167: The boys react to BIG news...

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1:12You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list. Saturday, September 26th, two of combat sports The world's most dangerous strikers collide.

1:47Bare Knuckle. Liverpool's own Darren the Gorilla Till goes to war with Cuban powerhouse Yoel Soldier of God Romero. Plus the Bare Knuckle Middleweight Championship of the World is on the line when the reigning champ Dave the Redneck Mundell defends against undefeated British challenger Jack the Meat Cleaver Cullen. BKFC 94. Till vs. Romero. Watch it live only on DAZN. Sign up now at DAZN.com.

2:18Good show. Yeah. Is this the asthma for... What's it? I've just got to give it a real good stir. ASMR. Yeah, I mean, it's not great to listen to, though, is it? I think it's fucking stirred, mate. No, just give me a sec. Have you ever... Have you never done that? What, stirred, anything? No, but it's in, like, proper... You've got to get it real in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, it'd be nice if you'd have done that before the mics were rolling. Sorry. Any time you want to do the intro. we have mentioned obviously the reason we're starting earlier is because we are on a quite a tight okay

3:07oh Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends. Some might say, after last week, a couple of sex symbols. Some might say that, yeah. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. This is the main episode, which means that you will be able to hear this audibly on a Monday. And then you'll be able to watch it on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Wednesday. Then we'll be doing a bonus episode, which comes out audibly on a Thursday, which you can watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on a Sunday, which means that you can catch us on a...

3:42Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. You know the score by now. A little bit of housekeeping. We love to clean house. Staying relevant, the pod. Obviously, you all know the Instagram for that. But staying relevant, the production company now has an Instagram. It is up and running. That is kind of the more professional business account. You'll know it's more professional because in the bio it says, let's make some fucking magic. So, yeah, that is all things, the production company, the pods, the tours, the books, everything else, and just kind of what we're doing as a company.

4:14So, listen, follow it. Say something businessy. You know, if you want to, you know, just loop back and blue sky think on the comments. Stick a pin in something. Stick a pin in it. Do all of that sort of stuff. Share it with all your business people. LinkedIn, the fucker. Remember, we have LinkedIn as well. You know, if you want to follow us on LinkedIn and you're a professional, it's highly unlikely with our audience that any of you are professional or anything. But if you are and you have a LinkedIn, fucking follow it. Yeah, we'd love to hear from you. And as we are now corporate, we also have a newsletter.

4:45This I love. The newsletter goes out every month. Every month there's a newsletter. So you can subscribe to that. There's a link in our bio on how you do that. And then you'll be emailed the newsletter. it's just like a little personal footnote from us. It's, you know, Pippa's thoughts and feelings, letting you know what's happened through the month. Pippa, do you write it? I do, yeah. Oh, yes. Got so much Anne in it. And every month, as Sam already knows, Sam does his thought for the month. Yeah, I've given my one already. So this week's, or this month's thought, if you haven't seen it already, is everyone should have a bonsai.

5:25I it's just a little thought just a little take away from Sam I'll tell you why please do you know what because bonsais actually like an animal or a pet need to be tended to you've got to trim the leaves you've got to water it I've had a bonsai before and it died like you actually have to be on the ball and I think that's a really good metaphor for life see what I mean this is the kind of insightful this is the insightful sort of shit you're going to get. And obviously, there will be a rant from me of something that's pissed me off. We have to pick the best one because there's quite often daily different things.

6:02Whilst we're on that business note, Sam is wearing a suit. Tight. I'm wearing a suit. I've gone for a pinstripe. Sam's gone for a sort of a blue. Is it double-breasted or single-breasted? Single-breasted. You haven't got the jacket on. It's incredibly tight. Put on a bit of weight. Well, he's put on a bit of weight. It's, you know, he's comfortable and in love. That's what happens. I was actually just thinking, but I can't do it. You know the middle button? It's like it's almost about to burst. I was thinking about undoing it, but then that would just look real. Your buttons are hanging on for dear life.

6:32That is some strong thread from the tailor. Trousers about to burst. Sam and I are also drinking out of our staying relevant mugs, which are available to order from the website. Must say, they make things taste better. They absolutely do. It's special. um would you like to should we go on to on to sort of more pressing things I think housekeeping's done yeah anything else to add on the housekeeping Pete is you know as always I think we like to start with Pete you've never been more relevant than ever you did go to an award ceremony after last week's record I did and obviously it was off the back of winning an award Monday night yeah you know I was up for two awards Monday night one one obviously the morale is high Confidence is surging.

7:20We're all thinking, oh, it's a given. It's a dead cert. He goes to the award. You did lose. Condolences. The Curse of Staying Relevant strikes again. Who did you lose to, Pete? I lost to a bunch of virgins. So. That statement is so joking. And it's been a while since that's happened. Effectively, yeah. I was in a really tough category. And there was, you know, Clarkson's Farm. and there's like, you know, BBC shows and some big things in there. We were all surprised. We lost to Virgin Island at the Broadcaster Awards. Disappointed but very happy for them. As soon as my award came up, I heard, and the winner is, I mean, first of all, they do the thought-provoking, crying, laughing, I thought, and the winners are Virgin.

8:14my response my response was oh fuck I'm going to the bar and I left so I left before I was in the bar before they made the stage I was at the Red Bar yes yes it was so yeah it was you know virgins man they'll win an award like fair fucks and in all seriousness as much as I take the piss I've not seen the show but listen if something wins then it always deserves it it's you know no it doesn't because we've lost to absolute wankers on the podcast awards. Yeah, but I take things differently to you. I always think there's a reason I've lost. So unfortunately, for dog's sake, he's only a triple award winning show.

8:52Yeah, what a shame. But now we have a new nemesis. Yeah. Do you know what? Actually, I've got to look. I went for a meeting with him and I can't say who the network are, but with the channel. And I had a meeting. This is last year with a channel and someone very high up. I love my history, right? I think if you listen to Pod, you might know I'm a bit of a world war two or ancient classical Greece fanatic so I've like I I was in so I was in white yeah yeah stay with me let me land so I was so I was I was in I was in a white city house before I'm my agent I was going through my pitch for what was going to be a history show right and uh yeah and it was going to be called it's going to be called the uh the historian's apprentice right it was going to be like an older historian with me traveling around kind of fun but like also like you know hopefully informative sorry has this been vetoed yes all right if you're telling it and it's potentially no no no no no this is this this won't be happening um and uh so i have it let's just say i have a history show idea right and i'm going through it with uh with my agent i'm like okay great i think it's in a really solid spot i go into uh into the channel and this woman lovely woman comes in goes sam love to meet you always want to meet you like Like, the stars never aligned.

10:07And before we sit down, she goes to my agent. She goes, oh, my God, I know you. You used to look after someone. He was like, oh, maybe it was ****. And she goes, yes, you always need to come in here. And we always want to do these fucking history shows. Like, and, like, I'd just be like, we're never going to do a fucking history show. Like, this isn't a channel for that. And I stood there with my history show pitch. like and I literally looked at my agent and gone I don't know what to do I sat down and just went that was the one I was going to give you she literally it's not even the end she goes well I think she's so blunt and bless her she goes I think it's safe to say that we might have wasted each other's time no no no it gets better she goes but do you know what I was thinking there's something in virginity you and virginity

11:03the history of virginity with sam thompson in you and in you something you knew and virgins i was like what do you mean she goes something shocking and something like you know out there and you know and like you're just sat there going fuck what is life for god anyway uh you've also uh been in uh for for a full day this is this isn't this is an alien to pete to be fair pete is you know he i like to think pete's pretty sort of front-facing when comes to this company is I'm sure we're all aware. I think that's the wrong because you're the front facing one. You're the face of the company. I don't know.

11:35I'm in the cupboard. It's an ageing face now. Fucking look at this. I'm in the cupboard. But this week is a heavy week. There's lots going on this week. So I'm actually in four days this week. But last week I did have an admin day here. And I don't know why this is kind of new for me to have an admin day here. But I think what was new is that effectively, because it wasn't full of meetings, it literally was admin-y, I had to sit and be involved in office chat. Yeah. Because normally I'm out and I'm in meetings or I'm doing saying or whatever else, but actually to sit in the office, and now we have the new office where everyone's kind of...

12:19Did everyone sit in there? Yeah, well... Was it fun? Apart from the little darkness geeks. Yeah. Josh and Kira, they haven't moved across. They've stayed in here. and it's really weird because you come in, it's pitch black and it's just them two facing a wall typing. We love to see it. To be honest with you, it's odd. Pippa's written in here, water cooler chat. What does that even mean? Honestly, the conversations. Conversations? You know, I've spoken a lot about time, capacity, pay recently and the amount of time that we waste on stupid conversations and what I didn't realise was the person that starts them conversations is our managing director, Pippa.

12:56she's the biggest problem that we have in terms of distraction bar you can you explain to us what time capacity pay what you meant by that well it's how much fucking around is done we have 9 to 5 dailies that's 8 hours you're going to realise by the way this is genuinely how this conversation goes in the office so let's say in an hour in the morning for everyone to sit around and fuck around and talk about how their weekend was that is an hour out of the day now if you combine that or you times that by the amount of people here that's potentially you know eight hours there that i am losing in stupid chat so that is a whole day for potentially another person and a whole day's work all right that's the capacity versus time thing what i i assumed was that that pippa was kind of you know on top of that on the days i'm here what i didn't realize is she's the problem and her stupid aloe trousers and her fucking why is it stupid when i Because you come in with your aloe and your tarla and you sit there tip-tappity-tapping on a laptop.

13:57I just think it's nice to all talk and get to know each other better so that it goes deeper than colleagues. There's only so much I need to know. Yeah, but it was like we were talking about like, was it raining or was it more like spitting outside? So you can imagine I'm sat in the corner and it's like, would you say that's raining or spitting? What was it? More of a spit. More of a spit. More of a spit. So the water cooler chat, it's not something that I enjoyed. I think it's what I've worked out is that out of the two of us, what I like to do is talk about work, get work done, sit in the corner silently.

14:35I'm happy with that. Water coolers are not my thing. I feel like. Very me. Very you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any time you want to hang me to the cooler, I'm in. We haven't got a cooler at the minute. Do we not? Are we getting one though? Yeah. It's coming. Oh, it's being ordered. We're getting a water. It's the little things in life. It's the little things. We're also getting the coffee station built. We're having custom built. Look at that. Bougie. Yeah, I signed that off last week. It's costing some money, mate. But it's good, though, because you're now drinking green tea. So we'll make sure we've got a jar of green tea bags for you.

15:11Thank you very much. Water cooler chat. I mean, what's your kind of idea of a good water cooler? I mean, let's give it a go. why don't you try and ease me into water cooler chat because my first experience of it with these guys I didn't fucking enjoy well I think straight to relationship chat normally I suppose for me it'd be sort of like again well that's me out then well no I think I just come up the back sorry I come yeah straight to relationship chat last night I just come up the back I come behind someone at the water cooler and I'll literally be like so let's say Hannah's at the water cooler and I come up to her and you're just going to come up behind yeah I come up behind and be like Pippa I'm like well that's a bad start yeah I go up behind Hannah and I go look how's it going you know how's your love life are you seeing anyone where are we at with this you know I like because like Pippa said I like to sort of get to know people I work with on a basis of you know relationships and friendships who are we hating at the moment you know who do you not like who's on your list gossip yeah a little bit of gossip but I love gossip and I don't know if this is just me right and if you're listening and says let me know if it's you as well.

16:18His phone number is 077. No, no, no. He started that legit as well. Well, 077 is a lot of people. Don't panic too much. You're not the only one with the 077. I know. I thought you were going to go further then. Let's see if I know your number off by art. I do. I love knowing gossip about people that I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if that's just me, but like Pippa's nodding her head. I love. so people's got like a loan of mates we're not going to name um and she'll come in and she'll literally be like you'll never guess what i've never met these people i'll be like i'm sad and like we will go on for 45 minutes which isn't very good for time capacity something um time capacity pay but uh but i i fucking love it i love hearing what people i have no idea who they are i love bitching about them i don't even know and i'm literally sitting there like fuck i'd say you can tell she's insecure like my god like fucking hell you can tell that she obviously has got like she's obviously got demons in there man you've just got to you've got to rise above it and i don't know any of these fucking people so that would be my water cooler chat um the chat that we normally just do in the office i'd like to migrate that to a body of water that we can drink out of i mean i i am the complete opposite um um the body of water is of no interest to me neither is gossip about people i don't know neither is gossip about people i do know I don't care how your weekend's been I don't care whether it's spitting or raining I care how much you're costing me What about if Annalise gets dumped again?

17:53You're not like sitting there We've been through it once or twice I can't do it every month You know what I mean? Like there's only Listen, you know I've got fairly wide shoulders For a man of my size But I cannot keep carrying her dumpings it's um uh bless her pete giving like honest feedback as well to somebody who's being dumped to be the most like heart-wrenching thing in the world well funny enough recently uh one of sam's friends was going through a really tough time i'm not even joking you he's going through i won't name him yeah but um no i won't name it uh was going through a really tough time so sam and his uh group of male friends had set up a whatsapp chat uh where messages were flying in from the fucking ex-girlfriend and all this and they were discussing how to deal with the message and this that and the other uh this went on for quite some time and there was no improvement so uh sam decided to call me i do know this person not overly well and i do really like this person um called me and said i think you're up and i went what do you mean he started telling me about the whatsapp who on earth is giving this advice they were all breaking down the messages and what should reply and i just what the fuck is wrong with you and he was like just take him for a pint please i think i think you can snap him out of here this is all true by the way pete does know him like quite well he's a lovely lovely guy lovely guy do you know what's funny is pete sorry we as guys this isn't pete like people i think in a moment will give you his opinion on this is like when a friend of mine gets dumped, right?

19:24Or like someone in the group. Is that the crisis chat arrives? Mate, we turn into fucking red alerts. Like we turn into what stereotypically people think that like a gaggle of girls turn into. Like, oh my God, let's decrypt this. No, no, it's guys. Gaggle of girls. It's guys as well. It's guys as well. We will, and I'm sorry, if I'm letting the cat out of the bag, I apologise, right? But we will huddle around WhatsApp, project it onto a wall. Well, I've got to say, this message is sent out there. I mean, that could mean one or two things, mate. And he's like, well, boys, how do I reply? And I'm like, well, I'll probably give this one a swerve.

19:58And we actually really get into it. And, you know, he has been there for you, mate. I then called Pete and went, look, we're not getting through to him. I think we might need a change of tact. No, no, no, no. It's not just that. It's not we're not just getting through to him. We don't know what to do, even us. All right. We need an expert opinion on this. And what did you say? I went, I'll take him for a Guinness. You'll get over it. He said, no, not one ounce of empathy at all. He went, I'm just trying to fucking grow up. How long has it been? It's been three months now. Jesus Christ, man. But we do.

20:31I don't know if that's just my friend group, but we do. We really do dissect. I think my first response was he read out one message and one message about, I don't know, collecting stuff. And I went, yeah, she's fucking someone. And was I correct? We'll never know. because it was me no i could tell you now um i know for a fact she's moved on yeah but how could you know that talking about your being places you got a new laptop recently and this is this morning's sam tolton the king of the segue do you know what as well so i do this can't stop you don't want it i did i um i do this morning i do this morning every It's a good way to start a story.

21:16I do this morning every week, every Thursday, I do the showbiz news. If this goes back to history, I am. And I got, and I got asked by the boss. He's a lovely guy actually. I got asked by the boss to come into his office and take a seat. And I was like, oh no. So I've got this idea about history. Yeah. He was like, I'd just like to go through, you know, I think you're doing great, but I'd just like to go through where I think, you know, we're doing well, where I think we can improve. And I was like, okay, this is like a bit of feedback session. I love to hear it. I want to know where I can improve.

21:41Do you know what's really funny? Hold on. Sorry to interrupt. I know you would have gone in there going, I am doing great. This is going to be a flopping session. He sat down and gone, I can't wait for this because I love to be told I'm doing great. Go on, hit me. Pete, I did exactly that. And I went in and I went, okay, so it's going to be like a little bit of negative, but probably mostly positive. He sits down and goes, Matt, I think you're doing a phenomenal job. These are the things that I think we can do better at. Spent the entirety of the thing. We're like, so this bit, I don't know what you were doing.

22:08it's like that's quite savage reviews went for about half an hour by the end of it i'm white as a sheet i'm like shaking goes anyway smashing it walks out and i literally went oh my god but then actually you know these kind of reviews actually do help because i then did take on board what you said i did actually do a little bit better well you were right at the start of the story we will cut that out um i don't even know why did i even go why did i even say that nothing to do you say Did he say something about your Segway? Oh, yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, no, he said that the art of the Segway can do with a little bit of panache.

22:41I mean, just, I think panache, there is none. I think what it could do with is relevance. Yeah. Penises and laptops. You also then completely forgot why you told that story, which was about Segwaying. Yeah, we went from laptop to your fucking one-to-one with your fucking This Morning boss, and then on to cock and then back to laptop. I don't understand what he's talking about. I think the geezer, he's got you so... Don't listen to him, all right? You are our Segway princess, and I think you're doing a great job, sweetie. Oh, fuck. He's going to listen to this and be like, fucking hell, don't you?

23:15So go on. So off the back of this conversation, it shouldn't be that hard because it's sort of there and thereabouts. Get into the laptop just smoothly. Go on. Well, I don't know, from Segways to machinery.

23:27Pete bought a new laptop. By the way, didn't you buy a new laptop like a year ago? Yeah, so I had a new one a year ago, but it broke. How?

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24:18Individual results may vary. This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster parent and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties.

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25:58Eric sat on it So the screen was damaged I understand how to use it I don't do the set up I don't have the patience Technology is not my thing So obviously we've got the new laptop And I said to Annalise Please just put everything on it that I need And then give it to me And Annalise, I've got to say she doubles up as our IT support here. She's very, very good. Very, very good. So she was doing that for me last week. I mean, look, it's, there's different things that I'd forgotten about and taken for granted. I mean, I spent most of the day just placing my thumb in things that she told me to. Yeah, no, I feel index finger normally, isn't it?

26:40It's thumb. Oh, is it? But yeah, so it's Touch ID, like for fucking everything. like it was just constant constant constant um but you know it's it's tough but are we set up yeah we're set up now but i just don't like things like that because i didn't i don't know where my thumbprint's going it's like the caps will find it yeah well you just you just never know i just you never know they'll never go they'll never go well do you know what we've heard we've had a lot of messages about you and your specs um you know people thinking you're looking and actually i've seen an email that we're going to talk about later in the bonus there's a lovely email that we've been sent about you um but you're looking fucking fine as wine at the moment peter and uh one of your favorites these days i think one of my loves a rioca and uh and i feel like you know the pole you only have to see the pole or the dishy cloths that you know pete is looking fucking good at the moment um there's talk and i think we're going to have middle-aged women across the country screaming in terror.

27:44There's thought of you going clean shaven. Yeah, I mean, it's mad. I'll tell you where that thought came from. You? Me. But I don't know. I don't know. Do you know what it is? I have not been clean shaven for a really long time. And I just feel like it needs a reboot. Not forever. And I haven't done it probably since I was 15. I don't think I've been clean shaven. and I've got a fair bit of scarring on my face on one side which is why I've never done it but I'm not as tanned as I used to be and it used to really show up in the fucking sun I don't do sunbeds anymore haven't done for two years now which is probably why my skin is less leathery that and the fact I don't drink as much other than that I'm still very unhealthy but yeah and I just I don't know what it is I just thought to myself should I what do you think?

28:37I only know you as Bearded Pete. I've never... We're shorter than it used to be. It is, and it's great. I think it's perfect now. This is how it should be. I once put on the lack of beard filter that you can find on Snapchat on you. I've done it on myself, and it doesn't look... It's obviously a bit different. Yeah, because I had a longer beard. So what it does is it takes the outline of the beard. So I had a jaw like Jimmy Hill. It's so good. Do you know who Jimmy Hill is? I know who Jimmy is. It was mental, right? So it's not my actual jawline. Should we? I'll find it later down the line. No, don't.

29:16Because you did it over a scene in Tau. And we all know Tau was not my finest thing. I was licking my lips a lot. I was on a date. Oh, okay, fine. Why don't we do an updated thing? After we finish this recall, we'll do the beard thing on me and Pete. We'll see if we look good without beards and we'll see where we go from there. Well, I know, but I don't think we should. apps are not the way to do this. I look really terrifying. But I think you do it. I know. I've got a baby's bum. I once had to, I don't own a baby's bum. I've got a bum chin and I've had to shave my beard a couple of times for various jobs.

29:54I'll do anything for money. And I really didn't look good. Like I remember walking out of the bathroom, my girlfriend at the time went, stick it back on. Like it was fucking bad. I look young though. I mean, if I want to look more youthful, that would take me to 17 years old. But it just... Fuck. Come on, mate. No, no, it's obvious. Come on, come on. I mean, listen, you look younger than me, but come on. Come on. We've all seen the TikTok comments. Yeah. Come on, daddy. I would like to see, though, what it looked like, but I don't think I could do it. It doesn't work with my face being clean shaven.

30:26Maybe we can look at... Should we both do it? No. No. It was just a me thing. Should we make it an us thing? Yeah. Like everything. Like everything. But maybe there's an opportunity to experiment with different facial hair. I mean, obviously I've done the moustache previously, which I quite enjoyed, to be honest. You're just sort of stubbly with the moustache. But maybe there's, you know, goatee, soul patch. I don't think I've got any of that in me. I'm not quirky enough. I think you could... Muffin chops. I think you... Yeah, but you haven't got anything on the cheek. So it would just be sort of...

31:01Fluff. Yeah. I think you've got a very strong goatee potential yeah yeah I've always had a good chin beard yeah yeah yeah I think yeah yeah yeah I think I think you and the goatee yeah yeah you forgot that you're doing the new sort of Essex London accent and you reverted back to Made in Chelsea yeah just trying to spend time with my dad this weekend oh Big Mike we love Big Mike loving the double denim fucking Big Mike can't stop my dad can't stop talking about Pete I know this is a little bit off the thing but my god he adores you He was like, when are we going for lunch? God, how's Pete? Is Pete okay?

31:36Is he loving life? You should invite to Marbella. We should go back to Marbella in the summer. Oh, I absolutely would go back to Marbella. Yeah, he really wants to see you. Really wants to see you. Fucking such a great time at Victor's. Yeah, he's an absolute boy, is Pete.

31:50The team have found an interesting Instagram DM about Peter. Pippa's just forwarded it to me. I presume this is going to be something awful. If it's someone from my building, it will scare me. No. No. This is fucking mental. Pete, your dishy cloth has made it into police custody in Bristol, and I love it. What? Your dishy, so from what I'm hearing, so let me just repeat that. Pete, your dishy cloth has made it into police custody in Bristol, and I love it. That's from a listener who's messaged into the Instagram account. Now, what I'm taking from that, Pippa, I think you may, like, someone's been arrested with your dishy cloth.

32:29With my dishy cloth. And now it's in police custody. Sorry, my dishy cloth is now evidence for a crime? What is on that cloth? Well, we just know that it is in police custody currently. We don't know why, we don't know how, but it's there. I mean, what could that be? So they've maybe been arrested with it on their person. Why? Right, okay. Listen, we're selling merch now. If you are going to commit crimes, don't take me with you. I don't need to be there through that. and also how embarrassing for you when you get down the fucking what's this phone hewix dishy cloth I mean what what's the crime yeah I need to know more shall we can we reply please to that lovely person let's contact the Met we need to know more where is it Bristol Bristol so around that so you know it's a sort of a West Country yeah West Country so who knows they could have been sort of I mean I just want to know how, what, like, why are you bringing, what are you doing?

33:34It is, well, there's two points here. Are they defacing the dishy cloth so badly in a public place that people have to call you the cop? It's not a criminal offence to deface my dishy cloth. It is if you do something of a sexual nature in front of certain people. Well, they're not, what you mean, are they, are they that involved in the dishy cloth? Are they sitting on your face on the dishy, like in the park? I don't know. So like, that's what I mean. Are you doing something of a sexual nature towards Pete's dishy cloth that you've had to be arrested for? Indecent exposure. Indecent exposure, which weirdly, and this says a lot about our listener, weirdly is what I actually think it might be.

34:07Terrifyingly, I've jumped to the worst inclusion. I don't think that's the worst one. I mean, the worst one would be sort of like putting chloroform on it and killing someone. Do you know what I mean? That would be the worst. Oh my God. Fingering yourself with a dizzy graph is kind of minor. But if you are fucking potentially, do you know what I mean? Loading it with rocks and smashing someone over the head with it is, I would say, you know kidnapping someone and using it as a gag that's kind of worth there's something so ironic about about loading up a beat witch beat witch to batter someone round their head with alright what a way to do it this is a narrative that we didn't expect and we have some random narratives we will do some research we've got Sherlock Holmes on the case over there Pippa so she will be finding out why and we'll see if we can get it back because you know maybe we should frame the criminal dishcloth.

34:59Yeah, and I'd love to put a little bit of UV light on that bad boy and see what's going on. Yeah, like they're doing hotels. Oh my lord. Well, look, I mean, that firstly is just utterly disgusting. But look, you mentioned earlier on you're feeling a little bit fat. Thanks, Pete. Thanks, mate. No, no, no, I'm just saying, I mentioned you, it's because you're in love. You know what I mean? You're in love, you're comfortable, you're in a solid relationship. Molly May and Tommy Fury are back together. Oh my God, have you seen the news? Solid relationship. No, no, they've just announced their second kid.

35:35I know, because it's right down here. But did you know that? Yeah. Before you saw it written down? No. No, I didn't. Oh, huge news. Well, this is exactly what I was going to get into. You know, as someone else that's in a loving relationship. Mate, baby number two. Thumpers on the way. Name-wise, what do you think? I mean, this has got you written all over it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, honestly, it kept me up last night because I thought, what is it going to be? Do we know if it's a geyser or a bird? No, we don't. They know, but we don't. Oh, they're geysers. Oh, my God. Let's do a poll.

36:11Let's do a poll. They said they've also picked a name. Oh, my God. All right. Well, let's go back through fucking stories and see what Disney film they've watched recently. I mean, I don't know. Answer. Look, I'm actually, I'm more on Molly, me and you. I'm more on your sort of vibe here. Content is cute. Whereas I'm just team Tommy.

36:35Pippa, what was the announcement? Lovely black and white, like home style video. Beautiful. Bambi going to be a big sister. She's wearing a jumper that says big sister. Yeah, of course. Cute. Nice. I mean, look, in all honesty, you know, I don't know if I'm not actually going to take the piss. Very happy for them. How happy are you? Like, honestly, just my heart is bursting. You know, when someone says something, you can just see the death behind their eyes. Very happy for them. No, no, no. But, like, listen, it's lovely. Like, it's genuinely, like, it's a love story, isn't it? They fucking love Ireland, fucking, you know, married and fucking kids and all that sort of stuff.

37:09It's really, really lovely. So, nice. And obviously, you know, they met in the public eye. The public has gone with them on the journey. They have. How would Beat Wicks do a Molly May style baby announcement video? I mean, it would be tough for me because it would be sort of a double shot because first of all, it would mean that there's a woman, like a fucking partner there. You know what I mean? They'd be like, fuck me, he's in a relationship. Oh my God, she's pregnant. It's like a double whammy. So I would have to do two videos. So I mean, the insights would be flying that week. Yeah, you may.

37:42Do you know what I mean? Like the impressions. I'd be going for a collab, I think, on that one. Of course. Yeah, I'd be like, can I jump in on that, please? Absolutely. No, no, no. What you'd do is I'd send you the collab request. You'd wait until it hit a few million and then add it to your profile because the optics look great when you send it across the subway.

38:03So. What if I just jump in on that one? Is that okay? No, that's a great bit of content. And then a few hours later, he's checking every minute. It's hit a million. Except.

38:16It's all about the optics. Oh my god Look no On a serious note Obviously like What would you do Were we going black and white Video Look I get it And we are in the public So you do have to Fucking let people know It's one of the The saddest things But also Completely understandable things I think about this industry Is that we are in the public So everyone has to know Your business And like Do you know what I mean So anything that happens It's the same as you Like you know Getting into a new relationship And the rest of it Well when do I post Like when do you launch Like everyone has to think about that.

38:47Yeah, terrifying. That's why I don't achieve or have anything to say. Because then I don't have to announce anything. Just silence is key. This is like nothing happens for me. I'd have. But anything that kind of happens, there has to be an announcement. I honestly don't know what I'd do. I don't know. I don't think I would. I think I'd just... Maybe on a motorbike? No, I think if I just had a bird, you know, I just wouldn't say anything and then suddenly people would know she's fat. and then I go oh yeah no she's up duff yeah maybe I could see you on a motorbike riding down the thing like something coming off the back what with a pregnant bird hanging off the back yeah no she's hugging you like this right you're in the Harley alright with your handlebars up there and she's holding you holding your back like that and then on the back you've got like a leather jackets with mum and dad a flag coming back like it's a boy a flag yeah yeah a flag it's a flag on the back it's a boy You know when you see them like kind of sexy, like black and white, like motorbike shoots and it would just, yeah, it'd be saying like, like putting the fucking helmets on and then it zooms out and she's hanging on the back and it says mum and dad on the leather jackets.

39:59Love it. And then the song would be some sort of country, you know, keep bowling, bowling, bowling, keep bowling, bowling, Yeah. Yeah. Or it's a millionaire riding day. And then I don't know, you know, if, if, if my missus was pregnant, would I want to know the gender or just leave it as a surprise?

40:25I'd want to just leave it as a surprise. What would you rather? What do you mean? Would you rather a boy or a girl? Well, funny enough, that was one of the water cooler chats, I think, wasn't it? Oh, fuck me. What would you? Don't just say either because everyone would prefer one. Well, yeah, of course. Yeah, I wasn't going to say it. When have you ever seen me sit on the fence, son? All right. Why am I sunning everyone off today? It's fucking very odd. I just feel very old today, I think. I think the chat was that you think I'm a girl, Dad. Yeah. So do I. Listen, in my head, I think a boy would be easier, but I would love to have a little girl.

41:05So would I. So if you got a boy, you'd be like, fuck's sake. No, no, no, no. Because if I had a boy, I'd be like, you are going to be a **** and I can't wait. Yeah, yeah. Whereas a little girl, but I think a little girl would be dangerous because I think I would go over the top. I'm quite protective on people and everything else. I think that's what I... Imagine Pete being a helicopter parent. I don't know what that means. It's like when they're over, you wouldn't be like this, but when they're over their kid in everything they do. I just think it would unleash a new... Like my kind of thinking with kind of blokes is that they should make mistakes.

41:45Yeah. Because that's the way people learn is from making mistakes. Whereas if I had a little girl, I would want her life to be so perfect. Yeah. That I would go, I would do anything to make sure she never worried. Whereas I wouldn't mind having a boy that had to deal with stuff and had to. You'd be like, she's part of life, big guy. Big boy. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas if I had a girl, I think I would go so out of my way. I would literally put myself to death to make sure everything was so perfect for her that she never had to worry about anything. And it would never be good enough. And nothing I ever did would ever be good enough.

42:16Nothing anyone ever did would ever be good enough. So that's kind of me. Anyway, that's gone on to me. How would you reveal, I mean, how are you going to reveal Pete's pregnancy? Mate, do you know what? I genuinely don't know. I think there's something quite nice, actually, in Less Is More. I feel like you may have just done it. Less is more, I think. I think I just sort of just brush over it on a podcast. I think I just do a photo. I think I'd literally just be a nice photo holding the scan and be like. Just the two of you. Yeah. Just a nice photo. Yeah. Hold a scan. Maybe get like you, Louise and Ryan or like my closest, my nearest and dearest.

42:53But what do you mean? Why are you laughing at that? Why would we be in it? Because you're part of a family. If you and your missus got fucking pregnant, why would I be there holding the picture? People would go, whose is it? No, because I would want you to be there. I'd want you to be in my video. Oh, comment on it. I don't need to be in here. No, you absolutely will. I'm not raising the c***. The worrying thing is that it was having me a photo of all of us together or a video of me telling you for the first time. You're in it either way. Yeah, I would have to have you 100 % and then maybe Louise and Ryan.

43:27It's nothing to do with us. It is because we're all having a baby. No, afterwards, but not the first announcement. No, because we're all having a kid. If I'm having a kid, we're all having a kid. Do you know this? No. We're not Mormons, mate. We don't all fucking live in a cult and fucking bring up all the kids. No, we are, though, because I'd need... We're not. I'd need all the help we can get. Like, you know, I'd bring the kid in. I'd be like, Pippa, look after her. Help her. Do you know what I mean? I'd like... I just... I feel like we'd all be in it together. Well, I mean, look, there's different opinions.

44:00different opinions. I think that's such a private thing. I would keep it to myself for as long as possible. I do understand that you do have to do it. So of course I get why they've done it. But I just don't talk about my private life anyway. So definitely not a video then for you? No, it wouldn't even enter my head. Fuck, I've got a TV on about it. But then after all of that and the reality sets in, you would be like, oh shit. But yeah, that's kind of it. But talking of family and you saying that you know, you'd announce it with all of us. I would. I just absolutely would. Stay in relevance to family.

44:37Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Separately, you'd probably do a separate announcement with the stay in relevant team. The scam would be kind of sat here. The whole team would be behind and all the rest of it. Because if you don't know, you know, we are a little family here. It's not just work. We spend time together outside of work. You and Pippa went for dinner. We did. We went for dinner, had a lovely time. See what, what just happened there. That's called a segue. Yeah. It got a bit weird at one point, but then you pulled it back. Yeah, I over explained that. But what I could have done was just gone.

45:07From penises to. Yeah, so I could have just gone, so baby scans and that. How was your dinner? But I tried something. I gave it a go. Yeah, it wasn't as smooth as it could have been, but we sailed the ship. We got to the end. I did. I went for dinner with Pico. There we go. It was fucking lovely. I don't know what else to say really about it, to be fair. You went for a fucking nice dinner. We had a great time. Pippa? Sam commandeered the conversation to a small extent. Commandeered the conversation? Yeah, we were with a small group. So let me just set the scene. So it was Pippa, it was Jack, which is Pippa's fella.

45:44It was your sister, Lottie. It was. Who Sam hasn't properly met before. No. She came over to see you. Yeah. And then Sam and Peep were there. So it was sort of a double date plus one. Yeah. I was going to enter the fray as a late kind of thing, but Sam didn't want me to go. So I'm sure what he's going to say is he invited me and it was all this sort of stuff. But when I said to Sam, I'll be there about half past eight, he's, well, I'm not having a late one. I've got radio. No, that's not. Which suggests you can, but there's not much point. No, I will go back. Please do. I wanted you to be there.

46:21I said to you, that was me sending you a phone with Dan. I went, are you coming to dinner? And then you went, I won't get there until about half eight if I come. If that's too late, I'll give it a miss. Now, what I didn't want is to go home at 10 and for Pete to be like, oh, fucking hell, what was the point of coming all the way to the end of London? So I told you what time I'd be going home. But it wasn't like I would love you to come. His response, let me just get this right. Let's see if this sounds particularly... That's so not true. I literally, I actually did actually want you to come. We'll definitely still be there, but I won't be late as I've got radio in the morning.

46:59No, sorry, you just put on a fucking voice to that. I'm just saying. Imagine if I change. Well, that's how I read it. Okay, imagine, okay, this is how it could have come across from Pete. All right? Well, I won't get there until about half eight if I come, and if that's too late, I'll give it a miss. Do you know what I mean? It's the exact same works both fucking ways. And then, in my tone, I'm thinking, well, we'll definitely still be there, but I won't be too late as I've got radio in the morning. I'm just saying. So Pete's listened to that in the voice that he thinks that I'm saying, but I'm not saying that, actually.

47:33I would have loved you to be there. So you had... And I said that to you, didn't I, Pippa? So you had, well, you know, you said that amongst a lot of other things. When you say commandeered the conversation, please explain. Lots of, like, the classics, really. World War II chat was, like, a big... Not the classics. Big feature. Well, your classics. I've got to be honest with you, it's big for you at the minute, World War II. It's really big. It's a problem. No, no, it's not a problem. It's your current hyper fixation. We're aware of it and they come and go. But right now, World War Two does get sort of crowbarred into every conversation.

48:08It's so true. You were big on the World War Two. You're big on the World War Two. There's World War Two films. There's games you're playing. There's, you know, documentaries you're watching. You're really in the World War Two kind of, you know, state of mind. But the problem with that is it's quite niche. It's very age. So none of us care? No, that's not true. Kira cares. No, maybe it's not Kira. Does it, Josh? Is it? One of you cares, because I spoke to one of you or both. I care. I wasn't at the dinner, though. Yeah, but I feel we spoke. We would have loved you to be there. Actually, may I just stay?

48:42Well, it's good that you didn't go, because you have radio in the morning. Not going to be there late. Well, it's also good that you didn't come, because otherwise, you'd only get there at 8.30, so I'm not going to bother coming. I can also just say Jack Pippa's just for anyone listening there are people out there who like World War 2 Pippa's boyfriend Jack lovely guy he loves World War 2 we had a really good chat about it we also like survival YouTubes yeah so now I'm completely surrounded by it because then Jack left being like oh it's so great I found someone who also likes war things so now it's like work, home it's fucking everywhere and then yeah he's got this new YouTuber he likes, Sam about a man who like goes out and survives in the forest and like the Arctic and he just drives this van out into the Arctic and he's like, hey, YouTube, like today I'm going to be out in Alaska.

49:34That's how he sounds. No, it's not. That's how he sounds. He's called Outdoor Boys and it's fucking phenomenal. And so we heard all about that. I used to love a program called Naked and Afraid and I love these survival type things. Have you ever seen Naked and Afraid? No, thanks. Brilliant. So it's basically survival, but they put them in these harsh fucking barren lands whether it be Alaska or whatever else, naked. And then they have to fucking, like, it's wild. But these are all, like, extreme survivalist type people. I do find that stuff interesting. Would I watch a YouTube? No. Would I watch or do a YouTube on sort of World War II?

50:06Because the thing is, you're not, let's be honest, if you were to set up a YouTube, which is your kind of idea at the minute, is you want to be a YouTuber and a streamer and a... Too old now. And a, what do you call it? Twitch streamer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you want to be one of them. but the niches you're going with the World War II, you weren't there, so it's just you talking about it. You also don't have any sort of military experience, so it's just you talking about, you know. Sorry, that's a lot. CCF, CCF. I don't know how many people are going to want to tune into YouTube to listen to you talk about Hitler.

50:40Secondly, the survival thing, again, it will just be you commentating on someone else surviving because you sat in your fucking two million pound house in fucking Fulham. I could survive. I could drop us both into the wild. Who would survive? Me. I've watched so much outdoor boys. I know exactly what to do. I can make coal, right, that can go under your bed to heat your bed. Yeah. So you're physically going to make coal? Yeah. Go on to this. Well, no, it's not actual coal. It's just basically you bung a load of a certain type of wood onto a fire. Slow-burned. Yeah. And then you let it slow-burn, exactly.

51:17And then what you do is you take the coals from that and you bang it underneath your bed, but you put it underneath soil. So you then bury the red sort of like coal underneath soil. And that actually, the embers underneath that. I know you know it, Pete, but so do I. Well, and completely, I understand that. There we go. You know what I mean? So just should we do a poll on who would survive longer? They would pick you, but actually it would be me. I am an outdoors guy. I understand that you want to be a YouTuber. So if you started a YouTube channel right at this moment. Oh, cooking. Okay, neither of the things that we've got here.

51:53Yeah, cooking. The third hyperfixation next to World War II survival is cooking. Well. You've recently done Bake Off, so we're all excited to see that. As cooking is your new niche, we're expecting you to do really well considering you want to set up your own fucking YouTube channel now. Yeah, I'd love to. You know, I'd love to, you know, do a whole. How many times can you watch on YouTube a couple of steaks? Loads of variations. Or different cuts of meat. I'd love to also, you know, do like, you know, a shopping haul. What have I got in my bag this time? A couple of parsnips. So, okay, so I'm slightly confused.

52:24So if anyone is looking for a new YouTube channel and your interests are survival, World War II and cooking, then we've got your guy. And classical civilisation. And classical civilisation, then you know what I mean? Four quite varied subjects. If you had to pick one. At the moment, probably cooking. It would be cooking. Probably cooking. I'd like to just do the influencer thing, sit in my car, go for a haul, you know. So it could be influencing. A cooking haul? No, but it also could be like this one I bought, you know. I went to H &M, I bought this. Something between sort of like cooking and…

52:57So what are you going to cook from H &M? Well, no, I was just saying I could go from sort of like cooking to clothing, you know. Okay, so we're in the fashion. Yeah, yeah. Christ. This YouTube channel… To facial routines. I see girls do it all the time. Okay. this YouTube channel is amalgamation of nothing no no no it's everything it's just a Molly May really I'd like to do a Molly May you'd like to be Molly May I'd like to do a Molly May sit on some boot clay and just get fucked by Tommy get sit on some boot clay and be like Tommy and like you know just have a bit of fun get paid millions right okay alright so really it's just your life sit in my G-wag with a matcha, just being Pilates.

53:45Well, there you go. Look, we look forward to that starting. I think we should add that. We are still in February, so it's still the start of the year. I think we did do goals for the year. I think Sam having his own YouTube channel should be up there. We've got some time to prepare. I'd love to do an outdoor boys thing with you. Through summer, maybe we can look at creating kind of an idea for Sam's YouTube channel. Just on that as well, another thing that you could talk about on your YouTube channel as well is how you're feeling because obviously you're doing the journaling and all that sort of stuff.

54:15Obviously that's very private, but Molly talks about how she's kind of feeling and all that sort of stuff. It's people just getting to know you better. And we can start part of that now because I want to know that you're okay at the minute because I know the weekend was tough for you. There was a lot that kind of happened at the weekend that I think you might be feeling down about. If you want to discuss it now, you can do. if you want to just address your subscribers. I don't know what we're talking about. It was just a tough weekend. What did I do in the weekend? The Super Bowl happened. I imagine you were feeling that way because of, you know, the feelings of disappointment and what if had crept in because Lewis Hamilton and Kim K are sort of officially...

54:58Oh, yeah. We know you've got, you know, she's your dream woman. She's not a fucking dream woman. Although I did see there was some actual, there was a little bit of needle, I think, actually. Not that I've been looking, but. Was that the Lewis Hamilton doll that you had, the needle? And obviously you're in a committed loving relationship right now. So, you know, what you shouldn't be doing is fantasising about other women. I don't fantasise about fucking Kim Kardashian. I just said, she's a striking lady. Yeah, she's striking. I know. And she's now with Lewis Hamilton. Just, it's not going to happen, mate.

55:26I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. Who's the guy? Do you see that video of the guy who's walking next to Kendall Jenner? and he's literally hugging the wall to not be seen. That is one of the best things. You've done that before I've seen you do it. It's when you're like of a certain status. Well, yeah, I didn't want to be associated with Kendall Jenner. And you're known, obviously, for knowing quite a few girls. Have you got Kim's number? Sam wants it. And you're literally like hugging the wall to not be seen walking next door. Would you date Kendall Jenner? Would you date Kendall Jenner?

56:02No one could see. So you were genuinely, Kendall Jenner comes up to you and she goes, I don't know her. Right, fine. So she comes up and says, I don't know you. She comes up and says hello. And you go, I don't know you. Well, if she came up and went, will you date me? Then yes, I would say, I don't know you. But if she just came up to say hello, I wouldn't go, I don't know you. Because that's not how you meet new people. All right, so Kendall Jenner comes up to you and she goes, do you want to date? Hey, I think you look really good. Do you want to go on a date? I'd say, absolutely, darling. and where do you want to go?

56:32Okay, all right, fine. Okay, fine. So you would be like, even though we don't know each other, I'm cool. Because that's just meeting people. What? So you'd date Kendall Jenner? Yeah, why not? So she comes up and you go, I didn't realise it was an option for me, but, you know, have you got the link? So Kendall, I'm just saying, so Kendall comes up to you and goes, do you want to date? And you go, I guess so, yeah, why not? I mean, all right, let's pretend I'm Kim K. Hi, Sam, I've seen all of your content. So I've got a girlfriend, fuck off. Yeah, right. There we go. He'd be like, he'd be like, oh, what was that?

57:02That was you coming just because she spoke to you. Anyway, but you never know and then we could double date. Oh my, well, I couldn't. I have a girlfriend very in love. Yeah. In your minds though, you're already double dating. Is it cheating? Who knows? That's a great question to finish this episode on actually. Well, listen, we're just going to put it out there. Yeah. Thank me later, Daily Mail. Thank you so much for listening to Staying Relevant and hosted by two best friends wearing suits. One of us is a sex symbol. The other one gets by. We love you. Enjoy your tube trip. Enjoy work. Or wherever you're listening to this podcast.

57:37Enjoy your commute. It is not solely for the tube. Any commute you're on. Rate reviews, all of that sort of stuff. Follow us on socials at Staying With The Podcast. Goodbye. We love you so much. Kendall, if you're listening, Pete will have a go. Kim, if you're listening, he had a wank over you last night. I didn't. I didn't wank last night. It's a lie. It's a fucking lie right there. didn't wank who looks like an idiot now still you

58:28Thank you.

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59:45Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.

1:00:23Thank you.