152: Are Sam and Pete Hosting Strictly Next?!

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1:10Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted, as you know, by two best pals, myself, Sam Thompson and Peter James Wicks. I know, I know. Very sort of like David Attenborough-esque. No, it took me by surprise because I only had my actual middle name there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just want you all to keep professional. Yeah, yeah. Just want you all to keep professional over here. There will be swearing. If you don't like it, then go f*** yourself. We haven't done it for a while, the drinking on the podcast, so I don't feel like I need to say it anymore. But if you're enjoying a drink at home, then get fucked.

1:43Yeah, enjoy yourselves. Get pissed. Just sort of like, just live rambunctiously. What? I just love that word. I found that word out yesterday, yeah. He rambunctious with it. Anyway, this is Monday, so it's the main episode, which you'll be able to watch on Josh's YouTube channel on Wednesday. Actually, it's not Josh's YouTube channel anymore. It's Josh and Kira's YouTube channel. So you'll be able to watch that on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Wednesday at 5pm, and then we'll be doing a bonus episode on a Thursday, which comes out audibly, which you'll be able to watch visually on a Sunday on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel.

2:18The filmmakers. The filmmakers. private joke that none of you know about

2:26make sure you rate, review, follow, do all of that shit you know the score by now right, let's crack straight on shall we? Lots going on this week our book is officially available from this Thursday yes, we're coming out we're coming out of the closet to your eyes, your eyes, all your ears the pre-order link is in the description of this episode how do you feel about having your first book out Sam? Can't wait I'm very sort of like very proud you know author now so I feel like people need to address me as author when they meet me out as opposed to just yeah well now it's just sort of like an author right yeah I just feel like I might wear some glasses now actually and a knitwear glasses and knitwear and a knitwear yeah just a knitwear glasses and a knitwear yeah Is that what authors?

3:20Well, very Colin Firth. He's not an author. He's an author. In Love Actually, he is an author. Is he? Yeah. Never seen it. You've never seen Love Actually? You've never seen Love Actually? No. That is kind of mental. Is it? Yes, it is. Josh hasn't seen it? Have you ever seen it? Have you seen Love Actually? Of course you have. Do you like rom-coms? No. Sorry, we're going way off piece now. You don't like rom-coms? No. Oh, I love you. Watch the notebook. No. Oh, I love a bit of The Notebook. Oh, it's amazing. I'm a bird. You know that movie? She goes, she goes into the sea. Oh, it's amazing. And he's like, I wrote you every day.

4:00Sorry. Great fucking, great movie, No Notebook. Okay. The book? Is that great? Brilliant book. Okay. It's unbelievable. Oh, there we go. And to celebrate the fact that we've got a book coming out, Sam and I are back on some billboards. Are we? There is a staying relevant billboard in Leicester Square and in Stratford at Westfield from the 6th until the 9th of November. So that is this coming weekend for those listening and watching. So what we want you to do is go there, tag us in the pictures, and then we're going to kind of do... Montage. Yeah, maybe a montage. We're probably not going to do that, but you never know.

4:39We might. There is also going to be another rapt mode of transport on the streets of London. God, the streets are alive with the sound of our faces.

4:52Explain that? I don't know. I don't know if that works. Well, it doesn't. There's going to be our faces are going to be in your streets. Yes, they are. Yep, yep. It's going to be coming in a city near you. Yes, we shall. London being the city. We do have to address the elephant in the room, though, before we move on. That's kind of the book stuff done. um another week another week another monday meeting monday meeting how was it for you loved it really really good saw it on instagram on the stories um looked great you looked like you all had a load of fun um and well it's kind of you know the monday meetings aren't about fun they're about work this was your fourth attempt at a monday meeting um what time did you arrive uh didn't this time around so the monday meeting which happens at 10am on a Monday, Sam arrived at 9am on Wednesday.

5:50Today he arrived. Completely forgot about it. We had a full house for the Monday meeting and we replaced you. With who? My dog. Oh Eric! We did. We did. Wasn't there? No. Looked lovely. Yes. It was a great day for all of us. We got a lot done. We had lots of one-to-ones happening. We had the Monday meeting. So how do you feel about you know, Monday as a, as a business. To be honest, I thought we went really well. You know, you all looked really happy and smiley in the Insta stories that went out. Yeah, but specifically I want to know how you feel about your involvement. Well, I, you know, I, I feel, I feel really safe and secure in the knowledge that you've got it locked down.

6:31And that, and I think that's the most important thing for a podcast partner. You know, I, I feel comfortable and I feel safe and I feel sound. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's really nice to be working with someone who I know can sort of like hold the fort. I got a lot of messages the night before Yeah so we even had listeners remind you about the Monday meeting so it's not like you forgot you just didn't come You know I had work You know I had work, I was in crew Yeah and so this isn't work then? No this is work but I couldn't be there The problem that we have now Sam is what has happened which none of us are surprised about and you know we've discussed it for a long time is you are sort of distant dad.

7:14No, I'm not distant dad. You are. You're kind of weekend dad. I'm the fun one. I'm the one who gives you a beer when you probably shouldn't have one. Yeah, that is exactly you. But actually, when it comes down to it, you don't really care about the thing. No, I do. I love you all so much. Not enough to turn up for work. Mate, I'm there in spirit. No, you're not. You're not there at all. I don't want a hug. I feel like I'm a fucking good, like, toucher. Do you know what? I've been told I'm a healer, by the way. Oh, fuck. Yeah, no, I'm genuine. This is legit. Who told you that? This is legit. A couple of people.

7:48Well, listen, rather than heal, what you do is open up wounds. No, no, I heal wounds. If I get my arms around you, right, there's a warmth that you feel in your soul. Okay, so please explain to me, right, because we're now moving on from the Monday meeting because obviously you're just trying to divert from the fact that you don't care about the team. No, I do. I love you all so much. And as I said, I'll be giving out hugs. Well, I'm going to tell you now, the team and I, we took a vote and made a decision. on Monday. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? I mean, I don't know why you're saying whoa.

8:19You literally have no authority whatsoever now. We don't want you at the Monday meetings anymore. That's not fair. No, you've had four attempts. That's not fair. Listen, your children and the team have been let down four times now. All right? I cannot put them through that anymore. So we do not need you to promise. You're taking custody. Fool, custody. Fuck no. I'm going to turn up your doorstep and be like, no, I need the kids. Full custody now, because four times you have promised and let them down. I get Kira. You absolutely do not. I get one of them. All right. I'll tell you what, we'll put it to a vote.

8:59Fucking hell. We'll put it to a vote. If Sam and I were one of us to have full custody, who would you want to go with? Kira. yeah

9:15Kira's coming on full time from Monday and I'm the one that sorts her salary and it's not five hours now you've just lost a lot of money but Kira hey do you know what you've gained don't worry about it because Sam will make you turkey dinosaurs and you've gained hugs have you ever seen that thing on Instagram this is see I know a trend on Instagram where people get their dogs to pick between mum and dad and they have to run the other way. We may have to do that. We may have to do that. Run towards which one you want to be with. Yeah, 100%. All right, well, let's go with the person that actually matters, Pippa.

9:52Pete, please. Thank you. Pete, please. There we go. Josh? You both give me different things. No, Josh. Well, Sam has the Chelsea season ticket. Yeah. Has he ever taken you? Yeah, he actually has. Okay, fuck. I'll get you a season ticket. yeah but you but you are the kind of dad i reckon that would like teach their boy to like be like a proper man so a problem no so i just want to point out josh josh would so so you would come with me is that what you're saying i think life skills it would be pete but for like fun so sam gets football i get life skills i just want to point out that josh is the same age as me and is still trying to become a man.

10:36Apparently. We discussed this earlier. I can't grow a beard. Yeah, true. All right, fine. So now you're not needed at Monday Nightingale. But that works quite well, to be fair. You give them life skills and I give them the fun. Well, there you go. I mean, I don't know how I feel about that, but, you know, let's move on from that. Josh, it kind of brings us into that and you kind of said it there. Now that, obviously, you know, you and I started our relationship. Bit shaky. Bit shaky. Do you feel closer to me now? Yeah, no, I do. you guys ever hugged? yeah yeah yeah yeah multiple times no I don't think I've ever seen you hug no we've hugged I don't know if I've ever seen it we've hugged I've never seen you pressed up against each other chest on chest it's just not in public it's in the loos yeah yeah yeah it's in the loos whilst I'm hanging out the back of him well have you ever heard of glory holes?

11:24oh fuck mate mate they're a thing glory holes are a thing not for staying relevant the company that we're talking about I just want to make that clear I'm not going to ask the team to do any glory holding, but I didn't realise that until recently. There's holes in loos. I've seen one. I've seen a hole in a loop. Yeah, Sam was on his knees peering through it. No, I just didn't realise that people basically put their Johnson through.

11:52Strictly. Strictly come dancing. Yeah, Strictly come dancing. We have to talk about it. Obviously, I am... P &P are going to be new hosts of Strictly. imagine if that got used Tess and Claudia would turn in their graves they're not dead good point still alive but yeah big news Tess and Claudia are leaving Strictly they are Strictly as far as I'm concerned and I absolutely adore both of them so they're great but they are now looking for replacements for Strictly who do we think would be good Sam? Well, I mean, you know, you've got your Rylands and your Alan Carrs, I suppose, and your whoever else is.

12:38But they're kind, in my head, they're kind of like, everyone's going to think them. Why not go for a couple of legends that no one's really thinking about? Like? Like a couple of guys. Like a couple of dudes. I know it's a bit out there, right? Because they've got two girls. Why not then change it to two fellas? Two guys who, you know, at the end where they go keep dancing and they hold on to each other and they do that thing. We do that. So, I mean, they have defined roles. Claudia has the claudatorium, which is her bit at the top. Tess does the on-floor. Oh my God, which would we be? Oh God, do you know what?

13:16I'm happy with Eva. To be honest, if they're giving me the role, I'm happy with Eva. But, you know, I feel like maybe you doing the claudatorium because you'd be able to handle the chaos up there and I think I maybe get swept away with it. Right, okay. What do you think? So we're talking about it becoming the Peter-torium. The Wix-torium. The Peter-torium I prefer. Okay, good. And then you're going to be the one that will speak to the judges and after the judges. Oh, I don't know about that actually. Yeah? Yeah. Why don't you try it? So let's just pretend. Okay. Let's throw it back because this is hypothetical and say that Yavita and I have just danced a rumba.

14:00Okay, have you kissed or not? That's going to really affect my my, it's really going to affect what I say in the judging. I'm going to be honest with you actually quite funny for you. So we've just done a rumba. Okay. We are then walking over to you where Tess stands and you're about to get the judges scores with us. So, so Yvita and I arrived to you. How are you doing it? Well, Pete and Yvita, I've got to say, Yvita or Yvita? Yvita. You'll know her name because you work on the show. Okay, yeah, fine. You also should know her name because you've known her for over a year. Okay, fine. A beautiful, beautiful Charleston that you've just done there.

14:43Okay, we did the rumba, like I said. A beautiful, beautiful rumba. You know, the crowd were on their feet cheering. You know, the, the emotion was really palpable in the, in the, in the stadium. so you're not the judge yeah what you are is the host yeah so how did that go for you did you really feel did you feel like you gave it everything you had listen we did the best we could I know I'm not the best dancer but you know I'm trying my hardest oh we heard an audible ah there from the crowd we know what you're doing there Peter and we like it judges how do we feel Peter did okay yeah not bad because what we don't want to do is make it all about us just in and out yeah I mean you've said far more than Tess says and kind of did make it about you.

15:27But that's fine. Let's reverse it then. And you're now Claudia. Okay. So you're up in the consenatorium. Yeah. We've just run up the stairs. Yeah. All right. How are you doing this? Well, come and take a seat. My God, I'm breathless just watching. Stand up for that bit. No, no, no. You don't need to. We will be stood up. Oh, okay, cool. So we don't take a seat. Well, take a stand because I've got to say I'm absolutely exhausted just watching what happened there. Craig Revel Horwood gave you a seven. You must be able to move that. No, he hasn't done the scores yet. Fuck. He's just given these notes.

16:02Oh, right. Okay, cool. Well, I'd be like, do you know what? You've obviously been told by Craig there that you need to have a little bit of a better pirouette. Anything to say to Craig? There were audible boos there. Yeah, listen, Craig knows what he's talking about, despite the fact that you don't do pirouettes in the rumba. But, you know, I think it's fair what the judges have said. we enjoyed ourselves and, you know, we just hope to survive another week. Well, do you know what? I think everyone would love to see you, but it's harsh competition. You know, there's a lot of people here who are ready to fucking get in there.

16:34BBC. There are people who are very keen to win this shindig. You know, you've got people who've got previous dance experience. Oh, I see what you did there. Now you're going to go to the judges for the scores. So, Craig, what are you thinking, big guy? Ten. Ten? 10? 10 for Craig? No, no, no. They just give their scores. You don't interrupt them. Right, cool. 10. Craig, 10. Motsey, 10. Shirley, 10. Anton, 10. Sweet. Fuck me, a full house of 10s. Okay, excellent. Jesus Christ, a live pizza, James Wicks. So as you can imagine, good luck to whoever the name Strictly Homes. Because it won't be us. Well, you never know.

17:12But it is a shame. Would you like to do it? Would I like to do it? Do you know what? Take me out of it, because I don't think they'll have two guys and I've got nothing to do with Streetly. But if you got asked to do it with... There was absolutely no chance anyone would give me a Saturday night fucking show. I don't know. Let alone you and I, a fucking Saturday night show. Would I want to do it? Yeah, have a go, wouldn't you? Of course you would. That's our motto. From this morning, it's our new motto. Our new motto is, gave it a go. Anyway, on to other TV. This is a big one. Actually, not just TV, onto awards.

17:52We have a trick award up there. I walked into the office today and found another award on the side for the podcast from the British Podcast Awards. I didn't realise we'd won something, then found out that we hadn't. We came second in the Video Innovator Award. Innovation. Innovation Awards, which was amazing. The team didn't, yeah, if you could chuck it across, yeah, that would be great. yep so british podcast awards video innovation 2025 sponsored by canon staying relevant so um but this is for second place uh we lost in the video innovation award it's a tough pill to swallow it has to be said um i can't quite understand how they've come to that conclusion but um you know we're happy do we know who the podcast was i think we're ready for another rivalry to be fair aren't we?

18:42No, not really. I mean, this isn't really for podcasts. This is for video innovation. And despite the fact that I and we as a company have spent thousands on cameras and two people who wanted to be called filmmakers. How do you think they get to that decision? I think what they go is Pete and Sam are cunts. Let's not give it to them. Yeah, I completely agree. But what I will say is it's another chunk of thing that looks like it's been made in a DT class by a GCSE student, but they have got instructions on how to keep it clean on the bottom. Oh, well. To keep your trophy looking its best, please wipe any fingerprints gently with a microfiber cloth.

19:20Any cleaning products may damage the finish. Well, let's hope we don't damage it. So, but talking of awards, for dog's sake, is also up for another award. My God, my giddy-ons. My giddy-ons. Yet another award nomination for Dog's Sake has made the official shortlist of the TV Choice Awards 2026 for Best Lifestyle. Lifestyle as well. So it would be great if you can all get behind for Dog's Sake. The link to vote will be on socials because, you know, we want to add awards. I mean, the award won't go here. The first award for Dog's Sake didn't go here. But let's just pretend it's part of the staying relevant thing as well.

20:04So if you support staying relevant, that means that you support Sam and I individually. So it would be great if you could vote and then I can get another award. So it makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile with my life. And obviously, you know, when the time comes for Sam to be up for awards and stuff, we will also get behind him. I have heard that you are potentially up for an award very soon. What? You know about this anyway. I don't. You do? Wow. Sam is on a short list. Do you not know this? No. So this part of the podcast is brought to you by AutoTrader. That's a golden envelope.

20:44What is this, the Oscars? Okay, right. Struggling with the envelope already. It's a good start. Hey, Pete, we heard you and Sam like a fun challenge, so we're asking you to use the AutoTrader app to pick out a car for Sam. We want you to find something that suits Sam's bubbly personality. But of course, you know him best, so we'll leave it up to you. We'll see you soon at the top secret test track. P.S. Sam is choosing a car. Sam's choosing me a car. Oh, this is going to be a nightmare. From Auto Trader. Does this mean we're going to race then? Are we going to be racing? Oh, this is going to be brilliant.

21:22Okay, excellent. Car for Sam. Okay, what do I know about Sam's driving? It's bad. Really, really bad. I mean, Sam currently drives a truck where he has damaged the wheels within two weeks. I've had to previously park for Sam when he wasn't able to get in a gap himself at the airport. I've seen him do parallel parking, which is kind of like a 180-point turn. Something that's not too quick, I think, because he drives like Miss Daisy. I mean, Sam, you know, Fulham, Chelsea boy, which means, obviously, he drives a 4x4 because it is, you know, dangerous roads around the Fulham area when he's pootling along to get his sort of match up or whatever he does.

21:58He needs something sportier. Listen, he's on a glow-up at the minute, Sam. This year has been a glow-up. uh he needs something sleek something sporty um something that is not very sam because if i was thinking of a sam that a car that represents sam i would think maybe a beetle sort of bubble shaped sort of probably a lime green color right it's time for auto trader now i know sam is pretty much pleased with anything but it's great that auto trader is the uk's largest car marketplace so i've got loads of options to make my perfect choice right let's have a little look here make let me think something that is kind of sam go up something sleek something german so we're going to go porsche because i love a porsche and um it's about time sam had a big boy car yeah let's make it we don't want something too old for him do we something fresh let's give it i don't know from 2010 15 years there we go 15 years body type now estate no he doesn't want he doesn't want a hatchback He doesn't want an SUV.

22:57That's currently what he goes on. That's two Chelsea. Engine size will go maximum four litre. Acceleration, I think, is important. I think we should get him sent quick. I think that'll do. 368 cars. That's a lot of cars. Oh, look at these. Lovely. What have we got? We've got 911s. I mean, I love a 911. I'm not sure we can handle that now. Some hybrids in here as well. Sam likes that. Boxster. That's a very Sam Porsche. What have we got? Definitely these drop tops. I think he's going to love this. This one's got go faster stripes. Ah, this is the one. Oh, that's lovely. Sam will love that. I think that's perfect for Sam.

23:34It's a lovely colour as well. Bland. Right, I'm happy with that. Very happy. I know Sam likes to show off, so I think I've got the perfect car for him. That was fun, wasn't it? There's so many class motors on Autotrader. There's even a few bikes. And as everyone knows, I love a bike, so I might have a little browse for myself later. But I have locked in a car for Sam. I don't know what's come over me, but I think I've actually chosen him a belter. So I swear if he chooses me a really random cart, because I know what he's like, I know what he's like, but I'm not going to tell you what I've chosen because I know what Sam's like.

24:06He'll be listening back to find out no patience in that boy whatsoever. So you guys will have to keep an eye out on the YouTube channel for the big reveal and to watch our test drives on the top secret track. I'm nervous for Sam. And obviously a huge shout out to AutoTrader for giving us this challenge and having looked through the app today they really do have an incredible range of cars for literally everyone so if you get that urge to change your car anytime soon for whatever reason then download the AutoTrader app Sam is on a short list with Heat Magazine for glow up of the year

24:46so there will be a voting link for that we'll let you know about that That can't be a real thing. Of course it's not, you stupid... It can't be a real fucking thing. What an idiot. I was just trying to make you feel better. Hey, mate, awards don't define me. No. Experiences. They don't define... Awards don't define him. However, he threw a complete paddy at the British Podcast Awards. No, we're never going again. We're never going again. No, and I mean that, by the way. We are not going again. We have... And listen, we stand by what we say because we didn't go to pick up our second place. Anyway, so that's awards, that's topics, that's TV, that's that done.

25:22What we do have coming up though is something And this is where I sign out for the day. No it's not. This is something that we can all get behind. This is something that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The clocks went back last week. The weather's getting colder. The Christmas stuff is already out on the shelves. Fucking mental it's October. A lot of listeners are asking us how Pete is feeling about all the Christmas stock food decorations on the shelves at the moment. Are you feeling Christmassy Peter? Can you feel it in your gonads? Do I look Christmassy? I feel like we have seen more Christmas.

25:57Perfect representation in the background, that noise. It's a saw. It's a chainsaw. That is how I feel about Christmas. If I could chainsaw Christmas out of the calendar, then that would be great. As I obviously can't do that, what I'd like to do is just chainsaw my own head off so I don't have to be part of Christmas. So what's your favourite thing about Christmas, Peter? January. January. I can't wait. I'm decorating the house again. Well, you're not, are you? Going to get a company. Yeah, I'm getting someone in to decorate the house. Wreaths on the door. Yeah, last year was a bit of a struggle, actually, for Christmas.

26:34I decorated the house. It'll be lonely this Christmas, but not this year.

26:44So, obviously, we are in October. and you know since you love to plan ahead and we're talking about Christmas already what are you and people going to be doing? There are no Christmas plans as of yet No need to rush things But why are we talking about Christmas mate? No need to rush things No need to rush things But why are we Christmas is just round the corner You just said it So you need to start thinking about these things Yeah but it's round the corner I haven't turned the corner yet Going to be putting up mistletoe under every doorway in the house? Well as I said there are decorations this time it won't be a Christmas tomb this time it will be filled with joy and laughter and happiness no instead there's going to be a Christmas womb full of joy and laughter oh my god I called Peter last year and went I'm stuck in a Christmas tomb and I went welcome to my life I will never forget that yeah I mean Christmas it's a great time of year for everyone apart from me.

27:47I despise every fibre of Christmas. Do you know what I like about you though, Pete, is at least you know when you're defeated and beaten. Like, I come back every year and I'm like, Christmas is my favourite time of year. Christmas is just not my cup of tea. I don't like it. I don't like all the fuss and I can't believe we're talking about it in October. Like, it's fucking mental. Why are we talking about Christmas before it's even Halloween? Yeah, but mate, Halloween basically means Christmas. Mate, the moment Halloween's done.

28:18You know what I mean? The fuck was that?

28:23You know what I mean. Let's defrost her. Defrost her. How's it going? I honestly don't know what that is. You can hear her. She's coming. She's coming. Defrost her. She's getting defrosted. First time for you. She's getting defrosted. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Mariah Carey, baby. Yeah. What's the song she sings? Hey, that's a... But it's like coming in on a whisper. I genuinely have no fucking clue what that is. What's the song? What's the fucking Mariah Carey song? I don't want a lot for Christmas. I don't want a lot for Christmas. Why didn't you do that? Instead of... No, but that's a trend.

29:04It's a trend on TikTok. Basically, you walk outside and you hear on the wind. Oh, you know it's Christmas when you... Ah. The fuck was that? Is that actually just some dude just lying on your front porch? Or is Pete just crying on the front porch? Ah. I just don't know. You must love a bit of Mariah Carey on Crimbo. You must do. When you're sat on your own in your vest watching some serial killer documentary with a beer in hand on Christmas Day, you must turn on the radio and be like, oh, I'll put a bit of Mariah on. Firstly, I don't think I've ever turned on a radio. I don't have one. no one listens to the radio listen to my show on the radio um no i don't i there was no i've never put up a christmas tree i can't think of anything better in my mind of like pete on his own vest on beer tv silence christmas hat to the side mariah carey playing that silence i well do you know what's mad is is is i i'm not a christmas person we all know that i would rather it just go I was Christmassy for a week in August because I filmed the For Dogs Like Christmas special where I had to wear a hat and decorate a tree and do all that sort of stuff.

30:18That will be out of Christmas around that period. But that is me done now for Christmas. I finished my Christmas in August. But yeah, Christmas just is not for me. Well, man, we've got a few. You've got to love these then. A few Christmas-themed meal deals. A few examples that we've got for you is Fa La La La Fell Rap. La la la la la la Christmas Christmas La la la la la la For someone who loves Christmas you don't know any Christmas songs. What's La La La? This is The Way to Amarillo. Well why the fuck have they put that in a falafel then? Because I don't think they were going for Way to Amarillo.

30:57You don't bite into it and suddenly the lyrics come out. What's the point of that then? It's just wordplay. It's wordplay Sam. But there's nothing Christmassy in La La La. Fa la la. Fa la la la la. Fa la la la la la. Why are you looking at me to find my... What? Not fa la la, is this the way to Amarillo? It's not what they were going for. No, it could be fa la la la la la la la. I think you were the only person in the country who would see a fa la la laffle rap. Yeah, I mean, that was... Do you know what I mean? It's not exactly ha ha. But yeah, we saw where you were going with it. Do you know what we should fucking do?

31:36And I mean this. I mean this in all sincerity. in please uh listeners maybe we'll do a poll um would you like to see us carol sing maybe sam please just think about no sam in all honesty and and and it's one of my pet hates and it's one of the many no no no no not even christmas caroling we know that's my pet hate it you are one of my pet hates because what you do and you do it all the time is you promise things that i'm not going to do. I put up with an awful lot of bullshit that I do not want to do. We cannot keep just doing things that I don't want to do. I cannot remember the last time as a podcast we did something I wanted to do.

32:17Christmas carols? Come on now. You did it last year. Oh, so funny. Move on. They've actually just got back in touch. No, they have not. They emailed me yesterday. Well, it'd be rude not to. It'd be rude. What would you sing, Pete? If you were going to sing Christmas Eve? We know that. What would you have to be paid to sing? Nothing. We should all do a whip round. We should do a whip round. Get Pete's... I just would love... You can do the bass. Please. How does that go? Show me the way to Amarillo. Not a Christmas song, though. Okay, fine. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. God, just give us one a la.

32:55Give us a la, la, la, and then no more. Keep us wanting more. La. La la la la la.

33:07We're going to work on that one. We start with one, La. We do have one more, though, just before we leave, because I quite like these. Ho, ho, ho, honey, ham, hock, and Cornish Cove. I don't think the Cornish Cove has anything to do with Christmas. I think that's just what the ham hock comes with. What is Cornish Cove? It's a fish. I think it's cheese. Oh, right. Why would they put ham and fish? Cornish. It's on the coast. It's on the coast. That's not even a weird one. That's not even a weird one. Not even a weird one. Nothing says Christmas like a little bit of ham hock and mackerel sandwich.

33:44Fuck me. Would you ever go for a ho-ho-ho honey ham hock? As a vegetarian, no. Funny enough, probably not. I'd rather have the fa-la-la-la-la-flaffle wrap, whatever it is. Fla-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Yeah, I'd rather have that. Well, it's interesting, actually, that we are singing at the moment. We're not. We've had a few messages recently saying that you have a lovely singing voice. And I actually completely agree. Based on what? Based on every time you've given one, maybe lock them doors and turn the lights down low. That is horrendous. Mate, you do it. Because you do it with eye contact and your mouth puckers up like a fucking arsehole.

34:22Maybe lock them door. Sorry, that was weird. That was weird. But maybe just give us a ho, ho, ho.

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36:25You still don't understand it. No, I do get it now. We all get each other's gifts and we have to basically not tell the person who we got the gift for. And what, right, okay, excellent. Are we doing Secret Centre again? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and this time there's no budget. That won't change anything because you're never going to spend more than a tenner on anyone anyway. I'm not, you're tight as fuck. Should we do another vote? That would be fun. When do we do that? Around Christmas time then? Normally, yeah. Wow. Secret Centre? Yeah. When do we do it? No, we're pre-planning April, I think.

36:57Well, it just depends how close to Christmas we're going to get. By the way, we record on Christmas. We're only the only ones. No, we don't. We pre-record at Christmas. I ain't fucking here for Christmas.

37:07So we've got a lot of things planned. Secret Santa, Winter One Land, carol singing. Maybe church could be fun. I will disintegrate and burn if I step foot inside a church. Oh, my God, we should so... Oh, my God, me and Piff are actually talking about this. No, you can't... No, no, no, no, no. I have to draw a line under some things. We disrupt everyone everywhere we go. I'm not going to disrupt a religious fucking place and cause fucking... Why would we disrupt it? Give me an example of how we would disrupt. What would I do? You anywhere. Anywhere. The last thing we need is someone doing a fucking reading at mass at Christmas and you dropping your arsehole on a fucking church pew.

37:49On that wood as well, you know, it'd reviberate and reverberate around the church. Yeah. Definitely blame on Pete. That's not happening. Besides, I don't think you're going to have any time around Christmas anyway. Why? Thankfully, thankfully, well, because you're going to be getting right in the Christmas spirit. You know, last year was, you know, the Christmas tomb. This year, you're going to be spending it with your loved ones, your family, you know, Karen, Ryan, Leo, Louise, Peep. What are your kind of Christmas plans? I mean, because you're continuing to dominate the tabloids this week. I know I am, am I?

38:24Yeah, yeah. I mean, we've all seen on, you know, just things seem to be going swimmingly well, which is good. And we're all really happy for you. The press are obviously really happy. They also are very happy for me. I've seen that one. So headline this week, sad, lonely and depressed Pete Wicks. He even made this snubbing, sad, lonely and depressed Pete Wicks from a double date. There is nothing worse. And, you know, I know people speak about this, but when your friend gets in a new, I'm not going to say relationship, I'm going to say situationship. We're not there yet. We're not there yet. And they just forget about you, leave you behind, uninvite you to things.

39:06No, that's getting picked up. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's just one of them things, you know, like, mate, I don't want to go somewhere where I'm not wanted. You are wanted. You're so wanted. I did go pumpkin picking, though, with the whole fam. That was great. And you were invited to that. Yeah. So just explain to me who went pumpkin picking. So me, Louise, Ryan, mum, a family that Leo goes to nursery with, his best friend's family. It was really fun. I actually went on a couple of rides with both of them. And I was like, this is. So it was just all of you, just the two families. It's two families.

39:40Yeah. So is that everyone?

39:47And then car pumpkins. Yeah. And who did that? Me. Just on your own? Just on my own. Just you and the pumpkins. Me and the pumpkins. Made a cat. Do you want to see it? Yeah, who took the picture of it? You carved it and then... Cats. Made a cat with fangs.

40:10It's nice and wholesome, innit? It's nice and wholesome. It's very... It is very, very wholesome. I mean, we won't show it to the cameras, but you didn't sort of mention that she was there. Everyone was there. Well, yeah, just run through the list. Really good family fun, just both families. No, no, no, because we need to, who? Both families were there. Yeah, both families. Both some marshmallows. It was just Leo's, you know, nursery friends, family and your family, everyone that you're related to. Yeah. No one else. You're literally showing me a picture of someone else that was there. There was someone else there.

40:49Had a great time. Who? Pete. Pete was there. Pete was there. Not Pete, because he was at home. How long would it take you? Just a question. How long would it take you to, you know, go pumpkin carving with somebody? Sort of a lifetime. Really? Like, could you ever imagine yourself sitting down with someone that you were quite fond of? And you're like, let's carve a couple of pumpkins. No. I mean... Stenciling on to start with. Is that how you do it? Yeah, stenciling on. No, just not, no. Not for you? No. I think you'd love it. I don't. Have you tried it? I'll tell you what is one of my favourite nights of the year.

41:32Go on. And actually, this is a genuine thing, because it is coming up. It was actually that I was supposed to be born on this night, but it's always, since I was a kid, been my fate. It's the only night of the year that I genuinely really, really love. and as someone who loves animals, it's a bad night and everyone's going to go, oh, you shouldn't love it. I fucking love bonfire night. I honestly, honestly... Oh, fireworks. Yeah, fireworks night. Bonfire night. No, I realise the fireworks night. Yeah, 5th of November. I honestly love it and that is one thing that is nice to do as a couple is to go see a fireworks thing, run a bonfire, do all that sort of stuff.

42:10Oh, wine. That is a... I love that night. I genuinely, genuinely... Why don't we do that together? I don't, well, because we'll be on a plane. Oh, we're going to Vegas. But also, that is the one night of the year because there's not a lot of fuss around it. Yeah. That's what I like. The actual just going and seeing fireworks, and I think it's amazing. I've always loved that shit since I was a kid, seeing that, and then it's just done. It's one day. It's not like a building. It's one day, and then it's done. There's no fuss around it. You just go and see it, and I love that night of the year. What are you doing with your sort of families and people?

42:41For Bonfire Night? Yeah. Well, I'm going to be with you on a plane. Yeah, but I mean, that weekend there will be some, well, no, we're on a book tour. Yeah. Yeah. We're on a book tour as well. So yeah, there won't be any of that, but I love bonfire night by the way. Yeah. So next year we should definitely do bonfire night. I, I, I'll tell you what I'll do. Yeah. I'll do you a deal. Oh, we love a deal. Next year, I will take you and Leo to a fireworks night because he'll be of that age now. He'll be five. I, I, yeah, which is like a really good age for that sort of stuff because it, As a kid, I just remember that always being such a fucking great night.

43:18You know, when you see the fight as a kid and you see all that fucking shit and there's fire and it's like, oh, it's fucking amazing. Uncle Pete and Leo. That would be fucking beautiful. I'll do it because I actually do enjoy that day. Anyway, we've spoken a little bit about what you've been doing and who you've been doing it with, finally. Got it out there. You kind of hard launched yourself in an advert. Then you have your friends are sort of hard launching you. you know everywhere everyone knows what's what's occurring sister hard launched you that didn't see that coming didn't see that what you so when you were at your sisters with peep and the cameras came out and you were posing for photos like you have done there you didn't see it coming thought it was for the mems not for the ground have you ever done anything for the mems that instagram is your mems

44:10yeah Louise messaged me after that I'm so sorry it was such a nice photo and I was like fuck it how's the relationship mate she's met a multitude of people in my life and you met this team though but that is because you are a distant dad now we're wondering why Sam is a distant dad and that is because he has no time for he's um we're like a second family you know when someone's sort of married and they have a secret family that's kind of what staying relevant has become you know what pippa messaged me recently she goes i'm really concerned you haven't you haven't called me like for a while pippa and i discussed it in uh on monday in one of our meetings um and we are both exceptionally happy for you and we are enjoying the break i actually haven't double called you in a while pippa the difference is actually stark is it yeah it's fascinating it's fascinating pippa's missing it pippa misses it no pippa doesn't miss two and a half hours last night made up for it yeah but that was a real good catch up loved it that was a this and yeah that was a this and yeah yeah except i was just sat at home staring at the wall yeah put yourself on mute while I don't know if fucking Jack were watching the telly.

45:27You're stopping. Yeah. That's your, that's, that's your eyes. Nice. Unbelievable.

45:39Oh my God. That's so group seven of you. Hey, so group seven of you. Yeah. It's just good. You are very group seven. You can't deny it. Here we go. What is it? Strap in, guys. We're about to learn something new. There's not even anything to learn. What's group seven? Tell me about the other groups from one. What do they go up to? Where do they start from? What do they mean? God, I can't wait to find out what group I'm being put into now. Groups one to seven. I'm a group seven, baby. Slade queen. You are a group seven. I don't know what that is. Basically, everyone wants to be group seven. The groups go from one to seven, and everyone wants to go group seven.

46:24basically there was a lady who was putting up a uh she was she was promoting a song and um she basically was so a singer yeah singer and she was she was on tiktok and she was going she did these videos and she'd go right if you're watching this you're in group one and then she'd do another one a day after be like if you're watching this you're group two and it went all up to group seven and it was all the same song yeah so everyone's in the same group no but they're not though because the people who have watched group seven who people who've watched at the time of group seven are in group seven and everyone basically realized that they wanted to be in group seven and so now it's like a proper community on tiktok and everyone's like going good morning to all my group sevens so what's the difference but fuck no it's now it's wild though mate it's now got territorial people in group seven are like slagging off group two okay so so some singer has decided there's seven groups of people yeah great okay there's the fundamentals explain to me the seven different groups, what they mean, why I'm in a group seven, what group you're in.

47:25Basically, it's as simple as if you've watched the video when she goes, you're group one, you're in group one. If you watch the video. I don't want to be here anymore. No, but mate, you do. Because if you're group seven, you definitely do. Because you're part of the cool crew. No, I don't. Yeah, you are. I don't. Because, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. I cannot deal with any more of this bullshit. I agree with two of you. But what does that mean? See, you can't even explain it. I can. Basically, you can say anything. You can say fucking anything. You're a curtain. Why? Because you just are, mate.

48:02But do you ever be at school where everyone had a group and everyone wanted to be in a set of group? You going back to school is so curtain of you. Mate, look, dude. People have found... You're not even asking what a curtain is. This is the problem. No one... You could just say what you want now. But now... And people just go, yeah. No, but people are getting really territorial over it, mate. But why? Why is Group 7 better than Group 2? Because basically all it is, is fucking Group 7. We're busy on the Group 1 day. Otherwise, they'd have been fucking Group 1, wouldn't they? But they're now not.

48:29And they would have missed it. But they're now not at Group 7. So why would you want to be in Group 7? Because Group 7's now the cool group to be in. I don't make the fucking rules, mate. Well, listen. Do you know what? Fuck it. I've not seen it. So what does that make me? Group 8? No, you're Group... I think you're Group 3. You just said I was Group 7. See what I mean? There is... I can't deal with these things. I can't. I cannot. I cannot spend my life discussing this bullshit. Me and Pippa in Group 7. I couldn't give a fuck. You two can be in whatever fucking group you want to be. I don't want to be in a group.

48:58I will be on my. I am not in a group. I'm not with others. I will just stand alone as Group Pete. You're Group 7. You're Group 7. No, there's Group Pete. And there were no entries into that. You can't get in. It's an exclusive group that only I am in. There was just me and all the personalities in my head and we're all in group fucking Pete. But if you're watching this, then you are also in group Pete. No, you're not. You are. There's no one else allowed in. There's group Sam and group Pete. No, I'll tell you what group you're in. You're in group... And you're in group Sam if you're watching my one now.

49:32What do you mean your one? It's not separate. It's the same thing. You're in group Sam. You're in group Pete. No, you're not in group Pete. You can all be in group Sam. So there is you and there is thousands of people. Now everyone wants to be in group Pete. you see because well they can't fucking get in it's a closed club no but it's not really though no the group's the group's dissolved you can't dissolve you can't dissolve the group mate you can't do that you don't have the authority it started you guys ruined it you don't have the authority to do that I started the group no no but now the group's grown bigger than you now it's got board members well then it's no longer called Group Pete it is well there's no one in it called Pete because I've I I don't make the rules I've said it before I'll say it again stop the world I want to get off no Group Pete I don't want to no I can't fuck me I need to I need to speed and expedite my plans to disappear and live in the middle of nowhere because I can't do this anymore I feel like group Pete would drink matches I don't know why I just do I feel like they drink they drink matches bit of yoga so I mean hilariously because it's it's so much fun what we have here is you're supposed to explain the trend to me well that that literally is the trend but you haven't explained anything but it's not a trend it's not a trend it's not a trend it's not a trend It's not a trend.

50:43It's a singer who has just decided some bullshit and then all the Planktons that are on social media have gone, oh, yeah, I want to be in a group because I've got no other friends and nothing else to do. Well, great. Now you're in a fucking group and you can all, you know, meet up and be in your little fucking groups and do whatever you want to do, but it's fucking pointless and ridiculous. So this was the... I don't care. I don't want to see it. Well, I don't want to be. I'm in Group P. It's a science experiment? Is it? Where's your bunsen burner, you s***? That's actually funny. I'm done. Let's move on.

51:27Thanks for listening to Staying Relevant, a podcast hosted by Group P and Group 4 over there. Apparently, quite a lot of the people in Group 7 are Libras. I don't know if that says anything. Cool. I don't know why that is. I'll tell you what it says. It doesn't matter what it says. They're never going to explain it. It doesn't matter. Just decide what you want to be and be it. It's happy days. If you want to feature in the podcast, please don't. But if you do, then email hello at srproductions.co.uk. Subscribe, follow, do all of that shit. Follow us on social media. Make sure you subscribe to Josh and Kira's YouTube channel.

51:58And I need a cigarette and a calm down. Yeah, and I need a ho, ho, ho. Hock and ham. Ham hot. and Cornish Cove with a well-known fish. La la la la falafel wrap. Have a wonderful day. This has been a Staying Relevant production. This January, Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Bruise Cruise sails from Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck bare knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Massive parties, beach events, DJs, cigars, tequila tastings, and nonstop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast, and the prices won't stay this low.

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53:29Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.