148: Sam gets PIED!

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2:53there will be swearing if you don't like it go f*** yourself this is Monday's episode which is a main episode you'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel on a Wednesday and then there'll be a bonus episode on a Thursday which you'll be able to watch on Josh's YouTube channel on a Sunday which means you can catch us on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday wonderful, rate, review, follow, subscribe, do all of that crap because I'd like to make some money wouldn't we all Pete's just been pranked everybody yeah no it was a good one it was a real blinder the team the team have been really cracking on with these pranks this week so um so what they've done for me is they printed off a picture of me so no you've sold it so short no no no I'd just like to point out that they're all paid to be creative

3:46so Oh, it was a good one. They littered around, you know, so that was good. But Sam got pranked because Sam put a picture of his dick on his story. No, don't say that because I've still got fucking, I've actually got PTSD. Explain it, Sam. I was sat having a number two in the company loo's. And they're not company loo's, it's just the building loo's. Yeah. It's a public toilet. A public toilet. And I'm getting messages. is my instagram is dinging off right i'm looking down and it's going did you mean to post that story oh my god i didn't realize you you felt that vulnerable someone i don't didn't realize you felt that vulnerable someone went oh my god i'm absolutely gutted red flag from you i used to love you and i literally was getting messages after messages after messages after messages i was refreshing on the loo and it was like five every second coming through being like i can't believe you just post that story did you mean to post that fucking story i didn't wipe i literally She ran back.

4:45I have wiped now, by the way. Ran back to the office. I'd just like to point out that, firstly, sorry to interrupt the story there. Sam is right. He most probably didn't wipe. But that is not because of the prank. That is, as we know, just a Sam trait. And for the record, he hasn't since left the studio and been back to the toilet. So he hasn't actually cleared up. Just rubbed it in. Rubbed it in. But, mate, you don't know what it feels like, mate. I thought I'd been cancelled. so I don't even know someone's gonna have to explain to me what the fuck's happened because I don't know how I'm not joking I've got about 300 messages in the past 20 minutes being like I can't believe you posted that story well the team pranked you that's what happened there Sam but what was it I don't understand what the prank was well the prank was this reaction how did you do it you put something on stories saying everyone messaged Sam saying have you seen that and hide it from you and then you can't see it and then you shit yourself and then you don't wipe.

5:44So it actually worked out better than we could imagine. But whilst we're talking of pranks, Sam's actually pranked himself today and come in with another spray tan. So no matter what the team do, nothing and no one can prank Sam harder than Sam. Do you know what? I'm never going to stop because I just, I will get this right. I went in to Louise. Louise gets sprayed Sam once a week and she sometimes offers me to come into the tent. and um what sam means by that is sam says when are you getting a spray tan i'll be there and i happened to be free and i went in i went i'll just get the one spray because normally what they do is they spray you once and they spray you again sometimes you go for a third and i was like i'd just get the one because i don't want to get too brown and i don't know what it is i feel like my fucking skin reacts to it really fucking badly and and i turn out like an oompa loompa if you remember a few months ago i was in my carrot era and sam has taken that to heart because sam is now fully a carrot.

6:39So he's not in his carrot era. He is just a carrot with a mullet. I mean, it is wild. The colour of you. Mate, it doesn't look that good. Do you want to see my tan lines though? No. I've got some fucking bad boy tan lines. Oh, excellent. All right. When I say no, what happens is we do it anyway. No, but no does mean no. Like in most, in most things. Yeah, especially when someone has to undo their trousers. Look at that. Yeah, that's good that. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. Look at that. Everyone. Kira? Hannah, you can't see from over there. Get over. I'm joking. Sit down. Anyway, right. You've been sick as a fucking dog, by the way.

7:18Everyone keep away from Peter James because somebody has been bathing for the past two days. Bathing, being throwing up. Right. Excellent. I thought you meant sort of just in the bath. I don't know what I have currently, but I feel it could be fatal. so staring relevant may be in loving memory of uh for future episodes because i am not fucking well um i am throwing up i am ill i'm really not in a good way tell about your car journey and yesterday was just one of the most horrendous days of my life where i thought about potentially um just playing with the traffic um and then that was you know appropriate because i was stuck on the hard shoulder of the m11 late at night with both of my dogs in the car because I wasn't really with it and ran out of petrol.

8:10So I spent an hour and a half on the hard shoulder in the pitch black with sick all down my car because I was throwing up out of the window with two dogs. Couldn't get anyone to get to me because there'd also been an accident on the M25, which means the junction was closed. This was after I'd travelled all the way back from Cardiff from filming where I'd been throwing up all day during filming. I nearly threw up on a dog yesterday, which would have been a terrible time. It's rough. And to be honest with you, I don't feel like I've had the recognition I deserve for actually even being here today.

8:43Well, to be fair, oh, Galena just clapped. A silent clap for you there at the back of the room. Okay, should we try that again with noise and everyone? Well done, Peter. Although I feel like we're all going to get sick now because actually, you know, recognition, you've just fucked us all over. We're all going to get sick. Sam, look in the mirror. you fuck yourself over. But yes, if you all become ill, good. That's not very nice though, is it? Let's be honest. Sharing is caring. One team, one dream. Do you remember that time we just explained on the podcast where I shat myself behind a bush and then threw up all over myself and you left me in the car?

9:18But that wasn't an illness. That wasn't an illness. I was ill. No, no, no, no, no. I was fucking ill. No, no, no, no. This is an illness that I've unfortunately caught through no fault of my own. I had the same things. No, no, you didn't. You had a hangover and you ate too many oysters. That is your fault. I contracted a deadly disease through no fault of my own. You know, I did nothing and it chose me. You're a very good liar. You're an incredible liar. I did nothing and it chose me. Chose you. I'm the chosen one. Yeah, I'm the chosen one. So if that means that I'm now a host and I have to share it with those that I love dearly, then so be it.

10:00You know, that is part of the staying relevant family. If we're a family. We're going to be shitting together. We should hold hands while shitting. I'd just like to point out that I'm doing everything but shit at the minute. Really? Yeah. No chocolate hostages? Can I release a chocolate hostage? I don't like talking about bodily functions as it is. We know that. So if we could move on. But I will try my best not to be sick during this episode. Actually, do you know what? moving on talking about being a good liar Celeb Traitors is back on the TV and we've had loads of messages I don't I don't know if this is is fair on me but it goes Sam would make an awful traitor but apparently you were made for the role how does that make you feel?

10:45Right I'm going to be really honest I've never seen it I don't really understand it Oh mate it's the best it's such a good show So I don't fully understand what this means so obviously I know what a traitor is but how does that Can I give you the rundown? That's exactly what I was going to ask Sam So basically what they do is they get Claudia Winkleman or Winkleman. I think it's a silent W. Well, that would make it Inkelman. Yeah, Claudia Inkelman. No, it's not though. It's just Winkleman. Is there not a V in there? I feel like there's a V in there. No, no, no, no. She's not German. It's not Winkleman.

11:14It's just Winkleman. Maybe it's the fringe. Say Winkle. Winkle. Say man. Man. Now put them together. Claudia Winkleman. There you go. Was she basically, she's the host. She gets a load of contestants into a building. I just need to know the premise of the game. I don't need the full format of the show. It's on a Monday night at 9pm. What makes a traitor and what is not a traitor? Basically, loads of people in a fucking round table together. Claudia walks around and taps a certain amount of people on the shoulder when everyone's eyes are closed and they're blindfolded. And they basically become the traitors.

11:46What they have to then do is secretly kill and murder people around the table as the days go by. and if the people around the table guess who it is then they win a load of money. So what's the end goal? The end goal is for either the traitors to win the money or the faithfuls to win money. So if the traitors manage to... So you just have to sit and go well you're a traitor. Exactly. You do that around a table and everyone goes at each other. It's fucking mental. So if you say someone's a traitor and they're not do you die? Basically what you do is how do you get out of the game? Everyone votes.

12:19You sit around a table right? It's every night isn't it? You sit around a table every night and everyone votes for who they think is a traitor but you don't just vote you have to explain why you think you get voted off yeah you get voted off and if they're not a traitor they get to do this speech at the end where they go you all fucked it I'm not a traitor I'm a faithful and everyone goes no so the traitors are still sat amongst them pretending to be faithful so what do they think I am a traitor yeah a liar yeah okay yeah to be fair I think I'd be quite good at it it's such a fun game you'd be awful but how do you know because I know you okay go on so what do you think If I was a traitor and someone accused me of being a traitor, what do you think I'd be like?

12:56All right. Well, let's pretend you're a traitor. All right. Sam, you're a traitor. No, I'm not. Oh, no. Sorry, I was completely wrong there. Yeah, you were. Thank you. Yeah, no, no. Jesus, I would never know. Yeah, no, exactly. I'm not. I'm a faithful. Why are you doing this to me? You're singling me out in front of the entire group. Yeah. It's because you're a traitor. No, but I'm not. Well, but I know you are because I told you you were. Why do you think I'm a traitor? because you're a lying piece of shit but what have I lied about well you've lied about the fact that that was one spray for a start and that Louise convinced you to do it alright you're currently lying about your hair colour and beard colour you're also lying about the fact that you're at the dating game

13:43but I haven't done anything now I would crumble like a spineless fish I'm going to be honest with you I wouldn't be able to not smile as well. How would you go about gaining people's trust? I would literally, I would do. The problem is with you, I'm going to be honest with you, is what you would do is you would be overly friendly and nice to people because you do that anyway, which comes across as a lying piece of shit. Insincere. Insincere, fake, because you do it with everyone. No one is special. Everyone is the same. So that's what I'd do. I'd go up to certain people and call them a ****. I'd have beef with certain people.

14:16I'd be like, you're a prick. and that'd be so nice, but now you're a prick just so I level it out. What would you, okay, fine. Pete, you're a traitor. Okay. What, are you a traitor? Well, you're telling me I am. Well, oh, you've got me. Fuck. I don't know if that's ever been approached like that before. I feel like, I feel like that's like so, I don't, you've really unagied me there. Uno reversed it. So one of those everyone goes, yeah, no, I think you are a traitor because X, Y, and Z. How are you defending yourself? I don't need to defend myself. I know what I am. That's your version of events, isn't it?

14:54But then you won't win the money if you get voted off and you aren't a traitor. Well, then they have to take the risk and be 100 % certain, aren't they? Because if they're wrong, then they fuck themselves. Well, they do. They do. They do. They do fuck themselves. Yeah. So you're going to fuck yourself. But if that's what you want to believe, then so be it. It's not me that's going to get fucked here. For people who are listening to this and not watching, he hasn't blinked whilst he's been looking at me doing this and it's panicking me. I think I would swerve this. I generally think I'd turn around and be like, nah, it's not Pete.

15:20It could never be Pete. That's the thing. It's like, do you know what it is? Confusion. It's the same as when you are in a court of law. All you need is reasonable doubt. Fucking hell. Because you have to be 100 % sure. If everyone starts ganging up on you. Do I look the sort of person that people gang up on? But this is the point though. What if they did? But they wouldn't have a chance because they'd be in my gang already. They'd be in your gang. I'm not a sheep, I'm a shepherd. Fuck me, someone get Pete on Celebrity Traitors. Please, God, get Pete on Celebrity Traitors. It would be the best fucking viewing ever.

15:55Like, don't bother with me, I'd crumble, I'm a wasted cast. Pete, Pete, I genuinely, seeing Pete, not a traitor, but people thinking he's a traitor, whilst trying to defend himself would be fucking brilliant. Because, mate, there's like 20 of them at the start, round a table. There's a lot of people. Come at me, bro. Oh, my God. I really want to. Everyone, to be fair, I've got to say as well, like, everyone talks about Trades. I've not seen it, but it does sound like the sort of thing that I might like, but do you know what I mean? I'm very careful with what I consume visually on the telly. Imagine if me and you went in.

16:33That was an odd way. I feel like it was skewing towards porn, but I'm not sure. No, I don't watch that on the telly. You know, don't. Don't screen mirror it? No, I don't know how. Let's be honest, Sam. I don't know how to do that. But if someone could show me, that would be great. Because it sounds great. Because it's very hard just to watch on a little phone. What would you do if me and you were on the train together and me and you didn't know that one or the other was a train? And do you know what actually happens? I'd know with you. How would you know? Because I'd just have to look at you. Would you throw me under the bus if you thought you knew I was a traitor?

17:14What, if it meant that I won? Yeah. Oh, mate, 100%, you'd be first gone. Fuck off. You'd want me there for a little bit, more support and all that. No, I wouldn't, because you'd fuck me over. Do you know what? So this is the best bit. Sometimes when it gets near the end, traitors fuck traitors over. Yeah, yeah. I mean, listen, survival of the fittest, man. Dog eat dog. If me and Pete were both traitors together, right, and then you know what happens when you hit the round table and basically you've been... Can you do it in pair like a team? Yeah, you are a team. So all the traitors together. So if we were both traitors, and we both knew we were traitors.

17:44But then what you can do, mate. Well, then I'd just ask you to sit in a corner and not speak. No, no. See, this is the thing. What you can do. It's the same as if we did Race Across the World or The Hunted. What I would do is just say, I'll take you along with me, but I'll handle this. Just shush now. But that's another thing I want to get onto Race Across the World, because it sounds like something we are made for. But before we get onto that, what you can do is, and I feel like you do this to me, is at the round table, if everyone starts going for a traitor, right? A lot of the time, the other traitor will turn around and be like, well, they're fucked.

18:14They'll be like, I think it's him as well. And they'll just completely throw their pal under the bus. Yeah, I mean, I still don't fully understand the rules of the game, but I have a feeling if someone could fully explain the rules properly to me, I'd probably be all right. Mate, I think it'd be fucking great. And I think we should do it together. And I think we should both be traitors together. We should see who's fucked over the other person first. I'm allowed to fuck you, you know, just instantly. I'd fuck you quicker than you fuck yourself with that spray tan. I just love, it'd be so great.

18:46Imagine this, right? Around the table and some people think it's pee and then I look at him, I look at him from across the table and give him the eyes and I go, I think it's pee as well. And you would look at me in the knowledge that I've just fucked you and you'd be so fucked off. Do you know what? I wouldn't be fucked off. You'd smile. You'd smile backwards. To be perfectly honest, no, no, because if you did that, you would be the easiest one. Are you really going to believe that? Look at him. Look at him. And I'd character assassinate you to the point where people go, God, he's playing a game.

19:24Let's get rid of Sam. And then I'd wave you at the door and go off your fuck. Oh my God. Because then I'd get to a speech before the door and I can literally be like, it wasn't me. Yeah, but I've seen you do a speech when you're not prepared and it's not a noteworky. And it's generally an awful lot of waffle. And we've done it. So, team, it's been a good, everyone, great day. Good. It's been fun. Race across the world quickly, would you do it with me? I would do race across the world. With me? I'd do race across the world. If you could only do it with me? No. Roman Kemp did it with his sister.

19:56They'd probably like each other. No, I think we'd win it. what are we basing that on mate genuinely the power of friendship what the power of friendship yes because it is one of them yeah no that completely makes sense yeah if you ever want to go you know across the world all you need you don't need air tickets money or anything else you just need the power of friendship because it will take you to the moon and back yeah it absolutely will do you know the premise of race across the world I imagine what you do is you go around the world in a race yeah exactly you've got to get to a certain point on the planet.

20:32Do you not think we'd be good at it? I think I would. It's a team game. Yeah, but that's where I think I would struggle is I think you would slow me down. Because I do, you know, listen, I'd go as the crow flies. You know what I mean? Whereas... As the crow flies. Just straight. Yeah, well, listen, A to B, that's how you do it. What you'd want to do is go on a magical maze and journey along the way. Let's get a tricycle there. Yeah. Why? Why are we doing that? Because it'd be fun. I'd like to find each other along the way. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, no, no. This is where we've got to get to.

21:08Let's fucking get there. I've got a question for you. Okay, excellent. You've got to make money sometimes on this show as well, I feel like. I'd sell you. I was going to say, can you give hand jobs? But like, what's the parameters? Like, are you allowed to sell yourself? That's another thing that I think we'd struggle with. If you have to make money along the way, what are you doing to make money? Come on, at some point Sam you have to stop just trying to wank people off. So, because it's been the running seams throughout the fucking pod for a long time. What would you actually do to make money?

21:46To be honest with you I'd probably just twos up on what you've got. Sorry? I'd probably just twos up on what you've got sharing is caring. and I'd be like, whatever you managed to make, you're the provider. Excellent. Wonderful. So what you would do is nothing. So whilst we're on the subject of TV and film Bond, rumours are flying around about the next Bond. The director has said they're looking for three things. A man. We're both men. A Brit. We're both British. And an unknown. We are pretty... Unknown. so that has wiped out a lot of the major kind of Hollywood names now I don't want to say it could be us because it isn't but last year they did have odds on Sam and I potentially being the next Bond but this was Sam last year if you remember when Sam was feeble to look at since then he's had a real glow up he's gone sort of brunette and orange he's been in the gym so I think you're more Bond you're dressing better you're more Bond than you ever have been last year you were 100 to 1 you were at 6 Pete was at 66 can I just can we put that into fucking perspective quickly James fucking Bond right one of the most iconic characters on the planet Roger Moore Sean Connery Pete Wicks Pete Wicks is 66 to 1 to play James those are like good odds.

23:21Like, if you were, if you were, I don't know, if you were like someone in Hollywood, you'd be like, well, I'll take that. How the fuck has that happened? I can either confirm or deny. That's, I can't imagine you though sort of like, hello money penny. Hello money penny. Hello money penny. Why are we talking outside of our mouth? Money, money penny. Yeah, I'd be bond with a stroke. Call me a money penny. Call me a money penny. Not call me. Come here, Moneypenny, from Yorkshire.

23:56Come on now, kid, Moneypenny. The fuck is wrong with you? My name's Bond, James Bond. It's a different accent again. You can't even do the accent you did before. Yeah, I mean, do you think you would make a good Bond, potentially? No, it would be fucking terrible. So, I mean, look, they are looking for an unknown, and, you know, who do you think would be a good unknown Bond? And when we say unknown, we mean not the stereotypical, like, fucking, you know, actors, Henry Cavill, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you're thinking of kind of an unknown, who do you think would make a good Bond? Honestly, I know this, I've not answered your question here, but the only person I ever wanted as Bond was Henry Cavill.

24:34He's the only one I wanted as Bond, because I just think he is literally made for the role. And then for some reason, Hollywood hates Henry Cavill, and I can't understand why. Do you remember when I said not the Henry Cavill types, and you went, well, do you know who I want, Henry Cavill? I understand that, but like, look, I'm on the spectrum. Oh, yeah, yeah. Let's go back to blaming that. Do you know what I did watch recently? Sorry, Leftfield. I watched Love on the Spectrum. Has anyone seen that? Holy shit, Pete. We need to go on Love on the Spectrum. Yeah. We need to go on Love on the Spectrum.

25:06Well, I don't think we do. We do. I don't think we do. I need to go on Love on the Spectrum. Well, you don't. I mean, you aren't dating at the minute, are you? Mate, honestly, though, if you ever have like a couple of hours, settle down and watch some of Love on the Spectrum. It is the best viewing. Very heartwarming. It's a brilliant, brilliant show. And if you have a couple of hours, definitely watch it. You might cry, actually, because it's that fucking good. So, yeah. So are you going to answer the question or are you just going to stick with Henry Cavill? I'm going to stick with Henry Cavill because I don't care.

25:37I think Holly would treat him incredibly bad and I want Henry Cavill. So it's not an unknown, but it's an unlikely bond for me. I think give it to Danny Dyer. Fucking what? He's a bit old, isn't he? No, not like that. As in, I fucking love Danny Dyer. I just think let's mix it up a bit. What about Emmett Scanlon? Who? Emmett Scanlon, the guy with the long hair who we met at the NTA. Fucking great. He's a boy. He is, yeah. He's quite Bond. He's quite cool. Yeah. Like, not the Danny Dyer's, but I want a different type of Bond. Give me a Danny Dyer as Bond. Yeah. Fucking come here, girl. Come here.

26:13Oi, money penny, you little slag. Come here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think it would be a better, I'd enjoy it more, put it that way. So, yeah, I don't know. I mean, look, like we said, you know, we can't confirm or deny. We can't confirm or deny. Pete is 6 '6"-1, but, you know, we can't talk about it too much. He has been, he has shot a tape. We're doing very much, this is sort of like an entertainment pod today. Well, it is actually because we have the most important TV show in the game that is about to come out for dog's sake is back for season two. By the way, we say the best till last there.

27:08accents for every room in the house. Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course, can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance.

27:45That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you. at QVC shopping is more than just checking out it's discovering something new every day start with today's special value then explore exciting finds across the brands and categories you love from beauty and fashion to home culinary and outdoor living shop now at qvc.com

28:38I'd just like to do a second clap because for the first time in a year, Sam has followed the script. With a segue. Without me having to prompt my own thing, he's fucking done it. It nearly took my breath away, I'm going to be honest with you. Imagine Pete taking my breath away, so I'm doing photography. Mate, normally it was like... And you're there going, yeah, me caviar. We've got, we have a date, Peter, right? We do. Episode one airing on Monday, the 13th of October. Everybody scribble it in your diaries. What can we expect from this season that is different from the first, Peter? Is there going to be the same amount of heartfelt moments, but also quite sad as well, mixed together into beauty?

29:23Unsurprisingly, what you can expect is dogs. Yeah. Any cats in there? No. No. No. No. Because it's dogs trust. That's a very good point. Yeah, do you know what? We've gone, it's bigger and better than we've done before. I mean, this series, we've been filming for six months. Don't we know it? We do, yeah, yeah. And it's been fucking heavy. But, yeah, we've gone deeper into stories. We've been up and down the country this time, like nonstop up and down the country. The stories are miraculous, I think is probably the best word. Give us like just a little tease of a story that like hit you the most.

30:07Episode one is going to make you cry like a little girl in sadness, but then happiness. Genuinely, it's an emotional rollercoaster. The whole thing has. I've never had a bad day on that show, despite the fact that it absolutely emotionally kills me. Because like some of the stories of neglect and stuff that we've seen are just fucking horrendous, some of which we can't even fucking show. But also, there is nothing more rewarding than giving a second chance to dogs that need it. Like, genuinely, it's just the best thing. And I genuinely feel like it's the thing that I was put on fucking earth to do.

30:50And what does it feel like when, like, a dog who's, like, had a really shit life gets adopted or something from somebody who, like, comes in and you know is going to love it? Is that, like, a fucking unbelievable feeling? Mate, this is going to sound like one of them airy-fairy things, but like... Hey, man, we could do with a bit of airy-fairiness in this world. Get it out there. Yeah, but you know what it's like? You know when people are promoing stuff and it almost sounds like, oh, everyone's quite biased about it.

31:15But although my name is on the show, it is nothing to do with me. It is all to do with the dogs and the people that work at Dogs Trust because, like, you know, firstly for the dogs, the amount of resilience and unconditional love of dog shows is why I prefer dogs to people. And it doesn't matter how shit their fucking life has been. They are always willing to make it better themselves. Yeah. Because they have to, you know what I mean? It doesn't matter what you do as people in terms of rehabilitating a vulnerable dog. The dog has to want to have a second go at it. And they always do eventually.

31:50It just requires patience. And that is what the people that work at Dogs Trust have in abundance. And, you know, they literally live and breathe it. It's not a job to them. This isn't a job to me. it's like it is just phenomenal thing to be a part of and I'm so blessed and honoured to be able to come back and do it again and I would do this to the day I die genuinely it's also received another nomination for favourite factual TV show at the TV Times Awards 2025 come on Peter James another award for Peter James now look we wouldn't be doing our job on this podcast if we didn't say vote for fucking Pete now if you don't we'll be really really upset we love the fact that you vote for us in so many different things and we love you as a community and a family but this you can see how much it means to pete um so if you if you could vote for that it'd be we'd be so grateful there's gonna be a link on the stories as well so you can just click that link i'd just like to do um uh a little shout out to everyone at dogs trust as well oh yeah and everyone that works on the show because yeah of course it's about the dogs and And, you know, some of the stories are really heartbreaking, but there was also genuinely some amazing, I say genuinely all the time.

33:02There were some amazing fucking people. It's full of fucking laughter as well. There were so many fucking funny bits. We met them here, didn't we? They were so lovely. They're just incredible. And it means so much to them. And all the work that they put in around their other jobs to facilitate us being there is just incredible. They all came to the O2, all the guys from Basildon, and had the fucking best time as well. and they support everything that I do and we do. And so, yeah, if you can support Dogs Trust and everyone that works there up and down the country with whatever you can in terms of donations and everything, that would be amazing.

33:34So I'm just going to do the last little plug because my PR's here and she will kill me if I don't plug it. So all episodes of Pete Wicks for Dogs' Sake will be available to stream on you or you can watch the first episode on Monday, the 13th of October. That's Monday, the 13th of October on UNW at 9pm. Please watch it. Be there or be square. We are very, very proud of you, by the way, Pete. This is something you've worked incredibly fucking hard for. Like we have seen how far up and down the country you've been, mate. So we are incredibly proud of you here at Staying Relevant, mate. And we will all be watching this show.

34:10I don't want to cry too much, but we will all be watching it, mate, because you're our brother in arms and you're the best boss in the world. And this isn't the end of Pete, though. Strictly come dancing. was still on your staying relevant moment because you were spotted in the crowd, sir. Yeah, I was spotted in the crowd. Whooping. If I do say so myself, whooping. Let me tell you something about sitting in the crowd. It's long. Firstly, yeah, it's long. More than anything, the camera was on me more there than when I was on the dance floor. And I got awkward and didn't know how to celebrate. your whooping is is is now legendary i had my hands in the air like i just didn't care i've never seen and i've known pete for for however many fucking years i have never i've seen people go yeah and all that kind of shit i've never seen you two hands in the air going yeah like a fucking crazed fan it was mental right never seen let me just explain this right so so obviously i I was there to support Vicky and of course you Vita.

35:18And also like there's, there's quite a few people on the show. I know this year, um, which is, um, wild. So, so yeah, I went to the kind of first live show. Um, but obviously I was with, uh, Vicky's husband and Vicky's sister and Vicky's friends and that. So we're all sat there. The camera did not leave the side of my face. And I got so awkward. Bear in mind, I wasn't drunk either. I drove. So I was sober. So I was even more awkward. I didn't know what to do. because obviously you want to support your friend, but like, you know, she can't really necessarily tell. I saw her beforehand and I saw her afterwards and the rest of it.

35:51But when you're in the audience, you kind of, you're just kind of there. I didn't know what to do. The camera was here. So I went over the top and I started doing, yay, and then I thought, why am I doing that? And then I didn't know what to do with myself. And I've seen the clip. It's so good. I look fucking mental. We see all teeth. Yeah, because I didn't know. So I'm doing, I look possessed, right? It's fucking weird. But anyway, the live show was, I turned up early. Live show didn't start till seven. I got there half past four. Why? Because Vicky wanted me to get there a bit early. She was fabulous.

36:28When I say I have never seen anyone so fucking nervous. I mean, there were tears. There was also before she'd even fucking got there. And she is just a fucking, I mean, she's scared of her own shadow, the fucking woman. It's mental. but she absolutely smashed it out of the park. But I got to see everyone and caught up with everyone. And yeah, it was, it was nice to be back. It was nice to be back and not give a fuck. Nicely back and nervous. I know exactly what you mean. Yeah, but I didn't have to do anything. Yeah. It's fucking great. But it is long. It is, mate. Big guy. How did she find it then?

37:01So let's get some inside scoop here. So after the show, I mean, I know you saw her before and she was obviously shitting it. After her dance, how was she? Like, what was sort of like, what was her? She must have been jubilant because she did very well. I know yeah I know Vic very well and and like so I knew she did like the biggest thing the biggest problem she's gonna have is nerves because actually and this is kind of what I said to her like you know beforehand like I've seen I saw her dance before the live show she's actually a good dancer so do you know what I mean like you've already fucking surpassed anything I fucking did imagine how nervous I was I can't dance you know what I mean but you can actually you've actually got something to back this up so you just need to go and do what you've done before and she did that and she fucking smashed it and I'm really, really proud about afterwards.

37:45You can just see the relief. The relief just dribbling. I saw that with you. Yeah, because you get through one and you go, fuck a little bit. And I would bet my house that she's not going anywhere. And that's the first stage. That's the first stage completed. You weren't the first out. She wasn't the first out. That is like a huge weight being lifted because it's like any show you do, it doesn't matter what, it's not just straight. It's like when you were in the jungle, but you sat on the first fucking thing and you're thinking, swear to God. I don't know how this is going to go. And then when they call someone else's name, you kind of go, oh.

38:23Yeah, thank God for that. It might be you. You're like, no. Yeah, because whatever happens at that point, you're like, okay, I wasn't the first out. Yeah. Because whenever you do a show, people remember the winner and the shittiest one. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Quite often you don't remember bits in between unless they say exceptional that kind of happens. So that's kind of round one done. But also what I will say, she picks up dances. I know she's picking up dances really quickly and she can actually dance, which is a massive, massive thing. And this is going to sound wankerish. She's going to be the one that goes on the journey.

38:59She's got the journey. Because I think she can be a really, really, really, she's got the capability to be an incredible dancer. Well, you heard it here first. And Peter James Wick, semi-finalist of Strictly right there. And if he said she's got the potential, He knows talent when he sees it. I mean, I absolutely do not. Because I have no dance. But you know what it is? There are a lot of them this year who have got a lot of dance experience and who are evidently very good. Vic is starting from fuck all, like I did. But the difference being is that she's good. She's a better fuck all. Well, she started the same as me, from nothing.

39:34But she just can actually do it. whereas I for the entire thing just struggled and fought just to be able to put one foot in front of the other whereas actually I think she potentially unlocked something that could be a talent and a skill so I think she'll do really really well back in the audience this week absolutely not no you want to get halfway and then you'll go again for a little half it's long especially when you get to like the midway stage it's very long quite happy that I didn't have to do anything then halfway through I thought I'd rather be dancing because you can't leave you can't get in they give you that one little carton of water under your seat to last you like five hours it is but yeah I think it's going to be a good series there's some I'll tell you oh actually someone that you know Kaz Carney yeah I love Kaz so she came up to me yeah I've never met her before I'm just going to put it out there potentially one of my favourite people I've ever met she's great is she not the fucking nicest woman she said to say hello to you because she worked with you on Sank before yeah so great which firstly she's a great fucking dancer, but she is the fucking cutest person.

40:38Yeah. She came up and was like, I just want to say I really love the pod. I really love what you do. Oh, come on, Gaz. Now I'm socially awkward, so I'm going to go. I was like, no, come back. Oh, she's so sweet. She's fucking lovely. Yeah, little is she, isn't she? Oh, but just genuinely, you know what I'm like? Quite often you fucking really fucking like her. Yeah, she's cool. So fucking shout out to her because she's fucking great. Unbelievable footballer as well. Fuck me. And yeah, so strictly. Strictly fucking, well, we've only just started and you know that means the run-up to Christmas as well, which we fucking love on this show.

41:09Well, the Strictly final this year is literally later than it ever has been, which is mad because when you start fucking Strictly, and I didn't even really think about it back then, but it is now, Strictly is basically the national run-up to Christmas. Christmas. And that is awful. Because Christmas is for ****. I love Christmas. You can put it out there. Big fan. Big fan. Anyway, so I think we've done me. It's been a big week for Pete. It's been a big week. He's been in the press a bit as well. We're going to ice through that. Yes, we are just going to swerve that one. Swerve through that. He's had a glorious week.

41:50Talking about the run down to Christmas or the run up to Christmas. You know what's coming. Oh, well, yes, before Christmas. Oh, my God. We have a big holiday coming up. Strap in. Halloween. Hooray. Yay! So, because Sam has had a quiet week, we're going to use his staying relevant moment to talk about Maya Jammer. It's the old kind of fail-safe. If we don't know what to talk about, how's Maya? How's Maya? I haven't seen Maya in a while, actually, to be fair. I need to know. I might give her a call. Well, I mean, listen, have you heard any more? Did you get an invite to the Halloween party? No, I haven't had it.

42:26So this year, I haven't had the invite. Well, don't you worry because I'm about to make all your dreams come true. Go on. Because something might be happening for some of us for Halloween.

42:39All I'm going to say is something. You and I will be dressing up for Halloween. Yes, we shall. And we will be going to a party. Yes, we shall. I already have my outfit sorted. I do not. So you need to think of an outfit. Body paint, though. You need to sort an outfit. Guarantee body paint. What? I want body paint. I mean, you already have. Oh, fuck. I want body paint. You've got the base layer in. I want body paint. I'll tell you what we could do for you. That would actually be quite a good Halloween outfit because it's not that hard. If we just spray your mullet green, you would be a carrot. I was going to say an Oompa Loompa.

43:17They literally got green hair. Yeah, oh, you could be an Oompa Loompa. Actually. Oompa, loompa, doompa-dee-doo. I don't know the words. I thought he was actually going to carry it. I was like, fuck, he knows it. But yeah, what are you kind of, what are you thinking for Halloween this year? Well, mate, I mean, Halloween's one of my favourite parts of the year. I've always, every year, done a Halloween Instagram post. It's sort of like my - Oh God, so we've started thinking about that on October 1st. The famous Halloween Instagram post. The famous Halloween Instagram post that none of us have heard of and didn't know you do.

43:49The famous Sam Thompson Instagram Halloween post. So those of you who've got it in the diaries, the countdown is on. So I don't know. I mean, it's going to be a bit of a different one this year, obviously, because it's going to be a solitary Halloween post. Well, it won't. You're going to be with me. Well, this is the thing, though. You might have to step in for the actual thing that we might have to dress up beforehand and then... No, because I'm doing dressing up once. Twice. No, no, no, Sam. Sam, what are you doing? Give you an inch, take a mile. I'm going to dress up this year. We can do the Halloween post on the night that we're going to dress up.

44:25oh yeah of course we can I don't need to do it again oh my god yeah I went as donkey last year I mean this year if you want to do something matching oh my god oh my god shotgun okay I'll be I know what I am no that if we want to be matching I know what I'm going as you could do something you're going as a pirate no you're a cowboy that's the one cowboy I'm going as a lazy cowboy I'll go as the horse oh what a great idea so you know it's an option for you Great. Who's going to be? Pippa, you can be the arse. Or you could go as a cowgirl. No, no, no. I'll go as a cowgirl. Oh, yeah, we can all be cow people.

45:03Me and Pippa will go as... Cow people. Pippa, me and you will be the horse. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. Why do you not want to do that? Because I don't want to do that for Halloween. I don't want to be a bum. Why? And it means we have to get into one of the... I don't even be able to see or speak to anyone. You spend the 11... Your other 11 months of the year as a fucking bum. Yeah. Oh, good. It's quite fun because we'll wear one of them suits where I'm at the front and you're at the back. Yeah, I understand the premise. No, she understands it. That is what I don't want to do.

45:33That is what I don't want to do. That is what I don't want to do. I'll feel this flustered in the costume. I don't want to do it. And then I'm going to fart and we're not going to be able to escape the costume. Okay, all right. Imagine just seeing, imagine you're walking in the horse costume and you hear a fart and you just see the rear end of the horse start fucking riding around and it's Pippa trying to get air. Bolt it, me with a lasso. Oh, don't worry. Oh my God. But anyway. We've got to do that. So, yes, Halloween. Also, you had a half day this week. I did have a half day. And you, I mean, listen, I'm going to be honest, you struggled with the freedom, which surprises me because I do know you've, you have half days quite a lot.

46:19So why did you struggle with the freedom? I actually don't have half days all the time, especially not in the morning. And it freaked me out. Do you know what really fucked me off, Pete? We're business owners, okay? That does fuck me off. We own a company, right? Again, that does fuck me off. I called Pippa and I went, do you want me to come into the office? She said no. I went, do you need me at all? Everyone's in the office. I was like, look, I've got a free day. Do you want me to come into the office? Pippa, literally, I could have done anything. Goes, no, we're good. I mean, okay, should we start with the problems on this?

46:55There's no problem. That's just a, it should just be like, yes, boss. Huge problem. Yeah, but here we go. Here's the huge problem. So you own the company. Why are you asking your employee if you're allowed to come in? That's a very good point. So there's your first issue. That's a very good point. And secondly, why are you only coming in when you have nothing else to do? There's your second point. And the third point is, what did you think you were going to do when you came in? I don't know, ride some of the little mopeds we've got in the studio. There we go then. That's probably why your employees didn't want you to come in.

47:32It was just a blunt no. It wasn't even a reason. I said, no, thank you. It's okay. Okay, so thank you afterwards. Great. Can't wait. So what did you do? I just sort of fucked around with Louise, actually. She told me off. She got annoyed at me because I came into a house unannounced. I sort of, I just broke in through the top window and - Did you hear the spray tan? Fucking get in there. Fucking not what that means. Fucking running through with these boxers on, fucking skylight, get me. I ran through, I ran through the, through the house and came downstairs and gave her quite the fright actually.

48:11She had a go to me. So now I'm not allowed to break in anymore. I feel like this has happened before. and she's set these boundaries previously. No, the boundaries are probably set. But what she has done is give me a key. I have a key. I mean, so, okay. Do you understand life? You're not allowed to break in. You don't need to. You have a key. I have a key now, yeah. So why would she also need to tell you that you're not allowed to break in? Well, I don't know, because I like going in through that way sometimes. But you have a key. No. Louise heard me as well. This is wild. This is what's a bit dicey about living next to your sister.

48:50I imagine there's multiple things that are quite dicey about living next to your sister. She heard me taking a shit. Sorry, do you live in a Wendy house? No. How does she hear through the wall? Because our bathroom. How big was the shit and how loud was it? Because our bathroom was conjoined and I was making noises. But Sam, there's a whole brick wall between it. Mate, not enough apparently. Sorry, I've just missed that. What do you mean? So you were making noises? You know when you're just like, this sounds a bit, I'm going to try and do this as least graphic as possible. No, you're not. But have you ever had those sort of like slightly painful, like post-Nandos?

49:31Do you know what I mean? It was one of them. And I was like, oh, like that. And I was like really sort of just struggling through it. And she called me and went, why can I hear you taking a dump? And I was like, I'm sorry. Do the noise again? I was like, oh. So you were on your own at this point? Yeah. Yep. So, mate, it was a busy day. Did you have a nice weekend? Great weekend. Had a fucking good weekend. Yeah, you did have a fucking good weekend. Get up to much?

50:07I, yeah, I went to the pub, then went out afterwards. Just you and your mates? Just me and a friend. Just me and some peeps. Some peeps. You mean some peeps? A peep? Yeah, there was a peep there. What? There was a peep there. How's that peep? That peep was absolutely, he or she, was absolutely lovely. Okay. Yeah. Had a great time. Yeah. And. Going to have a re-peep? I think there may be a couple of re-peeps going on. A couple of re-peeps. Yeah. I didn't know, by the way. I didn't really. Oh, you're going to love this. you're gonna you're gonna love this so i go i go to this sort of like bar slash sort of like early club and um with with the peep and uh i'm out there with the person in question peep and um and i'm i'm i'm actually in the smoking area and i was like you know what i might be with the peep with the peep and i'm in the smoking area and the gallagher's son one of the gallagher's son was there i don't know i don't know which one has a son but whichever one does and he's there and he's got these like fucking he's like honestly just looks a spit image of his dad i thought he was in for a second and i go i'm sorry guys can someone come pour a light off someone not to him by the way he's like over there and he turns around goes not for that fucking prick off the tv oh mate he's like 18 and he literally and he goes it is in his whatever oasis accent he has he was like he was like he was like not that little fucking prick off the TV and I stood next to this girl and I was like I've just been boyed off by an 18 year old netbo baby so you got I have no idea what to say by an 18 year old in front of the peep I left I left the club I left the bar I went I'm too old I left I'm too old slash embarrassed mate I was I was mortified I literally was like I don't know what to do and he carried on I got bullied by an 18 year old don't look back in anger mate mate Pete he was like yeah that prick over there with all his mates that prick over there that little twat I was like I haven't done anything to you I was like I don't even know who you are and I had to ask I was like who the fuck's that scary little kid and they go they go that's yeah that's one thing sorry you didn't ask the peep who's that scary little kid I did okay and who's that that's one of the Gallagher's sons and I went oh fuck me Jesus Christ to be employed.

52:38He's quite young, is he? Anyway, I went home and I'm never going out clubbing again. I think we're past that now. But you went home and that's, you know, when Louise heard. I don't know. I don't know. She does listen to this as well, so. Who knows? Who does? The peep. God damn it. Well, in that case, if I ever do find a girl. Let's all just say, hi to the peep. If I ever do, like, Peep. If I ever do hang out with a girl. Hi. How am I going to introduce a girl eventually to Pete? Just say, Pete, this is Pete. What would you do if you saw, if I did introduce you to someone that I actually genuinely quite liked, what would you do?

53:22Like, what would you say? How would you approach it? Spit on them. Well, I mean, just say, what sort of question? Just say hello. What do you mean? What do you think I'm going to do? I can imagine Pete at the games, right? And just sort of like... I'm not your father. I'm not going to interrogate some fucking girl. I would fucking interrogate someone for you. That's why you've never met anyone. Yeah, but this is the point. No, mate. But also, any girl that I've ever fucking dated, you're petrified of anyway. That is true. They interrogate you. Mate, if I... Why won't you give me some time with him?

53:50If I wasn't, if I wasn't petrified of them, I would honestly be like, what are your intentions with my Peter? All right. Well, I'll tell you what. When I meet Peep, I'll say, Peep, what are your intentions with Sam? Are you a good peep or a bad peep? That's what you should go as is Halloween peep, a little boat peep. What? Why? My favourite thing in the world is when you try and deflect because it doesn't work. Ever. It's such a strange tangent that you go on. Anyway, but good. You know, we're all happy. It was a lovely weekend and I'm feeling great. I'm in a very good spot. Life is good. Very happy.

54:33fucking you know what good good one of us is very happy 50 % staying relevant is over the moon well you're going to be even more over the moon very soon mate because it's not long until Harry Potter world oh don't pretend fuck off you want to expelliarmus that bitch more than anyone out in this room thanks for listening to staying relevant the podcast hosted by one happy man Spectopatroning everywhere. Subscribe, rate, review, do all of that sort of stuff. And if you want to feature in the podcast, then email hello at srproductions.co.uk, which is the worst email address in the world. Ta-da. We love you so, so much.

55:19And keep your eyes peeled. We actually are going to Harry Potter world very, very soon. Pete's going to be dressed up as Voldemort. I'm going to put him in a bald cap. He hasn't said no. It's because we're going to end there. Okay, right. Love you. Goodbye. Have a wonderful evening. So if we're going to end in there, then that's not going to be either. All morning. All that. So cut. Cut. Cut. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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58:25Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Jeannie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.