147: The O2 Show Debrief!

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2:50You brought the hands back from the O2. I've gone T-Rex? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Weird. Maybe sit on them. Okay. Sit on your hands. Deal. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. This is the main episode, which means it's Monday, so you'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel on Wednesday from 5pm, and then there'll be a bonus episode, which comes out on Thursday, which you'll be able to watch from Sunday at 5pm, which means that you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Wonderful. Rate, review, do all of that crap. Make sure you follow, subscribe.

3:23Staying ready for the podcast is all the Instagram, all that shite you know by now. Right. Obviously, we are a little bit after the O2 because we had to pre-record an episode during the O2 week because it was so busy. So we're now, this is going to be coming out just over a week after the O2. So I feel like we should do a debrief. It's the first time that we've all been together since the O2. mainly because I needed a few days off from everyone. So I haven't spoken to anyone for around about four days now. There was a point where people thought I was missing or potentially dead. I wasn't. I just didn't want to talk to anyone.

3:56Called Pete three times. Sent him a really long message being like, mate, I'm so proud of us, what you've achieved. You should be so proud of what you've done this year, man. It's been so amazing. Really spilt the heart out. No reply. No reply. Not a pick up to a phone call. Nothing. And the best thing is other people were worried. I knew. I went, I know what this is. And everyone's calling me going, Pete's not bringing us right. I went, don't worry. I know exactly what's happening here. He'll be there on Wednesday. It's going to be fine. Just had a debrief. Just decompressed. So how are you feeling?

4:35Have you recovered yet? Do you know what? It's wild because in the last episode we did, we kind of did two run-throughs. We went, well, it went really shit. or, oh, mate, we did really well. And I think it's safe to say. I think what's amazing is we did two run-throughs of how it might have potentially gone on the pod, but we didn't manage to do a run-through of the show before we did it. So that's incredible. But we'll get on to that. I genuinely think, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I think everything went fucking phenomenally. I got off that stage absolutely buzzing. And without getting soppy, I'm so grateful for everyone.

5:10We're so grateful for everyone who fucking turned up. Like, I don't think anyone, you know, when you say the O2, you don't really think about it until you see everyone sat in those seats. And we built a fucking awesome family and an amazing community. And I hope you all enjoyed it as well, because we sure as shit didn't until we got on stage. And even then it was touch and gun. I mean, did it feel how you expected it to feel? Mate, it was so much bigger. It was so much bigger. I mean, it was weird because, you know, We were there when, you know, all the set-up was happening during the day. We were there from early.

5:43So you start seeing all the chairs going and all the rest of it. And when I actually got there, it didn't feel that big when they were kind of setting everything up. And then when the chairs go in, it wasn't really until you got on stage and you saw all the people that I thought, oh, there's quite a few people. I stuck my head out. When the chairs are empty, you kind of go, no, it doesn't look that big. In fact, you said to me, well, it's a bit like Birmingham. Birmingham, which was 9 ,000 less than what we had there. But you kind of went, oh, it's not that bad, until you actually saw the six field.

6:13Dude, I poked my head out the curtain when we were literally like 10 minutes without going on. I've never shat myself more. I literally, I went for a shit. I was so fucking nervous. But like, and I - Were you nervous? Yes, you know I was nervous. Well, no, I mean, you dealt with it well. But I got hammered. Yeah, I mean, you got hammered. You locked yourself in the dressing room for the day. So I don't know if you were nervous or not. We did a pre - You basically went into a cave for the day and then popped out when the show was happening. We did a pre-game debrief at like nine in the morning at the hotel next to the O2.

6:53Everyone be there for each other. Everyone do this. Sam hid in fear for the day. Hid in fear for the day and then came out. And worse than that, he came out just as we were about to go on stage. The fucking scream broke. Oh, God. So we were late on stage because the scream, which plays the VTs, which are an integral part of the show, Andy come up and said, problem with the scream. In true Stayin' Relevant style, we nearly had to blag it with no VTs. He wanted us to go on stage. He went, you could go on stage now. And he went, you could go on stage and just let the crowd know that we're going to be a little bit delayed.

7:30And maybe he went, absolutely fucking not. I think my response to that was, don't be so fucking stupid. You know what my favourite thing though is at the very start of the day, Pete goes, right guys, we all know what's going to happen here. We're all going to work together. You're going to have to start fluffing Sam because he is going to panic. And so everyone needs to take it in turns to go and tell Sam how it's going to be okay. And that got in my head. So I did. I locked myself in a dressing room for the entire day. And all Pete could hear was, Pyro! And the dressing room next door, the moments that I went into my dressing room, I mean, I reckon I did fucking about 50 ,000 steps.

8:08up and down them corridors, in and out on the fucking day. By the time the show started, I was fucked. I was fucking knackered. But, yeah, and all I could hear was Sam rehearsing one part. I mean, he didn't even make it past the intro that he was rehearsing. I mean, you could have looked at me there for three days and he would have only made it to the first half. But, okay, Pyro! Pyro! But, yeah, it was... I don't know why I kept all getting stuck on Pyro. I just couldn't get past that. Which is hilarious because he rehearsed it so many times and it didn't fucking work. Just there you go, isn't it?

8:45So good. Did it go how you thought it would? To be honest with you, I, as we all know, I'm a bit of a panicker. I thought I was going to freeze. I knew you'd be fine because you always are. You're very good at the live show stuff. And so I just didn't want to let you down. And so I was like, that's why I locked myself in the room so much because I just don't want to fuck this up for everyone. and actually I think it went just better than I could have ever expected I've never had so much fun in my entire life and I genuinely mean that like mate the dancing on stage like just the vibes were so fucking good and I'd done a shot of tequila prior yeah and then I had a couple of Guinnesses yeah yeah yeah Sam had a lovely time how did you find it Pete?

9:32hated every minute hated every single minute why no I didn't I didn't I think the reason that I've I kind of went I've been missing for the last couple of days and haven't really posted anything is I don't really know what to feel about it we were just discussing this outside I haven't processed it yet I don't think it's been such a long build up and there was so much that went into it and you know listen bless this little fucking team I can't remember who put it I think it might have been you Pippa who said like for like a little fucking team to put on a headline show at the O2 is a lot. And the amount of work that went into it, I think I haven't decompressed from that.

10:12Because it's been hanging over, not hanging over our heads, because that sounds bad, for a good few months. The amount of things that could have gone wrong and didn't, fucking thankfully. And actually I feel like everyone had a fucking good time, I would hope. I think it just takes a while to come back down from that. Do you know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean. So I don't really know what I think about it yet because I don't think I've really had an opportunity to go through it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Which is really difficult. But on the plus side, then what you do is then you kind of read reviews and you get fucking messages, like really sweet, beautiful messages from people who obviously had a really good time.

10:51And that's the whole point. That's kind of what we did it for. Do you know what? It wasn't for us to have a good time. My sister is a crier anyway, loves a crier. I've always watched Made in Chelsea. um likes a weep uh by embankment river normally after a breakup but um but she i was talking to her i went around hers the day after and i was talking to her about it and she started crying and she was like your listeners are just so lovely and she was like because she was in the crowd she didn't want to be in a box she wanted to be in like in amongst it and she was like some of the stories and some of the things that the people were saying about how this little shitty podcast has like gotten through some of their hardest moments and and you know that they've been waiting for this for like you know to be around all their fellow listeners and I feel like everyone like even though they've never met like they all stick together like the community they built and she burst into tears and she was like it's just so beautiful and I think sometimes we because we just sit here and we fucking just talk and you don't really see a lot of the people who listen to it and being able to see and and and be like feeling the same feels with like 15 000 other people who were all there for the same reason i think it's one of the most special things in the world and it really it really hit home when louise said that to me and we've got we've got a fucking special group of people and a shout out to all the people who uh obviously came with friends and whatnot but the people that came on the road yeah um but made friends i think is fucking beautiful and actually my mum um she she got there early and she went and had a drink in the fucking slug my dad there of course my mum did um people asking my mum for pictures yeah and and and she was talking to people and people were you know crying to my fucking mum about you know how much the pod means to them so as much as I don't really get soppy with that and I I like I hate most of you um some of you I I do but um but that genuinely means means quite a lot it is a weird little fucking family of people that have you know that we've cultivated for some fucking reason.

12:53So yeah, listen, it was a lot. But, I'm glad you enjoyed the show. The behind of the show. Fuck me, did we have problems? I mean, we never managed to get a run through of the show. So it was there and then, let's hope for the fucking best. We went in blind. We went in, we raw dogged our own show. We raw dogged the O2, is what we did. We absolutely raw dogged the **** out of it. I mean, we had one, we were supposed to have a rehearsal down the Wednesday in a different venue to test certain bits. So we tested broomsticks and fucking rigging and all the rest of it. But that was only 20 minutes worth of rehearsal.

13:35So we never really did a run through. The only run through Sam and I got together was in the dressing room at the O2 for an hour at about 10 in the morning. And that was just before Sam went into his cave. So we just fucking hoped for the best. But that's how we do it, man. That's how we fucking do it. And we jumped out of there. We bounded out like fucking leopards. Yeah. No, you did. Yeah. Yeah. You bounded with those arms, which was fucking just odd. I was so glad I did tequila before I know, mate. It helped so many nerves. Whereas I did it completely sober. Yeah, I know. Which is such a weird thing.

14:14So I was drinking Guinness Zero all day and on stage. So even when you go down it, down it. Yeah. It's non-alcoholic. Ooh. But yeah, until afterwards, I didn't have a drink. And what I've learned is that I'm better drunk. I know we all think that I have a drink problem, which I seem to have got over now because I can do things so, but I just don't like to. I'm a nicer and better person drunk. So in future, I'll be doing everything pissed. I've got to say, it was really fun just downing Guinnesses on stage in front of that many people. You're like, come on, chug, chug, chug. Yeah, that doesn't look like you were down in Guinnessy's though, mate.

14:54Taking a penis. Taking a penis. Okay, man. But every little, every bit had such a fucking amazing moment. I think that was so nice as well. Like every single part, something happened, which was like probably not meant to happen, but made it what it was. Do you know what the difference between, have you been to the tours before and the shows before, They were more intimate. And doing it on that scale, I think, was difficult. Like, difficult to keep it going and keep the energy. Because you've got 15 ,000 people, whatever it is, to try and keep entertaining. Whereas when you've got kind of 3 ,000 or 4 ,000 people, where we've done before, it's kind of easier.

15:38What are you going to do at Wembley? Eh? What are you going to do at Wembley? Oh, I won't be there. Yeah, no, you fucking will. Oh, I'm not doing that. Oh, you are? Nope. We're doing Wembley. I'll tell you what I'm going to do then for the next tour is I'm just going to turn up. Great. I'm having nothing to do with it. I am done. I will literally just turn up. Let's see what happens then. Yeah, we're all talking. To be honest with you, I won't even be in the building until 15 minutes. I'll arrive with everyone else and go, right, what are we doing? Are you excited for Wembley then? We're not doing Wembley.

16:09Why? Why? Yeah. Because this broke me. what's another 80 ,000 people so Wembley fuck it'd be great though wouldn't it us and Sailor Swift no absolutely not we should get everyone those bands like Coldplay what we should get everyone those light up wristbands like Coldplay too and it should say in the audience that'd be so good but yeah there were so many moving parts to this in terms of rigging fucking pyro all sorts of stuff we had fucking nightmares with Yvita and the fucking silks. God, that was a worry, actually. Fuck me. Just from a watcher's point of view. So Pete did a lot of run-throughs of the dance, as you would, because she's obviously coming from the fucking silk.

16:55We didn't. Not enough. We didn't. So I'll tell you how many times we did the silk beforehand, genuinely. On the Wednesday, four times we got to run the silk. And on the show day, three times. We'd only done it seven times in total. And I dropped her four out of seven. At one point. there's a video of Pete of her coming down from the silk this is a day before the O2 and he drops her and mate it was so bad so we'd never done it with the light in we'd never done it with the O2 by the way as well this is an incredible thing when we got to the O2 the stage for the dance which we'd obviously rehearsed on dimensions of the stage was two foot shorter than what it was supposed to be So the actual whole thing, and we never got to kind of, so that was just a fucking everything.

17:46That was right at the end of the show as well. Anyway, so yeah, there was just loads of things going on. There was a slideshow at halftime with Olive and Rose. I loved that. So big thanks to Google Gemini for that and all the AI stuff. The brief the team sent to Google Gemini, I'd just like to read out some of the things that they sent in. The first one, Sam was to slowly be losing more hair throughout the years and eventually end up bald. Now, on that, because everyone that has seen them, and I've seen lots of different comments about it, you have got a striking resemblance. Oh, no. Genuinely, and I completely see this.

18:26Quite often I don't agree, but I do agree with this one. And it may be a cousin of yours based on how posh you are, but you look like Prince William. What? Mate, I'm not joking you. Have you seen? Yes, I've seen them. First of all, the Pront's a load of bollocks, by the way. I don't know why you've done me over like that. I was looking through them. What do you mean, why have you done me over? You're going bald. Not like that, mate. Fucking hell, I've got a little bit off the top. But, I mean, I've still got some hair. I mean, currently, yeah. Fucking hell, mate. It literally, by the end of it, I'm literally...

18:58It's not even that I'm a skinhead. Yeah, but if you didn't have all of the... You're not a skinhead. You've just got the old fryer tuck. No, no, no, no, no, no. By the end of it, I'm fully... No, it's still around the sides. Fucking Christ. But it's meant to be you as you're aging. Yeah. Not you now. Do you think... Sorry, mate. Do you think you're going to be 70 years old with a fucking mullet? Yeah, I do. Honestly, honestly, honestly, I hope there's a pill by then I need to take. Well, it's not just you, because the next one was Pete's hairline to also be receding as the years go by. So by the end of it, there's actually a photo of me and Olive on a roller coaster where I look like Terry Nutkins.

19:34I quite like the different women to appear in Pete and Olive's photos throughout the year as well. He's had a few divorces throughout that time. Yeah, yeah, a few divorces throughout the time. I mean, look, I think the thing with Rose and Olive is that these were the things that Rose and Olive were told by the team to be doing. Rose is to appear to be attending a posh private school. That's completely believable. As is, Olive can never be smiling. so uh miserable is now genetic according to our team um but yeah i quite enjoyed them so i mean i did other than the other than the receding hairlines but i also worryingly they what i did like is that we spent christmas together sometimes in the photos and i like that because i can see us being like 60 years old with our kids and being like and having christmas together and like who's gonna carve the turkey i'll be dead by then no you won't you'll be out in liverpool so i can imagine you just carving up Pete, like hating Christmas, but knowing he's got to put on a show for Olive and Rose.

20:37I mean, like, coming in dressed as Father Christmas, and like, sitting down pulling a cracker, telling a joke around the table. It's gonna, and then just watching the energy just drain out of him as the day goes by. Yeah, and me to get drunker and drunker and drunker until after dinner, when the fucking pictionary starts, or whatever fucking charades, or whatever fucking Christmas shit you do, is me just getting absolutely fucking hammered, and in the end, causing a scene. Yeah, yeah, shitting himself. everyone pissing in the corner um and then and then sort of wandering at the house and being found in a ditch sometime after boxing day oh so good having an argument with the missus fucking what shireen why would you just let me be shireen i'm so sorry i've married someone called shireen shireen i don't know shireen shireen i know it's first thing came to my head what do you even have Have you ever met anyone called Shireen?

21:29All right, fine. Fucking Becky. We've discussed before. I will not marry a Becky. Why? No. Listen, Becky, just let me have my fucking fun. Fuck off, Becky. Yeah, exactly. And then I'll be like, he doesn't mean that, Becky. Then Olive's sitting there going, fucking hell, Dad, you've done it again. Right, but on to, like, you know, serious things, really, from the O2. Okay. Because we did make dreams come true. We did. Sam is now the proud holder of seven world records. The Magnificent Seven was completed. That was a worry, by the way. I mean, yeah, I mean, it was a worry. It is possibly the easiest of all your world records because we needed something that was going to actually work.

22:12I mean, you only had to get 50 balls and we got 120. So, you know, did quite well. I don't know if we can really call it your world record. I don't want to shit on your... What the fuck? You're shitting all over my face. Mate, you just sort of like opened your arms and hung. Yep. So? There wasn't really any skill on your part, was there? Mate, there's no skill in the amount of hugs you can take. But, you know, it's a world record. It's a world record. I mean, are there any of the world records that you're proud of? All of them. Every single one. One of them, you just, you got lifted by someone else.

22:44Yeah. Actually, a lot of these involve other people. if I was to describe your world record tally and your repertoire of records I would call it minimal effort maximum outcome do you know what is so right you haven't done a lot for them I'm going to be honest with you think about the hugs right everyone's running at me I've just got my arms open the lifting one just lay there the conkers everyone's walking towards me I just have to go like that with my wrist. The balls on the stage. Yeah, just put your arms out. But you know, someone's got to do it. I mean, well, this is why. We've hit the Magnificent Seven, which was your dream.

23:26Magnificent 14 next. Have we, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it. Have we changed the goalposts of the dream? Yeah, 100%. Are we looking for double figures on the dream now? 100%. Is there anything you're going to do differently? Like, will you now do things that actually require skill? Well, when we do the O2 next year, I think we should sort of probably, I think we should probably, you know, push the boat out and just go. Can I get a ticket for that? You'll be forming it, mate. You fucking won't. You will. You fucking well will. I can't tell you right now. I'll tell you what. I fucking won't.

23:58There is no way we're not doing the O2. We are doing the O2. Again next year. I don't care what anyone said. We're fucking not. We are. We're going on an arena tour. Have a lovely time. So will you be, will you be changing your, your, your kind of, world record stance now are you are you going to actually attempt to do something that is skillful yeah it requires a bit of practice i mean the one that required some practice which was the memory of harry potter your favorite film i failed you failed miserably and that's because you did nothing for it so will there be a point where we're going to get in training for some records where you're actually going to have to do something yeah i don't want to take it away from you no i think so i think i might have to so so my mate jp's actually just come back from running the marathon in the highest mountain ever in Bolivia.

24:43And I think he holds a world record for 76 marathons in 76 miles. Yeah, I might look for something like that. And I would argue that required a little bit more still than spreading your finger and balls thrown. Well, I've got more records than he does, so. I mean, that is true. You are technically, you are a higher achiever. I have, and this is the thing. It's about quantity, not quality. But yeah, we also had lots of friends join us. James and Claire Buckley, who hosted Shagmary Kill. Oh, they were great. Although the panic that... that I had, and I'm sure you had, Pete, when he went, she had a couple of picks in my time.

25:13Yeah. And then this whole stadium went quiet. And then she looked at him and went, you what? And I went, oh, no, she's annoyed. They, yeah, they were great. And they've got pods. Go and listen to their pod as well, the Buckleys. And they're going on tour next year for a few dates around the country. So get some tips for that. Yeah, they're fucking hilarious. And by the way, like, from someone like him, who's obviously, you know, very well-versed in the comedy game, like to he said some fucking lovely words at the end and to come for all of the guests to come all the way across town to East London and sit in a green room and sort of like be a small part of it is like Marvin and Rochelle like fuck me like Rochelle to come all the way there as well like it's such a massive thank you to fucking everybody they really are your friends and family aren't they yeah Marv obviously give us a round of everybody in love which was of course going to happen so big thanks to Marv for that he didn't get a chance to rehearse beforehand either do you know the way He pushed the cameraman.

26:07That's my favourite bit is we had a cameraman on stage for the streaming who obviously wasn't aware of Marvin's movements as he came on stage. So Marv gave him a fucking Bruce Lee to the fucking, Bruce Lee to the stomach. So if you saw that on the stream, Marv is the loveliest guy in the world, felt very bad and apologised afterwards, but he did nearly send the streaming man fly. So fucking funny. He's obviously been in that position before. He literally came out and went, nope, and just pushed him out the way. It was like watching Jonah Lomu fly down the fucking wing for New Zealand. It was just a hand off to the face.

26:37None of you get that reference either, do you? I can see the... Thanks, Josh. Old school New Zealand rugby player. Helena turned up. Helena, listen, first time I've met her. Sam's obviously met her before. She sat on my face. No, she didn't. Sorry. Just want to clarify what happened afterwards. Nothing happened. Because you did go missing for a little while at the after party. What happened there? Nothing happened. She was absolutely lovely and she's just a really nice guy. I never met face to face. So yeah, it was really, really nice. I'm going to put it out there. I think she's fucking great.

27:11She's awesome. Really, really, yeah. Really good chat. And she brought some of her mates as well. It was really, really nice. So yeah, that's nice as well. To be able to come down, sort of like almost have the piss taken out of a tweet you did all that time ago, I thought she was a really good sport. So fair play, fucking Helen. You will be invited back to our next tour that we're going to do, Pete. You're actually going to be on stage with Sam. it's called the sit down shut up tour I'll tell you what as well GBU got a lot of a fucking showing didn't they fuck me well yes the ones that turned up supposed to be five of them two of them got caught on the M1 so we had to change last minute the plans for those one of them turned up with quite a serious wanking injury with a broken arm and then we told them as they arrived that they would be dressing up But listen, the lads, they obviously had a really good time.

28:04We'll just give you a little update. Obviously, first game of the season, they lost 6-0. So obviously, we've had a real positive impact on the club. But after the 0-2, second game of the season, they managed to draw 3-0. Yes! Did some of them play? So first point on the board, did some of them play? I imagine 11 of them played. Did some of the people who turned up to the 0-2 play? I don't know what difference does that make. I was just going to say, it's fair play from them. I mean, they've obviously come a long way. Yeah, fair play from them. They came from Birmingham and two days later managed to play football.

28:36Oh, it was two days later. I just got the next day. Fucking good effort, lads. You know, I know that sort of, that two and a half hour drive really takes it out of you. So the fact that you managed to get on the pitch there, lads. I do. There was one moment where we went, oh, who's behind the masks on the Shag Married Killed? And on my right, bottom right, there's like a group of like 10 people going, Tony Bellew, it's Tony Bellew. And I start laughing to myself and go, oh, no. I literally turned around and I went, no, but it's your GBU, boys. Is it Tony Bellew? Who's behind the mask? It's Dave from Birmingham.

29:18I literally died inside. but they gave him a big round of applause. It was so, like I could just see them getting, cause they were so sure they knew. But yeah, that was good. And then last but not least, Yavita, we have to thank. The amount of work that she put in with me. Darling Yavita. To get me to a fucking point where I could at least put one foot in front of the other on the stage was, was just incredible. I didn't drop her. Thank fuck. And a little thing about the aerial. She had lessons. She had two lessons. She'd never done that before. So she had two lessons just to be able to do that for the O2 in her own time and gave up her own time in the week previous when we were trying to rehearse till fucking 11 o 'clock midnight after she'd rehearsed all day with her fucking Strictly partner, new Strictly partner, in the midst of doing it.

30:11Same with Vicky Patterson. In the midst of all the Strictly stuff, managed to come down and do all that first on the fucking Friday. So, yeah, fucking massive thanks to them and everyone in the green room. It was genuinely, yeah, it was a lot. You won't forget you. We owe you one. We love you. Yeah. Originally with the dance as well, I was supposed to be topless. Yeah, notice that. You didn't. You've been going to the gym. You've been working out. He's been fucking asking for my nutritionist who now doesn't talk to me anymore. Fucking. And you just kept your top on. Well, I'll tell you why. is because if you'd seen, I was wearing full pleather.

30:51Also, we could see through the T-shirts. Yes, it was a mesh top. Interesting chafes, that's all I'm going to say on that. But the reason I had to wear a top was because I was sweating so much. In the one rehearsal we did of taking the jacket off, which was in the corridor, we couldn't get it off because it was stuck to me. The sweat meant that the pleather stuck to me. So, yeah, we went with mesh, mesh and leather. and a pair of stompers, I would say, on the old feet. Quite heavy boots. But, yeah, I did look like something out of the fucking Matrix, didn't I? Mate, you fucking performed it magically.

31:27It couldn't have gone better. Me and Pippa, I was actually standing side of stage with Pippa, and we were watching it going, here we go, this is the moment. Mate, you formed it fucking absolutely with a plum. It was so fucking good. I did it without a plum or any other kind of fruit. With a plum. But yeah, fuck that, because that could have been a fucking disaster. But yeah, listen, we fucking got through it. And all of that is completely down to Yvita. She's one of the most special people, genuinely. And everything she did for the show was just fucking incredible. And the same, I've got to give a shout out to Arduino as well, because he choreographed that and he was there all day doing the lighting and the other bits for the dance.

32:08And those two are just fucking magical people, considering that they are obviously doing strictly at the minute. including Vic. So Strictly is off this weekend, Saturday. I'm going to the first live show. You are. Now this is going to cause a stir, Peter. I'm going for Vicky and your Vita. And your Vita. Yep. And Chris Robshaw who's a friend of mine. You're not going for Chris Robshaw, man. I've been listening. You're not going. I'm sure he's a mate of yours, man. I'm sure you know him. There's no way the camera, when it goes, Chris Robshaw's panning to Pete Wicks. It's going to go to his family and friends.

32:41No one knows you know him. It's going to be for Vicky and Yvita. Yeah. So I'm looking forward to it. I have seen bits of Vicky. How is she? How's she doing? How's she look?

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35:33Vicky's quite good Is she good? Mm-hmm Good Vicky is a lot better than I ever fucking was Well I'm gonna predict now she's gonna go to the final I think we'll agree with that I mean look this podcast is fully behind Vic and obviously Yvita and whoever she's with so you know Yvita has got Ross King who I don't know but having spoken to her she is she says they laugh more than they dance they're having a lovely time she's got a great partner very very happy So, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be nice to sit there and not have to dance. Well, exactly. I mean. But then I'll remember how long the show is.

36:08Yeah, I was just about to say, and then you're going to realise you can't get up at all. You have to sit through five hours of it and you're going to never want to go again. Which is unfortunate because I will be going quite a lot, apparently, because, yeah, I think I'll be there a fair bit. But, I mean, I'm excited to see it. Mate, the thing is, the first one's fine because they don't do any eliminations. So the first one's good. No, they do. No, they don't. They don't on the first one. No one gets voted out on the first one. It's the second and beyond. Well, I mean, they may do now. Oh, because Danny Dyer's been booed.

36:38Danny Dyer, she's fractured her ankle or something, which is a shame. Is it going to be weird for you sat in the audience, do you think? Yeah. And watching other people do the thing and knowing what they're going through. Yeah, but I think I was the only one that didn't really go through anything in the first fucking week because I just expected to leave anyway. Yeah. It was only when the further it got on that I felt more pressure. I didn't really, the first fucking week, it was a bit like, well, I'm going to be shy anyway. I'll get fucking voted out. I didn't really. When does that hit then?

37:11When does the pressure really start? I think once you get through the, I think week two was like probably the worst because you've passed the, I wasn't first out, which no one wants to be first out in any fucking thing you do. Do you know what I mean? As soon as you, they announce, as soon as you start a show and it's like vote off time, and then you're looking for the first person. It'd be the same when you was on the jungle and you're thinking, God, don't let this be me. Just don't be the first. Don't be the first. And then when you get through that, you're like, oh, well, anything's a bonus now.

37:40Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. And then I think for me, like it was all just a fucking bonus, apart from the fact that I started getting pressure because I kept fucking up every week. So then the next week I had to not fuck up, but then I'd fuck up more. So it was just, I just wanted to go out on a non-fuck up. And actually in the end I did, because I didn't fuck up in the semi-final. So I was quite happy in the end of the way I went out because it was the only week I didn't fuck anything up. You got to the semi-fucking finals. How mad is that? Yeah, it is. How mad is that? It is wild. It's been quite the year actually, Peter.

38:14I think it's important just to very briefly touch on the fact that Peter's done Strictly Come Dancing. He's done a hit dog show. He has sold out. Which is out very soon. Which is out very soon. In another season, he's sold out the O2. Pete's had quite the 365 days. But so has Sam. Sam has got over a breakup.

38:40That's a dang indictment. And he's a seven-time world record holder. He is. So we both achieved this year. God, it's been a year. God, it's achieved. we've both overcome obstacles my god we're just fully in the swing of things we're now in a point where we're in the final quarter of the year effectively from October we hit the last three months of the year is there anything else that you want from the final part of this year? to have fun that is literally it I want to nestle back into this podcast make more fun videos make more fun audio content I just want to fuck around more I've done all the things.

39:22I've done the challenge, soccer aid, did the O2, did the breakup. Yeah, I mean, one of them you didn't have much of a choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like now I literally just want, like I've done everything I set out to achieve this year, so I just want to enjoy me and Pete. I just want to enjoy you and just really fucking have fun until the end of the year. Well, talking of that, and we revealed the book cover at the O2, So we've got two big things still happening with the pod towards the end part this year. In the final quarter, we're not resting on our laurels after the O2. Harry Potter World!

40:00Sorry, almost three big things. So if we collect enough avios, the potential for us to be going Vegas as a pod is happening. That's when a lot of fuckery will happen. But also the last big milestone for the pod this year is the book. which is going to be coming out soon. And I'm just going to put it out there. Keep your eyes peeled. Because not only will the book be happening, but there may be an opportunity for Sam and I to meet some of you. Whoa, a little meet and greet. No touching. Also, it's not a meet and greet. Oh, is it not? You just let me just fly this plane. We're going to see you. Yeah, potentially.

40:47So keep your eyes peeled. it will be first come first served. Oh wow. And you can grab Pete's dick which is great because you couldn't at the O2 but you can now. No I mean I didn't get into the audience at any point. You did. I did. After announcing at the start anyone can grab my dick you went and just shoved your dick wherever you could. I did. No one touched it. No one wants to touch my penis. Anyway. So yeah. Do you want to do your bit now? Not only is Strictly back which is obviously signifies autumn and winter but the snuggle TV is also back as well. So you won't have a clue what this is.

41:25Well, you might because our friend Paul Brunson is on it. Summer I Turned Pretty is over. That's done. But Married at First Sight is back on our screens and have you seen it? Absolutely not. Have you not watched Married at First Sight? Mate, it's fucking amazing. I know what it is and I've never watched one though. It's so fucking good. Yeah, so the premise is they just marry people they don't know, strangers. Yes, exactly. They marry strangers and they meet them for the first time and get married the first time they meet. So you actually watch this, do you? I do. Religiously last year and this year if I had the time, absolutely.

42:01So do you think it's something you would potentially do? No, never. Okay. The panic, the fear. Let's pretend it is. If you were going to go on Married at First Sire, and I think the premise of this is they have to tell them what they want out of a partner or a wife or a husband or whatever. Yeah, they have to tell the experts what it is they want. Imagine I'm one of the experts. Yeah. What do you want from a wife, Sam? Oh, they've got to be a gamer. You know, they have to... They've got to be a what? Gamer. As in... Yeah, they've got to be able to video game. They... Do you understand the question?

42:37Yeah. What do you want from your wife? Yeah. Got to be a gamer. Right, but you've got Reverend fucking buckling up for that. They've got to be friends of Reverend Boosty, David Badger. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, all right. So a gamer. I mean, listen, it's your wife. They've got to be able to be a gamer. They've got to be into their fantasy. You know, they've got to have Harry Potter. What do you mean like fantasy? Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings. Maybe a little bit of dress up as well. Maybe she could be like Princess Leia one night. Yeah. Stocking suspenders. Yeah, maybe. Oh, I don't know. I'll panic a little bit with that.

43:10Well, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's tough to unwrap, isn't it? They've got to be a good listener. They've got to be a good hugger. That I agree with. They've got to be a good listener. They've got to be a good hugger as well. You've got to love them. Well, yeah, I mean, obviously, if they're going to marry a world record-holding hugger. And they've got to be an all-round fucking legend, to be honest. Like, they've got to be able to, you know, mix it. You know, they've got to be able to... You're saying words, but none of them... You're not really giving anything, are you? They've got to be able to mix it, man.

43:38They've got to be able to be in the fucking group and they've got to be able to sort of like... Be in the group? You've got to be able to... You're going to share her? They've got to be able to, like, sit in a group of people and not just, like, fade into the background. Okay, so they need to be able to sit in a group of people... Not be translucent. ...play video games and dress up as Princess Leia. What are you asking for? Okay, Pete, what are you asking the experts for? Or clenticity. Oh, fuck. No, what am I looking for? Got to be an animal lover. Yeah, got to be an animal lover. Independent.

44:05Independent, yeah. Got to have their own kind of stuff going on. They have got to deal with my moods. I'd really appreciate lovely tits. People do say that, by the way, on Married at First Sight. No, they don't. Yeah, they do. Yeah, mate, legit. People literally say what they want physically as well. Well, because I have obviously... Like no gingers. Oh, no, I don't mind. No, no, no, as in like not me. I'm not saying no gingers, but like I've seen someone be like, don't like gingers. No, I think all of that. If you're talking wife, it's not really about aesthetic, is it? It's about the other stuff.

44:38So I would say I need someone who understands that I need to be alone a lot. So, you know, from marriage, it's likely that we will live in separate houses. Meet just a bang. No, Sam. What else are you going to meet for then? Spend quality time together. How? You're in different houses. Yeah, but she can stay over sometimes, my wife. It's absolutely fine for her to be able to stay over. You know, we can do all the nice things that couples do, like watch Annabelle and The Conjuring and that's a low blow people what that's what couples do that's what couples do low blow what do you mean I don't know what you mean it's clearly not what couples do because I didn't get a kiss so it's not what couples do it's what friends do it's what friends do why you didn't need to either explain that I don't even care I had a girl come round recently and I didn't know what to do because we'd never kissed and so I just put on horror movie and I don't know just didn't happen so then the movie was over got her back she went home we watched weapons we watched Annabelle we watched the country to the point where the last time she came out she went oh we're really in We're really in our horror here, aren't we?

46:04I'm getting really hot.

46:11So, yeah. Listen, to be honest with you, I don't know if I'll ever get married. You will. Oh, all right then. You will. You're going to get married 100%. Okay. I think Pete's going to get swept off his feet at some point. No one's going to fucking see it coming. Including me. Yeah. It's actually quite a tsunami. He's going to be gone. Yeah, well, you know what they say, the wetter the better. The wetter the better, or the lower they hang, the harder they bang. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

46:38I feel like, I feel like Pete has, you know, you've given a real nice sort of like, you know, it's not about the aesthetic, it's about what's in terms. No, no, no, I don't even necessarily mean that. It's just like to marry, that to me is spending the rest of your life with someone. We understand that. However. Look at us. Yeah, he said rapidly. However, when they go up onto the altar piece, right, it's one of the best moments of TV ever. So they stand at the end, if I'm right, and that's the first time you see them as they're walking down the aisle. Yeah. Okay. I mean, it's a tough one. You can imagine what happens.

47:13Well, I mean, it's a tough one because my face speaks a thousand ways. When you see someone who isn't necessarily your type walking down the aisle and you know you're being filmed, so you know you've kind of at least got to give like a little, oh. Yeah, but the problem is I can't do that. I'll just go, oh, fuck.

47:37Knock your head back. She best be funny. What if she's like me? Like ADHD, does not talking, bouncing around and not your time. Mate, I've said this before for some reason and like even everywhere I film, everywhere I go, I collect people with fucking ADHD and autism like Pokemon. it's fucking mental alright it's just a guarantee it's just what happens I don't know what it is but I'm surrounded by people with ADHD and I I can't understand it it's like like a moth to a flame I'm just I'm just imagining Pete standing at the end of the altar and like a female version of me like bounding over completely not like physically not his type either and like going hey Pete oh my god this is so exciting like how excited are you shut the fuck up and you just being like You can start as we mean to go on.

48:25Calm yourselves down. What are you going to say to your bride? You know, imagine... Milady. Is that her name? Shireen Milady? No, just Milady. And then I'll... You've got to meet the family as well, Pete. The first time as well. So you all sit at top table with the family that you've never met before. And they give you a grilling as well. So they turn around and they're just like... And they're like, so what do you like? Why have you picked these kind of things? It's quite tense. Yeah, well, then you grill them back. Well, let's not worry about me, sunshine. What about you? Why's your door on this fucking show?

48:57Yeah. Don't worry about why I've chose to be here. What's she fucking doing here?

49:03It's when you look down. Pete sometimes, like, when he looks like he looks... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's when he puts the glasses down the bridge of his nose and looks down at you. Fuck, I need Pete as an expert. We need Pete as an expert on married at first sight because then what happens, right? Oh, yeah, to you, you're going to have an expert on fucking marriage, a geezer who can't hold down a fucking relationship. That'll go down well, won't it? Pushing fucking 40, will die alone, but it'll tell you how to run your marriage. Oh, mate, but it was so good. So basically what happens, you might have seen this, they do commitment ceremonies, right?

49:32Well, that's where I'd be gone. That, to me, sounds like hell. I'd rather go to Harry Potter World than anything that's called a commitment ceremony. Fucking ta-da! Do you know what they do? They basically go, they go, oh, so you seem to have had a bad week and they explain why they've had a bad week and like what's gone wrong. And then what you have to do is you have to write whether you want to stay or leave on a little placard and then say it and then you have to - I'll just get a stamp. Leave. You don't know. But if one person votes to stay and the other person votes to leave, you have to stay.

50:07So even if you want to leave - Oh great, so it's in. So we're promoting hostage taking. So even if you want to leave and they have to want to stay, you've got to stick around. Well, that's terrible then if you were to do the show because there's absolutely, I mean, you'd just put stay regardless of whether you're having a terrible time. just because you couldn't deal with another failed relationship. You'd be there no matter what. Stay. But you're living in different places and you haven't spoken for a week. I know, but I don't want to go yet. Stay. That poor fucking girl will be like, Jesus Christ.

50:35Fucking Christ. And then sometimes Paul will call someone out as well for being like a bit of a shit. And then people cheat. People cheat. Oh, so it's like real life marriage. So yeah, people go to different villas, mate. and will like bump noughties. Eh? Is that a word, bump noughties? I don't think that's ever been something. Okay, well, yeah, sometimes people hook up with different couples. Oh, what? Wife swap. It's pretty much, yeah. All right. It's fucking wild, mate. You've got to give it a go. Not give it a go. You've got to give it a watch. It's fucking brilliant. It's so good. Sometimes Paul loses shit as well, which is really fun to watch.

51:12But that's not it. There's something else I want you to watch. It's on YouTube, and I know you're not the biggest YouTube watcher. No. Okay. You know Molly May? Not personally. You know of her? Yeah. You know she's got a YouTube channel. She does vlogging. Oh, yeah, I'm a big subscriber. Okay. So you know she's got a kid, Bambi? Okay, we're getting to a point now. Well, her daughter, Bambi, is going viral for saying in one of Molly's YouTube videos that she wants to bite her schoolmate. She then proceeded to list which one she would bite. And I just wanted to know, you know, as we are fathers of Olive and Rose, how you would react if Olive came home and say they had a list of people they wanted to bite at school?

51:54Do they deserve it? In which case, sharpen them teeth, crack on, girl. What would you do if a concerned parent came around your gaff and went, I'm really sorry, but Olive's been biting? I'd go, hold a second here. Close the front door and let him wait. I'd go, Olive, why do you want to bite the kid? Because he's a little ****. I'd open the door and I'd go, yes. Yes, yes. Well, do you think that's appropriate? Well, if your kid wasn't a ****, then she wouldn't be biting you. Thank you ever so much. Enjoy your day. Thank you ever so much. Come back in. High five, Olive. Let's get some ice cream.

52:33Well, she gave you a list of kids and there were quite a few because this Bambi, she goes, I want to buy Emily. Then I'd make the parents queue up out the door. I'd go, hold on. Close the door. Go back in. Are they all ****? Yeah. I'd open the door and go ****. Have a lovely day. Close the door. Let's get some ice cream. High five. I would be like, if Rose came back and she'd bitten someone, I'd be like, I'm so terribly sorry. I'm so terribly sorry. You can't be biting. We need to use kind. I haven't fed her for days. I'd be like, we need to be using kind. Do you know what? I'm the kind of parent who uses kind.

53:02We're in our horror era. We watch Twilight. Oh, it was so bad. I would literally be like, we use kind hands. I'm a kind hands kind of parent, I think. Kind mouths. Kind mouths. Kind mouths. We use kind mouths here. What? What is that? Just didn't sit well with me. You and your daughter using kind mouths. You know parents who don't want to get, they don't want to get like feisty with their kids. That sounded weird as well. You know parents who don't want to get, I was going to say political. You're like social services dream. You know parents who don't want to get, not aggressive, but don't want to get stern with their kids?

53:44They always use kind hands and gentle parenting. I don't know if I'm a gentle parenter. Sorry, what do you think you are? I just don't know if kind hands work. Right, let's role play this because I know you love a role play and it's the only way we can make sense out of you sometimes. Wow at me, wow at me. I don't need to wow you. I'm going to ask you. So I am a parent at Rose's school. Listen, I think we need to have a little chat because my daughter, Phoebe, came home and she's got bite marks all over her arm because Rose has been biting her. Oh, shit, I told her to use her kind mouth. Fuck, I'm really sorry, mate, to be honest.

54:29So you didn't tell your daughter not to bite me? You just asked her to do it softly? No, what I'm saying is that I'm trying to do gentle parenting, Pete, and actually I don't believe I should be telling my kid that she's done anything wrong. So you don't think your child gnawing on my child's arm is an issue? No, because I think they need to learn themselves. What, are you raising a hyena? Give me two seconds. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Hi, Pete. Social services. No, hi, Pete. This is just the Godfather. Could you just come around quickly because I might need a little bit of your parenting.

55:03Why? What's happened, mate? Basically, Rose bit a few people and I need to know whether they're a cunt. Hold on, hold on. Who are you with now? The parents? Yeah. Okay, ask them one question. Yeah. In fact, ask Rose a question. Yeah. Is the kid a cunt? Rose, Godfather, Godfather. Did the kid deserve it? Goddad Pete's asking whether the kids deserved it and whether the kid's a cunt. Yeah, no, the kid's a bit of a cunt. Okay, all right. What you need to do, go back to the parent and just say, your kid's a cunt. If it wasn't a cunt, she wouldn't get bitten. Off your pot. Right, thanks, brother. Now high five, Rose.

55:34Take her for some ice cream. Okay, right. Thank you, Pete. I'll see you later. No worries, buddy. See you later for some whiskey and a handjob. Right, okay. So, okay. Hi, Mr. Stevens. I'm really sorry to say this, but apparently your kids are ****. So, I love it. That's how I'm going to fuck it out. Pete, if me and you are actually fucking godfathers to each other's kids. Listen, my child is my cub. I protect no matter what yeah what about mine you protect mine no you protect mine yeah but the problem is and I've said this before my kid would call Pete if he was in trouble I was just about to say the problem is I'd be going to your kid's parents evening yeah I'm raising two daughters at this point yeah I'd be at home I don't want to hear it I don't want to hear it I'm raising two daughters because you're either gaming or at the doctors oh god I really hope we're fucking best friends and brothers when we're 60 because I just want to make that phone call and I'm going to let Pete, it's time.

56:31I'm going to be like, she's fucking bitten someone. And this is the moment. This is what kids do. They have to learn. Oh, so fucking good. I just want to point out for any parents listening, I probably don't take any advice from you. No, absolutely not. And also it's very unlikely I'll ever get married or have kids. So you won't have to worry about my little biter entering the universe at any point. So don't panic. It's just me. Yeah, Sam will have kids. No, no, I'll just be biting. I'll be your little biter.

57:04Not on your kids. I'm not going to bite your kids. Thank you for listening. We're back to business. Back to business. If you want to email us or get in touch, then email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk. Make sure you subscribe, follow, do all of that sort of stuff. Rate five stars, leave a review. Follow us on socials, that's Dan Riddling Podcast. I am speaking really quickly because I need a piss. Oh, shit. and Sam needs a shit I've had I had a few of them at the O2 actually which really helped I'll just let you carry this away because I will piss myself we love you so much thanks ever so much ta-da thank you and I really do mean for anyone who came to the O2 we love you so much we're so grateful and I hope you enjoyed the show and we'll do Wembley next year or at least the O2 goodbye thank you see you later enjoy your drive or commute to work or possibly just cleaning the gap Or cooking.

58:03Don't watch a horror movie on a date, by the way, either.

58:10Thank you. Good night. Or good morning. Have a good week. And a good year. And a good Christmas. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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1:00:56undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.