166: Sam and Pete reveal their Valentines plans

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2:12Here is YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday, which means that you can catch us on a... Wednesday. Thursday. Sunday. Wonderful. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. You know the score by now. Very special week this week. It's a big week for you. Is it? Yes, of course it is. It's a huge week for you. You are in love and it's Valentine's. Oh, no. What an exciting week. Oh, God. It's every boyfriend's terror. I mean, it shouldn't be. It's the week of love, mate. I know it's the week of love. It's the week of love. It's the day of love. You're in love, as you exclusively revealed on this podcast recently, that you are absolutely infatuated in love and looking to marry and have children with your new Mrs.

2:58Peep. Did I say have children? Well, if you're in love, you must be thinking about it. I'll tell you what I love before we get into it. It's your glasses. And apparently, by the way, Peep's wearing, I believe, a different pair of glasses today. Yes, what you believe is true. Well, they look identical than the ones last week, just a little bit thicker rimmed. Yeah, I mean, they're not anything. The ones last week were sort of silver rimmed. Same shape. They're a similar shape. It's sort of an oval shape I'm going for. An oval shape. I'm testing different glasses at the minute for the fact that I'm going to have to wear glasses to correct the eye.

3:34But I don't think it's gone down too badly. If reading the comments is to be believed, you've entered what do the comments say well apparently from what you've just told me there we go you because Pete does read religiously the comments especially when they're about his own appearance and he well we all know that's a fucking lie don't we if anyone reads the comments to find out what anyone's saying about them it's little Mr. Nicebeard over there he walks into there and he goes people seem to quite like the glasses I believe I believe they called him what do they call them slutty little glasses slutty little glass is neither of us know what that means though I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing I think it's a good thing we'll go with good so Valentine's ugh ugh it's just a scary time mate you know because is it scary being in love no it's scary because I feel like being a boyfriend you sit there and you go what if I get it all wrong you know people have high hopes and I don't want to fuck it up first Valentine's mate yeah but to make you feel better I don't think anyone's got high hopes of you oh my god that's good set the bar low yeah Do you know what I mean?

4:40I think, you know, but what do you do? I mean, do you do presents at Valentine's? Is Valentine's a present giving thing? Actually, I don't really want to do presents. Well, of course you don't. If I'm spending money. I don't want, I just feel like Valentine's shouldn't be about like, but it's your first Valentine's. I think roses. I think roses. How many do you go for? Not excessive. Cause then I think it becomes a bit tacky. I think, I think like just a nice, a nice amount, but not anything. You know, people take a photo and they've got like a whole box of rain. They're like that big. Dozen, two dozen, presumably red.

5:12Yeah, red roses, two, or maybe a little bit of mixed, actually. White and a red. White in the middle, red one on the outside. What do white roses signify? Because I believe that's friendship. Oh, no. Or yellow, maybe yellow's friendship. Let's just have a look there because the colour does make a difference. Red is for love and passion, but white roses. Purity and innocence. Yeah, I wouldn't go with them. She is very sweet. She's very pure. Yeah. That sounds fucking weird. But also, Valentine's is passion. Get myself the edge. It's passion. It's sexy. You don't want, oh, you're so pure and innocent.

5:49Throw some yellow ones in there for friendship. You're my best friend. Do you know what I mean? You want underwear, suspenders on her. Right, okay, take me to Victoria's Secret. Just in case you get that wrong and she comes home and Sam's sat there in a fucking lovely lacy set with a pair of suspenders. Do you think she'll wear a pair of suspenders? It's your Valentine's. I mean, listen, I don't know her, but. Fuck. I would. Not that I don't like that. I mean, it sounded like I hate it. Like, I do love it. How are you at sort of undoing underwear? Good. I'm a great bra taker offer, actually. Always consensually.

6:24Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, do you know what? Oh, God, I'm really not selling myself well. But, hey, the bar was low anyway. I think I would freak out quite a bit if, like, if someone just walks in and goes, oh, my God. What? So, okay, I mean, I imagine I'd freak out if someone came in and spinners went, why? I think that would probably... Hey, here I am. Yeah, hey, hey, hey, kid. I think that would probably sort of make me feel a little bit uncomfortable. But, yeah, I mean, are you going out for dinner? Have you booked? Because obviously we're, you know... Okay, I need some help here, mate.

7:00Well, what's your guides to Valentine's? I don't know. I really don't know. I'm not very well versed, believe it or not, in this kind of thing. I mean, if anything, it shouldn't be me to, because I've never had a Valentine's. Yeah, but you know what you're doing. I've never had one. Yeah, but I feel like you just know. You're wearing the glasses, you know? They're this slutty number. Like, I feel like, okay, in my head, Pete, I'm thinking roses, dinner. But, okay, but listen, you need to round mine, so not like out. so just like you do every other day no no because I'm going to cook couple of steaks no I'm going to cook something like a little bit out there maybe a little bit avant-garde maybe try and make remember she's vegetarian pescatarian oh fuck yeah see that's a good point I already skipped my mind maybe make a fondue okay a little cheese fondue or something like a little bit weird if you go chocolate you could dribble it down and sort of all over oh yeah but ooh yeah maybe see that was weird as well it was weird when you reacted like that I'm not good at this, but I'm really going to try.

8:04Absolutely. And my question really as well is like, what I mean, like, do I dress up? Like, do I throw something on? Well, maybe it's a good time for you to both bake out the Mario and Luigi because nothing says sex and Valentine's like two painters. Shall I be a sailor? Like officer and gentleman, are you going for that sort of life? I don't think sailor luck because you'll probably get it wrong and do Popeye. I think, I think, I mean, you could do. I don't know if that's something she'd find attractive. but seeing as she goes out with you, I imagine she probably would. I imagine if she'd turn up.

8:38Yeah. Well, yeah. But remember, as much as you have a very wholesome relationship, Valentine's is sexy. No, no. And we need to set the tone. You need, I think you just, be sexy. Oh. Oh. I'm terrified. I'm really nervous. So let's just set the scene then. Right, so. I hate the scene being set.

9:01It's Valentine's Day. let's pretend that you haven't woken up together okay alright so she's remembered that she's got another place to stay yeah

9:15you wake up in the morning what's the first thing you're doing she's at her place you're at your place it's Valentine's Day I'm hand delivering a card okay she lives close to me just remember because this is this goes out to a lot of people and I imagine she probably listens to this and what you tend to do is promise the world and deliver nothing. So you're going to hand deliver so you're going to get up straight away you're going to go to hers you're going to hand deliver a card and I'm going to be like here in the envelope and some roses and roses and I'm going to give her a kiss oh hold on sorry look at me look at me fucking fly but hold on let's think this through because this is all a lovely idea so when are you going to pick up the flowers because you're going to have to pre-order them so that you can get them on time already pre-ordered you've already pre-ordered not now but I will have okay so you're going to pre-order they'll be delivered the night before on the 13th presumably so that you've got them to take there early in the morning okay the card what is the card going to have in it what is it going to say it's going to be like a relatively small card and it's going to be quite long worded and I'm actually going to try and write down I'm going to go back through the notes of the DM slides and see what you can pull out of them.

10:32I'm going to try and write down what she means to me. Okay, start us off. No, no, no, no, no, no. Because that's like my diary entry, mate. That's some things stay. Oh, you're just going to put it from the journal. Locked. So what she means to you. What she means to me. And I think hopefully a really nice card, handwritten, and deliver that, deliver the roses, give her a kiss, and then leave and be like, I'll see you tonight. Okay. So leave a little bit, like, you know, and then have the day. You do that, so you're just going to go see you tonight. Yeah, see you tonight. You're not going to sort of give her a bit of mystery?

11:03Well, that's what I mean, though. But no, because I don't think you need that. I think I'm just going to be like, I'll see you tonight. I'm cooking. Come on, mine. And then she'll come round. Okay, so then you hear, does she have a key? No. Okay. Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good that you're learning. So she'll knock at the door that evening. I'm torn. I'm holding a plastic spoon that I've literally torn off the fucking thing because I'm so nervous. So she knocks at the door that evening. Yeah. How are you answering? I think normally. I think normally, because otherwise I'll be trying too hard.

11:37Music will be, there'll be some sort of music on in the background. My darling. You're my angel. You're my angel. You're my darling. I don't know, I don't know why. Oh, I was going shaggy. Yeah, no, I think I'd probably go for one. Come on the counter. It wasn't me. It's all me banging on the sofa. It wasn't me. I even had her in the shower. No, maybe we do in the shower. No. That was too much. What gave that away? Was it the complete silence? The silence and the intrusive thoughts in my head that won. Yeah, I think open the door, be normal, music blaring in the back, not blaring, music on in the background, blaring, slipknot in the background.

12:16And then I just think a couple of glasses of wine. Yeah, because you're big into the wine now. I am in a blava rioca because it's the only one I know. And I'll just, I'll be cooking. She'll be in the kitchen, I think. We'll just be having a nice time. I don't want to overdo it. But yeah, something along those lines, I think, will be quite nice. Okay. I'm panicking now because I have asked some of the girls in the office what they're doing. Three out of the four are going on a fucking spa weekend. I mean, no, it's very nice and it's very nice. You're shaking your head while saying nice. No, it's nice.

12:48And leaning your neck forward like this going nice. It's nice. No, you've got a high pitch. There's nothing so basic shit is what we're saying. No, it's nice. But the thing is, obviously, like you don't need to do a lot because you took a ski and how was it? Didn't go. Right. Didn't go. Yeah. Well, I just physically couldn't go. It was a pipe dream that got stomped out pretty quickly by just agents and work. Right. Yeah. So that was a pipe dream. Luckily, I didn't tell her. So it was a pipe dream that started and ended in this studio. Okay. All right. So actually then, so we've gone from ski trip for Valentine's to get closer to it.

13:29I'm going to cook her dinner. No, but I think it's the romance around it. Yeah. Well, I'll have an update for you afterwards. We'll see how it fucking went. I mean, I could spice things up a little bit. I mean, what's the male equivalent of like dressing up? You know, what like? What's her love language? Her love language, physical touch. Oh, well, there we go then. Words of affirmation. Okay. so that card's going to be very important very important she loves the card as is the fuck later on yeah which oh the sweat before that do you know what I mean gotta smash that not smash that as in like you gotta you gotta put in you fucking you know what I mean gotta put in a good performance on that one remember don't be selfish don't be selfish no do you know we've learnt actually from this single period of time we have learnt so that's gone in but I mean not gone in like that so I've gone so this is the problem we're doing this fucking podcast on Valentine's Day because I get shook up and I'll start saying a few things I do have one question if we don't mind as a female good start as a lady if Jack your lovely boyfriend walked in in like an outfit what are you doing what are you doing no I would be like what are you doing to him And he's like, I'm spicing things up.

14:52Don't do that. Don't spice anything up. It's fine as it is. I'm happy being bland. Yeah. If Jack came dressed as like a fucking policeman, like we've been together seven years, like who do you think you are? If Jack came dressed as a policeman, she'd assume that I'd been arrested. Yeah. If a policeman turned up, she'd go, what's Pete done? Yeah, not for me, personally. Okay. But would you go along with it or would you be like, no, let's stop there? No, I don't think I could. Really? no I'm not the I'm not really the most romantic of souls as it is but I just would laugh and I do you know that that fills me with terror I would just laugh because I'd be like we're all we're also seven years in like let's not kid ourselves you know what I mean we're barely having sex we don't need to start doing like speak for yourself I need to start with like role plays and dress up.

15:44Okay, fine. So I shouldn't do that. Well, you're not seven years in. If he did that in the first year, would you have changed your mind? No, but Dally might love it. I think you should. Okay, what should I dress up as? Firefighter. What's the least cringe thing to dress up as, as a guy? Yourself. No, but if we're playing that game. I don't think there is a non-cringe thing for a bloke to dress up as. I mean, what would you assume is non-cringe? Batman. Yeah. Well, and then you could get her a Robin outfit. Yeah. And then you could both sit there and eat your fucking space. Or she'd be Catwoman.

16:20I mean, look, it depends what you're going for. It depends what you're going for. Princess Leia. Everyone likes a different Valentine's, don't they? Some people just want sort of nice and romantic and some people want the sex. It depends what your relationship is. And actually, I think it's a good choice for you for Valentine's. Thank you. Yes. That panicked me. I've had two compliments from Pete today. I've had the beard looks nice and that's a good choice for me. I'm winning today. You're very early on. You've got plenty of years to be sexy. This doesn't have to be one of them. I thought, oh shit.

16:54Straight back down to, what are you doing? Curry for one again, is it? Yeah, fuck all. Absolutely fuck all. Probably the same I've done for the past 37 Valentines. I'll sit at home, light a candle and have a wank. That makes it slightly more romantic, doesn't it? Scented or not? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, why not? A nice lavender in the background or something. Play some music. Yeah. Yeah. Something. A romantic wank. Yeah. Something like that. Might treat myself. You know what I mean? So you don't have to do it. That's the thing, mate. You know? The funny thing is, and I'm sure most people listening to the podcast would say, Pete was born for Valentine's Day.

17:30Pete was born to do this. Like, you were. Like, realistically, okay, I've just sort of like thrown up loads of suggestions of what I'm going to be doing. None of them sound that appealing. I know if we would turn around to you and we were like, what would you do? In fact, what would you do? Let's say, okay, you have a girlfriend, right? In some make-believe land. You have a girlfriend. Here we go again. This is why does Pete exist as a thing? Because everything I do is in a made-up world. Let's just say - I'm basically The Sims. That's such an analogy. What would you do? Because I imagine it would be absolutely lovely.

18:08So go on, tell all our middle-aged listeners who are going to now die at this, what would you do as Pete Weeks? In all honesty, it does depend on the relationship. Yeah. But, so this isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. It depends what your relationship is. And I genuinely think that's a really nice thing for you two to do. You're very early on, and I do think that is really nice. Just make it a bit more romantic than you would normally just cook dinner because you do that. But that's nice. What would I do? So if we do the same scenario, so wake up in different houses, I would have roses hand-delivered by someone else.

18:49Nice. Keep a mystery. Yeah. No card. It would just be hand-delivered roses first thing in the morning. So I would want her still sort of getting ready for the day, roses delivered. I wouldn't have said anything. I wouldn't have messaged in the morning nothing. it would just be the surprise of the roses at the door. I would go for quite an extravagant rose selection. Because you don't often do it. You know what I mean? One of a kind. I don't mean like getting, you know, a thousand fucking, you know, what was that? Who was that fucking bird? Was it one of the Kardashians I was saying? And he fucking, the entire fucking house was filled with roses.

19:28That's a bit of arch. Yeah, it's fucking ridiculous. But just a really nice fucking rose thing. I would then have depending on what she was doing let's say she was working I would have different things delivered during the day so there would be different points that different things would be delivered maybe a little present in the morning and if you order things from certain places this is non-relatable I imagine but like Net-A-Porter you can get things delivered by a man in a suit with a top hat and all that and delivered to wherever she works a little present you know for example underwear would be delivered Oh, bloody hell.

20:05Where does she work? She opens that on the office. Okay, so Pippa, you're working in the office. Jack's just sent you. Jack's just sent you. But that's not your own. I would self-combust. But that's exactly the point, because actually that is something. You're blushing. I am. But what you accompany with that is the thrill of sending the text message saying, I think something's going to be delivered to you. I suggest you open it on your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then at that point, it's all, fuck, what could it be? What could it be? you open it and you're like, fuck, it's a gasp, isn't it? Then in the afternoon, something else will be delivered, like a nice present, whatever it be.

20:42Again, these don't have to be like really extravagant presents. So you do the kind of sexy, the flowers in the morning, the sexy, something's been delivered, I suggest you open it on your own, that gets the gasp. Then it's kind of like, oh, fuck me, I'm in for a good night. In the afternoon, something really thoughtful is delivered, whatever that may be for your person. There will also be a car to pick them up after they've got ready. Not a horse and carriage. Disappointing. No, because it's cruel. But there will be a car to pick them up for dinner. So it's just you need to be ready by this time.

21:16The car will pick you up. Take me out. I'll go with you. So carry on. I hope you'll be wearing your present, that sort of thing. Car will pick them up. They'll be dropped off at a nice restaurant, private table, all of that sort of shit. Nice dinner, a few drinks. wine all that sort of stuff um in a car to take us back home and then the rest is up to your imagination and i think that's a nice thing well i've got to say that's if it's just a standard so so that's if you can't do like you were going to do skiing or that of course it would be loved to do a spa weekend and the rest of it but if you can't do all that sort of stuff just make the day the day special it's got to be from the start but you have to add in a bit of sexy don't you and then thoughtful.

21:59And then it's really just about spending time together. Well, Pete, I've just basically done a fast one on you there because I shall be, I've written all of that down. And so now you're going to see online, my God, he did this and he sent me some lingerie and said, you better open this. Do you know? In the modelling studio that she's at, you better go to the bathroom here and fucking. Do you know her sizes? I don't know her sizes. Oh, fuck. Extra small. Well, I don't know. I just don't think underwear, like expensive underwear doesn't come in extra small. What am I going to do? Fucking measure her vagina?

22:36Like, I can't fucking... Okay, well, just for the record, like vaginas, you don't buy underwear based on vagina width, right? Just in case, I didn't think that needed to be pointed out, but she presumably wears underwear. You're just taking a look. Look at it. Well, she walks in. What's her bra size? And I'm fucking holding her underwear like this. That's kind of what I'd do. Mate, that is flipping beautiful. And as I said, that was for the listeners. I'm sure they're now looking at their husbands and boyfriends furiously as they watch the football with one hand down their pants and a beer. They're just the sort of relationships that I've had with women.

23:09Every relationship is different. So it isn't, you know, one size for people. Some people, you know, will do nice things. You know what I mean? Like that's just, but that's how I would see a Valentine's because it's different. It's something that's the whole day for me, I take away the love part of Valentine's because if you love someone, you should love them 365 days of the year. So really, the Valentine's part of it is to do something exciting and sexy. Do you know what I mean? That's kind of how I see it. Valentine's is all fucking lovey-dovey, but you should really be doing that every day. Well, I mean, look, if that hasn't got everyone going, then maybe, just maybe, for Pete, for the singles out there, you know, for the ones who might be spending Valentine's alone, maybe we could have you just looking down the camera saying to the mic a little voice note for, as you like to say, Debbie from Doncaster, right?

24:00She's had a tough year. She's single. She watched you in those PVCs, mate. What are you saying to her and how you're saying it? Acting as if she's your Valentine's for the day. All right. So this is the first thing in the morning? Yeah.

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26:06Good morning, darling. I hope you slept well. I cannot wait to get my hands on you later. There'll be a few things arriving today during the office. I suggest you open them on your own. And just to let you know, I had a dream about you last night. I've seen you in a completely different light. I can't wait to make my dreams come true with you later. Love you. Oh, my... That's what you'll be doing. That's what you'll be doing. my god even I've got bollock tingles I'm cringed out by myself that was unbelievable fucking round of applause there because that by the way I just asked Pete on the spur of the moment to say something down the mic and he came out with that lyricism that was unbelievable it's only fair because you know everyone has you know they're either kind of a Pete or a Sam type of person.

27:08So there's people that are not interested in me fucking saying that, probably the majority, but they will be interested in what it would be like to receive a voice note from you on Valentine's. So if you could do the same down the barrel and again, set the scene. This is the voice note that you send on the day of Valentine's in the morning. Okay.

27:30And go. Debbie. It's not, no, no, no, it's not because it could be for anyone. All right, for anyone. this is gonna be like my fucking dishy cloth not one person's gonna give two shits um i slept well last night and and and it was because i was because i was excited to be seeing you later we're gonna have a phenomenal time why is it phenomenal i barely ever say that we i love you i love you so much and and and it doesn't matter what everyone else says or thinks or does the only thing that matters is us please don't hate me um i'm done i'm panicking now sorry have you been going through a rough patch i don't know i don't know i'm just word shitting i think you haven't ended the voice note at this point so you are just okay let us know when you've finished it i'm still holding the button down.

28:38There's some roses that are coming to you now, live and direct from me. And my God, are we going to have a party in the sheets? Have a wonderful day. I'll see you this evening. Peace out.

29:03please don't fucking christ and if that doesn't turn you on and that was listen I mean well honestly

29:20fucking hell god shit what we've just done my bollocks would be tingling if they ever come back down from my stomach through fear What we've just done there, you see, is given you the real biggest Valentine's gift you can get, followed by the most horror show Valentine's you can also get in one sitting. Another gift to the country was something that was very nice. Happened very recently. Pete Wicks winning another award. Pete Wicks' gift to the country. A TV Choice Award. Yeah, it's Monday night. For dog's sake, it was up for Best Lifestyle TV Choice Awards, as voted for by readers, which is nice.

30:09So that makes us a three-time award-winning show. My fucking God. BAFTA might be on the card. I don't know where that came from. Yeah, I don't know where that came from. Very unlikely. But yeah, I'm actually off to another award tonight for dog's sake. But I don't think we're up against really tough competition. what's the awards? What is, who's it against? Best Lifestyle, we're up against Clarkson's Farm and like some big, big, big, big shows. We're kind of a, you know, a little show. Well, little show doing big things. Yeah, yeah, we're the underdog. But yeah, it's, yeah, it's nice. But I hate award ceremonies.

30:50Do you still hate them now you're winning them? Yes. Why? Because it's still the same thing. It just means I have to get out of my seat now. I always think, You know what it's like when you go to these awards things. I wouldn't know what it's like to win, but I know what it's like to go. No, but when you go to these awards things or you go to, like anyone, when you go to work awards or whatever else and people win things and you get kind of end of year stuff, you get people who get up there and don't stop. Oh, God. And you sit there and think, fucking hell. Because the awards take ages. It's such a long thing.

31:22And I think get up, say what you need to, and get gone. because you care that you've won the award and so does the people, but the rest of the room don't. Yeah. They don't give a fuck. They're waiting for their award to come up and it's up and out, in and out. Do you know what I mean? Revolving door. Keep it short. Thank you, you need to. Say thanks. Ta-da. Ta-da. Did you say ta-da at the end? I think I ended mine with thanks, yeah. The hand up. I guarantee you actually did do the hand. It was a very Pete Wicks code in that. You can actually watch it. It's literally like, thanks guys. Hands up in the air.

31:55and then off stage. But I had a good luck charm for Monday because I had a very special outfit. I didn't think it would ever be used again. But the New Year's Eve suit, because obviously I didn't get any pictures in the New Year's Eve suit, and it is such a lovely suit. Dry Cleans did a fantastic job. So thanks so much to I Hate Ironing, which is the company. Brilliant. They picked it up. to live it. I mean, it was, I think they put it through twice. But, but either way, yeah, so that was my good luck charm. So Pippa's friends were there with me in DNA. Yeah. And it was, it was lovely. Yeah. For a bit of background on that, if you're just, just joining us on that occasion, Pippa and, not Pippa herself, but Pippa's friends on New Year's Eve threw up all over Pete's suit.

32:43Yeah. That he'd just bought. So that was the first time he got to wear it and it looked beautiful. I actually saw the suit, mate, because I saw all your photos. Love a suit. You look great, mate. Yeah, so she did that. Brown's your colour. It's a taupe. Fuck's sake. Taupe's your colour. But the smell was out of it. Lots of compliments about the suit, so I'm glad it got an outing, not just with her friends, because they didn't appreciate it. No. So it's nice that other people could appreciate it, despise their sort of valiant attempts to ruin it. But yeah, it was nice, but I still, I just, I find it, and I don't like, it's really weird, I don't like attention.

33:19I find it odd. It's very different. Like, you jump about and fucking love all... I would rather just sort of... Thanks, bye. I find it a little bit... I don't know if you like that. But I had to leave early because I had things to do as well. So I literally left straight after my award. Picked the award up and gone. Considering the amount of years that you and I have been in this industry, the past year, we've started winning things. Well, Pete, it's nice that one of us is, mate. You know, it's lovely to see, I've got to say. Well, listen, you could win things. Maybe I could be a plus one at some of these things.

33:51God, do you know how the turns table? Fuck me. Do you know what? Now I feel like, can I come to you? How the tables turn. It's a saying. Yes, how the tables turn. Okay, how the tables turn. BAFTAs, if you do, plus one? There will be a plus one, yeah. Oh.

34:12If it's not your mum, because that's understandable, I would actually be, unless you've got a girlfriend, by then. Oh, it's very unlikely. Can I throw my hat into the ring as a plus one, please? Yeah. Never gone to the BAFTAs like that as a guest. Well, yes, you have. No, I haven't. I went and worked on the red carpet handing out cheese, Pete. You've never been to the BAFTAs? Can I just say something? Imagine if Pete is up for a fucking BAFTA. Are we still going on BAFTA one? Mate! Well, look, but the other one, and I'll tell you the other one that would be really lovely, would be really lovely.

34:44We work here. And listen, again, Again, I am, every time we kind of do the show and go up for these things, it fucking, like, genuinely, you know, regardless of whether we're on three, I don't really understand because I just love the show. It wasn't really about all that sort of shit. But you've got the NTA stuff comes out. That'd be lovely. Well, that would be because we're there anyway. Run off the red carpet straight onto the thing. Mate, well, look, keep your eyes peeled, but from us in the studio and I'm sure the listeners, we fucking hope you win tonight, mate. We hope you get to the fucking BAFTAs and we will see what happens.

35:23Shit. Oh, my Lord. I've lost my place. I don't even know where we are now. You never know. We'll have a go. You never know. We'll have a go. You just take a seat, right, because we're now going to get onto your week. Oh, God. So, everyone, don't you worry, mate. Just listen. Cross your fucking legs, cross your arms and just sit back and relax. Ah. I think we've all noticed a change in Sam in 2026. The biggest of which is his business prowess has been shining through, you know, Monday meetings. And I believe he's on three stars on the Monday meeting board. He's on three, baby. He's only attended one.

36:00Yeah. I believe we're going to get onto that at some point, you know, later anyway. But there's three stars on the board, which is good. you've been in work on sort of the days off that you've done other things rather than sort of golf or whatever you've been doing. I imagine it's probably because the weather's a bit shit for golf. Freezing. Yeah, summer might be different. But you will be on a handicap of three. But you've really been, and you've actually been utilising, we've got a new office and, you know, maybe I said to you, I don't think you should have a laptop because you've never opened it.

36:34but Sam has started using sort of business function, business tools. He's been using his calendar, which is great because he's been updating the team so we all know, you know, where Sam is and what Sam's doing because quite often, you know, Wednesdays is when we record the pod and other than that, Sam just does his thing and we don't know when he's going to be here. We don't know, you know, what's happening but he's making us all aware of where he is and what he's doing in case we need him because the business doesn't run without him. So now we've got access to his calendar He started having things in himself, which is good.

37:10Most recent entry, go to Nando's. So you pre-plan. I've never known anyone to pre-plan a trip to Nando's. Not even Nando's, it says go to Nando's. So go to Nando's. Yeah. Because I just feel like I keep forgetting to go to Nando's.

37:33I really like Nando's and I really like going and there's a really nice Nando's in Fulham Broadway that I go to every time and I just haven't been for ages and I always walk past them I'm like remember to go to Nando's because I haven't had my chicken for a while and so yeah so go to Nando's okay so I'm going tonight it's tonight isn't it it's Wednesday it's tonight hey hey and do you know what if you hadn't put it in the diary you wouldn't have remembered do you know what's depressing I'm going on my own Going Nando's on my own. Yeah. I don't know if that's pressing, but yeah, I put it in my thing.

38:04So tonight I'm going to go for a solo Nando's and just sit there. Wow. And we know because it's in the diary. What is I wake up at like 1am and panic and go, fuck, I'm not going to remember this tomorrow. And I'm like, I have to write something down on my phone. Yeah, but you know what you're using the diary for is the thing that I told you at the start of the year to do. What? A to-do list. Yeah, no, exactly. So what this is, is to-do list. This is not diary. Yeah, this is a panic. This is a panic station. Diary is kind of for like work and where you're going to be in appointments. And that's kind of how a diary works.

38:37A to-do list is remember to go to NAND. Change shirt order. I haven't called myself a Rory. Mate, I get it. I understand. It's a bit icky. Even I read that and went, fuck me, you loser. But here we are. There's no moving. There's no turning around from it. We are where we are. Well, look, it's an improvement on 2025 and we're heading in the right direction. And also, let's face it, mate, it's not been a priority for you because you've been a very busy boy, because we are sat, and this is a podcast hosted by me, Pete Wicks, former king of the jungle, Sam Thompson, and now star baker, Sam Thompson, because you have been announced as doing Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to Cancer.

39:25I know you've already filmed this. I know how it went. I would really like you to tell us how it went. Obviously, it's not been on yet. But how was it? Presumably, you did an awful lot of practice. No. No, okay. I didn't do a lick of practice. Baking, something you've always loved and dreamed of doing? No, never. No, okay. Do you know what? So when they ask you to do this, it's a stand-up to cancer. we've worked me and Pete works down for many years they're a fucking phenomenal charity and actually run by the loveliest people um and so any chance where they're me and Pete normally always jump at the chance right also bake off cool show right I did say to them when we were on the zoom I went I just want to let you know I don't think I'm your guy I was like I haven't baked in my life and then I don't know we hear that all the time I know no seriously I actually haven't baked before in my life.

40:22Like, ever. I wouldn't even know how to, like, make a cake, I guess. I don't know. I don't even know what you bake. What else do you bake? Bread. Do you think I know how to bake bread? Well, no. Scoats. Do you say scoats? Yes. I've never baked a thing in my life. Neither have I, but you said what else do you bake? I'm just telling you things that you can bake other than a cake. Fair enough. Mate, dude, I walked in on day and they went, no, it's fine. You'll be fine. I walk in Vicky Patterson's there who we obviously know and love well you're in very good company because Vicky's there but also one of your heroes who's that?

40:58one of your heroes and it must have been honestly a dream for you I imagine you probably heard the line up and then went I'll do it because of this who is it? but Molly May she wasn't on my one oh oh fuck dag nabbit yeah dag nabbit fuck but anyway so yeah I think I was asked to do it as the joke and if that was the reason I was cast, I think I performed admirably in that task. Did what you said on the tin. Did exactly like Ron Silmay. I literally, I didn't even know how to work the oven. Well, but this isn't your first foray into a cooking show. It's not my first foray, yeah. And neither have Vicky.

41:37Vicky did incredibly well in, she was a finalist, I believe, in MasterChef. Yeah. You did a cooking show. I can't remember what it was called. Celebrity Cooking School. Celebrity Cooking School. So you have actually had, let's be honest, some experience in cooking. You've been taught previously in cooking. I presume, obviously, knowing that you were doing it, you thought, I'll tell you what I'd do, considering I've never baked before, I will just have a little read up and just in case, because I don't want to turn up there and go, how do I switch the oven on? Do you want a couple of steaks? No, okay then, Paul.

42:07I'll see what I can do. I'm out. You did nothing. I did absolutely nothing. This is where I went wrong. You think? It was just after the run. it was literally like a week after the run and i was obviously concentrating on the run and then it just came up upon me and i was there with alex brooker who's a who's a legend and um me and him were kind of sat there just not know but i did my best and it was do you know what it was really fucking fun i will say that like it was hilarious paul hollywood's a fucking legend like it allison's there as well she's fucking great they're all lovely and uh and there were definitely some like heated like emotions in that tent.

42:47I mean, can we ask, did you have a soggy bottom? Many a time, many a time. And what about the bacon? Both sense of the word, Pete. Oh, oh, yeah. How much did you like? I shat myself out of panic. Okay. So, I mean, what can we expect? You know, I don't want you to give it away, but we, we've all got high hopes. I mean, I know you did an episode. You were in Vicky's episode. Yeah. So if I, If I was a betting man, who would I put money on? I don't know the outcome of the show. I did all right, though. I got through. I limped through. I struggled through. And we had a really good time whilst doing it.

43:24Okay, amazing. Well, look, that's what's important. And it's for an amazing cause. And it's very admirable that you did that. That was a, you know, you've done an awful lot for charity over the past couple of years. And that's another incredible thing you've done. I do think, though, you know, because we do have a lot of the team who bring in lunches. And they like to do all sorts of things. I think that you should really do like an office bake-off. I would love to. Well, Shrove Tuesday, just around the corner. Pancakes? Pancakes. We can start with pancakes and sort of level up as we go. I don't want to say I can bake.

43:59We've heard it before. But I did make the best sticky toffee pudding to ever enter the Celebrity Eat MasterChef kitchen, as said by John and the man who we don't talk about anymore. Just saying. So I could make a sticky toffee pudding. What would your signature kind of, let's say if we're going to do a bake-off, we could do bread. Let's stick it to just dessert, shall we? Let's do a dessert. Let's do an office dessert-off. I actually adore, like if you were to make me a sticky toffee pudding, that would be the thing that I would like to eat the most. Yeah, but what would you bring in? That's not what we're asking.

44:33No. No, I'm sorry. I think you're confused. I'm not taking requests. If you can make two of those, that'd be great. Do you know what I would love to be able to make is a treacle tart. Why is that? Babe, what the fuck is that? Why are you there? I feel like we could do an office dessert off. We can call it dessert day. But although this isn't for a show, will you put in the practice and actually deliver something? Will you try it? We will have to get. Or will you just forget about it, do it the night before, and then bring in some sort of fucking, you know, undercooked pastry covered in treacle?

45:12No, I will definitely, I will try my hardest, because it could be quite a nice thing to do. Listen, your missus likes cooking. I was just about to say, it might be a nice thing to do. A little bonding experience over the old... There you go. Ah, nice. You know what I mean? What is going on? Just bonding experience over what? Treacle? Also, I feel like we don't need to bond anymore. I know. You say it as if you've never met. It's six months in and we're still bonding. Shaking hands still. I would love to. Let's do it. I'm in. Look out for Bake Off with Sam. I promise you it's going to be great.

45:46It's for an amazing cause and I think you can donate when it's on. Stand Up To Cancer is always amazing. And listen, we're very proud of you and your soggy bottom for giving it a go, mate. You never know. We'll have a go. We'll have a go. All right. Right. I think that's us fucking done. What a great time. I'd also just like to point out that today Sam has complimented my glasses. And he mentioned it, but brushed over it. Sam's got a new beard line, which is higher up the cheek. And I must say, this is the best his beard has ever looked. Really made my day when he said that. You look, the kind of the colouring is good.

46:23We've not had a spray tan for a while. You look good today. I feel really good. It was one of the first things Pete said to me when I walked in. And by the way, if you're listening on the Tube, you look fucking great today as well. Or anywhere else that you may listen, as this is not a Tube-specific podcast. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that sort of stuff, and we'll be back Thursday. We'll be back Thursday? When have I ever said that before? We'll be back Thursday! I'm going back to normal. Ta-da! Fuck off. Quite nice. Well, it was very fun. I really enjoyed that. It was very fun. This has been a Staying Relevant.

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48:32Explore further at rangerover.com. This January, Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Bruce Cruise sails from Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck bare knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Massive parties, beach events, DJs, cigars, tequila tastings, and nonstop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast, and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just$200 down at BKFSEA.com. Production. Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music.

49:17We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.