164: Sam gets grilled

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1:11Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office, or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again. That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds.

1:51Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Welcome to a podcast that you know and I think you love. Why did you change it up? I don't know, I just thought something sounded a bit fresh. Just stick to normal. Okay, welcome to a podcast hosted by two best friends. That's not even right either. Staying Relevant, hosted by me, Sam Thompson, and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Jeremiah, Jezariah, Jim Bob Wicks.

2:36Jim Bob. Excellent. Wonderful. There will be swearing. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself. This is the main episode, which means that it is Monday that you are potentially listening to this. You'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel on a Wednesday from 5pm and then we'll be doing a bonus episode which comes out on a Thursday audibly which you'll be able to watch on a Sunday on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm which means that you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday God it just gives me so much joy every time make sure you rate, review, follow, subscribe, do all of that crap even more so than before because it's very important because now everyone has targets which are based on numbers aren't they Josh?

3:19Yes, very important numbers. A little plea for subscription? Yeah, just me and Kira to be honest. Straight down the barrel. Straight down the barrel. Please.

3:32Pippa, please. We're desperate for, Sam, Sam. Sorry. We're desperate for subscribers. I think approximately 13 ,000 more would be fantastic by March 31st. Nice, nice, beautifully done. Quite a big number that. Wonderful stuff Hannah do you want to just step into the thing and ask for some followers on Instagram I don't even need followers because that's not even my target I just need lots of views Oh we need views We need views That's the one You want to watch it loads of times Do it Nice Oh nice I like to enjoy the thumbs up We're going to start with exciting news We are It's news that I'm actually not entirely sure what it is Of course you're not Well all I'm going to say which is a good thing because it means you can't give one of your subtle things where you basically just tell everyone what it is I want to give it away We have something very exciting going on SR Productions.

4:18By the time this comes out, you guys will actually be finding out tomorrow, which is Tuesday. So Tuesday next week, you will see something very, very exciting. So look across socials and all that sort of stuff. It's big news. Big news. Can you give us a hint? I can not. Oh, my God. We've got enormous news. Oh, yeah, no. Actually, you probably shouldn't.

4:47There's something big coming. There we go. All right, we'll stick there. In other big news... This is not big news. Sam has made one Monday meeting, two Monday meetings of the year. Three, you can't today. No, we're not counting today because we're not having the Monday meeting today because we're mixing shit up. Just because you assess, you just automatically assume that every meeting happens on a Monday, so we're throwing in a curveball. But it's not fair. Well, no, we're throwing it on a Wednesday this week. You know I'm not here on a Wednesday. We're here every Wednesday. No, I'm not here this Wednesday.

5:20Well, guess who's not getting a gold star? Because there is a star chart now for the Monday meetings throughout the year to see who attends more. I can tell you now, there won't be much jeopardy throughout the year because it will be me. It's too old at the moment. It is. We're neck and neck. We are neck and neck. So we're just going to see how long Sam's hyperfixation on the Monday meetings lasts. By, I reckon, February, you'll have a new hyperfixation, which will probably be sort of like, I don't know, Friday drinks. Mine's World War II at the moment. Yeah. Really enjoying World War II. Well, I'm not enjoying it.

5:56I mean, it obviously wasn't good. But, like, yeah, just really finding it interesting is, I'm, like, deep diving into World War II at the moment. Yeah? What are you finding interesting? But just to be honest with you, Operation Barbarossa, which is the German offensive in Soviet Russia. We've got another huge announcement. We have a new employee at Staying Relevant. This is massive, Pete. And I'm going to be honest with you. This was like an Instagram official. Hard launch. Hard launch that everybody, I think, can get behind. You know, sometimes, you know, you hard launch your girlfriend or whatever.

6:33And I was like, oh, come on, really? Do we need to do this? Peter's hard launched his new dog Rodney everybody on the Instagram and the crowd went fucking wild so as we all know Eric is CEO of Stay in Reddivine Rodney has to work his way up so Rodney is currently you know he's currently the T-boy you know cute T-boy there he is very very cute so yeah I've got a new dog Rodney I fostered him for a little bit and decided that I don't want anyone else to have him. And I'm keeping him. So, yeah, he's my new dog. Him and Eric are getting on famously. Like a house on fire. Eric's nearly blind, so he doesn't quite know what's going on, apparently.

7:17Not quite. Well, yeah, he's not going to see Rodney grow like we all are because that fucking thing is going to be a horse. Honestly, Rodney, my little pony. Yeah, he's big. And how's training going so far? He's been good. He's been good. He's not used to a lot of things. Walking was an issue. Life was an issue. But he's very confident, very nice. He's so fucking friendly. We're in that really nice puppy stage at the minute where he's a little bit mischievous, but it's not too bad. We are going to be entering because he's just over four months old. Around six months we're going to enter adolescence and he will become what's known as a ****.

7:58He's going to start trying to shag things. I can't wait until he starts just trying to shag Pippa. yeah like it's just okay he's not just like any of the team yeah yeah i was gonna say i don't think you'll i don't think he's got a type and it's pipper um but yeah he is gonna be so we are hard on the training he's been going out he's been meeting ducks birds people bikes fucking everything and he's really good what's really really nice actually is um is yeah i just never thought we'd get there and if we were gonna get there it would be via dogs pete is now an instagram mom or dad. It's embarrassing.

8:32Mate, honestly, Pete just showed me. It's very cute though. Outside, we were just having a little chat outside and he'd go, show me some videos. And he's like, got the angle right for like Rodney's. He sat him down. He's got the light on his muzzle. And then he's got like, he's got him like looking up into the sky. So you've obviously gone, Rodney, like that, and looked up and then snapped it as he looked up. He's done a slow-mo shot of him running with the ears up and down, bouncing. and I can just imagine and I think we all can if we close our eyes of Pete in the park on his own just like trying to get the angle right being like come on Rodders just put your fake put your muzzle up it's very very sweet I must say it's very annoying when I ask him to sit and wait and I step back to take a picture and someone walks past I'm like we're doing pictures here mate very photogenic dog yeah listen he's a good boy he's yeah he's a good boy so you're gonna see him grow and yeah.

9:30Befriend me. I feel like me and him are quite pally. He is pally with everyone. Now don't take that from me. Let me have that. He leans on me. I'm going to be honest with you. He has got a stand with him best friend and it is not you. Hey, you just... It's also not Pippa. Oh is it? It's Annalise. That's because she's always with him. Yes, Annalise babysits when we're recording. We should actually bring him in but i feel i do i do feel like i feel like i i get along quite well with him you do you're yeah he's like my brother now we're brothers me and him um well no because that would make what does that make me oh that's weird that's what i mean so so not necessarily but yeah he's he's he's he's good as gold and it's just it's really nice yeah it's really nice it's also beautiful mate that the you know your words that you said on on insta which uh which was really lovely where you're just like look no one could ever replace Peggy she was your ride or die we all know how much she meant to you and like you're doing it to give someone a home and to open your heart I'd honestly mate it was we had a Thompson conversation about it actually uh both my I went to Louise and she was like it was just so lovely she was like it just you can tell how much it means it's like when you get into that gooey center I had dogs mate it can be quite sweet Yeah, I do feel like the office has seen a different side to me because I, I mean, you stare at me weirdly, Pippa, quite often at the minute.

10:54You just missed him. He was like rolling around on the floor with Rodney and it was like I've never heard such a high-pitched noise come out of him. Can you repeat it, please, Pippa, for us? I can't even remember what you were saying, actually. I love you. Oh, it's a baby, it's a baby, it's a baby. Can I just, not to sort of bring the mood down, but I'm going to. The amount of grief I got for singing to my cats. I don't sing to them. But you do just as much. No, I don't. The amount of grief you gave me for going meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, and now you're on the floor rolling round.

11:33Yeah, but there's a massive difference, and I'll tell you what the massive difference is, is the dog responds well to it and enjoys it. Your cat hates every single minute of you having it in a chokehold while forcing meow meow down its throat. All right? There's a huge difference. It cannot wait to get away. It's like... Boring at my face. Yeah. Fuck off. Whereas Rodney's like, yeah. Yeah, he's good. Do you know what would be really nice, mate? If we could walk our pets together. No. I think we should walk our dogs and cats. He's not been introduced to cats yet. Really? No. So... That'd be fun, though.

12:07No, it wouldn't. For a number of reasons. Firstly, like I said, I mean, it'd be good for you socialisation to be introduced to cats because we've not done that yet. But I wouldn't want to do that publicly because I don't want to walk with a man that's walking a cat. Why? It's fucking masculine. It's embarrassing. Cats shouldn't. That's not what a cat. That's not a cat thing. Mate, watch me strut down that street with a lead and a harness. Yeah. I mean, we're not going to put it in. I find it quite cruel. Oh, God. Because cats don't enjoy that. Albus does Cedric hates it which one's the cross-eyed one?

12:43Cedric because he can't see he doesn't know whether the car is coming at him or away from him anyway so yeah but other things have been happening not only have we got this big exciting news that we're going to tell you about we've got a new office we do and it's very very very near to be decked out yes furniture has started arriving So I am just going to put this out here now. Before next week, because all of the chairs have been delivered, as a team bonding experience, everyone is going to build their own chair. So throughout the week, you can spend any minutes you have attempting to build your own chair.

13:25Everyone has their own box. I have labelled them. So everyone has got the same chair. Now, the reason for this is bonding, but also it's problem solving. All right. It's problem solving for all of you. You work as a team. If someone figures out what to do, then we can help the other person. But you will all be building your own chair. Do you know what my favourite thing is? Normally, companies will send teams on those shitty little teams to build a raft. We're making our own. Those white walls of rafts you have to go and build and go and paddle into a lake or something. Oh, God. Oh, God. That kills me.

13:55We're building chairs. Yes. Pippa, we're showing a table, so I feel like if we can help each other. You can do the table and I'll do the chair. Deal. I'll tell you what. If you all build a chair, I'll make all the tables. All the tables? Well, it's because they just come as a table, probably, I imagine. No, of course they don't. A chair is quite, mate, is about fucking six screws on a chair. If you can't work it out, right, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah, Pippa. So, yes, that's what we're going to be doing. And also, I don't want to pay for a handyman. To be perfectly honest, if you don't do it, I'll come in at the weekend and do it myself because I enjoy things like that.

14:30That is true. I don't, so I won't be here on the weekend. People have been wondering also, Pete, whether this new office format has got you missing office life. You know, do you miss sort of like just their tip-tappity-tapping as per my last emails and sticking a pin in things and circling back, firing people? Yeah, I miss having an important job. This is important. No, I mean, this, I mean, we're bums. You know what I mean? This isn't work, is it? This isn't a job. So I miss having a job. I feel like I've been unemployed for the past 13 years. Just sort of like floating around and just, you know, randomly doing stuff.

15:13So it's nice. It's nice to actually, you know, remember that there is a brain somewhere in my head. Well, you, mate, I'll tell you what you are good at. Is it Pete's good at a fucking meeting? I'll tell you that. Well, Pippa and I, we tend to do a lot of the meetings for staying relevant while Sam keeps up morale. however this week Pippa and I had quite an important meeting I had told Sam that I'd be back in around half an hour 40 minutes, it was an hour that I was in the meeting because the meeting was going quite well, there's a lot to do, in that time Sam rather than make himself useful decided that what he would do is just have a little sit on the sofa and inadvertently fell asleep, turned into a nap so Sam had a nap he was then woken up by the light sensors as Hannah walked into the room because it would the lights had all gone off and it was dark what Sam then um thought would be a great idea whilst Pippa and I Sam didn't know who we were in a meeting with and I'd just like to point out this this is you know a bit of a big dog um Sam decided what he'd do is walk into the meeting bow and kiss the man's hand and then say fucking hell I've just woke up whilst rubbing his eyes going fuck yeah just lay down for a minute fed asleep anyway i'm gonna go now but um oh and he went you said you'd be half an hour well i've got to go it's four o 'clock it's what he was doing this four o 'clock um so how was that for you i just i haven't had a nap in fucking ages when it comes it comes and you can't deny it it's fucking great i just i was lying on the sofa me and rodney's actually me and rodney were just chilling out yeah well no that was the other part of the meeting is he came and went i've been asleep with your dog not like that and like and i was lying there and i was so a bit tired actually and then the fucking light sensors went off went dark i went oh this is getting a bit dicey so hold on you hadn't moved yeah at all for ages and you were still awake when they went off yeah so you thought that's a sign yeah and i went well i might as well just close the old eyes and then i was so comfy like in that beautiful like half you were spooning rodney spooning rodders on the sofa as 12, by the way.

17:27Spoonie, running like that. And then the lights come on, Hannah walks in, and I was like, fuck it, you know, I don't even know where I am. You barged into the meeting because you were pissed off that I'd spent more than half an hour there. Barged in. And it was four o 'clock. She shuffled. There was absolutely no way you came in and said, because you didn't even know what it was about, you didn't know anything. You literally just came in and went, you've been half an hour, it's four o 'clock. I've had a kip. With your dog. Not like that, but I've had a kip. So, yeah. It's going well, mate. The two boss rule really works, I've got to say.

17:58Yeah, no, it is good. We've all enjoyed having you around. No, that's actually not true. I do believe that actually - No, it is true. We have enjoyed having you around. It's been quite nice, actually, I think. Even if you say so yourself. Well, I've enjoyed it. Pipsqueak, how has it been having Sam and I around? Lovely. Time consuming. Yeah. In a good way. It's kind of like working, but also you two are like just kind of, well, Sam likes to kind of chat and be spoken to. So you kind of pause work and we'll like have small entertainment slots throughout the day, which is really nice. Morale boosting.

18:39Entertainment slots. Yeah. So the problem is, is actually what we've worked out is that as an office, it's better when we're not here because you have too many entertainment slots and I love a meeting. Loves a meeting. How great is that? Everyone just gets a little sort of a little break here and there. We can have a little bit of banter, fly around on our wheelie little chairs. Yeah. Well, only if you build them. Have a bit of fun. Oh, I was talking about sort of like office furniture and stuff. I was thinking about something recently, right? I watched Titanic and there's, you know, obviously that age old, why have you put that face?

19:16I've just switched off. There's an age old like meme of like, could Jack could fit on that fucking door? Which he could, yeah. Okay, I wanted to get your opinion on this. Do you think he could have fit on the door? I've got eyes, so yes. But I don't know, man. Because she's sprawled out and I feel like if he had gone on the door, both of them would have fallen off and died. So I think he actually took the... He was very kind. Well, yeah, maybe. What would you do? If you were Jack, what would you have done? What would I do? Yeah. Well, he hadn't known her very long, had he? No, he'd only known her for literally, like, what, a cruise?

19:52Grabbed her leg, pulled her off and got on. Is that what's so... What if she's like... What if she's like... And she's like, what a shark! He's like, no, it's just me. What would you have done if she was like, no, Jack, I think you should sacrifice yourself for me. Well, I'd just like to point out, Rose didn't say that. She didn't say, I think you should die for me. Yeah, but, I mean, because he took it upon himself. What would I say? So if I've met someone on a cruise, all right, and the shit was fucking sinking, and then she found her, obviously, and there was a door, right? And then she was on it.

20:29I'd go, off you get. I'd drag her off by her leg. I'd get on the door, and I'd be like, if you keep moving, you'll stay warmer for longer. All right? I haven't known you long. This was probably never going to work. So you wouldn't try and share it. It's just you're gone. Well, if there was the ability to share, do you know what I mean? But if, because obviously she'd have to get off first for me to get on so that I could have the main, but if there was enough room and it wasn't going to sink, then I'd go, yeah, go on, go on. What if she tried to have an argument about it? She was like, Jack, there's not enough space.

21:04If she tried to have an argument? The ship's going down. Yeah, well, so the argument is irrelevant then, isn't it? I mean, to be perfectly honest with you, at that point, I don't think she'd have enough energy to argue. Her little fucking lips of a... You know what I mean? And I'd just... I'd probably... You know what it's like you get on a lilo I'd just arms in and just away from her. She's paddling. Yeah. No, I'd be paddling on the fucking door. I'd think, oh, fuck, I don't need this noise. You know what I mean? And she's steadily singing. I just imagine Pete and Rose having a row as the Titanic's like going down in the background.

21:43And it's like, no, there's fucking room for two, Rose. But I don't even know you. Well, you want me to just die for you? Where's your fucking fella now? He's like, women and children, he's on the boat. You're on a fucking door. You know what I mean? So do you think that's what I'd do, Pippa? No. What do you think you'd do? Take it, take it, I'm fine, go without me. And then drown. Yeah, no, I absolutely wouldn't do that. I would just, I'd try and scramble on. No, I'd go and find another door. Or just die. That's what Jack did. You know what I mean? It's one of them where we've all been thinking it's happening for a long time.

22:23So what a way to do it as a hero. Oh, she's got more to live for. Eh? See, do you know what? Titanic watched it and immediately thought of Pete weirdly. Don't know why. Well, funny enough, it's nice that you watched it. And I presume you did that with your bird.

22:38Because it's a very big day today. the reason that we are in on a Monday is because we have an exciting day we're actually going out for a team dinner tonight lots of things happening don't pretend like you weren't aware because I know listen he's been very nervous about this I've been nervous Sam we literally went outside this morning and you went god I'm so nervous about tonight and I was like don't worry mate it'll be fine honestly but what if what if what if what if and I said don't worry about the what ifs just believe in it because Peep is actually meeting the entire team Peep is coming on her first staying relevant social so she'll be meeting the entire team she has already met me a couple of years ago as she reminded me on FaceTime on Saturday which I didn't need to be a part of she's I believe met Pipsqueak but this will be the first time meeting the rest of the team what are you so nervous about?

23:35I'm not nervous she's asked me what to wear by the way and I just say cash Cash. Cash. Just wear some cash. I was like, just be casual. Cash. Okay, yeah, cash. Yeah. Maybe aloe. Yeah. She could wear her new aloes. Oh, wouldn't that be lovely? Yeah, I mean, we're going to a nice restaurant in Chelsea, so I suggest she doesn't turn up and gym wear. Put your aloe on. Have at it. Yeah, have at it. Put your have at it aloe on. Sam will turn up in his one hoodie, which, by the way, in the behind the scenes, looks like he hasn't fucking taken off since the start of January. So that's going to be great for Pete.

24:12Every day is a new day. Every day is the same hoodie. Which one is it? The one you bird bought you. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Oh, I don't know, mate. No, nothing. I think it's going to be really, really nice. And actually, I just tried to sort of like, as Pete just mentioned there, I tried to, you know, just get ahead of it. And I FaceTimed, I was looking up babysitting Leo on the weekend and I FaceTimed Pete and I was with Tally. I'd just like to point out, as Sam repeatedly tells people, I don't answer. Now, the reason I don't answer is because there's never an issue.

24:45It's just because he's passing the time. And I don't like to do that. I don't need to do that. I'm quite happy to sit in silence. But it was a Saturday night and I thought there may be something wrong. So I did answer and I regretted it the minute his face popped up and went, hello, because I thought there's nothing wrong. I was cooking a steak. Because he was babysitting Leo. So it was just Sam and Leo at the time. And I didn't realise Pete was going to enter the fray. She did. And then I FaceTimed. Yeah, I was sat on FaceTime to the three of them, which was a joyous experience. He loved it. He's fucking lying.

25:26He absolutely loved it. Although he did swear a lot and Leo kept on going, stop saying bad words. Yeah, but listen, Leo's been around me now. He gets it. He understands. He understands Uncle Pete. No, it was nice. I mean, talking of the babysitting, obviously, did you call in reinforcements or were you doing fine on your own? Mate, do you know what? I'll tell you this. Yeah, please do. That's why I asked. Mate, babysitting's a fucking, the first two hours were amazing. He was excited to be there. Actually, no, he wasn't. When Louise and Ryan were leaving, because obviously kids at that age have attachments.

25:59Like when they say they're going, obviously kids think they're going forever. And so he's actually like hugging her, but like, no! And I was like, oh God, this is so awkward. and I'm like stood and Ryan's like Ryan's sitting around me going don't worry mate this happens all the time it's absolutely fine it's nothing to do with you and I was just like I don't know what to do so I'm just sitting there going we're going to have a good time no I was like oh fuck have you ever thought about if it is what if it is to do with you no it's not because eventually I brided him with sweets and he was fine after that I gave him twisters strawberry laces fruit pastels yeah I mean the good part about that is obviously when that sugar kicks in oh mate it was so this is another bad thing So how was the 7 p.m.

26:38bedtime? Right.

27:06decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office, or your kid's dino nuggets start giving you that look again. That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off.

27:44Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier.

28:18And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list.

29:01I mean like obviously you know you want your nephew to like you and be happy to be there and not you know cling to his mum like a koala to a fucking eucalyptus but um so you you bribed him with lots of sweets and then what I imagine is that's all fine for about half an hour when the sweets are just going through the system then the sugar hits yeah um but at that point it's bedtime Yeah, no, he didn't go to bed. No, it's mad that. This is the issue I had. Actually, this is so bad. Louise and Ryan got back at 10 p.m. He was still awake. Right. He was still up. And I literally looked at Ryan. I went, I don't know what to do.

29:38I was like, I don't know how to do it. And Ryan went, he's not in bed. It's 10 p.m. He's four years old. Mate, he was actually really bad. And actually, I was saying to Pete outside, this is actually quite sad, actually, but I've just realised I don't think I'm ready for kids because as much as I love it, the first - Which is mad because we all thought you were a dead cert for him right now. No, mate. You know I've been sort of thinking I'd like to be a dad relatively soon. Did it make you broody? I spent a lot of time with Leo over the past year. And I've... First three, weren't interested. Got such...

30:07Fuck off. I've got such a nice bond with him. Yeah. But that side of things, I was like, fuck, I have no control. Yeah, but listen, that is the kind of nice thing about kids, isn't it? Like, you know, when you give them back. Yeah, this is the thing. When you actually have to do the fucking, the bad cop, it's fine being good cop. It's great, isn't it? I can't tell you. But when you have to do bad, when you have to be bad cop, it's fucking, it's a nightmare. And you end up bribing them with sweets. And then you end up with an obese child. Well, mate, do this, imagine this is how it happens, to be fair.

30:38Josh, tell us how it happens to you.

30:43I was going to go for Pippa, but that's rude. He's just calling you fat. Are you fucking that s*** in the wind? I know, I was going to say Pippa. I was like, I can't do that. Fucking strong gust of wind. He's up like a kite. You must be joking. Mate, I... Where's Josh? Flying away like a weed of grass. Let's go fly a kite. Anyway, sorry, mate. Dude, I genuinely think, though, it's really made me realise when you have kids, you just don't... You have no time for yourself. So, okay. I mean, look, I'm going to be honest with you, I'm glad you realised that because I don't think you're anywhere near the point where you...

31:22I thought I was. Oh, fuck. You should have just asked me. Right. But that's a good... That's good. I think that's a good thing. You don't need to either. You're young. You're 33. You're fine. I know, but mate, time goes like that. I'll end up being your age soon. And then, like, you know, fuck. Like, I don't... Yeah, you blink and you'll beat. So, like, I'd like soon to be, you know, to at least try. Yeah. But, man, I'm not ready. My worry, in all seriousness, is I don't know if I will be because that, I can't scold. He was testing the shit out of me. He was bouncing on my head, and I didn't know what to do.

32:00And I was just like, okay. And I just couldn't, I didn't want to, because I tried to scold him once, and he looked like he was going to cry. And I was like, fuck, I don't know what to do. No, see, I can help you in that department. What would you do? But, I mean, listen, I've spent time with Leo, and I was fun Uncle Pete. You can give him back. I could give him back, but I think he'd listen. You just need to have that element of, don't fuck with me. I have not got that element. I tried to take him upstairs to his bed. He was like, no, Uncle Sam. And I went, oh my God. And then he went, you come with me.

32:38And then he led me into the play area and turned on a microphone. and we started singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. It was at 9.30pm. Yeah, see, now that's a... And then I watched All Quiet on the Western Front with it, which is a World War I. World War I, have you watched it, John? It's a fucking savage movie. So, all right, so how did you... So let's see, it gets to 7pm, it's bedtime, but you need to start prepping bedtime before 7pm. You can't have the alarm go off and then go 7pm, get in bed. You need to start the prep. Got to ease him up there. Mate, you know. I mean, I don't spend any time with children.

33:15So, you know, I don't think I'm very good. Like, you know, I'm not a kid person. But I think that's just logical, isn't it? Mate, and by the way, warm milk's hard. Put a little bit of milk in the microwave, it goes hot real fast. Yeah, so you need to check with your finger and stuff. Yeah, this is the thing. You got to put your little finger in. It's mad. I had to take him for a shit. Like, that's wild. And then he was testing me because he needed seven Wiis and he was like, I need to go to the bathroom. And you've just been. No, but it was just him testing me. He was just testing me, man. Okay.

33:48And I just, and then he got it. Fuck, man. He got an air gun. You know, one of them fucking Nerf guns. He started pelt me with Nerf guns. One got me in the ice. So imagine I'm Leo. I need you to scold me and tell me to go to bed. Well, this is as far as I went. I went, Leo, listen, mate. I went, this has got to stop. he says gotta stop I was like I can't see out of one eye and he hit me around there with a golf club with like a plastic golf club and I was like Tally help and then I said your mum mummy's gonna be really upset and that actually did stop him for a little bit yeah yeah mummy's gonna be upset and then he looked like he was gonna cry and then I felt really bad so I then gave him another sweet and then I don't think you should ever have to it was real tough because I've only ever done it in like two hours since.

34:40I've never done like a full night. Oh, I didn't realise this was your first full night. I've never babysat before. I then got it, I then carried him upstairs. You live next door. They haven't trusted me with babysitting duties up until then. Not a fucking surprise listening to this. Ryan literally came in and he went, you failed every test. I was like, no! All right, I'll tell you what. I'll do the other one week in. All right, deal. Only if we can do it together. No, because you're the weak link. I swear to fucking Christ, if you get into bed, I'll be livid. I can, do you know what? I'll guarantee it.

35:13And I've never babysat a child. I also don't spend any time with kids whatsoever. I need to see this. I have to see it. All right, let's make that into a thing for 2026. At some point, we're going to put that to the test. I'm going to get Pete to babysit Leo. But you can't be there. And I won't be there. Because you're the weak link. I'm not the weak link. I'm the nice guy. Yeah, exactly. But you need to be both. All right, send me to bed. Right? Send me to bed. Happily, mate. Wah! Wah! Wah! Oh, I just shat in my hand. I'm going to throw it at you. What, is he a chimpanzee? No, I mean, he never did that, so I don't know where that came from.

35:51Have you ever shat in your hand before? I have. Can I tell you why? I'll tell you exactly why. Because I went to a bathroom in South Africa, and it said anything above a certain weight has to be lowered by hand. yeah yeah legit so as we lowered my so i got luvol out and then

36:21but anyway i don't even know what do you think the chances of that story making it's the pod It's in. Right. Excellent. It's passed.

36:33Wonderful. But, mate, sorry, sorry. Back to wah, wah, wah, wah. Why are you crying? I'm not going to use my words. Wah, wah. I'll just walk out the room and leave you crying. But at some point, there's an attention. I want attention. Oh, right, okay, yeah. Okay, wah, look at me, wah. I need a wee. Go to the toilet, then. I need you. You don't need me. I do. Are you going to need me when you're 30? No, but I'm four. Yeah? So let's start practising now. You can go to the toilet on your own and then when you come back, I'm going to say, well, let's play a little game. Go to the toilet and then come and find me.

37:08I need you to lift me up so I can wee into the loo. You don't need me to lift you up. I do. You don't because there's a little stare down there. I know because I put it there earlier.

37:19Do you want to be a child all your life or do you want to be a big boy? do you want to be a big boy or do you want to be a child all your life I'd like to be a big boy please okay if you'd like to be a big boy let's start with the big boy steps go to the toilet come back high five can I have a twister you've already had one can I have another one yes tomorrow if you're good tonight I'll make sure you have a twister tomorrow so by that means you go to the toilet on your own and then we're going to start getting ready for bed okay but where's Uncle Sam Uncle Sam is somewhere else that was quite good to be fair well done Peter James calm yeah see I'm not calm you're not calm I'm not calm calm it's the same as the fucking dog yeah you just gotta be relaxed calm that's the problem isn't it there's a difference in training there is socialisation and all the happy and fun and all the rest of it and then after a big explosion of exercise and fun there's a come down period It's the same with eating.

38:22The reason that he's probably pissing and shit is because you're letting him drink and fucking eat when he wants. No, there's set times. If you don't have a routine, then they can't get used to it. I was doing wrestling moves on him as well. That can't help. Well, there you go. What exactly, what is that doing? That's releasing all the endorphins. He's hyped up before he goes to bed. But yeah, it was interesting. Can't lie. It freaked me out a little bit. Hopefully one day I'll be ready. But Tally was great with him though. Which is nice. Yeah, well, you could have used that as well. Do you know what I mean?

38:48You could have used the fact that Tally was there. Yeah. He prefers her to me, which I just, I'm like, how? Well, you know, she's probably calmer than you. I think I'm around too much as well. No, I just think you are, you are his fun. So when it's, it doesn't understand. It doesn't understand that actually, no, Uncle Sam does chill as well. Yeah. It's just fun. Yeah. Sweet, it's fun. Yeah, that's a good point. He's hyped. Yeah. You're like crack to him. Yeah. He lied to me about something as well. He must lie about some fruit roll-ups. He was like, it's fruit. I went, are you sure? He was like, yeah, it's fruit.

39:26I was like, so it's not sweet. He goes, no, it's not sweet. It's incredible, isn't it, when the 33-year-old man has taken nutritional advice off a four-year-old. He opened the drawer and he went, one of them, and I went, that's a sweet, mate. He went, no, it's not. I went, I can see on the wrapper it says it's sweet. He went, no, it's fruit. Mummy says it's fruit and I can have it. I went, all right, well, if Mummy said you can have it, you can have it. Yeah. And then when Ryan gets back, he goes, these are a real problem. He went, did you give him one of these? I went, yeah. He goes, mate, it's full of fucking sugar.

39:49I was like, you fucking lied to me. Yeah, but you have got eyes and can read. Yeah, but mate, I didn't think a four-year-old could lie. I just didn't think they had the cognitive ability to be like, to lie. Which is incredible because actually his cognitive ability is higher than yours, evidently. So. It's just tough all around. Well, on to next time. You know, fingers crossed. Improvements to be made. Improvements to be made. but I did enjoy it out of 10 what would you give yourself I'd give myself a low 5 low 5 10 for fun low 5 for any sort of discipline ok no discipline whatsoever well look it's a good test maybe we can move on to a weekend oh yeah I'd love a weekend I don't think they'll give me a weekend for a while I feel like I might have burned that you sound like a weekend dad who the courts have said is not allowed only supervised contact you can see him for 3 hours once every Wednesday afternoon.

40:46Anyway, let's move on to something that is almost as cringe as you being bullied by your nephew. This morning, back on this morning, having a lovely time. Yeah, every Thursday. Yeah, talk to us about Helena. What do you mean? Helena, our girl. Go on, Helena. Let's go, Helena. Stop them tears, darling. You've got this. you were grilled about the flirty messages with Helena on this morning. Oh, yeah, shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I didn't know what to do. I literally, I panicked because I didn't want to like make her seem like a bit weird because it was obviously years ago she sent those messages about seeing on my face.

41:27And I couldn't say it on this morning. So I was like, oh. God, no. I was like, heaven forbid. Heaven to Betsy. And I was like, that's an Australian way of saying it. No, it's not. It actually is. No. And they were like, so what did she say? I was like, well, some quite interesting Twitch. I just didn't know what to say really, to be fair. But I did actually on this morning say that she had staying relevant our support. How is she doing, by the way? I haven't really watched any Love Island. Let's ask the girls. How's she doing? She's having a tough time. Oh, no. Let's all get behind Helena. So Helena's having a bit of a tough time.

42:05Yeah, and there's been a massive sun cream gate. Fuck, Pete. There's been sun cream gate on Love Island. Oh, God. Honestly. Tell me about it. Let me just get comfy. Oh, my God. He's shifting. I actually want to hear how he would handle it. So, Millie and Charlie are in a couple. Yeah. You like Millie? Yes. And then new guys come in. Connor, he picked Millie. They're chatting. Fast forward to the next day. Connor says, oh, can you put sun cream on? We're back to Millie. Millie's doing his sun cream. And he's like, oh, your leg's burning up a bit. Let me just cream it up for you. he starts putting sun cream on her leg Charlie's sat across the villa spots sun cream on the leg fuming marches over and says oh I'm gonna break this up like please can I pull Millie for a chat and he called her for a chat and said that he was he thought it was way too soon for him to be rubbing her leg and he was upset with her when did Glove Island start?

43:02this was on day three I think day three so and who's the fucking geezer with Millie? Charlie Frederick I have actually met him a couple of times So he's known her three days? Yeah. Known her three days? Yeah. Okay. What do you think? That's what I think. He's known her three days. Yeah, but they kissed. But was it forced or was it when they wanted to? It was when they wanted to. Oh, my God. Well, they might as well get married. What a load of shite. Just utter fucking bullshit, innit? Well, no, because what if he really likes her and she's getting a leg rubbed by another guy called Connor? Okay, so...

43:40Was Connor rubbing the inside of her thigh towards the vagina? No. Where was he rubbing? Below knee? Oh, shin. Oh, God. If I'd have known it was that intimate. What would you have said if a girl got upset with you for a girl putting sun cream on your shin? Would you want to do the other one? I've got two legs. You can take the right one. Please go on Love Island. Please. Please. I really, really need it to happen. It's just, I'll tell you what, I just, listen. Do you think they know? Do you think they know? Do you think Charlie's sitting there not really caring and being like, I'm going to go and make some TV?

44:21No, no, no, no, I don't. How do you think he cares? I think it's a mixture because, I mean, obviously I know a lot of people that have done Love Island and they're all really lovely people and they all say the same thing, which I do believe and I can't argue with. is, you know, I've not done it. You spend 24 hours with someone and it's like fucking all the rest of it. And I'm sure you do develop and form bonds and all the rest of it. And the idea of this behind it is to find someone. So it's a heightened thing of actually, you kind of go in liking people more than you fucking would. Do you know what I mean?

44:57Like it's kind of the thing. You get a bit of a fucking flirt with someone. You're like, oh my God, this is fucking amazing because you've got nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. You can't speak to anyone. You haven't got the distractions of everything else, blah, blah, blah. So I do get that. But in the same respect, I've got a brain. So that would also ensure that at some point I would go, logically, this is mental because I've known her three days. That's just her shin, not her tit. Do you know what I mean? I mean, are they exclusive? No. No, they're not exclusive. Well, listen, then she can have her fucking shins rubbed by anyone she wants.

45:33I feel like they're sort of our age, aren't they? It's been three days. I don't care whether you are fucking 19 or 49. Get a fucking grip. What was it last year that you fucking told me about? Someone made someone a coffee and then lost the clock. Oh, yeah. That's a big deal, though. Oh, fuck off. No, honestly, that is actually, that's cheating. But there's also, who's the other one? What's the name of the other person? No, you don't. Oh, we can't remember. Who is it? Sam? Who? I know the other one. The other one shall say, Sammy. Sammy, where do I know that name? Oh, that's it. You dated her.

46:12I did. And also... I did. Oh. I did. Are you all right? Yeah. I mean, I'm guessing it's quite awkward now. Like, how are you going to feel when she starts shin rubbing? Yeah, maybe I'll be flying and be like, I just can't believe it. Yeah. No, mate, dude, if it wasn't a hell of a run, I feel like we all like Sammy. I feel like we'd be team Sammy as well, wouldn't we? Yes, I mean, you know, we all really like her. There was Bombshell Gate, wasn't it? Because Sammy started getting with Charlie Frederick, who Millie was getting with. Okay. Also, let's just... With AJ's. Hold on, and Charlie's the one crying about the shins?

46:56Yeah, he had a three-way kiss. That's all you need to know then, kids. All right? I suggest you all just take a minute, all right, from the consumption of Love Island, step back and go, I can see what's happening. No, but they can't. Do you know what? No, no, no. I'm talking about the audience watching. Yeah. All right. Don't get so involved. It's not that deep. No, but they get very involved. It's not that deep. You should see some of the comments. The geezer's crying and guests are like, and the fucking poor bird milieu we like, and then going off and throwing his tongue down two birds' throats at once.

47:25Fuck off. People take it really seriously though, man. People like, when Love Island comes back, people literally, How could they possibly fucking do it? Yeah, I know, but listen, it's car crash telly, and I get why people enjoy watching that. Same as all the reality shows, like all the ones that I've fucking done, all the ones that you've done, all of them sort of things. It's because it's a break from your own reality because you look at this and you think, I thought I was fucked up, and then I watched a man cry about shins and then kiss two women. So, you know, it kind of just makes you feel better about yourself, doesn't it?

47:55Hold on, isn't that geezer about 40? Isn't he like our age? Yeah. three way kissing on it like I don't know if I could do that have you ever no I've never three way kissed anyone I don't understand how the parameters work like how do you how do you well it's a fucking free throw it's like a battle royale yeah but someone loses out on a three way kiss no they don't yeah they do someone loses out because you edge towards someone else no if you angle no no no no you don't you just throw it in there like fucking it's like it's like baiting it's like hungry hippos a little bit yeah just whack a tongue out every time just trying all three connect.

48:31Oh, fucking hell. Actually, John, I've got a question that I was wondering this actually over the weekend. What names do you think are dying out? Like what names are now not getting used? Well, I'll tell you one that's extinct, Pete. When was the last time you met anyone under 50 called Pete? Like in all honesty, fucking gone. It's never features on the top fucking, you know, top names for this year. Never see a fucking Pete. Yeah. So why the fuck have I been lumbered with it? Or a Linda. I haven't seen a young Linda in fucking, like, a below 30-year-old Linda. I've never seen one. Nigel. Yeah.

49:06Where the fuck are the Nigels at? By the way, this isn't a mug off. Like, I would love Derek. Where are the Derek? I have never seen a 15-year-old Derek. I'll tell you what, actually. Let me, where's my phone? Steve. Like, imagine a three-year-old Steve. But this is why people say to me, like, about, like, dog names. Like, well, why are you calling Rodney? You fucking don't like that name. I like old names for pets, like Eric, Peggy, Rodney. I've had Ernest. Belinda. I've had Frank. Yeah, like. Frank, imagine seeing like a 10-year-old, but like also just a standard 10-year-old. He's riding his bike and they're like, Frank, come here.

49:45I really like Frank as a name. I'd be happy with Frank as a kid. It's not about not being happy. I just haven't seen it for ages below a certain threshold. for right I'm going to do the most popular names for 2025 oh they're going to be fucking rain and like and no do you know what and and the reason I say this because she reminds me all the time the most popular name and it's always up there and has been for the past 10 years is Olivia yeah well it's because you live isn't it seems it's an easy it's an easy nickname but you know what I mean though like it's like you can't Pete there's no like nickname it's just pete well pete is it i mean it's peter oh my god yeah fuck i haven't seen a peter in years other than the peter that i know and love i haven't seen a peter in fucking moons um so yeah so here we go so where am i getting these from how does it give me the fucking list okay so for girls some of these are quite normal you've got olivia emilia sophia emma and isabella of the top five.

50:54You know what I'm saying? The boys are mental. Go on. You've got an Oliver and a Liam, which I think is fine. Noah. Yeah, yeah, that's trying to be cool. Elijah. Again, trying to be cool. And I presume this one was done in Italy. Matteo. I don't know. I don't know a Matteo. Should we see where Rose and Oliver? Yeah. I mean, Olive, we're not counting as... Rose, Rosie, maybe. Might be a Rosie. Delilah, I love that name. See, I'm seeing 50 plus on Delilah. I'm going to be honest here. Rose and Olive don't make the top 100. Neither does Kit. I love Kit. Kit's my name. No, it's Sam. No, but it's Kit's the name.

51:42I'll tell you what's above Kit. Walker. Eh? What's his son called? Walker Wicks? Walker Wicks. Not bad, actually. What do you think about alternative names? Like, okay, let's say, why do people feel the need, do you think, to go rogue with the names? Because, and why is it always famous people? Well, because they're the ones you hear of. I'm sure they're, what do you mean? You're not going to know what fucking Debbie in Doncaster has called her fucking daughter, are you? Yeah, but okay, Kardashians, North, they call them North. Yeah, that's mental. But do you know what, I think the thing is, is that people, when they have kids, they want to do something that hasn't been done before and they think it's really original.

52:23It's like no one is going to have a kid called Skylark. Skylark? I don't know. It's like from Star Trek. No one's going to have a child called Tiger Blade. Tiger Blade? Do you know what I mean? Tiger Blade is fucking great. That's amazing. But what they don't realise when they think of it is the reason they haven't and you don't see is because no one else wants to call their child Tiger Blade. I do know a rain. Rain isn't too bad. I don't, but some of them. What's that fucking Coldplay fucking geezer? Apple. Apple. Fucking hell. That's what I mean. Yeah, and a sister, banana. Do you know what I mean?

53:05Like, it's fucking mental. But why do they do it? I don't know. It's just people trying to be fucking edgy, isn't it? Just call the kid Chris. Chris. Dave. No, I'm sorry. you're not calling your kid David I don't mind a name what's your least favourite male name I'm not trying to be rude or anything like that like because I know loads of them I just there is nothing that comes to me in like a oh that's like with Steve I love a Steve it's just it's an aggressive I think it's the V in it Stephen there's just Stephen's alright but like Steve is just like why'd you say Steve Steve. I don't know. Just Steve just seems to be aggressive to me.

53:51What's your least favourite female name? Oh, God.

54:00Probably a Janice. Oh, you don't get many Janices. You don't get many Janices nowadays. You ever shag a Janice? Would I? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I absolutely would, yeah. Have I? No. Probably over 50. Yeah. I mean, it's not to be fair. That's about the same age gap between you and your bird. For me. Oh God, that panicked me. I was like, oh God. It's not that far off. It's not that far off. No. Olive does feature in the top 100 at 99, by the way. Olive's a lovely name. Last one, Moxie Crimefighter. No. Yeah, no, mate, on God. No one's kid is called fucking... Moxie Crimefighter. So Penn Jilliot's daughter is called Moxie Crimefighter.

54:41Penn Jilliot? Yeah. So they're just passing down the trauma. That's what they're doing. Just someone's called their kid Penjiliot and then they've gone, well, what can be worse than that? I'll tell you what, we'll give birth to a crime fighter. If you could pick any other name other than yours and answer this seriously. Okay, I already have one. What would it be? Sebastian. Would it actually? Seb. Yeah. I can see myself being a Seb. Seb? Well, no, I'd like to be called Sebastian. Sebastian. Yeah. Well, you don't need to put a gin in it. All right. Say goodbye. So thank you for listening to Staying Med.

55:21I've been a podcast hosted by Pete Wicks and Sebastian Thompson. What's yours? What's your name? If you weren't going to be called Peter, would you be called? If I wasn't going to be called Peter, I was going to be called James. Okay. So it would have been. No, give us something that isn't in your actual name. Oh, I thought you meant genuinely what the two names were. Would you like to be called? I'd like saying old. I don't know. I don't think I suit Pete. I don't know what I... I cannot see you being anything other than a P. I don't think I suit a P. Oh, I can so see you being a Jeff, actually.

55:51Jeff. Yeah. My name is Jeff. Me and Jeff. Or a Rick. You could be a Rick. You could be a Rick, I think. Rick. Russ. Dan. Russ. No. Oh, my God, you're such a Russ. Oh, I hate that. Russ. Russell. No. Oh, no. That is a horrible, horrible name. Russell. No. What would you want? What would I want? Just saying really, I would have, in all honesty, not just saying it, I really like Frank. I would have, I think Frank would have suited me. But it's normally Francis and then you shorten it to Frank and Francis wouldn't suit me. Francis is better than Frank. No. Table. I can see you being a table. Called table?

56:36Yeah, I can see you being a table. Okay, excellent. Well, listen, thanks for listening to Stan. Relevant podcast hosted by Table Wicks. And Sofa Thompson. It works out. Cool. That's it. We're done. Right. Okay, cool. Thank you so much for listening. We love you so much. With all our gooey sensors, this has been a Staying Relevant production. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.

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57:59Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games all with fictional characters so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas and possibly the genie from Aladdin we don't know yet we were sort of like undecided on that one that's an avoid for me that one genie I don't know I quite like it listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership