165: Sam's not happy with Pete...

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2:00Welcome to another episode that you know and love. Staying relevant, a podcast hosted by two best friends, myself and Peter James Wicks.

2:16This is the main episode, which means it's Monday, so you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel on Wednesday from 5pm and then we'll be doing a bonus episode which comes out Thursday audibly which you'll be able to watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Sunday at 5pm make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap they will be swearing if you don't like it go f*** yourself Sam's had a spray tan we don't need to announce that they'll be able to see so if you are going to watch this on YouTube I suggest what you do is wear sunglasses and don't look at his hands because he looks like he's fingered someone in a vat of baked beans.

2:52I'm really happy with it. You're not. You came in when she's fucked it.

2:59Right, I think we're pretty clear. But the beard looks good and you've had a haircut. I love having a haircut. One of the first things Pete says, God, the hair looks slightly better. Yeah. To be fair, I actually read a comment on a thing of someone saying Sam needs to grow up and have a haircut that fits his age. Fucking hell. Between that and the TikTok comments, I feel like people are generally starting to think that I'm old now. Well, I mean, you are. I'm 33. It is time of recording. Launch day for our first acquisition. He said, she said. They weren't moving house. They were just moving to us.

3:36How are you feeling? Sisters on board. Families on board. You've really embedded the Thompson fucking clan in sustainment of productions. The rest of us all feel like outsiders. is there's more Thompsons than there are fucking other people. By the way, happy He Said She Said launch day, everyone. I feel over the moon. I'm really proud of it. I'm really proud of our video. We managed to trick the nation into thinking they were moving house. Yeah, and it's got absolutely nothing to do with the fact you're all thick and we've been talking about the fact that we've got something big coming and then suddenly Sam's sister is moving.

4:09You know what I mean? Like, we all liked it and, you know, producer people and everyone. I mean, you don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to have worked it out, but it seems to have flown past some of you. But thankfully, everyone can rest assured that Sam will not be on his own. They are still living next door. So Sam has got sort of, you know, living carers because I know we were all worried that Pete was going to have to take the mantle. I'm going to be honest with you. The amount of messages that I got personally being, I hope you've asked Pete to move in next door. People genuinely were like, well, you might as well just get Pete to buy the house.

4:41Yeah, which is amazing because everyone just thinks that I've got petty cash lying around to buy a£2 million house in Chelsea just to keep an eye on Sam. Because what else have I got in my life, really? I would love... Imagine me and Pete living in houses next door to each other and still climbing over. You've imagined it before and I hated it there. It's no different. Do you feel any pressure with he says, she said coming on? Because it'll be pretty awkward if it's shit and we don't do a good job for you, won't it? Well, actually, and you as well, because... Well, not so much for me, because they are not blood relatives.

5:12But you are heading that segment, actually, of the company, to be fair. So Pete is actually in charge of the he said, she said machine. I've taken a back seat. That's the right move. Yeah, shock. Believe it or not, I've taken a back seat on something on the podcast. I've given that one to Pete. No, there's a reason. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you for allowing me. There's a reason Sam's taken a back seat, and that is because conflict of interest, obviously quite awkward. it would be a bit weird if you were kind of across that. But on the plus side, now I know it will be a success. So, no, but it is going to be a bit awkward though, isn't it?

5:53Do you know what I mean? Imagine Christmas if they leave us or something happens. Do you know what I mean? Imagine having to sit at the table. So, how's the staying relevant's doing well? Yeah, shame you couldn't do that bad pod. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what? Even like the video that we posted, like we, that was a whole day filming and sort of I was sort of leading that and I just the panic I felt because if that didn't perform well that was my one job and then I and then and then Pete takes over right the one thing I was doing is that I was like if the one thing I do fucks up and I leave them at a terrible start well luckily for you it was incredible video I've actually had people um calling me like people that I work with people that I know saying that was fucking great um to the point where I actually on another thing that I do outside of this was so proud I showed people.

6:42Oh, no way. Yep. It's the only thing I'm good at. But that is the beauty of Sam. That's why he is our content king. That's Sam's fucking forte. And I've said it before and I'll say it again. He's the best in the business. And after that, I just sort of fade into the world. Well, this is why, you know, and it's the truth. Sam is the face of staying relevant and staying relevant productions. granted at the minute it's an orange face, but it is still a face. Everyone sort of thinks we've got a baked bean with a mullet that's sort of front and centre. But no, it is. A baked bean with a mullet? We've got to AI that.

7:20And that is Sam Thompson, isn't it? He looks like sort of an Australian surfer who fell asleep in the sun. But in other news, as much as that is Sam's forte and he's the content king, what he's not good at, and we kind of broke out of pretty quickly, Because we are only three weeks into January. No attendance at the Monday meeting. We didn't have a Monday meeting this Monday. No. Me and you were together. Yeah. Did you have a Monday meeting after that? Mate, I'm always present. No way. You got a star. Oh, my God. You did. You did. I just thought you shut your head. No, we didn't. But we could have.

8:00Yeah. But we didn't. I mean, there might have been time. Well, there was time because I'll tell you why there was time. Because after Sam and I were working together on the Monday, what we could have done in the time where we were discussing our lives and what the fuck we're doing with them, pacing up and down the street in fucking Chelsea, was we could have actually worked and done the Monday meeting. We were together. We could have jumped on the fucking, what do you call it, Zoom. We could have jumped on the fucking Zoom with the team and been part of that. But instead what we did was I smoked, you know, about 10.

8:33You ponced five of them. and we just wandered up and down discussing what the fuck just happened. Put it this way, we did do a podcast, and afterwards, Pete, it went down such a pathway, you can imagine, Pete turns around afterwards and went, what the fuck did you just do? That's how the podcast went. You know how it goes when Sam goes, can you speak to the PR about that one? So I then had to do a 30-minute conversation with our PR to warn her and bullet point all the things, and effectively what it was, was anything he said. But there we go. Last bit of Staying Relevant News. This is huge and new as well.

9:13Yes, it is. It is news. Yeah, it's amazing that. Last bit of Staying Relevant News, not something you've heard before because it's news, is... It's new news. It's new news. It's not old news. This is new news. Read all about it because we are launching a Staying Relevant newsletter. Okay. So we will tell you exactly what to do with that and then keep your eyes peeled for it but effectively it'd be a subscription it's free um another way we have to say that to be fair we do do a lot for you for free um we do an awful lot and and if you keep moaning about the ads um at some point this all has to be paid for guys all right so either we don't have a pod or you just listen to the ads up to you um we should preface each each before the ad break that because i guarantee that would actually go through and And then we'll be like, yeah, to be fair, actually.

10:06Oh, there's too many ads. Well, there won't be a fucking podcast otherwise because this shit don't pay for itself, does it? Anyway, it's not the goodness out of... I don't do this out of the goodness of my heart to go, I'll tell you what I fancy doing, putting two million quid in to make fucking Debbie in Doncaster happy. You love a Debbie in Doncaster. That's your go-to. She's my go-to because that, to me, is just the sort of fucking person that fucking moans. Also, do you know what I learnt this week talking of names and we talk about Pippa... Pippa-Ann. Pippa-Ann. Karen is that... Do you know what the male version of Karen is?

10:35A Keith. It's a big thing for you guys in the bonus to discuss. Oh, okay, fine. It's Kevin or a Keith, isn't it? No, it's not, mate. I thought it was a Kevin. No, what you've just gone for is K. K, what is a K? No, it's not. But anyway, so yeah, keep your eyes peeled for that. So. It's been a big week for you. Has it? Yeah, huge. You are relevant. You are more relevant, I think, than you've ever been right now. It's amazing because any time we start and we actually do a proper episode where it's staying relevant, you start everything with that. No, no, no. Every week you go with, you're more relevant than you've ever been.

11:13And then what happens when it comes off the back of it is, you were papped going to radio. No, no, not that. What? Do you not know this? You've had a Hollywood A-lister impersonate you. Yeah. He's used to it. Chris Pratt. Who? Has done a piece. Chris Pratt. You know who Chris Pratt is? Yeah. You must know who Chris Pratt is. Go on, Galaxy. Not a fucking clue. One of my favourites. Show me Chris Pratt. Jurassic Park. The guy that rides the motorbikes? Yes. Oh, okay. All right. That's, yeah. And funny enough. Is that his name? Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt. So he does an impression of Pete Wicks in an interview.

11:58Is it an actual, or is it just he does it like a little? No, no, no. Fucking weird accent. They show him a video of you on your Harley giving Ella Rae Wise a lift from TOWIE. Oh, I can only imagine how that went. Mate, mate, it's you. It's so good. It's you being like... No, is it a red bike? Yeah. It's you being like, fancy the ride of your life. Why don't we show him? Yeah, we'll show you. It's quite a long clip, but we'll show you. It's like, I want to say, I like a sweet scar. But I feel like my Essex accent is based off of parroting the girls in Essex. So it sounds very camp when I do it, which is, I don't know if I'm not supposed to be doing that.

12:36But it's pretty good. You won't take me. Maybe you won't take me. Yeah? I've never been on a bike before. Oh, dear. Well. Funny enough, I've got a helmet. Chris fucking Pratt, mate. Yeah, amazing. It's nice to know that Hollywood A-lister thinks I'm a c**t. Because not the best. I've really changed since Towie. You've really, really changed. Mate, your barnet was something special. I look, in all honesty, I do look like someone dug up Jack Sparrow. It's fucking horrendous. Whoever let me - It's not that long ago. You've had a real - Talk about glow-ups. Weirdly though, you've seen growing up the time.

13:19I don't think I've had a glow-up. I think I've had a fucking, an age-up. Maybe an age-up, yeah. But like, it's weird because back then - Well, everyone's having an age-up. We don't get younger. But back then, everyone still thought you were like a hunker hunker. You know? Or even I get myself a dick with that one. A hunker hunker. A hunker hunker. What's a hunker hunker? I don't know. It's sort of like just a really good looking dude. But now he's like, you're a completely different man. But I mean, would you, are you still happy with the sentence, I'll give you the ride of your life? Or sorry, I'll give you the ride of your life.

13:54I'll give you the ride of your life. I'll give you the ride of your life. Am I happy with it? To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think I was happy with it then. Five years later, am I happy with it? No. I've got a helmet for you. And it's big and shiny. And purple. No. Yeah, listen. I was a different person back then is all I can say. Yeah, I think I really played into the Towie character, didn't I? And now you're wearing glasses. You know, things change. Things really, really change. I mean, just for record, I mean, I've worn glasses for quite a lot of my life. You're a grown man. I look like a grown man.

14:38You're a real grown man. Yeah, no, it's weird because last week I looked like a toddler. A little boy. Yeah. A grown man. A little boy. So, yeah, but yeah, amazing. Chris Pratt, lovely. What a guy. Hollywood bloody A-lister. We've also received quite a lot of messages about Pete's jawline. is this something right I'm just going to point out listen Pippa's just the best producer in the world she just goes ad hoc with the thing no one's asked about my jawline she just said it looked nice today and I've gone with it because I'm like thank you so much because I've got my beard shorter so actually and what we've worked out is in January and this is actually quite fucking big news since New Year's Eve and we're on the 28th of January I have only had three beers so I've inadvertently done sort of dry January well moist January um and my skin's better and Annalise told me that my face uh what did she say looks skinny um and I think so the jawlines come come back there is a jawline jawline under the sort of the alcohol swelling of of of my old face.

15:49Well, mate, it's got to be doing something well because the first episode of He Said, She Said obviously dropped this week and Louise and Ryan spoke about Louise secretly fancying you. Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel about that? It's a bit awkward, isn't it?

16:06Not for me.

16:10Everyone does. No, it's obviously, do you know what it is? I think it's because obviously I'm not part of the family. It's different. They've obviously come to work at Stan Redmond Productions, but you're her brother, so it's not that fucking scary. Having to deal with me is probably quite scary for people. So I think that's mainly... I think Ryan said that she gets nervous, no? But I don't think that's anything to do with her fantasy. I think that's purely down to the fact that I'm one frightening... Do you see where they asked you, David Luiz was like, I want him to be Godfather. Yeah, I did see that, yeah.

16:45Fucking fuming. So she's asked... Is it a genuine ask? I don't know if it's food. Because I can give you a response now. No.

16:57What else has happened this week?

17:01I mean, would I be a good godfather? I don't know. You're a fucking brilliant godfather. If I have a kid, when I have a kid, you are definitely going to be my godfather for sure. Not mine. I won't be yours. I don't think that's how it works. I don't think you have a kid and then go, God, I need a godfather. Just in case. What, for the kid? No, no, no, for me now. No, listen Leo, it's the first time me and Leo have spent a bit of time together I was just shocked at how well you got along I don't think he was shocked I think jealous is the right word I've known that kid since he was fucking born Yeah The moment he just sees Great Uncle Pete Sorry, alright Why can't I just be Uncle Pete?

17:43Why have I got Great Uncle Pete? Great Uncle Pete is the one that you don't know you had and then when he dies he leaves you everything and you're just not entirely sure who the fuck is that? Or he left you sort of like a scabby watch and you're like oh nice a scabby watch a scabby watch just like yeah that was great Uncle Pete's watch he wanted you to have it so I only met him twice but yeah you know Leo and I Lee imagine my godson Lee Lee Lee's another name Lee's such a good fucking name actually for a kid what's your kid's name little baby Lee yeah Yeah, my godson Lee and I, we, yeah. Sounds like we went to the pub.

18:22My godson Lee and I. Who'd you go to the pub with, Lee? Yeah, we got an ass on fire. Yeah, but I just didn't expect, I just didn't see it coming. Maybe I should have. But like, you just gravitated towards each other. At one point you were feeding each other, which was nice. And then he had tonsillitis and no one told you, you got really annoyed. Yeah. I mean, how did you, you know, feel about the whole thing? because you sort of went into yourself because it's tough for you. And Louise and Ryan both said it, when you're not centre of attention, it's a struggle. Do you know what? I just felt really let down by him.

18:53You know, I was sort of like - You felt let down by your four-year-old nephew Lee. Yeah, I was just like, look, man, you know, I picked you up from school or nursery and, you know, we've got a real good bond and I just left, just immediately left. But you were the new and shiny thing. So I put my hands up, I understand how it is. And I just sort of like, I'm there in the background that day. It is what it is. Yeah. Feeding each other. That's fucking mad. well do you know what it is it's I I don't spend any time with with kids um uh I don't think I'm particularly great with kids because I but but what I do do is I treat them like dogs and I'm quite good with dogs so it that's kind of how I see it you know I mean I taught I taught Lee how to sit um stay wait we did we did a lot of things no Leo's great he's my new little pal I am just genuinely really excited for when he turns 18.

19:40Yeah, oh, my God. It's kind of given me something to live for. You know, especially if I'm the actual godfather. Do you know what I mean? I need to... The godfather rights is taking your godson for his first legal pint. I mean, what is it that you kind of struggle with the jealousy-wise? Do you think that I'm the favourite uncle now? Well, mate, look, I give him sweets. I babysat recently as well. And I just feel like I was just a bit hurt, that's all. Just a little bit hurt. But, you know, we'll come back around. He's never looked at me the same since, to be fair. He probably doesn't recognise you because you're a different colour.

20:21Fucking hell, who's that scary man? Who's that what sit? You were sat at a, you were actually sat. It was very sweet. The thing is, on a serious note, it was actually really lovely to see you sort of like sat with Leo and someone who means so much to me and means so much to Louise and Ryan and actually like, just like, you bonded so much. It was actually really, really nice. I'm not as horrible as people imagine. Yeah. I think, I think we got quite a few videos. I mean, don't get me right. I don't want to do it all the time, but, you know, but also didn't we discuss that we're, we're going to have a weekend?

20:54Yeah. Yeah, we are. Well, no, you're going to have a weekend. Oh, I'm going to have a weekend. So Leo is going to spend the weekend with me. And I'm not allowed to be there, apparently. Well, Listen, I'm just going to see if my babysitting skills are any better. I bet they will be as well. It's going to piss me off. Poor little fucker will go home traumatised. Traumatised. He'll have biro fucking tattoos all over his arms. You know what I mean? He'll have a beard by the time he fucking gets home. I thought it would be your idea of hell, but I don't think it is. Well, it's my idea of hell because I think, you know, I've said it a million times before.

21:29I don't spend any time with kids. I don't think I'd be a very good father. Oh, fuck off. You'd be brilliant. You'd be wonderful. Yeah, but you just don't know, dear. And a lot of people don't want me around their kids. But I think that's because people assume that all I'm going to do is give them Guinness and fucking call them a c**t. Do you know what I mean? I think that's what, because that's what I'm like, they're like, no, he's a bit risky being around fucking Pete. You just don't know what he's going to do. But I can, you know, hold myself together. Yeah. So you're looking forward then to this babysitting gig that you're going to be doing?

22:04Yeah, I can't fucking wait. Okay, great. So it's your idea of heaven. Eh? I didn't want to sort of like segue too hard, but I don't know whether you've seen there's a leaked image of heaven. No, I had and I saw what you were doing. I'm just surprised because that was almost seamless until you mentioned segue. It was almost a really good segue. And then you were so proud of yourself for it that you told everyone it was a segue so they know that you did it really well. Have you seen the leaked image? I have, yeah. What do you think? I looked at it whilst I was having a cigarette. It looks fucking amazing.

22:33I can't wait to get there. Well, it's just like, well, firstly, the electricity bill's mad because every light's on in the picture. It's the first thing I thought. It's a big fucking white kind of city and for some reason, every light is on in every window that you can see. That's what Pete says when he turns up to the pearly gates. He goes, fucking hell, your gas and electricity bill must be through the roof. Oh, it's absolutely fucking mental. What do I think of it? Well, I don't think that's what heaven looks like. It's leaked, mate. Sorry? It's leaked. they leaked footage of heaven. That's what it looks like, apparently.

23:07God's just doing some PR, is he? Yeah, but mate, it says leaked in the thing. Does it? Yeah. Which means that someone's been up there. So, yeah. Well, then they come back down to go, he's good up there, don't worry about dying. Who do you think leaked it then, Sam? I don't know, mate. I haven't got a clue, but fucking hell. It's just a source, is it? Yeah, but it must be. But it's definitely a bit of me. Everyone's going to want to be going now. Heaven. Well, to be perfectly honest with you, I think if there was a heaven and I don't, you know, I'm not necessarily, I would say I'm, what is it, agnostic.

23:38I don't know if there is or there isn't. I don't really think about it. But I imagine most people, if they do believe or if there is one, would want to go to heaven. I don't know anyone that knowing these goes, nah, hell's the place for me. Do you know what I mean? So I get that you want to go there, but I think before the photo, you probably wanted to go there. Yeah, but now that you've seen it, you're like, fuck me.

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25:58not really it looks quite dull the way it does is just like everything's just a bit fucking perfect like do you know what i mean what do you do there do you know what i just can't imagine right it's like pete dying well i can imagine that but then like pete dying how do you think i'll die and he goes up right and like he's surrounded by cherubs with harbs in his face and like and like just fluttering wings. I just can't imagine he would like it. I feel like you would. You'd be like, get out my fucking face. Yeah, I just feel like, do you know what it would remind me of? It would be like going to Florida.

26:35You know, like if you go to Florida and you go to a cafe, you know, good morning, sir. Have a nice day. Fuck off. I just want a coffee. Do you think they're selling coffee in heaven? Pete's queuing for coffee in heaven. He's like, piss off. Well, I just feel like it'd be too nice. I wouldn't know what to do. This is my favourite thing. Everyone's being overtly nice as well. Have a wonderful day, V. Oh, I get it. You're in heaven. You're a nice guy. Fuck off. Do you know what I mean? It's just a bit... I just don't know if that's my cup of tea. I think I'd rather just die and that'd be the end of it.

27:12Just blackness. Well, I mean, we don't know what fucking happens when we die, do we? But, you know, I'm quite happy just once I'm dead. It is what it is. If there is a heaven, I'd maybe try a lip for a couple of days. like well just like a little holiday and oh it was a lot that and then i'll i'll go back down to the warmth what does hell look like to you um it's sort of my life now i think i'm already there i think maybe i died 37 years ago and this is i've i've come back in hell and that's suddenly where i came into life you died at celebs go dating you actually you actually got run down Yeah, and then, yeah, because of all the terrible things I've done in my life, this is my hell.

27:55I mean, look, do you believe in real? I'm the sort of person, knowing my luck, right, this is reincarnation's a thing. You're going to be a brick. No, knowing my luck, this is how unlucky I am. If I was reincarnated, I'd come back as myself. Do you know what I mean? That's how fucking shit life would be. They'd be like, I'll tell you what, fucking do that again. All right, it was that bad the first time. Have another go, you. That's my fucking penalty for being me is I'd come back as myself. What about one of my cats?

28:27I mean, to be fair, I'm halfway there. I mean, you know, the one with a cockey. That could be me, couldn't it, really? What does heaven look like to you? Like that picture, honestly. No, it doesn't. It does. It's a bit of me. Use a bit of imagination. That is? What? So heaven to you. All right. Clouds everywhere, pink and sort of like orange. There's no pink in it. It's just all white. Now I've shut my eyes. Have you looked at the picture? Yeah. I sent it to Pippa. Right. But that's not... What about that? That is just a white city with all the lights on. What does heaven actually look like? Okay.

29:00White fluffy clouds. A bit of a shade of pink and a shade of orange in there. Maybe the peach. And you can sort of like jump on them and they're so soft. And you sort of like float around. And you've got wings. And you're just sort of like... You're just saying hello to people. and everyone's just in a good mood and you're just like, you're right, how are you? Bring it over here. Cats everywhere. Bring it over here? Yeah. Bring it in. See the angel Gabriel like, yes, mate, how are you? And he's like, having a great day. And what's the equivalent then? What is the antithesis to that? What do you imagine hell being like?

29:34Hell? Oh, God. Fucking hell.

29:40What would hell be like? I don't want to know. Have you ever looked at Dante's Inferno? terrifying that kind of shit that's just stereotypical hell isn't it sort of like red flames fucking horns and all that sort of stuff I mean I imagine in hell you know you probably just have to work getting tickled loads I would hate that that would be up there see I know we do a lot on this podcast and this podcast has just turned into what does Pete think but sometimes I think it's really interesting to listen to what does Sam think Like, hell is being tickled. Not being able to move and people tickling you.

30:17So being held down and tickled is hell. Oh, my God. That would send me worse. I wouldn't be able to take it. I feel like we've just unlocked, because since we like doing horrible things to me, a new social video. Oh, God, I would hate it. So if you want to get on Amazon, order them handcuffs for leg and arms, and then we'll have a group staying relevant Tickle Sam day. Oh, God, I would hate it. But I hope it is real, that lead photo. I really, really do. It looks lovely. It's beautiful, in fact. I'm quite disappointed with it. It's not what I saw in the brochure. Do you know what I mean? It's just a white city.

30:54Like, they haven't really put... And it's from a distance. It's like it's been done by a drone. Like, you don't know... I don't know what's inside the city, other than the fact that it's really bright because every **** got their lights on. I don't know who else is there. It's like they've just made, like... It doesn't even look like heaven. It just looks like a stick... It looks like an AI, the perfect city. but you don't see anything. Like what shops are there? Where do you eat? Where's the restaurants? Well, you don't eat, do you though? You just float. Oh, I don't know that. You just float.

31:19Is that from the, is that the sources said that as well? If you just float, then, so you're just floating. So, does that mean that when you're in your apartment in the city, you know, say you're on the third floor of heaven, apartments, what, you're just on the ceiling? Yeah, just having a great time floating around like it's space. Just floating around. hanging about then you can sort of like just look down on earth that would be amazing I'd love it you're looking down on earth yeah so if you could if you died now yeah and you could look down on earth what would you what would you look at I'd come and look at you I'd watch your every move I would literally breathe on you I'd be that close do you think you're wanking heaven no because I think you're always in a state of ecstasy just a constant orgasm yeah oh my god it'd be amazing that's So now there's just loads of people in their fucking heaven apartments going, Oh, Oh, that's why it's all white.

32:19It's covered in cum. Right.

32:25Back down to earth. Back down to earth. So we had a launch dinner last week for he said, she said it was a big day, obviously for, for the pod and for Stambleville productions, but it was an even bigger day for, the nation's favourite couple Sam and Peep Peep met the team for the first time how was it for you how was it for Peep feedback we've actually done TripAdvisor reviews and given her a star rating so we want to hear hers first she loved it she had a really really nice time and everyone was really nice you were so lovely to her obviously everyone was really really nice she was a little bit nervous before her but she said that She had a really, really good time.

33:11She said it was great to meet the team. And yeah, she really, really loved it. Okay. She loved you. She said you were really, really sweet. I know there was a lot of issues initially with the seating plan because by the time we got in, you weren't happy about being on the end and did everything you could to move yourself down into the middle of the table to the point where you were actually going to leave people with a bunch of people she didn't know and then had to go back to keep her company. Well, I just wanted to be involved. and it's just hard to be involved when you're in the edge. I was also on the edge.

33:46It was after you left because Pete left early and so I had no one opposite me and then Pippa kept on being in these fucking conversations in the mid-tail and I could overhear things she was saying and I just wanted to fucking... What was... Because I think this is bringing up another point because this is now the second time that we've discussed sort of the centre of attention thing with you and I think we're going to debrief on that a little bit later but what was the debrief like on the way home for you? It was amazing. Peep. I mean, first got in the car. Did you sort of go, did you enjoy yourself or was she like, do you know what I love?

34:17What happened? Sat in the car. I drove Louise and Ryan home as well. Oh, lovely. It was just really fucking nice, but I love things like that. Like, I really, really like it. It was so nice, like, cause you know, you're my best mate and Louise obviously Ryan and my family. And then you guys, everyone who makes this pod is basically an extended family. So like, for me, those are like the really precious moments. So I really, really enjoyed it it's fucking amazing and uh and i really loved seeing her have a great time and that sounds that's one of the loveliest things i've ever heard you say it was but like because she means so much obviously you guys well you're in love yeah and so like it was just it's really nice it's i've it's like when your girlfriend meets your family for the first time and you want them to get along you see them getting along you're like yes yes they get along well i mean and we've asked if Pete was nervous.

35:04Were you nervous before? Yeah, I was actually. Yeah, I was a bit nervous. Not because like, I knew everyone's going to be really, really nice, but you can't force people to like vibe. And I can tell, I'm an energy person. I can tell really quickly whether someone likes someone, someone doesn't like someone, and they're just being polite. And so like, I was probably spending so long with you, to be honest, mate. And I can tell immediately when someone doesn't like you, not you as in just one. I was going to say what specifically me. I can tell when people don't like you, Pete. I can tell when you don't like people very quickly.

35:36And, uh, well, I hated her. So I don't think, no, I'm joking. She was lovely. But, but it was me. I really, really loved it. And I loved seeing her get along with all the people who are closest to me. So when we were on the drive back, I just felt really, really nice and got home. And it was like one of those solidifying cementing things. We were like, it's like, we're always going to be together anyway, regardless, but you kind of do really need them to get along with like your, your best mates and your colleagues and stuff. Right. So like, why is everyone fucking, What did I say? It was just, we're always going to be together anyway.

36:10That's quite an aggressive thing to say, actually, isn't it? Together forever. Nice to see you taking it slow. No, it was really, really lovely. We're in an ideal world, yeah. It was really, really lovely, actually. And what did you think? What did I think? Jokes aside. Yeah. Yeah, it was, like, obviously, I was only there for a couple of hours because I had things to do. but she was really lovely. She's quiet, so I force her to speak to me, as I do with a lot of people. But yeah, I thought she got on really well. She is really, really lovely. She's really nice. And do you know what? You compliment each other really well.

36:48It's interesting to see you be pathetic because you kind of come in here, but we sat there at dinner and there's bits where he's stroking the hair behind her ear and stuff like that. And Sam famously is not a big drinker, but has now, and actually on this pod previously, has discussed the fact that he hates wine. But me and Peep got on very, very well based on the fact that we both like wine. We were talking about wine and our favourite wines and whatnot. And she's going to take Sam for wine tasting because Sam is now a big fan of the old red. I am. I love a bit of red. I don't know where it's come from.

37:22He's really got himself, well, I'll tell you where it's got from. Impressing your bird. So he's really got himself into the old grape juice. Rioja. Fucking lovely. Loves a Rioja now. Absolutely great. Not too heavy, quite light. Yeah, so Sam really enjoyed that and it's interesting. I've never in eight years seen Sam hold the stem of a red wine glass to the point where actually when the waiter come over I pick the wine. You're a wanker for that. Because I sat there, because me and Talitha were talking about the wine and I was saying, what do you like? I've got a weird thing. I like to order the wine.

37:52I like wine. So when it came over and Sam was involved in the wine chat. I said, oh, that gentleman there is a connoisseur. He'll taste it. Sam then awkwardly sort of like spun the fucking wine glass looking at the bloke. He's actually got vineyards and they're going, oh, sir, very nice. And Sam's going, yeah. And then he stuck his old schnoz in the fucking glass and fucking swelled it about. Don't know what I'm smelling for either. Like it was fucking Listerine and that. Yeah, no, that's fucking good, that. No, it was really, really nice. Do you know what? When you did that, I literally was like, fuck, I'm in a bit of a tough spot here because I can't sit there and say, the waiter starts saying to me, yes, it's got a great woody flavour and all of these things.

38:30It's a great year as the vintage goes and the thing is with the Barolos, blah, blah, blah, blah. And someone's going, yeah, yeah, yeah. At one point I went, tell me about the type of grape that you grow, Sam. And he went, yeah, green one. Just downed it and went, delicious, thank you, sir. Yeah, how the tannins in there. Yeah, no, no, there's loads of tan on that, yeah. No, it was really nice. It was a really nice, really nice night. Again, you know, similar to the Leo situation, Pete was new to the thing. There was a lot of interest in Pete from the team. You know, we all tried to make her feel as welcome as possible and get to know Pete.

39:08And I thank you for that, by the way, everyone, because she felt so welcomed. So that's very kind of her. Yeah, I would hope that we're all very much a welcoming bunch. And I know it's really important for you for us all to get on, and we did. It was fucking amazing. But then what happened was you struggled. Why? Because you weren't the centre of attention again. So what you did was just scream my name and Pippa's name during any conversation to be part of it, because it was a lot. You know, anyone who's had a conversation with me, me, me!

39:45It's not attention, mate. I just, I like when, it's an ADHD thing. Your level of FOMO is next to me. I've never seen anything like it. It's when someone's in a really energised conversation. I'm like, oh, it looks like a bit of fun, that. And I just want to be involved in it. And, you know, Pippa was in a really intense convo. And I was like, Pippa, Pippa, get me involved. Pippa was talking to Louise and Ryan, who the whole dinner was about, about their new podcast and talking about the company and all the plans. He was like, Pippa, Pippa, Pippa, Pippa, Pippa. So much worse when you left as well because you were like sort of appeasing him on the end.

40:24Then when you were gone, oh my God. And I turned to Josh at one point and I was like, just don't react, don't. Don't do anything. Well, what we've discovered is effectively, when we're out, Pippa and I become your parents. I just wanted to be spoken to. But then I turned to you and I tell you. No, people were speaking to, people have conversations. You're making out, you sit on the end and no one wants to talk to him. Everyone's having conversations, but you don't want to be part of that conversation because someone else is having a conversation. Unless the entire group, this is why we have group lunches, unless the entire group are in one huge conversation, there can't be two conversations.

40:59They all have to be. But you can't sometimes. You don't have to be involved in everything that ever happens. And I think we probably need to work on that. I would then tell you like what we were talking about. I'd be like, oh, we're actually just discussing like the new social approach for that. And you were gone. You're like, don't care. so I'd try and include you and then you were like oh whatever or in the middle of a deep conversation about saying you're really getting into it Sam will then enter the conversation and then go yeah yeah yeah yeah now have you heard and then it becomes a different conversation so you have to go back to the other conversation at some other point alright fine I won't come to any dinners ever again alright fine alright cool I just won't and then what happens is we get this I've crossed my arms we get this then what we get is a tantrum I just won't come anymore no one likes me there it's fine See, honestly, you're a 33-year-old man.

41:52No, it's honestly mind-blowing. I've never, and it's one of my favourite things about you, though, is that you are everywhere. It's like having a shadow for everyone, not just on me, not just on people, but everywhere. And he said, Hannah was down the other end of the table having a conversation with Kira about what she did. Hannah, is that the pastor you're talking about? Yes, Sam. All right, fine. And then carry on the conversation. She was only saying she was enjoying the pasta. I've got to know now. I just want to be involved. It's honestly one of the nicest and cutest things about you. But it is fucking, I don't know how you, just have a minute.

42:36Just give you, have a breath. Have a breath. Enjoy the fucking wine for a minute. That's why Tali's quite good, actually. Oh, look at me bringing it up again. That's why my girlfriend's great. She's very calm. Yeah, she balances it. Yeah, she's very calm, which I think is actually why it's quite nice because you were different at the dinner. Was I? Yeah, not in a bad way. It was just until that point when, you know, the fucking, the Rioja hit and suddenly Sam's like, but you were calm. It was very, you complement each other very well. Do you know what didn't look cool? Do you know what didn't look cool at all is after you had left, Bill comes.

43:23Obviously, we're dealing with it. Bill comes, and obviously it's on the company in front of my girlfriend. I've got to go, Annalise, Annalise, can I have the card? She goes, yeah, here you go, mate. I went, what's the code of my own fucking business? And I can see to leave a look at me going, oh right I didn't realise he didn't have any say the card says Sam Thompson on it I had to ask what the code was yeah but you don't all of these things it's just a risk I don't use it anyway the basics are a risk based on the fact you don't use any of them you'll be the one that loses the card or gets scammed it's the same as having a laptop we bought a laptop are we buying laptops yeah but have you got a laptop of course I've got one oh yeah laptop please no we're ordering you one yeah Yeah, baby.

44:13And a stand. I'd like a stand. For what? It won't come out of the fucking box. I know, just so it looks cool. I know. And this is why everyone's going, why hasn't he got a fucking card? It's fucking his company as well. Because we're going to spend two grand on a laptop that will stay in the Apple box. No, because I'm going to get people to help me set it up. You don't need help setting it up. You know about technology, but it's not even that. Even if she sets it up, it will collect dust. It's basically just going to sit on a shelf. What are you going to do on it? I'm going to label it. Excellent.

44:42Sam's laptop. Yeah. Right, wonderful. Anyway, it was, yeah, so it was a great dinner. We loved it. We love Peep. Thank you. She's welcome at any Stan relevant dinner. She's now ingrained in the business. And, yeah, we love it. You're a better man with her. Thank you, mate. We had a great fucking time. I'll tell you what was fucking huge. You missed this. The Brooklyn Beckham shit fucking dropped as you left. You would have loved it. No, I've got to say, it's honestly, it's rocked my world this week. Mate, oh my God. So we're at dinner. Pete's just left. I nearly called him. And I was like, mate, have you seen Brooklyn Beckham's fucking story?

45:25Absolutely wild. The whole thing about the fucking family is very, very sad and whatever else. But that's a family fucking problem. So, you know, we don't know. But the actual evening of Mark Antony throws a social hand grenade and then fucks off, sits back and watches it all unfold. Why you would do that, I don't know. What I do think should have happened, regardless of all the other issues, there'd been issues for years and all the other stuff, is if someone did that and it was your wife's thing, people saying, well, now he's sticking up for his birth. Didn't do it on the night though, did he?

45:53Because he could have quite happily grabbed the microphone and this is what I would have done and gone, yes, my mother is fucking beautiful, but the most beautiful woman in the room tonight is my fucking wife. And then it kind of negates that kind of issue. But instead he just sat there and did nothing. so that's the actual wedding bit the rest of the family stuff we don't know I want to see the dance I want to see the dance the inappropriate dancing I doubt it was like string fellers in my head if you say inappropriately dancing on me that goes to one thing that is bumping and grinding that thing and you're putting your back on it and I just think do you want to do an impression of what you think she did?

46:30did string fellers mate yeah what does that look like because some of the audience haven't been string fellers Well, just sort of, you know, backing up into it, you know? What do you think inappropriate dancing sounds like? Well, he goes with me as well. From what I've heard, it was Mark Antony was performing. He's obviously Latin. It was kind of a Latin-y type song and it was hands on the hips type thing that they were encouraged to do is apparently the thing. I don't know. Imagine your mum striding into the dance floor, putting you on a seat and then being like, right, here we go. I don't think she magic mic'd him.

47:10I don't think she led him to the dance floor, sat him down and then fucking twerked in his fucking grill. Do you know what I mean? Led him to the dance floor. I think they were probably done. I don't. Do you, in your head, is he sat on like a fucking dinner chair in the middle of the table with everyone clapping? I can't see that terminology being used if it's not like quite fucking full on. Yeah, but it's the terminology, like, again, I have a... Why would you use that language? But he's exactly doing what he's saying that they've fucking done, isn't he? He's fucking using... Imagine if he had.

47:50He's using the... But we don't know. So, all right, imagine, because we love to imagine things that we have no idea about.

48:00Imagine Rose had publicly sent you.

48:06If Rose... Imagine, all right, at my wedding, my father inappropriately danced with me. Fucking hell. Let's imagine she said that. I'd go into hiding. Why? Did you do it? Well, no, no, no. Of course I didn't do it. Why would you go into hiding? Because everyone would think I've done it. so what would you do

48:28I don't really fucking know to be honest with you I would try and reconcile I would just sit there and be like I just I want to reconcile with my son or my if it was me my daughter that'd be the most important thing I can't understand why they won't do it how do you know they don't well yeah I don't know it's fucking like this is the thing with all of this I don't think I've ever cared so much even you care a little bit No one knows anything. Do you know what? It's the maddest thing about what we do is that everyone has a fucking opinion and you can't get past it. But it is sad because they're obviously, you know what I mean?

49:02But then again, I don't speak to half my fucking family. Fuck them. And I think they're worth like half a billion, so they'll be okay. Well, I wouldn't worry about fucking what they're worth. Our family's worth even more. If genuinely, and this is the last fucking thing I'm going to say on it, if he was really that disgusted with his family, drop the name. Well, that's the same thing they say about Prince Harry, isn't it? Drop the title. Well, there you go. Do you know what I mean? You were born into that name, right? Yeah, but he doesn't want to be part of it. He wants to leave it. Harry doesn't want to be part of the royal family.

49:34Yeah, so what's the point? He's not dropped the title. Oh, no, of course he's not, because he's still a fucking prince. That's what I mean. It doesn't mean that much. You know what I mean? Call yourself Brooklyn Pelts. Isn't he Pelts Beckham? Just drop the Beckham off then. You know what I mean? If you don't want to be part of it and you don't want to be known for that, and you know what I mean? Everything you've got isn't because of the Beckhams. Then fine, go be your own man, Mr. Pelts. Watch this fucking space. I mean, God, we are on tenterhooks. Honestly, I've got Google Alerts for it now.

50:04Well, what a wonderful episode. I really feel like we delved deep into pop culture, into, you know, sort of Pete's glow up. Chris fucking Pratt, by the way. Let's not just forget that. Absolutely mental. That's my dream. what Chris Pratt Chris Pratt knowing who I was that'd be amazing oh I just had weird visions of you shagging your burdens Guardians of the Galaxy oh and by the way little update Tom Hiddleston seems to be on the on the podcast circuit he did the overlap so yeah so if you want to hear Tom Hiddleston listen to another podcast yeah yeah but it might be a possibility have you spoken to him again we have reached out yes yeah he's obviously a pal of yours so is he coming maybe he's coming watch this space so is he coming Watch this space.

50:49Oh, is this like one of you that you're going to surprise me with? Oh, no. Big surprise coming for me, the old Hollywood A-listers. I think we've got more chance of getting Chris Pratt. Oh, my God. Should we try and get Chris Pratt? Yeah, why not? Eh? Chris, if you're listening, mate, this is a pull-out. Pop yourself along to Stan Redovan. Whatever you're promoting, we will do, and I'll give you the ride of your life, son. Yeah! Vroom, vroom. Like Victoria Beckham. Yes, vroom, vroom. Thank you so much for listening to the Staying Relent podcast hosted by two best friends who are on a roll today.

51:24I've got to say, your Tube journey has taken a turn for the better, hasn't it? Ta-da. Fucking hell. Bloody hell. Not everyone listens on the Tube. Why should I say this every week? You're obsessed with Tubes recently. Every edit, I'm like, careful of the Tube thing because it's so London. Right, fine. Okay, you're listening to us in Greater Manchester. Well, if you're listening to... Not on the tube. Do you know what the beauty of that podcast is? You can listen anywhere. LA. Yeah. So, and if you are listening outside of Greater Manchester, LA, or on the tube, hello as well. Ta-da. Right, let's fucking move on.

52:01This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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54:09only on The Zone. Sign up now at thezone.com. Hello Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Jeannie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.