173: Sam's on the wind up and Pete gets tested

0:01During Lowe's Pro Savings Days, my Lowe's Pro Rewards members can save up to 20 % when they buy more job site materials. Save 20 % when you buy 30 or more select bats and rolls or fiberglass insulation. 24 more cartons or pails of joint compound, tape and bead. Or when you spend$200 or more on 3M painting and job site essentials. Members get more at Lowe's. Valid through 925, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. Program subject to terms and conditions. See Lowe's.com slash terms for details. Subject to change. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office, or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again.

0:41That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. This message is brought to you by today's sponsor, Walden University. Set a course for change. Now is the time to make a real change in your life, career, and community.

1:19At Walden University, we give you the support and flexibility to get the W. Walden's online programs are designed for working professionals like you. You'll gain hands-on skills to take on real-world challenges and succeed. Your future is waiting and Walden is here to help you achieve it. Take the first step to make your impact. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shev.

1:48Now I know what you're all thinking and hoping for. Just an intro. And that's what we're going to give you. I'm going to give you everything you've been waiting for. We'll just start off, just the intro. Just the intro, yeah. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends, me, Sam Thompson and Peter James Jonathan Joseph Wicks.

2:14It's been a week. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself. This is the main episode, which means it is out on a Monday audibly, and then you'll be able to watch it on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Wednesday, and then there'll be a bonus episode, which we will record, which you will be able to listen to from Thursday and watch from Sunday at 5pm on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel. You can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Wonderful. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. Subscribe to the YouTube. Keep doing that because Josh's job depends on it.

2:48Not Kira's because we like her. Harsh but fair. And follow us on socials, Staying Relevant Pods. You know the score by now. Now, we're going to start off, for those of you listening, this is kind of pointless, but for those of you watching, Sam looks nice today. He's made a real effort. He has gone for a new loafer. He's gone away from the sort of orthopaedic clog loafers that we had previously. I'd still go on. And he's gone for what I described. Do you know what they're called? What? That's a penny loafer. I've got a penny loafer on. Do you know why they're called a penny loafer? Because you could put a penny in that little slit there.

3:25That's what they used to do. They used to put a penny in the front there, and that's why it's called a penny loafer. But Sam doesn't deal with loose change like that.

3:36He's also got a nice, do you know what their shirt's called? Shirt? I'm going to guess, is that maybe Abercrombie? No, I don't even know it. This is from Every Other Thursday. Every Other Thursday. I know the brand very well. It's a cropped fit, but it is an Oxford shirt. You can tell it's an Oxford shirt based on the pocket on the left-hand side chest. That's standard for an Oxford shirt. In a really nice blue. The reason he's worn a blue is because previously, last week, he wore a blue jumper. Pippa said he looks very nice. And Sam went, I always have done in this colour. So blue, now blue is his colour.

4:13so he's going for it and he's teamed it with a tank top a ribbed tank top you look very nice today mate thank you very much sir you've really made an effort so talk us through the style blue is the only colour I think that suits me so I've bought everything in blue I've got t-shirts shirts on the way and I'm going to be wearing blue for the rest of my life so blue is your colour of the season blue is my colour of the season so the spring summer we're going to see Sam in an awful lot of blue hues we are indeed you know if I was going to pick holes in it. It wouldn't be a podcast if you didn't. I wouldn't have gone with a sort of a washed black grey jeans.

4:50I did wonder. I would have gone with a... Black? No. No. I would have gone with a selvaged raw blue denim. Yeah, see, do you know what? It was the only thing I put it on and I was like, I don't know. Or sort of a 501 in a kind of a midwash. Do you know what's funny is that people are going to be literally going, I need to know what he looks like and then going, well, if you want to know what he looks like, then why don't you subscribe to the YouTube and tune in from 5pm on the Wednesday. Keep Josh's job and we can rate Sam's outfit. The worst thing about this is that I'm that guy. And I don't, I'm not even like, I'm not even embarrassed to say.

5:25I'm the kind of guy who, I'm on Instagram or TikTok or whatever and I see a photo of like Jacob Lordy walking down the street and I'm like, as like an average dude, you look at that and go, that guy looks pretty good. You know, and so you go - Sorry, the six foot seven heart. Yeah, Hollywood heartthrob Jacob O 'Laudi. I just liked what he was, I was like, God, he's cool. I was like, I'd like to be cool. And so I literally just went, I wonder what those jeans are. And they literally had what he was wearing underneath. And I was like, I just looked at them up online. I went, oh, I can buy that. I can buy that.

5:57Like, you know, when you're such the target market for like, I'm never going to push boundaries. I'm just going to do what other people have done before. And I'm going to buy exactly what they're wearing and go, hopefully it looks good on me. So Sam is now going to be known as Samuel O 'Lordy. Samuel O 'Lordy. Lordy, Lordy, Lordy. Which, um. But, again, a slight issue. Oh, God. We see the vision. Yeah. And this is one of the best you've ever looked. I think you look great. I genuinely mean that. I think you look great. However, what we have done is we've seen something and we have kind of tried to emulate and we've just missed it.

6:35We haven't seen the full detail. You haven't gone full detail. You've kind of, you've squinted at it and gone, yeah, that's about right. And actually when you zoom in, you go, it's not right. The overall arching premise. I appreciate the effort. And as a whole, you look brilliant. Well, you know. It's a good start to the day. It stems from watching Frankenstein as well. And the missus. Oh, you've managed that facially. Yeah. And withering heights. And I said. Next week, he'll be wearing a corset. I said to my missus, I was like, do you think Jacob Lordy's good looking? She went, yeah, he's like the guy I would probably.

7:11I went, I couldn't look anything any different, any more different than he does. Yeah, but who is your, you know, we've already mentioned previously. No, mine's not Kim Kardashian. Mine's never been Kim K. So, and I'll say, listen. I just think she's done well. Tally is stunning, but she's no Kim K. Oh, my God. Mate, sorry. Random story here. So, here we go. Random story alert. Strap in, guys. mate no but you might like this actually so i went for dinner two weeks ago and i was tally or kim kate tally and um and as we're leaving my i'm very punching with my girlfriend i adore her she's amazing i don't really know you don't need to tell her yeah and and i'm aware that i'm punching with her and um but i've never sorry i just sorry just sorry to interrupt that just in case you're hard of hearing that was punching with her as in she's out oh yeah no i'm not I'm not punching her.

7:59No, but, but so we're at dinner and, and as we're leaving, a guy has, has like grabbed her arm and like turned around and being like, it's quite like a busy barn. He's been like, you are one of the most like stunt, whatever girls I've been. He's like, can I have your number? And I'd love to take you for a drink. Sorry. I have with her. I was, no, but I was like a little bit ahead of her. And so dude, this is the, I've never been in this position. I've never been, this sounds really rude. I have been with incredibly beautiful girls, but I've never been in a situation like that where like people overtly in front of you do that.

8:40And so he pulls around and he goes like, I had like, please can I have your number? Like I really want to take you for like, I've all these like compliments. And I just had no idea how to handle this situation. And so she goes, I'm really sorry, I've got a boyfriend who's actually just there. She points at me and I literally was standing there like a gormless twat just looking and i and i waved to him and i went hi i did that and waved him and he literally he literally looked at me and went oh right and you could tell that he was like what are you doing with him and i was stood there waving at this guy just hit on my girlfriend and i was like this is i've never been i mean pete you that makes me so sad yeah it made me quite It makes me so sad.

9:28Because I love you as a brother, but it just makes me so sad. What do you do? I'm not going to punch him. No, you don't need to punch him. But the minute, I mean, right, okay. Just wave him. I have also been in this position. I thought you might have. Yeah, and listen, it's very, there's two sides to this. And, you know, I fear this may not go down well with you. but that man has seen you with her in the bar. Oh no. And he's just assumed that you are not the boyfriend, you are family, a cousin or the gay best friend because the way you present yourself is not, that's my missus. So unfortunately, he's already dismissed you before you've all passed.

10:15He's got an easy game. But the minute someone grabs the arm or tries to get the attention of someone I'm with is the minute I introduce myself before he even has a chance. Hello, mate, you're right? But it all just happened so fast. It happened so quick. And I was leading, so I was like, turned round. And she was pointing me before I'd even noticed what had happened. And I was like, what? Oh, yeah, hi. Yeah, that was bad. Walk over and introduce yourself and go, I know, she's stunning, isn't she? It's amazing. What a lucky guy I am. Good luck with your search. Good luck with your search. It gets worse.

10:48What, I fucked her? And then I found myself three hours later, sat in the corner with a tripod. It was Wimble. The next day, I got a phone call from someone that we both know. She goes, were you at the electric last night? I was like, yeah. She goes, I've had three different guys call me about your girlfriend asking whether she's single. I was like, but they saw me with her. Like, what the fuck is going on? I've never dealt with this before in my life. It's a good problem to have, but I think you're right. I just, I've never, it's just, it was a whole ordeal. Well, look. She was great. By the way, she was literally like, to that geezer, she's like, I've got a boyfriend and just carried on walking, like fair play to her.

11:31She literally was like, amazing. No, I mean, and listen, it's tough for both of you because she's had to look round and watch you wave and then walk towards you away from the man who actually has a set of bollocks. But, no, listen, let's build you back up here because the reason you're punching is because you are an incredible man. So I don't actually think you're, But listen, if we're just going to go on aesthetics, she is by far more attractive than you. But the reason, and that's the way it should be. That's exactly how it should be. If you're with, I mean, listen, you must be so proud to be out with someone who gains that sort of attention.

12:06I think that's a great thing. And I always feel like that should be the case. If you don't look at your missus and think, my God, you are so far out of my league, then what are you doing? But the reason you are with her is because you're an incredible man. But what you do need to do is stop being a pussy. I'm going to have to introduce myself. I'm literally... Mate, just... Excuse me, mate. Go... Listen, peacock that motherfucker. I'm just shit in his face. I'm just going to throw shit at him. I'm going to shit in my hand and throw it in. No, you're not a chimpanzee, mate. That's what I'm going to do.

12:32All right? We're not throwing shit at people. But it's... It's in my hand and lobbing it. Listen, puff your chest out and go, yeah, that's my missus. You want some of this? No, no, no, no. It doesn't have to be aggressive. It's just I'm here too. And the reason that I am with such a wonderful woman is because I'm a wonderful man. Abnormally large penis. No one's going to believe that either. Yeah, it was a weird one. Gotta say. Gotta say. Here we are. Anyway, on to something that might make you feel a little bit better. Yeah. You know, because this could be the reason that Taddy is actually with you.

13:03Because you are part of an award-winning podcast. Hey! When she says to people and people go, what are you doing with him? Have you watched that? It's won an award. Yeah. And I'll tell you what, you could double down on that because we could, we could potentially win another award. We are and have been nominated for a Trick Award again. The best podcast award you can receive. We are on the shortlist. As you will know, last year we, in an unforgettable night for staying relevant and one of the highlights of Sam's life, we won an award. We won the best podcast at the Trick Awards and we are back on the shortlist this year.

13:43Now, some of you may think, and certainly people that don't listen to this podcast think, that must have been fixed. Or, what a fluke. So we want to prove them wrong. Two time. We could be the double champ. The two time. Two time. Two time, best podcast of the year. Yeah. A two time. We're going to turn up in a Lambo this time. We are not doing that. We're going to turn up in like three different Lambos in Convoy. So, what I want to know, or what I want you to do, because I have promised the team sank this year. Oh. Last year, we took, obviously Sam and I were there, and we took Pippa with us, and we also took Josh with us.

14:22Bless Hannah, it was her first week. So she got a ride in the limo. And then had to go home. But then when we got to the doors, we told her to fuck off. She got the tube home. So this year, if you lot genuinely smash out the votes and tell us how much you voted. We'd really appreciate it. We would really appreciate it. I will take a risk and buy a table and take the entire team. And they're not cheap. They are not cheap, no. Because we do, it would be nice for us to just prove that that wasn't a one-time team. Yeah, one-time team. We want to make it a two-time team. Two-time. We want to be two-time.

14:56Two-time. Also, the speech this time. Mate, if you thought the speech was good last time, whoo! Well, yeah, I mean, the speech was non-existent from you last time because you got up there and went, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I just didn't know it was going to happen and then we got on stage. Well, listen, you know, Sam now has experience of accepting an award. She can already write something. Well, so this year Sam is also going to write the acceptance speech in preparation on a piece of paper that you pull out from his new suit because he's upgraded on the suit. Yeah. Yeah. So, and we're going to make a roof of it, but we need you for that.

15:29We do. Because we would really like to make it feel like this is all worthwhile because at the minute it doesn't. so the link to vote is going to be in this episode description and if you are watching on youtube there will be a qr code uh so it's nice and easy no excuses from you lot we don't ask for much apart from money voting and everything else uh commitment arena arena attendances um just all sorts of things so you know we don't like to put you in too much of a position but we do want you to spend all of your money and all of your time doing things for us um because we do spend two hours a week doing this for you yeah but we also you know we get to bring you great content and this time Hannah gets to come along as well.

16:07So it's sort of like a charity thing as well, which is nice. Yeah, exactly. We want to move her up from the limo and actually get her inside the building. it would be nice if we can get Hannah inside the building. It's a big night for her. So if you don't want to do it for Sam and I, do it for Hannah. Are you confident? Do you know what? I am. Here we go. This is the jinx. No, see, this is the problem. Shouldn't have asked that question. because not last time I said I didn't think we were going to win it. We fucking won it. So do you know what? No, I'm not. Because I think that, I think we have such an amazing listener base.

16:35I think all of you listeners are so great. And I think that maybe everyone's like, ah, do you know what? We've done it once, so we're not going to go that hard again. We really would love you to go that hard again. If you wouldn't mind, it'd be very, very great. And you'll get some great content out of it. You know, we're going to turn up in style, you know, in style, you know, we're going to be writing fun speeches and you know, you're going to get good content if we win. So it's sort of like we all gain from this kind of thing. Now, nice. You went from a different approach from me. I think you should vote just because we do deserve it.

17:03So, moving on. If we don't win, it doesn't matter for Sam because Sam is back on TV regularly. He had a little bit of a dry period and he is now taking the TV world by storm following his TV sabbatical. And he's fucking everywhere at the minute. First episode of Celeb Sabotage has aired and Sam was one of the saboteurs, which is basically a show pranking members of the public. Yeah, made for me. whilst wearing a boiler suit. And there's, you know, all sorts of different kind of celebs come in, but Sam's a bit of a mainstay in the series. And who else would you want rather than the prankster himself, Sam Thompson?

17:43Any behind the scenes gossip? Oh, mate, it was one of the best shows I've ever filmed. I adore it. It's so, so fun. And this sounds so lame, but like it's proper Saturday night TV. Like it's sit down with your family, like with your kids and like hopefully take your mind off the world and just have a laugh at our expense. So who's in it, Sam? Harry Redknapp's in it. Matt and Emma Willis guest presenting. Claire Balding. Ryland's in it. Olivia Atwood's in it. We've got GK Barry's in it. Judy Love's in it. So it's just, it's an all-star cast. And I've got to say, it was a real, real privilege. It's a real pleasure to do it.

18:19And I really enjoyed it. Okay, so it's amazing that you enjoyed it. How, were you nervous about it going out? I was a bit nervous, yeah. Well, I know you were. And I'll tell you why I know that. Because as always, and if you know Sam by now, which I'm sure a lot of you do, Sam really enjoys feedback, really enjoys being sort of fluffed and really wants to know how well he's done and everything we've done. Now, as Sam is aware now, having known me for eight years, I won't be watching it, haven't watched it, and it's my idea of hell. That show also is your idea of hell. Yeah, absolutely. And that's not because it's not a good show.

18:51It's just my personal preference is there's not a serial killer or an animal in it. So, you know, that's just where I land on these things. So Sam needs to get his validation from somewhere else. Now, this took me by surprise because I'm not sure he's even met them. But what Sam did was call Pippa and ask Pippa what her mum and dad thought of the show.

19:18Pipsqueak, what was the mum and dad's reaction? Well, I was at home for the weekend, so I watched it with them. And so I had to pass Sam on to my mum on the phone. Have you ever met mum? I have met Claire. Oh, you have met Claire. Or Cam Morgan. Yeah. Claire. Her name is Claire. I call her Cam. Not her name. And I had a phone call and he was like, what did you think? What did you like? What was your favourite bit? And mum was like, mum's very excited. She was like, amazing. Great Saturday night. Well, your mum is a big Sam Thompson fan. Loved it. Yeah, loves, loves. No, Mark liked it as well though.

19:49Mark loved it. Yeah, what did Mark think? What did Mark think? Did Mark laugh? How many times? How many times? And then he was like, and anyway, did you see the subway advert in the middle as well? Did you see the subway advert? What did you think of that? For context, Sam is the subway national TV advert as well. He's, like I said, following the sabbatical, taking TV bus dorm. So not only can you watch him on the show, but you can also watch him in the break. Do you know what, I actually got a tweet. I got a tweet, but like, fucking hell, not only is that c*** on TV, I've seen the ads straight afterwards.

20:18Well, this is the thing. Normally, normally with the ads, what people do is go and make a cup of tea and that's what they tell you. If you want to go and make a cup of tea, don't just you don't you dare go anywhere because you may catch him in the adverts as well go eat fresh but uh yeah i mean listen it's kind of your idea of uh an amazing i love show you love the kind of prank thing so i mean you in your personal life as well you know you love a prank yeah what do you think the best prank you've ever pulled is on you well by a mile like i could i I could list, I could, I call these the good old days.

20:54I could, I, my favorite prank on Pete. I've done, there's three that spring to mind. Obviously it's the fart spray one in the car. It was one of the first ones I've ever done. And it was, it was the best prank I've ever, if you haven't seen it, type it on YouTube. It's there. It's where I pranked Pete. We're in the car. I spray fart spray. He doesn't realize he thinks I've air shit in the car. And he, I've never seen anything go so well in my life. Secondly, also involving a car, driving pete to places with no destination was a real good one for me thought about reposting that recently uh i told pete that we were going to go and film a video somewhere and um and i just drove him around for about two hours around london with no destination and went past the same roundabout four times to the point on the third time he went why the fuck are we going around this roundabout out again it was so good and then we had a mcdonald's and the third one was more recently uh was when we um we pretended that the pats had come around pib was involved in this one uh where pete was coming to mine and uh and we didn't let him in and we uh and we we called fake pats on him um being like being like do you have anything to say about the allegations interesting time frame to discuss that yeah um yeah i'm really glad we picked that one out um i mean that one to be fair that one could have gone terribly because i did shove one of them through the gate you know what he does he goes because i'm looking through the through the eye hole he's going bless him he's trying to save me i think at one point he goes this is private property this is private because they've come into my front patio and he goes it's private property and he slammed the gate.

22:33You can't come in here, it's private property. And then they've stormed through the gate and he's ringing on the fucking buzzer of my door. We haven't opened it. So he's just lent his head whilst they're photographing him with a mic in his face going, do you have anything to say about the allegations? And he's literally just lent his head against the door and shut down.

22:55So good. Those are my three favourite pranks I think I've ever pulled and they all happen to have been on beat. so make sure you watch Celeb Sabotage it's a great show according to Mark and Claire do you know I really appreciate that Pippa actually sent me a really nice message actually do you know what I sometimes think me and you take well I do I think you're probably a bit more grounded than I am but like you reckon yeah sometimes I get away with the fairies and it's nice to sometimes think do you know what like five years ago Sam would have died to do that like I would have done anything to do that show and to be on it But just imagine what you're going to be doing in five years' time as well.

23:33We are very proud of you here at Staring Relevant. I think it's the perfect show for you, and you are very, very, very, very good at it. Let's move on to saying you're not so good at it. Oh, fuck. Because not only can you catch him on the adverts in Subway, not only can you catch him on Celeb Sabotage, but he's also on the Bake Off. He's on Bake Off. He's honestly, it's a TV takeover from Thompson. The amount of tweets I'm going to get, Get off my fucking screen. So Sam's episode of The Bake Off is going to be airing this weekend. I remember when you filmed this, because listen, if you don't know kind of TV, this was filmed ages ago.

24:10Last year. Last year. So it takes a long time sometimes for the turnaround of these kind of things. But yeah, it was filmed last year. So I remember when Sam was doing this. I remember all the practice he put in, which was none. And are you nervous about us seeing you and your soggy bottom?

24:32Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call?

25:08Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. and ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly.

25:39I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office, or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again. That's why there's Noom.

26:15They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary.

26:47Yeah, do you know why? Because I have a bit of a wobble in it. Man, I'd literally just done the challenge. I think I was just mentally all over the place. And I genuinely took it really seriously. And I was really shit. And you know, like, I just, I know I'm bad at quite a few things, but, like, I didn't realise I was that bad at baking. And, like, I couldn't even turn the fucking oven on. And Vic, I was doing Vicky Patterson, who obviously me and you know. Love Vic. And she's just flying through it. She's making all these different things. I mean, there's lots of, I mean, it's a big series. It's, you know.

27:19Molly Mays doing it. Fuck me. Well, listen, if Sam's not enough to tune in, then that is. Fucking Molly, me and Molly. Me and Molly. I call them moles. But like, you know, that's only when you get, that's when you get to know her. Was she on your episode? No, not. Have you ever met her? No, but like. Okay. So when you get to know her, he calls her moles. Sam's never met her. No, but when I do, I'm going to literally go up to her. Like, you're on, moles, how are you? And she'll go, who are you? No, she won't. Of course she won't. Not with a TV test. She'll go, you're the bloke from the subway, Ed.

27:50Me and Moles, mate. Yeah, Mollie Mae. Nice. So, I mean, big TV week for you. I mean, you're just out here. Yeah, mate, just doing things. I'm really happy. I'm really grateful. It's fucking cool. I never thought I'd be able to do things like that. Listen, we're incredibly proud of you here. I mean, the Bake Off I'm very interested to watch. You know, as someone who has previously done... Well, Mr MasterChef. Having previously done a cooking show, you know, I know how tough it is. I know the intensity and the heat within the kitchen. Oh, mate. It is, yeah. I mean, it's weird, isn't it? Because them sort of things, when you're actually in it, it is quite pressurised.

28:24Massively, also. Especially when you've got everyone else cooking around you because you can't help but look at people going, they're fucking flying. You start doing an exam. When you present your dish, you look at everyone else and go, that is shit. Yeah, and it's the little scurry you do up with the two-hand hold. You do the two-hand hold, scurry up to Paul Hollywood, put it down, like do a bow. You put it down and bow to him and then walk a few steps back. He takes one taste and you know instantly you're like, you fucking hate this. I'm going to be honest with you, and just for reference, it's not a requirement to bow.

28:53You just do because it's poor Hollywood. You know? I did. I gave him a bow every time. I mean, I imagine our experiences were different because if you ever watched the MasterChef that I was in, you can see me in the background swigging wine from the bottle whilst they were interviewing other people to which I was told I'm not allowed to do that. So carried on. literally they're interviewing someone in the background is me going it's full of dessert oh it's sweet enough um and yeah but to be fair every dish that i cooked was served with a cocktail or alcoholic drink that i made very nice um yeah i thought getting drunk they might not taste how shit it is i wish i had that do you know the contrast with that pete doing that and and doing pretty well on my chef as well to uh there's a shot of me on Bake Off with just looking forlorn prodding a lake with a stick.

29:41It's literally Alex Brooker getting told he's doing really well and the camera zooms into me in the distance and I'm prodding a pond full of pond water just going like this looking into the distance being like fucking hell. Well listen, it sounds like it's something we need to watch but it did, you know, I do think as two people who have now been on cooking shows, what if we were to do a Sam Redmond party. Oh my God, we should do a come dine with me style. Like a SR dinner party come dine with me? I would love that and I'm just doing the garden up. Again? Yeah, I've got the builders back in. Huge news.

30:17The builders are back in into my gap. I've stopped saying back in. They've just moved on to the next project. They haven't left. They've moved on to the next project. We're doing the garden up. What are we doing with the garden for the fifth time in five years? Oh, it's going to be amazing. We're completely changing. We're ripping the whole grass bit out. We're putting paving stones in. It's a whole thing. I don't want to bore you with it, but the garden's getting done. Oh, no, please do. Mate, we're getting a whole, all right, fine. We're getting a whole sort of like barbecue garden set up and getting a big green egg in there.

30:42It's going to be really, really nice. Yeah. Fairy lights everywhere, getting a waterfall put in. A waterfall? Not an actual waterfall, like a fake waterfall. A water feature. A water feature. Do you know what I really want? My big thing this time was bees. I want bees in my garden. Oh, yeah. The problem that I have with that, and I love the idea of that, but you do and your house is beautiful alright so we're not but I've seen your garden you're not going to do much rewilding in there in terms of bees alright mate you kind of live in the middle of London and it's it's kind of a small kind of area I can't imagine it's going to be sort of swarming with bees there's not too much you can do in that but also sorry to interrupt but also I am aware of how much of a hypochondriac you are And if you get stung by a bee, we will all be on red alert because you will think that you're allergic and die.

31:36So I'm not ready for that either. Through my summer, what I don't want when I'm chilling out somewhere in a pub garden is, Pete, I'm dying. Why, what's happened? A honeybeam stung me. Mate, this is no word of a lie. A few years ago, quite a few years ago, I was very close to being a beekeeper. No word of a lie. That is deadly serious. I very nearly kept bees hmm yeah that's the noise they make I mean on my life on my life how how were you fuck it I don't even know if I can entertain this no no no no come on how were you close to being a beekeeper I was going to keep a hive of bees in my garden your garden is smaller than this studio yeah but they can find their way home well they won't need to they are there's not really the only way for them to go.

32:28But what, so you're going to keep a, why? Because I love bees. Bees are what keeps the world going out. But right. Okay. Yeah. I'm not disagreeing with that. I love a bee. Love a bee. But I just, I just, you do know when people keep bees, it's generally because they've got a bit of land. What they don't do is put a beehive next to the patio door. Yeah, but I just, but there's nowhere for your bees to go. Like your, your patio starts here. Yeah. All right. And the garden ends and it's a, I'm not being disrespectful. No, but Sam, so when you open the patio doors in summer, people are not going to want to go outside because they're stepping into a beehive.

33:07So are you expecting to do this big barbecue area and everyone's going to be there in bee suits? Yeah. Just lifting it up to have a sausage. Just be like, mind the bees. Mind the bees? Mind the bees, yeah. I just think it'd be so nice. But also, I mean, you know, I only kept a parrot at one point as well. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I went through a proper phase of like wanting an avant-garde thing to look after. And so I nearly got a parrot. Imagine how fun that would be walking around with a parrot on your shoulder. And he's like, fuck off, prick. And you're like, wait, shush. Quiet jokes. And parrots are actually, you know, they're really clever and they live for years.

33:45Parrots like outlive their owners. Mate, I love a parrot. Love a parrot, love a bee. It's been a big week for Pete though, I've got to say. Yeah. It's been a massive week for me. So after all of that, all right, I went to a pub quiz. A school night pub quiz from Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph. The way I understand, the way Pippa explained this to me was Pete and the team went for a nice little after work drink and then Pete was like, oh, I better go home. I begged him for about 15, 20 minutes straight to come to the pub quiz with me. Yeah, and then I backed off. It's only when I retreated that Pete was like, I'm only coming to the pub and I'm not doing any of the quiz.

34:25that the man did stay until the final round of that quiz. He said he wasn't going to do the quiz. He was like, I'm not doing the quiz. And then I saw a photo of him explaining the rules or something to somebody on another table. The rules of a Craig David tequila shot. Oh, yeah. No, I was explaining the rules of how to do a tequila. I certainly weren't explaining the rules. Because pub quizzes, I don't know if you've been to one. They're quite simple. They ask a question, you answer it. There's not much in terms of the rules. He was super against the quiz concept. Did he take part in the quiz?

34:52No. I couldn't. Did I? I feel like you tried to. I mean, I was a bit late to it all. I mean, I was a bit late to it all. Yeah, I tried to. But the problem is, is it's in this weird fucking pub. I couldn't hear anything. So by the time, this is how old I am. By the time I'd gone, what was that? It's been relayed to you. Yeah, they've already put an answer down. I go, oh, right, all right. Basically, you're just going like this with your head all the time. Honestly, I'd fucking whiplash. But no, it was... Was it fun? You know, I was there. Can I just say, category of quiz. What was the category?

35:24There are lots of different categories. What category did we do well on? None of them. Oh, we didn't do well, Peter? No. No. No. The winning team, I remember, clearly got 75 and a half and we got 53. That's not too bad. That's a 20 point difference, guys. I'll be all right with that. Well, that's 20 answers. They got more than us. Can I question? We're not in a quiz now. What was the best? Did Pete get an answer? Was there an answer? You were like, no, I know that. I don't think so, no. I don't think so. But there was one that Pippa got, and she was very proud of herself. Very proud of herself.

36:01It was during the picture round. See if you can get it. All right. What's the dinosaur in Toy Story called? Time's up. No. Yeah, she wouldn't have got that. It was a timed quiz. It wasn't a timed quiz. Dino. Nice. Nice. Wrong. What was it? Rex. Rex. Yeah. And she was very proud of herself. It was quite early on, I think the picture round was first. So at that point, she got that right and she retired. Well, you're ahead. Yeah, even wanting more. And I'll be honest with you. Yeah, listen, I wasn't fully in the quiz thing, but that day had been a tough day and I wanted a drink. I did run through about 10 pints of Guinness.

36:40Lovely. So that was kind of the main reason I was at the pub quizzes. It's one of them. It was kind of a nice day. It was a bit summery with finished work. And I sort of, you know, when you have like a couple of pints and you go, I could do with a few more. Nice. But I didn't have any other offers. so in the end I had to go to the pub and there was a quiz going on but I wouldn't say I necessarily took part and to be honest with you as well you know, no offence but the quiz master oh, bit of a cock really? Shock, but you hated the quiz master but they always are quiz masters I don't think he was a big fan of me either Yeah, no, do you know you have a bit of power He came over just to take pictures You did call him the wrong name like three times Yeah, I mean, yeah That'll do it Well, just, you know just get back in your place, Graham What would be your specialist subject?

37:23It can't be dogs. There's no problem with me being in a quiz. Now, come on. You're a fountain of common sense knowledge, mate. You're a commonsensical man. But do you know what? That's the problem is this is why people like you are hyper-focused. Hyper, what's it called? Sensitive. Well, that's true. That too. Hyperchondriac. That again, yes. Fuck. Really walked into this one. What do we do? Whatever, carry on. Fixate. Fixate. that's the one no but you're on I'm not I'm not educated I'm not particularly clever common sense yes like life can do but no one really asked those questions in a quiz it's like you know who was fucking king between this time and this I don't fucking Henry VIII there you go see he got it straight away there you go so I he's a king at one point I honestly don't think I'd have a especially subject if anything I would say I'm quite good at maths.

38:23Oh. Like numbers I'm alright at. But again, that's just if they ask, you know, numerical actual sums. 77 times 59. What? 77 times 59. Well, that's a tough one. Fucking hell. No. Alright. Maybe not maths then. No, no. That's like one of the, I would have a clue. But, but yeah, I don't know. I don't really have a specialist subject. I don't think, I don't think I'd be very good. I think obviously yours we know would be Greek mythology. Or World War II at the minute. Yeah, World War II at the minute. Really enjoying World War II. So, yeah, so I'm not entirely sure I'm the best at them sort of things.

38:57However, if it was sort of a physical, you know, hands-on type quiz, you know, like work out this kind of puzzle or, like, you know, put up a shelf, I'd do quite well. Yeah. But they don't often do quizzes where you have to change a light bulb or put up a shelf. So... It was his first ever pop quiz. But that doesn't surprise me. Pete's not the kind of guy who does that. But do you know why, though? Again, forced fun. Yeah, but then that's why I was thinking of all the sort of, like, normal social activities, like, you know, Joe Bloggs and that, like, that I would do with my friends on, like, a weeknight that you guys will have never ended.

39:35No, no, no, I'll tell you exactly. So I, every now and then, go to the pub and play Uno, right? That's not one of them. Sit down. No, no, but this is just, like, no, board games at the pub is a very normal thing. It's normal for me. So I love going Uno, and I thought, last time I went, and did this, which was a month ago, I was like, I would love to get Pete. Because Uno can get fucking aggressive, by the way. Like, genuinely, Uno can get Pete. I'm not joking. Uno can ruin friendships. Well, it's about to ruin ours. Especially when you turn it the other way and you go for a different colour. But I just, I would love, I would really, really love to just get the team playing a massive game of Uno or something.

40:16I think we'd have a really good time. Do you know what my problem is? and you know I mean this respectfully to all of you because I tolerate you all because you work for me but the main thing is you all do a lot of forced fun you all do like you know what you're doing this weekend well me and the girls are going to an escape room or we're off to Bongo's Bingo or we're doing a pub quiz or I'm playing paddle or I'm doing this or I'm doing that but Pippa's very that far no but all of you no I'm not as bad as that fuck off you just you play fucking kids games in a pub no but f*** those jokes yeah you know what it's shit all of that sort of stuff you all do like I'm going rock climbing or I'm fucking do you know what I mean like you all do this mad shit just fucking calm yourselves down clip and climb it clip and climb it's very fun calm yourselves down a little bit I just don't like the idea of all this forced fun like if I go to the pub I'm already at the pub that's the activity I don't need to throw in a card game because I'm happy I'm at the pub why have I got to add a bit of forced fun in you know what we can all do together how about we all just sit and have a fucking chat so you wouldn't enjoy an escape room No Me and Pete have done an escape No me and Pete have done an escape No I wouldn't Because I tell you why Because if I wanted to escape I'd kick the fucking door in Alright So it's not really You're forcing me to stay in somewhere That I can get out of So I'm only choosing It's like make believe It's like role play Like I'm stuck I don't need to answer a fucking question And spin a fucking little thing To see if it opens saying up Kick the fucking door Dan I'm coming out Do you remember when we've done it?

41:41Do you not remember when we had to Exactly But I could We had to read You could push the door like that Yeah, and it thinking, I will get out if I want to get out. It's not really an escape room, is it? Well, no, we were locked in for quite a long time. Because we had to, because we were filming a fucking video. If I wanted to get out and I weren't being fucking paid, I'd have walked out the fucking door. Sure, we got to the point where someone had to go onto the speaker because we couldn't work it out and Pete was getting really stressed. And he goes, someone comes onto the speaker and goes, try box number three.

42:11Yeah, it's just all of that. I mean, it's just, I just find it baffling. Like, you know, if I do say, like, I just, just being around people is enough. I'm quite happy to sit and have a chat, right? Because that's kind of like hanging out with people. I don't need to throw in an activity. I don't need to do it for this reason and that. It's the same as, like, fucking run clubs and things like that. On that note, I've got a question. If you're running, if you're running, why do you need to chat? Well, that will mean. Concentrate. What do you think about me and Pippa going for a run together on Saturday?

42:38What do I think? Yeah. Grow up. What do you mean? We're going for a this and yap. We're going for a little run. Okay. A 10k by Patterson car. Oh, I can't wait. I've just bought one of you at six as well. Just, no. Like, if you want to go for a fucking run, then. Why have you got to take her? Why have you got to drag her? To chat. We're going to be poofling around. Then I'll tell you what to do. Run to each other, have a coffee and chat. You do that after. You do that after. But you haven't got to run with each other. We'll go for a bit of brunch afterwards, maybe. Oh, nice. So why don't you both run to brunch?

43:12Together. Because then I would be running on my own. Why have you got to run? Yes. Lame. Why have you got around so many different forced fun activities? Just do one at a time. Do you know what you're going to hate? Is that when me and Pippa start, we're both going to start our strata at the same time. Yeah. No, not ready yet. Three, two, yeah. One, start. That is cool. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. I'm really excited. I'm not actually excited because we've got to do 10K and I don't know if I can. But that's by the point. No, no, no, no. Don't know if you can. Ran to Manchester last year. Yeah, but I don't have it in me anymore.

43:43The fall off is big. He can't run to fucking brunch now. Okay, well, look, in the spirit of forced fun, what are your opinions on a sports day for a friend's birthday? I would love this. A little bit of rounders. I think that's great if you're six. No, but just as an adult. Happy seventh birthday. We've organised a sports day for all your mates. If you're anything above 18, you are some sort of ****. Really? Yes. Because I want to do that for mine. I want all of us to be loved. there you go. That fucking, point proved. Okay, what about dinner clubs? Dinner club is where - That's not a club, that's going for dinner.

44:22No, it's a dinner club because it's where someone different cooks each week. Right, so that's just a dinner party each week. But why have you got to add a club on the end? Do you know what? A book club. Read a book, mate. No, because you want to do it, you want to all go ahead. What you want to do with a book club, right, is you want to all go and read. But why have you got to add a club? I'll tell you what they do. I'll tell you what I'm going to set up, then pub club. If I put club on the end, everyone would go, go, I want to be part of that. All right. On pubs.

44:52During Lowe's Pro Savings Days, my Lowe's Pro Rewards members can save up to 20 % when they buy more job site materials. Save 20 % when you buy 30 or more select bats and rolls or fibreglass insulation. 24 more cartons or pails of joint compound, tape and bead. Or when you spend$200 or more on 3M painting and job site essentials. Members get more at Lowe's. Valid through 925, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. Program subject to terms and conditions. See Lowes.com slash terms for details. Subject to change. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here, and with it, the hot and sticky weather.

45:27A morning working in the garden, or maybe on the golf course, can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you. 500 orders a month was manageable. 5 ,000 is madness. Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ShipStation, the only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns, and analytics in one place.

46:10would use to take five separate tools ShipStation does in one. Automate fulfillment and rate shopping to ship up to 15 times more with up to 90 % savings. Go to ShipStation.com and use code AUDIO to try ShipStation free for 60 days. Quick question. When was the last time a display ad changed your mind? Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words, in their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it.

46:46With Acast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace. Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions. You're buying influence. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

47:06Themed pub crawl. Like pub golf? Nah, but when you like go dressed as certain things. So that's fancy dress? Yeah, fancy dress pub crawl. Yeah. Okay. You know, people aren't dating anymore. They're going on run clubs and they're meeting people on run clubs. Yeah, nothing. You know, if I'm looking for a partner, what I want to see is someone panting in my fucking ear roll, sweating, wearing aloe. That's the one for me. That is, I don't quite know how it works, but like that is genuinely, people are literally joining run clubs to meet their other heart. No, but it's just adding club to the end of something does not make it exclusive, all right?

47:43It doesn't make it a cool thing to do. What are we, podcast club? No, we're a podcast. Uno club, chess club? No, there's no Uno club. That's people just playing cards. That's chess club. That's just people playing chess. Unless you are competing, it is not a club. That is just people hanging out. And I don't understand why just hanging out with people is a problem now without adding club or society or fucking something on the end. It's fucking mental. Just hang out with people. It's absolutely okay just to go, I'm just going to meet me mates. You don't have to go, I'm going to meet me mates at book club.

48:16No, you're just going to see your friends. But that explains you why book club's so great. It's because you go away, you read the book. No, you can't because you're not part of one. So why would you know what a book club is like? I was part of bridge club once. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. I was part of bridge club. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. Tell me the rules of bridge. I don't actually know anymore. There we go. Fuck me. See what I mean? Don't play this silly game. See, this is the thing. It's like people collect clubs like fucking Pokemon. I'm part of this society and this club and this. All that tells me is you are a double ****.

48:43You're a thunder ****. My mum made me join bridge club when I was a kid. Well, obviously it did well for you. Yeah. Bridge club. Me and my sister used to have to go and play bridge. Well, the only club that I want to, if we talk about this anymore, the only club that I want to join is Jump Off A Bridge Club. this is something that I think you're going to really enjoy and by saying that you already know you're not yeah as soon as he starts a sentence like that I just know it's going to fuck me off so Sony and the Chinese retailer Popmart right they exclusively sell LeBouBou which you love they announced on Thursday they're going to be developing a LeBouBou feature film yeah quite fun is it?

49:19yeah it's going to break records apparently is it? no yeah I yeah I mean I'm not entirely sure why you've even booked this up to me why the director's unbelievable is he yeah director Wonka and Paddington what Wonka with Timothy Sheldon yes yeah what a shit film I liked it fucking awful absolutely awful if you want to watch fucking Willy Wonka watch the old one what's his name Gene fucking Gene Wilder oh I thought you did about Johnny Depp what about Johnny Johnny Depp's amazing as well I love Johnny Depp but it's not the same if you're going to watch Willy Wonka you only watch the original one where you've got all the grandparents in the fucking bed fucking brilliant and you've got all Oh, I have seen that one.

49:54It's good. That's the one. That's the one. And the Oompa Loompa song is unreal. Oompa, Oompa, doompa, doompa, doompa, doompa, doompa, doompa. I need to go and take a big pool. I always used to add that on the end. Yeah. Yeah. Just whilst he was on his way to Bridge Club. So that's the one. So that's a terrible film. The Le Booboo feature film? No, fucking awful. So Le Booboo's went through a phase of everyone wanting these Le Booboo's. Are we out of the phase now? Oh, yeah. Die to death. Die to death. so they're a little bit late with it but either way I just the whole craze was the boo-boos are toys for adults effectively it was fucking people hanging about them doing all the rest of it it's much like the whole jelly cat thing pathetic I just what on earth makes me want to go and watch that I don't know what on earth makes anyone want to watch that I don't know it's like the Barbie movie yeah again shit no brilliant no I'm just kidding yeah no No, be Ken then.

50:53Oh, Brian Gosling, brilliant in it. Yeah, great. I just, no, just not for me. I don't give a fuck if Paul King is directing it or fucking Martin Scorsese. I couldn't give a fuck. I couldn't give a fuck. What a load of bollocks. What a waste of fucking time. What a waste of time. But idiots will go and see it. And I'll tell you what they'll do. They'll do it as part of Cinema Club. Oh, I go to the cinema at least once every month. Do you? Yeah, I do. And is that a club or you just take your bird to the fucking cinema? I just take my missus. and do you go should we have cinema club let's go for Nando's first then we'll go to Nando's oh yeah and you always get the wait to take the pictures in Nando's yeah oh yeah I do I do the only person that's ever asked a waiter to take a picture in Nando's yeah ever no it's just mental innit I just you know fucking Popmart fucking people fucking people just trying to make money out of fucking everything aren't they yeah as we yeah buy our merch it's just fucking ridiculous but I'll tell you what yeah merch is available Merch is available as well as a trick award for us, if you wouldn't mind.

51:54So we'd really appreciate it. And I think before Pete blows a casket, I think we're pretty much done. So thank you so much for listening. Also, I do just want to say, very much appreciate Pete, who's been holding the fort big time, actually. I've been away twice over the past month and a half. We did have Grime Gran on. If you haven't checked it out, definitely check that. Because Margie, not a woman. Good old Marge. What a woman. Yeah, I feel like her and Pete are literally the same person. She keeps asking to meet you. She would hate me. No, she wouldn't. She's a lovely lady. I think you would love her, like genuinely falling in love with her because she is effectively...

52:33You know how you always say, like, you find me fascinating. I think you would just like to watch her. Yeah, love boy owing. You're not a creepy... That sounded creepy. But it would be incredible, the interaction between the two of you. Well, maybe we'll get back. You never know. We'll have a go. Listen, if you haven't listened to that episode, go and listen to it, because she is just full of words of wisdom. Full of beans. And beans, yes. I don't know. Yeah, I'm panicking now. I feel like I should have wrapped this up a while ago. Come on. Thank you so much for listening to the pod. We do adore you.

53:05It's been me, Sam Thompson, Peter James, Jonathan Joseph, which to feature in this podcast, email hello, haircellproductions.co.uk. Peter James, Jonathan Joseph, which? Did I call him which? Which? Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, which? Anyway, have a great Tube journey. Enjoy your travel, wherever you're going, to and from work. Have a wonderful time. And we'll see you very soon, I guess. Yeah.

53:36Yeah, we may. Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.

54:18Thank you.