163: Sam and Pete react to Headlines...

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1:55Romero Watch it live only on DAZN Sign up now at DAZN.com Sorry I'm just psyching myself up because it's going to be a big one today Monday, Tuesday, happy days Thursday, Thursday Do you want to, um, should we start? That's the Fonz Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends, me Sam Thompson and Peter James Wicks, everybody! Hey. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself and listen to something else. Something crap.

2:40This is Monday's episode. This is the main episode, which is obviously going to be released audibly on a Monday. because you're listening to it now. You'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Wednesday at 5pm and then we'll be doing a bonus episode which comes out audibly on a Thursday which you can watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Sunday at 5pm which means that you can catch us on a... Pippa? Monday. Josh as well. Wednesday. Thursday. Sunday. Nice. Excellent. Wonderful. We're talking on Mondays actually quickly. Whoa, slow down. No, slow down. Fucking hell.

3:16I've just spunked my load. Jesus, what a shocker. Lucky, lucky peep. Spunked my load. I didn't think that's a word. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. You know the score by now. Hit subscribe to the YouTube channel. Do all of that shite. You know everything. Also, remember that we do have merch available on the website. The book is still out. Go and spend some money. We need it. Don't be fooled by the gold watches we're wearing. They're fake.

3:43Also, Pete has merch available. I don't have merch available. We're taking mine off the website. No, no, no. We're keeping it on. We've got to get rid of it. We can't. We paid for it. I just had to give away, by the way. I just signed a Sam Thompson dishy cloth. Signed Sam. Sorry, Pete's were sold out. We have given a new order for mine. They'll be coming very soon. So this is now the third order of the Pete Wicks dishy cloth. And we've still got the t-shirt ones. Are the ones before? No, no, no, no, no. We put them in landfill. It just got given away. You couldn't give them away. But it's okay, mate.

4:18No, it's not, mate. Do you know what? That and pushing 40 and being compared to someone's dad. Like, I've just given up. It is what it is, man. I'm just going to let myself go. It is what it is. Anyway, so yeah, it's Monday for you guys listening to this. And obviously Monday is a very special time for staying relevant because it's when we all get together for the Monday meeting. Sam, take it away. Well, first of all, the Monday meeting, I was here again, round two. This is a January New Year's resolution that I've stuck to, which is very nice. I actually, Pete allowed me to do a little intro on the Monday meeting.

4:52Pete didn't, actually. Sam took it upon himself to do a little intro whilst we all sat and listened. And the intro went saying like this. Well, we're all here. And it's lovely to be here. I'm Sam. This is Kira. This is Hannah. As if we don't fucking know each other. Then he sat down and went, Pippa, take it away. Well, that's not even the accent that I do. Do you buy accent only yet?

5:17What the fuck was that? Everyone for a hug. Let's all have a hug. Oh, I just love the Monday meetings. We actually get stuff done. It's actionable. I used the word actionable today. And Pete looked at me and went, oh, that's a new word you picked up for the meeting. Actually, fucking everything at the moment. It's great. So, yeah, that's two Mondays in a row. All right. So what we're going to do now, since it wasn't just a fucking one-time thing, Sam is, you know, that's consecutive Mondays. So of all the Mondays in the year, we're going to start a chart. Oh, my God. We're going to see how many Mondays Sam can make.

5:54Now, with the Monday meetings, for Sam and I, we can't always, if we've got other jobs and stuff, we can't always be here, but we can access via Zoom. So even if he's not here in present, because, you know, sometimes I'm on Zoom for the Monday meetings, if I'm away or I'm, you know, working on something else, but we still like to be here for the Monday meetings. Sam, we're going to see how many you get through. I'll be here, mate. Me and Pete are now having parking spot walls, by the way. Well, yeah. Let's go back into parking spot walls, shall we? I pay for the parking spot and I'm the only **** that's never used it.

6:29Do you pay out your personal account? Yes. I love that. No way. Yes,£3 ,000 a year. so pete now has to park in bay 85 which isn't our bay that is our bay oh oh i normally park in bay oh my god so the problem that we've got now why are you trying to out me so they complain about me they don't know whose car that is at the minute the white porsche is pete's

7:01and actually just to sort of add to that quickly um we have just sent a strongly worded email from ourselves if you've been following we've had a few complaints uh here at staying relevant productions um you know pete certain people have been parking in wrong places i'm just gonna stop this conversation based on the fact that we have exciting news to reveal very soon we are kind of you know part of this whole you know building and there's lots of different people i suggest what we do is stop complaining and making ourselves the pariahs of the of the fucking building all right let's let's try and get on with our neighbors and everyone that works here because it's a wonderful place to work no it is a lovely they've got a cafeteria so let's stop having saying that we're the ones writing complaints and you know i mean we love it here Mate, we love it here, but just FYI, it's 5-1.

7:52Five complaints to us, one back. It's 5-1, that's all I'm saying. That sounds like a GBU score. And also, you may have seen the video of us with our bikes coming through the reception that we post on social media. That was another complaint, actually. So we did that for you, listening. So that made our fifth. I'd just like to point out for anyone in the building that's listening, I did say that we weren't allowed to do that and we shouldn't do it as people were having meetings but in the end, you know you never know, we'll have a go Right, sure the best thing is people are having Monday meetings they've got Pete on a really loud It's weird that they were having Monday meetings on a Friday Sorry, sorry They were just having meetings, right and we drove through a reception where everyone's gathered from all these different offices and those little bikes are fucking loud What I really like about this meeting thing now is that Sam I don't think we're just going to blame it on the ADHD and everything but Sam is a hyper fixator.

8:50So now for Sam, every meeting is going to be called a Monday meeting despite what day it's on, despite what it's about. He's going to be going to his management so we can have a Monday meeting about that show. When is it? Wednesday. Excellent. I'll be there for a Monday meeting. It just sounds more formal, doesn't it? No. I feel like it does. We're having a Monday meeting on it. All right, cool. Anyway, carrying on the theme of Mondays. Well, this is something that I'm wondering about what your thoughts are on this, Pete, because you probably quite like a Monday, I feel like, but today is Blue Monday, which is officially the most depressing day of the entire year.

9:29Well, people listening, everyone in the room, welcome to my world. Every day is a Blue Monday for Pete. Every day, yeah. The way you feel today is my life. I'm living it. Do you know what it's like? So I was talking to Pippa about this beforehand. And it's basically because January's nearly over. People's January resolutions have kind of just fallen flat on their face, which I'm sure you're pretty happy about. And you did call. You did call it. And they've got nothing to look forward to. The weather's a little bit shit. So, you know, if you want, and I told you so to the listener, or maybe a little pep talk, what you got?

10:06Listen, I don't want to be that guy. I did tell you. Everything I say, I'm always right, comes to fruition. You shouldn't have bothered. This is a lesson to listen to me. Keep the bar low. Yeah, listen. No expectations. Hope for the best. Expect nothing. That is the way you should live your life, all right? You should expect nothing of yourselves. I knew. I knew you'd all be shit. I knew you couldn't stick to your stuff and I knew you'd fuck it up why? because it's human nature we fuck things up we're horrible we're horrible horrible horrible species we are it's true I mean you're one of the worst are you joking?

10:56yeah so going forward from this point the way you feel today on Blue Monday I suggest what you do is embrace it settle in because this is life now from this point they say the only way is up it's not anytime you go up you go down that's the problem it's a hill life is a hill you go up and you feel like you're at the top you're going to fall the fuck off and then eventually you're going to die can i ask you a question if you must i have a question that that sort of involves a tube journey i keep seeing at the moment loads of videos of sort of like altercations on tubes and you know when like there's someone who's like just making a ruckus on a tube and they're like they're just being really fucking annoying and they're getting in people's faces and they think they're being like entertaining but they're not where do you stand on that and are you the good samaritan who stands up for everyone in the gym go shut the fuck up we're all trying to get to work or do you just let it go i've got a real life example and i've got two opinions i love a pete wick's opinion so my first opinion is if you see some of them like i don't know if anyone's heard of a um an acapella band called naturally seven no now they're american and they're from from years ago and it was like kind of the first time some of these you know like the kind of flash mob starts where you get people on a tube and they're incredible like they are incredible and they did it i remember on a um like subway in new york or wherever the fuck it was um and they start singing and they're plotted at different points i've seen it i've seen it yeah they are incredible and then the whole thing is lifted because they're amazing yeah that i'd be like this is fucking great all right so there there is a i do think there is a once in a blue moon that will happen if you're amazing if i'm sat on a tube and then some fucking knobhead starts fucking jumping up and down or singing a fucking song that is dog shit, I will go, Oi!

12:54No! Not now. It's fucking half past seven in the morning. The train already stinks. What I don't need is when I'm trying to fucking... I'm trying to watch Only Fools and Horses on my phone because I've downloaded it for the journey. And what I don't need in the background is you fucking singing out a tune while you make videos it with his little fucking hat on and his hood up going, yeah, you're good at, man. You're good at... No, it's not good. It's not good, is it? It's shit. You're making a fucking noise. We just want to get to work. I would love to see it. So there is a place for if you're good.

13:33If you genuinely have a talent and you're good, fine. If you're mediocre, honestly, a little bit of fucking social awareness. You ain't that great. We all don't want to hear it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And if you are just pointing and you're just trying to – it's the same as buskers. Sometimes you hear a busker and they're brilliant and you're like, that's fabulous. And then sometimes you've got some fucking prick wailing in the background of a shopping centre. And you just think to yourself, oh, fuck me. Do you know what I mean? Go and do that back in your bedroom that you've been doing for the past five years.

14:02All right? I don't need to hear that. Just know your levels, I think, is the important thing. Anyway, and on another note, and a serious story about it, a few years ago, I was, I'll say a few years ago, probably fucking, I don't know, 15 years ago. I was coming back on the tube, on the central line, and there was three lads, like drunk lads, who were effectively harassing this fucking, these two girls, not harassing, but just being like knobheads, fucking like throwing stuff. I did, I stood up and fucking sat next to the girls and went fuck off to the three lads, and they were only young lads, because I don't like it when you get drunk people as well, who then feel like they can just chat to anyone, how's your day been?

14:46Who the fuck are you? Do you know what I mean? and just be annoying. I don't like, I would say saying 100%. That was the point I was getting at. Well, there we go. I mean, that was, that was a wonderful rant. A wonderful rant. I've got to say, I actually had, I have one more question. And oh no, not a question, a statement. I, you remind me, I tell you this quite a lot, but you remind me so much of my dad. Like it, if anyone, I don't know if people know who my dad is or not, but Pete Wicks, Big Mike, Pete Wicks is an identical copy just younger of my dad. And of a different class. Yeah. But there is a video that I showed you that I sent to Pete of my dad in Marbella with me.

15:28Completely agree with him. What, people are going to Nicky? What's your opinion of people who go to Nicky Beach? Because I quote my dad, and this isn't what I think, by the way. I love Nicky Beach. I was like, Dad, why don't you want to go to Nicky Beach? I believe the words fuckwits came out of his mouth. And my sister put that on TikTok. Yeah. And I was like, oh, no. Nicky Beach is lovely. It's really nice. Any of the Nicky beaches I've been to are really nice. The food's good. The atmosphere is good. It's a really good kind of day, kind of, you know, place to go. Yeah. When you're away in the sun, it's lovely.

15:59The only thing that brings it down, as your dad put it, are fuckwits. Because the problem is, is when something's good, this is what happens. When something's good, it attracts idiots. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you can't have something. if you get in somewhere early and you go, this is fucking great, guarantee you, a year later when you go, it's full of every **** and their mate. And then what happens is it's not as good. And it's got nothing to do with the venue. It's got to do – one of my dreams is to open a bar or to have something of my own. One of our dreams. And mine. Co-own it. No.

16:42and the point and the problem that I have and the reason I haven't really looked at doing that is because the door policy there would only be me in it it wouldn't make a lot of money it would go bust it all week it would go I would just because I'd be the only person buying my own stock because I just couldn't because I would put just a stop it's not anywhere nice it's just full of and it's a shame because then what But then on the plus side, it means that you go to places that you don't assume are very nice before people heard it and actually find that they are nice. And it's not necessarily because the place is nice.

17:18It's because the atmosphere is nicer and the atmosphere is nicer because it's not full of. Well, if you wanted anything to cheer you up on a blue Monday that we're on right now, a Pete Wicks rant, I think, may get you there. Talking about bars and you opening one up, can we not expand? Can we not expand in that direction quite yet? because we got expansion here at Staying Relevant Productions first and I think it's pretty important. And obviously, you know, this is a very big moment. So, Pete, if you would like to tell the listener about something huge in our lives that's just happened. Would you like me to do it?

17:53Yeah, I think so. All right, I'll tell you what. This is a good test of whether we are on a level. We're going to say a word at the same time. Okay.

18:06I don't know actually if this will work. I'll tell you what we're going to do. Let's just try this. We're going to say five words at the same time. All right. So it's a brand new year. At the point of view, we're going to say the same five words.

18:22Why are you all using your fingers to count the words? All right. So it's a brand new year, 2026. Last year was Sam's just thinking about the five words. It's a brand new year. It's 2026. We had an incredible year last year. And the rate of kind of growth and everything that we've kind of done is beyond our wildest dreams. And a lot of that is completely down to you and this fucking team. We built our own studios and we have kind of, you know, an area in here that has now become tired within a year. So what we would like is to expand. And so, ready? We have a new office. I thought you were going to, we have a new, that is five.

19:12I was going to say that. I thought you were going to put a swear in there. So let's try again. We have a new office.

19:23Yeah. We got a fucking office, baby. So we have acquired another area. Yeah. It's massive. It's big. It's going to be a beautiful, nice office. There are strict rules in that office. No one puts their shit in it. No wanking. Which is the same as this rule. It's not okay. If you disappear for 10 minutes, where's Sam gone? He's wanking in the studio because he's not allowed in the office. just to clarify for anyone who is not on the day-to-day of staying relevant wanking is prohibited at all times but saying that we know Josh isn't wanking because he's a daddy so yes we've got a new office we are expanding now that's all very exciting as everyone knows by now I am a control freak and, you know, I like there to be structure and format and I like things to be, you know, in place.

20:25Sam has been given the reins for decoration.

20:31That's me on a horse. Okay. So you are our interior designer. Yep. How's it looking in your mind? Fucking unbelievable. Right, so the way we're doing it is Pete's decided that he wants – But actually, look, let's just be completely honest with everyone. Pete's actually just taken the reins from me within a day. He went, mate, it's all up to you. Because Pete, the thing about Pete is, I give you a chance. And then it was. He doesn't give you a fucking chance. It was a week. It was a week. And I went, what are you thinking? And he went, well, just like stuff. That's what I mean. Right. Okay. He gives you, sometimes you'll get Pete and he's in the best mood ever.

21:08And he'll, and this is genuine. He'll put a hand on my shoulder. You do this quite a lot. he'll put a hand on my shoulder and he goes mate you deal with this he was like you go away with it you do whatever you want to do with it mate I'll take a back seat and you fucking you handle it and he always has that hand on the shoulder and I'm like oh that's nice okay cool I'll fucking I'll take the reins on this one I go within a day and a half it's not a week within a day and a half maybe two it's mate do you know what I've had a few ideas actually Sam and actually I know you're taking the reins but like I think we should probably have like desks that come out like that perpendicular wise because it's just a little bit near then I'll have that over there I'm going to have a circuit desk over there.

21:43I'm like, yeah, that sounds good. Well, okay. It does sound good. And I actually think it's going to be great. So Pete's actually designed the office. Let me tell you why. All right, maybe it was a day and a half. And it's because when we got back into the office, we picked up the keys and, you know, we went in there. And I said, listen, you go for that. Day and a half later, Sam's thing was, where's the basketball net going? Yeah, we're getting a basketball net. We're not. We are. No, we're not. That's the time. There we go. There's a word I learned recently called veto. And apparently it means that if one of us vetoes something, it can't happen.

22:19Yeah. Sam's the only one that lives by that. He don't. I love that word. But yeah, no, it's going to be a nice kind of a nice office. And we've actually started having furniture go. So we are going to document that. It's going to be a really nice area for everyone to work in. Everyone has got desks. Well, no, everyone's got desks. So only one of us has their own desk. Guess who that is? It's not me. And it's not, funnily enough, it's not Pippa either. Pete has his own desk. No, Pippa was going to have her own desk, and then you hijacked it. Pete's got, so Pete's in the back left corner of the office layout, right?

22:56And I quote Pete, I wanted an angle so I could watch everyone working from the back of the room. So Pete's got an angular desk on the back left corner, and then me and Pippa are sharing a desk, Producer people, we're sharing a desk in the far right. All title. Oh, also, we're getting placards on our desks. Yes, you will be the only one with a placard. Now, let me just put this into perspective so people don't think that I'm just out of order here. Everyone here works on laptops and has their stuff, and they come in, and we've got all sorts of things going on. Sam wants a desk for his lunch because Sam has never opened an email or a laptop.

23:38I'm getting a desktop. You're not getting a desktop. Yes, I am getting an Apple computer. Sam, you've not picked up. You have not opened an email. You have not used... The only thing you use your laptop for is to watch things when you're on an aeroplane. All right? You have never... What is the point of me getting you a desktop? It will just collect dust. Because I want one of the computers they have in those really cool, fat news... For example, those... Because you're not coming into the office and gaming. Optics. All right. Well, I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll get our set designer. Annalise will build you a fucking computer for optics then.

24:13But yeah, it's going to be really nice. And we're very, very excited about it. We're getting a bonsai tree, me and Pippa. We've already spoken about it. I'm really happy with bonsais. However, what I will say is, as you know, I have an awful lot of plants at mine. They are hard to keep alive. I have seen Pippa's attempts when going to her house at her close to death olive tree. Are we getting real? I will mate I'm getting a real bonsai tree I'm going to put it in between do you know how expensive a nice bonsai is no okay well we'll have a look at that you did say though that for anything going on our joint shared desk that would be your personal budget yeah no that's fine it's going to be on personal budget he said he'll decorate our corner with his own money yeah okay I can guarantee you guarantee guarantee that won't happen okay but we both have to prune it So I'm buying a little spritzer for it and tiny little, tiny little leaf cutters.

25:10Okay. So every day one of us has to clean, and we're getting a fish bowl. We're not having fish. Yes, we are. I'm having a fish. Yes, I'm getting a fish. You can't decide what I get on my side of the office, mate. I'm getting a fish bowl and that's that. A fish bowl? And with a fish in it. I'm getting a goldfish bowl. You can have the bowl without the fish. I'm getting a goldfish bowl and we have to clean the goldfish bowl once a week. We. Yeah. And we call it Barney. I don't, I don't want that. You don't want that. I don't want to do that. Well, look, that's exciting news. And whilst we're talking of new additions, now we have a very exciting announcement coming soon as we do potentially have a new employee at Staying Relevant.

25:57But there'll be more on that next week. Oh, I thought we were going to drop it just then. No, no, no, no. Just like they dropped a shit in the new office. That's all I'm going to say. That's all I'm going to say. All right. Again, subtle as a brick. So there'll be exciting announcements about that. Anyway, that's all announcements. That's housekeeping done. We've only just finished the housekeeping. God, you're lucky. See you next week. That's just the housekeeping. Into the headlines. Big week this week for staying relevant in terms of actually just staying relevant. A big week of headlines for Peter.

26:35Last week's episode might have something to do with it, but this was in the Daily Mail. And I think it's important we say it. It's staying relevant after all. Pete Wicks reveals he was knocked unconscious in horrific alcohol-fuelled fall on Christmas Day that left him unable to leave the house for a week. That was on the Daily Mail. Pete, you're an alcoholic. Not just on the Daily Mail. It managed to make the Mirror, the Sun, and every other news outlet. But listen, you know, it's a prime example. So, yeah, listen, does it sound bad? Yes. Is it overly dramatic? The reason I didn't leave the house is not because I couldn't.

27:15It's not like I was sort of like, I wasn't still on the floor for a week. Oh, fucking hell. It's just because I had a scabbed up and it was Christmas, I wouldn't have left the house anyway. So not quite as dramatic as they made out. But, you know, I mean, it clicks, doesn't it? I just love the way a headline is alcohol-fuelled fool. There's no way that can look good. Who wasn't drunk at Christmas? But also, like, it's such, like, a fun little story that he's told. He's had a few drinks at Christmas. He's got up. He's fallen over the table. Like, oh, it's kind of your granddad would do it on Christmas Day.

27:51Do you know what I mean? But then just alcohol-fuelled fool on Christmas Day that left him unable. But listen, the pod last week, you know, it was our first one back, obviously did very well because it wasn't just me that was in the headlines. Sam also made the headlines. Sam Thompson to undergo surgery that will leave him unable to speak.

28:31hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties. So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc. Who says Halloween only lasts one day?

29:11With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Saturday, September 26th, two of combat sports' most dangerous strikers collide. Bare Knuckle. Liverpool's own Darren the Gorilla Till goes to war with Cuban powerhouse Yoel Soldier God Romero.

29:50Plus the Bare Knuckle Middleweight Championship of the World is on the line. when the reigning champ Dave the Redneck Mundell defends against undefeated British challenger Jack the Meek Cleaver Colon. BKFC 94, Till vs. Romero. Watch it live only on DAZN. Sign up now at DAZN.com.

30:14Now, Sammy's having a surgery on his vocal cords in preparation for his music career, as we said before. They put that in the article. Oh, which is just brilliant. They think I'm trying to be a singer. So what I'd just like to point out on this, and we haven't done it for a while, but we did go through the Daily Mail comments. Oh, we're going to do it. So headline, Sam Thompson to undergo surgery that will leave him unable to speak. The comments go, bro can't speak for three days. Lucky us. I bet Pete's over the moon. You would be correct. Sad, it's only three days and not three decades, which is my favourite.

30:49It's just nasty. Just three days, shame. And my favourite one, 2026 is off to a great start. That's so mean. That's so mean. You like it as well. You're not even on my side. Oh, mate, if we actually did the Daily Mail, the only reason we haven't done the Daily Mail comments to my unconscious fool is because they were so... It's a shame he didn't die, I think. It's not surprising, the drunk. It's that sort of stuff. So, you know what I mean? Oh, my God. Manages to fall over and get drunk but not have a bath. You know what I mean? It's that sort of shit. They love Pete not having a bath. Everyone, listen.

31:25Everyone thinks Pete's dirty as fuck. Everyone just assumes that I stink. Absolutely mental behaviour. I'll tell you, this is going to be a great segue. I'll tell you what I think you think is going to stink, Pete, is this next thing that we got. I can't wait. It's going to be a great segue. All right. This is something that Pete thinks stinks. Here we go. Lots of listeners are asking for Pete's reactions to a new Guinness World Record that's just been set. Now, be nice because this person's only 19. 19-year-old Hope Roberts has collected 877 unique jelly cats, meaning she officially has the world's largest collection of jelly cat memorabilia.

32:05Pathetic. She's 19. Yeah, an adult. Nah, she's somewhere between. Pippa's 20 fucking six. Oh, sorry. Completely different age. Yeah, but my point is you collect jelly cats, so that's even more embarrassing for you. But hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's also just, you know, caveat the fact that it's not just Hope. She's also pathetic. Pippa is also pathetic. 877 of them, presumably at 19. Listen, unless she's done very well for herself, which would be amazing. She lives at home, which means her parents or whoever she lives with, they're also sharing the house with 877 waste of space toys. Well. Where do you keep them?

32:51In her room, in her bedroom. How does she get in the bedroom? Well, there's only 877. You're going to love this. Guess how much they cost altogether. Well, judging by how much jelly cats are, there's 877 of them. 877 ,000 pounds then I'm going to go with. No. No. I don't know. What's an average jelly cat? 50 quid? Depends on the size. Yeah, it depends on the size. You need to guess. She's got a mixture of small, medium and large. Oh, okay. Oh, that's good. You know, I was worried that she had 877 large ones. But the fact that she's also catering for the little babies is good. I wonder what a favourite is.

33:32I don't care. I'm going to say 25 grand. More. More than 25. Where does a 19-year-old get 25 grand to spend on toys? A bit more. 30 grand. Just total. 35. How long are we going to be here? 35 grand. What? 40 ,000. 50 grand. 45 grand. 45 ,000 pounds. 45 grand. See, and this is why people shouldn't have children. By the way, we've worked that out as an average. So that's not factual information. No. So what we've done there. It's not factual information. So what we've done there, then, is we've just averaged it out. We don't know how many small, medium and large she's got. So it's similar to everything.

34:18Nine out of 10 statistics are wrong. We've averaged out as a team. So we've guessed and taken just a dip in the dark. The fact that she's got 45 grand's worth of jelly cats. Yeah. How much is too much for you? One. No, genuinely, how much is too much for a jelly cat for you? To pay? Yeah. Three quid. You're at the jelly cat cafe, right? Not again. Which you've been to. Oh, okay, fine. You're on the airline. You're in the Jelly Cat airline. Never. You're waiting in queue. I'm waiting in the queue. You're waiting in the queue. Yeah, I've got me balding past. You're waiting in the queue. My favourite thing is when we went to the Jelly Cat cafe, people were getting really annoyed that we skipped the queue.

35:02Everyone was having a go. Sorry, but I sidetracked. Basically, you're in the queue. They go, that's what you got. I'll have one Jelly Cat, please. And she goes, right, that's 30 quid. Are you paying that money? No. Is that you agree? No. Okay. Well, no. But that's like saying, but listen, I understand, Pippa, what's the most you would spend? I mean, I nearly got you one in Vegas. Yeah, he nearly got me a dragon. How much? How much? Let me tell you. Let me tell you the fucking story, shall we? So we go to Vegas, all right, and they got a fucking show. You know, they got everything in Vegas. In the hotel we're in, there's a shop, and there's a fucking, I went to, Look at that fucking thing.

35:45There's a great big dragon in the window, jelly cat. And I went to her, listen, I'll get it for you. Never in my life did I imagine how much that would be. Not in my... I thought, listen, maybe that's going to be 200 quid. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I thought, don't worry about it, it's fine. She'd love it. Yeah. Big fucking dragon. Go in, just, there I am, buying a box of ****. How much for the dragon in the middle? A box of ****. My favourite thing is it's not even a bag of a box of I say to the lovely lady, I say, I'll have a box of how much for the dragon in the window? Pippa stood next to me.

36:26Two thousand fucking dollars. And I looked at Pippa, I went, absolutely fucking not. I'll just have the Two thousand pounds. And then I bet Pippa actually looked a bit sad as well. Oh, no, she went, oh yeah, no, it's okay. fucking look it was a big dragon Pippa how much it's a toy you could buy a car with that you could buy Josh's car with that Josh you have got a really shit automobile I'm going to be honest we're going to have to look at upgrading that mate because I tell you what if I was your fucking kid and you dropped me off to school in that is that your dad fucking not in a Yaris is it a Yaris Josh not in a fucking Yaris hey nothing wrong about Yaris his car's in the workshop he's borrowed it from Nan It's a great car Well You have to say that Because he's your fucking Uber driver I've had many a trip in that car Don't we fucking know it I'll tell you what The only person tighter than Sam in this room Is Pippa She won't even pay for a fucking cab I mean I know how much she's fucking paid And she brings in A thimble fucking Tupperware thing A fajita from three and a half weeks ago for lunch Alright The only time she has a fucking matcha Is when I go I've got you a matcha Yeah we do We do end up buying you quite a lot of stuff I do just want to want to know before we move on as a jelly cat fan pippa how much is the most you would pay for jelly cat she'd have forked out the two grand for the fucking dragon i think the most i have personally spent is around 50 pounds it's a sun it's like a it's quite a big sun lives on my sofa give you a good tag no it's called sunshine oh my god no sorry no no that's good how did you come up with that name it's on the tag hello i'm amusable sunshine please look after me and what do you have to do to look after it i sometimes go like morning morning good night and it's always sat there smiling makes me feel really good is it always in the same place it doesn't take it except for a little walk in there no it's not from the jelly cat cafe oh it's not a jelly cat no it's just not as lively it's a fake ones you have encountered no it's real pete i've got a really good question for you what's your opinion on couples who run together what why are you just coming for me this whole thing what's your opinion what's your opinion on couples who by the way seriously run listen all i'm gonna say i i i struggle to have an opinion on that based on the fact that you know any time that i've been in a couple the only time we run together is away from each other so um it's a role play set directions as fast as possible um listen if if they like to work out together that's fine i i i would say you know rather than running to burn calories.

39:03I'd rather have sex with my partner because I think that you probably burn more calories doing that than you do just sort of like panting down a wet road together. You know, but whatever floats your boat. And listen, I'm judging by the way she's looking down and fiddling with her little wire that that is in reference to Jack and Pippa. And there's a couple, I absolutely adore them both. But do I want to be, you know, walking down the street and watch them two running towards me panting in lycra? No, I don't. I don't need to see that. I don't want to see that. I don't want to imagine it. It's my favourite thing.

39:38And then getting back and going, it's a good one, mate, wasn't it? It just makes me... Do you know what my favourite thing about it is? Is that classic Pippa, they have an argument on the way where she's like, the Strava's taking us the wrong way. You've taken us the wrong way. And poor Jack, Pippa's boyfriend, has to be subject to 40 minutes of fucking arguments whilst on a run? Well, listen, I used to do a little bit of running back in my younger, fitter days. And the whole point of it was to get away from everything and just to be out of fucking, you know what I mean, you and the road. What do you do if your missus went, can I come and run with you?

40:16Should we both go on a run? I say, absolutely. We'll leave at the same time and you can go around that way and I'll go around that way. I'll see you back here in about 45 minutes. And if she goes, well, I want to run. Why? Why? You don't need to be, I'm not going to talk to you. you know what I mean you don't want to talk and run do you yeah eh I don't run by myself because I like to chat well then you're not fucking running are you yeah conversational pace alright so you so you and Jack go for a walk no it's like just a brisk jog Josh and I might run together soon actually oh fucking Josh mate blink twice if you need help because honestly give the geezer some space I'm trying to get him to sign up to my half marathon.

41:00We're all signing up to that half marathon. This is another thing that for 2026, you know, let's stop making promises we're not going to keep. We are. We're all signing up. No, no, no, no, no, no. On a serious note, we're thinking about it. Let's not make promises we can't keep because if I get one more message from someone asking when I'm going to Sheffield, I'm going to lose the fucking prop. All right? Let's stop making promises we can't keep until we've made decisions. So me and you doing a half marathon though is on the board just in case? It's on a board. Yeah. Okay, cool. It's just under, shall we go to Sheffield?

41:32By the way, it's the Hackney half if you want to come and support us. And I'll tell you, and this is not about, right, okay, here we go. All right, let's get fucking into it. There we go, everyone. Strap it. This is the problem. Or strap on. I forget when we say things on this pod, and it's all kind of funny because it's just us in there, it has a ripple effect. All right? It has a ripple effect to genuinely, I'm having at least three, four, five people a day comment, when are you coming to Sheffield? All right? they want the specific date, time and where I'm going to be in Sheffield. I ain't fucking coming.

42:00All right? Stick that in your fucking pipe and smoke it. But now what I'm getting is, here we are. This is from, and we can bleep out the name, a company called Great Run. Can't wait to see you on the start line running for a great cause. Hi, Pete. Happy New Year. Hope you're well and had a lovely Christmas break. We love the Stay In Redmond podcast and heard that you and the team might be interested in doing a half marathon in 2026. We would love to invite you to the AJ Bell Great Manchester Run on the 31st of May. This year is set to be one of the biggest yet. Loads of details. Hi, Pete. Not sure if you got the message above.

42:38So what's the problem is, is now I've got, and this isn't the only one, multiple half marathons across the country asking what time I'm going to be there. I ain't fucking doing it. Anyway. now we've spoken multiple times about oh hello his phone's gone all over the place

43:07well there you go what I was trying to do but obviously my you know I think it's the lazy eye hand eye coordination is you may have heard some of that in the background he just head busted his mic but that is my full button which I'm now going to pass to Sam because Sam has started adopting the phrase, I've had a fall. Because Sam apparently fell up the stairs recently. I did. I fell up the stairs over the Christmas break and I told Louise and Louise, for some reason, I don't know why, messaged people and be like, Sam's telling me he's had a fall. So what happened then is we put out and it made headlines for me, my alcohol-fuelled, you know, fucking fall.

43:42When I told that story, what you did was just leave it there as if I'm an idiot and just go, look at this fucking prick. he can't stand on his own two feet, knowing full well that over the Christmas period you also had a fall. Yeah, but mine was different. I was chasing the girlfriend up the stairs and I was basically, so I was running. So I was running up the stairs. Well, listen, let me just take a moment there because if the Daily Mail can make my headlines sound bad, I feel like they may have a field day with this one. God, I've never wished I was a journalist more. So you were chasing your girlfriend I was chasing her up the stairs.

44:21Yeah. And I fell over. Right. And I fell up the stairs. Was it sort of chasing up the stairs in a sexy way and then you smashed her face on the fucking stairs? Or was it kind of, like, do you know what I mean? Was your cock out and then you were just a naked mess at the bottom? No, I was just running after her and she gets, like, freaked out when I run behind her. What was she trying to do, leave? No, she was going upstairs to go and put her face on and I was basically running up behind her because she doesn't like people being like really up close behind her. So I like sometimes. I must say sex hard.

44:52So I sometimes run behind her to just like freak her out sometimes. And I was changing up the stairs, had a really bad fall on the stairs and then fell back down the stairs. I, it's mad actually because, you know, especially last year, you had a real issue with age. And the fact that we perhaps weren't connecting with the, what are we on now? Fucking Gen Alpha now, isn't it? These fucking, you know, we weren't connecting with them. We're at the stage now where you're chasing your younger lady up the stairs and having a fall and I'm too drunk. Oh, no, we've become them. I think it is at this point that we have to accept and admit we're past it.

45:37We're just two old creepy dudes. I'll be honest with you. Mine wasn't creepy. Mine was sad and depressing. You've gone creepy. you've gone creepy. I've just gone lonely. All right. So it's two different things. Creepy and lonely old man. So it got us thinking because obviously, you know, I've been saying that I've been having fools for a while. What other, do you think there's any other mannerisms? Oh mate. Because, and I'll tell you why, and I'm going to be very honest. I think I've picked up none from you. I've picked up so many from you. You however. Yeah. My sister and my mum always call it out.

46:13like I end up on a high note sometimes now and so like I'll be like I don't know it's just an example because I'm well known for finishing on high notes and I'll be like I'll be like oh have you got egg are you having eggs this morning like that and I'm like and literally no okay so Louise and you no no no no no no you've missed this why you don't understand I meant have you yeah okay it's alright take a minute just you do that I do that yeah do I Only sometimes You do He finishes on a high And I've started adopting him Do I? Yeah He's like Have you finished your ex? Like that And I just sometimes do like Do I do that?

46:55Yeah And then So there's also another thing I do That my mum noticed And Pippa noticed as well Is I walk like that So like with a really wide gait So my feet are like out like that And my mum and Pippa were like You walk like Pete like a sorry I I am a 37 year old man and no one has ever told me I've got a wide gate what do you mean I don't know Bibby you brought up and my mum were like Pete walks sorry you were starting to walk with a really Pete Wicks walk which is like a really sort of like platypus footed a bit of a bowl yeah yeah I mean yeah does it do I have a weird walk then he just did it the other day it was like particularly like that it's quite in your gate I'm not a penguin.

47:43Yeah, because that's how you walk. And I've now adopted that. And there's the last thing you do, which I've noticed, but no one else has noticed me doing, is I do a little skip now. And I'm like, that's fucking Pete Wicks. You know when you're walking, you do a skip. So anyone that's... I'm confused. So I've got a wide gate and a skip, and I finish everything on a high note? Yeah. Not all the time. I don't know about the skip. I've not seen that one. Mate, have you not seen him do the skip? No. And also, I know you see this. Do you know when Pete sometimes goes, like, he'll finish sentence, and he'll go...

48:21He'll finish sentence, he'll go... And you think you've started doing it? I've started doing it. And Louise said it was because of Pete. Yeah. Right. Is there anything, then, you know, let's ask producer Pippa. She spends a lot of time with both of us. have I picked up anything from him? No, nothing. I don't think so. Those were all lies, by the way.

48:51Did you just... Are you playing a little trick on me? What's that penguin? He doesn't skip me. My favourite thing is... But the high thing, and finishing on a high, we actually had you for a second there and you really said, do I? Yeah, because then I thought, do I actually do that? And the penguin walk, I think we got him too on the penguin walk. All right. So is there anything actually mannerism-wise? I mean, the one that I see a lot is your accent. Mate, honestly, it's that, but now my accent's almost worse than your, not worse, because it's not bad to have a Cockney accent. It's not like there's a level of what's good and what's bad.

49:29Dagnum's fine. Like, I'm happy with Dagnum. How do you say the word? But I've gone really, really east now to the point where I don't know if I can bring it back. Well, yeah, but you sound a little bit like you're like auditioning for Football Factory. I admit it's got really bad. Do you know what it is? We've never addressed this before, actually. And I don't even say this, but sometimes it goes, geezer. I don't even say that. I know. And I'll sometimes call girls geezer now. Like if Vipper says something, I'll be like, oh, geez. I'll say geese I'll call you geese I've never said geese in my life yeah is there what about mannerisms wise then other than that Pippa like your best because I think it's hard for us to know if we are doing anything that's similar I picked up loads of things I think that you do mainly yeah definitely so apart from accent like mannerisms swearing you do like Pete will come to me with something that's that he's like something he's sorted out or needs to sort out or whatever and he'll sometimes kind of do a sigh before he speaks and he'll do like a cross arms will be like, right, so this, he'll do that.

50:36You sometimes will, it's only when you watch him do it, you'll just do it at the same time. You go like, what? Only if you don't do it off your own back out in the wild. If you see Pete do it, you sort of mirror him. Only when you're in my captivity. Yeah, when you're in his company. I've noticed you sort of mirror his body language sometimes. To be fair, actually, yeah, that's a good point because whenever we do photo shoots, You always go to me. I'll stand and do Sank and then I'll put my hands in your pocket. Yeah. And then I went, we can't both do it. How many times have I said it to each other?

51:10Or I'll do Sank and then he'll do it. And I'm like, we can't both. But that's so unfair because I'm not trained in the art of modelling. Sorry. I don't know how to model. No, no, no. Let's just stop a minute. I'm not a trained model. Yeah, but you know how to do it. No, but also, but that's not even when we're doing that. It's like when we're doing... when we're presenting or when we're doing anything and like always like, if we go and present an award or something else you like, right. So I know I stand up there and I walk in with them like one hand in my pocket and saying, I know you're behind me.

51:43Like a, like a, like a duck following its fucking mother duck with your hand in your pocket as well. And then you look at me. Safety and security, mate. It's mirroring. Yeah. It's actually, it's actually a really positive body language thing mirroring. Are you aware of the new trend that Gen Z's sort of bring?

52:04Don't roll your eyes before you even heard what the trend is. I heard two parts of that that automatically make my brain go, no, it's not for you. And that was trend and Gen Z. When I hear them together in the same sort of phrase, my brain automatically goes, you won't enjoy this. I think you will actually. So Gen Z have been calling 2026 the 2016 throwback. Yeah, someone mentioned this to me the other day and I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now. Well, we've got loads of influencers posting photo dumps with filters over the top, sort of like they did back in the day because that was like quite a big thing.

52:46Or like you do now. Well, it's interesting to say that, Pete. Or have you stopped with that one? Have we finally got you out of using that fucking, what is it Hollywood or whatever it is on Instagram where whenever he takes a bit well it's because you're having the spray tans now he doesn't need to well it's interesting you say that Pete because actually it wasn't me that we found when we did the research of 2016 which isn't that long ago 10 years well is there ever a time frame where that is applicable for people listening this is a Snapchat that Pete's done. I don't even think you knew what Snappy C was, but he's got a loaf of bread filter that he's on his own lying in bed because there's a pillow behind you.

53:32Top off. All right, Sherlock. He's done a... No, no, no. He's done a Snapchat filter with his face in a loaf of bread, pointed at it and gone, what the fuck?

53:45Explain that and explain that, Pete Wicks, because I don't think I've ever known that guy. I was experimenting. Just experimenting with the, you know. Were you experimenting with this one?

54:04Experimenting with this, for the people listening at home, this one is Pete with a bunny filter. Now, there have been many times recently. I find that very... Listen, I like it. He's put... Is there any more? Come on, hop along. He's put what a happy bunny underneath, but he's not even taking the piss because he's put the classic Pete Wicks lion and two lions face as if like what a happy bunny I am that's when life was good is there any more? because I would have done more I imagine what he's been doing lift selfies since 2016 quite the coat what a great coat that is I know where I was there as well

54:47I turned into a Pete I thought that was me with a filter. Hold on. No, stop it, Sam. Sam, that's not 10 years ago. No, come here. That's not 10 years ago. Might have been embarrassing as hell. It's not as bad as that. It's bad. Why am I... Right, one thing that, you know, when I discussed this the other day that I do know about 2016 is that I was mostly naked. I spent a lot... I was in shape in 2016, so I was mostly topless.

55:17Oh my good God. Pete's just looking, by the way. No, no, no. That can't be 2016. Weirdly, so this is when I was heavily in my Chelsea boy era. And I'm like, I just look like a prick. There's no way around it. I really look like a knob. No, but I don't look that different 2016. I was in shape and I don't look as fucked. You look like you've been through puberty in the past 10 years. I know. You look like a child. I was 23. How young does it, like genuinely, if you look at Sam now, like I look fairly similar, like I'm quite boring. You are unrecognisable. No, that's mad. Unrecognisable. And then I aged real quick after 30.

56:04God, it was a bad year for us both, wasn't it, Matt? Mate, I look like an absolute bad. So my voice back then, my voice. I remember that that was when I was in Cannes my voice back then was this oh my god haircut needed no but it'd be like haircut needed mate absolutely love it I'm a Chelsea boy I'm a made in Chelsea Jamie stop being such a fucking prick mate do you think because we didn't know each other at this point it's mad isn't it but mate just before we go the best bits of 2016 were things that I actually would love to bring back maybe for the pod I don't know if we manage to get around to that.

56:43But the Mannequin Challenge, does anyone remember the Mannequin? Pete, do you remember the Mannequin Challenge? Is that just where you all... It's where everyone's frozen and like... It's a video? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember it. I don't know if I ever did one. Did I? Do you remember that? What's that? And then you have to stay really still.

57:11What I do remember about 2016 is I was in my calendar years. Oh, you were deep in the calendar years. It was actually, you know, I think it was 2016, 2017 that I outsold Justin Bieber and was the number one selling candor in the UK. Which is still the pictures that we use now.

57:31But, yeah, I don't... I think I was a complete knob in 2016. I think we were pretty cool. If I met myself now, if 2016 Pete walked in, I imagine what I'd do is punch him in the face and stamp on his head. I think I would have been a knob. What if 2016 Sam walked in? What would you do? The same as what I do now is I think about it, but don't do it. No. What do you think? This is mental. Pokemon Go was a thing in 2016. Were you around for that? Were you around? I was here, yeah. But was that a thing in your world? Did you ever see anyone play Pokemon Go? You didn't see one person play? I was addicted, man.

58:17I'll be honest with you. I didn't realise Pokemon had been around that long. I thought it was a new thing. What? Yeah, well, I remember it being like a TV show, but I don't remember all the cards and all that. I just don't remember any of that. I thought it was like a new... What's your opinion very quickly? Because everyone's going mad for that shit now, aren't they? or the Pokemon cards, yeah. What's your opinion very quickly on people going round and trying to catch Pokemon in real life? Because that's what they used to do. I'll be honest with you. I don't know if we've got enough time for you to explain what that means because you doing that to me, I have not a clue.

58:47So Pokemon's not, it's a cartoon. Yeah. So how'd you catch it? Because basically it was on an app and you'd walk with your phone like this. So you'd catch people walking around London. Okay, so when you say you catch people, what? No, you just see people walking around London with their phones like that because through the phone you would see like a Jigglypuff. What, and it made random people a cartel? No, no, no. They would basically hide Pokemon all around the world and you would have people walking around. So who fed them? What do you mean? No one feeds them. They'd be in an app on your phone.

59:18I don't understand. And you'd catch little Jigglypuffs by going like that and you'd throw Pokeballs at them. But where are they? Well, they're in the phone but they're projecting outside. So then why do you need to go anywhere? Well, because they're in the phone. You can do it in your limit. No, no, no. No, because they're all around the country. So, yeah, but who put the NEF in the first place? The database. So sometimes you'll see a Squirtle just kicking up down the King's Road, and then you might... The only time I see a Squirtle is 3 a.m. on a Saturday night. But you also might... But you might see a Jinxie, and the only way you can see a Jinxie is in East London.

59:55That legit? Or if you want to go see a Gyarados, you might have to go to, like, York.

1:00:03or Geodude in, I don't know, Berlin. All right. We should play Pokemon Go. It's still going. Sign me up. You never know. We'll have a go. We'll have a go. Right, let's move on. I honestly don't understand what the fuck you're talking about. All right, cheers.

1:00:24Go on then, say goodbye. Thank you so much to listening to a podcast hosted by two best friends who are going to definitely partake in the Mannequin Challenge at some point in the next couple of weeks. So do look out for that. If you are on your morning commute and you did enjoy Pete's lovely words of wisdom for your Monday blues, then, you know, thank you, Pete. And keep listening to us. We love you so much. See ya. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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1:02:38Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.