187: Sam met WHO???

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2:14Wednesday and then we will be recording a bonus episode which comes out audibly on Thursday that you can watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday, which means that you can catch us on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. Follow us, subscribe to the YouTube channel because we have been in meetings for the last couple of weeks about something very exciting for the YouTube channel, which will be headed up by our dream team, Josh and Kira. Yeah. So get subscribing now before the mad rush. Before the madness begins. Before the madness begins.

2:55This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Piss off. And if you are watching this episode, try and avert your eyes from my beautifully maintained feet which are out as I'm wearing flip-flops. Quite hairy toes. My big toe does have a comb-over. My big toe has enough hair to cover your ball patch. What would you, I mean this in all seriousness, what would it take for me to lick a toe? For the listener or the viewer. Because I think they'd want to see it. Your house. I just think we should do it for them. Let me lick one toe. No. No? Okay. No. I tried. No. That was weird in itself as an opening to this podcast, but I don't know why I expect any different these days.

3:45Sam is currently wearing an England top. Give us your best football charm. England! Good. Hey Jude. I'll tell you what, don't go and watch football with any of your other halves if you're a man. It's Jude fucking Bellingham. the guy is like a god mate do you know what I find weird I don't get it mate I do I do he's six foot something his mate have you seen his legs his quads his quad dominals and then his and then his and then his hamstrings just are so he's got great knees mate his legs you had a wank over Joe no mate I can see when he touched the ball we all went to watch the football together when he touched the ball all of the girls were literally like yeah yeah!

4:34It's like he'd scored and he literally just touched the ball. Even my missus. I was like, he's not that great. And then you were like, actually he is. Look at his knees and quads. I get it, Teddy. I get it. Woo! Never seen anything like it. All right, who's your favourite England player? Right now, of all time. Oh, oh God, there's so many options. I know who mine is. Of all time? Jamie Vardy. England player, yeah. Of all time? England player of all time, yeah. I adore him. He started at like Fleetwood Town and was like super, like not super old, but he was quite old when he came up and then just blitzed the prem.

5:10And then just like, he's just so quintessentially Jamie Vardy is what every nation around the world thinks an Englishman looks like. I think. Yeah. He's like the guy who would like, he definitely had the collar up and sort of like popping the collar fresh, popping the collar fresh. And you know, he's got a Bacardi on him and he's just like, he's ready for anything. Definitely smokes. Like he's just, I just think he is quintessentially an English bloke or what other people think of him alright okay alright fair Jamie Vardy's having a party fair explanation I'll give you that one of all time yeah Gazza Paul Gascoigne yeah listen for similar reasons what lad go to the pub magician fucking you can have a point with him yeah like it's fucking Gazza innit yeah you know what I mean imagine our dinner party me Pete Gazza and Jamie Vardy I'd be unreal Well, I imagine we wouldn't remember it.

6:02Yeah, it'd be so fun. So you went back to the paddle yard, did you? I did. I had a great time. Yeah? We all went and watched football together last week. It was so fucking fun. Yeah, but then you went... I went again on Saturday. Yeah, you went... And how was it? I was so... It wasn't as good because obviously you weren't there. But I invited Pete actually to come and watch the football. I did watch the football. No, but with me. No. He said no. Sam went and watched it at the paddle yard with his bucket hat on and fucking all the boys, all the lads. It's going, yeah, yeah, football, yeah. You know, it's just so amazing.

6:34We should go out. Let's all fly to the US and go fucking party and fucking shut up. I literally, I'd said almost word for word what we said we should do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it. I'll tell you what, if England get to the semifinals, let's go out for the fucking, I can get a test. Shut up. I would love to do all of what he just said. Yeah. I watched it in Arts Club with a cigar and a rum. I had a Guinness. Wait, sorry. I feel like we've changed roles. Yeah, I sat there with a nice, there was a bit of classical music in the background. Football was on the telly. I sat there with a cigar.

7:09Yes, but I like the vibe. I don't. I like people like, yeah. I like getting amongst it, mate. The nation. No, no. No? No, no, no. Because then what happens is people have cut the beers. Why is your fucking shit? Why is he doing that? You know when I was at West Ham Academy? just the ACL went fuck me I was actually at an academy oh of course you were no I was I was at an academy called Surrey Elite yeah which is amazing because what were you there like the water boy because you forget we have seen you play football well when I say we've seen you play football we've seen you on a pitch I can take a penalty though good yeah can nail a penalty and did that in training yeah well I'll tell you what you can't do though touch the ball when you're on the pitch it's hard at left back so it's not really He's fucking hard left back, mate.

7:57Well, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm not entirely sure football is your thing. I think you're better as a fan. I am a fucking good fan, to be fair. I was wearing a vest on Saturday. Jeans and a vest. When are you not wearing a vest at the minute? As soon as the heat comes out, listen, sun's out, guns out for a fucking Sam Thompson. Yeah, I cannot wait. You also left before the match ended when you watched it with us. Well, it's because Pete left. He left 20 minutes before the match ended and you're saying you love being amongst it and the vibe and you're such a good fan. So actually you're full of, you're a fake fan.

8:29It was a shit game. You're a fake fan. I will say this about the World Cup, right? It's very hard at a certain age to be getting into at the moment. Mate, the next time I'm playing at 1am, 1am is when the kids, I'm not fucking watching that. I'm in bed at 9.30. Yeah, but mate, this happens every four years. Mate, if you've got kids or something, like... You don't. Yeah, but, you know, I've got cats. Right. Sorry, you have to get them up for cat school? No, but it's just late, man. It is late. Oh, God. Come on. Yeah. But the mad thing is, is that you're off for most of this week. I am. He said, how's your week?

9:11I said, yeah, fucking minute. He went, Wednesday, Thursday off. Yeah, yeah, I love it. Just really rubbed it in his face and said, I went, oh, well, Wednesday, Thursday off. Sweet. I'll have a little barbecue. Oh, of course you will. Okay, nice. All right. I'm glad you're not a bit of a football hooligan. I could see you doing it. Maybe in a yesteryear, but like... I used to play fucking Saturday football. I would just love to see you with a beer in hand. Go, yeah, go on the boys. No, I've never liked watching the football with other people because I can't listen to the bullshit. Really? Well, no.

9:42They're not trying to be better. It's when people say, oh, why is he fucking... He's fucked. Why is he there? He's not even fucking... Of course he tries to. Do you know what I mean? Like, shut up, you prat. No one's coming to watch you try and sell a house and go, you're not even trying. What are you doing? Because you can't sell your two up, two down and get your fucking commission, you silly c***. You know what I mean? I have a really good friend. It just fucks me off. I have a good friend that's an estate agent that I feel like this might be directed at. No, because I like Ed. I like Ed. Ed's good.

10:12We like Ed. And he's not just an estate agent that owns the business. Yeah, that's a good point. You know what I mean? He's a fucking big dog. Do you think, right, Pete Wicks at Wembley, right, you have a penalty yeah okay it's a penalty shootout actually yes it is it's to win the game yes it is it's it oh fuck it out how do you know it's it I know me how do we have to do this now I think we should do a penalty shootout we'll do a penalty shootout you've never seen me kick a ball I've never seen you kick a ball I've never seen Pete in any athletic capacity there's the football guy I said this when we were doing the soccer ride we should have done the little training thing I don't mind I mean it's I wonder if we could get I've got flip flops on Better barefoot, to be fair.

10:52We can have a little go. If you want to get a ball, we can try this afternoon, have a quick hour kickabout. God, that'd be fun. If you want. If you can get a ball, get her to order a ball, see if she can get some trainers delivered to me. What, mate, 90 ,000 people, right? Pete steps up. Goalkeeper's in your face. Listen, he can get me face as much as he wants. He's still fucking going in. And where are you putting it? Oh, it depends. It depends. I'll have to read the goalkeeper. you know what I mean? Because you know me, I'll be going on form, I'll see where he, where he died for his last fucking 15.

11:27Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think pressure wise, I'd be fine. It's the problem that I'd have is skill. The pressure would be okay. It's just whether or not I've got the skill to actually, yeah, whether it goes in. But pressure wise, I'd be fine. You'd melt. I'd melt like a lollipop. I don't even know if you'd make it to the ball without falling over. The nerves I would have, I honestly. But you've got the skill. I haven't got the skill, but together we could. I'd crumble. Yeah, that's a good point. I'd actually turn around. If I would turn around for a penalty, I'd call you. I'd have to get my phone out and be like, guys, so sorry.

11:58Everyone wait. Pete, I just don't know if I could do this. I'd wait for a little pep talk. Be like, tell me I can get this in. I think, yeah. I'd also love that pressure. You know, when it comes to like, when you get to like penalty shootouts and England obviously haven't got the best record when it comes to like penalty shootouts but it's the pressure of who's up for it. Yeah. Who wants to take one? Who can fuck it? I'd be, yeah. Me. I'm there. I've got you. I'm good. I love it. Whereas you'd be, you could be the best. In that position, you'd be like, I don't know. And it'd end up being the goalkeeper taking it.

12:29Favourite injury. Because you refuse. Do you know what? Bit tight. I'm a bit tight. But then I enjoy the celebrations afterwards like I said. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. You'd be John Terry, the Champions League, full kit wanker. Like completely, yeah. Absolutely. Look at us talking about football right now. Fucking hell. Well, what's funny is, obviously, because I'm not like a huge, like a football fan or because, you know, we don't do so well. I used to play a bit of football. Where did you play? Where was your position? I played up front. Fuck off. No way. If you go back, listen, I've done fucking 30 goal seasons.

13:01No, you haven't. That's such a fucking lie. I swear to you. When? How old? 24. That's quite old. Yeah, Saturday football I used to play. 30 goal seasons is really hard. That's like hat tricks. Yeah, mate. I went fucking about. someone if anybody who played football with Pete at Saturday League Football please find me a clip of Pete banging a couple goals in I would it would make my day I was up and down that fucking pitch like you wouldn't believe dropping deep like Harry Kane and fucking bringing that little spreading balls I was fucking yeah just fucking spreading balls all over the gaff how many red cards?

13:35yeah quite a few quite a few double footed tackles a couple of careers ended promising careers a couple of ACLs gone I hold the fucking record in the fucking Buntonford Division 3 league for most red cards in a season. Is that what it was called? Buntonford? He used to play in Buntonford, yeah. Fuck, of course he did. Like, if you had to ask where people would play and there was one of the options was Buntonford, I think everyone would get it 100 % right. Div 3. Div 3, Buntonford league. I probably could have been a Div 1 player, but I played in Div 3 because I'd bang him more goals. That's actually quite good.

14:08Yeah, do you know what I mean? I used to like the fact that he's fucking good, he is. Yeah, he should be going up level. Well, I'll just keep loyal to the boys. I just really enjoyed fucking banging in the goals. That's so true. You know what I mean? Who is your favourite teammate? Oh, it's a tough one. Adi Maynard. Adi Maynard? Or the brothers. Maynard or Maynard? Maynard. Oh, right. Or the brothers. I thought we were called Maynard. Marco and Ricciardo Teoli. Sorry, do you play with Brazilians? Mate. Italians. Fuck yeah. The most Italian names ever, by the way. Oh, you played with the Brazilians, did you?

14:44Sorry, we've talked about my gaming friends before. Old manager, Jerry. Jerry's a lad. He's dead now. I don't know, is he?

14:55He just sounds like he's dead now. Yeah. I have a feeling. I don't know why. I just have a feeling that he might not be low. I was quite an aggressive little fella. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in shock. Yeah. Studs up, two-footed. Yeah, fucking. Many a promising career. Do you know what I mean? Like, you'd have, it'd be nothing to do with me. I'd be like the other side of the fucking pitch. And then, you know, if there's a fucking bad challenge going in and then there's a little bit of fucking, I'd be steaming in there. Full pace from across the fucking pitch. Fucking stay away from there. The fucking defender's about nine foot tall.

15:24Fuck off. Ricciardo Danielli is like, yeah. No, they weren't the Mario brothers. Hey, so he's a player of the football. We're playing football. You scream, everybody scream, spaghetti carbonara. I love a fucking carbonara. Where would he play, this Italian man? I don't know why I'm so confused. Ricardo played up front with me. You and Ricardo. Pete Wicks and Ricardo is fucking joking. Just get it to Pete and Ricardo. But then if Gianni played, which was their other brother, then I'd slip in at right wing. Fuck it out. This is jokes. Ali Maynard would be in the centre with Marco. Marco, big, strong boy, very quick.

15:58Ali was fucking spreading balls. He was sort of like the Beckham of the... I would love... We should really have... We should see if we can join that team just for one game. I don't know if they're still going. I mean, we're going back. No, it'd be a different team, obviously. 12 years? It'd be a different team, but how fun have you been? I was fit back then as well. Let's give it a go. Do you know what's the matter? I was quick. You've lost a yard of pace, that's for sure. Oh, fuck me. I've lost a yard of pace. I don't think I've kicked a ball in 10 years. But, you know, you never lose it. I'll tell you what you have been doing though, mate.

16:33Bossing. Pete's been real bossy in a good way this week. For the first time ever. Yeah, he's been interviewing people left, right, and bloody sentences. We've got a new hire coming in. Well, yeah, we are in interview season. Yeah, we are. It's not just award season, it's interview season. We've been growing. Previously, if you're a long-term listener of the pod, you will know that Sam is banned from the interviews based on turning up in his pants to one, excessive hugging or whatever else. But he did catch the end of one of the interviews this morning. Yeah. He literally just caught the end. where the interviewee asked if we were crisp, which is weird for the interviewee to be asking us questions.

17:15It was just kind of a little memorable kind of, you know, joke at the end. Quite enjoyed it. What would be? Sam came in, said a what's it, but, you know, why? Because occasionally shits himself and walked off. That was his inclusion in the interview process. So basically what happens is Pete and Pippa do the main bulk of the interview. And, you know, I just sort of like wheel myself in at the very end and just sort of introduce myself and say hello. I'd just like to say, when he says wheel himself in, he didn't know they were happening and just turned up. Yeah, they happened to be there. And then she actually went for the handshake, I went for the hug, so already a little bit awkward, but I think she navigated that quite well.

17:52It's nice because, you know, we have a two to three stage interview process here. Yeah. And quite often in this role, Josh and Kira, obviously, can they do the job? Pippa and I sort of come in, Pippa explains about the company. I just suss them out that's my role is to get a feel of the person it's nice we're adding to the numbers again we're going to have now nine eh we're going to have nine potentially more I liked her I'm just putting it out there though this high I thought she had good vibes good energy I like the what's it I like the Chris question came out of nowhere and look when she asked what kind of Chris I did look at Pete and I went you might have just fucked it here I was like I feel like this is the kind of question that Pete's not going to enjoy did you think the same thing absolutely I went ah she had previously won me over by showing me pictures of her dogs oh okay she was a lovely person and even she's brilliant from what I've heard but really liked her reaction she was great but it was good yeah it was good oh so I'm just on power saving you Garmin there we go oh just you sat there with that Garmin watch on that England football top is sure I love as well it's the face you put it's one of these why are you putting the face out you better stroke I'll just have a little look look at the new guy so I've lost my place now yeah no I know these are the bits where you're supposed to ask me so I can't ask myself yeah yeah so Pete how's Gogglebox well let me tell you about Gogglebox well actually how do I do this from hiring to from hiring to Gogglebox that's how you do it is it Pete's been on Gogglebox.

19:36Do you know what really pisses me off about Gogglebox is I've wanted to do Gogglebox with Pete for years. For years. And bless him. When Pete first started doing it with Pippi with Vicky, he came up to me. Me and Pippi. He came up to me and he went, can we go for a cigarette? I was like yeah, sure. I thought we were just having a ****. He goes, I've got some news, mate. I was like, oh god, is he dying? I was like, is the time for, like, come? And he goes. Amazing that that's your first thought. And he goes, he goes, I've basically been asked to do Gogglebox with Vicky and I just know it's something that we were going to do together it was so sweet it was the loveliest thing I was like mate I really appreciate it I think he was going to do it anyway regardless but he was like he was like look mate we've always wanted to do it but obviously the last thing I was like I nearly welled up it was so sweet well we haven't like I've never it's never been because I don't watch TV so the only time I really watch TV now is on Gogglebox but Vicky obviously has always wanted to do it and obviously you've always wanted to and it's like it's a fun show and that so yeah we are but we are back filming for the second year so we've been doing it for the last couple of weeks so nearly finished have you sounded almost almost happy no look it's it's it's it's it's a tough job and I know it doesn't sound as if it would be but someone that doesn't watch TV like and then you don't have a choice what you watch some of it's a struggle what's the best thing that you've watched so far on Googlebot the best thing a really lovely documentary about an otter what's the shittest thing a documentary about someone that lives on canal boat that I found difficult.

21:11I must say, because it was kind of self shot. Yeah. So it was like the Blair Witch project on a boat, just pulled up at the moorings and yeah, I've got another lot to go through. Yeah. We've just seen that. Are you allowed to slag them off? No. Are you not? No, you can't, no, you obviously, it's funny. It's just entertainment, but I, I, I really struggled to say anything. Pete, what do you think? It's a bloke on a boat, isn't it?

21:42That's literally... Would you like to live on a boat? No. I don't think so. So it's a struggle. But some of it is really fun. Rivals was fun. Watched a bit of that. Have you shown you Love Island? No. They're missing a trick. They are missing a trick. No, I haven't seen any Love Island. Any vanity shows?

22:07No, I'll tell you what my favourite ones to watch on Gogglebox are the quizzes. Because we play them. Oh, God. So you sit and play them. Countdown's my favourite one to watch because I'm a big Countdown fan. Are you drinking? First year, not drank once. More boring this time around, isn't it? No. It's tougher to get through. No. Eating. lots of eating because the problem is you sit there for hours and there's just loads of snacks so and Vicky's the hostess but the mostest so she's always fucking snacks she's just feeding me up so I just and obviously I smoke I can't smoke so it becomes I just eat I'm not like non-stop and then another struggle for me is when things come on the telly and I won't tell you exactly who but someone comes on and someone's fucking hosting saying or something and I just go oh he's a **** I say that all the time I can't watch this shit Who was it?

23:09So yeah lots of things don't make it so quite often all you'll see on Gogglebox is Vicky talking and me eating And you just nodding I'm like a I'm like a camel Vicky just trying to fill the silence just anything to say But no listen I love it because I you know I get to see Vic and we're both really busy and we don't see each other as much as we used to so it's really nice but yeah Gogglebox It's good that you like eating to be fair because we actually have something that we want you to try in studio I'm not eating your fucking bullshit fucking dish I'm not doing a forfeit No one's asking you to do a forfeit mate All you gotta do is suck on my balls I'd rather eat the fish That's what you gotta do I'd rather eat the fish You just gotta suck on my balls Similar smell You just gotta suck on my bollocks and then we're fine No we've got some pistachio Well no I knew Yeah We got M &S pistachio sandwiches here.

24:03So, no, no, no, no. These are apparently massive on TikTok. You know we love a little TikTok try. So right now, Pete, behind your chair is a chocolate strawberry and pistachio cream sandwich mixed in with bread. I'm quite excited. I'm going to be honest with you. So they did the, what's strawberries and cream? That was delicious. and I get here what's not to like about strawberries and creams but something about being in a sandwich like this I just don't it's not it doesn't appeal to me oh I'm quite excited for this but I love chocolate I love strawberry and I love pistachio cream so but it just it doesn't it's not visually appealing maybe just like I think you should do it how they do on TikTok so if you just like they tap it oh yeah you gotta do the ASMR tap it with your nails you gotta like hold it up and do they go tap, tap, tap.

24:55Then you like put your hand behind it like that as well. Yeah. You go like that and then you go like this. You show it to the thing and you go with your nails. There we go. And then you like whisper it. Whisper it. I'm about to try the pistachio strawberry sandwich. I'm about to try it. Why am I whispering to it? Whisper into the mic. Oh. I'm about to try the pistachio strawberry M &S sandwich. I'm about to try the chocolate strawberry and pistachio cream sandwich from M &S. Oh. Oh, fuck. I'll just put my finger in it. That is unbelievable. That is fucking great. Okay. Oh, it's weighty. Wow. The bread feels moist.

25:49No, really nice. Wet piece of bread, that. Yeah. Okay. There seems to be a fair bit of filling in there. Yeah, Sam, you've just eaten it. Yeah? You're supposed to be describing what you're eating, aren't you? Oh, sorry. You've just... This isn't just a... It's not just a snack break. It's content. You're just tucking in. A lot of people are audio only, Sam. Do you think people just tune in to just listen to you eat a sandwich? Oh, mate. Like, you're not on rations. Why are you eating it so... Look at the state of it. I know, I've really fucked this up. Anyway, yeah, there's a fair bit of filling in here.

26:28I don't know whether the ratio of pistachio cream, chocolate and strawberry is right because I'm not seeing an awful lot of strawberry here. So there may be too much chocolate.

26:42It's got an interesting smell.

26:52The texture's unnerving.

27:01And I must say, and I'm going to be really honest, it's disappointing. I'm not getting much pistachio cream. Oh, no. Which was the bit I was most excited about. Sorry, I'm not getting much pistachio cream. It's not, there's not enough, it's just chocolate. That was bad. The difference in the box opening, Sam's is like torn to shreds. Like it's been through a shredder and Pete's is like so gently opened. I'm going to be also disappointed. The ratios are wrong. There's too much chocolate, not enough pistachio cream, and the strawberries aren't as fresh as I would like from a strawberry. They're a little bit too soft for me.

27:45I'd rather them have a slight bit of crispiness to them. You know, a bit fresher. I loved it. Out of ten. I give that an eight. Seven and a half, actually. Seven and a half. I also think they'd have been better off with a brioche as opposed to this kind of chocolate bread. Oh, is that what it is? It's chocolate bread. Because it's too chocolatey. So we've got too much chocolate, which is overpowering the other flavours. Are you not going to finish it? No, it's fucking horrible. I'll have it. After the record. Why don't you just get the bits that are in your beard? Have I got... Yeah. I'm not overly keen on that, I'm going to be honest with you.

28:29I like that. I thought it was delish. Not going to be... Yeah, I think they could do better. I'll tell you what, talking to sandwiches, I'll tell you what I have seen, though. What? You've seen them Japanese ones that are just cream in toast? They look nice. They do look nice. Maybe next week. Yeah, I'm just... Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. I don't think it was up to scratch. So, yeah, not quite up to scratch. I'm not sure that is – that's not my flavour. That's not my bag, if I'm honest with you. What do you think your friends would feel about that?

28:59Do you think they'd enjoy it? Yeah. What's not to like? Chocolate, strawberries, cream. Unreal. Yeah, well, but there's no pistachio. But, yeah, you think your mates would like it, Tom and Zendaya? You think they'd like it? I like that segue. Yeah. I don't know. I would say so. Tom's Quinn's essentially British. It feels like a bit of a Wimbledon thing they've done again. I think that is, yeah, that is. So I feel like they probably would. Yeah? And they are my friends. I even actually, I offered Tom Holland a game of golf. Right, a Longleys brother. Yeah. Okay, cool. And what about Zendaya? What did you ask her?

29:31Sorry, I got a bit of a suggestion to see you next. Oh. Sorry. A bit of backstory to this, to be fair, just so anyone lose it. What, the suggestion? No, I interviewed Tom Holland and Zendaya last week, which is kind of cool. And there was another guy as well. I can't remember his name now. Made a big impression though. Jacob. Named Jacob. Elordi? No, he's in Spider-Man. Nice guy to be fair. And I was really excited for it. But we actually, me and Pete, met Tom Holland's brother the day before I was meant to interview Tom. Yeah. And I got... Yeah, and Sam told his brother, who is also called Sam, and his brother's response was, didn't even know he was in the country.

30:13Yeah. And then me and Sam Holland now have each other's numbers. Me and Spider-Man's bro have each other's numbers and we're messaging. So what happened with the interviews with Tom? Did you tell him that you knew his brother? I did, yeah. That was my opening gambit. I went, hopefully this is going to make everyone relax a little bit into the interview. And I don't think it went, it just went pretty quick. I was expecting a little bit more. Why didn't you use that approach of trying to make everyone relax into the interview with Zendaya? because from what I know, what you said to her was that you leave skid marks.

30:49Yeah, but there was a reason for that. There was a reason for that. I cannot think of one reason, not one reason or anything why that would need to be in an interview. Well, I'll tell you exactly why. Please, tell me the reason that needed to be there. All right, fine. So I was asking this for this morning as well, so I don't know if this is going to make the cut, but... I would suggest it won't. I think it should. But basically one of my questions was if you could go again and re and sort of redo a moment in time in your life, what would it be? And I was like, that's a nice chance to give like Zendaya a nice little anecdote about her life.

31:24Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just kind of, you threw it up for her to back down. I did. It was nice of you to give Zendaya the opportunity. Yeah, toss one up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, what you got in your locker Zendaya? What you got? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what I've got in mind. Shit. Well, no, basically no one said anything. This is the problem. So I was like, so like, if you go back in time, like what would you rather sort of like, what would you redo? And, and it was like, oh, I don't know. And I was like, okay, it's been like five, six seconds now. And I was like, I need to say something.

31:50So I was like, I'll give you one of mine. I was like, on my first date with my girlfriend, when she came around my house, I left skid marks and then she used the loo afterwards. So sort of in that vein. And Tom Holland went, well, I think that's, you've said enough for all of us. And she's like, oh shit. I was like, no one's even going to answer this question. and so like the question stopped there and so it literally Where did you hope that it would go? Well I thought Zendaya was going to tell me about her escapade I don't know like you know have you done anything, it doesn't have to be about shit but like have you done anything that maybe you would like to redo?

32:23Could you not have thought of a better example? Well I thought if I set the bar so low right, it's only up from there So I was like you know I'm going to So you offered yourself up as a sacrifice That's exactly, I was a sacrificial lamb I literally, I was like I'm going to put myself like on the back foot here so when you come at me with something it's going to look you're like oh that's kind of funny I don't know why Sam talks about his shit and but it just it just stopped there dead in its tracks right I mean so obviously they've recently got married yeah are you disappointed now that you're so in with the kind of family that you didn't make the wedding I think me and Tom brought it out I'm just going to put it out there just going to say it he's a nice dude it's really interesting I find this really fascinating that like you can tell who the Brits are and who aren't like he was just a lot more relaxed a lot more comfortable and I feel like the other two were just quite LA.

33:09Right. You know, and they're like very just like Hollywood, I'm here to answer junket questions. Do you mean that they didn't really understand you? Yeah, but you know, I just feel like Brits - They didn't quite understand the sense of humour. I just feel like Brits when they're famous though are like a little bit more, Downsworth is maybe the one. I'm sure Zendaya and Jacob are lovely in their lives and whatever, but like there is something about famous Brits who like has cracked Hollywood. Whenever they're interviewed, I just feel like they've got more to them. So do you think if you'd have interviewed before the wedding, you might have got an invite?

33:38Maybe with Sam's a plus one, to be fair. But I did offer Tom Holland a game of golf. Right. Well, that's exciting. Well, look, it's nice that you're throwing out the invites. It's unfortunate you missed out on that wedding, but you are going to be going to the big wedding. Who's the big wedding? Taylors. Obviously. The Taylors with the Tay-Tay wedding, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you got your invite? No, no. Are they not doing it at Madison Square Garden? Well, yeah, I mean, if you're going to do a wedding, then, you know, you might as well fucking do it properly. You know what I mean?

34:09We've just seen Callum and Dua Lipa. They shut down Palermo. Yeah. You know what I mean? So Taylor Swift is now shutting down. It's happening on the 4th of July as well. Oh, Independence Day, is it? Well, that weekend. We're not sure on the day. Oh, God. Well, I can tell you a mind bite. I'm going to say something a bit rogue here. I was going to say it.

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36:34there are moments in time where don't you just want to have a non-spectacle and is that not the moment msg like it's just like isn't that just quite intense to be like having a wedding like it to me it just screams a little bit we want the world to see it to me and it's just like you know when somebody's going we want our privacy you're getting married at madison square garden i know i know i know a coffee i feel like i'm about to get like doxxed they're gonna know where i live swifties you can't have both i will never hear you sit there but has have they discussed privacy then i am almost certain there has been a respect to our privacy at some point.

37:21Okay. And it's like, how important do you think you are that you're doing MSG so the public can see? It's like a royal wedding. So how do you feel about Dua Lipa shutting down a whole city? But I think she shut that down because she just wanted to get married in that location and all her friends and family to be there. Right. I don't think she did it as a spectacle for like the fans and the loving, adoring public to line the streets and... Okay, all right. Okay. It's an interesting take there. I know you agree. It's a bit full on. Yeah, it's fucking bullshit. Yeah. Just, I just don't know why.

37:56That's your day. I don't give a fuck if it's good. But look, what is she like, the biggest fucking star in the world? You know what I mean? Like, I suppose maybe she just feels, because those fucking Swift lot are all very, like, fucking. They'll get you. But they are like, oh, like, she's like some sort of God. so maybe it's their sense of community and their family she feels like she owes them you know being part of that thing I don't know the fucking ins and outs of it but I'd hate it I'd hate every moment but the the Dua Lipa one I've got a little bit of I have a little bit more as well because every day it's just them on holiday they're them doing do you know what I mean like literally they're having to leave beaches and they're in like little private cove beaches they've just been followed around so maybe maybe they've had to shut it down for the press fucking side of things but doing it at Madison Square Garden yeah you look at me yeah mate mate so callum turner's ex-missus went on a podcast right and was like she was she was like the reason i'm a bit salty about it is because he met her whilst they were having dinner so he met duly but whilst he was having dinner with his ex tough to take that that's a toughie i feel like yeah and then she was like he says he hates the spotlight but now he's all over it.

39:18Yeah, but I do feel like they try to be quite I don't think they're I don't know, I quite like them. So do I, but just tough when you're on a dinner. Yeah, I actually don't mind them, I think they seem pretty fucking normal but they're just like the fucking hot thing at the minute aren't they? Yeah, big couple. I feel like they're getting absolutely dogged. How would you feel if you lived, so where you live, right, let's say your old place in Essex, right, and you were just minding your own business, walking the dogs and there was a celebrity wedding happening and they moved you along. They were like, excuse me, so you need to move.

39:46I'd walk straight through it with the fucking dogs. What are they going to say? They've shut this street off legally. You can't be here. What do you mean legally? You can't be here. I live here. Sorry, sir. I'm really sorry. They've got a permit. You'd be as sorry as you fucking want. I'm walking the dog. Get out of the way. I will forcefully have to eject you. Sorry, who are you? I am the enforcement officer for this wedding. The enforcement officer. I am the enforcement officer. So what legal rights do you hold? This piece of paper. Fuck your paper. I feel like an idiot now. I take, Do you know what?

40:14I put my **** out on it. Well, sir, unfortunately, you're going to have to come with me. Go and get a policeman and by the time he gets here, I'll be back at home. Mate, I'm now making a citizen's arrest. Get on the floor. I will smash your fucking throat in. No, you can't do that. Citizen's arrest. You're not allowed to do that. I don't think that's how a citizen's arrest works. There it is. No, you don't just go, citizen's arrest. Please get on the floor. Yeah, you do. That's exactly what you do. You have to go up to them and go, citizen's arrest! And you have to put your hand out. So what when they go, no?

40:40Well, then you've just got to be like... And then what do you do? That's not in the rules. You've got to... You put two hands up. No! No, mate, if you do assistance... That's not in the rules. Yeah. It's not shotgun, mate. Yeah. Assistance arrest, oh, he's got me. Oh, fuck. That's genuinely what you do. No, that is... You have to explain to them you're making assistance arrest. You have to explain to them. But then if you have to physically enforce that, you can't just... Get on the floor. You don't just explain and suddenly they go, fair cop. You got me. Yeah. What can I do? There's nothing I can do because them's the rules.

41:07And I'll be like, put your hands together, I'm really sorry, I don't mean to be doing this, mate. Put your hands together. Yeah. And I'll be like, I'm really sorry, as I'm cuffing you with, like, some tie, cable ties. I'm really sorry, man. Do you want to try and perform a sit-ins arrest on me now? I didn't want to have to do this. Do you want to perform one on me now? No, because you know what's going to happen. Your eye, your contact's going to get fucking taken out of your eye. Do you want to perform one on me now? Do you want to show me how you would do a sit-ins arrest? Okay, cool. All right.

41:29All right. You're on the street. So, if you're there. Yeah. All right. So I'm going to just walk through. You're about to say this. Stop, sir. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir. You can't come in. No, they've got a permit. You can't come through. So sorry. I'm the wedding enforcement officer. You can't come down. I'm really sorry. You're going to fuck off. No, sir. Sir, I'm sorry. I can't let you do that, sir. I'm making a citizen's arrest. Sir, I'm making a citizen's arrest. Sir, sir, sir, you're not allowed. You can't. Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, this is a citizen's arrest. All right, you can come with me.

42:01This is a citizen's arrest. and I can't... Well that's got weird. I'm in your arse. Oh, we're going to flip flop down. Okay. It's actually broke my flip flop. This is a sir, this is... I don't... I didn't want to have to do this. I didn't want to have to do this sir, but I'm out. You're going to have to come with me. You're going to have to come with me. Sir, this is a citizen's arrest. You're going to have to come with me. Just hold on for a minute, so God will just fix me flip flop. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm afraid you've got to come with me, sir. I've already been through now. No, I'm afraid you've got to come with me, sir.

42:38I didn't want to have to do this. No, well done. Let's go. Yeah, well done. Let's go. We've got another 215 hit. I think actually the way you're supposed to do it. Is you supposed to go up like that? Ah! Yes! Help! So, and Alex's think it's that one, isn't it? Help! Help! There you go. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir. Help! I didn't want to have to do this to you. I didn't want to have to do this, but you're under arrest. Mate, you're under arrest. This is a citizen's arrest. And you'll be best if you don't resist arrest. It'll be better for you. I didn't want to have to do this, son. But I'm going to have to...

43:21These aren't in the rules. Sorry, can I just point out Sam's way of restraining someone? Come here. With this.

43:32Sam, come on, sir. Come on, sir. This doesn't have to be as hard as it needs to be. Oh. Right. And that's how I perform a citizen's arrest? No, it worked beautifully. But it is interesting that you do have to stop them. Yeah, but they just walk through. Yeah, but not if you're doing a citizen's arrest. So, look, obviously, we know Tally's moved in. So when you propose, how would you like your wedding to be? I'm torn between church and the countryside in England yeah Cotswoldsy vibe yeah very nice small with a party afterwards or like an abroad maybe like a somewhere in Spain or something like that oh would you shut down the Spanish city for your wedding don't think you have the funds oh not after not after that garden there's a lot of heavy breathing going on there all that soil there's a lot of heavy breathing going on my husband there's some gasping happening over there Yeah, listen, country wedding would be nice.

44:31I think I would do a countryside wedding in a church with nice flowers down the aisle, maybe get the cat to bring the ring. Which cat? Well, the one that can see, I mean. Albus, probably, yeah. Not that I don't like Cedric, don't discriminate. You live with your missus. It's been, what, a couple of weeks? A couple of weeks. Of what? Any teething problems? Nah, mate, it's been pretty damn good. You're still in the honeymoon phase? Do you know what? No, we're out of the honeymoon phase at the moment. Oh, God. What's happened? No, but not in a bad way. Just we're now in cohabiting. Like, we now...

45:08Within a couple of weeks, she's really just settled in. We now just live together. Yeah. No, it's been months now, mate. What, she's moved in? Yeah. Oh, she's been lying to us? She's been moved in for like a while. Yeah. You did only make the podcast announcement like two weeks. Oh, shit. No, it's been longer than that, to be fair. What, she's just been sort of secretly cohabiting? Because this thing, it wasn't really ever meant to like be a thing. she just ended up staying forever and then and here it is no but that's a good that was actually fun enough meant to be like a nice thing like that didn't even have to be that was supposed to be nice yeah but that didn't have it sounded like she popped over and never left that basically is what happened but in a nice way Sam I didn't want her to go Sam just say sausages as a safe word if you want to stay I look and I genuinely mean this to my whole heart I was never I would never let her I was literally like, can you just stay here for as long as you possibly can?

45:59Link if you're okay. I feel really bad for her now because she's very sweet. Well, don't explain it like that then. It's you that did it. No, but it's because I just wanted her to stay. Well, it was never meant to be. She just sort of came and didn't leave. There was just no discussion. There was no chat. And it was just so nicely, seamlessly done. And then one day I just went, well, you might as well just live here. And she went, already am. I've been for three months. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, nice. But there's been no problems. Any habits that you've noticed? No, dude, do you know what? She's like so easy to fucking live with.

46:28And I'm not easy to live with. I think we all know that. Yeah, we do. Like she's super easy to live with. Also, do you know what? She's fucking great at telling me like no. Like, do you know what I mean? Like she's not in a weird way. But as in like, as in like, she's very good at being like, you've like, you've annoyed me. Or like, Sam, I need a minute. Like she's very good at being like, I just need a minute. How often does that happen? Not as much as you think. Every time I get in bed. Yeah. And I think that's really important. If you're living with each other, to be able to like respect each other's boundaries and stuff like that.

46:57And it's like, it's really, really nice. So there's been no, no, listen. Maybe we haven't had one argument. On a serious note, we're very, very happy for you. I feel like I explained that terribly. You have. I have. But have I fucked that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like Tanny knows you well enough to know that that's not what you mean. Yeah. Because you are very happy and it's very, very lovely. I don't know personally. And you know, I don't want to be kind of. I'm sweating. I'm playing devil's advocate. I don't know how long that will last. only because obviously right now you spend a lot of time together you've got a lot of time to watch Lord of the Rings and the rest of it but soon obviously you're going to be well you're going to be distracted with what?

47:37GTA mate oh I've already told her I've already told her yeah she's basically going to be like GTA stole my fella mate she games with me bro the only game I've ever played is GTA and I used to love it up until Vice City I stopped at Vice City I love Vice City it was fucking great great soundtrack to Vice City my favourite soundtrack I'm actually in all seriousness not even joking tempted to buy so that I can play GTA because it is the only game swear to god not even no fucking piss state that I've ever played because I used to like doing all the missions because there was just loads of things to do oh there's so much to do in that world but also I could just play singularly it was just me it was just something to do do you know what I mean like I wouldn't start gaming with people and all that crap but I'm almost tempted to fucking do it to get one please get it please I'll buy you a PS5 are you sorry I'm no I know but I just feel like you won't do it I keep saying I'm absolutely Keiko I know you're doing well but I just I just don't I just don't think you'll buy it so what if I take that responsibility away from you and get it yeah but yeah alright you'll buy it and then I'll get a fucking I'll have to approve the invoice through the company mate do you know what you can do as well so you can play there's something called GTA Online now.

48:51No, no, no. Where you play with your friends and we can do bank heist and shit. I don't want to. No, but you do. No, my friends are adults. No, but how fun. No, no. Me and you on the town in GTA. Could I fight you in it? Yeah. All right, let's do it. Mate, we can do races in cars, drag races. My issue with GTA is obviously, you know when you get, because I always used to want the nicest car or the nicest motorbike, but the minute there was an ounce of damage, I'd have to swap. I would do the exact same. Fuck me. me we need to film that well yeah look okay i shouldn't have said it i said i was thinking about it no but now in my head we're doing it yeah but also the pre-orders are out now someone knows oh maybe it's just written um the pre so obviously i've not pre-ordered uh so the chance you won't get one for fucking six months so i've got loads of time i'll wait until all the fuss dies down and i was talking about then i'll get it and then we'll play online but i'll have to go and buy like a Nintendo thing I will jizz I will jizz I'm not playing with you no mate honestly I will climax if you turn up with a headset on no I'm not doing a headset I don't want to talk to people I'll just play silently on my own in the dark even funnier then we'll play online everyone else will have a headset and Pete will be the only person who doesn't have a headset just silently going and mowing people down I don't want to play with you I just want to I'll just play on my own just do the missions quietly like run away from the police a little bit until the tanks come out and see how long I can last I love the tanks on my own for a little bit okay fine just get it and that's all that matters and I'll do that and we can maybe talk about it I'll go yeah I've just done mission 69 nice you know I'm good but I'm really struggling with this one I've hit a bit of a bit of a wall yeah but I don't want to be playing going oh I need some help fuck off I can't wait I'm so excited oh yeah Now, we do have something really special.

50:48I think Pete's going to fucking love this. Me and Pippa put our heads together for this one. Oh, God, it must be great. This is straight... Prepare yourself for some real... If Pippa and Sam have put their heads together, you can guarantee this is going to be a never been done before. You know, the mission statement for the business is let's make some fucking magic. Guys, give me your magic. What have you got for me? Right, well, we've got a new game that's just going to run out of the pantry. How complicated is it? Tell me the rules. Okay, you've got to rank six things in order of best to worst and discuss.

51:23Okay. And you put your heads together for that. So that's the premise of the day. You haven't heard the six things yet. This took us three days to come up with the things, right? Christ. Back and forth we were. Right. Airports. Pigeons. What? Football Chance, British Staycations, Sheds and Harry Styles. Best to worst, Pete. And don't forget to discuss.

51:54Do you want to go for him again? No. God, no. Best Pigeons. Why? Why? Incredibly athletic bird. they are the urban clean up crew you know what I mean they look after the cities they're very good historically played a huge part in the war they are incredibly intelligent they basically got built in sat nav for a bird they're very good all sorts of different things I think they've actually been known to recognise faces and stuff as a bird's go really quite a good bird top notch bird yeah really good and animal so love that pigeon So pigeons in at number one. British staycations in at number two. Based on the fact that I'm in my holiday era, I like to take a little bit of time off these days.

52:44Nice to be able to take dogs. Yeah. You know, so who doesn't love a little staycation? Then it gets quite tough because the rest of them are all shit. So I'm happy with pigeons and staycations. I'm going to put in at number three, sheds. I knew it. I fucking knew. I thought sheds would be higher. And well, yeah, but I didn't know it was competing with pigeons. so shed in at number three incredibly useful for all your souls do you love sheds also somewhere to sort of get away from the wife you know it's just you know when the house is busy the house is noisy the kids you know there's things going on you have people pop yourself in the shed for a little bit give yourself a little break a little time out you know some people have got some fabulous shed these days because you can actually turn sheds into all sorts of different things you can have a lawnmower and the wheelbarrow and a bar yeah so sheds sheds are coming in at number three so they have got a podium finish.

53:34Now the next three, it's a real toss-up but I think in at number four is going to be Harry Styles because he seems like a solid guy. Seems like a solid guy and... Great pair of legs. You know, sorry? Great pair of legs. Yeah, good luck. You know, it just seems like the sort of bloke you'd go, how's her? You're all right, bud. Yeah. Like you. So he comes in. The last two, I mean, it's a tough one for me. I'm going to put in a football chance at five you know because we're in the World Cup you guys have got England kind of shirts on and I see we're making an effort I only have to deal with it sort of once every four years so it's a minor inconvenience in my life listening to a load of fat old drunk blokes shouting things but number six is airports because I understand their purpose and they are great for that but it is a breeding ground for fucking morons that's a great six actually and i and what a game that was hey pete god honestly can we do this every week well let's talk yes we're sort of trialing some new things right now just to sort of like and i think that one and how did that go down for you bugs i know obviously three days a lot of work you got your heads together for it yeah um did that go how you wanted it to happy with how that went the sheds ranking threw me other than that good yeah same i thought the shed would be higher so did i i thought number one so did i you thought sheds would be pigeons It was either sheds or pigeons for me.

54:58You wait. They're going to go nuts at that. Oh, why wouldn't they? Yeah, the listeners will be like, fuck me. By the way, if you're listening to this, right, do comment. Yeah. And actually let us know what you think about the new game. Yeah, but also, get involved in the game. Look, we'll put all six up. Tell us why. Tell us what you prefer. What are we going to call the game? Well, the game of six things. There you go. I think we should actually, I mean, let's describe the game so people know. because that could be... Why don't we call it Pointless Shit Game of Six Things? Well, no, that'd be rude.

55:29We don't want to be doing that. No, but let's let them know what they're in for, eh? Because that... Does what it says on the tin. It makes it look like it's not a fun game and it is a fun game, so... Well, I mean, the excitement I'm holding on to inside... I like pigeons. Do you want to... I also like sheds. Do you want to do it? Well, no, we kind of made it for you, to be fair, but I would say that it's especially tailored to you. Well, God, in all honesty guys thanks it's nice to have a game specifically tailored around my thoughts and feelings my favourite's Shed and then a pigeon so we were nearly oh so you do want to play I'm just saying no no no go on I know but then you said it was sort of tailored around me but obviously no no no no I'll tell you what Sam give us a week Pippa and I will get our heads together and we'll come up for a game specifically for you alright so and then we can have a game each so we can have Pete's game which is what's your favourite six things and then we can have a game can you whack in a couple of hours this afternoon for us to have we got time I know we've got the interviews in that knock off one of the interviews because we need to we're going to have to get down and get our heads together on this yeah okay alright great until next time what a lovely record we love you guys so much thank you so much for listening on any sort of commute that you're doing and have a wonderful wonderful day come on the England Do you know why I like a shed?

56:55You didn't even ask. Because it wasn't for you. It was my game. I know. I get it. Well, you don't then. I thought you'd made the game for me. I'm just saying. Well, that's enough. I agree with the fact you can fit a shed out. Well, listen, when I've got your game, all right, and we put our heads together, I'm not going to try and engineer myself into your game. Well, look, I'm not trying to engineer my way into your game. Well, that's exactly what you're doing, mate. It's even my game or it's fucking up. All right, fine. I'm just trying to let you know I like a shed. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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59:43We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.