com Podcasting is fluid Platforms and the formats they're only the container What fans are choosing is the moment What their hands are doing What their eyes are free for or who else is in the room Whether it's the morning run The commute The couch at 9pm Or the clip that made you laugh on your lunch break Four moments, four different things a brand gets from showing up in them.

33:47ACAST Podcast Pulse 2026 report maps all four of these moments. Get all the insights at acast.com slash pulse.

34:00It's not really grim. I don't know where that's come from. When are you called the smile up? Are you here? Is your body here but your brain is still in breakfast? So tired. I basically, years and years and years ago, ended up dating this girl who I just thought the world of. And I managed to get her into bed. And I thought that was quite a nice... Okay, I managed to ask her if she wanted to go to bed. And she goes, oh, just... Do you want to go to bed? You slept with her. Yeah, I slept with her. And anyway, I was so thrilled that I just smiled a lot. And she... And she went, calm down, smile up.

34:42No, it gets worse. She basically knows quite a few of my friends. And they were like, oh, so you guys hooked up. And she went, yeah. She went, God, you did smile a lot. Oh, God. I was just so happy. I was just leaning over, smiling. If you'd like to experience Sam looking up at you smiling after he's God-speeded your vagina, then please send your applications in to stay unrelevant for the team to go through. just at this point if you were to have one of the team go through applications who do you think is most likely to pick the best for you out of the team oh that's a great question I'm looking at I'm not looking at Annalise could you give us a quick answer okay yeah I'd probably say either Pippa or Hannah Pippa or Hannah okay Pippa or Hannah Hannah's quite brutal as is Pippa okay Pippa and Hannah okay you don't trust Josh's no I think Josh just wants to see me happy so I think he just he just wants to see me with anyone so yeah Yeah.

35:42Yeah. Yeah. Ideally, you'd have a look at it, but I feel like you wouldn't want to. You're absolutely right. All right. Okay. Excellent. Well, look, I feel like we've just dissected and possibly cancelled myself. So let's go on to something a little bit more, just a little bit more wholesome. Pete, you're in the edit now of For Dog's Sake. You finished the second series of the show. So we're filming back-to-back Series 2, Series 3 and the Christmas special. Have you finished Series 3? No, no, no, because it's very difficult. Because we're filming for such a long period, for six months, the stories have to go into different things because you have to create the episodes in a certain way.

36:25So it's not entirely clear which story is going in. So it's not like we film Series 2 and then we go on to do the Christmas special and then Series 3. It's all kind of the Christmas special is a separate bit. But Series 2 and 3, some of the stories we've already filmed may go into series three and some of the ones we haven't yet filmed may end up in series two. It's just trying to work out the best balance of it all. But yeah, we are more than halfway through this six month period of filming. And I don't know whether I can say, we'll have to check, but I've been filming the Christmas special this week.

36:57So I've been wearing Santa hats and Christmas jumpers. In the boiling hot heat. In 30 degree heat, putting up Christmas decorations. And as we all know, I love Christmas. so it's been lots of fun. You're in the edit now, mate. You're an exec. By the way, I don't know if anyone knows this. Pete's an exec producer. Associate producer. Sorry, Pete is an AP, which is an associate producer, on For Dog's Sake, which, by the way, is actually a really hard thing to attain. Has the power got to your head at all? Because it would mine. I mean, as you have mentioned to me multiple times, as of a lot of people, I am a control freak of a serious degree as well, to the point now where I'm so trying not to be that I am just happily trying to go tell myself in my head, you're not a control freak.

37:46I can imagine you at the edit suite just clutching the chair wanting to throw the editor away. And I'm sure they're amazing, but go, right, I'm going to take the controls here, pointing all the dials, be like, right, put that in there. No, they're honestly brilliant. The edit are brilliant. But it's really tough because also, you know, if you've got like a show that is comedy based yeah you put things in that are funny obviously yeah because this is emotional but also needs humor it needs light and shade where to cut out too much emotion because it can't be too sad yeah and actually some of the stuff we filmed is so fucking sad you're like fuck me people will literally watch this and go i can never watch this again yeah seriously like it's but then it's like because you're there you want to tell that story it's really fucking difficult the edit the edit have got such a fucking hard job um and really i i just let them kind of get on with it i just throw in my two pence here and there which i think sometimes people don't want um but but i have seen ep one is it good i i'm gonna use a word phenomenal magical magical it's fucking good i i and and listen even if no one else thinks it doesn't matter i'm so so so proud yeah of every single person that works on that team and like everyone that's their frontline and the people like you know lisa and the dogs trust staff and the fucking dogs but the people that actually make the show like all of that everyone knows i love that but even you know bbc studios and uk tv who have done this i'm very proud of that first step it is the first series was fucking incredible like and i was very proud of it this next grouping of series two series three is bigger better and i i am fucking very proud i'm gonna be honest with you you've sold that incredibly well i was i was locked in when you were just saying that oh you are gonna cry you're gonna laugh like and i know i know this just sounds like me kind of plug the plug in the fucking show which i am yeah um but if i wasn't like in it and and and part of it i would watch it yeah and i would be hooked that's much like genuinely like like a couple of people have have seen it um because i wanted i needed you know an opinion on whether because i when you're doing it and you watch it you're too close and then you pick out thoughts on it and actually you need fresh eyes who don't know anything that's happened and just watch it as a thing and they've all fucking cried and loved it and that makes me very happy so we love your tears I'm very excited for everyone to see it I genuinely genuinely are that's fucking beautiful mate that's absolutely lovely we can't wait to watch it there is no date for release as of yet no not yet not yet that will be coming very soon there is lots of stuff to kind of sort out before that but it will be autumn.

40:51Two different sides of the coin there. Kind of wish I'd have led with a more professional thing than the smiler now. You got Pete, for the love of dogs, beautiful tears. For dog's sake. For the love of dogs as host of Violet and Hammond. Also a great show, but not as good as mine. For dog's sake. For dog's sake. And then you've just got the smiler. I feel terrible now. No, no, no, no, no. No, don't be silly, because we went through loads of good stuff with you. Like, you know, I didn't realise twat meant ****. Like, um, banned from Hinge. Oh, dear God. You know what? On a slightly different note, you obviously called out, rightly so, that, you know, I was sort of taking a few pointers from your flat interior design.

41:33You know, I do have a lot of plants in my bathroom now. By the way, fucking hard to water. Three of them are dead. They just die so fast. I actually, I talk to my plants. It's because you're treating them like the cats and you keep hugging them naked. No, I talk to them, though. I talked to my plants. Legitimately, apparently, I hugged a tree recently. Oh, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. I just need to jump in here. So, Sam bumped into Vicky Patterson recently and my manager at this morning. Oh, yeah. And Gemma sent me a picture and the message, this is my manager who obviously knows Sam really well.

42:08She went, just bumped into this guy. He was hugging a tree. Yeah. And I went, what? Hard hitting this morning segment. um interesting well i was hugging this tree with this girl on my shoulders you see and um yeah no no yeah i see and so we were both like sort of like we're having a treason and uh and we yeah and we were very don't make jokes like that save that for me leaf it out okay oh and and she said because i was like look my plants like are struggling at the moment she went you need to talk to them. I know this is a genuine thing. I looked up on ChatGPT. You, plants, react well to conversation.

42:47Which is amazing because when you talk, I react badly. Well, three of them are dead. So yeah, it's obviously not going too well. There you go. But hey, sorry, I've tangented it. Probably because you told them about get me to the Greek. Geek. And they went, fuck this, I'd rather die. Fuck this shrivel. Fuck photosynthesis, kill me now.

43:07I don't know why they're dead I think they're just a bad batch but it's not about the plants listen have you ever heard anything so narcissistic I don't know why they're dead it's obviously their problem maybe because you didn't water the fucking things I water them and talking to them what more can I fucking do oh hello that's defensive anyway it's not that wasn't the point of what I was saying what I was saying was it got me thinking about your interior design of Pete Wick's house. And I just want to ask you sort of how you feel about a few certain things. I know we've touched on it before, but not like we haven't in depth.

43:44How do you feel about a live, laugh, love sign in the gaff? Burn the house to the ground with whoever bought the sign in it. But it's positive affirmations. No, it's not. It is. No, it's bullshit. Live, laugh, love. Fuck off. I've got a song. I've got actually wording on a picture in my house. it just says fuck it fuck it what? no live laugh laugh no no no what does that even mean? it means live your life love okay alright excellent if you have to be told to live do you know what's mad is someone the other day said to me do you know what I think would be really good for you is breathing classes I said I know how to I'm fine I'm not struggling with that live just do it laugh when something's funny yeah love if you love someone What do you mean, live, laugh, love?

44:32What a stupid thing to say. That's nice. You might as well call it blink, breathe and fucking shit. You do it anyway. Well, not till 4pm. Live, breathe and have a 4pm shit. What about put first coffee on a mug? Come on. Have coffee when you want coffee. You love a coffee. Yes, but I don't need to be, I don't need to go, God, I'm missing something. Oh, God, the sign, coffee, that's it. What stupid... What's the fucking point? Well, this is going to be a really lovely segment then. Please, listeners, don't take this to heart. Some listeners have sent in signs that they have around their own homes.

45:13Please, can we get Pete's opinions on the below, is what they've asked. So, Piglet, how do you spell love? Poo. You don't spell it, you feel it. That's an extract from Winnie the Pooh. Don't look at me like that. You look like you're about to murder someone. you're clenching jaws what why i just think it's about loving it it's about feeling love is that a genuine someone sent that stop listening to the pod go listen to something else i don't need you here i don't want you here you're gonna love this next one this this is my favorite one this is like look at us we're so goofy so someone has a listener of ours who we love the fact you're listening please remain listening uh listener has in neon writing next to the door.

45:56Welcome to the madhouse. Fuck off. Oh, you crazy cats. Fuck me. There was not... That, that, that makes me angry. Like genuinely. It's not when people go, oh, I don't know if you get out. I'm crazy when I've had a drink. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Get away from me. You know when people go, I'm a little bit goofy sometimes. Like, oh, don't get me on the dance floor. No, I don't want you anywhere near me. I don't want you to breathe, let alone be on a dance floor. Welcome to the madhouse. Stay there in silence and don't ever email us again. I'm just a silly, goofy guy. No, you're a c***. Welcome to the madhouse.

46:38I think it's just like, look at us, guys. We're just mad, but we're... Do you know what? You can't handle us. We're so crazy. It's a madhouse here. It's just wild. Every minute is just wild. Fuck off. Fuck off. There's another one. with a Barbie doll going, be your own daddy, make your own sugar. Oh. And I think she used the Barbie spreading her legs. Oh, that's better. Yeah, I don't really understand that one. What do you think? I mean, just, I just find it, these are all the sort of things that you get B &M. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I've got space to fill on me. No. The shop B &M. Oh, right.

47:19That's B &M. Okay.

47:33That was weird. I've got a last one for you. I don't know if I can. Do you know what it is? It's like, right. Okay. Here we go. I love it when he goes right. It's buckling. You don't need to fill the space. Have a blank wall.

47:52like it's like there's no thought behind it it's just oh no do you know what you make your own sugar be your own daddy just leave it blank you don't need that up there it's fucking silly you're an idiot maybe you should have that on the wall yeah it's fucking silly you're an idiot that should be on a mug well unless they like because i'm looking at some of these they're not even aesthetically pleasing. What is aesthetically pleasing? Well, like, if it's a bit of art or something or a photo that means sensual, unless this, unless live, laugh, love is something that a dead relative said before they died, and it means something to you, why have you got it?

48:32Why have you got it? Okay, well, this one's, this one's going to be a doozy for you then. Friendship is like pissing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. Thanks for being the piss in my pants. To be fair, that does make me chuckle. I genuinely believed him. I literally looked up with a smile just then and went, yay. It's just like some fucking prat. It's like, do you know what it is? You know like when you go for like a fucking birthday card? Just happy birthday, dude. That's the message. Oh, I know. I love a little joke. No, no. Why? They've got some fucking prat who tries to make silly jokes.

49:09it's a monkey speaking to another monkey going you're just ape to me like fuck off like just fucking say happy birthday do you know what I mean like or it's like two dogs on a fucking on a birthday card going I think you're porsom no just happy birthday happy just a blank bit just happy birthday with an A happy birthday but do you know what I mean like it's just like like some and then it makes me chuckle it makes no one chuckle it makes no it's like when people use like emojis for laughing faces. Even I've started doing it now and I always said I fucking wouldn't. Laughing crying faces. I'm not laughing or crying.

49:46I'm literally reading the message and going, but I'm going to put a laughing face. It's like no one looks at a birthday and goes, no one's going to come to your house and go, am I the piss in your pants? Oh God, I love coming here. It's such a mad house. Everyone's going to look at it and go, should have left it blank. Should have left the wall blank. Do you ever, when you send voice notes and you're laughing down a voice note. Do you ever? And it cuts off. Do you ever resend the voice note doing the laugh again? I don't send voice notes because I don't want to read your voice. If I wanted to, I'd call you.

50:17I've never had a voice note from you before. I don't want to send a voice. Why? And also, if you send me one, I'll just reply back saying bullet point it for me. Have you ever thought about that though? You know, when you like go, oh shit, it's not recording. You have to do it again. No. I have done that many a time. But thank you for being the piss in my pants. I feel your warmth every day, Peter. It makes me want to piss on their face.

50:45Sorry! Where did that come from? It just makes me angry. I just don't like things like that. It just doesn't. It makes me want to piss in your face. I mean, I think a few of our listeners are quite like that. It's just not for me, that sort of stuff. I think we should take it to something a little bit more serious, Pete. Sort of the big news of the day. And actually, for that, I think we are going to have to enter SR today. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Ready, Pete?

51:13Welcome to SR Today. With me, Pete Wicks, and my lovable co-host, Sam Thompson. So today, Taylor Swift announced her 12th studio album, Peter. Sam, I must say, I've been looking forward to this for months now. We all knew it was coming. She has dropped some subtle hints along the way that some of us Swifties have picked up on. I don't know if you know, but she actually had 12 rubies in her earrings at the Grammys, which just signals the 12th album. Now, I honestly, after the 11th one, I just thought to myself, please bring out a 12th so quick. How are you feeling about it? You must be thrilled.

51:59Well, to be honest with you, mate, Taylor has been dropping a lot of clues, and, you know, obviously it all makes sense now. She wore an all-orange outfit for the first time at the 12th show of her era's tour in Europe. And if you didn't know, orange is the theme colour of this album. If you didn't know that, where have you been? Under a rock? Very good point, Peter. Life for Showgirl is the name. What are your thoughts on that? I mean, I think it's a fabulous name because if there ever was a showgirl, it would be Taylor. Don't you agree, Sam? I do indeed. and the 12 letters on her social media posts, really leaving viewers and listeners guessing there.

52:34But it just goes to show how clever Taylor is. She obviously thinks outside the box. I mean, to ensure that all of your captions have 12 letters for that period of time, she's really put thought into that. And that's what I love about Taylor. She thinks about us before she thinks about herself. And just to quickly just sort of edge out of SR today and ask you your opinion, Pete. these are genuine things that people have actually thought they all of her fans like oh well she's definitely been doing signs for for like a year now you know with the earrings and with the wearing the ollie orange about six months ago do you think they're looking too far into it or do you actually think that this is something that she's planned i think they need to get a fucking life i think it's utterly do i give a fuck about her album do i fuck if she never released another the rabble again I wouldn't lose sleep.

53:28Eleven is enough. You can stop there. Retire. Enjoy yourself. Why put us through it again? No idea what you've just done. Oh what the Swifties. Sorry.

53:41Do you think that they're just looking too far into things then and actually she's just wearing orange for the sake of wearing orange? Yeah she wanted to you know dress up as a traffic cone. I don't care. It's utterly mental. Oh orange signifies this orange just you know what what what what 12's coming you look for 12 oh it must be the first 12 let's shut up shut up how do you fancy about coming on the next tour i just i just would are we doing sr or are we going back sorry i just feel like i've really i now really need are we in sr or we know we're back in sr now we're back in sr i personally as soon as tickets go on sale for the tour i am first in that queue sam and I would love you to come with me.

54:25I've already started buying extra beads for the friendship bracelets and each bracelet will have 12 beads. Sorry, I really want you to listen to this pod but if you want to watch it as well because some of the facial expressions that I have just seen from Pete have been so fucking brilliant. But we're not done there, Peter. Oh no. Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz have renewed their vows and snubbed Brooklyn's family as none of the Beckhams were in attendance, Peter. I mean, I have to say, and I've been wanting to speak out about this, Sam, so I'm so glad that we're discussing it on SR today. I just think a father's love is so, so special.

55:10And the fact that Brooklyn seems to be continually insulting his family like this, it makes me sad. I do feel like he's just rubbing salt into the wounds. You know, David and Victoria, Harper, Romeo and the other one. They must be genuinely quite upset by this. I mean, that's a real snub. Well, Pete, that's a really good question. It sort of brings us on to our final question. How would you feel? So can I just point out as well, they have only been married for about a year. Yeah, true. So it's amazing that they are renewing their vows after a year. What's your opinion on that, Peter? Well, the vows haven't even settled in yet.

55:43So why are we having to renew them? They need to bet in. Well, exactly. I mean, they should still be in the honeymoon period because vows when you are getting married are for life. I mean, interestingly, all very valid points, actually. Why the need to renew the vows? What's happened in the background? Well, this is exactly, it led me to thinking in the background, you know, is it all smoke and mirrors? Is there something happening? Are there trouble on the horizon? Is there trouble on the horizon? You know, to renew vows up, generally it's when a couple has broken up or they've been through something.

56:21Trouble in paradise. Is there trouble in paradise? Are we seeing the decline of the Peltz-Beckham mirage? Really, he has got the best example of what true love is with David and Victoria. And so I'm so confused as to why there is trouble in paradise with Brooklyn and Nicola. So you heard it here first. There is trouble in paradise. between Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Feltz. And I'll be honest with you. Feltz. I'll be honest with you. I think it may be a work thing because we all know Brooklyn has been so busy with work recently. I don't know if you all recently saw him making a carbonara on Instagram.

57:01So being a top world chef, you know, we know it's a stressful job and it must be taking its toll. And maybe that is causing a rift between the two of them, leading them to renew their vows at such an early stage. Well, look, I'll tell you what, the lines are open to any questions that you may have. Tell us what you think. Tell us what you think at home, write in. But I think it'd be a nice way to end SR today, Peter, with how would you feel if Olive's future spouse didn't get along with them? With Brooklyn and Nicola? I don't think if my daughter's partner didn't get on with Brooklyn and Nicola, I'd be gutted, of course, because they are, I read the yawtick me wrong.

57:42Apologies. I'd be gutted, of course. How would you feel, Pete, if Olive, his future spouse, didn't get along with you? I mean, it would make things tricky, of course, but my love for Olive supersedes everything. What if you got left out of the vows? If I was... I mean, I don't think I should be in my daughter's vows, I'll be honest with you. What if you didn't get invited to the vow reunion? It would be a new renewal. I mean, it would be tough. it would be a tough pill to swallow. But as she is, my daughter, I would always be there for her. And that is my genuine and honest answer for SR today.

58:18When we come out of SR today, I'll burn him to the ground. I'll kill him. And that's what the Beckhams are feeling. So this is an impassioned SR today plea, I think, to Brooklyn. Please do rekindle, reconnect with your father and your mother. It's never too late. They miss you. It's never too late. And I just want to send out love here because, you know, it's tough when you have relationships in the public eye. So, you know, let's hope, let's all keep our fingers crossed today. God willing, Godspeed to Brooklyn and Nicola. Let's hope there's not trouble in paradise because it would be such a shame to see such a beautiful couple fall at the first hurdle.

58:58Thank you so much for listening to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by presenter Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wiggs and me, Sam Thompson. I'm going to be a shit I can't do any more of them it literally drains my soul it drains my soul we love it so much the sort of what do I'm saying the energy you have to put into it to pretend like you care it hurts you go red when you do it do you know what that is it's just the blood boiling it's just the blood boiling as I do it and on that note I need to take a break so that's it for staying relevant for this wonderful Monday episode. We're still doing it.

59:42This wonderful Monday episode. I can't now get out of it. But if you want to click this up and send it into this morning, I don't mind. Yeah, yeah, we would love a job. No, I do mind. It'd be fucking... Why we? Sorry, that was... Oh, sorry, sorry. We come as a pair. Pete would love a job. Just thinking me and Dermot would be great. You wouldn't be great. No, we wouldn't. It would be awful. He would have to do all the work and they just have to stop me swearing and drinking. Anyway, we'll be back on Thursday with the bonus episode. Ta-da, motherfuckers. Do all the fucking bits. You know the score by now.

1:00:14And if you don't, listen to the previous episode and just listen to what I said at the end. Yeah, we love you so much. Thank you for tuning in. We've got some big things happening very, very soon. We're going to the O2. And we're doing the NTA's red carpet. And we've got a book. We've got a book coming out. This has been a Staying Relevant production. So you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays? Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready. What if Mike brings his cheerful dogs? My tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is.

1:00:46But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one? We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is. And extra chairs are on the way. Okay. What if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over? Ready to go with extra bedding and towels. From guest-ready essentials to holiday decor you can trust, Wayfair delivers. At QVC, shopping is more than just checking out. It's discovering something new every day. Start with today's special value. Then explore exciting finds across the brands and categories you love. From beauty and fashion to home, culinary, and outdoor living. Shop now at QVC.com

1:01:56Get more insights like this from ACAST's latest podcast Pulse report, which is out now. Download for free at acast.com slash pulse. Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas and possibly the genie from Aladdin we don't know yet we were sort of like undecided on that one that's an avoid for me that one genie I don't know I quite like it listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership