149: Chris McCausland ROASTS Sam and Pete!

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1:36Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends who are currently sat on the same sofa together and touching. Me, Sam Thompson, and Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wicks. there may be swearing in this if you don't like it go f*** yourself and remember to rate reviews all of that sort of stuff you know the score by now this is a main episode which means it's Monday so you'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel on a Wednesday evening from 5pm and then we do the bonus episode which comes out on a Thursday which you'll be able to watch on a Sunday on Josh's YouTube channel which means that you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday and Sunday still like hostages love it This is a very special episode because we have a guest.

2:20We do. You may have heard the chuckle, but we have a very special guest and a very good friend of mine. Chris McCollsland is back. Chris, I've got to say, mate, a real honour to have you here. Does any of that make sense, what he just said? Not really. The Monday, Thursday thing. I've been trying to follow it. I gave up halfway through. Yeah, basically, four out of seven days of the week you can catch us. But some of that was repeats, was it? I don't get it. Was it the same thing, just like put on a different thing on a different day? Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just like to milk it, really.

2:51It's called Work Smart, Not Hard. You've tried to camouflage it within words there, haven't you? Yes, yeah, yeah. It's not as much as you're making out. No, no, no, no. But we like to act like we're fucking really busy. Chris, my favourite bit is when he makes us repeat after him at like a school class, even though we're all in our 30s here. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Yeah. Well, listen, this is the first time that Sam and Chris have met. What an honour, mate. Because it's a year since you were last on Stan Relevant. Sam was in Australia sort of as a pillow or an extra or whatever. He was commentating on people eating kangaroo genitals.

3:26I was indeed, Chris. Mate, what's it like sort of the past year? You've been on tour every night pretty much since Strictly. It's been nuts. I mean, like, so, I mean, straight after Strictly, I was on tour. I did 144 dates. in I think it was 157 days. That is fucking wild. And it was partly because, I mean, for three reasons really. I mean, I already had January to May on sale as tour dates, but then I had to move that period when we did Strictly. I had like 60 tour dates then. They had to be moved and I dropped them on top of what I already had in the diary. And then we added extra dates because obviously I did Strictly.

4:08More people wanted to come and watch me because I can only imagine they've watched me and gone, you know, I've seen him moving fast. I wonder what he's like sat on a stool. I'd love to see that guy stationary. So, yeah, so we ended up adding more days. Do you know what? I was doing three shows in one day on some of the days. Fucking matinee performances. Matinee to the matinee. Matinee to the matinee. So we did like, we had the 8 o 'clock sold out, so they do the 4 o 'clock and then they go, 4 o 'clock sold out, do you want to add a 1 o 'clock? But they asked me when I was doing eight hours dancing a day.

4:43And I was like, well, that sounds easy, doesn't it? And then you get to the point where you're doing it, and you're like, this is a different level of tired. So I made a decision. No more of them. No more three-day fucking shows. Yeah, we've got a few more in the diary, but they were put in early on. Up and down the country as well. Everywhere, yeah. I mean, we've been just being up in Scotland to do a big old run up there. And do you know what? Do you know what winds me up when you're on tour and you're trying to get a bearing on where things are and you're asking, like, you ask Siri, do you know what, I hate Siri with every fibre of me being.

5:18And you go, like, how long does it take to drive from Edinburgh to Perth? And it goes, you can't drive to Perth. Perth is 12 ,000 miles away. And you go, I mean, at least understand that I'm most likely talking about the one that's in the same country as the first place I just mentioned. You're not fucking Australia. You're fucking ridiculous. What do you think's harder, Chris? do you think the three and a half months in dance prison that we spent? Yeah. Training every day or being on tour doing fucking three performances a day? Dancing, mate. Dance prison, literally the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

5:52Hardest, most exhausting, most consuming, most intrusive, most emotional kind of experience of my career. I don't know how you feel about it, mate. I completely second that, although neither of us seem to be able to let go because we've both been back in training over the past kind of month or so because we both danced again. You were contractually obliged to do it. I chose to have my own fucking stupidity. So not only did I have to move, I mean, this is our little fate I had in any success I'd have on our show. First of all, right, when we got to the semifinal week, right, I had things in the diary.

6:32I was doing Jimmy Carr's Big Fat Quiz of the year. I was doing the pre-record for the New Year's Eve special for The Last Leg. I was meant to be on Have I Got News For You because when I put these things in people said to me, oh just to let you know this is the semi-final week and I went yeah well that's not my business is it? I'll be at home by then. And I ended up doing Jimmy Carr's show and Last Leg because they didn't need any prep. Have I Got News For You? I had to say to them listen, I can be there in body but I won't know anything that's happened in the world unless it's about dancing really.

7:03So we pulled that one. But again, this opening episode of the series, I didn't realise I was contractually obliged to be there. Did you not? I had a tour date that we'd put in for the opening episode because I don't think anybody read that far down on the contract. No, absolutely. When they got to the bit about the winner will need, I think everybody involved in my business just stopped reading. Well, I think from the start, you and I both, because I didn't fucking cancel your work, because I thought we'd be out in two weeks. And I've said this to you before, when I looked at the fucking team sheet of who was doing Strictly, I thought I'd go out first, but if there was an opportunity, then the one person that would go out before me was fucking Chris.

7:42And as it turns out, he fucking beat everyone, which is an absolute joke. Yeah, but you got to the semi, mate. Don't be underplaying yourself, you know. You're your little latex trousers, mate. Your little latex trousers. He certainly wasn't down to the dancing, but how was it there? Squishy arse as well, if anybody's into a bit of Pete. I'd rather you say it was fucking fern, Chris. Absolutely squishy, you know. Did you give it a touch? Did you give it a pat? Oh, fucking, he couldn't keep his hands off. Do you know those kind of rubberised squishies that kids have and they're kind of filled with a bit of mush inside?

8:12I know, exactly. We have one in the office. They're like a thick rubber with shaving foam in them or something like that. That's what Pete's arse felt like in those rubber trousers. I mean, you're not making masks. What was bollocks like after that? What was bollocks like? He didn't fucking go that far. He's not just in case. I've given him a squeeze. I think they were strapped up round the back. I thought they were piles at first. Oh, there you touched him in. What was it actually like going back to dance? Did you have to, I mean, how much rehearsal did you do to go back into that? We did, we did, we did, we did about four hours.

8:44Oh, was that it? About four hours, four, four, five hours. Because we put one day of, we put one day of training in. Well, we put two days in and then I had some filming come up and I went, I'll go and do the filming and if we need a second day, we'll find a way of putting it in. but we ended up doing one day and then obviously because it's strictly you can't just try in can you because you book it in they go well actually we need to come and film you and we need to do an interview and then we need all the vt stuff so we spent all morning doing that and then we just had the afternoon from like 12 till our four did it all come flooding back it did mate yeah and i mean we picked the waltz which was um you know i think one of the you know easiest to get back in your head there's it's all technique isn't it there's not a lot of um you know if we'd have done the jive i think we'd have needed like a fortnight to get all that back in my head um but yeah no it was it came back quite quickly but we we did that training like 10 days before we filmed it so i did say to them like you know as even though it's come back into me we're gonna need a we're gonna need an hour or so before to like go over this a few times but you know what like i wasn't i'd like to say I wasn't nervous.

9:57I really wasn't going into it and I really wasn't being there. I saw Anton Anton DeBeck in the little canteen thing. I can't bring myself to say Star Bar. Mate, that's what they call it. They call it the Star Bar. And when we say Star Bar, what it is, is it's basically a fridge full of Coca-Cola and some biscuits and they call it the Star Bar. In a tent. That's where I used to go after you. Literally, it's in a tent and they call it the Star Bar. They put a picture in there. Yeah, yeah, and you get dominoes at the end of every Saturday. The Star Bar. Is it, mate? Sorry, can I just ask you a quick hands up for one second?

10:33Is this for the start of this new series when you go and do your dance? Yeah, this is the launch. This is the launch show where everybody gets paired off on this new series, yeah. And I went back to do a dance with Diane. And I was in the Star Bar and Anton said to me, he goes, how are you feeling, my love? Yeah, he's a lovely fella. I said, I'm feeling good, mate, no pressure. I said, I'm going to do my dance and I don't give a shit what you think about it. And I was kind of being honest at the time. I was taking a piss and he laughed and that. But then, you know, I was all right. And then literally five minutes before we went out there, I went, how are you feeling?

11:07You're nervous. I went, nah. And then I went, actually, I'm quite nervous. How did it go? Did it pull off without a hitch? It was, you know what? It's like, it's one of them things that like, I still don't know. Like, you can learn the things and you can do the things, but I've still got no idea whether anything I've done is good, right? And so you do it, and because it's pre-recorded, you've got an opportunity to do it twice if you want to do it twice. And so we did it. And we come out of that first, we do it in the studio. I have got no idea where the die is going to go, that was amazing, or we need to do that again.

11:43Because I've done it, but I don't know whether my elbows are in the right place. Do you know what I mean? I've got no bearing on whether it's any good or not. and she said she said no it was great well just to put into context the waltz that you did which was to never walk alone yeah I mean if you want to know if it was good it won a fucking BAFTA when did you do never walk alone in the actual series episode 5 episode 5 I was there made Ian Beale cry yeah yeah it's true but yeah I mean you won a BAFTA Chris yeah but because I interviewed I was actually interviewing you on the radio the day of the BAFTAs and I said to you, so are you going?

12:20Have you prepared a speech? And Chris went, nah. You didn't go to the BAFTAs? I'm in Guildford. I'm in Guildford, I'll say. I was, yeah, I didn't think we'd win. We were up against Gavin and Stacey. Listen, the BAFTAs, the only, the BAFTA we won was the only one voted for by the public, right? And when something's voted for by the public, it's usually just a numbers game, isn't it? You know, if you're on a TV awards thing and you've got something, you know, best comedy show and you've got a Netflix show up against the Channel 5 show, you know the Channel 5 show's not winning because it's a numbers game.

12:53And Gavin and Stacey got 18 million views. And so you go, well, that's won, hasn't it? And so, I mean, not turning up to collect a BAFTA is inadvertently the coolest thing. I was going to say, I love that. I just want to point out. It's the most rock and roll thing. This is why you need to effectively teach us because not only did you not even go and collect your BAFTA, The NTAs Strictly won. And, you know, let's be honest, that was completely down to you. To the point that Chris wasn't at the NTAs because he was doing the launch show. So they asked me to do the fucking speech if Strictly won.

13:32Bear in mind, I didn't even make the fucking final, which is fucking ridiculous. So that's two things, two huge awards that you didn't even bother turning up to. And yet us, when we got a fucking little podcast award, we had T-shirts made up with people to vote for us. and we turned up in a fucking limo. How pathetic are we? Speaking of pathetic, do you remember when we started Strictly? I remember the first episode. Was it the one where we all got paired? Yeah. Or was it the very first one? And Sam, you were there floating around handing out Pete Wicks T-shirts. Yes. Trying to drop, oh, Team Pete.

14:09Yeah. Just putting a shift in, mate. Honestly, and I didn't have a clue who either of you two were. I was honestly, I was like, what a couple of wankers. It's so true as well. It wasn't just t-shirts. He had a full, there was jeans. There was fucking all sorts of things. Oh, we had Pete Wicks jeans that were going as well. Pete actually got a bit annoyed at me on one of the times though, Chris, where I was there with Aston and Marvin Humes. And during one of the breaks, we started singing Everybody in Love. And Pete literally went, I can hear you. I'm in the fucking dressing room. I can hear you fucking singing Everybody in Love.

14:42the crowd on your fucking home. Couldn't even let me have my fucking moment, could I? Do you know what I mean? When I first told Sam that I was doing Strictly, he said, this is going to be great for us. I was like, well, you're not fucking doing anything. It covers a pair, Chris. Do you know what, though? I mean, listen, you can take the piss all you want, Sam, but he's, you know, you can only really do one better than him if you do it yourself. Well, you know, so if you were offered it, you haven't done it, have you? Oh, no, I haven't done it. Would you do it? I don't think I could. And is that because you don't think you could beat Pete?

15:10I think he could definitely bet. He's better than I am. No, do you know what it is? I don't think. But as we figured out, Pete, it's not about the dancing. It's about whether people buy into the personality. Has he got the personality to drag himself past the semifinal? Well, you've met him. I think you know the answer to that one. I don't know. Also, this is why I have so much respect for you guys. And I really do mean this. I've said this to Pete many a time, but saying it to the winner, strictly, is pretty cool as well. Like to go out and do something that involves talent is like so alien to me.

15:40So the panic I would have. But it didn't. That's the thing is that it didn't involve talent. It involved turning them up with no talent. Yeah. And having somebody with lots of it try and drill some of it into you. Yeah. Involved listening. Do you know what? And taking orders. This is the question I've always wanted to ask you, mate. on that first fucking session, man, you go in, and obviously it's such a different experience for you than everyone else, right? Like, when you go in and you fucking do, and Diane's like, right, do this. At any point, you're like, this is fucking just mental. So, like, when we started, right, I mean, I said no to this a few times, right, just strictly, because I didn't know if it was possible, and I didn't know if it, I didn't really even know what it was.

16:23Like, you can't explain it. Like, describe it to me. You can't describe what a cha-cha-cha is in strictly terms, in terms of how fast it is, how skillful it is, the technique. You can only be quite vague with your description, so I didn't really know what it was that was being asked of me. But when I kind of agreed to do it, I said to Di, listen, I don't want to be here as a token kind of, we don't want this dumbing down just so that I can participate. We need to do everything else that everybody else is doing. and if possible, even more, because we need to either go out in a blaze of glory or surprise people or go out in a blaze of glory.

17:02And she went, all right, brilliant. First dance, I'm going to do a cartwheel. You're going to catch me leg in midair, pull it down. I said, hang on a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just dial that back a little bit. And so the first day of dancing, she literally, she did a cartwheel, right? And she didn't put enough into it. She ended up in a heap on the floor. Second time, she didn't put enough into it. I tried to grab her leg and we both ended up keeping on the floor. Third time, she came spinning through. She kicked me in the head so hard. No. Right? And do you know what? And this is the funny thing is that, like, when you're doing the – I knew that was funny, Diane kicking me in the head, right?

17:42She panicked. I knew that they wouldn't want to go anywhere near this as a story, yeah? Yeah. But I know on live TV, they don't have a say, right? But I needed them to set me up for the story. so when they asked me what can we talk about with claudia on live tv i said i knew i'm gonna talk about diane kicking me in the head right but i didn't tell them that i said oh when we were doing the um the cartwheel uh thing and trying to practice that oh it was so funny you know we kept on falling over and there'll be the heap on the floor ask me about that and then as soon as they did it seriously you can you can always hear the bums on seats squeaking so claudia had no idea what was coming up, she was expecting a different answer.

18:25I stood there and I took that foot in the face without flinching like that, but that's what you have to do in that show, is kind of, I knew where the lines were and I knew how to kind of walk them and kind of, you know, but I also knew that they wouldn't be comfortable with things that I thought were funny. Part of the reason, I mean, Chris, you were a fucking great dancer. As I've said, I fucking wasn't. So the Claudia bit is the kind of bit where you get to show a bit of fucking personality. And there was so many times when me and Chris that we stood there and be making our own little jokes, thinking we need to try and say this on the fucking telly because they want you to be all like, you know, just dance things making my life.

18:56God, that's so boring. I hate it. When everyone says the same thing every time. It's why it's so good when you do, can just get someone goes rogue. It's always one person goes rogue on those after chats. So whenever we did it and whenever it was like, I think in the end, they stopped letting you and I do the interviews together. Yeah. Because it was just like, we don't know what's going to happen. We don't know what's going to happen. We can deal with one, but not the pair of them. Yeah. But yeah, no, it was amazing. I mean, obviously Strictly has started again. Diane's got a new partner. Yvita's got a new partner.

19:25Everyone told me after Strictly, when it comes back again, you'll get a bit like, well, I hope they don't have as much fun with a new partner as me. A bit of jealousy creeps in. How have you found it? Do you know what? I mean, quite good. I mean, the week that we're recording this now, when does this go out, this episode? Next week. This goes out next week. So, I mean, where we're recording this now at the minute they're practicing for the upcoming week. And, you know, Di and Stefan are doing a waltz, you know. We won a BAFTA for that. I said, what's he going to do, win an Oscar? I suppose that's the different thing for you is actually, really, she can only go backwards this year.

20:09She can't beat what you two did. Do you know what, though? It's good. I said to her beforehand, I said, I think the best person for you this year will be Stefan. And I said, because we did, you know, we had a really great partnership, me and I. And we did a lot of social media. We had a laugh. And it's almost like you don't want to try and recreate that in a way. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I said, if you get Stefan, you get a pre-made team. You get the Aussie team. You get an identity. Go to town on all the Aussie stuff. Do you know what I mean? And have a laugh with that. And I think he'll be good for you.

20:45you get to celebrate the whole Australian thing for the time on it, you know? So I think it's good. It's a good partnership for it. And he's sound. He's like a proper, you know, he's just a... He's a nice guy. Really decent Aussie guy. It gets quite emotional, I can see, whenever I go to the thing and, like, you watch it. Like, I don't think I've ever been part of a show that... Trust me, we've done a lot. But, like, I've never been part of a show where there's so much emotion afterwards. I feel like once Strictly's done, is there that like almost slump afterwards where you're like it's because it's such a high at all times because i did the jungle but it wasn't the same because you're just around a campfire it's it's not the same like i don't think it's the same adrenaline rush through as many months then you come off the back of it after having won it and you mate that you'll never forget that moment your entire life like the emotion of it how beautiful all of it was was it almost slightly hard to acclimatise afterwards.

21:42It was, you know what, it was hard to acclimatise throughout it, like some of them, you know, because you do the dance on the Saturday, and it's weird that there's only 500 people in that studio, and I'm on tour, I've been playing like 2 ,000-seater theatres, and you get lovely reactions after shows, and people cheer and they clap, but it's appreciative, and it's, oh, we enjoyed the show. In our studio with our 500 people down both sides, it's like, you know it's it's it's like they are celebrating a winning goal in the FA Cup final because you we'd get to the end of that dance and it would be primal and then you'd have this combination of the release of all them nerves of doing it on live tv the relief of getting through it the knowledge that all of your family and and and everybody out there is watching it in exactly that moment and then the noise from the audience hitting you it was like this perfect storm that like honestly I'd have to hold on to Diane for like until I could talk on the telly and it was it was a lot and then Sunday I'd just be fragile and then you'd be back into it on Monday so it was it wore you down week by week until you know until you cry on the telly but it was yeah it was a lot and then when we when we won it honestly like I was just I was just a bit of a wreck for a while.

23:03We went out in Surbiton, where I live, three days after we won on the Tuesday, and we were in an Indian restaurant, and nobody said anything. Nobody shouted anything, and we got up to leave after the meal. The whole restaurant gave me a round of applause. Jesus. Did you cry? I felt like I was in a film. I was like, do you know what? I was like, well, this will never happen again. And it was insane that it kind of reached that many people in a way that they felt. Because, I mean, I'll meet people. I always used to meet people in the street or whatever, and they go, I liked you on, have I got news for you?

23:43I liked you on, would I like you? But I'll meet people after Strictly, and it's like you've been through something together, like a trauma. Like they go, oh, my God, do you remember that thing? Oh, every week. It's like you've been through this experience. together. It's insane. People really go on that kind of journey with you and, you know, the Strictly Audience is one of the maddest group of people. It's like a cult. It's wild how intense. Do you remember Blackpool? It is, but we think of it because it's not our world. But, like, if you were to describe for someone who didn't know what, like, you know, obsessive football fans are like.

24:23They go to the away games, you know. God, they go on a coach hundreds of miles when they wear the nylon shirts. They sing songs that they've made. You go, God, that sounds a bit insane, doesn't it? It's just their thing, isn't it, though? It is wild. And I completely get what you mean about the 500 people on that kind of night. You know, we've done tours and stuff, even like the O2 the other week. I was more nervous about Saturday nights doing a fucking dance in front of 500 people, which is just an entertainment show, than we did a two-hour show at the fucking O2 in front of 15 ,000. like that doesn't it's your wheelhouse though isn't it mate because that's our day job do you know what I mean but doing something that isn't your day job and the pressure of fucking not embarrassing yourself after a week of putting every fucking fibre of your being into it not letting down your partner it's at the end of every dance more than anything is this the relief and actually I didn't really get to enjoy what Strictly was until after it had finished when you go fuck that was pretty cool I feel like you never do though do you because you're so deep 10 most scary things I've ever done in my life or 10 episodes of streaming.

25:26Mate, it's true. What really strikes me is, like, I'm sorry, this is meant to be like a fun podcast. This is quite like slightly more emotional, but like the amount of people who stood up and clapped you at that restaurant, right? Did it sort of hit you that there are so many people in this country who are just looking for someone to believe in and something to believe in and something to hold on to and go on a journey with because there are so many people who feel like they want to go through life with other people? And does it make you feel really nice that you were part of that journey for them in their lives?

25:58Yeah, I'm glad you brought it up. So I really do feel like a modern day Jesus. You basically held their hand through life. Yeah, I mean, I've been touching people and hoping it heals them. No, it was... Oh, mate, I tried to... Do you know what? You're going with emotion, I'll undercut it. Please don't clip that bit out on the top. I'm Jesus. Exclusive Chris is a modern day Jesus Yeah No it was It was insane how much It connected with people and how emotional It was I never expected any of that That all took me by surprise just a dancing Show in it and for me just Reality TV never watched reality TV which is what I'd never heard of this Fella before we went In on it and just Not on my radar never expected It to be emotional never expected people to connect never expected dancing to be emotional the experience of it people to find it emotional the fact that people would say that they were crying when at the end of a dance because of like and I always think of it it's not like a sad thing it's not like a emotional it I always think of it I came to think of it as like the mighty ducks moment you know what I mean that's what it was it was like if I watch a film like the mighty ducks I always cry I don't cry at sad things in films.

27:15But happy things make me you know, end of Homeward Bound, right? End of Homeward Bound, that dog's in a ditch, I don't give a shit, right? Dog in a ditch, innit? But when it comes over the hill at the end, I'm like, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice. It's when, you know. People want something to smile to, mate. That's what we were saying. They want the joy, they want the hope and the uplift. When, you know, when happy things when Joy finds out that she's nothing without sadness and inside out, I am a mess. I love that bit. I am a mess. Oh, it's lovely. Yeah, so it was the Mighty Ducks moments and I didn't expect that it would make people emotional and then it would make me emotional, you know.

28:03I mean, one of the really lovely things, you know, like when you do kind of shows and you do things like this, everyone kind of does the, oh, we're going to stay in touch and blah, blah, blah, blah. you and I have really stayed in touch with our partners Diane and Yvita like you do a podcast together you and Diane how nice is it still having found a kind of a friend like that off a show like Strictly having been through that kind of whole thing and still get to speak to her every week and kind of you know be part of that it's good mate and it's you know it is an intense relationship like I Diane I can't think of anybody else that I have spent that amount of time with in such a condensed period of time.

28:47Since I was a child, you know? I mean, there's no period in me life where I've spent that amount of time with me wife in four months. Do you know what I mean? That amount of hours, six days a week for four months. It's an intense relationship. The fear and the terror that I go through. And this is the thing as well, is that it's Diane's bread and butter. But she was experiencing, she was going through something that was a challenge to her as well, you know? And so she'd never been that nervous going into a dance as she was in the first episode. And it microwaves that relationship to the point where you have to trust each other implicitly.

29:32She is daft as a brush. She's smart, but she's daft as a brush. and she's just herself. And we couldn't have been more perfectly matched in terms of that partnership. And you just become really, really, really good friends, you know, over that four months. And we just, we had such a laugh because you have to, because it's so intensive. And it was just nice to carry on and go, well, rather than just keeping in touch, why don't we just, why don't we have a chat? Because people bought into what we were doing. people connected with us so let's just keep on putting something out there and and um and letting people in a little bit behind the curtain what we're up to now but also how we did what we did and and um and put that out there but yeah she's she's she's great you know it's a great podcast winning isn't everything so make sure you listen to that as well because it is you know i saw firsthand how well you and you and i got on and and like it's one of the most beautiful things to come out of that is like you said is that intensity you do not get in people kind of when you kind of do them kind of shows.

30:37And I think we were both really lucky to have the partners that we did because I certainly would never have been able to have done any of that stuff without Yavita. And if I'd have had anyone else, there was no way I would have enjoyed it or there's no way I would have experienced that. I mean, that's one of the things in it. Like every, I mean, every single, like you watch it, every single person on that show, you know, goes on that opening episode with the pair of, oh, I really wanted you, Hannes. Oh, I really wanted Yavita. Oh, and the truth is that's all. I mean Bullshit Most of it's bullshit Because like You have to say it Yeah And like I didn't know any of them I remember when I first met Diana She went Where do you think I'm from And I went Essex I didn't know Where is she from She's Australian The mad thing about Diana Yvita is When we do like You do like an audition Kind of test type thing Chris actually did his With Yvita And I did mine with Diana And then obviously For the actual show We ended up fucking swapping And having the other people I think It's mad though So like I kept on saying no to them, right?

31:36And I think a lot of the time when they do these kind of screen test things, it is to see if the person, if they want them for the show, yeah? For every so often, it's to sell the show to the person, right? And they kept on asking me and I kept on saying no. And then I did this thing with Javita and she was blowing smoke up my ass so much. It was like they'd gone, just tell him he's good. Just tell him. I think Merson was the same, you know. they really wanted him to do it. And they were like, just, just tell him, just tell him everything he does is good. So Chris, you were at the launch of this series, obviously, cause you were dancing.

32:13Will you be going back to watch any other tips? Nah, mate. Nah, nah, nah. I mean, I might go and sit in the star bar. Yeah. Do you know what? Me and you just sit in the fucking star bar together and not watch it. just a couple of old timers being there before. Done it. Yeah. I mean, so I've never, I'd never watched it before I was on it even when I agreed to do it I didn't go back and look at an episode because I just thought well I'm going to go on this and I'm going to go on this as somebody who's never watched it so I'm just going to figure it out as I go along and the first episode of Strictly I watched was was I dipped into the first one the series just to see how they did and even on the one that's just the one that was on last I kind of forwarded in and watched a couple of bits so obviously Di and Karen, Karen Carney we are neighbours pretty much we were neighbours, literally neighbours and now she still lives in my area so I've kind of been following her but I've dipped in and watched and do you know what I didn't realise is that when they go now with the judges scores Craig Revelhaw and he goes four or whatever I'm watching it and every time one of them gives a score, I don't know whether visually you're seeing it or just audio, but you hear the guys up in the Claudetorium, you hear you reacting to the scores.

33:42I never knew that was a thing that was happening. I've got no idea what I was saying when I was on it in between this. Ah, prick. Honestly, I think they probably turned their mics off because it was mostly me and you going, fucking prick. Yeah, but I just thought it went to the judges. They did the four scores, then they came back to you, But I'm watching it going, oh, my God, they go back up for a fraction of a second between each score. And I was like, no one ever told me that was a thing that happened. Dicey. In terms of kind of strictly and this year, have you got, I mean, Karen Carney, I met the other week for the first time, and I've got to say one of the most lucky people.

34:16Lovely lady. You've met her as well. Yeah. One of the nicest people I've ever met. Have you got any predictions? Well, I mean, listen, like, okay, first of all, Karen, I met Karen during lockdown because we shared the same communal garden and we didn't, like, we were chatting. This is Karen all over for you. I said to her, what do you do? Oh, what do you do? And she goes, she so underplays herself. Oh, I work in football. I said, oh, okay, what do I like football? What do you do in football? Just, you know, analysis and things like that. I said, oh, all right. Is that like, you know, behind the scenes or like in front of a camera?

34:51Oh, yeah, no, just in front of the camera. Oh, no, bloody hell, what do you do that for? you know, the BBC and TNT. Turns out, yeah, Chelsea captain, second most cap player for England. Yeah, mate. Mate, I play football with her, mate. She's little and unbelievably skilled. You've never seen anything running rings around me, mate, on the pitch. Yeah, I said, why didn't you open with that? It would have been a bit weird, wouldn't it? So I'm rooting for Karen as well as Di. But do you know what? I met her not only on the opening episode, but last year when they did the Christmas special, Harry was there who's the gladiator.

35:29He's a nice guy, Harry. He is. Such a good energy. He's going to go far, I reckon. I think people will just love him. And listen, I'm a man who's, I'm a 48-year-old straight male who's comfortable with his sexuality. As soon as I met him, I said, come on, let me have a feel. See what makes a gladiator. He was flexing. He was pulling the pole. My goodness. I have never felt a bigger pair of tits in my life. Do you know what? Honestly, it was his arms, his body, like, oh, my Jesus Christ. Can I just point out that you're just sitting there going on about this and earlier on what you discussed was how my arse felt like a fucking shaving foam in a fucking...

36:17Listen, man, you're not a gladiator. Jesus Christ, Chris. Chris, can I ask you a question? May I ask you a question? Do you know what, mate? I'm not shy to have a feel. I'll have a touch. Sam, you're up next. Wait, man, do you know what? Chris, I'm going to shove my bollocks in your face. You're going to tell me what I feel like. No, no, I'm not. That went wrong. The gasp. Don't worry. He's not going to do that. Just went fucking on. Chris, the... Fuck, I panicked. So I heard the... I wasn't here, obviously, when you did the podcast with Pete. But I heard you have like an AI thing on your phone, right, which describes what people look like.

36:52yeah first of all could have used that for harry it would have been literally the most jacked man on the planet but i think i think it would have said like a um i think it would have said like a a cgi version of hercules but i was just wondering whether we could possibly uh do it again on pete because i believe it said it pete was 40 last time um we're a year on and i just wonder what your AI might say about Pete this time around. It's honestly one of the most horrendous things that I have experienced. It's like, yeah, yeah, this AI app. And then he went, this man is in his early 40s. And I thought, you fucking, fucking...

37:29He's seen too many winters. Yeah. Uphill paper rounds. Yeah, we can do. I mean, I need my phone, but my phone's in my inside pocket. Oh, mate, it's going to be so good. Let's grab the phone. We're getting the phone now.

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38:55Whilst we do that, Chris, you've got a book out. I have, mate. Let's do the AI bit after. Yeah. You've got a book out. Keep laughing. When is it? Is it already out now? Well, I mean, yeah, it will be when this goes out. Yeah, so it's out on the 9th of October, which is, you know, tomorrow from today, but, you know, a few days yesterday from where this goes out. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Yeah, well, Jesus Christ, could be any day, couldn't it, really? And it's out. I mean, look at it. It's like it's a fat book, isn't it? Mate, I'm going to be honest with you, because we've also got a book coming out.

39:30Yours is twice the size of ours. It's a beast, mate. It's like an adult wrote it. Mate, it's like a proper person's fucking wrote a book here. Yeah. Explain to us a little bit about what the book's about. Well, it's just autobiographical. So from just right the way through my life and up to Strictly, really. And it's, I mean, I kind of, do you know, because this is the thing, is that, like, I'm a procrastinator, right? But they put it on sale before I'd started writing it. And there's nothing like a book being on sale that doesn't exist to make you write a book, right? That's already in the Sunday Times bestseller.

40:04You're like, now I've got to do it. So I didn't plan it. I thought, if I start planning this, I'm going to go around in circles. I just started writing. And it turned out really that it's kind of like it's worked out as three sections, really. I mean, not like split into thirds, but like the first part of it, I suppose, is the first 25 years of my life because I lost my sight gradually over 25 years. and I actually realised when I was writing that that that was actually a lot easier to write than I thought it was going to be because it felt original and it felt like no one else had written about it and it felt like it was, it felt interesting or that people might find it interesting, you know and I think that Strictly really helped because if I had tried to do this a year before I don't think I would have been anywhere near as open about things I would have kind of put a front on, gone for the gags at every point and never really let people in behind the curtain, you know.

41:07But once you've, you know, I think it really kind of... Did you find it quite cathartic? Yeah, and once you've kind of, you know, we were talking about the way it connects with people strictly and stuff. Honestly, it sounds a bit wishy-washy this, but you really learn, or I really learned, the value in people sharing in your vulnerability and sharing in you seeing you overcoming things you know and not just the the shiny successes but the the struggle along the way and it the amount of messages me and I were getting throughout strictly from people who had you know it's not not blind people but people who had eating disorders and who hadn't been at the house in months and things like that and saying it really kind of motivated them to get out and do something because they'd seen because of what we were doing and And so I wrote it a lot more open than I would have done.

41:57And so that whole period up to the age of 25, I found was really quite a lot easier to write than I would have found a year or so earlier. Then, I mean, really, really conveniently for the arc of the book, but it's completely true, I started stand-up when I was 26. So the next kind of period is becoming a comedian and doing telly and getting through to being on all the shows that everybody sees me on. And that was the bit I went into it thinking was going to be the easiest to write because it's what I like. It's comedy. And then you're writing it and you're going, but this is in every comedian's book.

42:32And then I did the auto mic circuit and then I did Life of the Apollo and all that. So, you know, I'm really pleased with how that's come out because it's finding a unique angle on it and a personal way of putting it across and your own personal experiences of something that every comedian writes about, really. And then obviously Strictly is a unique experience as well, isn't it? Not many people write about it. So I found that really, and it was fresh in my mind and I was really quite emotional about it. So I found that really nice to write about. You talk about other comedians, you've got a pretty glowing review up top on your book.

43:07Richard Osman, the thing about Chris is that he's funnier than everybody else. I mean, that's quite a nice review. That's literally at the top of his book. Richard Osmond I saw him a couple of months ago he doesn't remember saying it yeah no he was he's lovely Rich and it's very nice of him to give me that quote without knowing anything that's in the book wait till he gets to the chapter where I'm slagging every oh do you know what the thing that annoys me about Alexander Armstrong so October 9th Keep Laughing is out But as I said... And on audiobook as well. Well, I was just about to get on the audiobook.

43:51Which we've just done actually ourselves. We've just finished our audiobook. I've done an audiobook before last year with my book. And I said to Sam, it's not the most fun experience in the world because you do sit there for just hours. It's draining, man. The thing is, though, as well, for you guys, because people know you're from the podcast. And so what you're doing is you're taking something that works, something that people like, and sucking all the spontaneity and joy out of it. in terms of making it quite stale. So did you guys try and bring it to life a little bit? A little bit, yeah. The audio book is different to the book because we just ad-libbed the fucking way through it.

44:25But the problem is then, is obviously when you write a book and you go through it and it's all checked by the lawyers to make sure you don't get cancelled. Then you ad-lib the audio book and then that has to go back to the lawyers because you fucking said it. It's like one of the two different books, basically. It's like fucking hell. How was the audio book for you? Well, listen, right, I don't read braille. I can't read, like see to read. So it was, we didn't know if it was going to be possible. And, but we knew that it had to kind of be in my voice really, you know, to make it, to make it, you know, what it was.

44:55So it was a bit of trial and error. And so usually what I do is if I'm doing anything with a bit of script on it, like if I'm on the radio and I've got like something, something with a bit of script on it, I go, I have one earphone in from my computer, my computer talks, just the Mac. and I can just go through the documents and it reads it in my ear and I will perform it as I'm listening to it. Now I can do that quite easily. You can't tell I'm doing it. I can do it with like paragraphs and bits of script and framework of a show and all that kind of stuff. But this book's at 122 ,000 words. And so to do that for 122 ,000 words, it was, I mean, it's come out great.

45:37Like once it's been edited, but I think quite a lot of people in Penguin are going to be in considerable therapy for quite some time. So, I mean, it's, yeah, I mean, we made, I think I made more mistakes along the way than most people do. You know, I mean, after me. I think you're allowed to, mate. And I'll be honest with you, having done the audio I bet with Sam, I don't think you did. Yeah. I mean, after, you know, after me, so I was in the studio in Penguin and after me, I said to him, who have you got next in here? And he goes, oh, we got Bill Bryson in, right? So Bill Bryson, just an impeccably polished writer and I'm guessing polished narrator.

46:17I mean, he sounds great on his books, but he reads all of his own books. I don't think they have any trouble with him. And I sent a text to the producer afterwards and said, how did it go with Bill? And he goes, yeah, he did it all in one breath while standing on his head. I mean, the audio book stuff is fucking tough. It's a lot, isn't it? because you basically, it's like mental capacity because you're having like an eight-hour conversation. Yeah. And like always having to do it in a way that is engaging as well. And the thing is as well is that you write this book and when you're writing this, like the spontaneity of the material that's coming out of your head, I didn't plan it, you're writing it thinking, this is funny.

46:56This is funny. And then, you know, by the time you've gone over the fifth draft of it, you're like, I don't know of any of this. It's funny. And then you've got to read it in a way that you kind of selling something that you kind of like, it's just words to you then, isn't it? You're like, God, I hope people find this funny. Yeah, you kind of lose whether or not it's good or not. You kind of think when you initially do it, this is quite good. And then when you get down to it, we had a whole day the other day of pickups. Oh, yeah. Fucking hell. At the pickup point, after people have gone through it in the audio book and the legal have changed everything, suddenly they've then structured the ad lib that you made in the first place.

47:30And you think, well, just don't bother putting it in now. It's not fucking funny. Just don't bother. I actually did read ours though. and I literally I turned around to Peter and I said it's actually pretty fucking good but we're not pitching ours we're pitching your book have you got any advice for any sort of up and coming authors like Sam and I because yours is surely going to hit the fucking Sunday Times bestseller if it's not already there ours will be in a bargain being in Wilkinson's within a week what I did is rather than planning I just I just wrote a list of a list of things that I thought I would probably talk about in the book yeah and I just wrote a thousand words minimum a thousand words a day on those things and I didn't even look at the book as a book until I got like 50 ,000 words and just write write on them and then you go I've got 50 ,000 words you know I only need another 20 ,000 for that to be a book and then I can start putting it together if you start kind of trying to plan it out as you go and you I mean certainly me I go around in circles I'd never get anything done so but you start writing it and they go um okay i go because i go what what makes a book how many words do you want to go well minimum 65 000 yeah right 80 000 would be great 100 000 is is amazing for an autobiography but you start writing 120 000 stop going on yeah i wrote 130 000 they were like we need to take 10 off this um but you uh you start writing it and you um you don't know whether you've got 65 000 words in you so you're writing it from the beginning going um i need to drag this bit out because and then you end up going back and editing it but like you're writing at the beginning like i don't know if i've got 65 000 words in me and then it sounds like such a huge number doesn't it it does and and to be honest like i probably like if it hadn't been for strictly and i probably would have maybe got to a point and and stopped and gone you know what i'll just do another one but I know that let's be honest, the only reason I was offered the deal and the only reason probably at least half the people would buy it is because of me being on Strictly and I think it would get a lot of poor reviews if it just ended with like, and then I became a comedian so I knew it had to get up to the bit that a lot of people wanted to read about so I kind of had to get it to that point didn't I?

49:50The early life mate is so interesting as well, what you've been through the graduality of it all like that's that's a lot yeah and it was i mean it it was quite nice to write about it and to kind of unpick it a little bit and and go you know it's um it's one of them things like losing your sight over 25 years you don't notice it happening but you know at stages you can look back not day to day not week to week not month to month but every you know you can look back over like you know a few years and go oh i used to be able to see that you know but it's it's the the frog in the water in it you don't notice the the temperature changing in the moment and you always think you can because you you're always moving into less sight than you've got you can always um you always think you can see more than you can you know and it it takes you know i write in the book you know it takes incident injury or incident or like close shave you know to make you realize shit maybe i shouldn't be doing that anymore you know whether it's like crossing roads on your own like you know in dusk or playing football or whatever so book out October 9th podcast with Di tour is still happening yonks it's called still happening going on till May Jesus Christ May next year May on stand up I don't know how you have fucking time for anything else Jesus Christ it's like fucking wild mate and the Strictly tour is still happening as well right erm the Strictly tour what Strictly tour is there no Strictly tour happening I didn't go mate neither of us you didn't go you did go on the Strictly tour neither of us did it Oh, that's so funny.

51:21Neither of us did it because neither of us thought we would be far enough to get asked to do it. So the winner in the semi-finalist decides just to fuck it off. I think it's the first time in history that the finalists never did the Strictly tour. Yeah, well, I didn't. I had to have my tour in the day. And he was on his own tour. Yeah, but they didn't think I'd be any good either because I moved my dates from September to December, all them tour dates, 60 tour dates. I moved them to the next year to do Strictly. I said, okay, we're going to move the dates to January, February, March. And they went, brilliant, thank you.

51:52Because they never thought I would even be in the mix for the tour. And then it was like, you know, it was literally towards the end of October when we were like six weeks in. They went, do you think you might be able to do the tour? I was like, no. Do you remember that week? Because it was that week, like neither us. Do you regret not doing the tour actually, Chris? No, mate. Do you think you would have, if you weren't already on tour, do you think you would have done it? I would have done it, yeah. If I wasn't on tour, I would have done it, yeah. I love the plug, no, mate. Just no. But I don't regret not having done it.

52:24Yeah. But I would have done it. Yeah. Yeah. It would have been slightly unfair on everyone else, to be honest with you. You would have won the fucking tour as well and had the clean sweep. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't even know how it works, mate. Did you win the tour? Yeah, but Tasha won the tour. Oh, right, okay. Tasha basically won 26 out of 30 nights or something. Yeah. But I think she's fucking incredible. Yeah. Chris has got zero. Yeah, fuck that. We've got to use your AI tool now, mate. I feel like this is the moment. This is the moment, okay? Chris, I'm going to hand you your phone, right?

53:00And then we're going to go again. I just love the fact that this is now. To anyone watching this, by the way, they're like, why has Sam got his phone? It's been handed to you at some point, has it? And then it's coming across here. Yeah, I've had your phone. I've been looking for your messages, mate. So what we're going to do now, right, is we're going to show Chris's AI tool. I love the fact that we're just ending again on me getting fucking mugged off. Oh, don't worry, mate. I'm going to do him. Oh, lovely. Oh, no. Well, this will be quite interesting, Chris, because Sam has been through a glow-up recently over the past six months.

53:30He's had a tough time. Recently found himself single, you know, at the start of the year. So since then, he's been at the gym. He's got a new haircut. He's been dyeing his hair, his beard. He's been having spray tans. He's actually got a strictly tan all year round at this point. He kind of looks like a what's-it in a wig. None of those were wrong. It's going to be really interesting to see what AI says about Sam after it absolutely fucked me over last year. Well, there's two ways of doing this. I've got a few different versions here, but I'll do this one, but I have to dictate it into the thing.

53:59I can do the one with the video, but it's a little less accurate. Oh, well, that's good. That's the one we did last year that said I was... Let's do the video. I think we do the video, because otherwise Chris is going to be too nice to Pete. He's going to be like, beautiful man. He fucking won't. All right, let's have a go at this. Sure thing. Alright, so focusing on the guy in the mustard brown jacket. He's got kind of a bit of a stylish, slightly rugged look to him. He's got dark hair, sort of a beard. And I'd say he looks maybe somewhere in his mid-30s. That would be my guess. What? So not trying to sugarcoat it, just giving you a straighter best of mind.

54:30How old are you? I don't know if that helps. 37. I will fucking take that. No, you cheated though. I was early 40s last year. I'm now mid-30s. Cheered. Was that you it was describing? Yeah, mustard jacket, that's me. Happy days. Okay, right. I thought I was doing Sam there. Fucking hell, I don't even know where I'm pointing at. I'll take that one. And then what about this guy? Give me the same lowdown on this fella here. Hello. Absolutely. So the other guy, he's the one in the black T-shirt. He's got a bit of a more casual vibe going on. He's got a beard as well. And I'd say he might look slightly younger, maybe early 30s if I had to guess.

55:06So again, just a rough estimate, but he definitely looks a little more on the laid-back side. How old are you? Hopefully that gives you a good picture of them. I'm 33. Oh, there you go. That was very good. She's amazing, mate. That's not as funny as it could have been, is it? Chris, can I tell you something? Can I just tell you something really quick? Pete cheated during that, just to let you know that. You were moving your head, like over here, you're moving it over there. My profile doesn't look younger than the front up. He's wearing glasses. I took them off for fuck's sake. I'm over the moon with that, Chris.

55:39Absolutely over the moon. Healthy value. Can you tell me something like, what's the worst thing about both of these guys? Just give me something like a bit of an insult for them, please. Oh, you're trying to get me to roast them a bit. All right, well, let's keep it playful. For the guy in the mustard jacket, let's say his worst defense might just be that he's trying a little team hard to look like a cool 70s throwback. And for the guy in the black T-shirt, maybe we can say his biggest flaw is that he's just too casual for his own good. so there's a little friendly ribbing for them. They hit Pete bang on there as well.

56:14You know, he was stood in front of the mirror for two hours. Hold on. Yeah. 70s throwback. So I'm a fucking 70s throwback and he's just a little too casual.

56:25Oh, Chris. Fuck AI. God, you've just nailed that. What did I say? Did I say you were a bin man last time? Yeah, mate. Honestly. Trying a little bit too hard for your own good, Pete. I knew you were coming in. That's you all over it. I really fucking thought about it today. And all that's happened is AI's fucked me again. Yeah. And what we'll do is when you're doing it, just edit out all the bit before and just go straight for that. Yeah, absolutely. That sounds great. You already know my team and that's exactly what they're going to do. But, yeah. Chris, we thought we were going to try something else really quickly before you go.

57:03we don't know if this is going to work because I don't know if she'll answer. But you. Oh, my goodness. Well, pranks, mate. You've done pranks before calling people up. Bit of a prankster you are, Chris. Because I am I. When you were younger, you did prank calls pretending to be radio station hosts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Competition winners. Yeah, what's this? Do you think there's an opportunity we could potentially do that to your vita? And do what? Well, what's the sort of pranks that you did before when you were this kind of radio host saying that she'd won a competition? Right. Do you think we could try it with your Vita?

57:40And how would we do that? Oh, Dick My Butt. Sorry? Sorry, that sounded so wrong. Have you ever seen the prank? Did you just randomly shout out Dick My Butt? What the fuck are you talking about? Sorry, what I meant was do the prank where they go, it's like, hey, my name's Dick. What is it? I can't remember the prank now. It's like Dick My Butt. I don't know what you're fucking talking about What's their name Are you malfunctioning? I can't remember it You're just shouting out dick now What the fuck's happened to him? I think what he's doing I think he's trying I think he's trying to allude to Like one of them kind of Simpsons type Is it?

58:12Yeah, no, that's exactly Moe's tavern Like it's Phil McCracken It's Moe's tavern Seymour butts Yeah, but he's gone like He's got Seymour butts wrong And he's gone for Stick your dick in me butt Stick your dick in me butt Chris, can I just Mate You have just Completely read where my mind was. I was at The Simpsons in Moe's Tavern and it was Seymour Butts and for some reason Dick, my butt's come out. Right, okay. But Seymour Butts is fun. So what I think we can do is I think we're going to get Sam to call your Vita. Oh no, she knows my voice. Yeah, well you'll have to put on a different voice, won't you?

58:43You know I have a really bad voice. But we want to hear this. So what is the best way and what are kind of the best pranks that we can potentially get Sam to do on your Vita? She's currently rehearsing for fucking Strictly so I'm sure she's going to love being bothered. I mean, we could pretend that we are phoning from... Because we know where they stay when they do Strictly. She's staying at home because she's in London. Yeah, but we could phone from the... and say that she's left... They found something that she's left in her room. What would that be? Well, we all went there. I like this, though.

59:22Yeah. I mean, you could say we found something that was left in your room. I mean, I don't really want to say it out loud, madam, but, you know, it's a lady's... Yes, I like this. So Sam is going to give this a go. Fuck you. Listen, I can't do it. She knows me too well. Chris has got a very distinctive accent, let's be honest with you. I couldn't possibly do this. No, no, no, no. And also, I just feel like, Chris, it's funnier to watch this fucking prick do it. Fuck me. So have you got your Vita's number? No. So you won't have the number, So you need to put it on a 141. 141 doesn't work anymore, does it?

1:00:00Does it not? No, I think you have to go into settings and phone, and then you have to go hide caller ID. There's like a little thing. How many prank calls have you been making? Well, no settings, no caller ID. Fucking hell. The rules changed in 2022, you'll see. Right, let's just do 141 just in case, and then what's the number after that? You need to do a different voice. But I don't think that's going to hide your number. Well, we're doing it now. Can you have your... So it's the d***.

1:00:31Well, that's a shame. Go on, leave a message. Leave a message. I'll double call once more. And if she doesn't pick that up, I'll leave a message. No, because I'm panicking now. So I'm now trying not to be, like, really rude to anyone. I fucking have to leave a message. Yeah.

1:00:58Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to reach is not available. At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, you may hang up. Hello. I'm calling from the... And you have left an object in your room. Nobody wants to go in and touch it, but it's definitely yours and we are just thinking that maybe you come down and pick it up thank you I don't know I don't know I'm fucking panicking we have an object nobody wants to touch it but maybe come down pick it up goodbye Jesus Christ. Well, on that note, I think we all need to go and take a fucking breather.

1:01:57Do you know what the worst it is? Chris, this has been one of the more prestigious guests we've had. And we've ended it with that. Yeah, well, listen, start as you mean to go on. That was a fucking great end. Next week, mate, I think it's going to be me and you hosting this, Pete. Yeah, exactly. That was the plan all along. Chris, thank you so much for being here again, mate. And listen, it's incredible, the stuff you've got going on. So are there still tickets available for the Yonk's tour? Yeah, there's still some tickets. And the Palladium in London is kind of where it ends, and Shepherds Bush Empire as well, and all over the place.

1:02:31So, yeah, there's some of them, some shows we've got tickets left. Have a little look, chrismclawson.com. And Keep Laughing is out October the 9th. Already out. There you go. Already out. Already out as this comes out, as the crow flies. So, from the Strictly winner, incredibly funny man, author, fucking everything else fucking man of many talents and a pair of fucking wallies. Chris, a real honour by the way, mate. Lovely to finally do this with you. Cheers, mate. Do you want to sign off with your new accent? Yeah, say goodbye from me, Sam, Chris, and... God, say goodbye, Sam. Goodbye, everybody.

1:03:12Beautiful. Chris, thank you so much, mate. What a real honour, mate. A real honour. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

1:03:47BKFC 94, Till vs. Romero. Watch it live only on DAZN. Sign up now at DAZN.com. Most media plans treat frequency as a risk, something to cap. But in podcasting, that costs performance. Hearing a brand advertised repeatedly makes 50 % of fans more likely to remember it against 17 % who say less likely. And that positive impact is true against every outcome we tested. Podcasting is where repetition builds, not where it wears out. Get more insights like this from ACAST's latest podcast Pulse report, which is out now. Download for free at acast.com slash pulse. Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music.

1:04:37We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.